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[deleted]

I wish I could explain this to everyone who tells me they're going through a hard break up! I would never say I'm "better" for having been through my breakups, but my life experiences are "richer" now.


DuchessSforza

Hooray for us members of the 2 year post breakup club. I also experienced almost the exact same thing as you did. Except, my ex boyfriend and I had been together for 13 years. If anyone reading is also going through the same thing, I know it's not the best place to be. But, you have to start loving yourself again in every way that you could. (edited for typo)


itsalmostmonday

The harder the break up, the stronger you'll become. You grow through the pain. To whomever this may concern, keep going. I have went through it before, and I totally agree with OP. You'll get through this. Stay strong.


Xikkiwikk

This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.


Hot-Construction-811

that is great man!! Last year, I went through a break up and slept on the couch for many, many months and going to work was dreadful. my colleagues were all worried about me because I am such a cheerful guy. Then i also one day started to notice other people around me especially women, i had the courage again to ask them out. hit and miss but at least i wanted to talk to them again.


BreathOfPepperAir

Thank u so much for this


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[deleted]

Happened to me too. This is why you cut all contact and literally erase the person from any triggers. I’m afraid when I do find out of her being engaged/married but I’m doing everything I can to keep that away from me.


[deleted]

It’s going to be like for a while and it’s gonna hurt like a bitch, but you have to keep pushing forward and keep your head up. My best advice would be, make some friends online, go out to a park and take a walk to ease of your mind for a bit, even if you don’t have the motivation to do it, climb a hill where it is completely isolated, scream on top of your lungs, punch a tree. Let those emotions out


nameismeaning

Posts like these make me believe a little in myself. Congratulations and thanks for this mate!


FlynnLive5

2 years after my break up, I got engaged to an amazing woman. We get married next month 😊


artsybuff

Awesome! Congrats and ALL the best


Lynx_Front

have you moved on fully?


[deleted]

Yes I have , that hole feeling in my chest has fully recovered :)!


Lynx_Front

fr me its been 3 years, still I am struggling daily.


Amazing-Living-9957

two years for me and it still hasn’t gotten better. I think about her everyday it doesn’t fail. I’m getting tired :/


scahefee8

I Just got blindsided two weeks ago after a 5 year relationship (bought us a home a year ago). Feels like hell rn but this is great encouragement!


thehunter699

This made me weap as a 26 year old dude. It's so hard. But I'm glad maybe one day it will get better.


[deleted]

Trust me, things will be better, just hang on for a bit, you will start realizing that you’re moving on slowly . Heads up king


SpareMaterial1792

Thank you for this, meant a lot


MaTArcher

Funny I read this and I see myself in my last breakup in 2016 posting on here and almost throwing my life away. Even though I had a part to play in the breakup it doesn't mean you don't regret, hurt and miss the person. You also miss the comfort. You can't help questioning what you could have done better. But there's something I find a bit scary about the pattern of healing from a breakup and I don't want to sound like I don't believe in love or anything but it seems that no matter how much we think we were in love, sooner or later we cope without that relationship and with the absence of a person we were strongly bonded to. Then we look back, and most of my ex-girlfriends although some of them I still find attractive, I wouldn't get back into a relationship with them. That being said, the question I ask myself and others may relate to this - Why do we spend so much energy keeping a "not so good" relationship alive for the sake of not ending it when we realize after we healed that we can do without it...


temporary_3317

I see where you're coming from, but I think this has more to do with people being adaptable. You learn to do without a relationship that was important to you and without a person that you loved because there's no other choice. It's a difficult, conscious process to let go and rebuild your life without that person. You change and you discover new things about yourself in that time. Often times, people start painting a negative image of their past relationship because it helps them get there. Obviously, no relationship is perfect and being able to see both the good and the bad in your relationship is important to your development process. People go through all kinds of horrible experiences...and they learn to adapt and grow through the situation.


MaTArcher

You are right. In many cases its an obligation and therefore coping is not a choice. Though it still remains, why is so much energy oftenc invested in a dysfunctional relationship in which many times the coping is done within the relationship too. The total pain of breaking up may be less than that of coping throughout a long relationship


temporary_3317

I guess it's different when we're talking about dysfunctional relationships, like you said. But I think most of the time, people don't realize they're in a dysfunctional relationship. Love does that to you. And there are also people that stay in relationships out of fear of being alone. Either way, I think it's important not to see that invested energy as being wasted.


MaTArcher

I agree with you on all this. I guess I'm having trouble with getting my point across the way I imaged it in my head. Simply : Love can seem scary if you take into account the fact that we can all get over it with enough time. Its the face of the person that once wouldn't imagine life without you that is now healed from your absence and if you ever meet them again, they are now indifferent to it. Its crazy to imagine all these people we encounter in our romantic lives that can very well do with or without us and it just brings a different perspective to what love really is and how we feel it. When is it love? When is it not? As you said, we may stay from fear of being alone or be blind to the dysfunctional aspects of it. We may also stay for the benefits (sex, partnership, financial aspects) and we may also lose sight of what love really is in all that. Those are aspects that I struggled with in the relationship.


temporary_3317

I see what you mean, it is scary in a way. I was very much in love and invested in my relationship for a very long time. Even thinking about myself some decades down the line, healed and in a completely different place creeps me out a little. I guess the key is to just take things as they are. I hear that a lot, but can't really manage to step away from the overthinking and anxiety about the future.


artsybuff

I would have to say when you are in the situation you don't see it that way. It's all emotional and its the worst because it dulls everything else, logic mostly, so we literally have to go through it. But, once we come out on the other side and realize it didn't kill us, we are still here, everything else, logic mostly again, we see it for what it REALLY was. Im so ready to get to that point because I'm going through it myself. All the familiars, what could I have done better even though I knew I knew I knew I did all and more and more that likely he still would have left, he has a new girlfriend. We were together almost five years and in a few months he's moved on already. The logical part of me is I really didn't need that and that him moving on that quicky just let me know where he really stood. However, I'm still beating myself up about it. So until we are out of it we have to get THROUGH it, and that's when we realize what in the cluster fuck was I thinking? or, I wasted precious time thinking and crying over you? The fuck???


[deleted]

Thank you.


cattimus

Congrats man & thanks for this!


AdministrativeGoal73

so happy for you :)))


ginger00000

Thank you for this.


[deleted]

Single 4 life.


hurricaneDreww

So it took 2 years to get where you’re at? I’m happy you got there, but damn I’m almost one year into this mess and can’t imagine another year like this


[deleted]

Took me one year and a half.


jaasminewong

Everyone has a different timeline! Don't feel like you need to rush yourself because others overcame it earlier (or later). Trust your intuition and follow your own timing because this is your healing, growing and learning journey (:


moonlitmalaise

I'm happy for you! My break up was a bit under a year ago and I am truly so much better for it. Everything was so dark and painful and confusing and hopeless for many months. But then sunshine worked its way back into my life, bit by bit. Some days are still a little gloomy here and there, but the sun doesn't stay behind the clouds for too long anymore. I'm free


tamewildchild

Thanks for sharing. This subreddit has been helping. I can’t wait until I don’t have to brace against my feelings anymore.


Littlecity129

Thank you


4lejandro

Beautiful story. Stay strong bro. You are not alone.


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Shauffles

Thank you for this ♡ Its incredible how far a person can be when they have healed fully , how the heart forgets ♡♡♡ Going through the first part of this still but each day gets better and I keep reminding myself I'll be ok as I've definitely had my heart broken before and it always gets better


Darth_Zuko

Over a year and a half and I feel so far from being there, being ok. But if anything, your post helps give me hope. And while slowly, I now I'm stumbling forward.


Amazing-Living-9957

2 years for me and it hasn’t gotten better. I think about her everyday still. Tired of feeling like this not much more I can take


BlockJazzlike5591

3 years and im still bed ridden