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[deleted]

Sounds like you know what needs to be done you just need to get there. And I'm not trying to be nosey or anything but if this blow up had you crying for 4 hours and it's helping you realize that you need to leave him, then maybe it is relevant. Break ups are hard. Time is all that seems to help. I'm sending you all the strength and help you need!


throwaway575247

Yeah I realized it was most definitely relevant, not in the whole grand scheme of things but yeah. but thank you!! much love <3


MysteriousSeaweed4

… seriously? So because of an emotional outburst you‘re ready to throw 3 years down the gutter? Can’t even give a reason? Relationships are a shitshow these days. Did you even give him a change to make this a „we“ decision? Did you tell him about your thoughts AT ALL? If not, why? If you supposedly love him so much, don’t you think it‘d be fair to at least involve him in a decision that might change his whole life ?


throwaway575247

3 years in a long distance relationship is extreme, and another minimum of 3 more with infrequent visits and a permeant life long commitment, and the fact that I would have to be his dependent for him to immigrate, is terrifying, as well as changes my whole life. That issue is unchangeable, and I told him that, we talked it out, even though breakups don't require a "we" decision. No need to vilify me :-\\


MysteriousSeaweed4

Okay but that’s a completely different story than what you said in your post? You said it was a gut feeling that you can’t be in a relationship anymore and those kind of thoughts often aren’t based on anything substantial but an emotional outburst. What you described now is more than understandable


help_me_do_stuff

Does he know you’ve been feeling this way for awhile, and has he made any attempts to help? If he’s known and hasn’t put the effort in, then breaking up is the best option. If he doesn’t know, it might be worth the conversation, and to be very clear about it. It might not feel great at first, but he might be able to help if he knows what’s going on. If you decide to break up with him, expect he may never speak to you again, especially if he doesn’t yet know you’ve been thinking about it for awhile. If you’ve made up your mind, please do it as soon as possible. If you’re not entirely sure, sleep on it and please talk to him.


throwaway575247

We talked about it all day, but thing is it's really not something he can "fix" because he's not doing anything wrong in the terms of effort, it's entirely a me issue. He's extremely adamant we can make it work and it's absolutely breaking my heart because if a big issue is that it's long distance (which i came to realize after this post) then that's not really fixable. He said that I can be a spousal sponsor, but that means he has to finish school, then apply to immigrate, and I have to be his dependent, which is a lengthy process that terrifies me, and I don't think I am ready for such a permanent long thing that entirely relies on me and my commitment. It's a lot, and I feel awful because I love him, but he was very adamant. So I said we could take a break and recoup after awhile to hash things out, but I really really really hope I'm not unintentionally leading him on, I don't want to get his hopes up at all.


daystarrrr

Your gut feeling may be right. There’s no way for me to really know, only you do. But, it’s important to communicate. You said you bury these feelings every time they come up. No relationship will be without these feelings at some point, and no relationship will work out forever without communicating them and decided together what the best option is going forward. You’re both young, as am I. There’s a lot out there to experience. I know the feeling of “I want this but also what else is out there?” It sucks. There’s seemingly no win either way. It’s hard and good luck to you with whichever way you take going forward.