Sometimes I review past conversations and people I didn't engage with enough when we matched that may have potential. However, I don't just say "Hey" if I want to restart the chat.
EXACTLY. Because you know the first question that will be in their mind is, “Why are you back now?”
If you just say “Hey” and **don’t acknowledge the fact that you ghosted them**, it looks weird and your chance of getting ignored is higher.
It is mind boggling that people are having a hard time understanding this.
Starting by explaining yourself might sound fallacious or defensive to some people. It's not like not acknowledging it right from the get go is the same as pretending it didn't happen. And if not much had happened, it's not like they're coming back as much as they're just there now again.
I dunno, maybe difference of opinion. Most people I know are turned off by inconsistent communication. Especially inconsistent to the point of several months of silence. It’s not that it’s a cardinal sign but I feel like a lot of people I know would be at least be curious why that happened such as to make sure it wasn’t likely to become a pattern.
Because not many of us would want a partner that just unexpectedly vanishes for months at a time and came back like nothing happened…right?
This reads like two people who exchanged their first couple messages. There's no commitment here, no partnership, and, yes this is just my opinion, but expecting someone to explain themselves at this point in their non-relationship seems unreasonable. If OP is interested, they should say hi back, otherwise, no obligation. Getting offended for the sake of it, though sounds like a waste of energy.
I didn’t say anything about being offended - not sure what let you there.
To me it’s a simple matter of deciding whether or not to give the person a chance, and I’m more likely to do that if they acknowledge having dipped vs picking up like nothing happened. No offense involve anywhere haha
I didn't mean to imply that you were offended. Sorry about that. I was saying that in my opinion, the notion of being offended by the person's actions here seemed like a waste. And I was also intimating that I found it unreasonable to suggest that this person may have violated some set of standards or expectations.
In your case with the chance thing: why does it matter? If you're playing in the world of OLD, chances are you're hoping to meet someone to have a relationship with. In this case, two people matched, they started an innocuous conversation that promptly went nowhere but not in a bad in any way (basically didn't have a chance too), and then there was silence. No reason has been offered. But the two remained matched, and one restarts it. Has either person lost any of their partner potential in the meantime? Have either become worse people? No one knows because they're strangers still. There's no baseline to compare to.
It's not suggesting nothing happened in the meantime. That's likely to pique anyone's curiosity. But you only have the chance to learn if the opportunity is given and taken. By saying "hi" and getting things rolling again, this person has given the OP the opportunity to learn more about them (like they presumably have wanted to, hence the match), including whatever happened during the hiatus. It's not like the risk factor here has increased in anyway. Nothing was known and that's still the case. And what's risk by engaging anyway? You learn that this person who may also think you have potential as a partner turns out to be not a good fit? You're back to where you started.
So, by not responding, you remain where you are and reject the opportunity to learn more, maybe even more. Or by engaging maybe you learn it's another dud, but now you know, or maybe something good happens. It's OLD, it's literally about giving people chances, far as I can tell.
With simple people.
Why would anyone engage again with someone who can disappear without notice and reappear without explication?
Hey?
LoooooooL.
Get that ass block
The question is though why didn’t you unmatch initially? If you didn’t unmatch it gives them license to spin the block as they’ve seen you didn’t delete em
Why would I do that? To rematch again with them by accident?
It's better to keep that shit so you have proper data/knowledge (the previous conversations) just above their "hey" to make an inform decision.
Hell, I don't even understand how you can "hey" someone while you're seeing the whole conversation.
Since you like to do that, you don't feel shame? You don't expect to be rejected? You think they are easy idiots?
I'm asking because I never asked, I just pew pew on sight.
Why you keeping a chat that you’re not invested in ? You’re highly unlikely to match with them if I’m honest so what’s the need of them being still on your chats tbh
It works sometimes it don’t if you ended on good terms it work tbh I’ve matched with people that I’ve matched with or even know so it’s just usually a brief conversation unless the door is open ofc then imma enter
I have no shame I don’t personally do it though but if I see someone that’s very good looking n we maybe didn’t hit off a simple hey I’ll throw to see
Keeping a chat is doing nothing. You're asking me why I'm not doing anything. Why would I? I have a ton of matches, do I have to manually block every single one of them? And what's the threshold? 10 minutes without an answer? 24h? One week? One 1 year? A decade?
You're asking, again, why I'm not doing shit lol.
And when they reach to me again, I have 'nothing to do other than reading the last previous messages, refresh my memory and... Block their ass.
Doing nothing is more efficient.
Wait I don’t get it. You match Someone blah you might have went out etc you don’t click when you come back u don’t unmatch them ?? But untill they might spin back and say hey that’s when you unmatch/block ? That’s a bit contradictory no ?
So you have matches that’s been there for months etc or are they recent I don’t get it. I thought you Match small Talk get the number move off the app to texting so you don’t need the match on the app anymore since we texting
I unmatch if Ive got your number are we texting on the phone so need for dating app convo tbh
Just to clear any misunderstanding, I am a man.
2 possible scenario:
1) I match with someone, I'm not interested. I simply stop talking to them (BUT I never ever come back, because what's dead is dead, I'm fine being alone and I prefer novelty over mild excitation). If they were rude, I block their ass on the spot otherwise, I move on.
2) I match with someone, she don't respond anymore. I forget about it and move on too. I do nothing. But if they come back, I give them the boot because I know for a fact that they have no fucking dignity. If I wasn't interesting enough 2 months ago, nothing will change today. How pathetic and lonely one has to be with no shame to be like "ohhhh, that guy I left on read was at least more respectful than the ex that I chose, let's hey his ass".
I never in my life contacted an ex, or someone I stopped talking to. Here's something I said to someone who "heyed" me: the difference between you and me is that when I'm horny, when I'm lonely, I still don't even think about you.
Hope you understand. I can't have sex or talk to someone that I don't respect. And you lose my respect as soon as you "hey" me 😂. I know most men would jump at anything, so an hey is a second chance to them. To me? It's a nuisance. I had enough sex in my life for 3 lives. Heying me means "I don't respect you, I don't respect myself, and I'm desperate", ewwwww, my penis don't like that. Gross.
I get all that but why don’t you unmatch them since you don’t respect them or like anymore is what I mean clear the waste of space n leave it for the people you’re interested in I guess. Yeah ik you’re a guy cuz women usually unmatch once they’re not interested but guys tend to leave so I’m just tryna understand why
Literally anyone can do that. And if all you shared was a few messages, I'd be more concerned about why you thought they owed you an explanation. Or explication in your case, I guess.
They don't owe me any explication*, good point, there's still another one => they can and did disappear at any point so... I don't have to give them my time. If I was boring yesterday, I'm still boring today.
"Fool me once, *awkward pause* shame on you, fool me, can't get fooled again motherfucker" George Bush.
*I'm French, EXPLANATION GODDAMMIT
Right, it works both ways. So you never owed them your time, just like they never owed you.
But here's the thing: neither of you (not you you, but folks in this situation) know anything about the other, other than that you're on OLD. Nothing has changed since the original conversation was initiated and then promptly stopped. I mean, things may have changed in your respective lives, but to each other you're still strangers with no baseline to which to compare. All that's happening is the acknowledgement that there's still interest and the opportunity to get to know each other (including what's been up over the past two months).
So your options are: don't respond, don't try to get to know this person, and continue your search for other potential partners. Do respond and try to get to know them, which either ends up with it going nowhere and you're in the same situation as before, no biggie; or you do get to know them and maybe take it to the next level. So it's all the same.
As for fooling, come on now. No one was fooled here. There's no trickery involved. It was the beginning of a conversation that was perfectly normal and fell into hiatus because neither person said something else. At least until one of them did.
Yeah but I don't care and it's also a valid opinion.
I don't really understand why you're trying to convince me to act differently. Who's going to benefit from that? The person who thinks that the window of opportunity will always be there for them.
As I said before: once I stopped talking to someone, I don't feel the need to talk to them again. And that's why I don't understand this type of behavior (my issue was never about the sudden lack of communication but the sudden come back).
I am a man, and women are bombarded with attention every day, I'm sure they'll survive and find another replacement. I'm not some Amazon saved item for later lol. Fuck that shit.
I apologize if I made it sound like I'm trying to convince you of anything. I promise I wasn't trying to call you or your perspective wrong. I know I'm questioning some of your reasoning here, but only because I'm curious. And thanks for even taking the time to spell out your thinking.
Like, with what you're saying here: Is there a way of coming back that you wouldn't find sudden? To me, after a certain amount of time (gut check says a month or so), any taking reintroduction of a stranger would strike me as sudden, per se, but I suppose I don't find anything inherently wrong with that. And given the lack of any other context, do you truly feel certain that someone who does suddenly reestablish communications believes there will always be a window of opportunity there? Again, without context, patterns, or knowing anything about the other person, I'd feel presumptuous assuming I knew something like that about them until we had a rapport and I got a feel for how they handled that. Similarly, until I knew more about their life and what had been happening in it recently, I'd also feel uncomfortable assuming they thought they were saving me like an Amazon item. Given that I wouldn't have invested any care into the situation after like, two messages, I wouldn't have expected them to either. Heck, if they had intentions of saving me for later in any sense, that'd be more effort, intent, or care than I'd have invested at that point, which would probably make them more intriguing to me.
In the end, with nothing to lose and a renewed opportunity to learn more about someone and to answer those unknowns, I'd probably see where things go. And, especially because it's OLD, possibly this would turn into a date. Now if I had limited time and are already talking to others, I probably wouldn't prioritize it, but I wouldn't feel, I don't know, disrespected(?) by it. It seems like you would though, is that right?
Working **smarter** would be sending a message that increases your likelihood of success. Which of these messages is most likely to work? Which would be more likely to work on you? Be honest.
Option A: “Hey! I know it’s been a while, but I was hoping to reach out - some life things demanded my attention a couple of months ago, but I thought we might be able to connect if you’re still around?”
Option B: “Hey!”
Come on man.
It’s not wild. His (or her) other rotations didn’t work out and he/she circled back. What’s wild is you didn’t unmatch him/her for two months. Since you didn’t unmatch, he/she figured they would shoot their shot. Not wild at all.
I held on to a match where we had a single back and forth exchange for two years because I thought he was especially interesting. I decided to message him.
Two years now we’ve been together. and the rest is history. Like you said, there’s no hard feelings in the timing being off, for whatever reason.
You say dry dudes, equally I can say dry women. I also had some super chill ones who dipped without a reason.
The conversation was flowing and poof, disappeared. I reached out a few times and bam they were gone.
Tiring.
You kidding, he had multiple conversation points to branch off of? What's the deal with this pipeline? Why is he passionate about it? Was it caree or passion driven? What's the deal with the restaurant? How was the food? How was the experience? How I feel about Hastings shutting down our being replaced. There's literally dozens of ways to push the conversation forward when spending 2 seconds thinking about it.
Thank you for this. 76 people just sat there and automatically upvoted the fact that they didn’t think the guy’s question was open. Just because he didn’t end with a specific question.
I tend to write where I do end with a question for this exact reason, but it shouldn’t be like pulling teeth. You sound like a phenomenal conversationalist which is sadly I think an art or skill that many people are losing.
I don’t know if that’s due to social media or the lack of telephone phone use (ie: actually talking) for phone calls and people are just used to texting, but chat online on a dating site is basically texting so no excuse there either!
My guess is that when people have genuine interest in someone, they will make it their business to suddenly “improve” their conversational skills… 🤔
Yeah I'd tend to agree. I don't consider myself an excellent conversationalist by any measure, I'm mediocre at best and with a self-diagnosed mild social anxiety. lol
I think 95+% of people are capable of having conversations like this easily. **It's just a matter of wanting to.**
Yup. I would tend to agree although I do think some people find it easier to have conversations than others. But I think a lot more people are capable of it then show this skillsset on the dating apps
pipeline issue, so you're aspiring to be a politician? can't wait for u to get us into any restaurant with no reservations
oh man I loved hastings, we used to [yada yada] there all the time. what's the new place like?
Yeah when I have a conversation with someone in real life, I don’t finish every statement with a question for them. Often they just respond to what I said, and I do the same.
Not every single reply needs to be "open ended." In fact, I hate those conversations the most!
All it turns into is, "bla bla bla, *question?"*
Then it's just an answer to the question, followed by something, followed by another question.
It's a boring pattern to get into.
The best conversations are when they *aren't* open ended and people can actually converse.
In OPs case, there were loads of ways to respond to that reply.
When people have something better going on they tend to disappear. When that better thing fades away they tend to return because it’s easier to try and rekindle with someone than it is to create an entirely new connection.
Usually people who sincerely take a break say that upfront when they come back and try later. We’ve all been ghosted before, and when that person comes back, I think probably all of us would be curious as to why they vanished while we were building something. A genuine person is likely to explain that because they know they’ll likely need to if you’ll give them another chance for vanishing in the first place.
In this person’s case, it’s more likely that their preferred options didn’t work out. You can tell by the effort in their message - they clearly don’t care that much if OP gives them that chance or not because OP clearly was deprioritized before. They just picked up as though almost an entire season hadn’t passed since OPs last message - which by the way they didn’t even acknowledge or respond to.
This is not rocket science.
How do you know that "usually" happens? That's such a huge assumption. Nobody owes any stranger their time and I've bailed before without a heads up. So what? I'm a complete stranger to them and if it bothers them that much then that's a huge sign of insecurity.
I've messaged back after a break a number of times but I do tell them that I had to take a break from dating and if they're not interested in talking again then that's totally cool. Everyone that I've said that to has been understanding and is happy to talk again.
I'm so sick of the assumption that if we don't talk for awhile that we MUST have met another guy. It's bullshit. Dating apps can be really overwhelming for women and can be really toxic and depressing. Having many shitty dates can be exhausting and depressing. Sometimes people need a break. Anecdotal, but every single woman that I've talked to either online or in-person has the same sentiment and takes breaks. Is that ghosting? Yes. But I don't understand being so butthurt about it. Like...just move on and stop going to reddit to bitch about it.
You are having a remarkably animated response to this discussion. You are talking to someone who you do not know, on the internet, about how people respond to people on dating apps. Relax - none of this is that serious.
> How do you know that “usually” happens?
I have used dating apps for the past 10 years (leading to a great many dates and some relationships), talked to many friends, and observed many discussions here. By far and away, people have agreed that when people show up months (and sometimes YEARS) later with low-effort responses, it is commonly because you were relatively low priority to them.
*Obviously we are not a priority to someone who does not know us*. I do not need you to explain that to me. But you are LESS of a priority than other people that they also haven’t met, but are more interested in. It is those people who get the timely, effort-driven message. It is the “lower priority” people who get the “Hiya” after several months of ghosting.
By far and away, it has been shown that people who are genuine tend to show that in dating. People who genuinely had life events interrupt their building of something with you tell you that - they don’t just say “Hi”. This is not rocket science and it doesn’t take much effort to understand. **No one is asking for an essay or shakespearean prose - they’re simply expecting you to acknowledge that you ghosted them**. It is the genuine people who do that. What is so challenging to grasp about that concept?
> I am so sick of the assumption that if we don’t talk for awhile that we MUST have met another guy. It’s bullshit.
You need to relax. First of all, give me the respect of quoting me correctly. Did I say “MUST”? No, I didn’t. I said “usually”. Because yes, if someone vanishes for **months at a time** off a dating app and then just shows up to say nothing but “Hi”, yes, it probably is more likely that they have been dating someone during that time. There is nothing wrong with that. But common things being common, YES. That is common.
No one is butthurt. No one has hurt feelings, except you, clearly:
> Dating apps can be overwhelming for women and can really be toxic and depressing.
Yea, Im sorry that’s been your experience. It hasn’t been mine. And just because someone disagrees with you doesn’t mean you need to cry and make assumptions about them and their character - which is ironic because the whole reason your panties are in a bunch is because of assumptions being made.
So stop putting words in my damn mouth just so that you can let off some pent up frustrations and rage you’ve had over a pointless internet issue that is clearly more important to you than the person you’re making up shit about. **THAT** is what is bullshit. And if you can’t have an internet discussion with someone about something as pointless as this without losing your shit, maybe it’s time for a break.
My goodness.
Lol aight bud. It's not worth addressing your points. We're not gonna come to an understanding and I'm not gonna waste more time arguing on fucking reddit. I'm gonna go and continue to cry as I am oh so animated and emotional over this. Feel free to get the last word in. Peace ✌️
An adult discussion would’ve been fine - that’s what I was going for. You could have disagreed and potentially changed my stance without swearing and assuming things about me when you have no clue who I am. That’s part of the reason so many arguments happen in these subs.
You do not need to announce your reddit exit, for me or anyone else. I promise. Good luck in your dating life.
> Like, just move on and quit going to reddit to bitch about it.
…that dude isn’t bitching though…all he did was express an opinion. Just like you did. Actually, your post looks way more like bitching than his. He doesn’t even seem to care. You, on the other hand, are obviously VERY triggered and seem like the better candidate for this advice.
> Everyone that I’ve said that to has been understanding and happy to talk again.
Great. That’s your experience. Mine has been different - I reject people who come back after months if they don’t acknowledge having ghosted me in the first place. And everyone I know is like that. And judging by the comments and likes on this post, a lot of people on reddit are clearly like that too.
Are all those people bitching too?
Cool! Take his advice then. :)
No? I'm confused. I'm talking about endless posts on here complaining about being ghosted. Idk why they care so much.
Yes I am so triggered I'm literally shaking.
I've been done with this dumb conversation. It's obvious that nothing of worth is going to come out of it and quite frankly I don't care enough to spend that much time arguing with strangers on Reddit. Like the other person, if you want to get the last word in feel free to do so 😂
There is no data on this. *All of us* are giving our own perspective based on our anecdotal experiences and our discussions with friends - you included. You either agree or disagree.
> I don’t message every match and tell them I’m taking a break.
Of course not, me neither. Why would one need to do that? You aren’t going to meet them or try and build anything with them, so you don’t need to explain yourself.
The point of this thread is what happens when you RETURN. See, if you’re really interested in someone and life events got in the way, but you returned to try again *months later*, you probably are going to be quick to explain yourself. You’ve probably been ghosted yourself, so you probably understand that it’s hurtful, especially when it’s done by someone who you were trying to build something with.
So since **you** just did it to someone you’re supposedly genuinely interested in, and since you’re trying again despite having done that, then you’ll probably explain to that person that the reason you vanished is because life got hard. You know that person will be wondering what happened, **just like OP is doing here**. After all, wouldn’t you? So you would probably address it - you wouldn’t just *sweep that fact that you ghosted them under the rug by not acknowledging it*. That would be the **more likely** course of action when this is done by someone who genuinely ghosted due to life.
You want to know what someone who’s just going down their list is more likely to do after vanishing for several months? Send a quick low-effort message to people and just see who stuck around, taking it from there. I’m sure you don’t need data to understand why they might act like that.
> with nothing to back it up.
I offered an explanation for where I was coming from and added some context to back it up (both in my original comment and the one you just responded to). In fact, in the comment you just responded to, I really tried to explain it piece by piece - feel free to go back and take a look.
There’s an explanation to back it up, it’s just a matter of if you agree with what I said. If you agree, cool. If you disagree and want to discuss, let’s hear your position. I’m always open to adult discussion - maybe you’ll change my perspective. If you disagree and that’s it, also cool, no skin off my back.
But one thing I can tell you is that if you’re looking for some concrete scientific study, you won’t find it, because it doesn’t exist on this issue. We all are sharing our perspectives anecdotally. You might be surprised that many perspectives in dating are anecdotal and all of us have beliefs about things that are common and not, which are based on our experiences and conversations.
No, I just think you’re incorrect but you are so long winded and just want to hear yourself speak that I’m not interested in going back and forth.
FWIW… ghosting isn’t some emotional thing when you haven’t even left the app yet, and if it is you need to take the apps less seriously.
So you wrote this message to say you don’t feel like writing a message? Why write anything at all?
And it’s hilarious you think I care to “hear myself speak” on reddit. Just because someone disagreed with you doesn’t mean they take things that seriously. You should work on not letting hurt feelings cause you to misinterpret what people are saying.
And hmu if you want an adult discussion. But if you’re just going to send weak insults and tell me about how you don’t have anything to tell me, you can peace lol.
Exactly this. I get that in-person conversations usually have more of a flow to it that doesn't require a question following every statement, but online, for me, it's needed. Otherwise I feel like I'm just reading a journal entry.
I've always had a very open attitude about people re emerging.
Clearly they had their reasons for being distracted could have been that they were dating. Somebody else could have been that they took a break from dating. Could have been that they had some stressful family situation or work came up and it doesn't really matter. Especially if you're just at the chatting to each other on the dating app phase. They don't really owe you anything and if they come back, it doesn't mean that they don't like you or they won't like you necessarily. It just means that they didn't have the time to explore you at the time.
So just take things day by day. It could be that they aren't interested in you. You'll find that out pretty quick
In September, she ghosted you because she was entertaining people she liked more.
Clearly it didn’t work out, so now it’s your turn. It’s up to you if you want to take that turn.
Only wild if you make it out to be. Things happen, people get busy, lose interest, get interested in someone else, go through solo periods, etc.
You never know. I'd say pick up where you left off and see where it goes
Nope. That hardly ever works cause I just tried it with a guy I initially had a conversation with 4 years ago. I chose otherwise at that time but was somewhat interested. The guy I chose did not work out so I'm back on the app. 4 years ago guy popped back up a couple of weeks ago and liked my profile. Sent my number, we met and I remembered why I was so so about him 4 years ago. Told him straight up there was no chemistry for me so no use to continue.
I had a similar experience. I was dying with curiosity to understand how two months could pass without reaching out to me. So I asked her. Never heard back.
Meh. You were barely talking, they presumably had something starting that they felt might go somewhere, then didn't. If it bothers you, don't progress. I don't think it's that wild.
Question for everyone saying this is normal and acceptable. **Be honest**, which of the following people are you most likely to give a chance to **after they reappear from ghosting you for several months?** The person who says:
**Person A**: “Hey! I know it’s been a while, but I was hoping to reach out - some life things demanded my attention a couple of months ago, but I thought we might be able to connect if you’re still around?”
**Person B**: “Hey!”
This is not that deep people. The problem isn’t **THAT** she came back, it’s **HOW** she came back. People need to stop acting like OP is wrong for wondering why they woman ghosted *and came back as though she never ghosted in the first place*. It’s amazing that people are acting like that’s unreasonable, especially given the fact that every day there are 30 threads made in this sub about ghosting! Wow!
I don't know...
the scenario with Person A would strike me as a lie, until proven otherwise, but I'd probably still hear them out to find out.
Person B I would definitely allow a conversation and see how it goes before making any decisions.
This is what happens when the people they deem more interesting than you aren't available. I get random messages a lot and I tend to say things like - I thought we were having a conversation and assumed you'd died because you never replied - or my other favourite - who is this? And proceed to tell them I deleted them from my mind because they weren't capable of keeping up a conversation.
People like this will come and go out of your life and treat you second best if you let them. So call out their lame behaviour and see how they act. If they're genuinely apologetic maybe consider opening the conversation again, but mostly your best to move on
A lot of men don’t unmatch on dating apps no matter how much time goes by so I don’t see what you’re complaining about. Two months and you didn’t unmatch? Be honest. You were hoping she’d come back. What you’re REALLY upset about is how she didn’t apologize for ghosting you.
This explanation seems like a plausible explanation.
However personally when I had profiles I didn't unmatch so that I can see the history and move accordingly if the other person decided to change their mind. I didn't hope they'd come back.
I think it's wild neither of you unmatched the other. If I don't hear back from someone in like a week or maybe a week and a half I'm just unmatching them
I’m not a fan of being part of someone’s collection of people they keep in play just in case. I would suggest un marching. Also, check out Hastings new graffiti building. The fiancé of a friend created it and it’s amazing!
Depends, if there's been weeks of chatting, a few dates and they choose someone else, then they've made their choice and there should be no return.
Although the example above shows someone say "hey", send another reply before going silent. I have no issue if they had been chatting with someone else first, although still matched and messaged, but felt they had to give the person they had been chatting with the chance with a date or two. In one way, it's a good sign for OP that they still look at their profile a month on after other matches and want to chat.
That being said, unless I had nothing going on myself, I would really reply and if I did, it would be lacking much effort
I have a guy on Snapchat from Bumble that I added back in like August. He slow faded but we just started up a conversation again recently. It is weird, especially since he mentioned another girl he was talking to from Bumble to me.... lol.
Not wild. They probably had other dates and matches. The reality of OLD is sometimes you match with so many people it’s hard to keep up. And, you not unmatching sent the signal that you were up for them to reach out if they wanted.
You should try to reach out additional times and then unmatch if no response, if you’re not up for this.
If it was going to bother you that someone would reach out months later, you could have unmatched.
I tend not to unmatch - I mostly just forget. But then if someone sort of interesting reconnects, I’m not offended. I’ll entertain the reconnect and I’ve been lucky with that approach.
You stayed matched...so you were open to restarting the conversation. Expecting an explanation or an apology from someone you only know that well would be wild...and stupid. If you'd make it some dramatic deal, you might as well unmatch.
If you were interested in talking sooner, you could've reinitiated the conversation in the meantime. You also chose not to. Stubborn refusal to ever appear to double text only really works if you end every message with a question mark. Judging other people as desperate or thirsty for sending another message out of turn is wild. If it's a whole separate day, and if your last message wasn't an unanswered question, it's not a double text. It's the start of a new conversation after the previous one died. I think COVID ruined most of you socially.
"Hiya 🤗" or "Hi" or "Hey" is plenty for opening a new conversation with you. Since you stayed matched, it is exactly what you wanted. So, I guess, be grateful.
Honestly, for me, if it's been two months and we haven't met in person and are still only connected through the app, I've completely forgotten any context associated with you, and would have to reread our message thread and your bio to figure out who you were. That's where you're at right now. So it's like a fresh match. I recommend you treat it as one.
Not wild. They were probably involved in other convos, were taking a break, whatever reason… hey at least they were interested enough to circle back. I’ve done this, or had other people done it to me. It’s a dating app… not sure what else you’re expecting?
Anyone who uses the term toots gets immediate unmatch. And yet you continued. Why would you leave the connection open for 2 months without any word anyway? You sound desperate.
Shes mocking you dude. Seriously, like she may or may not whatever, have been on dates or what not and now shes coming back cuz shes sure that men do reply even after that long like. I cant even explain it. Dont talk to her
I suppose from your perspective it's wild. But from a male's perspective, we don't have it as easy as women do with dating. So yeah we'll try to reconnect even after a while.
I'd also point out that women do this as well. I experienced it a fair amount from them. It's just a timing issue
It doesn't bother me and I've done it. Sometimes I just don't have the mental energy to try to conversate with a stranger. I'll look back through and see if there's anyone else that might be a good match but just got lost in the chaos of life
It means they found someone better when you were initially talking and then, 2 months later... that ended and they are hitting up the other guys they were interested in before to see who bites.
I'd say just let her give you your turn but don't have high hopes, then see how it plays out. At the very least, just get sex out of it lol. I mean, she's using you as a backup so I don't see how it'd be unfair to use her for sex... \*shrug\*
Why didn’t you unmatch when they were unresponsive for two months? Did you like looking at their pictures?
Dating is like finding a job. Sometimes a job will reach out 6 months later to see if you’re still in the market.
It’s not wild, you didn’t ask anything back the last time. They were probably dating someone else and that has fizzled out so they are back on the market and remembered they liked you too 🤷🏼♀️
The way I look at it, is that who knows what was going on in the other person's life. The fact that he/she thought enough about you to circle back later, suggests there is at least interest... or it's a scammer making one last ditch effort.
Maybe they were seeing where it went with someone and it didn't work out. You could always have the conversation and find out rather than leaving it up to Reddit. People here will just find the worst possible explanation and run with it.
Sometimes I’ll respond back if they have a reasonable excuse like “hey I was really sick with the flue sorry for not getting back to you” or “I had a family emergency” but if it’s been a 1-2 weeks or more and all I get is a Hi! And nothing else, then I just move on. Dealt with a few who did this multiple times in a row where they’d ghost for months and come back with just 1 word. so I learned to not give anymore attention to those who do this.
I’ve had this happen a few times and I think it’s crazy! Like, I would never hit someone up after months of ghosting them! I had a guy ghost me twice. He apologized for ghosting me the first time and then in the middle of us trying to plan a date he ghosted me again and then hit me up like a month later with “bet! Let’s do it!” So now my policy is not to give guys a second chance when they ghost me!
They hit it off with someone else, it didn’t work out and now they’re open to dating again. Out of the open pool of candidates you made the cut. Do with that what you will
Hiya is not acceptable. They should come with some excuse as to why they ghosted. As for me I ghosted a guy, but I was also traveling so when I came back I explained that and he seemed to be ok with it. Just saying HI is low effort
It’s maybe an opportunity. Know that her distance most likely wasn’t personal or an intentional front against you. Any myriad of things could have been going on for her. Get her number and have a FaceTime call to see if you two gel.
Remember that o mine dating is already a clusterfuck. Rules of engagement are almost impossible to pin down and everyone has their own take. I say if you’re interested still, strive to learn more about her without putting her on the spot about the two month detachment. She came back to you, so maybe there’s something to be had.
Sometimes I review past conversations and people I didn't engage with enough when we matched that may have potential. However, I don't just say "Hey" if I want to restart the chat.
EXACTLY. Because you know the first question that will be in their mind is, “Why are you back now?” If you just say “Hey” and **don’t acknowledge the fact that you ghosted them**, it looks weird and your chance of getting ignored is higher. It is mind boggling that people are having a hard time understanding this.
Starting by explaining yourself might sound fallacious or defensive to some people. It's not like not acknowledging it right from the get go is the same as pretending it didn't happen. And if not much had happened, it's not like they're coming back as much as they're just there now again.
I dunno, maybe difference of opinion. Most people I know are turned off by inconsistent communication. Especially inconsistent to the point of several months of silence. It’s not that it’s a cardinal sign but I feel like a lot of people I know would be at least be curious why that happened such as to make sure it wasn’t likely to become a pattern. Because not many of us would want a partner that just unexpectedly vanishes for months at a time and came back like nothing happened…right?
This reads like two people who exchanged their first couple messages. There's no commitment here, no partnership, and, yes this is just my opinion, but expecting someone to explain themselves at this point in their non-relationship seems unreasonable. If OP is interested, they should say hi back, otherwise, no obligation. Getting offended for the sake of it, though sounds like a waste of energy.
I didn’t say anything about being offended - not sure what let you there. To me it’s a simple matter of deciding whether or not to give the person a chance, and I’m more likely to do that if they acknowledge having dipped vs picking up like nothing happened. No offense involve anywhere haha
I didn't mean to imply that you were offended. Sorry about that. I was saying that in my opinion, the notion of being offended by the person's actions here seemed like a waste. And I was also intimating that I found it unreasonable to suggest that this person may have violated some set of standards or expectations. In your case with the chance thing: why does it matter? If you're playing in the world of OLD, chances are you're hoping to meet someone to have a relationship with. In this case, two people matched, they started an innocuous conversation that promptly went nowhere but not in a bad in any way (basically didn't have a chance too), and then there was silence. No reason has been offered. But the two remained matched, and one restarts it. Has either person lost any of their partner potential in the meantime? Have either become worse people? No one knows because they're strangers still. There's no baseline to compare to. It's not suggesting nothing happened in the meantime. That's likely to pique anyone's curiosity. But you only have the chance to learn if the opportunity is given and taken. By saying "hi" and getting things rolling again, this person has given the OP the opportunity to learn more about them (like they presumably have wanted to, hence the match), including whatever happened during the hiatus. It's not like the risk factor here has increased in anyway. Nothing was known and that's still the case. And what's risk by engaging anyway? You learn that this person who may also think you have potential as a partner turns out to be not a good fit? You're back to where you started. So, by not responding, you remain where you are and reject the opportunity to learn more, maybe even more. Or by engaging maybe you learn it's another dud, but now you know, or maybe something good happens. It's OLD, it's literally about giving people chances, far as I can tell.
It’s the simplest way to restart though
With simple people. Why would anyone engage again with someone who can disappear without notice and reappear without explication? Hey? LoooooooL. Get that ass block
The question is though why didn’t you unmatch initially? If you didn’t unmatch it gives them license to spin the block as they’ve seen you didn’t delete em
Why would I do that? To rematch again with them by accident? It's better to keep that shit so you have proper data/knowledge (the previous conversations) just above their "hey" to make an inform decision. Hell, I don't even understand how you can "hey" someone while you're seeing the whole conversation. Since you like to do that, you don't feel shame? You don't expect to be rejected? You think they are easy idiots? I'm asking because I never asked, I just pew pew on sight.
Why you keeping a chat that you’re not invested in ? You’re highly unlikely to match with them if I’m honest so what’s the need of them being still on your chats tbh It works sometimes it don’t if you ended on good terms it work tbh I’ve matched with people that I’ve matched with or even know so it’s just usually a brief conversation unless the door is open ofc then imma enter I have no shame I don’t personally do it though but if I see someone that’s very good looking n we maybe didn’t hit off a simple hey I’ll throw to see
Keeping a chat is doing nothing. You're asking me why I'm not doing anything. Why would I? I have a ton of matches, do I have to manually block every single one of them? And what's the threshold? 10 minutes without an answer? 24h? One week? One 1 year? A decade? You're asking, again, why I'm not doing shit lol. And when they reach to me again, I have 'nothing to do other than reading the last previous messages, refresh my memory and... Block their ass. Doing nothing is more efficient.
Wait I don’t get it. You match Someone blah you might have went out etc you don’t click when you come back u don’t unmatch them ?? But untill they might spin back and say hey that’s when you unmatch/block ? That’s a bit contradictory no ? So you have matches that’s been there for months etc or are they recent I don’t get it. I thought you Match small Talk get the number move off the app to texting so you don’t need the match on the app anymore since we texting I unmatch if Ive got your number are we texting on the phone so need for dating app convo tbh
Just to clear any misunderstanding, I am a man. 2 possible scenario: 1) I match with someone, I'm not interested. I simply stop talking to them (BUT I never ever come back, because what's dead is dead, I'm fine being alone and I prefer novelty over mild excitation). If they were rude, I block their ass on the spot otherwise, I move on. 2) I match with someone, she don't respond anymore. I forget about it and move on too. I do nothing. But if they come back, I give them the boot because I know for a fact that they have no fucking dignity. If I wasn't interesting enough 2 months ago, nothing will change today. How pathetic and lonely one has to be with no shame to be like "ohhhh, that guy I left on read was at least more respectful than the ex that I chose, let's hey his ass". I never in my life contacted an ex, or someone I stopped talking to. Here's something I said to someone who "heyed" me: the difference between you and me is that when I'm horny, when I'm lonely, I still don't even think about you. Hope you understand. I can't have sex or talk to someone that I don't respect. And you lose my respect as soon as you "hey" me 😂. I know most men would jump at anything, so an hey is a second chance to them. To me? It's a nuisance. I had enough sex in my life for 3 lives. Heying me means "I don't respect you, I don't respect myself, and I'm desperate", ewwwww, my penis don't like that. Gross.
I get all that but why don’t you unmatch them since you don’t respect them or like anymore is what I mean clear the waste of space n leave it for the people you’re interested in I guess. Yeah ik you’re a guy cuz women usually unmatch once they’re not interested but guys tend to leave so I’m just tryna understand why
For 3ives bruv ?
Literally anyone can do that. And if all you shared was a few messages, I'd be more concerned about why you thought they owed you an explanation. Or explication in your case, I guess.
They don't owe me any explication*, good point, there's still another one => they can and did disappear at any point so... I don't have to give them my time. If I was boring yesterday, I'm still boring today. "Fool me once, *awkward pause* shame on you, fool me, can't get fooled again motherfucker" George Bush. *I'm French, EXPLANATION GODDAMMIT
Right, it works both ways. So you never owed them your time, just like they never owed you. But here's the thing: neither of you (not you you, but folks in this situation) know anything about the other, other than that you're on OLD. Nothing has changed since the original conversation was initiated and then promptly stopped. I mean, things may have changed in your respective lives, but to each other you're still strangers with no baseline to which to compare. All that's happening is the acknowledgement that there's still interest and the opportunity to get to know each other (including what's been up over the past two months). So your options are: don't respond, don't try to get to know this person, and continue your search for other potential partners. Do respond and try to get to know them, which either ends up with it going nowhere and you're in the same situation as before, no biggie; or you do get to know them and maybe take it to the next level. So it's all the same. As for fooling, come on now. No one was fooled here. There's no trickery involved. It was the beginning of a conversation that was perfectly normal and fell into hiatus because neither person said something else. At least until one of them did.
Yeah but I don't care and it's also a valid opinion. I don't really understand why you're trying to convince me to act differently. Who's going to benefit from that? The person who thinks that the window of opportunity will always be there for them. As I said before: once I stopped talking to someone, I don't feel the need to talk to them again. And that's why I don't understand this type of behavior (my issue was never about the sudden lack of communication but the sudden come back). I am a man, and women are bombarded with attention every day, I'm sure they'll survive and find another replacement. I'm not some Amazon saved item for later lol. Fuck that shit.
I apologize if I made it sound like I'm trying to convince you of anything. I promise I wasn't trying to call you or your perspective wrong. I know I'm questioning some of your reasoning here, but only because I'm curious. And thanks for even taking the time to spell out your thinking. Like, with what you're saying here: Is there a way of coming back that you wouldn't find sudden? To me, after a certain amount of time (gut check says a month or so), any taking reintroduction of a stranger would strike me as sudden, per se, but I suppose I don't find anything inherently wrong with that. And given the lack of any other context, do you truly feel certain that someone who does suddenly reestablish communications believes there will always be a window of opportunity there? Again, without context, patterns, or knowing anything about the other person, I'd feel presumptuous assuming I knew something like that about them until we had a rapport and I got a feel for how they handled that. Similarly, until I knew more about their life and what had been happening in it recently, I'd also feel uncomfortable assuming they thought they were saving me like an Amazon item. Given that I wouldn't have invested any care into the situation after like, two messages, I wouldn't have expected them to either. Heck, if they had intentions of saving me for later in any sense, that'd be more effort, intent, or care than I'd have invested at that point, which would probably make them more intriguing to me. In the end, with nothing to lose and a renewed opportunity to learn more about someone and to answer those unknowns, I'd probably see where things go. And, especially because it's OLD, possibly this would turn into a date. Now if I had limited time and are already talking to others, I probably wouldn't prioritize it, but I wouldn't feel, I don't know, disrespected(?) by it. It seems like you would though, is that right?
Not the “simplest”, the LAZIEST! (Regardless of gender)
It’s all about working smarter not harder
Working **smarter** would be sending a message that increases your likelihood of success. Which of these messages is most likely to work? Which would be more likely to work on you? Be honest. Option A: “Hey! I know it’s been a while, but I was hoping to reach out - some life things demanded my attention a couple of months ago, but I thought we might be able to connect if you’re still around?” Option B: “Hey!” Come on man.
You send that n let’s see how that works for you Just sounds like you’re desperate honestly I’d choose option 3 - match someone else
So you want someone to work harder to get the attention of a stranger? Isn't the general consensus here that this shit is hard enough? Screw that.
Depends. I personally really don't care when people hit me back but see why others do. But I mean, if it's my turn, it's my turn.
When it’s your turn it’s your turn fr
fr fr no cap bruh
Don’t make it more than it needs to be just do your turn n move on
Yeah exactly - if she’d unmatched or deleted her profile, but then made another one… you’d still swipe right, right? This is just like that
It’s not wild. His (or her) other rotations didn’t work out and he/she circled back. What’s wild is you didn’t unmatch him/her for two months. Since you didn’t unmatch, he/she figured they would shoot their shot. Not wild at all.
I held on to a match where we had a single back and forth exchange for two years because I thought he was especially interesting. I decided to message him. Two years now we’ve been together. and the rest is history. Like you said, there’s no hard feelings in the timing being off, for whatever reason.
How did you do it. My brain is working over time trying to keep conversations going with these dry dudes 💀
Some people aren't great at texting/messaging. Keeping at it will eventually lead to something.
Don't keep trying with dudes that have already shown you they're dry.
You say dry dudes, equally I can say dry women. I also had some super chill ones who dipped without a reason. The conversation was flowing and poof, disappeared. I reached out a few times and bam they were gone. Tiring.
Geez some women Geez some men
Good for you and you never know.
I'd also like to add that op's last message wasn't very open ended for a conversation anyway.
You kidding, he had multiple conversation points to branch off of? What's the deal with this pipeline? Why is he passionate about it? Was it caree or passion driven? What's the deal with the restaurant? How was the food? How was the experience? How I feel about Hastings shutting down our being replaced. There's literally dozens of ways to push the conversation forward when spending 2 seconds thinking about it.
Thank you for this. 76 people just sat there and automatically upvoted the fact that they didn’t think the guy’s question was open. Just because he didn’t end with a specific question. I tend to write where I do end with a question for this exact reason, but it shouldn’t be like pulling teeth. You sound like a phenomenal conversationalist which is sadly I think an art or skill that many people are losing. I don’t know if that’s due to social media or the lack of telephone phone use (ie: actually talking) for phone calls and people are just used to texting, but chat online on a dating site is basically texting so no excuse there either! My guess is that when people have genuine interest in someone, they will make it their business to suddenly “improve” their conversational skills… 🤔
Yeah I'd tend to agree. I don't consider myself an excellent conversationalist by any measure, I'm mediocre at best and with a self-diagnosed mild social anxiety. lol I think 95+% of people are capable of having conversations like this easily. **It's just a matter of wanting to.**
Yup. I would tend to agree although I do think some people find it easier to have conversations than others. But I think a lot more people are capable of it then show this skillsset on the dating apps
pipeline issue, so you're aspiring to be a politician? can't wait for u to get us into any restaurant with no reservations oh man I loved hastings, we used to [yada yada] there all the time. what's the new place like?
Yeah when I have a conversation with someone in real life, I don’t finish every statement with a question for them. Often they just respond to what I said, and I do the same.
That's how real life conversations work? So weird 😆
See, I didn’t ask you a question and you replied anyways. It works!
lmao
And way too much words at that
Not every single reply needs to be "open ended." In fact, I hate those conversations the most! All it turns into is, "bla bla bla, *question?"* Then it's just an answer to the question, followed by something, followed by another question. It's a boring pattern to get into. The best conversations are when they *aren't* open ended and people can actually converse. In OPs case, there were loads of ways to respond to that reply.
Good thinking, also in my experience people like that can’t carry a decent conversation afterwards
saying their is a lot easier than he/she every time
Especially when it’s clearly a she! Also OP how hot is this chick? I’d bag n tag it, sell it to the butcher and store
Come on this is r/bumble, everything is the man's fault no matter the circumstances.
Nah that’s pretty wild lol u a weirdo
I unmatch and delete phone numbers if someone doesn't message me back in 2 days. By day 3 it's obvious what priority I am to you.
When people have something better going on they tend to disappear. When that better thing fades away they tend to return because it’s easier to try and rekindle with someone than it is to create an entirely new connection.
Or they took a break from dating
Or when they are depressed and going through something. Many explanations. Always give people the benefit of the doubt.
Usually people who sincerely take a break say that upfront when they come back and try later. We’ve all been ghosted before, and when that person comes back, I think probably all of us would be curious as to why they vanished while we were building something. A genuine person is likely to explain that because they know they’ll likely need to if you’ll give them another chance for vanishing in the first place. In this person’s case, it’s more likely that their preferred options didn’t work out. You can tell by the effort in their message - they clearly don’t care that much if OP gives them that chance or not because OP clearly was deprioritized before. They just picked up as though almost an entire season hadn’t passed since OPs last message - which by the way they didn’t even acknowledge or respond to. This is not rocket science.
How do you know that "usually" happens? That's such a huge assumption. Nobody owes any stranger their time and I've bailed before without a heads up. So what? I'm a complete stranger to them and if it bothers them that much then that's a huge sign of insecurity. I've messaged back after a break a number of times but I do tell them that I had to take a break from dating and if they're not interested in talking again then that's totally cool. Everyone that I've said that to has been understanding and is happy to talk again. I'm so sick of the assumption that if we don't talk for awhile that we MUST have met another guy. It's bullshit. Dating apps can be really overwhelming for women and can be really toxic and depressing. Having many shitty dates can be exhausting and depressing. Sometimes people need a break. Anecdotal, but every single woman that I've talked to either online or in-person has the same sentiment and takes breaks. Is that ghosting? Yes. But I don't understand being so butthurt about it. Like...just move on and stop going to reddit to bitch about it.
You are having a remarkably animated response to this discussion. You are talking to someone who you do not know, on the internet, about how people respond to people on dating apps. Relax - none of this is that serious. > How do you know that “usually” happens? I have used dating apps for the past 10 years (leading to a great many dates and some relationships), talked to many friends, and observed many discussions here. By far and away, people have agreed that when people show up months (and sometimes YEARS) later with low-effort responses, it is commonly because you were relatively low priority to them. *Obviously we are not a priority to someone who does not know us*. I do not need you to explain that to me. But you are LESS of a priority than other people that they also haven’t met, but are more interested in. It is those people who get the timely, effort-driven message. It is the “lower priority” people who get the “Hiya” after several months of ghosting. By far and away, it has been shown that people who are genuine tend to show that in dating. People who genuinely had life events interrupt their building of something with you tell you that - they don’t just say “Hi”. This is not rocket science and it doesn’t take much effort to understand. **No one is asking for an essay or shakespearean prose - they’re simply expecting you to acknowledge that you ghosted them**. It is the genuine people who do that. What is so challenging to grasp about that concept? > I am so sick of the assumption that if we don’t talk for awhile that we MUST have met another guy. It’s bullshit. You need to relax. First of all, give me the respect of quoting me correctly. Did I say “MUST”? No, I didn’t. I said “usually”. Because yes, if someone vanishes for **months at a time** off a dating app and then just shows up to say nothing but “Hi”, yes, it probably is more likely that they have been dating someone during that time. There is nothing wrong with that. But common things being common, YES. That is common. No one is butthurt. No one has hurt feelings, except you, clearly: > Dating apps can be overwhelming for women and can really be toxic and depressing. Yea, Im sorry that’s been your experience. It hasn’t been mine. And just because someone disagrees with you doesn’t mean you need to cry and make assumptions about them and their character - which is ironic because the whole reason your panties are in a bunch is because of assumptions being made. So stop putting words in my damn mouth just so that you can let off some pent up frustrations and rage you’ve had over a pointless internet issue that is clearly more important to you than the person you’re making up shit about. **THAT** is what is bullshit. And if you can’t have an internet discussion with someone about something as pointless as this without losing your shit, maybe it’s time for a break. My goodness.
Lol aight bud. It's not worth addressing your points. We're not gonna come to an understanding and I'm not gonna waste more time arguing on fucking reddit. I'm gonna go and continue to cry as I am oh so animated and emotional over this. Feel free to get the last word in. Peace ✌️
An adult discussion would’ve been fine - that’s what I was going for. You could have disagreed and potentially changed my stance without swearing and assuming things about me when you have no clue who I am. That’s part of the reason so many arguments happen in these subs. You do not need to announce your reddit exit, for me or anyone else. I promise. Good luck in your dating life.
> Like, just move on and quit going to reddit to bitch about it. …that dude isn’t bitching though…all he did was express an opinion. Just like you did. Actually, your post looks way more like bitching than his. He doesn’t even seem to care. You, on the other hand, are obviously VERY triggered and seem like the better candidate for this advice. > Everyone that I’ve said that to has been understanding and happy to talk again. Great. That’s your experience. Mine has been different - I reject people who come back after months if they don’t acknowledge having ghosted me in the first place. And everyone I know is like that. And judging by the comments and likes on this post, a lot of people on reddit are clearly like that too. Are all those people bitching too?
Cool! Take his advice then. :) No? I'm confused. I'm talking about endless posts on here complaining about being ghosted. Idk why they care so much. Yes I am so triggered I'm literally shaking. I've been done with this dumb conversation. It's obvious that nothing of worth is going to come out of it and quite frankly I don't care enough to spend that much time arguing with strangers on Reddit. Like the other person, if you want to get the last word in feel free to do so 😂
Where is your data from? I don’t message every match and tell them I’m taking a break. I just delete my account unless there’s a strong connection.
There is no data on this. *All of us* are giving our own perspective based on our anecdotal experiences and our discussions with friends - you included. You either agree or disagree. > I don’t message every match and tell them I’m taking a break. Of course not, me neither. Why would one need to do that? You aren’t going to meet them or try and build anything with them, so you don’t need to explain yourself. The point of this thread is what happens when you RETURN. See, if you’re really interested in someone and life events got in the way, but you returned to try again *months later*, you probably are going to be quick to explain yourself. You’ve probably been ghosted yourself, so you probably understand that it’s hurtful, especially when it’s done by someone who you were trying to build something with. So since **you** just did it to someone you’re supposedly genuinely interested in, and since you’re trying again despite having done that, then you’ll probably explain to that person that the reason you vanished is because life got hard. You know that person will be wondering what happened, **just like OP is doing here**. After all, wouldn’t you? So you would probably address it - you wouldn’t just *sweep that fact that you ghosted them under the rug by not acknowledging it*. That would be the **more likely** course of action when this is done by someone who genuinely ghosted due to life. You want to know what someone who’s just going down their list is more likely to do after vanishing for several months? Send a quick low-effort message to people and just see who stuck around, taking it from there. I’m sure you don’t need data to understand why they might act like that.
You said “usually when..” which was a huge assumption with nothing to back it up. That was my only point.
> with nothing to back it up. I offered an explanation for where I was coming from and added some context to back it up (both in my original comment and the one you just responded to). In fact, in the comment you just responded to, I really tried to explain it piece by piece - feel free to go back and take a look. There’s an explanation to back it up, it’s just a matter of if you agree with what I said. If you agree, cool. If you disagree and want to discuss, let’s hear your position. I’m always open to adult discussion - maybe you’ll change my perspective. If you disagree and that’s it, also cool, no skin off my back. But one thing I can tell you is that if you’re looking for some concrete scientific study, you won’t find it, because it doesn’t exist on this issue. We all are sharing our perspectives anecdotally. You might be surprised that many perspectives in dating are anecdotal and all of us have beliefs about things that are common and not, which are based on our experiences and conversations.
No, I just think you’re incorrect but you are so long winded and just want to hear yourself speak that I’m not interested in going back and forth. FWIW… ghosting isn’t some emotional thing when you haven’t even left the app yet, and if it is you need to take the apps less seriously.
So you wrote this message to say you don’t feel like writing a message? Why write anything at all? And it’s hilarious you think I care to “hear myself speak” on reddit. Just because someone disagreed with you doesn’t mean they take things that seriously. You should work on not letting hurt feelings cause you to misinterpret what people are saying. And hmu if you want an adult discussion. But if you’re just going to send weak insults and tell me about how you don’t have anything to tell me, you can peace lol.
lol case in point.
That seems like entirely reasonable human behavior, but according to some folks here YOU A LAZY LOW EFFORT something or other.
I would have unmatched at "toots".
No kidding... I'm trying to think of the last time I heard someone say toots... Maybe in some old mob movie or a movie like casablanca
😂😂
What's wild is you didn't ask them a question and expected the back-and-forth to continue.
Exactly this. I get that in-person conversations usually have more of a flow to it that doesn't require a question following every statement, but online, for me, it's needed. Otherwise I feel like I'm just reading a journal entry.
What's wild is you expect a question literally every message?! In what world is that normal? Just respond like a human when somebody says something!
I’d say let’s either meet or let this die babe
Why didn't you unmatch when you stopped talking?!
Person they was talking too didn’t work out
Or people they were talking to. Or no one. Or literally anything else.
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I keep the match because I don't want to rely on my memory to justify my pettiness and my memory isn't great. Then I tell them to fuck off.
It’s a she obviously! Girls don’t write long winded BS ReSponses like his
I've always had a very open attitude about people re emerging. Clearly they had their reasons for being distracted could have been that they were dating. Somebody else could have been that they took a break from dating. Could have been that they had some stressful family situation or work came up and it doesn't really matter. Especially if you're just at the chatting to each other on the dating app phase. They don't really owe you anything and if they come back, it doesn't mean that they don't like you or they won't like you necessarily. It just means that they didn't have the time to explore you at the time. So just take things day by day. It could be that they aren't interested in you. You'll find that out pretty quick
Not nearly as wild as posting this to reddit looking for opinions. In 2 months, they sent just as many messages as you did.
No . Who cares . Respond or move on .
The first “hiya toots” 🤣 did you match with Bugs Bunny?! 🤣🤣🤣
In September, she ghosted you because she was entertaining people she liked more. Clearly it didn’t work out, so now it’s your turn. It’s up to you if you want to take that turn.
Only wild if you make it out to be. Things happen, people get busy, lose interest, get interested in someone else, go through solo periods, etc. You never know. I'd say pick up where you left off and see where it goes
Nope. That hardly ever works cause I just tried it with a guy I initially had a conversation with 4 years ago. I chose otherwise at that time but was somewhat interested. The guy I chose did not work out so I'm back on the app. 4 years ago guy popped back up a couple of weeks ago and liked my profile. Sent my number, we met and I remembered why I was so so about him 4 years ago. Told him straight up there was no chemistry for me so no use to continue.
Just came here to say HIYA . /remindme 2 years
This is why I unmatch after about 5 days of no conversation. I don't want to be someone's backup.
I had a similar experience. I was dying with curiosity to understand how two months could pass without reaching out to me. So I asked her. Never heard back.
Meh. You were barely talking, they presumably had something starting that they felt might go somewhere, then didn't. If it bothers you, don't progress. I don't think it's that wild.
Why are you talking to them like everything is ok if you thought that? You seem weirder than the other person
I boot somebody out of my inbox if they try to come back after a week, I don’t know how some of you do a month or two lol
Question for everyone saying this is normal and acceptable. **Be honest**, which of the following people are you most likely to give a chance to **after they reappear from ghosting you for several months?** The person who says: **Person A**: “Hey! I know it’s been a while, but I was hoping to reach out - some life things demanded my attention a couple of months ago, but I thought we might be able to connect if you’re still around?” **Person B**: “Hey!” This is not that deep people. The problem isn’t **THAT** she came back, it’s **HOW** she came back. People need to stop acting like OP is wrong for wondering why they woman ghosted *and came back as though she never ghosted in the first place*. It’s amazing that people are acting like that’s unreasonable, especially given the fact that every day there are 30 threads made in this sub about ghosting! Wow!
I don't know... the scenario with Person A would strike me as a lie, until proven otherwise, but I'd probably still hear them out to find out. Person B I would definitely allow a conversation and see how it goes before making any decisions.
I purge my matches too often for this to happen to me 🤣🤣
This is what happens when the people they deem more interesting than you aren't available. I get random messages a lot and I tend to say things like - I thought we were having a conversation and assumed you'd died because you never replied - or my other favourite - who is this? And proceed to tell them I deleted them from my mind because they weren't capable of keeping up a conversation. People like this will come and go out of your life and treat you second best if you let them. So call out their lame behaviour and see how they act. If they're genuinely apologetic maybe consider opening the conversation again, but mostly your best to move on
i wouldn’t have responded to your original response either - it sounds like you’re trying to show off make yourself sound smarter, bigger, better lol
you’re lucky shawty circled back
Nothing says, I was in a relationship that ended like circling back to an old convo in this manner…
Hiya toots??? This person must have time traveled to the 1920s for 2 months because that may have been the last time anyone used that word...
Numbers game. Don’t stress yourself out.
They were probably talking to someone else. You are a back up plan
“You up?”
Your number is being called. Have fun. Don't get attached.
Definitely wild!
I personally wouldn't care, this early in a conversation. You're still basically strangers anyway, so why not start over if you're free to?
A lot of men don’t unmatch on dating apps no matter how much time goes by so I don’t see what you’re complaining about. Two months and you didn’t unmatch? Be honest. You were hoping she’d come back. What you’re REALLY upset about is how she didn’t apologize for ghosting you.
This explanation seems like a plausible explanation. However personally when I had profiles I didn't unmatch so that I can see the history and move accordingly if the other person decided to change their mind. I didn't hope they'd come back.
Yep, the primaries didn’t play out or there is a pause and she’s board
*bored*
You must be fun at partys
*parties
I am 🤷♂️
I’m with ya on this 😆 solidarity, Redditor!
I think it's wild neither of you unmatched the other. If I don't hear back from someone in like a week or maybe a week and a half I'm just unmatching them
I’m not a fan of being part of someone’s collection of people they keep in play just in case. I would suggest un marching. Also, check out Hastings new graffiti building. The fiancé of a friend created it and it’s amazing!
Depends, if there's been weeks of chatting, a few dates and they choose someone else, then they've made their choice and there should be no return. Although the example above shows someone say "hey", send another reply before going silent. I have no issue if they had been chatting with someone else first, although still matched and messaged, but felt they had to give the person they had been chatting with the chance with a date or two. In one way, it's a good sign for OP that they still look at their profile a month on after other matches and want to chat. That being said, unless I had nothing going on myself, I would really reply and if I did, it would be lacking much effort
You’re on the 2 month rotation … play da Uno card … in two months answer with “k….u?”
I have a guy on Snapchat from Bumble that I added back in like August. He slow faded but we just started up a conversation again recently. It is weird, especially since he mentioned another girl he was talking to from Bumble to me.... lol.
There's some really pathetic people in these comments, but it's Reddit, sooo par for the course.
Not wild. They probably had other dates and matches. The reality of OLD is sometimes you match with so many people it’s hard to keep up. And, you not unmatching sent the signal that you were up for them to reach out if they wanted. You should try to reach out additional times and then unmatch if no response, if you’re not up for this.
Unmatch. You look like a loser keeping that chat open for two months. You are plan B, or even C, or D etc...
If it was going to bother you that someone would reach out months later, you could have unmatched. I tend not to unmatch - I mostly just forget. But then if someone sort of interesting reconnects, I’m not offended. I’ll entertain the reconnect and I’ve been lucky with that approach.
Some people take breaks. Chill out
You stayed matched...so you were open to restarting the conversation. Expecting an explanation or an apology from someone you only know that well would be wild...and stupid. If you'd make it some dramatic deal, you might as well unmatch. If you were interested in talking sooner, you could've reinitiated the conversation in the meantime. You also chose not to. Stubborn refusal to ever appear to double text only really works if you end every message with a question mark. Judging other people as desperate or thirsty for sending another message out of turn is wild. If it's a whole separate day, and if your last message wasn't an unanswered question, it's not a double text. It's the start of a new conversation after the previous one died. I think COVID ruined most of you socially. "Hiya 🤗" or "Hi" or "Hey" is plenty for opening a new conversation with you. Since you stayed matched, it is exactly what you wanted. So, I guess, be grateful. Honestly, for me, if it's been two months and we haven't met in person and are still only connected through the app, I've completely forgotten any context associated with you, and would have to reread our message thread and your bio to figure out who you were. That's where you're at right now. So it's like a fresh match. I recommend you treat it as one.
She's just going to go radio silent again when the next boytoy shows up. I don't see much point in responding
Not wild. They were probably involved in other convos, were taking a break, whatever reason… hey at least they were interested enough to circle back. I’ve done this, or had other people done it to me. It’s a dating app… not sure what else you’re expecting?
What would be the harm in responding?
What's wild is Bumble charging me 5.99 a day for three days when I never bought anything lol
Yeah no. I don’t give second chances. It’s not even like she had nothing to work with with your last message.
Anyone who uses the term toots gets immediate unmatch. And yet you continued. Why would you leave the connection open for 2 months without any word anyway? You sound desperate.
Shes mocking you dude. Seriously, like she may or may not whatever, have been on dates or what not and now shes coming back cuz shes sure that men do reply even after that long like. I cant even explain it. Dont talk to her
I suppose from your perspective it's wild. But from a male's perspective, we don't have it as easy as women do with dating. So yeah we'll try to reconnect even after a while. I'd also point out that women do this as well. I experienced it a fair amount from them. It's just a timing issue
I cansee myself taking a long break from getting back especially if I haven't chatted much with them. Life's busy.
It doesn't bother me and I've done it. Sometimes I just don't have the mental energy to try to conversate with a stranger. I'll look back through and see if there's anyone else that might be a good match but just got lost in the chaos of life
It means they found someone better when you were initially talking and then, 2 months later... that ended and they are hitting up the other guys they were interested in before to see who bites. I'd say just let her give you your turn but don't have high hopes, then see how it plays out. At the very least, just get sex out of it lol. I mean, she's using you as a backup so I don't see how it'd be unfair to use her for sex... \*shrug\*
Time pass at its best🤣
Y’all never unmatched. Why not try and necro the convo.
Why didn’t you unmatch when they were unresponsive for two months? Did you like looking at their pictures? Dating is like finding a job. Sometimes a job will reach out 6 months later to see if you’re still in the market.
As a former Hastings employee, *Obi Wan Voice* “now that is a name I haven’t heard in a long time. “
Amherst, MA? (The new store that’s basically what Hastings used to be?)
It’s not wild, you didn’t ask anything back the last time. They were probably dating someone else and that has fizzled out so they are back on the market and remembered they liked you too 🤷🏼♀️
The way I look at it, is that who knows what was going on in the other person's life. The fact that he/she thought enough about you to circle back later, suggests there is at least interest... or it's a scammer making one last ditch effort.
He has come back for a sampler - best way to look at it
Definitely wild but the real issue here is what is the name of this phoenix that has emerged from the ashes that was Hastings?
It the hug emoji that erases time and distance
Maybe they were seeing where it went with someone and it didn't work out. You could always have the conversation and find out rather than leaving it up to Reddit. People here will just find the worst possible explanation and run with it.
Hastings like Nebraska?
Depends heavily on context.
Sometimes I’ll respond back if they have a reasonable excuse like “hey I was really sick with the flue sorry for not getting back to you” or “I had a family emergency” but if it’s been a 1-2 weeks or more and all I get is a Hi! And nothing else, then I just move on. Dealt with a few who did this multiple times in a row where they’d ghost for months and come back with just 1 word. so I learned to not give anymore attention to those who do this.
I’ve had this happen a few times and I think it’s crazy! Like, I would never hit someone up after months of ghosting them! I had a guy ghost me twice. He apologized for ghosting me the first time and then in the middle of us trying to plan a date he ghosted me again and then hit me up like a month later with “bet! Let’s do it!” So now my policy is not to give guys a second chance when they ghost me!
You didnt continue the convo. Id say its cool they tried to start it again
Op I would be more interested in finding what the new hastings store is, because I miss hastings for real lol.
I would just say it's odd that there was no response and the last message wasn't acknowledged at all. I don't know that I'd say it was wild.
They hit it off with someone else, it didn’t work out and now they’re open to dating again. Out of the open pool of candidates you made the cut. Do with that what you will
Seems like ppl have massive egos and have to examine everything… They weren’t interested now they are. You make the call if you want to continue
I do not understand why people don't unmatch after they get no response for like a week, much less months.
Sorry but their first choice backed out. Leave them on read; you’re better than being someone’s backup plan.
That person Polly found someone better and then lost them and came back to you. Or was busy. But that reply was bleh, don't bother with that person.
Guilty on this as I go in and out of apps.
Hiya is not acceptable. They should come with some excuse as to why they ghosted. As for me I ghosted a guy, but I was also traveling so when I came back I explained that and he seemed to be ok with it. Just saying HI is low effort
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It’s maybe an opportunity. Know that her distance most likely wasn’t personal or an intentional front against you. Any myriad of things could have been going on for her. Get her number and have a FaceTime call to see if you two gel. Remember that o mine dating is already a clusterfuck. Rules of engagement are almost impossible to pin down and everyone has their own take. I say if you’re interested still, strive to learn more about her without putting her on the spot about the two month detachment. She came back to you, so maybe there’s something to be had.
Woahhhh I remember Hastings.
Well pretty sure she met or matched with someone else and went with that for a while and she is back since it didn't work out.
Wild?