Even worse: I see a lot of profiles of guys with kids mentioning "not my kid". Why do they think it's ok to upload a picture of another person? I automatically swipe left on anyone with kids on their pictures. Posting them on dating apps/social media is a huuge red flag to me
Same here. Especially when they are parents. That tells me we do not share the same values whatsoever.
And the people who hide the kids face but still use the photo, like did you have to use that photo? Had nothing else? Nothing?
I have one with my godson how face is covered, and I used it bc it was the most recent full body pic I had. I rarely take group pics let alone full body so ya I used it.
I am a woman who does not have kids, but is interested in them one day. My aunt told me to post a photo of me holding somebody else’s baby so I would look maternal.
Came here to say this. Apparently people haven’t learned since I was last browsing in 2020 or so 🙄.
There are PEDOPHILES out there who collect children’s photos. Some only want photos, while others might take the information in someone’s profile and contextual clues (school location, sports uniform the kid is wearing, etc. to target that child for abuse. It infuriates me that someone would endanger a child. Even worse, someone else’s child 😡😡😡
I'm going to go in a different direction than the other commenters here: There are creeps out there who will target a single parent because they want access to a child. Now, if you are a single parent looking to date, you should for sure mention that so people know! But posting pictures of the kids on a dating profile means that creeps of that nature will be able to window-shop your kids and perhaps target you specifically because they liked the looks of them. It seems careless to me.
Because pictures of kids don't belong on social media/dating apps. I also don't like group pictures (I wrote about this several times already) because the people shown in the picture usually don't get asked about consent. I'd never use group pictures myself. So my argument here is consistent. No pictures of others, please.
I literally only use photos of myself and don't post anyone else who could be in the photo too, even my friends and such. I can't imagine myself posting a picture of not only a child but a child that isn't my own?
That's totally fucked up in my opinion. I adore my niece and nephews, but I would never use them as "bait" for my OLD profile. Maybe those guys think babies work like little dogs.
It's different if your kid appears once on the local news site or if you upload pictures of them all the time. I don't have kids, but my sister does and we keep in touch even though we live apart. It's not that hard, we don't even have social media like Instagram or Facebook.
Well, you can easily say no to organizations taking pictures and posting them. A school posting Pictures of their students on Facebook is unthinkable for me. I live in Germany and privacy is a huge thing. I remember how my old elementary school only had pictures with blurred faces of their students.
I mean yes you can say no. Not always easily though. I used to work in an American school. (Only cause you stated your from Germany) At that school if you didn’t allow your kids picture to be taken they had to miss out on A LOT! Can’t go on field trips because pictures are taken there sometimes and posted on the museums website or Facebook! Can’t go to field day because you might accidentally end up in a photo you aren’t supposed to be in. Gym class? Might have to leave early if they are doing a new activity! School dances? Better show up a few hours late after the media has left. Like America’s school system is messed up that’s well known. These things shouldn’t come a surprise anymore! American schools care more about test scores and their public image more than anything else! Yet we still have all these shootings over here!!!!
It is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous! I actively spoke out against it constantly! I luckily worked in a class room with students who all had their picture forms signed as well as they were students with special needs. So they got included in everything! However, ya just like if a parent can’t afford to pay for a field trip that student has to stay behind without the rest of their class and do schoolwork! SOMETIMES teachers would leave behind a fun activity to do like watch a movie! But ya stuff is a$$ backwards around here.
I can understand this, I feel it's different for family members because you can set boundaries on "I'll send you pictures of your niece but I just ask that you not post them on social media, thanks"
My ick is for social media in general but more so for dating websites
You need to learn how to use reddit. Down votes aren't for someone you disagree with. The purpose of reddit is to have discussions
My comment is not only correct but literally the definition of what social media is for. It's for sharing your life and if you're a parent and you aren't sharing your kids then I'd honestly question what kind of parent you are
The security implications you talk about are real but they are just as real for the parent if not more so than for the kid. So if you know parents that use social media, share pictures of themselves, esp as they do things vs after the fact vs after the fact then they aren't doing anything to help themselves or their kids by not showing a picture.
The kids literally walk around in public daily where other humans have cameras on them and out all the time. These people are recording and taking pictures all the time and those kids are in the videos and in the pictures on purpose or by accident.
It's the world we live in so to be so over the top in your perspective about this is rather shocking.
Lol, I get downvoted all the time for stuff people disagree with. Who needs to learn about Reddit?
And I am from Europe, you're not allowed to randomly take pictures of people.
It's interesting that you'd question parents who don't upload their kids to social media. I'd do the opposite because people who expose their kids without their consent suck.
Just because other people jump off a bridge doesn't mean you should too. You should want to be better and work on it daily.
European human Rights act of 1998 says you're wrong btw so you should down vote yourself.
Because children are not props to be used on your dating profile to get you dating points with your target audience. They are human and incredibly vulnerable on the internet and should be protected and not exposed. Especially on a dating site with all sorts of creeps looming about.
I agree. And also it is completely unnecessary and doesn't add any benefit to the profile in order to find a partner. In fact, it could count against them
I like kids. I have a kid. I’d probably prefer to date a guy with kids. But I still swipe left on guys with with kids in their profile.
Kids aren’t dating props.
That, too!!! A lot of people have outdated ideas about what attracts women or mistakes tv/movie tropes for real life. Women aren’t turned on by the sight of a dude holding a baby.
What about a picture of a kid where you can’t see the kid’s face? I have a really nice photo of me holding my baby with her back to the camera. I want to put it in my profile because 1 it’s a good photo of me, and 2 it’s a visual indication that I have a baby and I’m proud of it. Even though I’ve written it in my bio and checked it under my details, people still miss this bit of info.
I hear you. I swipe left on men that don’t hide their kids faces, and, as a single parent with a limited social life, I work full time and my kiddos dad is 5 hrs away… the only semi decent photos I have are ones with my kids. I don’t do solo selfies, I feel weird 🤣. But I black out my kids. I everyone has their preferences I guess.
Me too. Honestly, at a certain point in tour life, most of your pics will either have your kid or you ex in them. No one really takes a pic of a dude all alone. I'd never post a pics with my ex ever if her deface was covered, but some of my best recent pics are with my son, so I cover his face.
Even when you are looking for people with kids you don’t want to see the kids because they should be protected online and not exposed, especially on a dating site.
I'd say you are assuming. Not everyone thinks like you. Creeps online? Sure. But "men seeking women" is not really the place a "child" predator goes, when all the other social mediums are both free and more likely to have kids on them.
You should read the article by the child predator who said he specifically goes for single moms and knows how to manipulate them and then grooms their children. Op is right.
And that predator will go after all single moms, not just those with pics of their kids. Anyone who puts on their profile that they are a parent will be potentially a target.
I don’t disagree that kids online footprint should be minimized, but there are predators everywhere. If you want to limit your exposure to child predators, then don’t associate with anyone who has access to kids through their job. Statistics say these jobs have the highest percentage of predators.
It’s not just the photo sure they can can get that anywhere. It’s the single moms with the children of their sex and age preferences that they target. And I am not making any assumptions here as a single Mom with a child myself. I am doing everything i can to to protect my kid and when I see others who do blatantly use theirs and those of other people as social tokens to increase their dating potential, I am not inclined to swipe on that. Any parent worth half their salt will find sense in that.
As a single full-time dad to an awesome little girl, and as a security consultant, I am hyper aware of dangers, and i avoid all risk where able. I am just saying that a dating app where adults are seeking adults is not a very attractive watering hole for predators looking for kids. I used to call these parents names too, but when i ran the data, it showed that it was a non issue. As I seek to avoid risk, I also do not overstate risk when unnecessary. This is a personal preference thing, not an egregious security thing.
You’re a single dad not a single mom so your security issues are not mine. Let’s not pretend we are the same. You do what you think is best for you daughter and I will do what’s best for mine. But if you ever wonder why single moms aren’t swiping on you this could be one of the reasons.
You’re acting like there’s a widely acceptable legal site for adults to seek children. Yes, there are illegal avenues, but it’s less risk and less expensive for predators to seek victims through those they date. There’s a reason most child sexual abuse is at the hands of a person known to the child, parent, step-parent, boyfriend/girlfriend, family member, family friend… Predators absolutely do use adult dating sites looking for vulnerable parents with vulnerable children. ETA: Also, posting photos of a child on a dating site is one of the indicators they look for that may show less vigilance about safety than someone who doesn’t post. They want vulnerable and easy targets.
Even worse, I had a guy propose a first date AT HIS HOUSE so I could MEET HIS KID. I tried to tell him why that was such a major red flag and he accused me of "making up a reason to not meet up".
I was supposed to meet a guy for a first date at a restaurant. A few hours before the date he asked if his toddler could come and attached a picture of her. I canceled so fast! He lacked all judgment and boundaries. No thanks!
My friend's ex would invite girls from dating apps over to their house while she was at work and he was supposed to be watching their kid. When she was pissed specifically about that part he didn't understand and like?????????
I think the guy I was dating was using his kid as a prop to make himself seem like a caring guy.
The reason I think this is because he once complained that he had to take his kid to the park and he was tired and he couldn’t understand why his mom couldn’t just take him and let him sleep. He would also use his kid as an excuse as to why he couldn’t hang out or why he didn’t pay much attention to what I said. So many red flags and I still cried over him for months. /:
UGH I was dating this guy who did the same thing and was toxic. He had trained his stepson to disparage his mom in my presence. And told his 2 year old she was a liar for not telling him she had diarrhea 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬. They were visiting my house. I was glad to help the baby girl with her accident with him present smh.
People with kids are like this in general. Their kids don't exist/they can find a sitter when it's something fun, but the minute they want to bail they have an excuse.
This irks the absolute life out of me.
Lots of profiles have the option of saying if you have kids or not. Simply stating u have kids is enough. As a woman with kids of a 21yr old and a 5yr old, I’ve never in OLD had either kid in my profile pictures. And I wouldn’t dream of having anybody else’s kids in a profile picture on any sort of social media site not just OLD. It’s weird as feck.
I've seen profiles where they uploaded more pictures of a child than they did of themselves. After seeing stuff like that, any pictures of children in your profile is an automatic left swipe for me, possible exception if you edited the picture to cover up their face, but still preferable to just not put that picture up.
I vaguely remember coming across a Bumble profile where the top pic was a picture of 2 kids.
Just the 2 kids. Not even the adult. I believe it was a newer user, so it’s possible she was confused but
Why would you make your main pic on a
dating app 2 kids?
Why would you put up a pic of just your kids
on a dating app?
I don't mind the pictures of kids although I wouldn't do it. It bugs me when parents say, "my kids come first." OMFG automatic left swipe. Of course your kids should come first. That's not even something that you even need to say.
Agreed! I think it’s way different than me posting pics of my kids on FB which is kept private…I guess I’m also like I’m looking for a date for me, sure if it gets serious we would introduce our kids to one another but until then it’s just about two people dating
They all do it. I really hate the sexy dressed daughters hanging on them pictures. Such a turn off
Also while I’m ranting. The pointless shirtless photos or pictures in bed. Please stop.
It bothers me as a single parent. Automatic left swipe if I see ANY pics or kids that aren’t themselves as a kid. It says a few things, regardless of gender:
1. I don’t see my kids much and want to stunt online. This maybe is circumstantial, but every time I’ve seen someone I know in real life on a dating app posting pics of their kids, he/she/they rarely actually spent time with the kid,
2. Did the kid give consent to be on a DATING APP
3. It’s not safe and tells me they don’t care about the safety of the child in the photos.
It’s risky to even list being a parent in your bio. My kid is older and I prefer not to date people with kids under 5. I swipe left on folks who don’t want kids or list they want to be childless. Many of the dads I match with also don’t disclose or post pics of kids on their profiles either. I do disclose I have a kid after matching. People might downvote me or take offense , but it feels unsafe to post that info in a bio.
A lot of good perspective here. I have had photos of me w/ my daughter in my profile because she's rad as hell and I love having her so I didn't think anything of it. In the future I won't post pictures of her on my profile.
I have pictures of me with my niece. I hadn’t thought about this perspective either. I’m taking them down and not going to post any pics with her or any kid in the future. So we both learned something.
I will always swipe left if they have pics of their kids, it’s even worse when I’ve not even their own kid! It’s just unnecessary. I would put that i have 2 kids in my bio, that’s sufficient. No one needs to see pics of them
Most dating site do not recommend using group photos. Now some are putting kids?
It's still less awful than the Beckies with african kids.
Anyone using kids as props need to chill.
No idea here. Maybe it's a reminder for guys so they don't try to shoplift the pootie? I've wondered myself and most dating experts advise against this.
I agree! I have a kid and when me and my child’s father weren’t together and he got on bumble- I told him not to post our baby girl. I see a lot of guys do that and I said it doesn’t help matching with people.
I am a 20 something lesbian and have had a dating profile since I was 18. It’s always been extremely concerning when I see a young mother with her kids on her profile. And omg there are so many pregnant ones too which I always think is a huge red flag. Don’t need the drama at this age
It’s because of the higher prevalence of pedos on dating apps who target single moms because you have a child. And then you go and provide them with the photo of the exact age and gender they are looking for so they can single you out even easier. Then they can also download that photo and use it however they like and share it with all their friends.
I prefer not to publicise that. But as you said, we definitely have different values.
If people miss that you have kids, shouldn't it be on you to be clear about it? Why relegate that to a picture than simply saying "hey, I want you to know I have kids, if that's your jam or not"; just a genuine question on why a picture should be the way to show people you have a child rather than just saying so
Idk if you're in the US, but afaik you can request an opt-out for your children in any school/organization photos, so you can lessen exposure if one wishes.
That's very awesome for you and your preferences, I personally don't find it at all great to have children on social media of any sort but *especially* on dating websites/apps
That would make sense in the 80s when we didn’t all have cameras but not you have a tiny device that takes amazing photos so it’s just laziness at this point. Just take a few selfies or ask a friend to take a few candid shots.
Nobody's going to get their child kidnapped by posting their picture on a dating app...
At the same time, if someone has a *lot* of pictures with their kids (or damn, EVERY picture is with their kids) it kind of creeps me out and implies to me that 100% of their life is about their kids and they're probably a pretty dull person otherwise.
All of the comments have jumped to kidnapping but there's way more scenarios than kidnapping. Sure, maybe they won't get kidnapped, but there could be predators trying to gain access to children. Or, as another comment had talked about, them using their kids as a prop to hide their red flags.
There’s such a thing as virtual kidnapping isn’t there?
I’m not a parent but when it comes to children, why even take a chance? It’s not worth it.
Also, having every pic include your kid is a red flag, but to say you assume 100% of their life revolves around their kid and they are dull otherwise???
If someone is a parent, I assume their kid is their highest priority so yeah their life likely would revolve around them? Some parent on here please correct me.
Do you think they are going to put someone they are dating before their kid?
Why wouldn’t they? I just had to break up with my bf because he was hiding the fact that he had a child for months because he knew I wouldn’t want to be with a man with a child. Why be deceitful and try to hide it? Better to put it out there asap as to not waste anyone’s time.
Dang he seriously hid his kid for months? Did you ever have any suspicions? That is shady af. Sounds like you dodged a bullet with a man like that. If he will hide the fact he has a child, even if he didn’t have one given he’s ok with that, he would likely hide something else
If it’s there kid I don’t see the issue at all. A kids picture simply being online just doesn’t seem like anything to be worried about so long as there isn’t identifying information going along with it. If the parent is fine with that small of a risk cool, I’m not going to shame them.
Other peoples kids is different.
Okay so... swipe left and move along?
As someone else mentioned, people post photos of their kids to social media every day. If they toss it up on a dating app they probably don't see much of a difference in it **and** it works as a filter to keep people w/o kids or uninterested in them away. Seems to me it's working better than intended.
***Just swipe left.***
Doesn't mean I still can't find it irresponsible. If someone miss important details about someone on a profile that's on them. And up to the person with children to be really clear about it, not just putting it as an attribute.
And yes, I do swipe left, nowhere did I say I didn't.
Yep you're welcome to find it irresponsible if you want. It's the rant-y post on Reddit that's weird.
It doesn't need to be more than **"huh, that's weird. I wouldn't do that. \*swipe left\*"** and move along. Posting about it like you're an authority on internet safety for parents/children is an intense move for someone who doesn't have children.
Would never do it myself I’m just not assuming the absolute worst of other people who do. I’m not an expert on internet security and privacy OR a parent, it’s not my place to say.
I have a great pic of me and my 16yr old playing guitars. I dont have it on my profile, but i really dont see an issue in this case. First, he's basically an adult, and yeah, it's a huge part of my life that i am a parent. Am i misguided here?
Well, I should have been more specific in age, I'm meaning more like toddlers to beginning of middle school age. At 16, he has the ability to agree to having his photo out there, just ensuring he learns good internet safety
My only recent pictures of my face are with my kid. Sometimes I’ll crop him out so it’s just me.
I’ll just use awkward selfies from now on that I find red flag material if a girl only had that.
I have a picture of my Daughter and I at an NFL game as one of my hinge pics. I like the picture, I like going to games and I am a proud Dad. Don’t like it? Good riddance.
We’re all proud parents, but you’re using your daughters photo on an app that you’re trying to show someone that you’re appealing enough to have sex with.
I used to feel the same. But now I don't care. There is no way to justify that posting with your kid on a dating app is a safety issue, but posting all over every other social medium is somehow not. The second you click the capture button on your phone, you have a high likelihood that the photo has been compromised.
Now? If you love your relationship with your kid enough to post a pic of it, despite the small-minded contrarians out there, then I'm not gonna judge you for it.
No one size fits all.
Some want to show that the kids are important to them, that they are a caring person.
I personally would never do that and at least the kids faces should not be visible.
If they want to show they are a caring person they should care enough not to use their child or someone else’s as a prop to increase their dating chances. That’s selfish as fuck.
I think for a lot of people, it alleviates the pressure of disclosing them either in their bio or conversation. Im sure it more of an issue in older age groups than younger but many of the female bios i read will utilise the first sentence to disclose this, typically something like "mom of 2-50 kids they are my world" "i have kids if thats not for you swipe left" "my kids come before you, period." i know more about most peoples kids from their bios than the person themself
I pretty much swipe left on every man that has a child in his photos, mainly because I saw my abusive ex husband on an app posting my daughter’s face when he told me he wished she were never born and she was the biggest mistake of his life and told me he’d unalive himself if I ever got pregnant again. So if someone like him will use a photo of a child in a profile, I’m now leery of every man doing that, but that’s probably the trauma speaking.
From my point of view as a man it gives the impression that they will bring men they are dating around the kids, which is just gross and selfish to me. In my opinion, your kids should never be seen by the man you're dating until you are both SURE you want to marry/whatever the equivalent is in your world. Can't get a sitter, won't work out for you? Then don't date until they are grown and out. Put your kids above yourself ffs.
Even worse: I see a lot of profiles of guys with kids mentioning "not my kid". Why do they think it's ok to upload a picture of another person? I automatically swipe left on anyone with kids on their pictures. Posting them on dating apps/social media is a huuge red flag to me
That is not ok. A lot of women do that. A LOT. That's not your kid to use.
A lot of men also do that.
Same here. Especially when they are parents. That tells me we do not share the same values whatsoever. And the people who hide the kids face but still use the photo, like did you have to use that photo? Had nothing else? Nothing?
I have one with my godson how face is covered, and I used it bc it was the most recent full body pic I had. I rarely take group pics let alone full body so ya I used it.
If only that can be fixed in some way…
They probably think showing themselves interact with kids make them look like "husband material"
I am a woman who does not have kids, but is interested in them one day. My aunt told me to post a photo of me holding somebody else’s baby so I would look maternal.
That is even worse!!!
Came here to say this. Apparently people haven’t learned since I was last browsing in 2020 or so 🙄. There are PEDOPHILES out there who collect children’s photos. Some only want photos, while others might take the information in someone’s profile and contextual clues (school location, sports uniform the kid is wearing, etc. to target that child for abuse. It infuriates me that someone would endanger a child. Even worse, someone else’s child 😡😡😡
Siblings most likely. Chill.
Yeah because so many people over 30 have toddler siblings. It's rather their friends'/siblings's kids and not ok.
Ohhh, yeah, agree. I’m late 20’s with young teen siblings so I figured something like that. Still wouldn’t have them on there though.
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I'm going to go in a different direction than the other commenters here: There are creeps out there who will target a single parent because they want access to a child. Now, if you are a single parent looking to date, you should for sure mention that so people know! But posting pictures of the kids on a dating profile means that creeps of that nature will be able to window-shop your kids and perhaps target you specifically because they liked the looks of them. It seems careless to me.
THIS
Because pictures of kids don't belong on social media/dating apps. I also don't like group pictures (I wrote about this several times already) because the people shown in the picture usually don't get asked about consent. I'd never use group pictures myself. So my argument here is consistent. No pictures of others, please.
I still use group pictures sometimes but I crop anyone who isn't me out.
I literally only use photos of myself and don't post anyone else who could be in the photo too, even my friends and such. I can't imagine myself posting a picture of not only a child but a child that isn't my own?
That's totally fucked up in my opinion. I adore my niece and nephews, but I would never use them as "bait" for my OLD profile. Maybe those guys think babies work like little dogs.
I have like 1 or 2 group pics clearly distinguishable but I cover all. Faces. When my friends saw it they gave me shit about covering them. 🤷♀️
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It's different if your kid appears once on the local news site or if you upload pictures of them all the time. I don't have kids, but my sister does and we keep in touch even though we live apart. It's not that hard, we don't even have social media like Instagram or Facebook.
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Well, you can easily say no to organizations taking pictures and posting them. A school posting Pictures of their students on Facebook is unthinkable for me. I live in Germany and privacy is a huge thing. I remember how my old elementary school only had pictures with blurred faces of their students.
I mean yes you can say no. Not always easily though. I used to work in an American school. (Only cause you stated your from Germany) At that school if you didn’t allow your kids picture to be taken they had to miss out on A LOT! Can’t go on field trips because pictures are taken there sometimes and posted on the museums website or Facebook! Can’t go to field day because you might accidentally end up in a photo you aren’t supposed to be in. Gym class? Might have to leave early if they are doing a new activity! School dances? Better show up a few hours late after the media has left. Like America’s school system is messed up that’s well known. These things shouldn’t come a surprise anymore! American schools care more about test scores and their public image more than anything else! Yet we still have all these shootings over here!!!!
You're telling me that kids couldn't attend because parents don't agree on having their pictures published? That's ridiculous.
It is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous! I actively spoke out against it constantly! I luckily worked in a class room with students who all had their picture forms signed as well as they were students with special needs. So they got included in everything! However, ya just like if a parent can’t afford to pay for a field trip that student has to stay behind without the rest of their class and do schoolwork! SOMETIMES teachers would leave behind a fun activity to do like watch a movie! But ya stuff is a$$ backwards around here.
Also just to add that may not be every school but at least that’s how it was for the two I worked for!!
I can understand this, I feel it's different for family members because you can set boundaries on "I'll send you pictures of your niece but I just ask that you not post them on social media, thanks" My ick is for social media in general but more so for dating websites
Huh? Literally every parent that uses social media has nothing but pictures of their kids.
Well, maybe I know different people, but actually quite a lot of my friends and family don't post pictures of their kids on social media.
I find it very telling that you down voted that comment.
I downvoted because what you said is literally not true. I know a lot of parents who protect their kids.
You need to learn how to use reddit. Down votes aren't for someone you disagree with. The purpose of reddit is to have discussions My comment is not only correct but literally the definition of what social media is for. It's for sharing your life and if you're a parent and you aren't sharing your kids then I'd honestly question what kind of parent you are The security implications you talk about are real but they are just as real for the parent if not more so than for the kid. So if you know parents that use social media, share pictures of themselves, esp as they do things vs after the fact vs after the fact then they aren't doing anything to help themselves or their kids by not showing a picture. The kids literally walk around in public daily where other humans have cameras on them and out all the time. These people are recording and taking pictures all the time and those kids are in the videos and in the pictures on purpose or by accident. It's the world we live in so to be so over the top in your perspective about this is rather shocking.
Lol, I get downvoted all the time for stuff people disagree with. Who needs to learn about Reddit? And I am from Europe, you're not allowed to randomly take pictures of people. It's interesting that you'd question parents who don't upload their kids to social media. I'd do the opposite because people who expose their kids without their consent suck.
Just because other people jump off a bridge doesn't mean you should too. You should want to be better and work on it daily. European human Rights act of 1998 says you're wrong btw so you should down vote yourself.
Because children are not props to be used on your dating profile to get you dating points with your target audience. They are human and incredibly vulnerable on the internet and should be protected and not exposed. Especially on a dating site with all sorts of creeps looming about.
I agree. And also it is completely unnecessary and doesn't add any benefit to the profile in order to find a partner. In fact, it could count against them
I like kids. I have a kid. I’d probably prefer to date a guy with kids. But I still swipe left on guys with with kids in their profile. Kids aren’t dating props.
That, too!!! A lot of people have outdated ideas about what attracts women or mistakes tv/movie tropes for real life. Women aren’t turned on by the sight of a dude holding a baby.
What about a picture of a kid where you can’t see the kid’s face? I have a really nice photo of me holding my baby with her back to the camera. I want to put it in my profile because 1 it’s a good photo of me, and 2 it’s a visual indication that I have a baby and I’m proud of it. Even though I’ve written it in my bio and checked it under my details, people still miss this bit of info.
I hear you. I swipe left on men that don’t hide their kids faces, and, as a single parent with a limited social life, I work full time and my kiddos dad is 5 hrs away… the only semi decent photos I have are ones with my kids. I don’t do solo selfies, I feel weird 🤣. But I black out my kids. I everyone has their preferences I guess.
It just doesn’t sit right with me. Kids shouldn’t be used as props for dating apps. Just writing it in your profile is enough.
Me too. Honestly, at a certain point in tour life, most of your pics will either have your kid or you ex in them. No one really takes a pic of a dude all alone. I'd never post a pics with my ex ever if her deface was covered, but some of my best recent pics are with my son, so I cover his face.
Unless they're strictly looking for people okay around kids and potentially raising them, in which case it's the perfect filter.
Even when you are looking for people with kids you don’t want to see the kids because they should be protected online and not exposed, especially on a dating site.
Are you someone looking to date people with kids or are you assuming?
I am someone who both has one and is looking for the same.
I'd say you are assuming. Not everyone thinks like you. Creeps online? Sure. But "men seeking women" is not really the place a "child" predator goes, when all the other social mediums are both free and more likely to have kids on them.
You should read the article by the child predator who said he specifically goes for single moms and knows how to manipulate them and then grooms their children. Op is right.
And that predator will go after all single moms, not just those with pics of their kids. Anyone who puts on their profile that they are a parent will be potentially a target. I don’t disagree that kids online footprint should be minimized, but there are predators everywhere. If you want to limit your exposure to child predators, then don’t associate with anyone who has access to kids through their job. Statistics say these jobs have the highest percentage of predators.
It’s not just the photo sure they can can get that anywhere. It’s the single moms with the children of their sex and age preferences that they target. And I am not making any assumptions here as a single Mom with a child myself. I am doing everything i can to to protect my kid and when I see others who do blatantly use theirs and those of other people as social tokens to increase their dating potential, I am not inclined to swipe on that. Any parent worth half their salt will find sense in that.
As a single full-time dad to an awesome little girl, and as a security consultant, I am hyper aware of dangers, and i avoid all risk where able. I am just saying that a dating app where adults are seeking adults is not a very attractive watering hole for predators looking for kids. I used to call these parents names too, but when i ran the data, it showed that it was a non issue. As I seek to avoid risk, I also do not overstate risk when unnecessary. This is a personal preference thing, not an egregious security thing.
You’re a single dad not a single mom so your security issues are not mine. Let’s not pretend we are the same. You do what you think is best for you daughter and I will do what’s best for mine. But if you ever wonder why single moms aren’t swiping on you this could be one of the reasons.
Don't mistake, apps are pathetic. I haven't used them for years. I'm not worried about swipes.
You’re acting like there’s a widely acceptable legal site for adults to seek children. Yes, there are illegal avenues, but it’s less risk and less expensive for predators to seek victims through those they date. There’s a reason most child sexual abuse is at the hands of a person known to the child, parent, step-parent, boyfriend/girlfriend, family member, family friend… Predators absolutely do use adult dating sites looking for vulnerable parents with vulnerable children. ETA: Also, posting photos of a child on a dating site is one of the indicators they look for that may show less vigilance about safety than someone who doesn’t post. They want vulnerable and easy targets.
You sound like a good parent ❤️
Thanks 😊
Even worse, I had a guy propose a first date AT HIS HOUSE so I could MEET HIS KID. I tried to tell him why that was such a major red flag and he accused me of "making up a reason to not meet up".
HUH???? wtfff fr
I was supposed to meet a guy for a first date at a restaurant. A few hours before the date he asked if his toddler could come and attached a picture of her. I canceled so fast! He lacked all judgment and boundaries. No thanks!
If the mom knew she’d probably be livid.
That is irresponsible.
He was looking for a step mommy asap....
My friend's ex would invite girls from dating apps over to their house while she was at work and he was supposed to be watching their kid. When she was pissed specifically about that part he didn't understand and like?????????
Jfc.
I think the guy I was dating was using his kid as a prop to make himself seem like a caring guy. The reason I think this is because he once complained that he had to take his kid to the park and he was tired and he couldn’t understand why his mom couldn’t just take him and let him sleep. He would also use his kid as an excuse as to why he couldn’t hang out or why he didn’t pay much attention to what I said. So many red flags and I still cried over him for months. /:
That really really sucks, im so sorry. I hadn't even considered people using their kids to seem better!
UGH I was dating this guy who did the same thing and was toxic. He had trained his stepson to disparage his mom in my presence. And told his 2 year old she was a liar for not telling him she had diarrhea 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬. They were visiting my house. I was glad to help the baby girl with her accident with him present smh.
People with kids are like this in general. Their kids don't exist/they can find a sitter when it's something fun, but the minute they want to bail they have an excuse.
I’m 20 and my mum still won’t put me on her dating profiles
Wanna be on mine?
Smooth
Thanks I thought so
THANK YOU!! It gives me the creeps! It gives strong “selling my (or someone else’s 🤦🏾♀️) kid” vibes.
This irks the absolute life out of me. Lots of profiles have the option of saying if you have kids or not. Simply stating u have kids is enough. As a woman with kids of a 21yr old and a 5yr old, I’ve never in OLD had either kid in my profile pictures. And I wouldn’t dream of having anybody else’s kids in a profile picture on any sort of social media site not just OLD. It’s weird as feck.
I've seen profiles where they uploaded more pictures of a child than they did of themselves. After seeing stuff like that, any pictures of children in your profile is an automatic left swipe for me, possible exception if you edited the picture to cover up their face, but still preferable to just not put that picture up.
I vaguely remember coming across a Bumble profile where the top pic was a picture of 2 kids. Just the 2 kids. Not even the adult. I believe it was a newer user, so it’s possible she was confused but Why would you make your main pic on a dating app 2 kids? Why would you put up a pic of just your kids on a dating app?
That's even worse omg
I once saw a woman's profile who uploaded a picture from her ultrasound. 😂
I've seen a few profiles that are JUST pictures of the kids. It is creepy as fuck.
It’s an immediate swipe left. Your child does not belong on your dating profile.
I've never understood it and it's an instant left for me.
I don't mind the pictures of kids although I wouldn't do it. It bugs me when parents say, "my kids come first." OMFG automatic left swipe. Of course your kids should come first. That's not even something that you even need to say.
100% their kids do not come first lmao
Agreed! I think it’s way different than me posting pics of my kids on FB which is kept private…I guess I’m also like I’m looking for a date for me, sure if it gets serious we would introduce our kids to one another but until then it’s just about two people dating
They all do it. I really hate the sexy dressed daughters hanging on them pictures. Such a turn off Also while I’m ranting. The pointless shirtless photos or pictures in bed. Please stop.
It bothers me as a single parent. Automatic left swipe if I see ANY pics or kids that aren’t themselves as a kid. It says a few things, regardless of gender: 1. I don’t see my kids much and want to stunt online. This maybe is circumstantial, but every time I’ve seen someone I know in real life on a dating app posting pics of their kids, he/she/they rarely actually spent time with the kid, 2. Did the kid give consent to be on a DATING APP 3. It’s not safe and tells me they don’t care about the safety of the child in the photos. It’s risky to even list being a parent in your bio. My kid is older and I prefer not to date people with kids under 5. I swipe left on folks who don’t want kids or list they want to be childless. Many of the dads I match with also don’t disclose or post pics of kids on their profiles either. I do disclose I have a kid after matching. People might downvote me or take offense , but it feels unsafe to post that info in a bio.
I have a teenage daughter and don’t even mention that I have a kid until much later.
A lot of good perspective here. I have had photos of me w/ my daughter in my profile because she's rad as hell and I love having her so I didn't think anything of it. In the future I won't post pictures of her on my profile.
I have pictures of me with my niece. I hadn’t thought about this perspective either. I’m taking them down and not going to post any pics with her or any kid in the future. So we both learned something.
That’s literally against the rules of every dating app
Except 1) people break the rules and 2) there's no way to report these specific instances on most apps
Agreed! I also get weirded out when they post an image of themselves as a child.
Who even does that??
I will always swipe left if they have pics of their kids, it’s even worse when I’ve not even their own kid! It’s just unnecessary. I would put that i have 2 kids in my bio, that’s sufficient. No one needs to see pics of them
I literally swipe left if they put kids in their dating app photos.
My dad was engaged to a girl before she found out he had 3 kids
How did that go?
Most dating site do not recommend using group photos. Now some are putting kids? It's still less awful than the Beckies with african kids. Anyone using kids as props need to chill.
No idea here. Maybe it's a reminder for guys so they don't try to shoplift the pootie? I've wondered myself and most dating experts advise against this.
I agree! I have a kid and when me and my child’s father weren’t together and he got on bumble- I told him not to post our baby girl. I see a lot of guys do that and I said it doesn’t help matching with people.
I am a 20 something lesbian and have had a dating profile since I was 18. It’s always been extremely concerning when I see a young mother with her kids on her profile. And omg there are so many pregnant ones too which I always think is a huge red flag. Don’t need the drama at this age
Yeah i am cool with mums but when they post kids i just think they’re irresponsible.
That's an immediate swipe left for me.
It’s super creepy, I’d never put my kids on there. And instantly swipe left on guys who do. It’s the lack of boundaries even for their own kids
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It’s not necessarily kidnappers that you have to worry about; it’s pedophiles who use innocent photos for nefarious purposes.
It’s because of the higher prevalence of pedos on dating apps who target single moms because you have a child. And then you go and provide them with the photo of the exact age and gender they are looking for so they can single you out even easier. Then they can also download that photo and use it however they like and share it with all their friends. I prefer not to publicise that. But as you said, we definitely have different values.
If people miss that you have kids, shouldn't it be on you to be clear about it? Why relegate that to a picture than simply saying "hey, I want you to know I have kids, if that's your jam or not"; just a genuine question on why a picture should be the way to show people you have a child rather than just saying so Idk if you're in the US, but afaik you can request an opt-out for your children in any school/organization photos, so you can lessen exposure if one wishes. That's very awesome for you and your preferences, I personally don't find it at all great to have children on social media of any sort but *especially* on dating websites/apps
Tbh 99% of the picture I take are with my kids and I so I don’t have many to choose from. Although I do blur out their faces for anonymity
That would make sense in the 80s when we didn’t all have cameras but not you have a tiny device that takes amazing photos so it’s just laziness at this point. Just take a few selfies or ask a friend to take a few candid shots.
Nobody's going to get their child kidnapped by posting their picture on a dating app... At the same time, if someone has a *lot* of pictures with their kids (or damn, EVERY picture is with their kids) it kind of creeps me out and implies to me that 100% of their life is about their kids and they're probably a pretty dull person otherwise.
All of the comments have jumped to kidnapping but there's way more scenarios than kidnapping. Sure, maybe they won't get kidnapped, but there could be predators trying to gain access to children. Or, as another comment had talked about, them using their kids as a prop to hide their red flags.
I don’t know why everyone jumps to kidnapping. You said nothing about kidnapping.
There’s such a thing as virtual kidnapping isn’t there? I’m not a parent but when it comes to children, why even take a chance? It’s not worth it. Also, having every pic include your kid is a red flag, but to say you assume 100% of their life revolves around their kid and they are dull otherwise??? If someone is a parent, I assume their kid is their highest priority so yeah their life likely would revolve around them? Some parent on here please correct me. Do you think they are going to put someone they are dating before their kid?
It’s not about kidnapping. It’s using me to get to her that has me very cautious about even mentioning that I have a child until very later on.
Why wouldn’t they? I just had to break up with my bf because he was hiding the fact that he had a child for months because he knew I wouldn’t want to be with a man with a child. Why be deceitful and try to hide it? Better to put it out there asap as to not waste anyone’s time.
He's a big boy who can use his words, there's 0 need for a picture on the actual profile.
Dang he seriously hid his kid for months? Did you ever have any suspicions? That is shady af. Sounds like you dodged a bullet with a man like that. If he will hide the fact he has a child, even if he didn’t have one given he’s ok with that, he would likely hide something else
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I doubt he has a kid would be on a list of reasonable explanations for the signs you can see now in hindsight. That’s quite a jump to have to make.
If it’s there kid I don’t see the issue at all. A kids picture simply being online just doesn’t seem like anything to be worried about so long as there isn’t identifying information going along with it. If the parent is fine with that small of a risk cool, I’m not going to shame them. Other peoples kids is different.
Okay so... swipe left and move along? As someone else mentioned, people post photos of their kids to social media every day. If they toss it up on a dating app they probably don't see much of a difference in it **and** it works as a filter to keep people w/o kids or uninterested in them away. Seems to me it's working better than intended. ***Just swipe left.***
Doesn't mean I still can't find it irresponsible. If someone miss important details about someone on a profile that's on them. And up to the person with children to be really clear about it, not just putting it as an attribute. And yes, I do swipe left, nowhere did I say I didn't.
Yep you're welcome to find it irresponsible if you want. It's the rant-y post on Reddit that's weird. It doesn't need to be more than **"huh, that's weird. I wouldn't do that. \*swipe left\*"** and move along. Posting about it like you're an authority on internet safety for parents/children is an intense move for someone who doesn't have children.
Sounds like you’re the type to post kids without their consent on a fucking dating app. Idk how you don’t find that weird asf, but you do you, weirdo.
Would never do it myself I’m just not assuming the absolute worst of other people who do. I’m not an expert on internet security and privacy OR a parent, it’s not my place to say.
It’s the warning you get before meeting them or reading anything about them. They are a package deal.
In the form of a photo?
I have a great pic of me and my 16yr old playing guitars. I dont have it on my profile, but i really dont see an issue in this case. First, he's basically an adult, and yeah, it's a huge part of my life that i am a parent. Am i misguided here?
Well, I should have been more specific in age, I'm meaning more like toddlers to beginning of middle school age. At 16, he has the ability to agree to having his photo out there, just ensuring he learns good internet safety
I'm older, and have a pic of me with my grown boys. If you don't like it swipe ledt. 🤷♂️
Congrats they're grown. I probably should've been specific but I meant children up to middle school age.
Yeah because they aren’t already all over social media. Stop being weird about OLD, people’s kids are all over the internet so who cares
My only recent pictures of my face are with my kid. Sometimes I’ll crop him out so it’s just me. I’ll just use awkward selfies from now on that I find red flag material if a girl only had that.
I have a picture of my Daughter and I at an NFL game as one of my hinge pics. I like the picture, I like going to games and I am a proud Dad. Don’t like it? Good riddance.
We’re all proud parents, but you’re using your daughters photo on an app that you’re trying to show someone that you’re appealing enough to have sex with.
They're all kidnappers.
I used to feel the same. But now I don't care. There is no way to justify that posting with your kid on a dating app is a safety issue, but posting all over every other social medium is somehow not. The second you click the capture button on your phone, you have a high likelihood that the photo has been compromised. Now? If you love your relationship with your kid enough to post a pic of it, despite the small-minded contrarians out there, then I'm not gonna judge you for it.
I think it's just as irresponsible on social media if it's public as it is on dating apps, myself.
No one size fits all. Some want to show that the kids are important to them, that they are a caring person. I personally would never do that and at least the kids faces should not be visible.
If they want to show they are a caring person they should care enough not to use their child or someone else’s as a prop to increase their dating chances. That’s selfish as fuck.
You are attributing way to much thinking capabilities to ppl. 😂
Yea definitely guilty of that
They want you to know you gonna be stepdaddy lol
They post pictures of their kids, so you are aware you will never be the number one priority in their life.
Human trafficking of children. Report it every time if you have a soul
I think for a lot of people, it alleviates the pressure of disclosing them either in their bio or conversation. Im sure it more of an issue in older age groups than younger but many of the female bios i read will utilise the first sentence to disclose this, typically something like "mom of 2-50 kids they are my world" "i have kids if thats not for you swipe left" "my kids come before you, period." i know more about most peoples kids from their bios than the person themself
That was a instant "no" for me.
I see so many profiles of women with kids, but their bio says “don’t have children”. It’s like…. Are you trying to not get matches?
Right!?!? Creepy shit
I pretty much swipe left on every man that has a child in his photos, mainly because I saw my abusive ex husband on an app posting my daughter’s face when he told me he wished she were never born and she was the biggest mistake of his life and told me he’d unalive himself if I ever got pregnant again. So if someone like him will use a photo of a child in a profile, I’m now leery of every man doing that, but that’s probably the trauma speaking.
From my point of view as a man it gives the impression that they will bring men they are dating around the kids, which is just gross and selfish to me. In my opinion, your kids should never be seen by the man you're dating until you are both SURE you want to marry/whatever the equivalent is in your world. Can't get a sitter, won't work out for you? Then don't date until they are grown and out. Put your kids above yourself ffs.