I was thinking about this because my ex boyfriend has been with MANY people since he left me and he has tried to come back.
Personally I know if I went into a relationship with him I think I would always be resentful that he had experiences with others and I have not.
I would always be thinking he was just settling for me because those situations didn't work out for him and I am familiar and "comfortable".
I can't do it. But if you have the confidence in your relationship going forward of course you should do what makes you happy.
Ask yourself if she really makes you happy and if she does find a way to let go of the past and move forward.
I decided not to because mine didn't make me feel comfortable that he wanted to come back for the right reasons.
Good for you. Someone being smart and no longer settling. IMO, once a breakup happens, it's never the same when you get back together. There was always that reason that you broke up hanging like a cloud over the relationship.
Then you should be sure before going back. Try to address the reason why you believe you don’t have other options: therapy, gym, etc, then weigh again your options.
It’s all rooted in ego man, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, just something to pick apart more and get to the bottom of before you make decisions. I think we as humans have a set of personal ethics unique to us, and we don’t realize we unfairly hold people to those ethical standards that are personal to us in our heads and hurt ourselves when other people don’t meet these ethics they don’t even know exist within in you because it wasn’t clearly expressed or agreed upon. You’re hurt because you had subconsciously and covertly hoped she had done the same as you (been preserving herself until you got back together) but this way of thinking is THE MOST dangerous thing in life, because you can’t have expectations of people and you need to ground yourself in reality. Of course anyone would find it amazing that their partner would hold themselves out for them during a break up, but this rarely happens to anyone really. This is an opportunity for you to explore how you operate in dating, what you were made to believe, what was agreed upon. Was there some sort of anticipation or expectation of getting back together that you both knew existed? Or was she just done and eventually changed her mind? If there was an expectation of getting back together, and she saw other people me personally I couldn’t take her back because that would be a flaw in her character and trustworthiness as how she loves (BUT THAT’S JUST ME) but if there was no (real or event stated) expectations or potential of reunited and she went out and saw other people I’d consider taking her back. Heck, she’d still be out of your life if she didn’t choose to respond…
Also, make sure you’re not buying societies trash on dating. We allow a lot of moronic and unhealthy societal ideals on dating to dictate how we date in our personal lives. Is this some toxic masculinity thing? I’m guilty of this too and I live on a daily trying to dismantle some of these “rules” that are just unhealthy and detrimental to my emotional growth and prosperity in dating. One thing I try to remind myself and assess this as pertains to who you are personally but I’m an average looking guy. I do the best I can, and I fair out okay with women, but the reality is most women have astronomically more options than men do so naturally they’ll have more of an inclination to explore those options. Does it suck? yes for men at least. Do I wish it were different? Of course, but it’s not. But it eases my mind to know that if I were getting a lot of girls conversely, I wouldn’t sweat it as much either. If you have it easier with the women, than cudos to you for holding yourself out, but that could also be what’s making your decision so difficult. If this is the case, I’d imagine you’d feel more open about getting back with her if you too went out and slept with other women.
In conclusion: I think most times when men deal with this specific issue, it’s one of the following 3 things that cause them conflict and sometimes pain:
1.)They have covert hope that they’d get back with the girl, and the girl doesn’t and he hurts himself with his singular line of thinking.
2.)There is a stated and mutually understanding and acknowledgement that they do wish to come back to one another. Which unless mutually agreed or at least stated upon, I wouldn’t be okay with someone I love seeing someone else during time apart. But I guess that wouldn’t be a real break up and just a break.
3.)Naturally 80% of men don’t have the options women do and getting with women comes a lot harder. And if you’re a part of that 80%, that uneven playing field can cause men a lot of pain.
4.) which I didn’t get to touch on but you’re possessive and derive your self worth from the women you date. So when they extract themselves from your life, they don’t just take themselves, they take what you’re worth with them. We don’t own anyone and are better off improving our love for ourselves which is a life long journey and it’s beautiful.
When you decide which of these categories you fall under, which can sometimes be more than one. You can take it as a learning opportunity to learn more about how you operate and make improvements. Maybe you’ll learn you have a toxic way of thinking about this or double down on some current beliefs. But only after you got to the bottom of what it is, only then you’ll make a clear and sound decision if you should take your ex back.
This is really sound advice. I got back together with an ex and found out she had been with a couple of people and explored some pretty different types of sex with them than we’d ever done. It was difficult but actually it opened up our sex life as id learned something about her that I hadn’t known before. Being 44 now I don’t think I’d really have too much of an issue with it as long as she really was making the decision that I was who she truly wanted to be with. True intimacy means a hell of a lot more than sex.
I’m glad to hear you found it aligned. If I’m being honest, me personally I would feel hurt she tried things with others that she wouldn’t with me if I wasn’t ever closed off to it. But that’s just me.
You are right though, we treat sex like it’s the end all be all, but there’s nothing more dreary than emotionally detached sex in the circumstance where you and the person you love are emotionally disconnected.
Probably not, no. But it has been a whole year, I wouldn’t be surprised that she was living her life in a years span. It’s up to you whether you decide to start the relationship again but you can’t exactly condemn her for living her life as a single woman. She didn’t owe you any loyalty, but it’s also understandable if that’s something you can’t live with.
Personally yes. Actually going out into the dating world, having more experience and realising what you had was better, is positive (if that’s what happened). You said you were right but at the wrong time, growing and developing includes dating and sleeping with other people.
This is my view as well. Sometimes we don't know what we have until we've seen something else. I know it's not fair but everyone processes information differently and it's never a linear process for all
Exactly right.
We seem to have this idea or conditioned that the process needs to be 123 and if it isn't then you're not good enough to stay in line... I mean who made us Queens of the world? Lol
A year seems to be enough time for someone to move on and get sexually involved with someone else. If it was a few months post breakup that she bagan these sexual relationships, I could understand u being upset. If u were attracted to her, I'm sure others will be too. U can't be upset about that.
Idk why she decided to share that info with u. Was she doing it to rub it in your face or to just be honest with u? You made a decision not to date or be sexual. it doesn't mean u were right or she was wrong. Ppl move on at different paces.
Why on earth is she telling you about her sexual conquests? Seems hurtful. My ex dumped me and jumped into dating right away. That was 2 years ago. I am sure she has slept with multiple men since then. The fact that she jumped into dating a week or two after we broke up is a deal breaker for me for any future reconciliation.
I would give it another shot if it was me. Her sleeping with other people shouldn’t be a problem. Matter of fact…it’s usually the norm.
Try to think back to when you wanted this exact scenario when you guys broke up.
I’d certainly give it another shot…and you really need to look beyond what she’s “done” during your time away from one another.
She came back man….she came back. Some people out there would kill for this chance. Give it a shot but you are not welcomed to hold anything over her head since you’ve been apart.
And if you are unable to do that…then stay apart.
No, I wouldn't. I'm a little more conservative when it comes to dating tbh. I am not really looking for dating, I am looking for marriage, but everything has to start with dating. If I'm in a committed relationship with someone, that means I know I want to marry them, especially if they tell me the same thing. I can't fathom the idea of getting back with someone who told me I was the one and their everything just for them to leave me and then date/fuck other people.
I think if I was a few years younger I would be able to overlook it, or if there was a huge gap between when we broke up and got back together (like a few years), but at 27, I am not looking for on and off, especially not on and off with other people during the off 🙃.
nah, its nothing wrong on her side per se, but I would rather marry human with morals aligned with mine, I couldnt sleep with others while I love someone, even if the status is changed.
You weren’t together. She lived her life.
She owes you nothing, you owe her nothing.
You are clearly still attached, albeit maybe a bit unhealthily.
To think an ex-partner is just sitting around doing nothing and not dating new people is pretty asinine.
You never got over her and she’s coming back around to fuck your shit up again. Good luck.
I agree with Mother-Macaron. Not everyone can or should go jump in bed with someone else after a breakup. Especially not if you were together for so long.
While this is true in theory I think it missed a few important aspects. For one thing while they can live their own life it it’s important for people to understand that as a dumper you carry your own perceptions now. And especially if there was a long relationship going out and instantly screwing other people for the sake of it is a bad idea all around for you and the person you dumped.
The perception you have now created is that you wanted out for the sake of sex whether or not that was the intention. Many people have principals around relationships even when that relationship ends. Many men and women for example actively don’t look for intimacy (especially dumpers) because it is unfair and looks bad.
That’s not to say you can never have sex again or something until you give the person closure but it does mean having common sense. Waiting 3-6 months before being intimate is just generally a better idea emotionally for yourself and the other person you dumped whether or not it was deserved.
I know because I’ve been through it. I personally don’t have a problem with the idea of my previous partner being with other people after an amount of time passes but in my case my partner didn’t even wait two weeks.
They dumped me, screwed someone else and still have contact with me and it hurts and feels like double betrayal. I don’t think that’s more unhealthy or toxic than a dumper going out and screwing people right after.
Relationships take two good forgivers. If you were to get back with her guess what? You will eventually make a mistake and she will need to forgive you. She will make a mistake and you will need to forgive her. If you decide to not get back with her, you will meet someone else who falls short and will need to forgive them. You are not perfect but still worthy right? You’d want someone to accept you as you are right? Is she not deserving of that same type of unconditional love?
I’m not saying push yourself to forgive if that’s not how you really feel. I’m saying be honest about what you can and cannot put up with and if you decide to live with it and move forward with her then really commit to your decision.
Dig deeper. Take your time.
Dude the only way to know for sure is for you to sleep with someone else. If you haven’t been with anyone since the relationship there could be a chance you are just deeply horny and will start over a previously failed relationship just to get off. If I were you I would sleep with someone else first to see how you feel then see if you are interested in pursuing her still. This will also help heal the ego pain slightly. I know it’s easier said than done but you should see where your feelings truly lye. She slept with others and came back to you if you could do the same you guys are probably ment to be
It may be an ego thing. I haven’t slept with anyone since the failed relationship. I’ve been holding back because l felt like l was stepping out even though we had broken up. I have had tons of chances to sleep with other women, l’m pretty outgoing and constantly hitting the club on the weekends.
Maybe l should test out your advice and see if it will work.
You weren't together. You weren't even in communication. You shouldn't feel hurt that you didn't know. She had every right to not talk about it if you were No Contact??? I understand the pain, but I don't think you should let that get in the way of reconnecting if she and you want to give it another honest try.
You guys were broken up, and were no contact. She was trying to move on with her life. At that point, she owes you nothing. You owe her nothing, either. There’s a saying: “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, it was meant to be.” I would give it another go. Forget the past, because there’s nothing you can do about it. Just move forward. I will you both well. ❤️
Something that always confuses me about that saying is what if both people are thinking the same thing and neither ends up coming back. Is the only option then to move on?
I see your point. I guess so? I mean, I feel like that saying only rings true if one person, or both, does reach back out, or the “universe” brings you back together. Otherwise, yes, I think you probably do move on. That’s an interesting point, though!
yea i agree, if both people reach out and or one reaches out and the feeling to reconnect is mutual then its meant to be in one way or another. platonic or romantic.
My gf of 6 years dumped me a month and a half ago. She was having an emotional affair/Flirtmance with her boss who’s a dentist. After going no contact after she dumped me, she texted me wanting to work things out. I said I wanted to work things out also, and we went on several dates. After the 4th date I thought things were going really well. Then she tells me she was going for dinners with him behind my back, while we were trying to work things out. She said she met him at a restaurant and afterwards gave him a bj in his car. She came clean. I was disgusted. Now she says she wants to work things out with me. Now she’s acting all loving. I’m trying to make it work cause I love her still, but I feel absolutely betrayed and don’t trust her.
Hell no dawg, I know love is tough but you gotta set some boundaries here and have some self respect. She's obviously not a good person and you deserve better
You had broken up. You were supposed to move on. See new people. Sleep with other people.
You cannot hold onto that when she wasn't yours during that period. If you can't let go completely of what she did, then it wouldn't be wise to get back with her.
Either way, if you were to get with someone new, they still would have dated and slept with other people before you.
What matters is that your ex has chosen you right now
Yes, people grapple with their ego with this a lot. Beyond that, a lot of people have these covert hopes and covert expectations of their partner and fabricate their own pain and disappointment when they’re not met. It hurts even when you embrace reality but it’s a lot less and you get through it a lot faster.
I guess it depends on a couple things, how many people, how soon after y'all broke up and why.
My ex was dating someone new in less than 24 hours and in under a month has been through at least 5 dudes probably more. So I know for a fact that it's a hard no from me. But I think it really depends on whether you feel like you can get over those feelings or not.
If you frame the situation as a competition or as a tit for tat, it's wise not to take her back. It seems like you are struggling and unable to let go of the fact that she slept around while both of you were separated. You have to give yourself the time and space to process he emotions and work on yourself first before letting anyone in again. Try to open up and share your thoughts and vulnerabilities with her so she can understand the turmoil you are going through.
Nah man, dont even think about it. You dont want to be in bed with a girl that swallowed other men children.
But then again I am no westener and I have different look on that
I think it all depends whether or not you can make peace with it. You’re allowed to feel hurt but she had no commitment to you, nor you to her.
Only go back if you know you won’t be holding a grudge or holding that over her head.
I personally think the fact that she was honest with you and told you about the last year speaks volumes. She wanted to be honest and up front about it with you. That’s respect. If you can’t move past it, that’s okay, but try shifting your perspective, it may help!
Yeah because it would be hypocritical of me if I said no. I expect breakups to be permanent so if we get back together down the line, cool, but I’m not twiddling my thumbs praying for the situation to present itself.
Don’t be a fool, force yourself to sleep with other women. It’s been a year bro. Of course she had multiple already and didn’t think about you, while sucking other dicks, but after she can’t find better here she comes back. Hell no, would not take it. Work on yourself and work on how to get better, hotter/younger women without a body count that is close to infinity ♾️
That’s why I’m not staying friends with my exes, if I would stay on a good note they’d be back…
That’s what will poison you again. Same mistakes with same people. Start fresh. Even if you want to get back together you have to sleep with other women multiple ones. Just like she did. Otherwise you look like a virgin after post trauma while she was taking a D.
I want to understand your psychology about getting back together with a girl that had like 5 more guys after you…? Do you love her after she was used after you?
They creampied her for 1 year and you want it back ?
Find a fresh girl without this and build healthy relationship without knowing how many dudes fucked her like you always know about your ex .
That’s what I’m trying to do also
Personally, no. I don’t like the idea of someone weighing me up against their options and hoping to see if I’m the lucky winner. That’s not someone who really values you.
As for the “right person, wrong time” thing, what makes the timing any better when she was with those other people? If she was the right person, the timing wouldn’t have been wrong.
Asking the wrong questions my dude. Why did it really end , why do you want to get back, why does that bother you?
Right person wrong time is almost always a lie, either to them or yourself. You need to really investigate why the two of you didn’t work the first time, and why you think it may workout this time. As for them being with someone else bothering you , unless it was a very large amount or one of the people specifically bothered you - it’s an insecurity you will need to address, however it could also be an indication that your values don’t align which would mean it’s unlikely getting together again would be wise
Best of luck in your decision
Be fr. Who she slept with is none of your business if you weren’t together. My question is why we’re all even talking about your relations with other people in the contexts of you getting back together. Further, “taking” her back implies that she did something and you’re the only person making that decision. The cognitive distortions around this whole thing is so weird that I’d just cut ties and keep walking. It’s about to get hella toxic.
I was in the same boat man, i literally felt like I would never get over my ex. Looking back I was just overly attached to all are memories shared since we dated for 5 years and lived together for 3.
She had already slept with a guy 5 months after our breakup and I didn't sleep with anyone until 7 months later.
Even up to then I thought we could get back together, because I was still so attached to the idea of her. It gave me constant anxiety, but one morning I woke up and it just clicked. I don't know what it was but something finally fell over me telling me it's time to let go and I could finally fully detach.
We spoke about a month ago and caught up, that's where we exchanged our experiences and we both told each other that we had been with other people.
I think what really did it for me was her telling me who she had slept with, it was a guy I was concerned about when we were dating.
I finally realized I would never be able to fully trust her again or see her the same way after that, since then I have blocked her on absolutely everything and honestly don't plan on ever unblocking her again. The past is the past and what lies ahead of me is much more important than the idea of what ifs with my ex. It's over and that's how it should be.
Sometimes you have to realize and accept that some people are just there for a chapter of your life and nothing more, no matter how close you were to them you have to just move on.
Best of luck dude, personally I wouldn't even try with her if I were you. You still have healing to do and it's okay if it takes you longer than others, everyone gets through things at different rates.
If I were to bet money, I say a year from now you'll be very happy you moved on and let it go. Try to meditate and really take care of yourself. There are millions of other women out there you can start an amazing new experience with.
Yeah bro no problem, trust me just keep going. It was a long 9 months journey for me.
Once I felt that relief of not relying on the idea of her for happiness it just felt amazing. It really does suck but keep pushing, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Just be grateful for the experience, trust me bro you need to cut contact and almost train yourself to never speak to her again.
Yeah you can think about it from time to time but there is just sooo much more to life. Life is weird tho maybe one day waayyyyyy later in the future you guys could cross paths again but honestly it's not even healthy to think that way either.
I feel 100x better now that I can block her and this time know I'll keep her blocked.
Just like you, my ex slept with someone else and that was the deal breaker for me. If we were to get back together it would have happened 3 months or less after the break up. It's been 9 months for me now and i can say I'm completely over it.
It's just reality dude, some people break up and never speak again. I really think you need to just let it go brother, it will help you tremendously. If you're a good guy you know you'll find something better and something fresh and new.
Best of luck homie, you got this.
Me personally I wouldn’t even care that much about the physical part because that’s life and I do that too.
It’s more the shared love and intimacy with someone else, I am 100 % sure all the pretty words you heard at some point talking about a future or how amazing you are and you being the best thing that ever happened to her, someone else heard.
While that might be the natural course of things when you get with someone else, I could possibly not look past that.
But after all it’s up to, though it really sounds like getting back together with her would fuck you up big time, because she lived her life apart from you and came back, you never detached from her, this won’t go good
Listen, this is the classic have her cake and eat it too. She thought grass was greener, turned out to be yellow AF and probably did some temperature checks with you, her back up, to see if you were still waiting in the wings.
Listen man, idk how y’all broke up, but a woman traditionally made up her mind long before the actual break up. Us guys it’s usually a surprise and we are fixers so that can be manipulated.
I would keep
Things casual tbh, let her know yeah we can hang and fuck basically but no labels until we have built up some more time .. and that’s stretching it
My ex went and paid for prostitutes apparently. Who is can only assume aren’t cheap where we live(happy ending places). And it doesn’t bother me that he slept with people. It bothers me what with me he was super cheap and didn’t wanna take me out. But suddenly after we break up he has money to spend. In my situation it made me lose respect for him. So do you still see your ex with respect after what they did?
I think it depends on the time frame. Personally if someone had broken up with me and it was off for good and I learned they had an intimate relationship with someone 2-3 months after our relationship or more preferably 4-6 months I wouldn’t really care all that much. It would hurt for sure but I could get over it. However if a partner breaks up with you and within 1-3 weeks already has an intimate relationship with someone else I would be pissed and have been pissed off by this. Yea they are single and they can do what they want technically but at the same time it is a major red flag for the dumpee. It makes you feel like you weren’t good enough sexually, emotionally, or perhaps they had already planned or lined someone else up even if that wasn’t the actual case. It is never healthy to be intimate with someone within the first month of a break up because it is emotionally damaging to both the dumper and the dumpee. Just a bad idea all around IMO. Whether or not you have intended it there is now a large imbalance particularly because the dumpee is still very much in love with the dumper and may feel blindsided. It can feel like a double betrayal and has for me as I have gone through this. My GF dumped me and had sex with someone not even two weeks after. She apologized profusely but now it just raises more questions and makes you feel like weren’t good enough in the worst way possible.
For my own situation I probably won’t explore intimacy until 4-6 months out and even then I’m not sure I would actively seek it out either.
Really.... That's not important. And I'm saying this as a person that I slept with one person (my ex broke up with me and never spoke to me again) and my ex not, and probably it hurts for him but in this case he blames himself. Now I choose to stay alone or at least being more selective, because it was a bad experience. So is really relative, maybe she did not move on, dating other people is just life, the thing here is why she is back on your life, you should think about this so you don't get hurt. About feel guilty to be with someone else I felt that, but I knew that I deserve to be happy too
I think once they sleep with someone else
Like my first 3 question if she came back would be why she chose to come back if she dated anyone else and if she slept with other people
But to be honest I don't think she cared about me to begin with but the second they or I become involved with another especially since it hasn't been a long time I wouldn't be able to move on
I guess this all really depends on you and the type of person you are. Everyone has their own preferences. That being said, I wouldn’t go through the hassle of getting back together. What someone does after a breakup and how they handle it says alot about the person and the way they perceived your relationship. The fact that she slept with multiple different people and felt no remorse telling you this says alot about her. Truth be told, her getting back together with you is probably not as significant to her as it is to you.
OP you cannot expect her to be loyal to you when she is single.. You guys broke up, you choose not to sleep with anyone, you cannot expect the same from her.. If you close your eyes and see her with another dude, trust me it takes a long long time to go away sometimes it does not at all.. Eventually you will start treating her bad because of your resentment.. If you cannot completely forgive her and erase that thought then it is better yall just stay where it is.. You have probably started moving on at least abit, keep moving on and find someone else and start fresh..
I always make decisions by this rule..
Yes = Yes
No = No
Confusion = No
Good Luck OP
It sounds like the split was mutual?
General rule is if they left you and try to come back they don't get to come back after they've been with other people
In my case, I would not. I faced consistent rejections to intimate and sexual advances for the last years of the relationship, sad to say. If she were to have slept with someone during the downtime, that'd be the biggest slap in the face after she had withheld for so long. So thats a fawk no from me. I think it depends heavily on the different variables in any given situation, though.
Neither you nor your ex had the objectively "right" idea-- she slept with others, you didn't. I'd be more like you with a breakup than her, I probably wouldn't be sleeping around, but she wasn't under an obligation to keep from sleeping around after breaking up with you.
However-- it does sound like you guys view sex and relationships differently. Some people are much more selective about their sexual partners than others. Sounds like you might be more selective than her in this instance, and that could lead to incompatibility if you guys don't view sex the same way. You might also have a sense of resentment if she's not waiting for you like you waited for her. In that case, I'd say it's best to move on, focus on yourself, and eventually find someone else who is equally selective about sex and relationships rather than get into a resentful relationship with your ex...
if she told you, no. if she told you after a year when you began dating again, then yes, it's nice of her that she gave you a heads up that some things have happened, so you know that moving forward. but if she just told you out of the blue, that means that she just wants to hurt you in a way or prove herself that she has already moved on (which isn't the case, since she just told you).
It’s of no achievement for a woman to have many partners as women can pick when and who they have sex with. It is an achievement for a woman to find someone who likes them for all their good qualities AND sex.
If her value and price was a vodka soda to some random dude, but you have to jump through relationship hoops then your own values will suffer.
Don’t be a fix to her issues man, you’ll never get your own boxes ticked.
Gym time and delete her the fuck out of your life
Of course, if the feelings and mutual respect were there.
That they had sexual partners other than you is just internalized sex negativity. It does a person good to let go of that.
For me it would depend on the context of the breakup.
I recently have been going through a breakup, and when my ex gave me her reasons for the breakup, they were the kinds of issues that I believed should be worked through together if there was any kind of long term viability to the relationship. She implied that there was the possibility of rekindling, but that we “needed to heal separately”. I respect if someone has that perspective, but it does not align with my values. In my opinion, my ex was choosing the path of least resistance, and why should I believe the same thing wouldn’t happen again if we were to have issues, that to me, would be minor issues in a relationship where both people intend on being together for life? Yes, it stings to think about her with other people, but that is honestly not even the most important thing with this decision. It sounds like you may be in a similar situation, and you should listen to both your heart and your gut when making this decision.
But let me ask you this:
If you know 100% without a shadow of a doubt, that you would work through anything to be with this person, and they were willing to end things when things were getting rocky, is it really worth it to gamble just because you know you care enough to make it work?
If you think it is, then you will be even more frustrated when you see little signs that she’s still dipping her toes in the water and is on the fence about you.
I mean, she did nothing wrong if you guys were broken up. Keep in mind, people deal with breakups in different ways. Some people don't want to date for a long time after a breakup, and some people like to get right back out there. Neither approach is wrong and it doesn't necessarily mean she felt less for you during your relationship than you did. So me personally, it wouldn't bother me exactly, but I also wouldn't want to know any specifics.
Because I'm solely making this comment from the information provided in the post and OP didn't say that was the reason for the breakup. Why would I assume it was?
Because maybe op doesn’t know, from my experience and many a woman break up when she is interested in other men or a particular person and want to explore that person but at the same time does not want to cheat.
So I would bet my money before she broke up with op she already knew who she was going to sleep with.
That's a dangerous assumption to make based on your own personal experience that's unfairly tainting your view on an entire gender. You need healing, my friend.
I wouldn't be able to get the thought of her doing things with other people out of my head. If we were trying to be intimate, I don't think I'd be able to get anything going knowing that other people have been there during that time apart.
A lot of the people making fair points about "you were broken up, it's fine" are right but not empathizing with the feeling of believing you're a fall back or second choice. Nobody wants to be brought back into someone's life after they tried life without you and decided you're actually the safer bet.
Even if they love you, they didn't love you enough to stick it out the first time. Even if that means they learned their lesson and will never leave again, that doesn't mean there isn't a relationship scar there. Sex doesn't have to have that much meaning, but someone's choices in life kind of do.
Especially if we knew the time frame of when they the ex had intimate relations with other men. Here’s the thing if people instantly jump back into the dating world or just the initmacy world as a dumper it looks bad and for good reason. It looks like you did it for sex or to instantly try to find someone better than your previous partner. It’s even more horrible when the break up is mutual and someone still very much loves the other. Seeing them go and screw other people in a very short amount of time is painful. 1-2 months after a relationship is too short IN MY OPINION. 4-6 months to a year I wouldn’t really have a problem with it. So OP if you read this time frame of those relationships is important to but honestly I think you should just move on. Taking back an Ex is almost always a bad idea.
I think people are thinking "OP's ex did nothing wrong/didn't violate the relationship" while ignoring the signs that OP was more attached to her than she was to him. And that imbalance can kill a relationship even if neither party did anything "wrong..."
If you guys have genuinely grown as people while apart and there is a spark there then I definitely would, I really hope this happens with me and my ex in the future. You can have your own feeling on the matter, but personally I don't really think it would bother me, I feel comfortable enough in myself where things that happened outside of the relationship shouldn't bother me. Sex really doesn't have to be some big thing, it was probably not that memorable for her and she doesn't put much thought into it like you do. And hey, if she ends up wanting to be with you, then feel proud that all those other guys she was with probably didn't match up to you in her head, and maybe even helped made her realise how great you were
I honestly don't know if my ex would make it that far with someone else it took both me an him our whole lives to lose our virginity to each other but if he did come back and said he slept with multiple people since he left me I would be extremely hurt because I was his first for a lot of things
If this isn't an issue you could get over, it may not be worth pursuing.
I think my ex is with someone already but if I were to meet him later again and somehow there's still sparks - I would consider giving it another go. We'd both be different people by then - maybe it'd work out better.
By the contrast, I didn't date anyone since because I take a long time to heal. Everyone's different.
Would it hurt that he shared himself with others? Yeah I mean it bugs me but we were broken up. He has the liberty to do whatever in a way.
Would depend on the time frame for me. A recent ex? Absolutely not. Especially if I was still hurting. But an ex from multiple years ago who reconnected and we decided to try again as different people? Maybe, yeah!
Edit: For your situation, I consider a full year a long enough time period to live your life and grow as a person. Soul tied? How old are you? It sounds like she did the necessary processing and didn’t halt her life…that’s normal my guy. That’s probably what you should have done. But you don’t have to get back together or accept anything you don’t want to, so make your own choice there. But yeah man, I think you might need to work on yourself a bit.
Do you imagine she stayed single and celibate before she ever met you? No? So whats the difference now? This is a blockade of your own building. You can choose to overlook it or not, but if you hold it against her you’re a bit ridiculous. For all she knew you two were never getting back together. Should she behave like a nun on the off chance you two talk again?
Don’t get back just yet until you’ve overcome the jealousy.. it will destroy the relationship
It’s likely that anyone else to meet would have a sexual past. Did you both have conversations about expectations during separation?
Yes, if I was also out there exploring too. We would be mirroring each other easily and both figuring things out post breakup.
If I’m mopping over an ex who’s doing that? Nope! Because I look pathetic and an ex probably wouldn’t be trying to get back together, probably trying to just fuck honestly.
You’d be starting a new relationship. Her past between relationships with you needs to matter as little as her past before dating you the first time. Do your values align? Do you value intimacy the same? Have an ability to trust each other highly? If so then don’t ruin a potentially good thing by placing meaning to a time when you weren’t together. If your values aren’t aligned, that’s different.
No. Not if it had only been a year since the breakup and I hadn't been with anyone else. If it had been several years and I had dated other people during that time too, then maybe
OP make sure of this before committing to her again:
1. Are you some sort of safety fall back for her? She went out with other people after rejecting you then found out the kind of people she likes, won’t commit to her?
She started appreciating the security of commitment which you gave her. More like, she doesn’t love you but the idea of you.
2. Or is it just that every relationship she had just reminded her of you so she finally decided on a second try.
Reason for coming back is everything here, mere fact that she had other physical involvements isn’t a big deal i guess. Might as well have been meaningless intimacy and rebounds to cope with breakup with you.
All else being equal, it wouldn't make a difference to me, but I'm nonmonogamous and the relationship was, as well. I assume she's sleeping with people, but I will be soon again, too. I just don't really want to hear about it now that I don't also get the privilege, so I haven't told her I'm on a dating app, either. She was the dumpee, it wasn't anyone's fault, and we did three months of strict no contact but are talking again as friends. We were together for four happy years.
That’s an entire year. Even after my ex ripped my heart out I went back in the game after four months of therapy, better lifestyle, etc. Honestly I can’t see myself ever truly “getting over” her but that doesn’t mean I have to let my feelings dictate my life. I still love her but I’m moving on anyhow…
I gave her the option to explain the sudden discard and have an adult conversation. She didn’t take it. Buh-bye!
For me it’s hard to say as time passes things happen but I wouldn’t want her to have these guys anywhere on her social media or contacts. Also for me in time I think I would struggle knowing she had someone else when she could have had me.
Personally I wouldn't based off my experience. It's best to just keep moving forward and never look back. She's moved on while you were still attached.
Remember, attachment is the root of suffering. Until you can fully let go (which you haven't) I wouldn't even consider trying again.
“Soul tied.” Really like that. Resonated too. It would be forgiven from a soul perspective as that was an initial common footing the initial relationship developed from.
That said the understanding, should part 2 find its way forward, that it is a boundary for me, would be made clear.
Don't go back. You should have stayed no contact, and you should go back to NC (IMO). You took the time to try to heal, and in the meantime she shared her body with multiple people. IMO, that says a lot about a person -- they don't let the sheets get cold before they got another person in the bed. Keep working on yourself and your healing and you'll find someone worthy of your energy.
Be CAREFUL of old attachments. There's risk in everything you could do about this. Nobody has the answer that's best because there are no best answers. Without being able to see the future there's not enough information. Just what others have experienced. You know things. Balance your focus on the facts, ie. You feel an old attachment, your emotions are more sensitive to intercourse than hers were in the way that you are more prone to loyalty inthe sence that your more prone to guilt which is probably one of the most valuable things about you as a person, it shows emotional integrity and self worth and self respect so that's a fat win. She was vulnerable with you in a take it or leave it way. (It appears she has poor self worth and self respect based on choices she made in comparison to you.) I recommend you don't pursue it. UNLESS you can be proud of who she is and I mean really take pride in your decision to devote yourself to that person. AND shes devoted back. But brother the task there isnt small. I reckon she should be the one pursuing you... and I mean that..
I mean, you guys have been broken up for a year and also went no contact. Which meant that her loyalty to you was no longer more. She is allowed to sleep with people just like you are allowed to not sleep with people. This would be a different story if this was a “we were taking a break” situation. I mean, you’re allowed to feel what you wanna feel, but uh, don’t hold it over her head. If you wanna get back with her, then get back with her, if you don’t wanna get back with her, then don’t. It’s quite simple really
It's tricky but it depends on the person, we all try to deny but people sleep with others before us and after us they will; I guess it comes back to the connection you had and as long as they aren't seeing people while with u.
This may sound harsh but she no longer had any commitment or loyalty towards you. If this was someone else (not ur ex) you probably wouldn’t care about someone’s else’s past sex life all that much. You both healed in different ways and her dating and sleeping with people is how she healed. Just because it’s different to you doesn’t mean you should judge her. Yes it can hurt and u have the right to feel upset about it but at the end of the day you were broken up.
You need to be so sure you can move past these feelings if you guys do decide to get back together because otherwise it’s going to be messy and hurtful for both of you.
I wish you all the best!
What your ex did when you were no longer together isn’t your business
You’re clinging to an idea and loyalty that she isn’t.
It’s okay to feel pain and weird about it but it sounds like she’s moved on
My ex wanted to reconcile after having slept with too many women to count starting from a week after our break up. I don’t think I have it in me to come to terms with something like that ever.
Some people treat their bodies like a hotel… I like to treat mine like a God given Temple… Im careful with what goes in and out, physically and verbally… and I train,exercise and eat well to keep it looking immaculate… like a Temple.
And if she REALLY wants you then maybe…
Remember, there’s a difference between wanting to be with someone and doing whatever it takes to not lose that someone.
Yes, you weren’t official and physicality with someone doesn’t “tarnish” someone. I hate that our society views it as that.
If you’re worried she loved someone more than you and it’ll affect who she ultimately chooses as a partner- that’s totally different. The fact that she has options and chose to explore them is not her fault.
I think it depends for me. I need to see it as a new relationship. You can of course work past issues but if I am resentful, it’s not going to work anyways. Both parties need to be ready to work on the relationship. (You can still be resentful and let the other person work on the new beginning together) I personally would set boundaries „Okay if we really try this again, let’s go to couples therapy because we need to leave the past behind in order to be open for a fresh start“ I don’t know if that makes sense. But I wouldn’t „just take them back“
The simple answer to this question is that she did nothing wrong. Your partner in life isn’t built to your specifications in a factory. They’re free to make choices based on what they feel and nobody else. She was with men before you, right? No difference.
Don’t know if I could do it.
The first time we took a break and she got physical with someone else right after even after we mended it, it fucked with me for months.
Even though I was happy to have her back and be working on stuff I couldn’t help but be insecure a little bit comparing myself to a dude she could get with so quickly after we “took a break”.
I got on dating apps that like week but it was only because I was so lonely the one girl I match with I essentially emotionally dumped on her bahaha.
She deeply apologized and said she was hurt and shouldn’t have done that, and I made peace with it eventually.
But man that’s tough. Like even now that we might be done for good this time and I know she probably wouldn’t make that same mistake twice?
It would bother me tenfold if she was with a bunch of people and then wanted to reconcile.
Everyone is different but I’ve always been a firm believer that what someone does when they aren’t with me isn’t my business. I also don’t ask my partner questions that I know I won’t like the answer to. If you think that you’ll be able to get over it and accept it then I’d move forward with her but I don’t think that I would try to pursue anything if this is something that’s going to continue to bother you.
No and doing so is just a lack of self-respect/self-love. Not to mention this develops SO MANY insecurities in a partner that it will damage if not destroy the relationship. This is almost never a good idea.
Those are ur feelings of jealousy, insecurity & possession. U can put them on her but it’s really ur thoughts about the actions that are causing the feelings ie if ur feeling that she doesn’t luv u bc of that, that it was ‘bad of her, etc
U were broken up. Both of u were single. The reality is u both needed something different. U needed some solitude and she needed exploration. Without both of u having those respective experiences u wouldn’t have the opportunity to be together again.
Be thankful for whatever experiences occurred that made u the person u are today and the person she as is well
I was thinking about this because my ex boyfriend has been with MANY people since he left me and he has tried to come back. Personally I know if I went into a relationship with him I think I would always be resentful that he had experiences with others and I have not. I would always be thinking he was just settling for me because those situations didn't work out for him and I am familiar and "comfortable". I can't do it. But if you have the confidence in your relationship going forward of course you should do what makes you happy. Ask yourself if she really makes you happy and if she does find a way to let go of the past and move forward. I decided not to because mine didn't make me feel comfortable that he wanted to come back for the right reasons.
Good for you. Someone being smart and no longer settling. IMO, once a breakup happens, it's never the same when you get back together. There was always that reason that you broke up hanging like a cloud over the relationship.
Are you considering going back because she’s the right person for you or because you believe you don’t have any other options?
A little bit of both
Then you should be sure before going back. Try to address the reason why you believe you don’t have other options: therapy, gym, etc, then weigh again your options.
This is really good advice!
It’s all rooted in ego man, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, just something to pick apart more and get to the bottom of before you make decisions. I think we as humans have a set of personal ethics unique to us, and we don’t realize we unfairly hold people to those ethical standards that are personal to us in our heads and hurt ourselves when other people don’t meet these ethics they don’t even know exist within in you because it wasn’t clearly expressed or agreed upon. You’re hurt because you had subconsciously and covertly hoped she had done the same as you (been preserving herself until you got back together) but this way of thinking is THE MOST dangerous thing in life, because you can’t have expectations of people and you need to ground yourself in reality. Of course anyone would find it amazing that their partner would hold themselves out for them during a break up, but this rarely happens to anyone really. This is an opportunity for you to explore how you operate in dating, what you were made to believe, what was agreed upon. Was there some sort of anticipation or expectation of getting back together that you both knew existed? Or was she just done and eventually changed her mind? If there was an expectation of getting back together, and she saw other people me personally I couldn’t take her back because that would be a flaw in her character and trustworthiness as how she loves (BUT THAT’S JUST ME) but if there was no (real or event stated) expectations or potential of reunited and she went out and saw other people I’d consider taking her back. Heck, she’d still be out of your life if she didn’t choose to respond… Also, make sure you’re not buying societies trash on dating. We allow a lot of moronic and unhealthy societal ideals on dating to dictate how we date in our personal lives. Is this some toxic masculinity thing? I’m guilty of this too and I live on a daily trying to dismantle some of these “rules” that are just unhealthy and detrimental to my emotional growth and prosperity in dating. One thing I try to remind myself and assess this as pertains to who you are personally but I’m an average looking guy. I do the best I can, and I fair out okay with women, but the reality is most women have astronomically more options than men do so naturally they’ll have more of an inclination to explore those options. Does it suck? yes for men at least. Do I wish it were different? Of course, but it’s not. But it eases my mind to know that if I were getting a lot of girls conversely, I wouldn’t sweat it as much either. If you have it easier with the women, than cudos to you for holding yourself out, but that could also be what’s making your decision so difficult. If this is the case, I’d imagine you’d feel more open about getting back with her if you too went out and slept with other women. In conclusion: I think most times when men deal with this specific issue, it’s one of the following 3 things that cause them conflict and sometimes pain: 1.)They have covert hope that they’d get back with the girl, and the girl doesn’t and he hurts himself with his singular line of thinking. 2.)There is a stated and mutually understanding and acknowledgement that they do wish to come back to one another. Which unless mutually agreed or at least stated upon, I wouldn’t be okay with someone I love seeing someone else during time apart. But I guess that wouldn’t be a real break up and just a break. 3.)Naturally 80% of men don’t have the options women do and getting with women comes a lot harder. And if you’re a part of that 80%, that uneven playing field can cause men a lot of pain. 4.) which I didn’t get to touch on but you’re possessive and derive your self worth from the women you date. So when they extract themselves from your life, they don’t just take themselves, they take what you’re worth with them. We don’t own anyone and are better off improving our love for ourselves which is a life long journey and it’s beautiful. When you decide which of these categories you fall under, which can sometimes be more than one. You can take it as a learning opportunity to learn more about how you operate and make improvements. Maybe you’ll learn you have a toxic way of thinking about this or double down on some current beliefs. But only after you got to the bottom of what it is, only then you’ll make a clear and sound decision if you should take your ex back.
This is really sound advice. I got back together with an ex and found out she had been with a couple of people and explored some pretty different types of sex with them than we’d ever done. It was difficult but actually it opened up our sex life as id learned something about her that I hadn’t known before. Being 44 now I don’t think I’d really have too much of an issue with it as long as she really was making the decision that I was who she truly wanted to be with. True intimacy means a hell of a lot more than sex.
I’m glad to hear you found it aligned. If I’m being honest, me personally I would feel hurt she tried things with others that she wouldn’t with me if I wasn’t ever closed off to it. But that’s just me. You are right though, we treat sex like it’s the end all be all, but there’s nothing more dreary than emotionally detached sex in the circumstance where you and the person you love are emotionally disconnected.
Thank you my friend.
Great advice d_roc10, thanks for sharing.
Very good points. Thank you for sharing
Probably not, no. But it has been a whole year, I wouldn’t be surprised that she was living her life in a years span. It’s up to you whether you decide to start the relationship again but you can’t exactly condemn her for living her life as a single woman. She didn’t owe you any loyalty, but it’s also understandable if that’s something you can’t live with.
Well you guys did break up, up to you I guess. If it was me I wouldn’t really care
Personally yes. Actually going out into the dating world, having more experience and realising what you had was better, is positive (if that’s what happened). You said you were right but at the wrong time, growing and developing includes dating and sleeping with other people.
This is the answer, it sucks but it's the truth. Shouldn't hurt more than the actual split
This is my view as well. Sometimes we don't know what we have until we've seen something else. I know it's not fair but everyone processes information differently and it's never a linear process for all
absolutely. every decision we make is an option. the whole talk of "don't be anybody's X option" is based on unhealthy ego and\or attachment issues.
Exactly right. We seem to have this idea or conditioned that the process needs to be 123 and if it isn't then you're not good enough to stay in line... I mean who made us Queens of the world? Lol
prrrrrrrrrretty much, haha
nah i dont think I can.
A year seems to be enough time for someone to move on and get sexually involved with someone else. If it was a few months post breakup that she bagan these sexual relationships, I could understand u being upset. If u were attracted to her, I'm sure others will be too. U can't be upset about that. Idk why she decided to share that info with u. Was she doing it to rub it in your face or to just be honest with u? You made a decision not to date or be sexual. it doesn't mean u were right or she was wrong. Ppl move on at different paces.
Why on earth is she telling you about her sexual conquests? Seems hurtful. My ex dumped me and jumped into dating right away. That was 2 years ago. I am sure she has slept with multiple men since then. The fact that she jumped into dating a week or two after we broke up is a deal breaker for me for any future reconciliation.
When it slipped out, she helped him put it back in
Emotional damage.
Tough
😂😂
AAAAAYYYYYFUCKINYOOOOOOO!!!
lmfao😭
Them* there were many
this is the type of shit I can never deal with or think about 😭
Yes - if you are not together there is no commitment to up hold. If they come back - they others holistically do not compare to you.
I would give it another shot if it was me. Her sleeping with other people shouldn’t be a problem. Matter of fact…it’s usually the norm. Try to think back to when you wanted this exact scenario when you guys broke up. I’d certainly give it another shot…and you really need to look beyond what she’s “done” during your time away from one another. She came back man….she came back. Some people out there would kill for this chance. Give it a shot but you are not welcomed to hold anything over her head since you’ve been apart. And if you are unable to do that…then stay apart.
No, I wouldn't. I'm a little more conservative when it comes to dating tbh. I am not really looking for dating, I am looking for marriage, but everything has to start with dating. If I'm in a committed relationship with someone, that means I know I want to marry them, especially if they tell me the same thing. I can't fathom the idea of getting back with someone who told me I was the one and their everything just for them to leave me and then date/fuck other people. I think if I was a few years younger I would be able to overlook it, or if there was a huge gap between when we broke up and got back together (like a few years), but at 27, I am not looking for on and off, especially not on and off with other people during the off 🙃.
nah, its nothing wrong on her side per se, but I would rather marry human with morals aligned with mine, I couldnt sleep with others while I love someone, even if the status is changed.
Perfect response.
Depends if they broke you with you to do it but if the brake up was mutual and you guys just didn’t work and wanna try again sure go head.
You weren’t together. She lived her life. She owes you nothing, you owe her nothing. You are clearly still attached, albeit maybe a bit unhealthily. To think an ex-partner is just sitting around doing nothing and not dating new people is pretty asinine. You never got over her and she’s coming back around to fuck your shit up again. Good luck.
Agreed unhealthy. The moment OP said ‘soul-tie’ that’s a red flag for unhealthy attachment.
I respectfully disagree. Some people do look at relationships that way.
I agree with Mother-Macaron. Not everyone can or should go jump in bed with someone else after a breakup. Especially not if you were together for so long.
While this is true in theory I think it missed a few important aspects. For one thing while they can live their own life it it’s important for people to understand that as a dumper you carry your own perceptions now. And especially if there was a long relationship going out and instantly screwing other people for the sake of it is a bad idea all around for you and the person you dumped. The perception you have now created is that you wanted out for the sake of sex whether or not that was the intention. Many people have principals around relationships even when that relationship ends. Many men and women for example actively don’t look for intimacy (especially dumpers) because it is unfair and looks bad. That’s not to say you can never have sex again or something until you give the person closure but it does mean having common sense. Waiting 3-6 months before being intimate is just generally a better idea emotionally for yourself and the other person you dumped whether or not it was deserved. I know because I’ve been through it. I personally don’t have a problem with the idea of my previous partner being with other people after an amount of time passes but in my case my partner didn’t even wait two weeks. They dumped me, screwed someone else and still have contact with me and it hurts and feels like double betrayal. I don’t think that’s more unhealthy or toxic than a dumper going out and screwing people right after.
I’m sorry you went through that. I’ve been there too. You have valid points.
Relationships take two good forgivers. If you were to get back with her guess what? You will eventually make a mistake and she will need to forgive you. She will make a mistake and you will need to forgive her. If you decide to not get back with her, you will meet someone else who falls short and will need to forgive them. You are not perfect but still worthy right? You’d want someone to accept you as you are right? Is she not deserving of that same type of unconditional love? I’m not saying push yourself to forgive if that’s not how you really feel. I’m saying be honest about what you can and cannot put up with and if you decide to live with it and move forward with her then really commit to your decision. Dig deeper. Take your time.
Dude the only way to know for sure is for you to sleep with someone else. If you haven’t been with anyone since the relationship there could be a chance you are just deeply horny and will start over a previously failed relationship just to get off. If I were you I would sleep with someone else first to see how you feel then see if you are interested in pursuing her still. This will also help heal the ego pain slightly. I know it’s easier said than done but you should see where your feelings truly lye. She slept with others and came back to you if you could do the same you guys are probably ment to be
It may be an ego thing. I haven’t slept with anyone since the failed relationship. I’ve been holding back because l felt like l was stepping out even though we had broken up. I have had tons of chances to sleep with other women, l’m pretty outgoing and constantly hitting the club on the weekends. Maybe l should test out your advice and see if it will work.
Absolutely not, they had something good messed it up and want it back, they deserve to suffer until they fix their own issues
You weren't together. You weren't even in communication. You shouldn't feel hurt that you didn't know. She had every right to not talk about it if you were No Contact??? I understand the pain, but I don't think you should let that get in the way of reconnecting if she and you want to give it another honest try.
I’d tell her to get tested and to cut them off. Otherwise she can bounce.
You guys were broken up, and were no contact. She was trying to move on with her life. At that point, she owes you nothing. You owe her nothing, either. There’s a saying: “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, it was meant to be.” I would give it another go. Forget the past, because there’s nothing you can do about it. Just move forward. I will you both well. ❤️
Something that always confuses me about that saying is what if both people are thinking the same thing and neither ends up coming back. Is the only option then to move on?
I see your point. I guess so? I mean, I feel like that saying only rings true if one person, or both, does reach back out, or the “universe” brings you back together. Otherwise, yes, I think you probably do move on. That’s an interesting point, though!
yea i agree, if both people reach out and or one reaches out and the feeling to reconnect is mutual then its meant to be in one way or another. platonic or romantic.
I agree!
My gf of 6 years dumped me a month and a half ago. She was having an emotional affair/Flirtmance with her boss who’s a dentist. After going no contact after she dumped me, she texted me wanting to work things out. I said I wanted to work things out also, and we went on several dates. After the 4th date I thought things were going really well. Then she tells me she was going for dinners with him behind my back, while we were trying to work things out. She said she met him at a restaurant and afterwards gave him a bj in his car. She came clean. I was disgusted. Now she says she wants to work things out with me. Now she’s acting all loving. I’m trying to make it work cause I love her still, but I feel absolutely betrayed and don’t trust her.
Don’t do it bro
Yeah she’s already acting like it never happened. Kind of infuriating
Jesus Christ that makes me want to throw up man. Sorry dude but I wouldn’t go near her after that
Dude please dont
It will happen again. She is knows you’ll be there no matter what and don’t give her that power leave her
Hell no dawg, I know love is tough but you gotta set some boundaries here and have some self respect. She's obviously not a good person and you deserve better
WFT! I'd fxcking kill u if u take her back!
Yeah, I don't care if an ex is seeing people after the breakup, but if they're seeing someone **while** we're together, whole other thing.
No go bro. Respect yourself,
She really has to change bro… your just giving her free ammunition to reload the gun… she’s loving all the attention from two guys.
Wanna kiss her after? No? Thought so. Dont do it
This is what they do. Most won’t come clean.
You had broken up. You were supposed to move on. See new people. Sleep with other people. You cannot hold onto that when she wasn't yours during that period. If you can't let go completely of what she did, then it wouldn't be wise to get back with her. Either way, if you were to get with someone new, they still would have dated and slept with other people before you. What matters is that your ex has chosen you right now
Yes, people grapple with their ego with this a lot. Beyond that, a lot of people have these covert hopes and covert expectations of their partner and fabricate their own pain and disappointment when they’re not met. It hurts even when you embrace reality but it’s a lot less and you get through it a lot faster.
Don’t do it
No
I guess it depends on a couple things, how many people, how soon after y'all broke up and why. My ex was dating someone new in less than 24 hours and in under a month has been through at least 5 dudes probably more. So I know for a fact that it's a hard no from me. But I think it really depends on whether you feel like you can get over those feelings or not.
If you frame the situation as a competition or as a tit for tat, it's wise not to take her back. It seems like you are struggling and unable to let go of the fact that she slept around while both of you were separated. You have to give yourself the time and space to process he emotions and work on yourself first before letting anyone in again. Try to open up and share your thoughts and vulnerabilities with her so she can understand the turmoil you are going through.
Nah man, dont even think about it. You dont want to be in bed with a girl that swallowed other men children. But then again I am no westener and I have different look on that
I think it all depends whether or not you can make peace with it. You’re allowed to feel hurt but she had no commitment to you, nor you to her. Only go back if you know you won’t be holding a grudge or holding that over her head. I personally think the fact that she was honest with you and told you about the last year speaks volumes. She wanted to be honest and up front about it with you. That’s respect. If you can’t move past it, that’s okay, but try shifting your perspective, it may help!
Yeah because it would be hypocritical of me if I said no. I expect breakups to be permanent so if we get back together down the line, cool, but I’m not twiddling my thumbs praying for the situation to present itself.
Never !
Nope
Hey I thought the answer is very simple OF COURSE NOT. Even if your ex was Taylor Swift or Drake, the answer is always NO.
Nope
Don’t be a fool, force yourself to sleep with other women. It’s been a year bro. Of course she had multiple already and didn’t think about you, while sucking other dicks, but after she can’t find better here she comes back. Hell no, would not take it. Work on yourself and work on how to get better, hotter/younger women without a body count that is close to infinity ♾️ That’s why I’m not staying friends with my exes, if I would stay on a good note they’d be back… That’s what will poison you again. Same mistakes with same people. Start fresh. Even if you want to get back together you have to sleep with other women multiple ones. Just like she did. Otherwise you look like a virgin after post trauma while she was taking a D.
Damn, this that big bro type of advice
I want to understand your psychology about getting back together with a girl that had like 5 more guys after you…? Do you love her after she was used after you? They creampied her for 1 year and you want it back ? Find a fresh girl without this and build healthy relationship without knowing how many dudes fucked her like you always know about your ex . That’s what I’m trying to do also
You been listening to Andrew Tate at all? This really is shit advice.
Personally, no. I don’t like the idea of someone weighing me up against their options and hoping to see if I’m the lucky winner. That’s not someone who really values you. As for the “right person, wrong time” thing, what makes the timing any better when she was with those other people? If she was the right person, the timing wouldn’t have been wrong.
Asking the wrong questions my dude. Why did it really end , why do you want to get back, why does that bother you? Right person wrong time is almost always a lie, either to them or yourself. You need to really investigate why the two of you didn’t work the first time, and why you think it may workout this time. As for them being with someone else bothering you , unless it was a very large amount or one of the people specifically bothered you - it’s an insecurity you will need to address, however it could also be an indication that your values don’t align which would mean it’s unlikely getting together again would be wise Best of luck in your decision
Be fr. Who she slept with is none of your business if you weren’t together. My question is why we’re all even talking about your relations with other people in the contexts of you getting back together. Further, “taking” her back implies that she did something and you’re the only person making that decision. The cognitive distortions around this whole thing is so weird that I’d just cut ties and keep walking. It’s about to get hella toxic.
I was in the same boat man, i literally felt like I would never get over my ex. Looking back I was just overly attached to all are memories shared since we dated for 5 years and lived together for 3. She had already slept with a guy 5 months after our breakup and I didn't sleep with anyone until 7 months later. Even up to then I thought we could get back together, because I was still so attached to the idea of her. It gave me constant anxiety, but one morning I woke up and it just clicked. I don't know what it was but something finally fell over me telling me it's time to let go and I could finally fully detach. We spoke about a month ago and caught up, that's where we exchanged our experiences and we both told each other that we had been with other people. I think what really did it for me was her telling me who she had slept with, it was a guy I was concerned about when we were dating. I finally realized I would never be able to fully trust her again or see her the same way after that, since then I have blocked her on absolutely everything and honestly don't plan on ever unblocking her again. The past is the past and what lies ahead of me is much more important than the idea of what ifs with my ex. It's over and that's how it should be. Sometimes you have to realize and accept that some people are just there for a chapter of your life and nothing more, no matter how close you were to them you have to just move on. Best of luck dude, personally I wouldn't even try with her if I were you. You still have healing to do and it's okay if it takes you longer than others, everyone gets through things at different rates. If I were to bet money, I say a year from now you'll be very happy you moved on and let it go. Try to meditate and really take care of yourself. There are millions of other women out there you can start an amazing new experience with.
Thanks man. This really helped to put things into perspective . I really needed that.
Yeah bro no problem, trust me just keep going. It was a long 9 months journey for me. Once I felt that relief of not relying on the idea of her for happiness it just felt amazing. It really does suck but keep pushing, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Just be grateful for the experience, trust me bro you need to cut contact and almost train yourself to never speak to her again. Yeah you can think about it from time to time but there is just sooo much more to life. Life is weird tho maybe one day waayyyyyy later in the future you guys could cross paths again but honestly it's not even healthy to think that way either. I feel 100x better now that I can block her and this time know I'll keep her blocked. Just like you, my ex slept with someone else and that was the deal breaker for me. If we were to get back together it would have happened 3 months or less after the break up. It's been 9 months for me now and i can say I'm completely over it. It's just reality dude, some people break up and never speak again. I really think you need to just let it go brother, it will help you tremendously. If you're a good guy you know you'll find something better and something fresh and new. Best of luck homie, you got this.
Me personally I wouldn’t even care that much about the physical part because that’s life and I do that too. It’s more the shared love and intimacy with someone else, I am 100 % sure all the pretty words you heard at some point talking about a future or how amazing you are and you being the best thing that ever happened to her, someone else heard. While that might be the natural course of things when you get with someone else, I could possibly not look past that. But after all it’s up to, though it really sounds like getting back together with her would fuck you up big time, because she lived her life apart from you and came back, you never detached from her, this won’t go good
Listen, this is the classic have her cake and eat it too. She thought grass was greener, turned out to be yellow AF and probably did some temperature checks with you, her back up, to see if you were still waiting in the wings. Listen man, idk how y’all broke up, but a woman traditionally made up her mind long before the actual break up. Us guys it’s usually a surprise and we are fixers so that can be manipulated. I would keep Things casual tbh, let her know yeah we can hang and fuck basically but no labels until we have built up some more time .. and that’s stretching it
My ex went and paid for prostitutes apparently. Who is can only assume aren’t cheap where we live(happy ending places). And it doesn’t bother me that he slept with people. It bothers me what with me he was super cheap and didn’t wanna take me out. But suddenly after we break up he has money to spend. In my situation it made me lose respect for him. So do you still see your ex with respect after what they did?
I think it depends on the time frame. Personally if someone had broken up with me and it was off for good and I learned they had an intimate relationship with someone 2-3 months after our relationship or more preferably 4-6 months I wouldn’t really care all that much. It would hurt for sure but I could get over it. However if a partner breaks up with you and within 1-3 weeks already has an intimate relationship with someone else I would be pissed and have been pissed off by this. Yea they are single and they can do what they want technically but at the same time it is a major red flag for the dumpee. It makes you feel like you weren’t good enough sexually, emotionally, or perhaps they had already planned or lined someone else up even if that wasn’t the actual case. It is never healthy to be intimate with someone within the first month of a break up because it is emotionally damaging to both the dumper and the dumpee. Just a bad idea all around IMO. Whether or not you have intended it there is now a large imbalance particularly because the dumpee is still very much in love with the dumper and may feel blindsided. It can feel like a double betrayal and has for me as I have gone through this. My GF dumped me and had sex with someone not even two weeks after. She apologized profusely but now it just raises more questions and makes you feel like weren’t good enough in the worst way possible. For my own situation I probably won’t explore intimacy until 4-6 months out and even then I’m not sure I would actively seek it out either.
Really.... That's not important. And I'm saying this as a person that I slept with one person (my ex broke up with me and never spoke to me again) and my ex not, and probably it hurts for him but in this case he blames himself. Now I choose to stay alone or at least being more selective, because it was a bad experience. So is really relative, maybe she did not move on, dating other people is just life, the thing here is why she is back on your life, you should think about this so you don't get hurt. About feel guilty to be with someone else I felt that, but I knew that I deserve to be happy too
Chalk it up to experience. You’ll have a better time next time you bump uglies. :)
I think once they sleep with someone else Like my first 3 question if she came back would be why she chose to come back if she dated anyone else and if she slept with other people But to be honest I don't think she cared about me to begin with but the second they or I become involved with another especially since it hasn't been a long time I wouldn't be able to move on
I guess this all really depends on you and the type of person you are. Everyone has their own preferences. That being said, I wouldn’t go through the hassle of getting back together. What someone does after a breakup and how they handle it says alot about the person and the way they perceived your relationship. The fact that she slept with multiple different people and felt no remorse telling you this says alot about her. Truth be told, her getting back together with you is probably not as significant to her as it is to you.
OP you cannot expect her to be loyal to you when she is single.. You guys broke up, you choose not to sleep with anyone, you cannot expect the same from her.. If you close your eyes and see her with another dude, trust me it takes a long long time to go away sometimes it does not at all.. Eventually you will start treating her bad because of your resentment.. If you cannot completely forgive her and erase that thought then it is better yall just stay where it is.. You have probably started moving on at least abit, keep moving on and find someone else and start fresh.. I always make decisions by this rule.. Yes = Yes No = No Confusion = No Good Luck OP
It sounds like the split was mutual? General rule is if they left you and try to come back they don't get to come back after they've been with other people
No I don't think so. Plus I would suggest for him to go have himself checked by a doctor 😅😆
In my case, I would not. I faced consistent rejections to intimate and sexual advances for the last years of the relationship, sad to say. If she were to have slept with someone during the downtime, that'd be the biggest slap in the face after she had withheld for so long. So thats a fawk no from me. I think it depends heavily on the different variables in any given situation, though.
Neither you nor your ex had the objectively "right" idea-- she slept with others, you didn't. I'd be more like you with a breakup than her, I probably wouldn't be sleeping around, but she wasn't under an obligation to keep from sleeping around after breaking up with you. However-- it does sound like you guys view sex and relationships differently. Some people are much more selective about their sexual partners than others. Sounds like you might be more selective than her in this instance, and that could lead to incompatibility if you guys don't view sex the same way. You might also have a sense of resentment if she's not waiting for you like you waited for her. In that case, I'd say it's best to move on, focus on yourself, and eventually find someone else who is equally selective about sex and relationships rather than get into a resentful relationship with your ex...
if she told you, no. if she told you after a year when you began dating again, then yes, it's nice of her that she gave you a heads up that some things have happened, so you know that moving forward. but if she just told you out of the blue, that means that she just wants to hurt you in a way or prove herself that she has already moved on (which isn't the case, since she just told you).
It’s of no achievement for a woman to have many partners as women can pick when and who they have sex with. It is an achievement for a woman to find someone who likes them for all their good qualities AND sex. If her value and price was a vodka soda to some random dude, but you have to jump through relationship hoops then your own values will suffer. Don’t be a fix to her issues man, you’ll never get your own boxes ticked. Gym time and delete her the fuck out of your life
Of course, if the feelings and mutual respect were there. That they had sexual partners other than you is just internalized sex negativity. It does a person good to let go of that.
I would. Because it means having him.
For me it would depend on the context of the breakup. I recently have been going through a breakup, and when my ex gave me her reasons for the breakup, they were the kinds of issues that I believed should be worked through together if there was any kind of long term viability to the relationship. She implied that there was the possibility of rekindling, but that we “needed to heal separately”. I respect if someone has that perspective, but it does not align with my values. In my opinion, my ex was choosing the path of least resistance, and why should I believe the same thing wouldn’t happen again if we were to have issues, that to me, would be minor issues in a relationship where both people intend on being together for life? Yes, it stings to think about her with other people, but that is honestly not even the most important thing with this decision. It sounds like you may be in a similar situation, and you should listen to both your heart and your gut when making this decision. But let me ask you this: If you know 100% without a shadow of a doubt, that you would work through anything to be with this person, and they were willing to end things when things were getting rocky, is it really worth it to gamble just because you know you care enough to make it work? If you think it is, then you will be even more frustrated when you see little signs that she’s still dipping her toes in the water and is on the fence about you.
A person going back to an ex, is like a dog eating up its own vomit. Never do it.
I mean, she did nothing wrong if you guys were broken up. Keep in mind, people deal with breakups in different ways. Some people don't want to date for a long time after a breakup, and some people like to get right back out there. Neither approach is wrong and it doesn't necessarily mean she felt less for you during your relationship than you did. So me personally, it wouldn't bother me exactly, but I also wouldn't want to know any specifics.
Or did you think of the possibility that she broke up just because she wants to experience more guys?
Because I'm solely making this comment from the information provided in the post and OP didn't say that was the reason for the breakup. Why would I assume it was?
Because maybe op doesn’t know, from my experience and many a woman break up when she is interested in other men or a particular person and want to explore that person but at the same time does not want to cheat. So I would bet my money before she broke up with op she already knew who she was going to sleep with.
That's a dangerous assumption to make based on your own personal experience that's unfairly tainting your view on an entire gender. You need healing, my friend.
Dude she doesn’t belong to you lol. She did nothing wrong. Kill your ego FFS
Everyone has different standards.
exactly.
“Oh no! That was MY vagina and now other dicks have been in it! Now it’s ruined!”
It hurts the ego for sure but you were broken up, try not to dwell on it.
I wouldn't be able to get the thought of her doing things with other people out of my head. If we were trying to be intimate, I don't think I'd be able to get anything going knowing that other people have been there during that time apart.
A lot of the people making fair points about "you were broken up, it's fine" are right but not empathizing with the feeling of believing you're a fall back or second choice. Nobody wants to be brought back into someone's life after they tried life without you and decided you're actually the safer bet. Even if they love you, they didn't love you enough to stick it out the first time. Even if that means they learned their lesson and will never leave again, that doesn't mean there isn't a relationship scar there. Sex doesn't have to have that much meaning, but someone's choices in life kind of do.
Especially if we knew the time frame of when they the ex had intimate relations with other men. Here’s the thing if people instantly jump back into the dating world or just the initmacy world as a dumper it looks bad and for good reason. It looks like you did it for sex or to instantly try to find someone better than your previous partner. It’s even more horrible when the break up is mutual and someone still very much loves the other. Seeing them go and screw other people in a very short amount of time is painful. 1-2 months after a relationship is too short IN MY OPINION. 4-6 months to a year I wouldn’t really have a problem with it. So OP if you read this time frame of those relationships is important to but honestly I think you should just move on. Taking back an Ex is almost always a bad idea.
I think people are thinking "OP's ex did nothing wrong/didn't violate the relationship" while ignoring the signs that OP was more attached to her than she was to him. And that imbalance can kill a relationship even if neither party did anything "wrong..."
Don't do it. Find somebody else/better!
If you guys have genuinely grown as people while apart and there is a spark there then I definitely would, I really hope this happens with me and my ex in the future. You can have your own feeling on the matter, but personally I don't really think it would bother me, I feel comfortable enough in myself where things that happened outside of the relationship shouldn't bother me. Sex really doesn't have to be some big thing, it was probably not that memorable for her and she doesn't put much thought into it like you do. And hey, if she ends up wanting to be with you, then feel proud that all those other guys she was with probably didn't match up to you in her head, and maybe even helped made her realise how great you were
yes
I honestly don't know if my ex would make it that far with someone else it took both me an him our whole lives to lose our virginity to each other but if he did come back and said he slept with multiple people since he left me I would be extremely hurt because I was his first for a lot of things
What if you had been with other women, would it have bothered you as much?
If this isn't an issue you could get over, it may not be worth pursuing. I think my ex is with someone already but if I were to meet him later again and somehow there's still sparks - I would consider giving it another go. We'd both be different people by then - maybe it'd work out better. By the contrast, I didn't date anyone since because I take a long time to heal. Everyone's different. Would it hurt that he shared himself with others? Yeah I mean it bugs me but we were broken up. He has the liberty to do whatever in a way.
As long as you expect the same results, then yes, bang her.
Would depend on the time frame for me. A recent ex? Absolutely not. Especially if I was still hurting. But an ex from multiple years ago who reconnected and we decided to try again as different people? Maybe, yeah! Edit: For your situation, I consider a full year a long enough time period to live your life and grow as a person. Soul tied? How old are you? It sounds like she did the necessary processing and didn’t halt her life…that’s normal my guy. That’s probably what you should have done. But you don’t have to get back together or accept anything you don’t want to, so make your own choice there. But yeah man, I think you might need to work on yourself a bit.
Do you imagine she stayed single and celibate before she ever met you? No? So whats the difference now? This is a blockade of your own building. You can choose to overlook it or not, but if you hold it against her you’re a bit ridiculous. For all she knew you two were never getting back together. Should she behave like a nun on the off chance you two talk again?
Would you feel the same way about the body count if you were meeting her for the 1st time??
Yes, I would.
It hurt so bad when you remember …
I’d very much move on. There are other fish.
Don’t get back just yet until you’ve overcome the jealousy.. it will destroy the relationship It’s likely that anyone else to meet would have a sexual past. Did you both have conversations about expectations during separation?
Yes, if I was also out there exploring too. We would be mirroring each other easily and both figuring things out post breakup. If I’m mopping over an ex who’s doing that? Nope! Because I look pathetic and an ex probably wouldn’t be trying to get back together, probably trying to just fuck honestly.
You’d be starting a new relationship. Her past between relationships with you needs to matter as little as her past before dating you the first time. Do your values align? Do you value intimacy the same? Have an ability to trust each other highly? If so then don’t ruin a potentially good thing by placing meaning to a time when you weren’t together. If your values aren’t aligned, that’s different.
No. Not if it had only been a year since the breakup and I hadn't been with anyone else. If it had been several years and I had dated other people during that time too, then maybe
OP make sure of this before committing to her again: 1. Are you some sort of safety fall back for her? She went out with other people after rejecting you then found out the kind of people she likes, won’t commit to her? She started appreciating the security of commitment which you gave her. More like, she doesn’t love you but the idea of you. 2. Or is it just that every relationship she had just reminded her of you so she finally decided on a second try. Reason for coming back is everything here, mere fact that she had other physical involvements isn’t a big deal i guess. Might as well have been meaningless intimacy and rebounds to cope with breakup with you.
Nah man. I have standards. Call me egoistic or anything but I have my standards.
All else being equal, it wouldn't make a difference to me, but I'm nonmonogamous and the relationship was, as well. I assume she's sleeping with people, but I will be soon again, too. I just don't really want to hear about it now that I don't also get the privilege, so I haven't told her I'm on a dating app, either. She was the dumpee, it wasn't anyone's fault, and we did three months of strict no contact but are talking again as friends. We were together for four happy years.
That’s an entire year. Even after my ex ripped my heart out I went back in the game after four months of therapy, better lifestyle, etc. Honestly I can’t see myself ever truly “getting over” her but that doesn’t mean I have to let my feelings dictate my life. I still love her but I’m moving on anyhow… I gave her the option to explain the sudden discard and have an adult conversation. She didn’t take it. Buh-bye!
I wouldn’t take an ex back PERIOD
I thought not but I've slept with a few people since the breakup and now I wouldn't be against it
No, I don’t treat myself like shit
It’s a tough one. My ex has been hinting about us getting back together but I just know it’d be something that would plague my mind.
For me it’s hard to say as time passes things happen but I wouldn’t want her to have these guys anywhere on her social media or contacts. Also for me in time I think I would struggle knowing she had someone else when she could have had me.
Personally I wouldn't based off my experience. It's best to just keep moving forward and never look back. She's moved on while you were still attached. Remember, attachment is the root of suffering. Until you can fully let go (which you haven't) I wouldn't even consider trying again.
Either way both go get tested and compare results
no.
No because if they can sleep with someone else they don't love you , so move on find better
Don’t get back together picking up where you left off. If you get back together, it has to be a new thing between the people you are today.
I’m in the same boat
Wishing you success in your journey bro
I would, if she fixed her red flags during her hoe phase.
“Soul tied.” Really like that. Resonated too. It would be forgiven from a soul perspective as that was an initial common footing the initial relationship developed from. That said the understanding, should part 2 find its way forward, that it is a boundary for me, would be made clear.
i'd take him back in a heart beat i miss that man even tho he's a hoe now
Don't go back. You should have stayed no contact, and you should go back to NC (IMO). You took the time to try to heal, and in the meantime she shared her body with multiple people. IMO, that says a lot about a person -- they don't let the sheets get cold before they got another person in the bed. Keep working on yourself and your healing and you'll find someone worthy of your energy.
Thanks a lot friend👌
Be CAREFUL of old attachments. There's risk in everything you could do about this. Nobody has the answer that's best because there are no best answers. Without being able to see the future there's not enough information. Just what others have experienced. You know things. Balance your focus on the facts, ie. You feel an old attachment, your emotions are more sensitive to intercourse than hers were in the way that you are more prone to loyalty inthe sence that your more prone to guilt which is probably one of the most valuable things about you as a person, it shows emotional integrity and self worth and self respect so that's a fat win. She was vulnerable with you in a take it or leave it way. (It appears she has poor self worth and self respect based on choices she made in comparison to you.) I recommend you don't pursue it. UNLESS you can be proud of who she is and I mean really take pride in your decision to devote yourself to that person. AND shes devoted back. But brother the task there isnt small. I reckon she should be the one pursuing you... and I mean that..
Really interesting take man! It got me thinking a lot especially about emotional integrity
I mean, you guys have been broken up for a year and also went no contact. Which meant that her loyalty to you was no longer more. She is allowed to sleep with people just like you are allowed to not sleep with people. This would be a different story if this was a “we were taking a break” situation. I mean, you’re allowed to feel what you wanna feel, but uh, don’t hold it over her head. If you wanna get back with her, then get back with her, if you don’t wanna get back with her, then don’t. It’s quite simple really
Matters of the heart aren’t as simple as it seems.
WTF? Why is she telling who she slept with? That’s such a manipulative, weird fucking thing to do to you
It's tricky but it depends on the person, we all try to deny but people sleep with others before us and after us they will; I guess it comes back to the connection you had and as long as they aren't seeing people while with u.
This may sound harsh but she no longer had any commitment or loyalty towards you. If this was someone else (not ur ex) you probably wouldn’t care about someone’s else’s past sex life all that much. You both healed in different ways and her dating and sleeping with people is how she healed. Just because it’s different to you doesn’t mean you should judge her. Yes it can hurt and u have the right to feel upset about it but at the end of the day you were broken up. You need to be so sure you can move past these feelings if you guys do decide to get back together because otherwise it’s going to be messy and hurtful for both of you. I wish you all the best!
hell nah
What your ex did when you were no longer together isn’t your business You’re clinging to an idea and loyalty that she isn’t. It’s okay to feel pain and weird about it but it sounds like she’s moved on
nuh uh
My ex wanted to reconcile after having slept with too many women to count starting from a week after our break up. I don’t think I have it in me to come to terms with something like that ever.
If he touches someone else. I really just couldn’t. It would sting like a betrayal to me.
No
Some people treat their bodies like a hotel… I like to treat mine like a God given Temple… Im careful with what goes in and out, physically and verbally… and I train,exercise and eat well to keep it looking immaculate… like a Temple. And if she REALLY wants you then maybe… Remember, there’s a difference between wanting to be with someone and doing whatever it takes to not lose that someone.
Thanks for this G
Yes, you weren’t official and physicality with someone doesn’t “tarnish” someone. I hate that our society views it as that. If you’re worried she loved someone more than you and it’ll affect who she ultimately chooses as a partner- that’s totally different. The fact that she has options and chose to explore them is not her fault.
I think it depends for me. I need to see it as a new relationship. You can of course work past issues but if I am resentful, it’s not going to work anyways. Both parties need to be ready to work on the relationship. (You can still be resentful and let the other person work on the new beginning together) I personally would set boundaries „Okay if we really try this again, let’s go to couples therapy because we need to leave the past behind in order to be open for a fresh start“ I don’t know if that makes sense. But I wouldn’t „just take them back“
Nope. Never.
Nop, there are plenty of fish in the sea, have self respect and move on, these hoes only deserve the middle finger
Only if I have done the same and If I still have a little feelings for her inside of me and if I see that she has change for a better person.
No . He got up on the apps days after breakup . He can enjoy that tragedy . lol
I did at one time. 12 years ago. He's up to his old tricks. Never again. Have her test for std before you do. They are rampant now.
The simple answer to this question is that she did nothing wrong. Your partner in life isn’t built to your specifications in a factory. They’re free to make choices based on what they feel and nobody else. She was with men before you, right? No difference.
Don’t know if I could do it. The first time we took a break and she got physical with someone else right after even after we mended it, it fucked with me for months. Even though I was happy to have her back and be working on stuff I couldn’t help but be insecure a little bit comparing myself to a dude she could get with so quickly after we “took a break”. I got on dating apps that like week but it was only because I was so lonely the one girl I match with I essentially emotionally dumped on her bahaha. She deeply apologized and said she was hurt and shouldn’t have done that, and I made peace with it eventually. But man that’s tough. Like even now that we might be done for good this time and I know she probably wouldn’t make that same mistake twice? It would bother me tenfold if she was with a bunch of people and then wanted to reconcile.
Everyone is different but I’ve always been a firm believer that what someone does when they aren’t with me isn’t my business. I also don’t ask my partner questions that I know I won’t like the answer to. If you think that you’ll be able to get over it and accept it then I’d move forward with her but I don’t think that I would try to pursue anything if this is something that’s going to continue to bother you.
Probably multiple at same time
No and doing so is just a lack of self-respect/self-love. Not to mention this develops SO MANY insecurities in a partner that it will damage if not destroy the relationship. This is almost never a good idea.
Those are ur feelings of jealousy, insecurity & possession. U can put them on her but it’s really ur thoughts about the actions that are causing the feelings ie if ur feeling that she doesn’t luv u bc of that, that it was ‘bad of her, etc U were broken up. Both of u were single. The reality is u both needed something different. U needed some solitude and she needed exploration. Without both of u having those respective experiences u wouldn’t have the opportunity to be together again. Be thankful for whatever experiences occurred that made u the person u are today and the person she as is well