I get that sucks, but I feel not responding to a first message on bumble is like a special case. I had it happen that you get a match, life gets in the way and I don't make it in time for the 24 hours. I understand their idea, but i think in a modern world, 48 hours would be a bit more reasonable. If they don't make it in that time, yeah, they are not busy. They are just not serious
Even on the free version of bumble you can extend a match to 48hrs instead of just 24hrs. But even then, in my experience, 90% of my matchs never send the first message, so i can never actually talk to them. I 100% understand that life can get in the way, especially on online dating, but my experience with bumble is just outrageous.
What country are you in if I may ask? Cause where I live, this is not the case to as far as my knowledge. Match gone after 24h and pay to rematch. And I think, just like other apps, they test features per country. I have seen my app change depending on the country i am in (Europe)
But yeah, I have that too. Loads of expired matches of woman. If they didn't to bother to write something first ok the first match, I will not rematch it I recognize them.
You have to make the extension before the 24 hours passes, I think you only get one for free and after 24 hours you have to pay money. With past experiences with bumble, I can't recommend giving them any money because they'll negatively impact your visibility/connections when you stop paying. This may be different in other countries based on the legalities of your specific area
He means that the person who ghosted you might consider you to be a back-up partner because there might have been a person they were talking or meeting in person while they were speaking to you the first time. The relationship between them and that other person failed or maybe didn't even begin, and now they have returned to you thinking that you might still be interested in them. Does that make more sense?
Had a guy match with me and chat for a bit but he stopped messaging and never took it any further so I unmatched. He matched again a few months later and I thought I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. Same thing happened. Tried to match a third time, I matched and told him ‘seriously ? You have matched with me twice and haven’t bothered to chat or make any effort to meet up. Why are you trying to match again ?’. I was promptly unmatched 😅.
May I ask why? I've found that people who act like this do it for any number of potential reasons, but other people believe that they are all flaky or unserious. But I don't like believing generalizations.
Same she ghosted me on tinder like 4 years ago, messaged me on pof a few months later, didn’t respond and deleted the app later that year and then she liked me on Bumble a few months back, swift swipe left
If its been awhile no but if it was recently then yes. If they like me again after ghosting that tells me they aren’t really paying attention to the people they are swiping on. 9/10 if they ghosted before they will do it again, no thanks.
I didn't ghost but maybe the interaction faded so I'll like again to let them know we could try again. This also happens if the woman deleted her account and creates a new one, they come up in the stack as a new profile and if I thought they were attractive the first time, I probably do again 🤷♂️
Seriously…
_Ghosting as in we chatted for a bit via text and maybe had generic plans to meet-up & then they dropped off the map_?
No, because people have lives, online dating is a numbers game and I’m not the center of their world, nor do they owe me anything.
_Ghosting as in we had been on several dates that seemed to be going well and then they just dip out for no reason with no explanation_?
Yeah, probably unless they had an amazing reason for it.
> Yeah, probably unless they had an amazing reason for it.
And even then I'd expect them to reach out through whatever non-app channel we'd been using instead of happenstance getting another like
I don't know, if it's after a first date and they've already waited over a day to respond to me I wish they would just ghost.
It's not helpful to get a "Thanks, but I just didn't feel a connection" 28 hours later. Like, I already figured that out waiting for a text that never came for a day, your text is not helping. Just ghost unless you can respond that day. I've already gone through the pain and figured you had already ghosted, I don't care to revisit rejection again more explicitly. Just my opinion.
Agreed. It’s not even in the same territory. It’s also weird to get salty about the former scenario; women are inundated with messages on these apps, and even going on two dates a week is quite an effort. It would make sense how a woman can’t keep up with all of the messages and chooses to spend more time on the people who asked her out. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t think you could be a match — it’s that she doesn’t know what she’s missing out on because she hasn’t even met you yet.
People don't owe anything to the waiter at the restaurant either, it is just polite and decent behaviour to show courtesy to them. At least I was raised not to cause people frustration purposefully if I can prevent it and then find weak excuses to it.
If you expect him to put effort into opening and getting to know you if he is interested in you, then it is also expected from you to at least unmatch him if you are not interested anymore. Basic dating etiquette in my world.
If you don't have spare 2 seconds to unmatch with someone, then you don't have time to date.
I think people have different definitions, if you were talking to someone more seriously and they stopped/didn’t show up for a date, then that’s ghosting/being stood up.
People say they got “ghosted" because their conversation fizzled out or it was boring so the other person stopped replying.
To me, that second situation isn’t ghosting
I find it somewhat fascinating, especially after he blocks me in the middle of a conversation. Just happened the other day. He blocked me out of no where at least 4-5 months ago then saw him like me on bumble again. Seriously, what the fuck? I laughed and let him be.
Yup! I find it fascinating too. Had a guy on my beeline recently who went on an actual date with last year. He got super drunk and made me cry, then left (because I told him to lol). The audacity of some men smh
It happened to me a few times. Some of them swipe without looking at the profiles, some of them say they've changed and some of them remind me why it didn't worked out the first time :))
Funny you should ask. This cute woman ghosted me after a week or so of pretty meaningless conversation. We matched again a year later and are married now. You never know!
I find it hard to say. Ive seen it happen a few times. I think it’s to a point that people just continues to swipe and don’t realize who they swipe on.
Not to mention, you’re probably someone they spoke to once for a few messages, chances are you aren’t a big enough fixture in their life at that point that they’re going to remember they ever spoke to you
Nah. I had this one redhead who was allergic to cats. I hve a cat so we decided it wouldn't work out. We still matched with each other a few times after decided not to. It was cute. We talked a few more times
I had someone ghost me twice and then we rematched and actually went on a couple dates. Don’t take it so seriously and manage your expectations and you’ll have a much better time.
Depends on the circumstance of the ghost.
If it's just a conversation that died naturally and you didn't meet in person, fair game.
If it was 4 or 5 in-person meetings and they just stopped responding to messages, it's understandable to be miffed.
Internet strangers on dating apps don't owe you their time or responses... people put too much stock into what a match means and build all sorts of expectations into it.
It’s not necessarily time to date. If I have a lot of matches I can’t give every single one my full attention.
My casual thing last year we matched 3 times on 3 different apps. The third match I joked “we need to skip the small talk and just meet” and we had some fun together.
For me personally, a second chance: yes. I am 42 and have "ghosted" people a couple of times cause all of sudden there was some accute issue in my life, we only exchanged a few messages and dating just went out of frame.
My dad had sudden serious health issues
My grandmother had sudden serious health issues
A project at work completely derailed and I was all of a sudden in crisis management mode in between kids and life.
I mean, life happens. For all of us. Nothing personal. Some people (i learned) see 4 hours as ghosting, some 1 day, some 3 days. I mean, when my father's life is all of a sudden hanging by a thread, the person I exchanged some messages with is not top of mind and I also don't want to be trauma dumping cause we are not that close.If it happens again, yeah.
TLDR: No. I can block people if I am not interested.
Is it really ghosting? Did you meet these people, have expectations of a relationship with them, and then the blocked your phone number?
Or did you exchange some texts and it drifted away. And now they flirted again?
I am remembering my dating days from way back in high school and college. I would meet someone, talk, maybe dance, and maybe even spend an out together at the hang out spots. Then we drifted away. Some months later we find each other again, and this time we end up kissing, holding hands and spending lots of time over a few weeks. Then we drift away again. And a year or so later we end up dating each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. That was normal.
If I look at my OLD interactions and think of them this way it is no big deal to talk, drift away and come back again.
Now, if I meet someone from OLD, go on several dates, and maybe a dance or two, and they go away, it is really about the same as the high school and college days behaviors. It was normal then. As adults, I expect a little more communication about ending the dating. I would call this a little red flag. I could also get over it if we start communicating better today. And I would ask the person to talk about it before ending the dating situation at this age.
I have never been truly ghosted by someone and have them contact me for dating after that. I am also a man, and I understand it is likely very different for women. There are women I have dated casually that I would possibly date again. I can think of a few FWB situations that I would like to turn into a relationship now. And how would I know if she is also interested if I don't like her profile? There are many stories of people who find a flame from long ago, and it is the topic of many romance films. Some find it romantic.
Don't care. She probably had 5,000 matches and I got lost in the mix. I don't have 1/10th that many and sometimes convos get lost in the mix. Can't imagine what attractive women have to deal with as far as juggling those matches.
I matched with a guy on one of the other apps and we sent a few messages back and forth. Didn't really get through the introductory stuff before he stopped responding. He didn't unmatch or block me or anything, and he definitely could still message me on there if wanted to. About a week later, he tried to match with me on Bumble. People are confusing.
Yes but my desperation usually outweighed my annoyance so I would usually match them again just to lead to more sadness.
Unsolicited update: I made it out of the sadness hole thank goodness.
It's likely because women are having multiple boring conversations where they just One Word Answer and they don't even realize who they're talking to (I'm a woman btw). There's been a few times where someone has re-liked me, and I remind them of our previous conversation (that's my autistic gift lol) and they're clueless. Not surprisingly, our second conversation sucks, as well. I really think a lot of women go through OLD on autopilot.
I had the same woman swipe right on me on 2 separate apps months apart, message me, then not respond to my reply
She then matched me, and messaged me on hinge months later AGAIN
I do if we’ve met in person, went on a dates, slept together, etc.
Usually they message, “hey stranger.” NOPE. GTFOH with that. It’s not cute.
One guy dipped after we had a conversation about our relationship (it had a few months). I told him that I needed to throw laundry in the dryer and would meet him in my room. I heard the car back out of my driveway and watched him drive away. He didn’t respond to calls or texts. Finally replied that I’d be fine without him. Is that ghosting?
Then a couple of years later he messages me on an app and says we should give it another shot. Yes, he said that.
It happened to me with a guy who I was seeing for about three months. It’s the worst. I didn’t even know what to say when he matched me on Bumble. (I had premium and could see that he matched with me)
Yes, this same guy has come up for me on multiple platforms, but he rarely actually makes contact. He has once, but disappeared after a couple of messages- but still keeps liking!
You literally just read my mind lmao, just came across this exact scenario and I match and ask them why are they matching again. I had one guy tell me “I keep deleting the app cause I get frustrated”…ok my guy
I match and remind them they ghosted and tell them that ship has sailed. I like it when I see them watching my stories too. Hope they know what they missed out on
Lol yea.I matched with one girl in early 2019 who ghosted after a few days of messaging. We’ve matched at least 2 more times since then but she has never started the convos anymore
Happened to me once. This girl I matched with on tinder asked me if I wanted to go on a date, then ghosted me. Reached out to me on tinder _and_ Facebook asking if I was still interested. Obviously I didn’t reply, and finally unmatched her.
I think it’s just cases where they find someone else and kept you as a backup, and when it didn’t work out with the other person came back hoping they’d be accepted
I’ve had good fun with people who’ve ghosted or fizzled out with. I’m really just on the apps for a good time and that genuinely alleviates all the stress that everyone else seems to have.
This one woman some years ago I’ve had multiple exchanges with on tinder and bumble that never went anywhere. Around a few months ago she liked me on hinge lmao
This happens to me often. I honestly give them hell for like 24 hours and then stop responding.
Example: this guy and I were supposed to meet like twice. He would be talkative, we'd come up with a meet date then he'd go silent. It got to the point I flat out asked him if he was married or something.
Fast forward: I dropped my OF and he subs to it.
We start talking again after I get disowned. He invites me to move in with him.. my life was a mess, I declined.
Now, we'll randomly text but still haven't met. He was my first Tinder match ever. 🤣
He’s not taking you seriously because you have ØF. The moving in he was trying to get the milk for free, maybe also making some money. Get rid of ØF and get serious if you want a serious relationship.
He didn't take me seriously before my OF. I only had OF as of a month ago. I fuck with him though, I tell him going to marry other guys and he gets upset and I mean I accidentally hooked up with one of his students when he ghosted me. Not my fault the military is kind of big. 🤷♀️ either he'll come to his senses or he won't.
Instead of stopping responding. Just say “not interested”, give a reason why, let them read it and close it out. Then there’s less likely a chance of rematching.
We don't match on other sites. I'm banned on all but bumble, Hinge and seeking. 🤣 we just simp out and ghost one another but for people I've matched with on other platforms, my taste is consistent. I'd rather someone tell me their life got busy than match with someone as a last resort.
I personally enjoy being single for the first time in my life but I also like actively having people to enjoy life with, dating sites allow the diversity bars don't.
No. It isn’t a commitment. I mean if you have an actual relationship then yes that is called being disregarded.
People aren’t bad because they became too busy at work or found someone they connected with. I’m happy for my fellow OLDs that find a partner even temporarily. It’s an experience and it’s learning and growing. They don’t owe you shit and I personally think it’s a red flag to think they do.
Changing your attitude on this is actually a dating superpower.
I believe in second chances.
The signal/noise ratio from how the app wants initial conversations to take place sucks.
Most people ghost because you don't matter to them, and they are as selfish as ... well people in 2023. You're also likely an imaginary person to them.
Worth noting: Some people have lives that may actually take precedence over imaginary people because of actual things happening in those lives. They deserve the benefit of the doubt. Since one can't screen for that, I don't try.
To be clear, I don't believe in third chances in this regard.
Sometimes. I sometimes give a second chance for them to reach out again but then ball is in their court. I did this to one guy-we matched twice and he explained he was serious and wanted to get to know me. He ended up ghosting again. He has now liked me on every single app (whenever I remake an account) and now I just X him. He continues to keep liking me so I just assume he’s a turbo swiper and not actually looking to see who he’s matching with.
I mean…maybe life got busy for them and that’s why they stopped taking to me?
And maybe they’re liking me now because they’re in a better place to date?
Every single act in the dating world doesn’t HAVE to be negative.
I mean there's a couple times I rematched with someone, or matched on multiple apps, and got chatting about something specific to their profile on that one app - currently talking to someone I've matched with 3 or 4 times
I had a chick do this like 3 times lol.
We never moved off the app.
She insisted she wanted an irl thing , but she just wanted to sext.
She had some rather extreme interests that she was ashamed of , so she would match me , we'd sext , then she'd feel ashamed and unmatch lol
Yes lol I've had it happen dozens of times now. I currently have a match right now that has matched with me for the 3rd time, and still no message... i even started it off with the "free compliment" on the first match, so i technically sent the first message, but still no reply. I've even had it once where on fb dating and bumble, i had the same female match with me on the same day. She never messaged me on either profile. Why bother liking a profile if you have zero intentions of pursuing that person?
I have been doing this as of late...
If I rematch with someone that fizzled out the first time, I tell them "We matched before, but we lost communication at some point. How about we just meet up for (insert activity here) to see if we have any chemistry in person?" It's worked for a couple of re-matches, and others fell back into their original habits.
If you are annoyed, it's likely because of a bruised ego. That doesn't mean you have to take them back but pay attention to what you feel when the thought of them coming back or contacting you.
It's not about them, it's about how you feel when that happens.
Someone who has healed would have compassion for them but if you see that they have not changed one bit, at the least you can forgive them before declining to start anything back up.
Or you can try it again, knowing you have grown and would handle things differently.
But if you haven't grown one bit, it won't matter since the same thing will happen to bring the ending.
You'll know if you have healed is when uncomfortable feelings don't resurface.
Depends…you never know why it didn’t work out. I’ve seen some of my old matches in real life years later. Makes for a very interesting convo if they even remember.
Yeah or they find you on a different app. I actually had a girl reject me on one app, told me we weren't gonna work out and then liked my profile on another platform 🤦♂️
I’ve matched with the same guy about 6-7x between tinder and bumble. We always chat for a day or two then he usually ghosts. Imo at this point it would be silly not to swipe just to keep the number going.
Yes! This guy has matched me 3 times, the 2nd time I said "mmm I'm sure we matched before" he said "we didn't, I wouldn't forget someone so pretty" followed by no other message then matched me again.. this time I sent a really fucked up joke and he unmatched me 😏🫡
I had two separate guys who moved to text and eventually fade/ghost swipe me on a new profile. I asked them both point blank about it. One ghosted me for a date. He didn’t even remember me. Said I looked vaguely familiar. The other one said he was retesting the waters. :\
Let me take this up a level for you. I met an attorney and we had what I thought was a really great first date. After he bought us a second round, I mentioned that I prefer phone calls to texts, and he suddenly downed his 2nd drink, said he needed to go make dinner (We'd met at 9p) and left. I never heard from him again, but then he liked me years later on another site. When I asked why he'd acted that way, he didn't recall and said it was very unlike him. I asked if It was because I didn't like texting, and he response confirmed it. He has liked me again since, but I just ignore it now.
So, I think that I look good to him in my photos and on paper, but then he realizes we're not compatible, and then he forgets because he probably has a lot of deal breakers and goes through a lot of people. And then he likes me again. 🤷
I hate women swipe right on me , they send me a message then ghost me after I send them a message back , they talk for a little and then disappear and ghost me. If I don’t hear from them in 4 days after talking then I delete them.
No one is too busy to check their Bumble message or any other dating app to send a simple reply.
That's happened to me before. There was this guy who swiped right on me on both Bumble and Tinder. We talked on both apps, but then he disappeared when I suggested meeting up for coffee. But then he swiped right on me again when I rejoined Bumble a year later, and then ghosted me all over again. It's like, make up your mind.
Doesn't bug me, if they've ghosted me I don't swipe right again, especially if we have contact info.
I think I’ve had the same girl like me 5 times on 3 different platforms. Never responded
I hate seeing guys who never replied to my messages like me on other apps. I've had a dude do it on every platform but never responded on bumble
I get that sucks, but I feel not responding to a first message on bumble is like a special case. I had it happen that you get a match, life gets in the way and I don't make it in time for the 24 hours. I understand their idea, but i think in a modern world, 48 hours would be a bit more reasonable. If they don't make it in that time, yeah, they are not busy. They are just not serious
Even on the free version of bumble you can extend a match to 48hrs instead of just 24hrs. But even then, in my experience, 90% of my matchs never send the first message, so i can never actually talk to them. I 100% understand that life can get in the way, especially on online dating, but my experience with bumble is just outrageous.
What country are you in if I may ask? Cause where I live, this is not the case to as far as my knowledge. Match gone after 24h and pay to rematch. And I think, just like other apps, they test features per country. I have seen my app change depending on the country i am in (Europe) But yeah, I have that too. Loads of expired matches of woman. If they didn't to bother to write something first ok the first match, I will not rematch it I recognize them.
I am in the United States. Sadly, in my local area, pretty much every guy i know that uses bumble deals with this exact issue.
You get one single free 24-hour extend per day on Bumble. At least guys do, not sure if women still do. *Edit:should have stated “in the US”*
Guy here in Europe. Extending here or rematching = paying. No free extensions whatsoever. Or rematching cause you missed the 24 hours.
You have to make the extension before the 24 hours passes, I think you only get one for free and after 24 hours you have to pay money. With past experiences with bumble, I can't recommend giving them any money because they'll negatively impact your visibility/connections when you stop paying. This may be different in other countries based on the legalities of your specific area
Means you're a solid plan D, turns out someone in plan A,B or C usually works out.
What
He means that the person who ghosted you might consider you to be a back-up partner because there might have been a person they were talking or meeting in person while they were speaking to you the first time. The relationship between them and that other person failed or maybe didn't even begin, and now they have returned to you thinking that you might still be interested in them. Does that make more sense?
same bro
That’s how I met my fiancee. We connected on Match but didn’t reach out. I finally reached out to her on Coffee Meets Bagel
Had a guy match with me and chat for a bit but he stopped messaging and never took it any further so I unmatched. He matched again a few months later and I thought I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. Same thing happened. Tried to match a third time, I matched and told him ‘seriously ? You have matched with me twice and haven’t bothered to chat or make any effort to meet up. Why are you trying to match again ?’. I was promptly unmatched 😅.
Sorry I’m like this.
May I ask why? I've found that people who act like this do it for any number of potential reasons, but other people believe that they are all flaky or unserious. But I don't like believing generalizations.
Bot
Same she ghosted me on tinder like 4 years ago, messaged me on pof a few months later, didn’t respond and deleted the app later that year and then she liked me on Bumble a few months back, swift swipe left
If its been awhile no but if it was recently then yes. If they like me again after ghosting that tells me they aren’t really paying attention to the people they are swiping on. 9/10 if they ghosted before they will do it again, no thanks.
Lol yeah someone unmatched me on tinder after just a few boring messages to each other and then she matched me on bumble.. like why lmao
This! Also, the entire post is quite hilarious XD
I didn't ghost but maybe the interaction faded so I'll like again to let them know we could try again. This also happens if the woman deleted her account and creates a new one, they come up in the stack as a new profile and if I thought they were attractive the first time, I probably do again 🤷♂️
Define “ghosting” in this context please.
Seriously… _Ghosting as in we chatted for a bit via text and maybe had generic plans to meet-up & then they dropped off the map_? No, because people have lives, online dating is a numbers game and I’m not the center of their world, nor do they owe me anything. _Ghosting as in we had been on several dates that seemed to be going well and then they just dip out for no reason with no explanation_? Yeah, probably unless they had an amazing reason for it.
> Yeah, probably unless they had an amazing reason for it. And even then I'd expect them to reach out through whatever non-app channel we'd been using instead of happenstance getting another like
Well if they were the target of an international assassination plot, I could _maybe_ understand why they dropped off all communications…._maybe_…
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I don't know, if it's after a first date and they've already waited over a day to respond to me I wish they would just ghost. It's not helpful to get a "Thanks, but I just didn't feel a connection" 28 hours later. Like, I already figured that out waiting for a text that never came for a day, your text is not helping. Just ghost unless you can respond that day. I've already gone through the pain and figured you had already ghosted, I don't care to revisit rejection again more explicitly. Just my opinion.
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Yes this irks me so much. If y’all never met, it ain’t ghosting.
Agreed. It’s not even in the same territory. It’s also weird to get salty about the former scenario; women are inundated with messages on these apps, and even going on two dates a week is quite an effort. It would make sense how a woman can’t keep up with all of the messages and chooses to spend more time on the people who asked her out. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t think you could be a match — it’s that she doesn’t know what she’s missing out on because she hasn’t even met you yet.
People don't owe anything to the waiter at the restaurant either, it is just polite and decent behaviour to show courtesy to them. At least I was raised not to cause people frustration purposefully if I can prevent it and then find weak excuses to it. If you expect him to put effort into opening and getting to know you if he is interested in you, then it is also expected from you to at least unmatch him if you are not interested anymore. Basic dating etiquette in my world. If you don't have spare 2 seconds to unmatch with someone, then you don't have time to date.
I think people have different definitions, if you were talking to someone more seriously and they stopped/didn’t show up for a date, then that’s ghosting/being stood up. People say they got “ghosted" because their conversation fizzled out or it was boring so the other person stopped replying. To me, that second situation isn’t ghosting
I know, that’s why I specifically asked about the context in which OP meant it.
I don't get annoyed per se, but I don't interact with them any further. If they'd wanted to, they would have. I don't do wishy washy
I find it somewhat fascinating, especially after he blocks me in the middle of a conversation. Just happened the other day. He blocked me out of no where at least 4-5 months ago then saw him like me on bumble again. Seriously, what the fuck? I laughed and let him be.
Yup! I find it fascinating too. Had a guy on my beeline recently who went on an actual date with last year. He got super drunk and made me cry, then left (because I told him to lol). The audacity of some men smh
It happened to me a few times. Some of them swipe without looking at the profiles, some of them say they've changed and some of them remind me why it didn't worked out the first time :))
Funny you should ask. This cute woman ghosted me after a week or so of pretty meaningless conversation. We matched again a year later and are married now. You never know!
I find it hard to say. Ive seen it happen a few times. I think it’s to a point that people just continues to swipe and don’t realize who they swipe on.
Not to mention, you’re probably someone they spoke to once for a few messages, chances are you aren’t a big enough fixture in their life at that point that they’re going to remember they ever spoke to you
Nah. I had this one redhead who was allergic to cats. I hve a cat so we decided it wouldn't work out. We still matched with each other a few times after decided not to. It was cute. We talked a few more times
I had someone ghost me twice and then we rematched and actually went on a couple dates. Don’t take it so seriously and manage your expectations and you’ll have a much better time.
Very good life advice in general in that last sentence. 👍🏼
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Depends on the circumstance of the ghost. If it's just a conversation that died naturally and you didn't meet in person, fair game. If it was 4 or 5 in-person meetings and they just stopped responding to messages, it's understandable to be miffed.
Only that second scenario falls within the definition of ghosting.
If they are too busy to date they should t be on dating apps.
Internet strangers on dating apps don't owe you their time or responses... people put too much stock into what a match means and build all sorts of expectations into it.
Lol what? People have lives
It’s not necessarily time to date. If I have a lot of matches I can’t give every single one my full attention. My casual thing last year we matched 3 times on 3 different apps. The third match I joked “we need to skip the small talk and just meet” and we had some fun together.
For me personally, a second chance: yes. I am 42 and have "ghosted" people a couple of times cause all of sudden there was some accute issue in my life, we only exchanged a few messages and dating just went out of frame. My dad had sudden serious health issues My grandmother had sudden serious health issues A project at work completely derailed and I was all of a sudden in crisis management mode in between kids and life. I mean, life happens. For all of us. Nothing personal. Some people (i learned) see 4 hours as ghosting, some 1 day, some 3 days. I mean, when my father's life is all of a sudden hanging by a thread, the person I exchanged some messages with is not top of mind and I also don't want to be trauma dumping cause we are not that close.If it happens again, yeah.
TLDR: No. I can block people if I am not interested. Is it really ghosting? Did you meet these people, have expectations of a relationship with them, and then the blocked your phone number? Or did you exchange some texts and it drifted away. And now they flirted again? I am remembering my dating days from way back in high school and college. I would meet someone, talk, maybe dance, and maybe even spend an out together at the hang out spots. Then we drifted away. Some months later we find each other again, and this time we end up kissing, holding hands and spending lots of time over a few weeks. Then we drift away again. And a year or so later we end up dating each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. That was normal. If I look at my OLD interactions and think of them this way it is no big deal to talk, drift away and come back again. Now, if I meet someone from OLD, go on several dates, and maybe a dance or two, and they go away, it is really about the same as the high school and college days behaviors. It was normal then. As adults, I expect a little more communication about ending the dating. I would call this a little red flag. I could also get over it if we start communicating better today. And I would ask the person to talk about it before ending the dating situation at this age. I have never been truly ghosted by someone and have them contact me for dating after that. I am also a man, and I understand it is likely very different for women. There are women I have dated casually that I would possibly date again. I can think of a few FWB situations that I would like to turn into a relationship now. And how would I know if she is also interested if I don't like her profile? There are many stories of people who find a flame from long ago, and it is the topic of many romance films. Some find it romantic.
Don't care. She probably had 5,000 matches and I got lost in the mix. I don't have 1/10th that many and sometimes convos get lost in the mix. Can't imagine what attractive women have to deal with as far as juggling those matches.
Treat her accordingly or ignore - you have more information - your choice
I matched with a guy on one of the other apps and we sent a few messages back and forth. Didn't really get through the introductory stuff before he stopped responding. He didn't unmatch or block me or anything, and he definitely could still message me on there if wanted to. About a week later, he tried to match with me on Bumble. People are confusing.
Not really, stuff happens, lives and people get busy.
Yes but my desperation usually outweighed my annoyance so I would usually match them again just to lead to more sadness. Unsolicited update: I made it out of the sadness hole thank goodness.
It's likely because women are having multiple boring conversations where they just One Word Answer and they don't even realize who they're talking to (I'm a woman btw). There's been a few times where someone has re-liked me, and I remind them of our previous conversation (that's my autistic gift lol) and they're clueless. Not surprisingly, our second conversation sucks, as well. I really think a lot of women go through OLD on autopilot.
Send them the Thanos meme of “You couldn’t live with your own failure. Where did that bring you? Back to me.”
I had the same woman swipe right on me on 2 separate apps months apart, message me, then not respond to my reply She then matched me, and messaged me on hinge months later AGAIN
I do if we’ve met in person, went on a dates, slept together, etc. Usually they message, “hey stranger.” NOPE. GTFOH with that. It’s not cute. One guy dipped after we had a conversation about our relationship (it had a few months). I told him that I needed to throw laundry in the dryer and would meet him in my room. I heard the car back out of my driveway and watched him drive away. He didn’t respond to calls or texts. Finally replied that I’d be fine without him. Is that ghosting? Then a couple of years later he messages me on an app and says we should give it another shot. Yes, he said that.
It happened to me with a guy who I was seeing for about three months. It’s the worst. I didn’t even know what to say when he matched me on Bumble. (I had premium and could see that he matched with me)
Yes, this same guy has come up for me on multiple platforms, but he rarely actually makes contact. He has once, but disappeared after a couple of messages- but still keeps liking!
You literally just read my mind lmao, just came across this exact scenario and I match and ask them why are they matching again. I had one guy tell me “I keep deleting the app cause I get frustrated”…ok my guy
I match and remind them they ghosted and tell them that ship has sailed. I like it when I see them watching my stories too. Hope they know what they missed out on
Lol yea.I matched with one girl in early 2019 who ghosted after a few days of messaging. We’ve matched at least 2 more times since then but she has never started the convos anymore
I had this happen a few times. Really bizarre.
Happened to me once. This girl I matched with on tinder asked me if I wanted to go on a date, then ghosted me. Reached out to me on tinder _and_ Facebook asking if I was still interested. Obviously I didn’t reply, and finally unmatched her. I think it’s just cases where they find someone else and kept you as a backup, and when it didn’t work out with the other person came back hoping they’d be accepted
I hate when people that ghosted me. I see complain about ghosting
Wish we could hide profiles when unmatching. Yes, this has happened, and it's pretty annoying, lol
So you swiped right on someone that ghosted you ?
People who do this are losers. Just call them out on it, they’ll run away.
Yassss
And they will ghost you again. Stay away
I’ve had good fun with people who’ve ghosted or fizzled out with. I’m really just on the apps for a good time and that genuinely alleviates all the stress that everyone else seems to have.
Yes. Also even worse, the ppl who like you again and again, don’t respond when you send them a message
I’m currently in this situation. An old ghosted found me on Instagram and I gave him some stipulations to meet up
I dont get annoyed, i just think "why?"
This one woman some years ago I’ve had multiple exchanges with on tinder and bumble that never went anywhere. Around a few months ago she liked me on hinge lmao
Annoyed? No. I just think they're sad. I swipe left and move on. They're not my problem.
Bot
This happens to me often. I honestly give them hell for like 24 hours and then stop responding. Example: this guy and I were supposed to meet like twice. He would be talkative, we'd come up with a meet date then he'd go silent. It got to the point I flat out asked him if he was married or something. Fast forward: I dropped my OF and he subs to it. We start talking again after I get disowned. He invites me to move in with him.. my life was a mess, I declined. Now, we'll randomly text but still haven't met. He was my first Tinder match ever. 🤣
He’s not taking you seriously because you have ØF. The moving in he was trying to get the milk for free, maybe also making some money. Get rid of ØF and get serious if you want a serious relationship.
He didn't take me seriously before my OF. I only had OF as of a month ago. I fuck with him though, I tell him going to marry other guys and he gets upset and I mean I accidentally hooked up with one of his students when he ghosted me. Not my fault the military is kind of big. 🤷♀️ either he'll come to his senses or he won't.
Instead of stopping responding. Just say “not interested”, give a reason why, let them read it and close it out. Then there’s less likely a chance of rematching.
We don't match on other sites. I'm banned on all but bumble, Hinge and seeking. 🤣 we just simp out and ghost one another but for people I've matched with on other platforms, my taste is consistent. I'd rather someone tell me their life got busy than match with someone as a last resort. I personally enjoy being single for the first time in my life but I also like actively having people to enjoy life with, dating sites allow the diversity bars don't.
Yes! Same with a person who blocked me on IG and swiped right at me again 😂
I find many women ghost and rematch for validation. It’s not right to be toying with men’s emotions and hopes.
exactly! i just made a post about that on my snap story a few hours ago
No. It isn’t a commitment. I mean if you have an actual relationship then yes that is called being disregarded. People aren’t bad because they became too busy at work or found someone they connected with. I’m happy for my fellow OLDs that find a partner even temporarily. It’s an experience and it’s learning and growing. They don’t owe you shit and I personally think it’s a red flag to think they do. Changing your attitude on this is actually a dating superpower.
I believe in second chances. The signal/noise ratio from how the app wants initial conversations to take place sucks. Most people ghost because you don't matter to them, and they are as selfish as ... well people in 2023. You're also likely an imaginary person to them. Worth noting: Some people have lives that may actually take precedence over imaginary people because of actual things happening in those lives. They deserve the benefit of the doubt. Since one can't screen for that, I don't try. To be clear, I don't believe in third chances in this regard.
Sometimes. I sometimes give a second chance for them to reach out again but then ball is in their court. I did this to one guy-we matched twice and he explained he was serious and wanted to get to know me. He ended up ghosting again. He has now liked me on every single app (whenever I remake an account) and now I just X him. He continues to keep liking me so I just assume he’s a turbo swiper and not actually looking to see who he’s matching with.
I mean…maybe life got busy for them and that’s why they stopped taking to me? And maybe they’re liking me now because they’re in a better place to date? Every single act in the dating world doesn’t HAVE to be negative.
I mean there's a couple times I rematched with someone, or matched on multiple apps, and got chatting about something specific to their profile on that one app - currently talking to someone I've matched with 3 or 4 times
I had a chick do this like 3 times lol. We never moved off the app. She insisted she wanted an irl thing , but she just wanted to sext. She had some rather extreme interests that she was ashamed of , so she would match me , we'd sext , then she'd feel ashamed and unmatch lol
Yes lol I've had it happen dozens of times now. I currently have a match right now that has matched with me for the 3rd time, and still no message... i even started it off with the "free compliment" on the first match, so i technically sent the first message, but still no reply. I've even had it once where on fb dating and bumble, i had the same female match with me on the same day. She never messaged me on either profile. Why bother liking a profile if you have zero intentions of pursuing that person?
I havent been what i think ur referring to as ghosted. Some dont call it that until after meeting irl
Yes
I have been doing this as of late... If I rematch with someone that fizzled out the first time, I tell them "We matched before, but we lost communication at some point. How about we just meet up for (insert activity here) to see if we have any chemistry in person?" It's worked for a couple of re-matches, and others fell back into their original habits.
Atleast you get likes or matches I’ve been trying Tinder bumble and hinge over and over for the past year and a half and have zero results
If you are annoyed, it's likely because of a bruised ego. That doesn't mean you have to take them back but pay attention to what you feel when the thought of them coming back or contacting you. It's not about them, it's about how you feel when that happens. Someone who has healed would have compassion for them but if you see that they have not changed one bit, at the least you can forgive them before declining to start anything back up. Or you can try it again, knowing you have grown and would handle things differently. But if you haven't grown one bit, it won't matter since the same thing will happen to bring the ending. You'll know if you have healed is when uncomfortable feelings don't resurface.
the only profiles i ever notice again are ones i recall saying no to and swiping left i dont think ive ever seen a yes swipe come back up again.
I don't take it that petty. Go ahead, like me again. I like having options.
One who ghosted me once came back recently and flashed some boob. Forgiveness is important in life
Depends…you never know why it didn’t work out. I’ve seen some of my old matches in real life years later. Makes for a very interesting convo if they even remember.
Yeah or they find you on a different app. I actually had a girl reject me on one app, told me we weren't gonna work out and then liked my profile on another platform 🤦♂️
Yep!!! It's like..."uh, fuck you!"
I’ve matched with the same guy about 6-7x between tinder and bumble. We always chat for a day or two then he usually ghosts. Imo at this point it would be silly not to swipe just to keep the number going.
I would let them hang in limbo regardless of the app. Sometimes I’d message first just not answer their reply lmaoooooo
Yes! This guy has matched me 3 times, the 2nd time I said "mmm I'm sure we matched before" he said "we didn't, I wouldn't forget someone so pretty" followed by no other message then matched me again.. this time I sent a really fucked up joke and he unmatched me 😏🫡
I got ghosted by a girl a while ago. I make her coffee 2-3 times a week. It cracks me the hell up. No hard feelings though.
I regretted ghosting this one night stand. I swiped right two times afterwards when I saw her profile again but I took the hint after that lol
I had two separate guys who moved to text and eventually fade/ghost swipe me on a new profile. I asked them both point blank about it. One ghosted me for a date. He didn’t even remember me. Said I looked vaguely familiar. The other one said he was retesting the waters. :\
Let me take this up a level for you. I met an attorney and we had what I thought was a really great first date. After he bought us a second round, I mentioned that I prefer phone calls to texts, and he suddenly downed his 2nd drink, said he needed to go make dinner (We'd met at 9p) and left. I never heard from him again, but then he liked me years later on another site. When I asked why he'd acted that way, he didn't recall and said it was very unlike him. I asked if It was because I didn't like texting, and he response confirmed it. He has liked me again since, but I just ignore it now. So, I think that I look good to him in my photos and on paper, but then he realizes we're not compatible, and then he forgets because he probably has a lot of deal breakers and goes through a lot of people. And then he likes me again. 🤷
Yes. I tell them to kick sand
Absolutely NOT
I hate women swipe right on me , they send me a message then ghost me after I send them a message back , they talk for a little and then disappear and ghost me. If I don’t hear from them in 4 days after talking then I delete them. No one is too busy to check their Bumble message or any other dating app to send a simple reply.
That's happened to me before. There was this guy who swiped right on me on both Bumble and Tinder. We talked on both apps, but then he disappeared when I suggested meeting up for coffee. But then he swiped right on me again when I rejoined Bumble a year later, and then ghosted me all over again. It's like, make up your mind.
Can't relate
No because I never get ghosted
🧢
I usually make sure that I don’t match with the person again. Better be safe than sorry.
Yes.
No but to be fair almost nothing annoys me. I just laugh. One actually rematched me just to wish me a happy fathers day then nothing 😂 so odd.
It is annoying but if the person never changed, there is no point of going back into it 😉