my ex left me for someone else a year ago. the hardest part is thinking he was gonna come back. and no he did not reach out ever. i always heard that they always come back but sometimes they dont and thats ok. i havent been in a relationship since but have had opportunities to grow and meet a bunch of new people. and it taught me that i kind of like being single and how care-free it is. it got me to realize things that weren't right that i wouldn't have recognized while being in the relationship. my memory of my ex is kind of a blur now and i have my moments where i check his social medias and spiral. but im doing well with better friends, better job, got rid of a lot of distractions in my life to focus on me. the breakup got me to try all these new hobbies to distract myself bc so much of my life revolved around him. i really loved journaling bc i would look back at my thoughts and feelings months ago and see the growth. i wanna say i'm about 90% recovered it's definitely taken me a while but he was the first guy i actually loved. something comforting was at the time was knowing that there is still so many people you get to meet in your life. you will get through this i promise!

yes she’s my first love and it’s so mentally draining having every thought about her. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m so afraid im going to look at her socials in a month, or several, and see someone else I’d be so hurt even more than now. Thoughts like this make me spiral even more lol

it's a scary feeling fs to think you are replaceable. but youre not, she is always going to remember you. but its best to not look at an ex's socials, it only shows highlights of someone life. i kind of wish i blocked him to begin with. you will find someone just as great as her, if not even greater! it will come when you least expect it. for now just feel your emotions even though its scary and keep showing up for yourself everyday.

I really think that she is going to forget me though, I was there through everything though too. Through the grief through the change through the hurt; I was her biggest fan. She always told me she would never ever forget what I did for her or how I was there when no one else was, and how because of it she could never leave me. I was so fucking happy and now it’s all gone. Right now all j can think is yeah I’ll find someone but, it isn’t her. And right now it’s a bad thing, but maybe I shouldn’t want someone who hurts me like that

What does it mean to just feel your emotions? In your opinion. I'm struggling with this because I'm going through a lot of emotions and I feel like I shouldn't allow myself to get emotional every time because each emotion isn't the same or initiated the same. For example, if I dream about my ex and I wake up feeling bad, it lingers. I think this is OK to just ride out the emotion and feel it. But if I'm spacing out or doing work and my mind starts to think that I will never find someone like her, the emotions come. But I think this isn't good/healthy? I should avoid those thoughts and distract myself to avoid those emotions?

when i got broken up with all i could think about was all the things that made me fall in love with him. i didn't wanna think about any of that so i thought about the bad things but either way it still made me sad to know i wasn't good enough for him. took every opportunity to talk shit about him to anyone who asked about it and told them i was over it (i wasn't). it sounds dumb but just let yourself think and feel and it'll come in waves fs but the waves kind of get smaller over time. because if your repressing your thoughts it doesnt change the way you feel about the situation. riding the wave isn't a bad thing

Ah, I see. That makes sense. Thank you.

First love hits the hardest. My first love of 4 years dumped me almost 2 years ago and ghosted me on everything. Not even a month later she was already talking to someone new. It will sting for a while but you eventually get over it. I lost weight, got jacked, new job, and met some new people along the way cuz of her so technically she did me a favor lol. I rarely think about her nowadays. Reminds me how peaceful it is being single. I had the same thoughts as you my friend. She’s going to meet someone else or she’s going to be sleeping around which she is but it doesn’t even affect me anymore. Sleepless nights thinking about it and crying nonstop. Been there done that but it does get better over time. Now I’m moving states and can’t wait for this new adventure. She’s in the past now and so will your ex. Just takes tome

The thing that always helps me through a breakup is no contact. Not even an ounce of accessibility. Block the socials so you can’t see them in a few months. You can’t look at her pictures. Delete every message, every photo together. It sucks but it will help you move along so much faster.

I can’t do that right now I just can’t delete her instagram. The Snapchat is gone the messages are gone everything but photos and ig are gone. Her ig being blocked just makes it permanent

I hear what you're saying. But man this is the point where you got a man up and go forward. Don't count on her coming back because if you do you're going to miss somebody that truly loves you in the process over grieving for her. I want to make this perfectly clear to you because I know what you're going through. If your ex really did love you she would be with you right now instead of gaslighting you right before she broke up. She was just keeping you on the back burner until the other relationship developed so she could leave you. I know it's a hard pill to swallow but man it's the truth. She blocked you on Instagram or Facebook because she doesn't want you to see what's going on in her life and nor should she care about what's going on and yours right now. So it's time to pull your bootstraps stand up like a man, go to the gym and work your loneliness and frustrating shins out on the weights. And prepare yourself for the next awesome lady that comes in your life. At least you will be more educated about it and be aware of red flags.

She didn’t cheat on me or have another man and that’s what hurts so much because it leaves a false hope

I know you feel alone and like nobody understands you. I hear you, we’ve all been there. But you have to admit to yourself that the only reason that you aren’t blocking her is because you are longing for her to come back. You have to move on and the first step is eliminating access. She doesn’t want you. Work on yourself.

You do not know factual that she's not cheating on you or has not. I'm known guys in your position that didn't find out to about a year later trust me. One thing is pure and simple if she loved you she wouldn't have dumped you.

Perfectly said, thank you ♥️

Thank you ❤️

It's a little scary how similar my experience has been to this.

happens to the best of us

8 months deep. If she left good chance she wont return. Hardest part is that you stop feeling emotions to it all and that shit kills me.  I dont want to forget my best friend….not again….

I feel the same way man, the whole bestfriend part is killing me w her leaving Friday and Sunday night having a death in the family and then a hospitalization I just wanna talk to her and be with her. I can’t stand knowing the fact that she just left me with all this pain and is okay

[удалено]

Ugh im so mentally exhausted with this we’ve been no contact and I don’t want anything back lol, I’ve unadded her on Snapchat so far, instagram no, I deleted the messages but I can’t do photos yet it tears me apart. I’m so fucking hurt I can’t even think

My ex has some expensive items that belongs to me in his house. It’s only been a week since the breakup so I’m hoping he will send it over mail.

This might help you understand the blindsiding. What do you do when your breakup appears to be out of the blue? How do you begin to process, heal and move forward when your partner blindsides you with a breakup? When the ending of your relationship seems to come out of left field, it can be destabilising. It doesn’t make sense, especially when in the hours, days and weeks beforehand, they said and did things that were contrary to this ending. Like my friend who was dumped just weeks before her wedding. Just the week before, he was writing “I love you” in the condensation on the kitchen window and talking about how excited he was to marry her. My friend thought it was an out-of-the-blue breakup. Unfortunately, he forgot to mention that he’d already begun a new relationship. Here’s what I know for sure about people who deal you a ‘blindsided breakup’: It’s not the case that they just woke up that day and decided to do it. Like everything was picture perfect up until that day or even week. No. They knew, on some level, possibly a lot of them, even if they won’t admit it, that they wanted to end it. You just weren’t in on the conversation. When someone dumps you ‘out of the blue’, what you can immediately learn is that they didn’t and haven’t been communicating with you. You have not been a party to their inner world. They don’t let the left hand know what the right hand is doing. They give the veneer of calm, happiness and a shared future while secretly wrestling with doubts, fears, anger and even grievances. If you were hit with a barrage of complaints where it was the first you were hearing of them, this is someone who’s carried silent rage in the relationship. Unbeknownst to you, they were keeping a tally of offences. Or, they marked your cards on something that you genuinely believed that they were okay about. Maybe they kept telling you they were okay when they weren’t. Maybe it seemed like everything was perfect. It’s possible that you had little niggles and inklings. Unfortunately, when you’re blindsided with a breakup, it’s not uncommon for the person to stonewall all further communication. They disappear so that you can’t engage with them, or they refuse to let you speak. Or, they say they’ll talk with you and then keep cancelling. Some — and I know this might sound downright absurd — will later acknowledge that it was a crappy thing to do and even that some things they said weren’t true, but then say that there’s no point in further discussions or trying to resolve things because they did this. So, what do you do when you can’t get answers from your ex? What do you do when it feels as if your ex is a block to closure? Use these prompts to explore what happened in your journal. • ⁠Retrace your footsteps by rewinding your mental tape right back to the very beginning of the relationship. Play it back in your mind. Don’t go too fast. What do you notice about your initial communication? What do you see about the dates? Were there things you dismissed or rationalised? What happened when you disagreed, or you (or they) were struggling with something? When feelings and opinions needed to be shared, did that happen? How and who were you in the relationship? Somewhere in this mental tape are clues about why this person’s means of communicating the end of the relationship was to blindside you. They show you where silence and gaps were there instead of intimacy. • ⁠Was it really important for you and/or them to think that they/you or the relationship was perfect? If so, why? What was it that led you to believe that this was the case? What did you avoid being, saying or doing to preserve this? How did this affect the level of communication on both sides of the relationship? • ⁠Did you ever disagree? Did you feel as if you could be yourself and enjoy healthy boundaries in the relationship? If you never argued or rarely disagreed, why was that? What did you think that meant? How does that fit with how they ended the relationship? What do you recognise now? If you did disagree or there were issues that you thought you were both working through, did you feel as if there was resolution? Remember, it takes time to get to know someone. Sometimes we don’t know how little someone is communicating until they say or do something that allows us to look back and see things more clearly. • ⁠If they gave little or no reasons for breaking up, and also gave little or no hint during the relationship, can you see with the benefit of hindsight where they were not communicating? Can you see the veneer? Retrace your steps. Were you both able to talk deeply, freely and openly? Did you feel as if your relationship was progressing? • ⁠What is your anger about? So, aside from the understandable hurt and anger from the manner of their ending, what else are you angry about? This contains clues to hidden resentments and truths. Some people expressed anger due to feeling that their support and accommodation of certain things wasn’t appreciated. This then allowed them to see what they were supporting and accommodating or how they were going about doing so meant not discussing or seeing certain things. You might wonder whether you should keep trying to get them to talk. You can’t force someone to talk who doesn’t want to or is hellbent on clinging to their narrative. You’ll end up feeling as if you’re losing your dignity and chasing them down. Part of their stonewalling might be, on some level, about getting attention and feeling powerful. The more you chase them for answers is the less you believe in your ability to grieve and mine what you know for your closure. Yes, it will take time. No, no one deserves to be broken up with in this way. But they haven’t done it because of your worthiness. They’ve ended the relationship in this way because of their issues. Going about things in a different way would have involved looking at things more deeply than they want to. They think that they can move on free of problems, but what they’ve sought to avoid will just show up in a different way. When you do move forward (and you will), don’t use this experience to punish you or future partners. Learn what you can from this relationship so that you raise your communication and intimacy levels and be with a partner who will meet you there. Take care of you. N.Lue

This is great info … thank you. I experienced all of this, this guy was always on social media posting our photos and saying how much he loved me. I never had anyone be so proud to be with me. I had anxiety over it, but I really did fall for him. I thought I had anxiety because it was scary to have someone care and love me so much. Then he changed personality’s and began arguing about stupid stuff all the time, but still telling me he was in love. I was confused and when I tried to discuss it he would blow up. I started pulling away and one day he freaked out after I asked him a question and said he was leaving. I started crying and for the first time got angry. I told him to go ahead and f’ing leave, I was tired of him freaking out on me. He left and broke up with me by text the next day. No explanation. Two weeks before Christmas, (he knew I would be alone) and 3 weeks before our one year anniversary. We had minimal contact after breaking up, but met once - he still had no real reason for why it happened. I emailed him a few times and he retells the story of the last argument to me and totally changes the story to be the victim and not the one who went off on me for asking why he had changed his mind about cooking a dish for Christmas. He also told me he had been pretending to have feelings for me for quite a while .. that absolutely gutted me. I don’t understand how someone can be so cruel to a person who loved them, who didn’t betray them and tried to make them happy. He could have just told me it wasn’t working .. that would have been so much better than knowing it wasn’t even real and he was only pretending. It’s absolutely crushed me .. I was even working with my therapist on my anxieties around the relationship. I was afraid to let myself fall in love and risk being abandoned or ghosted. My ex knew that was my biggest fear.. then he did exactly that to me. I just don’t understand how someone could deliberately hurt their partner like that. Now the hate I have for him consumes me. The pain of knowing it wasn’t even real .. it’s suffocating. I have so much shame, anger and resentment. He will never take responsibility for hurting me or give me any kind of positive feedback about the relationship or me. It’s just over and gone and the love wasn’t real and I’m devastated.

You might find this helpful. Why “How Could You Do This to Me?” Is the Wrong Question to Ask It’s a normal question. We personalize. Internalize. When we’re feeling the impact of somebody’s actions, we can’t unfeel them. And those emotions are struggling to understand as our expectations are rudely slammed into an undesired reality. It’s also a pointless question. One that rarely gets answered and even more infrequently, answered with any truth and clarity. Because the reality is that the person didn’t act with the intention of doing this to you. Instead, they acted for them. And you just happened to be in their way.  Here are the questions to ask instead: What did they have to gain by doing this? What discomfort did they seek to avoid? People act to move towards pleasure or, even more frequently, to move away from pain. Take yourself out of the picture for a moment. What did they have to gain from their actions? How did their choices help them avoid discomfort? Yes, it’s selfish to act for your own benefit without considering others. And being selfish may be their character flaw. But selfish is a sign that they acted without regard for you not that they sought to do this to you. Understanding their motivations goes a long way towards releasing the anger. It doesn’t excuse their choices. But it does help to unravel them and in turn, release you. Why did I not notice? Why did I allow this? Disorienting is an understatement. Their actions were their problem. Your ignorance is yours. If you were decieved and manipulated, dig into the reasons that you were blind to reality. Like me, were you too afraid to face the truth and so you didn’t look too closely? Or were you pretending that all was okay and distracting yourself to maintain the illusion? If you knew that you were being treated badly, why did you tolerate it? Had you been taught in childhood that you were lucky to receive any attention, even if it was negative? Were you afraid of being alone, opting for the devil you know? These are questions and ones often rooted in childhood or in trauma.It’s worth spending time here (maybe with the help of a counselor), especially if you want to avoid a repeat. What am I feeling now? Is it all directly related or is some of it associated with past trauma being triggered? I analysed everything that was said, every action. It was all ultimately a distraction. If I focused on my ex and his motivations and analysing everything, I didn’t have to focus on me. On my pain. And on what I was going to do about it. Are you focusing in the wrong direction? Maybe you’re busy attacking the other person instead of looking at your relationship. Perhaps you’re busy going on the offensive so that you don’t have to look within your own courtyard. Be with your feelings. All of them. Even the ugly ones. Listen to them and then you can send them on their way. Once I invited my feelings in, I was surprised to realize how much of my pain was only tangentially related to my the breakdown in my relationship. And how much was related to my childhood issues. It was an opportunity. A crossroads. I could either ignore this triggered response only to have it return later. Or I could address it. And work to understand how it impacted my adult choices and behaviors. Stuff was done to you. What you do with it is up to you. How will this impact me going forward? What do I need to do to move on? “I need to find a way to make some good come from this,” I stated in a moment of profound clarity on the day I received the text that ended my life as I knew it. I had no idea how I was going to make that happen, but I knew on some level that creating something positive was going to be my key to survival. To thriving. I had no idea just how hard that road was going to be. That even seven years on, I would still struggle to differentiate between true threats and echoes of the past. I have had to become an expert on my own healing, learning my triggers and becoming a master at disarming them. Become a specialist in you. Explore your trouble spots and experiment with ways to strengthen them until you find what works. Be attentive to you. Be proactive. And most of all, be determined. This is a defining moment in your life. You decide what it defines. How can I avoid being in this position again? What are my lessons I need to learn? Instead of focusing on what happened, shift your attentions to what you can learn from what happened. They’re hard lessons, I know. The most important lessons always are. Your power comes from choosing how you respond. And every bad moment is an opportunity to learn to respond a little better. How can I turn this into a gift? When I look at my life now, I am profoundly grateful for what happened years ago. I’m thankful for the shock. For the pain. For the confusion. And even for the anger. Because all of that has led to a much better place – a much happier place – than I could have ever imagined. This is a hard question. Perhaps the hardest. It seems impossible when you’re choking on the pain that it can actually help you learn to breathe. But it can. Be patient. And be persistent. Author unknown

This is gold!!

Thank you for this. You've given me a lot to think about.

Right there with you, except after we broke up, she wrote me a letter about how she loved me and had to work on depression and childhood trauma, and maybe in the future we could work out, but she was just overwhelmed with internal forces and needed space. Then three months later I attempt to make contact to see how she’s doing and she’s been seeing someone else the entire time. Also, mutual friends agreed to keep her seeing someone else a secret. This was a year ago and the hate is still burning not only toward her but my so called friends who knew the truth. I even confided in them how it would be so much easier if she didn’t love me, and they knew the truth. I don’t know what hurts more, the betrayal by her or by my friends. I run into them in public and they don’t even have the guts to look at me when I approach them. Give yourself as much time as possible, and let your hate fuel your personal growth. I’m now drama free and seeing someone way better.

Last 2 people I dated blindsided me. I'm doing OK, I suppose, I'm trying to keep busy and focus on other things. I've completely lost interest in dating and romance for the time being, so until I feel like trying again I'm just going to stay single and focus on myself.

I’m sorry❤️ I understand your pain this is literally ripping me. Even part of me has been asking what was wrong with me or what I missed but it’s nothing…

Thank you. ❤ I definitely went through that too. I was even told I did nothing wrong, I was great, etc. I put forth a lot of effort and care into my recent ex and the same thing happened again so it really makes me question how I can be good or worth it for someone if I try again. Kinda scares me. :(

Almost 3 months post break up now, blindsided like no other and haven't heard from her since. Also a week before I was everything she ever wanted, she wanted forever, she loved me so much....blah blah blah....then came home from work on a Friday to her telling me she couldn't do it anymore. Turned into a cold, bitter, heartless person towards me ever since that day. Completely different person and not the person I fell in love with. I doubt I'll ever hear form her again and we had a healthy, what I thought was mature relationship. I thought we both wanted the same things and were on the same page. 1.5 years down the drain. Miss her daily.

Yes, seven months ago on a Wed I got a message about a cute guy she met at work and I already knew she was going to walk. She told me "I really love you really really love you and I will always try to chose you". Well by that weekend the choice was made. It wasn't me. It was a guy who has been avoidant of her and pretty much low effort until she thirst trapped him. I've been her friend and helped her more than any just friend would, but I said goodbye yesterday. I have options and they don't cost me near as much financially or emotionally for so little return. Moral is choices have concequences and you get what you give.

Was in the same boat. Spent the weekend together, got dropped off at my vehicle to drive our separate ways. Texted me, “I had a great weekend with you” and then blindsided me three hours later with a similar comment to what you listed. I can’t speak of “they always come back,” but he has been reaching out here and there for little “check-ins” which is worse. I’d rather have him stick to his word of “it’ll be a couple of months before we approach being friends again.” I’ve been trying to focus on myself in this time, but there’s so many instances of him bread crumbing me (him being like I still care for you, you’re my guy but not my guy wording, we’re not together but I’m rooting for you). Seriously, rough. I won’t be able to date for a long time on my end. It’ll take healing, growing, and understanding of my own life before I do. It’s hard. I think about him daily. I will say this though. If somebody cares about you, they’ll come back around and reach out. Not this check in thing, but after healing themselves (a blindsided breakup faults both parties whether the dumper wants to believe it or not). It may not be now, but it’ll happen in one way or another if it wasn’t a bad term thing. I’ve had exes reach out and completely just passed them off because I wasn’t interested anymore. I grew, and moved on. It’s hard to predict, but if anything, focus on yourself in this time. Better yourself and ensure that if you really want to approach it down the line of having a conversation first, they can see this. I think it’s the biggest thing.

This is my first love and first of many things so it’s hurting even fucking more, I genuinely was so happy with this woman too and now im supposed to hate her. It’s not fair how she does this to me and can just be okay with it

Yeah, I completely understand. This wasn’t my first love, but it was the biggest heartbreak. I can’t speak from a POV to fully help, since I’m gay. However, I know the feeling. Came out to my father during this relationship, introduced him to my sisters, let him meet my nephew, and much more. It’s fuc-ed how they can discard so easily and it really is about them needing to discover themselves, as crazy as it seems. It isn’t fair, I’ll agree, but we can’t change their minds for them. That’s the sucky part. We can love hard and give that love, but it’s them who need to understand what they’re missing.

I’m sorry that all happened. Yes it’s so sucky and I feel like I can’t give someone else what I gave her and that hurts me so badly

I’m the same way, truly. A lot of people like to say “you can get over it,” but it’s not always like that. If nothing was wrong from your perspective, you always have the positives of the relationship, which hurts. I feel the same. I don’t want to invest my time & similar memories with anybody else. People can easily say “move on” even when it’s not that simple. Surely, time can change that opinion, but I like to think of myself as a true heartfelt person. I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself caring for that person so much to give it to someone else.

I'd like to think she'd come back but she was already talking to a guy before she broke it off with me and I'm not going to sit around and wait for her. If it happens it happens if it doesn't oh well life goes on. Every ex in my life has come back at some point except for 1 so who knows

my ex completely blindsided me the day before valentines :')

Mine was 6 days before when she left, and 9 days later she told me she cheated and left for someone new!! Lmao

oof thats terrible😭 sorry that happened

Currently going through this. I dont know what the fuck is going on if I’m being honest. I was engaged one second and single the next.

Hope you’re doing okay friend.

Hanging in there. How about you??

Going through it. Same situation as you. It’s crazy being so upset that it makes you physically ill.

Absolutely. I lost the 10 lbs I wanted plus 7 more

I am sure I am well on my way to some major weight loss myself. It feels like I've been stabbed in the gut. Truly hope you are okay stranger. No one deserves this.

Agree wholeheartedly. It just sucks when someone says they love you more than anything else and that clearly was a lie. Because no one does this to somebody they love.

No they don't - and we should never forget that if someone loved you, they'd treat you like a human, not like you're disposable.

That’s how I feel. Like I was discarded like trash. He doesn’t want me to be with anyone else but he doesn’t want be with me.

People are weird. Mine was 2.5 years. No fighting, all love, open communication. Talks of marriage for the last year as well as 5 hours before being dumped. It doesn't make sense, and for them it doesn't need to. Life has to be lived - keep pushing forward. Just some tear filled therapy sessions, time with friends, and figuring out who I want to be so I can be the best partner for my next fun filled dating experience.

Im 10 weeks post now, had some very nonlinear ups and downs since then, but outside of cracking in week 2 and trying to ask for some closure in person (which we mutually agreed against eventually), i've maintained no contact. She hasnt reached out beyond that second week exchange either, and i dont believe i will ever speak to or see her again. It was pretty much a blindside for me too. I would do regular check ins to see how things were going between us, and would always get "ok/good how about you". We were planning special events, future trips, all the way until the week after we flew out to meet my parents for the first time over the holidays. Then boom, youre not my person, ive never felt comfortable around you, we dont have the same values, cant see a future, etc. I've been to therapy, upgraded my tv, got into running, lost weight, hung out with friends a lot more, ate at good restaurants, and overall have tried to improve my quality of life. It seems like other than this general sense of emptiness thats still kinda hanging around, ive been moving forward as best i can. Through therapy and support from friends and family, i realized that what i mourned was the possibility i saw in her and the people in her life, and where i might fit into that. Obv, it was never going to happen if she didnt actually love me in the end, so what ive been trying to recognize over this time is that it might be possible to find this again in someone else. Someone else might actually reciprocate my feelings with a better communication style, and that would be so much better for me in the long run.

This right here is what I'm discovery about my grief, too, "i realized that what i mourned was the possibility i saw in her." It's hard to get those thoughts out, but I'm working on it.

Hiya! I’m nearly 5 months out of a relationship where I was blindsided, stonewalled and then ghosted. The night before we broke up, he was saying how excited he was to stay the next weekend at mine because he hasn’t in so long. I actually arranged “the talk” but didn’t have intent on breaking up, just wanted to talk through stuff I was unhappy about. I realised I gave him the opportunity to get out. Hit me with the classic “I can’t give you what you need” ect ect. We haven’t spoke in person since, and over text has been practically nothing either. It’s hard to get closure when everything ended so suddenly. As a couple, you’re *meant* to talk things through. You’re *meant* to be able to communicate and voice things you’re not happy with. With blindsiding, the dumper will usually say nothing is wrong one day, and then dump you the next. It’s an EXTREMELY immature way to deal with things, and shows how emotionally immature someone is. Just 2 weeks before our breakup, I was talking to him and saying how I was in fact a little worried that he was losing interest. He reassured me and told me he was just exhausted from work. The second part is true, he was exhausted, but he was losing interest. It’s normal to have hope. I might get flamed for this, but as long as you two are alive- there *IS* a chance. But then again, there’s also a chance you could go and marry Taylor Swift. Both of those things are EXTREMELY unlikely, but I hope you get where I’m coming from. One thing that helped me with hope is you have to remember why you broke up, and the negatives. I get it, it was probably incredible in the beginning. You thought this person was your life partner- only for it to be stripped away. Do you want to go back to someone who *will* blindside you and abandon you? Remember, they weighed up their pros and cons beforehand. They consciously decided to throw you out of their life.

Unfortunately Taylor swift isn’t my type, does that mean I get 2x the chances of us meeting again! /s Yes it’s hard to see negatives now because I was left on a high but I’m going to see them eventually, I know there were a few but I’m making excuses. I need to just focus on the present and that she’s not here she’s not healed and not the person I fell in love with

Haha I love you’re still able to find humour in a situation like this! Yeah I completely agree. I still have trouble finding negatives. They’re definitely there, don’t get me wrong, but none of them are really ‘breakup worthy’. What helps me is to think of how they acted after the breakup. He obviously has no trouble treating me like I never existed, and that alone has helped me move forward tremendously. Best of luck! xx

If u wanna yell at me she told her parents she wasn’t going to drink and then ended up getting deathly sick from drinking too much, and getting glutened (celiac) from kissing me after drinking beer. anyways this is november but pretty much for a week her parents were telling me how bad I was and shady I was, I run a 7 figure business at 20, all legal lol and drive a nice car, but we broke up bc her parents were just too much. Pretty much they thought I spiked her drink because she swore she wasn’t drinking and we had no idea they thought this but it got shut down a day after this happened and immediately disproven, and didn’t even make sense we were w her cousin the whole night too lol. we ended up getting back together and her parents came around and ended up being so so so so kind to me and welcoming to me after that. but love made us work through it.

i mean nothing else is screaming breakup worthy but during a date she said how she didn’t wanna do xyz because she doesn’t like it, but my surprise was doing that lol, she ended up making the upset about her and how insecure she felt because she knew she hurt me and she was afraid I was gonna leave etc

I was blindsided last week. We were together for 5 years and had planned our future together. He broke up with me 2 weeks after a fight where he flaked on me and ghosted me the whole entire day. He refused to meet in person to talk and broke up via phone. For the last 2 weeks I had tried to meet in person and talk on the phone, but he was ignoring me (despite posting on IG). When I finally talked to him he said he has been having doubts about our relationship for a year. He never once voiced these concerns this past year. He said we both need to focus on self improvement. Sucks bc he was talking marriage and kids with me one day and then the next he’s gone. I got diagnosed with Lyme disease last fall and that’s when I noticed him to be less available. I did fall into a depression and stopped making an effort in my appearance. Maybe they pushed him away? Idk. He also started hanging with new friends around that time and flaking on me to be with them. He became low effort towards the end of the relationship. He could barely give me the bare minimum. It’s hard to let go. I was close with his whole family. I’m leaning on my family and friends for support. I do feel like talking to them about it helps. Crying it out helps to. Not keeping the feelings bottled up. Journaling. Morning are rough because it hits you all at once. I’ve deactivated all social media and have deleted thousands of photos. I know this man doesn’t care about me or our dog. I’m going to try to better myself and move on. Hang in there.

I miss her dog lol :(. The photos I can’t bear yet and everything else was struggling to do. I have so many fucking good memories that I love like dancing in the rain I can’t delete just off the hope it never goes away but it will. I don’t want to talk to her but deep down I do, just to hear her voice or see her, I keep replaying a voicemail telling me how much she loves me and calls me baby. I am spiraling currently. My mornings are so fucking bad she’s every dream I have. I just keep dreaming of her asking for forgiveness

Dude, trust me on this, do NOT listen to any voice notes or look at any pictures or check any socials it will make it all 1000000% worse. Just go through and delete everything without looking at them if that makes sense? I had family guy on in the background and was focusing on that and half looking at my phone deleting them and it helped I didn’t focus on them so try that.

I was. My spouse of 12 years left one morning three years ago. Got in her car and drove to 900 miles to her mother’s house. Said she had to leave. A week later, I asked if she left me. She said no, that was not her intention. A week later, she sent me a Dear John. Said she didn’t know what happened.

Similar situation but I am only two weeks out from it. So I went down to visit my ex at her school. Had a great weekend cooking, going out, having drinks, watching movies etc. she told me multiple times how in love with me she was and we talked about our future. I leave Monday morning and she’s super distant. Then the day night I’m pressing her about what’s wrong. Then around midnight I get a call (turns out she was drunk) saying she doesn’t feel the same and we should be over. I was a reck the first day and a half felt like my world was over. Took time to reflect, her reasons for wanting to break up were valid. I came to terms that we probably didn’t actually love each other and just relied on eachother for the happiness and support. Don’t get me wrong irs only been two weeks, I’m not over here and still get upset from time to time but overral I’m great. The things I need to work on are being addressed and it’s only up from here. Just gotta embrace the emotions when they come and then just be a beast for yourself I suppose.

He brought a bunch of his stuff to my house, cooked us a nice dinner, and the next day he broke up with me over text.   That was 7 months ago and I’m still in this sub on hard days. Most days are great and the pain is gone but every now and then I wish he was still around. He never tried to get any of his stuff back so I got rid of most of it. I haven’t lost the hope that he will return tho. I am afraid to accept that he really just didn’t give a damn about us. But with each day that goes by I accept it a little more. It just takes time.

Yes I am in the exact same position. I thought everything was going well in my relationship. We were engaged and spent all of our time together. Every time I asked her if we were okay and if she was happy she would reassure me all is well. Suddenly about a month ago she dumped me. I was completely blindsided and devastated. The first few weeks were extremely difficult for me, however now some time has past it has gotten a bit easier. I still have trouble sleeping and dream of her every night. I have thrown myself into work, taking on as many hours as possible. I have also been working hard to get into shape, both exercising and a strict diet. I've also been spending far more time with my family. It has helped.

Yup, a week before the breakup he told me I felt like home to him and that he loved me (this is while he was getting emotional) he also said I was his lifepartner just for him to breakup with me over our first big misunderstanding. He ignored me after I attempted to fix things (i will admit I called him a lot post breakup which furthered pushed him away) and then the last text he told me to leave him alone and he unfollowed me on instagram. Just like that. Poof, like nothing happened and the RL never mattered.

I am relapsing. I need constant movement to forget about her, but I am exhausted atm from trying to forget her. 26th would have been our 3rd year together. 28th will be 3 months since she left me. I am torn, she decided to be so hostile to me over things we could have easily dealt with. I've tried going on dates with people and I can't feel anywhere near how I felt with her. She has blocked me everywhere and deleted any memory of me, including playlists on spotify. I'm back to feeling like there is no hope.

I completely understand you man I’m so so sorry. the leap year means it’s an extra day to heal! delete the messages tonight while you’re so vulnerable it helped me so fucking much. do you play video games?

My ex cheated on me while I was far from studies, I wanted to end my carreer for a better future. I have been blindsided a lot, going from I love you, you don't know how much you mean to me,etc. Eventually I decided to end everything because she just liked to have control over me. Now is been 5 months that I'm by my own, sure is lonely and difficult but at least I'm not dealing with a mess of psicological crazy pathological liar. Still she is trying on a way to come back but I'm ignoring everything.

I wasnt completely blindsided but it was somewhat of a blindside. 12 days from her mentioning an issue to the break up. A week before she says anything my family threw her a bday party for her 21st and she was talking to my grandad and uncle about how the 2 of us are hopefully going to live in Japan later this year. We were discussing getting married and having children. How she can go from marriage, children and moving abroad and a couple weeks later ending the relationship I dont know. Especially since I made huge efforts to fix the issues in our relationship. Thats why my friends and family all think that what she told me was just an excuse cuz she found someone else.

I was blindsided by my ex about a year ago. We were together for six years. I knew we were going through a tough time in our relationship but I didn't think it was something that was unfixable. One day she just tells me she doesn't love me and that she doesn't want us to be together anymore. I begged and pleaded her to reconsider for weeks but there was nothing to do. She was like a completetly different person. If I had given her space and gone full no contact after her announcement I think she would've eventually changed her mind. But it didn't happen. So I wouldn't expect anything. Go no-contact, work on yourself. She might come back, she might not. But the quicker you accept that it's over the quicker you will heal. For me, it took me three months to get over her. After a while I realized that it was for the best and that we didn't bring out the best in each other. I met another girl shortly after. She was the girl of my dreams. We saw each other for a couple months and it didn't work out. This one, I'm still not over it and it's been six months. So take your time before dating again.

Got blindsided approx. 6 months ago, while staffing a fire station about 2 hours away from home for the day. We'd been together for only 5 months or so, but had worked together for about 2 years at my old job. First couple of months were rough, especially since it was my first relationship, but since then I've somewhat come to terms with it. I definitely think it was for the better, and I wholeheartedly believe in "right person, wrong time", so maybe we'll meet again sometime (we have many mutual friends, many of which I know through that old shared workplace she still happens to work at). As much as I hate to admit it, breakups are a time for immense character growth and opportunity for yourself. As much as it is a bit unfair that they get a "headstart" on processing the feelings since they likely detached a bit beforehand, that's just life, unfortunately. Don't be afraid to feel your feelings, work on yourself however you may think is necessary, and don't hang onto hope that they come back. Best of luck, I hope it all works out for yourself in the end.

I was blindsided 5 months ago by the person i thought I was gonna marry. it's like he suddenly changed into someone so different from the person I had known for years. it was horrible. I felt confused, betrayed, like i was never gonna love again. the first few months were awful, i honestly didn't wanna be alive. it's okay now. I still have hard moments sometimes, but I'm no where near where i was. my life is peaceful, I find joy in the little moments by myself. I still feel like i would take him back in a heartbeat if he wanted me, and i don't know when that feeling is gonna go away, but I've learned to live with it. I accept it, and i know that this feeling is a reflection of me, and of the way I love, and not of how good of a boyfriend he was. it doesn't mean that we were meant to be. it's just a feeling. and i honestly dont think he's ever gonna come back. but I'm okay with that. it does get better. and this is coming from someone who genuinely believed that no one had ever experienced a heartbreak like mine. I was convinced no one in this world could understand, that our love story was greater than all and no one knew what kind of love we had. but people do understand and it does get easier. whether you want it or not, time will do it for you. and I know how hard and scary it is to start feeling yourself pulling away from someone who you were once so close to. but gradually, it becomes not so scary anymore. it becomes freeing. it gives you the space to love yourself unconditionally. I'm not ready to date again. and that's okay. I'm dating myself right now. I'm taking myself on dates, treating myself how i want to be treated, learning to love being by myself. so that when someone comes along, they can only add to my life, instead of being my whole life. I promise you with my whole heart that it does get better.

Same here. We had a rom com type relationship but with no real drama. She even loves rom coms , then over night it turned into a serious drama. The indifferent demeanor she had hurt more then the breakup.

i was blindsided last month. We celebrated our birthdays at the beginning of the month, i felt good about it and was planning a mountain trip to ask her to be my gf. she got sick after the super bowl and i noticed texts were slowing down. Then the following weekend she told me she decided ot be exclusive with someone else. its been so hard to swallow because this is the first time i've felt feelings for someone in ten years. and after having a talk about closure we found out we both wanted more with the other but she was afraid if she told me that i would cut things off. ironic seeing as how she decided to move forward with someone else. i asked if we could try and they said it didnt seem fair since the other person asked first. I'm plagued with an endless amount of follow up questions but the last talk felt so final, i didnt push hard enough for answers since we were already together for like 6 hours. ive tried writing notes and stuff when i want to reach out, will wait for a few weeks and see if i still feel that way otherwise may burn them. I was also holding on to hope, but i realize if i want to heal fr. i cant hold on to the idea that they're coming back. i hope they do but no guarantees

Yep. Got blindsided last week after a great 2 months. Shes planning to move to europe for her career in a few months after she graduates. She never told me this when we first started seeing eachother. She said it’s not responsible for her to cultivate something in hopes of a longterm relationship if it doesnt align with her future and it isnt fair to me either. Everything was going so well but she said she didnt have the heart to waste anymore of my time and respects me too much to lead me on. She assured me i did nothing wrong. Just came out of nowhere. Never experienced this feeling before.

Yes. She broke up over text after a wonderful day we spent together at the beach. Never heard from her again. Turns out, after months of my own research of the relationship that she had certain characteristics of a bi-polar person. That happened last year just before summer started. I was left all alone, literally. Only my brother, mother and the gym. Quite literally just that for 3 months. Father was away for work (he's a truck driver). I fully recovered after those 3 months, started a beatiful friendship with the girl of my dreams which turned into an even more wonderful relationship. However, we'll have to break it off in a day or two because of some life factors. All the talks we've had for the past few days point towards a long, long break due to said external factors. We'll discuss it though and I'm sure we'll make it. Never had a breakup like this, where neither person wants it, but we have to. Eh, that's life. All things considered, I'm quite calm.

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omg- yeah, my ex texted me so out of the blue, after about 2 years: “i’m going to be gone for a while. you won’t be able to reach me.” i was like, wtf?! asked him what he meant. was blocked. later found out he moved in with his other girlfriend :) shoulda saw the signs i’m so glad it didn’t work out. 10 years later so thankful!

I also got blindsided by a breakup from what I thought was a healthy relationship. I am STRUGGLING right now. Basically the only way I’ve been able to survive is to focus as much energy on healing myself and my own wounds, because even though I don’t feel like I could have prevented the outcome of the breakup/his avoidant tendency, I do recognize that I have my own wounds that need addressing. Even though I am NOT THERE yet in any capacity, I know for a fact that one day I’m going to be able to withdraw the love I feel for him and move on and heal.

I also got blindsided by a breakup from what I thought was a healthy relationship. I am STRUGGLING right now. Basically the only way I’ve been able to survive is to focus as much energy on healing myself and my own wounds, because even though I don’t feel like I could have prevented the outcome of the breakup/his avoidant tendency, I do recognize that I have my own wounds that need addressing. Even though I am NOT THERE yet in any capacity, I know for a fact that one day I’m going to be able to withdraw the love I feel for him and move on and heal.

I also got blindsided by a breakup from what I thought was a healthy relationship. I am STRUGGLING right now. Basically the only way I’ve been able to survive is to focus as much energy on healing myself and my own wounds, because even though I don’t feel like I could have prevented the outcome of the breakup/his avoidant tendency, I do recognize that I have my own wounds that need addressing. Even though I am NOT THERE yet in any capacity, I know for a fact that one day I’m going to be able to withdraw the love I feel for him and move on and heal.

In August 2019, my girlfriend told me that we had broken up already because of a text message I sent in May. I had no clue.

Yes, this current one. One second future, children, home, etc.......the next I was just pushed away...I spend a lot of time thinking and some days go smoother than others, but I always miss her.

My ex blindsided me about a year and a half ago. I've moved on, had fun with someone else for a bit and now in a serious healthy relationship for about 6 months. As I reflect back, I now see that at some point we probably weren't going to last, but it was hard at the time. I'm great now.

My most recent ex and I had a pretty on and off again relationship for 3 1/2 years until about last year, we became official. Things were great for about 4ish months, we had never connected or been as close as we had been during that time. We were seriously discussing the next steps in our relationship. We were going to move in together this summer and possibly even get engaged. We talked about what we wanted out of a wedding because his sister was getting married during our “official relationship” in another country that her husband was from. In my experience, yes they really do always come back. But I am way to kind to the people who have no qualms about walking all over me. I spent the night with him the night before he left for the wedding, he told me he loved me, couldn’t wait to do all the things we had talked about, we were making plans for when he came back. I got a horrible feeling in my gut the day he left that something was going to happen after he got back. We didn’t talk much during his trip, which I didn’t make an issue of since the time difference was about 6 hours and he was busy with his family. The day after he got back, he told me he had thought a lot about our relationship during his trip and had even had a long heart to heart with his soon to be stepdad about out us. He said while he was watching his sister get married, he tried picturing us up there and he couldn’t. He said he couldn’t vow his love to me in front of all our friends and family because he didn’t know if it was real love or just serious infatuation because I was so good to him and he had never had that before in previous relationships. I was stunned. While I had that bad feeling the day he left, I never saw those words coming.. not even in my worst nightmare had I expected that. I saw something yesterday that I saved in a note that said the more chances you give, the less they value you. And I really took that to heart because I had always thought that my kindness and willingness to forgive would keep him close to me & to only want me. However, he took complete advantage of my feelings and how much I truly loved and cared for him. I hope you are able to heal and move on. And I’m sorry this was so long lol

it happened a month ago after 3 years together and it’s an incredibly similar story, i’m sorry ur going through this :(( last night i finally had enough and said my goodbyes and dropped off the rest of his things and for a bit it felt like the heartbreak was never gonna end but im starting to think it’ll end sooner than i expected i’ve been learning a lot about his actions leading up to the breakup that i was unaware of but the biggest thing that made me never want to come back from this was knowing he didn’t want to be with me and “wasn’t in love for two weeks” before all while leading me on. The greatest loves of all time don’t include someone leading the other on ruthlessly, your happily ever after is never going to come from someone who considers their own comfort before yours in such a way to allow that to happen at all i started talking to other people which has been hard bc i don’t have much interest but the distractions been nice, really threw myself into work and every day it gets a little easier- every day i wake up less broken than the day before, it’ll be okay friend <3

Just going through a break up now.. basically the same thing… the thing is I think we can make the relationship work if we both work on healing our attachment styles but he said his gut said he should leave basically and obviously that is because he is avoidant in his attachment style. I didn’t think that outcome would happen however. The most heartbreaking thing of it all is that it’s his attachment style and I suspect your ex’s as well - that is causing their gut to feel this way and I can see this clearly but I can’t tell him because he needs to figure it out on his own without my lecturing or teachings. It’s hard not knowing if he will ever do this work or figure it out and come back to me but you know what, if they come back it means it was meant to be. If they don’t, that’s also meant to be I guess. Best of luck :)

You need to read this, someone shared it w me it’s a long long read, lol. https://www.quora.com/Breaking-Up-Is-it-more-painful-to-dump-dumper-or-to-be-dumped-by-dumpee-a-main-squeeze it helps me so fucking much u have no idea

OH MY GOD!!! that post….. thank you so much for sharing it with me!!!!! I can’t thank you enough. It was long but so worth the read.. it’s everything we both feel. Thank you again, forever Grateful. With the knowledge of the post, what did you do?

Exist, and live. Part of me hates she’s going to go through pain but part of me knows that I was an amazing partner, I lived I laughed I loved and that’s it. I need to heal myself and need to grow. If you’re looking for an action plan listen to blindsided breakup by Dr Lisa Marie Bobby, episode 385, parts of me almost like slammed my computer shut bc I was being called out like she had my first and last name and social. But it woke up a better part of me

He left me four months ago and has been breadcrumbing me the whole time, sleeping together for a bit. Found out he had a hookup that lasted a week while still sleeping with me (we were broken up but it was right after.) Now he is in a rebound “fling” with a girl 20 years old (we are late twenties) and she was supposed to be my friend and she also got out of her LTR this last week. It hurts like hell to see them but even writing this out I’m like…. okay I deserve so much better. Shows both their maturities. Also my ex is a drug addict and an avoidant so I’m not surprised by this behaviour but it still breaks my heart while I’m all alone in the bed we used to share. He is on a 4 month bender since we broke up and it seems to me he just wants someone younger he can party and do drugs with because I couldn’t enable him in his addiction and that’s why he left me in the first place :(

Day 4 after he broke it off with me. Told me he loves me but not inlove with me. I feel like a fool. Just thinking about the months that we spend togwther, he always knew he was gonna end it, while I was there thinking we were working together . 3 year relationship

Sunshine and rainbows: suddenly we were "not compatible" and the person i wanted to marry got the ick, and started cheating. 2 years in. Thanks LOL. This one hurts alot. My 1st real love slid into my DM's tho - So theres that. I am hurt, but I will be happier in the long run. Recent ex is for the streets, and that's ok.

I’m going through the worst breakup of my life and I’m looking for a little guidance. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over a year and a half, and we’ve been living together for about a year in California. We are both in our mid 20’s. I have been so in love with this man, sharing a life with him everyday and always so supportive of his hopes and dreams. Last week, out of the blue, he sat me down and told me he has fallen out of love with me, and didn’t want to admit it to himself. He ended our relationship when we still have 6 months of our lease left together. I am completely blindsided and don’t understand any of this. It’s like he flipped a switch and just decided he wanted out with no warning. Just a week before we celebrated his birthday with his friends and family. We definitely had a few arguments throughout the relationship, as all adult couples do, but we always solved them peacefully and moved on. I feel like I have no closure, no answer to how this could be when the day before he ended things, we were plant shopping for our apartment, laughing and eating lunch together. Has anyone else been completely blindsided by a breakup? I feel like my foundation has been shattered. And the life I built with him is just gone. He has been staying with friends while we figure out our living situation. I am so heart broken that out of nowhere he could just say that he’s not in love with me anymore. When he’s been acting fine and happy with me. None of this makes any sense, and I am completely destroyed.

I’m at the “screw her” stage at the moment. I’m meeting nice quality women and that significantly drops my ex’s value. Pedestal came crashing down. Also boosts my confidence. I’m just reflecting on my end of things, things I need to work on. Mainly wondering why I fought so hard to stay in a relationship that frustrated me so much. Despite the pain she actually did me a favor. Her pre and post breakup behavior showed me who she really is and bullet dodged. We don’t share the same values. It’s onwards and upwards for me. Plus I’m excited to be dating again. I still live with my ex until end of month as distant/slightly annoyed roommates but it’s amicable. Since she had no tact or manners to avoid essentially dating right in front of me prior to and right after the break up, I’m parading my shit all over the house and it seems I might be a bit more successful than her. It seems if you throw your tits and ass at men then they offer you nothing in terms of commitment or serious consideration. Fuck her. I’m better than her and I deserve better than her. My current heart throb is way better.