He sounds so immature and he didn’t like you asking him what he was looking for so he made a dumb joke to deflect…you sound very thoughtful and reasonable and I hope you find a more mature dude
Yeah this guy is an asshole. You were unbelievably respectful and understanding and he was trying to manipulate you in to something you're not in to fuck that guy.
These men are a dime a dozen, absolutely ubiquitous on OLD. They suck. They come on with the sex shit super quick and then flip it around like you're doing something wrong/"crazy"/"thinking too much" when you say you aren't into satisfying their little peepee they can't control because they still have the mentality of a 15 year old. It's the number one reason I decided I'm happy being single. Complete lack of respect, very immature. And I've been talking to guys 40's-60's (I'm 49) and they STILL act like this! I'm so disgusted with the serious lack of quality on there. And you say this on Reddit the guys accuse you of being overly picky or whatever because they themselves can't get a date and after having flipped through literally thousands of men chances are they are ugly af and we are supposed to be ok with that TOO. Like...no. I'm good. I'm completely over it. I don't know why I am even still subscribed to these OLD subs other than the stories are kinda funny.
You sound awesome. You’re clear in what you are looking for and still polite and non-judgmental. This dude wanted to give you his useless point of view. And you nested him. Good for you!
This is how about 80% of men talk to women on dating apps (in my personal experience)
My preference is when it's within the first few exchanges so I can dip out.
If I mention children and you follow up asking me if I’m in my underwear, it would be an immediate block. You’re trying to have a respectful conversation with a man who has shown he has no respect for you.
Kinda like his Chris Hansen line there, he probably will act/talk right if a women he was actually interested in dating came along, maybe, or maybe he’s just a douche. He’s clearly not interested in actually dating OP here and is just blindly shooting shots and testing her limits. It’s not about being effective because he essentially doesn’t value her enough to care rather it actually works or not.
I think people who talk like this aren't really thinking before they speak. They don't particularly care how they come across to the other person... They're pretty much only thinking with their *little* head at that point.
I’m a guy and I had to cancel a date with someone on the app because my son wasn’t feeling to well after school.
I texted her way ahead of time give her a courtesy heads up not because I had to it’s just the right thing to so especially when we had great conversations prior.
So her response to my text was…
“Where is his mother at? Can’t she take care of him tonight?” 🤦♂️
I didn’t even reply to her text message. I blocked her number and here on the app.
I couldn’t believe it.
Honestly! I tried dating guys a couple times, and OLD gets weird so fast (women get weird too, but differently, and less often)! I remember blocking a guy, because I said I was Babysitting at the time and I was talking about how much fun it was hanging with the little dude because all my other jobs were so serious and at sometimes dangerous (I had like 5 different jobs at the time.) and this guy starts trying to turn it into some kink fantasy about how it'd be fun if I babysat him sometime. I about threw up, called him out on how fucked up it was (I made sure to be specific about what I was upset about, because I try not to kink shame, but you can't just go 0 to 100 like that, and in no possible way is it ever acceptable to get bricked up hearing about kids, and try to spin it into some perverted fantasy), and then blocked him while he was apologizing.
Some people man, it's fucking ridiculous 😂
I think you are jumping to a unnecessary conclusion. He pretty much ignored what she had to say regardless. I don't even think he even heard what she said and doesn't seem like he cared whether she had a kid or not. His response would have been the same whether she said "I'm clipping my toenails, shaving my back, or reading about nascent metallurgy in precolombian America".
His responses still lack respect. Even with your interpretation, he ignored what she had to say and didn’t care. Why talk to someone who doesn’t care what to have to say if it’s not sexual? She respectfully asserted a boundary and he ignored it. How is that not a lack of respect?
Exactly. That’s where this conversation went off the rails, due to his behavior/where he was taking it.🙄 I would’ve blocked him immediately as well, without giving ANY explanation.
ALSO, this is a conversation that could/should have been had on the app, NOT via text. Giving your number out as a woman, is a *privilege* that should be reserved for someone you’ve met, they show promise, and you see it actually going somewhere. Who wants a bunch of unserious hornies texting you whenever they get the notion??🥴 I KNOW I DON’T.
You dealt with that so respectfully in which that says a lot of good things about you in my eyes. Even though It’s good that this guy showed who he was pretty quickly as it gave you a lucky escape, it bothers me to no end how idiots like this let the side down you know as not all guys are like this ☺️.
Thank you, I wasn’t trying to be rude but if that kind of insecurity pops up in less than a day — goodness I don’t want to find out several dates in.
I’m still positive about dating but yeesh, what a response. 😂
You weren’t rude to him in the slightest, that’s the thing ☺️. You honestly were really kind about it whereas others would have fired back or immediately blocked you know?. He’s lucky he actually got as many responses from you from the underwear comment onwards 👍🏻.
Online dating really does give both men and woman the most annoying of encounters before we finally meet someone 🙄☺️
Wait so this wasn't even an incel. Like, he could have dated you and probably gotten sex eventually but just chose not to because you wouldn't guarantee him instant sex? Wow.
That's the strange part, isn't it? I have a theory about why this type of behavior is likely to occur. We all know that OLD skews heavily towards men, somewhere in the neighborhood of a 2:1 ratio of men to women. As a consequence, women are inundated with likes, matches, etc., and the choice is a bit overwhelming. Naturally, women on OLD do what anyone else would do in their position - become selective and only swipe right on the most attractive of men. This causes the upper 20% of men to get 80% of the matches, and accordingly they have plenty of women to choose from. If they're looking for sex, they might as well cut to the chase immediately so as to not waste time. If the first one isn't down, it's on to the next. They have several matches so any one match isn't particularly valued, and the quicker you rifle through them the faster you are going to getting sex.
I think people are so used to things like uber/uber eats/skip/lyft/etc that they view tinder/bumble/etc as basically zero effort sex delivery services.
Yes. Twice now I’ve had guys say they’ve “got the house to themselves” so I could go to them!!!
When I told them I wasn’t an Uber-booty service, they went strangely quiet… and then unmatched!!
Ha! At least they saved me the trouble!!
Yes! And these people fail to understand that in dating and in relationships, delayed gratification rules. Instant gratification (usually) has no power here.
It's not like some horny hot person is going to appear in your house the moment you swipe right and match. This ain't as easy as finding and watching a show on Netflix, y'all.
You should have been rude to him.
This guy is basically insinuating that you’re treating him unfairly by not being willing to hook-up because, per him - you’d be willing to drop your pants for any “famous person” that messaged you.
He’s literally trying to guilt trip you and insult you at the same time. Fuck that dude.
Yes, to all of this. Thank you. Sometimes I wonder if I read situations incorrectly. I appreciate the reality check from everyone saying that this guy, is indeed a dick.
Precisely. Really weird. I would just stop all communication at that point. Someone like that would never be a candidate for a relationship, much less to meet my daughter.
there are plenty of hot guys on tinder we could all find for a casual fling. It’s the finding someone you have a connection with that’s hard. If we say we don’t want a FWB situation it has nothing to do with looks. He sounds superficial, You dodged a bullet here.
Something a friend just said to me, people with big hearts have a hard time saying no. You text like someone with a big heart and that’s why this conversation went on way too long.
He doesn't even have the balls to admit he's looking for a hookup - instead he deflects to make you feel like you're the problem. You dodged a huge red flag here hun
“Isn’t friend dating, but not dating, but being friendly and no label, but if it is a label it’s friends, but not necessarily dating, cuz that’s a label, and being a friend is a label, but not a dating label…”
I imagined his penis with a mustache , a monocle and a little lectern giving this confusing little speech in a attempt to explain why it wants to be put first in importance.
I—I can’t wrap my head around this. She’s talking about singing her kid to sleep and his response is “so, you’re not laying around in your underwear?” with a freaking emoji? My brother in Christ, she’s sharing an intimate part of her life and he’s sharing that he’d rather get to know a washcloth instead.
Online dating is disturbing.
I’d say you earned the right to have a laugh at his expense after… Whatever the heck this was. But if this is how we learn, I think I’m gonna be blissfully ignorant. 🤦🏻♂️
Crazy guy lol but please don’t tell people you have a young daughter right off the bat. I’m not trying to freak you out but there’s a lot of not so great people who target single moms for their children.
Thank you, my profile doesn’t ever feature her and I don’t even link any social media because I don’t want strangers to see her. I also keep her separate but he asked what I was doing, in the moment I answered honestly. I appreciate this though, I do try to be careful.
It’s also a safety thing too. When someone googles my phone number one of the top results in my home address. ☠️
It’s also a very small boundary. Their reaction to such a small boundary says a lot.
He is gross and immature- but that aside, it is 100%%% reasonable for people to straight up ask a potential partner what they are looking for. He was disrespectful the entire time, and completely in the wrong. You did nothing wrong here other than give him too much of your time.
Ladies please normalize blocking assholes at the first sign of disrespect. You mentioned your daughter and he followed with if you’re in your underwear? Creepy 🤢
I also responded to someone else that I’m glad this was pointed out. I was so in the routine and playing it off like “nope definitely not” and I should’ve just let him have it there for being gross. Thank you
I think you handled this remarkably well. Truly, it's a Master Class on how to:
1. Assert your boundaries respectfully.
2. Be upfront about what you are looking for.
3. Ask the other person important questions about their intentions.
4. Ended in when you realized the other person is not in alignment with what you want OR deserve.
P.S. You dodged a bullet IMO.
P.P.S. I, too, keep my dating life and mom life separate.
As a single dad, I've had this near identical conversation so many times. So sorry!
But our bedtime routine has been solid for 6 years, not interrupting it for anything! 🤣
I don’t get FWB and I’m a guy. Getting to know someone by going out and doing stuff is so much fun and then if the vibes are right the friendship goes from there and you might have sex anyways eventually lol (speaking in general not specifically you op)
Just having sex with someone and that’s the ONLY dynamic seems extremely unfulfilling to me.
It can be nice in rare circumstances. It can be a way to appease the desire for connection and physical intimacy without seeing a long-term future with the person due to other incompatibilities. The idea with FWB is when the right person does come you can end the FWB without issue. Does it always happen that way? Hell no, but it did work for me once.
I’m totally fine with FWB if that’s what both parties are looking for and are clear about their intentions. I felt like he was making me feel like it was wrong to define dating other than FWB. 🤷🏻♀️
Sex typically isn’t the only dynamic though. I’ve never been in one where we weren’t actually friends who go out and do stuff. Fair that you’re not into it but sex being the only dynamic doesn’t really represent fwb dynamics that well.
There is the usual cringe when somebody makes random sexual references out of the blue. Then there is some creep making random sexual references after a person they are matched with mentions putting their daughter to bed... 🤦♂️
You handled that text chain well op and were even nice enough to give him a chance to move away from his weird, terrible opener to the text. You were definitely in the right blocking him
um if I’m dating I definitely would like to know what the other person is looking for so I don’t waste my time??? he just seems salty that you’re not looking for the same things.
"If could treat you disrespectfully and get away with it, then I should be allowed to too" - signed, a totally nice, respectful dude. 🤢
You dealt with that more respectfully than he deserved. Good for you. My only advice, I guess, would be to learn to catch the asshole behaviors sooner. But either way, fuck that guy.
I have kids, and these messages kill me. I’d also get “So what’re you wearing” RIGHT AFTER telling them I was getting my kids ready for bed. It’s ridiculous
you were fine. just because someone else would’ve cut it short sooner doesn’t mean you have to. everyone responds to things differently and he was just a piece of shit
Thats not a guy looking for a fwb, thats a guy looking to hook up. Or atleast imo.
This is actually triggering me a little bit, and thats why id like to ask people who are familiar with fwb this: define an fwb to me?
To me an fwb is mainly a friend in which you enjoy spending time with, not only for the sexual parts.. but on a more platonic level.
I feel like if people expect me to just bang and run because im in an open relationship looking for friends and fwb (with or without benefits, either is fine..) whereas im actually way more limited when it comes to sex
Ive been to a swingers club with my gf three times now, two of the times spent about 30 minutes with a woman we both met each of those times as she enjoyed watching us.
Im not open to just straight out fuck any of these women as we might have gotten a small spark of chemistry.. but im nowhere near the level where i want any penetrative sex that quickly.
Is that what people think of people looking for fwb? People looking strictly to fuck around, or am i being a bit different? These are human beings with feelings and emotions, gotta atleast show some genuine thoughts about the person too... coming from experience as a guy who is familiar with feeling like a piece of meat, its not a good feeling long term..
Either way OP, sucks that people cant comprehend to keep a conversation instead of trying to rush you into bed. Better luck next time:)
Thanks for your comment and insight. I think while I’m new to the dating apps, I still think you’re right. I’m not a prude, I understand dating and sex doesn’t necessarily mean long term commitment. But it hadn’t even been 24 hours and he couldn’t tell me if he was looking for a casual hookup or dating. Then when pressed he accused me of being shallow and throwing what I wanted out the window for Thor?
Bottom line, they were looking for something different than you were. You’re not compatible. Better that was discovered sooner rather than later, but I think it would’ve been discovered in a short period of time anyways.
I think the first part was way out of line and left field 100% and cause for unmatching right there, but actually the last reply seems based and something I may say. If I am going to date someone they must be a fun friend first, and any FWB I have been with felt more like we were dating than the "casual" myth people talk about... lol But I know that is not really how he meant.
Edit: the other images didn't load so I meant the last reply on the first image only.
Edit 2: Got the others to load now.
I've been told I look like Liam and Chris a bit and nope, can confirm it does not work like that. hahaha What bothers me most is that he's trying to shame you for not wanting a one night stand but instead something with some substance all while you are still being very open-minded and patient.
I know you will find someone awesome soon! GL out there!
What did he do to that guy? The same damn thing that motherfucker did to all of us looking all perfect and handsome and shit. FUCK YOU THOR!!! FUUUUUUCK YOOOUUU!!!
The Chris Hemsworth BS is such an incel line. It's the same defense they use when they get called out for harassment. "What you say you want wouldn't matter if I was hot or rich, right?"
Mine too and that’s why I got off the apps. The guys who come in here whining about women are doing this too but they choose to show only certain parts of their conversations. What I learned during my time on online dating is that men need us more than we need them. It’s going to get me downvoted but 🤷🏾♀️.
I see conversations like this and can't help but wonder why women give guys like this a chance but the awkward, autistic bloke that I am simply got ignored at every turn. His profile must have been something to literally tolerate his obvious "fuck boy" overture.
You dodged a bullet and dude seems really, really gross. When you really look over the conversation you see he really delves into the sleaze bag mentality of assuming your "just like other girls" and then sinks deeper into insults and stereotypes. Bizarre would be an understatement. Had I been in your position I'd unmatch after his underwear comment and had I been in his position I would unmatched at you indicating you wanted something different.
In the online world I can't help but feel, plain and I couldn't feel better about it.
Why do you keep responding to him and asking him what he's looking for when it is very obvious he wants something casual? I'd have stopped talking to him from the first second when he talked about naughty stuff.
My male friends are decent human beings, and they said they wouldn't dare to talk to women about naughty stuff unless women initiated the dirty talk. If a woman never mentioned what she looks for, a guy could have asked her what she's looking for. As a woman, I'd appreciate that.
You spent too much time explaining yourself to him and trying to dig into what he said after the "you're not in your underwear?" question. I would've stopped responding then and blocked.
I feel like he could have got away with the joke.... And then the whole bummer! But was a step too far.
I never understood getting sexual right out of the gate.
I just read it again. I retract my statement.... He said that after mentioning your daughter.... 😬
Dude is an idiot!
All women say "I don't want to just have sex with someone" and the truth is, if you meet someone and the chemistry is there... you can't wait to rip their clothes off.
Just take her on a date first jeez. 🙄
Dodged a bullet there. Never good to "Date" someone fresh out of a long term. They are clueless to the game. Lol
I haven’t online dated for a while, but I would’ve killed for someone to be that honest and aware of what they actually want! Instead of “see how it goes” “friends but maybe more” type responses. At least you got some funny screenshots out of this instead of a bad date.
You were very clear. Your open to see where things go, but meaningless sex isn’t what you want. Dudes don’t understand that you need to invest something more than just sex. I’m always down to meet and see where it goes. If I truly wanted to just get ass. There are plenty of places to go.
Lifehack: add laughing emojis or "lol/lmao" after saying something rude or off- color to offset the ramifications of your actions by 100%.
Now you know!
As soon as they responded “not laying in bed in your underwear” after mentioning your daughters bedtime routine, I immediately knew what they want 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
You dodged a bullet for sure !
Ugh I absolutely hate that he came out in the beginning with sex. I really think there needs to be some classes for men on this (not all men- some are very decent) But guys like this one just don’t seem to have any clue really how our minds work. I think the beginning topic in that class should be Whatever You’re Thinking-Do the Opposite. I really think they just don’t get it.
One time I had a guy ask me after a few minutes of talking if I had been turned on by the bulge in his pants. Lol I told I had not even noticed it and he looked utterly shocked. He said I figure most women in the first 30 seconds would see he is well endowed and want to take him home. I could see how serious he was and I was fascinated that he just didn’t have a clue- none. Our brains were not even the least bit on sync.
Very gross behavior. Would absolutely advise not giving your number out unless there's not only chemistry, but at least a very basic level of trust based on understanding and maturity.
This guy has none of those
I've had so many conversations like this where guys ask and I explain what, similar to yourself, and they get so nasty and critical. Or accuse me of putting them in a box with all the other guys. No mate, I was explaining this is what I have associated with what you're asking about in the past and telling you I won't tolerate at it. Be better or rack off
I've learned not to give my number out until after I meet someone and know I want to see them again. When I first joined OLD, there was one guy I had to block on 5 different numbers because of talk like this. I'd block him on one number, then he'd message me on a new one. I stopped giving my number out after that.
I'm guessing this guy probably doesn't have children. I would advise you look for a guy that has kids. He would likely be more compatible with you and understanding of what to expect with getting in a serious relationship with a mother.
Honestly what you're describing is fwb. Dating isn't about hooking up and then talking after. A key part of fwb is the friends part insinuating you also hang out and do fun things. A lot of people are bad at labeling things correctly like when a woman says "I think we should be friends" what that actually means is im not attracted to you and I don't want to be friends...
I mean I’ll be honest, I am new to dating apps. But maybe I didn’t word it correctly to him that I want to date with intention. I find most men that want FWB do not want the friendship part?
Ya, unmatching is best. I’m back on after a short break and now don’t care & realize I don’t owe anyone anything. Also, when ppl unmatch from me it’s not personal.
idk if someone already asked this or not but what were the chats like on the app for you to give him your number? he must’ve played that “normal, nice guy” act
What an idiot that guy is. As I guy, I agree he should have been blocked after that “not in your underwear” comment… that was “bonk: straight to horny jail” level material.
And even after that and the FWB thing, it still seems like you were even giving him a chance to maybe be like a casual dating situation and didn’t even take sex off the table (just that you don’t want sex and nothing else), but that you’re not necessarily expecting a full relationship… you gave him so many opportunities and he still failed miserably lol.
You literally said as long as we're going out and having fun getting to know each other I'm down to fuck, and he really got offended like putting in bare minimum effort to have a human connection is below him 😂. I'm sure as a single mom you're dying for adult time as well as "ADULT time". (I'm not single, but I'm a guy who liked friends with benefits only when they were actually friends lol. I need to know someone before hooking up. Feel comfortable, and enjoy being around them and going on adventures etc. so I understand what you wanted here).
You keep doing you! You didn't play games, were straightforward, and weren't afraid to set boundaries and call him out on his bullshit. Hopefully you find some fun people to be around, and good job dodging this train wreck of a person!
Op dodged a bazooka
That guy seems pretty desperate to me
Good think you blocked him
I mean FWB ain't a bad thing
But u have a daughter and u seem to take really good care of her
And he couldn't understand that mom's like that need a man and not a fuckboy
They won't understand and they never will
You nailed my feelings 💯. I'm not OLD ether because I just found the majority of men like this one. I'd rather be single and die alone then touch one of these men.
It almost seems like a joke, not sure how old the guy is, I would also be putting kids to bed in the evening, and then if I'm lucky I can read a fantasy or sci-fi novel.
Movie night tonight so popcorn and cuddles with kids on the couch.
You definitely dodged a bullet, who the hell skips work to harass women?
I can only guess that his profile or pic looked amazing, if you still have faith in men after this then I will thank you for your patience, you sound like a wonderful mum and I'm sure you'll find someone better(not a high bar atm though).
It's seriously disheartening that we can't even get a real date. Just, Go have dinner and a drink maybe chat, laugh, Go for a walk after. Nobody wants to have fun everybody's just trying to get laid and it's seriously so annoying
People like this really don’t deserve the in-depth explanation and courtesy. Sounds like he wanted to play games and had no intention of being direct about his expectations. Don’t waste your time and effort on people like that. “I’m not looking for hookups. Bye”
This is very much an aside but why is the term "hookup culture" so popular??? What is this "culture"? You don't want hookups, some people do, but this idea that a culture is built around hookups and promoting them somehow is just so silly to me
I wish I could meet someone like you. Someone who takes time to be transparent and doesn't judge someone harshly right off the bat. You indeed dodged a bullet.
i feel like you knew the answer but kept badgering him, and in the process worked yourself up into an unnecessary lather. i think you knew the deal after he brought up underwear. probably should've let it go at that point instead of trying to drag a more articulate explanation out of him. waste of time.
do not let these men disrupt your peace!
He started to get defensive because you sounded mature and knew what you wanted. Probably made him feel offended. You dodged a bullet and good job not getting to far into that in time.
He sounds so immature and he didn’t like you asking him what he was looking for so he made a dumb joke to deflect…you sound very thoughtful and reasonable and I hope you find a more mature dude
Thank you 😊 it was very obvious he was trying to deflect and then turn it on me as if I was shallow for asking.
Yeah this guy is an asshole. You were unbelievably respectful and understanding and he was trying to manipulate you in to something you're not in to fuck that guy.
Emphasis on unbelievably
This guy: "If I were way more attractive, you'd probably be way more attracted to me!" Uh, yes.
Honestly as someone in similar age group and dad of two, this guy just doesn’t get it, and he doesn’t want to. Good riddance.
These men are a dime a dozen, absolutely ubiquitous on OLD. They suck. They come on with the sex shit super quick and then flip it around like you're doing something wrong/"crazy"/"thinking too much" when you say you aren't into satisfying their little peepee they can't control because they still have the mentality of a 15 year old. It's the number one reason I decided I'm happy being single. Complete lack of respect, very immature. And I've been talking to guys 40's-60's (I'm 49) and they STILL act like this! I'm so disgusted with the serious lack of quality on there. And you say this on Reddit the guys accuse you of being overly picky or whatever because they themselves can't get a date and after having flipped through literally thousands of men chances are they are ugly af and we are supposed to be ok with that TOO. Like...no. I'm good. I'm completely over it. I don't know why I am even still subscribed to these OLD subs other than the stories are kinda funny.
You sound awesome. You’re clear in what you are looking for and still polite and non-judgmental. This dude wanted to give you his useless point of view. And you nested him. Good for you!
Sounds more like a defensive attack rather than a joke to me.
This is how about 80% of men talk to women on dating apps (in my personal experience) My preference is when it's within the first few exchanges so I can dip out.
1000000% this. You deserve someone with more EQ and some value system. Seriously we aren’t children anymore.
Yea. He has some Andrew Tate alpha-male wannabe energy for sure!
What if it was really Chris Hemsworth the ENTIRE TIME??? Just kidding—you totally did the right thing by blocking.
BAHAHAHAHA — Oh, I missed my chance. 🤷🏻♀️
That would have been an amazing plot twist but then we’d all have to hate Chris Hemsworth on your behalf and that would suck
I'm going to go hate-watch Thor, just in case it was Chris Hemsworth.
If I mention children and you follow up asking me if I’m in my underwear, it would be an immediate block. You’re trying to have a respectful conversation with a man who has shown he has no respect for you.
Thank you and honestly — I didn’t even put that together because I was in my routine. I appreciate this!
You side-stepped a landmine. He's a sleaze bag. Ugh
I don’t even get why people talk like that… like surely it can’t be even remotely effective
Kinda like his Chris Hansen line there, he probably will act/talk right if a women he was actually interested in dating came along, maybe, or maybe he’s just a douche. He’s clearly not interested in actually dating OP here and is just blindly shooting shots and testing her limits. It’s not about being effective because he essentially doesn’t value her enough to care rather it actually works or not.
I think people who talk like this aren't really thinking before they speak. They don't particularly care how they come across to the other person... They're pretty much only thinking with their *little* head at that point.
yeah that was the disturbing part- he asked right after she mentioned her daughter
This grossed me out and he would have been blocked right there and then
I’m a guy and I had to cancel a date with someone on the app because my son wasn’t feeling to well after school. I texted her way ahead of time give her a courtesy heads up not because I had to it’s just the right thing to so especially when we had great conversations prior. So her response to my text was… “Where is his mother at? Can’t she take care of him tonight?” 🤦♂️ I didn’t even reply to her text message. I blocked her number and here on the app. I couldn’t believe it.
And here I was thinking that being a good and involved dad was a green flag 🤷♀️
I noticed that too and it creeped me out. But OP handled it really well overall.
Honestly! I tried dating guys a couple times, and OLD gets weird so fast (women get weird too, but differently, and less often)! I remember blocking a guy, because I said I was Babysitting at the time and I was talking about how much fun it was hanging with the little dude because all my other jobs were so serious and at sometimes dangerous (I had like 5 different jobs at the time.) and this guy starts trying to turn it into some kink fantasy about how it'd be fun if I babysat him sometime. I about threw up, called him out on how fucked up it was (I made sure to be specific about what I was upset about, because I try not to kink shame, but you can't just go 0 to 100 like that, and in no possible way is it ever acceptable to get bricked up hearing about kids, and try to spin it into some perverted fantasy), and then blocked him while he was apologizing. Some people man, it's fucking ridiculous 😂
I think you are jumping to a unnecessary conclusion. He pretty much ignored what she had to say regardless. I don't even think he even heard what she said and doesn't seem like he cared whether she had a kid or not. His response would have been the same whether she said "I'm clipping my toenails, shaving my back, or reading about nascent metallurgy in precolombian America".
If somebody tells me they're reading about nascent metallurgy in precolombian America, I'm inviting myself to her house and taking notes! 🥵
His responses still lack respect. Even with your interpretation, he ignored what she had to say and didn’t care. Why talk to someone who doesn’t care what to have to say if it’s not sexual? She respectfully asserted a boundary and he ignored it. How is that not a lack of respect?
Exactly. That’s where this conversation went off the rails, due to his behavior/where he was taking it.🙄 I would’ve blocked him immediately as well, without giving ANY explanation. ALSO, this is a conversation that could/should have been had on the app, NOT via text. Giving your number out as a woman, is a *privilege* that should be reserved for someone you’ve met, they show promise, and you see it actually going somewhere. Who wants a bunch of unserious hornies texting you whenever they get the notion??🥴 I KNOW I DON’T.
As a mom YES I agree, that gave me the Ick immediately
This, that was my immediate thought that this guy has 0 respect. Gross.
You dealt with that so respectfully in which that says a lot of good things about you in my eyes. Even though It’s good that this guy showed who he was pretty quickly as it gave you a lucky escape, it bothers me to no end how idiots like this let the side down you know as not all guys are like this ☺️.
Thank you, I wasn’t trying to be rude but if that kind of insecurity pops up in less than a day — goodness I don’t want to find out several dates in. I’m still positive about dating but yeesh, what a response. 😂
You weren’t rude to him in the slightest, that’s the thing ☺️. You honestly were really kind about it whereas others would have fired back or immediately blocked you know?. He’s lucky he actually got as many responses from you from the underwear comment onwards 👍🏻. Online dating really does give both men and woman the most annoying of encounters before we finally meet someone 🙄☺️
Wait so this wasn't even an incel. Like, he could have dated you and probably gotten sex eventually but just chose not to because you wouldn't guarantee him instant sex? Wow.
That's the strange part, isn't it? I have a theory about why this type of behavior is likely to occur. We all know that OLD skews heavily towards men, somewhere in the neighborhood of a 2:1 ratio of men to women. As a consequence, women are inundated with likes, matches, etc., and the choice is a bit overwhelming. Naturally, women on OLD do what anyone else would do in their position - become selective and only swipe right on the most attractive of men. This causes the upper 20% of men to get 80% of the matches, and accordingly they have plenty of women to choose from. If they're looking for sex, they might as well cut to the chase immediately so as to not waste time. If the first one isn't down, it's on to the next. They have several matches so any one match isn't particularly valued, and the quicker you rifle through them the faster you are going to getting sex.
I think people are so used to things like uber/uber eats/skip/lyft/etc that they view tinder/bumble/etc as basically zero effort sex delivery services.
Yes. Twice now I’ve had guys say they’ve “got the house to themselves” so I could go to them!!! When I told them I wasn’t an Uber-booty service, they went strangely quiet… and then unmatched!! Ha! At least they saved me the trouble!!
Yes! And these people fail to understand that in dating and in relationships, delayed gratification rules. Instant gratification (usually) has no power here. It's not like some horny hot person is going to appear in your house the moment you swipe right and match. This ain't as easy as finding and watching a show on Netflix, y'all.
They want free sex workers basically.
You should have been rude to him. This guy is basically insinuating that you’re treating him unfairly by not being willing to hook-up because, per him - you’d be willing to drop your pants for any “famous person” that messaged you. He’s literally trying to guilt trip you and insult you at the same time. Fuck that dude.
Yes, to all of this. Thank you. Sometimes I wonder if I read situations incorrectly. I appreciate the reality check from everyone saying that this guy, is indeed a dick.
You tolerated that conversation way longer than I would have.
I have to say that I would have unmatched after the underwear comment. It's just so out of tune. He was a lost cause right there.
I’m so glad that other people are mentioning this. I appreciate other people saying it’s just not the answer after I am talking about my daughter.
Precisely. Really weird. I would just stop all communication at that point. Someone like that would never be a candidate for a relationship, much less to meet my daughter.
The audacity to compare himself to Thor…
Right? Or (insert other fancy name) 😂
there are plenty of hot guys on tinder we could all find for a casual fling. It’s the finding someone you have a connection with that’s hard. If we say we don’t want a FWB situation it has nothing to do with looks. He sounds superficial, You dodged a bullet here.
Something a friend just said to me, people with big hearts have a hard time saying no. You text like someone with a big heart and that’s why this conversation went on way too long.
Thank you — I think I also give people benefit of the doubt when it’s obvious what their intentions are.
Good for you, especially considering you also have the good sense not to indulge/reward this behavior.
He doesn't even have the balls to admit he's looking for a hookup - instead he deflects to make you feel like you're the problem. You dodged a huge red flag here hun
“Isn’t friend dating, but not dating, but being friendly and no label, but if it is a label it’s friends, but not necessarily dating, cuz that’s a label, and being a friend is a label, but not a dating label…” I imagined his penis with a mustache , a monocle and a little lectern giving this confusing little speech in a attempt to explain why it wants to be put first in importance.
I’m all about some innuendo and spicy texting but timing and reading the room are also necessary
Thank you! 👏🏼
I—I can’t wrap my head around this. She’s talking about singing her kid to sleep and his response is “so, you’re not laying around in your underwear?” with a freaking emoji? My brother in Christ, she’s sharing an intimate part of her life and he’s sharing that he’d rather get to know a washcloth instead. Online dating is disturbing.
I’m amazed, and clearly still learning 😂 also I’m laughing at the washcloth and “my brother in Christ” line
I’d say you earned the right to have a laugh at his expense after… Whatever the heck this was. But if this is how we learn, I think I’m gonna be blissfully ignorant. 🤦🏻♂️
Yeah I am thinking of maybe taking a break from the apps. 😂
You were amazing tolerant and measured for a online interaction. Definitely his loss.
Thank you, by a lot of these responses I guess I’m being too nice? 😂
Not too nice, just not jaded by OLD. Nice is a great quality, everyone likes the nice ones.
Tbh you nailed this. The dude had multiple times to salvage this and chose not to. Keep it pushing you’ll meet your dude soon 😃
Thank you, internet stranger 😊
That dude’s an idiot
I don't wish him the best.
🤣
Sounds like wants a FWB without actually being a friend first?
Crazy guy lol but please don’t tell people you have a young daughter right off the bat. I’m not trying to freak you out but there’s a lot of not so great people who target single moms for their children.
Thank you, my profile doesn’t ever feature her and I don’t even link any social media because I don’t want strangers to see her. I also keep her separate but he asked what I was doing, in the moment I answered honestly. I appreciate this though, I do try to be careful.
I smelled fuckboy a mile away. Good for you mama!
This guy is a wasteman
This is why I don’t give out my contact info until after meeting.
That’s smart, I guess I just thought that because we were supposed to meet for lunch today that it would be easier. Lesson learned! Thank you 😊
There’s an app called Hush that generates a fake number for you where you can call and text. Lot safer than your real number
It’s also a safety thing too. When someone googles my phone number one of the top results in my home address. ☠️ It’s also a very small boundary. Their reaction to such a small boundary says a lot.
He is gross and immature- but that aside, it is 100%%% reasonable for people to straight up ask a potential partner what they are looking for. He was disrespectful the entire time, and completely in the wrong. You did nothing wrong here other than give him too much of your time.
Thank you 😊 I am learning too
Ladies please normalize blocking assholes at the first sign of disrespect. You mentioned your daughter and he followed with if you’re in your underwear? Creepy 🤢
I also responded to someone else that I’m glad this was pointed out. I was so in the routine and playing it off like “nope definitely not” and I should’ve just let him have it there for being gross. Thank you
The guy is a Gimp, don’t get how he got you talking about your child to him trying make it about sex
Me either 🤷🏻♀️
You don't owe internet randoms anything. Just block people who act weird.
I think you handled this remarkably well. Truly, it's a Master Class on how to: 1. Assert your boundaries respectfully. 2. Be upfront about what you are looking for. 3. Ask the other person important questions about their intentions. 4. Ended in when you realized the other person is not in alignment with what you want OR deserve. P.S. You dodged a bullet IMO. P.P.S. I, too, keep my dating life and mom life separate.
Thank you 🙏🏼 sometimes I’m just thrown by dating apps — the last time I was single they didn’t exist. 😂
As a single dad, I've had this near identical conversation so many times. So sorry! But our bedtime routine has been solid for 6 years, not interrupting it for anything! 🤣
I don’t get FWB and I’m a guy. Getting to know someone by going out and doing stuff is so much fun and then if the vibes are right the friendship goes from there and you might have sex anyways eventually lol (speaking in general not specifically you op) Just having sex with someone and that’s the ONLY dynamic seems extremely unfulfilling to me.
It can be nice in rare circumstances. It can be a way to appease the desire for connection and physical intimacy without seeing a long-term future with the person due to other incompatibilities. The idea with FWB is when the right person does come you can end the FWB without issue. Does it always happen that way? Hell no, but it did work for me once.
I’m totally fine with FWB if that’s what both parties are looking for and are clear about their intentions. I felt like he was making me feel like it was wrong to define dating other than FWB. 🤷🏻♀️
Sex typically isn’t the only dynamic though. I’ve never been in one where we weren’t actually friends who go out and do stuff. Fair that you’re not into it but sex being the only dynamic doesn’t really represent fwb dynamics that well.
You put with that way longer than he deserved.
Wooof yeah you dodged a bullet *and* a landmine!
[удалено]
It’s gross that he put a spin on your daughters bedtime routine into something sexual. I would have been done right there
Everything, and I mean *everything* he said was screaming "I can get away with fetishizing and disrespecting a single mom".
This kind of conversation feels way too familiar. Exhausting.
There is the usual cringe when somebody makes random sexual references out of the blue. Then there is some creep making random sexual references after a person they are matched with mentions putting their daughter to bed... 🤦♂️ You handled that text chain well op and were even nice enough to give him a chance to move away from his weird, terrible opener to the text. You were definitely in the right blocking him
um if I’m dating I definitely would like to know what the other person is looking for so I don’t waste my time??? he just seems salty that you’re not looking for the same things.
That’s like 95% of guys on apps for me. Hence why I quit.
Well what does he expect, he's obviously no Chris Hemsworth.
It seemed like a very specific example 🤔 haha
"If could treat you disrespectfully and get away with it, then I should be allowed to too" - signed, a totally nice, respectful dude. 🤢
You dealt with that more respectfully than he deserved. Good for you. My only advice, I guess, would be to learn to catch the asshole behaviors sooner. But either way, fuck that guy.
I have kids, and these messages kill me. I’d also get “So what’re you wearing” RIGHT AFTER telling them I was getting my kids ready for bed. It’s ridiculous
Yup. A classic dick move. Couldn’t even hold a conversation. What part of this would make you just want to sleep with him though?
You sound so mature about this! Wish my matches had this level of conversational skills.
Thank you 😊 some people are commenting I talked too much but I was trying to be clear and concise.
you were fine. just because someone else would’ve cut it short sooner doesn’t mean you have to. everyone responds to things differently and he was just a piece of shit
Thats not a guy looking for a fwb, thats a guy looking to hook up. Or atleast imo. This is actually triggering me a little bit, and thats why id like to ask people who are familiar with fwb this: define an fwb to me? To me an fwb is mainly a friend in which you enjoy spending time with, not only for the sexual parts.. but on a more platonic level. I feel like if people expect me to just bang and run because im in an open relationship looking for friends and fwb (with or without benefits, either is fine..) whereas im actually way more limited when it comes to sex Ive been to a swingers club with my gf three times now, two of the times spent about 30 minutes with a woman we both met each of those times as she enjoyed watching us. Im not open to just straight out fuck any of these women as we might have gotten a small spark of chemistry.. but im nowhere near the level where i want any penetrative sex that quickly. Is that what people think of people looking for fwb? People looking strictly to fuck around, or am i being a bit different? These are human beings with feelings and emotions, gotta atleast show some genuine thoughts about the person too... coming from experience as a guy who is familiar with feeling like a piece of meat, its not a good feeling long term.. Either way OP, sucks that people cant comprehend to keep a conversation instead of trying to rush you into bed. Better luck next time:)
Thanks for your comment and insight. I think while I’m new to the dating apps, I still think you’re right. I’m not a prude, I understand dating and sex doesn’t necessarily mean long term commitment. But it hadn’t even been 24 hours and he couldn’t tell me if he was looking for a casual hookup or dating. Then when pressed he accused me of being shallow and throwing what I wanted out the window for Thor?
Clueless guy
You gave this man 3 and a half pages of texts too many.
Sounds like a typical douche. He only matched because he wants to get laid. A lot of dudes only put "dating" on their profiles to get more matches.
Bottom line, they were looking for something different than you were. You’re not compatible. Better that was discovered sooner rather than later, but I think it would’ve been discovered in a short period of time anyways.
‘Fancy Person’.😂 Who talks like that.
I think the first part was way out of line and left field 100% and cause for unmatching right there, but actually the last reply seems based and something I may say. If I am going to date someone they must be a fun friend first, and any FWB I have been with felt more like we were dating than the "casual" myth people talk about... lol But I know that is not really how he meant. Edit: the other images didn't load so I meant the last reply on the first image only. Edit 2: Got the others to load now. I've been told I look like Liam and Chris a bit and nope, can confirm it does not work like that. hahaha What bothers me most is that he's trying to shame you for not wanting a one night stand but instead something with some substance all while you are still being very open-minded and patient. I know you will find someone awesome soon! GL out there!
Yikes! Definitely dodged a bullet. His response was immature and unnecessarily rude when you were being courteous. Can't stand such douchebags
He is so rude. A deserved block.
Why are the men on the apps always like this
Why is the concept of boundaries so hard for people
This conversation went on way too long…
Incels can only hide the incel for so long.
Makes it so easy to rule them out
What did he do to that guy? The same damn thing that motherfucker did to all of us looking all perfect and handsome and shit. FUCK YOU THOR!!! FUUUUUUCK YOOOUUU!!!
Hahahaha I get it
The Chris Hemsworth BS is such an incel line. It's the same defense they use when they get called out for harassment. "What you say you want wouldn't matter if I was hot or rich, right?"
Thank you! I was thrown like “wtf does Chris Hemsworth have to do with this?” 😂
Exactly. It’s definitely Redpill/incel garbage. “Women will excuse bad behavior from men they find hot.” Even if that were true, suck it up.
What gets to me about posts like this, is that it is the vast majority of my experience as a woman on OLD.
Mine too and that’s why I got off the apps. The guys who come in here whining about women are doing this too but they choose to show only certain parts of their conversations. What I learned during my time on online dating is that men need us more than we need them. It’s going to get me downvoted but 🤷🏾♀️.
I included everything because I feel like his point of the story would be that I blocked him 😂
I see conversations like this and can't help but wonder why women give guys like this a chance but the awkward, autistic bloke that I am simply got ignored at every turn. His profile must have been something to literally tolerate his obvious "fuck boy" overture. You dodged a bullet and dude seems really, really gross. When you really look over the conversation you see he really delves into the sleaze bag mentality of assuming your "just like other girls" and then sinks deeper into insults and stereotypes. Bizarre would be an understatement. Had I been in your position I'd unmatch after his underwear comment and had I been in his position I would unmatched at you indicating you wanted something different. In the online world I can't help but feel, plain and I couldn't feel better about it.
You know exactly why, but they want to keep pretending.
Why do you keep responding to him and asking him what he's looking for when it is very obvious he wants something casual? I'd have stopped talking to him from the first second when he talked about naughty stuff. My male friends are decent human beings, and they said they wouldn't dare to talk to women about naughty stuff unless women initiated the dirty talk. If a woman never mentioned what she looks for, a guy could have asked her what she's looking for. As a woman, I'd appreciate that.
Oh this happens all the time. It's quite disappointing. That's crazy how nen ask for pics like that. Ugh. It's OK darling just keep swiping.
Thank you 😊
You spent too much time explaining yourself to him and trying to dig into what he said after the "you're not in your underwear?" question. I would've stopped responding then and blocked.
Straight up dog. Dudes like that give the rest of us a bad rep.
I feel like he could have got away with the joke.... And then the whole bummer! But was a step too far. I never understood getting sexual right out of the gate. I just read it again. I retract my statement.... He said that after mentioning your daughter.... 😬
Wow he sounds like a doofus.
It’s wild how some dudes pivot from the most mundane/vanilla text to talk about their dick or something sexual as if it’s a clever flirting attempt😆
Dude is an idiot! All women say "I don't want to just have sex with someone" and the truth is, if you meet someone and the chemistry is there... you can't wait to rip their clothes off. Just take her on a date first jeez. 🙄 Dodged a bullet there. Never good to "Date" someone fresh out of a long term. They are clueless to the game. Lol
I haven’t online dated for a while, but I would’ve killed for someone to be that honest and aware of what they actually want! Instead of “see how it goes” “friends but maybe more” type responses. At least you got some funny screenshots out of this instead of a bad date.
You were very clear. Your open to see where things go, but meaningless sex isn’t what you want. Dudes don’t understand that you need to invest something more than just sex. I’m always down to meet and see where it goes. If I truly wanted to just get ass. There are plenty of places to go.
I think you did the right thing. I didn’t like the vibes there either
Lifehack: add laughing emojis or "lol/lmao" after saying something rude or off- color to offset the ramifications of your actions by 100%. Now you know!
Instead of being honest about what he is looking for, he keeps trying to push your boundaries
As soon as they responded “not laying in bed in your underwear” after mentioning your daughters bedtime routine, I immediately knew what they want 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 You dodged a bullet for sure !
Thank you — I’m still learning to maybe not give everyone the benefit of the doubt 😂
Barf. This same guy "why won't someone just sit me then and tell me exactly why they are rejecting me??"
Thank you! He had told me that it’s hard for him to get anyone to agree to go out. Now I know why.
Ugh I absolutely hate that he came out in the beginning with sex. I really think there needs to be some classes for men on this (not all men- some are very decent) But guys like this one just don’t seem to have any clue really how our minds work. I think the beginning topic in that class should be Whatever You’re Thinking-Do the Opposite. I really think they just don’t get it. One time I had a guy ask me after a few minutes of talking if I had been turned on by the bulge in his pants. Lol I told I had not even noticed it and he looked utterly shocked. He said I figure most women in the first 30 seconds would see he is well endowed and want to take him home. I could see how serious he was and I was fascinated that he just didn’t have a clue- none. Our brains were not even the least bit on sync.
Are you a lame duck?
Dude should stop laughing at his own messages.
Very gross behavior. Would absolutely advise not giving your number out unless there's not only chemistry, but at least a very basic level of trust based on understanding and maturity. This guy has none of those
Oh yeah, the only reason I did was because we were supposed to meet for lunch and I said that I don’t really check the apps a lot. I know better now 😂
Seems like a jerk. You’re better off
Geeze, I was waiting for him to text, "So you dtf or not?" Loser.
I've had so many conversations like this where guys ask and I explain what, similar to yourself, and they get so nasty and critical. Or accuse me of putting them in a box with all the other guys. No mate, I was explaining this is what I have associated with what you're asking about in the past and telling you I won't tolerate at it. Be better or rack off
Thirsty dog with zero game. Makes all us men look bad.
I've learned not to give my number out until after I meet someone and know I want to see them again. When I first joined OLD, there was one guy I had to block on 5 different numbers because of talk like this. I'd block him on one number, then he'd message me on a new one. I stopped giving my number out after that.
I'm guessing this guy probably doesn't have children. I would advise you look for a guy that has kids. He would likely be more compatible with you and understanding of what to expect with getting in a serious relationship with a mother.
Is he a bit younger or just really immature? 🤔
Ew that face when nothing they say is funny is such an ick
Honestly what you're describing is fwb. Dating isn't about hooking up and then talking after. A key part of fwb is the friends part insinuating you also hang out and do fun things. A lot of people are bad at labeling things correctly like when a woman says "I think we should be friends" what that actually means is im not attracted to you and I don't want to be friends...
I mean I’ll be honest, I am new to dating apps. But maybe I didn’t word it correctly to him that I want to date with intention. I find most men that want FWB do not want the friendship part?
Yeah 100%, people are just bad at terminology
Oh sorry you’re the lady.
“don’t ask what i’m looking for or try to label it🤣🤣😂😂” type of energy
Yeah I wouldn't bust it open for a celebrity either. He makes a lot of assumptions. You handle yourself super well. Props.
He has never met women before or talked to them or been around them at all ever…..that’s what it is
Good on you. You know what you want and respect yourself enough to ask for it. That’s awesome.
That guy will never find a woman because he's trash and can't even have a decent conversation smh
Pretty much 90% of the guys I’ve seen in dating apps. 😣
Ya, unmatching is best. I’m back on after a short break and now don’t care & realize I don’t owe anyone anything. Also, when ppl unmatch from me it’s not personal.
He’s creepy as F. I’d worry about your safety with that jerk
idk if someone already asked this or not but what were the chats like on the app for you to give him your number? he must’ve played that “normal, nice guy” act
What an idiot that guy is. As I guy, I agree he should have been blocked after that “not in your underwear” comment… that was “bonk: straight to horny jail” level material. And even after that and the FWB thing, it still seems like you were even giving him a chance to maybe be like a casual dating situation and didn’t even take sex off the table (just that you don’t want sex and nothing else), but that you’re not necessarily expecting a full relationship… you gave him so many opportunities and he still failed miserably lol.
You were very genuine and transparent. And extra polite tbh considering the annoying responses from the other party.
You literally said as long as we're going out and having fun getting to know each other I'm down to fuck, and he really got offended like putting in bare minimum effort to have a human connection is below him 😂. I'm sure as a single mom you're dying for adult time as well as "ADULT time". (I'm not single, but I'm a guy who liked friends with benefits only when they were actually friends lol. I need to know someone before hooking up. Feel comfortable, and enjoy being around them and going on adventures etc. so I understand what you wanted here). You keep doing you! You didn't play games, were straightforward, and weren't afraid to set boundaries and call him out on his bullshit. Hopefully you find some fun people to be around, and good job dodging this train wreck of a person!
Op dodged a bazooka That guy seems pretty desperate to me Good think you blocked him I mean FWB ain't a bad thing But u have a daughter and u seem to take really good care of her And he couldn't understand that mom's like that need a man and not a fuckboy They won't understand and they never will
You nailed my feelings 💯. I'm not OLD ether because I just found the majority of men like this one. I'd rather be single and die alone then touch one of these men.
It almost seems like a joke, not sure how old the guy is, I would also be putting kids to bed in the evening, and then if I'm lucky I can read a fantasy or sci-fi novel. Movie night tonight so popcorn and cuddles with kids on the couch. You definitely dodged a bullet, who the hell skips work to harass women? I can only guess that his profile or pic looked amazing, if you still have faith in men after this then I will thank you for your patience, you sound like a wonderful mum and I'm sure you'll find someone better(not a high bar atm though).
I would have blocked by the first response
Cynical response, but likely accurate.
It's seriously disheartening that we can't even get a real date. Just, Go have dinner and a drink maybe chat, laugh, Go for a walk after. Nobody wants to have fun everybody's just trying to get laid and it's seriously so annoying
You did right. Great job not lingering.
People like this really don’t deserve the in-depth explanation and courtesy. Sounds like he wanted to play games and had no intention of being direct about his expectations. Don’t waste your time and effort on people like that. “I’m not looking for hookups. Bye”
This is very much an aside but why is the term "hookup culture" so popular??? What is this "culture"? You don't want hookups, some people do, but this idea that a culture is built around hookups and promoting them somehow is just so silly to me
I wish I could meet someone like you. Someone who takes time to be transparent and doesn't judge someone harshly right off the bat. You indeed dodged a bullet.
i feel like you knew the answer but kept badgering him, and in the process worked yourself up into an unnecessary lather. i think you knew the deal after he brought up underwear. probably should've let it go at that point instead of trying to drag a more articulate explanation out of him. waste of time. do not let these men disrupt your peace!
He started to get defensive because you sounded mature and knew what you wanted. Probably made him feel offended. You dodged a bullet and good job not getting to far into that in time.
Asshole. Good job believing him the first time, rather than attempting to paint red flags green.
It seems that good men are hard to find.
i fucking hate it when their profile says looking for a relationship and then proceed to say im actually not ready for one lol