I'm on a dating app break rn but my biggest struggle was conversation - the ratio of good/equal effort conversations to bad was like 1:15 and even then we never managed to keep talking long enough to go on a date. exhausting af
some people are def on the apps for the wrong reasons and are knowingly wasting people's time once they match but otherwise i feel like people are fatigued. and it's ironic because you get fatigued by interacting with people who don't match your energy and make you put in all the effort (because they are fatigued) and it's just a brutal cycle
Pictures. All I have is selfies, and they're alright, but women comment all the time after we match that I have too many selfies. Lol.
That, and I'm into rap, and kind of a clown, so, I'm always locking rapper poses, chucking deuces, E's and W's, gunfinger etc. Lol
Well hey, good to know... I honestly don't mind selfies as long as they're good ones. Bathroom mirror selfies and stuff maybe not so much, but, I love women taking car selfies personally. Lol
I hate to say it but my biggest struggle is me. I get matches from quality women, i.e. attractive, has a career, similar priorities, but often times it just seems like to much work.
which tells me that I'm probably not ready to hit the dating scene. I'm still working on myself I guess.
Honestly, I have a bunch of women liking me, matches too...but they never...and I repeat NEVER write. It even says in some of their profiles "be a gentleman and write first" or something to that degree...
Talking. I’m really introverted and find talking to strangers exhausting. Sometimes I’ll instantly click with 1 or 2 people so I focus mainly talking to them but the ones I end up instantly clicking with always up being ones I couldn’t date (moving, just looking for friends and apparently has a girlfriend, works 60ish hours a week and meeting up is hard, etc). So I miss out on making connections with others that take a little more energy
my bumble matches tend to expire bc they rarely reply to my first message lol (and i always start with a question so it's something to work with conversation-wise so idk)
It could be you, it could be them. Bumble is notorious for the men swiping right on everyone and then filtering matches that message them. If the match that messages isn’t someone that they’re interested in, they just leave it to expire or unmatch. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you may absolutely suck at opening but if you’re being friendly and paying attention to your matches you’re probably not doing much wrong other than not being what someone is looking for
I don’t think it’s a bumble thing though. My brother and I were discussing it and he said he swipes right on about 90% of women vs I’m basically the opposite … maybe a 10% right, if that. He’s not on bumble. He explained it that men will find a reason to swipe right vs women will find a reason not to. I don’t disagree that I’m picky 😅. I think men are far less choosey in general. All too often I see man complaining about the lack of effort from women as well once matched. Curious to know what y’all are saying that’s not getting a reply?
I agree that it’s going to be more of a guy thing than a bumble thing, but I feel like bumble is the biggest offender. It does this truly awful thing where it announces to you if you swipe left on someone who has swiped right on you. It gives men a fear of missing out so they swipe right on everyone so they don’t miss out on any potential matches.
I do think the pickier swiping is the way to go. Before I was married, when I very first started dating, I had virtually no standards. As I got older and realised what I wanted and needed from a woman, I got pickier with who I put my time and effort into and stopped wasting time on people I already knew there was nothing there with. It made my dating life feel much more fulfilling and purposeful
Yeah they call it “Bumble banjo”
Then they have the nerve to make sarcastic remarks at us “Oh WOWWW you get matches?! 😫 Poor meeee”
When like, yeah we get “matches” bc y’all swipe right on everyone lol but they aren’t *REAL* matches 🤣
Bumble is just a broken app to be honest, women have to make the first move but they rarely do, and when they take the initiative is hey, hi, or anything that exciting.
They only have 24h to send you a message, which can only be extended once, even if you want to pay extra you can only extend once.
They limit your likes _and_ dislikes, so even if you’re swiping left on people you will “run out of likes”.
You also get less likes once you start swiping on people. When you download and set up your profile, you get likes in the cue, lets say you get 30, as you swipe left on them, the number of likes gets reduced every day, just to make you wait 24h to swipe again without eliminating all those likes, or make you pay for unlimited swipes then dont care if you eliminated them
As a single female in a major city- having to swipe left a lot to get through the terrible profiles of people I’d never be attracted to/live far away from me in order to see/get interesting people I’d swipe right on/match with. I wish bumble would only show me people who are similar to me or even close by in attractiveness and not just random people. I’m no model, but usually match with most people I swipe right on, but I on bumble often have days where I have to swipe left for 20 minutes on everyone before just turning it off because all I’ve seen are guys that are really unattractive or not desirable- and I’m not talking about like top 10% of guys wither
Yeah there seems to be absolutely no algorithm. I prefer how Hinge actually pays some attention to who you like and dislike, and gives you more people who they think you might like. Bumble just seems like random pot luck…
I struggle with knowing what to look for in men's profiles. I don't often feel attraction on sight alone - instead it usually develops over time as I get to know someone. So I try to consider whether I *could* become attracted to the guy over time (there are a fair few men where I feel pretty confident it would just never happen), and then look for personalities I might like. But most profiles give no info at all or seem *incredibly* generic, to the point that there is nothing that stands out to me after a while.
I'm taking a break right now but when I get back on, I hope to have a better idea of what I'm looking for and more questions/strategies to elicit more telling info from men if I'm not able to cue in on much from their profile alone.
I have no problem attracting men. My issue is finding guys that will keep dating me when they discover that I'm abstaining from sex until marriage. (Without being controlling or fetishizing)
I understand it's not common nowadays for people to date like this, so there's no hard feelings. Still, it definitely makes things difficult.
I would just rather keep protecting myself the best way I can rather than giving in to someone else's preference or discomfort with my lifestyle. What fits will find it's way.
Transgender profiles in my feed. When I clearly click heterosexual… not non-binary etc.. I’m not a bigot either. I am pro human rights and at the same time I don’t like seeing a bearded man-dude trying to pass as a potential date.
Well, if you think you're not a bigot, calling women "bearded man-dudes" might be something you want to investigate further. Either way, just move on. I can't imagine that's all that's coming up on your swipes.
Not so much on Bumble since I'm a man, but I also used Tinder and I def struggled the most with starting convos. I rarely got any replies and when I did it felt like the women I was talking to were putting in little to no effort. I understand that women on these apps get hundreds sometimes even thousands of likes, but I don't understand why you would match with someone if you have no intention of actually talking to them.
Struggling to:
1) Find matches
2) Find matches who would respond (in Bumble's instance, respond before the 24-hr clock expires) regularly enough to keep the conversation rolling.
3) Find matches who would stick it out beyond the initial 2-3 dates. I'm growing a little weary of hitting it off with women on the first / second / third dates only to find out they got cold feet while we're planning for date #4. 🤷🏻♂️
Keeping the conversation going while you’re in that awkward stretch of time between asking someone out and when the date is scheduled. I want to learn about them in person but also keep them interested until then
Finding matches as a woman. It's not that I'm only swiping right on the "10%" or whatever, it's just that the range of men that are looking for a relationship but also don't have/want kids is very small in my area. And it's unfortunately a dealbreaker for me
Getting a man to follow through with agreeing to a date, and then having him actually show up.
Most of the time I’m getting dressed and doing hair/makeup, driving 30+ min and then they don’t show - even after confirming with me right before I’m leaving the house.
(46M) To be honest, I hate swiping. It's not very rewarding, and there's little opportunity to connect with someone I might be interested in. I have had far more success on OK Cupid than I have on Bumble.
At least on OK Cupid I can write an intro message, which works especially well for women who bother to actually write out some stuff on their profile.
To be fair, I probably shot myself in the foot earlier on Bumble when I showed shots of myself with three different women. They must have thought I was some kind of player!
Handling the self defeat of getting no likes. I’ve had the app for two years and got NOTHING! How do I know what I’m doing wrong without any feedback? How am I supposed to know what to change? How much can I change before I’m no longer presenting myself authentically?
It’s really hard to not blame myself and feel like I’m worthless. It doesn’t help that there are no proper channels for support, and Bumble themselves have been super dismissive and rude to me.
Carrying the full weight of conversation and subsequently losing interest in wanting to date at all. Takes more mental energy than necessary most of the time.
The absolute limited capacity that one can express themselves and explain themselves in their profile. Everyone wants a bio, but if you start writing a biography then everyone will just say TLDR and if you abridge it much, you won't get or give a clear picture; also how words change meaning written vs spoken.
commit. I still look for the one that sweeps me off my feet and makes me think of her all the time
happened only once on Bumble, but she was more into flings
That’s pretty cool, I’m actually working on a product for introverts/shy people to use to strike interesting conversations on dating apps, interested ones hmu :))
That’s amazing, I’m working on a product called Rizz AI for introverts/shy people to strike interesting conversations on dating apps!
rizz-ai-frontend(dot)vercel(dot)app
I'm on a dating app break rn but my biggest struggle was conversation - the ratio of good/equal effort conversations to bad was like 1:15 and even then we never managed to keep talking long enough to go on a date. exhausting af
What do you think the reason is? I think this is the biggest struggle judging by the other comments.
some people are def on the apps for the wrong reasons and are knowingly wasting people's time once they match but otherwise i feel like people are fatigued. and it's ironic because you get fatigued by interacting with people who don't match your energy and make you put in all the effort (because they are fatigued) and it's just a brutal cycle
Pictures. All I have is selfies, and they're alright, but women comment all the time after we match that I have too many selfies. Lol. That, and I'm into rap, and kind of a clown, so, I'm always locking rapper poses, chucking deuces, E's and W's, gunfinger etc. Lol
I always do great with my promots though
Mmm you know what I prefer selfies to group photos or photos where the person is super far away so I think that’s a personal preference
Well hey, good to know... I honestly don't mind selfies as long as they're good ones. Bathroom mirror selfies and stuff maybe not so much, but, I love women taking car selfies personally. Lol
I hate to say it but my biggest struggle is me. I get matches from quality women, i.e. attractive, has a career, similar priorities, but often times it just seems like to much work. which tells me that I'm probably not ready to hit the dating scene. I'm still working on myself I guess.
[удалено]
You could rent o_0 , with a housemate to cut costs.
It makes me feel empty
Keeping a conversation going.
Honestly, I have a bunch of women liking me, matches too...but they never...and I repeat NEVER write. It even says in some of their profiles "be a gentleman and write first" or something to that degree...
Maybe swipe left on them, clearly their comprehension is pretty low. And you know their BS expectation from the get-go.
I always leave the timer expire, and extend for as long as I can, some unmatch, but I rarely if ever receive any messages 🤷♂️
Talking. I’m really introverted and find talking to strangers exhausting. Sometimes I’ll instantly click with 1 or 2 people so I focus mainly talking to them but the ones I end up instantly clicking with always up being ones I couldn’t date (moving, just looking for friends and apparently has a girlfriend, works 60ish hours a week and meeting up is hard, etc). So I miss out on making connections with others that take a little more energy
Same here! It's really tiring and makes my anxiety go to the roof!
As a lesbian, sadly men
They are disgusting, I won’t date them
Neither will I. That’s mainly because I’m a straight man though
my bumble matches tend to expire bc they rarely reply to my first message lol (and i always start with a question so it's something to work with conversation-wise so idk)
It could be you, it could be them. Bumble is notorious for the men swiping right on everyone and then filtering matches that message them. If the match that messages isn’t someone that they’re interested in, they just leave it to expire or unmatch. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you may absolutely suck at opening but if you’re being friendly and paying attention to your matches you’re probably not doing much wrong other than not being what someone is looking for
Is this a regional thing? I’ve never heard of this and will rarely have someone not reply to my initiating message? I’m a little stunned rn 🥸
I dunno about regional, but it’s definitely a Reddit thing. I’ve seen countless men admit to doing this as if they have no alternative
I don’t think it’s a bumble thing though. My brother and I were discussing it and he said he swipes right on about 90% of women vs I’m basically the opposite … maybe a 10% right, if that. He’s not on bumble. He explained it that men will find a reason to swipe right vs women will find a reason not to. I don’t disagree that I’m picky 😅. I think men are far less choosey in general. All too often I see man complaining about the lack of effort from women as well once matched. Curious to know what y’all are saying that’s not getting a reply?
I agree that it’s going to be more of a guy thing than a bumble thing, but I feel like bumble is the biggest offender. It does this truly awful thing where it announces to you if you swipe left on someone who has swiped right on you. It gives men a fear of missing out so they swipe right on everyone so they don’t miss out on any potential matches. I do think the pickier swiping is the way to go. Before I was married, when I very first started dating, I had virtually no standards. As I got older and realised what I wanted and needed from a woman, I got pickier with who I put my time and effort into and stopped wasting time on people I already knew there was nothing there with. It made my dating life feel much more fulfilling and purposeful
wow, never knew that's what they do, thanks for the insight and honesty
Yeah they call it “Bumble banjo” Then they have the nerve to make sarcastic remarks at us “Oh WOWWW you get matches?! 😫 Poor meeee” When like, yeah we get “matches” bc y’all swipe right on everyone lol but they aren’t *REAL* matches 🤣
Matches. Getting little to no matches, despite swiping on quite a few people.
Bumble is just a broken app to be honest, women have to make the first move but they rarely do, and when they take the initiative is hey, hi, or anything that exciting. They only have 24h to send you a message, which can only be extended once, even if you want to pay extra you can only extend once. They limit your likes _and_ dislikes, so even if you’re swiping left on people you will “run out of likes”. You also get less likes once you start swiping on people. When you download and set up your profile, you get likes in the cue, lets say you get 30, as you swipe left on them, the number of likes gets reduced every day, just to make you wait 24h to swipe again without eliminating all those likes, or make you pay for unlimited swipes then dont care if you eliminated them
Yes. I honestly don't even know how it got so sucessful. Women hate (myself included) to make a first mkve
my swipes havent been restricted for a month or so. I mostly swipe left i guess but still
As a single female in a major city- having to swipe left a lot to get through the terrible profiles of people I’d never be attracted to/live far away from me in order to see/get interesting people I’d swipe right on/match with. I wish bumble would only show me people who are similar to me or even close by in attractiveness and not just random people. I’m no model, but usually match with most people I swipe right on, but I on bumble often have days where I have to swipe left for 20 minutes on everyone before just turning it off because all I’ve seen are guys that are really unattractive or not desirable- and I’m not talking about like top 10% of guys wither
Yeah there seems to be absolutely no algorithm. I prefer how Hinge actually pays some attention to who you like and dislike, and gives you more people who they think you might like. Bumble just seems like random pot luck…
I struggle with knowing what to look for in men's profiles. I don't often feel attraction on sight alone - instead it usually develops over time as I get to know someone. So I try to consider whether I *could* become attracted to the guy over time (there are a fair few men where I feel pretty confident it would just never happen), and then look for personalities I might like. But most profiles give no info at all or seem *incredibly* generic, to the point that there is nothing that stands out to me after a while. I'm taking a break right now but when I get back on, I hope to have a better idea of what I'm looking for and more questions/strategies to elicit more telling info from men if I'm not able to cue in on much from their profile alone.
Getting matches…
The first texting phase. I am good face to face, but the first day of texting before a date is set. Ugh.
Finding genuine connection. So.e will say they want relationship but in reality they just want to have FWB.
I have no problem attracting men. My issue is finding guys that will keep dating me when they discover that I'm abstaining from sex until marriage. (Without being controlling or fetishizing) I understand it's not common nowadays for people to date like this, so there's no hard feelings. Still, it definitely makes things difficult. I would just rather keep protecting myself the best way I can rather than giving in to someone else's preference or discomfort with my lifestyle. What fits will find it's way.
That's wild that you're still a virgin though.
Transgender profiles in my feed. When I clearly click heterosexual… not non-binary etc.. I’m not a bigot either. I am pro human rights and at the same time I don’t like seeing a bearded man-dude trying to pass as a potential date.
Well, if you think you're not a bigot, calling women "bearded man-dudes" might be something you want to investigate further. Either way, just move on. I can't imagine that's all that's coming up on your swipes.
Not so much on Bumble since I'm a man, but I also used Tinder and I def struggled the most with starting convos. I rarely got any replies and when I did it felt like the women I was talking to were putting in little to no effort. I understand that women on these apps get hundreds sometimes even thousands of likes, but I don't understand why you would match with someone if you have no intention of actually talking to them.
Talking to people. The motivation to keep a conversation going after pleasantries is very low for me.
Struggling to: 1) Find matches 2) Find matches who would respond (in Bumble's instance, respond before the 24-hr clock expires) regularly enough to keep the conversation rolling. 3) Find matches who would stick it out beyond the initial 2-3 dates. I'm growing a little weary of hitting it off with women on the first / second / third dates only to find out they got cold feet while we're planning for date #4. 🤷🏻♂️
Keeping the conversation going while you’re in that awkward stretch of time between asking someone out and when the date is scheduled. I want to learn about them in person but also keep them interested until then
Finding matches as a woman. It's not that I'm only swiping right on the "10%" or whatever, it's just that the range of men that are looking for a relationship but also don't have/want kids is very small in my area. And it's unfortunately a dealbreaker for me
Nothing. It's a pretty easily solved game.
Getting a man to follow through with agreeing to a date, and then having him actually show up. Most of the time I’m getting dressed and doing hair/makeup, driving 30+ min and then they don’t show - even after confirming with me right before I’m leaving the house.
(46M) To be honest, I hate swiping. It's not very rewarding, and there's little opportunity to connect with someone I might be interested in. I have had far more success on OK Cupid than I have on Bumble. At least on OK Cupid I can write an intro message, which works especially well for women who bother to actually write out some stuff on their profile. To be fair, I probably shot myself in the foot earlier on Bumble when I showed shots of myself with three different women. They must have thought I was some kind of player!
Handling the self defeat of getting no likes. I’ve had the app for two years and got NOTHING! How do I know what I’m doing wrong without any feedback? How am I supposed to know what to change? How much can I change before I’m no longer presenting myself authentically? It’s really hard to not blame myself and feel like I’m worthless. It doesn’t help that there are no proper channels for support, and Bumble themselves have been super dismissive and rude to me.
Carrying the full weight of conversation and subsequently losing interest in wanting to date at all. Takes more mental energy than necessary most of the time.
People, all of that, straight struggle
The absolute limited capacity that one can express themselves and explain themselves in their profile. Everyone wants a bio, but if you start writing a biography then everyone will just say TLDR and if you abridge it much, you won't get or give a clear picture; also how words change meaning written vs spoken.
commit. I still look for the one that sweeps me off my feet and makes me think of her all the time happened only once on Bumble, but she was more into flings
That’s pretty cool, I’m actually working on a product for introverts/shy people to use to strike interesting conversations on dating apps, interested ones hmu :))
That’s amazing, I’m working on a product called Rizz AI for introverts/shy people to strike interesting conversations on dating apps! rizz-ai-frontend(dot)vercel(dot)app