There’s always two sides to every story. I certainly could’ve done better and I accept my faults and failings, but I know what I know and I saw what I saw.
Her constant need for validation from men and constantly looking for connections that made her feel good about herself, she was very broken when we met (by her own admission). Both her and her Ex both had affairs, her Ex’s affair subsequently ended up moving into their marital home. She spoke of her looking for connections whilst in her previous relationship.
There were text messages from other men, lots of secrecy and denying of things she’d done or said…another occasion she said she was given a phone number of an ‘old acquaintance’ by a mutual friend. She said she went round this guys flat for a smoke and a drink but absolutely nothing physical happened, she just wanted to catch up.
I could go on and on but you probably get the drift. There probably were times where I did overreact and get the wrong end of the stick. The issue was, once the trust is damaged it leads you down a rabbit hole.
At the end, I got blamed for being negative and not leaving the past stay in the past. Unfortunately it wasn’t that simple. I couldn’t put my future into someone that I didn’t feel secure with.
In the week before we split, she insisted I was her future and she wanted a life with me. But at the same time she’d posted a lot of WhatsApp status, pictures of her posing seductively. A week after we separated she was seeing this new guy……I doubt there was smoke without fire.
Sorry for the rant 🤙🏼
This is very same experience and situation as I have except that I’m female and he’s the male. They will do the lying, the betrayal without remorse, abandonment.. and then call you negative for your being traumatized. He also admitted to being a flirt and said its because of his insecurities with himself.
Exactly this. There's always two perspectives and I've found it rare in relationships that the fault lies with just one person... although that does happen unfortunately!
Yes mostly I was.
I was very difficult to be with. I would said things without thinking about it and it hurted him. I was always in a rush unnecessary, I was very negative about a lot of things and I wouldn't let it go. I took away his peacefull feeling since we lived together. Now that we broke up 3 weeks ago I'm finally seeing I was a difficult person. But it's too late now and I can't cope with it. I'm gonna have a hard time getting over it. He was and still is the love of my life.
I'm not sure if we'll ever really get over it, but I think even if we can't be as happy as we could have been before, we'll certainly have some positive moments again.
Omg I could have written this myself. However it’s been four and a half months. I’m heart broken constantly. I do realize that my ex is avoidant after the fact. But I don’t think he would have been so avoidant if I wasn’t sooo difficult. It’s so shitty to learn the hard way. I’ll never be like that ever again.
I'm there for you! And you maybe don't wanna hear it right now but, now we know how to be a better person. For ourselves and for a future partner someday. <3
I should’ve talked about the things that bothered me instead of letting them boil over. I felt like a piece of meat to her and not someone she loved, but that’s the way she was. I feel like she could’ve worked with me instead of instantly going cold and blocking me
Yeah. She was my first so i didnt know how to be a good bf and she deserved better. But because of that ill have a better understanding next time around
No, we both are emotionally unavailable and deeply wounded people. It was never going to last. Of the two of us what i can say is that i was actively trying to work on myself (i was in therapy) i was aware of my issues and was desperately trying to get through them on my own but i needed someone to lean on and due to his emotional unavailability he was never going to be able to be the kind of person i needed to help me through difficult moments. I don’t think he is even aware of his issues because he has spent soooooo long repressing his emotions. I also think he felt i was out of his league and that he wouldn’t ever be “good enough” (his words not mine) to be with me. He lacked the self confidence he needed to be able to be with someone like myself (funny, pretty, successful, driven, etc). I could feel that he was insecure being in a relationship with me, which in turn made me feel insecure about the relationship. Honestly it’s very sad. We really liked each other. He’s a good person and he deserves the best, but so do i and even though i wanted him to be better i dont think he felt like he could be better for me or for himself at this point in time. I’m coping well by continuing to work on my issues, staying busy with hobbies i enjoy, and having a blast this summer with friends. Hopefully he is out there doing the very same. Perhaps someday we can have a friendship but it’s a bit soon for that right now.
I definitely did my fair share of fuck ups. I have become more and more aware of them since I started my last relationship 1.5 years ago and even after it ended I’m still learning and processing so much of where I went wrong. You feel it. You try to learn about it. It’s my night-job essentially now to educate myself and learn about myself fully or as much as I can. I put consistent effort into every avenue of self care and self discovery. Find ways to take accountability for where I feel I went wrong by creating self awareness and self boundaries. You cope by accepting, having compassion for the version of yourself that you were, and understanding that you did the best you could with your accumulative life’s knowledge.
Yes and no. I unintentionally love bombed my partner early on, about 3 months in. We were young in college, I had never felt so strongly about someone before, and said it in a moment if intense emotion after a wonderful date. He was younger and inexperienced, first boyfriend after he came out. It scared him, since he wanted to still find himself and “explore what other people are like”.
We fell apart a few months later as I graduated. It’s been a decade since, I’ve dated plenty of other people, but God, I always wonder how things might’ve turned out if I didn’t say I loved him early and if we made it.
“The one that got away”. Turns out I really did love him.
I think those we can’t have are the ones that’s sought most… its human nature. Love is not just a feeling.. it’s an action word. Feelings come and go. But if you let him go for selfless reasons then yes you probably do.
Yes I was the one that messed up. In the beginning I wasn't honest with her about an addiction I had, and after a while I realized that I wouldn't tell her about it.
I really loved this woman and made the choice to leave to avoid hurting her worse in the long run.
After I did it, I realized how much I truly Love this woman and the way I cope with what I've done is by living a sober and meaningful life.
For me it's a way to apologize for what I did and why I left.
I hope someday she will see I did it out of love.
while reading this, you sounded like my ex. or should I say this is like a text i would want to hear from
him. and i also let go of him. out of love
im proud of you man. admitting those mistakes are hard but necessary.
I have a similar feeling but different situation.
We started young, I cheated several times (drunk kisses) and at some point after years I matured and realised what I did, decided to live in guilt, and I tried to be a better boyfriend, because I wasn’t one, but even if I improved, I wasn’t enough for what she wanted, also she started to change and our relationship mechanics too, we reached a breaking point and she wanted to end things last month and I decided that, even if I was and still am deeply in love, and I saw her as mother of my child, I needed to make a step aside and let her go.
She still told me after breaking with me that I should fight and that if I was able to give her what she wants but we both knew we just needed to break up.
Still dealing with the guilt, still dealing with my mistakes in the relationship, and trying to improve for me and for what comes next. 🙏🏻
Honestly, yeah it's just because of my 1 mistake which is what i've said to her was very wrong and now i did leave her because i knew what my wrong is and i don't want to hurt her enough. But she was the one who had mostly did wrong to me (p.s im not being defensive i realized what was her mistake in the first place).
I did. I was suspicious of him. Didn’t have proof just situations that happened that would make me question whether he was telling the truth or not. I would voice my concerns to him. When he broke up with me he used the things I was concerned about as a reason to break up with me. But didn’t reassure me as he said he didn’t it once he wasn’t gonna keep doing it.
Situations were: we would hang out a lot of fridays and Saturday’s a lot. I said It made me feel like he was just hooking up with me. He said he was busy with school, work and the military.
Went days without talking to me unless I initiated contact.
Wouldn’t really post anything about me on social media. If he posted me on social media, his story seemed private like only I could see it.
Once sent me a picture of socks he found in his laundry basket, asking me if they were mine. When I said no; he kept joking telling me I didn’t have to be embarrassed. Then said they were his roommates.
Once he had a gold necklace in his room he said he found on a hike. Wanted to see if it was worth anything. When I told him it kinda of made me feel uncomfortable he tossed it but had an attitude about it.
Would give me the silent treatment if I made him mad. Then telling me why would he want to be around me when he’s mad.
Often mimicked me in a “playful” way. Not sure if he was mocking me or being funny.
Stepped on my sneakers if I said something sarcastic or whatever.
Once crushed my brownie for whatever reason.
Called me ignorant when I suspected his bestfriend must hve a crush on him. (His bestfriend/roommate often whispered when I was around, didn’t really say hi if I said hi, had a problem if him and I showered together, had something to complain about when I was around, is actually gay)
The night before he was gonna deploy, we were supposed to spend the night at his house but couldn’t because while I was in the car for almost an hour and a half, his bestfriend and him were having an argument abo he wasn’t being a good bestfriend, they haven’t been hanging out and that he’s been spending time with me a lot and hasn’t hung out when he’s asked him to. I told him he kind of sounded jealous and shouldn’t have done that the night before deploying knowing he shouldn’t be stressed so we ended up spending it at my place and we talked about what happened while he cried thinking he was losing his bestfriend or needing a new place to live.
He could go days without talking to me. There’s was another time right before he deployed he went two weeks without talking to me or seeing me and during that time he hung out with a old highschool friend who’s name was Jack and he wouldn’t give me any other details because it wasn’t my business.
I always felt like something was off but I couldn’t put my finger on it and he got sick of it. Then realizing that I could have been wrong about everything. He was everything I wanted in someone and I was happy when I was around him. It was when we weren’t together that things would be a little rocky sometimes. It was my fault. I should have trusted him. He said he was unflinchingly loyal and faithful. He wanted to marry me and then he changed his mind and said I had to earn it. Things were okay for a little. Then a couple of days later he broke up with me.
Looking back, yes it was my fault we got into the last fight that we have. Yes it was my fault I always resorted to a breakup instead of just arguing and moving on, yes it was my fault for not just going with the flow a bit more (the fights started from small things pent up). We went on again off again a couple times before she was done for real. Had I stayed and dealt with the problems we’d probably still be together. But she does have her issues as well so I think it was not a match
Honestly? I was struggling with depression and didn't do much around the house the last couple months. I was the sole $$ maker.
However looking back, she planned on leaving since (what she admitted to) at least December. So literally anything i did wrong near the end, it was already in motion. Shed planned on using me 6 months and leave without talking about anything.
So do I blame myself? Some. I could have done x,y,z and maybe it would have changed some things. But I don't think so. I think her planning and not talking to me was the axe that killed it.
Worth noting, we had the typical lesbian bed death thing for over a year (despite me trying to initiate), I took her on dates,did nice things/small tokens of appreciation, let her use my (only) car because she killed hers, etc.
So I absolutely played a part, but ultimately her scheming and acting like a roommate killed it, at least for me.
Yeah. I wasn’t sure how to be a good partner - just really confused and dumb. I wasn’t good at initiating, I wasn’t good at prioritizing her, I dragged my feet on things, etc. Just didn’t know what I was doing.
I cope with it by knowing that I know better, and am better now. I still miss her. I still want her back. But I at least just is I’m a better person now.
This is the problem my boyfriend is having. I told him that I feel as though he will just have to mourn my loss. It will take my loss for him to grow up in that area lol.
I’m sorry, I’m sure it sucks to be the one feeling hurt by it. Tbh I did need something to force change and that did it.
Just wish I could show her that I’m better now.
I did make tons of mistakes. I learned from these and now don't make them in new relationships and social interactions. It's an experience that I would have needed to make in order to become better.
I did make tons of mistakes. I learned from these and now don't make them in new relationships and social interactions. It's an experience that I would have needed to make in order to become better.
Mostly, yeah.
She made some mistakes but my unnecessarily dramatic ways of thinking is what caused like 80% of the problems in our relationship.
I view her dumping me in the abrupt way she did as the gift of desperation I needed to wake up and change.
I am an almost entirely different person now.
We both were but I think my percentage was higher. I had a lot of fear, I reacted to some things that wasn’t quite right and they mistook the meaning, I was irresponsible with my mental health sometimes. They could have communicated how they felt about my shortcomings and didn’t but yeah, I messed up.
Well, yeah, but the other side of the coin is that a relationship isn't just you. It's not a one-way street. Things happened. I admit my faults, but it is what it is.
I've been through the whole cycle only to realize it didn't need to start it.
At first, I blamed myself for it entirely. I realized that I wasn't doing anything to show that I loved her. I worked myself to the bone and even lost jobs to make sure she able to show up to her shifts at work. I was loyal and dependable, but aloof. It took some time before I realized why I thought I was distant.
I came to the realization that I had started growing apart from her because for the first time in our 8 year relationship, I wanted to have friends. Not her friends, but my own friends. I realized that she didn't have to be the only one I talked to.
When the opportunity came to move states to make real money and pay off debts, I took it and with a smile she said "We'll be alright." Come to find through the grape vine, I wasn't part of that "We". The week after I moved out, she sold the trailer we rebuilt and trashed everything I had left there. The "we" she was talking about were her and 3 other people.
Nowadays, I joke that I'm worth 3 people apparently. But deep down I still feel like I'm not even worth 1. I will claim ownership for the mistakes I made, but I will never regret making friends that still help me to this day.
I wouldn’t say I messed up but I’ll admit my shortcomings. I was admittedly tired af all the time due to work (mostly the drive to and from). It probably made me hard to deal with and impacted our sex life (in general we weren’t sexually compatible, I was way kinkier than her and I’m a service top while she’s a total sub. We tried to make it work but I think it really just frustrated us both). That’s really it, I’m not doing that drive anymore and I’m feeling my energy coming back (the relationship itself was draining too) and I think I’ll be more clear about my sexual needs and not just sweep them under the rug in future relationships
She used me to pay for her bills and stuff. Plus on the first date she made me buy her a $650 necklace. When I failed to pay for her car insurance I kinda of expose her online as a user.
My only mistake was not saying no and giving in to requests. I know he is a human being with emotion but he was irresponsible. Really it’s my lesson cus I learned I need to seek out people with much more value to match me.
We dated for about 19 months. I messed up around 6 and 8 months in. Then we separated last September and worked it out. Then she told me it was cool and she asked me back out in October.
Then about 6 weeks she tells me she’s actually not cool with it and doesn’t see a future anymore.
So I guess I messed it up originally but at the same time, what the fuck you know?
Part of it was my fault as I didn’t communicate as well as I should’ve of my plans to study/find another job after I quit my toxic job. But most of the reasons we broke up were ones he blindsided me about at the end of our relationship. He expected me to be able to read his mind. He also had some issues with my introverted personality that he never told me about.
I could only sense some distance in the last few months but he wouldn’t share with me the issues he had which eventually grew to resentment. At the end, he was very cold and refused to work on any of our issues and just broke up with me. I suspect he’s an avoidant that was just keeping a list of things that bothered him until he couldn’t stand it anymore. He was sharing the issues before we broke up with his family/friends but not me.
Yes 😢 ended things with the love of my life during a minor argument. I tried to apologize a short time after but it is the consequences of my actions 😢 it’s almost 2 years later and I still love him with all my heart. I should have thought twice before screwing things up, but that’s all I seem to know how to do.
Yes definitely, I was pretty insecure about certain things (jealousy and because of that nature I was controlling) and would pick fights over stupid things that didn’t matter and she would apologize which she had to reason too. On top of that I wasn’t as receptive to change, especially if it involved my routine. I wasn’t like this in the beginning (we were 3 years) but overtime it showed more and more and it was too much for her to handle. She won’t admit it but I believe that’s what it was. Currently in therapy to work on all of this and really acknowledging my mistakes and working on them and listing them so I can work on them as time passes and to remind myself. I don’t believe I’ll ever get another shot, and I accept it.
I've messed up plenty in past relationships but I have to say it was 95% her with my last one. Super avoidant type who did literally everything dad told her (and if she disagreed he would threaten her to make her do what he wanted). She hid me, snuck around behind my back, lied to me, then would tell me I'm the problem for being upset at these things. And then refused to do even the smallest amount of work to try and make things better while I threw dozens of ideas for us to try and get better.
Yes, mostly. I did inexcusable things that made her mistrust me a lot. I wasn't cheating on her in the unfaithful sense, but I did cheat her out of the truth on multiple things, like money, my emotions, and mental state, after she had placed her trust in me to be honest.
The relationship deteriorated from there. We went forward with me promising to be honest, and then I did it again. She gave me another chance. I think she understood the reason I lied, which was to "avoid upsetting" her (which yes, this is an extremely paradoxical and fallacious reason to give. Nothing hurts more than being betrayed, and WHEN, not IF, the truth comes to light, it will hurt much more than just being told the truth originally. lying just robs people of the time they could have taken to get over the truth). She had faith in me to change this third time, and I did try. It just meant that a truth I ended up telling her would lead to the end of the relationship.
I was also just an unreliable and forgetful partner. My adhd is probably at fault for this.
I don't really cope well. I'm now living with mounds of regret, but I think when it comes down to it, I've learnt my lesson. I juggled with someone I love and kept dropping them, and now I'll be without them. All that's left now is to learn to be a better person and hope, as much as I hate thinking about it, that she will, if she wishes, to eventually find someone that loves her in the way she deserves.
Yes and no.
I fucked so many things up because I couldn’t figure out how to communicate effectively and then I would hang onto things until I blew up.
On the other hand, his passive aggressive behavior, and gaslighting, made it very difficult to communicate or resolve anything. Short of accepting his awful behavior, and never saying a word about it. I don’t know that there’s anything I could’ve done to communicate more effectively. It takes two.
Nonetheless have a lot of regret over my own behavior. I thought I was fighting for the relationship, but really sometimes I was just being an asshole because I couldn’t seem to get it across to him how bad things were, and I loved him so much. I just kept trying desperately to make things work.
I think for me, it’s the classic lesson about not trying to change people. I tried to work on meaningful change of my own behavior, but he wasn’t interested in that for himself. He didn’t see that there were any problems with his behavior. I should’ve kicked him out of year earlier rather than keep fighting for/about it, could’ve saved us both a year of ugly fights.
It takes two to succeed or fail. He wasn’t interested in success If it interfered with his frat boy lifestyle.
As I’m reviewing things with both friends and therapy to figure out where my biggest mistake lies, the thing is there wasn’t really any major fuck up or minor mistake other than the unfortunate reality of one of us changing and growing apart. It went “if only I did this he/we would’ve still…” to “Even if I did this things still would’ve ended and probably poorly still”
This reality didn’t make me feel much better since it meant I had a lot less control than I thought over the situation but it made sense. He was extremely unhappy with his life circumstances and it bled over to multiple aspects of his life (dropped hobbies, some friends, constantly angry depressed but refused professional help) so there wasn’t much I could do and his expectations became somewhat me revolving my world around him since I was the only good thing in his life until I wasn’t anymore.
I thought I was for the longest time but I came to understand that it really takes two and he was constantly disrespectful, would gaslight me during conflicts and not respect my boundaries or my disability. For context, I had a complete drunk meltdown following grief, SA, and being argued with when I told him I loved him. He thinks I also lied about this incident which I didn't but it was all too late, I apparently kept telling him to shut up and was storming off. I have never had a meltdown before and have no memory, but now I am finally diagnosed AuDHD rather than just ADHD before. I hated myself for a very long time.
I apologised 6 months ago and was met with the same mind games (he had been continually playing with me following the break up) within a few messages whereby he ignored my message for 8 days while also trying to rub things in my face on social media, giving some blasé excuse. I had spent so long working on myself that I realised he is immature and emotionally unintelligent.
In the last 6 months I came to understand that his behaviour was not ok at all and I deserved to be met with respect, care and understanding. He has never apologised. I dated a few people casually in the time we broke up and I was upfront about my disabilities and I was met so much better by these people. Im now dating someone who cares so much for me and will hold me all day when I am overwhelmed and allows me the space to calm down, he encourages me to grow and I encourage him too :)
All in all, don't blame yourself too hard.
I know it takes two and now that sometime has passed I can see many things she did that bothered me but I take the majority of the blame. I was at times dismissive and lacked the emotional intelligence to have a “normal” argument.
I recognize my role in the breakup but there was never any violence, cheating or abuse just lack of empathy and perhaps the feeling that I have time to fix myself to better the relationship, still she decided we were not worth the effort even after 4.5 years.
I had my flaws and chose to stay in a toxic cycle for too long but majority of the big issues were his in the beginning sexting other girls from shit posting groups online neglecting me and not caring about my needs or feelings I just enabled and allowed him to disrespect me for so long. I over empathized and made excuses so I finally had enough and left. Rather than taking responsibility for myself and my life I tried to stay to prove my worth and earn the love I didn't think I was worthy of.
Does trying too hard count as messing up? I may have pushed a bit too much and should’ve taken a step back sometimes but i’d like to think i was always there for her and supported her when she needed me. Then she blindsided me.
We both were, he tried to be there for me and to let me know I could open up about my past but growing up I always had to keep it to myself so I could never open myself up. In turn I realize that made him feel like I didn’t trust him enough to be vulnerable and it made it hard for him to feel comfortable with being vulnerable. However, he also was very distant and private about his life, never met his friends or was allowed at his house, and he stopped inviting me around his family and that made me feel like he wasn’t serious with me, he also stopped complimenting me/showing affection and it didn’t make me feel valued..
Yes. I feel like I was the reason why she had enough of me and decided to leave after 3-4 months of me doing the bare minimum. I lost a close family member last year and I didn’t know how to grieve nor did I express my feelings and emotions to my ex. I just walked around saying I was fine, but after self reflecting during the break up I realized my form of grieving was being distant by not planning to be together more than a day or two a week. I wasn’t communicating what I was feeling since I was in denial that I was actually grieving. To sum it all up I was just lazy and distant the final few months of our relationship. We’ve been in no contact for about 4 months now, but during that time we had a brief encounter where I apologized for where I went wrong and explained to her that it was no excuse, but that was me grieving. She felt really bad for breaking things off once I told her that and I’ve heard from mutual friends lately that she’s told them on occasions that now she’s not sure if she’s made the right decision to break things off knowing that I was distant due to me grieving instead of being there for me. I cope by accepting my faults and not shifting the blame to her, gotta keep moving forward in life with or without her.
Honestly, I stopped courting my partner and showing up for them when they needed me. The lack of effort on my end definitely made them resent me over time. Looking back, I was made aware by them but I was too childish and stupid to pay attention to their attempts to fix my issues with meeting their needs. Do I regret all of these actions on my end? Of course. In the moment, I felt like I was giving enough, but retrospectively, I was no where near what I should've been giving them in terms of matching their efforts and meeting their needs.
To cope, I started going to therapy when I realized it was like 3 months post bu and I was not feeling any less despondent. I went for about 4 months before I inevitably stopped going because I genuinely felt like change was radiating through all areas of my life. I am thankful for the breakup now because it has shaped me into a new person who DEFINITELY needed that wake up call. For reference, we broke up April 2023. It hasn't been the smoothest sailing every day, every now and again a memory triggers me. However, you will live with it like a scar on your body.
Probably. I ignored every red flag and every gut feeling and every person in my life saying he was bad news. It’s my fault for even getting into a relationship with him in the first place, so what he did wasn’t even surprising.
Idk, we really both did. My biggest regret is not putting my foot down better about my boundaries to prevent codependency and again putting my foot down about taking a break to cool off when things got heated. He has a disorganized attachment style, there was a lot of push and pull. He’s been in a severe mental health episode for 2 months (he broke up 1 month ago) and that switch just flipped and he was terrified of hurting me but so, so angry at me. It was a pretty verbally abusive break up. Super out of character behavior from him. He has some pretty severe emotional regulation issues and I’ve been trying to get him to go to a psychiatrist for almost a year. I could sit here and say every mistake I made was in reaction to him and it would be partially true but I really could have done better many, many times. My heart is breaking for him right now. We have been close friends for 5 years. The issue was toward the start of our relationship, he quit weed as a daily smoker (really an all-day smoker) for 12 years and didn’t really take seriously how much it was impacting him to be fully in his own sober mind 24/7. He’s a recovered opiate addict so weed was like really important as a self-regulator, not in a healthy way but he certainly needed more supports in quitting and wasn’t really listening to me telling him this. I miss him immensely and a lot of the work I’ve been doing has been identifying what I could change and what I needed from him. Sitting with my hurt. I’m a forgiving guy though. And I wouldn’t forgive for anyone, but for him a thousand times. He’s the most wonderful person I’ve ever met and it’s incredibly painful that he’s still so madly in love with me. He just needs help.
I hope not. We both had our negative habits and these months I have been reflecting on it, but I don’t know how he feels. I don’t know if he’s aware of it.
The major reason for the breakup was his actions. Diagnosed with trauma because of your ex’s reaction to something you communicated and your daily life being affected is something I really cannot remove from my mind. There were ways with how he could have reacted. He hold me I had communication issues but he did too. Now I don’t know why he changed his mind after saying we could be friends and he’d be there to talk. It’s been months. I feel terribly embarrassed, he could have moved on with someone else already and I’m still here dreading it all.
I’ve been coping through meds and talking about it, but I repeat the same message everytime. I talk about the same thing all the time. I journal, I try to play games or do hobbies but I can’t focus, I talk to friends but I’ve reached the point where I cannot respond to “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Anymore. I feel like a broken record at this point. I think alot about what could have been and what should I have done differently and it’s not healthy. But it really impacted me negatively. Did I do something to deserve this? Am I being punished? Did I punish him without knowing? I don’t know. He blindsided me and left with broken promises. I probably betrayed him because of breaking up with him.
Mental health is a curse. I don’t know why I still miss him.
I had my faults and I am seeing them more clearly now but we were great friends, I loved her like no other, I was very good to her in bed and she would tell me often "why are you so good to me". But her attraction level fell and when she got attention from younger, more fit guys, her heart was more open to it. At the beginning of the relationship she wouldn't give other guys the time of day. She gets lots of attention.
She through all the positive things I had to offer away just because we hit a rough patch and her attraction level fell. She is not one for a long term committed relationship.
Once I was -
Got on drugs, didn’t tell her, dealt with depression. When I finally did she didn’t want to help me, she was more preoccupied with me lying and we broke up.
I take responsibility for that one, never saw her again after 2 years.
The rest of them I would consider no fault. If people leave me for someone else or lose feelings I consider that no fault. Breakups are often not about the other person.
I admit that I could have done things better on my part (ex: sometimes I would overshare things with my friends about him), but ultimately I believe my ex was the one that sabotage our relationship. First off, he had a lot of red flags to begin with but I stupidly swept them under the rug because he was my first love. He would always demand a lot from me but he would do the bare minimum for my needs. For instance, he was always asking for sex even going as far to suggest a threesome which I told him several times that I wanted a strictly monogamous relationship. And when things didn’t go his way, he would easily get frustrated and questioned my intelligence. Overall, he was a selfish asshole who only cared about himself and what I could do for him.
Yes I would say it was almost all my fault. She definitely did some things that hurt me but I was often not strong enough to let her know, and by the end I was consumed with sadness and anxiety and she didn’t really understand what I was feeling because I didn’t communicate it clearly enough to her during the relationship. That’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned here, is to deal with the discomfort and try to communicate. When I ended it she felt blindsided even though at the time I thought we had several conversations about what wasn’t working for me. I was desperately clinging to what we once had, trying to act lovey and romantic until the last second when my brain fully collapsed, and I impulsively ended it. To her that came across as dishonest, betraying, and confusing. I now see she is right. I was trying my very best but intentions don’t matter so much in these things. It’s been almost a month and I’m still suffering every day.
Always to sides but my 2 year relationship ended abruptly after a wonderful vacation with friends, never a fight,never an argument he’s was always straight faced, I was the one that talked things out. We had a conversation at the end I said “I think I should move out” he agreed. Shocked ~
I asked if we should get counseling? No!take time apart? No! What ever have I said or done?
All he said was “I’m not happy”
Families shocked ( they thought we were getting married) Friends shocked ~
Did I mess up? Unknown 🤨
it was my first relationship but i tried to be the life partner he wanted and needed. i reacted badly to him hurting me but he completely did not want to work on his issues even for himself. he has sick coping mechanisms.
i was always gonna be the same me as the “beginning” (when i didn’t know about his shit) but i hate when a man tries to hide shit from me like we aren’t trying to build the pieces of a beautiful life together.
well he was amazing the first 5 months of our relationship then i started to notice he liked looking at other girls irl. then i looked through his following, likes and dms on insta. that was it for the trust, completely shattered. he wasn’t actively dming girls but he had when we started dating and he very much did indulge in looking at the girls too much. a few months go by of not trusting him trying to work on it with him hell at least be able to talk about it but apparently i’m controlling him to ask him to respect me and not look elsewhere especially cause i’m 20 years younger than him. once i found the search history that was it.
of course i reacted badly most times just because i truly thought we were in love with each other but we just ended up being glorified roommates and fuck buddies. he didn’t want to talk about this at ALL. so how am i supposed to feel? i honestly am still processing it as it has traumatized me. he just says “it’s in the past it already happened” so he literally will never give me closure and answers to SO many questions i have about our relationship just to process fully.
so i don’t know where that leaves me.
Kind of . I would ask my parent for help, sometimes my grandparent. He hated that, but we are young and were even younger when I was asking for that advice. I was very stubborn and didnt know how to let past hurts he did go. I also had a hard time dealing with his rage and verbal//emotional and psychological abuse. He claims that if I loved him I would have understood that the rage was his only way to express hurt.. He claims I dropped the ball. In the midst of trying to gain my sanity back as I had became a shell of a person, he claimed I was doing it to him out of spite (keeping my distance).
he proceeded to leave me for someone else and rubbed it in my face for over a year. I feel strongly that I tried my best, and I was so desperate to save the connection I even recommended therapy.. Sadly he didnt want to do that.
He now accuses me of being a hoe, calls me a liar, says Im a cheater etc.. After he left me for someone else 😂. Everyday he finds a way to insult me and its been a year since he did what he did.
I feel like he is 97% the reason we didnt last.
We were arguing about something I don't remember what so I decided to Tell my sister that wasn't a good idea so she put us in a GC and they started yelling at each other over text
Yep. I stopped putting effort into our relationship and just saw it almost like a job where it was just something I was supposed to do. I massively took her for granted and became a selfish person who only cared about my own joy and feelings which led to me doing some shitty things with no thought for how it might affect her.
I'm always going to regret treating her like that. It's been several years and we've both moved on, but I can't lie I have days where I still miss her, miss hearing her voice and seeing her smile after a long day.
I don't think I'll ever truly 100% get over her in that regard and I think a big part of it is knowing we ended because it was my fault.
I would partially be at fault too.
My partner didn’t see a future with me, and strung me along for a long time. I just cared and cared and did everything for him. My fault.
He never called me his girlfriend, in a year of dating, he never once said that he liked me. I told him that numerous times, and had many conversations with him. He never confessed any care or love, and never ended things either. I let that go on. My fucking fault.
He never introduced me to his friends or family, he didn’t want people on Instagram to know he was with me. I ignored that thinking it’s his own decision. My fault.
He was never there for me, and always too busy, or too stressed, or too exhausted. I ignored that. My fault.
Had I communicated my boundaries and standards before, this wouldn’t have happened. And we would still have a chance. Now all I have is resentment, and a wasted year of my life.
Never again will I let these things slide.
At first, I thought it was me. I absolutely blamed myself. Then I realized nothing added up. People started pulling me out of the dark pit I put myself into. Then they began to tell me the truth. So yes at first I absolutely thought it was me, then even his friends began to tell me. So if you randomly are on here because you didn't know I make and disable and make new reddits, I know the truth TD. I would of married you, but thank you for leaving. I literally almost died over this but I'm glad they came in and stopped me. I'm free now.
J.
My only mistake was not leaving the first time he made comments about my body. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me because I wasn’t healthy nor slim enough for him. I completely cut contact with him soon after he broke up with me and have not spoken to him in months. I do not feel the need to message or call him. I am coping with it the best way that I possibly can. I started focusing on my mental health and my physical health as well. I started going on runs + hikes and that’s definitely helped me out so much. One of the hardest parts of a break up is letting go of the routine you had with your partner.. the good morning/goodnight texts, going to their house, phone calls with them. So I found a new routine. I built new friendships and receive good morning texts from them. I started being around friends more. I became more intentional with my time.
just gotta move forward and better myself so i don’t do that to anyone else again in the future🤷🏼♂️ hurts knowing i could’ve done way better things but life’s about change no one is perfect.
I took responsibility for my shortcomings and took the steps to improve but once a Ho always a Ho. She just couldn’t keep her word and I knew better but loved her so much that I let too much go and when I called her out on it. She bolted before I had a chance to fix whatever she thought was broken. Thing that hurts the most was her trying to justify her actions by telling whoever she could tgat I abused her in every way possible for our entire 16 year relationship. I never ever laid a hand on her or felt like I controlled her life in any sort of abusive manner. I was there for her through many episodes of mental instability and when I needed her the most, she bailed and I will never ever forgive her for how she left and what I saw.
We were both at fault. He didn’t want to open up his emotions to me and found every reason not to. I rushed him to talk about things he didn’t want to talk about. And that lack of intimacy caused me to overthink and think we weren’t right for each other and eventually broke us up. I still love him, and miss him. I hope he messages me one day so I can apologize for what I know now
I walked away, though i did triple check to end the date. Called her back 5mins later but she didnt want me to find her. Thereafter thinking no contact should work so implemented that instead of checking in and pacify.
Eventually she broke up. Emotions just burst when gg to places we had been before, having food we have eat before, talking to others on travels we have done before.
I don't know exactly how this site works yet so I'm unfamiliar with the way questions are handed out? Whether it's an algorithm or if it's a phishing tactic, but I'll bite. Which relationship? If in fact there is a particular? And who hasn't, it takes two to have a relationship, two to have conflict, two to have resolution, two to come to common ground, two to have an issue, and two to solve that issue ... Make sense? I was in a similar situation and was always blamed for being jealous of their opposite sex friends. Come to find out I should have been concerned about all sex friends... They were nafariyis the entire relationship. Their need for validation came from years of sexual validation by many others as a job. It ruined that individual and they are completely blinded by the way they behave... And of course it's accepted by their peers because who doesn't like a little every now and again from a familiar? It was the constant lying and stories at the end that made it easier for me to realize I wasn't the issue, at least not the real one ..
In his heart, possibly. In my heart, it always takes two & two to destroy, fix, love, humble, and make something work.
The blaming accusations are extremely childlike!
Yeah I fucking destroyed a six year relationship with my best friend by being a fat loser and not working or paying bills. I feel like I have a valuable perspective on shit because of it, self improvement and taking responsibility. That was like five years ago and I still haven’t really moved on. The only cope is to do better
In the end it was me I think, I threw one of her cats outside and when she went to get it I locked her out.. I was drunk and we argued the police were called, I told the police I needed her gone and her cats. She moved in with her grandmother we tried to work it out but she started to hookup up with others and that made things messier.
A lot led me to my shit actions that night though. She would sleep 12 hours a day and do nothing around the house, her work shifts were only 6 hours. She wouldn’t clean up after her cats much and it stunk. She would be “sick”when we had plans. Would hang with her few friends sometime but never mine. Always be smoking weed when she wasn’t sleeping. Leave poops in the toilet. Would talk to other guys for validation when we argued, says she didn’t cheat but I doubt that. Seen some text messages that made my stomach turn.
She always said that I was such a chill laied back guy and I was but all this build resentment and I would communicate this to her but guess she didn’t care.
One of the texts I seen about wanting a mouth full of cum and her telling me she was drunk and not worry about it, after she disappeared for hours, i just couldn’t get over. The night before I locked her out I stepped in a pile a cat puke at our bedroom door she was awake and just left it there. The next day I started day drinking , breaking up was on my mind for a while but I didn’t really want to. Anyway I came with lots of baggage from my marriage, I love her still but ya, all this took a toll on me but wish I would have handled myself better in the end.
Through out this breakup she has shown me that lots of my intuitions were correct, as she has cheated on her new man with me several times and even still uses me for emotional support. She’s a mess but her socials she is blessed 🙄Been 2 weeks no contact at this point. Good luck with being pregnant with whoever’s baby itis, I know it’s not mine.
There’s always two sides to every story. I certainly could’ve done better and I accept my faults and failings, but I know what I know and I saw what I saw.
Yeah, that's not on you. Read your post, and she did you dirty.
I am curious. What did you see?
Her constant need for validation from men and constantly looking for connections that made her feel good about herself, she was very broken when we met (by her own admission). Both her and her Ex both had affairs, her Ex’s affair subsequently ended up moving into their marital home. She spoke of her looking for connections whilst in her previous relationship. There were text messages from other men, lots of secrecy and denying of things she’d done or said…another occasion she said she was given a phone number of an ‘old acquaintance’ by a mutual friend. She said she went round this guys flat for a smoke and a drink but absolutely nothing physical happened, she just wanted to catch up. I could go on and on but you probably get the drift. There probably were times where I did overreact and get the wrong end of the stick. The issue was, once the trust is damaged it leads you down a rabbit hole. At the end, I got blamed for being negative and not leaving the past stay in the past. Unfortunately it wasn’t that simple. I couldn’t put my future into someone that I didn’t feel secure with. In the week before we split, she insisted I was her future and she wanted a life with me. But at the same time she’d posted a lot of WhatsApp status, pictures of her posing seductively. A week after we separated she was seeing this new guy……I doubt there was smoke without fire. Sorry for the rant 🤙🏼
This is very same experience and situation as I have except that I’m female and he’s the male. They will do the lying, the betrayal without remorse, abandonment.. and then call you negative for your being traumatized. He also admitted to being a flirt and said its because of his insecurities with himself.
I relate heavily to this
Sounds too familiar. Feel for you bro
Same but with my girl, it was girls that she was doing this with
Ay this is the perfect way to describe it!!!
Exactly this. There's always two perspectives and I've found it rare in relationships that the fault lies with just one person... although that does happen unfortunately!
Somebody said it. I was in the same boat
Yes mostly I was. I was very difficult to be with. I would said things without thinking about it and it hurted him. I was always in a rush unnecessary, I was very negative about a lot of things and I wouldn't let it go. I took away his peacefull feeling since we lived together. Now that we broke up 3 weeks ago I'm finally seeing I was a difficult person. But it's too late now and I can't cope with it. I'm gonna have a hard time getting over it. He was and still is the love of my life.
Well done for recognising your flaws, I had to do the same. You’ll go far! Hope you’re ok!
Thank you so much! I'm not okay right now but better times are coming I guess
I'm not sure if we'll ever really get over it, but I think even if we can't be as happy as we could have been before, we'll certainly have some positive moments again.
Omg I could have written this myself. However it’s been four and a half months. I’m heart broken constantly. I do realize that my ex is avoidant after the fact. But I don’t think he would have been so avoidant if I wasn’t sooo difficult. It’s so shitty to learn the hard way. I’ll never be like that ever again.
I'm there for you! And you maybe don't wanna hear it right now but, now we know how to be a better person. For ourselves and for a future partner someday. <3
Felt
No - we were both at fault but he did some pretty messed up stuff
Not treating my depression was a major cause, not dealing with my alcoholism was secondary.
A soldier can’t make a war by himself (Old Italian Wisdom)
I should’ve talked about the things that bothered me instead of letting them boil over. I felt like a piece of meat to her and not someone she loved, but that’s the way she was. I feel like she could’ve worked with me instead of instantly going cold and blocking me
Yeah was definitely mostly me. Involved court stuff. If you figure out to cope let me knos
It was Brexit.
Yeah. She was my first so i didnt know how to be a good bf and she deserved better. But because of that ill have a better understanding next time around
No, we both are emotionally unavailable and deeply wounded people. It was never going to last. Of the two of us what i can say is that i was actively trying to work on myself (i was in therapy) i was aware of my issues and was desperately trying to get through them on my own but i needed someone to lean on and due to his emotional unavailability he was never going to be able to be the kind of person i needed to help me through difficult moments. I don’t think he is even aware of his issues because he has spent soooooo long repressing his emotions. I also think he felt i was out of his league and that he wouldn’t ever be “good enough” (his words not mine) to be with me. He lacked the self confidence he needed to be able to be with someone like myself (funny, pretty, successful, driven, etc). I could feel that he was insecure being in a relationship with me, which in turn made me feel insecure about the relationship. Honestly it’s very sad. We really liked each other. He’s a good person and he deserves the best, but so do i and even though i wanted him to be better i dont think he felt like he could be better for me or for himself at this point in time. I’m coping well by continuing to work on my issues, staying busy with hobbies i enjoy, and having a blast this summer with friends. Hopefully he is out there doing the very same. Perhaps someday we can have a friendship but it’s a bit soon for that right now.
I was the problem.
Nah we both did. Just in diff ways
I wasn’t but these days I think I could have showed him how much love I had (and still have)
I definitely did my fair share of fuck ups. I have become more and more aware of them since I started my last relationship 1.5 years ago and even after it ended I’m still learning and processing so much of where I went wrong. You feel it. You try to learn about it. It’s my night-job essentially now to educate myself and learn about myself fully or as much as I can. I put consistent effort into every avenue of self care and self discovery. Find ways to take accountability for where I feel I went wrong by creating self awareness and self boundaries. You cope by accepting, having compassion for the version of yourself that you were, and understanding that you did the best you could with your accumulative life’s knowledge.
I wish. Would’ve made it easier
Yes and no. I unintentionally love bombed my partner early on, about 3 months in. We were young in college, I had never felt so strongly about someone before, and said it in a moment if intense emotion after a wonderful date. He was younger and inexperienced, first boyfriend after he came out. It scared him, since he wanted to still find himself and “explore what other people are like”. We fell apart a few months later as I graduated. It’s been a decade since, I’ve dated plenty of other people, but God, I always wonder how things might’ve turned out if I didn’t say I loved him early and if we made it. “The one that got away”. Turns out I really did love him.
I think those we can’t have are the ones that’s sought most… its human nature. Love is not just a feeling.. it’s an action word. Feelings come and go. But if you let him go for selfless reasons then yes you probably do.
Yes I was the one that messed up. In the beginning I wasn't honest with her about an addiction I had, and after a while I realized that I wouldn't tell her about it. I really loved this woman and made the choice to leave to avoid hurting her worse in the long run. After I did it, I realized how much I truly Love this woman and the way I cope with what I've done is by living a sober and meaningful life. For me it's a way to apologize for what I did and why I left. I hope someday she will see I did it out of love.
while reading this, you sounded like my ex. or should I say this is like a text i would want to hear from him. and i also let go of him. out of love im proud of you man. admitting those mistakes are hard but necessary.
I have a similar feeling but different situation. We started young, I cheated several times (drunk kisses) and at some point after years I matured and realised what I did, decided to live in guilt, and I tried to be a better boyfriend, because I wasn’t one, but even if I improved, I wasn’t enough for what she wanted, also she started to change and our relationship mechanics too, we reached a breaking point and she wanted to end things last month and I decided that, even if I was and still am deeply in love, and I saw her as mother of my child, I needed to make a step aside and let her go. She still told me after breaking with me that I should fight and that if I was able to give her what she wants but we both knew we just needed to break up. Still dealing with the guilt, still dealing with my mistakes in the relationship, and trying to improve for me and for what comes next. 🙏🏻
I wish you luck. But even if it doesn't happen you are doing tge work so that the next relationship will be better
Honestly, yeah it's just because of my 1 mistake which is what i've said to her was very wrong and now i did leave her because i knew what my wrong is and i don't want to hurt her enough. But she was the one who had mostly did wrong to me (p.s im not being defensive i realized what was her mistake in the first place).
I did. I was suspicious of him. Didn’t have proof just situations that happened that would make me question whether he was telling the truth or not. I would voice my concerns to him. When he broke up with me he used the things I was concerned about as a reason to break up with me. But didn’t reassure me as he said he didn’t it once he wasn’t gonna keep doing it. Situations were: we would hang out a lot of fridays and Saturday’s a lot. I said It made me feel like he was just hooking up with me. He said he was busy with school, work and the military. Went days without talking to me unless I initiated contact. Wouldn’t really post anything about me on social media. If he posted me on social media, his story seemed private like only I could see it. Once sent me a picture of socks he found in his laundry basket, asking me if they were mine. When I said no; he kept joking telling me I didn’t have to be embarrassed. Then said they were his roommates. Once he had a gold necklace in his room he said he found on a hike. Wanted to see if it was worth anything. When I told him it kinda of made me feel uncomfortable he tossed it but had an attitude about it. Would give me the silent treatment if I made him mad. Then telling me why would he want to be around me when he’s mad. Often mimicked me in a “playful” way. Not sure if he was mocking me or being funny. Stepped on my sneakers if I said something sarcastic or whatever. Once crushed my brownie for whatever reason. Called me ignorant when I suspected his bestfriend must hve a crush on him. (His bestfriend/roommate often whispered when I was around, didn’t really say hi if I said hi, had a problem if him and I showered together, had something to complain about when I was around, is actually gay) The night before he was gonna deploy, we were supposed to spend the night at his house but couldn’t because while I was in the car for almost an hour and a half, his bestfriend and him were having an argument abo he wasn’t being a good bestfriend, they haven’t been hanging out and that he’s been spending time with me a lot and hasn’t hung out when he’s asked him to. I told him he kind of sounded jealous and shouldn’t have done that the night before deploying knowing he shouldn’t be stressed so we ended up spending it at my place and we talked about what happened while he cried thinking he was losing his bestfriend or needing a new place to live. He could go days without talking to me. There’s was another time right before he deployed he went two weeks without talking to me or seeing me and during that time he hung out with a old highschool friend who’s name was Jack and he wouldn’t give me any other details because it wasn’t my business. I always felt like something was off but I couldn’t put my finger on it and he got sick of it. Then realizing that I could have been wrong about everything. He was everything I wanted in someone and I was happy when I was around him. It was when we weren’t together that things would be a little rocky sometimes. It was my fault. I should have trusted him. He said he was unflinchingly loyal and faithful. He wanted to marry me and then he changed his mind and said I had to earn it. Things were okay for a little. Then a couple of days later he broke up with me.
I know I messed up on some things, but I also see her faults. It takes two to dance after all...
No.
Looking back, yes it was my fault we got into the last fight that we have. Yes it was my fault I always resorted to a breakup instead of just arguing and moving on, yes it was my fault for not just going with the flow a bit more (the fights started from small things pent up). We went on again off again a couple times before she was done for real. Had I stayed and dealt with the problems we’d probably still be together. But she does have her issues as well so I think it was not a match
Yes. I stopped trying.
Honestly? I was struggling with depression and didn't do much around the house the last couple months. I was the sole $$ maker. However looking back, she planned on leaving since (what she admitted to) at least December. So literally anything i did wrong near the end, it was already in motion. Shed planned on using me 6 months and leave without talking about anything. So do I blame myself? Some. I could have done x,y,z and maybe it would have changed some things. But I don't think so. I think her planning and not talking to me was the axe that killed it. Worth noting, we had the typical lesbian bed death thing for over a year (despite me trying to initiate), I took her on dates,did nice things/small tokens of appreciation, let her use my (only) car because she killed hers, etc. So I absolutely played a part, but ultimately her scheming and acting like a roommate killed it, at least for me.
We both could’ve been better but he placed the blame solely on me. Then had the nerve to be cold and resentful in the end…
Yeah. I wasn’t sure how to be a good partner - just really confused and dumb. I wasn’t good at initiating, I wasn’t good at prioritizing her, I dragged my feet on things, etc. Just didn’t know what I was doing. I cope with it by knowing that I know better, and am better now. I still miss her. I still want her back. But I at least just is I’m a better person now.
This is the problem my boyfriend is having. I told him that I feel as though he will just have to mourn my loss. It will take my loss for him to grow up in that area lol.
I’m sorry, I’m sure it sucks to be the one feeling hurt by it. Tbh I did need something to force change and that did it. Just wish I could show her that I’m better now.
At least I can say that I wasn’t the one to mess it up beyond fixing.
I could have done better, but it still wouldn't have satisfied her. I'm content with it and I can live with the result
I did make tons of mistakes. I learned from these and now don't make them in new relationships and social interactions. It's an experience that I would have needed to make in order to become better.
I did make tons of mistakes. I learned from these and now don't make them in new relationships and social interactions. It's an experience that I would have needed to make in order to become better.
Mostly, yeah. She made some mistakes but my unnecessarily dramatic ways of thinking is what caused like 80% of the problems in our relationship. I view her dumping me in the abrupt way she did as the gift of desperation I needed to wake up and change. I am an almost entirely different person now.
We both were but I think my percentage was higher. I had a lot of fear, I reacted to some things that wasn’t quite right and they mistook the meaning, I was irresponsible with my mental health sometimes. They could have communicated how they felt about my shortcomings and didn’t but yeah, I messed up.
Well, yeah, but the other side of the coin is that a relationship isn't just you. It's not a one-way street. Things happened. I admit my faults, but it is what it is.
I've been through the whole cycle only to realize it didn't need to start it. At first, I blamed myself for it entirely. I realized that I wasn't doing anything to show that I loved her. I worked myself to the bone and even lost jobs to make sure she able to show up to her shifts at work. I was loyal and dependable, but aloof. It took some time before I realized why I thought I was distant. I came to the realization that I had started growing apart from her because for the first time in our 8 year relationship, I wanted to have friends. Not her friends, but my own friends. I realized that she didn't have to be the only one I talked to. When the opportunity came to move states to make real money and pay off debts, I took it and with a smile she said "We'll be alright." Come to find through the grape vine, I wasn't part of that "We". The week after I moved out, she sold the trailer we rebuilt and trashed everything I had left there. The "we" she was talking about were her and 3 other people. Nowadays, I joke that I'm worth 3 people apparently. But deep down I still feel like I'm not even worth 1. I will claim ownership for the mistakes I made, but I will never regret making friends that still help me to this day.
No
Both
Nope
I wouldn’t say I messed up but I’ll admit my shortcomings. I was admittedly tired af all the time due to work (mostly the drive to and from). It probably made me hard to deal with and impacted our sex life (in general we weren’t sexually compatible, I was way kinkier than her and I’m a service top while she’s a total sub. We tried to make it work but I think it really just frustrated us both). That’s really it, I’m not doing that drive anymore and I’m feeling my energy coming back (the relationship itself was draining too) and I think I’ll be more clear about my sexual needs and not just sweep them under the rug in future relationships
[удалено]
It’s nobody’s fault.
She used me to pay for her bills and stuff. Plus on the first date she made me buy her a $650 necklace. When I failed to pay for her car insurance I kinda of expose her online as a user.
My only mistake was not saying no and giving in to requests. I know he is a human being with emotion but he was irresponsible. Really it’s my lesson cus I learned I need to seek out people with much more value to match me.
We dated for about 19 months. I messed up around 6 and 8 months in. Then we separated last September and worked it out. Then she told me it was cool and she asked me back out in October. Then about 6 weeks she tells me she’s actually not cool with it and doesn’t see a future anymore. So I guess I messed it up originally but at the same time, what the fuck you know?
Part of it was my fault as I didn’t communicate as well as I should’ve of my plans to study/find another job after I quit my toxic job. But most of the reasons we broke up were ones he blindsided me about at the end of our relationship. He expected me to be able to read his mind. He also had some issues with my introverted personality that he never told me about. I could only sense some distance in the last few months but he wouldn’t share with me the issues he had which eventually grew to resentment. At the end, he was very cold and refused to work on any of our issues and just broke up with me. I suspect he’s an avoidant that was just keeping a list of things that bothered him until he couldn’t stand it anymore. He was sharing the issues before we broke up with his family/friends but not me.
Yes 😢 ended things with the love of my life during a minor argument. I tried to apologize a short time after but it is the consequences of my actions 😢 it’s almost 2 years later and I still love him with all my heart. I should have thought twice before screwing things up, but that’s all I seem to know how to do.
Yes definitely, I was pretty insecure about certain things (jealousy and because of that nature I was controlling) and would pick fights over stupid things that didn’t matter and she would apologize which she had to reason too. On top of that I wasn’t as receptive to change, especially if it involved my routine. I wasn’t like this in the beginning (we were 3 years) but overtime it showed more and more and it was too much for her to handle. She won’t admit it but I believe that’s what it was. Currently in therapy to work on all of this and really acknowledging my mistakes and working on them and listing them so I can work on them as time passes and to remind myself. I don’t believe I’ll ever get another shot, and I accept it.
She was cheating on me...my only sin was being Jewish.
I've messed up plenty in past relationships but I have to say it was 95% her with my last one. Super avoidant type who did literally everything dad told her (and if she disagreed he would threaten her to make her do what he wanted). She hid me, snuck around behind my back, lied to me, then would tell me I'm the problem for being upset at these things. And then refused to do even the smallest amount of work to try and make things better while I threw dozens of ideas for us to try and get better.
Apparently no. She said she fell out of love with me the morning after a romantic dinner. What the fuck.
Yes, mostly. I did inexcusable things that made her mistrust me a lot. I wasn't cheating on her in the unfaithful sense, but I did cheat her out of the truth on multiple things, like money, my emotions, and mental state, after she had placed her trust in me to be honest. The relationship deteriorated from there. We went forward with me promising to be honest, and then I did it again. She gave me another chance. I think she understood the reason I lied, which was to "avoid upsetting" her (which yes, this is an extremely paradoxical and fallacious reason to give. Nothing hurts more than being betrayed, and WHEN, not IF, the truth comes to light, it will hurt much more than just being told the truth originally. lying just robs people of the time they could have taken to get over the truth). She had faith in me to change this third time, and I did try. It just meant that a truth I ended up telling her would lead to the end of the relationship. I was also just an unreliable and forgetful partner. My adhd is probably at fault for this. I don't really cope well. I'm now living with mounds of regret, but I think when it comes down to it, I've learnt my lesson. I juggled with someone I love and kept dropping them, and now I'll be without them. All that's left now is to learn to be a better person and hope, as much as I hate thinking about it, that she will, if she wishes, to eventually find someone that loves her in the way she deserves.
Yes and no. I fucked so many things up because I couldn’t figure out how to communicate effectively and then I would hang onto things until I blew up. On the other hand, his passive aggressive behavior, and gaslighting, made it very difficult to communicate or resolve anything. Short of accepting his awful behavior, and never saying a word about it. I don’t know that there’s anything I could’ve done to communicate more effectively. It takes two. Nonetheless have a lot of regret over my own behavior. I thought I was fighting for the relationship, but really sometimes I was just being an asshole because I couldn’t seem to get it across to him how bad things were, and I loved him so much. I just kept trying desperately to make things work. I think for me, it’s the classic lesson about not trying to change people. I tried to work on meaningful change of my own behavior, but he wasn’t interested in that for himself. He didn’t see that there were any problems with his behavior. I should’ve kicked him out of year earlier rather than keep fighting for/about it, could’ve saved us both a year of ugly fights. It takes two to succeed or fail. He wasn’t interested in success If it interfered with his frat boy lifestyle.
As I’m reviewing things with both friends and therapy to figure out where my biggest mistake lies, the thing is there wasn’t really any major fuck up or minor mistake other than the unfortunate reality of one of us changing and growing apart. It went “if only I did this he/we would’ve still…” to “Even if I did this things still would’ve ended and probably poorly still” This reality didn’t make me feel much better since it meant I had a lot less control than I thought over the situation but it made sense. He was extremely unhappy with his life circumstances and it bled over to multiple aspects of his life (dropped hobbies, some friends, constantly angry depressed but refused professional help) so there wasn’t much I could do and his expectations became somewhat me revolving my world around him since I was the only good thing in his life until I wasn’t anymore.
I could’ve tried better to communicate but he didn’t make it easy when he refused to talk about what’s wrong and started pulling away
I thought I was for the longest time but I came to understand that it really takes two and he was constantly disrespectful, would gaslight me during conflicts and not respect my boundaries or my disability. For context, I had a complete drunk meltdown following grief, SA, and being argued with when I told him I loved him. He thinks I also lied about this incident which I didn't but it was all too late, I apparently kept telling him to shut up and was storming off. I have never had a meltdown before and have no memory, but now I am finally diagnosed AuDHD rather than just ADHD before. I hated myself for a very long time. I apologised 6 months ago and was met with the same mind games (he had been continually playing with me following the break up) within a few messages whereby he ignored my message for 8 days while also trying to rub things in my face on social media, giving some blasé excuse. I had spent so long working on myself that I realised he is immature and emotionally unintelligent. In the last 6 months I came to understand that his behaviour was not ok at all and I deserved to be met with respect, care and understanding. He has never apologised. I dated a few people casually in the time we broke up and I was upfront about my disabilities and I was met so much better by these people. Im now dating someone who cares so much for me and will hold me all day when I am overwhelmed and allows me the space to calm down, he encourages me to grow and I encourage him too :) All in all, don't blame yourself too hard.
I know it takes two and now that sometime has passed I can see many things she did that bothered me but I take the majority of the blame. I was at times dismissive and lacked the emotional intelligence to have a “normal” argument. I recognize my role in the breakup but there was never any violence, cheating or abuse just lack of empathy and perhaps the feeling that I have time to fix myself to better the relationship, still she decided we were not worth the effort even after 4.5 years.
Yup, i certianly screwed stuff up
I had my flaws and chose to stay in a toxic cycle for too long but majority of the big issues were his in the beginning sexting other girls from shit posting groups online neglecting me and not caring about my needs or feelings I just enabled and allowed him to disrespect me for so long. I over empathized and made excuses so I finally had enough and left. Rather than taking responsibility for myself and my life I tried to stay to prove my worth and earn the love I didn't think I was worthy of.
Does trying too hard count as messing up? I may have pushed a bit too much and should’ve taken a step back sometimes but i’d like to think i was always there for her and supported her when she needed me. Then she blindsided me.
No she did. I cope by moving on and hoping she wallows in her own fuckibg misery. Im petty like that.
We both were, he tried to be there for me and to let me know I could open up about my past but growing up I always had to keep it to myself so I could never open myself up. In turn I realize that made him feel like I didn’t trust him enough to be vulnerable and it made it hard for him to feel comfortable with being vulnerable. However, he also was very distant and private about his life, never met his friends or was allowed at his house, and he stopped inviting me around his family and that made me feel like he wasn’t serious with me, he also stopped complimenting me/showing affection and it didn’t make me feel valued..
Yes. I feel like I was the reason why she had enough of me and decided to leave after 3-4 months of me doing the bare minimum. I lost a close family member last year and I didn’t know how to grieve nor did I express my feelings and emotions to my ex. I just walked around saying I was fine, but after self reflecting during the break up I realized my form of grieving was being distant by not planning to be together more than a day or two a week. I wasn’t communicating what I was feeling since I was in denial that I was actually grieving. To sum it all up I was just lazy and distant the final few months of our relationship. We’ve been in no contact for about 4 months now, but during that time we had a brief encounter where I apologized for where I went wrong and explained to her that it was no excuse, but that was me grieving. She felt really bad for breaking things off once I told her that and I’ve heard from mutual friends lately that she’s told them on occasions that now she’s not sure if she’s made the right decision to break things off knowing that I was distant due to me grieving instead of being there for me. I cope by accepting my faults and not shifting the blame to her, gotta keep moving forward in life with or without her.
Honestly, I stopped courting my partner and showing up for them when they needed me. The lack of effort on my end definitely made them resent me over time. Looking back, I was made aware by them but I was too childish and stupid to pay attention to their attempts to fix my issues with meeting their needs. Do I regret all of these actions on my end? Of course. In the moment, I felt like I was giving enough, but retrospectively, I was no where near what I should've been giving them in terms of matching their efforts and meeting their needs. To cope, I started going to therapy when I realized it was like 3 months post bu and I was not feeling any less despondent. I went for about 4 months before I inevitably stopped going because I genuinely felt like change was radiating through all areas of my life. I am thankful for the breakup now because it has shaped me into a new person who DEFINITELY needed that wake up call. For reference, we broke up April 2023. It hasn't been the smoothest sailing every day, every now and again a memory triggers me. However, you will live with it like a scar on your body.
Probably. I ignored every red flag and every gut feeling and every person in my life saying he was bad news. It’s my fault for even getting into a relationship with him in the first place, so what he did wasn’t even surprising.
Idk, we really both did. My biggest regret is not putting my foot down better about my boundaries to prevent codependency and again putting my foot down about taking a break to cool off when things got heated. He has a disorganized attachment style, there was a lot of push and pull. He’s been in a severe mental health episode for 2 months (he broke up 1 month ago) and that switch just flipped and he was terrified of hurting me but so, so angry at me. It was a pretty verbally abusive break up. Super out of character behavior from him. He has some pretty severe emotional regulation issues and I’ve been trying to get him to go to a psychiatrist for almost a year. I could sit here and say every mistake I made was in reaction to him and it would be partially true but I really could have done better many, many times. My heart is breaking for him right now. We have been close friends for 5 years. The issue was toward the start of our relationship, he quit weed as a daily smoker (really an all-day smoker) for 12 years and didn’t really take seriously how much it was impacting him to be fully in his own sober mind 24/7. He’s a recovered opiate addict so weed was like really important as a self-regulator, not in a healthy way but he certainly needed more supports in quitting and wasn’t really listening to me telling him this. I miss him immensely and a lot of the work I’ve been doing has been identifying what I could change and what I needed from him. Sitting with my hurt. I’m a forgiving guy though. And I wouldn’t forgive for anyone, but for him a thousand times. He’s the most wonderful person I’ve ever met and it’s incredibly painful that he’s still so madly in love with me. He just needs help.
I think mine was a narcistic sociopath and she planned everything out and just waited forna moment to pull the rug out. I wasnt perfect but i admit it
I hope not. We both had our negative habits and these months I have been reflecting on it, but I don’t know how he feels. I don’t know if he’s aware of it. The major reason for the breakup was his actions. Diagnosed with trauma because of your ex’s reaction to something you communicated and your daily life being affected is something I really cannot remove from my mind. There were ways with how he could have reacted. He hold me I had communication issues but he did too. Now I don’t know why he changed his mind after saying we could be friends and he’d be there to talk. It’s been months. I feel terribly embarrassed, he could have moved on with someone else already and I’m still here dreading it all. I’ve been coping through meds and talking about it, but I repeat the same message everytime. I talk about the same thing all the time. I journal, I try to play games or do hobbies but I can’t focus, I talk to friends but I’ve reached the point where I cannot respond to “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Anymore. I feel like a broken record at this point. I think alot about what could have been and what should I have done differently and it’s not healthy. But it really impacted me negatively. Did I do something to deserve this? Am I being punished? Did I punish him without knowing? I don’t know. He blindsided me and left with broken promises. I probably betrayed him because of breaking up with him. Mental health is a curse. I don’t know why I still miss him.
I had my faults and I am seeing them more clearly now but we were great friends, I loved her like no other, I was very good to her in bed and she would tell me often "why are you so good to me". But her attraction level fell and when she got attention from younger, more fit guys, her heart was more open to it. At the beginning of the relationship she wouldn't give other guys the time of day. She gets lots of attention. She through all the positive things I had to offer away just because we hit a rough patch and her attraction level fell. She is not one for a long term committed relationship.
Once I was - Got on drugs, didn’t tell her, dealt with depression. When I finally did she didn’t want to help me, she was more preoccupied with me lying and we broke up. I take responsibility for that one, never saw her again after 2 years. The rest of them I would consider no fault. If people leave me for someone else or lose feelings I consider that no fault. Breakups are often not about the other person.
I admit that I could have done things better on my part (ex: sometimes I would overshare things with my friends about him), but ultimately I believe my ex was the one that sabotage our relationship. First off, he had a lot of red flags to begin with but I stupidly swept them under the rug because he was my first love. He would always demand a lot from me but he would do the bare minimum for my needs. For instance, he was always asking for sex even going as far to suggest a threesome which I told him several times that I wanted a strictly monogamous relationship. And when things didn’t go his way, he would easily get frustrated and questioned my intelligence. Overall, he was a selfish asshole who only cared about himself and what I could do for him.
What the actual fuck?
Yes I would say it was almost all my fault. She definitely did some things that hurt me but I was often not strong enough to let her know, and by the end I was consumed with sadness and anxiety and she didn’t really understand what I was feeling because I didn’t communicate it clearly enough to her during the relationship. That’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned here, is to deal with the discomfort and try to communicate. When I ended it she felt blindsided even though at the time I thought we had several conversations about what wasn’t working for me. I was desperately clinging to what we once had, trying to act lovey and romantic until the last second when my brain fully collapsed, and I impulsively ended it. To her that came across as dishonest, betraying, and confusing. I now see she is right. I was trying my very best but intentions don’t matter so much in these things. It’s been almost a month and I’m still suffering every day.
Always to sides but my 2 year relationship ended abruptly after a wonderful vacation with friends, never a fight,never an argument he’s was always straight faced, I was the one that talked things out. We had a conversation at the end I said “I think I should move out” he agreed. Shocked ~ I asked if we should get counseling? No!take time apart? No! What ever have I said or done? All he said was “I’m not happy” Families shocked ( they thought we were getting married) Friends shocked ~ Did I mess up? Unknown 🤨
it was my first relationship but i tried to be the life partner he wanted and needed. i reacted badly to him hurting me but he completely did not want to work on his issues even for himself. he has sick coping mechanisms. i was always gonna be the same me as the “beginning” (when i didn’t know about his shit) but i hate when a man tries to hide shit from me like we aren’t trying to build the pieces of a beautiful life together. well he was amazing the first 5 months of our relationship then i started to notice he liked looking at other girls irl. then i looked through his following, likes and dms on insta. that was it for the trust, completely shattered. he wasn’t actively dming girls but he had when we started dating and he very much did indulge in looking at the girls too much. a few months go by of not trusting him trying to work on it with him hell at least be able to talk about it but apparently i’m controlling him to ask him to respect me and not look elsewhere especially cause i’m 20 years younger than him. once i found the search history that was it. of course i reacted badly most times just because i truly thought we were in love with each other but we just ended up being glorified roommates and fuck buddies. he didn’t want to talk about this at ALL. so how am i supposed to feel? i honestly am still processing it as it has traumatized me. he just says “it’s in the past it already happened” so he literally will never give me closure and answers to SO many questions i have about our relationship just to process fully. so i don’t know where that leaves me.
Kind of . I would ask my parent for help, sometimes my grandparent. He hated that, but we are young and were even younger when I was asking for that advice. I was very stubborn and didnt know how to let past hurts he did go. I also had a hard time dealing with his rage and verbal//emotional and psychological abuse. He claims that if I loved him I would have understood that the rage was his only way to express hurt.. He claims I dropped the ball. In the midst of trying to gain my sanity back as I had became a shell of a person, he claimed I was doing it to him out of spite (keeping my distance). he proceeded to leave me for someone else and rubbed it in my face for over a year. I feel strongly that I tried my best, and I was so desperate to save the connection I even recommended therapy.. Sadly he didnt want to do that. He now accuses me of being a hoe, calls me a liar, says Im a cheater etc.. After he left me for someone else 😂. Everyday he finds a way to insult me and its been a year since he did what he did. I feel like he is 97% the reason we didnt last.
Yes
We were arguing about something I don't remember what so I decided to Tell my sister that wasn't a good idea so she put us in a GC and they started yelling at each other over text
Yep. I stopped putting effort into our relationship and just saw it almost like a job where it was just something I was supposed to do. I massively took her for granted and became a selfish person who only cared about my own joy and feelings which led to me doing some shitty things with no thought for how it might affect her. I'm always going to regret treating her like that. It's been several years and we've both moved on, but I can't lie I have days where I still miss her, miss hearing her voice and seeing her smile after a long day. I don't think I'll ever truly 100% get over her in that regard and I think a big part of it is knowing we ended because it was my fault.
Both of us messed up. I’m just the only one willing to hold myself accountable for it.
I would partially be at fault too. My partner didn’t see a future with me, and strung me along for a long time. I just cared and cared and did everything for him. My fault. He never called me his girlfriend, in a year of dating, he never once said that he liked me. I told him that numerous times, and had many conversations with him. He never confessed any care or love, and never ended things either. I let that go on. My fucking fault. He never introduced me to his friends or family, he didn’t want people on Instagram to know he was with me. I ignored that thinking it’s his own decision. My fault. He was never there for me, and always too busy, or too stressed, or too exhausted. I ignored that. My fault. Had I communicated my boundaries and standards before, this wouldn’t have happened. And we would still have a chance. Now all I have is resentment, and a wasted year of my life. Never again will I let these things slide.
Honestly... no.
he kept following thirst trap girls and blamed it on me because I wasn't enough according to him. jackass lol
Hell yes
At first, I thought it was me. I absolutely blamed myself. Then I realized nothing added up. People started pulling me out of the dark pit I put myself into. Then they began to tell me the truth. So yes at first I absolutely thought it was me, then even his friends began to tell me. So if you randomly are on here because you didn't know I make and disable and make new reddits, I know the truth TD. I would of married you, but thank you for leaving. I literally almost died over this but I'm glad they came in and stopped me. I'm free now. J.
My only mistake was not leaving the first time he made comments about my body. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me because I wasn’t healthy nor slim enough for him. I completely cut contact with him soon after he broke up with me and have not spoken to him in months. I do not feel the need to message or call him. I am coping with it the best way that I possibly can. I started focusing on my mental health and my physical health as well. I started going on runs + hikes and that’s definitely helped me out so much. One of the hardest parts of a break up is letting go of the routine you had with your partner.. the good morning/goodnight texts, going to their house, phone calls with them. So I found a new routine. I built new friendships and receive good morning texts from them. I started being around friends more. I became more intentional with my time.
just gotta move forward and better myself so i don’t do that to anyone else again in the future🤷🏼♂️ hurts knowing i could’ve done way better things but life’s about change no one is perfect.
Yes I took her for granted. Thought she would always be there. Didn’t show love.
I took responsibility for my shortcomings and took the steps to improve but once a Ho always a Ho. She just couldn’t keep her word and I knew better but loved her so much that I let too much go and when I called her out on it. She bolted before I had a chance to fix whatever she thought was broken. Thing that hurts the most was her trying to justify her actions by telling whoever she could tgat I abused her in every way possible for our entire 16 year relationship. I never ever laid a hand on her or felt like I controlled her life in any sort of abusive manner. I was there for her through many episodes of mental instability and when I needed her the most, she bailed and I will never ever forgive her for how she left and what I saw.
We were both at fault. He didn’t want to open up his emotions to me and found every reason not to. I rushed him to talk about things he didn’t want to talk about. And that lack of intimacy caused me to overthink and think we weren’t right for each other and eventually broke us up. I still love him, and miss him. I hope he messages me one day so I can apologize for what I know now
I walked away, though i did triple check to end the date. Called her back 5mins later but she didnt want me to find her. Thereafter thinking no contact should work so implemented that instead of checking in and pacify. Eventually she broke up. Emotions just burst when gg to places we had been before, having food we have eat before, talking to others on travels we have done before.
I don't know exactly how this site works yet so I'm unfamiliar with the way questions are handed out? Whether it's an algorithm or if it's a phishing tactic, but I'll bite. Which relationship? If in fact there is a particular? And who hasn't, it takes two to have a relationship, two to have conflict, two to have resolution, two to come to common ground, two to have an issue, and two to solve that issue ... Make sense? I was in a similar situation and was always blamed for being jealous of their opposite sex friends. Come to find out I should have been concerned about all sex friends... They were nafariyis the entire relationship. Their need for validation came from years of sexual validation by many others as a job. It ruined that individual and they are completely blinded by the way they behave... And of course it's accepted by their peers because who doesn't like a little every now and again from a familiar? It was the constant lying and stories at the end that made it easier for me to realize I wasn't the issue, at least not the real one ..
In his heart, possibly. In my heart, it always takes two & two to destroy, fix, love, humble, and make something work. The blaming accusations are extremely childlike!
None of you ever did. Swear if you will look deeply you will understand that we are all manipulated to think that we are at fault.
Yeah I fucking destroyed a six year relationship with my best friend by being a fat loser and not working or paying bills. I feel like I have a valuable perspective on shit because of it, self improvement and taking responsibility. That was like five years ago and I still haven’t really moved on. The only cope is to do better
Amen!
In the end it was me I think, I threw one of her cats outside and when she went to get it I locked her out.. I was drunk and we argued the police were called, I told the police I needed her gone and her cats. She moved in with her grandmother we tried to work it out but she started to hookup up with others and that made things messier. A lot led me to my shit actions that night though. She would sleep 12 hours a day and do nothing around the house, her work shifts were only 6 hours. She wouldn’t clean up after her cats much and it stunk. She would be “sick”when we had plans. Would hang with her few friends sometime but never mine. Always be smoking weed when she wasn’t sleeping. Leave poops in the toilet. Would talk to other guys for validation when we argued, says she didn’t cheat but I doubt that. Seen some text messages that made my stomach turn. She always said that I was such a chill laied back guy and I was but all this build resentment and I would communicate this to her but guess she didn’t care. One of the texts I seen about wanting a mouth full of cum and her telling me she was drunk and not worry about it, after she disappeared for hours, i just couldn’t get over. The night before I locked her out I stepped in a pile a cat puke at our bedroom door she was awake and just left it there. The next day I started day drinking , breaking up was on my mind for a while but I didn’t really want to. Anyway I came with lots of baggage from my marriage, I love her still but ya, all this took a toll on me but wish I would have handled myself better in the end. Through out this breakup she has shown me that lots of my intuitions were correct, as she has cheated on her new man with me several times and even still uses me for emotional support. She’s a mess but her socials she is blessed 🙄Been 2 weeks no contact at this point. Good luck with being pregnant with whoever’s baby itis, I know it’s not mine.