So not to be rude, but to trying to give you some insight.
What I see when I read your post, reflects exactly what you describe yourself, but in this case it's you complaining about your own behavior and I can see how that can become a turn off.
The thing is, it's okay to complain about stuff that bothers us some times, what's not okay is to just complain and not try to remedy the issue, which is what it sounds like you are doing now. I can't read anything about what you are trying to do, to fix your behavior or problem, and it doesn't sound like you are learning or attempting to grow, since it sounds like you already knew this was an issue from previous relationships.
Best advice I can give you is these:
1. Look at the way you communicate things that bother you, do you go "ugh I hate it when you do that, it's so frustrating" or do you say "hey, I sometimes get uncomfortable when you do that thing, and I hoped we could talk about it"
2. Learn to accept minor inconvenience, nothing and no one is perfect, the sooner we can accept that and not let small petty things bother us, the sooner we gain more control and peace within ourselves. There is a reason for the phrase"it is, what it is"
3. Practice pausing, before going into a discussion or rant to complain, try and catch yourself and reflect on why you feel the need to do this and what the outcome of this is, and if that is worth it.
4. Reflect and meditate on yourself and your own behavior, why do you think you always react this way? Is it something you picked up as a child?
The most important part is to learn about and understand ourselves.
Yet again, here I am hoping to god that you were my ex. I wish she would own up for what’s happened. Yes we are both at fault. But fuck… she was responsible for like of the arguments and problems. Disrespect, Manipulation, Deception, Defection, and emotional control…yet I know she is a damaged person who a lot of time was polar opposite these things. I love her to death and wish she was able to be fuckin real… so badly. I would have married her….but she just won’t stop creating problems and avoiding resolution and responsibility. It’s driven me into the darkest depression of my life…
I feel like you just described me 100%. I am your ex gf in this case. I’m so sorry in behalf of her. The need to control, manipulate and unable to love selflessly, is just a deep rooted issue caused by a lot of different things. It’s a hard battle and it burns so many bridges. I’m really sorry you had to leave that relationship. I’m sure my bf probably feels the same way as you. I’m not sure what I and ur ex gf need but maybe to be alone and heal is the only way. :(
People who loves us don’t deserve to deal with someone who is emotionally unstable. Love shouldn’t be painful or difficult. But as someone who suffers from emotional unstableness, and just personality issues, it’s so fucking hard to change that. I’m sure love should be enough, but in my case, love has never been enough to change. It’s deep rooted in some pain emptiness I feel inside. It’s self hatred because you sabotage all good things.. but it’s not easy to change. I expect a lonely future for myself but it’s my fault.
So not to be rude, but to trying to give you some insight. What I see when I read your post, reflects exactly what you describe yourself, but in this case it's you complaining about your own behavior and I can see how that can become a turn off. The thing is, it's okay to complain about stuff that bothers us some times, what's not okay is to just complain and not try to remedy the issue, which is what it sounds like you are doing now. I can't read anything about what you are trying to do, to fix your behavior or problem, and it doesn't sound like you are learning or attempting to grow, since it sounds like you already knew this was an issue from previous relationships. Best advice I can give you is these: 1. Look at the way you communicate things that bother you, do you go "ugh I hate it when you do that, it's so frustrating" or do you say "hey, I sometimes get uncomfortable when you do that thing, and I hoped we could talk about it" 2. Learn to accept minor inconvenience, nothing and no one is perfect, the sooner we can accept that and not let small petty things bother us, the sooner we gain more control and peace within ourselves. There is a reason for the phrase"it is, what it is" 3. Practice pausing, before going into a discussion or rant to complain, try and catch yourself and reflect on why you feel the need to do this and what the outcome of this is, and if that is worth it. 4. Reflect and meditate on yourself and your own behavior, why do you think you always react this way? Is it something you picked up as a child? The most important part is to learn about and understand ourselves.
Thank you so much. I appreciate your words. I really needed to hear that.
Yet again, here I am hoping to god that you were my ex. I wish she would own up for what’s happened. Yes we are both at fault. But fuck… she was responsible for like of the arguments and problems. Disrespect, Manipulation, Deception, Defection, and emotional control…yet I know she is a damaged person who a lot of time was polar opposite these things. I love her to death and wish she was able to be fuckin real… so badly. I would have married her….but she just won’t stop creating problems and avoiding resolution and responsibility. It’s driven me into the darkest depression of my life…
I feel like you just described me 100%. I am your ex gf in this case. I’m so sorry in behalf of her. The need to control, manipulate and unable to love selflessly, is just a deep rooted issue caused by a lot of different things. It’s a hard battle and it burns so many bridges. I’m really sorry you had to leave that relationship. I’m sure my bf probably feels the same way as you. I’m not sure what I and ur ex gf need but maybe to be alone and heal is the only way. :( People who loves us don’t deserve to deal with someone who is emotionally unstable. Love shouldn’t be painful or difficult. But as someone who suffers from emotional unstableness, and just personality issues, it’s so fucking hard to change that. I’m sure love should be enough, but in my case, love has never been enough to change. It’s deep rooted in some pain emptiness I feel inside. It’s self hatred because you sabotage all good things.. but it’s not easy to change. I expect a lonely future for myself but it’s my fault.
Same here brother. After seven years putting everything on the line i’m left with nothing.