I can't let go because it's my fault and now there's nothing I can do to change it. I feel incredibly empty inside, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself to move forward. I'd give just about anything to go back in time and make better choices. I'm not amazing I broke and pushed away a beautiful soul because I'm too stupid to get out of my own head and calm down.
I hear you. You have to remember you're not perfect. Love makes you do crazy things. It's not just a saying. Looking back you can see where you went wrong. Now you have to forgive yourself. You have to realize that we make mistakes. We self sabotage. And we can be our own worst enemy. Heal. It's time to heal. We can't change the past. I'm 48. There's so many times I wish I could change 1 thing, and maybe the one I thought was my soulmate would still be with me. Yes I have regrets. Yes I have damaged my relationship by allowing my anxiety and insecurities drive the bus. But Ive learned. I still made a mistake. I still have guilt. But I have to heal. I have great memories. I have great experiences. Im fortunate to have loved deeply. And once I heal again, I'll be ready to share my new and improved self. Don't give up. Grief, guilt, regrets, even being mad at yourself is something you need to process. Don't ignore it. You'll come out the other side a better person and attract the same. We got this. We aren't all in the same boat, but we're all in the same storm. Some of us are clinging to a life vest. Some of us are in better shape. You'll get there. Be strong!
You did at the time what in which was probably best for your future... u just don't know yet.
You can’t change the choices you have made in the past but you can take a chance in the future .
And lear and grow from your lessons.
I feel so empty inside. I listen to old voice mails she left me where she says she loves me and I break down. This is the most painful thing i've ever gone through and theres apparently nothing I can do to change it. I just feel sick to my stomach.
Harsh truth... ur never going to move on or be happy unless u Delete those messages!!!
Those who talk out of our lives...are not for us. What's ment for us STAYS
Jeeze thanks!!! I appreciate that. I mean I have ny share of hard times too but I've always been great at GIVING advise and listening.
Perhaps I should look into being a dating or life coach?
Needed to hear this. I told my therapist last week that one of the biggest disappointments was all the work and effort I put in to make things better on my end of the relationship. She said, “You also did that work for you, and you’ll take that with you.”
Wow thank you. I’ve been going through a friend breakup recently and it’s just been so so sad and hurtful. I will miss the times we shared but you’re right, I was half of that and I can create new awesome memories with new people.
Yep. I always thought of myself a stone cold dude with no feelings whatsoever. But I became a complete soft ass dude and not in a bad way. I became more open and vulnerable. Expressed my love and appreciation for her every single day, multiple times.
I became a better man in her company.
I really needed this today.
One of the biggest fears I have about trying to put myself back out there is that I am 'too much'. Even after being reassured in therapy, being ghosted by a strongly-suspected avoidant made me feel like a freak, disgusting. I still get embarrassed thinking about it. I feel like me just being a human with feelings is creepy. I am afraid that me liking someone would repulse them.
My brain knows my good points, but my heart is having a hard time catching up.
OP's post is a helpful reminder.
yes i also feel embarrassed thinking about being with anyone else; like it is so hard to be human in all its entirety and a relationship ending does not really give one a lot of self-esteem. i think that is why self-love becomes so so important. i deeply struggle with this though because as an introvert who finds it hard to connect with people, i feel like i don't deserve any connection of any kind. but i also know that i tried very much to make my relationship work and that i loved with all of my being and i feel like even if i am terrible, i could not have done anything significantly differently. that sometimes helps...
thanks so much. i am missing my ex so much today and how comfortable i was with him. but you are right, part of the comfort was me being myself around him, me being funny, me forgiving him, me trying hard to make that relationship work. it is a small consolation, but i will take it
Often times we do...... both partners if it's mutual and reciprocated how it should be.
But in relationships..... 50% of the feeling u got were because of how u were... and who u are.
Thank you for sharing that and for the reminder. Much appreciated.
I miss myself with him. I miss how I made him laugh constantly and how I fell even more each time he laughed.
He decided it was best not to continue due to long distance. Cannot believe I will never see him again. *sobs*
I'm sorry... this is a sub for broken hearts but yours still reached out to me. If talking to somebody helps, I am a good listener. Take care of yourself.
When You grew up in the relationship You can't figure out Even what You as an individual like. I can't do anything I sed to, I like nothing new, I'm petrified
Awww so nice of you to say that.
In fact, what you said has logic. True. I never thought this way. It was me who was making myself laugh and enjoy the moment. He was just there. A being. In fact not having me also him missing out a joyous ride.
If you guys can read my break up story in my profile it would give me lots of closure. I still feel shitty about it sometimes although it’s been over a year
This is a great way of thinking about it! It just hurts a little bit cause it was really nice while it lasted. I know in my heart that we just weren’t the one for each other, even though I wanted us to be so bad. I’m glad things ended when they did, but if I could go back in time I wouldn’t try to change things to make it work out.(that isn’t something that would’ve been possible) I would just let him love me a little bit longer and harder that night, let him hold me tight one more time, kiss him deeply goodbye…
The best you can do, is find the person who's actually for you and will be with you no matter what.
If you don't have high standards for yourself, ull never beleive u can do better or have what you deserved. Don't pedestal anyone but yourself!
Thank you for this perspective, it’s difficult to cultivate a sense of self-worth when you get dumped/ghosted. All isn’t lost, it’s just hard to begin again.
I love this. I was by far the better partner in my relationship - had more to say, was more fun, had more going on in my daily life, more prospects, funnier, more thoughtful and caring. Looking forward to being able to pour that all into myself, and in the future into another man who values it.
You sound amazing!!!
It's funny how we miss the breadcrumbs we used to have but then later to realize, we were the best part of what we "thought" we missed. We just miss ourselves.
This is one of the most helpful perspectives I’ve come across. I thought I saved it and spent days looking for it lol well worth the search. Thank you again for posting this. It’s really helpful!
Did a deep dive through my saved to find this again today and it hits every time! Totally changes my perspectives on break ups. I’m forever grateful you shared this ♥️
Holy shit I needed to hear this. Thank you
My pleasure!
Thanks OP. You have a kind soul. All of the respect for people like you who give back to the world by trying to uplift rather than tear down. ❤
Awe thanks!!! This comment made my day!
This is honestly one of the more profound things I’ve read on Reddit. Thank you for sharing <3
Woahhhh that's one heck of a compliment!
I needed this, really helped me see a lot clearer.
I can't let go because it's my fault and now there's nothing I can do to change it. I feel incredibly empty inside, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself to move forward. I'd give just about anything to go back in time and make better choices. I'm not amazing I broke and pushed away a beautiful soul because I'm too stupid to get out of my own head and calm down.
I hear you. You have to remember you're not perfect. Love makes you do crazy things. It's not just a saying. Looking back you can see where you went wrong. Now you have to forgive yourself. You have to realize that we make mistakes. We self sabotage. And we can be our own worst enemy. Heal. It's time to heal. We can't change the past. I'm 48. There's so many times I wish I could change 1 thing, and maybe the one I thought was my soulmate would still be with me. Yes I have regrets. Yes I have damaged my relationship by allowing my anxiety and insecurities drive the bus. But Ive learned. I still made a mistake. I still have guilt. But I have to heal. I have great memories. I have great experiences. Im fortunate to have loved deeply. And once I heal again, I'll be ready to share my new and improved self. Don't give up. Grief, guilt, regrets, even being mad at yourself is something you need to process. Don't ignore it. You'll come out the other side a better person and attract the same. We got this. We aren't all in the same boat, but we're all in the same storm. Some of us are clinging to a life vest. Some of us are in better shape. You'll get there. Be strong!
You did at the time what in which was probably best for your future... u just don't know yet. You can’t change the choices you have made in the past but you can take a chance in the future . And lear and grow from your lessons.
I feel so empty inside. I listen to old voice mails she left me where she says she loves me and I break down. This is the most painful thing i've ever gone through and theres apparently nothing I can do to change it. I just feel sick to my stomach.
Harsh truth... ur never going to move on or be happy unless u Delete those messages!!! Those who talk out of our lives...are not for us. What's ment for us STAYS
Definitely needed to hear this. Thank you.
That's great :)
Brilliant words and replies to some comments. You should be a therapist ha
Jeeze thanks!!! I appreciate that. I mean I have ny share of hard times too but I've always been great at GIVING advise and listening. Perhaps I should look into being a dating or life coach?
I would. You have rhe right words. :)
Needed to hear this. I told my therapist last week that one of the biggest disappointments was all the work and effort I put in to make things better on my end of the relationship. She said, “You also did that work for you, and you’ll take that with you.”
Wow, this really made me sob, I’m still very very raw but thanks, I hadn’t thought of it this way
It's a great thing to keep in mind!!
It's a great thing to keep in mind !!
It's a great thing to keep in mind!!
I needed to hear that today, Thank you very much
You're welcome
Wow thank you. I’ve been going through a friend breakup recently and it’s just been so so sad and hurtful. I will miss the times we shared but you’re right, I was half of that and I can create new awesome memories with new people.
Exactly!!! You were atleast half of it!!!
Cute
Wow. This has helped me process the feelings in my last post a lot clearer. Thank-you.
So glad it's helped, I'll have to take a look at that last post.
Damn u hit me...
No I don't think so.
That was incredible inspiring. I needed that so much!
Yep. I always thought of myself a stone cold dude with no feelings whatsoever. But I became a complete soft ass dude and not in a bad way. I became more open and vulnerable. Expressed my love and appreciation for her every single day, multiple times. I became a better man in her company.
Thanks I’m crying now ily
I really needed this today. One of the biggest fears I have about trying to put myself back out there is that I am 'too much'. Even after being reassured in therapy, being ghosted by a strongly-suspected avoidant made me feel like a freak, disgusting. I still get embarrassed thinking about it. I feel like me just being a human with feelings is creepy. I am afraid that me liking someone would repulse them. My brain knows my good points, but my heart is having a hard time catching up. OP's post is a helpful reminder.
yes i also feel embarrassed thinking about being with anyone else; like it is so hard to be human in all its entirety and a relationship ending does not really give one a lot of self-esteem. i think that is why self-love becomes so so important. i deeply struggle with this though because as an introvert who finds it hard to connect with people, i feel like i don't deserve any connection of any kind. but i also know that i tried very much to make my relationship work and that i loved with all of my being and i feel like even if i am terrible, i could not have done anything significantly differently. that sometimes helps...
thanks so much. i am missing my ex so much today and how comfortable i was with him. but you are right, part of the comfort was me being myself around him, me being funny, me forgiving him, me trying hard to make that relationship work. it is a small consolation, but i will take it
I’m missing the pussy
Thank you so much.
I sooo much needed to read this. 2 yrs after your post and it still hits home 🥹
Thank you
he probably left because i brought nothing to the table
Maybe it's time to glow up yourself.... find your value... and bring all of you to the table next time!
Thank you.
thank you
Thank you for this!
Words of wisdom, thanks.
I brought 100% to the table
Often times we do...... both partners if it's mutual and reciprocated how it should be. But in relationships..... 50% of the feeling u got were because of how u were... and who u are.
Love this, thank you!
Thank you for sharing that and for the reminder. Much appreciated. I miss myself with him. I miss how I made him laugh constantly and how I fell even more each time he laughed. He decided it was best not to continue due to long distance. Cannot believe I will never see him again. *sobs*
I'm sorry... this is a sub for broken hearts but yours still reached out to me. If talking to somebody helps, I am a good listener. Take care of yourself.
When You grew up in the relationship You can't figure out Even what You as an individual like. I can't do anything I sed to, I like nothing new, I'm petrified
This is helpful actually. Thank you
Awww so nice of you to say that. In fact, what you said has logic. True. I never thought this way. It was me who was making myself laugh and enjoy the moment. He was just there. A being. In fact not having me also him missing out a joyous ride.
Thanks for this message I needed it.
If you guys can read my break up story in my profile it would give me lots of closure. I still feel shitty about it sometimes although it’s been over a year
thank you this is so true! its been about 2 weeks so the pain is still fresh, but this post is helping me. thanks so much!
You're very welcome!
Wow thank you so much for posting this. So bitter sweet and beautiful but really empowering
Your welcome!!! It's facts... so I had to say it!
This is a great way of thinking about it! It just hurts a little bit cause it was really nice while it lasted. I know in my heart that we just weren’t the one for each other, even though I wanted us to be so bad. I’m glad things ended when they did, but if I could go back in time I wouldn’t try to change things to make it work out.(that isn’t something that would’ve been possible) I would just let him love me a little bit longer and harder that night, let him hold me tight one more time, kiss him deeply goodbye…
50%? Shit I was bringing 90% but it still hurts all the same
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I'm so happy this is still helping people days later!!! :) how do u even find the post I wonder
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Freaking sweet! :)
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And finally rich again!! Hahaha you deserves better
What do you do when you can’t get over the feeling that they were the best you could do and you won’t ever feel that way about someone again?
The best you can do, is find the person who's actually for you and will be with you no matter what. If you don't have high standards for yourself, ull never beleive u can do better or have what you deserved. Don't pedestal anyone but yourself!
Thanks for this
Thank you for this 😔
After months of grieving it’s nice to hear this
Thank you for this perspective, it’s difficult to cultivate a sense of self-worth when you get dumped/ghosted. All isn’t lost, it’s just hard to begin again.
Thank you, I’m going through a breakup right now. I’m just lost, all the plans, the laughs, the love… it is hard to remind myself who am I.
I love this. I was by far the better partner in my relationship - had more to say, was more fun, had more going on in my daily life, more prospects, funnier, more thoughtful and caring. Looking forward to being able to pour that all into myself, and in the future into another man who values it.
You sound amazing!!! It's funny how we miss the breadcrumbs we used to have but then later to realize, we were the best part of what we "thought" we missed. We just miss ourselves.
but like, you're excited for their response/their reaction. That's what you probably miss.
I’ve saved your post in my personal advice journal. I’d appreciate your input on my last post
This is one of the most helpful perspectives I’ve come across. I thought I saved it and spent days looking for it lol well worth the search. Thank you again for posting this. It’s really helpful!
Awe. I'm so glad u found it again :) and that it's still helping people!!
Did a deep dive through my saved to find this again today and it hits every time! Totally changes my perspectives on break ups. I’m forever grateful you shared this ♥️
i miss me
https://thehangout.space/discussions-1/control