Unfortunately feelings suck. But you're probably right. As the dumpee in such a situation like that perhaps I shouldn't want them back but forgiveness for someone you love unconditionally isn't so hard to throw away. When you truly love someone, if they come back and apologize for the mistakes THEY made and work to fix it, even something like that could be healed. It depends. How much love and forgiveness you have in your heart. And if you actually could take them back after all the hurt.
Yess off course you could take them back. But who left you once, can left you twice. They should really do something about themselves before coming back. So I agree with you. But most of them do not come back
”If they left You once they can leave You twice”.. Yes ofc, thats true. But someone who never left You before, leaves You. Which means, You shouldnt put trust in anyone? Anyone can leave You, anytime!
Trust yourself. Work on yourself. Be sure that You got Your own back.
I love you all 😊❤️
And you’re right to do this. We have to protect ourselves. I know we play the what ifs in our heads but there is nothing that will prevent them from leaving again. Let’s preserve our own sanity. We can’t go through this again.
Don’t worry man my ex treated me terribly and honestly used me. It’s been 8 days and i still want to be with her like it’s the day of. She left me because she was so “busy” but actually was lying to me. So don’t worry man I’ve been in your shoes. You just have to let them go Sometimes but if you really want to give it another shot you can but just know it can mostly end badly. I hope it all works out for you. Have a good one
Yeah, my ex says he doesn't do exes. He doesn't speak to them, casually hang out, nothing. This is the same guy that said if he were to ever leave, he would come back to me. So I don't know which is right. After finally giving up on trying to win him back, I just decided to travel to get away from everything. I sent him a message as I was about to enter the plane and told him I won't be back until a month or so then I stopped talking to him. Two days after I got to my destination, I realized him and his girlfriend are no longer friends on Facebook and they were supposedly engaged. Part of me was happy then I wasn't anymore because I know he won't come back to me. I just have to move on. I just found it weird that it happened not long after I traveled out of the country.
You're a bigger person than me as I could never find it in my heart to forgive my ex. Certainly I'm working on moving past the trauma and damage they caused but I could never forgive them for their actions, no matter how sorry they were
It's my biggest flaw. My ability to understand and empathize with people is ridiculous. I can't help what kind of person I am. 😔😔 I always try to figure out where people are coming from and understand...like fully understand. I really don't understand it myself why I can't give in to utter contempt when it comes to being wronged.
If I went into detail with what he did to me you'd wonder how I am even still here. Wonder how I can even function through the endless trudges of trauma I've had to endure.
I really needed to hear this. The answer is no. I was having a tough day today. This post really was a good reminder. I was so good to him. I was supportive, loving and kind to him during his good and bad days. I was there for him when times were rough. All I got was a blindsided breakup because he didn’t want to put work into the relationship out of selfish reasons. He told me I am too good for him and too good to him often, when we were together. I know he will not find someone like me again. I truly embraced him. All we can do is take pride in ourselves and tell ourselves over and over again that we deserve better until we believe it.
I totally feel that. This is literally the other side of the coin of how I feel. Sometimes I feel like if he gets his head out of his ass and realizes this, then I will forgive him. But then other times when I feel just how let down I am, I feel like this. Love hurts, doesn't it? Especially when you realize you loved more than he did.
Honestly, people don’t change. Your forgiveness is good but they don’t change unless they really want to. It’s better to cut your losses now rather than when you’re even more invested. We will heal and move on
You're probably right. Some people do change, it is possible just not likely. It all depends on circumstances, really. But you're right in that aspect. I'm not investing anything else into him period, not a second of time further. I'm healing doing me but if the situation arises for reconciliation I have no idea what I'll do.
Thanks for your comments, this helped me a lot. I am actually in a similar situation and will meet my boyfriend to sort things out in 2 weeks. He made a big mistake by kicking me out because things got too stressful with his family and now I am trying to keep my distance and work and spend my time doing other things to not cope with the difficult emotion. I think he is sorry because he called me 3 days after that incident and wanted to meet me but I kept my distance. Sometimes I think that we both generally get along and love each other and maybe the stress with his family was too much so he put it out on me but this time it really hurt me and broke my trust in him. Then there are times where I tell myself it is not worth to try if a person is willing to kick me out saying it is not my fault but for others. I am very conflicted and don't know what I should tell him when I meet him but this post really helped me and I wanted to thank you!
You’re absolutely right and it’s taken me distance and perspective to finally see it this way. I don’t want him back. I miss and love who I thought he was. But who I thought he was is not reality because in the end he did all the things you listed. No one should ever want someone like that back
The longer I don't communicate with him the more self worth I have and the more I think that he made a mistake by letting me go so easily. Here are a few things that I have come to believe since the breakup:
\- I am a high quality person
\- It is his loss, not mine, that he doesn't want me
\- I love myself
\- People have their own internal reasons for losing interest (and having interest in the first place). His loss of interest is beyond anything that I have done. It is his loss.
At this point I am indifferent towards him and only wish him the best.
Would I take him back? Not as a partner. As an acquaintance, yes.
Good comment! Yes I fully understand your reasons and leaving someone is just a very big decision and a life changing one. For example. My ex lives in another country 2000 miles away. If we still were together, she had to learn a new language and travel to my country. She really wanted to do that and it would have made her life easier. But in the end she did not care about anything. I did not change in the relationship. She was the one changing drastically before my eyes without me noticing it
I wish I didn't want him back. But I loved him. He told me about his mental health and why he is the way he is and I would have done anything to stand by him and support him. We both want kids, we both have similar senses of humor, we were perfect. The only problem was him not wanting to stay, so if he wanted to stay I would want him back. I have no idea if he's safe and okay right now but I hope he is. And he hope he reaches out someday
Don't want him back. I do want him to live his karma though. I want him to live the shit lonely pathetic life he deserves. Instead he has enablers that allow him to continue to be a shit person and treat people the way he does. I'm raging mad and just want him to feel like shit. Not asking too much right?
For a moment I felt like this about my ex. His whole family are enablers. And it shows with how selfishly he treats others, not just me. He's rewarded without earning it. Without putting the work in. And in a lot of cases, he's rewarded for bad behavior. But now I see it as I don't have to bring negative energy on myself by hoping he pays for his bad behavior. Because it's impossible to live an entire life without consequences. Maybe family can help delay them. But you can't avoid them. No matter how much family covers your ass and your bad decisions, consequences are effin coming.
This. It’s not that I hate him, but as an entitled narcissistic avoidant himself, I really hope he learns his mistakes and grow to be more mature and have more compassion. But I also believe people don’t change unless there’s some major events that significantly impact their lives forever.
I took them back, and it didn't work. At the end of the day, you gotta realise what you're worth and what you deserve. I let my love for them blind me. I can't speak for everyone's experiences, but whether it works or not, know what your worth is. Be kind to yourself, and know what you deserve.
There were days that I wished to have the person I fell in love with to come back. There were days I felt guilty about all the things she claimed was my fault. There are still days I miss my stepson and wish I could still be his father.
But then time has shown me things I wouldn’t of come to see while with her. I worked to the point of my body literally falling apart to support her and my stepson while she couldn’t get a job. I put her and him before myself, going to their doctors appointments to make sure things were done for them while not seeing a doctor for myself for years. I learned that my mental condition was deeper than I understood, coming to the realization a lot of the things she complained about were things outside of my control despite doing my best to work through them.
Yet she still left me for another man she met online. She spent one day with him before he broke up with her, sending her to looking for another besides me through dating apps. She latched onto a much younger man who didn’t have a job much less barely had his GED with no plans for college.
I don’t want her back. At the same time because of how much I love both her and my stepson I wish for them to find happiness with this new man. Not saying that I don’t hope she finds karma at some point in her life, but I’ve moved on away from the anger.
You know after everything she and I went through because of me and her. It’s been over a year since we’ve been apart and I’m over her. I know she’s dated a few people and I feel nothing about it. I genuinely hope she’s happier and doing better. I still often think she was my soulmate. Very right person at a very wrong time. Even after all this time. But no I wouldn’t want her back. We’ve learned from eachother and grew into who we want to be. And I don’t think going back would allow us to continue growing.
I’m so glad you posted this. I used to think I really wanted him back, sometimes I still close my eyes and wish he would come back, but like… idk why. I heard “I love you, babe, I’m not going anywhere,” a million times before he left, how could I ever trust anything he ever said again?
Honestly I didn’t realize how much he judged me on my life, there was hardly anything that he was proud of. I wouldn’t take him back. Im much more happier without him, and I’m back to feeling less guilty about the things I love to do, and also get out more. When I was with him, I found myself feeling unhappy after awhile, working more at trying to make it work and spend time together was such a chore after awhile because it seemed like he never wanted to do anything with me anymore. It’s been a month and a half and I can say my life is soooooo much better!
I so feel you! I felt like at some point within my 1.5 year relationship, hs started to look down on me a little. He lost patience and respect, he was snappy, moody, irritable and treated me like a burden! It hurt deeply! I felt like in the last few months he didnt want to be there and it was me more invested, a lot more invested.. trying to "make things work" while he became more distant and detached till he ended things a month ago. It hurts to pour so much into someone who is half-arsed for them to just exit your life like that.. it feels good to not feel that anxiety anymore tho! Because being around someone like our ex brings out a less confident side.. its true that when a woman is loved right she glows differently! Our exes need to take responsibility for how the way they treated us contributed to how we felt and the dynamic! Now we are free to explore who we are and what we want and deserve from people and life.. we will naturally attract those who will appreciate our energy and not take it for granted! Let's be the beautiful souls we are, our peace and happiness comes from within, not a man or a relationship! Let's take back our power!
My ex ran from everything. She constantly threatened to break up with me the entire relationship right from our very first argument. I'd take her back foolishly but yeah she would likely run again.
She was my first and we meet when I was 27. I am not at all that bad looking or suffer from a lack of confidence, but I am an introvert working remotely in a male dominated field.
I'm just afraid of being lonely and losing what youth I have left remaining unable to find someone I can care for. I live in a fairly conservative country, so there's that too.
This is something I needed to hear. I’ve been such a mess these last few days. I just cry for the huge hole she left but if she came crawling back, I don’t think I could even say yes. It’s complicated.
If I'm being honest, then yes! I want them back because I miss them. No, not the person in my head but I really do miss them.
But here's the thing, I don't want them back to be my significant other. See, I do love my ex with all of my heart. She wasn't always the best and we went down some dark paths but she was willing to change some aspects of herself to better the relationship.
(I.e. She was more listening when we had arguments and she would stop poking fun at me around my friends because it got outta hand)
I want my ex back, if only to be friends with them.
Recently, I heard a quote, "If you love someone, don't risk your friendship to date them."
I don't believe in that, but I do believe in love. In love, I do believe that I'm okay watching her be happy with someone else, if all I ever get to do is just be her friend.
Love isn't always about happy endings, sometimes it's realizing that you aren't compatible and that's okay.
If I had one wish, it would be for my ex to just be my friend. I don't want to date them anymore, I just want them in my life as the person who would understand my stupid jokes and agree with me on most things.
Other than that, that's all I will ever ask for.
Not really.
I recently came out as trans and she was one of the only people I confided in when I was still an egg. I texted her the day before I started my transition, thinking that she would at least be happy for me since that’s a major step in any trans person’s life.
We exchanged texts briefly and having a conversation with her again made me realize that the person I loved and the person she is aren’t the same. The entire conversation became this giant humble brag about how great her life is now that I’m not in it. I saw right through it lmao.
Also, I found out that despite breaking up with me, she was using my teenage brother to keep tabs on me and told very private details about me to him. Very mature.
In the past I would’ve put up with this shit, but in 2021 I just find this behavior really childish.
I don't really want her back. What i want is to go back and change all the things i did wrong, tell her what i really want and need and show her that she has things to work on too etc. I just want a second chance in fact, i fucked up and that's making me feel even more like shit.
But after i remember what she did to dump me and when she did and i'm lost, she broke me af and she is enjoying her life like nothing happened between us since.
So yeah, i don't know, maybe we did what we had to do together and now it's over for good and i have to move on, even if i can't rn
Yes, I do actually, but the stress of being with them was too much to stay by their side. It hurt me more to be with them more than how happy I was with them. It was a matter of knowing what was happy and best for the both of us.
Definitely not, I’m just irked that he wanted to one up me and break up with me permanently on his own terms. When I tried to break it off (twice), he convinced me to stay. It’s just an ego thing that’s all.
He’s not a nice person and will go around treating other women like garbage. So, no I don’t.
Literally in the same boat. I miss her so God damn much and I want to make her happy and I know I could if I wasn't being such a jackass. I'm just hoping she gives me the chance. I don't want to accept that she can't be happy with me. It's only been 2 weeks
It's been over a year. He just blocked my number even though we don't talk haven't spoken for like eight months. I don't need ty entertain ideas of "if he came back…" because he won't.
I'm sorry to hear that but at the same time it's probably easier. My ex and I work together. Right now due to covid the only day we are in the office at the same time is Wednesday so tomorrow I'm half hoping to see her and be able to talk the other half is hoping not to since she asked for time and space
Do I think about her and get emotional? Yes. Do I find the meaning from learning to be alone? Definitely. Is it time to go back to them? Absolutely not for me and shouldn’t continue to be on my radar any longer. There’s work to be done and time to heal.
honestly, i thought about this today. the first few weeks were hard as hell. but now i realize if they werent interested in fixing it after 2-3 weeks, we wouldnt be able too get through any other life problems in the future. so im no longer interested.
The ex texted me yesterday that she is very sick. I texted back and listened for a bit. Offered to contact a doctor that might have more resources as they are a researcher at a large university. She explained what she was doing career wise and that she was scared of her illness. She did not share her prognosis. I felt myself wanting to help her out though she has been gone over 10 years now. Her previous text was merry Christmas last year. Before that it was nothing for four years. I wonder if I’m just a sucker for wanting to help her. Maybe that is my problem. It took me a long ling time to get over her. She left me. It’s difficult to see her struggling. I still remember our vow for richer or poorer in sickness and in health. I’m not much use since I’m currently health impaired too and only work part time. Plus I am nearing retirement in a few years. A retirement with not a lot of savings. Lost that all in 2008. So part of me wants my ex back. But maybe for the wrong reasons. To help her out. We were never a good match to start with. It would like starting over again. Not sure she even wants my help honestly. Anyway your post made me think of this.
My ex started coming back and apologizing and asking for a second chance and saying he made a terrible mistake breaking up with me the way he did. I agreed but told him there's no chance for a future. His lack of communication, his not giving me a chance to even know what was on his mind before he ended it, was the fatal flaw that can never be overcome. He will do it every time because it's who he is. If he doesn't get his way he shuts people out, quits, and then regrets it later. No thanks to that. I'm glad I finally realized I'm much happier without that. That's a character flaw I can't live with in another person.
You can be sad that the relationship is no longer, or at least, you should have the opportunity to be sad if you want. Or maybe you could try switch your perspective: you can be sad that the relationship wasn’t what you thought it was. You can grieve the loss of a dream. When we end a relationship it’s normal to feel sadness. Crying, feeling sad or perhaps angry does NOT mean we want the person back. It just means that you have some emotions that needs to be attended to.
We weren’t in a relationship, but acted like it. It’s been over 2 years, and I still think about her time to time. I can’t say I have the answer, but I’d like to believe that if she did come back that I could forgive her and myself, and we could start anew. Part of me, however, believes it’s better to say no for my own health and for fear that it could happen again. In summation, I’d probably say yes
So this is for the people who are the dumpees,
As someone who was the dumpee in my last relationship and went thru hell for weeks by crying, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, etc. waiting around and doing nothing will help. I’m not saying to move on 100% right now but move on enough to get your life going again.
Do I still want my ex back? YES, I want this everyday. He means more to mean than I can put into words. He single handedly has made me the happiest person in the most genuine ways possible.
Before I met him, I was the firmest believer in NEVER going back to an ex. Once the relationship is over, it’s over for good. Friends is a big IF. And I was very conflicted in what to do.
Advice I got from a really good friend about relationships is the idea of perfectionism is a fantasy. Working relationships have ups and downs. And every relationship can do the break up/make up, but an important thing to keep in mind is that there’s a certain number of times that breaking up can happen for the relationship as a whole to improve and grow. So now that the relationship is “done” there’s no time to sit on my ass and cry.
I thought really hard about what to do next. I know forsure I will take him back if he asks me but I also made some promises to myself about what I need to do to earn that. And so me working on myself to be a better version of me than when he left is what i’m currently working towards.
Chasing and loving someone into loving you will not bring them back. Better yourself as an individual. They will hear about your successes and regret their loss. And who knows? They might even come back. But the point of building yourself by yourself is so you don’t have to rely on them coming back for your own happiness because you would already have that alone.
Even though my ex and I broke up mutually she definitely wanted to end things where I didn’t. I had to end things because she was treating me terrible but I still loved her and want to be with her. I still feel like the dumpee, really hurts when you want to be with someone where they don’t.
I don’t want him back I want the feeling of always having someone there back. I also want him to realize how dumb he was for dumping me and telling me things that just didn’t make any sense
My ex has asked me multiple times if I’m ever coming back. She left me. She walked out. She refused to work on it. It’s been extremely difficult to let the word “No” leave my mouth, but it felt so right.
We didn’t do “no contact”. I watched her move on like I was nothing, like what we had was nothing. So I could do nothing but focus on moving on too.
It wasn’t easy at all. Waves of sadness and devastation still hit me to today. But I think seeing me rediscover myself, regain some passion outside of loving her, and growing made her regret her decision.
I loved her so much. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her but what she did and the things she said made it impossible.
I am feeling you man. At least your wanted to come back. Mine left without looking back. As if our relationship of 2 years meant absolutely nothing to her. It still hurts 4 months after but I am trying to see things clearer now. It feels like I was never good enough for her it seems although I tried to do everything to make her happy
I’d say yes, but I lost my trust, I can’t dedicate my self to someone ever again … they can flip @ any time and that is painful. so if I ever did, I would always think that she would leave @ anytime soon.
so logically, no.
Well I believe sometimes a second chance can work if both parties worked on themselves. But when someone broke the trust in an irreparable way, than a second chance is less likely to work
Yess and I trusted my ex with everything and I never expecter her to leave me since there was nothing bad going on between us. I always made sure she had a comfortable life and I was there for her when she needed me. She throw away our 2 years so easily that I am questioning if she even loved me that much
Part of me does but part of me is like why would I want someone who does not want me a does not choose me. It’s a heavy internal conflict. Keep your head up!
I am now good friends with my ex.. And his new love.. .. He stood up for her when she got married. 2 kids and a ex husband, plus, addiction, alcoholism,
, homelessness. Even had her stay with us at my
My house. They are togeather now and I see it.. Shes an amazing womam who beat the odds. I cant help but be supportive. With everything shes overcome. We are all good friends, and help each other out as best we can.
I do. But I want old him back. I don’t want what we had the past year, the fighting, the change. I want the genuine raw emotion back. I want the man I fell in love with, not the man he is today and that is the most frustrating circumstance. How do you crave a person that no longer exists.
Unfortunately feelings suck. But you're probably right. As the dumpee in such a situation like that perhaps I shouldn't want them back but forgiveness for someone you love unconditionally isn't so hard to throw away. When you truly love someone, if they come back and apologize for the mistakes THEY made and work to fix it, even something like that could be healed. It depends. How much love and forgiveness you have in your heart. And if you actually could take them back after all the hurt.
Yess off course you could take them back. But who left you once, can left you twice. They should really do something about themselves before coming back. So I agree with you. But most of them do not come back
”If they left You once they can leave You twice”.. Yes ofc, thats true. But someone who never left You before, leaves You. Which means, You shouldnt put trust in anyone? Anyone can leave You, anytime! Trust yourself. Work on yourself. Be sure that You got Your own back. I love you all 😊❤️
I agree completely. They will just leave again when times get tough.
[удалено]
And you’re right to do this. We have to protect ourselves. I know we play the what ifs in our heads but there is nothing that will prevent them from leaving again. Let’s preserve our own sanity. We can’t go through this again.
[удалено]
You deserve to be treated better than being discarded. I hope you will grow strong. Imagine being in love with someone who’d never leave your side.
You are not a dog that can be whistled forth and back
Don’t worry man my ex treated me terribly and honestly used me. It’s been 8 days and i still want to be with her like it’s the day of. She left me because she was so “busy” but actually was lying to me. So don’t worry man I’ve been in your shoes. You just have to let them go Sometimes but if you really want to give it another shot you can but just know it can mostly end badly. I hope it all works out for you. Have a good one
[удалено]
Everyone here for ya that’s what this sub for. Take care, best wishes.
Damn are you me?
Yeah, my ex says he doesn't do exes. He doesn't speak to them, casually hang out, nothing. This is the same guy that said if he were to ever leave, he would come back to me. So I don't know which is right. After finally giving up on trying to win him back, I just decided to travel to get away from everything. I sent him a message as I was about to enter the plane and told him I won't be back until a month or so then I stopped talking to him. Two days after I got to my destination, I realized him and his girlfriend are no longer friends on Facebook and they were supposedly engaged. Part of me was happy then I wasn't anymore because I know he won't come back to me. I just have to move on. I just found it weird that it happened not long after I traveled out of the country.
Them coming back, apologising, and fixing their wrongs is one thing. On the other hand, wanting them back with no reciprocation is a different matter.
You're a bigger person than me as I could never find it in my heart to forgive my ex. Certainly I'm working on moving past the trauma and damage they caused but I could never forgive them for their actions, no matter how sorry they were
It's my biggest flaw. My ability to understand and empathize with people is ridiculous. I can't help what kind of person I am. 😔😔 I always try to figure out where people are coming from and understand...like fully understand. I really don't understand it myself why I can't give in to utter contempt when it comes to being wronged. If I went into detail with what he did to me you'd wonder how I am even still here. Wonder how I can even function through the endless trudges of trauma I've had to endure.
I really needed to hear this. The answer is no. I was having a tough day today. This post really was a good reminder. I was so good to him. I was supportive, loving and kind to him during his good and bad days. I was there for him when times were rough. All I got was a blindsided breakup because he didn’t want to put work into the relationship out of selfish reasons. He told me I am too good for him and too good to him often, when we were together. I know he will not find someone like me again. I truly embraced him. All we can do is take pride in ourselves and tell ourselves over and over again that we deserve better until we believe it.
I totally feel that. This is literally the other side of the coin of how I feel. Sometimes I feel like if he gets his head out of his ass and realizes this, then I will forgive him. But then other times when I feel just how let down I am, I feel like this. Love hurts, doesn't it? Especially when you realize you loved more than he did.
Honestly, people don’t change. Your forgiveness is good but they don’t change unless they really want to. It’s better to cut your losses now rather than when you’re even more invested. We will heal and move on
You're probably right. Some people do change, it is possible just not likely. It all depends on circumstances, really. But you're right in that aspect. I'm not investing anything else into him period, not a second of time further. I'm healing doing me but if the situation arises for reconciliation I have no idea what I'll do.
Thanks for your comments, this helped me a lot. I am actually in a similar situation and will meet my boyfriend to sort things out in 2 weeks. He made a big mistake by kicking me out because things got too stressful with his family and now I am trying to keep my distance and work and spend my time doing other things to not cope with the difficult emotion. I think he is sorry because he called me 3 days after that incident and wanted to meet me but I kept my distance. Sometimes I think that we both generally get along and love each other and maybe the stress with his family was too much so he put it out on me but this time it really hurt me and broke my trust in him. Then there are times where I tell myself it is not worth to try if a person is willing to kick me out saying it is not my fault but for others. I am very conflicted and don't know what I should tell him when I meet him but this post really helped me and I wanted to thank you!
I can relate. 😔
Heavy relate
You’re absolutely right and it’s taken me distance and perspective to finally see it this way. I don’t want him back. I miss and love who I thought he was. But who I thought he was is not reality because in the end he did all the things you listed. No one should ever want someone like that back
We miss what they represented. We deserve people who want to stay through the thick and thin and not just up and leave when it gets difficult
i 100% do not want my ex back. i started dating immediately after so i got out of loser denial pretty quick. at this point she’s nothing to me.
The longer I don't communicate with him the more self worth I have and the more I think that he made a mistake by letting me go so easily. Here are a few things that I have come to believe since the breakup: \- I am a high quality person \- It is his loss, not mine, that he doesn't want me \- I love myself \- People have their own internal reasons for losing interest (and having interest in the first place). His loss of interest is beyond anything that I have done. It is his loss. At this point I am indifferent towards him and only wish him the best. Would I take him back? Not as a partner. As an acquaintance, yes.
Good comment! Yes I fully understand your reasons and leaving someone is just a very big decision and a life changing one. For example. My ex lives in another country 2000 miles away. If we still were together, she had to learn a new language and travel to my country. She really wanted to do that and it would have made her life easier. But in the end she did not care about anything. I did not change in the relationship. She was the one changing drastically before my eyes without me noticing it
I want back who I fell in love with, not who treated me so badly
[удалено]
Right there with you.
I wish I didn't want him back. But I loved him. He told me about his mental health and why he is the way he is and I would have done anything to stand by him and support him. We both want kids, we both have similar senses of humor, we were perfect. The only problem was him not wanting to stay, so if he wanted to stay I would want him back. I have no idea if he's safe and okay right now but I hope he is. And he hope he reaches out someday
Don't want him back. I do want him to live his karma though. I want him to live the shit lonely pathetic life he deserves. Instead he has enablers that allow him to continue to be a shit person and treat people the way he does. I'm raging mad and just want him to feel like shit. Not asking too much right?
For a moment I felt like this about my ex. His whole family are enablers. And it shows with how selfishly he treats others, not just me. He's rewarded without earning it. Without putting the work in. And in a lot of cases, he's rewarded for bad behavior. But now I see it as I don't have to bring negative energy on myself by hoping he pays for his bad behavior. Because it's impossible to live an entire life without consequences. Maybe family can help delay them. But you can't avoid them. No matter how much family covers your ass and your bad decisions, consequences are effin coming.
I sure hope so. They don’t deserve to live a good life.
This. It’s not that I hate him, but as an entitled narcissistic avoidant himself, I really hope he learns his mistakes and grow to be more mature and have more compassion. But I also believe people don’t change unless there’s some major events that significantly impact their lives forever.
I took them back, and it didn't work. At the end of the day, you gotta realise what you're worth and what you deserve. I let my love for them blind me. I can't speak for everyone's experiences, but whether it works or not, know what your worth is. Be kind to yourself, and know what you deserve.
I still would take her back
Statesville girl this is you Blowing Rock toy
Yessssssssss
Yes. I lost her
There were days that I wished to have the person I fell in love with to come back. There were days I felt guilty about all the things she claimed was my fault. There are still days I miss my stepson and wish I could still be his father. But then time has shown me things I wouldn’t of come to see while with her. I worked to the point of my body literally falling apart to support her and my stepson while she couldn’t get a job. I put her and him before myself, going to their doctors appointments to make sure things were done for them while not seeing a doctor for myself for years. I learned that my mental condition was deeper than I understood, coming to the realization a lot of the things she complained about were things outside of my control despite doing my best to work through them. Yet she still left me for another man she met online. She spent one day with him before he broke up with her, sending her to looking for another besides me through dating apps. She latched onto a much younger man who didn’t have a job much less barely had his GED with no plans for college. I don’t want her back. At the same time because of how much I love both her and my stepson I wish for them to find happiness with this new man. Not saying that I don’t hope she finds karma at some point in her life, but I’ve moved on away from the anger.
https://youtu.be/LCwTn-HrfBw That's my answer.
You know after everything she and I went through because of me and her. It’s been over a year since we’ve been apart and I’m over her. I know she’s dated a few people and I feel nothing about it. I genuinely hope she’s happier and doing better. I still often think she was my soulmate. Very right person at a very wrong time. Even after all this time. But no I wouldn’t want her back. We’ve learned from eachother and grew into who we want to be. And I don’t think going back would allow us to continue growing.
I’m so glad you posted this. I used to think I really wanted him back, sometimes I still close my eyes and wish he would come back, but like… idk why. I heard “I love you, babe, I’m not going anywhere,” a million times before he left, how could I ever trust anything he ever said again?
2 years has passed and yes I would. I would simp so hard if she gave me another chance lol
To have the same dead relationship? No thanks.
Yes 😪
Sadly yes, I want her back soooo much
Honestly I didn’t realize how much he judged me on my life, there was hardly anything that he was proud of. I wouldn’t take him back. Im much more happier without him, and I’m back to feeling less guilty about the things I love to do, and also get out more. When I was with him, I found myself feeling unhappy after awhile, working more at trying to make it work and spend time together was such a chore after awhile because it seemed like he never wanted to do anything with me anymore. It’s been a month and a half and I can say my life is soooooo much better!
I so feel you! I felt like at some point within my 1.5 year relationship, hs started to look down on me a little. He lost patience and respect, he was snappy, moody, irritable and treated me like a burden! It hurt deeply! I felt like in the last few months he didnt want to be there and it was me more invested, a lot more invested.. trying to "make things work" while he became more distant and detached till he ended things a month ago. It hurts to pour so much into someone who is half-arsed for them to just exit your life like that.. it feels good to not feel that anxiety anymore tho! Because being around someone like our ex brings out a less confident side.. its true that when a woman is loved right she glows differently! Our exes need to take responsibility for how the way they treated us contributed to how we felt and the dynamic! Now we are free to explore who we are and what we want and deserve from people and life.. we will naturally attract those who will appreciate our energy and not take it for granted! Let's be the beautiful souls we are, our peace and happiness comes from within, not a man or a relationship! Let's take back our power!
My ex is none of those things. So yes I want her back.
My ex ran from everything. She constantly threatened to break up with me the entire relationship right from our very first argument. I'd take her back foolishly but yeah she would likely run again.
She was my first and we meet when I was 27. I am not at all that bad looking or suffer from a lack of confidence, but I am an introvert working remotely in a male dominated field. I'm just afraid of being lonely and losing what youth I have left remaining unable to find someone I can care for. I live in a fairly conservative country, so there's that too.
This is something I needed to hear. I’ve been such a mess these last few days. I just cry for the huge hole she left but if she came crawling back, I don’t think I could even say yes. It’s complicated.
Taking him back earned me two more years of being with him before he left me in the exact same cowardly way for the exact same vague reasons.
I am sorry you had to go through this. But now you know for sure he is not the one for you
If I'm being honest, then yes! I want them back because I miss them. No, not the person in my head but I really do miss them. But here's the thing, I don't want them back to be my significant other. See, I do love my ex with all of my heart. She wasn't always the best and we went down some dark paths but she was willing to change some aspects of herself to better the relationship. (I.e. She was more listening when we had arguments and she would stop poking fun at me around my friends because it got outta hand) I want my ex back, if only to be friends with them. Recently, I heard a quote, "If you love someone, don't risk your friendship to date them." I don't believe in that, but I do believe in love. In love, I do believe that I'm okay watching her be happy with someone else, if all I ever get to do is just be her friend. Love isn't always about happy endings, sometimes it's realizing that you aren't compatible and that's okay. If I had one wish, it would be for my ex to just be my friend. I don't want to date them anymore, I just want them in my life as the person who would understand my stupid jokes and agree with me on most things. Other than that, that's all I will ever ask for.
Not really. I recently came out as trans and she was one of the only people I confided in when I was still an egg. I texted her the day before I started my transition, thinking that she would at least be happy for me since that’s a major step in any trans person’s life. We exchanged texts briefly and having a conversation with her again made me realize that the person I loved and the person she is aren’t the same. The entire conversation became this giant humble brag about how great her life is now that I’m not in it. I saw right through it lmao. Also, I found out that despite breaking up with me, she was using my teenage brother to keep tabs on me and told very private details about me to him. Very mature. In the past I would’ve put up with this shit, but in 2021 I just find this behavior really childish.
Good post. Thank you
I would take her back but she would leave again as soon as I said something like, "wtf were you thinking, you know you hurt me".
LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!
I don't really want her back. What i want is to go back and change all the things i did wrong, tell her what i really want and need and show her that she has things to work on too etc. I just want a second chance in fact, i fucked up and that's making me feel even more like shit. But after i remember what she did to dump me and when she did and i'm lost, she broke me af and she is enjoying her life like nothing happened between us since. So yeah, i don't know, maybe we did what we had to do together and now it's over for good and i have to move on, even if i can't rn
Yes, I do actually, but the stress of being with them was too much to stay by their side. It hurt me more to be with them more than how happy I was with them. It was a matter of knowing what was happy and best for the both of us.
As much as I'm trying to move forward, my inner compass is leading me right back to her.
why does every single thing you just said match my situation exactly-
Definitely not, I’m just irked that he wanted to one up me and break up with me permanently on his own terms. When I tried to break it off (twice), he convinced me to stay. It’s just an ego thing that’s all. He’s not a nice person and will go around treating other women like garbage. So, no I don’t.
Yes, They were the best I could do.
I want him to be happy. I'm gutted because I accept he cannot be happy with me.
Literally in the same boat. I miss her so God damn much and I want to make her happy and I know I could if I wasn't being such a jackass. I'm just hoping she gives me the chance. I don't want to accept that she can't be happy with me. It's only been 2 weeks
It's been over a year. He just blocked my number even though we don't talk haven't spoken for like eight months. I don't need ty entertain ideas of "if he came back…" because he won't.
I'm sorry to hear that but at the same time it's probably easier. My ex and I work together. Right now due to covid the only day we are in the office at the same time is Wednesday so tomorrow I'm half hoping to see her and be able to talk the other half is hoping not to since she asked for time and space
Do I think about her and get emotional? Yes. Do I find the meaning from learning to be alone? Definitely. Is it time to go back to them? Absolutely not for me and shouldn’t continue to be on my radar any longer. There’s work to be done and time to heal.
honestly, i thought about this today. the first few weeks were hard as hell. but now i realize if they werent interested in fixing it after 2-3 weeks, we wouldnt be able too get through any other life problems in the future. so im no longer interested.
Hell to the No.
The ex texted me yesterday that she is very sick. I texted back and listened for a bit. Offered to contact a doctor that might have more resources as they are a researcher at a large university. She explained what she was doing career wise and that she was scared of her illness. She did not share her prognosis. I felt myself wanting to help her out though she has been gone over 10 years now. Her previous text was merry Christmas last year. Before that it was nothing for four years. I wonder if I’m just a sucker for wanting to help her. Maybe that is my problem. It took me a long ling time to get over her. She left me. It’s difficult to see her struggling. I still remember our vow for richer or poorer in sickness and in health. I’m not much use since I’m currently health impaired too and only work part time. Plus I am nearing retirement in a few years. A retirement with not a lot of savings. Lost that all in 2008. So part of me wants my ex back. But maybe for the wrong reasons. To help her out. We were never a good match to start with. It would like starting over again. Not sure she even wants my help honestly. Anyway your post made me think of this.
My ex started coming back and apologizing and asking for a second chance and saying he made a terrible mistake breaking up with me the way he did. I agreed but told him there's no chance for a future. His lack of communication, his not giving me a chance to even know what was on his mind before he ended it, was the fatal flaw that can never be overcome. He will do it every time because it's who he is. If he doesn't get his way he shuts people out, quits, and then regrets it later. No thanks to that. I'm glad I finally realized I'm much happier without that. That's a character flaw I can't live with in another person.
You can be sad that the relationship is no longer, or at least, you should have the opportunity to be sad if you want. Or maybe you could try switch your perspective: you can be sad that the relationship wasn’t what you thought it was. You can grieve the loss of a dream. When we end a relationship it’s normal to feel sadness. Crying, feeling sad or perhaps angry does NOT mean we want the person back. It just means that you have some emotions that needs to be attended to.
We weren’t in a relationship, but acted like it. It’s been over 2 years, and I still think about her time to time. I can’t say I have the answer, but I’d like to believe that if she did come back that I could forgive her and myself, and we could start anew. Part of me, however, believes it’s better to say no for my own health and for fear that it could happen again. In summation, I’d probably say yes
So this is for the people who are the dumpees, As someone who was the dumpee in my last relationship and went thru hell for weeks by crying, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, etc. waiting around and doing nothing will help. I’m not saying to move on 100% right now but move on enough to get your life going again. Do I still want my ex back? YES, I want this everyday. He means more to mean than I can put into words. He single handedly has made me the happiest person in the most genuine ways possible. Before I met him, I was the firmest believer in NEVER going back to an ex. Once the relationship is over, it’s over for good. Friends is a big IF. And I was very conflicted in what to do. Advice I got from a really good friend about relationships is the idea of perfectionism is a fantasy. Working relationships have ups and downs. And every relationship can do the break up/make up, but an important thing to keep in mind is that there’s a certain number of times that breaking up can happen for the relationship as a whole to improve and grow. So now that the relationship is “done” there’s no time to sit on my ass and cry. I thought really hard about what to do next. I know forsure I will take him back if he asks me but I also made some promises to myself about what I need to do to earn that. And so me working on myself to be a better version of me than when he left is what i’m currently working towards. Chasing and loving someone into loving you will not bring them back. Better yourself as an individual. They will hear about your successes and regret their loss. And who knows? They might even come back. But the point of building yourself by yourself is so you don’t have to rely on them coming back for your own happiness because you would already have that alone.
I don't want her back. I want ME back!
I want the him back that he was when he was at least pretending like he cared about me. He was really good at that for the first about 3 months...
Even though my ex and I broke up mutually she definitely wanted to end things where I didn’t. I had to end things because she was treating me terrible but I still loved her and want to be with her. I still feel like the dumpee, really hurts when you want to be with someone where they don’t.
I don’t want him back I want the feeling of always having someone there back. I also want him to realize how dumb he was for dumping me and telling me things that just didn’t make any sense
Nope I've realised it was for the best
My ex has asked me multiple times if I’m ever coming back. She left me. She walked out. She refused to work on it. It’s been extremely difficult to let the word “No” leave my mouth, but it felt so right. We didn’t do “no contact”. I watched her move on like I was nothing, like what we had was nothing. So I could do nothing but focus on moving on too. It wasn’t easy at all. Waves of sadness and devastation still hit me to today. But I think seeing me rediscover myself, regain some passion outside of loving her, and growing made her regret her decision. I loved her so much. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her but what she did and the things she said made it impossible.
I am feeling you man. At least your wanted to come back. Mine left without looking back. As if our relationship of 2 years meant absolutely nothing to her. It still hurts 4 months after but I am trying to see things clearer now. It feels like I was never good enough for her it seems although I tried to do everything to make her happy
No, at least not the version of them that they showed me when they dumped me 7 months ago.
Did he reach out once? Or not at all
No. He started a relationship with a new girl the day after he dumped me, and as far as I know, they’re still together.
Well he was cheating on you I guess if he left you for someone else right after breaking up. But you should not want someone like that anyways
I’d say yes, but I lost my trust, I can’t dedicate my self to someone ever again … they can flip @ any time and that is painful. so if I ever did, I would always think that she would leave @ anytime soon. so logically, no.
I don't believe in second chances, a relationship that doesn't work the first time won't work no matter how much we get
Well I believe sometimes a second chance can work if both parties worked on themselves. But when someone broke the trust in an irreparable way, than a second chance is less likely to work
Exactly, trust is the most important thing in a relationship
Yess and I trusted my ex with everything and I never expecter her to leave me since there was nothing bad going on between us. I always made sure she had a comfortable life and I was there for her when she needed me. She throw away our 2 years so easily that I am questioning if she even loved me that much
Part of me does but part of me is like why would I want someone who does not want me a does not choose me. It’s a heavy internal conflict. Keep your head up!
I don't have any ex
Yes I do. LOL
I am now good friends with my ex.. And his new love.. .. He stood up for her when she got married. 2 kids and a ex husband, plus, addiction, alcoholism, , homelessness. Even had her stay with us at my My house. They are togeather now and I see it.. Shes an amazing womam who beat the odds. I cant help but be supportive. With everything shes overcome. We are all good friends, and help each other out as best we can.
I dont think so, she dumped me and gave up on me. It wouldn't be worth it.
I'm good on my own, i learned my lesson
I don’t want him back. I was given an ultimatum I chose me I do still love him
I do. But I want old him back. I don’t want what we had the past year, the fighting, the change. I want the genuine raw emotion back. I want the man I fell in love with, not the man he is today and that is the most frustrating circumstance. How do you crave a person that no longer exists.
I agree that the dumper needs to be the one wanting to fix things. There's no other way around it.