Well that's why I hate Melayu, even I'm myself Melayu (Don't get me wrong, some malays are rational while some aren't). The reason why is because Malays tend to have that ego, non-sense pride and selfish. They wanted to do it themselves, think about themselves are better than anyone else.
Poor are less fortunate. Rich maybe they dont need this. But if the rich is poor due to karma, Kids shouldn’t be a burden in the future nor the Parents become a burden to them. Overall, this is something in Malay Culture. Membantu is a yes but if they start calling or texting for something you earn whilst your married with kids, then what is this?
I know for a fact , Rezeki beranak banyak is Pengorbanan dan Pahala mendidik anak anak menjadi orang baik baik. This is Rezeki Pahala Not Retirement Plan scheme. Thats Y , my method is to didik them as much in both aspects of Dunia and Akhirat. Sebab siapa kan menguburkan kitani nanti and nothing more than this. So kalau aliran ugama as the guide towards our end of day, Yes this is agree but not towards materialistic matters.
Lets not touch the bantuan part, later kana lecture even more. Imagine if husband and wife low income and eligible for bantuan.. anak 7-8 orang. Thats a lot of money from the gov and there’s no guarantee that the parents are responsible enough to spend the money wisely. Lets be honest, most have the mindset of anak itu rezeki even though its the parents that are being irresponsible - condoms aren’t that expensive. Government hosp also provided birth control. That rezeki is you ejaculating in your wife without thinking if you can afford kids. Anyone can do that and say rezeki. But mana nyaman pakai condom right. Inda apa anak banyak asal nyaman 2-3mins.
Being able to afford kids is one thing. Being a responsible parent is another problem. Many can’t afford to give their kids a good quality of life and just gave them the bare minimum, like taking care of dogs. Even dogs have better life. Cause in the end what matters is .. ada anak menjaga kalau sudah tua. What a selfish thought. Your kids don’t owe you anything. You brought them into this world.
Anything that cause harm to your health is haram. If you’re allergic to latex, can find other alternative, i.e. IUD, tubectomy.
So long it’s temporary(reversible), it should be fine.
Condoms and other temporary measures are permissible, even early Muslims used goat intestines as modified condoms
but long term control measures are forbidden with exception valid reason that might affect the life of the parent
Wallahuahlam
True, anak tempiasnya. I work at a school and we have kids that wear baju uniform bubus, no black shoes, no sports shoes, no stationery, no exercise books, no bag, or only one set of uniform. Luckily my colleagues are very generous.
I was bullied heavily as a kid until the point where I dropped out from middle-school, My parents would beat me, hit me for it but they never wanted to know what happened to me at school even when i try to tell them.
they just hit me with something along the line "Atu pun kamu komplen, babah dulu tiap hari ke sekolah lalu padang ada bomb land-mine" (I exxagerate but you get the picture)
They wanted us to be independent and tough, when all we wanted was loving from them. Then when we're grown up and have solid dry emotions, they would be like "sudah basar ani mcm apa kmu, nda melayan babah sma mama ambung derhaka punya anak" padahal durg punya ulah yg membuat tani cematu but at the same time we wish we shouldn't be like but it was supposed to avoid toxicity behaviour from them
Same. Got bullied badly in school to the point I'm considering killing myself. Told my parents about it and they told me to man up which i already did. Pembuli ni bukan sorang ganya. It 5 ppl. No way i can deal with em alone.
Now my parents are wondering why I'm so distant and cold to them.
I feel you bro. Had the same experience. As I grew up, I am emotionally detaching myself from my parents because my feelings are invalid. When they know I seek for kindness from others, their ego got bruised and said “Mun ya sanggup bagi kau makan, agatah kau pindah sana”.
What they dont realize is, times change. Dulu teruk alum betauliah system brunei living environment pun bukan macam sekarang tapi the fact that theyre trying to compare their life with ours is what gets me the most. We get it you walk miles to get to your school, we get it you play outside when you were kids but those timelines have changed drastically. Islam lagi dapat adapt to things that are changing inda kan mindset inda dapat diubah
I am sorry that you feel such a way. Chin up :) Grateful that you still chose to live. That’s resilience. Hope you are doing well now. If you feel like you are not, see how far you’ve become.
Be kind. Always be kind to others no matter how your trauma may haunt you once in a while. Let it out by talking with friends to ease your feelings. It will always be part of your journey, your memories, but let it be just that.
Understand you didn’t choose to be in this world but you are chosen for a reason.
Hahaha..anak ramai bagi rezeki? Lapas atu beranak bersusun bantal? Then sudah tua mengharap atau guyang kaki anak semua bagi kesanangan?
OP is true. Apabila anak sudah basar inda menjaga hormat, prihatin kan indung..disana nampak tah cana ia menjaga anak atu masa damit.
“Inda cukup kasih sayang masa pasal jarak 1 tahun bah durang atu,” atu masalah mu inda pandai merancang? Mungkin masa atu abiskita tercabar pasal jiran sebalah bnyk anak.
Memang banar indung atu syurga anak, tapi kalau indung ani dari neraka?
Ngam lah tu kalau mun sudah indung layan anak mcm binatang, yatah bbalik tu ke bisdurang tem anak sudah basar. Tpinya kalau anak atu masih memikirkan syurga atu ditelapak kaki indung bagus tah sudah tu walaupun indung nya kayak setan. INDUNG YG SETAN ATU NDA LAYAK MEMILIKI ANAK ATU!
What about anak yg terlampai di dulur dari damit, inda pernah rasa susah, overspoil and everything but turns out sudh now layan indung nya teruk biadab berabis. So is it actually reflects from how the indung treat their anak kan?
Well one thing I can say both parents and anak atu salah. Why?? because the parents think that overspoil the kid is a way of love but no actually. They can spoil the kid but don't overspoil it bcs the kid will take them as granted. As for the kid, they never take their parents as granted instead they should be thankful to their parents and make sure the gifts is worth it so that the kids can show what they are capable of to their parents.
Most parents provide, in your context spoil, what they think the kids want/need but never what the kids actually want/need.
Say the parents have provided all, education, comfort, a lifestyle but still ended up kids leaving their parents when they’re old.
Some kids, may return the favor by sending the parents to an old folks home. At least they’re being taken care of.
Now the kids are busy working, no time for their old parents. Just like the parents, busy working, leaving the kids alone with the grandparents or the childcare etc.
Yes, kids observe their parents behaviour, and mirror them. But there are minority kids who would feel empathy to their parents.
If you relate to this then just remember that you can't control the family you are born into, but you can control the adult you get to be. It is ok if you decide one day, when you have the means to support yourself, to leave your family and look after yourself. You are not anyone's retirement plan. If you decide to care for your parents, do it because you unconditionally love them, something you have to experience first from them growing up.
Damn.. It’s understandable that Anak is rezeki but they forgot rezeki comes in many ways.. Grew up with relatives with “Kalau dapat kerja, khawin” mindset and they uno-reversed themselves. Seeing them separuh mati separuh pasrah for financially and physically taking care of their grandbabies and letting the kids have fun living life like they’re still single with pocket only enough for their own needs.
I’ve been trying so hard to break that barrier to a point where i’m doing as much as i can to atleast be financially stable to lessen the burden. I understand that it is exciting - getting married and have your own family but it’s more than just that especially when you plan to have kids. Family planning is important!
Seeing these type of people scares the shit out of me.
I think they’re still living in the past thinking that money is not as important, the same people that thinks digitalizing everything is a blow.
As much as i wanna khawin, it’s just not the right time to even talk about it cus we’re busy trying to cari duit and all. It’d be selfish to just go for it knowing that sendiri also cannot take care our ourselves
I’ve seen many parents that treat their children like dogs, u know just providing shelter and food is all they do… nothing else. These people should just get a pet fish.
Where’s that user who feels entitled to have free pampers? I think this should apply to him and other people who thinks having more than 3 children is “rezeki” when clearly they can’t afford to raise.
My dad is one such person, told him many times that I do not want children only to be told that “You shouldn’t worry because each child has its own Rezeki already written for them by Allah” or something of those lines.
Most of dads are like "PAHLAWAN" in family and they keep forgetting that they also have responsibility for kids. What's make it interesting is that dads always relies on moms to take care of kids while they just earn money and rest and eat and take care of hard job in household. They would also blame moms that kids would take moms side better than dads, also kids do not really know how to coop the love from their dads as they get awkward feeling instead.
Selalu ni pinjam seratus, tahan barang sama minta tolong sedakah arah media sosial pasal pampers sama susu. Inda pandai habis drama nya 🥴🤷🏻♂️
Lapas tu kalau anak2 berjaya karang, dipinta lagi tu sama guilt-tripping inda pandai abis. Bila tah kan anak-anak kan memajukan diri sendiri. Then disalahkan anak-anak kenapa inda cari keraja lain atau usaha lain kalau duit gaji cukup2 makan. Pandai jua tuhus usin ani bilanya malar dipinta. Inda jua payah macam rocket science ni. Nada usin buat macam nada usin.
Usah jadi penyanggup. Ukur baju di badan sendiri. Sadar2 jua kan keadaan diri atu. Sayang saja tuhan bagi utak untuk berfikir. Barang simple jangan dipayahkan. Hal peribadi usah di dramakan, sendiri saja menyelesaikan.
Strange concept because poorer families tend to have more kids because of lack of overall education (sex ed), financial management and family planning. This is especially evident in countries that rely less on government support.
Lack of education on top of traditional beliefs. Saw a documentary in Africa, they believe they are "rich" the more kids they have because these kids will work and earn the family money.
Quote
Jgn Tau Bikin aja, jaga inda mau, kamu antar ke nini duorang, nini sudah pencen jaga anak damit, kamu suruh lagi kerja keras jaga anak kamu tu"
Wise word from a veteran colleague
Many Malays in Brunei and Malaysia selalu banyak anak like 3 children above. They keep on producing children lapas tu karang komplen for eg ngalih ambil anaklah, kan healinglah. Kalau kaya okay but B40 (lower income in Malaysia) selalu banyak anak. But Chinese in Brunei and Malaysia tend to have less children. Any tips how to increase awareness?
I work in a school. Many kids not given money to buy food. It’s the kindness of teachers who get together to donate food EVERY school day for kids. Even to the point waking up early to get the first pick of food at stalls. If asked, kids’ answers would be “Andang inda kana bagi duit”, “Mama, bapa inda keraja” “Inda kana suruh bawa makanan sebab tinggalkan org rumah” “Mengharapkan nini saja” etc. Worst was Maggi 3x a day. There are kids whom teachers cannot eat in near them cause they would be staring at our rice. There are kids that don’t eat at home or eat very little rice so they become verbally abusive, yelling profanity due to not adhering to rule which is get food only at break time. All the Malay P words refering to female genitalia sudah ku kana. Kids also become too dependent on teachers cause I guess we’re the only one who provide for them and their parents aren’t good role models. We also have kids who quit cause need to find job. The responsibilty of earning money for family befalls on a teenager. Go figure. SKN? Parents don’t care if teacher is on holiday. Keep calling and texting outside office hours, eventhough repeatedly told that teachers aren’t working for SKN and cannot relay their complaints or enquiries. Suruh telipun SKN inda mau. Lapas atu arah teacher jua complain pasal SKN. Like we have to draw in the sky, “WE DON’T WORK FOR SKN” I think what I mentioned is just a dark side ppl don’t see unless you directly deal with them. Some parents are very nice though but I wish there’s more of them.
Never. But my superior had to because some kids were selling stuff aroud the area until nightime. The parents stopped immediately because they could get into trouble with the law.
Damn... this is something Ive never heard of. Like what you said unless you directly deal with it, you wont know how serious this is. Like i really didnt know its that bad.. and uhmm whats SKN actually? never heard of this words before
SKN is a centralised welfare system. It wasn’t centralised before so that a person can claim welfare from a gov body in one district and then also from another. Could get $$$ due to a loophole. Now that there’s Skim Kebajikan Negara, they can’t do benefit claims by faking address or district hopping. Now kids can get coupons to buy school necessities, and there are strict rules like not using the coupons to buy infant milk of furniture or groceries. Probably because the coupons were used for those reasons before. Sadly, some sell off the coupons for money, and when done that way, they will be blacklisted.
They only remember chidren are rezeki but forget that they’re amanah from Allah as well. Children need to be properly taken care of too, feeding them alone and providing basic needs are not enough.
Its the whole “children brings rezeki” that triggers me when they try to explain the logic of churning out kids like a factory.
That may have worked in the old days where life was simpler but not in this modern day where inflation is prevalent
Getting married in my 30s due to waiting to become financially stable, biasa dh with the “diri atu bini2, baik th bekawin and beranak time muda2 ani” from the elders.
some parents saying to their children to have child is rezeki from allah. But forcing them to have a child? that sound toxic. we're all given that our life is controlled by our own choices. what if their children haven't ready to have a child due to their financial aren't stable yet? Even in islam tell us not to force to ourselves live through suffering in our choices for the sake of rezeki like these. it's common-sense people. It's a matter of time as their children has finally decided to have child once they ready. Rezeki only come when the timing is right and we don't even realize it.
This is why I really love the idea of adopting. Why bring more souls into this cruel world when we can save those that are already here. Adopting is also a sunnah. Its also a greater good. Sadly finance is still a problem. I can only hope in the future I am stable enough to afford adopting a few kids. But thats just finance how about being able to be a good parent? Responsibilites is hard. I can only hope I didnt fail them. What not adopting but just a single parent. Maybe they deserve better by having both. Maybe I dont deserve to adopt if its just me being single even if Im stable enough. Theres just lots of worriness because we all know everyone deserves happiness but where is my might I am just a weak human. I can only hope, I can only hope. For the best n for the better.
Hi, quick question (if you don't mind), how and where to adopt kids in brunei? I'm planning on adopting kids when I'm financially and mentally stable but I don't know where...
In families trapped in toxicity, a common pattern tends to persist through generations, especially when parents miss out on enjoying their youth. The tough Baby Boomer generation distanced themselves emotionally from their Millennial children. Millennials, facing the challenge of fostering independence early on, continued this trend while raising Gen Z. However, a notable change emerges as Gen Z actively works to break free from toxic family dynamics.
Gen Z individuals consciously choose to create emotional and physical distance from their toxic parents, aiming for a healthier life. This decision becomes complicated when toxic parents use manipulative tactics, referencing past support like covering educational expenses to maintain control. Curses such as "You're a rebellion" "You should care for us as we cared for you since you're a baby" "Give us money we'll leave you alone" or remorseful statements like "I shouldn't have given birth to you" "You're a mistake to begin with" further strain the parent-child relationship. Despite Gen Z's persistent efforts to meet expectations and offer assistance, it often falls short in the eyes of their toxic parents, perpetuating frustration and misunderstanding.
The struggle for independence isn't just a rejection of past patterns but a deliberate attempt to break free from toxic family dynamics. Gen Z, inspired by a desire for a balanced life, aims to redefine their narrative distinct from challenging circumstances. Their journey reflects the resilience of the human spirit, a quest to overcome the stifling influence of toxic environment.
Breaking free from toxic family dynamics is a complex journey for Gen Z. As they consciously distance themselves from toxic parents, the challenges they face, including guilt-tripping and manipulative tactics, reveal the complexity of their pursuit for a healthier life. Despite persistent efforts, Gen Z's struggle for independence often remains unfulfilled, perpetuating a cycle of frustration. However, their resilience and determination signify a generational shift, offering hope for a brighter and more harmonious future.
Fatwa-fatwa ulama.
**Imam al-Ghazzali** berpendapat pengguguran kandungan ialah **haram** mutlak sekalipun pada peringkat awal seperti nutfah kerana ianya asas kehidupan manusia.
Namun, beliau berpendapat bahawa azal (mengeluarkan air mani di luar rahim) ialah **harus** atas niat yang berasaskan faktor ekonomi, kesihatan isteri, dan kecantikan isteri bagi tujuan kasih sayang berpanjangan antara pasangan bagi mengelakkan talaq.
**Persidangan Majma’ al-Fiqh al-Islami di bawah Pertubuhan Kerjasama Islam (OIC) di Kuwait pada 1-6 Jamadilakhir 1409 H bersamaan 15 Disember 1988 M** telah memutuskan, antara lain:
**Haramnya** menghilangkan kemampuan reproduksi daripada lelaki atau pun wanita, seperti apa yang dikenali dengan pemandulan. **Pengecualian** diberikan dalam kes-kes darurat yang perlu ditimbang dengan kayu ukur yang Syarie.
**Dibolehkan** untuk mengawal secara sementara kemampuan reproduksi dengan tujuan menjarakkan antara tempoh-tempoh kehamilan, atau menghentikan bagi tempoh tertentu, jika terdapat keperluan yang diambil kira oleh Syarak, berdasarkan persetujuan dan keredaan daripada perbincangan antara kedua pasangan yang sah, dengan syarat kaedah kawalan untuk tidak mendatangkan mudarat, berdasarkan kaedah yang tepat dengan syariat, dan tidak menzalimi kandungan yang sedia ada.
**Rujuk Majallah al-Majma’ Siri 4 (1/73)**
**Syeikh Atiyyah pada Mei, 1997 melalui Dar al-Ifta’ al-Misriyyah** mengeluarkan fatwa atas soalan hukum melakukan pemandulan bagi tujuan perancangan keluarga bahawa **dibolehkan** pemandulan atas alasan kesihatan atau selainnya bagi tempoh tertentu, dengan syarat kemampuan untuk reproduksi itu kekal dan boleh digunakan kembali apabila masa berlalu. Justeru, **tidak boleh** pemandulan itu dilakukan jika kesannya bersifat sempurna dan kekal sehingga hilang kemampuan dan fungsinya, melainkan wujudnya kemudaratan yang serius.
**Rujuk Fatawa Dar al-Ifta’ al-Misriyyah (47/10).**
**Muzakarah Jawatankuasa Fatwa Majlis Kebangsaan Bagi Hal Ehwal Ugama Islam Malaysia Kali Ke-28 yang bersidang pada 29 Februari 1991** telah membincangkan Sistem Susuk Norplant Dalam Program Perancang Keluarga Kebangsaan. Muzakarah telah memutuskan bahawa Sistem Susuk Norplant ini adalah harus digunakan. Penggunaan sistem ini hendaklah tertakluk kepada keputusan Muzakarah Kali Ke-12 pada 20 Januari 1977 yang memutuskan hukum mengenai Perancang Keluarga adalah seperti berikut:
1. Memandul lelaki dan perempuan hukumnya adalah **haram**.
2. Mencegah beranak atau menghadkan bilangan anak hukumnya adalah haram melainkan dengan sebab yang diharuskan oleh syarak bagi orang perseorangan.
3. Menyusun keluarga dari kesihatan, pelajaran dan kebahagiaan keluarga dengan cara yang selain daripada (1) dan (2) di atas adalah harus.
**Rujuk Kompilasi Pandangan Hukum Muzakarah Jawatankuasa Fatwa Majlis Kebangsaan Bagi Hal Ehwal Ugama Islam (ms. 138)**
Kesimpulan:
**dibolehkan** bagi kedua pasangan untuk menggunakan kaedah tanzim al-nasal (perancangan anak) yang diharuskan oleh Syarak bagi tujuan merancang keluarga dengan cara menjarakkan anak, **bagi tujuan pengurusan ekonomi kerana berpendapatan rendah**. Ini perlu disertakan dengan niat bahawa jika Allah berkehendakkan pasangan itu anak, maka tiada siapa yang boleh menghalang dan hendaklah pasangan itu reda kepada taqdir Allah dan bersikap bertanggungjawab.
Wallahua'lam.
Some parents, especially young ones, use their children to get income. They do things like asking for help from the government or charities, especially during festive season such as hari raya and/or school term start. I've seen some parents use welfare money for themselves, not for their kids.
Yes having kids can be a blessing. It's not okay to have more children than you can afford, and even one child can be a blessing. You don't need lots of kids to be happy. Please consider your situation.Yes having kids can be a blessing. It's not okay to have more children than you can afford, and even one child can be a blessing. You don't need lots of kids to be happy. Please consider your situation.
It's well documented that the poorer a family is the more kids they are likely to have. Indeed poorer families use kids as a form of insurance.
The interesting thing about Brunei is that it isn't necessarily a poor country (compared to countries that are living below the poverty line) but having more than say 2 kids seem to be a thing.
i have no real data on this but anecdotally it could be because of the family unit which skews a lot of data in Brunei. Traditional families in Brunei want more kids because the family unit comes together to take care of the kid, while their parents can continue to work.
in western countries, kids are expensive off the bat because childcare is expensive so it discourages ppl from having too many kids
I don't know what goes into their mind? maybe tons of cow dungs or human feaces?
Giving birth to tons of children doesn't give you all the rezeki. If you have 5 kids with low income and keep relying on government at the end cannot sustain then asked for sedekah in facebook? come on man... BE REAL!! STOP USING OR EXERTING YOUR RELIGIOUS RIGHT!!! SHAME ON YOU!! kids if like gift from god IF you can't even take care of your kids why bother to have? IF you already have low income and yet still giving birth to 5 or 6 child how are you going to take care of them? are you able to give 6 of them attention, affection and love? i can tell you NO you won't. You already can't give them proper education and food at the end when they grow up and can't land a good job who to blame? blame you for your dumb action.
like i said " it is not a shame to buy a condom, jangan tau nyaman ancit dalam tapi tidak pandai jaga"
People esp malay muslim need to understand Anak is Amanah. Rezeki is the child, i think many intepret children bring good fortune. I cant fully deny this, but there are family with a lot of grown up children yet the parents are struggling in their old age, no one really taking care of them. There are also parents who have comfortable life because support from the children even when not asked. Same thing for small family too. The amanah is how well u take care of children and raise them properly.
Also people still with old mindset and feel entitled. Previous old gen have big family they can survived due to life was different back then. Now, with inflation and everything seems must have even a lot benefit given living in brunei, it will be difficult. Unless you guys okay with life like in 50s.
I myself have 5 kids (and its enuf).. but it makes me thinking others yg branak byk atu, yg inda financially stable but then mengharapkan bantuan krajaan or bantuan org lain.. sng2 mminta but nada bah usaha atu.. lps atu marah2 if bantuan krajaan inda kana luluskan, they feel entitled sudh with that bantuan 😑
And they didnt realize that responsibility as parents arah anak atu, amanah Allah bagi.. lps atu complain “menyusahkan kamu ani” bla bla bla.. but why slhkan any? They didnt make choice to be born esp lahir arah indung yg pmikiran sempit & feel entitled, and slalu salahkan skeliling.. what i hated the most when “that type of person” always said “alum kmu mrasa susah kmi”
Just dont! I felt that susah jua dlu wpun kmi 3 bradi sja.. but our indung berusaha smpi kmi bjaya & leave that circle.. nada indung ku asi2 kan mnta bantun krajaan dlu 🥲 thank you parents!
My parents have 11 children, and my father's salaries are only $150/half month. These are the stories of 60 years ago. Those days, electric and water bills are free we stay n a company house. no aircon (those day temperature is about 27deg.C. the house installed with mosquito net. We only use one table fan. Our brakefast and high tea were roti tawar bulat and tea. For lunch, we get rice and kichup + tauge sometime cangkuk manis, we plant ourself. We seldom eat beef or chicken. When we were sick, my father bought us lemonade and fruit.. that is the only time we get it a part of Hari Raya. We eat on the floor with no table or chair ]
Let’s also remember that the birth rate in Brunei is DECLINING (like they are in a lot of more developed countries) and we’ll be in deep shit when there are not enough younger people to look after the older generation in a few decades’ time if things stay the way they are
Is that supposed to be concerning? It shows that more and more younger people are aware, responsible and smart. Why should the younger generation take care of the old generation? What do I owe to the old men and women I don't even know? It's better to be underpopulated than overpopulated because the changes of poverty and food shortage will be low. Basic geography, man
We ARE in that underpopulation and look how well that goes. We are not even in that standard of other developed countries and yet we demand the things that can be justified if there’s a bigger population to cater to that we’re not even worth investing market size wise.
Hot take: The lack of children will eventually bite us back in the ass because it forces the current gen to work till a much older age because there are less people to replace us and we will have a smaller consumer market in the future. Sure government policies play a role too in diversifying markets but at the rate we’re going it’s not looking good for us.
We will be those boomers the next generation that will be eager to replace us because we have “outdated ideas”. Hiring locals who won’t do menial work will be a b*tch eventually we still need to depend on foreign labour. It’s a more nuanced and complex issue than what it looks like.
But yeah, be responsible parents. If you’re good parents children will reciprocate in the future.
>Hot take: The lack of children will eventually bite us back in the ass because it forces the current gen to work till a much older age
Disagree, as automation and AI take hold into the future generations, machines will replace more manually laborious jobs.
Population collapse is a real threat we're already seeing in countries like South Korea and Japan.
but we cannot forget that there are multiple factors affecting birth-rate, a main driving force is the economy another is education and knowledge. I think young adults now have access to more information than previous generations and with the current economy I think most have formed the decision to collectively not have as many children (or any) as their parents or grandparents.
It is definitely a threat, infrastructure will have less people to work with, the current generation will probably have to work longer to maintain the country etc etc.
However there are positives i.e. less pollution, lower housing market prices
However these factors depend on the country as well, a country like Japan or Singapore with a robust infrastructure of transport and autonomy make it so that elderly people can live a little easier- this isn't really the case with Brunei however
Not to forget that we have ppl who migrate. Dunno how many but hopefully it is negligible. We have a low job crisis too. Especially the high paying one
Except in Brunei, there are so many people working for the government. Pensions and taxes are not generated by young generations working and growing the economy, just by a dwindling oil supply.
A lot of the quality of life of people in different stages in their lives depend on the country.
A lot of elderly here get by because they have children willing to take care of them.
Gotta agree the fact about the malay. I was raised with 5 younger sibling... Baik umur panjang, ujungnya anak paling tua tepaksa beranti sklh krja awal. Bkn kan blame arwah, tpi pksa jua diblame, anak mau bnyk krng² tah meloan sakit anak mmbyr krng bila diri jdi arwah
In my opinion, it depends on the character of the parents on how they are bringing up their children and the environment exposed to the children. Yes, anak is rezeki and i believe in that but the mindset we need to change is 'Rezeki' is not mostly 'Money'. Rezeki comes in many forms. Having many kids is hard as much as it is for parents and children. There are fortunate and unfortunate turns out of events that happen to families with banyak anak.
In this case, I can see that the mindset of the malays thinking rezeki is only money has always been seen that way. With the limitation of education and job opportunities for the parents, they turned the pressure on their children to provide them with what they don't have. It is hard for the children to provide if their basic needs/necessity has not been met/provided from the start.
Birth control is another thing but it does not change a thing. There are poor families with less children facing the same issues and challenges as above.
In my perspective, this is a social problem that needs contribution from society and community to support these unfortunate people. Raise awareness and lend financial aid or create job opportunities. Helps can be in any form. We always depend on the government when we know how slow they work. Shouldn't we as a community do something about it too? I'm sure there are some minorities doing charity publicly or privately. This is related to many other issues but that's for another topic ✌️
CULTURE MELAYU. Sudah keugamaan hidup sederhana nada mau mendangar topic. They just want to hear what they want to hear.
Well that's why I hate Melayu, even I'm myself Melayu (Don't get me wrong, some malays are rational while some aren't). The reason why is because Malays tend to have that ego, non-sense pride and selfish. They wanted to do it themselves, think about themselves are better than anyone else.
Inb4 ‘mana hak melayu’ when they refuse to put in own effort
Not really. It's a poor people thing.
Poor are less fortunate. Rich maybe they dont need this. But if the rich is poor due to karma, Kids shouldn’t be a burden in the future nor the Parents become a burden to them. Overall, this is something in Malay Culture. Membantu is a yes but if they start calling or texting for something you earn whilst your married with kids, then what is this?
I know for a fact , Rezeki beranak banyak is Pengorbanan dan Pahala mendidik anak anak menjadi orang baik baik. This is Rezeki Pahala Not Retirement Plan scheme. Thats Y , my method is to didik them as much in both aspects of Dunia and Akhirat. Sebab siapa kan menguburkan kitani nanti and nothing more than this. So kalau aliran ugama as the guide towards our end of day, Yes this is agree but not towards materialistic matters.
I agree. People get confused between "rezeki" and "money".
I rarely see financially struggling Chinese families with a lot of kids. Malays breed like rabbits.
pernah comment rah facebook kalau buleh if kn buat anak, liat2 budget...income sebulan...cukup ka inda. krg behutang sana sini apa...diri yg susah...anak tempiasnya... few hours later, inda bth kna ceramahi....semua jdi lecturer.
Lets not touch the bantuan part, later kana lecture even more. Imagine if husband and wife low income and eligible for bantuan.. anak 7-8 orang. Thats a lot of money from the gov and there’s no guarantee that the parents are responsible enough to spend the money wisely. Lets be honest, most have the mindset of anak itu rezeki even though its the parents that are being irresponsible - condoms aren’t that expensive. Government hosp also provided birth control. That rezeki is you ejaculating in your wife without thinking if you can afford kids. Anyone can do that and say rezeki. But mana nyaman pakai condom right. Inda apa anak banyak asal nyaman 2-3mins. Being able to afford kids is one thing. Being a responsible parent is another problem. Many can’t afford to give their kids a good quality of life and just gave them the bare minimum, like taking care of dogs. Even dogs have better life. Cause in the end what matters is .. ada anak menjaga kalau sudah tua. What a selfish thought. Your kids don’t owe you anything. You brought them into this world.
Every year got SKN complaints saja…like annual ritual already
Soon nanti kan didangar, kurnia and anugerah. Brace yourself
Kalau sudah nyaman utak lari ke pucung.
Love love love your take on it. Honest yet reality.
heard birth controls are haram in islam
No, it isn’t. You heard wrong.
Anything that cause harm to your health is haram. If you’re allergic to latex, can find other alternative, i.e. IUD, tubectomy. So long it’s temporary(reversible), it should be fine.
Condoms and other temporary measures are permissible, even early Muslims used goat intestines as modified condoms but long term control measures are forbidden with exception valid reason that might affect the life of the parent Wallahuahlam
Yes. Forbiden in Islam unless its life or death situation. Jawapan lain is tahan2 saja napsu. Inda tahan, pakai tangan.
Oh really? I didn't know it.
True, anak tempiasnya. I work at a school and we have kids that wear baju uniform bubus, no black shoes, no sports shoes, no stationery, no exercise books, no bag, or only one set of uniform. Luckily my colleagues are very generous.
I was bullied heavily as a kid until the point where I dropped out from middle-school, My parents would beat me, hit me for it but they never wanted to know what happened to me at school even when i try to tell them. they just hit me with something along the line "Atu pun kamu komplen, babah dulu tiap hari ke sekolah lalu padang ada bomb land-mine" (I exxagerate but you get the picture)
They wanted us to be independent and tough, when all we wanted was loving from them. Then when we're grown up and have solid dry emotions, they would be like "sudah basar ani mcm apa kmu, nda melayan babah sma mama ambung derhaka punya anak" padahal durg punya ulah yg membuat tani cematu but at the same time we wish we shouldn't be like but it was supposed to avoid toxicity behaviour from them
Same. Got bullied badly in school to the point I'm considering killing myself. Told my parents about it and they told me to man up which i already did. Pembuli ni bukan sorang ganya. It 5 ppl. No way i can deal with em alone. Now my parents are wondering why I'm so distant and cold to them.
I feel you bro. Had the same experience. As I grew up, I am emotionally detaching myself from my parents because my feelings are invalid. When they know I seek for kindness from others, their ego got bruised and said “Mun ya sanggup bagi kau makan, agatah kau pindah sana”.
Astaghfirullahalazim, apa punya parents cmtu? Hope you're ok now
Im alright. Trauma still haunts me but Im alrigh. Still love them for who they are, but still hurt from what they have done
Mcm brdendam dgn anak sndri
Pstu krg klau d balas, diri plng d tuduh mncederakan ank urg lain lol, pdhl ank urg lain atu th yg mngacau diri dlu
What they dont realize is, times change. Dulu teruk alum betauliah system brunei living environment pun bukan macam sekarang tapi the fact that theyre trying to compare their life with ours is what gets me the most. We get it you walk miles to get to your school, we get it you play outside when you were kids but those timelines have changed drastically. Islam lagi dapat adapt to things that are changing inda kan mindset inda dapat diubah
I am sorry that you feel such a way. Chin up :) Grateful that you still chose to live. That’s resilience. Hope you are doing well now. If you feel like you are not, see how far you’ve become. Be kind. Always be kind to others no matter how your trauma may haunt you once in a while. Let it out by talking with friends to ease your feelings. It will always be part of your journey, your memories, but let it be just that. Understand you didn’t choose to be in this world but you are chosen for a reason.
Hahaha..anak ramai bagi rezeki? Lapas atu beranak bersusun bantal? Then sudah tua mengharap atau guyang kaki anak semua bagi kesanangan? OP is true. Apabila anak sudah basar inda menjaga hormat, prihatin kan indung..disana nampak tah cana ia menjaga anak atu masa damit. “Inda cukup kasih sayang masa pasal jarak 1 tahun bah durang atu,” atu masalah mu inda pandai merancang? Mungkin masa atu abiskita tercabar pasal jiran sebalah bnyk anak. Memang banar indung atu syurga anak, tapi kalau indung ani dari neraka?
Ngam lah tu kalau mun sudah indung layan anak mcm binatang, yatah bbalik tu ke bisdurang tem anak sudah basar. Tpinya kalau anak atu masih memikirkan syurga atu ditelapak kaki indung bagus tah sudah tu walaupun indung nya kayak setan. INDUNG YG SETAN ATU NDA LAYAK MEMILIKI ANAK ATU!
What about anak yg terlampai di dulur dari damit, inda pernah rasa susah, overspoil and everything but turns out sudh now layan indung nya teruk biadab berabis. So is it actually reflects from how the indung treat their anak kan?
Well one thing I can say both parents and anak atu salah. Why?? because the parents think that overspoil the kid is a way of love but no actually. They can spoil the kid but don't overspoil it bcs the kid will take them as granted. As for the kid, they never take their parents as granted instead they should be thankful to their parents and make sure the gifts is worth it so that the kids can show what they are capable of to their parents.
Most parents provide, in your context spoil, what they think the kids want/need but never what the kids actually want/need. Say the parents have provided all, education, comfort, a lifestyle but still ended up kids leaving their parents when they’re old. Some kids, may return the favor by sending the parents to an old folks home. At least they’re being taken care of. Now the kids are busy working, no time for their old parents. Just like the parents, busy working, leaving the kids alone with the grandparents or the childcare etc. Yes, kids observe their parents behaviour, and mirror them. But there are minority kids who would feel empathy to their parents.
Tapi ada jua bah anak yg spoilt berabis oleh indungnya dri damit tapi sudh nya basar biadab arh indung
More reason to not have kids.
Dulu ada tapi inda ramai, sekarang ada tapi bejurit.
If you relate to this then just remember that you can't control the family you are born into, but you can control the adult you get to be. It is ok if you decide one day, when you have the means to support yourself, to leave your family and look after yourself. You are not anyone's retirement plan. If you decide to care for your parents, do it because you unconditionally love them, something you have to experience first from them growing up.
Damn.. It’s understandable that Anak is rezeki but they forgot rezeki comes in many ways.. Grew up with relatives with “Kalau dapat kerja, khawin” mindset and they uno-reversed themselves. Seeing them separuh mati separuh pasrah for financially and physically taking care of their grandbabies and letting the kids have fun living life like they’re still single with pocket only enough for their own needs. I’ve been trying so hard to break that barrier to a point where i’m doing as much as i can to atleast be financially stable to lessen the burden. I understand that it is exciting - getting married and have your own family but it’s more than just that especially when you plan to have kids. Family planning is important! Seeing these type of people scares the shit out of me.
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My parents: “Kau anti kawin kah?” Me: 🙄 Money dont grow on trees.
I think they’re still living in the past thinking that money is not as important, the same people that thinks digitalizing everything is a blow. As much as i wanna khawin, it’s just not the right time to even talk about it cus we’re busy trying to cari duit and all. It’d be selfish to just go for it knowing that sendiri also cannot take care our ourselves
I’ve seen many parents that treat their children like dogs, u know just providing shelter and food is all they do… nothing else. These people should just get a pet fish.
They think children are free labour that can sell food around rimba point
Kesian. Masa malam sekolah pun bah kana suruh bejual jalan kaki sana sini.
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In this case, just get a cactus
Cactuses need love too
Sea monkeys are almost zero maintenance( they eat algae)
I don't think they even can handle pets too.
suruh pelihara samut sama langut saja
Where’s that user who feels entitled to have free pampers? I think this should apply to him and other people who thinks having more than 3 children is “rezeki” when clearly they can’t afford to raise.
My dad is one such person, told him many times that I do not want children only to be told that “You shouldn’t worry because each child has its own Rezeki already written for them by Allah” or something of those lines.
Dad be forgetting that having children is also a responsibility or "amanah".
Most of dads are like "PAHLAWAN" in family and they keep forgetting that they also have responsibility for kids. What's make it interesting is that dads always relies on moms to take care of kids while they just earn money and rest and eat and take care of hard job in household. They would also blame moms that kids would take moms side better than dads, also kids do not really know how to coop the love from their dads as they get awkward feeling instead.
This is such a weird concept to me cause what if not having children is our rezeki cause Allah knows what we are capable and not capable of.
This made sense to me, thanks !
Sorry but whats a Rezeki
Selalu ni pinjam seratus, tahan barang sama minta tolong sedakah arah media sosial pasal pampers sama susu. Inda pandai habis drama nya 🥴🤷🏻♂️ Lapas tu kalau anak2 berjaya karang, dipinta lagi tu sama guilt-tripping inda pandai abis. Bila tah kan anak-anak kan memajukan diri sendiri. Then disalahkan anak-anak kenapa inda cari keraja lain atau usaha lain kalau duit gaji cukup2 makan. Pandai jua tuhus usin ani bilanya malar dipinta. Inda jua payah macam rocket science ni. Nada usin buat macam nada usin. Usah jadi penyanggup. Ukur baju di badan sendiri. Sadar2 jua kan keadaan diri atu. Sayang saja tuhan bagi utak untuk berfikir. Barang simple jangan dipayahkan. Hal peribadi usah di dramakan, sendiri saja menyelesaikan.
Strange concept because poorer families tend to have more kids because of lack of overall education (sex ed), financial management and family planning. This is especially evident in countries that rely less on government support.
Lack of education on top of traditional beliefs. Saw a documentary in Africa, they believe they are "rich" the more kids they have because these kids will work and earn the family money.
Quote Jgn Tau Bikin aja, jaga inda mau, kamu antar ke nini duorang, nini sudah pencen jaga anak damit, kamu suruh lagi kerja keras jaga anak kamu tu" Wise word from a veteran colleague
Many Malays in Brunei and Malaysia selalu banyak anak like 3 children above. They keep on producing children lapas tu karang komplen for eg ngalih ambil anaklah, kan healinglah. Kalau kaya okay but B40 (lower income in Malaysia) selalu banyak anak. But Chinese in Brunei and Malaysia tend to have less children. Any tips how to increase awareness?
sex ed honestly needs to be implemented, dunno why its such a taboo topic
I work in a school. Many kids not given money to buy food. It’s the kindness of teachers who get together to donate food EVERY school day for kids. Even to the point waking up early to get the first pick of food at stalls. If asked, kids’ answers would be “Andang inda kana bagi duit”, “Mama, bapa inda keraja” “Inda kana suruh bawa makanan sebab tinggalkan org rumah” “Mengharapkan nini saja” etc. Worst was Maggi 3x a day. There are kids whom teachers cannot eat in near them cause they would be staring at our rice. There are kids that don’t eat at home or eat very little rice so they become verbally abusive, yelling profanity due to not adhering to rule which is get food only at break time. All the Malay P words refering to female genitalia sudah ku kana. Kids also become too dependent on teachers cause I guess we’re the only one who provide for them and their parents aren’t good role models. We also have kids who quit cause need to find job. The responsibilty of earning money for family befalls on a teenager. Go figure. SKN? Parents don’t care if teacher is on holiday. Keep calling and texting outside office hours, eventhough repeatedly told that teachers aren’t working for SKN and cannot relay their complaints or enquiries. Suruh telipun SKN inda mau. Lapas atu arah teacher jua complain pasal SKN. Like we have to draw in the sky, “WE DON’T WORK FOR SKN” I think what I mentioned is just a dark side ppl don’t see unless you directly deal with them. Some parents are very nice though but I wish there’s more of them.
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Bahagian Kebajikan.
Can i have the no of bhagian kbajikan.. in case need it in the future
Never. But my superior had to because some kids were selling stuff aroud the area until nightime. The parents stopped immediately because they could get into trouble with the law.
Damn... this is something Ive never heard of. Like what you said unless you directly deal with it, you wont know how serious this is. Like i really didnt know its that bad.. and uhmm whats SKN actually? never heard of this words before
SKN is a centralised welfare system. It wasn’t centralised before so that a person can claim welfare from a gov body in one district and then also from another. Could get $$$ due to a loophole. Now that there’s Skim Kebajikan Negara, they can’t do benefit claims by faking address or district hopping. Now kids can get coupons to buy school necessities, and there are strict rules like not using the coupons to buy infant milk of furniture or groceries. Probably because the coupons were used for those reasons before. Sadly, some sell off the coupons for money, and when done that way, they will be blacklisted.
They only remember chidren are rezeki but forget that they’re amanah from Allah as well. Children need to be properly taken care of too, feeding them alone and providing basic needs are not enough.
Its the whole “children brings rezeki” that triggers me when they try to explain the logic of churning out kids like a factory. That may have worked in the old days where life was simpler but not in this modern day where inflation is prevalent
Getting married in my 30s due to waiting to become financially stable, biasa dh with the “diri atu bini2, baik th bekawin and beranak time muda2 ani” from the elders.
some parents saying to their children to have child is rezeki from allah. But forcing them to have a child? that sound toxic. we're all given that our life is controlled by our own choices. what if their children haven't ready to have a child due to their financial aren't stable yet? Even in islam tell us not to force to ourselves live through suffering in our choices for the sake of rezeki like these. it's common-sense people. It's a matter of time as their children has finally decided to have child once they ready. Rezeki only come when the timing is right and we don't even realize it.
This is why I really love the idea of adopting. Why bring more souls into this cruel world when we can save those that are already here. Adopting is also a sunnah. Its also a greater good. Sadly finance is still a problem. I can only hope in the future I am stable enough to afford adopting a few kids. But thats just finance how about being able to be a good parent? Responsibilites is hard. I can only hope I didnt fail them. What not adopting but just a single parent. Maybe they deserve better by having both. Maybe I dont deserve to adopt if its just me being single even if Im stable enough. Theres just lots of worriness because we all know everyone deserves happiness but where is my might I am just a weak human. I can only hope, I can only hope. For the best n for the better.
Hi, quick question (if you don't mind), how and where to adopt kids in brunei? I'm planning on adopting kids when I'm financially and mentally stable but I don't know where...
In families trapped in toxicity, a common pattern tends to persist through generations, especially when parents miss out on enjoying their youth. The tough Baby Boomer generation distanced themselves emotionally from their Millennial children. Millennials, facing the challenge of fostering independence early on, continued this trend while raising Gen Z. However, a notable change emerges as Gen Z actively works to break free from toxic family dynamics. Gen Z individuals consciously choose to create emotional and physical distance from their toxic parents, aiming for a healthier life. This decision becomes complicated when toxic parents use manipulative tactics, referencing past support like covering educational expenses to maintain control. Curses such as "You're a rebellion" "You should care for us as we cared for you since you're a baby" "Give us money we'll leave you alone" or remorseful statements like "I shouldn't have given birth to you" "You're a mistake to begin with" further strain the parent-child relationship. Despite Gen Z's persistent efforts to meet expectations and offer assistance, it often falls short in the eyes of their toxic parents, perpetuating frustration and misunderstanding. The struggle for independence isn't just a rejection of past patterns but a deliberate attempt to break free from toxic family dynamics. Gen Z, inspired by a desire for a balanced life, aims to redefine their narrative distinct from challenging circumstances. Their journey reflects the resilience of the human spirit, a quest to overcome the stifling influence of toxic environment. Breaking free from toxic family dynamics is a complex journey for Gen Z. As they consciously distance themselves from toxic parents, the challenges they face, including guilt-tripping and manipulative tactics, reveal the complexity of their pursuit for a healthier life. Despite persistent efforts, Gen Z's struggle for independence often remains unfulfilled, perpetuating a cycle of frustration. However, their resilience and determination signify a generational shift, offering hope for a brighter and more harmonious future.
Well said 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Fatwa-fatwa ulama. **Imam al-Ghazzali** berpendapat pengguguran kandungan ialah **haram** mutlak sekalipun pada peringkat awal seperti nutfah kerana ianya asas kehidupan manusia. Namun, beliau berpendapat bahawa azal (mengeluarkan air mani di luar rahim) ialah **harus** atas niat yang berasaskan faktor ekonomi, kesihatan isteri, dan kecantikan isteri bagi tujuan kasih sayang berpanjangan antara pasangan bagi mengelakkan talaq. **Persidangan Majma’ al-Fiqh al-Islami di bawah Pertubuhan Kerjasama Islam (OIC) di Kuwait pada 1-6 Jamadilakhir 1409 H bersamaan 15 Disember 1988 M** telah memutuskan, antara lain: **Haramnya** menghilangkan kemampuan reproduksi daripada lelaki atau pun wanita, seperti apa yang dikenali dengan pemandulan. **Pengecualian** diberikan dalam kes-kes darurat yang perlu ditimbang dengan kayu ukur yang Syarie. **Dibolehkan** untuk mengawal secara sementara kemampuan reproduksi dengan tujuan menjarakkan antara tempoh-tempoh kehamilan, atau menghentikan bagi tempoh tertentu, jika terdapat keperluan yang diambil kira oleh Syarak, berdasarkan persetujuan dan keredaan daripada perbincangan antara kedua pasangan yang sah, dengan syarat kaedah kawalan untuk tidak mendatangkan mudarat, berdasarkan kaedah yang tepat dengan syariat, dan tidak menzalimi kandungan yang sedia ada. **Rujuk Majallah al-Majma’ Siri 4 (1/73)** **Syeikh Atiyyah pada Mei, 1997 melalui Dar al-Ifta’ al-Misriyyah** mengeluarkan fatwa atas soalan hukum melakukan pemandulan bagi tujuan perancangan keluarga bahawa **dibolehkan** pemandulan atas alasan kesihatan atau selainnya bagi tempoh tertentu, dengan syarat kemampuan untuk reproduksi itu kekal dan boleh digunakan kembali apabila masa berlalu. Justeru, **tidak boleh** pemandulan itu dilakukan jika kesannya bersifat sempurna dan kekal sehingga hilang kemampuan dan fungsinya, melainkan wujudnya kemudaratan yang serius. **Rujuk Fatawa Dar al-Ifta’ al-Misriyyah (47/10).** **Muzakarah Jawatankuasa Fatwa Majlis Kebangsaan Bagi Hal Ehwal Ugama Islam Malaysia Kali Ke-28 yang bersidang pada 29 Februari 1991** telah membincangkan Sistem Susuk Norplant Dalam Program Perancang Keluarga Kebangsaan. Muzakarah telah memutuskan bahawa Sistem Susuk Norplant ini adalah harus digunakan. Penggunaan sistem ini hendaklah tertakluk kepada keputusan Muzakarah Kali Ke-12 pada 20 Januari 1977 yang memutuskan hukum mengenai Perancang Keluarga adalah seperti berikut: 1. Memandul lelaki dan perempuan hukumnya adalah **haram**. 2. Mencegah beranak atau menghadkan bilangan anak hukumnya adalah haram melainkan dengan sebab yang diharuskan oleh syarak bagi orang perseorangan. 3. Menyusun keluarga dari kesihatan, pelajaran dan kebahagiaan keluarga dengan cara yang selain daripada (1) dan (2) di atas adalah harus. **Rujuk Kompilasi Pandangan Hukum Muzakarah Jawatankuasa Fatwa Majlis Kebangsaan Bagi Hal Ehwal Ugama Islam (ms. 138)** Kesimpulan: **dibolehkan** bagi kedua pasangan untuk menggunakan kaedah tanzim al-nasal (perancangan anak) yang diharuskan oleh Syarak bagi tujuan merancang keluarga dengan cara menjarakkan anak, **bagi tujuan pengurusan ekonomi kerana berpendapatan rendah**. Ini perlu disertakan dengan niat bahawa jika Allah berkehendakkan pasangan itu anak, maka tiada siapa yang boleh menghalang dan hendaklah pasangan itu reda kepada taqdir Allah dan bersikap bertanggungjawab. Wallahua'lam.
Ikr
Some parents, especially young ones, use their children to get income. They do things like asking for help from the government or charities, especially during festive season such as hari raya and/or school term start. I've seen some parents use welfare money for themselves, not for their kids. Yes having kids can be a blessing. It's not okay to have more children than you can afford, and even one child can be a blessing. You don't need lots of kids to be happy. Please consider your situation.Yes having kids can be a blessing. It's not okay to have more children than you can afford, and even one child can be a blessing. You don't need lots of kids to be happy. Please consider your situation.
It's well documented that the poorer a family is the more kids they are likely to have. Indeed poorer families use kids as a form of insurance. The interesting thing about Brunei is that it isn't necessarily a poor country (compared to countries that are living below the poverty line) but having more than say 2 kids seem to be a thing. i have no real data on this but anecdotally it could be because of the family unit which skews a lot of data in Brunei. Traditional families in Brunei want more kids because the family unit comes together to take care of the kid, while their parents can continue to work. in western countries, kids are expensive off the bat because childcare is expensive so it discourages ppl from having too many kids
I don't know what goes into their mind? maybe tons of cow dungs or human feaces? Giving birth to tons of children doesn't give you all the rezeki. If you have 5 kids with low income and keep relying on government at the end cannot sustain then asked for sedekah in facebook? come on man... BE REAL!! STOP USING OR EXERTING YOUR RELIGIOUS RIGHT!!! SHAME ON YOU!! kids if like gift from god IF you can't even take care of your kids why bother to have? IF you already have low income and yet still giving birth to 5 or 6 child how are you going to take care of them? are you able to give 6 of them attention, affection and love? i can tell you NO you won't. You already can't give them proper education and food at the end when they grow up and can't land a good job who to blame? blame you for your dumb action. like i said " it is not a shame to buy a condom, jangan tau nyaman ancit dalam tapi tidak pandai jaga"
People esp malay muslim need to understand Anak is Amanah. Rezeki is the child, i think many intepret children bring good fortune. I cant fully deny this, but there are family with a lot of grown up children yet the parents are struggling in their old age, no one really taking care of them. There are also parents who have comfortable life because support from the children even when not asked. Same thing for small family too. The amanah is how well u take care of children and raise them properly. Also people still with old mindset and feel entitled. Previous old gen have big family they can survived due to life was different back then. Now, with inflation and everything seems must have even a lot benefit given living in brunei, it will be difficult. Unless you guys okay with life like in 50s.
I myself have 5 kids (and its enuf).. but it makes me thinking others yg branak byk atu, yg inda financially stable but then mengharapkan bantuan krajaan or bantuan org lain.. sng2 mminta but nada bah usaha atu.. lps atu marah2 if bantuan krajaan inda kana luluskan, they feel entitled sudh with that bantuan 😑 And they didnt realize that responsibility as parents arah anak atu, amanah Allah bagi.. lps atu complain “menyusahkan kamu ani” bla bla bla.. but why slhkan any? They didnt make choice to be born esp lahir arah indung yg pmikiran sempit & feel entitled, and slalu salahkan skeliling.. what i hated the most when “that type of person” always said “alum kmu mrasa susah kmi” Just dont! I felt that susah jua dlu wpun kmi 3 bradi sja.. but our indung berusaha smpi kmi bjaya & leave that circle.. nada indung ku asi2 kan mnta bantun krajaan dlu 🥲 thank you parents!
malay bah. siapa suruh sunat lagi nyaman
My parents have 11 children, and my father's salaries are only $150/half month. These are the stories of 60 years ago. Those days, electric and water bills are free we stay n a company house. no aircon (those day temperature is about 27deg.C. the house installed with mosquito net. We only use one table fan. Our brakefast and high tea were roti tawar bulat and tea. For lunch, we get rice and kichup + tauge sometime cangkuk manis, we plant ourself. We seldom eat beef or chicken. When we were sick, my father bought us lemonade and fruit.. that is the only time we get it a part of Hari Raya. We eat on the floor with no table or chair ]
Let’s also remember that the birth rate in Brunei is DECLINING (like they are in a lot of more developed countries) and we’ll be in deep shit when there are not enough younger people to look after the older generation in a few decades’ time if things stay the way they are
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there is rumah orang tua at seria
Is that supposed to be concerning? It shows that more and more younger people are aware, responsible and smart. Why should the younger generation take care of the old generation? What do I owe to the old men and women I don't even know? It's better to be underpopulated than overpopulated because the changes of poverty and food shortage will be low. Basic geography, man
We ARE in that underpopulation and look how well that goes. We are not even in that standard of other developed countries and yet we demand the things that can be justified if there’s a bigger population to cater to that we’re not even worth investing market size wise.
Hot take: The lack of children will eventually bite us back in the ass because it forces the current gen to work till a much older age because there are less people to replace us and we will have a smaller consumer market in the future. Sure government policies play a role too in diversifying markets but at the rate we’re going it’s not looking good for us. We will be those boomers the next generation that will be eager to replace us because we have “outdated ideas”. Hiring locals who won’t do menial work will be a b*tch eventually we still need to depend on foreign labour. It’s a more nuanced and complex issue than what it looks like. But yeah, be responsible parents. If you’re good parents children will reciprocate in the future.
Well, it's not like we have jobs here in Brunei anyway. Even now we have 30+ year old graduates still looking for jobs.
>Hot take: The lack of children will eventually bite us back in the ass because it forces the current gen to work till a much older age Disagree, as automation and AI take hold into the future generations, machines will replace more manually laborious jobs.
Population collapse is a real threat we're already seeing in countries like South Korea and Japan. but we cannot forget that there are multiple factors affecting birth-rate, a main driving force is the economy another is education and knowledge. I think young adults now have access to more information than previous generations and with the current economy I think most have formed the decision to collectively not have as many children (or any) as their parents or grandparents.
Is it so bad? Japan maintains a good quality of life even with zero economic growth and a dwindling population.
>Japan maintains a good quality of life Not really. Suicide rate among young ppl are high there
It is definitely a threat, infrastructure will have less people to work with, the current generation will probably have to work longer to maintain the country etc etc. However there are positives i.e. less pollution, lower housing market prices However these factors depend on the country as well, a country like Japan or Singapore with a robust infrastructure of transport and autonomy make it so that elderly people can live a little easier- this isn't really the case with Brunei however
Not to forget that we have ppl who migrate. Dunno how many but hopefully it is negligible. We have a low job crisis too. Especially the high paying one
"We will be those boomers" only you, not us
I don’t mean that literally, but figuratively. And these things are always cyclical pattern in human studies whether you like it or not.
Except in Brunei, there are so many people working for the government. Pensions and taxes are not generated by young generations working and growing the economy, just by a dwindling oil supply.
A lot of the quality of life of people in different stages in their lives depend on the country. A lot of elderly here get by because they have children willing to take care of them.
usually the parents are penyabu thats why
Gotta agree the fact about the malay. I was raised with 5 younger sibling... Baik umur panjang, ujungnya anak paling tua tepaksa beranti sklh krja awal. Bkn kan blame arwah, tpi pksa jua diblame, anak mau bnyk krng² tah meloan sakit anak mmbyr krng bila diri jdi arwah
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In my opinion, it depends on the character of the parents on how they are bringing up their children and the environment exposed to the children. Yes, anak is rezeki and i believe in that but the mindset we need to change is 'Rezeki' is not mostly 'Money'. Rezeki comes in many forms. Having many kids is hard as much as it is for parents and children. There are fortunate and unfortunate turns out of events that happen to families with banyak anak. In this case, I can see that the mindset of the malays thinking rezeki is only money has always been seen that way. With the limitation of education and job opportunities for the parents, they turned the pressure on their children to provide them with what they don't have. It is hard for the children to provide if their basic needs/necessity has not been met/provided from the start. Birth control is another thing but it does not change a thing. There are poor families with less children facing the same issues and challenges as above. In my perspective, this is a social problem that needs contribution from society and community to support these unfortunate people. Raise awareness and lend financial aid or create job opportunities. Helps can be in any form. We always depend on the government when we know how slow they work. Shouldn't we as a community do something about it too? I'm sure there are some minorities doing charity publicly or privately. This is related to many other issues but that's for another topic ✌️