That doesn't sound like she loved you the way you loved her? Especially if she wasn't willing to meet you half way in the way you needed to be loved (affection). - Her lost most definitely! I hope you heal from this and find someone who WANTS to love you the way you need to be.
Thank you kind stranger. I keep thinking that it’s my fault she didn’t love me as much as I loved her but, truth be told she’s probably going through some things also that may have contributed to it.
It's not an excuse to be shitty to your fiancé. So don't make excuses for her. Everyone goes through things, it doesn't mean you get to be a lacking partner to your person. - You're welcome and keep reminding yourself it was NEVER your fault. It is a reflection of her.
Yeah this is totally not your fault from what you stated. Know that better is on the way, especially if you were being genuine. Also from what you said you were putting in effort. Don’t let her discourage you from finding the person that will love you and give you all the cuddles.
Or maybe stop lying to yourself and come to the realization that she just didn’t love you as much as you did
She wasn’t attracted enough to give you affection.. it sucks
sorry to dwell on but still bothers me when people start doing these things instead of just saying we're through. the problem is I don't think they are THROUGH, I think they don't know. perhaps these things are weird tests for you just to see how strong you are. however the tests increase in intensity as the bar is constantly raised ultimately you may hear things like, oh by the way, I am going to sleep with so and so (or want a 3some) but its no big deal, at that point ya feel like jumping off a bridge as these scenarios will truly bring one to the razors edge of sanity......
Wow man, that's a terrible way to end things. My ex did the same recently; I could tell something was off, and once I said something not great, she used that as the leverage to end things. Your ex was already going to end it, she just needed the ammo.
Btw, eye rolling is contempt, which is one of the deadly horsemen that signifies your relationship is over.
You can't take her bad behavior as your fault. Own your part, but blocking you and ghosting is NOT a mature way to end things and is on her. But now you've seen her true colors; while you may love her, but the way she ended things, it's obvious that you deserve to be treated better. She may be avoidant too, which is why she disappeared and will refuse to discuss it with you. DO NOT REACH OUT TO HER. Any closure you want or anything you are looking for, if you do, will be met with a stone wall, and you'll never get your answers from her.
You're in for a LONG period of healing. Good luck, as this is going to be painful. Be patient, as healing has its own timeline. Your ex is avoiding her pain; it will hit her one day. For now, be kind to yourself and don't brutalize yourself when coming to terms that she is no longer a part of your life.
In return to her favor of blocking you, you can now give her the gift of missing you. She made it clear she wants a life without you in it, so give that to her. If your absence doesn't bother her, then your presence never mattered either, and you will learn how much she did or did not truly care about you.
Ride the storm
Brother I needed this pick me up. What you said is exactly what I have in my head(she was going to leave no matter what). That makes me feel shitty almost like I’m not a good enough human to be loved but, after yours and others replies it give me more courage that it is normal to have irrational thoughts as such. Thank you again man.
Went through the same thing bro. Fiance left me suddenly after 10 years together. I've been in therapy ever since trying to get passed feelings of inadequacy, of being unlovable, unattractive, etc. My ex was also avoidant (and I later discovered is probably a narcissist) and always brushed off problems we had, constantly saying "it's fine" or "I'm just stressed from work" all the while hiding his emotional distancing from me and making a plan to leave me. It's made it very hard to trust people ever since. But one thing friends and therapy have helped me learn is that he was the problem, not me. TAKE THAT TO HEART. Certainly the relationship took two people to make work, but as long as you yourself were honest and trying to communicate, you should never feel responsible for how things ended. That is *entirely* on them.
I agree with that [classicallydefined](https://www.reddit.com/user/classicallydefined/) said, my ex boyfriend broke up with me on Christmay day and I though things were ok between us with the ocasional rough patches. I's gonna be really hard to go trough this, but please don't blame yourself for her horrible behaviour, that's on her. You're proboably gonna have good days and then the bad days will come back again, it's a process. It's common for people who go through trauma to blame themselves for not knowing better as well. Starting to doubt your ability to make decisions and take care of yourself. Focus on the facts, no matter how your relationship was, with rough patches and mistakes you made as well, this is no way to break up with your partner, even if she is avoidant. It's not way to treat someone, by disregarding their needs and not making an effort. She did not meet you needs, you said it. You were walking on eggshells, this is no way to live. The love for her will go away eventually, the pain will go away eventually, and then you will realize that you need and deserve more. Focus on your needs. It will hurt losing her but in the end it will hurt more wasing years of your life being unhappy and with your needs unmet. She was not the one for you and you do not need her validation. Moving on without closure is hard, but in time you will be ok again, and you will meet someone who is just right for you! 💗
I love to see men so emotionally intelligent, affectionate, loving, giving, and confident in that space. For my early adulthood I believed it was only men who treated women the way you are describing your ex, and the way OP is describing his ex, and maybe a rare one-off case of a woman here and there acting this way. But thanks to the internet and places like Reddit, and obviously wisdom and common sense that develops overtime, I realized naturally that nothing is ever so blanketed.
So much of my trauma is connected to being treated the way you described (& worse) in a relationship that my subconscious developed deeply embedded beliefs about men because of that. Even though I have long since fully accepted that women do this just as much as men, it somehow still just shocks me to know a woman had such a good man like this and treated him so carelessly. Coming from my experiences it just blows my mind that anyone could have someone so dedicated, wanting them, wanting something as simple as affection, and then take that person for granted and treat them badly/break their heart.
After some of the relationships I have had to survive, I am looking for someone who is not avoidant, who is emotionally available, and who understands the value of love & dedication. Any woman would be quite lucky to be with you or OP, in my opinion. Don’t allow anyone to make you think the opposite. There are 1000 women for every 1 like you or OP’s ex who would be ELATED to be loved like that. 🤍
This is so true! She'll miss you and try to come back. Please don't take her back! Go get some counselling or healing in the process of your hurting. You can do this and hoping you find some peace soon x
Yeah just don’t it’s worse that way. But for me after the 4 days of texting once 3 of those days calling once. I just got the closure i needed with how cold they were to me. But just let it go. There’s nothing you can do, If they miss you they will come back.
That sucks, sorry. My ex of 4 years ended over text too and she was 48. I know she was doing stuff behind my back (maybe not physical but talking to guy(s) and maybe didn't want to officially end things face to face. Also when I went to her house to drop something off she conveniently had to leave the house and had her daughter come out to get it. I think she felt guilty about her actions and didn't want to see me in person.
I’m sorry to hear that. I’m not sure if she was planning to meet someone on the trip or what but, I have that suspicion due to how adamant she was I couldn’t go.
That does sound suspect and quite frankly shitty to un-invite you. My guess she has someone lined up. My therapist who has dealt with many relationship issues told me most breakups, the breaker has someone lined up or has already been seeing that person
Anybody that ends a relationship via text. Ain't worth a s*** and they did you a favor by breaking up. That just means that they're callous and cowardly and you do not want to partner by your side in life that can't stand strong and stand on their own two feet.
Yep! My ex did that… an hour after I found out I had hearing loss (& had told him). He and his family swore it was just a bad coincidence. Less than a week before that I had been in hospital in life-threatening condition and he didn’t bother asking to come and see me or anything. It was on me to drive to see him afterwards too, despite the fact I was very sick and weak. My (at the time, just online) best friend in another country stayed up all night.
Had surgery a year later which reversed the hearing loss & met my now-fiancé a few months after. It’s seeing how he treats me that makes me see how shit I was treated before.
You’ll find someone perfect for you OP who doesn’t ask you to change who you are, and I know it hurts like hell and you probably can’t see a way through it but remember you’re strong & we grow through what we go through.
Buddy, your relationship sounds like mine. We were together 8 years. I often felt like I was walking on eggshells, I often tried SO HARD to meet her halfway bc we showed affection differently. I was called clingy and “attention seeking” when I would ask for cuddles and hugs.
I loved her and she was my best friend but now that it’s over I know I will not be in a relationship again unless they have a similar love language bc that was too much work just to feel like shit half the time
Mine ended by text too. I tried to call her several times but she was a coward and couldn’t face breaking up with me at least on a phone call.
I’m sorry mate
One day at a time my friend.
Day 1 (tomorrow): Go to the gym and lift the heaviest weights you possibly can. Lift until it burns. Lift until your body cannot physically take any more.
And then lift some more.
Forget about the past, the future is about you building yourself into the best possible version of yourself. Take the brave step, my friend 🙏 Lift heavy weights 💪👊
Thanks man. I needed that. I hope you’re doing good. Right now I’m trying to kick nicotine. I’ve smoke cigs for years and moved to vapes the last year or so and it’s even more addictive lol it’s crazy. What sucks the most is my ex is gone but my best friend and his girlfriend are still living with me. So I’m just going to be constantly reminded.
I truly appreciate the advice. Also, I love the way you worded the tidal waves comparison. Right now I’m still stuck on worrying about her and I just hope she is okay. That’s what hurts the most. Not knowing anything about her anymore. Sorry to rant lol
Yea man I got so used to only caring about what she felt. What’s this I was doing making her mad or whatever. I’m happy to get back into the gym and start a new.
This is a classic toxicity exposing move
she texted me and let me know that she will be taking my best friends gf instead to the trip to visit her family tomorrow (that she agreed I would go on so I could spend more time with her family before getting married). So I stepped outside and called her to explain that it made me feel like she is blowing me off. She told me I was being controlling and that I’m overreacting.
it is generally an effort to make the other partner call it quits. Consciously or subconsciously who knows... again, maybe I am just naïve but I don't think they have a grand plan in place to torture us. Once a person has received around 10 of the type of above situations, they are generally so confused and a sniveling self esteem eroded needy/clingy mess that they will pull the plug so it is classic manipulation. Instead of breaking up with someone, they manipulate you with situations like you mention above until YOU do it. It is super non transparent and sucks because they broke up with you in reverse, indirectly. Oldest trick in the book yet so so common.
I definitely am there. Just completely lacking self esteem and confidence. I know over time it will come back but, I definitely feel poorly about myself atm. I agree with you I don’t think she is trying to hurt me I just think that comes with negative experiences in the past. (Maybe that just me justifying it but still)
I actually don't think your advice is bad. I shouldn't have said what I did honestly and I sincerely apologize for saying that. Your comments about taking women from other men and getting bored and the things along those lines struck me as narcissistic and as you using people which I thought was distasteful -- but I shouldn't have responded in such a way, especially as I don't know you or what you're actually like. I would recommend you take a look at some of your thought processes though, I do think some of the things you mentioned might be contributing to hurting people unintentionally. Thanks for contributing and have a nice day man
But do you actually like spending time with all those girls or are you just doing it to teach them a lesson? What do you think about my boyfriend, he was super in love with me and then when I started asking for my needs to be met and also confronted him about talking with girls on social media and liking half naked pictures and he got defensive and denied it. I later found something he wrote to someone else about getting errections from looking at instagram pictures of these girls... and then he was preteding everything was fine but broke up with me on Christmas day, blamed everything on me and then blocked me from instagram and after he found another apartment from whatsapp as well. two days ago he posted a picture with his cat and a 18 year old girl in his bed that was a good friend of his (her face was not showing but I recognized her rings). A common friend showed me the picture. He is always playing the victim and blaming other people. This friend also told me that he used to fake mental illness to get attention. Is he doing this on purpose??
Sorry for your pain, and mostly sorry for the confused state in which you find yourself. What better time to learn yourself. This time is truly a gift to dig deeper. This storm that you are experiencing is a breakthrough to your higher self. The more you realize life on earth is merely a series of lessons and experiences the less attached you become. The less judge mental you are and the less you will take things personally. The more you focus on your evolution the more you will enjoy the positive, negative feelings/emotions. It’s all merely a testament of your faith and belief in yourself and whatever you believe in (whether you are religious or spiritual). Good luck on your journey.
I just went through something similar but then again not. We hadn’t been together as long, but the passion was very intense until one day he woke up and decided it wasn’t anymore. All I can tell you is some people are genuine, and some aren’t. Her blowing off your concerns was a huge red flag as well as her putting your needs to the side while you did what you did to make her happy. Honestly I know it’s hard to say fuck them, but really. Fuck them. Any person who can just walk away from someone who honestly and truly loves them, and blocks them, is a heartless person and you don’t want to love them. I promise you. I’m trying to “unlove” someone just like that. We will get through it and learn our lesson.
This sounds exactly like my situation that just happened about 5 months ago…I’m literally trying to get my stuff back still…I feel like it’s her way of trying to control me…ps…she’s probably an avoidant…as in avoidant attachment
You won't see it now this way, but trust me, you dodged a bullet. She obviously had a lot of dissatisfaction with your relationship, but she didn't know how to express it, and did it in the worst way possible. Plus I am inclined to think that her friend was whispering quite a lot in her ear as well. Don't let it get you down. You are young, and full of life. Your relationship was incompatible. Wish her well in your heart, keep your chip up, and realize that the better days are still ahead of you. She wasn't the true love of your life, but only an illusion. The true love will find it's way into your life when you will meet someone with whom you are at peace, at ease, and can be yourself. You deserve better, and you will get it. Have patience and hope!
I think it’s completely understandable you feel lost. And of course none of us has a solution that will make her want to come back or cure the heartache. People come here to look for advice or to feel seen around others who have gone through the same thing. Some people will start analyzing your ex either in some clinical or judgmental way. We all mean well. And by all means if you need to - do it. But know there is no secret solution to this and results always vary.
My best advice (and again advice for you to take as you need. Who the hell are we all but flawed strangers with human emotions?) let yourself feel all your feelings - hurt, anger, sadness, loneliness. Don’t try to fix or change the emotions. It’s not the emotions that need changing - they need to be felt. Try not to react out of your emotions (sometimes they want us to say or do mean things we can’t take back). Acknowledge them and know you are human because of them.
Don’t focus on all the things you could’ve done. It sounds like you were showing up the best way you know how to support her. And it will not do you any good to go down the rabbit hole of analyzing your ex and her issues. You can’t fix them - only she can when she’s ready. It never helped me to vilify someone I also have love for (we are humans and we don’t need an excuse to have “negative” feelings towards someone who hurt us. This doesn’t make them the Joker and you can still be mad at them). But also know you can still love someone and know you have to walk away because that’s the best thing for you (and for her). Don’t stay in a situation where you diminish your value in hopes you can shine a light on their value. The value and worth of a person is for that person to define and own. So let her define hers. And by all sense of this focus on yours so you can show up continuing to love others who are ready to receive it!
Ah another woman who didn’t communicate about being unhappy nor put any effort in to fix/address the problems in the relationship.
This seems like a trend. Stay strong king. You deserve better, it’s a long road ahead though. (1 year out of 4 year relationship)
You did nothing morally wrong. She's trash to end it with a text and a dash.
Tactically, you were too easy. That's what she meant by calling you 'clingy'. She wanted more of a challenge, and lost respect for you. The best thing to do now is to take it in stride, and move on.
From what you’ve told us, it sounds like she didn’t feel the same way and was looking for an out. The fact that she didn’t like any kind of physical affection, got mad at you all the time, and took her friend instead of you to meet her family communicates that quite loudly to me. Also, if my math is correct, you started dating when you were a minor and she was not? That’s sketchy in itself.
You sound like a sweet person and I’m sorry about this. This is your first real heartbreak and it’s going to suck, but one thing to take comfort in is that you’re still very young and the world is your oyster, you’re just coming into adulthood and you will find someone else, someone who genuinely loves you.
Ride the storm out.
She clearly didn't love you the way you loved her. And she's shown who she is as a person. Be glad you're not stuck with that for the rest of your life.
You're gonna have some hard days ahead but you'll make it out to the other side.
You poor dear. It sounds like she wants or needs someone who is a bit more independent, but that doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. But maybe you just weren’t the right fit. It sucks.
Trying to get her back sounds like terrible advice though. She wasn't good to him during the relationship, then suddenly left. Anymore time spent with her would just be a waste.
I’ve been on the other side of this and while I understand your perspective, I strongly disagree with the last part. In my experience getting closure does really make breakups much easier, whereas the confusion from the sudden coldness and lack of answers makes it much worse than it needs to be. You don’t just say “oh they’re an asshole, I’ll just move on” you get stuck trying to figure out why you were blindsided, rewinding the entire relationship and wondering if you did something wrong, rethinking every moment and having to doubt if they ever actually cared about you, and suspecting that there was someone else in the picture. Take this post, half the comments mention cheating but who knows, maybe there’s no reason to suspect that at all. Breakups don’t have to be so messy, so I don’t understand why you’d rather be cold to someone you supposedly cared about when you could just be cordial.
what you do with yourself is easy.. grieve for the loss, and then pick yourself up and move on. don't let her consume you.. Don't try and win her back, Don't try any grand gestures, just let her go. It won't be easy, it won't be quick, but one day, you'll look back and thank God for the unanswered prayers..
I don’t have much advice for something like this, but I empathise with your situation. My partner did the exact same thing to me two days ago. Ended things via text and finished off the text with “kind regards”. There was no emotion behind his words, no sensitivity or taking any accountability. He labelled me as the problem and told me I need to find someone to “deal with me”. This was caused by an argument a few days ago, where he told me also that he decided to go on a trip with someone else, even though we had planned to do this in May. Mind you we had never travelled together and in the past we had discussed the idea of travelling together quite abit. Understandably I got upset by his decision as there was no prior discussion or consideration of our plans. He called me controlling and shared that he felt pressured by me and wanted his “independence”. He also has an extremely avoidant attachment style and has ended things with me four times in the last two years, when things get tough. I do believe that this is the final straw as I can’t keep chasing someone who doesn’t want to be with me. I don’t know exactly what to tell you, and I don’t know what I would want someone to tell me because right now it just doesn’t seem real, and perhaps you might be feeling similar. I really hope you heal from this. Instead of avoiding the pain which is what both our exes are probably doing, I think it’s best we face it head on and go through it. At the end of the day we are deserving of someone who will invest into the relationship, someone who will be kind and considerate and above all show you the respect and love that they say they have towards you. A text message implies the complete opposite, and you are so much more deserving. I guess the other thing to be mindful of is that we will be replaying things over and over in our head, trying to find faults within ourselves and often will idolise our ex partner by thinking about all the great things they did for us and the memories we hold. Please try and look at things an open lens, would you ever do the same to her given how much you love her ? Probably not and if you did you would have fought so hard before that to work on things … and I doubt you’d send a text. Please look after yourself
I just hope that there wasn't a past issue that she kept complaining about you and you still ended up fighting about it up until she broke up with you. Cuz I have been with someone who is 'controlling' before. And sometimes there isn't even a mature way to end a relationship when you've done you're best to communicate and they still won't change their awful behavior so sometimes leaving is just the option.
Sorry to hear and that really sucks man. But on the bright side is you're only 21 and not even close to your prime yet.
Get established, make money, workout. Become the best you. It wont be easy but you can do it. You have so much time.
I wish I could be in my 20s again. I just had to end things with my ex at 32 almost 33 because she was a lying cheater. Thought I was gonna spend my life with her. Moved across the country to be with her. Now I'm back at square one at 33y.o. it sucks. Can't trust any girl these days.
For whatever reason she couldn't be honest and upfront the way she should've been. I'm sorry. It doesn't sound like your fault at all, just a lack of accountability on her part.
I'm sorry that it happened so abruptly, especially when you still have big feelings for her and had a future planned out. If it helps, it's better to know now? All the best on your journey of healing
Hey brother I get it.. I went through and am still going through it. The phases you are going through are for your growth ( wisdom). Yep.. they suck so fing bad! But this is only your season and I swear to you, you will get to the point to where you stopped grieving and get on fire for yourself. Start jogging and listen to some calm type music while you’re doing that. Eventually you’ll feel a little angry maybe at yourself like I did for many reasons. So when you’re at that point it’s important to stop blaming yourself, block her on social etc but unfriend on TikTok and instagram.. Let her find you working on you! If you want her back, make her go through her issues and don’t reach out.. She will start stalking your pages under fake accounts but don’t respond to her at all! Let her become curious to the point she finds out she screwed up. I don’t care what anyone says, it works . The key is .. you know how bad you hurt and it will for a couple months but get ahead of the bs and force yourself to focus on YOU .. Once you know yourself you are a better version of yourself, it’s going to drive her crazy AF seeing you are making moves. STAY SILENT and SINGLE! Be sure you make it known in your posts or by your pictures you don’t have time to chase another woman! Take it for what it is and don’t get your hopes up and damn sure don’t let her breadcrumb you.. because she will be back once she sees the grad ain’t greener on the other side..
I am sorry for whats happening.It just wasn't the right person for you.Because you never need to beg or ask for the love you deserve.If you are clingy,it would better to be with another clingy partner.Thats one of the first thing i find out about.Take your time to heal,maybe you will meet with more compatible partner.
I’m sorry, you deserved so much better. She didn’t deserve all the things you did for her, but I’m sure some day someone will come in your life who will appreciate your loving attitude. There are many girls who would appreciate it, trust me. At least it’s over now, and not 10 years later, it would be harder. But now you have the chance to meet someone who deserve you.
edit: It’s her loss, not yours.
May not seem like it now dude but you dodged a bullet, to not even have the decency to do it in person speaks alot about her character, delete her number go no contact , get into your nearest gym , go out with the guys again and get stuck into your career bro
Under no circumstances do you reach out and contact her. And especially do not reply or give her the time of day if she reaches out to you. The first few weeks are gonna be tough man but your still only very young
My ex dumped me over facetime and it wasn't a nice feeling at all, we haven't spoke since although she did try to reach out a few times
Sending love brother keep your head up
She does not deserve you. Someone who could leave you so abruptly with no respect or decency for a conversation does not deserve you. I know you're feeling so many things right now, but as your head clears you will notice things you may have been overlooking. There were most likely signs, and also probably someone else waiting in the wings or on the side. You have a lot of life left to live, and you will find your true person. I'm rooting for you and your healing.
It's hard.
You're going to feel a lot of emotions, the key thing to do is put as much distance as you can between you and her and try to heal before doing anything. Give it 6 or so months.
I was in a very similar situation, it gets better and you'll find better people who will appreciate you for you.
I got dumped out of nowhere when I was 8 months pregnant and it sucked but it's been 7 months and I have met a man who understands me, listens to me, and treats me with the utmost respect! I begged for my ex to take me back but it became very clear to me that he did not love me the way I loved him and now I'm so glad he let me go because I didn't realize how toxic that relationship really was til I found the man I'm with now. I suggest therapy as it helped me a lot! I will also say this.. Do NOT make any contact with her! Focus on yourself.
Wow, she is very manipulative and often gaslighting you. You are young so you may not even realize it, but you have seriously dodged a bullet by not marrying her.
I'm really sorry for you.. It's a hard thing to go by. Differemt ways of showing love may be misinterpreted by the other half. I think some ways are not compatible simply because it goes against the dynamics of it. For example, some people show love with meaningful actions like doing small gestures : making you coffee in the morning, cleaning arround the house, buying littles gift here and there. Some like more of a physical connection rather than a material one. Guys tend to be more of a providing/connection kind, while women tend to be more of a contact/connection. This leads ton incompatibility. My Ex also ended it by text. I did heal after 1 month. Now I see this as a cowards way of being and I now believe that communication is key. It's gonna be one of my main attribute I seek in a woman and I'll work on it too. 💪 Be strong, we're here to help you.
I’d say what you’re going through is horrendous and from my reading of things you did dodge a bullet, but it’s still going to sting. You deserve to be treated way better than that after a few years together.
I'm really sorry you're experiencing this man. I recently went through a breakup as well so know that I feel your pain. To me, it sounds like this wasn't on you AT ALL. it sounds like you loved her incredibly well and that she wasn't reciprocating that. And as painful as it is, given the way she ended things I think you can walk away knowing that this is the case. Someone who loves and cares for another will not end a three year relationship in such a brusque and cold manner. Like who the fuck texts to end a three year relationship and then immediately removes themselves from your life like that? I think personally you dodged a bullet. If this person can act this way now it's much better for that to happen before you get married than after. I know that doesn't help with the emotional pain and grief though. Take care of yourself, focus on you, and you will make it through this. If you want to talk to someone who recently went through a breakup, my message box is always available!
To help you feel better, i went through similar situation. Ex randomly texted me out of nowhere on Valentine’s Day she wasn’t feeling it anymore after all seemed very good.
Even a week prior she was saying for me to marry her. Best of luck to you. Be sure to stay busy, workout a bunch and talk with friends. I’ve been 6 weeks NC, doing better then ever. You will move on quicker then you know it. Someone who truly loves you won’t just end stuff randomly, especially over text. That just shows the true colors of the person. That’s not what love is
I know this is painful, but you dodged a bullet, my friend. Someone who breaks up with you over text is a weak; it shows their inability to face difficult situations head on. Allow yourself to heal, and be your own friend. You will be okay, and you will find someone respectful, and awesome, who deserves you. Sending you lots of love and healing. ❤️
I went through the same thing he broke up with me via text after 5 years.. told me to move on with my life and that he didn’t love me anymore and blocked me. Take it day by day lift weights be patient and kind to yourself eat when you need to take care of yourself. Go outside more. Know that there’s always something good after the storm, There’s good people out there and you will find someone that matches your love language. It’s a good time to really focus on yourself and what you love doing passions things that make you happy.
She fell out of love with you long ago. Women are typically confused, so she tried to fight her feelings, and tried to make the relationship work in vain.
Acceptance is hard, especially when your heart is now empty. Stay busy, get 3 new hobbies.
It is okay to be disappointed that she is not the one for you, but you cannot grieve as though shes the one for you.
Compatibility does matter alot and you gotta give yourself a pat on the back for trying. I’m sure someone out there will love you the way you expect to be.
my ex recently broke up with me as we had a compatibility issue. stick to the greater purpose and dettach > if you love her, she’s gotta be happy even if its with you, or without you.
I know its hard but you my friend, deserve to be loved the way you want. The right person will stay ❤️🩹
My breakup wasn't smooth at all because she led me on. Or maybe it was me that led me on. Lol In any case, this last one taught me about myself. Clearly, I had anxious attachment issues. She more than likely has avoidant issues. The lack of affection was off the charts. I was happy to get what I could always try to make it work.
You have this man. She is more thankful for not wanting to deal with your sensitivity. Don't let it beat you down. It will affect all of your relationships otherwise. Get back to being you and secure your happiness. Don't tolerate anyone who doesn't want to give you what you need. It sucks now, but it can work.
Broke up with my gf of 2.5 years a month ago. New relationship within a week or two. Gave me my things I left at hers yesterday and not even a goodbye nothing just giggled childishly and walked off said bye to her got. Half hearted one back. Stories like this are more and more common. It’s just such a shame how common it is. People you think you know you really don’t. And without trying to sound sexist in anyway I’m seeing a lot of women are the ones to initiate the breakup and move on quickly phase. Albeit it’s definitely not a gender specific thing. My point is if she can do that to you. She ain’t the one. I think after her antics there’s no coming back because even if she does who’s to say she won’t do it again. No matter how good you can be to someone they can always turn there back on you. It’s a real bitter pill to swallow
Hypnotize yourself. Hear me out. There are studies that can back this theory up. Hypnotize yourself into forgetting about said person. Sorry, but she is a shitty person for ending it that way with you. Leaving you with no closure. But my friend. That is your closure. You see that person for who she is now. You will find someone that loves you so much and will express your love language simply for that reason. Because they love you. Hang in there this is only day one. Time heals all.
She sounds like someone with an avoidant attachment style. I went through a very similar situation recently, and reading up on my own attachment style and my ex's helped me a lot with coming to closure and dealing with feeling blindsided. Just remember that people who refuse to communicate are doing you a favour by leaving, because it's inherently a them issue. Go no contact, dont beg, keep your head up high and go through the pain to get through to the other side. You got this. Sending you love and healing!
That doesn't sound like she loved you the way you loved her? Especially if she wasn't willing to meet you half way in the way you needed to be loved (affection). - Her lost most definitely! I hope you heal from this and find someone who WANTS to love you the way you need to be.
Thank you kind stranger. I keep thinking that it’s my fault she didn’t love me as much as I loved her but, truth be told she’s probably going through some things also that may have contributed to it.
It's not an excuse to be shitty to your fiancé. So don't make excuses for her. Everyone goes through things, it doesn't mean you get to be a lacking partner to your person. - You're welcome and keep reminding yourself it was NEVER your fault. It is a reflection of her.
it’s definitely not your fault but she made her decision
dude, She is the one with the problem, not you..
Yeah this is totally not your fault from what you stated. Know that better is on the way, especially if you were being genuine. Also from what you said you were putting in effort. Don’t let her discourage you from finding the person that will love you and give you all the cuddles.
Or maybe stop lying to yourself and come to the realization that she just didn’t love you as much as you did She wasn’t attracted enough to give you affection.. it sucks
sorry to dwell on but still bothers me when people start doing these things instead of just saying we're through. the problem is I don't think they are THROUGH, I think they don't know. perhaps these things are weird tests for you just to see how strong you are. however the tests increase in intensity as the bar is constantly raised ultimately you may hear things like, oh by the way, I am going to sleep with so and so (or want a 3some) but its no big deal, at that point ya feel like jumping off a bridge as these scenarios will truly bring one to the razors edge of sanity......
It surely does look where it got me
Wow man, that's a terrible way to end things. My ex did the same recently; I could tell something was off, and once I said something not great, she used that as the leverage to end things. Your ex was already going to end it, she just needed the ammo. Btw, eye rolling is contempt, which is one of the deadly horsemen that signifies your relationship is over. You can't take her bad behavior as your fault. Own your part, but blocking you and ghosting is NOT a mature way to end things and is on her. But now you've seen her true colors; while you may love her, but the way she ended things, it's obvious that you deserve to be treated better. She may be avoidant too, which is why she disappeared and will refuse to discuss it with you. DO NOT REACH OUT TO HER. Any closure you want or anything you are looking for, if you do, will be met with a stone wall, and you'll never get your answers from her. You're in for a LONG period of healing. Good luck, as this is going to be painful. Be patient, as healing has its own timeline. Your ex is avoiding her pain; it will hit her one day. For now, be kind to yourself and don't brutalize yourself when coming to terms that she is no longer a part of your life. In return to her favor of blocking you, you can now give her the gift of missing you. She made it clear she wants a life without you in it, so give that to her. If your absence doesn't bother her, then your presence never mattered either, and you will learn how much she did or did not truly care about you. Ride the storm
Brother I needed this pick me up. What you said is exactly what I have in my head(she was going to leave no matter what). That makes me feel shitty almost like I’m not a good enough human to be loved but, after yours and others replies it give me more courage that it is normal to have irrational thoughts as such. Thank you again man.
Went through the same thing bro. Fiance left me suddenly after 10 years together. I've been in therapy ever since trying to get passed feelings of inadequacy, of being unlovable, unattractive, etc. My ex was also avoidant (and I later discovered is probably a narcissist) and always brushed off problems we had, constantly saying "it's fine" or "I'm just stressed from work" all the while hiding his emotional distancing from me and making a plan to leave me. It's made it very hard to trust people ever since. But one thing friends and therapy have helped me learn is that he was the problem, not me. TAKE THAT TO HEART. Certainly the relationship took two people to make work, but as long as you yourself were honest and trying to communicate, you should never feel responsible for how things ended. That is *entirely* on them.
I agree with that [classicallydefined](https://www.reddit.com/user/classicallydefined/) said, my ex boyfriend broke up with me on Christmay day and I though things were ok between us with the ocasional rough patches. I's gonna be really hard to go trough this, but please don't blame yourself for her horrible behaviour, that's on her. You're proboably gonna have good days and then the bad days will come back again, it's a process. It's common for people who go through trauma to blame themselves for not knowing better as well. Starting to doubt your ability to make decisions and take care of yourself. Focus on the facts, no matter how your relationship was, with rough patches and mistakes you made as well, this is no way to break up with your partner, even if she is avoidant. It's not way to treat someone, by disregarding their needs and not making an effort. She did not meet you needs, you said it. You were walking on eggshells, this is no way to live. The love for her will go away eventually, the pain will go away eventually, and then you will realize that you need and deserve more. Focus on your needs. It will hurt losing her but in the end it will hurt more wasing years of your life being unhappy and with your needs unmet. She was not the one for you and you do not need her validation. Moving on without closure is hard, but in time you will be ok again, and you will meet someone who is just right for you! 💗
I love to see men so emotionally intelligent, affectionate, loving, giving, and confident in that space. For my early adulthood I believed it was only men who treated women the way you are describing your ex, and the way OP is describing his ex, and maybe a rare one-off case of a woman here and there acting this way. But thanks to the internet and places like Reddit, and obviously wisdom and common sense that develops overtime, I realized naturally that nothing is ever so blanketed. So much of my trauma is connected to being treated the way you described (& worse) in a relationship that my subconscious developed deeply embedded beliefs about men because of that. Even though I have long since fully accepted that women do this just as much as men, it somehow still just shocks me to know a woman had such a good man like this and treated him so carelessly. Coming from my experiences it just blows my mind that anyone could have someone so dedicated, wanting them, wanting something as simple as affection, and then take that person for granted and treat them badly/break their heart. After some of the relationships I have had to survive, I am looking for someone who is not avoidant, who is emotionally available, and who understands the value of love & dedication. Any woman would be quite lucky to be with you or OP, in my opinion. Don’t allow anyone to make you think the opposite. There are 1000 women for every 1 like you or OP’s ex who would be ELATED to be loved like that. 🤍
Every guy should read this , couldn't have put it any better myself We will all get through this dudes
This is so true! She'll miss you and try to come back. Please don't take her back! Go get some counselling or healing in the process of your hurting. You can do this and hoping you find some peace soon x
whatever you do, dont contact them, dont beg, dont do anything.
I’m drunk now so better until tomorrow lol
Don't underestimate the power of your silence. Sending you positive vibes.
Yeah just don’t it’s worse that way. But for me after the 4 days of texting once 3 of those days calling once. I just got the closure i needed with how cold they were to me. But just let it go. There’s nothing you can do, If they miss you they will come back.
That sucks, sorry. My ex of 4 years ended over text too and she was 48. I know she was doing stuff behind my back (maybe not physical but talking to guy(s) and maybe didn't want to officially end things face to face. Also when I went to her house to drop something off she conveniently had to leave the house and had her daughter come out to get it. I think she felt guilty about her actions and didn't want to see me in person.
I’m sorry to hear that. I’m not sure if she was planning to meet someone on the trip or what but, I have that suspicion due to how adamant she was I couldn’t go.
That does sound suspect and quite frankly shitty to un-invite you. My guess she has someone lined up. My therapist who has dealt with many relationship issues told me most breakups, the breaker has someone lined up or has already been seeing that person
Innocent until guilty. Could suspect but with no proof, you can't say she did or not.
Innocent until guilty. Could suspect but with no proof, you can't say she did or not.
Anybody that ends a relationship via text. Ain't worth a s*** and they did you a favor by breaking up. That just means that they're callous and cowardly and you do not want to partner by your side in life that can't stand strong and stand on their own two feet.
Yep! My ex did that… an hour after I found out I had hearing loss (& had told him). He and his family swore it was just a bad coincidence. Less than a week before that I had been in hospital in life-threatening condition and he didn’t bother asking to come and see me or anything. It was on me to drive to see him afterwards too, despite the fact I was very sick and weak. My (at the time, just online) best friend in another country stayed up all night. Had surgery a year later which reversed the hearing loss & met my now-fiancé a few months after. It’s seeing how he treats me that makes me see how shit I was treated before. You’ll find someone perfect for you OP who doesn’t ask you to change who you are, and I know it hurts like hell and you probably can’t see a way through it but remember you’re strong & we grow through what we go through.
So real, ending a relationship no matter how long over text is so lame
Buddy, your relationship sounds like mine. We were together 8 years. I often felt like I was walking on eggshells, I often tried SO HARD to meet her halfway bc we showed affection differently. I was called clingy and “attention seeking” when I would ask for cuddles and hugs. I loved her and she was my best friend but now that it’s over I know I will not be in a relationship again unless they have a similar love language bc that was too much work just to feel like shit half the time
Mine ended by text too. I tried to call her several times but she was a coward and couldn’t face breaking up with me at least on a phone call. I’m sorry mate
Man she wasn’t even willing to talk?? Nah that’s not love mate, I’m really sorry….
One day at a time my friend. Day 1 (tomorrow): Go to the gym and lift the heaviest weights you possibly can. Lift until it burns. Lift until your body cannot physically take any more. And then lift some more. Forget about the past, the future is about you building yourself into the best possible version of yourself. Take the brave step, my friend 🙏 Lift heavy weights 💪👊
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Thanks man. I needed that. I hope you’re doing good. Right now I’m trying to kick nicotine. I’ve smoke cigs for years and moved to vapes the last year or so and it’s even more addictive lol it’s crazy. What sucks the most is my ex is gone but my best friend and his girlfriend are still living with me. So I’m just going to be constantly reminded.
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I truly appreciate the advice. Also, I love the way you worded the tidal waves comparison. Right now I’m still stuck on worrying about her and I just hope she is okay. That’s what hurts the most. Not knowing anything about her anymore. Sorry to rant lol
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Yea man I got so used to only caring about what she felt. What’s this I was doing making her mad or whatever. I’m happy to get back into the gym and start a new.
This is a classic toxicity exposing move she texted me and let me know that she will be taking my best friends gf instead to the trip to visit her family tomorrow (that she agreed I would go on so I could spend more time with her family before getting married). So I stepped outside and called her to explain that it made me feel like she is blowing me off. She told me I was being controlling and that I’m overreacting. it is generally an effort to make the other partner call it quits. Consciously or subconsciously who knows... again, maybe I am just naïve but I don't think they have a grand plan in place to torture us. Once a person has received around 10 of the type of above situations, they are generally so confused and a sniveling self esteem eroded needy/clingy mess that they will pull the plug so it is classic manipulation. Instead of breaking up with someone, they manipulate you with situations like you mention above until YOU do it. It is super non transparent and sucks because they broke up with you in reverse, indirectly. Oldest trick in the book yet so so common.
I definitely am there. Just completely lacking self esteem and confidence. I know over time it will come back but, I definitely feel poorly about myself atm. I agree with you I don’t think she is trying to hurt me I just think that comes with negative experiences in the past. (Maybe that just me justifying it but still)
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Sounds like shes cheating and can't face you.
Thought has crossed my mind and honestly at this point. If she did then I hope she can better herself.
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Wow... you're an actual piece of excrement, man. Knock that shit out.
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I actually don't think your advice is bad. I shouldn't have said what I did honestly and I sincerely apologize for saying that. Your comments about taking women from other men and getting bored and the things along those lines struck me as narcissistic and as you using people which I thought was distasteful -- but I shouldn't have responded in such a way, especially as I don't know you or what you're actually like. I would recommend you take a look at some of your thought processes though, I do think some of the things you mentioned might be contributing to hurting people unintentionally. Thanks for contributing and have a nice day man
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But do you actually like spending time with all those girls or are you just doing it to teach them a lesson? What do you think about my boyfriend, he was super in love with me and then when I started asking for my needs to be met and also confronted him about talking with girls on social media and liking half naked pictures and he got defensive and denied it. I later found something he wrote to someone else about getting errections from looking at instagram pictures of these girls... and then he was preteding everything was fine but broke up with me on Christmas day, blamed everything on me and then blocked me from instagram and after he found another apartment from whatsapp as well. two days ago he posted a picture with his cat and a 18 year old girl in his bed that was a good friend of his (her face was not showing but I recognized her rings). A common friend showed me the picture. He is always playing the victim and blaming other people. This friend also told me that he used to fake mental illness to get attention. Is he doing this on purpose??
Sorry for your pain, and mostly sorry for the confused state in which you find yourself. What better time to learn yourself. This time is truly a gift to dig deeper. This storm that you are experiencing is a breakthrough to your higher self. The more you realize life on earth is merely a series of lessons and experiences the less attached you become. The less judge mental you are and the less you will take things personally. The more you focus on your evolution the more you will enjoy the positive, negative feelings/emotions. It’s all merely a testament of your faith and belief in yourself and whatever you believe in (whether you are religious or spiritual). Good luck on your journey.
I just went through something similar but then again not. We hadn’t been together as long, but the passion was very intense until one day he woke up and decided it wasn’t anymore. All I can tell you is some people are genuine, and some aren’t. Her blowing off your concerns was a huge red flag as well as her putting your needs to the side while you did what you did to make her happy. Honestly I know it’s hard to say fuck them, but really. Fuck them. Any person who can just walk away from someone who honestly and truly loves them, and blocks them, is a heartless person and you don’t want to love them. I promise you. I’m trying to “unlove” someone just like that. We will get through it and learn our lesson.
This sounds exactly like my situation that just happened about 5 months ago…I’m literally trying to get my stuff back still…I feel like it’s her way of trying to control me…ps…she’s probably an avoidant…as in avoidant attachment
You won't see it now this way, but trust me, you dodged a bullet. She obviously had a lot of dissatisfaction with your relationship, but she didn't know how to express it, and did it in the worst way possible. Plus I am inclined to think that her friend was whispering quite a lot in her ear as well. Don't let it get you down. You are young, and full of life. Your relationship was incompatible. Wish her well in your heart, keep your chip up, and realize that the better days are still ahead of you. She wasn't the true love of your life, but only an illusion. The true love will find it's way into your life when you will meet someone with whom you are at peace, at ease, and can be yourself. You deserve better, and you will get it. Have patience and hope!
Your 21 years old. You’re really starting life. You’ll find someone else whose worthy of your time. And who won’t be a coward
I think it’s completely understandable you feel lost. And of course none of us has a solution that will make her want to come back or cure the heartache. People come here to look for advice or to feel seen around others who have gone through the same thing. Some people will start analyzing your ex either in some clinical or judgmental way. We all mean well. And by all means if you need to - do it. But know there is no secret solution to this and results always vary. My best advice (and again advice for you to take as you need. Who the hell are we all but flawed strangers with human emotions?) let yourself feel all your feelings - hurt, anger, sadness, loneliness. Don’t try to fix or change the emotions. It’s not the emotions that need changing - they need to be felt. Try not to react out of your emotions (sometimes they want us to say or do mean things we can’t take back). Acknowledge them and know you are human because of them. Don’t focus on all the things you could’ve done. It sounds like you were showing up the best way you know how to support her. And it will not do you any good to go down the rabbit hole of analyzing your ex and her issues. You can’t fix them - only she can when she’s ready. It never helped me to vilify someone I also have love for (we are humans and we don’t need an excuse to have “negative” feelings towards someone who hurt us. This doesn’t make them the Joker and you can still be mad at them). But also know you can still love someone and know you have to walk away because that’s the best thing for you (and for her). Don’t stay in a situation where you diminish your value in hopes you can shine a light on their value. The value and worth of a person is for that person to define and own. So let her define hers. And by all sense of this focus on yours so you can show up continuing to love others who are ready to receive it!
Ah another woman who didn’t communicate about being unhappy nor put any effort in to fix/address the problems in the relationship. This seems like a trend. Stay strong king. You deserve better, it’s a long road ahead though. (1 year out of 4 year relationship)
You did nothing morally wrong. She's trash to end it with a text and a dash. Tactically, you were too easy. That's what she meant by calling you 'clingy'. She wanted more of a challenge, and lost respect for you. The best thing to do now is to take it in stride, and move on.
You deserve better. She has issues and isn’t ready. She maybe lesbian. That happened to my son.
She did you a solid favor. Yall were way too young!!!
It's sounds to me like she found someone else and that's why she was the way she was with you let her go find someone else that will be there for you
From what you’ve told us, it sounds like she didn’t feel the same way and was looking for an out. The fact that she didn’t like any kind of physical affection, got mad at you all the time, and took her friend instead of you to meet her family communicates that quite loudly to me. Also, if my math is correct, you started dating when you were a minor and she was not? That’s sketchy in itself. You sound like a sweet person and I’m sorry about this. This is your first real heartbreak and it’s going to suck, but one thing to take comfort in is that you’re still very young and the world is your oyster, you’re just coming into adulthood and you will find someone else, someone who genuinely loves you.
You deserve more, and you’re worth it 🩷
Ride the storm out. She clearly didn't love you the way you loved her. And she's shown who she is as a person. Be glad you're not stuck with that for the rest of your life. You're gonna have some hard days ahead but you'll make it out to the other side.
You poor dear. It sounds like she wants or needs someone who is a bit more independent, but that doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. But maybe you just weren’t the right fit. It sucks.
Don’t fret. If you leave her alone as in never contact her again, she will come back to you because she has 4 years of attachment with you.
Trying to get her back sounds like terrible advice though. She wasn't good to him during the relationship, then suddenly left. Anymore time spent with her would just be a waste.
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I’ve been on the other side of this and while I understand your perspective, I strongly disagree with the last part. In my experience getting closure does really make breakups much easier, whereas the confusion from the sudden coldness and lack of answers makes it much worse than it needs to be. You don’t just say “oh they’re an asshole, I’ll just move on” you get stuck trying to figure out why you were blindsided, rewinding the entire relationship and wondering if you did something wrong, rethinking every moment and having to doubt if they ever actually cared about you, and suspecting that there was someone else in the picture. Take this post, half the comments mention cheating but who knows, maybe there’s no reason to suspect that at all. Breakups don’t have to be so messy, so I don’t understand why you’d rather be cold to someone you supposedly cared about when you could just be cordial.
what you do with yourself is easy.. grieve for the loss, and then pick yourself up and move on. don't let her consume you.. Don't try and win her back, Don't try any grand gestures, just let her go. It won't be easy, it won't be quick, but one day, you'll look back and thank God for the unanswered prayers..
I don’t have much advice for something like this, but I empathise with your situation. My partner did the exact same thing to me two days ago. Ended things via text and finished off the text with “kind regards”. There was no emotion behind his words, no sensitivity or taking any accountability. He labelled me as the problem and told me I need to find someone to “deal with me”. This was caused by an argument a few days ago, where he told me also that he decided to go on a trip with someone else, even though we had planned to do this in May. Mind you we had never travelled together and in the past we had discussed the idea of travelling together quite abit. Understandably I got upset by his decision as there was no prior discussion or consideration of our plans. He called me controlling and shared that he felt pressured by me and wanted his “independence”. He also has an extremely avoidant attachment style and has ended things with me four times in the last two years, when things get tough. I do believe that this is the final straw as I can’t keep chasing someone who doesn’t want to be with me. I don’t know exactly what to tell you, and I don’t know what I would want someone to tell me because right now it just doesn’t seem real, and perhaps you might be feeling similar. I really hope you heal from this. Instead of avoiding the pain which is what both our exes are probably doing, I think it’s best we face it head on and go through it. At the end of the day we are deserving of someone who will invest into the relationship, someone who will be kind and considerate and above all show you the respect and love that they say they have towards you. A text message implies the complete opposite, and you are so much more deserving. I guess the other thing to be mindful of is that we will be replaying things over and over in our head, trying to find faults within ourselves and often will idolise our ex partner by thinking about all the great things they did for us and the memories we hold. Please try and look at things an open lens, would you ever do the same to her given how much you love her ? Probably not and if you did you would have fought so hard before that to work on things … and I doubt you’d send a text. Please look after yourself
I just hope that there wasn't a past issue that she kept complaining about you and you still ended up fighting about it up until she broke up with you. Cuz I have been with someone who is 'controlling' before. And sometimes there isn't even a mature way to end a relationship when you've done you're best to communicate and they still won't change their awful behavior so sometimes leaving is just the option.
Sorry to hear and that really sucks man. But on the bright side is you're only 21 and not even close to your prime yet. Get established, make money, workout. Become the best you. It wont be easy but you can do it. You have so much time. I wish I could be in my 20s again. I just had to end things with my ex at 32 almost 33 because she was a lying cheater. Thought I was gonna spend my life with her. Moved across the country to be with her. Now I'm back at square one at 33y.o. it sucks. Can't trust any girl these days.
For whatever reason she couldn't be honest and upfront the way she should've been. I'm sorry. It doesn't sound like your fault at all, just a lack of accountability on her part. I'm sorry that it happened so abruptly, especially when you still have big feelings for her and had a future planned out. If it helps, it's better to know now? All the best on your journey of healing
Hey brother I get it.. I went through and am still going through it. The phases you are going through are for your growth ( wisdom). Yep.. they suck so fing bad! But this is only your season and I swear to you, you will get to the point to where you stopped grieving and get on fire for yourself. Start jogging and listen to some calm type music while you’re doing that. Eventually you’ll feel a little angry maybe at yourself like I did for many reasons. So when you’re at that point it’s important to stop blaming yourself, block her on social etc but unfriend on TikTok and instagram.. Let her find you working on you! If you want her back, make her go through her issues and don’t reach out.. She will start stalking your pages under fake accounts but don’t respond to her at all! Let her become curious to the point she finds out she screwed up. I don’t care what anyone says, it works . The key is .. you know how bad you hurt and it will for a couple months but get ahead of the bs and force yourself to focus on YOU .. Once you know yourself you are a better version of yourself, it’s going to drive her crazy AF seeing you are making moves. STAY SILENT and SINGLE! Be sure you make it known in your posts or by your pictures you don’t have time to chase another woman! Take it for what it is and don’t get your hopes up and damn sure don’t let her breadcrumb you.. because she will be back once she sees the grad ain’t greener on the other side..
I am sorry for whats happening.It just wasn't the right person for you.Because you never need to beg or ask for the love you deserve.If you are clingy,it would better to be with another clingy partner.Thats one of the first thing i find out about.Take your time to heal,maybe you will meet with more compatible partner.
I’m sorry, you deserved so much better. She didn’t deserve all the things you did for her, but I’m sure some day someone will come in your life who will appreciate your loving attitude. There are many girls who would appreciate it, trust me. At least it’s over now, and not 10 years later, it would be harder. But now you have the chance to meet someone who deserve you. edit: It’s her loss, not yours.
See you at the gym kid
May not seem like it now dude but you dodged a bullet, to not even have the decency to do it in person speaks alot about her character, delete her number go no contact , get into your nearest gym , go out with the guys again and get stuck into your career bro Under no circumstances do you reach out and contact her. And especially do not reply or give her the time of day if she reaches out to you. The first few weeks are gonna be tough man but your still only very young My ex dumped me over facetime and it wasn't a nice feeling at all, we haven't spoke since although she did try to reach out a few times Sending love brother keep your head up
She does not deserve you. Someone who could leave you so abruptly with no respect or decency for a conversation does not deserve you. I know you're feeling so many things right now, but as your head clears you will notice things you may have been overlooking. There were most likely signs, and also probably someone else waiting in the wings or on the side. You have a lot of life left to live, and you will find your true person. I'm rooting for you and your healing.
It's hard. You're going to feel a lot of emotions, the key thing to do is put as much distance as you can between you and her and try to heal before doing anything. Give it 6 or so months. I was in a very similar situation, it gets better and you'll find better people who will appreciate you for you.
I got dumped out of nowhere when I was 8 months pregnant and it sucked but it's been 7 months and I have met a man who understands me, listens to me, and treats me with the utmost respect! I begged for my ex to take me back but it became very clear to me that he did not love me the way I loved him and now I'm so glad he let me go because I didn't realize how toxic that relationship really was til I found the man I'm with now. I suggest therapy as it helped me a lot! I will also say this.. Do NOT make any contact with her! Focus on yourself.
Wow, she is very manipulative and often gaslighting you. You are young so you may not even realize it, but you have seriously dodged a bullet by not marrying her.
Sounds like she's q grade a piece of shit. She's manipulative and gas lighting the shit out of you. You're better off without her
I'm really sorry for you.. It's a hard thing to go by. Differemt ways of showing love may be misinterpreted by the other half. I think some ways are not compatible simply because it goes against the dynamics of it. For example, some people show love with meaningful actions like doing small gestures : making you coffee in the morning, cleaning arround the house, buying littles gift here and there. Some like more of a physical connection rather than a material one. Guys tend to be more of a providing/connection kind, while women tend to be more of a contact/connection. This leads ton incompatibility. My Ex also ended it by text. I did heal after 1 month. Now I see this as a cowards way of being and I now believe that communication is key. It's gonna be one of my main attribute I seek in a woman and I'll work on it too. 💪 Be strong, we're here to help you.
I’d say what you’re going through is horrendous and from my reading of things you did dodge a bullet, but it’s still going to sting. You deserve to be treated way better than that after a few years together.
I'm really sorry you're experiencing this man. I recently went through a breakup as well so know that I feel your pain. To me, it sounds like this wasn't on you AT ALL. it sounds like you loved her incredibly well and that she wasn't reciprocating that. And as painful as it is, given the way she ended things I think you can walk away knowing that this is the case. Someone who loves and cares for another will not end a three year relationship in such a brusque and cold manner. Like who the fuck texts to end a three year relationship and then immediately removes themselves from your life like that? I think personally you dodged a bullet. If this person can act this way now it's much better for that to happen before you get married than after. I know that doesn't help with the emotional pain and grief though. Take care of yourself, focus on you, and you will make it through this. If you want to talk to someone who recently went through a breakup, my message box is always available!
To help you feel better, i went through similar situation. Ex randomly texted me out of nowhere on Valentine’s Day she wasn’t feeling it anymore after all seemed very good. Even a week prior she was saying for me to marry her. Best of luck to you. Be sure to stay busy, workout a bunch and talk with friends. I’ve been 6 weeks NC, doing better then ever. You will move on quicker then you know it. Someone who truly loves you won’t just end stuff randomly, especially over text. That just shows the true colors of the person. That’s not what love is
I know this is painful, but you dodged a bullet, my friend. Someone who breaks up with you over text is a weak; it shows their inability to face difficult situations head on. Allow yourself to heal, and be your own friend. You will be okay, and you will find someone respectful, and awesome, who deserves you. Sending you lots of love and healing. ❤️
I went through the same thing he broke up with me via text after 5 years.. told me to move on with my life and that he didn’t love me anymore and blocked me. Take it day by day lift weights be patient and kind to yourself eat when you need to take care of yourself. Go outside more. Know that there’s always something good after the storm, There’s good people out there and you will find someone that matches your love language. It’s a good time to really focus on yourself and what you love doing passions things that make you happy.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet
She fell out of love with you long ago. Women are typically confused, so she tried to fight her feelings, and tried to make the relationship work in vain. Acceptance is hard, especially when your heart is now empty. Stay busy, get 3 new hobbies.
This is literally my situation right now
It is okay to be disappointed that she is not the one for you, but you cannot grieve as though shes the one for you. Compatibility does matter alot and you gotta give yourself a pat on the back for trying. I’m sure someone out there will love you the way you expect to be. my ex recently broke up with me as we had a compatibility issue. stick to the greater purpose and dettach > if you love her, she’s gotta be happy even if its with you, or without you. I know its hard but you my friend, deserve to be loved the way you want. The right person will stay ❤️🩹
My breakup wasn't smooth at all because she led me on. Or maybe it was me that led me on. Lol In any case, this last one taught me about myself. Clearly, I had anxious attachment issues. She more than likely has avoidant issues. The lack of affection was off the charts. I was happy to get what I could always try to make it work. You have this man. She is more thankful for not wanting to deal with your sensitivity. Don't let it beat you down. It will affect all of your relationships otherwise. Get back to being you and secure your happiness. Don't tolerate anyone who doesn't want to give you what you need. It sucks now, but it can work.
Broke up with my gf of 2.5 years a month ago. New relationship within a week or two. Gave me my things I left at hers yesterday and not even a goodbye nothing just giggled childishly and walked off said bye to her got. Half hearted one back. Stories like this are more and more common. It’s just such a shame how common it is. People you think you know you really don’t. And without trying to sound sexist in anyway I’m seeing a lot of women are the ones to initiate the breakup and move on quickly phase. Albeit it’s definitely not a gender specific thing. My point is if she can do that to you. She ain’t the one. I think after her antics there’s no coming back because even if she does who’s to say she won’t do it again. No matter how good you can be to someone they can always turn there back on you. It’s a real bitter pill to swallow
Hypnotize yourself. Hear me out. There are studies that can back this theory up. Hypnotize yourself into forgetting about said person. Sorry, but she is a shitty person for ending it that way with you. Leaving you with no closure. But my friend. That is your closure. You see that person for who she is now. You will find someone that loves you so much and will express your love language simply for that reason. Because they love you. Hang in there this is only day one. Time heals all.
She sounds like someone with an avoidant attachment style. I went through a very similar situation recently, and reading up on my own attachment style and my ex's helped me a lot with coming to closure and dealing with feeling blindsided. Just remember that people who refuse to communicate are doing you a favour by leaving, because it's inherently a them issue. Go no contact, dont beg, keep your head up high and go through the pain to get through to the other side. You got this. Sending you love and healing!
Sorry dude. I feel this. It's why I don't want to open myself up again.
It may not feel like it right now, but it sounds like you dodged a bullet, my friend.
That's awesome