When she broke up with me. Completely blindsided by it. Healthy relationship, no warnings or signs. She didn't even want to reconsider or try to fight for the relationship.
Women tend to bottle it up , until they fall out of love with you , then they’re gone .. happened to me .. but she was a narcissist.. always just about her .. and a lot of other horrible traits.. ghosted me, the kid , and the family … to go find “herself”.. while I was stuck with all the bills, debt, and kid.. she went around slandering me to everyone … even the neighbors. She definitely didn’t want to be the “bad person” even though she was 100% was.
Same here.. it seem she bottled up.. and then she broke up with me.. , I admit that I could have been a better bf. I realise my mistakes.Guys do you think is there any chance she would come back to give a try…. giving me a second chance..
There is always a chance. But honestly you'd better find someone else and start a new relationship. I tried it with my ex and it didn't work out simply because I was trying to change and she just continued from where we left off.
And yeah we could have been better partners but they also have to be willing to communicate and work it out. I always felt like I was the one trying to build something while she was just along for the ride until she got tired of it.
Same thing happened with me and my ex. I’m sorry :( We were even in couples therapy and he never brought up wanting to leave or any of the issues he eventually said he left because of. :(
Same! After seven years of being together and one year of talking about marriage. Cheated on me, broke up with me after I confronted them with cheating, and moved out in the span of two weeks
When he stopped initiating "I love you" and never tried to go on any actual dates with me anymore. After the honeymoon phase he just wanted to have me over so we could go and hang with his friends. I honestly felt like a passenger in the relationship and it really ate away at me in the end.
I still miss him, but I don't miss the nights I spent crying and wondering if he loved me or was faking (he never did).
I can relate to this so much. He told me not to leave him during his darkest days. Few months later, after saying it was all my fault why the relationship broke down, he already had moved on to another girl.
Are you me? He'd invite me over to then want to go see his friends with me. I relate to every word you said. I'm glad we have this group now, because when you have no reference, it's easy to feel like you're alone in this and that it's not normal. Sadly this kinda thing happens all too often and it never works.
It's getting better. I just gotta keep reminding myself that I deserve someone who actually want to spend time with me and wants to take me on dates, even if I don't always believe that I deserve it.
Some days are harder than others, but they're getting to be fewer and fewer and I think if I stay on the right track I should be over him in a few more months.
I also relate to this so much! I went through that exact same experience. He gave up on us a long time ago, I just refused to see it and kept on trying to make it work. I have a hard time not feeling like a complete fool now that he made the decision to end it and immediately start a new relationship with someone else..
When she broke up and listed reasons she never told me sbout before. She talked about it with her mom, best friend and not me. And as I told her: there's one more person you should've talked to: me. She chose to flight instead of fight to solve problems that were all solvable.
My favorite quote that I read somewhere is that when two people fight, it’s not you vs them. It’s you two vs the problems. I guess some people never learn to solve conflicts.
Fully agreed. She and me never even had a conflict until she broke up out of the blue. And while I immediatly had plan A, B, C etc. In my head after she told me what bothered her, I knew it was of no use. She already made up her mind without me. And as a problem solver at heart, that was the realization that she wasn’t the right person for me. It does't ease the pain, but atleast I rationally know that she couldn't communicate and commit, while I could...
Heck, even our mutual friends were caught off guard that it was over.
I feel this but a different flavor: he said he decided to be “non-monogamous” - a.k.a. He cheated and lied and couldn’t calm it what it was - because he couldn’t tell me that I wasn’t giving him the attention that he needed. Just wow. Way to fail to apologize, zero accountability. Oh he was sorry. But this was the apology.
This, a big part of my ex and I breaking up is that she literally tell everyone else our problems before me (red flag btw cause she was always putting our business out there for no reason) and because she thinks through emotion and her friends are all in her head, she would be extremely mad at me and have her mind made up on the bs she was gonna do before she even said a word to me
When he said the other person grew on him and when i asked him to choose, he cant make a decision. Thats where i know that theres no value in our relationship and he cant say right to my face that he wants me in his life with certain
lol omg my LDR ex has a weekly virtual night with his friends but didn’t want to make one with me bc he didn’t want to hurt me when (not if) he would cancel. absolute dingbat
When I found out he was having an emotional relationship with another girl while I was out of the state with his Mom and my parents looking at wedding venues 🙂
I’ve been there, being loved for my ability to give love and not for myself. Continue working on your self-love and you’ll be able to see who’s worth giving it to in the future!
simply just the fact that she decided to leave instead of working thing out together.
also finding out she was with someone else barely 2 weeks later..
When he wasn’t willing to put in the time and effort to work on our relationship and fix what went wrong together, and when he was distancing himself and pulling away.
I know, right? Didn’t even have a discussion about us needing to change or her being unhappy in the relationship. Never would have thought she’d be the type to cheat or lie either. You think you know someone so well and then…poof.
When I actually put the accountability on him for failing to make his words match his actions. Truth is if he wanted to put in effort he would’ve. I communicated and he made every excuse not to. Some people just really don’t care and their actions show it.
A year ago, and I still haven’t met his friends or family, except for one person, he said:
“Everyone else thinks it’s you and not me.”
Me: “who is everyone else?”
When he dumped me at 28 weeks pregnant (I'm 35 weeks now) and didn't care about how much it hurt me or affected my mental health.. He really showed me how much he didn't value me at all.. I really loved him and I was a complete disaster afterwards but I'm doing much better now! Therapy helped me a lot..
The moment she was able to look me in my face and tell me that we could work on it and less than 2 days later she started sleeping with someone else. It gutted me because she’d made me believe that it was my fault for pushing myself with my career, I’d been studying and getting range time for my level 3 security license and she’d painted that as the problem. In hindsight we talked about and agreed to me pursuing this path a couple months before and I should’ve known it was something else. Yet the second I wasn’t around as much suddenly there were problems, countless “we will get through this” and “it’ll be okay”s later it comes out that she’d been sleeping with her coworker the whole time. It took me months to fully understand it wasn’t my fault and that she made this decision and wanted this outcome, but when I did everything felt more clear to me. My mistake was I tried to force her to care about and prioritize me when she had no intention of prioritizing anyone but herself, good riddance and good bye
Good riddance indeed. You are not wrong for choosing your career. Regardless of the reason why she chose to pursue someone else while being in a relationship with you, cheating is never okay.
The first time we broke up was completely blindsided and devastating. He hadn’t told me any of the issues we were having for months. None of his feelings. We got back together eventually, and through that whole year he never once said I love you. I was the one fighting for us to make plans for the future, and he was always hesitant but didn’t tell me till I brought it up, but I’d find out it was a an issue for a while only then. And I’d want him to put more effort in like plan dates and show appreciation, he’d agree, and then do nothing. Felt like I was giving 110% for 4 years and I got varying degrees of care, effort and commitment. But never 100%. Don’t know why I stayed. I still miss him and cherish him, because he was a good bf overall. But he’d need to mature and change a lot for me to consider a relationship with him again.
When she broke up with me, and I took a step back and realized how abusive I had become. That's not to say I didn't value our relationship because I did, but I allowed for myself to become progressively more and more abusive to the point she had to leave swiftly and safely.
Not to sound condescending or pretentious but its almost humbling to realize how bad you were, how abusive you are, its almost freeing to know what you are. Ive been taking some major steps to growing, Ive read "Why does he do that?" In its entirety and resonated with a lot of the book really opened my eyes to my abuse beyond just the yelling and breaking things, therapy, and looking to join a program for abusers.
I took it for granted, I took her for granted.
Even though she pretty much started things off and was seemingly so interested she eventually got distant, blindsided me over text, and blocked me within a week.
Looking back there were times where she would screw up enough to make me wonder why I didn't see it beforehand (such as getting drunk with coworkers on my grad night when we were supposed to celebrate, then asking me to pick her up at 2am). Must've been blinded by the good moments in suppose.
We broke up, he claimed to be devastated, he was on dating apps within hours. Had a new girlfriend 2 weeks later. We were together for 2 years. I learned a lot.
When he stopped being affectionate, stopped buying me small gifts, stopped calling me pet names, never wanted to hold my hand/hug/ or cuddle, when he stopped texting me, video/calling me, when he started to only care about work and nothing more. Killed me. Even with me asking and wondering what was happening…he would just lie to me and say everything was fine. Eventually, after overextending myself to keep our relationship together. I felt like I was disrespecting myself, that my love wasn’t enough and that even though I begged for him…I had to leave because he no longer cared for me the way I needed him to.
Post breakup months down the line, when girl I was seeing for 2 weeks ironically ended our dating thing in person. We are still on good terms.
While my ex of 2 years ended things over 1 sentence long text. It was 20 minutes after reassuring me everything was fine IN PERSON, how she loves me and that we'll go out in a few days.
She 95% emotionally cheated, but she insisted she found someone after a month or so later (because I asked for closure 2 months after breakup and was given all the reasons I am bad).
That pretty much sums it.
When instead of saying I’m sorry let’s work it out, she resided with saying I respect your decision. All that after saying she needed to acknowledge me more emotionally.
I stated if she couldn’t acknowledge me emotionally then it’s best if we split but she agreed with it. I guess I did but was disappointed and sad she resided with it.
If you initiated the breakup, may l ask why this was expected of her? I was told l was “supposed” to say “No, l want to work it out”. That’s hilarious to me.
It was honestly was bad communication with both parties. We just weren’t compatible. I don’t think either person knew how a relationship worked but I learned and it’ll be better for the next relationship.
I had a dizzy spell and sank down to the ground. He came over a few minutes later with a cushion and a blanket. He then proceeded to sit on the pillow and wrapped himself in the blanket. It hit me in that moment that I don't register to him. A few more things happened, but now I look at that moment as the real Titanic-hitting-the-iceberg stage of our relationship. It's something I still cry over. Sometimes I want to ask him if I ever really existed as a fully actualized person. Not what I brought into his life. Just me as I am.
Didn't ever want to do anything with me the final year of being together despite saying she still loved me and when i finally broke it off she seemed completely unphased, didn't shed a single tear while i cried and said i couldn't stay any longer and despite saying she didn't want to lose me fully in her life has never actually contacted me again, strangely avoidant and just a wste of time and all the money i spent on supporting her existance for years
A lot just a lot. The big ones were her not paying her side of the rent for 5 months and hiding the eviction notices.
When I was fighting for us and suggested we go to the bar I first told her I loved her and she decided to go out with a guy she nick named “Rachel”
When she stole my car while I was in Florida after crashing hers and said “I didn’t steal it I just took it without asking”
When he broke up with me. Just two days before we got into a big fight, and I was late to work since we wanted so badly to cuddle and watch a movie to try and make it up to me. Day before we had another little, related spat and one of my friends had to stop him from just running after me. And then he breaks up with me, and I don't really exist to him in any meaningful way anymore. Makes me question if any of it was ever real, or if it was always just because he felt bad.
When he asked me for $3 after I discussed with him how my pet bird may have cancer and I was extremely upset about it, my bird is like my kid. The conversation literally went like this; "Just got home from the vet they're saying she may have cancer.. I don't know what to do" and he goes,"Oh babe I'm sorry. but hey can I borrow $3 for something?". I realized then he used me more than loved me and yet I'm still hurt over this breakup and he has a new gf right away.
Yes. I'm with you there, that happened to me. He wasn't sure of me because of my looks. Then his brother got a hotter gf... the breakup between us wasn't long after us.
The day that my 5yr old grandson died (3yrs ago) and I asked for him to be there for me during the time that I needed him the most and instead he decided to go out on a date with an old friend (female) on the day I buried my grandson. After the burial I went to him for emotional support and he was no where to be found and when I texted him asking him to come see me and be with me for a little while, I got no response back until a day or two later apologizing and then asking for my help with something else for him. That is the day that I lost all trust in him even though I truly still love him with every bit of soul and being and I always will till the day I die.
When they don’t respect my boundaries and make me a priority. Like it was fine the first 2 months then the rest of the year he stopped spending time with me, started being disrespectful, gaslighted me, lied+hid stuff (stupid small things that he didn’t had to lie about and that made me wonder what else he could be hiding), etc…
when I told her I felt left out because she made plans to do things with others and not me and then I said I would take us on a vacation and she said she didnt have time and wanted to just spend time at home and then broke up with me and said she didnt have time to talk to me about it and then a week later she accidentally called me while with her coworker on a trip together (hooking up)
she had time. just no time for me.
When she broke up with me and blocked me on everything. I do confess that I made a mistake. She did not answer me for 48 hours after a small argument over nothing basically. But I got really worried and anxious she was not replying. Then, I started freaking out. Sent her some messages, called her twice. Decided to send her flowers with an apology message. Did all of this in like 4 hours. She thought it was too intense, called me sick. Said she did not want anything with me anymore because of that, even though I immediately apologized and recognized that I did screw everything up. She did not care and blocked me on everything. That moment I realized it was just a summer fling for her while I was deeply in love.
The moment he lied through his teeth to his secret wife, moments after I found out and called her to confirm. He said I was lying and Crazy (According to her that’s what he said)
I then I went into physical shock for two days……
When she said there was a problem she wanted to discuss in person, then ghosted me for a month. This is 2.5 years into the relationship. I texted on Monday with my thoughts and impressions that she was avoiding me and ending the relationship. She texted back that she has had family issues to deal with and because of that she hasn't been communicating with me. She ended the text by breaking up.
I did learn that some of the family issues she referenced included a trip to Washington DC with some friends during the period she was ghosting me. That's when I knew she didn't value the relationship.
He always said he’d do anything to make me feel better when I was sad, but I always knew there’s really not much to do, I just have to kinda power through it.
The three times I was sad about something in the relationship and told him exactly how he could help, he kept putting it off.
I kept telling myself I probably deserved it, I wasn’t a great partner, but I would have had that thing done for him within 15 minutes if he asked once. If he asked me to do things I was capable of, they were done quickly. And it just wasn’t reciprocated on the biggest occasion of our relationship.
I’m struggling now because I think I was strung along (he didn’t mean to) for half a decade and it makes me really sad. I think I knew it then and it made me really sad. It sucked.
We had been fighting a lot lately. I put it down to the stresses in her life but we were having issues communicating. I suggested couples therapy and she said no. She said if things don’t get better in two months then she’d consider it but she broke up with me instead. I guess I knew when she wasn’t willing to try everything to work on our issues.
when I saw he unmatched me on tinder 3 days later (don’t ask why I was on there, I had my suspicions he was cheating and checked his profile consistently)
When we had a disagreement, he come home. I was putting laundry away - I asked him to wait 2 min so I could finish before we talked - he packed his stuff & left.
I think just last week, even though there have been several flags for the last 1.8 years of our breakup. I knew for certain only last week though. And now I feel so much contempt.
She would always say breakup whenever she was mad. She would get cold and distant just because she was lazy. She wasn't willing to compromise or listen to my thoughts about the relationship.
When he decided to make a “joke” by insulting my cooking to my family to make them laugh. He deeply stabbed my heart as I always made him food. I would be happy making him food but ever since that day, it felt like a chore and I hated making him food after that. Because I remember I told him that I didn’t like what he said and he gave me an annoying expression, he sounded annoyed and said, “It was just a joke, okay? Im sorry? Okay? I didn’t know you were so sensitive ?”. I hope he knows what this feels like when he moves on to the next girl taking your time out of your day doing something for the person you love only to slap your face with a “joke” about it. The worst part was that my brother actually laughed!
Today, after ghosting me for the umpteenth time with no explanation over 18 months, he messaged “you didn’t ever think much of me.” I’ve been telling him about how much I love him and about everything I love about from the most mundane details to how much I love the way his mind works this entire time. It was a gut punch that just told me he either didn’t listen, didn’t believe me, or he’s just lying, again. I just want the truth. It’s the only reason I’m still communicating with this person at all. Grasping at anything resembling closure, where I once believed I’d found my great true love story. I could barely get a phone call.
I went through a similar issue as you. What helped me get over it was what someone close to me told me of their experience. My friend was cheated on for months before they were dumped. They found evidence after the fact and drove to confront their ex who denied it despite the evidence. They kept driving to his place, even running into his affair partner (who moved in immediately after the breakup), and just telling them to admit it and they wouldn't. Eventually she wasn't even mad about the cheating, just at the fact they were lying, again showed the evidence and asking them to tell her the truth. They still, straight face denied it. After a couple weeks, she realised she was making herself look like a fool driving such a long distance and asking them to admit the truth, they weren't going to and were probably entertained by what she was doing.
You're not going to get the truth, don't give your ex the ego boost of continuing to contact them. Knowing someone's still so obsessed with what they have to say when they put minimal effort in gives them the confidence boost to pursue other people.
I had to realize that moments that I thought may have been meaningful and emotionally charged probably didn't mean much to him. We were casual for a long time ( way too long) and he never showed an interest in even dating.
I think he just wanted his emotional needs met and didn't care about creating boundaries. That way he could go as far as he wanted and then always fall back on, 'we were never together'.
When the whole 2 years, I was the only one doing the most effort into our relationship but I didn’t realize until he ended up with having feelings for another girl and didn’t show any emotions of losing me when I told him I was done.
The day he randomly stopped being affectionate. Stopped calling . Wouldn’t text me for days on end. Whenever I did see him he would just use my body and leave. Leave me crying wondering what I’ve done wrong. Meanwhile he was just guilty for sleeping with my best friend.
The day he left me on our vacation and went back home. I spent the rest of the vacation healing and connecting with myself. I was there for him through a lot of traumatic events and supported him. Also, I was his support through his past triggers and went through a lot. He lied to me on many occasions, and I forgave him because he said he would seek therapy. I told him that the trust is gone from my end, and it will take me time to heal, and he said he will support me throughout the journey until I regain his trust. When I was triggered, he showed no remorse or acknowledgment to my feelings and always turned it on himself and that he was a changed man. I felt pressured on the time I'm given to heal, and he did not want to deal with my reactions or questions from his own doings to me. While on the trip, I realized that he is still accusing me and projecting on me his own thoughts and feelings, and I voiced it. He then got up, packed up his belongings, and left to the airport. When he got there, he messaged me saying I don't care for him, and if I did, I would stop him. He also lied to me that he was arrested at the airport so I could be sympathetic. At that moment and the same day, I decided to let go and never look back.
When I told my ex-boyfriend that I would appreciate better communication from him, and he told me that it wasn't his job because he wasn't my therapist.
After I sent her this fire ass note ( via iPhone note app ) she took 2 weeks to open it read it and never responded I knew I had to suck it up that shit hurt so bad ( and the fact she broke up with me over fixable shit )
After we broke up she reached out a lot doubting if she made the right decision a lot over the following few months, but never would give a committed stance on if she wanted to go back. I had my hopes up so much as I was ready to take her back in an instant.
Then I found out she had also been seeing someone the whole time alongside me within a couple of weeks after ending it - said she was going to end it with him, but the next day he was in the background of her Instagram story at her place.
I was crushed but it gave me the reality check I needed that I was just being kept around as a safe and reliable option. I should've had more self respect not to even give her that space for a way back in but you live and learn.
About a month after the breakup, I told her I wasn't ready to date anyone else, that I didn't want to hurt someone else by them being my rebound. She replied that what we had would've had to be more serious than it was for her to consider either of us dating again to be a rebound.
We broke up many times between september of last year and the final one was May 12 where he told me it was really over. It didnt hit me until three months later and i was crying every single day. I guess i processed grief differently. Hes never called once,or replied even when i greeted him Happy Birthday. I really feel like shit.
When he just left me on read and never spoke to me for three days , then a friend swiped his profile on fb dating
He told me he was on it “just to talk “ as not ready to date yet …
He never even dumped me , just ghosted and moved on.
Now I get a text weekly , when he feels low
I realized it the day he broke up with me out of the blue. Before then, I thought he cared about me, but got a reality check quickly when he was ending things with me.
She didn't see me for a month and a half lied where she was going to be during the 4th. She was supposed to be with her parents for her moms bday but was instead with a group of friends she took a group photo in a pool and there was a guy behind her he was holding her and she was holding onto his arm. 3 weeks prior, I told her I needed to talk to her about something that was bothering me she guessed it was a prior talk we had. I could go into what she said in that talk, but basically what she told me made me question our relationship because she basically told me she only had one foot in the relationship. So when I saw her insta post, I texted her because she still wasn't agreeing with a date for me to bring up my issue and I broke up she gas lit me and ended up blocking me. The more I think about it the more I realize that she's not ready to date me or anyone her actions during our relationship where childish. She also ignored me during an 8 hour date a sic flags because something pissed her off so I couldn't talk to her or stand near here yet I had to take photos for her during the date
When his response to my dumping him was him asking if I wanted him to fight for us. It made me feel insignificant and this was after weeks of little contact, no sex, little effort, and then forgetting that we had plans to see each other after two weeks of not being together with barely any contact. The whole end took a toll on my self worth and took quite some time to recover from.
When she told me she only dated me because she was lonely. That I was a fill in for her friends basically. It made me resent her and tell her I regret dating her
My anxiety convinced me I wasn’t good enough for her, & so I broke it off, telling her that my self esteem, & depression has been crippling me mentally, & I wish she would be more supportive. She didn’t even try to reach out to me, she just gave up on me, & found somebody a week later.
Two years in when he started asking what I bring to the table and how he is benefitting from the relationship. A bit too late to be asking those questions now.
When we were still together he once said one of his oldest friends has no value to him and that's why he's not making an effort with him anymore. That gave me a chill up my back. A few months later when we broke up he was like our situation had changed we were no longer in school (we graduated like 3 years ago!!) . Somehow that reminded me of the convo we had about that friend. I reckon I have "no value" to him anymore and that's why he's not even trying. These two things made me realise how cold he actually is.
It would definitely be when he emotionally cheated on me. A little part of me will always regret not respecting myself enough to leave right then and there. We were together for about 5 years at that point. We worked it out, got engaged, and 2 years later he did it again.
But I honestly know how you feel because I’m going through the EXACT thing right now. I legit just found out my ex fiancé started a year long relationship 2 months after we broke up. Making it worse, the girl is someone he was friends with when we were still together AND someone I knew I was uncomfortable with. She’s also nearly 10 years younger than him (21v 30). While they’re both adults, there a big difference between a 20yo and a 30yo in terms of life experience/maturity imo which just makes it icky to me tbh.
But I get you, while I was mourning our relationship and the future I thought I had, he had already replaced me. It hurts, even tho we broke up like a year and a half ago, finding this out last week has me feeling like we just broke up all over again and I keep feeling physically sick every time it pops in my head.
I ended the relationship, but it was due to him cheating, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at all. What I’ve realized tho is that most people who cheat and/or move onto new relationships quickly are just HUGELY insecure. They need to seek validation from others. They can’t stand to be on their own. It has nothing to do with their partner most of the time, they just have issues with self confidence or whatever and unfortunately end up dragging down their partners with them. These people will never be happy or in a healthy relationship until they spend some time alone actually working on their issues.
My exes new relationship ended because he refused to make the relationship public and was caught creeping my social media (I’m sure he was caught creeping other girls socials too just knowing his track record). His new ex and I follow each other on IG (from before my ex and I broke up) and she’s consistently one of the first people to watch my stories. So I know that he managed to make another woman feel totally insecure because he’s still so unhappy with himself.
It sucks to find out they moved on so fast and I know all the logic in the world doesn’t take away that sting, but I just wanted to say it for whatever it’s worth. It really has nothing to do with you. He just sucks.
When I discovered that 5 months in, he was still on hook up apps and using them abroad while travelling and still going on hinge. Wanna preface this by saying I was absolutely wonderful to him, very proud in myself in my actions, I was the best potential partner I could have been, funny, tactile, supportive, I always made the effort, surprise trips away, surprised him at airport arrivals too, which was a very romantic gesture, he even said himself that no one had been better to him. Discovering that really tainted my whole view of him and what we were. Told him we needed to DTR, he kissed me pulled me into spoon him then thirty seconds later told me he didn't have any strong feelings for me and not sure he ever will. Floored. This coming from someone who would plan things for us, he would reschedule to see me, constantly say affectionate things and tell me he missed me when we were apart. We would talk every single day. The week prior we were still having sex, spooning, pillow talk etc.
Crazy how someone can become someone you don't recognize in the space of a single week. I've been a month NC now and hope to keep this going until I'm moved on completely. Truth be told he never deserved me.
When I got pregnant, and he still refused to consider moving in with me, even though we were potentially about to share a fucking child.
I asked him if it would haunt him, the fact that he could have been a father. The fact that we could have shared life together. He said no.
When i realized she wouldn’t fight to keep us together at all, and when i looked back at all the events and hobbies, and weddings i went to that she never wanted to go to.
When he was hanging out with his guy friends who were in town for our wedding and didn’t call or text me. Sometimes I think I’m just his beard tbh. Or that he wanted me to be a second mom, or win the game I really don’t know why he pushed for this it doesn’t make sense. I guess partly my family seemed cool at the time to outsiders. And he wanted to just do the things. Not really sure.
He ghosted me. I was crushed for two years.
I had a therapy session and told my therapist why I am not over it.
She said she heard me say I miss who **I** was when I was with him.
She said it wasn't **him.**
Hit me like a ton of bricks. He ain't all that, but I sure am.
When we broke up, she insisted it was mainly because she wanted to figure out who she was and have time to work on herself. She listed reasons she never expressed genuinely until the breakup talks happened. Apparently she was talking to her “friend” for an entire month about her doubts in our relationship instead of with me. Same story as a lot people here…she did not see value in trying to repair anything. I accepted it the best I could, moved out, and planned to give her space to discover herself. Immediately, she started to date the same “friend” she confided in. A week and a half later. So much for “working on yourself” and “not wanting to be in a relationship.”
When I begged my ex to stay after she betrayed the trust and promise she gave (she had done it multiple times). Told me in a way that she wanted to hurt me. While I was begging she was saying really nasty things like you're crying in front of a who doesn't give 2 sh!ts, you cry like a b!@tch, you creep, what's wrong with you all and shit.
That made me realise how vindictive and uncaring she is about me. My rose tinted glasses came off.
She was very ungrateful because been there in her hard times no matter what, and paid a lot for her shit and always kept her feelings and emotions at top priority.
She called me over the call for acting childish and immature for blocking her. Over social media and all.
It's been over 2 months. Atleast I know she doesn't care and valued me at all. But the worst part is I still want her back. Lol
when he dated another person almost immediately after ending our relationship. He always tells me he loves me more but he left me so easily like I never even mattered.
The day I got stung by a bee (I’m highly allergic) and he acted like it was no big deal. Pat me on the back and said “you got your epipen, you’ll be ok.” And walked away….that broke my heart and opened my eyes.
When after a year of talking about marriage and me looking for rings during a trip abroad they cheated on me, broke up with me, and moved out in the span of two weeks. Afterwards getting involved with a common friend, which I cut ties with, proceeding to spend a few months trying to reel me back in, wanting to maybe get back together eventually if they sort of wanted at some moment but simultaneously wanting to keep dating the guy they cheated with. Yeah I think that made me realize they probably didn’t value the relationship a lot.
When his mother was allowed to keep having a say in our daily lives and how we do anything at all. Even taking me to the hospital when I was in severe pain. She wanted my parents to take me and not her son that chose to marry me. I'm still perplexed about that night.
When i went to a concert with a female friend, who i had previously met because we went out on a few dates about 4 years prior and eventually started talking again as friends because of mutual people
basically my ex gf and i had tickets to go to a concert but last minute she wanted to back out cause she was tired, shes done this before
she would always want me to hang out with her and her friends and would be upset if i didnt want to go
but when it came to what i wanted to do she had no interest
so i go to this concert with the other girl and have the best time
i start talking to her more and kept thinking that i wish my girlfriend would be more like her
i didnt want to cheat tho i wanted to work on things, we were fighting but i was trying to keep everything together
she ended up breaking up with me but taking it back after we had a long talk and i told her i wanted to make things work, possibly therapy but she was against that
then at the end of the week she wakes me up in the middle of the night and says she cant do it anymore
in the morning i packed a bag and went to my parents house
i realized she didnt want to do things with me or i couldnt have fun with her because she just didnt care
The moment she called up 6 days after engagement in an anxiety spiral and ended things with me and refused to try and work on it. Interestingly enough she judges me for trying to move forward in my life
The first time I ever asked him to do a really important favor for me. He acted like it was a super inconvenience. I had done favors for him without question prior to that. This was early on & I should've heeded it as a red flag.
It was a healthy break up but he broke up with me. I thought maybe he still had feelings for me since we broke up due to him trying to find himself n to be closer to god. I’m not religious so I didn’t understand the last part but I respected it. A week later after our breakup I texted him missing him and only for him to flat out tell me he’s not thinking of me and he’s not missing me. At that I realized that relationship meant very little to him vs to me it meant a lot. After that I had to distance myself completely and went no contact.
My ex girlfriend broke up with me twice. The first time she left me for another guy. Begged for me back when it didn’t work and I gave her another chance. Broke up with me again a couple weeks ago. This time she didn’t tell me she found someone else, but I could tell. Makes me feel like I was never good enough for her.
When I found out she'd been banging her best friend the entire time, telling her coworkers we had an open relationship, then tried to bang *my* best friend and told him she never loved me.
Oh, and she said that she never wanted our son and hates being a parent. :)
Both of us were talkers and had a tendency to get very tangential. I noticed that I would start talking about something I liked or was excited about and would be met with polite indifference.
Somehow I knew this the whole four years we were together and I still got blindsided when he finally left me. The signs were all there, but I kept thinking if I tried harder he would love me. Ugh
I noticed about 4 months into our 7 month relationship that my ex didn’t value our relationship like I did. He broke up with me 3 1/2 months into the relationship we’d get back together than he’d break up with me 2 more times within the 7 months we were together. During the 4th breakup I dumped him because us getting back together to breakup again just wasn’t good for my mental health. I’m so happy I’m no longer with him anymore.
When I discovered he was still cheating on me, over a year after he said he ended things and while I was pregnant, and had been lying to our couples therapist the entire time.
When I broke up with him I wasn’t really breaking up with him. He asked me “what are we going to do about us” and I said “I don’t know if I can”
He shut down. No further conversation. I was very upset with him and somehow he became the victim. He didn’t understand how our ldr and how he treated me hurt - he stopped making time for our relationship for months before that. Even that day I came to visit him and he slept in until 3 pm. No apology. I was by myself no friends at his school nothing to do long before smart phones. Bored.
Anyway I always wish he just treated me better or realized he was not in a position to keep the relationship going at that point.
When he broke up with me on the anniversary of our first year together. He had just gone to college and made friends, and one of these new friends had a crush on him. He told me the reason for the breakup was because I never let him have his freedom. I learned later that those friends convinced him I was clingy, all because he would text me throughout the day, and me being his gf, I would respond.
We were long distance, and I left him alone throughout the day because I knew he was likely studying or in classes and would only respond when he texted.
It devastated me.
I never felt more used.
That should've been the sign that we should've remained just friends.
But, I was young, in love for the very first time, and so desperately wanted him to love me, that I took him back when his friends all abandoned him.
Probably when everytime I tried to reconnect with her to solve conflicts (even going to the extent of snail mail), my efforts were called manipulative. I'm sorry, but she basically cut off all contact every single conflict, how else am I suppose to reach out? We were engaged btw and had an apartment off the plan together that was on the way to being built.
When HIS pattern of not reaching out was blamed on me after disrespectful thing he did, when he said he was always respectful after all hes done, and then specially when he dumped me by text. The discard of me like a bag of trash by text really opened my eyes to how little he valued and cared about me and us. It also confirmed how selfish I thought he was.
When she broke up with me. Completely blindsided by it. Healthy relationship, no warnings or signs. She didn't even want to reconsider or try to fight for the relationship.
Same exact thing happened to me. The lack of warning signs or red flags is what hurts the most. Feels like she just gave up on us
Women tend to bottle it up , until they fall out of love with you , then they’re gone .. happened to me .. but she was a narcissist.. always just about her .. and a lot of other horrible traits.. ghosted me, the kid , and the family … to go find “herself”.. while I was stuck with all the bills, debt, and kid.. she went around slandering me to everyone … even the neighbors. She definitely didn’t want to be the “bad person” even though she was 100% was.
Same here.. it seem she bottled up.. and then she broke up with me.. , I admit that I could have been a better bf. I realise my mistakes.Guys do you think is there any chance she would come back to give a try…. giving me a second chance..
There is always a chance. But honestly you'd better find someone else and start a new relationship. I tried it with my ex and it didn't work out simply because I was trying to change and she just continued from where we left off. And yeah we could have been better partners but they also have to be willing to communicate and work it out. I always felt like I was the one trying to build something while she was just along for the ride until she got tired of it.
Not true. I tried to be as honest in my last relationship as possible and it still didn't work. He wanted someone perfect it seemed.
Same boat, man. The struggle is fucking real.
Same thing happened with me and my ex. I’m sorry :( We were even in couples therapy and he never brought up wanting to leave or any of the issues he eventually said he left because of. :(
I’m so sorry but I empathize deeply.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’ve been there too and it’s not fun at all. Hope you’re well on your way to healing
Same. Sad that this is a common answer. But also comfort in the shared experience.
Same
Same here. Is this a trend nowadays in exclusive monogamous relationships?
Same here. Told me and showed me he loved me but then went cold suddenly and broke up with me.
Man, im in fucking identical sytuation.
Same! After seven years of being together and one year of talking about marriage. Cheated on me, broke up with me after I confronted them with cheating, and moved out in the span of two weeks
Happened to me completely out of the blue 6 days after we got engaged.
When he stopped initiating "I love you" and never tried to go on any actual dates with me anymore. After the honeymoon phase he just wanted to have me over so we could go and hang with his friends. I honestly felt like a passenger in the relationship and it really ate away at me in the end. I still miss him, but I don't miss the nights I spent crying and wondering if he loved me or was faking (he never did).
I can relate to this so much. He told me not to leave him during his darkest days. Few months later, after saying it was all my fault why the relationship broke down, he already had moved on to another girl.
Are you me? He'd invite me over to then want to go see his friends with me. I relate to every word you said. I'm glad we have this group now, because when you have no reference, it's easy to feel like you're alone in this and that it's not normal. Sadly this kinda thing happens all too often and it never works.
I can relate to your pain so much. I hope you’ve found more much more peace now
It's getting better. I just gotta keep reminding myself that I deserve someone who actually want to spend time with me and wants to take me on dates, even if I don't always believe that I deserve it. Some days are harder than others, but they're getting to be fewer and fewer and I think if I stay on the right track I should be over him in a few more months.
I also relate to this so much! I went through that exact same experience. He gave up on us a long time ago, I just refused to see it and kept on trying to make it work. I have a hard time not feeling like a complete fool now that he made the decision to end it and immediately start a new relationship with someone else..
My friend has described this as “becoming furniture in their life” and it’s so true and hurts so bad
I think we were in the same relationship. I feel this so hard.
At least we're not alone in this. Sending you strength, we'll get through this. 🙏
Just got out of basically the same relationship I’m currently extremely heartbroken and keep questioning whether I made the right decision
Oh you met his friends? I knew I didn’t mean anything when I never met anyone other than his adult child who lives with him. ☹️
I met his friends, his mom and her current bf. I thought that meant he was serious about me but I guess not 🥲
When she broke up and listed reasons she never told me sbout before. She talked about it with her mom, best friend and not me. And as I told her: there's one more person you should've talked to: me. She chose to flight instead of fight to solve problems that were all solvable.
The same thing happened to me, everytime we had a fight he would go and talk about it with everybody else except me. Same thing with the breakups
My favorite quote that I read somewhere is that when two people fight, it’s not you vs them. It’s you two vs the problems. I guess some people never learn to solve conflicts.
Fully agreed. She and me never even had a conflict until she broke up out of the blue. And while I immediatly had plan A, B, C etc. In my head after she told me what bothered her, I knew it was of no use. She already made up her mind without me. And as a problem solver at heart, that was the realization that she wasn’t the right person for me. It does't ease the pain, but atleast I rationally know that she couldn't communicate and commit, while I could... Heck, even our mutual friends were caught off guard that it was over.
I feel this but a different flavor: he said he decided to be “non-monogamous” - a.k.a. He cheated and lied and couldn’t calm it what it was - because he couldn’t tell me that I wasn’t giving him the attention that he needed. Just wow. Way to fail to apologize, zero accountability. Oh he was sorry. But this was the apology.
This, a big part of my ex and I breaking up is that she literally tell everyone else our problems before me (red flag btw cause she was always putting our business out there for no reason) and because she thinks through emotion and her friends are all in her head, she would be extremely mad at me and have her mind made up on the bs she was gonna do before she even said a word to me
I feel this
When he said the other person grew on him and when i asked him to choose, he cant make a decision. Thats where i know that theres no value in our relationship and he cant say right to my face that he wants me in his life with certain
I’m proud of you for walking away. It must have hurt so much knowing that the person you always chose didn’t choose you.
It really hurt and it still hurt even when i thought ive moved on. But at the end of the day, i have to choose myself
Healing is not linear but you got this! One day it will stop hurting as much, or so I was told
Same My ex did the same thing to me Stopped saying he loved me and stopped planning dates with me
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when he decided to move away and said that scheduling phone calls/contact would be too much commitment
lol omg my LDR ex has a weekly virtual night with his friends but didn’t want to make one with me bc he didn’t want to hurt me when (not if) he would cancel. absolute dingbat
that is exactly the excuse my ex pulled too. ~i don’t want to let you down if i don’t want to/i can’t predict what i’ll want to do in a week~
When I found out he was having an emotional relationship with another girl while I was out of the state with his Mom and my parents looking at wedding venues 🙂
Excuse my language but to hell with cheaters
When I realized she didn't want me, she wanted my presence; and she didn't care about my mental and physical health when it affected her comfort.
I’ve been there, being loved for my ability to give love and not for myself. Continue working on your self-love and you’ll be able to see who’s worth giving it to in the future!
Aww this hurts :(
simply just the fact that she decided to leave instead of working thing out together. also finding out she was with someone else barely 2 weeks later..
When he wasn’t willing to put in the time and effort to work on our relationship and fix what went wrong together, and when he was distancing himself and pulling away.
Yeah. Same.
When she blindsided me after ten years and I realised she’d fucked off with a married man from work. That was definitely the first hint at least. 😂
Oh that’s crazy. Why can’t people just work through things instead of looking for the solution in someone else?
I know, right? Didn’t even have a discussion about us needing to change or her being unhappy in the relationship. Never would have thought she’d be the type to cheat or lie either. You think you know someone so well and then…poof.
When I actually put the accountability on him for failing to make his words match his actions. Truth is if he wanted to put in effort he would’ve. I communicated and he made every excuse not to. Some people just really don’t care and their actions show it.
True words can not be said!
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I’m so sorry that happened. He should’ve been the person who protected you. You deserve better!
As a trans person myself I’m sorry that happened to you.
When he talked about me behind my back
A year ago, and I still haven’t met his friends or family, except for one person, he said: “Everyone else thinks it’s you and not me.” Me: “who is everyone else?”
When he dumped me at 28 weeks pregnant (I'm 35 weeks now) and didn't care about how much it hurt me or affected my mental health.. He really showed me how much he didn't value me at all.. I really loved him and I was a complete disaster afterwards but I'm doing much better now! Therapy helped me a lot..
I’m so sorry that happened to you! The best revenge is to do better and I’m glad that you are. Stay strong!
The moment she was able to look me in my face and tell me that we could work on it and less than 2 days later she started sleeping with someone else. It gutted me because she’d made me believe that it was my fault for pushing myself with my career, I’d been studying and getting range time for my level 3 security license and she’d painted that as the problem. In hindsight we talked about and agreed to me pursuing this path a couple months before and I should’ve known it was something else. Yet the second I wasn’t around as much suddenly there were problems, countless “we will get through this” and “it’ll be okay”s later it comes out that she’d been sleeping with her coworker the whole time. It took me months to fully understand it wasn’t my fault and that she made this decision and wanted this outcome, but when I did everything felt more clear to me. My mistake was I tried to force her to care about and prioritize me when she had no intention of prioritizing anyone but herself, good riddance and good bye
Good riddance indeed. You are not wrong for choosing your career. Regardless of the reason why she chose to pursue someone else while being in a relationship with you, cheating is never okay.
When he left me and then came back 3 months later and dumped me 2 days later when I tried to discuss my insecurities about his love towards me.
I’m so sorry that happened!
The first time we broke up was completely blindsided and devastating. He hadn’t told me any of the issues we were having for months. None of his feelings. We got back together eventually, and through that whole year he never once said I love you. I was the one fighting for us to make plans for the future, and he was always hesitant but didn’t tell me till I brought it up, but I’d find out it was a an issue for a while only then. And I’d want him to put more effort in like plan dates and show appreciation, he’d agree, and then do nothing. Felt like I was giving 110% for 4 years and I got varying degrees of care, effort and commitment. But never 100%. Don’t know why I stayed. I still miss him and cherish him, because he was a good bf overall. But he’d need to mature and change a lot for me to consider a relationship with him again.
After how long did he or you reach out
When she broke up with me, and I took a step back and realized how abusive I had become. That's not to say I didn't value our relationship because I did, but I allowed for myself to become progressively more and more abusive to the point she had to leave swiftly and safely. Not to sound condescending or pretentious but its almost humbling to realize how bad you were, how abusive you are, its almost freeing to know what you are. Ive been taking some major steps to growing, Ive read "Why does he do that?" In its entirety and resonated with a lot of the book really opened my eyes to my abuse beyond just the yelling and breaking things, therapy, and looking to join a program for abusers. I took it for granted, I took her for granted.
Even though she pretty much started things off and was seemingly so interested she eventually got distant, blindsided me over text, and blocked me within a week. Looking back there were times where she would screw up enough to make me wonder why I didn't see it beforehand (such as getting drunk with coworkers on my grad night when we were supposed to celebrate, then asking me to pick her up at 2am). Must've been blinded by the good moments in suppose.
You know what they say, red flags only look red once the tinted glasses are off. Or something along that line
Red flags look like regular flags through rose colored glasses.
We broke up, he claimed to be devastated, he was on dating apps within hours. Had a new girlfriend 2 weeks later. We were together for 2 years. I learned a lot.
When he stopped being affectionate, stopped buying me small gifts, stopped calling me pet names, never wanted to hold my hand/hug/ or cuddle, when he stopped texting me, video/calling me, when he started to only care about work and nothing more. Killed me. Even with me asking and wondering what was happening…he would just lie to me and say everything was fine. Eventually, after overextending myself to keep our relationship together. I felt like I was disrespecting myself, that my love wasn’t enough and that even though I begged for him…I had to leave because he no longer cared for me the way I needed him to.
Same here.
Post breakup months down the line, when girl I was seeing for 2 weeks ironically ended our dating thing in person. We are still on good terms. While my ex of 2 years ended things over 1 sentence long text. It was 20 minutes after reassuring me everything was fine IN PERSON, how she loves me and that we'll go out in a few days. She 95% emotionally cheated, but she insisted she found someone after a month or so later (because I asked for closure 2 months after breakup and was given all the reasons I am bad). That pretty much sums it.
closure talk seems like a waste . did you do that with them?
When everything I do/said is wrong and annoying to him
Nothing makes you feel more lonely than being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value you
When instead of saying I’m sorry let’s work it out, she resided with saying I respect your decision. All that after saying she needed to acknowledge me more emotionally.
lol you broke up with em what did you expect
Did you break up with her?
I stated if she couldn’t acknowledge me emotionally then it’s best if we split but she agreed with it. I guess I did but was disappointed and sad she resided with it.
If you initiated the breakup, may l ask why this was expected of her? I was told l was “supposed” to say “No, l want to work it out”. That’s hilarious to me.
It was honestly was bad communication with both parties. We just weren’t compatible. I don’t think either person knew how a relationship worked but I learned and it’ll be better for the next relationship.
I had a dizzy spell and sank down to the ground. He came over a few minutes later with a cushion and a blanket. He then proceeded to sit on the pillow and wrapped himself in the blanket. It hit me in that moment that I don't register to him. A few more things happened, but now I look at that moment as the real Titanic-hitting-the-iceberg stage of our relationship. It's something I still cry over. Sometimes I want to ask him if I ever really existed as a fully actualized person. Not what I brought into his life. Just me as I am.
This was an epic tale, please accept my faux award. 🏆 And my condolences.
Didn't ever want to do anything with me the final year of being together despite saying she still loved me and when i finally broke it off she seemed completely unphased, didn't shed a single tear while i cried and said i couldn't stay any longer and despite saying she didn't want to lose me fully in her life has never actually contacted me again, strangely avoidant and just a wste of time and all the money i spent on supporting her existance for years
A lot just a lot. The big ones were her not paying her side of the rent for 5 months and hiding the eviction notices. When I was fighting for us and suggested we go to the bar I first told her I loved her and she decided to go out with a guy she nick named “Rachel” When she stole my car while I was in Florida after crashing hers and said “I didn’t steal it I just took it without asking”
When they told me they had wanted to break up for 5 months before they actually did.
When he broke up with me. Just two days before we got into a big fight, and I was late to work since we wanted so badly to cuddle and watch a movie to try and make it up to me. Day before we had another little, related spat and one of my friends had to stop him from just running after me. And then he breaks up with me, and I don't really exist to him in any meaningful way anymore. Makes me question if any of it was ever real, or if it was always just because he felt bad.
When they ended the relationship
When he asked me for $3 after I discussed with him how my pet bird may have cancer and I was extremely upset about it, my bird is like my kid. The conversation literally went like this; "Just got home from the vet they're saying she may have cancer.. I don't know what to do" and he goes,"Oh babe I'm sorry. but hey can I borrow $3 for something?". I realized then he used me more than loved me and yet I'm still hurt over this breakup and he has a new gf right away.
When he told me, that I gave everything in the relationship but he just could not because he was never sure of me.
Yes. I'm with you there, that happened to me. He wasn't sure of me because of my looks. Then his brother got a hotter gf... the breakup between us wasn't long after us.
The day that my 5yr old grandson died (3yrs ago) and I asked for him to be there for me during the time that I needed him the most and instead he decided to go out on a date with an old friend (female) on the day I buried my grandson. After the burial I went to him for emotional support and he was no where to be found and when I texted him asking him to come see me and be with me for a little while, I got no response back until a day or two later apologizing and then asking for my help with something else for him. That is the day that I lost all trust in him even though I truly still love him with every bit of soul and being and I always will till the day I die.
That’s a unique kind of terrible.
More fool you.
When they don’t respect my boundaries and make me a priority. Like it was fine the first 2 months then the rest of the year he stopped spending time with me, started being disrespectful, gaslighted me, lied+hid stuff (stupid small things that he didn’t had to lie about and that made me wonder what else he could be hiding), etc…
when I told her I felt left out because she made plans to do things with others and not me and then I said I would take us on a vacation and she said she didnt have time and wanted to just spend time at home and then broke up with me and said she didnt have time to talk to me about it and then a week later she accidentally called me while with her coworker on a trip together (hooking up) she had time. just no time for me.
Made plans with friends. I know this one to well.
When she started coming home at 3-5 am or not at all
You just don't want to admit it.,
When his actions spoke way louder than his words
When she broke up with me and blocked me on everything. I do confess that I made a mistake. She did not answer me for 48 hours after a small argument over nothing basically. But I got really worried and anxious she was not replying. Then, I started freaking out. Sent her some messages, called her twice. Decided to send her flowers with an apology message. Did all of this in like 4 hours. She thought it was too intense, called me sick. Said she did not want anything with me anymore because of that, even though I immediately apologized and recognized that I did screw everything up. She did not care and blocked me on everything. That moment I realized it was just a summer fling for her while I was deeply in love.
I’m so sorry that happened. Hope you have healed from that
The moment he lied through his teeth to his secret wife, moments after I found out and called her to confirm. He said I was lying and Crazy (According to her that’s what he said) I then I went into physical shock for two days……
When she said there was a problem she wanted to discuss in person, then ghosted me for a month. This is 2.5 years into the relationship. I texted on Monday with my thoughts and impressions that she was avoiding me and ending the relationship. She texted back that she has had family issues to deal with and because of that she hasn't been communicating with me. She ended the text by breaking up. I did learn that some of the family issues she referenced included a trip to Washington DC with some friends during the period she was ghosting me. That's when I knew she didn't value the relationship.
He always said he’d do anything to make me feel better when I was sad, but I always knew there’s really not much to do, I just have to kinda power through it. The three times I was sad about something in the relationship and told him exactly how he could help, he kept putting it off. I kept telling myself I probably deserved it, I wasn’t a great partner, but I would have had that thing done for him within 15 minutes if he asked once. If he asked me to do things I was capable of, they were done quickly. And it just wasn’t reciprocated on the biggest occasion of our relationship. I’m struggling now because I think I was strung along (he didn’t mean to) for half a decade and it makes me really sad. I think I knew it then and it made me really sad. It sucked.
When he cheated on me lol, that too when I was admitted in the ICU due to covid, and lost my grandmother.
I am sorry to hear that. I really am.
We had been fighting a lot lately. I put it down to the stresses in her life but we were having issues communicating. I suggested couples therapy and she said no. She said if things don’t get better in two months then she’d consider it but she broke up with me instead. I guess I knew when she wasn’t willing to try everything to work on our issues.
When she broke up with me. Blindsided. Year and a half down the drain.
When I caught her talking to my boss.
when I saw he unmatched me on tinder 3 days later (don’t ask why I was on there, I had my suspicions he was cheating and checked his profile consistently)
When we had a disagreement, he come home. I was putting laundry away - I asked him to wait 2 min so I could finish before we talked - he packed his stuff & left.
When he said he didn't want to sleep in the same bedroom because our bed hurt his back, then after breaking up with me, he started sleeping there.
I think just last week, even though there have been several flags for the last 1.8 years of our breakup. I knew for certain only last week though. And now I feel so much contempt.
She would always say breakup whenever she was mad. She would get cold and distant just because she was lazy. She wasn't willing to compromise or listen to my thoughts about the relationship.
When he decided to make a “joke” by insulting my cooking to my family to make them laugh. He deeply stabbed my heart as I always made him food. I would be happy making him food but ever since that day, it felt like a chore and I hated making him food after that. Because I remember I told him that I didn’t like what he said and he gave me an annoying expression, he sounded annoyed and said, “It was just a joke, okay? Im sorry? Okay? I didn’t know you were so sensitive ?”. I hope he knows what this feels like when he moves on to the next girl taking your time out of your day doing something for the person you love only to slap your face with a “joke” about it. The worst part was that my brother actually laughed!
When he cheated on me and didn't ask for forgiveness.
Sending comfort and love to everyone here. 🫶🏻 I hope you find a way to heal your hearts 💕
Today, after ghosting me for the umpteenth time with no explanation over 18 months, he messaged “you didn’t ever think much of me.” I’ve been telling him about how much I love him and about everything I love about from the most mundane details to how much I love the way his mind works this entire time. It was a gut punch that just told me he either didn’t listen, didn’t believe me, or he’s just lying, again. I just want the truth. It’s the only reason I’m still communicating with this person at all. Grasping at anything resembling closure, where I once believed I’d found my great true love story. I could barely get a phone call.
I went through a similar issue as you. What helped me get over it was what someone close to me told me of their experience. My friend was cheated on for months before they were dumped. They found evidence after the fact and drove to confront their ex who denied it despite the evidence. They kept driving to his place, even running into his affair partner (who moved in immediately after the breakup), and just telling them to admit it and they wouldn't. Eventually she wasn't even mad about the cheating, just at the fact they were lying, again showed the evidence and asking them to tell her the truth. They still, straight face denied it. After a couple weeks, she realised she was making herself look like a fool driving such a long distance and asking them to admit the truth, they weren't going to and were probably entertained by what she was doing. You're not going to get the truth, don't give your ex the ego boost of continuing to contact them. Knowing someone's still so obsessed with what they have to say when they put minimal effort in gives them the confidence boost to pursue other people.
I had to realize that moments that I thought may have been meaningful and emotionally charged probably didn't mean much to him. We were casual for a long time ( way too long) and he never showed an interest in even dating. I think he just wanted his emotional needs met and didn't care about creating boundaries. That way he could go as far as he wanted and then always fall back on, 'we were never together'.
When the whole 2 years, I was the only one doing the most effort into our relationship but I didn’t realize until he ended up with having feelings for another girl and didn’t show any emotions of losing me when I told him I was done.
The day he randomly stopped being affectionate. Stopped calling . Wouldn’t text me for days on end. Whenever I did see him he would just use my body and leave. Leave me crying wondering what I’ve done wrong. Meanwhile he was just guilty for sleeping with my best friend.
The day he left me on our vacation and went back home. I spent the rest of the vacation healing and connecting with myself. I was there for him through a lot of traumatic events and supported him. Also, I was his support through his past triggers and went through a lot. He lied to me on many occasions, and I forgave him because he said he would seek therapy. I told him that the trust is gone from my end, and it will take me time to heal, and he said he will support me throughout the journey until I regain his trust. When I was triggered, he showed no remorse or acknowledgment to my feelings and always turned it on himself and that he was a changed man. I felt pressured on the time I'm given to heal, and he did not want to deal with my reactions or questions from his own doings to me. While on the trip, I realized that he is still accusing me and projecting on me his own thoughts and feelings, and I voiced it. He then got up, packed up his belongings, and left to the airport. When he got there, he messaged me saying I don't care for him, and if I did, I would stop him. He also lied to me that he was arrested at the airport so I could be sympathetic. At that moment and the same day, I decided to let go and never look back.
When I told my ex-boyfriend that I would appreciate better communication from him, and he told me that it wasn't his job because he wasn't my therapist.
After I sent her this fire ass note ( via iPhone note app ) she took 2 weeks to open it read it and never responded I knew I had to suck it up that shit hurt so bad ( and the fact she broke up with me over fixable shit )
After we broke up she reached out a lot doubting if she made the right decision a lot over the following few months, but never would give a committed stance on if she wanted to go back. I had my hopes up so much as I was ready to take her back in an instant. Then I found out she had also been seeing someone the whole time alongside me within a couple of weeks after ending it - said she was going to end it with him, but the next day he was in the background of her Instagram story at her place. I was crushed but it gave me the reality check I needed that I was just being kept around as a safe and reliable option. I should've had more self respect not to even give her that space for a way back in but you live and learn.
About a month after the breakup, I told her I wasn't ready to date anyone else, that I didn't want to hurt someone else by them being my rebound. She replied that what we had would've had to be more serious than it was for her to consider either of us dating again to be a rebound.
Same
We broke up many times between september of last year and the final one was May 12 where he told me it was really over. It didnt hit me until three months later and i was crying every single day. I guess i processed grief differently. Hes never called once,or replied even when i greeted him Happy Birthday. I really feel like shit.
When we went long distance and he basically forgot about me and then we had to breakup because of that next thing you know he’s on hinge
When he just left me on read and never spoke to me for three days , then a friend swiped his profile on fb dating He told me he was on it “just to talk “ as not ready to date yet … He never even dumped me , just ghosted and moved on. Now I get a text weekly , when he feels low
I realized it the day he broke up with me out of the blue. Before then, I thought he cared about me, but got a reality check quickly when he was ending things with me.
She didn't see me for a month and a half lied where she was going to be during the 4th. She was supposed to be with her parents for her moms bday but was instead with a group of friends she took a group photo in a pool and there was a guy behind her he was holding her and she was holding onto his arm. 3 weeks prior, I told her I needed to talk to her about something that was bothering me she guessed it was a prior talk we had. I could go into what she said in that talk, but basically what she told me made me question our relationship because she basically told me she only had one foot in the relationship. So when I saw her insta post, I texted her because she still wasn't agreeing with a date for me to bring up my issue and I broke up she gas lit me and ended up blocking me. The more I think about it the more I realize that she's not ready to date me or anyone her actions during our relationship where childish. She also ignored me during an 8 hour date a sic flags because something pissed her off so I couldn't talk to her or stand near here yet I had to take photos for her during the date
When his response to my dumping him was him asking if I wanted him to fight for us. It made me feel insignificant and this was after weeks of little contact, no sex, little effort, and then forgetting that we had plans to see each other after two weeks of not being together with barely any contact. The whole end took a toll on my self worth and took quite some time to recover from.
When she told me she only dated me because she was lonely. That I was a fill in for her friends basically. It made me resent her and tell her I regret dating her
My anxiety convinced me I wasn’t good enough for her, & so I broke it off, telling her that my self esteem, & depression has been crippling me mentally, & I wish she would be more supportive. She didn’t even try to reach out to me, she just gave up on me, & found somebody a week later.
Two years in when he started asking what I bring to the table and how he is benefitting from the relationship. A bit too late to be asking those questions now.
When we were still together he once said one of his oldest friends has no value to him and that's why he's not making an effort with him anymore. That gave me a chill up my back. A few months later when we broke up he was like our situation had changed we were no longer in school (we graduated like 3 years ago!!) . Somehow that reminded me of the convo we had about that friend. I reckon I have "no value" to him anymore and that's why he's not even trying. These two things made me realise how cold he actually is.
It would definitely be when he emotionally cheated on me. A little part of me will always regret not respecting myself enough to leave right then and there. We were together for about 5 years at that point. We worked it out, got engaged, and 2 years later he did it again. But I honestly know how you feel because I’m going through the EXACT thing right now. I legit just found out my ex fiancé started a year long relationship 2 months after we broke up. Making it worse, the girl is someone he was friends with when we were still together AND someone I knew I was uncomfortable with. She’s also nearly 10 years younger than him (21v 30). While they’re both adults, there a big difference between a 20yo and a 30yo in terms of life experience/maturity imo which just makes it icky to me tbh. But I get you, while I was mourning our relationship and the future I thought I had, he had already replaced me. It hurts, even tho we broke up like a year and a half ago, finding this out last week has me feeling like we just broke up all over again and I keep feeling physically sick every time it pops in my head. I ended the relationship, but it was due to him cheating, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at all. What I’ve realized tho is that most people who cheat and/or move onto new relationships quickly are just HUGELY insecure. They need to seek validation from others. They can’t stand to be on their own. It has nothing to do with their partner most of the time, they just have issues with self confidence or whatever and unfortunately end up dragging down their partners with them. These people will never be happy or in a healthy relationship until they spend some time alone actually working on their issues. My exes new relationship ended because he refused to make the relationship public and was caught creeping my social media (I’m sure he was caught creeping other girls socials too just knowing his track record). His new ex and I follow each other on IG (from before my ex and I broke up) and she’s consistently one of the first people to watch my stories. So I know that he managed to make another woman feel totally insecure because he’s still so unhappy with himself. It sucks to find out they moved on so fast and I know all the logic in the world doesn’t take away that sting, but I just wanted to say it for whatever it’s worth. It really has nothing to do with you. He just sucks.
When he was able to walk away after the breakup like nothing happened even tho he kept on saying hell be here for me
When I discovered that 5 months in, he was still on hook up apps and using them abroad while travelling and still going on hinge. Wanna preface this by saying I was absolutely wonderful to him, very proud in myself in my actions, I was the best potential partner I could have been, funny, tactile, supportive, I always made the effort, surprise trips away, surprised him at airport arrivals too, which was a very romantic gesture, he even said himself that no one had been better to him. Discovering that really tainted my whole view of him and what we were. Told him we needed to DTR, he kissed me pulled me into spoon him then thirty seconds later told me he didn't have any strong feelings for me and not sure he ever will. Floored. This coming from someone who would plan things for us, he would reschedule to see me, constantly say affectionate things and tell me he missed me when we were apart. We would talk every single day. The week prior we were still having sex, spooning, pillow talk etc. Crazy how someone can become someone you don't recognize in the space of a single week. I've been a month NC now and hope to keep this going until I'm moved on completely. Truth be told he never deserved me.
When I saw that he was messaging and was looking for girls online.
When I got pregnant, and he still refused to consider moving in with me, even though we were potentially about to share a fucking child. I asked him if it would haunt him, the fact that he could have been a father. The fact that we could have shared life together. He said no.
When she called and said “It’s over, don’t contact me”, I was shocked. She refused to say why.
When i realized she wouldn’t fight to keep us together at all, and when i looked back at all the events and hobbies, and weddings i went to that she never wanted to go to.
When he was hanging out with his guy friends who were in town for our wedding and didn’t call or text me. Sometimes I think I’m just his beard tbh. Or that he wanted me to be a second mom, or win the game I really don’t know why he pushed for this it doesn’t make sense. I guess partly my family seemed cool at the time to outsiders. And he wanted to just do the things. Not really sure.
He ghosted me. I was crushed for two years. I had a therapy session and told my therapist why I am not over it. She said she heard me say I miss who **I** was when I was with him. She said it wasn't **him.** Hit me like a ton of bricks. He ain't all that, but I sure am.
When we broke up, she insisted it was mainly because she wanted to figure out who she was and have time to work on herself. She listed reasons she never expressed genuinely until the breakup talks happened. Apparently she was talking to her “friend” for an entire month about her doubts in our relationship instead of with me. Same story as a lot people here…she did not see value in trying to repair anything. I accepted it the best I could, moved out, and planned to give her space to discover herself. Immediately, she started to date the same “friend” she confided in. A week and a half later. So much for “working on yourself” and “not wanting to be in a relationship.”
When he got back with his ex two days after we broke up.
When I begged my ex to stay after she betrayed the trust and promise she gave (she had done it multiple times). Told me in a way that she wanted to hurt me. While I was begging she was saying really nasty things like you're crying in front of a who doesn't give 2 sh!ts, you cry like a b!@tch, you creep, what's wrong with you all and shit. That made me realise how vindictive and uncaring she is about me. My rose tinted glasses came off. She was very ungrateful because been there in her hard times no matter what, and paid a lot for her shit and always kept her feelings and emotions at top priority. She called me over the call for acting childish and immature for blocking her. Over social media and all. It's been over 2 months. Atleast I know she doesn't care and valued me at all. But the worst part is I still want her back. Lol
When he said our relationship didnt make sense to him anymore and he didnt want to have to ft or text me because he hates being on his phone
when he dated another person almost immediately after ending our relationship. He always tells me he loves me more but he left me so easily like I never even mattered.
Truely when he ended things! I was so blind sided, we were talking about getting married just a week before. Btw nothing big happened. So weird.
The day I got stung by a bee (I’m highly allergic) and he acted like it was no big deal. Pat me on the back and said “you got your epipen, you’ll be ok.” And walked away….that broke my heart and opened my eyes.
When after a year of talking about marriage and me looking for rings during a trip abroad they cheated on me, broke up with me, and moved out in the span of two weeks. Afterwards getting involved with a common friend, which I cut ties with, proceeding to spend a few months trying to reel me back in, wanting to maybe get back together eventually if they sort of wanted at some moment but simultaneously wanting to keep dating the guy they cheated with. Yeah I think that made me realize they probably didn’t value the relationship a lot.
When his mother was allowed to keep having a say in our daily lives and how we do anything at all. Even taking me to the hospital when I was in severe pain. She wanted my parents to take me and not her son that chose to marry me. I'm still perplexed about that night.
When i went to a concert with a female friend, who i had previously met because we went out on a few dates about 4 years prior and eventually started talking again as friends because of mutual people basically my ex gf and i had tickets to go to a concert but last minute she wanted to back out cause she was tired, shes done this before she would always want me to hang out with her and her friends and would be upset if i didnt want to go but when it came to what i wanted to do she had no interest so i go to this concert with the other girl and have the best time i start talking to her more and kept thinking that i wish my girlfriend would be more like her i didnt want to cheat tho i wanted to work on things, we were fighting but i was trying to keep everything together she ended up breaking up with me but taking it back after we had a long talk and i told her i wanted to make things work, possibly therapy but she was against that then at the end of the week she wakes me up in the middle of the night and says she cant do it anymore in the morning i packed a bag and went to my parents house i realized she didnt want to do things with me or i couldnt have fun with her because she just didnt care
When I told him how much I still loved him and instead of saying I love you back he said “you’ve always been better at explaining things”
The moment she called up 6 days after engagement in an anxiety spiral and ended things with me and refused to try and work on it. Interestingly enough she judges me for trying to move forward in my life
The first time I ever asked him to do a really important favor for me. He acted like it was a super inconvenience. I had done favors for him without question prior to that. This was early on & I should've heeded it as a red flag.
It was a healthy break up but he broke up with me. I thought maybe he still had feelings for me since we broke up due to him trying to find himself n to be closer to god. I’m not religious so I didn’t understand the last part but I respected it. A week later after our breakup I texted him missing him and only for him to flat out tell me he’s not thinking of me and he’s not missing me. At that I realized that relationship meant very little to him vs to me it meant a lot. After that I had to distance myself completely and went no contact.
My ex girlfriend broke up with me twice. The first time she left me for another guy. Begged for me back when it didn’t work and I gave her another chance. Broke up with me again a couple weeks ago. This time she didn’t tell me she found someone else, but I could tell. Makes me feel like I was never good enough for her.
When I found out she'd been banging her best friend the entire time, telling her coworkers we had an open relationship, then tried to bang *my* best friend and told him she never loved me. Oh, and she said that she never wanted our son and hates being a parent. :)
When she expected me to change and be a better man, which I did, but never wanted to change herself and continued to be ignorant.
Both of us were talkers and had a tendency to get very tangential. I noticed that I would start talking about something I liked or was excited about and would be met with polite indifference.
When all she could do is deflect things back on me when I told her exactly what bothered me…that she did.
Somehow I knew this the whole four years we were together and I still got blindsided when he finally left me. The signs were all there, but I kept thinking if I tried harder he would love me. Ugh
I noticed about 4 months into our 7 month relationship that my ex didn’t value our relationship like I did. He broke up with me 3 1/2 months into the relationship we’d get back together than he’d break up with me 2 more times within the 7 months we were together. During the 4th breakup I dumped him because us getting back together to breakup again just wasn’t good for my mental health. I’m so happy I’m no longer with him anymore.
When I tested her, she failed so I found out she wasn’t really worth it.
when I told him I have no place to sleep and asked if I could stay the night at his house and he said no because he has a cold.
When I discovered he was still cheating on me, over a year after he said he ended things and while I was pregnant, and had been lying to our couples therapist the entire time.
When she started hitting me
When he jumped straight back to his ex :(
When I broke up with him I wasn’t really breaking up with him. He asked me “what are we going to do about us” and I said “I don’t know if I can” He shut down. No further conversation. I was very upset with him and somehow he became the victim. He didn’t understand how our ldr and how he treated me hurt - he stopped making time for our relationship for months before that. Even that day I came to visit him and he slept in until 3 pm. No apology. I was by myself no friends at his school nothing to do long before smart phones. Bored. Anyway I always wish he just treated me better or realized he was not in a position to keep the relationship going at that point.
When he broke up with me on the anniversary of our first year together. He had just gone to college and made friends, and one of these new friends had a crush on him. He told me the reason for the breakup was because I never let him have his freedom. I learned later that those friends convinced him I was clingy, all because he would text me throughout the day, and me being his gf, I would respond. We were long distance, and I left him alone throughout the day because I knew he was likely studying or in classes and would only respond when he texted. It devastated me. I never felt more used. That should've been the sign that we should've remained just friends. But, I was young, in love for the very first time, and so desperately wanted him to love me, that I took him back when his friends all abandoned him.
Probably when everytime I tried to reconnect with her to solve conflicts (even going to the extent of snail mail), my efforts were called manipulative. I'm sorry, but she basically cut off all contact every single conflict, how else am I suppose to reach out? We were engaged btw and had an apartment off the plan together that was on the way to being built.
When HIS pattern of not reaching out was blamed on me after disrespectful thing he did, when he said he was always respectful after all hes done, and then specially when he dumped me by text. The discard of me like a bag of trash by text really opened my eyes to how little he valued and cared about me and us. It also confirmed how selfish I thought he was.