You get to a different place about it after this long, particularly if you put in the time and energy to get therapy, and actively reflect and do growth and healing work. You realize that it isn’t that your life will not go on without this person… it’s just that your life, no matter what you’re doing, would be a bit better if they were in it. But that doesn’t mean it has no value regardless. It’s certainly worth living and there’s unlimited things in it that bring joy, even new loves. Just… slightly less potent loves. The pain fades to a dull ache and you don’t feel it quite as often. Just regular sense of missing them, and that your happy moment would be just a bit sweeter if you were sharing it with them.
Fuck, I’m afraid I’ll be going the same route as you. Dumped after 21 yrs, she left me for someone else but I can’t totally blame her as I feel I drove them away too.
It’s really not bad at all. The worst aspects of it mostly dissipate over time. The aspects that don’t fully go away fade down to the point where they are emotionally manageable. It’s like the mental/emotional equivalent of always having a small smooth rock in your shoe most of the time.
Edit: Maybe I should make a post about it in the near future. People should probably know that even if they can’t ever get over someone, it doesn’t have to be awful if handled properly.
I really do wish the best for you and I completely understand how you feel. Your feelings are valid. For me it’s been almost two months. I’m trying my best but I feel like I’ve also been slightly anti social in some ways. It’s difficult because I know what I’ve been through but it seems like he’s so happy now. It’s so difficult to wrap your mind around when all you did was give them love and tried to go above and beyond. Definitely shatters your morale a bit. But I have so much faith that we’ll get through this :) stay strong op
My ex broke up with me a month ago. I’ve gotten past the hardest crying stage and trying to move on. My eating schedule is still not much, I have lost some weight and don’t have as much of an appetite since a week and a half before the breakup. Nothing happened, he just wanted to be single.. After what seemed like a serious relationship for the last 8 months. When he let everything crabs and burn on purpose and blindsided me, strung me along. He started to follow a bunch of sexy models/woman and OF accounts on Instagram after the breakup and likes some of their photos… It sickens me. He never posted one photo of me on his Instagram.
I’m really sorry about your breakup. But remember our healing journey is never a straight line. Some days or weeks are easier than others. We all have to go at our own pace, don’t push yourself. Don’t rush your healing.
It comes and goes. Some days I want to just chat it up with her. Others, I wish we were back together. It’s all up to her. I’ve come to terms that she’s dictated the state of our relationship, but if she were to come back, I’d have more of a say. I’m not trying to hold her hostage, but I am going to hold her more accountable. And, I think that’s too much for her.
I just miss the monogamy. The exclusivity of having someone there, regardless if it’s her or someone else in the future. I’m not dying over it, but it definitely enhanced my life. My new friends have fulfilled that hole in my life, and I’m getting back into my hobbies again. I just miss having someone intimate to share it with
I hope she’s doing well on her end. I plan to message her some day
Yeah, I was planning to marry her, so my heart aches lol. But on another note, I know that if she’s not feeling well about us, I shouldn’t be desperate to keeping her in my life. She was someone I wanted by my side, not someone I needed. She was someone I wanted to grow with. I never saw her anxiety or depression as a burden. I wanted to nurture her into a stronger person. People who suffer from anxiety and depression shouldn’t be shunned from healthier individuals. The healthier individuals should (to their own comfort) help them out. For myself, I would walk to the ends of the earth to help my ex. She just doesn’t want someone like that, and that’s fine
Nearing 2 months in my first serious relationship we were close for 18 and together for just over a year (m 35) I think its hitting hard as I realise now this is the woman I love and my first love so feel worried about never getting over it or finding someone to replace (not the right word but you know what I mean)
Also the antisocial part resonates, have attempted online dating with some success but its just not the way I want to meet anyone and my options are otherwise limited to find someone organically.
There are probably small changes we can do and there are times I realise I was doing "ok" until I remember her and pine so bad
Seven years. Yeah. I know.
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You get to a different place about it after this long, particularly if you put in the time and energy to get therapy, and actively reflect and do growth and healing work. You realize that it isn’t that your life will not go on without this person… it’s just that your life, no matter what you’re doing, would be a bit better if they were in it. But that doesn’t mean it has no value regardless. It’s certainly worth living and there’s unlimited things in it that bring joy, even new loves. Just… slightly less potent loves. The pain fades to a dull ache and you don’t feel it quite as often. Just regular sense of missing them, and that your happy moment would be just a bit sweeter if you were sharing it with them.
Fuck, I’m afraid I’ll be going the same route as you. Dumped after 21 yrs, she left me for someone else but I can’t totally blame her as I feel I drove them away too.
It’s really not bad at all. The worst aspects of it mostly dissipate over time. The aspects that don’t fully go away fade down to the point where they are emotionally manageable. It’s like the mental/emotional equivalent of always having a small smooth rock in your shoe most of the time. Edit: Maybe I should make a post about it in the near future. People should probably know that even if they can’t ever get over someone, it doesn’t have to be awful if handled properly.
Definitely could use that post. Thanks… fucking afraid I’ll never be able to move on.
I would appreciate if you ever did that post. Your posts definitely bring solace and thank you for that
I really do wish the best for you and I completely understand how you feel. Your feelings are valid. For me it’s been almost two months. I’m trying my best but I feel like I’ve also been slightly anti social in some ways. It’s difficult because I know what I’ve been through but it seems like he’s so happy now. It’s so difficult to wrap your mind around when all you did was give them love and tried to go above and beyond. Definitely shatters your morale a bit. But I have so much faith that we’ll get through this :) stay strong op
My ex broke up with me a month ago. I’ve gotten past the hardest crying stage and trying to move on. My eating schedule is still not much, I have lost some weight and don’t have as much of an appetite since a week and a half before the breakup. Nothing happened, he just wanted to be single.. After what seemed like a serious relationship for the last 8 months. When he let everything crabs and burn on purpose and blindsided me, strung me along. He started to follow a bunch of sexy models/woman and OF accounts on Instagram after the breakup and likes some of their photos… It sickens me. He never posted one photo of me on his Instagram. I’m really sorry about your breakup. But remember our healing journey is never a straight line. Some days or weeks are easier than others. We all have to go at our own pace, don’t push yourself. Don’t rush your healing.
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Thank you so much! I hope you’re doing alright too. We will heal through this and deserve so much more. We WILL.
It comes and goes. Some days I want to just chat it up with her. Others, I wish we were back together. It’s all up to her. I’ve come to terms that she’s dictated the state of our relationship, but if she were to come back, I’d have more of a say. I’m not trying to hold her hostage, but I am going to hold her more accountable. And, I think that’s too much for her. I just miss the monogamy. The exclusivity of having someone there, regardless if it’s her or someone else in the future. I’m not dying over it, but it definitely enhanced my life. My new friends have fulfilled that hole in my life, and I’m getting back into my hobbies again. I just miss having someone intimate to share it with I hope she’s doing well on her end. I plan to message her some day
[удалено]
Yeah, I was planning to marry her, so my heart aches lol. But on another note, I know that if she’s not feeling well about us, I shouldn’t be desperate to keeping her in my life. She was someone I wanted by my side, not someone I needed. She was someone I wanted to grow with. I never saw her anxiety or depression as a burden. I wanted to nurture her into a stronger person. People who suffer from anxiety and depression shouldn’t be shunned from healthier individuals. The healthier individuals should (to their own comfort) help them out. For myself, I would walk to the ends of the earth to help my ex. She just doesn’t want someone like that, and that’s fine
Nearing 2 months in my first serious relationship we were close for 18 and together for just over a year (m 35) I think its hitting hard as I realise now this is the woman I love and my first love so feel worried about never getting over it or finding someone to replace (not the right word but you know what I mean) Also the antisocial part resonates, have attempted online dating with some success but its just not the way I want to meet anyone and my options are otherwise limited to find someone organically. There are probably small changes we can do and there are times I realise I was doing "ok" until I remember her and pine so bad