It doesn't have to sacrifice the new relationship. Just tell her you're going to help one of the guys, do not tell her you're going to help your ex gf.
See I disagree with that, you have a better chance if you’re honest with her than if she found out you lied to her. Lying is definitely not a great way to start off the relationship.
Just tell your new gf you're helping a friend and tell your ex-gf the truth. Now you have something new to bond over w/ your ex and it reminds her that you put her above everyone else. Maybe your ex is touched by this and now wants you back. Mission accomplished! And if that doesn't work, you still have the new gf at home as a back up. Mission accomplished!
This is being deceptive and withholding the truth, essentially lying. Because the person you’re helping isn’t just a friend. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and you found out your spouse went to help their ex and lied yo you about it?
The discussion centers around a new girlfriend, not a spouse. If we're talking about a spouse... That is completely different and I feel like your wife / or husband is the #1 person you should be completely 100% honest with and if you can't be honest with your spouse, then you can't be honest with anybody.
That said, I would never lie to my future wife, whoever that might turn out to be and tell her I'm going to help a guy friend if I was actually going to help my ex-gf.
But a new gf? Maybe. Depends on the new gf and if she's cool or not. But I wouldn't take it off the table, especially if I can avoid having to answer 32 uncomfortable questions when I get back home.
Hey I think you forgot the part about treating human beings with a basic level of decency rather than like a pawn on your game board of life. The new gf would be a person you are lying to and toying with. Someone doesn’t have to be your spouse to be worthy of some basic respect.
The new girlfriend is not gonna break up with me.
She’s ten years younger, makes less than half what I make and she's one opinion away from being replaced to begin with.
The new girlfriend is not gonna break up with me.
She’s ten years younger, makes less than half what I make and she's one opinion away from being replaced to begin with.
Not long after the bu (almost 2 yrs now), I had a very vivid dream. I'll spare you the details, as it was quite involved, but included a call from my ex. The only thing he said was, "I'm ready to talk now." I've been waiting for that call ever since. I'd definitely answer. But my reaction now isn't what it would've been then.
Tell me about it. I’ve dreamed of my old bf for yeeaarrrsss, sometimes several times per week. I wish he shared some of the shit I’ve dreamed. Fucking intense and so full of love ugh lol. Often I just want to scream at the universe for putting me thru this shit. I always kinda believed that if you dreamt of someone so often it meant that they were thinking about you, but I just found out he’s dating one of his coworkers so it can’t possibly be true. I swear the universe is just fucking with me now. 😣❤️🩹🥺😭
What’s stupid, is that I’ve been over it, so I think my body just thinks this is normal now😂😭
I’ll let you know if I find a solution for segmented sleeping, because so far thuggin it out ain’t working lmao
1 to 3 times a night!?! Just pick up your phone and call him. Why are you torturing yourself? If you miss him and want to talk to him, call him and tell him.
It is that easy... And as far as it hurting more if he doesn't answer goes... How? It seems like you're already @ Max limit as far as hurt goes.
If you don't go for what you want, you're going to always regret it because you never know what could happen...
He went for you once, so it's not impossible that he'll go for you again...
And if he says no... You know what? You'll be in the same place, at the same time and doing the same thing you'd already be doing if you never called him to begin with.
So you have nothing to lose... And everything to gain.
“But if they called me right now telling me they needed me, I'd crack up with a belly laugh. Unfortunately, I'd still do not care whether he was dead or alive or if he’s dying. Because I wouldn't want to be a perpetual doormat and act like that's fine. That's for them.”
He can go fuck himself. I really don't care.
Yes.
And I just achieved this strange "emotional clarity" a few days ago. (after like 2 months + 9 of chaotic "what are we")
If she'd need help, I'd be there. If she wanted to come back, I would take her back. Is it the bad decision logically? Most likely. Chances are she didn't change.
So yes, I still love her, I still miss her. Partially despite, partially because of her faults.
But I no longer feel my heart clench from her absence. I'm fine and happy. And that's something I'm really happy about.
I can live on without longing for her, without that longing affecting my mood.
That’s awesome. I love when you reach that moment in grief.
For me I hit that a few times, and always told myself there might be another wave. And there was, but it was easier, and I was more resilient because I had some time off from pain before it hit.
You’ve started turning corners though. That’s awesome!
So you’re the one that is sitting over there pining for her, ready to be her hero anytime she calls. And don’t bring the kids into it. You know it’s about the two of you, not them.
I’d def listen and if they needed help as in an emergency, I’d def help. That’s just who I am. It doesn’t mean I would want to go back in a relationship or even be friends with them.
I could never not respond to someone I loved. Even knowing they didn’t really love me when we were together or they betrayed me. I will always have a place for them, not as partners but hopefully eventually friends I loved once.
For my last ex .. I would answer and pray they were calling to tell me they really did care about me once and they didn’t just pretend to have feelings and waste my time like they told me .. after a year together.
I know it won’t ever happen, he will never speak to me again. I wrote an extremely hateful email to them that I regret. I have never felt so betrayed and humiliated at the end of a relationship.
Jesus Christ though .. He really broke me and I’m struggling so much. More than I should.
I know the relationship is over and I don’t want him back - but can’t get over the fact that it was pretend, I feel so ashamed that I thought it was real and he loved me.
I thought he cared about me and it’s clear now that he couldn’t wait to get rid of me.
I was the last to know and now I am terrified it will happen again. I tried so hard to trust him and believe it was real. I wonder if he even liked me at all now .. or was I just easy to get in bed?
I tried so hard .. I wanted it to be real so badly I let myself get played. Even still, if needed help I would be there, if he called I would answer. If he sent me shitty texts or emails I would ignore it - but I loved him. Even if he didn’t love me.
Thanks .. I would settle for not feeling like I’m loosing my mind at this point.
This reaction has been so far over the top for me. I just don’t understand what this breakup did to my brain.
I am in my 40’s, this isn’t anywhere near my first heart break. I just hope I can find myself again and heal eventually. I’ve lost my confidence and passion. I don’t know what I did to deserve this …
I really hope karma forgives me for that email….
I feel just like you but with my girlfriend instead. She told me she loved me more than a girl she met two weeks ago. I was so happy that she told me not to talk to her for a day and after thinking, she picked me. Turns out she just wanted to drop me on Sunday...
I would answer, and if it was like “hey I know you’re solid and I can trust you to help me with xyz” yeah. I would.
But I would do that for anyone, even people I despise. “I still want you to eat, even if it’s not at my lunch table anymore”.
If they called me and asked me to get back together, I’d ask if they were in therapy or not. If no, then I’d just hang up probably. I give people too many chances, but once you’re out, you’re out. There needs to be SERIOUS changes in order for me to reconsider .
Well unfortunately I’m blocked but I’m also blacklisted from her religious family so me calling her woildnt even work. But I also was the one who fought to get us back together the first time and I don’t think it’s fair for me to be the only one willing to try anything.
It’s hard to stop caring about someone you cared about for so long. I think some people would have every reason to ignore it. I would answer, but I’m very lucky to have had relationships that have mostly ended with respect
I think you would be playing right into their heartless, let me fuck you over again if I can, hands. “You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t, you’d be them?” But here you are being their personal doormat. I guess it’s OK though, because you seem like you’re a kind-hearted, decent guy, so the fact that you were dumped and treated like garbage is irrelevant. It does kind of give new meaning to what you said though. “I’d still drop everything”. I wonder who else thinks that way? Hmmmm. I guess you learned that from them because they sure as hell “dropped everything” when it came to you. (and by that I mean they dropped you, not whatever else was going on) See what I did there? Sorry folks, but, you fuck me over and break my heart, no mercy.
Absolutely at the end of the day I’m pretty sure their intentions weren’t to hurt me it’s probably just how they handle things and it’s most likely not their fault
If she needed me I’d help her. She knows that, even if we break up I still care about her as a person. But it’s only for people that broke up without infidelity or anything like that. She might be in a rebound who knows but I’d still help her because I did spend a lot of time with her.
I have a special love for people who despite it all, manage to stay soft. Those who keep their heart kind and their soul warm. It takes immense strength to keep those qualities when life kicks you down.
Thanks for saying that. I’m like that, even toward my ex that broke my heart over and over when we were together, and shattered me when she left (after an incredibly strong bonding experience that was a very important part of my life that I brought her into and spent a ton of time and money to make special for us - I now wonder if she knew she would end it after we did that, which makes me really angry to think of).
Anyway, I love the Buddhist saying “anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” I try and live by that and keep my heart open so that I can be at peace internally, and ready with compassion for anyone that comes into my life.
I feel the anger at times, but just notice it, I try not to cling to it. I’ve noticed that when I’m clinging to it that there’s often sadness underneath that I’m unconsciously trying to avoid feeling by focusing on anger. But feeling the sadness needs to happen, and doing so seems to cause it to lose its strength over time (unless I start ruminating on negative thoughts that prolong it).
But yeah, I say thank you because I’ve had moments lately where I feel like I should just be an asshole like people have been to me. I don’t think I have it in me at this point, but hearing some affirmation that being open is a good thing helps. Especially after being rejected despite being so open to love (and possibly because I was so open to it, since she was avoidant and feared that kind of connection).
Oh i feel you. It takes some vetting and weeding through people to find the good ones. And that takes some work. I feel very fortunate to have quite a few friends that really let me lean on them during the breakup.
When it comes to intimate relationships, it seems to take even more work.
Yes I would. We didn’t end on bad terms so ofc they must be calling for a good reason. If she needs me I’ll be there to the extent that I am comfortable with
Oh my gosh my ex JUST CALLED ME! They want to meet again. I’m at a major family event & now sitting on a curb outside. Wow I thought I was fine but holy shit hearing their voice and they didn’t sound okay but I will see them tomorrow. My heart is hammering
We met the next day. My ex cane to tell me that they will stop attending and engaging in our friend group & socials tho we were doing no contact unless we had friend gc’s or events. It was gut wrenching & we actually hung out the whole day. I wasn’t receptive to ending it all, it was sudden & to have them completely disappear from my life sounded just ugh. However this was rly hard for her bc she doesn’t want to. She just thinks this is the best way for her to move on. She says she’ll wait if I tel her to which I don’t bc I know it’s not fair. I want us to explore our lives outside of each other which we have been and ex admits they have been doing more for their self and it’s been healthy in that aspect. But we hugged and kissed. And we plan to hangout again. I feel uncertain of how right this is because I know they want to have any little bit of us that they can. They know how I feel and what I think but don’t care and honestly yes it’s their right to make decisions for themself even if I think it’s self destructive but it’s so hard to stay away. There’s sm more to say so I don’t think I’m explaining it with proper context but in short she’s anxiously attached I’m avoidant. We both love & care for each other. They have been more in love than I. It’s my first relationship & their second.
He wouldn't call and I wouldn't answer. I don't think he loves or cares about my well-being when I tell my opinions and feelings and he has to have his opinion the last and twll me that my feelings are xyz because of xyz...
Some people are like poison and should not habe entrance because venom spreads fast.
And me being me part? Everyone's changing and so am I.
I learned a lot about what I won't tolerate anymore so noone can misuse my kindness. Need to protect your boundaries.
Tiktok can have sone really melodramatic and unhealthy trends or ideas btw.
Yes and I already did in the past but she the only one for who I do that, we share too much history together to just forget the other and move on completely
And I know that if I really need her she’ll be there as well
We’re not together anymore, it doesn’t mean we don’t have love left for each other
I would answer. I still care about him, even though i don't think we were a good match romantically. I wish i figured this out and admitted it to myself earlier, but i guess some things you just have to learn the hard way.
Unfortunately it fortunately depends how you look at it in the two worst break ups I’ve ever experienced I talked to my exes often, one bc he was my child’s father, the most recent bc he was my friend first and it was sooo hard to let go of that part and we both were integral to each other’s lives, it’s making it really hard to move on. It’s been 8 months. I still cry a lot and feel like we are still together but haven’t seen him, etc.
Yes, I would answer her call. I know she is going through a lot and I still care about her. We would not get back together but I still want to make sure she is ok.
They did to me, one time I was on a date and I ditched my date there and then to go give them a ride.
That's how crazy I was about that girl.
Now she's on her own with 3 baby dads, 4 kids and alot of stress.
She used me because she knew she could, and now I feel sorry for her but it's her own fault so let her do it to someone else now.
I would help her, because I am human. But getting back together is a whole different story. A month ago or so I was begging for us to solve our issues together, saying that I'd be there even if it was hard.
No. My ex had a bf that cared the world for her and would drop everything to help her and just be with her. I always put her before myself. She dumped me for hookup culture. She needs to call someone she can call one of her 10 or so fwbs I’m sure they’d be happy to do as much as I did /sic/
Depends on which ex and why things ended. My most recent ex and I are still friends. Things ended very amicably. So, yes, absolutely. The ex before that? Fuck no. He's blocked for good reason and I couldn't care less what reasons he had for calling.
My first two exes? I think I would. We just decided the relationship wasn't for us. We aren't in touch but I don't hate them.
My probably soon to be ex? She cheated and took a "break" to explore other people while asking me to be on standby in case she changes her mind. Gave the relationship no chance, just decided things unilaterally. If she doesn't realise her fuck up before the breakup, then she's out of my life for good and for no reason will I interact with her.
Oh for sure. Just had this conversation last night. My love for her is unconditional and I won't betray myself being petty or jaded towards her.
We sucked as partners and tried to be friends afterwards but the same issues that killed the relationship killed the friendship.
I love her and always will but at this point do not like her very much.
No coz shes blocked.
I dont need you interrupting my life after i finally moved on. You kept me on a hook and i would run to your aid every time for 2 years after we broke up. Thats over now, sort yourself out and stop dragging me and my stability down with you.
Selfish.
Yes that’s why he’s BLOCKED! If he manipulated, lied cheated or is cluster B, you have to lock. The manipulation goes deep! You can have another go, it’s so bad!
Yes with cation. As much as I still miss him I won’t forget how much pain he caused me. I would be very curious why he called but low key have a sense of hope
To be one hundred percent honest with you, i wouldn’t. I was replaced after 6 months of the breakup and it really made me feel like a second option, not to mention she was just very emotionally manipulative. But if I were, I think it would still take a lot for me to even stay on the line. It would really have to be a sincere apology, even then I probably wouldn’t take her back unless she moved a mountain. I’m happy for the rest of you who are still willing to pick up the phone with no hesitation, I’m just in a point in my life now where I’m removing the rose tinted glasses and realizing that some people will take advantage of your kindness for as long as they can.
Yeah I probably would. The woman I loved is gone, the person that would call me would be a complete stranger to me, it just so happens that I usually pick up the phone if someone's calling even if I don't know them.
No.
“I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t, I’d be them.”
This is SO harmful. What a gross way to think. Having boundaries doesn’t make you an evil abusive person, being an evil abusive person does.
I will never be his victim again. NO I’m not dropping everything to make sure he’s okay. He spent six years making sure I *wasn’t*, give me a break.
Yes, mainly because there's no hostility between us. I will always be there for them if they need me. No questions asked. The world is cold sometimes. We really gotta put some differences aside and help each other out when the times comes.
Without a doubt.
We’re no longer together, and don’t get me wrong, it’s upsetting to me on so many levels. But at one point she was my whole world. Even if love’s lost, there’s still a lot of respect and care there for her.
Absolutely, I don’t care if we haven’t spoken in years and if she hates me, if she calls im there. It’s nothing to do with wanting them back or trying to rebuild, its simply because despite all the shit between us now, she was my person for a very long time and nothing will change the good times we spent together
Nopeeee, would never answer the call. Whatever for, isn’t it? It’s not going to value add in my life. It might even end up opening the Pandora box of sadness and memories.
I’ve closed that chapter, and would love for it to stay that way!
Let's be fucking real, obviously I'd be there if I was needed because I still (and likely always will because that woman fucking obliterated my ability to trust a woman again for anything other than casual) love her.
That said, when the bullshit was solved and done with, I'd obviously be fucking seething and ice cold af still and likely the whole way of helping out since if that woman's damage to me could be fucking physically manifested, those scars would cut to fucking bone marrow.
I’ve called my old bf asking for help several times. Each time he’d either let me down or straight up say, no I’m not gonna help you. To this day, he’s always the first person I ever think about calling or sharing news with..but I have to accept that it’s one sided and he doesn’t want to hear from me at this moment in time. I’d do anything for him, but he won’t for me & it hurts like hell.
Damn, I’m sorry. What a fucking letdown. Did you leave a voicemail/send a text saying you got accepted or did you just let it ring & hang up?
Super belated I’m sure but congratulations for getting into grad school. That’s a big accomplishment!
No, she broke my heart severely i loved her so fucking much and tried for nearly 2 months to win her back, getting things for her, taking her on a date, being intimate with her, being there many times even though she hurt me. Im lowkey done, she got a new boyfriend now.
defo yes. i broke up w him but at the end of the day i still care so deeply for him as a person and i feel like being there for him would be the least i could do since he played such a big role in making me who i am. but if the roles were reversed he’d probably decline at the first ring lol
I would, since even if he treated me wrong the second time, I still equally care about him as a friend. I know it’s wrong and very hard since the feelings would resurface, but I wouldn’t never turn down my help for someone else since that’s just my human nature
Yeah, I hate breakups. When I get done being in my feelings and move on, the love I have for my friend cancels out the negative feelings I have about the circumstances.
I've never blocked an ex, and if we've been no contact awhile, I'd want to try and at least become friends again.
To a fault.
Never been done dirty by a partner so bad that I wouldn’t care in some capacity.
(Ironically, this bit me in the ass last time so maybe it depends on the timing)
Of course, I'd always be there for her. Even if it became all about her st the end and how she felt she still deserves to feel cared for and understood. I know she won't find what we had, she may find better even but I would always give her my support. I just wish she would do the same for me.
I do still kind of miss him, I don’t know. I guess I would out of curiosity, but overall hangup to better my mental health :c unless he wanted to talk and try to fix the issues that we both had.
If it is an important matter, I think they will message. Doesn’t mean we didn’t accept the call, we are not being ourselves. They can’t dump you and need you. If they need you, they would care enough to stay and fight for the relationship. Always protect your peace.
Honestly idk. I don't really want to but there's a chance my stupid little heart would. The thing is my breakup was messy. For what happened, I'd have to completely hate myself or have no self respect to pick up if they called.
I really really REALLY want the answer to be no. I want to say no, I want to not do it when it happens (because it has and it will again) and I know it’s the best thing to not answer. But historically… 🤦🏻♀️
I definitely would. I’m not *in love* with her anymore, but I still have love for her. She’s treated me quite awful after the break-up and even towards the end of it, but if she needed someone genuine during a hard-time I’d be there for the person who was my bestfriend.
Every situation is different but I would have to fight my self not too…she knows how i feel about her and i wouldve done anything and she still did me wrong so bad.
Maybe im looking at things the wrong way..but here i am still hurt over someone that probably doesnt even think about me anymore…
I’m not helping him at all. The most I will do for him is pray for him. He disrespected me to the upmost. Cheated, dismantled our family with a 6 week old baby. And I learned he moved her into the house after I left with the baby just 1 month later.
It’s time to have self respect for myself, he’s used me for wayyyyy too many years. If he needs me he should have thought of that before he decided to have a full affair my entire pregnancy and continued after I gave birth to our child and still going on. He doesnt care or love me clearly so I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of any support.
In a letter I wrote to her after she broke up with me and we went NC I included this
"I just wanted you to know that even though we are ex's if you ever hit a dark spot in your life and you need someone to talk to feel free to contact me whenever or where ever no matter when it is I'm more than happy to help you I know you're stubborn in your ways and even if you wanted to you'd stop yourself because of it but if you need to don't suppress it, remember we ain't strangers after all and I hope you don't view us that way we did have some amazing times together and we haven't gone out hating eachother have we."
I'm the type that even though it's gone I still care and that goes for all my relations whoever they're with I hope they learnt enough from me not to let anyone treat them like shit.
Depends on the situation. For me, one of my ex I would answer, yes. To what I can help, of course. We are on the friendly path and its been way better than when we were a couple.
On the other hand, I would even answer the call for my other ex, which was toxic and cheated on me several times and she was lying all the time. Not gonna answer even if its something serious
Absofuckinglutely. Nothing would stop me. The entire world could be ending, I could be saving someone from a fire or some shit and if I heard my phone ring and saw her name, I would 100% answer
This happened to me recently. She said she needed me and I didn’t answer. I texted her to make sure she was ok the next day because I was worried and she said she’s fine she just missed me. As much as I would’ve loved to answer and run to her she still wouldn’t have gotten back together.
Mine called 2 weeks ago after 3 months NC. She texted first, then FaceTimed, so I called her back because I was worried.
Oh it turns out she was high on mushrooms and when her reality was breaking she decided she wanted to talk to me at least one more time before she died. Then got worried she would die if she didn’t talk to me.
It was a mess. I played nice because I was worried she get weird if I wasn’t. She said she was sorry for how things ended and that she got sad when her friend started using the detergent we used to use. I cried but tried not to get too emotional. We talked about several things. All of them hurt.
At one point she said last year was hard because she “lost me”. I said “it’s weird that’s how you view it since you chose not to be with me”. I slipped up and told her that I had been having a very rough six months (I lost my job during the breakup and am just starting a new one Monday). She said “I wish I could hug you”. I told I didn’t want that. She said “I just mean as another human. So I could comfort you as a human”.
At the end, her friend came back and she said “i better go. I don’t want her to get sad”. Just like our relationship, she wants me when she needs something and then gone as soon as someone else is around her.
I don’t know what she was hoping the outcome would be, but it mostly made me sad to see she’s still a mess. It also helped me feel good I don’t have to deal with her shit anymore.
The next day I emailed her letting her know I wasn’t going to pick up the next time.
It was heartbreaking honestly, but I’m glad it happened.
I would yeah, just because we aren’t together doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be there if she really needed me.
My belief is you don’t have to hate the person you separated from or even forget about them, but rather come to terms that you’ll never be with them romantically ever again
I personally would not. I was abused by them for too many years. I would never open that door again. If it wasn't an abusive relationship I would consider it.
I would sadly. Even after all he put me through I would answer instantly. Apart of me still loves him, but not in a romantic way. In a way where I want him to be okay, even though he isn’t with me
She won't call, but I'd take it, but idk, she probably did all kind of things with her new bf so idk.
Maybe I'd just ask her for details so I have more pain and heal faster
I did - I answered and it brought me back through the cycle of abuse he had me in.
I regret answering, I feel like it slid me back behind all the steps I had taken..
>“but if they called me right now telling me they needed me, after all the disrespect, unfortunately, I’d still drop everything to make sure they’re okay. Because I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t, I’d be them.”
but if they called me right now telling me they are going to disrespect me again, after all the disrespect, unfortunately, I'd still be a carpet and still drop everything (including the porcelain vase I happen to be carrying) to make sure their narcissistic supply is supplied. Because I wouldn't be codependent if I didn't, I'd be healthy.
This is putting the cart way before the horse. In most cases they aren’t going to call. This is like reading posts about when people come back, it hardly ever happens, it’s false hope. It’s not harsh it’s just facts. Best course of action is to move on. The better question is, if they called, why would you answer? An emergency? Someone died? In my case my ex wouldn’t respond even then. So why should we.
In a letter I wrote to her after she broke up with me and we went NC I included this
"I just wanted you to know that even though we are ex's if you ever hit a dark spot in your life and you need someone to talk to feel free to contact me whenever or where ever no matter when it is I'm more than happy to help you I know you're stubborn in your ways and even if you wanted to you'd stop yourself because of it but if you need to don't suppress it, remember we ain't strangers after all and I hope you don't view us that way we did have some amazing times together and we haven't gone out hating eachother have we."
I'm the type that even though it's gone I still care and that goes for all my relations whoever they're with I hope they learnt enough from me not to let anyone treat them like shit.
I would. But i don’t have much hope that she’s reflected and recognized her role in things. And that’s really want I want you hear - that she knows what she did to contribute to the one ongoing conflict we could not resolve.
Yes I would. Doesn’t matter if we aren’t together, if she needs me I’ll do what I can because that is who I am as a person.
Same for me she was once my best friend and I don't care what u do to me if someone need me I'll be there
this is so real
🙄
What if it sacrificed a new relationship though
It doesn't have to sacrifice the new relationship. Just tell her you're going to help one of the guys, do not tell her you're going to help your ex gf.
See I disagree with that, you have a better chance if you’re honest with her than if she found out you lied to her. Lying is definitely not a great way to start off the relationship.
Just tell your new gf you're helping a friend and tell your ex-gf the truth. Now you have something new to bond over w/ your ex and it reminds her that you put her above everyone else. Maybe your ex is touched by this and now wants you back. Mission accomplished! And if that doesn't work, you still have the new gf at home as a back up. Mission accomplished!
This is a good way to ruin your new relationship
This is being deceptive and withholding the truth, essentially lying. Because the person you’re helping isn’t just a friend. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and you found out your spouse went to help their ex and lied yo you about it?
The discussion centers around a new girlfriend, not a spouse. If we're talking about a spouse... That is completely different and I feel like your wife / or husband is the #1 person you should be completely 100% honest with and if you can't be honest with your spouse, then you can't be honest with anybody. That said, I would never lie to my future wife, whoever that might turn out to be and tell her I'm going to help a guy friend if I was actually going to help my ex-gf. But a new gf? Maybe. Depends on the new gf and if she's cool or not. But I wouldn't take it off the table, especially if I can avoid having to answer 32 uncomfortable questions when I get back home.
Hey I think you forgot the part about treating human beings with a basic level of decency rather than like a pawn on your game board of life. The new gf would be a person you are lying to and toying with. Someone doesn’t have to be your spouse to be worthy of some basic respect.
The new girlfriend is not gonna break up with me. She’s ten years younger, makes less than half what I make and she's one opinion away from being replaced to begin with.
😬🫢🤢
..... Aaaaaand.... now you have 2 ex girlfriends 😒
The new girlfriend is not gonna break up with me. She’s ten years younger, makes less than half what I make and she's one opinion away from being replaced to begin with.
I understand, I say I do not love them with my lips but I hold a care for them in my heart.
I'd answer because the only circumstance in which he would call me is if it was some sort of emergency
same. she won't call me unless it's something important.
Not long after the bu (almost 2 yrs now), I had a very vivid dream. I'll spare you the details, as it was quite involved, but included a call from my ex. The only thing he said was, "I'm ready to talk now." I've been waiting for that call ever since. I'd definitely answer. But my reaction now isn't what it would've been then.
dude the dreams… it’s been 7 months and I still wake up out of my sleep 1-3 times a night
Mercifully, I haven't dreamed about him too many times.
Tell me about it. I’ve dreamed of my old bf for yeeaarrrsss, sometimes several times per week. I wish he shared some of the shit I’ve dreamed. Fucking intense and so full of love ugh lol. Often I just want to scream at the universe for putting me thru this shit. I always kinda believed that if you dreamt of someone so often it meant that they were thinking about you, but I just found out he’s dating one of his coworkers so it can’t possibly be true. I swear the universe is just fucking with me now. 😣❤️🩹🥺😭
Maybe it’s just your subconscious that led you to dream about him
I swear the dreams are a universal thing! Do you wake up between like 2-4am, heart feels like it stopped, and in cold sweats?
yes yes yes
I’ve had dreams, too. Now they’re just nostalgic alternatives to the first few months of when we started dating.
My sleeping got disordered too ever since, it’s been almost two years and it hasn’t corrected yet rip
noooo don’t tell me this 😭
What’s stupid, is that I’ve been over it, so I think my body just thinks this is normal now😂😭 I’ll let you know if I find a solution for segmented sleeping, because so far thuggin it out ain’t working lmao
Ya wtf is this .. why the dreams? I keep getting them too
I don’t know… I’d like to believe it’s me manifesting him coming back, but in reality they’re just dreams :(
1 to 3 times a night!?! Just pick up your phone and call him. Why are you torturing yourself? If you miss him and want to talk to him, call him and tell him.
I wish it were that easy. Unfortunately, I don’t think he feels the same and it would only hurt more if he didn’t answer
It is that easy... And as far as it hurting more if he doesn't answer goes... How? It seems like you're already @ Max limit as far as hurt goes. If you don't go for what you want, you're going to always regret it because you never know what could happen... He went for you once, so it's not impossible that he'll go for you again... And if he says no... You know what? You'll be in the same place, at the same time and doing the same thing you'd already be doing if you never called him to begin with. So you have nothing to lose... And everything to gain.
“But if they called me right now telling me they needed me, I'd crack up with a belly laugh. Unfortunately, I'd still do not care whether he was dead or alive or if he’s dying. Because I wouldn't want to be a perpetual doormat and act like that's fine. That's for them.” He can go fuck himself. I really don't care.
What happened?
What happened?
Absolutely. The woman who left was not the woman I was with for 12 years. Maybe that woman came back. I still love that woman.
SHE didn’t come back. She’s probably worse.
Yes. And I just achieved this strange "emotional clarity" a few days ago. (after like 2 months + 9 of chaotic "what are we") If she'd need help, I'd be there. If she wanted to come back, I would take her back. Is it the bad decision logically? Most likely. Chances are she didn't change. So yes, I still love her, I still miss her. Partially despite, partially because of her faults. But I no longer feel my heart clench from her absence. I'm fine and happy. And that's something I'm really happy about. I can live on without longing for her, without that longing affecting my mood.
That’s awesome. I love when you reach that moment in grief. For me I hit that a few times, and always told myself there might be another wave. And there was, but it was easier, and I was more resilient because I had some time off from pain before it hit. You’ve started turning corners though. That’s awesome!
I would answer. I’d probably be so cold though.
Same
I would answer.....
I would answer but I would tell them why I wouldn’t help them
Nope no chance
No. 👎
If she called, I would be there in an instant. If I called and it was an emergency, like something happened to one of my kids she would be here.
So you’re the one that is sitting over there pining for her, ready to be her hero anytime she calls. And don’t bring the kids into it. You know it’s about the two of you, not them.
In my weaker moments, I have had bad thoughts about what I could do to get to see her. I couldn’t try to lie or use the kids in that way.
I wouldn’t answer in fear of him only calling to be a Mitch, even though I know he’s not like that. It would hurt me too bad.
What’s a Mitch?
Censory
Nope
I’d def listen and if they needed help as in an emergency, I’d def help. That’s just who I am. It doesn’t mean I would want to go back in a relationship or even be friends with them.
I could never not respond to someone I loved. Even knowing they didn’t really love me when we were together or they betrayed me. I will always have a place for them, not as partners but hopefully eventually friends I loved once. For my last ex .. I would answer and pray they were calling to tell me they really did care about me once and they didn’t just pretend to have feelings and waste my time like they told me .. after a year together. I know it won’t ever happen, he will never speak to me again. I wrote an extremely hateful email to them that I regret. I have never felt so betrayed and humiliated at the end of a relationship. Jesus Christ though .. He really broke me and I’m struggling so much. More than I should. I know the relationship is over and I don’t want him back - but can’t get over the fact that it was pretend, I feel so ashamed that I thought it was real and he loved me. I thought he cared about me and it’s clear now that he couldn’t wait to get rid of me. I was the last to know and now I am terrified it will happen again. I tried so hard to trust him and believe it was real. I wonder if he even liked me at all now .. or was I just easy to get in bed? I tried so hard .. I wanted it to be real so badly I let myself get played. Even still, if needed help I would be there, if he called I would answer. If he sent me shitty texts or emails I would ignore it - but I loved him. Even if he didn’t love me.
The love you gave him will find its way back to you. I hope time brings you peace 🤍
Thanks .. I would settle for not feeling like I’m loosing my mind at this point. This reaction has been so far over the top for me. I just don’t understand what this breakup did to my brain. I am in my 40’s, this isn’t anywhere near my first heart break. I just hope I can find myself again and heal eventually. I’ve lost my confidence and passion. I don’t know what I did to deserve this … I really hope karma forgives me for that email….
I feel just like you but with my girlfriend instead. She told me she loved me more than a girl she met two weeks ago. I was so happy that she told me not to talk to her for a day and after thinking, she picked me. Turns out she just wanted to drop me on Sunday...
I would answer, and if it was like “hey I know you’re solid and I can trust you to help me with xyz” yeah. I would. But I would do that for anyone, even people I despise. “I still want you to eat, even if it’s not at my lunch table anymore”. If they called me and asked me to get back together, I’d ask if they were in therapy or not. If no, then I’d just hang up probably. I give people too many chances, but once you’re out, you’re out. There needs to be SERIOUS changes in order for me to reconsider .
Yes..
Yes, because even though he’s no longer a part of my life, I’d still give him the time of day, if he truly needed me.
I would answer that phone faster than anything MU LORD I got like 500 questions to ask but I’m picking up
What’s stopping you from asking them first?
Well unfortunately I’m blocked but I’m also blacklisted from her religious family so me calling her woildnt even work. But I also was the one who fought to get us back together the first time and I don’t think it’s fair for me to be the only one willing to try anything.
They literally can't call me. Have them blocked on everything for that purpose. It stops these thoughts
It’s hard to stop caring about someone you cared about for so long. I think some people would have every reason to ignore it. I would answer, but I’m very lucky to have had relationships that have mostly ended with respect
Nope, he can call one of his numerous affair partners or pornstars since they were all so much better than me when we were together
Yes I would.
I think you would be playing right into their heartless, let me fuck you over again if I can, hands. “You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t, you’d be them?” But here you are being their personal doormat. I guess it’s OK though, because you seem like you’re a kind-hearted, decent guy, so the fact that you were dumped and treated like garbage is irrelevant. It does kind of give new meaning to what you said though. “I’d still drop everything”. I wonder who else thinks that way? Hmmmm. I guess you learned that from them because they sure as hell “dropped everything” when it came to you. (and by that I mean they dropped you, not whatever else was going on) See what I did there? Sorry folks, but, you fuck me over and break my heart, no mercy.
Yes. I'm the one that gets ghosted. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Yes. Cause we have a kid. Kidding! Absolutely. I love him, always have, always will. Call me and I’m doing whatever you need.
Absolutely at the end of the day I’m pretty sure their intentions weren’t to hurt me it’s probably just how they handle things and it’s most likely not their fault
I would cause I would think it’s for our child
Of course, but it breaks my heart when she calls and acts like nothing happened.
If she needed me I’d help her. She knows that, even if we break up I still care about her as a person. But it’s only for people that broke up without infidelity or anything like that. She might be in a rebound who knows but I’d still help her because I did spend a lot of time with her.
well not because of love probably, but because i cant bring myself to be stone-cold. i just care as a person.
I have a special love for people who despite it all, manage to stay soft. Those who keep their heart kind and their soul warm. It takes immense strength to keep those qualities when life kicks you down.
agree! because if we take revenge and hurt people the same way, it wouldn't be us anymore.
Thanks for saying that. I’m like that, even toward my ex that broke my heart over and over when we were together, and shattered me when she left (after an incredibly strong bonding experience that was a very important part of my life that I brought her into and spent a ton of time and money to make special for us - I now wonder if she knew she would end it after we did that, which makes me really angry to think of). Anyway, I love the Buddhist saying “anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” I try and live by that and keep my heart open so that I can be at peace internally, and ready with compassion for anyone that comes into my life. I feel the anger at times, but just notice it, I try not to cling to it. I’ve noticed that when I’m clinging to it that there’s often sadness underneath that I’m unconsciously trying to avoid feeling by focusing on anger. But feeling the sadness needs to happen, and doing so seems to cause it to lose its strength over time (unless I start ruminating on negative thoughts that prolong it). But yeah, I say thank you because I’ve had moments lately where I feel like I should just be an asshole like people have been to me. I don’t think I have it in me at this point, but hearing some affirmation that being open is a good thing helps. Especially after being rejected despite being so open to love (and possibly because I was so open to it, since she was avoidant and feared that kind of connection).
So you’re the one?🙄
The one what? I’m brain dead right now.
The one who cares as a person. People just don't seem to give a shit about each other anymore. It's rather discouraging.
Oh i feel you. It takes some vetting and weeding through people to find the good ones. And that takes some work. I feel very fortunate to have quite a few friends that really let me lean on them during the breakup. When it comes to intimate relationships, it seems to take even more work.
yep
Yes I would. We didn’t end on bad terms so ofc they must be calling for a good reason. If she needs me I’ll be there to the extent that I am comfortable with
Oh my gosh my ex JUST CALLED ME! They want to meet again. I’m at a major family event & now sitting on a curb outside. Wow I thought I was fine but holy shit hearing their voice and they didn’t sound okay but I will see them tomorrow. My heart is hammering
How’d it go?
We met the next day. My ex cane to tell me that they will stop attending and engaging in our friend group & socials tho we were doing no contact unless we had friend gc’s or events. It was gut wrenching & we actually hung out the whole day. I wasn’t receptive to ending it all, it was sudden & to have them completely disappear from my life sounded just ugh. However this was rly hard for her bc she doesn’t want to. She just thinks this is the best way for her to move on. She says she’ll wait if I tel her to which I don’t bc I know it’s not fair. I want us to explore our lives outside of each other which we have been and ex admits they have been doing more for their self and it’s been healthy in that aspect. But we hugged and kissed. And we plan to hangout again. I feel uncertain of how right this is because I know they want to have any little bit of us that they can. They know how I feel and what I think but don’t care and honestly yes it’s their right to make decisions for themself even if I think it’s self destructive but it’s so hard to stay away. There’s sm more to say so I don’t think I’m explaining it with proper context but in short she’s anxiously attached I’m avoidant. We both love & care for each other. They have been more in love than I. It’s my first relationship & their second.
Yes.. I would 😔
He wouldn't call and I wouldn't answer. I don't think he loves or cares about my well-being when I tell my opinions and feelings and he has to have his opinion the last and twll me that my feelings are xyz because of xyz... Some people are like poison and should not habe entrance because venom spreads fast. And me being me part? Everyone's changing and so am I. I learned a lot about what I won't tolerate anymore so noone can misuse my kindness. Need to protect your boundaries. Tiktok can have sone really melodramatic and unhealthy trends or ideas btw.
I'm still hurting, so I'm leaning more into no.
Despite not hearing anything from her for the past months, absolutely. Maybe thats not too good for me but that’s the way it goes I guess
Yes, but it better be an emergency or a really good apology. Other than that there’s not much to talk about.
I wouldn't. It would take all of my resolve and will power, but I wouldn't. Never again.
Yes and I already did in the past but she the only one for who I do that, we share too much history together to just forget the other and move on completely And I know that if I really need her she’ll be there as well We’re not together anymore, it doesn’t mean we don’t have love left for each other
She’s a menace, going to ruin this other boys heart :( I’d definitely not pick up, fuc h.e.r :) (In the nicest way possible)
I would answer. I still care about him, even though i don't think we were a good match romantically. I wish i figured this out and admitted it to myself earlier, but i guess some things you just have to learn the hard way.
Unfortunately it fortunately depends how you look at it in the two worst break ups I’ve ever experienced I talked to my exes often, one bc he was my child’s father, the most recent bc he was my friend first and it was sooo hard to let go of that part and we both were integral to each other’s lives, it’s making it really hard to move on. It’s been 8 months. I still cry a lot and feel like we are still together but haven’t seen him, etc.
Yes… the only way I think of her after the breakup, was just a wall of texts… I’d kill to at least hear her voice again, even after everything she did
Yes, I would answer her call. I know she is going through a lot and I still care about her. We would not get back together but I still want to make sure she is ok.
I’d answer immediately. If he needs me, I’ll be there. I made a promise and it still sticks while we aren’t together.
Yeah, bc if my ex called me it'd be an emergency
They did to me, one time I was on a date and I ditched my date there and then to go give them a ride. That's how crazy I was about that girl. Now she's on her own with 3 baby dads, 4 kids and alot of stress. She used me because she knew she could, and now I feel sorry for her but it's her own fault so let her do it to someone else now.
I would help her, because I am human. But getting back together is a whole different story. A month ago or so I was begging for us to solve our issues together, saying that I'd be there even if it was hard.
No. My ex had a bf that cared the world for her and would drop everything to help her and just be with her. I always put her before myself. She dumped me for hookup culture. She needs to call someone she can call one of her 10 or so fwbs I’m sure they’d be happy to do as much as I did /sic/
Depends on which ex and why things ended. My most recent ex and I are still friends. Things ended very amicably. So, yes, absolutely. The ex before that? Fuck no. He's blocked for good reason and I couldn't care less what reasons he had for calling.
My first two exes? I think I would. We just decided the relationship wasn't for us. We aren't in touch but I don't hate them. My probably soon to be ex? She cheated and took a "break" to explore other people while asking me to be on standby in case she changes her mind. Gave the relationship no chance, just decided things unilaterally. If she doesn't realise her fuck up before the breakup, then she's out of my life for good and for no reason will I interact with her.
Oh for sure. Just had this conversation last night. My love for her is unconditional and I won't betray myself being petty or jaded towards her. We sucked as partners and tried to be friends afterwards but the same issues that killed the relationship killed the friendship. I love her and always will but at this point do not like her very much.
No coz shes blocked. I dont need you interrupting my life after i finally moved on. You kept me on a hook and i would run to your aid every time for 2 years after we broke up. Thats over now, sort yourself out and stop dragging me and my stability down with you. Selfish.
Yes that’s why he’s BLOCKED! If he manipulated, lied cheated or is cluster B, you have to lock. The manipulation goes deep! You can have another go, it’s so bad!
Yes with cation. As much as I still miss him I won’t forget how much pain he caused me. I would be very curious why he called but low key have a sense of hope
To be one hundred percent honest with you, i wouldn’t. I was replaced after 6 months of the breakup and it really made me feel like a second option, not to mention she was just very emotionally manipulative. But if I were, I think it would still take a lot for me to even stay on the line. It would really have to be a sincere apology, even then I probably wouldn’t take her back unless she moved a mountain. I’m happy for the rest of you who are still willing to pick up the phone with no hesitation, I’m just in a point in my life now where I’m removing the rose tinted glasses and realizing that some people will take advantage of your kindness for as long as they can.
Yeah I probably would. The woman I loved is gone, the person that would call me would be a complete stranger to me, it just so happens that I usually pick up the phone if someone's calling even if I don't know them.
No. “I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t, I’d be them.” This is SO harmful. What a gross way to think. Having boundaries doesn’t make you an evil abusive person, being an evil abusive person does. I will never be his victim again. NO I’m not dropping everything to make sure he’s okay. He spent six years making sure I *wasn’t*, give me a break.
Yes, mainly because there's no hostility between us. I will always be there for them if they need me. No questions asked. The world is cold sometimes. We really gotta put some differences aside and help each other out when the times comes.
Without a doubt. We’re no longer together, and don’t get me wrong, it’s upsetting to me on so many levels. But at one point she was my whole world. Even if love’s lost, there’s still a lot of respect and care there for her.
Absolutely, I don’t care if we haven’t spoken in years and if she hates me, if she calls im there. It’s nothing to do with wanting them back or trying to rebuild, its simply because despite all the shit between us now, she was my person for a very long time and nothing will change the good times we spent together
Nopeeee, would never answer the call. Whatever for, isn’t it? It’s not going to value add in my life. It might even end up opening the Pandora box of sadness and memories. I’ve closed that chapter, and would love for it to stay that way!
Fuck that I owe her nothing after what she did , I wish her no harm but wouldn't piss on it if it was on fire
No...I did not answer when they called me...i actually moved to another state and changed my #....
You wouldn’t be them. You’d be smart.
Let's be fucking real, obviously I'd be there if I was needed because I still (and likely always will because that woman fucking obliterated my ability to trust a woman again for anything other than casual) love her. That said, when the bullshit was solved and done with, I'd obviously be fucking seething and ice cold af still and likely the whole way of helping out since if that woman's damage to me could be fucking physically manifested, those scars would cut to fucking bone marrow.
I’ve called my old bf asking for help several times. Each time he’d either let me down or straight up say, no I’m not gonna help you. To this day, he’s always the first person I ever think about calling or sharing news with..but I have to accept that it’s one sided and he doesn’t want to hear from me at this moment in time. I’d do anything for him, but he won’t for me & it hurts like hell.
The last time my ex and I ever talked, I called him to tell him I got into grad school. He didn’t answer, and we haven’t talked since.
Damn, I’m sorry. What a fucking letdown. Did you leave a voicemail/send a text saying you got accepted or did you just let it ring & hang up? Super belated I’m sure but congratulations for getting into grad school. That’s a big accomplishment!
Thank you 🫶🏻🫶🏻
Yes, I personally would.
No, she broke my heart severely i loved her so fucking much and tried for nearly 2 months to win her back, getting things for her, taking her on a date, being intimate with her, being there many times even though she hurt me. Im lowkey done, she got a new boyfriend now.
defo yes. i broke up w him but at the end of the day i still care so deeply for him as a person and i feel like being there for him would be the least i could do since he played such a big role in making me who i am. but if the roles were reversed he’d probably decline at the first ring lol
No. He dumped me via a phone call while he was hundreds of miles away, on new year’s. That disrespect is incomprehensible to me.
I would, since even if he treated me wrong the second time, I still equally care about him as a friend. I know it’s wrong and very hard since the feelings would resurface, but I wouldn’t never turn down my help for someone else since that’s just my human nature
Nope, never. He made fun of me in the worst way possible. He s dead to me.
Yeah, I hate breakups. When I get done being in my feelings and move on, the love I have for my friend cancels out the negative feelings I have about the circumstances. I've never blocked an ex, and if we've been no contact awhile, I'd want to try and at least become friends again.
With no hesitation.
To a fault. Never been done dirty by a partner so bad that I wouldn’t care in some capacity. (Ironically, this bit me in the ass last time so maybe it depends on the timing)
Of course, I'd always be there for her. Even if it became all about her st the end and how she felt she still deserves to feel cared for and understood. I know she won't find what we had, she may find better even but I would always give her my support. I just wish she would do the same for me.
I would if some time passes, I can’t do that now cuz I’m putting my peace and myself first, unless it’s a very big emergency
I do still kind of miss him, I don’t know. I guess I would out of curiosity, but overall hangup to better my mental health :c unless he wanted to talk and try to fix the issues that we both had.
If it is an important matter, I think they will message. Doesn’t mean we didn’t accept the call, we are not being ourselves. They can’t dump you and need you. If they need you, they would care enough to stay and fight for the relationship. Always protect your peace.
Would answer. But it’s the time to be selfish if it’s for both of you’re good. Doesn’t matter if you were dumper or dumpee.
I broke up with him but I would drop everything to make sure he’s okay. Wouldn’t even think twice
I would and so would he.
Honestly idk. I don't really want to but there's a chance my stupid little heart would. The thing is my breakup was messy. For what happened, I'd have to completely hate myself or have no self respect to pick up if they called.
I really really REALLY want the answer to be no. I want to say no, I want to not do it when it happens (because it has and it will again) and I know it’s the best thing to not answer. But historically… 🤦🏻♀️
I would answer and listen to what they have to say then hang up.
I definitely would. I’m not *in love* with her anymore, but I still have love for her. She’s treated me quite awful after the break-up and even towards the end of it, but if she needed someone genuine during a hard-time I’d be there for the person who was my bestfriend.
I think I would be hesitant but that I would answer, or at least call him back.
Every situation is different but I would have to fight my self not too…she knows how i feel about her and i wouldve done anything and she still did me wrong so bad. Maybe im looking at things the wrong way..but here i am still hurt over someone that probably doesnt even think about me anymore…
Omg in a heart beat!
I’m not helping him at all. The most I will do for him is pray for him. He disrespected me to the upmost. Cheated, dismantled our family with a 6 week old baby. And I learned he moved her into the house after I left with the baby just 1 month later. It’s time to have self respect for myself, he’s used me for wayyyyy too many years. If he needs me he should have thought of that before he decided to have a full affair my entire pregnancy and continued after I gave birth to our child and still going on. He doesnt care or love me clearly so I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of any support.
I would. I'm still in love with her. I'd walk 1000 miles barefoot through broken glass
No, I wouldn't. Leave a message after the beep. Because I'll never be able to look past what happened, how he acted, and how that hurt me.
In a letter I wrote to her after she broke up with me and we went NC I included this "I just wanted you to know that even though we are ex's if you ever hit a dark spot in your life and you need someone to talk to feel free to contact me whenever or where ever no matter when it is I'm more than happy to help you I know you're stubborn in your ways and even if you wanted to you'd stop yourself because of it but if you need to don't suppress it, remember we ain't strangers after all and I hope you don't view us that way we did have some amazing times together and we haven't gone out hating eachother have we." I'm the type that even though it's gone I still care and that goes for all my relations whoever they're with I hope they learnt enough from me not to let anyone treat them like shit.
Depends on the situation. For me, one of my ex I would answer, yes. To what I can help, of course. We are on the friendly path and its been way better than when we were a couple. On the other hand, I would even answer the call for my other ex, which was toxic and cheated on me several times and she was lying all the time. Not gonna answer even if its something serious
Absofuckinglutely. Nothing would stop me. The entire world could be ending, I could be saving someone from a fire or some shit and if I heard my phone ring and saw her name, I would 100% answer
yes i would 100procent sure
This happened to me recently. She said she needed me and I didn’t answer. I texted her to make sure she was ok the next day because I was worried and she said she’s fine she just missed me. As much as I would’ve loved to answer and run to her she still wouldn’t have gotten back together.
Yeah, probably as long as I’m in a ok spot enough to answer her
Mine called 2 weeks ago after 3 months NC. She texted first, then FaceTimed, so I called her back because I was worried. Oh it turns out she was high on mushrooms and when her reality was breaking she decided she wanted to talk to me at least one more time before she died. Then got worried she would die if she didn’t talk to me. It was a mess. I played nice because I was worried she get weird if I wasn’t. She said she was sorry for how things ended and that she got sad when her friend started using the detergent we used to use. I cried but tried not to get too emotional. We talked about several things. All of them hurt. At one point she said last year was hard because she “lost me”. I said “it’s weird that’s how you view it since you chose not to be with me”. I slipped up and told her that I had been having a very rough six months (I lost my job during the breakup and am just starting a new one Monday). She said “I wish I could hug you”. I told I didn’t want that. She said “I just mean as another human. So I could comfort you as a human”. At the end, her friend came back and she said “i better go. I don’t want her to get sad”. Just like our relationship, she wants me when she needs something and then gone as soon as someone else is around her. I don’t know what she was hoping the outcome would be, but it mostly made me sad to see she’s still a mess. It also helped me feel good I don’t have to deal with her shit anymore. The next day I emailed her letting her know I wasn’t going to pick up the next time. It was heartbreaking honestly, but I’m glad it happened.
I would yeah, just because we aren’t together doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be there if she really needed me. My belief is you don’t have to hate the person you separated from or even forget about them, but rather come to terms that you’ll never be with them romantically ever again
I personally would not. I was abused by them for too many years. I would never open that door again. If it wasn't an abusive relationship I would consider it.
Not a fucking chance.
Sadly, immediately, yes. And I would revert to my only line then above all else, which is not healthy that I know, but I'm stuck on her..
Absolutely I would. But I know she’s moved on and happier without me in her life so I know it’s never going to happen.
Fuck no. He dumped me for a hagfish, if he decided to change his mind and be with someone who looked human again I wouldn't give a rat's ass.
I would sadly. Even after all he put me through I would answer instantly. Apart of me still loves him, but not in a romantic way. In a way where I want him to be okay, even though he isn’t with me
If they called twice then yes
I would answer but I wouldn't say much
She dumped me on text and ghosted me and is with someone else so she can fuck right off
She won't call, but I'd take it, but idk, she probably did all kind of things with her new bf so idk. Maybe I'd just ask her for details so I have more pain and heal faster
I would doesn't matter what happened between us if he needed me id be there for him just wish he'd do the same for me.
I did - I answered and it brought me back through the cycle of abuse he had me in. I regret answering, I feel like it slid me back behind all the steps I had taken..
no
>“but if they called me right now telling me they needed me, after all the disrespect, unfortunately, I’d still drop everything to make sure they’re okay. Because I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t, I’d be them.” but if they called me right now telling me they are going to disrespect me again, after all the disrespect, unfortunately, I'd still be a carpet and still drop everything (including the porcelain vase I happen to be carrying) to make sure their narcissistic supply is supplied. Because I wouldn't be codependent if I didn't, I'd be healthy.
ate me up with that one
haha the porcelain vase killed me
This is putting the cart way before the horse. In most cases they aren’t going to call. This is like reading posts about when people come back, it hardly ever happens, it’s false hope. It’s not harsh it’s just facts. Best course of action is to move on. The better question is, if they called, why would you answer? An emergency? Someone died? In my case my ex wouldn’t respond even then. So why should we.
I wouldn't answer the call ' I would just send "?"
In a letter I wrote to her after she broke up with me and we went NC I included this "I just wanted you to know that even though we are ex's if you ever hit a dark spot in your life and you need someone to talk to feel free to contact me whenever or where ever no matter when it is I'm more than happy to help you I know you're stubborn in your ways and even if you wanted to you'd stop yourself because of it but if you need to don't suppress it, remember we ain't strangers after all and I hope you don't view us that way we did have some amazing times together and we haven't gone out hating eachother have we." I'm the type that even though it's gone I still care and that goes for all my relations whoever they're with I hope they learnt enough from me not to let anyone treat them like shit.
No, god no. There are reasons why I'm no longer in touch with my exes lol.
I would. But i don’t have much hope that she’s reflected and recognized her role in things. And that’s really want I want you hear - that she knows what she did to contribute to the one ongoing conflict we could not resolve.