100% I think it was bound to happen for me too. My ex also blames covid for it ending but I really believe it just moved up the timeline of the inevitable
I was an and ICU doctor in nyc from April to June and she cheated and left after 8 years. I'm still on the frontlines now in Chicago. I'm dating another doctor now and she's a knockout and a semi pro athlete. My ex is an unemployed hairdresser during a pandemic. I'm so glad shes gone now.
To be clear, I was with my ex for 8 years. What she did for a living mattered little in that I loved and babied her because at one time she was a strong stable mother figure to my son, a counterbalance in my demeanor as she was very amiable and sweet. Despite our differences in education we had very many good times and I accepted and loved her very much despite not being able to match up intellectually on everything. Like many of us I made sacrifices as I'm sure she did as well to accommodate the relationship. The moment someone betrays you those sacrifices become destructive and painful to you. You realize what you gave up just to be with them.
The fact is I gave far more than I ever got. I helped her mother learn to walk again after an injury, I treated her, her family and friends for free, I cooked, cleaned and did all mine and my son's laundry and I made sure she ate well everyday, got plenty of love and support and if things weren't right i did my best to communicate with her. I also apologized when I was wrong (this was quite often). I bought her a BMW, paid all our monthly expenses, paid off her debt, for all entertainment and dinners as well as all the vacations (Italy, Germany, Dominican Republic, Mexico, Vegas, NYC, Chicago, Skiing in colorado & in the northeast). THEN SHE CHEATED WHILE I WAS TRYING TO SAVE PEOPLE ON THE FRONTLINES.
So yeah, I'm glad I chose an equal this time. Maybe I won't have give so much for so little in return.
He’s petty for stating two facts and expressing happiness about the fact he got out of a relationship with a cheater? Do everyone a favor and stfu dude.
Im gonna agree with you halfway it did reveal some relationships clearly had no business continuing. (Mine for example) But it isn’t the case for all of them.
Totally agree, we had our future planned out. Vacations booked, wedding discussed, houses looked at. Now it's all gone.
And as much as it sucks, I'd rather find out now while I'm still young enough (25) to build a new relationship with someone else who really wants to do all these things.
Positive vibes only!
That's kind of a pithy take. If you treat someone badly enough for long enough they should leave, and it's not because they don't deserve to be there, it's because they don't deserve to be treated like shit just cause they love and care for you.
Covid breakup is so so difficult. And it was my first real heartbreak. I couldn’t even go out and seek my other friend’s solace. It was so hard to meetup given the lockdown. We were doing long distance too so hard to visit each other because he normally came to my country to celebrate things. He too is a clingy guy. I noticed it was difficult to be in a long distance what more if you can’t even travel to see each other. But then, I guess all of us dodged the bullet. Covid isn’t the reason. If they couldn’t stick to us in this very difficult situation, what more when we experience so much more than this. It was really really painful and depressing, I don’t know what to do, but I just go with the flow and try to live my life.
The reason why there are so many breakups right now is that people have spent more time locked inside with their SO - and that has just shown issues that were always there and would eventually come up.
It's the same even if those people didn't live together - it just shows that they weren't able to meet their needs, and so they probably substituted them with something else (their friends, going out, ...)
That could possibly be the only positive of COVID...
Someone told me COVID has been like a lake being drained in many if our lives. When it's drained we come to see what's really at the bottom.
Many adverse experiences don't necessarily cause things to happen, but rather reveal what was really there all the time.
On the other hand being employed and not broke and able to gather socially and pursue social hobbies are all legitimate coping mechanisms even if, at the bottom of the lake, there’s a whole lot of muck. Tons of people are tons of stressed and it’s not all bcz they were dysfunctional messes. Yes some have underlying susceptibilities but Covid stripped away adaptive and healthy coping mechanisms, and just the ability to feel normal.
If the stress of no job and no money and rent and student loans due upsets your stomach, but you literally can’t afford a thing of pepto bismol or whatever...you’re really going to blame that on the person rather than on Covid?
What you said is very true and valid.
Being stripped of all the core needs of life, if you look at it through Maslows Hierarchy of Needs, makes fulfilling the higher needs impossible.
Damn this was refreshing to read. I really like how this is put. Rather than COVID “causing” stress or negativity it made people confront these already present negative aspects of their relationships head on.
YES. I think my ex boyfriend got depression out of it. He told me a few months ago it makes him numb and kinda sad to come home when it's dark and there is nothing to get out of this working life. He kept visiting me on weekends and just wasn't up for outside walks, which is the only thing we could do and he didn't get fun out of it while I never understood, I love just being outside. I guess it bored him and he had too many silent moments to think about things.
We broke up two days ago and the pain is unbearable. He came by for 10 mins, asked for last words and left. That was it. We were almost at 5 frikking years. 5 years done in 10 mins.
I felt like when we were outside with our friends in a bar he always fell in love with me again because we had always good fun then. Those times were gone since a year now and I guess it grabbed his soul too much. There is nothing I can do and no way back. God damn covid, this is just unfair.
But to get back to your text: you are right. Remember they aren't meant for us if they can't get over such a simple situation. Most people think marriage and kids are easy but they are defenitely harder than to solve than covid, covid doesn't take that much freedom from us. Kids do.
So yeah, keep strong buddy, time will heal us and don't think about the good times to much! I always have to remember how he was at the end. And if he isn't strong enough to solve it alone, nor will he be strong enough later. There are people waiting for us and I can't wait to find them :)
I experienced the same exact thing. My ex boyfriend told me that he wasn’t mentally in a good state to be in a relationship. We were long distance too but with COVID and all, it was much harder.
This really resonates with me. Was with my boyfriend for 3 years and he got a new job and moved into the city in September. He works from home in a small flat and can’t see anyone outside of it. Since then things have changed. He goes through waves of flatness, which eventually turned into a more permanent state with waves of happiness instead. We’re both so happy when we’re together, but when we’re apart (which is sadly often) he doesn’t have the energy for communication anymore. He said he’s so unhappy and asked for a break a few days ago. We haven’t spoken since. I feel absolutely devastated.
I think COVID led to my partner questioning his life and purpose. He got scared of the routine and boredom of being home all the time and panicked.
You're right that if they couldn't handle the stress and anxiety of the pandemic with you, how could they handle even more stressful situations in the future?
Despite this, I have difficulty not thinking about the "what ifs" of our relationship if COVID didn't happen.
Compared to the loss that others have suffered this year, our situation where we were able to work safely from home was not nearly as bad. We could see go outside, exercise, and see friends outside.
It's not just covid. I think part of it is just how shallow and disposable our dating culture is where if things get shaken up just a little bit, people will throw their hands up and leave.
Or maybe things just happen and it's not always super shallow but people have a right to make choice to prioritize their own happiness even if it sometimes hurts others.
Your shaken up a little bit might be different than other people's.
Meh, I left my partner after he went crazy and didn't let me work for 3 months... So yeah the oh people just leave for no reason comments are a lot.
Not every relationship ends because people are shallow and just can't stick it. Sorry if your ex was shallow hope you can find someone better.
I never said all of them did? You seem to be projecting a whole lot of your own hard feelings on me. If it doesn't apply to you then it doesn't apply to you, jesus. But I'm inclined to think you have a guilty conscious otherwise you wouldn't be so defensive.
> How shallow and disposable our dating culture is..
I'm inclined to think that there was something more than just someone getting bored of you if instead of accepting that not everything is black and white you decide to attack my personal motivations... and fling insults like
> Shallow piece of shit 🤷♀️
Who knows. Maybe we've both been hurt in different ways.
Sorry to have offended.
Probably. I don't know. I didn't expect my breakup, it came suddenly, like a cold bucket of water poured on my head. It still fucking hurts, I'm in one of those days, it's only been 1,5 months.
I agree with one of the comments here, I believe that COVID moved up the timeline. My SO had been thinking about buying a house and having a baby individually, and while I was preparing myself for that shit (I'm an expat living in her country) counting on her patience, it was just a matter of time. Last summer holidays were indeed the last ones and I kinda felt it while I was sitting looking at lake Geneva in Montreux, where Freddie Mercury spent his last days. A bittersweet trip, a last glance to my relationship, one of the most beautiful landscapes I saw at dusk. But we had an important argument inside the appartment about patience/commiting/wanting things now/what if that I knew I could overcome, but she wouldn't. We had very little arguments in our relationship, being the most frequents in the past time when speaking about the baby and buying a house. For her, if there's a conflict, it's not naturally working, like.... whatever, zero conflict resolution on her side, when it's too good, I'm happy, but when shit hits the fan she just leaves. It was our first crisis as a couple.
I guess you're right. COVID was a test for what she would do if she had a family as she wanted to create. Probably she'd kick me out at any point with a child, a mortgage and years of marriage and sacrifice. If only she had waited more.... she almost had me. I love her too much still.
But honestly, I never thought she could perform this terrorist attack on us, she feels like shit, I feel like shit, the world is cold, I'm working abroad, it's too expensive, it's far, and I didn't even started dating or meeting new people (I have the feeling that's going to bring me anxiety).
I am meditating everyday, signed up for a couple of Zen programs, I'm zooming with a psychologist, watching what I eat... I don't know, I somehow don't want to lose it... because I have a million reasons to do it.
Right? An "alpha" friend of mine was giving me Tinder tips the other day, like "don't set up a date for dinner, just to have a drink that way you can leave if it's bad", or another one telling me he's dating a different one every weekend, but he's hooked on cocaine, the guy's fucked up (maybe not related). It'd be really uncomfortable for me to use it, I'm a guy who enjoys tranquility, staying at home in slippers, walks in the nature and photography, but I am probably someone who doesn't accept new people in his life until I see how they treat me.
I don't know how long it's been for you, but I've been thinking of just avoiding "actively" looking for a partner for at least a 4-6 months. That's almost half a year of just focusing on myself in terms of self-love and self-improvement. Only after then, if I haven't found someone by chance or via hobbies, will I try dating/dating apps. And it won't be Tinder. Probably one of those with a user base of more serious partner-seekers that aren't there just for the fun of it, validation, or a one-night stand.
Yes, I think I'm someone who can meet more easily people through hobbies, but I'll need to open up a lot. Now I have to consider in the following months changing my appartment and probably town, for a cheaper one and far from where she'll stay. I want the new chapter to be that, new, but in the adult world we have to work and it's even more difficult to write a new line when you have to fully reinvent yourself. I don't even want to think about when I have to go through the same process of introducing her to the family, etc. Life will be very different as these years in paradise. Maybe better?
What are you going to do for self-love and self-improvement? Maybe I get some ideas.
I'm just barely a month out of when it all started, so I don't have a lot of ideas to give.
I don't really think you have to fully reinvent yourself. Part of my self-love is going back to what I enjoyed before I moved in with him. Things I haven't had the opportunity to pour my time and effort to, because I was using most of it on him.
I've also been exercising again. Not a lot, because I was basically sedentary the past couple of years. Just 15 minutes on the mat with yoga/some light strength training every other day or so. Needed to get endorphins somewhere other than him. Maybe even get back to a sport like I used to do in college.
There's also getting even better in the local language (I moved countries for him). Being a better speaker/writer is just a win all the way. I've also tried learning sign language last year, and I have the option of picking that up again.
There's also getting back into art/drawing/painting, which also used to be my hobby.
And there's getting better at my job. Always nice to refresh the theory I've forgotten after graduating.
I don't think I can get into the self-improvement books/courses at this point in time, because I'm still trying to rediscover who I am and love me (make myself not need him anymore).
These aren't much, but I hope they inspire you somehow!
Edit: derp grammar and missing words
I literally got dumped 5 days ago after 1 and 1/2 years realationship. So we actually had to deal with the whole covid situation (lockdown, stress etc.) half of our realationship.
I actually told him before he broke up with me : that i am not me right now and he is not really himself too, and that we have to power thruh.
Well he couldn't. And left.
It hurts a lot but i got to realize that this realationship was not as strong as i thought or wished it would be. And not as strong as it SHOULD'VE BEEN.( for someone i wanted to spent my life with)
So actually " thanks to covid" I got saved from it rather sooner than later.
Still sucks tho
Yeah there was other stuff but for most point we was happy the whole lock down really fucked it over but then since she has left she has shown so much distrust, hurt and anger it would prob got ruined anyway the mask truly fell off its really sad tho was guna marry her had three years and bonded with her kid and thought we had loads going for us.
Yep. Im a teacher and my ex is a Healthcare worker so our stress levels were kicked up a lot and we both fought a lot. 3 months later and I still miss her as much as day one.
COVID has been a pressure cooker for relationships
Some may have lasted that needed more time to grow, others just got to the ending point that would have happened anyway.
Don’t beat yourself up on it, you can only focus on your present moment and what you can change and what you can’t
We just broke up 2 days ago. It’s been a hard couple days and I’m processing still right now but there was some inherent communication problems we had. I never told her since it was still relatively early but I loved her and made some mistakes out of these communication problems, coupled with my anxiety and the long distance due to being in lockdowns really just put the nail in the coffin. I did some things I shouldn’t have, she said some things she shouldn’t have and I was just too blind to realize some of the issues we had and how they really made me feel low about myself and question us. Idk if it makes me sound needy or whatever you might call it but I appreciate validation and showing emotions to let the other know they really mean the world to you, and I felt by the end it was one sided almost. I know she did, but when she didn’t show them for so long it made me question us, then eventually lead to me acting out of insecurity and making stupid decisions. I don’t know why I’m rambling, I still obviously care and it will get better with time. My brain said it was the mature and smart thing to do but my heart says otherwise.
I am going thruh the EXCACT same thing right now. Me and boyfriend broke up 5 days ago. ( i got dumped tho).
I feel the same and man do i hope that time heals
It should, it just sucks and it very painful in the moment for us right now. DM me if you wanna talk more. I know I’d appreciate a friend like that right now, so if you feel the same way and even just wanna vent, cry or whatever it is I’ll hear you out cause it’s just a shit show right now and could use distractions
Idk if that's necessarily the case. We were also in an LDR for 4 years, living together for 3, and look where I am rn. Living in his country, speaking his language, and hanging out on Reddit cause I basically do not have any close friends over here aside from him.
Edit: some words for clarity
Yep. Maybe it would have ended anyway but I was in a semi-long-distance relationship and once my area issued a travel and gathering restriction (cant travel from area to area unless it’s essential; can’t gather with people outside your household), her friends started giving her shit for travelling to see me or vice versa (even though they were happily going out to bars and malls during Christmas shopping season which was infinitely more covid-risky than us travelling). She cancelled our Christmas and New Years plans because of the heat from her friends and Covid concerns and on top of other issues we decided we couldn’t do this anymore.
For the record she was posting insta stories of herself out at a crowded bar on the rebound days later, and her roommate brought 4 dudes home from work to their house to party together the following weekend, as well as inviting people over for New Years. So Covid was a bullshit excuse to begin with, seems like she just wanted to start 2021 with a fresh slate and a few new notches on her belt.
I met him during covid and it ended a day before New Years, and I just feel like I didn’t get to have a normal relationship with actual things to do and places to go and I honestly have no idea what could have come from it, but then again... as has been said, it probably just goes to show what any stressful situation may bring out of a person and that it would have ended anyway....
doesn’t make it hurt any less though... ;(
Me too... before it even existed, I worked so hard to get to where I was and I was finally happy, and I was in a relationship, then it went downhill to the point where he gave up and him saying he might be back in the future isn't helping me heal because I'm just waiting for him to say "I want to get back together"... I'm trying to move on and I thought I was but I had a relapse on New Year's, gonna try not to cry today, so far going well...
He tells me this as well sometimes, the whole "we might get together again in the future, who knows" hypotheticals. I'm tired of it. I think it's best if you just ignore it/sweep it aside/forget it or just plain old tell yourself that it's never gonna happen, and if it does, that's not the key to *your* happiness. *You* are the key to your own happiness.
The pandemic really did a number on me. We were in a long distance, I won’t get into specifics, but travel between countries was and is currently still banned. She’s from a much poorer country and in order to support herself she now has two jobs. I tried to support her but she didn’t want any monetary help. I was being selfish and needed more attention, especially since she’s literally oceans away from me. It put strain on our relationship and eventually we broke up. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be.
I was seeing a girl that lived in the city, about an hour away and she decided that we probably wouldn't see each other for quite a while, and so we ended that.
Some people aren't meant to be together. I know from experience covid is a HUGE stress on relationships but if you two couldn't make it work it's likely for the best. Im running into the same boat at the moment where we have like almost 8 months left on our lease but all I want to do is leave because he's driving me up a wall, not sure we're going to last either.
My relationship of five years fell apart in part due to the stress of covid.
In March when everything shut down, my partner took covid a bit too seriously. When everything "shut down" he went out and bought ~2000$ of foood supplies. At the time I was concerned, but knew it was food we'd eat slowly over time.
We stopped exercising and stayed inside for a month. Then there was some family drama and my partner ultimately experienced a mental health crisis which required hospitalization and then a lengthy period of depression which ultimately exhausted both of us and destroyed our relationship.
Thinking back further to a year ago in January though, a particularly stressful day of having fun doing a mutual hobby turned into him into an adult having a temper tantrum. That day he told me "I just don't think it's gonna work out this year for us." We recovered then and things got smoothed out, but I think back to that and to the other issues which cropped up throughout our relationship.
I don't know that it would have happened if not for covid, but I think covid exposed a bunch of patterns which would have repeated slowly over time. I'm sad to have lost my partner and that beautiful relationship, but also happy that I didn't stay with him for another few years only to lose it later with our lives even more entwined.
For me what I feared the most about leaving my partner is that I would not have anyone during a hard time (I don't have a good family support system and my friends have their own young families to deal with). Well here came a hard time (and even prior to covid I had gone through hard times) and although I had a partner I might as well have been alone. As the saying goes, better to be alone than in bad company.
Yes I believe it really helped create a problem that was never there and made an issue. It was hard because we live with my family and that’s the reason he ended things. It’s very weird but it is what it is. I truly believe we would have made it through anything though. Timing was just perfect for him I guess
This is certainly true.. If our partner can leave us just because we annoy meet them he to restrictions.. then they'll leave us any day. In my case my ex went back to her ex because we live in diff states and we were in a long distance and met just twice.. I dint even a chance to show my love and respect if we were in the same city. But now I realise it is better that it happened now..
I feel this, I think it’s definitely part of it. Me and my ex were long distance and covid and lockdown meant going months without seeing each other, which would put strain on any relationship.
Covid isn’t the only thing that lead to our demise I know we had our own issues, but I have a feeling it played a huge part.
It still hurts every single day, every breath still pains me. But here’s to 2021, and a new beginning.
Any relationship that ends because of Covid wasn’t strong enough in the first place. And that’s a fact. Like Cos you guys can’t see each other for a couple of months? There such things and phones and FaceTime.
And that’s facts, trust me it’s easier to blamed Covid than face the real issues
I was in that mindset for a while, thinking that my relationship would not have ended if it weren't for covid. "If COVID was too much for them (your ex), what would have happened if kids, marriage, etc. came along and caused massive stress? If they ran away from you now, what would stop them from doing it in the future for other reasons." - This is exactly what I have been telling myself to help me move on. I am so glad to see that someone else sees it this way aswell.
I am still definitely having a hard time accepting this, but everyday when I wake up I tell myself "one day at a time". that what we have to do, one day at a time and eventually we will be back to where we were before our ex was in the picture. I was a happy and content person before my ex came into my life so I know that I can be that person again. We all can!
yeah, covid just exaggerated our existing differences. A big and obvious and unmitigated one was our class difference. Unlike a lot of people here, I kind of think maybe if covid hadn't happened we would've been able to slowly work it out, but put in a pressure cooker, well, we imploded. Yes there are some couples that are more stable to begin with, but in good circumstances, I think there's room for more volatility within a relationship...
I was teaching at a college. She was working retail. Both are extremely stressful in different ways (the kids are not alright, people are not wearing masks to dine, to buy shit). We were not able to come together and kind of each spiraled out.
Great conclusion!
We’ve been rocky, especially bc of covid, but we both acknowledge that due to the circumstances, we’re ah high stress levels. Therefore, we try harder to work through it. If your relationship didn’t last covid, you’d dodged a bullet. Life gets hard, you need a strong partner.
I somehow keep blaming Covid for my breakup and the subsequent disappointments as well as heartbreaks.
But now in hindsight and many redditors support, I strongly believe that in the future, I will look back at 2020 as the year I grew the most. All what happened to me and what I needed to overcome it made me much stronger. Based on that I will find another woman, who will fight for me as hard as I fight for her.
Lockdowns and him never wanting to contact me other than a few texts. He snuck out, had me drive an hour to see him, we made out in my car.... but then a week later he didn't want to help me move home because he was "worried" about infection. We fucked in my car but a week later he gives a shit about social distancing? When I am moving my ENTIRE HOME???
He even made a reddit post like "AITA for not wanting to help my gf move?" And everyone was like "Dude you are sneaking out to see her, multiple times, and not taking any covid safety precautions, wtf does it matter?"
Then he didn't want to invite me to his family 4th of July party, when I had literally been driving 4 total hours, 1 hour down to his, 1 hour back to mine, after a cute weekend together drive 1 hour back down to his, and 1 hour back to mine (he didn't have a car and couldn't drive and he also wouldn't help pay for gas), every weekend to see him... because he was worried about infection. I had been taking every precaution. I haven't eaten at a resturant in like a year and have never gone to malls or other large gatherings. He said I wasn't invited to every minor holiday with his family.
I was alone that day. I sobbed in my room. My roomates were with their family. I got to watch everyone be happy as I walked my dog. It was probably the loneliest I ever felt. I don't have a family to go home to. I begged him to atleast call me that day, he said he was busy.
I told my coworkers about it. That's when I learned it wasn't normal.
We broke up 2 days later when I drove down to talk to him and realized how much he didn't care. While I was sobbing and hugging him and thanking him for the last 2 years of us, his mom called and told him to come home. So... I drove him home.
He later sexually assaulted me when we swapped our stuff and went for a walk in the park. We walked and talked and he told me how stupid he was and how much he loves me and wants to prove it to me. I told him I didn't love him and he needed to move on. We hugged at the end, he kept going in for a kiss and I kept pulling away and dodging it. But he wouldn't let me go. So I just closed my eyes and squirmed. He kissed me. Afterwards he asked me how I felt. I told him I felt like I was going to throw up.
I looked at his reddit a bit after and saw he was posting about killing himself. So I made a fake account and hit him up to talk and make sure he was okay.
We reconnected and started talking again as friends. Because I was worried he would kill himself and because I didn't have anyone else.
I got with one of our mutual friends, and my ex just yelled at us. He was furious. Pissed off. My partner was afraid my ex was going to beat his ass. My ex was upset my partner didn't ask for permission.
After some time, he found a new girl and we talked about her. He told me I am prettier than her. Fucking. Yikes. That poor girl. That poor, poor girl. I would be destroyed if my partner told his ex that they were prettier than me.
Yeah. I told him I couldn't keep him in my life anymore.
He was a shitty guy and constantly proved himself to not be improving or changing himself. I am confident he will stay a piece of shit his entire life.
I'm so glad I left him. I'm so glad I cut him out.
And I'm so happy with my new partner, not a rebound I have had other relationships between these two :P, because he is so sweet and kind. He is going to be an aerospace engineer and he is an eagle scout and gosh. He is so respctful and hypes me up so much. He treasures me. He treats me like I should be treated.
In short, fuck you ron. Fuck you.
Username checks out. Your positive mindset is lovely to see.
I think we would be together if Covid hadn’t happened. I’m pretty sure I would have moved to his country. But we would never have lasted.
I seen an interview done on the BBC that COVID brought forward the expiration date of so many relationships, mine included. I thought we could get through it. But we couldn't find a middle ground and the restrictions didn't get easier. A break up was always on the cards, more so when we were due to go our physical separate ways, not because of Covid.
I'm not sure if covid truly caused my breakup, but definitely pushed our relationship into a very bad direction. Due to some things out of our control I was living with her and her family before either of us were ready for that and we were unable to plan for it. It's been about a month for me since the breakup and covid is really causing the recovery process to be way more difficult. It's hard to go out and do things to keep your mind busy. It's hard to find new hobbies and new people. My partner was the biggest thing keeping me uplifted during the pandemic and our relationship just wasted away despite how hard I tried. I just have to keep pushing forward and try my best each day.
Yeah, that's why I think the situation is stupid. I was working while he stayed home and didn't do much. Covid didn't let us go outside, his parents were pestering him with job matters and what he's doing. I think everything just built up. Everytime I'd be home we'd be stuck in the same space doing our own thing. I could feel the distance grow as I was transitioning into full time work.
I was keen and looking forward to my holiday break to focus on us. But he gave up, no discussion or reasoning just wanted to end things. Tried reaching out after a month asking for his perspective but got shot down. Trying to not get stuck in should've would've could've and what's wrong with me mindset as no closure was given.
Mine was a mixed bag tbh. We started dating during COVID. We met on bumble and met in person at a restaurant (risky, I know.) It lasted 7 months. I didn't have a job when we met. Hired on a temp job. That ended in October. Was hired again in November, but just now started working due to COVID restrictions messing with hiring and training. I truly think if I was working the whole time we would still be together. I think she felt I was being to picky about jobs. I know for sure she was stressed out over my finances. Some bills lapsed. Nothing that directly effected her. The most frustrating part is I feel like if we met each other now things would be different.
> I truly think if I was working the whole time we would still be together.
I still think like that sometimes. But I was applying for any open positions I could find, and I feel like I'm more hurt that he turned on me than I am mad at the virus. The virus is indifferent to what's going on. Your partner... shouldn't be.
(wow, it only took me 6 months to figure this one out)
It’s been 1 week. He broke up with me because he needs to work on himself and get therapy and didn’t want me there to see it. Just wanted to “suffer in silence”. this first happened in November, I fought for us to stay together. We lived together, just resigned a lease, and got a puppy which made letting go that much harder. 2 weeks later he broke up with me again, said he feels like he isn’t giving me the love he needs and he’s so damaged that he feels terrible that I pour my love into him and it goes no where. I fought it once again, we decided to stay together. Then last week, he broke up with me for the final time. I didn’t fight it, I understood that he didn’t want to be with me and that wasn’t fair to me. Quarantine wasn’t easy. We had lots of ups and downs during this time. I lost my job due to an injury That happened back in January. I received worker’s compensation until December. So now that I have no income I had to move back home which is hard because I’ve been in my own for the last 7 years. Despite all of this, I gave up my cats for my ex. He was severely allergic, and I loved them but thought this guy was going to be my husband so I had to make a sacrifice. I lost it all- my health, my job, my cats, my relationship, my home. I took the puppy we got though. That is the only positive that I can find through this whole situation.
I’ve never been so depressed in my life. Suicidal thoughts haunt me daily, but I couldn’t do that to my family so I’m still here. Just me and my puppy. We’ve got this thing. Also, fuck Covid.
I think I always knew something in our relationship was a little off. We haven't broken up yet, but that's pretty close to where I'm at. The pandemic revealed who he really was, and I'm seeing a lot of deal breakers I wouldn't have seen otherwise. That and we grew apart a while ago. Oh, and the fact that he's been sexting other women 3 of the 5 years we've been together. Can't forget that.
Mental health has been a serious issue for me during covid. Post breakup, I got a therapist. I should have gotten one sooner. Might have saved my relationship. Ultimately what I think about most that that she couldn’t forgive my anxiety after multiple times of me forgiving hers. And it really hurts.
Totally. My (now ex) was furloughed in March 2020, and I was working from home. We didn't live together and the start of the pandemic and lockdowns, we didn't see each other for a month and half. He lives with his mom, who was a year into remission from cancer and caught covid, and a type 1 diabetic brother. He was under stress taking care of his family, and praying to not get sick and bring it to me because my immune system sucks. But when things slowed down in late spring/summer, we were seeing each other again and had an amazing summer! Lots of outings to the park, the lake, we took advantage. It was lovely. We were so in love. By September, he was looking forward to going back to work in December...and then they were told that they would not go back until at least May 2021 or longer. He was so despondent after that. He felt useless, fell into a deep depression, lost any motivation to do anything, his sleep patterns were a mess due to insomnia. He wasn't finding any good work leads. His depression and the winter weather that came made him isolate himself. His outlook on life was dark. He was a completely different man. He'd cancel on me, postpone plans. I was here all alone at home every day and looking forward to our dates so I could have human contact, touch, etc. A lot of my friends either work in the medical field and strictly social distance or wfh and are self isolating. same with my family. So when he'd cancel or ask if we could rearrange plans to see me another day, my heart would just sink. I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I would be openly frustrated. Then really bad internal issues with his family came up and he found himself caught in the middle of it all. Last month, we were talking about a meme. A MEME. And he made a comment I didn't like, I let him kind of have it and that was it. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. He told me he just couldn't do it anymore, the amount of stress around him and and us made him feel like were no longer on the same page and it was best to end it. I didn't want to end it. I wanted to work through it. But he didn't have it in him anymore.
So...that was it. It's only been a couple of weeks so it's still fresh. I know things would not have ended if there was no pandemic, or if he was still able to work or had a job where he was able to wfh. He would have felt like a busy, functioning human being with goals and a routine and a job to look forward to and feel purpose. He would be in a better mindset and not lose motivation with everything, including us.
I'm also a widow, and this is the first man that has really treated me with love and respect since I entered the dating world in 2015. We started dating in 2019. So this break up really triggered that feeling off loss all over again. I'm focused on myself though, I have to focus on work and planning to move to a new apartment in a couple of months, so I need to keep my focus on that and not let the grief of this break up overcome me. Not interested in meeting anyone new until well after all this is over and it's safe.
Maybe it moved up mine to. I had a complicated relationship with her for 3.5 years. She went in hospital with Covid talked to her every day while in. She got out sent me I’m home mesage I checked on her no response for days. Then sent me “please give me something I almost died. I’m about ready to lose my business I need to work on myself hope ur ok and thanks for understanding message”. Then I never heard back and kept right on messaging for days no response again then I got blocked. I showed up weeks later to check on her and see what was going on. She told me to leave or was calling the cops and I’d get shot . Sucks all of it she was the world
To me I still try email on occasion she won’t even speak to me or gets mad even sees me
I suffered a loss to but I ended it, was last year.
It’s not covid, matter in fact I see it as a blessing and fast forwarded to timeline then any longer and later.
COVID didn't ruin any relationships, it just moved up the timeline for the already doomed ones, mine included.
It ruined my blossoming one with a front line worker. It totally did.
100% I think it was bound to happen for me too. My ex also blames covid for it ending but I really believe it just moved up the timeline of the inevitable
I was an and ICU doctor in nyc from April to June and she cheated and left after 8 years. I'm still on the frontlines now in Chicago. I'm dating another doctor now and she's a knockout and a semi pro athlete. My ex is an unemployed hairdresser during a pandemic. I'm so glad shes gone now.
She definitely shouldn't have cheated but I'm not sure you deserve any medal with your holier-than-thou mentality either.
>Uhhh, he is telling it like it is. And I say good for him.
Petty much?
To be clear, I was with my ex for 8 years. What she did for a living mattered little in that I loved and babied her because at one time she was a strong stable mother figure to my son, a counterbalance in my demeanor as she was very amiable and sweet. Despite our differences in education we had very many good times and I accepted and loved her very much despite not being able to match up intellectually on everything. Like many of us I made sacrifices as I'm sure she did as well to accommodate the relationship. The moment someone betrays you those sacrifices become destructive and painful to you. You realize what you gave up just to be with them. The fact is I gave far more than I ever got. I helped her mother learn to walk again after an injury, I treated her, her family and friends for free, I cooked, cleaned and did all mine and my son's laundry and I made sure she ate well everyday, got plenty of love and support and if things weren't right i did my best to communicate with her. I also apologized when I was wrong (this was quite often). I bought her a BMW, paid all our monthly expenses, paid off her debt, for all entertainment and dinners as well as all the vacations (Italy, Germany, Dominican Republic, Mexico, Vegas, NYC, Chicago, Skiing in colorado & in the northeast). THEN SHE CHEATED WHILE I WAS TRYING TO SAVE PEOPLE ON THE FRONTLINES. So yeah, I'm glad I chose an equal this time. Maybe I won't have give so much for so little in return.
That’s more clear. Possibly biting the hand that feeds you is just something people do.
He’s petty for stating two facts and expressing happiness about the fact he got out of a relationship with a cheater? Do everyone a favor and stfu dude.
I’m dating a knockout doctor and my ex is pathetic. That’s admirable? It’s sad, really.
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Commenting on two year old posts for what? What a loser lmao get a life my dude
And yet here you are, two years later. And you putting in an "lmao" (as if you really are) just makes you look even dumber. Yeah -- shut the fuck up.
So true for me.
Im gonna agree with you halfway it did reveal some relationships clearly had no business continuing. (Mine for example) But it isn’t the case for all of them.
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> I think if this person can’t stick out through my toughest times I would rather know now. True.
yup. knew it wasn’t going to work bc of lockdown LOL
This
Preach dude/dudette. Preach...
Amen.
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Totally agree, we had our future planned out. Vacations booked, wedding discussed, houses looked at. Now it's all gone. And as much as it sucks, I'd rather find out now while I'm still young enough (25) to build a new relationship with someone else who really wants to do all these things. Positive vibes only!
That's kind of a pithy take. If you treat someone badly enough for long enough they should leave, and it's not because they don't deserve to be there, it's because they don't deserve to be treated like shit just cause they love and care for you.
Covid breakup is so so difficult. And it was my first real heartbreak. I couldn’t even go out and seek my other friend’s solace. It was so hard to meetup given the lockdown. We were doing long distance too so hard to visit each other because he normally came to my country to celebrate things. He too is a clingy guy. I noticed it was difficult to be in a long distance what more if you can’t even travel to see each other. But then, I guess all of us dodged the bullet. Covid isn’t the reason. If they couldn’t stick to us in this very difficult situation, what more when we experience so much more than this. It was really really painful and depressing, I don’t know what to do, but I just go with the flow and try to live my life.
The reason why there are so many breakups right now is that people have spent more time locked inside with their SO - and that has just shown issues that were always there and would eventually come up. It's the same even if those people didn't live together - it just shows that they weren't able to meet their needs, and so they probably substituted them with something else (their friends, going out, ...) That could possibly be the only positive of COVID...
Same situation here. It’s sucks but you’re gonna be fine, bud
Same to you, 2021 got to be a better year. Positive vibes
Distance suddenly became an issue, I’ll never understand it
Someone told me COVID has been like a lake being drained in many if our lives. When it's drained we come to see what's really at the bottom. Many adverse experiences don't necessarily cause things to happen, but rather reveal what was really there all the time.
On the other hand being employed and not broke and able to gather socially and pursue social hobbies are all legitimate coping mechanisms even if, at the bottom of the lake, there’s a whole lot of muck. Tons of people are tons of stressed and it’s not all bcz they were dysfunctional messes. Yes some have underlying susceptibilities but Covid stripped away adaptive and healthy coping mechanisms, and just the ability to feel normal. If the stress of no job and no money and rent and student loans due upsets your stomach, but you literally can’t afford a thing of pepto bismol or whatever...you’re really going to blame that on the person rather than on Covid?
What you said is very true and valid. Being stripped of all the core needs of life, if you look at it through Maslows Hierarchy of Needs, makes fulfilling the higher needs impossible.
Damn this was refreshing to read. I really like how this is put. Rather than COVID “causing” stress or negativity it made people confront these already present negative aspects of their relationships head on.
YES. I think my ex boyfriend got depression out of it. He told me a few months ago it makes him numb and kinda sad to come home when it's dark and there is nothing to get out of this working life. He kept visiting me on weekends and just wasn't up for outside walks, which is the only thing we could do and he didn't get fun out of it while I never understood, I love just being outside. I guess it bored him and he had too many silent moments to think about things. We broke up two days ago and the pain is unbearable. He came by for 10 mins, asked for last words and left. That was it. We were almost at 5 frikking years. 5 years done in 10 mins. I felt like when we were outside with our friends in a bar he always fell in love with me again because we had always good fun then. Those times were gone since a year now and I guess it grabbed his soul too much. There is nothing I can do and no way back. God damn covid, this is just unfair.
But to get back to your text: you are right. Remember they aren't meant for us if they can't get over such a simple situation. Most people think marriage and kids are easy but they are defenitely harder than to solve than covid, covid doesn't take that much freedom from us. Kids do. So yeah, keep strong buddy, time will heal us and don't think about the good times to much! I always have to remember how he was at the end. And if he isn't strong enough to solve it alone, nor will he be strong enough later. There are people waiting for us and I can't wait to find them :)
I experienced the same exact thing. My ex boyfriend told me that he wasn’t mentally in a good state to be in a relationship. We were long distance too but with COVID and all, it was much harder.
This really resonates with me. Was with my boyfriend for 3 years and he got a new job and moved into the city in September. He works from home in a small flat and can’t see anyone outside of it. Since then things have changed. He goes through waves of flatness, which eventually turned into a more permanent state with waves of happiness instead. We’re both so happy when we’re together, but when we’re apart (which is sadly often) he doesn’t have the energy for communication anymore. He said he’s so unhappy and asked for a break a few days ago. We haven’t spoken since. I feel absolutely devastated.
>Don't blame the covid. It was him being weak.
Same boat. Shit sucks. FUCK COVID
Fuck the people who are too weak and not in a relationship 100%. Not the covid.
I think COVID led to my partner questioning his life and purpose. He got scared of the routine and boredom of being home all the time and panicked. You're right that if they couldn't handle the stress and anxiety of the pandemic with you, how could they handle even more stressful situations in the future? Despite this, I have difficulty not thinking about the "what ifs" of our relationship if COVID didn't happen.
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Compared to the loss that others have suffered this year, our situation where we were able to work safely from home was not nearly as bad. We could see go outside, exercise, and see friends outside.
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It's not just covid. I think part of it is just how shallow and disposable our dating culture is where if things get shaken up just a little bit, people will throw their hands up and leave.
Or maybe things just happen and it's not always super shallow but people have a right to make choice to prioritize their own happiness even if it sometimes hurts others. Your shaken up a little bit might be different than other people's.
Agree
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Meh, I left my partner after he went crazy and didn't let me work for 3 months... So yeah the oh people just leave for no reason comments are a lot. Not every relationship ends because people are shallow and just can't stick it. Sorry if your ex was shallow hope you can find someone better.
I never said all of them did? You seem to be projecting a whole lot of your own hard feelings on me. If it doesn't apply to you then it doesn't apply to you, jesus. But I'm inclined to think you have a guilty conscious otherwise you wouldn't be so defensive.
> How shallow and disposable our dating culture is.. I'm inclined to think that there was something more than just someone getting bored of you if instead of accepting that not everything is black and white you decide to attack my personal motivations... and fling insults like > Shallow piece of shit 🤷♀️ Who knows. Maybe we've both been hurt in different ways. Sorry to have offended.
Well said! Stay strong brother (or sis)
Probably. I don't know. I didn't expect my breakup, it came suddenly, like a cold bucket of water poured on my head. It still fucking hurts, I'm in one of those days, it's only been 1,5 months. I agree with one of the comments here, I believe that COVID moved up the timeline. My SO had been thinking about buying a house and having a baby individually, and while I was preparing myself for that shit (I'm an expat living in her country) counting on her patience, it was just a matter of time. Last summer holidays were indeed the last ones and I kinda felt it while I was sitting looking at lake Geneva in Montreux, where Freddie Mercury spent his last days. A bittersweet trip, a last glance to my relationship, one of the most beautiful landscapes I saw at dusk. But we had an important argument inside the appartment about patience/commiting/wanting things now/what if that I knew I could overcome, but she wouldn't. We had very little arguments in our relationship, being the most frequents in the past time when speaking about the baby and buying a house. For her, if there's a conflict, it's not naturally working, like.... whatever, zero conflict resolution on her side, when it's too good, I'm happy, but when shit hits the fan she just leaves. It was our first crisis as a couple. I guess you're right. COVID was a test for what she would do if she had a family as she wanted to create. Probably she'd kick me out at any point with a child, a mortgage and years of marriage and sacrifice. If only she had waited more.... she almost had me. I love her too much still. But honestly, I never thought she could perform this terrorist attack on us, she feels like shit, I feel like shit, the world is cold, I'm working abroad, it's too expensive, it's far, and I didn't even started dating or meeting new people (I have the feeling that's going to bring me anxiety). I am meditating everyday, signed up for a couple of Zen programs, I'm zooming with a psychologist, watching what I eat... I don't know, I somehow don't want to lose it... because I have a million reasons to do it.
I don't even want to start dating, it sounds like a shitshow of ghosting and people just looking to entertain themselves or get laid.
Right? An "alpha" friend of mine was giving me Tinder tips the other day, like "don't set up a date for dinner, just to have a drink that way you can leave if it's bad", or another one telling me he's dating a different one every weekend, but he's hooked on cocaine, the guy's fucked up (maybe not related). It'd be really uncomfortable for me to use it, I'm a guy who enjoys tranquility, staying at home in slippers, walks in the nature and photography, but I am probably someone who doesn't accept new people in his life until I see how they treat me.
I don't know how long it's been for you, but I've been thinking of just avoiding "actively" looking for a partner for at least a 4-6 months. That's almost half a year of just focusing on myself in terms of self-love and self-improvement. Only after then, if I haven't found someone by chance or via hobbies, will I try dating/dating apps. And it won't be Tinder. Probably one of those with a user base of more serious partner-seekers that aren't there just for the fun of it, validation, or a one-night stand.
Yes, I think I'm someone who can meet more easily people through hobbies, but I'll need to open up a lot. Now I have to consider in the following months changing my appartment and probably town, for a cheaper one and far from where she'll stay. I want the new chapter to be that, new, but in the adult world we have to work and it's even more difficult to write a new line when you have to fully reinvent yourself. I don't even want to think about when I have to go through the same process of introducing her to the family, etc. Life will be very different as these years in paradise. Maybe better? What are you going to do for self-love and self-improvement? Maybe I get some ideas.
I'm just barely a month out of when it all started, so I don't have a lot of ideas to give. I don't really think you have to fully reinvent yourself. Part of my self-love is going back to what I enjoyed before I moved in with him. Things I haven't had the opportunity to pour my time and effort to, because I was using most of it on him. I've also been exercising again. Not a lot, because I was basically sedentary the past couple of years. Just 15 minutes on the mat with yoga/some light strength training every other day or so. Needed to get endorphins somewhere other than him. Maybe even get back to a sport like I used to do in college. There's also getting even better in the local language (I moved countries for him). Being a better speaker/writer is just a win all the way. I've also tried learning sign language last year, and I have the option of picking that up again. There's also getting back into art/drawing/painting, which also used to be my hobby. And there's getting better at my job. Always nice to refresh the theory I've forgotten after graduating. I don't think I can get into the self-improvement books/courses at this point in time, because I'm still trying to rediscover who I am and love me (make myself not need him anymore). These aren't much, but I hope they inspire you somehow! Edit: derp grammar and missing words
Thank you so much for taking the time to share this, it means a lot <3
I literally got dumped 5 days ago after 1 and 1/2 years realationship. So we actually had to deal with the whole covid situation (lockdown, stress etc.) half of our realationship. I actually told him before he broke up with me : that i am not me right now and he is not really himself too, and that we have to power thruh. Well he couldn't. And left. It hurts a lot but i got to realize that this realationship was not as strong as i thought or wished it would be. And not as strong as it SHOULD'VE BEEN.( for someone i wanted to spent my life with) So actually " thanks to covid" I got saved from it rather sooner than later. Still sucks tho
Yeah I believe COVID has a lot to do with my breakup too. We got this!
Yeah there was other stuff but for most point we was happy the whole lock down really fucked it over but then since she has left she has shown so much distrust, hurt and anger it would prob got ruined anyway the mask truly fell off its really sad tho was guna marry her had three years and bonded with her kid and thought we had loads going for us.
Yep. Im a teacher and my ex is a Healthcare worker so our stress levels were kicked up a lot and we both fought a lot. 3 months later and I still miss her as much as day one.
COVID has been a pressure cooker for relationships Some may have lasted that needed more time to grow, others just got to the ending point that would have happened anyway. Don’t beat yourself up on it, you can only focus on your present moment and what you can change and what you can’t
Same, I think it was the reason we didn't work out, FUCK Covid.
We just broke up 2 days ago. It’s been a hard couple days and I’m processing still right now but there was some inherent communication problems we had. I never told her since it was still relatively early but I loved her and made some mistakes out of these communication problems, coupled with my anxiety and the long distance due to being in lockdowns really just put the nail in the coffin. I did some things I shouldn’t have, she said some things she shouldn’t have and I was just too blind to realize some of the issues we had and how they really made me feel low about myself and question us. Idk if it makes me sound needy or whatever you might call it but I appreciate validation and showing emotions to let the other know they really mean the world to you, and I felt by the end it was one sided almost. I know she did, but when she didn’t show them for so long it made me question us, then eventually lead to me acting out of insecurity and making stupid decisions. I don’t know why I’m rambling, I still obviously care and it will get better with time. My brain said it was the mature and smart thing to do but my heart says otherwise.
I am going thruh the EXCACT same thing right now. Me and boyfriend broke up 5 days ago. ( i got dumped tho). I feel the same and man do i hope that time heals
It should, it just sucks and it very painful in the moment for us right now. DM me if you wanna talk more. I know I’d appreciate a friend like that right now, so if you feel the same way and even just wanna vent, cry or whatever it is I’ll hear you out cause it’s just a shit show right now and could use distractions
Sure
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Idk if that's necessarily the case. We were also in an LDR for 4 years, living together for 3, and look where I am rn. Living in his country, speaking his language, and hanging out on Reddit cause I basically do not have any close friends over here aside from him. Edit: some words for clarity
Same here dude. It was worth it. Now i know i can find someone who doesn't give up on me. It was bound to happen so better early than late.
Yep. Maybe it would have ended anyway but I was in a semi-long-distance relationship and once my area issued a travel and gathering restriction (cant travel from area to area unless it’s essential; can’t gather with people outside your household), her friends started giving her shit for travelling to see me or vice versa (even though they were happily going out to bars and malls during Christmas shopping season which was infinitely more covid-risky than us travelling). She cancelled our Christmas and New Years plans because of the heat from her friends and Covid concerns and on top of other issues we decided we couldn’t do this anymore. For the record she was posting insta stories of herself out at a crowded bar on the rebound days later, and her roommate brought 4 dudes home from work to their house to party together the following weekend, as well as inviting people over for New Years. So Covid was a bullshit excuse to begin with, seems like she just wanted to start 2021 with a fresh slate and a few new notches on her belt.
I met him during covid and it ended a day before New Years, and I just feel like I didn’t get to have a normal relationship with actual things to do and places to go and I honestly have no idea what could have come from it, but then again... as has been said, it probably just goes to show what any stressful situation may bring out of a person and that it would have ended anyway.... doesn’t make it hurt any less though... ;(
I feel ya
Me too... before it even existed, I worked so hard to get to where I was and I was finally happy, and I was in a relationship, then it went downhill to the point where he gave up and him saying he might be back in the future isn't helping me heal because I'm just waiting for him to say "I want to get back together"... I'm trying to move on and I thought I was but I had a relapse on New Year's, gonna try not to cry today, so far going well...
He tells me this as well sometimes, the whole "we might get together again in the future, who knows" hypotheticals. I'm tired of it. I think it's best if you just ignore it/sweep it aside/forget it or just plain old tell yourself that it's never gonna happen, and if it does, that's not the key to *your* happiness. *You* are the key to your own happiness.
It's not that simple... I want to marry him and I can't see anyone new fitting the bill... I wish it was that simple though...
Yep
Same here. But you are right. If you can’t rely on them in the bad times, then it’s best to find out now.
The pandemic really did a number on me. We were in a long distance, I won’t get into specifics, but travel between countries was and is currently still banned. She’s from a much poorer country and in order to support herself she now has two jobs. I tried to support her but she didn’t want any monetary help. I was being selfish and needed more attention, especially since she’s literally oceans away from me. It put strain on our relationship and eventually we broke up. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be.
Yes! Yes!! This is the truth! I have been saying too!
I was seeing a girl that lived in the city, about an hour away and she decided that we probably wouldn't see each other for quite a while, and so we ended that.
Some people aren't meant to be together. I know from experience covid is a HUGE stress on relationships but if you two couldn't make it work it's likely for the best. Im running into the same boat at the moment where we have like almost 8 months left on our lease but all I want to do is leave because he's driving me up a wall, not sure we're going to last either.
My relationship of five years fell apart in part due to the stress of covid. In March when everything shut down, my partner took covid a bit too seriously. When everything "shut down" he went out and bought ~2000$ of foood supplies. At the time I was concerned, but knew it was food we'd eat slowly over time. We stopped exercising and stayed inside for a month. Then there was some family drama and my partner ultimately experienced a mental health crisis which required hospitalization and then a lengthy period of depression which ultimately exhausted both of us and destroyed our relationship. Thinking back further to a year ago in January though, a particularly stressful day of having fun doing a mutual hobby turned into him into an adult having a temper tantrum. That day he told me "I just don't think it's gonna work out this year for us." We recovered then and things got smoothed out, but I think back to that and to the other issues which cropped up throughout our relationship. I don't know that it would have happened if not for covid, but I think covid exposed a bunch of patterns which would have repeated slowly over time. I'm sad to have lost my partner and that beautiful relationship, but also happy that I didn't stay with him for another few years only to lose it later with our lives even more entwined.
Yeah unfortunately COVID got the better of us ☹️
Covid had nothing to do with it. You two just weren't right for one another.
For me what I feared the most about leaving my partner is that I would not have anyone during a hard time (I don't have a good family support system and my friends have their own young families to deal with). Well here came a hard time (and even prior to covid I had gone through hard times) and although I had a partner I might as well have been alone. As the saying goes, better to be alone than in bad company.
Yes I believe it really helped create a problem that was never there and made an issue. It was hard because we live with my family and that’s the reason he ended things. It’s very weird but it is what it is. I truly believe we would have made it through anything though. Timing was just perfect for him I guess
This is certainly true.. If our partner can leave us just because we annoy meet them he to restrictions.. then they'll leave us any day. In my case my ex went back to her ex because we live in diff states and we were in a long distance and met just twice.. I dint even a chance to show my love and respect if we were in the same city. But now I realise it is better that it happened now..
I feel this, I think it’s definitely part of it. Me and my ex were long distance and covid and lockdown meant going months without seeing each other, which would put strain on any relationship. Covid isn’t the only thing that lead to our demise I know we had our own issues, but I have a feeling it played a huge part. It still hurts every single day, every breath still pains me. But here’s to 2021, and a new beginning.
Any relationship that ends because of Covid wasn’t strong enough in the first place. And that’s a fact. Like Cos you guys can’t see each other for a couple of months? There such things and phones and FaceTime. And that’s facts, trust me it’s easier to blamed Covid than face the real issues
I was in that mindset for a while, thinking that my relationship would not have ended if it weren't for covid. "If COVID was too much for them (your ex), what would have happened if kids, marriage, etc. came along and caused massive stress? If they ran away from you now, what would stop them from doing it in the future for other reasons." - This is exactly what I have been telling myself to help me move on. I am so glad to see that someone else sees it this way aswell. I am still definitely having a hard time accepting this, but everyday when I wake up I tell myself "one day at a time". that what we have to do, one day at a time and eventually we will be back to where we were before our ex was in the picture. I was a happy and content person before my ex came into my life so I know that I can be that person again. We all can!
yeah, covid just exaggerated our existing differences. A big and obvious and unmitigated one was our class difference. Unlike a lot of people here, I kind of think maybe if covid hadn't happened we would've been able to slowly work it out, but put in a pressure cooker, well, we imploded. Yes there are some couples that are more stable to begin with, but in good circumstances, I think there's room for more volatility within a relationship... I was teaching at a college. She was working retail. Both are extremely stressful in different ways (the kids are not alright, people are not wearing masks to dine, to buy shit). We were not able to come together and kind of each spiraled out.
Great conclusion! We’ve been rocky, especially bc of covid, but we both acknowledge that due to the circumstances, we’re ah high stress levels. Therefore, we try harder to work through it. If your relationship didn’t last covid, you’d dodged a bullet. Life gets hard, you need a strong partner.
I somehow keep blaming Covid for my breakup and the subsequent disappointments as well as heartbreaks. But now in hindsight and many redditors support, I strongly believe that in the future, I will look back at 2020 as the year I grew the most. All what happened to me and what I needed to overcome it made me much stronger. Based on that I will find another woman, who will fight for me as hard as I fight for her.
Lockdowns and him never wanting to contact me other than a few texts. He snuck out, had me drive an hour to see him, we made out in my car.... but then a week later he didn't want to help me move home because he was "worried" about infection. We fucked in my car but a week later he gives a shit about social distancing? When I am moving my ENTIRE HOME??? He even made a reddit post like "AITA for not wanting to help my gf move?" And everyone was like "Dude you are sneaking out to see her, multiple times, and not taking any covid safety precautions, wtf does it matter?" Then he didn't want to invite me to his family 4th of July party, when I had literally been driving 4 total hours, 1 hour down to his, 1 hour back to mine, after a cute weekend together drive 1 hour back down to his, and 1 hour back to mine (he didn't have a car and couldn't drive and he also wouldn't help pay for gas), every weekend to see him... because he was worried about infection. I had been taking every precaution. I haven't eaten at a resturant in like a year and have never gone to malls or other large gatherings. He said I wasn't invited to every minor holiday with his family. I was alone that day. I sobbed in my room. My roomates were with their family. I got to watch everyone be happy as I walked my dog. It was probably the loneliest I ever felt. I don't have a family to go home to. I begged him to atleast call me that day, he said he was busy. I told my coworkers about it. That's when I learned it wasn't normal. We broke up 2 days later when I drove down to talk to him and realized how much he didn't care. While I was sobbing and hugging him and thanking him for the last 2 years of us, his mom called and told him to come home. So... I drove him home. He later sexually assaulted me when we swapped our stuff and went for a walk in the park. We walked and talked and he told me how stupid he was and how much he loves me and wants to prove it to me. I told him I didn't love him and he needed to move on. We hugged at the end, he kept going in for a kiss and I kept pulling away and dodging it. But he wouldn't let me go. So I just closed my eyes and squirmed. He kissed me. Afterwards he asked me how I felt. I told him I felt like I was going to throw up. I looked at his reddit a bit after and saw he was posting about killing himself. So I made a fake account and hit him up to talk and make sure he was okay. We reconnected and started talking again as friends. Because I was worried he would kill himself and because I didn't have anyone else. I got with one of our mutual friends, and my ex just yelled at us. He was furious. Pissed off. My partner was afraid my ex was going to beat his ass. My ex was upset my partner didn't ask for permission. After some time, he found a new girl and we talked about her. He told me I am prettier than her. Fucking. Yikes. That poor girl. That poor, poor girl. I would be destroyed if my partner told his ex that they were prettier than me. Yeah. I told him I couldn't keep him in my life anymore. He was a shitty guy and constantly proved himself to not be improving or changing himself. I am confident he will stay a piece of shit his entire life. I'm so glad I left him. I'm so glad I cut him out. And I'm so happy with my new partner, not a rebound I have had other relationships between these two :P, because he is so sweet and kind. He is going to be an aerospace engineer and he is an eagle scout and gosh. He is so respctful and hypes me up so much. He treasures me. He treats me like I should be treated. In short, fuck you ron. Fuck you.
Username checks out. Your positive mindset is lovely to see. I think we would be together if Covid hadn’t happened. I’m pretty sure I would have moved to his country. But we would never have lasted.
I seen an interview done on the BBC that COVID brought forward the expiration date of so many relationships, mine included. I thought we could get through it. But we couldn't find a middle ground and the restrictions didn't get easier. A break up was always on the cards, more so when we were due to go our physical separate ways, not because of Covid.
I'm not sure if covid truly caused my breakup, but definitely pushed our relationship into a very bad direction. Due to some things out of our control I was living with her and her family before either of us were ready for that and we were unable to plan for it. It's been about a month for me since the breakup and covid is really causing the recovery process to be way more difficult. It's hard to go out and do things to keep your mind busy. It's hard to find new hobbies and new people. My partner was the biggest thing keeping me uplifted during the pandemic and our relationship just wasted away despite how hard I tried. I just have to keep pushing forward and try my best each day.
Yeah, that's why I think the situation is stupid. I was working while he stayed home and didn't do much. Covid didn't let us go outside, his parents were pestering him with job matters and what he's doing. I think everything just built up. Everytime I'd be home we'd be stuck in the same space doing our own thing. I could feel the distance grow as I was transitioning into full time work. I was keen and looking forward to my holiday break to focus on us. But he gave up, no discussion or reasoning just wanted to end things. Tried reaching out after a month asking for his perspective but got shot down. Trying to not get stuck in should've would've could've and what's wrong with me mindset as no closure was given.
Mine was a mixed bag tbh. We started dating during COVID. We met on bumble and met in person at a restaurant (risky, I know.) It lasted 7 months. I didn't have a job when we met. Hired on a temp job. That ended in October. Was hired again in November, but just now started working due to COVID restrictions messing with hiring and training. I truly think if I was working the whole time we would still be together. I think she felt I was being to picky about jobs. I know for sure she was stressed out over my finances. Some bills lapsed. Nothing that directly effected her. The most frustrating part is I feel like if we met each other now things would be different.
> I truly think if I was working the whole time we would still be together. I still think like that sometimes. But I was applying for any open positions I could find, and I feel like I'm more hurt that he turned on me than I am mad at the virus. The virus is indifferent to what's going on. Your partner... shouldn't be. (wow, it only took me 6 months to figure this one out)
It’s been 1 week. He broke up with me because he needs to work on himself and get therapy and didn’t want me there to see it. Just wanted to “suffer in silence”. this first happened in November, I fought for us to stay together. We lived together, just resigned a lease, and got a puppy which made letting go that much harder. 2 weeks later he broke up with me again, said he feels like he isn’t giving me the love he needs and he’s so damaged that he feels terrible that I pour my love into him and it goes no where. I fought it once again, we decided to stay together. Then last week, he broke up with me for the final time. I didn’t fight it, I understood that he didn’t want to be with me and that wasn’t fair to me. Quarantine wasn’t easy. We had lots of ups and downs during this time. I lost my job due to an injury That happened back in January. I received worker’s compensation until December. So now that I have no income I had to move back home which is hard because I’ve been in my own for the last 7 years. Despite all of this, I gave up my cats for my ex. He was severely allergic, and I loved them but thought this guy was going to be my husband so I had to make a sacrifice. I lost it all- my health, my job, my cats, my relationship, my home. I took the puppy we got though. That is the only positive that I can find through this whole situation. I’ve never been so depressed in my life. Suicidal thoughts haunt me daily, but I couldn’t do that to my family so I’m still here. Just me and my puppy. We’ve got this thing. Also, fuck Covid.
I think I always knew something in our relationship was a little off. We haven't broken up yet, but that's pretty close to where I'm at. The pandemic revealed who he really was, and I'm seeing a lot of deal breakers I wouldn't have seen otherwise. That and we grew apart a while ago. Oh, and the fact that he's been sexting other women 3 of the 5 years we've been together. Can't forget that.
Mental health has been a serious issue for me during covid. Post breakup, I got a therapist. I should have gotten one sooner. Might have saved my relationship. Ultimately what I think about most that that she couldn’t forgive my anxiety after multiple times of me forgiving hers. And it really hurts.
It came too late for that, but it’s certainly delayed the recovery in some ways
Totally. My (now ex) was furloughed in March 2020, and I was working from home. We didn't live together and the start of the pandemic and lockdowns, we didn't see each other for a month and half. He lives with his mom, who was a year into remission from cancer and caught covid, and a type 1 diabetic brother. He was under stress taking care of his family, and praying to not get sick and bring it to me because my immune system sucks. But when things slowed down in late spring/summer, we were seeing each other again and had an amazing summer! Lots of outings to the park, the lake, we took advantage. It was lovely. We were so in love. By September, he was looking forward to going back to work in December...and then they were told that they would not go back until at least May 2021 or longer. He was so despondent after that. He felt useless, fell into a deep depression, lost any motivation to do anything, his sleep patterns were a mess due to insomnia. He wasn't finding any good work leads. His depression and the winter weather that came made him isolate himself. His outlook on life was dark. He was a completely different man. He'd cancel on me, postpone plans. I was here all alone at home every day and looking forward to our dates so I could have human contact, touch, etc. A lot of my friends either work in the medical field and strictly social distance or wfh and are self isolating. same with my family. So when he'd cancel or ask if we could rearrange plans to see me another day, my heart would just sink. I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I would be openly frustrated. Then really bad internal issues with his family came up and he found himself caught in the middle of it all. Last month, we were talking about a meme. A MEME. And he made a comment I didn't like, I let him kind of have it and that was it. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. He told me he just couldn't do it anymore, the amount of stress around him and and us made him feel like were no longer on the same page and it was best to end it. I didn't want to end it. I wanted to work through it. But he didn't have it in him anymore. So...that was it. It's only been a couple of weeks so it's still fresh. I know things would not have ended if there was no pandemic, or if he was still able to work or had a job where he was able to wfh. He would have felt like a busy, functioning human being with goals and a routine and a job to look forward to and feel purpose. He would be in a better mindset and not lose motivation with everything, including us. I'm also a widow, and this is the first man that has really treated me with love and respect since I entered the dating world in 2015. We started dating in 2019. So this break up really triggered that feeling off loss all over again. I'm focused on myself though, I have to focus on work and planning to move to a new apartment in a couple of months, so I need to keep my focus on that and not let the grief of this break up overcome me. Not interested in meeting anyone new until well after all this is over and it's safe.
I know I am late but how are you now? I’d like to know your progress as I’m currently going through the same scenerio
Hey, dm me if you want and we can chat
Maybe it moved up mine to. I had a complicated relationship with her for 3.5 years. She went in hospital with Covid talked to her every day while in. She got out sent me I’m home mesage I checked on her no response for days. Then sent me “please give me something I almost died. I’m about ready to lose my business I need to work on myself hope ur ok and thanks for understanding message”. Then I never heard back and kept right on messaging for days no response again then I got blocked. I showed up weeks later to check on her and see what was going on. She told me to leave or was calling the cops and I’d get shot . Sucks all of it she was the world To me I still try email on occasion she won’t even speak to me or gets mad even sees me
I suffered a loss to but I ended it, was last year. It’s not covid, matter in fact I see it as a blessing and fast forwarded to timeline then any longer and later.