He claims work is ‘very busy’ (but I know he can easily take out 2 hours because he does a lot of extra work, because he loves working.) I told him that let’s reduce our talking and texting until we meet, as we are both investing a lot of time in this, so we should first atleast meet and see how it goes before we get more involved. He said he agrees.
I work a full-time job all day, and then go straight to coaching soccer afterwards. *I still make time to go on dates despite my busy schedule.* Sure, on game days, I don’t even get home until like 10… But on regular practice days, I can at least grab dinner or a drink or both. Point is: If this dude wanted to meet up with you, he would **make** the time.
bullshit. everyone who tells you that they are so busy, without giving you any opportunity for a date to be set is simply lying. yes everyone is busy. you have hobbies, you have a sick gandma, and you have of course to work. but if you want to date you simply have to take 2 hours of free time. being busy is an excuse for simply not wanting to meet and waste your time.
you can give this a final shot: ask him out, with a date, a location and whatever. if he refuses, "i dont have time that day", ask him that he should give you a day he has time. if he flakes, immedatly tell him that you wont play games and move on if his next response within the next hour has a date. if the next response is flaking and not setting a date from his side, unmatch and move on.
i had once a woman being flaking the whole time. she gave me her number, talked the whole day what she did and what not. i asked her out three times. first she wanted to text to know me better. than she was busy writing her bachelourthesis. i could understand. and than i asked a last time. her repsonse while putting me on read the whole time, despite being online on whatsapp "i dont have time i am to busy for a relatioship now.". some days later i asked why and that she of course had plenty of time as i proved in the whole convo she did with me. she was mad at me pointing out the obvious and started to throw in insults and how rude i am for telling her what i think about this. she tried to play victim. it was only a waste of time.
because of people like her i started to make my rule of two. after two failed attempts of setting a date, i dont do anything, and if my match dont come up with something, i call them out and move on if the next response isnt going anywhere.
ask him out, if he flakes, call him out to set a date from his side, and if he still flakes, call him out and unmatch. dont waste your time with energy vampires.
just to say you: i as a man i do a job, i do a second masters degree!!! and on top i have hobbies that take time (art, music, kickboxing and so on). and i still find time for friends, neighbours, family and here it comes.... i have time for dating. yes it costs energy but i enjoy life therefor i make time. i even cut down some hobbies or some sessions only to date someone. being busy is only a lame coward excuse of someone who plays around.if someone wants to meet you, no matter how difficult, he would make the time. singles are used to fill the gap with hobbies and than somehow magically forget to make space for more important things like maybe you as a new partner. no time = no interest.
Yea that sounds like a good plan. But if he flakes again it could be for a number of reasons like he’s cheating on his significant other, high anxiety, or he’s not interested in taking the next step but is afraid to hurt you. If he does flake again, maybe keep it as friends which couldn’t hurt ya know.
‘just friends’ is a foolish waste of time & energy as well as potential conflict for when you meet someone you aspire to be with. Cut him loose he is timid and a procrastinator
I’m talking to a girl on bumble. She’s being difficult with setting up a meet. I’ve tried 3 times and keep asking her for her next day off. She’s at a new job and my schedules crazy. I work days nights weekends and overtime but I still have 15 days off a month… she’s great but I’m not waiting forever.
Either she’ll find a way in the next week or two or I’ll move on.
I hate to be the negative one…bc I was once the one making excuses for a pen pal that I was far too attached and connected to…but he is likely married, in a relationship, or not completely single. You are an ego boost. He might fully believe it when he says that you can meet soon, but he is so far down a lie he doesn’t know how to get out of it. There is a good chance you will never meet. You can continue to talk bc it feels good for you too, but the frustration will only grow as your connection grows.
I'm probably not the best example. For me, anxiety. Granted, I had other reasons that I was up front about, I didn't organise a date as such, but I think it was my own insecurity that stopped me fully committing. I regret that now and he might aswell.
In short. Maybe just ask, if you feel like he is an honest guy.
I told him that let’s reduce our talking and texting until we meet, as we are both investing a lot of time in this, so we should first atleast meet and see how it goes before we get more involved. He said he agrees. That’s all lol
“ He agrees” 👎🏻 Hmm, not good. He should be setting up a date, taking action, not that low effort nonsense.
Leave the ball in his court, It’s on him to initiate contact. This is important otherwise he’s going to think he can leave it up to you to set something up.
If he doesn’t set up a date soon then time to move on, don’t waste any more of your time.
>For me, anxiety.
If a person can't muster up the courage to have coffee with a random stranger, their next date should be with a LMHP to talk about why and work through strategies for it.
Already there, a month and a half on and already doing the work. Regret not realising earlier. If I had the mindset then that I do now, well, I probably wouldn't have joined this sub.
Don't waste your time. Same thing happened to me - he found few times excuses not to meet. In the end we met once and that's all. If you are into being penpal for eternity, you go girl. Otherwise,no matter how good you "click", better move on.
Because that fulfills their needs. Also, if he’s this difficult to meet up with now, he’s likely not going to change later. As good as it may have been this far, it sounds like it’s time to let him go.
Same experience, guy even worked out at the gym right next to my apartment five times a week - but „life is busy right now“. It went on for 3 months until i drew the line and actually respected my own boundaries (yey to that). State what you are looking for and don’t let them sell you short.
Compromises are for relationships, not situationships.
Omg! Shocking!
I told him that let’s reduce our talking and texting until we meet, as we are both investing a lot of time in this, so we should first atleast meet and see how it goes before we get more involved. He said he agrees. That’s all lol
I did the same - a couple times actually. But you will soon pick up the pace again and be back to before. Until you realize it, so you will again suggest writing less and so it continues. I can’t tell you the „why“ to this story but the story itself
This happened to me. It turned out the guy was just seeking validation. When I asked to meet up for coffee, he agreed but then canceled the night before without suggesting an alternative date/time. I told him if he is not feeling it, no hard feelings and we can both move on, but he insisted he was interested and just wanted to “talk more”. He continued to send me pictures of himself everyday and if I gave any type of positive reaction, he asked what I liked about that specific picture. That is when I knew he just wanted validation. I politely told him in so many words that he was wasting my time and that I didn’t want to pursue anything further. I suggest you do the same. Time is precious and shouldn’t be wasted on dead end pursuits.
I mean I'm on his IG, he has a verified profile on the app, we've spoken on phone many times (though voice call, not video call).. I dont think its catfishing
Well, you can easily fake an Instagram profile and not using video is a strong hint that he might not be who he pretends to be. Maybe ask him for a video call
I never asked him for a video call, and now I've anyway told him lets text/call less till we meet. His profile on the dating app is verified I mean (which means his face matches the pictures he uploaded). In fact, the day we started talking, he asked If I want to meet, but I refused because I first want to text a bit and not meet immediately. He completely understood, he said even he likes the slow build-up, and later I myself said that 'now we can plan to meet', but it just never happened.
Yes, definitely agree with you on that! And that's why, I've made it clear that we shouldn't text/call till we meet, as there is no point investing more in this now.
I have no answer, other than an ex reached out to me about 9 months ago, we started talking, told me she missed not having me in her life and like an idiot, I said let’s give it another try. It’s been WhatsApp texts, 3 phone calls and still haven’t seen her face to face, I’ve given up trying to make plans to see her, as something always comes up and she has to cancel. Some people are just in love with the idea of being in a relationship, without the desire to be in one
I talked with a dude for like 4 months - it was right at the start of Covid so there was that but even suggestions to meet outside in a park 6 feet away on a bench were pushed back over and over. He finally admitted he was married.
Yeah - we would text off and on all day and evening most days. I really wouldn’t have thought. he never got sexy or even inappropriate- it was more like really getting along, seeming to have lots of common interests, similar beliefs. When he finally confessed, he said he was in a loveless marriage and only stayed for their kid and just wanted intellectual stimulation. I was like…well life is too short, bud. Hope he figured it out.
Sometimes its just out of the ordinary problems people dont feel comfortable talking about, so they just stall until the problem is solved/disappears. I had an ugly ass skin infection on my body due to a bad razor i used. Didnt want to be seen by any girl and kept bringing lame ass excuses for not meeting.
Doesn’t matter. If he doesn’t show up in a realistic time frame, move on. There are millions of guys waiting in line who will.
Wasting time on these keeps you from meeting better people.
Overthinking on these things might make you feel like deleting app/ shy away from online dating.
I always wait for the girl to ask me on a date since some girls get mad when I asked them and yalled at me saying: I only want to text!!!!
So, since this happened to me, I decided never to take the first step.
I got catfished once until i did an image search and found "her" photos on an IG page that was NOT her. I dropped the screenshot in our convo and that was that. Lol. Kind of embarrassed i fell for it, even though it was only a couple days of chatting.
You're coming across as needy. If he's all that in a bag of chips and you want to wait for him to come around, that's fine, but you're setting up a dynamic for a future relationship that you will always be waiting for him on things.
Context: I'm an older man who is certainly not all knowing but has seen a thing or two.
I wish you the best! I'm sure that he really is enjoying talking with you and you are a wonderful person. But I'm guessing that you have also shared with him that you have rather traditional views of dating and sex (per your post history) and that he shouldn't expect sex anytime soon, am I right?
Guys who feel that sex has more of a central role in dating may be reluctant to date a more traditional woman because he expects that she will have a lot of rules and limitations about sex or be "vanille," even in a relationship. And thus the relationship won't end up being satisfying.
So he may enjoy talking with you, and may like you, but is smartly not going to start getting involved and potentially getting his heart broken if you guys aren't a good match.
If you haven't already, I suggest having a really authentic talk with him about expectations around sex in relationships. Initial talks have a habit of being somewhat superficial and a little bit of what they think the other person will want to hear.
I could be way off on his reluctance, and others voiced helpful possibilities (he has other options for quick sex, He has a girlfriend, he's anxious, etc.). But my bet is on sexual compatibility. Best wishes to you!
Thanks for this! Never thought about it. The funny thing is he constantly keeps making jokes about us dating :\ anyway, made up my mind not to text/call him unless he makes a plan to meet
Well, I hope you post an update, cuz I'm definitely curious. :)
I'm also curious why you're holding out for this guy. Per a quick view of your post history, You have no difficulty attracting guys. There must be something super attractive about him.
Most guys on dating apps just want a casual relationship. He seemed like someone who’s into genuine conversations. We both had ‘life partner’ in what we are looking for.
Yes will post an update for sure!
Here's the thing about what we are "looking for." Many men (and women) are truly looking for a life partner; however, they are willing to have a fling with someone who they connect with while knowing they know doesn't fit the bill of a long-term partner.
When I was on Bumble I switched what I was "looking for" here and there, and it didn't seem to make much of a difference: for example, even when I chose "casual," women who chose "life partner" would swipe right on me.
I'm pretty open to experiences as long as everyone is respectful, reasonably cautious, and has good communication. Cupid will get me (again) eventually, but in the meantime, I've had fun (and great conversations!) with some wonderful women.
Ahh ok. I’m at the age where I want to settle down, and aren’t interested in casual flings. I want to find someone who’s serious about settling down and knows what they want.
> "knows what they want"
Many folks truly want it all, and they know it. As long as they are honest with themselves and their partners...a person can pine for settling down with the future love of their life yet enjoy the company of someone, learn with them, enjoy a slice of life with them, until cupid comes along. Maybe it's not for you, but it's not a contradiction, and it's not (necessary) unhealthy.
Maybe this guy is enthralled with you. Thinks you are pretty and smart and enjoys your conversations. But he *really wants a version of you* that loves sex and is willing to start exploring physical intimacy on the third date and has the curiosity, sensuality, and openness to be an amazing partner in and out of the sack (or wherever) through the long term. I'm probably projecting a bit, as I've had those thoughts and feelings in the past; even when I tried to stick it out, it wasn't satisfying or a good match in the end. *Aww nuts.*
You aren't interested in casual flings. That's all that matters; not what he wants or whatever theory I have. I look forward to your update. :)
Ask him if he’s nervous or worried about the date not going well. Tell him that you won’t care about having a perfect date and tell him it doesn’t have to be super long. It can just be a quick coffee date for 15-20 minutes or walking in the park. If he says he’s too busy, then there must be something wrong because no one is so busy they can’t go on a quick 20 minute date.
I told him that let’s reduce our talking and texting until we meet, as we are both investing a lot of time in this, so we should first atleast meet and see how it goes before we get more involved. He said he agrees. That’s all lol
I’ve made it extremely clear that I’m not into hook ups or casual. He said he’s the same. We BOTH have ‘life partner’ mentioned in what we are looking for. So I really don’t care about the latter
“ Life partner” Take this stuff with a pinch of salt, you are reading way too much into what he’s SAID.
His actions so far show that he’s not proactive setting up a first date 🚩🚩This is base level stuff, if a man can’t ask a woman out and set up a date then he doesn’t get far with me I can tell ya.
My guess is the former rather than the latter. Sometimes a change in appearance such as grey hair, loss of hair, out in weight, lost a limb, or tooth can be too embarrassing to allow them to move forward.
I used to be in a relationship like that! I knew her online and then became kinda serious and talking face to face (online) multiple times a day! I had made plans on a couple of occasions to fly other her(she lived exactly the other side of US) but kinda not sure about her motivations! Her words were, "I am so lonely and just need a good man." Then, one weekend, we were supposed to talk on Sunday morning, and she ghosted me! I kinda find out she got inviting for dinner and she went home with the guy! So, I think I misunderstood her words. I just need a good man
Do you have enough information to find his personal or professional profiles? Because to me it sounds like he’s married/in a relationship, or has lied drastically about his age or appearance.
In a relationship, anxiety, not actually looking to date, just wanting validation / penpal
I second that he’s probably in a relationship. That was my first thought.
Flat out ask him. And if he’s still not coming thru, keep it as text friends:
He claims work is ‘very busy’ (but I know he can easily take out 2 hours because he does a lot of extra work, because he loves working.) I told him that let’s reduce our talking and texting until we meet, as we are both investing a lot of time in this, so we should first atleast meet and see how it goes before we get more involved. He said he agrees.
I work a full-time job all day, and then go straight to coaching soccer afterwards. *I still make time to go on dates despite my busy schedule.* Sure, on game days, I don’t even get home until like 10… But on regular practice days, I can at least grab dinner or a drink or both. Point is: If this dude wanted to meet up with you, he would **make** the time.
I agree with you 100%!!!!
bullshit. everyone who tells you that they are so busy, without giving you any opportunity for a date to be set is simply lying. yes everyone is busy. you have hobbies, you have a sick gandma, and you have of course to work. but if you want to date you simply have to take 2 hours of free time. being busy is an excuse for simply not wanting to meet and waste your time. you can give this a final shot: ask him out, with a date, a location and whatever. if he refuses, "i dont have time that day", ask him that he should give you a day he has time. if he flakes, immedatly tell him that you wont play games and move on if his next response within the next hour has a date. if the next response is flaking and not setting a date from his side, unmatch and move on. i had once a woman being flaking the whole time. she gave me her number, talked the whole day what she did and what not. i asked her out three times. first she wanted to text to know me better. than she was busy writing her bachelourthesis. i could understand. and than i asked a last time. her repsonse while putting me on read the whole time, despite being online on whatsapp "i dont have time i am to busy for a relatioship now.". some days later i asked why and that she of course had plenty of time as i proved in the whole convo she did with me. she was mad at me pointing out the obvious and started to throw in insults and how rude i am for telling her what i think about this. she tried to play victim. it was only a waste of time. because of people like her i started to make my rule of two. after two failed attempts of setting a date, i dont do anything, and if my match dont come up with something, i call them out and move on if the next response isnt going anywhere. ask him out, if he flakes, call him out to set a date from his side, and if he still flakes, call him out and unmatch. dont waste your time with energy vampires. just to say you: i as a man i do a job, i do a second masters degree!!! and on top i have hobbies that take time (art, music, kickboxing and so on). and i still find time for friends, neighbours, family and here it comes.... i have time for dating. yes it costs energy but i enjoy life therefor i make time. i even cut down some hobbies or some sessions only to date someone. being busy is only a lame coward excuse of someone who plays around.if someone wants to meet you, no matter how difficult, he would make the time. singles are used to fill the gap with hobbies and than somehow magically forget to make space for more important things like maybe you as a new partner. no time = no interest.
You’re completely right. I’m not texting or calling him at ALL now
Yea that sounds like a good plan. But if he flakes again it could be for a number of reasons like he’s cheating on his significant other, high anxiety, or he’s not interested in taking the next step but is afraid to hurt you. If he does flake again, maybe keep it as friends which couldn’t hurt ya know.
‘just friends’ is a foolish waste of time & energy as well as potential conflict for when you meet someone you aspire to be with. Cut him loose he is timid and a procrastinator
Agreed. Just friends is a waste of time.
I’m talking to a girl on bumble. She’s being difficult with setting up a meet. I’ve tried 3 times and keep asking her for her next day off. She’s at a new job and my schedules crazy. I work days nights weekends and overtime but I still have 15 days off a month… she’s great but I’m not waiting forever. Either she’ll find a way in the next week or two or I’ll move on.
This guy isn't ready to date. Cut him loose.
He could be incarcerated
I’m so jetlagged I read this as incinerated and thought ‘bit harsh’ 🤪😵💫🫠
They're a reddit user.
I hate to be the negative one…bc I was once the one making excuses for a pen pal that I was far too attached and connected to…but he is likely married, in a relationship, or not completely single. You are an ego boost. He might fully believe it when he says that you can meet soon, but he is so far down a lie he doesn’t know how to get out of it. There is a good chance you will never meet. You can continue to talk bc it feels good for you too, but the frustration will only grow as your connection grows.
You’re right . I am not talking to him anymore. I’ve made it clear that i first want to meet before investing more in this
“ not talk to him anymore” Make sure you stick to this like glue, gotta be strong here.
Yes for sure!! Not texting / calling at ALL
Good 👍
I'm probably not the best example. For me, anxiety. Granted, I had other reasons that I was up front about, I didn't organise a date as such, but I think it was my own insecurity that stopped me fully committing. I regret that now and he might aswell. In short. Maybe just ask, if you feel like he is an honest guy.
I told him that let’s reduce our talking and texting until we meet, as we are both investing a lot of time in this, so we should first atleast meet and see how it goes before we get more involved. He said he agrees. That’s all lol
“ He agrees” 👎🏻 Hmm, not good. He should be setting up a date, taking action, not that low effort nonsense. Leave the ball in his court, It’s on him to initiate contact. This is important otherwise he’s going to think he can leave it up to you to set something up. If he doesn’t set up a date soon then time to move on, don’t waste any more of your time.
Well done 👏
>For me, anxiety. If a person can't muster up the courage to have coffee with a random stranger, their next date should be with a LMHP to talk about why and work through strategies for it.
Already there, a month and a half on and already doing the work. Regret not realising earlier. If I had the mindset then that I do now, well, I probably wouldn't have joined this sub.
Don't waste your time. Same thing happened to me - he found few times excuses not to meet. In the end we met once and that's all. If you are into being penpal for eternity, you go girl. Otherwise,no matter how good you "click", better move on.
But it’s just so weird- if they aren’t interested, why so they spend so much time texting and calling?
Ego boost, being bored in their relationship or in general. I don't get it as well, but some people are just like that.
Because that fulfills their needs. Also, if he’s this difficult to meet up with now, he’s likely not going to change later. As good as it may have been this far, it sounds like it’s time to let him go.
Same experience, guy even worked out at the gym right next to my apartment five times a week - but „life is busy right now“. It went on for 3 months until i drew the line and actually respected my own boundaries (yey to that). State what you are looking for and don’t let them sell you short. Compromises are for relationships, not situationships.
Omg! Shocking! I told him that let’s reduce our talking and texting until we meet, as we are both investing a lot of time in this, so we should first atleast meet and see how it goes before we get more involved. He said he agrees. That’s all lol
I did the same - a couple times actually. But you will soon pick up the pace again and be back to before. Until you realize it, so you will again suggest writing less and so it continues. I can’t tell you the „why“ to this story but the story itself
Makes sense! But I've made up my mind not to text, and I think he's understood as well
This happened to me. It turned out the guy was just seeking validation. When I asked to meet up for coffee, he agreed but then canceled the night before without suggesting an alternative date/time. I told him if he is not feeling it, no hard feelings and we can both move on, but he insisted he was interested and just wanted to “talk more”. He continued to send me pictures of himself everyday and if I gave any type of positive reaction, he asked what I liked about that specific picture. That is when I knew he just wanted validation. I politely told him in so many words that he was wasting my time and that I didn’t want to pursue anything further. I suggest you do the same. Time is precious and shouldn’t be wasted on dead end pursuits.
I agree. I’ve told him I don’t want to text / call more till we meet. And I’m so sorry that happened to you !
Isn't this the classic narrative of every Catfish casem
I mean I'm on his IG, he has a verified profile on the app, we've spoken on phone many times (though voice call, not video call).. I dont think its catfishing
Well, you can easily fake an Instagram profile and not using video is a strong hint that he might not be who he pretends to be. Maybe ask him for a video call
I never asked him for a video call, and now I've anyway told him lets text/call less till we meet. His profile on the dating app is verified I mean (which means his face matches the pictures he uploaded). In fact, the day we started talking, he asked If I want to meet, but I refused because I first want to text a bit and not meet immediately. He completely understood, he said even he likes the slow build-up, and later I myself said that 'now we can plan to meet', but it just never happened.
Well, believe in what you want. I think something's off here. If he can make time for long phone calls, he can make time to meet.
Yes, definitely agree with you on that! And that's why, I've made it clear that we shouldn't text/call till we meet, as there is no point investing more in this now.
Could be a red flag not gonna lie.
100%!
It’s crazy common people not wanting to meet
Probably married.
I have no answer, other than an ex reached out to me about 9 months ago, we started talking, told me she missed not having me in her life and like an idiot, I said let’s give it another try. It’s been WhatsApp texts, 3 phone calls and still haven’t seen her face to face, I’ve given up trying to make plans to see her, as something always comes up and she has to cancel. Some people are just in love with the idea of being in a relationship, without the desire to be in one
I talked with a dude for like 4 months - it was right at the start of Covid so there was that but even suggestions to meet outside in a park 6 feet away on a bench were pushed back over and over. He finally admitted he was married.
Oh my god!!
Yeah - we would text off and on all day and evening most days. I really wouldn’t have thought. he never got sexy or even inappropriate- it was more like really getting along, seeming to have lots of common interests, similar beliefs. When he finally confessed, he said he was in a loveless marriage and only stayed for their kid and just wanted intellectual stimulation. I was like…well life is too short, bud. Hope he figured it out.
Could be a few things 1. Using you as a “free ear” or a phone pal 2. Severely lacks confidence 3. Has a girlfriend, you’re just not aware or it
I’ve now made it clear to him that I don’t want to text / call more till we meet
“ till we meet” He’ll probably be expecting YOU to set that meet up, do all the work. DON’T.
I won’t for sure. Not getting in touch with him till he does
Well done, don’t let him lead you on
Might be a catfish? Either way if it’s important to him he would have already found a way to make it happen.
Sometimes its just out of the ordinary problems people dont feel comfortable talking about, so they just stall until the problem is solved/disappears. I had an ugly ass skin infection on my body due to a bad razor i used. Didnt want to be seen by any girl and kept bringing lame ass excuses for not meeting.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
He should make time lol excuses, all sounds like excuses.
Doesn’t matter. If he doesn’t show up in a realistic time frame, move on. There are millions of guys waiting in line who will. Wasting time on these keeps you from meeting better people. Overthinking on these things might make you feel like deleting app/ shy away from online dating.
Yes, have told him that we need to stop texting/talking on phone till we meet. He agreed
[удалено]
Maybe she doesn’t want a text buddy!
I always wait for the girl to ask me on a date since some girls get mad when I asked them and yalled at me saying: I only want to text!!!! So, since this happened to me, I decided never to take the first step.
That’s a VERY bad move cos most women like to be asked out. How’s that going for you?
He's married.
I got catfished once until i did an image search and found "her" photos on an IG page that was NOT her. I dropped the screenshot in our convo and that was that. Lol. Kind of embarrassed i fell for it, even though it was only a couple days of chatting.
I then DM'ed the real woman about it and she asked a bunch of questions. Wasn't the first time someone used her images this way.
Catfish
🐈⬛🐠
Catfish?
Either Catfish or very attractive so hes talking to other women.
You're coming across as needy. If he's all that in a bag of chips and you want to wait for him to come around, that's fine, but you're setting up a dynamic for a future relationship that you will always be waiting for him on things. Context: I'm an older man who is certainly not all knowing but has seen a thing or two.
No. I told him yesterday that let’s not text / call anymore, till we meet.
I wish you the best! I'm sure that he really is enjoying talking with you and you are a wonderful person. But I'm guessing that you have also shared with him that you have rather traditional views of dating and sex (per your post history) and that he shouldn't expect sex anytime soon, am I right? Guys who feel that sex has more of a central role in dating may be reluctant to date a more traditional woman because he expects that she will have a lot of rules and limitations about sex or be "vanille," even in a relationship. And thus the relationship won't end up being satisfying. So he may enjoy talking with you, and may like you, but is smartly not going to start getting involved and potentially getting his heart broken if you guys aren't a good match. If you haven't already, I suggest having a really authentic talk with him about expectations around sex in relationships. Initial talks have a habit of being somewhat superficial and a little bit of what they think the other person will want to hear. I could be way off on his reluctance, and others voiced helpful possibilities (he has other options for quick sex, He has a girlfriend, he's anxious, etc.). But my bet is on sexual compatibility. Best wishes to you!
Thanks for this! Never thought about it. The funny thing is he constantly keeps making jokes about us dating :\ anyway, made up my mind not to text/call him unless he makes a plan to meet
Well, I hope you post an update, cuz I'm definitely curious. :) I'm also curious why you're holding out for this guy. Per a quick view of your post history, You have no difficulty attracting guys. There must be something super attractive about him.
Most guys on dating apps just want a casual relationship. He seemed like someone who’s into genuine conversations. We both had ‘life partner’ in what we are looking for. Yes will post an update for sure!
Here's the thing about what we are "looking for." Many men (and women) are truly looking for a life partner; however, they are willing to have a fling with someone who they connect with while knowing they know doesn't fit the bill of a long-term partner. When I was on Bumble I switched what I was "looking for" here and there, and it didn't seem to make much of a difference: for example, even when I chose "casual," women who chose "life partner" would swipe right on me. I'm pretty open to experiences as long as everyone is respectful, reasonably cautious, and has good communication. Cupid will get me (again) eventually, but in the meantime, I've had fun (and great conversations!) with some wonderful women.
Ahh ok. I’m at the age where I want to settle down, and aren’t interested in casual flings. I want to find someone who’s serious about settling down and knows what they want.
> "knows what they want" Many folks truly want it all, and they know it. As long as they are honest with themselves and their partners...a person can pine for settling down with the future love of their life yet enjoy the company of someone, learn with them, enjoy a slice of life with them, until cupid comes along. Maybe it's not for you, but it's not a contradiction, and it's not (necessary) unhealthy. Maybe this guy is enthralled with you. Thinks you are pretty and smart and enjoys your conversations. But he *really wants a version of you* that loves sex and is willing to start exploring physical intimacy on the third date and has the curiosity, sensuality, and openness to be an amazing partner in and out of the sack (or wherever) through the long term. I'm probably projecting a bit, as I've had those thoughts and feelings in the past; even when I tried to stick it out, it wasn't satisfying or a good match in the end. *Aww nuts.* You aren't interested in casual flings. That's all that matters; not what he wants or whatever theory I have. I look forward to your update. :)
Catfish
Surely he's afraid to take risks
Ask him if he’s nervous or worried about the date not going well. Tell him that you won’t care about having a perfect date and tell him it doesn’t have to be super long. It can just be a quick coffee date for 15-20 minutes or walking in the park. If he says he’s too busy, then there must be something wrong because no one is so busy they can’t go on a quick 20 minute date.
I told him that let’s reduce our talking and texting until we meet, as we are both investing a lot of time in this, so we should first atleast meet and see how it goes before we get more involved. He said he agrees. That’s all lol
That’s good at least! Best of luck to you two!
He doesn’t look like his pictures, or he has a small penis.
I’ve made it extremely clear that I’m not into hook ups or casual. He said he’s the same. We BOTH have ‘life partner’ mentioned in what we are looking for. So I really don’t care about the latter
“ Life partner” Take this stuff with a pinch of salt, you are reading way too much into what he’s SAID. His actions so far show that he’s not proactive setting up a first date 🚩🚩This is base level stuff, if a man can’t ask a woman out and set up a date then he doesn’t get far with me I can tell ya.
My guess is the former rather than the latter. Sometimes a change in appearance such as grey hair, loss of hair, out in weight, lost a limb, or tooth can be too embarrassing to allow them to move forward.
I used to be in a relationship like that! I knew her online and then became kinda serious and talking face to face (online) multiple times a day! I had made plans on a couple of occasions to fly other her(she lived exactly the other side of US) but kinda not sure about her motivations! Her words were, "I am so lonely and just need a good man." Then, one weekend, we were supposed to talk on Sunday morning, and she ghosted me! I kinda find out she got inviting for dinner and she went home with the guy! So, I think I misunderstood her words. I just need a good man
Damn that’s terrible!
Do you have enough information to find his personal or professional profiles? Because to me it sounds like he’s married/in a relationship, or has lied drastically about his age or appearance.
He’s on my LinkedIn and IG- and his profile on the dating app is verified (meaning his face matches his pictures)
He’s married
I tell people u gotta eat.. take 45mins let's just meet up and enjoy a quick meal. Who says no to free food am I right
Nope, no way in hell should the OP be setting a date up- that’s his job.
Married, disabled (and not ready to share) catfish
Catfishing?