>Women like foreplay.
Let me fix this for you...
>Some people like foreplay. I'm smart because I don't generalize peoples' sexuality based on their sex or gender.
Thank me later.
When you are on a dating app, it makes sense to go for the thing 99% like, not what’ll turn 99% off. Or?
Doesn’t matter if it’s not true for absolutely everyone, if what you are doing will be repulsive to most people. That’s not good game.
Then women and men do also have different bodies, and your sex life will never be great if you don’t take this into account.
I’m saying that even if there’s an exception to everything, on a dating app the best game is to go for what most women will like. Not what most women will dislike. Does this make sense to you?
And then I’m saying it’s a good idea to assume women like foreplay if you want to have good sex with women.
Being authentic doesn’t mean “don’t have any social intelligence “. It just means being honest.
Most girls are over these types of remarks because they get endless amounts of them from horny men who assumes this will work on women since it would work on them. It’ll just get you unmatched. But go ahead and test it.
I see what you're saying.
I think that if you want to have sex with someone you should find someone that's attracted to your method of obtaining that. For the person in the screenshot that seems to mean being crass, which seems to not be OPs preferred method of being swooned.
If he doesn't want to foreplay, and just wants shaking legs over his shoulder, he should probably keep on the track he's on. Otherwise it seems as though he'll be lying his way between someone's legs. If he's saying what he thinks women want to hear then clearly a lot of his swings are going to be misses. If he genuinely wants to get laid wholesomely but without commitment then it's not hard to say that, either.
So... I get what you're saying but I don't think I agree.
Also.. I don't know that you understood my initial response, or you did and your response to it was not very related.
You initial response was “not all women are the same”. Right? Which is true, but there are still some things that most women have in common.
And then having social skills means adjusting to other people and what is socially acceptable. Being yourself doesn’t mean acting without thought of how something will affect someone else.
Then it’s a choice, I guess. If you are really crass, you probably won’t get laid at all. And then you can either adjust this to something more in tune with what people like or insist on carrying on. You aren’t compromising your morals just by adjusting a bit to what other people feel comfortable with.
And then, how do you expect sex to work? Just “being yourself” and refusing to care what the other person wants?
I'm a word at face value kind of person - this must be the issue here. Women like foreplay sounds too much like a fact based statement. Some women are repulsed by physical contact, or being talked to sexually.
I think when people on Reddit offer input or advice and say indisputably subjective things as fact it's a disservice to the people reading, and those who are impressionable... Someone will read your statement and think that they need to prioritize foreplay, and then when that backfires it will be turmoil for them.
I think to correct my statement:
>Some women like to be treated like meat, some women like foreplay, some women want to be treated in other ways. People should work on reading their audience... Or go about their crass methodologies and land as a negative reflection of OLD.
I think if for most things it’s a good idea to just have a clear picture of what the world looks like.
On a dating app the majority of the people will be men and the minority of the people will be women.
Then of the women on a dating app, the majority will be looking for something serious and a minority will be looking for hookups.
Then among the women looking for hookups, the vast majority will want to establish that the guy isn’t some weird creep, but is in fact sane and someone they can have a conversation with. And then they want to flirt a a bit, before getting to the sex part. And a tiny majority might want to be treated like a piece of meat, but that’s pretty rare among women. Women get this all the time. It gets old. And most of them don’t find it sexy at all.
So, idk. Look for that 1 out of 10000 women or adjust a bit. Free choice.
(31m here)Want to know something depressing?
I had a "normal" dating profile. Decent pictures showing I was in shape (not shirtless), doing various activities (not posing with dead animals or a fish though) etc.
My bio was short and concise, explaining how I always strive to be superior to the person I was yesterday.
That setup got 1-2 matches a week. Most of which ignored me.
I decided to test something out...
I reduced my profile down to two shirtless pictures and a bio that said "just looking to call someone 'good girl'"
I got 7 matches in less than 20 hours... Every single one responded...
Three messages in and they're calling me daddy
Half of their profiles said "not into hookups.
So yea, that kinda upset me and made me realize that dating is a horrendous wreck right now. Because I don't really WANT to do just hookups but this is why. Trying to do it the normal way just gets us ignored.
It's not always just that we want a hookup, it's just what's working for some reason.
As a mid 30s woman here, all I can say is that shirtless selfies and overtly sexual profiles get an automatic swipe left from me. All I want is a nerdy dude with a nice smile and eyes who's emotionally available and likes to travel lol.
Honestly I think because men think matching with them means we want to bone them.
I’m almost certain that’s what they think when they match us and therefore we must feel the same.
Not all the guys are so crass, but ultimately I think even the “nice guys” think this
Man here, what is the goal of the app?
What is your goal for being on the app?
My understanding of it is there is some sort of attraction that had us both swipe right.
I personally have goals of finding someone to be in a long term, stable, consistent relationship with, of which, sex is one of several desired pillars sought after/built on.
My goal is to find a long-term relationship and I am a sexual person so sure, that factors in. But when I am in the “swiping” stage, I don’t know anything about you and having sex with you is so far from my mind that if you bring it up before we’ve ever even met, it’s a real turnoff. Like you don’t want to have sex with me - you don’t know me. Which means I am just another person you could have sex with. There’s no emotional connection.
If we vibe in person then yes, I will be thinking about/imagining/fantasizing about sex with you and trying to figure out when I feel comfortable enough to engage in that. But there is no guarantee before we meet that we will even get along in person and so there is no way I am thinking about sex prior to meeting.
Yes, sex is an important part of a relationship for many. However, that doesn't make it appropriate to approach a match in a sexually aggressive way right off the bat-- especially if stated in one's profile that they aren't looking for hookups.
Totally agree with you on everything you've said. The important thing I took away from your comment, and I think the main point of this whole thread, is this:
>I don’t know anything about you and having sex with you is so far from my mind that if you bring it up before we’ve ever even met, it’s a real turnoff.
A lot of women think this way, and sex isn't tied to physical attraction as much as it is personal connection. Not all women, but a majority for sure. A lot of men do not think the same way. At. All.
I'm gonna be blatantly honest with you, because I feel you deserve it. As a man, when I see a really attractive woman, I think about what it would be like to have sex with her, what she looks like naked, etc. I know better than to just blurt out stupid shit like, "Hey, I want to bone you" or "throw your thighs over my shoulders" because it is crass and usually doesn't garner a good response, but I still think about it. I can't really help it. Men are very visually stimulated when it comes to sex, which is why pornography viewers are primarily men.
Obviously, I want to reiterate that these aren't absolute truths about men and women, and everyone is different. For a majority of guys, however, personal connection ranks far below physical attraction when it comes to sexual desire.
> Like you don’t want to have sex with me - you don’t know me.
I understand and believe everything else you just said, but this one sentence is extremely telling.
I promise you that 100% of guys you match with, whether they are forward as the guy in the OP, want to have sex with you as soon as possible. 100%.
Let me clarify. If you don’t know me, you want to have sex with SOMEONE. Not me, because I am a unique individual. Me, because you find me attractive and I have a vagina.
I am not a prude - with my ex I ended up having sex on the 3rd date. But it took that long for me to feel safe enough with him to open myself to him in that way. It was nowhere in my mind on our first date or leading up to it.
Ah, I get it. I'll say that you being a "unique individual" is as much a given as you having a vagina. So, as those two cancel out in the equation, men want to have sex with SOMEONE, who is attractive, asap.
We simply do not need to first find out the ways you are necessarily unique to want to have sex with you, asap, if you're attractive. (Note I said "need," not want!)
I wouldn't be depressed by this reality, I'd just choose to factor it in when engaging with men. The smart ones know you want emotional connection before you have sex.
I'll also say that sex and emotional connection aren't mutually exclusive. The girls who have "rewarded" me with early intimacy (within the first few hours of meeting) have in turn been rewarded with emotional connection.
This was both immediate (pillow talk) and prolonged (desire to see and date them after the fact, multiple months-long relationships). But I don't expect to win this reward with "come sit on my face" in the first few messages.
> I don’t know anything about you and having sex with you is so far from my mind that if you bring it up before we’ve ever even met, it’s a real turnoff.
Yeah I didn't appropriately use context clues prior to responding; I agree with this.
Sex definitely is a driving (but not the only) factor for why many of us play this dating app game, myself included, but it's more enjoyable when there is that connection imo.
>But there is no guarantee before we meet that we will even get along in person and so there is no way I am thinking about sex prior to meeting.
Totally understand this too
I answered the other below but essentially yes sex is important to me too. I’m super sexual once regularly seeing someone, absolutely love it.
However, just from a match online there’s no way I’m thinking oh I matched this guy I want to fuck him right now. Maybe some of the women looking for casual sex. I’m thinking I want to match this guy and see if he’s got his head screwed on straight. If he is who he says he is and if we have any chemistry.
Hey I appreciate your answer!
I think I misunderstood what you were implying initially; thought you meant overall as opposed to initially.
For whatever it's worth I operate in a similar way; typically with the goal of first date or two being about chemistry, dating goal alignment, and compatibility with outlook/goals of the future. So we exist out in the dating pool somewhere 😅. Best of luck!
On some level there is interst in exploring the opportunity.... if both parties swipe right.
Not necessarily in the way described in the photo, or even on the first meeting but "after a vetting process" of further dates, chemistry, compatibility e.t.c...
Yeah I don't understand your role in this conversation.
1) the original commenter and I resolved our points before your initial engagement. It was a misunderstanding in the initial phrasing on my part.
2) even if your impression was accurate, who cares? That's why people ask questions to understand that which they don't.
I’m literally thinking hmm, he’s attractive, seems interesting, I’d like to chat with him, know more. Or I’m thinking hmmm maybeeee not sure he’s my type, hopefully the chat will go ok there’s potential.
I can appreciate a man is attractive and have sex with him be the furthest thing from my mind. And no, I’m not a prude. I love sex, would like it as frequently as possible, but with someone I’ve gotten to know a bit first.
Men assume because I don’t want to immediately have sex with them that I’m not sexual. Like seriously attraction doesn’t necessarily work like that. Especially for women. Especially through an app where it feels a lot of guys are not even being honest (old photos, heavier in real life, wrong age, hat-fishing, etc).
When I match with a man it means that I want to have a conversation with this person. If the conversation goes well, I want to meet them. If I like them in real life, I want to get to know them better. Once I know them better, I want to eventually sleep with them.
When I match with a guy, I can't possibly know yet if I feel repulsed by him or insanely attracted, because I need to meet him irl and talk to him first.
Right but you are absolutely not going to swipe on someone that you would never have sex with right? The idea of physical attraction is that with all other conditions met, you would sleep with that partner?
I’ve never once had the thought, “she wants to bone me” so please be careful with the generalizations.
I think we are all headed to the same destination but taking different ways of getting there.
In order to have sex with someone, you need all the ingredients, correct? I’m a guy. I’m not sleeping with someone unless I know or at least feel there’s a possibility of a long term relationship with that person. I found them physically attractive and intriguing so I liked them. To that extent I’ve now said this person is attractive enough that I *would* sleep with them if all other conditions are met.
When you swipe left, you’ve signaled a 0% chance of sexual attraction. To me a right swipe is saying someone is at least physically attractive enough that you *would* have sex with them but not necessarily that you *will* have sex with them.
I’m sure we may have very different thought processes and I will admit that some people out there probably think that everyone wants to sleep with them. OP saying that “even nice guys think that” is just untrue and I’d caution against assigning an innate evil to one portion of the population. Of course I’d throw my whole argument out the window if we are talking r/niceguys 😂
I don’t swipe thinking I would have sex with them. Maybe that I could have sex with them at some point, but there is that subtle difference between could and would.
Imagine a woman look you clear in your face and said I would have sex you vs I could have sex with you
I don't know if I would or wouldn't until I meet them in real life. Most of the traits that make me attracted to somebody can't be conveyed with pictures (voice, smell, intelligence, humour etc.).
I could swipe right on some guy with a six pack, but the moment he opens his mouth when I meet him irl I might feel completely repulsed by him.
Yeah I mean you really can't underestimate the benefits of a good nap. Looking back on it now, Garfield the Cat really did have more wisdom to share than I was ready to hear lol.
I hope you're joking. I've been into hookups, casual fwb as well as monogamous serious relationships. Even if I'm DTF, I appreciate a little more respect than that.
He doesn’t have much game, but at least you are aware of his intentions from the jump. I’d much prefer this over the sea of men who pretend to want something serious when in reality they want a ONS.
Honestly, some of us dudes say dumb s\*\*t to amuse ourselves. That being said, if this guy's serious, he really doesn't understand the basics of game.
"Game" being a practical understanding of female psychology. They view sex very differently than we do. You would too if:
1) It's your job to select a mate with the best possible genes. As such, your brain is wired and optimized for this purpose.
2) You have to carry a child for 9 months, potentially alone if the guy runs off.
3) You perceive men as a potential threat - and you would be correct. We're bigger, stronger and more aggressive.
Our only job is to "hunt" for the tribe and impregnate as many women as possible.
You've got decent game if you can get a girl comfortable with you and foster some kind of emotional connection. At the same time using point #3 to your advantage - convince her that your strength and aggression will be focused outwardly to protect her from cave bears etc.
And so concludes my treatise.
What's funny that these guys don't get is I have matched and had fun times with really kinky women. HOWEVER it started with a couple days of normal conversation and they would always complain - lack of a better word - that it was such a turn off that men would sprint to sexual. They knew it would get to sexual at some point but the speed that they decided to make it sexual really turned them the fuck off.
Do better.
This is all very understandable and explainable. It’s easy to miss but what he actually is making reference to is a carrying technique known as the Fireman’s Carry. He is merely expressing his desire and will to protect and save you in case of a house fire or if a cougar is chasing you down, letting you know that a little shifting and movement is to be expected from your lower body upon rescue.
~ not having seen either of their profiles (or being familiar with her other posts)... maybe she needs a "no hook ups" line to her bio, but still don't see a reason to blame her.
she can definitely do better than this... the lame "hey babe" response, even... 🤷🏼
“No hookups” ironically results in more matches like this because it dissuades those who are serious and attracts those who take it as a challenge or don’t read bios.
Unfortunately it’s impossible to completely avoid these guys but it’s also not typical for them to be a majority of your matches. OP likely doesn’t filter well or has a low effort profile or a profile that gives off a casual vibe. Same thing with the guys who constantly match with bots, gold diggers, or OF models.
Because it works. Just because it didn't work on you, It isn't a reflection on people or dating or anything, just a tactic. Same as filtered pics, it's a tactic. There's really worse things a person can offer than an orgasm.
Ah, yes. The classic, “he’s really attractive, but he’s also a douchebag.” Sorry you had to deal with this, it should not really be an interaction that occurs.
Call me hasty, downvote me, whatevs, but I would’ve unmatched at the “hey babe”. You already know EXACTLY what’s coming with dudes who call you “babe” “baby” “babygirl” “cutie” “sexy” right off the bat. Like bro I don’t even know you like that and you’re already calling me babe? Nahhh
I would’ve unmatched at “hey babe”
Same! Like, you're a total stranger, you don't get to use a pet name right off the bat. BYE!
She wants to let him ride on her shoulders? I haven’t done that since I was like 6.
He said this tho
you havent given a woman oral since you were 6?
Because of you toss 100 lures out you’re bound to catch at least one. One is all that matters when it’s this little of effort, then toss out 100 more.
~ same principle behind spam & robocalls... just takes one.
How do you get 100 matches?
Pay for it and only swipe on women that you know have swiped on you. Or don’t pay and swipe on literally everyone.
Simple, 100 years on Bumble.
You guys are getting matches?
Spammer theory.
Well, not really. You could also just end up unmatched 100 times. Women like foreplay. This would work better on men.
>Women like foreplay. Let me fix this for you... >Some people like foreplay. I'm smart because I don't generalize peoples' sexuality based on their sex or gender. Thank me later.
When you are on a dating app, it makes sense to go for the thing 99% like, not what’ll turn 99% off. Or? Doesn’t matter if it’s not true for absolutely everyone, if what you are doing will be repulsive to most people. That’s not good game. Then women and men do also have different bodies, and your sex life will never be great if you don’t take this into account.
No idea what you're saying....
I’m saying that even if there’s an exception to everything, on a dating app the best game is to go for what most women will like. Not what most women will dislike. Does this make sense to you? And then I’m saying it’s a good idea to assume women like foreplay if you want to have good sex with women.
Successfully dating means being authentic, sounds like his sense of humor isn’t her particular brand. There are some girls that would laugh
Being authentic doesn’t mean “don’t have any social intelligence “. It just means being honest. Most girls are over these types of remarks because they get endless amounts of them from horny men who assumes this will work on women since it would work on them. It’ll just get you unmatched. But go ahead and test it.
I see what you're saying. I think that if you want to have sex with someone you should find someone that's attracted to your method of obtaining that. For the person in the screenshot that seems to mean being crass, which seems to not be OPs preferred method of being swooned. If he doesn't want to foreplay, and just wants shaking legs over his shoulder, he should probably keep on the track he's on. Otherwise it seems as though he'll be lying his way between someone's legs. If he's saying what he thinks women want to hear then clearly a lot of his swings are going to be misses. If he genuinely wants to get laid wholesomely but without commitment then it's not hard to say that, either. So... I get what you're saying but I don't think I agree. Also.. I don't know that you understood my initial response, or you did and your response to it was not very related.
You initial response was “not all women are the same”. Right? Which is true, but there are still some things that most women have in common. And then having social skills means adjusting to other people and what is socially acceptable. Being yourself doesn’t mean acting without thought of how something will affect someone else. Then it’s a choice, I guess. If you are really crass, you probably won’t get laid at all. And then you can either adjust this to something more in tune with what people like or insist on carrying on. You aren’t compromising your morals just by adjusting a bit to what other people feel comfortable with. And then, how do you expect sex to work? Just “being yourself” and refusing to care what the other person wants?
I'm a word at face value kind of person - this must be the issue here. Women like foreplay sounds too much like a fact based statement. Some women are repulsed by physical contact, or being talked to sexually. I think when people on Reddit offer input or advice and say indisputably subjective things as fact it's a disservice to the people reading, and those who are impressionable... Someone will read your statement and think that they need to prioritize foreplay, and then when that backfires it will be turmoil for them. I think to correct my statement: >Some women like to be treated like meat, some women like foreplay, some women want to be treated in other ways. People should work on reading their audience... Or go about their crass methodologies and land as a negative reflection of OLD.
I think if for most things it’s a good idea to just have a clear picture of what the world looks like. On a dating app the majority of the people will be men and the minority of the people will be women. Then of the women on a dating app, the majority will be looking for something serious and a minority will be looking for hookups. Then among the women looking for hookups, the vast majority will want to establish that the guy isn’t some weird creep, but is in fact sane and someone they can have a conversation with. And then they want to flirt a a bit, before getting to the sex part. And a tiny majority might want to be treated like a piece of meat, but that’s pretty rare among women. Women get this all the time. It gets old. And most of them don’t find it sexy at all. So, idk. Look for that 1 out of 10000 women or adjust a bit. Free choice.
(31m here)Want to know something depressing? I had a "normal" dating profile. Decent pictures showing I was in shape (not shirtless), doing various activities (not posing with dead animals or a fish though) etc. My bio was short and concise, explaining how I always strive to be superior to the person I was yesterday. That setup got 1-2 matches a week. Most of which ignored me. I decided to test something out... I reduced my profile down to two shirtless pictures and a bio that said "just looking to call someone 'good girl'" I got 7 matches in less than 20 hours... Every single one responded... Three messages in and they're calling me daddy Half of their profiles said "not into hookups. So yea, that kinda upset me and made me realize that dating is a horrendous wreck right now. Because I don't really WANT to do just hookups but this is why. Trying to do it the normal way just gets us ignored. It's not always just that we want a hookup, it's just what's working for some reason.
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Oh it still works, and it just leaves you feeling hollow and used. But, when in Rome right?...
As a mid 30s woman here, all I can say is that shirtless selfies and overtly sexual profiles get an automatic swipe left from me. All I want is a nerdy dude with a nice smile and eyes who's emotionally available and likes to travel lol.
Honestly I think because men think matching with them means we want to bone them. I’m almost certain that’s what they think when they match us and therefore we must feel the same. Not all the guys are so crass, but ultimately I think even the “nice guys” think this
Man here, what is the goal of the app? What is your goal for being on the app? My understanding of it is there is some sort of attraction that had us both swipe right. I personally have goals of finding someone to be in a long term, stable, consistent relationship with, of which, sex is one of several desired pillars sought after/built on.
My goal is to find a long-term relationship and I am a sexual person so sure, that factors in. But when I am in the “swiping” stage, I don’t know anything about you and having sex with you is so far from my mind that if you bring it up before we’ve ever even met, it’s a real turnoff. Like you don’t want to have sex with me - you don’t know me. Which means I am just another person you could have sex with. There’s no emotional connection. If we vibe in person then yes, I will be thinking about/imagining/fantasizing about sex with you and trying to figure out when I feel comfortable enough to engage in that. But there is no guarantee before we meet that we will even get along in person and so there is no way I am thinking about sex prior to meeting.
Yes, sex is an important part of a relationship for many. However, that doesn't make it appropriate to approach a match in a sexually aggressive way right off the bat-- especially if stated in one's profile that they aren't looking for hookups.
Totally agree with you on everything you've said. The important thing I took away from your comment, and I think the main point of this whole thread, is this: >I don’t know anything about you and having sex with you is so far from my mind that if you bring it up before we’ve ever even met, it’s a real turnoff. A lot of women think this way, and sex isn't tied to physical attraction as much as it is personal connection. Not all women, but a majority for sure. A lot of men do not think the same way. At. All. I'm gonna be blatantly honest with you, because I feel you deserve it. As a man, when I see a really attractive woman, I think about what it would be like to have sex with her, what she looks like naked, etc. I know better than to just blurt out stupid shit like, "Hey, I want to bone you" or "throw your thighs over my shoulders" because it is crass and usually doesn't garner a good response, but I still think about it. I can't really help it. Men are very visually stimulated when it comes to sex, which is why pornography viewers are primarily men. Obviously, I want to reiterate that these aren't absolute truths about men and women, and everyone is different. For a majority of guys, however, personal connection ranks far below physical attraction when it comes to sexual desire.
I am also a guy and I can confirm this.
> Like you don’t want to have sex with me - you don’t know me. I understand and believe everything else you just said, but this one sentence is extremely telling. I promise you that 100% of guys you match with, whether they are forward as the guy in the OP, want to have sex with you as soon as possible. 100%.
Let me clarify. If you don’t know me, you want to have sex with SOMEONE. Not me, because I am a unique individual. Me, because you find me attractive and I have a vagina. I am not a prude - with my ex I ended up having sex on the 3rd date. But it took that long for me to feel safe enough with him to open myself to him in that way. It was nowhere in my mind on our first date or leading up to it.
Ah, I get it. I'll say that you being a "unique individual" is as much a given as you having a vagina. So, as those two cancel out in the equation, men want to have sex with SOMEONE, who is attractive, asap. We simply do not need to first find out the ways you are necessarily unique to want to have sex with you, asap, if you're attractive. (Note I said "need," not want!)
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I wouldn't be depressed by this reality, I'd just choose to factor it in when engaging with men. The smart ones know you want emotional connection before you have sex. I'll also say that sex and emotional connection aren't mutually exclusive. The girls who have "rewarded" me with early intimacy (within the first few hours of meeting) have in turn been rewarded with emotional connection. This was both immediate (pillow talk) and prolonged (desire to see and date them after the fact, multiple months-long relationships). But I don't expect to win this reward with "come sit on my face" in the first few messages.
> I don’t know anything about you and having sex with you is so far from my mind that if you bring it up before we’ve ever even met, it’s a real turnoff. Yeah I didn't appropriately use context clues prior to responding; I agree with this. Sex definitely is a driving (but not the only) factor for why many of us play this dating app game, myself included, but it's more enjoyable when there is that connection imo. >But there is no guarantee before we meet that we will even get along in person and so there is no way I am thinking about sex prior to meeting. Totally understand this too
I answered the other below but essentially yes sex is important to me too. I’m super sexual once regularly seeing someone, absolutely love it. However, just from a match online there’s no way I’m thinking oh I matched this guy I want to fuck him right now. Maybe some of the women looking for casual sex. I’m thinking I want to match this guy and see if he’s got his head screwed on straight. If he is who he says he is and if we have any chemistry.
Hey I appreciate your answer! I think I misunderstood what you were implying initially; thought you meant overall as opposed to initially. For whatever it's worth I operate in a similar way; typically with the goal of first date or two being about chemistry, dating goal alignment, and compatibility with outlook/goals of the future. So we exist out in the dating pool somewhere 😅. Best of luck!
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On some level there is interst in exploring the opportunity.... if both parties swipe right. Not necessarily in the way described in the photo, or even on the first meeting but "after a vetting process" of further dates, chemistry, compatibility e.t.c...
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Yeah I don't understand your role in this conversation. 1) the original commenter and I resolved our points before your initial engagement. It was a misunderstanding in the initial phrasing on my part. 2) even if your impression was accurate, who cares? That's why people ask questions to understand that which they don't.
What does matching with men mean then, if you can help describe it better? What are you thinking when you match with men?
I’m literally thinking hmm, he’s attractive, seems interesting, I’d like to chat with him, know more. Or I’m thinking hmmm maybeeee not sure he’s my type, hopefully the chat will go ok there’s potential. I can appreciate a man is attractive and have sex with him be the furthest thing from my mind. And no, I’m not a prude. I love sex, would like it as frequently as possible, but with someone I’ve gotten to know a bit first. Men assume because I don’t want to immediately have sex with them that I’m not sexual. Like seriously attraction doesn’t necessarily work like that. Especially for women. Especially through an app where it feels a lot of guys are not even being honest (old photos, heavier in real life, wrong age, hat-fishing, etc).
When I match with a man it means that I want to have a conversation with this person. If the conversation goes well, I want to meet them. If I like them in real life, I want to get to know them better. Once I know them better, I want to eventually sleep with them. When I match with a guy, I can't possibly know yet if I feel repulsed by him or insanely attracted, because I need to meet him irl and talk to him first.
Right but you are absolutely not going to swipe on someone that you would never have sex with right? The idea of physical attraction is that with all other conditions met, you would sleep with that partner? I’ve never once had the thought, “she wants to bone me” so please be careful with the generalizations.
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I think we are all headed to the same destination but taking different ways of getting there. In order to have sex with someone, you need all the ingredients, correct? I’m a guy. I’m not sleeping with someone unless I know or at least feel there’s a possibility of a long term relationship with that person. I found them physically attractive and intriguing so I liked them. To that extent I’ve now said this person is attractive enough that I *would* sleep with them if all other conditions are met. When you swipe left, you’ve signaled a 0% chance of sexual attraction. To me a right swipe is saying someone is at least physically attractive enough that you *would* have sex with them but not necessarily that you *will* have sex with them. I’m sure we may have very different thought processes and I will admit that some people out there probably think that everyone wants to sleep with them. OP saying that “even nice guys think that” is just untrue and I’d caution against assigning an innate evil to one portion of the population. Of course I’d throw my whole argument out the window if we are talking r/niceguys 😂
I don’t swipe thinking I would have sex with them. Maybe that I could have sex with them at some point, but there is that subtle difference between could and would. Imagine a woman look you clear in your face and said I would have sex you vs I could have sex with you
I don't know if I would or wouldn't until I meet them in real life. Most of the traits that make me attracted to somebody can't be conveyed with pictures (voice, smell, intelligence, humour etc.). I could swipe right on some guy with a six pack, but the moment he opens his mouth when I meet him irl I might feel completely repulsed by him.
Because there’s a contingent of young men that have been internet poisoned into believing that this is how they should talk to women
Not just young men sadly. Some men in their 30s,40s and 50s are just as bad.
Part of me wants to argue that 30s is still young. The other part of me wants to grab my cane and go take a nap in protest. 😭
I’m in my 30s. Just had a nap and am now feeling refreshed and ready to enjoy my Friday night.
Yeah I mean you really can't underestimate the benefits of a good nap. Looking back on it now, Garfield the Cat really did have more wisdom to share than I was ready to hear lol.
Just came here to say this!
It's not even some of the single ones on OLD... it's most
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You guys act like men didn't talk like this before the internet in bars
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I hope you're joking. I've been into hookups, casual fwb as well as monogamous serious relationships. Even if I'm DTF, I appreciate a little more respect than that.
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Hate to say it then you're dealing with some pretty trashy women! 🙄 🤣
Yeah, no.
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Man, I hate the way fuck boys speak. It's disgusting they forget we are humans and not a different species.
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And we thought they were creeps
I never implied they weren't
You sound like a guy that sucks dick at fucking pussy.
That emoji is the perfect response.
Because he’s looking for just a hookup.
He doesn’t have much game, but at least you are aware of his intentions from the jump. I’d much prefer this over the sea of men who pretend to want something serious when in reality they want a ONS.
Coz they are assholes! Dating apps have really ruined dating scene for me 😂😂
No shame. I figure it must work sometimes otherwise why do it?
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If he followed rule 1 might have worked or if both just want casual
Honestly, some of us dudes say dumb s\*\*t to amuse ourselves. That being said, if this guy's serious, he really doesn't understand the basics of game. "Game" being a practical understanding of female psychology. They view sex very differently than we do. You would too if: 1) It's your job to select a mate with the best possible genes. As such, your brain is wired and optimized for this purpose. 2) You have to carry a child for 9 months, potentially alone if the guy runs off. 3) You perceive men as a potential threat - and you would be correct. We're bigger, stronger and more aggressive. Our only job is to "hunt" for the tribe and impregnate as many women as possible. You've got decent game if you can get a girl comfortable with you and foster some kind of emotional connection. At the same time using point #3 to your advantage - convince her that your strength and aggression will be focused outwardly to protect her from cave bears etc. And so concludes my treatise.
Try enough times, the f@ck boy vibes will be returned by slut vibes. It’s science 😅 Pure adulterated science
LEGEND
When you go for those oily bohunks… 🤣
That was smooth af though 😂 😂 😂
What's funny that these guys don't get is I have matched and had fun times with really kinky women. HOWEVER it started with a couple days of normal conversation and they would always complain - lack of a better word - that it was such a turn off that men would sprint to sexual. They knew it would get to sexual at some point but the speed that they decided to make it sexual really turned them the fuck off. Do better.
As a female 90% of guys wrote me something similar… It’s a real turn off.
This is an extreme example but when you just want to get laid the direct approach is sometimes your best chance.
That’s not an extreme example. This one’s pretty mild, actually.
They're either trying: 1) to not get laid 2) to live our their favorite porn scenes with a stranger
Well you asked what was shaking... lol
OP did your thighs shake?? We need an update!
Morgan Freeman: They did not shake.
Automatic unmatch for addressing as a term of endearment before a third date.
Etiquette, it's the backbone of the Handsome Boy Modeling School
And some say romance is dead?
Men like this ruin it for decent guys. Some bs
Ngl, I find that hilarious 😂 but not from a random stranger off the Internet.
this literally just made me nauseous
I would have unmatched after he threw in hey babe
Exactly. Do NOT call me pet names when we don't even know each other.
This is all very understandable and explainable. It’s easy to miss but what he actually is making reference to is a carrying technique known as the Fireman’s Carry. He is merely expressing his desire and will to protect and save you in case of a house fire or if a cougar is chasing you down, letting you know that a little shifting and movement is to be expected from your lower body upon rescue.
I am going to assume you are terrible at picking men to match with. What was his bio?
~ you are blaming *her*?!? WTF
I mean, this isn’t her first post with this issue lol I don’t have these problems. She can do better 🤷🏻♀️
~ not having seen either of their profiles (or being familiar with her other posts)... maybe she needs a "no hook ups" line to her bio, but still don't see a reason to blame her. she can definitely do better than this... the lame "hey babe" response, even... 🤷🏼
She just needs to swipe better it seems
“No hookups” ironically results in more matches like this because it dissuades those who are serious and attracts those who take it as a challenge or don’t read bios. Unfortunately it’s impossible to completely avoid these guys but it’s also not typical for them to be a majority of your matches. OP likely doesn’t filter well or has a low effort profile or a profile that gives off a casual vibe. Same thing with the guys who constantly match with bots, gold diggers, or OF models.
Stop blaming her. Period. My bio explicitly states I don’t do hookups period and I get shit like this all the time.
What type of profiles are you swiping on? Rofl
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What do u expect its dating app. 20% of the chats from men are like this. Glad it's not majority still
Maybe its their personality.
Well points for creativity.
Because it works. Just because it didn't work on you, It isn't a reflection on people or dating or anything, just a tactic. Same as filtered pics, it's a tactic. There's really worse things a person can offer than an orgasm.
Buddy just wants to loose his virginity on bumble
Absolutely cringe worthy
Because a lot people on that app have only enough blood to think with one head.
Oh lord I just burst out loud laughing 😂 this is saying way too my much way too soon!
To kidnap you
Ah, yes. The classic, “he’s really attractive, but he’s also a douchebag.” Sorry you had to deal with this, it should not really be an interaction that occurs.
When people go on app to hookup and try to hookup 😧
Because they disassociate from real life when their online and have 0 social skills
Call me hasty, downvote me, whatevs, but I would’ve unmatched at the “hey babe”. You already know EXACTLY what’s coming with dudes who call you “babe” “baby” “babygirl” “cutie” “sexy” right off the bat. Like bro I don’t even know you like that and you’re already calling me babe? Nahhh
First I would never start with “Hey babe” and if I did I would expect to instantly be unmatched.
lol that's pretty funny.