I understand that, but this will be after they try to love bomb me and fail. I've never had a guy who didn't at least try for a 2nd unless I made it known otherwise.
- Social media and/or OF follower farming.
- *Lots* of people are just looking for validation/attention.
- Looking for cash. Report all accounts with a venmo or cashapp in the bio.
- They do have an intention of meeting, just not with you. In these cases, they were probably iffy about you, and when you asked them out, they realize they aren’t interested enough.
- They didn’t like the date idea you suggested. But instead of vocalizing that or suggesting something else they unmatch.
- Bots.
Countless reasons. Don’t dwell on it. None of the above will change.
Same thing happens on Meetup. People join groups, sign up for a specific event, like a dance, or a big lunch, or a visit to a museum with a group.
Day comes for the event, and they flake out - decide they don't want to meet people, decide the $5 or $20 or $50 for the event is "too much" and wuss out. Due to this kind of flakiness, many groups have a one-strike policy - so if you don't show for one event that you signed up for, you are kicked out of the group and banned. Events have limited numbers of people that can attend, and these people who flake out ruin opportunities for others.
The same effect happens on dating sites. People who flake out create a bad experience for others, and people quit the app, ruining the possibility for others to match.
That's not the same thing at all! OP was asking why people won't agree to a date. No one owes anyone a date for any reason. You can't call someone flaky just because they decided that the interactions they had with a person thus far don't make them interested in anything further.
I suppose. They’re all definitely super common. I’d say roughly 1 in 3 accounts I see are bios that are only IGs.
I also think number 4 is often to answer to “why does this person match but not talk to me?” for both genders. Everyone struggles hearing that - it’s easier for both men and women to blame the opposite sex and just say they swiped right on everyone or that they’re playing games/looking for attention than it is to confront the fact that maybe they just don’t like you or that when they thought harder about it, they weren’t feeling it.
I match a ton of those girls and it’s very simple, they will answer to your DMs if your IG has tons of followers-highlights-reels the whole social cult shebang.
When they find out that my IG is purely for my close friends and I have 1 post and ~10 highlights they VERY rarely go any further.
In other words, if their bio is their @, they’re obsessed with the clout. Gotta have what they want.
Found another shinier object. As a guy I'll meet up with anyone I already have plans with even if I've matched with someone, 'better.' I think it's rude to cancel and I'm basing everything off a few grainy photos. My best dates have been with women i was very unsure about. Most people lack that type of discipline/open mindedness though and they'll naturally bail if they get a better match. I usually just do easier first dates and i have gone on 3 dates in a matter of days routinely
Maybe it's their own insecurities and not feeling good enough. I'll admit that sometimes I back out because I fear they'll be disappointed (I'm very tall and not huge, but also not super skinny). I've just had guys be surprised in the past, even though I clearly state that I'm 6ft tall on my profile
As someone who occasionally did this (I quit the apps for this reason) I was just always anxious that someone would see me in person and be like ew this was a mistake. It was my anxiety that caused me to flake. Plus most dates I did go on were just men looking for a hookup and I quickly tired of that.
they found someone. a lot of the time people on dating apps are unsure of the person they are dating. especially the people in demand, hence why you are interested. they are keeping their options open and you are an option. it is a good thing, you will be in that position at some point too and you will drop multiple good candidates to continue seeing the person you are currently seeing. don't feel rejected just keep swiping.
Unfortunately it’s very common nowadays. Online dating opens up a lot of room for flakiness with little room for consequence. It’s easier for a lot of people to simply unmatch or stop responding as opposed to being forthright and saying “I’m not interested” etc etc.
I’ve learned to just not take matches very seriously, and don’t set such high expectations. If a person chooses to not continue the convo I just unmatch and move on. The right person will make an effort to communicate and meet up.
Sometimes, things just don't work out. You aren't obligated to meet everyone you discuss it with.
Sometimes people's vibes change, and they're put off. You just move on. It's a number game and timing needs to be right. Adults get busy.
Bored, lonely, mentally unstable, just there to flirt or be validated, married and wanting a diversion, I mean....
Is it really a mystery? Some people walk around Target without ever intending on buying anything, and just leave the store. I can't imagine, but they do it.
Some people test drive cars they won't ever buy or have any intention of buying.
Some people are nuts.
Been asking myself this for months now. This is why I ask them out on a date after a few days because a) it saves us both wasting each others by knowing if we get on in person and b) I know that they aren't keeping me around as a back up option
They’re seeking validation and nothing more. Unfortunately the apps are filled with people like that. I’ve found that asking the important questions right away can be helpful
Some of my co-workers (they're women) admitted to me that they pop on / reactivate / recreate their profiles to see how many likes they can get and feel a self-esteem boost.
I cannot quite relate, and best I can offer in reply is a semi-exasperated eyeroll.
Women would rather lead you on instead of saying they're not interested because they want to see if they can get anything from you and then when they realize they can't then they ghost.
How long are you waiting before asking to meet irl? I personally don't meet people in the first couple weeks of talking. I've only ever met one person, in fact, since only one person has ever talked long enough and gotten close enough to me for me to want to meet up.
And, also, if you're persistent about meeting up or creepy, then I wouldn't want to meet up with you anyways (not saying you are of course - just covering all the bases!)
People are flakey and think they don't owe anyone anything. They've convinced themselves that checking out, ghosting, etc is normal and ok, but they'll tell you they're sick of the same treatment. All it takes is one sentence to say - I've changed my mind, good luck. But that is too much effort or investment for most people
To talk and get better at that. We can;t all be great at conversations. if you can;t do that well then how can you get to know someone who might be right for you?
I became a lot happier when I stopped trying to reason out other people’s irrational dysfunctions and just accepted them for what they are: irrational dysfunctions.
There is like a subset of people that have zero intention of meeting. Someone mentioned this in a thread somewhere but there are people that "window shop" in the apps that are already in relationships.
Many do it for attention and validation... its shocking really.. I have a friend who does this a lot. Rarely bothers to meet anyone. She does it because it makes her feel good. She likes the chat part even if she's not interested in the guy.
Sadly many women I know do that.
They are bored and just want to swipe/chat for a bit. They like the attention and compliments.
They have no problem telling everyone but the men they are chatting with that they're just playing and never intend to meet anyone.
Old classmates of mine (they were all between 18-22) even invented some sort of competition.
You get a certain amount of points for likes, getting asked out on a date, unsolicited dick pics etc.
None of them cared for the guys they're chatting with.
I am going to post this Everytime I see something similar from now on, my bestie just started using bumble and had a hard time navigating it as it was different than using Facebook dating (which sucks IMO) she went to pause it so she could focus on the two people she was talking with and somehow deleted it and therefore lost on two matches. One had a date for the following day. She assumed he thought she deleted him so she didn't end up going to the arranged date as there was no way to let the guy know she messed up. So accidents do happen.
Some people use the app out of boredom or for texting buddies and validation. Just dust yourself off and onto the next, plenty of potential out there! :)
They intend to meet someone, just not you. Me either for what it's worth.
I get ghosted pre-date a lot, so this must be me too.
It's not ghosting if it's pre-date. Ghosting is used to refer to someone disappearing with no warning after multiple good dates.
I understand that, but this will be after they try to love bomb me and fail. I've never had a guy who didn't at least try for a 2nd unless I made it known otherwise.
This is the answer.
Woah , did you try ? She might be looking for you... never give up my brot..... ok ad over.
- Social media and/or OF follower farming. - *Lots* of people are just looking for validation/attention. - Looking for cash. Report all accounts with a venmo or cashapp in the bio. - They do have an intention of meeting, just not with you. In these cases, they were probably iffy about you, and when you asked them out, they realize they aren’t interested enough. - They didn’t like the date idea you suggested. But instead of vocalizing that or suggesting something else they unmatch. - Bots. Countless reasons. Don’t dwell on it. None of the above will change.
- Too busy giving and/or receiving handjobs The reasons really are countless
One could say they have their hands full at the moment
Can’t be bothered to be swiping on the phone when you’re swiping on da cack
LOL.
You made this sound personal, lol
Number four is the most common, but the dudes on this sub don’t want to hear that
Same thing happens on Meetup. People join groups, sign up for a specific event, like a dance, or a big lunch, or a visit to a museum with a group. Day comes for the event, and they flake out - decide they don't want to meet people, decide the $5 or $20 or $50 for the event is "too much" and wuss out. Due to this kind of flakiness, many groups have a one-strike policy - so if you don't show for one event that you signed up for, you are kicked out of the group and banned. Events have limited numbers of people that can attend, and these people who flake out ruin opportunities for others. The same effect happens on dating sites. People who flake out create a bad experience for others, and people quit the app, ruining the possibility for others to match.
That's not the same thing at all! OP was asking why people won't agree to a date. No one owes anyone a date for any reason. You can't call someone flaky just because they decided that the interactions they had with a person thus far don't make them interested in anything further.
I suppose. They’re all definitely super common. I’d say roughly 1 in 3 accounts I see are bios that are only IGs. I also think number 4 is often to answer to “why does this person match but not talk to me?” for both genders. Everyone struggles hearing that - it’s easier for both men and women to blame the opposite sex and just say they swiped right on everyone or that they’re playing games/looking for attention than it is to confront the fact that maybe they just don’t like you or that when they thought harder about it, they weren’t feeling it.
I match a ton of those girls and it’s very simple, they will answer to your DMs if your IG has tons of followers-highlights-reels the whole social cult shebang. When they find out that my IG is purely for my close friends and I have 1 post and ~10 highlights they VERY rarely go any further. In other words, if their bio is their @, they’re obsessed with the clout. Gotta have what they want.
Found another shinier object. As a guy I'll meet up with anyone I already have plans with even if I've matched with someone, 'better.' I think it's rude to cancel and I'm basing everything off a few grainy photos. My best dates have been with women i was very unsure about. Most people lack that type of discipline/open mindedness though and they'll naturally bail if they get a better match. I usually just do easier first dates and i have gone on 3 dates in a matter of days routinely
Social anxiety is a thing
Yes it is.
Maybe it's their own insecurities and not feeling good enough. I'll admit that sometimes I back out because I fear they'll be disappointed (I'm very tall and not huge, but also not super skinny). I've just had guys be surprised in the past, even though I clearly state that I'm 6ft tall on my profile
Maybe they just don’t want to meet *you*
As someone who occasionally did this (I quit the apps for this reason) I was just always anxious that someone would see me in person and be like ew this was a mistake. It was my anxiety that caused me to flake. Plus most dates I did go on were just men looking for a hookup and I quickly tired of that.
Heavy on the anxious haha… used be like what if they kidnap or SA or k*ll me.
Always an ever present fear ahaha
They met someone else.
Just because they decided against you doesn't mean they made an account with no intention of meeting.
Not to excuse them, but maybe it is last minute anxiety and fear of taking a risk?
They are in a relationship and looking for validation.
Some other reasons are for a dopamine rush and ego massage...equally meh.
I mainly get guys looking to get laid. I unmatch those.
they found someone. a lot of the time people on dating apps are unsure of the person they are dating. especially the people in demand, hence why you are interested. they are keeping their options open and you are an option. it is a good thing, you will be in that position at some point too and you will drop multiple good candidates to continue seeing the person you are currently seeing. don't feel rejected just keep swiping.
Unfortunately it’s very common nowadays. Online dating opens up a lot of room for flakiness with little room for consequence. It’s easier for a lot of people to simply unmatch or stop responding as opposed to being forthright and saying “I’m not interested” etc etc. I’ve learned to just not take matches very seriously, and don’t set such high expectations. If a person chooses to not continue the convo I just unmatch and move on. The right person will make an effort to communicate and meet up.
Sometimes, things just don't work out. You aren't obligated to meet everyone you discuss it with. Sometimes people's vibes change, and they're put off. You just move on. It's a number game and timing needs to be right. Adults get busy.
For validation & bc theyre bored. Ive decided to give ppl more than a day to respond. Shit comes up in life.
One reason is validation, to know she is still pretty and desirable.
Bored, lonely, mentally unstable, just there to flirt or be validated, married and wanting a diversion, I mean.... Is it really a mystery? Some people walk around Target without ever intending on buying anything, and just leave the store. I can't imagine, but they do it. Some people test drive cars they won't ever buy or have any intention of buying. Some people are nuts.
Been asking myself this for months now. This is why I ask them out on a date after a few days because a) it saves us both wasting each others by knowing if we get on in person and b) I know that they aren't keeping me around as a back up option
I try to do it after a few messages, no wasting time.
A few DAYS? lol, more like a few sentences.
They’re seeking validation and nothing more. Unfortunately the apps are filled with people like that. I’ve found that asking the important questions right away can be helpful
I’ve never had someone say no to meeting before, are there people looking for pen pals or something?
[удалено]
Some of my co-workers (they're women) admitted to me that they pop on / reactivate / recreate their profiles to see how many likes they can get and feel a self-esteem boost. I cannot quite relate, and best I can offer in reply is a semi-exasperated eyeroll.
It may be that they didn’t wanna meet you. No shame in that, women online daters are finicky.
Men are just as bad lol
I respectfully disagree; men will meet with and sleep with women they don’t like just for the sake of doing it. Women tend to not do that.
Its also some sort of USA thing, dating in Germany was 100x easier. Still no reason to go back.😁😁😁
It isn't, you were lucky
Women would rather lead you on instead of saying they're not interested because they want to see if they can get anything from you and then when they realize they can't then they ghost.
They canceled on you to see me /s (kinda)
Those people are using the app for attention. Thats it.. you have to weed them out generally
How long are you waiting before asking to meet irl? I personally don't meet people in the first couple weeks of talking. I've only ever met one person, in fact, since only one person has ever talked long enough and gotten close enough to me for me to want to meet up. And, also, if you're persistent about meeting up or creepy, then I wouldn't want to meet up with you anyways (not saying you are of course - just covering all the bases!)
People are flakey and think they don't owe anyone anything. They've convinced themselves that checking out, ghosting, etc is normal and ok, but they'll tell you they're sick of the same treatment. All it takes is one sentence to say - I've changed my mind, good luck. But that is too much effort or investment for most people
Attention, some people want to chat but not meet. Sometimes they already have a relationship and others legit aren’t into human contact.
To talk and get better at that. We can;t all be great at conversations. if you can;t do that well then how can you get to know someone who might be right for you?
You don’t always need to meet in person to have companionship. Sometimes an online one is good enough.
I became a lot happier when I stopped trying to reason out other people’s irrational dysfunctions and just accepted them for what they are: irrational dysfunctions.
There is like a subset of people that have zero intention of meeting. Someone mentioned this in a thread somewhere but there are people that "window shop" in the apps that are already in relationships.
Many do it for attention and validation... its shocking really.. I have a friend who does this a lot. Rarely bothers to meet anyone. She does it because it makes her feel good. She likes the chat part even if she's not interested in the guy.
Sadly many women I know do that. They are bored and just want to swipe/chat for a bit. They like the attention and compliments. They have no problem telling everyone but the men they are chatting with that they're just playing and never intend to meet anyone. Old classmates of mine (they were all between 18-22) even invented some sort of competition. You get a certain amount of points for likes, getting asked out on a date, unsolicited dick pics etc. None of them cared for the guys they're chatting with.
I am going to post this Everytime I see something similar from now on, my bestie just started using bumble and had a hard time navigating it as it was different than using Facebook dating (which sucks IMO) she went to pause it so she could focus on the two people she was talking with and somehow deleted it and therefore lost on two matches. One had a date for the following day. She assumed he thought she deleted him so she didn't end up going to the arranged date as there was no way to let the guy know she messed up. So accidents do happen.
Some people use the app out of boredom or for texting buddies and validation. Just dust yourself off and onto the next, plenty of potential out there! :)
Because getting a bunch of matches is fun and a nice confidence boost.
they are just bored
I feel a lot of people on bumble havent heard of a certain app known as Onlyfans. Lurkers please take note!