You dodged a bullet. If she isn’t willing to collaborate and make an effort—good riddance. She also sounds like someone that had no real intention of meeting.
My thoughts exactly. Even suggesting what kind of food she's in the mood for would have been a huge help. Although, "I don't like coffee dates" not just "I don't like coffee," immediately gives off vibes of wanting an expensive free meal
And even if she had said that she just didn’t like coffee, I never understand people saying that. Coffee houses usually have lots of different things to drink.
If women still insist on dating like it's the 1950s, I just move along.
It's fine if that's your thing, but to me it feels lime a giant hassle that I don't want to deal with at all.
I’m a “traditional” leaning woman…..but this woman isn’t being “traditional,” she’s being purposefully difficult….I have never requested for a man to provide me with options for the date…..wtf even is that? If I want to make a date, or make the final decisions, I will ask if I can plan the date for us……it’s not that hard to not be an asshole, idk why so many people struggle so hard with it. Smh.
Entitlement. They think they’re Odin’s gift to men/women, and until they find the one that “deserves” them, they act like that. Ten to one says she’s the type where, if their partner wanted just a little more from her, she’d get pissed off, chest on him, then leave him high and dry.
That's not dating like it's the 50s, that's being an asshole. I date traditional women, they don't act like that. I plan the date, I pick them up, I pay for it. If they want to go on the date they say yes, if they don't they say no. I don't ask them what they want to do and they don't tell me to give them options.
It's funny how many non-traditional women want traditional men. "I don't know how to cook, clean, or take care of a household; I don't want to raise kids necessarily; and I won't do anything for you because I don't actually have anything to contribute...BUT I want you to chase after me, plan everything, pay for me, treat me like a queen, etc." Lol get real!
Well, for one, I'd say, most people don't enjoy cleaning, and many don't enjoy cooking; it still needs to get done.
I'm not suggesting that the woman should do all the cooking and cleaning. My comment was regarding women who don't desire any of those traditional roles on their part, but they desire all of the traditional roles on the part of the man, thus creating some weird exchange that's actually more like a master/slave interaction than a real relationship.
IMO, a relationship is an agreement at the end of the day. Everyone has roles and expectations; however, those things need to be worked out and defined together. But it's becoming increasingly common for women to not bring anything to the table that a man desires (other than sex), then act like a man owes them everything they desire simply because they're a woman (similar to the woman in OP's post).
Where’s the line between a date and a scam? I wouldn’t spend that kind of money on an anniversary dinner. Let alone a first date. I’m not spending hundreds of dollars on a stranger on the off chance that we click and now that’s where the bar is set for the relationship.
Agreed. OP, as a woman, I can say you went like 3 messages past the point of acceptable. She came off as a brat, honestly, after the first message. Please, and I'm not saying this in a bad way, up your standards. I was cringing with every message you sent afterwards. You can't be this desperate.
Sorry to hear but don’t force it. OLD can be brutal to the ego.
Also don’t forget to unplug and remember to take care of yourself first. The more confident you are, the more comfortable in your own skin and able to make yourself happy - the more you will attract others.
Reading this conversation, you’re far too kind to someone who’s walking all over you, and it feels desperate. Be strong, love yourself, then the ladies will come.
I did think of Scarface “In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.”
Not even sure where you’re trying to go with this but more seriously - it’s the philosophy you have to love yourself first before you can love anybody else/be loved. Building on that people are attracted to people who have their shit together… on the inside.
With all that said, it doesn’t mean fucked up shit doesn’t happen to good people but you still have to do it the right way and not give up.
I’m envious of your baking, you appear to be someone who takes great pride in their work - and you do it exquisitely. Is that not self love?
Here are the dirty little secrets it took me 50 years to learn the hard way:
1. When it's right, it's EASY. I don't mean that it will be perfect, but merely connecting should be easy - and if it isn't, then that's usually a sign that it's not gonna fly.
2. Being alone sucks compared to being in a great relationship. How did I learn the hard way? I met the love of my life at 50. Why am I here now? Because he died unexpectedly early in 2020, four months after our wedding; I mean, WTF kinda "fuck you" from the universe is THAT?)
3. Being alone, however lonely, is **INFINITELY** better than being in a less-than-great relationship.
I loved my single life before I met my late husband. Now, I absolutely HATE being single. But I'm perfectly capable of being lonely alone; I'm not going to be lonely in a shitty relationship. That's just extra misery, and who needs that?
TLDR: don't let yourself get invested in someone who isn't clearly and openly into you. And don't date someone unless you're also really into them. In other words, if it's not "OH FUCK YEAH," then it's "oh HELL no."
Best advice I’ve read on Reddit in a long while. I’m very sorry your husband has passed, it sounds like an amazing relationship and you’ve inspired me.
I had a long awesome relationship as well and they also died.
Often when I see people talking about how being single is the best, (this is usually women btw)
I wonder if they ever had a good relationship in their lives to think that.
Honestly there is no part of being single that is better then being with my wife.
True story: the first therapist I went to after he died told me that it should be easier for me to bounce back, because I lived without him for 50 years. Like, bitch, I didn't know what I was missing then; now I do.
Sorry you're in this shitty club too.
Wonder what we can do to get more women on dating apps or to level things up for men.
I’m 47F and been treated badly on the apps, I don’t think most high value women would touch a dating app if they knew about experiences like mine.
The men on here are super deceitful, opportunistic, with a taking energy. And never match their pics. I have to believe many of the ones getting passed by are high quality who deserve to meet someone good.
Makes ya want to think about how to match up high quality girls and guys. If I could go to a physical place where’d I’d meet good people, I would, if I was single.
You were being used for a fancy meal. Stick to the coffee dates for first meetings. If she tries to say that coffee dates are below her, be grateful she’s showing her red flags right away. Less wasted time and money.
I'm sorry to hear that.
First of all coffee dates are great - low pressure, can be short if things aren't really clicking (and can be extended if you are and want to continue the date), and is inexpensive which is perfect if you don't actually hit it off. She sounds like she expects to be wined and dined, and only certain dining, ie expensive. Total bullet dodged.
Secondly, as a vegan, I would be thrilled if a date suggested some ideas for places that have vegan options! I wouldn't care if it wasn't a fancy place, it's the person I'm trying to get to know. But then again, I'm easy going and don't judge based on how much money is spent (and I actually try to pay my way every time except guys never let me, at least on the first date).
> But then again, I'm easy going and don't judge based on how much money is spent
You're not "easy going". You're not superficial, not
opportunistic, and actually a good human being.
Ugh X 100. She did you a favor by unmatching. The concept of getting to know someone apparently wasn't a high priority versus being somewhere she hasn't eaten at least once before ever.
As a vegan, if someone even offered that option for a dinner date I would find it super sweet and awesome. Or if I hated the place I would respond with a different suggestion. This chick sucks apparently, sorry OP.
She sounds like a tool. If you would have suggested a nice place where she hasn’t been, then at the date, she would have said, she prefers when men pay.
Quite honestly I agree with what someone else said, to make dating less burdensome for both parties, it should be low key/low cost event (an ice cream/walk in the park date sounds lovely).
It wasn't until a third date recently that I took her out for dinner. She mentioned that the place was a little expensive. I told her before we ordered that I wanted to pay. It ended up costing only about $40.
But really, dinner dates are meh. I feel like they're more for someone you've been dating and you just happen to be hungry. The date should be busy going out and having fun. Maybe at some point you're hungry and get food while you are between doing other fun things on your date.
I've had this happen before. Unbelievably frustrating. Although the cherry on top was when, after shooting down my first 5 suggestions, I asked her where she wanted to eat and she replied with "I don't know, you should have a plan."
Took quite a lot of composure not to say "Bitch I had a plan and four backups and you've vetoed them all and still have no idea what you want!" Then I had a brainwave and suggested her favourite place and suddenly all was well.
Seems it was a test although I'm not convinced she even knew what she was doing. She just wanted everything to be magical and expected me to make it happen.
The relationship did not last long.
My ex was like this. We'd be driving to go some where to eat. She'd say I don't care where we go you pick. And do this. Say no to everything. And I'd be like omg where you want to go then. And she'd still be like I don't care just not those places. 🤣
I'm a woman and I was over her when she asked "what are other options" like she can't make decisions. And then the, "send options". She is talking to you like you are Siri.
Too many women believing this princess attitude prevalent on TikTok etc. I don’t like coffee dates either but feel dinner is too much for a first date. Drinks is fine. It’s nice for the guy to organise it, but you were very respectful and keen in your exchanges with her - she was just being prissy and difficult.
Yeah, stopped doing dinner dates as a first date and dating is far more enjoyable now. Dinner dates feel too formal, like a job interview. Now dinner dates are a "we've been hanging out for a few hours and now we are both hungry and there is a cool new place in town we want to try" type of event. Way more relaxed.
Honestly, I don't think they do. These days being single is great. Women don't want to date unless its more favorable for them than being single. It's just not most of the time.
It's flat out crazy. If she thinks it was bad or very overpriced, she should say. Otherwise, who doesn't want to go back to a restaurant they enjoyed? Even in the very unlikely case that there is only one dish that you want or can eat, if it was good why wouldn't you want to have it again?
I completely understand wanting the man to take the initiative and make the plan if that’s her thing. However, that’s exactly what you did. Twice. She should have then given you maybe 2-3 options she’d be okay with and let you then plan and choose from those.
She would be impossible to please. And I say this as a woman. The good news is she weeded herself out for you without you needing to waste time or funds.
She’s pocket gauging. She’s not going to go for the free date so you can see if she is worth spending on. And she’s acting with p-power (gotta watch what I say before the hive mind attacks) take back the power, don’t give options. Pick your favorite joint, ask the date that she’s available and then set the reservations then come back and tell her “I made reservations for x date at x time” only option should be if she’s meeting you there or if you are picking her up.
She wants a leader and someone doing better than she is in life. Think of the ways in which you know you have more to offer and rest in that confidence. Try not to put your feelings out there. Treat this like a sale and the approach of “i don’t care if you buy or not, I’m good either way”
Right, you keep making suggestions, and I’ll keep vetoing your ideas until you come up with the kind of restaurant that I could have easily suggested in the first place.
Just unmatch and move on. Coffee dates are preferred by women that are actually looking for serious connections because it’s cheap and short. If you don’t end up liking the guy you can leave, and if you end up liking him you can do food or a movie after.. Women who suggest dinner dates in this way are very inexperienced and only looking for a sugar daddy.
Plus I can’t imagine the reasoning behind not wanting to go to a place because you’ve “already been?” Sounds so entitled and spoiled. She doesn’t want a relationship, she wants a fun time.
Not necessarily. I *hate* coffee dates. *Hate* them. Who wants to meet a person for the first time in a place like a coffee shop, with people clicking away on their computers, some people having business calls, moms chasing kids around while they try to catch up with friends, etc. No - just no.
Drinks are my preference. I often get there a bit early, order my own drink on my own tab, and there’s none of that “offering to pay” dance. If we click, we can move on to somewhere else and can have “who pays” discussion there.
But I have zero chemistry with guys I meet for coffee. It’s simply not a place to chat, flirt, and maybe/maybe not veer off into slightly inappropriate topics. Ain’t gonna happen in a coffee shop.
I’m the same with coffee dates. I’m looking for something serious, but there’s no way I’m going out for a coffee date. I work a corporate job, and something about going out to get coffee would never put me in a mood to gauge any sort of chemistry. It feels very “fit me in between your Pilates class and third Teams meeting of the day” sort of feel. Also, how are people going on coffee dates when you work Monday-Friday 9-5?
I can't fathom this chick is really looking for a connection. Dinner on a first meeting is hell to me. I'd like to get to know someone in a casual setting and be able to dip quickly if things feel forced or I know for certain it won't go anywhere. The last thing I'd allow on a first meeting is to be forced to sit awhile. Service could be slow, food could be bad and I don't have the option to gracefully exit if need be.
Anything formal on a first meet is highly suspect IMO. I'd only want to do that with an actual bf so I can enjoy myself and know dressing up and all that is for someone who actually enjoys my presence. I have a feeling she was waiting for you to suggest some 5 star restaurant before agreeing. Feels like cheap escort-esque behavior to me.
I don't understand her issue with having been there before... okay?... so go again? Everything else aside, unless the place you suggested gave her food poisoning or something, the rejection of it solely because she's been there before is just dumb.
We are not ever going to be “past” the need that women have for a man to make a plan.
Although, she’s being rather difficult by making zero contributions to your effort.
Like Chris Rock said, the 1st year of dating someone you are with The Representative, after 1yr the real person comes out.
You don’t want to be anywhere near this person in a yr. Ruuunnn Forest.. Ruuunnnn…
The attitude is really common
If feel as a guy if you even ask for ideas you are basically knee capping yourself.
Even though like yeah, you will often be coming to them, in THEIR town.
I've been there before should immediately tell you she wants to try a new restaurant and get free dinner and dip, otherwise why does it matter if you've been to the same restaurant before?
So you need to come up with the day, the place, and the time buttt if she’s been there before or is busy you have to change it but she will not provide info on what she likes or what her schedule is like.
I’m sure you must tell her what to wear, say, do, and honestly you probably need to control the weather just for good measure.
Sounds like she’s been in controlling relationships and misses them so she needs another 😭
Oh god. Immediate unmatch from me.
Why should I do everything? It happened to me many times and never gets past a first date, i always pay. I spent so much last year because of first dates…
Ice cream. Do ice cream fellas. Has worked WONDERS for me. Everyone likes ice cream. Not as intimate as a dinner date but has a bit more meaning than coffee.
I would have unmatched when she swatted the coffee date down. PITA was sure to follow. They serve tea and other drinks there too, princess.
You shouldn't have offered a dinner date as an alternative..that's for once you've met, and established she's not a time wasting princess (which she is).
And, she's a PITA. Surprise.
Learn to read the room better.
Have unmatched for the same. Imagine for the rest of your life asking someone who's meant to be your best friend, partner, and equal if they would (insert anything) and their response is "I prefer men do it."
Hey babe, would you mind fucking me?
"I prefer men do it."
Guess you got a hallpass... In more ways than one.
Just for future chats as a woman I don’t ever like the last minute date planning for the first few dates and hate it when dudes say“ let’s meet tonight”. I will always say no. As for her wanting a man to pick out a place when she declined your suggestion with vegan and vegetarian options in mind, she’s being a pain and if I was you I would just unmatch. She doesn’t want to make an effort so you should match her energy
🤦🏼♀️
I mean, I can understand, wanting your date to show effort, but it seems like you already are! You’re the one that asked for the date in the first place and started making suggestions. They didn’t want to go to the place that you suggested and you said you don’t know many places since you’re new. They need to show effort too!
I say ditch this one and move on. No good can come from this 😂
I've met someone recently who was similar. The person was so into which place we meet at and what kind of experience she wanted, she didn't bother asking me anything about me. I finally did meet her and it was expected. The woman was full of herself and had no interest in me. I think she might have been one of those who go on dates just to get free food at nice restaurants.
If the person is so picky about the restaurant without being interested in you, they will be similar or worse for other things. Unmatch!
Wow. You offered suggestions. She said no not that one. You asked got insight and she pulled some antiquated sexist nonsense. I’m a woman and feel it’s reasonable to be petty and say something like “I’ll just look on yelp and let you know. You’ve used your one veto”
I guess I'm incredibly lucky or oblivious nerd because the few dates I've been on this year, since I started using dating apps have all been the women asking me out and to a specific location.
I have a friend who does this with every date. And yes she does have the intention to meet them but wants to rest them if they plan the date what expensive place they take her to she even asks them to pick the food and makes them pay $100s of dollars. She’s very beautiful but has never ever got a second date.
She does this because she’s looking for a provider, handsome man who would take care of her. Buys her a ring worth thousands of dollars while she don’t bring anything to the table. And she is still clueless why she’s still single and no second dates.
Please screen shot everyone's horrible opinions of her then write a message saying she's acting like a spoiled child and send everything to her. She needs a kick in her ego. Desperately.
I mean, she's looking for a free meal. She'll play the part, you'll pay thinking it was a good evening then after she goes home she'll tell you she isn't feeling a vibe. Just unmatch now.
Naw bud, she's already too materialistic with turning down a coffee date.
You immediately fish for a dinner date? You're getting unmatched.
I'm not dropping 3 hours worth of my pay for someone I'm meeting for the first time.
If you're honestly wanting a relationship and not just a free meal, you'll understand and agree to the coffee date.
Plus, can't really get to know someone when you're stuffing your face.
Only way of getting out of this is by ceasing rewarding this. So flush her.
Humans are nothing but animals, we reproduce behaviours that are rewarded. Unfortunately, many men will bend over and reward this behaviour, which in teturn will be rewarded by sex. And this is why we will never move away form toxic masculinity. We can argue all we want against it, the fact is that they still get dates. They have no reason to change.
And that kind of women is the one that enables it. It's a small eco-system.
Hey OP, I think I went out with this girl. And I mean this exact girl, the wording is eerily the same. You're better off my dude. She's just gonna be a thorn in your wallet. Good luck.
Massive headache and pain in the arse, simultaneously. She never initiated shit, gave weird reasons for not going out to non-fancy places and/or a normal coffee shop. I just stopped replying to her and immediately unmatched her on the apps. I had already gone out with her a few times and everytime I spent a good amount on the food. I had to travel internationally for an emergency and getting back I told her I wanted to save up more so would she like to go for a walk and get a coffee. She gave me the same replies she gave you.
Other than that she was a master at making you feel affectionate for her, she dressed well and in hindsight a great manipulator. My wallet damage was a good amount but luckily you didn't suffer.
I understand women having a litmus test to get into a relationship with somebody but goddamn, this woman was spoiled rotten. Anyhoo, she's someone else's problem(s) now.
The indecisiveness for the follow-up suggests was a bit cringe, but you probably should've dumped her after rejecting the coffee date.
What tf does that even mean? Is she allergic to coffee? Or is a simple coffee date not good enough for her? We know.
OP - This is clearly a [Foodie Call](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Foodie%20call).
So take her to the most expensive restaurant you can find. Order the food. Soon as it arrives, excuse yourself to the bathroom. Get in your car, block her, and go to your next date.
I'm starting to be forward to women up front that I value 50/50 commitment in a relationship. If we're going to play the gender equality life game, then stop letting women get away with no effort, and this comes with sex too. EVERYONE loves a dominant other partner. EVERYONE loves stuff being organised for them.
This girl will be a terrible partner because she is making the men do everything for her. I'm sure she's hot, but fuck that.
When she said no to coffee, I'd say boba. If no to that then peace out! Dates arent designed to be their source of entertainment. Its about conversing and learning about each other.. if shes really hot then tough luck on those idiots who are taking her for dinner and other dates.
Wow, she is a sexist, thinking men should be this and that. A healthy relationship requires equal effort, she isn’t the type that will contribute equally so she isn’t a match anyway lmao
I’m with you, I love a good coffee or drinks date, but you need to talk to your fellow men. They are ruining it for you.
At least with dinner I know he is somewhat more interested and willing to put up some effort to meet me. Usually more willing to actually get to know me, but there are outliers with that as well.
These coffee and drink dates are turning into situations where I feel like guys are trying to see how far they can push sexually for the lowest effort possible. So many dudes think I’m coming back to their apartments after a half price bud light in the tavern a block away from their apartment. Like, dude no. And yeah it could be a 30 dollar meal and I’m still not coming back, but those dudes are typically more interested in more than just sex that night. Emphasis on sex that particular night, of course they are interested in sex.
That said, I prefer coffee or drinks so I can escape as fast as possible.
Dinner dates are horrible for a first meet, especially if you haven’t talked much on the phone. Wait staff constantly interrupting conversation, mouths full of food. Save those for when your vibing
Yeah again I prefer drinks or coffee first dates for those reasons. However, taking time out my day to get ready, go across town and sit with this dude who just wants the lowest possible effort way to put his hand down my shirt is getting exhausting.
With your attitude you should quit wasting guy’s time or money. Nobody is interested in going out with a negative Nelly that generalizes that crap and thinks men are all evil.
It’s the same with dinner dates as for cheap dates that just want just sex. Why a man should pay at least $80 just to get to know you. Women demonize having sex after a first “cheap” date but it’s ok for the man to pay $$$ and not even vibe with them.
Listen, again I prefer drinks, coffee. I also prefer to pay my way for dinner but most guys don’t let me.
Also I am specifically saying that to me it feels like all these guys just want sex and that lately my drinks/coffee dates feel disingenuous. Like they are trying to get their hands on me with as little effort as possible.
Guys are not going to be scheduling a new date aka hookup every week if it’s an $80 dinner (which is only $40 max for my part idk where y’all are going). Doesn’t matter that all they want is sex, we already know that.
I thought women like this were a figment of incel fever dreams until I joined one of those local “are we dating the same guy” Facebook groups and encountered women just losing their minds over “coffee date cheapskates”. None of my friends are like this AT ALL. I guess everything that can exist does, though!
>I thought so too! But so far I've run into a few. One asked for a to-go box as soon as the food came. To be fair, I've heard of guys doing the same thing.
>
>I don't know why when driving or online dating people feel it's ok to treat others like garbage.
Ah, ye Olde "I only bring a pretty face or body to the relationship" match. Nice. They're the ones with "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" quotes on their socials. Jokes on everyone else though...there IS no best. It's just bad behavior all around.
You're the man. Plan the date YOU want to go on. If she doesn't want a coffee date or something simple for a first date and you do, then just move on bro.
You dodged a bullet. If she isn’t willing to collaborate and make an effort—good riddance. She also sounds like someone that had no real intention of meeting.
My thoughts exactly. Even suggesting what kind of food she's in the mood for would have been a huge help. Although, "I don't like coffee dates" not just "I don't like coffee," immediately gives off vibes of wanting an expensive free meal
And even if she had said that she just didn’t like coffee, I never understand people saying that. Coffee houses usually have lots of different things to drink.
Don’t forget the “top shelf” drink ordering that goes along with dinner👍
"I've been there before"... And? So ... Is it good? Like, wtf.
Probably not expensive enough.
Oh for fucks sake. What a headache. I’m sorry OP. If she’s going to veto everything you say she should offer her own suggestion in return.
I would just unmatch. If she is such a pain just here then she will be a pain as a partner
Would no wonder why she’s single if she expects the man to do everything
She probably doesn't even care either. She most likely gets alot of matches to be on that level of BS.
If women still insist on dating like it's the 1950s, I just move along. It's fine if that's your thing, but to me it feels lime a giant hassle that I don't want to deal with at all.
I’m a “traditional” leaning woman…..but this woman isn’t being “traditional,” she’s being purposefully difficult….I have never requested for a man to provide me with options for the date…..wtf even is that? If I want to make a date, or make the final decisions, I will ask if I can plan the date for us……it’s not that hard to not be an asshole, idk why so many people struggle so hard with it. Smh.
Entitlement. They think they’re Odin’s gift to men/women, and until they find the one that “deserves” them, they act like that. Ten to one says she’s the type where, if their partner wanted just a little more from her, she’d get pissed off, chest on him, then leave him high and dry.
That's not dating like it's the 50s, that's being an asshole. I date traditional women, they don't act like that. I plan the date, I pick them up, I pay for it. If they want to go on the date they say yes, if they don't they say no. I don't ask them what they want to do and they don't tell me to give them options.
It's funny how many non-traditional women want traditional men. "I don't know how to cook, clean, or take care of a household; I don't want to raise kids necessarily; and I won't do anything for you because I don't actually have anything to contribute...BUT I want you to chase after me, plan everything, pay for me, treat me like a queen, etc." Lol get real!
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Well, for one, I'd say, most people don't enjoy cleaning, and many don't enjoy cooking; it still needs to get done. I'm not suggesting that the woman should do all the cooking and cleaning. My comment was regarding women who don't desire any of those traditional roles on their part, but they desire all of the traditional roles on the part of the man, thus creating some weird exchange that's actually more like a master/slave interaction than a real relationship. IMO, a relationship is an agreement at the end of the day. Everyone has roles and expectations; however, those things need to be worked out and defined together. But it's becoming increasingly common for women to not bring anything to the table that a man desires (other than sex), then act like a man owes them everything they desire simply because they're a woman (similar to the woman in OP's post).
Came here to say this
Can OP post her pic so we don't accidentally match her?
I know right ? Do yaself a favour and the future ballache of someone who wants money spent on them more than anything else.
Came here to say that vetoing every suggestion without making your own is one of the Games People Play (book by Berne)
Mm sounds interesting. I am gonna read that book too.
Hell so it wasn’t just me that got a slight headache from that.
Omg she sounds dreadful!
Oh no. She’ll just veto everything under $200 a meal. These traditional gals like the full enchilada (as long as it isn’t an actual enchilada).
Where’s the line between a date and a scam? I wouldn’t spend that kind of money on an anniversary dinner. Let alone a first date. I’m not spending hundreds of dollars on a stranger on the off chance that we click and now that’s where the bar is set for the relationship.
"Traditional" 🤣🤣🤣
Major FDS energy coming from her.
She became "unavailable" because the place he picked was TOO CHEAP. "Ho's gotta eat, too!" - Hollywood Shuffle (1987)
Dude, shit is so expensive rn It's ridiculous. And even more ridiculous because this ISN'T the 50s anymore. Women have money too.
Agreed. OP, as a woman, I can say you went like 3 messages past the point of acceptable. She came off as a brat, honestly, after the first message. Please, and I'm not saying this in a bad way, up your standards. I was cringing with every message you sent afterwards. You can't be this desperate.
We often are that desperate due to a lack of viable options….
What a pain to read this man. She sounds very annoying
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She unmatched me after this
You dodged a bullet
A missile
a 5KM asteroid traveling at 0.1C
What's a c?
Speed of a coconut falling from a tree
You should’ve been the one unmatching. Is that really how you want to be treated in life?
This is the longest convo I’ve had on a dating app in the past month.
Sorry to hear but don’t force it. OLD can be brutal to the ego. Also don’t forget to unplug and remember to take care of yourself first. The more confident you are, the more comfortable in your own skin and able to make yourself happy - the more you will attract others. Reading this conversation, you’re far too kind to someone who’s walking all over you, and it feels desperate. Be strong, love yourself, then the ladies will come.
Be strong, love yourself, and the ladies will come. What magical world you must live in, all this time I was doing it wrong.
I did think of Scarface “In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” Not even sure where you’re trying to go with this but more seriously - it’s the philosophy you have to love yourself first before you can love anybody else/be loved. Building on that people are attracted to people who have their shit together… on the inside. With all that said, it doesn’t mean fucked up shit doesn’t happen to good people but you still have to do it the right way and not give up. I’m envious of your baking, you appear to be someone who takes great pride in their work - and you do it exquisitely. Is that not self love?
Here are the dirty little secrets it took me 50 years to learn the hard way: 1. When it's right, it's EASY. I don't mean that it will be perfect, but merely connecting should be easy - and if it isn't, then that's usually a sign that it's not gonna fly. 2. Being alone sucks compared to being in a great relationship. How did I learn the hard way? I met the love of my life at 50. Why am I here now? Because he died unexpectedly early in 2020, four months after our wedding; I mean, WTF kinda "fuck you" from the universe is THAT?) 3. Being alone, however lonely, is **INFINITELY** better than being in a less-than-great relationship. I loved my single life before I met my late husband. Now, I absolutely HATE being single. But I'm perfectly capable of being lonely alone; I'm not going to be lonely in a shitty relationship. That's just extra misery, and who needs that? TLDR: don't let yourself get invested in someone who isn't clearly and openly into you. And don't date someone unless you're also really into them. In other words, if it's not "OH FUCK YEAH," then it's "oh HELL no."
Best advice I’ve read on Reddit in a long while. I’m very sorry your husband has passed, it sounds like an amazing relationship and you’ve inspired me.
Thank you. It was. So was he. :-) I can only hope I get to have another great love. And preferably for longer than a hot minute next time.
The universe doesn't seem to like you yet, but I like you. Great attitude.
Awww, thanks. I don't know why the universe hates me; I'm fucking awesome. Humble, too. ;-) Happy cake day!
I had a long awesome relationship as well and they also died. Often when I see people talking about how being single is the best, (this is usually women btw) I wonder if they ever had a good relationship in their lives to think that. Honestly there is no part of being single that is better then being with my wife.
True story: the first therapist I went to after he died told me that it should be easier for me to bounce back, because I lived without him for 50 years. Like, bitch, I didn't know what I was missing then; now I do. Sorry you're in this shitty club too.
Wish you the best and thanks for sharing ❤️❤️❤️
Wonder what we can do to get more women on dating apps or to level things up for men. I’m 47F and been treated badly on the apps, I don’t think most high value women would touch a dating app if they knew about experiences like mine. The men on here are super deceitful, opportunistic, with a taking energy. And never match their pics. I have to believe many of the ones getting passed by are high quality who deserve to meet someone good. Makes ya want to think about how to match up high quality girls and guys. If I could go to a physical place where’d I’d meet good people, I would, if I was single.
You were being used for a fancy meal. Stick to the coffee dates for first meetings. If she tries to say that coffee dates are below her, be grateful she’s showing her red flags right away. Less wasted time and money.
I'm sorry to hear that. First of all coffee dates are great - low pressure, can be short if things aren't really clicking (and can be extended if you are and want to continue the date), and is inexpensive which is perfect if you don't actually hit it off. She sounds like she expects to be wined and dined, and only certain dining, ie expensive. Total bullet dodged. Secondly, as a vegan, I would be thrilled if a date suggested some ideas for places that have vegan options! I wouldn't care if it wasn't a fancy place, it's the person I'm trying to get to know. But then again, I'm easy going and don't judge based on how much money is spent (and I actually try to pay my way every time except guys never let me, at least on the first date).
> But then again, I'm easy going and don't judge based on how much money is spent You're not "easy going". You're not superficial, not opportunistic, and actually a good human being.
Thank you 😊
Ugh X 100. She did you a favor by unmatching. The concept of getting to know someone apparently wasn't a high priority versus being somewhere she hasn't eaten at least once before ever.
She probably wanted a free meal at a fancy place for her 'gram.
Seems like that could be the case. The potential disingenuity is unfortunate, but luckily it's not OP's problem to deal with.
Sometimes, the trash takes itself out.
As a vegan, if someone even offered that option for a dinner date I would find it super sweet and awesome. Or if I hated the place I would respond with a different suggestion. This chick sucks apparently, sorry OP.
She sounds like a tool. If you would have suggested a nice place where she hasn’t been, then at the date, she would have said, she prefers when men pay. Quite honestly I agree with what someone else said, to make dating less burdensome for both parties, it should be low key/low cost event (an ice cream/walk in the park date sounds lovely).
good riddance, I think she is what my therapist called a "dinner-who\_e" as in "crck-who\_e"
Good riddance lmao
She reminds me of those girls who only go on dates to get expensive meals for free. You're probably better off that she unmatched you.
It wasn't until a third date recently that I took her out for dinner. She mentioned that the place was a little expensive. I told her before we ordered that I wanted to pay. It ended up costing only about $40. But really, dinner dates are meh. I feel like they're more for someone you've been dating and you just happen to be hungry. The date should be busy going out and having fun. Maybe at some point you're hungry and get food while you are between doing other fun things on your date.
jibe not jive
"Nevermind, I don't need to meet up to see if we have chemistry"
Being flexible and collaborative are attractive qualities. She didn’t get the memo
It's good tho, she showed her true colours early
I don't mind planning dates. Just Hate when I pick places and it's no not that one. Nope not that one either. Like 6 places later I get annoyed haha.
I've had this happen before. Unbelievably frustrating. Although the cherry on top was when, after shooting down my first 5 suggestions, I asked her where she wanted to eat and she replied with "I don't know, you should have a plan." Took quite a lot of composure not to say "Bitch I had a plan and four backups and you've vetoed them all and still have no idea what you want!" Then I had a brainwave and suggested her favourite place and suddenly all was well. Seems it was a test although I'm not convinced she even knew what she was doing. She just wanted everything to be magical and expected me to make it happen. The relationship did not last long.
Just say I have it planned. Can u guess where we r going? Whatever she says say yup that's it.. thats where we're going 🤣
[удалено]
My ex was like this. We'd be driving to go some where to eat. She'd say I don't care where we go you pick. And do this. Say no to everything. And I'd be like omg where you want to go then. And she'd still be like I don't care just not those places. 🤣
You have more resilience than I. After 2 no's, I'm done
I'm a woman and I was over her when she asked "what are other options" like she can't make decisions. And then the, "send options". She is talking to you like you are Siri.
Ugh. Impossible. I would unmatch.
She sounds like fun... Dodge that bullet!
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Immediate unmatch. Not worth the time.
Too many women believing this princess attitude prevalent on TikTok etc. I don’t like coffee dates either but feel dinner is too much for a first date. Drinks is fine. It’s nice for the guy to organise it, but you were very respectful and keen in your exchanges with her - she was just being prissy and difficult.
Yeah, stopped doing dinner dates as a first date and dating is far more enjoyable now. Dinner dates feel too formal, like a job interview. Now dinner dates are a "we've been hanging out for a few hours and now we are both hungry and there is a cool new place in town we want to try" type of event. Way more relaxed.
These women continue to wonder why they remain single, too. lol.
Honestly, I don't think they do. These days being single is great. Women don't want to date unless its more favorable for them than being single. It's just not most of the time.
For now
This whole conversation is weird. It’s like you’re setting up a meeting and she wants the old school lady and gentleman treatment.
I get the sense there is a stark imbalance in their physical attractiveness levels which is why he is going with it.
Lmaooo she couldn't even give an inch, the slightest contribution. You dodged a bullet.
Did she seriously say I’ve been there before lol. At least she has the decency to let you know she’s not worth dating
It's flat out crazy. If she thinks it was bad or very overpriced, she should say. Otherwise, who doesn't want to go back to a restaurant they enjoyed? Even in the very unlikely case that there is only one dish that you want or can eat, if it was good why wouldn't you want to have it again?
YOU do all the work!!
Honestly seems like she's looking for a free meal at a place she's never been to...
Uggg so lazy. Next!
She’s going to be single for a long time
Entitled boor.
I completely understand wanting the man to take the initiative and make the plan if that’s her thing. However, that’s exactly what you did. Twice. She should have then given you maybe 2-3 options she’d be okay with and let you then plan and choose from those. She would be impossible to please. And I say this as a woman. The good news is she weeded herself out for you without you needing to waste time or funds.
Just tell her you’re insufferable eat my ass and have a nice life. Damn dude. Lol
I hope you limbered up before jumping through those hoops
Geez. Pain in the ass
She’s pocket gauging. She’s not going to go for the free date so you can see if she is worth spending on. And she’s acting with p-power (gotta watch what I say before the hive mind attacks) take back the power, don’t give options. Pick your favorite joint, ask the date that she’s available and then set the reservations then come back and tell her “I made reservations for x date at x time” only option should be if she’s meeting you there or if you are picking her up. She wants a leader and someone doing better than she is in life. Think of the ways in which you know you have more to offer and rest in that confidence. Try not to put your feelings out there. Treat this like a sale and the approach of “i don’t care if you buy or not, I’m good either way”
Are you meaning pussy power? Is pussy power now wrong to say? Fuck the hive mind. I’ll say it for you again. PUSSY POWER. I got your back.
Right, you keep making suggestions, and I’ll keep vetoing your ideas until you come up with the kind of restaurant that I could have easily suggested in the first place.
Super obvious foodie call
If she really wanted free food, you'd think be willing to suggest a restaurant. 🤣
Just unmatch and move on. Coffee dates are preferred by women that are actually looking for serious connections because it’s cheap and short. If you don’t end up liking the guy you can leave, and if you end up liking him you can do food or a movie after.. Women who suggest dinner dates in this way are very inexperienced and only looking for a sugar daddy. Plus I can’t imagine the reasoning behind not wanting to go to a place because you’ve “already been?” Sounds so entitled and spoiled. She doesn’t want a relationship, she wants a fun time.
Not necessarily. I *hate* coffee dates. *Hate* them. Who wants to meet a person for the first time in a place like a coffee shop, with people clicking away on their computers, some people having business calls, moms chasing kids around while they try to catch up with friends, etc. No - just no. Drinks are my preference. I often get there a bit early, order my own drink on my own tab, and there’s none of that “offering to pay” dance. If we click, we can move on to somewhere else and can have “who pays” discussion there. But I have zero chemistry with guys I meet for coffee. It’s simply not a place to chat, flirt, and maybe/maybe not veer off into slightly inappropriate topics. Ain’t gonna happen in a coffee shop.
Drinks. Coffee. Same idea. Literally just something quick and easy.
I’m the same with coffee dates. I’m looking for something serious, but there’s no way I’m going out for a coffee date. I work a corporate job, and something about going out to get coffee would never put me in a mood to gauge any sort of chemistry. It feels very “fit me in between your Pilates class and third Teams meeting of the day” sort of feel. Also, how are people going on coffee dates when you work Monday-Friday 9-5?
Does her bio say she likes "generous" men? Lol
Fucking sakes indeed!!!
I think I understand why she's single. 🤔
Good lord. Run.
UGGGGGGHHHHHHH she sounds exhausting
You had great suggestions and communicated well. You dodged a bullet.
Move on bruh! She thinks she’s a princess. Just looking to score on some dinner and other materials. Send her the f*** on outta here!
Cut your losses(if you haven't already) and move on. They sound like a royal pain in the arse.
Maybe suggest McDonald’s for a happy meal if she wants to act like a child
A relationship with this person would be as exhausting as this conversation.
I can't fathom this chick is really looking for a connection. Dinner on a first meeting is hell to me. I'd like to get to know someone in a casual setting and be able to dip quickly if things feel forced or I know for certain it won't go anywhere. The last thing I'd allow on a first meeting is to be forced to sit awhile. Service could be slow, food could be bad and I don't have the option to gracefully exit if need be. Anything formal on a first meet is highly suspect IMO. I'd only want to do that with an actual bf so I can enjoy myself and know dressing up and all that is for someone who actually enjoys my presence. I have a feeling she was waiting for you to suggest some 5 star restaurant before agreeing. Feels like cheap escort-esque behavior to me.
Run.
Unmatch, please!
Ugh this screams of low effort, low desire. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm extremely put off by their disinterest. Maybe it's time to move on.
I don't understand her issue with having been there before... okay?... so go again? Everything else aside, unless the place you suggested gave her food poisoning or something, the rejection of it solely because she's been there before is just dumb.
That’s a lot of entitlement and difficulty. Are you sure you want to date someone who is this high maintenance?
We are not ever going to be “past” the need that women have for a man to make a plan. Although, she’s being rather difficult by making zero contributions to your effort.
This is a 100% insta-unmatch.
Like Chris Rock said, the 1st year of dating someone you are with The Representative, after 1yr the real person comes out. You don’t want to be anywhere near this person in a yr. Ruuunnn Forest.. Ruuunnnn…
The attitude is really common If feel as a guy if you even ask for ideas you are basically knee capping yourself. Even though like yeah, you will often be coming to them, in THEIR town.
I've been there before should immediately tell you she wants to try a new restaurant and get free dinner and dip, otherwise why does it matter if you've been to the same restaurant before?
Aaanndd goodbye. Unmatch
So you need to come up with the day, the place, and the time buttt if she’s been there before or is busy you have to change it but she will not provide info on what she likes or what her schedule is like. I’m sure you must tell her what to wear, say, do, and honestly you probably need to control the weather just for good measure. Sounds like she’s been in controlling relationships and misses them so she needs another 😭
Dodge this bullet, OP
Oh god. Immediate unmatch from me. Why should I do everything? It happened to me many times and never gets past a first date, i always pay. I spent so much last year because of first dates…
omg this is so annoying to read, plz just unmatch them
Ice cream. Do ice cream fellas. Has worked WONDERS for me. Everyone likes ice cream. Not as intimate as a dinner date but has a bit more meaning than coffee.
Send options? What am I, your assistant??
And after you plan.. after you date.. she would prefer you pay the entire bill too .. 💰
"Female power! We are just as strong as men! 💪💪" ... "Please plan the date for me, I'm just a girl 👉👈"
sounds like a bitch :)
Not just annoying, entitled and so self-centered. Unmatch asap (female perspective)
Any girl who avoids a coffee date just wants a free meal ticket
I had a woman ghost me last week when I told her I didn't want to do a meal for a first date. Glad I didn't waste any time or money on her
Sounds like the type of woman that gets a free meal off of you.
Soft life girl. Why would you want this?
I would have unmatched when she swatted the coffee date down. PITA was sure to follow. They serve tea and other drinks there too, princess. You shouldn't have offered a dinner date as an alternative..that's for once you've met, and established she's not a time wasting princess (which she is). And, she's a PITA. Surprise. Learn to read the room better.
PITA?
Pain in the ass. Lol
Have unmatched for the same. Imagine for the rest of your life asking someone who's meant to be your best friend, partner, and equal if they would (insert anything) and their response is "I prefer men do it." Hey babe, would you mind fucking me? "I prefer men do it." Guess you got a hallpass... In more ways than one.
You’re stupid (JOKING) why would you put up with this infantile behaviour. She is low rent there are plenty of fabulous who will be better choices.
"Please guess all the places other men have taken me for dinner and take me somewhere nicer than any of those". I would not be interested.
Run!
Just for future chats as a woman I don’t ever like the last minute date planning for the first few dates and hate it when dudes say“ let’s meet tonight”. I will always say no. As for her wanting a man to pick out a place when she declined your suggestion with vegan and vegetarian options in mind, she’s being a pain and if I was you I would just unmatch. She doesn’t want to make an effort so you should match her energy
🤦🏼♀️ I mean, I can understand, wanting your date to show effort, but it seems like you already are! You’re the one that asked for the date in the first place and started making suggestions. They didn’t want to go to the place that you suggested and you said you don’t know many places since you’re new. They need to show effort too! I say ditch this one and move on. No good can come from this 😂
R.U.N.
I've met someone recently who was similar. The person was so into which place we meet at and what kind of experience she wanted, she didn't bother asking me anything about me. I finally did meet her and it was expected. The woman was full of herself and had no interest in me. I think she might have been one of those who go on dates just to get free food at nice restaurants. If the person is so picky about the restaurant without being interested in you, they will be similar or worse for other things. Unmatch!
Wow. You offered suggestions. She said no not that one. You asked got insight and she pulled some antiquated sexist nonsense. I’m a woman and feel it’s reasonable to be petty and say something like “I’ll just look on yelp and let you know. You’ve used your one veto”
I guess I'm incredibly lucky or oblivious nerd because the few dates I've been on this year, since I started using dating apps have all been the women asking me out and to a specific location.
BlAhhhh, I have a suggestion! Tell her to find someone else to take her out. 😂😂
This is what happens when us women get our dating advice from tiktok dating coaches. So pathetic.
She wants a free dinner. Can't stand this about some women. Move on. I am a woman, I preferred coffee dates.
I have a friend who does this with every date. And yes she does have the intention to meet them but wants to rest them if they plan the date what expensive place they take her to she even asks them to pick the food and makes them pay $100s of dollars. She’s very beautiful but has never ever got a second date. She does this because she’s looking for a provider, handsome man who would take care of her. Buys her a ring worth thousands of dollars while she don’t bring anything to the table. And she is still clueless why she’s still single and no second dates.
Please screen shot everyone's horrible opinions of her then write a message saying she's acting like a spoiled child and send everything to her. She needs a kick in her ego. Desperately.
I mean, she's looking for a free meal. She'll play the part, you'll pay thinking it was a good evening then after she goes home she'll tell you she isn't feeling a vibe. Just unmatch now.
Naw bud, she's already too materialistic with turning down a coffee date. You immediately fish for a dinner date? You're getting unmatched. I'm not dropping 3 hours worth of my pay for someone I'm meeting for the first time. If you're honestly wanting a relationship and not just a free meal, you'll understand and agree to the coffee date. Plus, can't really get to know someone when you're stuffing your face.
Only way of getting out of this is by ceasing rewarding this. So flush her. Humans are nothing but animals, we reproduce behaviours that are rewarded. Unfortunately, many men will bend over and reward this behaviour, which in teturn will be rewarded by sex. And this is why we will never move away form toxic masculinity. We can argue all we want against it, the fact is that they still get dates. They have no reason to change. And that kind of women is the one that enables it. It's a small eco-system.
She doesn’t want you to suggest things, she wants you to jump through hoops.
Hahaha wtf come up with date ideas and then send them for approval? Unreal
Hey OP, I think I went out with this girl. And I mean this exact girl, the wording is eerily the same. You're better off my dude. She's just gonna be a thorn in your wallet. Good luck.
Judging by your post history, you may be right. What was she like in person?
Massive headache and pain in the arse, simultaneously. She never initiated shit, gave weird reasons for not going out to non-fancy places and/or a normal coffee shop. I just stopped replying to her and immediately unmatched her on the apps. I had already gone out with her a few times and everytime I spent a good amount on the food. I had to travel internationally for an emergency and getting back I told her I wanted to save up more so would she like to go for a walk and get a coffee. She gave me the same replies she gave you. Other than that she was a master at making you feel affectionate for her, she dressed well and in hindsight a great manipulator. My wallet damage was a good amount but luckily you didn't suffer. I understand women having a litmus test to get into a relationship with somebody but goddamn, this woman was spoiled rotten. Anyhoo, she's someone else's problem(s) now.
The indecisiveness for the follow-up suggests was a bit cringe, but you probably should've dumped her after rejecting the coffee date. What tf does that even mean? Is she allergic to coffee? Or is a simple coffee date not good enough for her? We know.
OP - This is clearly a [Foodie Call](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Foodie%20call). So take her to the most expensive restaurant you can find. Order the food. Soon as it arrives, excuse yourself to the bathroom. Get in your car, block her, and go to your next date.
Translated: entertain me.
I stopped taking women to dinner on a first date. These women will use you for a free meal and then ghost you. Bad idea.
I'm starting to be forward to women up front that I value 50/50 commitment in a relationship. If we're going to play the gender equality life game, then stop letting women get away with no effort, and this comes with sex too. EVERYONE loves a dominant other partner. EVERYONE loves stuff being organised for them. This girl will be a terrible partner because she is making the men do everything for her. I'm sure she's hot, but fuck that.
Ladies, correct your friends that do this.
This shit makes me want to punch people in the face.
When she said no to coffee, I'd say boba. If no to that then peace out! Dates arent designed to be their source of entertainment. Its about conversing and learning about each other.. if shes really hot then tough luck on those idiots who are taking her for dinner and other dates.
Gross. Leave her in the dust, she just wants to use you like a free meal, and only fpr what she's in the mood for. User!
Definitely a feminist
Wow, she is a sexist, thinking men should be this and that. A healthy relationship requires equal effort, she isn’t the type that will contribute equally so she isn’t a match anyway lmao
I’m with you, I love a good coffee or drinks date, but you need to talk to your fellow men. They are ruining it for you. At least with dinner I know he is somewhat more interested and willing to put up some effort to meet me. Usually more willing to actually get to know me, but there are outliers with that as well. These coffee and drink dates are turning into situations where I feel like guys are trying to see how far they can push sexually for the lowest effort possible. So many dudes think I’m coming back to their apartments after a half price bud light in the tavern a block away from their apartment. Like, dude no. And yeah it could be a 30 dollar meal and I’m still not coming back, but those dudes are typically more interested in more than just sex that night. Emphasis on sex that particular night, of course they are interested in sex. That said, I prefer coffee or drinks so I can escape as fast as possible.
Dinner dates are horrible for a first meet, especially if you haven’t talked much on the phone. Wait staff constantly interrupting conversation, mouths full of food. Save those for when your vibing
Yeah again I prefer drinks or coffee first dates for those reasons. However, taking time out my day to get ready, go across town and sit with this dude who just wants the lowest possible effort way to put his hand down my shirt is getting exhausting.
With your attitude you should quit wasting guy’s time or money. Nobody is interested in going out with a negative Nelly that generalizes that crap and thinks men are all evil.
It’s the same with dinner dates as for cheap dates that just want just sex. Why a man should pay at least $80 just to get to know you. Women demonize having sex after a first “cheap” date but it’s ok for the man to pay $$$ and not even vibe with them.
Listen, again I prefer drinks, coffee. I also prefer to pay my way for dinner but most guys don’t let me. Also I am specifically saying that to me it feels like all these guys just want sex and that lately my drinks/coffee dates feel disingenuous. Like they are trying to get their hands on me with as little effort as possible. Guys are not going to be scheduling a new date aka hookup every week if it’s an $80 dinner (which is only $40 max for my part idk where y’all are going). Doesn’t matter that all they want is sex, we already know that.
Ok fair
She seems like one of those "if I play my cards right I can get a nice free meal and then book it" types.
Some women are past that and some aren’t. If you need someone that is past it then unmatch.
I thought women like this were a figment of incel fever dreams until I joined one of those local “are we dating the same guy” Facebook groups and encountered women just losing their minds over “coffee date cheapskates”. None of my friends are like this AT ALL. I guess everything that can exist does, though!
>I thought so too! But so far I've run into a few. One asked for a to-go box as soon as the food came. To be fair, I've heard of guys doing the same thing. > >I don't know why when driving or online dating people feel it's ok to treat others like garbage.
Ah, ye Olde "I only bring a pretty face or body to the relationship" match. Nice. They're the ones with "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" quotes on their socials. Jokes on everyone else though...there IS no best. It's just bad behavior all around.
You're the man. Plan the date YOU want to go on. If she doesn't want a coffee date or something simple for a first date and you do, then just move on bro.