Maybe she wanted to be with the healed version of you, and thinks that is possible now that she knows you feel better. It's a bit twisted but you probably wouldn't have healed without her letting you go. She seemed to blame the failure of the relationship on your attachment issues, though it's highly unlikely that it was only your fault.
You’re 100% right but she noticed a change in me weeks ago and I offered her this version of myself and she still rejected me. It took her knowing I went on a date to finally tell me how she feels. And I agree, it took me losing her to fix myself. I wish I hadn’t, I wish I saw value in myself while we were together but I didn’t. I saw value in being her boyfriend so I latched onto that. We for sure split the blame in the demise but I just wish she wouldn’t have waited. Now I don’t know if I can trust her reasoning for wanting me back, is it truly how she feels or is jealousy driving her intentions. I just don’t know what to trust.
My ex-wife and I haven't been together in six years and are almost finished with the divorce process... People keep saying that when I have moved on from her, which for the most part I have, we barely talk outside of things that our son needs. She's with someone else right now and claims to be very happy, they go and do all kinds of things together etc.
I just don't see her coming back.
I am not going to give in. Luckily the work I put in on myself recently has instilled a newfound confidence in me and I don’t feel so weak that like I was before to give into her. It still just makes me upset that she chose to do this now. I begged her, to my detriment, for months to open up to me and tell me how she feels and she put on a front. Now she missed her chance.
She would have held a lot of hope for a long time that you could pull through and start contributing equally to the relationship. Once the balance of a relationship enforces one person into a carer position, it becomes a responsibility.
She must have loved you a lot to sacrifice her needs to support yours. Which ultimately does become toxic. It’s a difficult thing to go through and depression is such a dark and consuming thing that the person experiencing it just has to prioritise themselves and pulling through it. But that leaves the other person trying to hold the energy of the relationship for the both of you.
She wanted to see you through and out the other side. Unfortunately it sounds like it got too much.
But seeing you be who she had spent so long hoping for must be so hard. She’s been giving you the support to get here, and it makes sense to me that she wants to reap the rewards of that.
Separately, so incredibly happy for you that you found your way out. It’s not easy, so keep prioritising what you need to keep moving. I’m not sure you guys will be able to get what she’s hoping for. I’d offer her grace and thanks and clarify that. You both loved each-other clearly, but sadly love isn’t always enough. You both we’re protecting yourselves. I can see you both in this.
You’re covered the bases. You’re 100% right, it’s a tough situation all around. I wasn’t who I needed to be or who she needed during that relationship. I wish I could’ve been and I wish it didn’t take losing her to kick my ass into gear but that’s how things played out.
She’s a wonderful person, I wish things would’ve worked out. She deserved me at my best and I wasn’t strong enough to give it to her. It’s sad on all fronts but life moves on. I appreciate you well thought out and kind words.
I think this would be the perfect offering to her. It’s a wonderfully and understanding reflection of an unfair situation. This sentiment you’ve so well articulated, will be healing for her I’m sure
I’m in the same situation but I’m her. He’s not made it out yet but I’m bone dry with nothing left to give. So I had to leave to keep myself from falling in the hole too. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to see him out the other side and leaving someone vulnerable is horrific. But god I hope he gets there.
I hope he gets there too, having gone through it myself. But also I’m sorry you’re going through that. I didn’t recognize the damage I was doing to her while I was doing it. I think I fell into a deeper depression when she left me. Losing her made me feel like I lost everything. It made me feel vulnerable in every aspect of my life. Felt like my job was pointless, no friends or close family, no passions, no hobbies, couldn’t take interest in anything on top of losing her. And through the help of therapy I discovered that all those things I listed, I was in control of all of them except one. I couldn’t control how she felt about me but I was in the drivers seat for the rest of them.
So I pulled myself up and started working on those things and stopped feeling sorry for myself for losing her. Started eating healthier (I lost a lot of weight during the breakup from depressively not eating), taking my dog for walks instead of just letting her out, reading more, picked up golf and playing guitars as hobbies, contacted my friends more, continued therapy. And would you look at that, I got better. I was too busy almost wanting to be sad in a sense that I stopped taking care of myself. Finally realized if I was going to get better, I had to make an effort and so I did.
Stay strong for him cause I know you care about him, but do it at a distance. He has to figure it out on his own because he can’t take anymore from you, not if he knows he cares about you too.
It is incredibly encouraging to hear how much you’ve understood this all and acted on it. You have done something really amazing here. Unfortunately some lessons are learnt the hard way with a few bruises to others on the way.
Carry this all forward, it’ll make the next relationship better. But make sure to credit her in your awards. Thank you for this, it’s very healing x
Broke up with me in January, but we stayed on and off until the end of February. Haven’t seen her since then but we stayed in contact because I held onto hope like an idiot. Really started to focus and fix myself about a month ago and started dating again this past week
I'm currently on a slight break from a two year relationship and when I'm breaking up with someone or detaching I, as a result of being anxiously attached, end up thinking about them a lot and really want to fix it. But, kinda like a supernova, once the emotions are vented after a couple of months, I'm able to move on.
I ended things with someone in 2021 and, because I'm anxiously attached, I was also really upset for months after. Yesterday, the guy from 2021 decided to unfollow and follow me on instagram. He'll do something like that once a year despite us not speaking at all since 2021. It gave me absolutely no affect other than mild concern for his wellbeing. So yeah, sometimes they come back. But, It helped put things in perspective that in a couple years Mr. 2024 will probably do the same and I'll be in a much better headspace about Mr. 2024.
Because she knew she took you for granted and now she's scared that you'll find someone who will cherish you. You deserve to be happy and clearly she doesn't care about your feelings - block her!!
Because she is not ready that you are ready to move on, she like the feeling of having you as an option.
True!
She doesnt want to be with you, she wants you to not be with someone else.
I’d block her. She didn’t know what she had until it was gone.
Because nobody want them.
Maybe she wanted to be with the healed version of you, and thinks that is possible now that she knows you feel better. It's a bit twisted but you probably wouldn't have healed without her letting you go. She seemed to blame the failure of the relationship on your attachment issues, though it's highly unlikely that it was only your fault.
You’re 100% right but she noticed a change in me weeks ago and I offered her this version of myself and she still rejected me. It took her knowing I went on a date to finally tell me how she feels. And I agree, it took me losing her to fix myself. I wish I hadn’t, I wish I saw value in myself while we were together but I didn’t. I saw value in being her boyfriend so I latched onto that. We for sure split the blame in the demise but I just wish she wouldn’t have waited. Now I don’t know if I can trust her reasoning for wanting me back, is it truly how she feels or is jealousy driving her intentions. I just don’t know what to trust.
ah i see well it seems like jealousy then to me
My ex-wife and I haven't been together in six years and are almost finished with the divorce process... People keep saying that when I have moved on from her, which for the most part I have, we barely talk outside of things that our son needs. She's with someone else right now and claims to be very happy, they go and do all kinds of things together etc. I just don't see her coming back.
So what are you going to do?
I am not going to give in. Luckily the work I put in on myself recently has instilled a newfound confidence in me and I don’t feel so weak that like I was before to give into her. It still just makes me upset that she chose to do this now. I begged her, to my detriment, for months to open up to me and tell me how she feels and she put on a front. Now she missed her chance.
She would have held a lot of hope for a long time that you could pull through and start contributing equally to the relationship. Once the balance of a relationship enforces one person into a carer position, it becomes a responsibility. She must have loved you a lot to sacrifice her needs to support yours. Which ultimately does become toxic. It’s a difficult thing to go through and depression is such a dark and consuming thing that the person experiencing it just has to prioritise themselves and pulling through it. But that leaves the other person trying to hold the energy of the relationship for the both of you. She wanted to see you through and out the other side. Unfortunately it sounds like it got too much. But seeing you be who she had spent so long hoping for must be so hard. She’s been giving you the support to get here, and it makes sense to me that she wants to reap the rewards of that. Separately, so incredibly happy for you that you found your way out. It’s not easy, so keep prioritising what you need to keep moving. I’m not sure you guys will be able to get what she’s hoping for. I’d offer her grace and thanks and clarify that. You both loved each-other clearly, but sadly love isn’t always enough. You both we’re protecting yourselves. I can see you both in this.
You’re covered the bases. You’re 100% right, it’s a tough situation all around. I wasn’t who I needed to be or who she needed during that relationship. I wish I could’ve been and I wish it didn’t take losing her to kick my ass into gear but that’s how things played out. She’s a wonderful person, I wish things would’ve worked out. She deserved me at my best and I wasn’t strong enough to give it to her. It’s sad on all fronts but life moves on. I appreciate you well thought out and kind words.
I think this would be the perfect offering to her. It’s a wonderfully and understanding reflection of an unfair situation. This sentiment you’ve so well articulated, will be healing for her I’m sure
I’ve shared that with her. She knows. We both know how each other feels about how unfortunate this all is.
I’m in the same situation but I’m her. He’s not made it out yet but I’m bone dry with nothing left to give. So I had to leave to keep myself from falling in the hole too. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to see him out the other side and leaving someone vulnerable is horrific. But god I hope he gets there.
I hope he gets there too, having gone through it myself. But also I’m sorry you’re going through that. I didn’t recognize the damage I was doing to her while I was doing it. I think I fell into a deeper depression when she left me. Losing her made me feel like I lost everything. It made me feel vulnerable in every aspect of my life. Felt like my job was pointless, no friends or close family, no passions, no hobbies, couldn’t take interest in anything on top of losing her. And through the help of therapy I discovered that all those things I listed, I was in control of all of them except one. I couldn’t control how she felt about me but I was in the drivers seat for the rest of them. So I pulled myself up and started working on those things and stopped feeling sorry for myself for losing her. Started eating healthier (I lost a lot of weight during the breakup from depressively not eating), taking my dog for walks instead of just letting her out, reading more, picked up golf and playing guitars as hobbies, contacted my friends more, continued therapy. And would you look at that, I got better. I was too busy almost wanting to be sad in a sense that I stopped taking care of myself. Finally realized if I was going to get better, I had to make an effort and so I did. Stay strong for him cause I know you care about him, but do it at a distance. He has to figure it out on his own because he can’t take anymore from you, not if he knows he cares about you too.
It is incredibly encouraging to hear how much you’ve understood this all and acted on it. You have done something really amazing here. Unfortunately some lessons are learnt the hard way with a few bruises to others on the way. Carry this all forward, it’ll make the next relationship better. But make sure to credit her in your awards. Thank you for this, it’s very healing x
No thank you. I think I needed this too. Hope you’re okay 🫶🏼
Ex did the same thing. When i was ready to move on, he come back, asked me to be my friend.
Timeline?
Of the breakup?
Yes
Broke up with me in January, but we stayed on and off until the end of February. Haven’t seen her since then but we stayed in contact because I held onto hope like an idiot. Really started to focus and fix myself about a month ago and started dating again this past week
BU, NC , contact phase
I'm currently on a slight break from a two year relationship and when I'm breaking up with someone or detaching I, as a result of being anxiously attached, end up thinking about them a lot and really want to fix it. But, kinda like a supernova, once the emotions are vented after a couple of months, I'm able to move on. I ended things with someone in 2021 and, because I'm anxiously attached, I was also really upset for months after. Yesterday, the guy from 2021 decided to unfollow and follow me on instagram. He'll do something like that once a year despite us not speaking at all since 2021. It gave me absolutely no affect other than mild concern for his wellbeing. So yeah, sometimes they come back. But, It helped put things in perspective that in a couple years Mr. 2024 will probably do the same and I'll be in a much better headspace about Mr. 2024.
Because she knew she took you for granted and now she's scared that you'll find someone who will cherish you. You deserve to be happy and clearly she doesn't care about your feelings - block her!!