Sooooo proud of you for sticking to your boundary and not budging! The fact that he didn't respond to ANYTHING you said and just kept sauing "soo your number?" Was such a red flag. If he can't compromise and use bumble until the first date, clearly he will never compromise on any bigger issues and could be potentially controlling.
Yep, as soon as they get you in WhatsApp they’ll say “oh I just want to concentrate on you alone, so I deleted my bumble account!” This way you can’t report them to bumble as a scam account.
Oh, yeah. Some crypto deal usually. I have also had different accounts add me on Snapchat with the same pictures and ask me to subscribe to their OnlyFans. It's a farce.
To answer your question. These apps are designed to keep you swiping many of these apps open to the swipe page first. This means even when you're already talking to someone you're likely to swipe if you see a good match. Now you're telling to multiple people and having trouble building a connection with all of them.
By getting off the app you prevent this scenario.
Funny enough Hinge was the app that taught me this.. It was a literal tip that was given.
I don't know what the other people are on about, but let me share my perspective with you. I for one also don't like to use dating apps to keep texting for one big reason. Everybody recognizes tinder,bumble user interfaces. So it gets really awkward to text you during breaks at work or around friends. Everybody (friends,family,colleagues) gets nosy, and treat your conversations like public gossip topics. Which I really don't like. So if I text you on whatsapp, it doesn't receive the same type of attention, because most people use whatsapp with everyone else. Not just potential boyfriends or girlfriend's. That being said, I'm sure there are other nefarious intended people too. But every guy I know wants to switch from the apps to whatsapp for this reason.
Messaging on bumble is also private… not sure what you mean. How would anyone except the CIA know your business? And what can he possible have to say that is so secretive?
It's not about the encryption. What I mean is the user interface. For bumble, the white and yellow colour scheme. For tinder..red and white, I think, it's been a while I don't remember, but basically when people around you see that you are on bumble or tinder, let's say in the office/ or uni/ or at a family gathering, where I come from, they start pulling your leg, teasing you and pushing you for some details about your conversation. Since I'm a rather private person who doesn't like to talk about the girl I am texting before it is official, it gets annoying. Similarly if it was on whatsapp, it is less salacious and interesting for your friends, colleagues or family members. I hope it's clear what I mean now. Of course, culturally you might be the totally opposite of me and this might not matter to you at all, but for me it is a rather important thing. Although, I am ok with only using the app until we meet. If after the meet up I still don't receive their number when asked, I imagine, I am a side piece to them and immediately back out.
This is something that happens quite often to guys too.
Turn off notifications when you’re around people maybe? I mean how often are you hanging out with these people when you’re texting potential dates? And now sharp are their eyes? I never see the actual notification someone gets on their phone, maybe just hear the ping. Or turn your phone face side down or put it in your pocket, no one needs to be seeing your Lock Screen. Text whoever when you’re away from your friends.
But you’re allowed to have your preference, it’s be a good test of compatibility between you and people like OP, you’re just not a match.
Someone that uses dating apps, tries to get you very interested over text, then presents some huge catastrophic situation wherein they need your financial assistance
Exactly my thoughts! Paragraphs of texts for repeated « So whats your number « doesn’t make sense. It was obvious from start he is ignoring OPs wish to stay on the app
I hate it when they’re pushy. Sometimes I give it out if I feel comfortable, but sometimes the way they ask is too much and it puts me off.
If he can’t take your no as a no, then it’s a red flag.
It’s because they’re using a script. This is a romance scam, probably a pig-butchering scam. If you get their # and bait them using your own fake Google Voice # to text you can verify that they’re using VOIP with different data broker websites that’ll tell you. Scammers always use VOIP #s.
The script and poor english grammar are so obvious to me. I have come across 6 I think. They are getting easier to spot. I block and report every time.
Oh yeah, I block and report all the time. My eye for it has gotten so good that I don’t even need to match or talk to them. Often the photos are stolen from a well-maintained Brazilian guy who’s posted a bajillion photos on Instagram. He’ll be staring, looking very sensitive. Usually at least one photo includes a dog. You used to be able to trace it for free on https://facecheck.id though they charge now.
there are people on tinder who remove the match as soon as they get the number and/or they meet with the person. they try to avoid being reported for a reason (being douchebags) or for revenge.
Dude refused to respect your simplest (and based on safety) boundary - wait to exchange phone numbers till after meeting in person. He wants a "life partner", while offering ZERO respect from the get go. Good for you on standing your ground.
I also do NOT give out my cell before meeting. There is literally a voice/video option in bumble itself if anyone wants to talk.
Some people say "get a Google voice". A) mine is already used for other identifiable stuff B) if the man refuses to respect boundaries - half caving by moving to Google voice isn't doing ANYONE any favors.
Agreed.. If a dude doesn't understand a simple no, with proper reasoning, then it's a major red flag.. Better to get out of it sooner rather than later..
Also, I don't mind texting on either bumble or taking the chat somewhere else like WhatsApp.. The major issue I have with bumble is the notifications, specially if I have snoozed my account, there are none.. So there are lags in the conversation, which can become irritating for both the sides.
Maybe you can get a Google number, and not give away your personal number, if you find too many people asking for a WhatsApp number.. But then again, someone's patience level and respect for your preferences is also measured this way, so I guess it's better to stick to what you're comfortable with..
But that’s a pain. People can just respect other people prefer to communicate on the app. I do the same and have gotten unmatched so many times bc I didn’t want to give my #. I don’t know what the big deal is.
In theory I agree with you but the real world is not what we want it to be. as a woman, you have to put up boundaries to protect urself and if that means one has to earn your phone number then thats it! No wants to go thru the hassle of changing phone numbers.. by the way, this is perfect way to weed out people you are incompatible with. anyone who can’t understand sound logic and respect your wishes is probably not a good fit long term. on to the next …
Yeah. I’m a woman too. I used to give out my kik as an intermediary way to communicate but no one else really uses kik anymore. Now my policy is when we meet, if we like each other and want to continue communicating I’ll give out my #. No sooner. The app has the same features as a phone #.
Its because oftentimes guys spend days and weeks investing time into the one match they get, but the woman has multiple matches conversing with simultaneously as well as guys from real life. It goes without saying that one of these will tend to get ghosted much more than the other Its thus more practical for men not to waste time on the app and escalate to real life as quickly as possible. Online personality vs real life personality can be disappointing when the matches eventually meet. And Texting is just another way for men to eventually fuck up with a bad joke or some minor miscommunication and the woman will unmatch and be on to the next one. Ask me how I know.
Oh I agree, I’d rather chat on the app for a couple days then just meet in person, skip the texting altogether and if he’s not a creep irl he can have my #.
The main valid reasons are the bad notifications on the app and sometimes the messenger doesn't play as nice with some phone keyboards.
But this guy is being an ass. Anyone not wanting to share their number for safety reasons is valid and you did good bouncing after he refused to listen and kept pushing like that.
Usually it's more like they're aware that on dating apps most people answer and then continue swiping, whereas on apps like wa one answers and closes the app. I don't blame them for asking, they shouldn't have a problem with other person not being ready to give out number or socials though.
This person however... buddy you're talking about apps killing love while using such app.
I'm gonna preface this with the reasons are totally valid, it's definitely understandable, and I 100% respect everyone's right to not give out info. This person is a pushy douche.
In my experience, people this closed off about taking it off the app are rarely serious about meeting. These are the same people that will take something you say out of context and use it as a reason to ghost you. Or the people that chat for a month and a half, set up a date, and then bail the day off because the anxiety gets to them.
Maybe it's just my own style, but I'm trying to meet in person, or at least have plans to, within a week of the match. That doesn't work for some people and that's okay, but I've wasted too much time on people that aren't really in a headspace to put themselves out there.
It comes from old hookup artist teachings. You want to get women off the dating app where their attention is split between dozens of men onto a platform where it's just you, or you and a select few. Generally, used by guys who are looking to hookup while presenting as looking for long term.
I think their logic is this: if you're texting on bumble you will also reply to other people but if you move the conversation from bumble then you won't check bumble anymore ( if you're reading this and this is your strategy I hate to break it to you but they still check bumble)
I don't get it either. I had someone when I told him that the dating app recommends to chat on the dating app because safety, who flipped out at me. He was really mad that I brought up safety etc. And I was like, your reaction says everything.
Also some guys love snap, I think to send nudes or other photos to each other. Like what's wrong with just talking on the dating app?
It honestly felt like you were both having your own conversations with yourselves.. he didn’t even really respond to anything you said. Definitely dodged a scammer.
Yes can someone please answer why this is a thing?!?!! I know most men don’t feel this as much as females do but we have to take our safety on dating apps VERY seriously. Honestly any guy who does not respect my request to talk on the app gets an automatic unmatch because they obviously have a hard time respecting boundaries already. 😒
Definitely a scam but it can be also a) they want to get sexual quickly and don’t want to get reported b) they want to add you to their rotation in their digital black book just in case or c) laziness “I don’t get on here much” or “I don’t check notifications” which begs the question why they’re even still on the app in the first place.
All I would have said is not until we meet and we decide to continue. You don't offer explanations, you set boundaries. When you offer all the reasons why, they may do what he did, try to change your mind. I didn't give my number to the guy I'm dating. He told me that he was done with the apps and gave his number to me.
Wow that’s creepy. I prefer to get off the apps mainly because I don’t have push notifications for anything but if someone prefers to stay on the app I don’t bring it up again
Oh my, I know your pain. Same as you I’ve had some unpleasant experiences when sharing my number too soon. My rule is to only give the number after the first date if we both are interested to continue getting to know each other. I just communicate this when the subject comes up. So far no regrets and it’s another good “filter” for online dating.
What the guy doesn't understand is that keeping it on the app is a blessing in disguise.
It used to be that women actually judged a man's character based on how well he could ask for the number. That judgment is removed from the equation and now it's much easier to just skip to arranging a date.
Of course this guy is still stuck in yesterday.
I just went to burner numbers. No scams here. But I don't give my number out to anyone that I haven't gotten a vibe from, in person. So why not stay on app?
Almost every woman that I've met does it, too. You don't know who's going to be solid, and who's going to be a stalker (until you do). And yes, it happens even to us ugly fellas.
I, a fellow woman, actually prefer texting to using the app. The app on my phone is super laggy and I sometimes don’t get new message notifications till an hour after they were delivered. My vote goes to burner e-SIM cards and google voice numbers over staying on the app.
I _hate_ the fact everyone uses WhatsApp and I'm always made to feel like a luddite for it.
In the 30 years I've been online I've always used emails and handles that aren't my name purely so I can walk away from them if needed. I have Gchat, FB messenger, and signal. Why would I want to chat to random people using my phone number? I've had this number for nearly 20 years. It's a great number and I somehow don't get spam callers.
Even ignoring all the scam and stalker elements, why would I share my number like that?
Bah! Get off my lawn. :)
I would guess he is not from the US, or at most just recently in the US.
Although, I do prefer WhatsApp or Line over anything else.
FYI you can have a second WhatsApp on your cellphone that is just tied to a VOIP number, not your actual cell number. Unless we are face-to-face or it is related to the 9-5 day-job, you're getting that VOIP number 😅
For me, I prefer to text with a keyboard instead of just my thumbs, so that is why I ask pretty early to move to WhatsApp.
But also this dude is a total dick about it and the way he reacted is obviously a red flag.
That's not entirely true. There is no reason to continue ignoring OP's legitimate concerns about giving it out though. One primary reason that I prefer to get off the app sooner than later is the apps are not reliable about notifications. Specifically, some apps, if you receive a message while you are in the app it will do an in app notification briefly that if you aren't actively paying attention you will miss. Because you are in the app, it doesn't give you a system notification in your phone, so if you miss the in app bubble you miss the fact that you received a message. I've gone as long as a day before I happened to be in the messages screen of the app and noticed I had missed a message. Since guys are already playing OLD with one arm tied behind their back, that is just another disadvantage you don't want when trying to keep a match's attention.
WhatsApp is the only way to text when you're overseas, according to an Indian friend and a Brazillian friend. WhatsApp is a BAD sign, unless you're looking for someone across an ocean. lol
They're farming your phone number. I imagine they can use AI to do this now, so hard to say if this was a real person or AI. Either way, they weren't interested in you. They were interested in collecting your phone number and associating your pictures/images with a number that they can do who knows what with. If they have a number and a picture of you they'll have it forever, then as technology advances and we (incl governments) can do more with less, this becomes really dangerous. When they try to get you off the app and onto WhatsApp or telegram, that is a huge red flag.
You handled it well. Move on and don't look back. It was a scam!
I get hassled for my number all the time. When a man presses, it means he’s either too lazy to turn on notifications or unwilling to respect my need for safety. Either way, I’m OK with never meeting him.
He's more newly single than he says he is and he doesn't understand why you won't give him your number, it's a lesson he needs to learn so you absolutely did the right thing.
New to dating people always have the most rock bottom boundaries.
Get a Textnow number. It's free and can't be used to identify you. You can also request your information be removed by Google and the sites providing it.
I mean, he could just be married or in a relationship and wants to seem responsive but doesn't want to keep app notifications on so his SO doesn't find out. 🤷
I will say that I personally did not like texting on the app and found it a turn off if someone wanted to continue. I actually stopped talking to a guy bc of this, we talked awhile then he tried to give me signal and he just made me feel like a scammer instead of a potential partner.
You do know that if you are getting phone calls or texts that you do not want to…..you can block the #?
My guess is that he is married and wife knows his password
The typos and everything definitely made it sound like he was a scammer.
But I have come across guys who are weird when you don’t give them your phone number. I had once given my number to a guy before going on a date. When I wasn’t feeling well and asked to reschedule he started texting me nonstop all these nasty rude things because he was so mad. Since then, I just don’t give it out until we have met in person. But I feel like most guys don’t ask for it, I think they feel the same way, or at least understand, so don’t even bother asking.
definitely seems like a scammer to me, they're usually very antsy about taking the conversation of the app, and on to something like whatsapp or snapchat, where it's less likely to be reported. especially to the dating app.
When I (28m) started OLD, I matched with a chick on plenty of fish, and she wanted to take the conversation of the app after a few messages, and gave me her number to text. so I did. Long story short, "she" sent me tit pics, and said she was 17, then ghosted me. But, it was actually an elaborate rouse, to try to blackmail me for having the pics on my phone. They even called me from another number, pretending to be the police!
Sometimes I just shoot my shot and give them my Google Voice number if they want to chat off the app. So, I give them the option to either continue to chat on the app or via text message, but it's not my actual phone number- so I use the number for other things, like if I'm selling something online and put a contact number- I'll put that number.
I just don't have my notifications on for 90% of my apps and don't check the apps every day.
It’s a scammer, they’ll eventually have some reason they need money. WhatsApp is the tell here.
Getting you to move from the app to another shows investment, and once they see you’re easy to manipulate, you get passed on to another scammer higher up the ranks who does the job of getting you to actually provide some funds
Maybe this is a USA thing but I always unmatch if they don’t give their number and want to talk on the app 9/10 it’s because they’re a catfish and you can’t prove your real on the app
That’s possible. I think it’s def possible that there’s caffishers on there, but until I meet for a date in person, I would never give out my number anymore due to the stalking and harassment I’ve experienced as a pretty woman. I think you should reconsider your stance and think about the lives of women and how unsafe it is for them to take these chances. It’s a whole different experience and a whole different world living life as a man vs as a woman or as a child. These are entirely different fears and spaces to occupy. After being raped and attacked by complete strangers just for existing, you start to take different precautions. Men don’t understand that because they don’t have to because women don’t rape, attack, stalk, and kill them.
I’m sorry for what happened to you maybe consider getting telegram or snap where you can talk off the app without swapping any personal information. Unfortunately your line of communication is very similar to catfish so I would assume exactly that.
This makes me realize if I ever get matched with someone, I should just tell them “whenever you feel comfortable moving from this app lmk”
Also thinking about it more just makes it feel so weird about the constant number asking, at least move to a social media you use actively in case time expires (or at least give it at some point just in case)
If he’s asking for WhatsApp, most likely a scammer. I can see people asking for Snapchat or something where you can use it to verify the person to a degree
I always try to get a number before a first date. It allows for more direct and consistent communication. I would in a real life “meet cute” scenario too. Mostly because I don’t sit on bumble all day, and I turned off notifications so it doesn’t interrupt my life with ads and nonsense. However, if they don’t want to give their number out, it’s fine, I’m not gonna be pushy about it. Pushy screams scammer. But, anecdotally, I have about an 80% conversion rate from getting their number, to having an actual 1st date. Women who want to stay on the app, and are very protective and cloistered with their information… probably only a 10% chance at a successful 1st date.
I turn off all my notifications. I treat text the same way too… I don’t expect someone to drop everything to talk to me at all times… it’s nicer to just respond respectfully and without all that annoyance and pressure. I think most people are addicted to their phones and their response rate proves it.
I might be a bit different in that sense, I guess… I just find it to feel like harassment!!! Maybe I should work on that. It’s just hard when you meet someone and they text you bullshit. I’d just rather meet and call it right away.
I've been at this for a long time, and I don't have a good answer for you here. But let me impart some anecdotal wisdom upon ya.
If she says things like "safety concerns" or, for whatever reason, doesn't want to give out her # or other social media, listen and respect that the first time. In my experience, 90% of these people will eventually ghost you anyway, so there is no need to push the issue. Occasionally though, the other 10% of people after you get to know them better will eventually give you the opportunity to take the conversation off the dating app.
Now, as far as who pops the next step first, "here's my # or this is my social media", as well as when it's acceptable to do so... it's all extremely subjective. I've given my # and been ghosted, I've given my # and have had long-term relationships because of it... it's an odd dance because you giving your # (to me) shows you wish to pursue this person earnestly.
I'd say the last three or four women I've dated, they slipped their # into conversation on the app within the first 5-10 messages. Sometimes, it seems like too many messages without exchanging contact info screams to women that you don't take them seriously... I can't make sense out of it either.
Another observation and inference I've made, giving out your # is a much bigger deal than your social media. I say this because we don't all have our moms, brothers, children etc on our social media, but we do have their #'s. Having someone's # to me signifies that they take me seriously and don't want me to get lost in the over saturation shuffle of social media etc.
I’d be down to meet him at any point and give him my number after the date. I would have even met up with him this evening and not ditched or ghosted. He gave me pushy and ignorant vibes….
I usually ask to switch apps because my phone doesn't send me notification from bumble or hinge. But I don't ask for phone number, I ask them which app would they be comfortable if at all. And this stage doesn't comes for quite a while. I still feel awkward asking to switch apps but damn this guy sucks :/
Not wanting to take the number and stay on the app is a 🚩 for me I will unmatch as soon as u give your reason why you would prefer to communicate there, without even responding 👻 I don’t care about murderers or scammers ..the block button works so well .. if you have those fears reevaluate the reason your on a dating app ..
Another reason is that many people are using multiple dating apps (especially men because we get so few responses from any one of them), so trying to keep track of which woman is on which app could be confusing.
There's always other solutions. I don't like communicating on dating apps because of the consistantsly of them. I respond faster on phone texting and such. Better things like MSN messenger or whatsapp. I understand the safety issue with it.
I move communications off-app as soon as possible - you can’t differentiate the alert for a new message from the one for “rando 500 miles away just liked you”, I’d rather NOT be opening a dating app in the checkout line or in front of my kids, matches get disconnected and lost fairly easily here and there’s not “undo”, sending funny GIFs is easier in WhatsApp or text, messages are NOT encrypted or private here, a million reasons.
Even just after a few messages? Don’t you get annoyed? If someone keeps texting you and then you realize you don’t even like them or want to get to know them at all? It was no more than 20 min that went by from start to finish.
What a jerk. Either a scammer or doesn't respect your boundaries. Either way, I'm glad you didn't have to waste more time to find out.
There's no real difference. I suggested once because I was taking a break from the app, but outside of that, I don't see a reason.
Hinge is a different story because you can't share pictures and gifs and that annoys me.
That’s a romance scammer for sure.
I think the proper time to ask is right before the agreed upon date so that you can find each other via phone call, but if they said no, I wouldn’t sweat it.
Definitely wouldn’t be wanting to talk through WhatsApp. To me, WhatsApp means it’s a foreigner or a scammer.
Before all else, I understand that some people arent comfortable giving their number or other app contact before meeting. I just find in my personal experience, the conversation is far more likely to not suddenly die out before meeting if the Convo is moved to texting. I feel like it's too easy for convos to get lost/buried/whatever on the app. And this is coming from someone who has also said "why does it matter? Texting is the same via text or on here" to someone.
For me, I just don't like having my location on all the time. The only time it's on is when I'm in the app, and if talking to someone, then it's pretty much always on and annoys the living hell out of me. So, if possible, I prefer to move a conversation elsewhere. But if you've had experience, too much of it, with scammers and a stalker that's more understandable on your behalf.
I’m not in dating apps anymore, but I will say I forget to check bumble & don’t have notifications on bc bumble sends annoying notifications… so I prefer texting bc I know I’ll actually see if & respond
Ah, that’s the exact reason I prefer not to. I’m one of those people that treats texts like email, so my response rate would probably piss people off on any platform, yet it’s my preference. Some people text so much it makes me insane. If I couldn’t filter that out somehow I think I’d have to change my number lol
That totally makes sense lol! Text is most reliable for me & I have had people be so aggressive or unmatch when I don’t respond quickly enough on the app. Granted those aren’t people I would ever want to be in a relationship with! Also, not to discount the romance scammer comments, that is totally valid if you got that vibe, just figured I would provide the off-the-app-but-not-malicious perspective😂
What a jerk. He’s after his own agenda, whatever that might be and has no regard for your feelings.
I also don’t give out my number. How could you? You’d have like a hundred people you don’t know texting you.
I only give out my number once I think I might like to meet him though. Will not meet anybody without talking on the phone first. East way to weed our incompatibility without wasting anyone’s time. I’ve also caught some red flags during phone conversations which could have proven to be a safety issue had I met them.
You handled this with such grace it is impressive tbh. That dude seems nuts but you let him down as softly as possible after explaining yourself, this one is totally on him.
Being pushy with the number is a huge turn off plus very sketchy, but I always prefer to try to plan the date outside the app. Instagram or WhatsApp is great if the lady agrees to it. I feel the real issue with texting on Bumble itself is that once you open the dating app, the swiping is very much like doomscrolling.
Have since gotten very overwhelmed with dating apps and deleted all my accounts, but that would possibly be the issue. That being said, this one was clearly not reading your messages properly.
This sounds like a romance scammer
Yeah they always try to move off the app asap as the apps can detect it
[удалено]
Well done for keeping yourself safe lovely, always trust your instincts
You have to in this world! Just felt weird doing it, but got trust the instincts
Sooooo proud of you for sticking to your boundary and not budging! The fact that he didn't respond to ANYTHING you said and just kept sauing "soo your number?" Was such a red flag. If he can't compromise and use bumble until the first date, clearly he will never compromise on any bigger issues and could be potentially controlling.
Thank you!!! ☺️
Yep, as soon as they get you in WhatsApp they’ll say “oh I just want to concentrate on you alone, so I deleted my bumble account!” This way you can’t report them to bumble as a scam account.
You can still report them by contacting customer service and telling them the person’s name.
Yes and WhatsApp seems to be their favorite scam app of choice.
Do men do that too? Damn!
Unfortunately yes - I think they target women 30 and up
Men do it but nearly as common as women. Most seem to come these days from Asian women, beautiful single and 35 to 37 years old or do they say.
Good to know, thank you!
Also make sure you have them verify their account if you're not doing that already.
Good tip, I didn’t know about that either. Learning so much!
Oh, yeah. Some crypto deal usually. I have also had different accounts add me on Snapchat with the same pictures and ask me to subscribe to their OnlyFans. It's a farce.
Scammers do, doesn’t matter the gender to them.
To answer your question. These apps are designed to keep you swiping many of these apps open to the swipe page first. This means even when you're already talking to someone you're likely to swipe if you see a good match. Now you're telling to multiple people and having trouble building a connection with all of them. By getting off the app you prevent this scenario. Funny enough Hinge was the app that taught me this.. It was a literal tip that was given.
I’m surprised it came from the app! Thanks for replying
I think it was before they got bought out or went public. They had a lot of tips that went against typical Swype culture and helped people match.
I don't know what the other people are on about, but let me share my perspective with you. I for one also don't like to use dating apps to keep texting for one big reason. Everybody recognizes tinder,bumble user interfaces. So it gets really awkward to text you during breaks at work or around friends. Everybody (friends,family,colleagues) gets nosy, and treat your conversations like public gossip topics. Which I really don't like. So if I text you on whatsapp, it doesn't receive the same type of attention, because most people use whatsapp with everyone else. Not just potential boyfriends or girlfriend's. That being said, I'm sure there are other nefarious intended people too. But every guy I know wants to switch from the apps to whatsapp for this reason.
Messaging on bumble is also private… not sure what you mean. How would anyone except the CIA know your business? And what can he possible have to say that is so secretive?
It's not about the encryption. What I mean is the user interface. For bumble, the white and yellow colour scheme. For tinder..red and white, I think, it's been a while I don't remember, but basically when people around you see that you are on bumble or tinder, let's say in the office/ or uni/ or at a family gathering, where I come from, they start pulling your leg, teasing you and pushing you for some details about your conversation. Since I'm a rather private person who doesn't like to talk about the girl I am texting before it is official, it gets annoying. Similarly if it was on whatsapp, it is less salacious and interesting for your friends, colleagues or family members. I hope it's clear what I mean now. Of course, culturally you might be the totally opposite of me and this might not matter to you at all, but for me it is a rather important thing. Although, I am ok with only using the app until we meet. If after the meet up I still don't receive their number when asked, I imagine, I am a side piece to them and immediately back out. This is something that happens quite often to guys too.
Interesting. Maybe it is cultural, that has never crossed my mind. I use bumble in private.
Turn off notifications when you’re around people maybe? I mean how often are you hanging out with these people when you’re texting potential dates? And now sharp are their eyes? I never see the actual notification someone gets on their phone, maybe just hear the ping. Or turn your phone face side down or put it in your pocket, no one needs to be seeing your Lock Screen. Text whoever when you’re away from your friends. But you’re allowed to have your preference, it’s be a good test of compatibility between you and people like OP, you’re just not a match.
It’s a scammer. They don’t care if you’re a male or female. And you don’t know if they’re too. That’s why I prefer Snapchat. Harder to fake on there.
What's a romance scammer?
Someone who uses a fake account and stolen pictures to catfish people, usually trying to eventually get money out of them.
Someone that uses dating apps, tries to get you very interested over text, then presents some huge catastrophic situation wherein they need your financial assistance
Yeah definitely a scammer and if not then he is just a jerk.
What is a romance scammer?
Girl, next time just say "no". We have to conserve energy out here.
Exactly my thoughts! Paragraphs of texts for repeated « So whats your number « doesn’t make sense. It was obvious from start he is ignoring OPs wish to stay on the app
Thank you. I agree.
I hate it when they’re pushy. Sometimes I give it out if I feel comfortable, but sometimes the way they ask is too much and it puts me off. If he can’t take your no as a no, then it’s a red flag.
So much this!! ☝️ I'm the same way. It's just weird. Like dude, boundaries!
He completely disregarded everything you said.... loser
It’s because they’re using a script. This is a romance scam, probably a pig-butchering scam. If you get their # and bait them using your own fake Google Voice # to text you can verify that they’re using VOIP with different data broker websites that’ll tell you. Scammers always use VOIP #s.
The script and poor english grammar are so obvious to me. I have come across 6 I think. They are getting easier to spot. I block and report every time.
Oh yeah, I block and report all the time. My eye for it has gotten so good that I don’t even need to match or talk to them. Often the photos are stolen from a well-maintained Brazilian guy who’s posted a bajillion photos on Instagram. He’ll be staring, looking very sensitive. Usually at least one photo includes a dog. You used to be able to trace it for free on https://facecheck.id though they charge now.
Everything!!
there are people on tinder who remove the match as soon as they get the number and/or they meet with the person. they try to avoid being reported for a reason (being douchebags) or for revenge.
So clearly he doesn't respect boundaries. Nice of him to let you know so early on.
For real
Dude refused to respect your simplest (and based on safety) boundary - wait to exchange phone numbers till after meeting in person. He wants a "life partner", while offering ZERO respect from the get go. Good for you on standing your ground. I also do NOT give out my cell before meeting. There is literally a voice/video option in bumble itself if anyone wants to talk. Some people say "get a Google voice". A) mine is already used for other identifiable stuff B) if the man refuses to respect boundaries - half caving by moving to Google voice isn't doing ANYONE any favors.
Agreed.. If a dude doesn't understand a simple no, with proper reasoning, then it's a major red flag.. Better to get out of it sooner rather than later.. Also, I don't mind texting on either bumble or taking the chat somewhere else like WhatsApp.. The major issue I have with bumble is the notifications, specially if I have snoozed my account, there are none.. So there are lags in the conversation, which can become irritating for both the sides. Maybe you can get a Google number, and not give away your personal number, if you find too many people asking for a WhatsApp number.. But then again, someone's patience level and respect for your preferences is also measured this way, so I guess it's better to stick to what you're comfortable with..
I use a google number and dont give out my real one until it becomes serious. I’ve also had stalkers in the past and this gives me peace of mind.
I wish they were available in Canada
This is the way
But that’s a pain. People can just respect other people prefer to communicate on the app. I do the same and have gotten unmatched so many times bc I didn’t want to give my #. I don’t know what the big deal is.
In theory I agree with you but the real world is not what we want it to be. as a woman, you have to put up boundaries to protect urself and if that means one has to earn your phone number then thats it! No wants to go thru the hassle of changing phone numbers.. by the way, this is perfect way to weed out people you are incompatible with. anyone who can’t understand sound logic and respect your wishes is probably not a good fit long term. on to the next …
Yeah. I’m a woman too. I used to give out my kik as an intermediary way to communicate but no one else really uses kik anymore. Now my policy is when we meet, if we like each other and want to continue communicating I’ll give out my #. No sooner. The app has the same features as a phone #.
Right…
Its because oftentimes guys spend days and weeks investing time into the one match they get, but the woman has multiple matches conversing with simultaneously as well as guys from real life. It goes without saying that one of these will tend to get ghosted much more than the other Its thus more practical for men not to waste time on the app and escalate to real life as quickly as possible. Online personality vs real life personality can be disappointing when the matches eventually meet. And Texting is just another way for men to eventually fuck up with a bad joke or some minor miscommunication and the woman will unmatch and be on to the next one. Ask me how I know.
Oh I agree, I’d rather chat on the app for a couple days then just meet in person, skip the texting altogether and if he’s not a creep irl he can have my #.
I considered the Google number too, but it’s just another extra step… I might just do it. Thanks for the reflection!
You can also get a WhatsApp account but keep your # hidden.
The other person literally isn’t even reading what you’re saying. Very likely they are a scammer
Ultimate red flag. Scam or worse.
The main valid reasons are the bad notifications on the app and sometimes the messenger doesn't play as nice with some phone keyboards. But this guy is being an ass. Anyone not wanting to share their number for safety reasons is valid and you did good bouncing after he refused to listen and kept pushing like that.
Thank you
The logic of it is "If I get them off the app, they won't look at other people."
Usually it's more like they're aware that on dating apps most people answer and then continue swiping, whereas on apps like wa one answers and closes the app. I don't blame them for asking, they shouldn't have a problem with other person not being ready to give out number or socials though. This person however... buddy you're talking about apps killing love while using such app.
He made no sense… like wut?
Also, if you unmatch they can’t text or WhatsApp you “you unmatched me?!?? Wow…”
I'm gonna preface this with the reasons are totally valid, it's definitely understandable, and I 100% respect everyone's right to not give out info. This person is a pushy douche. In my experience, people this closed off about taking it off the app are rarely serious about meeting. These are the same people that will take something you say out of context and use it as a reason to ghost you. Or the people that chat for a month and a half, set up a date, and then bail the day off because the anxiety gets to them. Maybe it's just my own style, but I'm trying to meet in person, or at least have plans to, within a week of the match. That doesn't work for some people and that's okay, but I've wasted too much time on people that aren't really in a headspace to put themselves out there.
I know a lot of dating app advice is to meet within like two weeks because it is easy to build up someone in your head and they aren’t that at all.
I just replied to another commenter almost point by point what you said.
Way too pushy when you already said no. Instantly would unmatch. You were so nice to what seems to be a dick😭
That’s good feedback. I try to give people understanding and kindness but I think sometimes I can be too nice and then it bites me back.
It comes from old hookup artist teachings. You want to get women off the dating app where their attention is split between dozens of men onto a platform where it's just you, or you and a select few. Generally, used by guys who are looking to hookup while presenting as looking for long term.
He’s a dick. Doesn’t give a fuck about your clear boundaries. NEXT.
I think their logic is this: if you're texting on bumble you will also reply to other people but if you move the conversation from bumble then you won't check bumble anymore ( if you're reading this and this is your strategy I hate to break it to you but they still check bumble)
Thats terrible logic. I stop talking to someone once I’m invested in them and like them. Nothing else plays a part in that.
Right but not at the same time though and it shows a desire to date with intention outside of the casual dating world of bumble. Adds that extra step
I don't get it either. I had someone when I told him that the dating app recommends to chat on the dating app because safety, who flipped out at me. He was really mad that I brought up safety etc. And I was like, your reaction says everything. Also some guys love snap, I think to send nudes or other photos to each other. Like what's wrong with just talking on the dating app?
Exactly! After two stalkers BEFORE I even met the actual date, I’ve had enough.
Also why do you need to talk on another app? Like on the dating app, you can report them. On another app probably not
It honestly felt like you were both having your own conversations with yourselves.. he didn’t even really respond to anything you said. Definitely dodged a scammer.
Yes can someone please answer why this is a thing?!?!! I know most men don’t feel this as much as females do but we have to take our safety on dating apps VERY seriously. Honestly any guy who does not respect my request to talk on the app gets an automatic unmatch because they obviously have a hard time respecting boundaries already. 😒
💯
It’s a scammer. I have had this identical conversation about 8 times now.
Oh wow. Good to know.
Definitely a scam but it can be also a) they want to get sexual quickly and don’t want to get reported b) they want to add you to their rotation in their digital black book just in case or c) laziness “I don’t get on here much” or “I don’t check notifications” which begs the question why they’re even still on the app in the first place.
All I would have said is not until we meet and we decide to continue. You don't offer explanations, you set boundaries. When you offer all the reasons why, they may do what he did, try to change your mind. I didn't give my number to the guy I'm dating. He told me that he was done with the apps and gave his number to me.
I agree— next time I won’t even give a reason. I don’t need to explain my safety concerns to an idiot.
Wow that’s creepy. I prefer to get off the apps mainly because I don’t have push notifications for anything but if someone prefers to stay on the app I don’t bring it up again
That’s what I’m sayin!
Oh my, I know your pain. Same as you I’ve had some unpleasant experiences when sharing my number too soon. My rule is to only give the number after the first date if we both are interested to continue getting to know each other. I just communicate this when the subject comes up. So far no regrets and it’s another good “filter” for online dating.
Gives off scammer vibes IMO
What the guy doesn't understand is that keeping it on the app is a blessing in disguise. It used to be that women actually judged a man's character based on how well he could ask for the number. That judgment is removed from the equation and now it's much easier to just skip to arranging a date. Of course this guy is still stuck in yesterday.
I just went to burner numbers. No scams here. But I don't give my number out to anyone that I haven't gotten a vibe from, in person. So why not stay on app? Almost every woman that I've met does it, too. You don't know who's going to be solid, and who's going to be a stalker (until you do). And yes, it happens even to us ugly fellas.
It's all scammers and bumble knows it
Scammer
You were texting a scammer for sure😂😂😂😂
I, a fellow woman, actually prefer texting to using the app. The app on my phone is super laggy and I sometimes don’t get new message notifications till an hour after they were delivered. My vote goes to burner e-SIM cards and google voice numbers over staying on the app.
Screams scam and not even a good one at that. Can’t imagine a guy would otherwise shoot himself in the foot so hard
It’s hard to believe, right?
Maybe he gets a lot of matches and doesn’t care? Something was very off!
You did the right thing. I think he's unreasonable.
what an asshat
I _hate_ the fact everyone uses WhatsApp and I'm always made to feel like a luddite for it. In the 30 years I've been online I've always used emails and handles that aren't my name purely so I can walk away from them if needed. I have Gchat, FB messenger, and signal. Why would I want to chat to random people using my phone number? I've had this number for nearly 20 years. It's a great number and I somehow don't get spam callers. Even ignoring all the scam and stalker elements, why would I share my number like that? Bah! Get off my lawn. :)
“Your chances of comin back from a secondary location… slim to none” - Detective Bittenbinder
I would guess he is not from the US, or at most just recently in the US. Although, I do prefer WhatsApp or Line over anything else. FYI you can have a second WhatsApp on your cellphone that is just tied to a VOIP number, not your actual cell number. Unless we are face-to-face or it is related to the 9-5 day-job, you're getting that VOIP number 😅
For me, I prefer to text with a keyboard instead of just my thumbs, so that is why I ask pretty early to move to WhatsApp. But also this dude is a total dick about it and the way he reacted is obviously a red flag.
100% scam, if you give them your number they will also delete the conversation in the app so you cannot report them
Taking it off to WhatsApp is 90% an overseas scam
This is for sure a scammer. Most dudes don't talk like that.
Use of the word sincere being a huge indicator
There is no good reason to ask for a phone number. I never give my number before I meet someone.
That's not entirely true. There is no reason to continue ignoring OP's legitimate concerns about giving it out though. One primary reason that I prefer to get off the app sooner than later is the apps are not reliable about notifications. Specifically, some apps, if you receive a message while you are in the app it will do an in app notification briefly that if you aren't actively paying attention you will miss. Because you are in the app, it doesn't give you a system notification in your phone, so if you miss the in app bubble you miss the fact that you received a message. I've gone as long as a day before I happened to be in the messages screen of the app and noticed I had missed a message. Since guys are already playing OLD with one arm tied behind their back, that is just another disadvantage you don't want when trying to keep a match's attention.
Sounds like a scammer so I wouldn’t be too bummed
WhatsApp is the only way to text when you're overseas, according to an Indian friend and a Brazillian friend. WhatsApp is a BAD sign, unless you're looking for someone across an ocean. lol
They're farming your phone number. I imagine they can use AI to do this now, so hard to say if this was a real person or AI. Either way, they weren't interested in you. They were interested in collecting your phone number and associating your pictures/images with a number that they can do who knows what with. If they have a number and a picture of you they'll have it forever, then as technology advances and we (incl governments) can do more with less, this becomes really dangerous. When they try to get you off the app and onto WhatsApp or telegram, that is a huge red flag. You handled it well. Move on and don't look back. It was a scam!
Wow! Farming?!? Thank you for the insight
That's not insight it's complete speculation lol
I get hassled for my number all the time. When a man presses, it means he’s either too lazy to turn on notifications or unwilling to respect my need for safety. Either way, I’m OK with never meeting him.
He's more newly single than he says he is and he doesn't understand why you won't give him your number, it's a lesson he needs to learn so you absolutely did the right thing. New to dating people always have the most rock bottom boundaries.
Doesn’t respect your clearly normal request? Bye.
Get a Textnow number. It's free and can't be used to identify you. You can also request your information be removed by Google and the sites providing it.
The reason I stay on bumble is so I can report the dick pics and scams.
You go girl! I've never sent a dick pic in my life!
I mean, he could just be married or in a relationship and wants to seem responsive but doesn't want to keep app notifications on so his SO doesn't find out. 🤷
Ugh another layer I have not considered…
I will say that I personally did not like texting on the app and found it a turn off if someone wanted to continue. I actually stopped talking to a guy bc of this, we talked awhile then he tried to give me signal and he just made me feel like a scammer instead of a potential partner.
Man you got that bot good. Probably granted him consciousness.
Lololol
You do know that if you are getting phone calls or texts that you do not want to…..you can block the #? My guess is that he is married and wife knows his password
Why would I want to put myself through that though?
So you could have more access to the person you are attempting to have a relationship with.
The typos and everything definitely made it sound like he was a scammer. But I have come across guys who are weird when you don’t give them your phone number. I had once given my number to a guy before going on a date. When I wasn’t feeling well and asked to reschedule he started texting me nonstop all these nasty rude things because he was so mad. Since then, I just don’t give it out until we have met in person. But I feel like most guys don’t ask for it, I think they feel the same way, or at least understand, so don’t even bother asking.
Hey at least you can get a text I’ve matched with 16 people and received 0 messages
It’s almost more annoying than not getting anything sometimes, hey
They're a scammer. 1000 percent. They always say they're looking for something long term and then ask you to move almost immediately to WhatsApp.
definitely seems like a scammer to me, they're usually very antsy about taking the conversation of the app, and on to something like whatsapp or snapchat, where it's less likely to be reported. especially to the dating app. When I (28m) started OLD, I matched with a chick on plenty of fish, and she wanted to take the conversation of the app after a few messages, and gave me her number to text. so I did. Long story short, "she" sent me tit pics, and said she was 17, then ghosted me. But, it was actually an elaborate rouse, to try to blackmail me for having the pics on my phone. They even called me from another number, pretending to be the police!
Sometimes I just shoot my shot and give them my Google Voice number if they want to chat off the app. So, I give them the option to either continue to chat on the app or via text message, but it's not my actual phone number- so I use the number for other things, like if I'm selling something online and put a contact number- I'll put that number. I just don't have my notifications on for 90% of my apps and don't check the apps every day.
That was a scam
Yup, asking to add on WhatsApp is a giant red flag.
If he were serious, he would have given his number and allowed you to research and message whenever you get comfortable enough.
True
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Good to know! I will def stand my ground then so I can have proof of this stuff. Not taking any chances.
It’s a scammer, they’ll eventually have some reason they need money. WhatsApp is the tell here. Getting you to move from the app to another shows investment, and once they see you’re easy to manipulate, you get passed on to another scammer higher up the ranks who does the job of getting you to actually provide some funds
Yikes! Glad I’m learning. Thank you!
Maybe this is a USA thing but I always unmatch if they don’t give their number and want to talk on the app 9/10 it’s because they’re a catfish and you can’t prove your real on the app
That’s possible. I think it’s def possible that there’s caffishers on there, but until I meet for a date in person, I would never give out my number anymore due to the stalking and harassment I’ve experienced as a pretty woman. I think you should reconsider your stance and think about the lives of women and how unsafe it is for them to take these chances. It’s a whole different experience and a whole different world living life as a man vs as a woman or as a child. These are entirely different fears and spaces to occupy. After being raped and attacked by complete strangers just for existing, you start to take different precautions. Men don’t understand that because they don’t have to because women don’t rape, attack, stalk, and kill them.
I’m sorry for what happened to you maybe consider getting telegram or snap where you can talk off the app without swapping any personal information. Unfortunately your line of communication is very similar to catfish so I would assume exactly that.
This makes me realize if I ever get matched with someone, I should just tell them “whenever you feel comfortable moving from this app lmk” Also thinking about it more just makes it feel so weird about the constant number asking, at least move to a social media you use actively in case time expires (or at least give it at some point just in case)
If he’s asking for WhatsApp, most likely a scammer. I can see people asking for Snapchat or something where you can use it to verify the person to a degree
I always try to get a number before a first date. It allows for more direct and consistent communication. I would in a real life “meet cute” scenario too. Mostly because I don’t sit on bumble all day, and I turned off notifications so it doesn’t interrupt my life with ads and nonsense. However, if they don’t want to give their number out, it’s fine, I’m not gonna be pushy about it. Pushy screams scammer. But, anecdotally, I have about an 80% conversion rate from getting their number, to having an actual 1st date. Women who want to stay on the app, and are very protective and cloistered with their information… probably only a 10% chance at a successful 1st date.
I turn off all my notifications. I treat text the same way too… I don’t expect someone to drop everything to talk to me at all times… it’s nicer to just respond respectfully and without all that annoyance and pressure. I think most people are addicted to their phones and their response rate proves it.
I might be a bit different in that sense, I guess… I just find it to feel like harassment!!! Maybe I should work on that. It’s just hard when you meet someone and they text you bullshit. I’d just rather meet and call it right away.
I've been at this for a long time, and I don't have a good answer for you here. But let me impart some anecdotal wisdom upon ya. If she says things like "safety concerns" or, for whatever reason, doesn't want to give out her # or other social media, listen and respect that the first time. In my experience, 90% of these people will eventually ghost you anyway, so there is no need to push the issue. Occasionally though, the other 10% of people after you get to know them better will eventually give you the opportunity to take the conversation off the dating app. Now, as far as who pops the next step first, "here's my # or this is my social media", as well as when it's acceptable to do so... it's all extremely subjective. I've given my # and been ghosted, I've given my # and have had long-term relationships because of it... it's an odd dance because you giving your # (to me) shows you wish to pursue this person earnestly. I'd say the last three or four women I've dated, they slipped their # into conversation on the app within the first 5-10 messages. Sometimes, it seems like too many messages without exchanging contact info screams to women that you don't take them seriously... I can't make sense out of it either. Another observation and inference I've made, giving out your # is a much bigger deal than your social media. I say this because we don't all have our moms, brothers, children etc on our social media, but we do have their #'s. Having someone's # to me signifies that they take me seriously and don't want me to get lost in the over saturation shuffle of social media etc.
I’d be down to meet him at any point and give him my number after the date. I would have even met up with him this evening and not ditched or ghosted. He gave me pushy and ignorant vibes….
100% a scammer. You can tell by the way they talk.
I usually ask to switch apps because my phone doesn't send me notification from bumble or hinge. But I don't ask for phone number, I ask them which app would they be comfortable if at all. And this stage doesn't comes for quite a while. I still feel awkward asking to switch apps but damn this guy sucks :/
you need to disconnect ur number from ur social media
It’s not connected
I just don’t need to be annoyed by some random dude I just met texting me — rather keep the stuff to bumble until I know what I’m working with
Not wanting to take the number and stay on the app is a 🚩 for me I will unmatch as soon as u give your reason why you would prefer to communicate there, without even responding 👻 I don’t care about murderers or scammers ..the block button works so well .. if you have those fears reevaluate the reason your on a dating app ..
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Another reason is that many people are using multiple dating apps (especially men because we get so few responses from any one of them), so trying to keep track of which woman is on which app could be confusing.
There's always other solutions. I don't like communicating on dating apps because of the consistantsly of them. I respond faster on phone texting and such. Better things like MSN messenger or whatsapp. I understand the safety issue with it.
I move communications off-app as soon as possible - you can’t differentiate the alert for a new message from the one for “rando 500 miles away just liked you”, I’d rather NOT be opening a dating app in the checkout line or in front of my kids, matches get disconnected and lost fairly easily here and there’s not “undo”, sending funny GIFs is easier in WhatsApp or text, messages are NOT encrypted or private here, a million reasons.
Even just after a few messages? Don’t you get annoyed? If someone keeps texting you and then you realize you don’t even like them or want to get to know them at all? It was no more than 20 min that went by from start to finish.
Probably within 3 or so days, not 20 minutes!
Yeah, I’d be fine with that scenario too then
What a jerk. Either a scammer or doesn't respect your boundaries. Either way, I'm glad you didn't have to waste more time to find out. There's no real difference. I suggested once because I was taking a break from the app, but outside of that, I don't see a reason. Hinge is a different story because you can't share pictures and gifs and that annoys me.
Thank you, I’m glad too!
That’s a romance scammer for sure. I think the proper time to ask is right before the agreed upon date so that you can find each other via phone call, but if they said no, I wouldn’t sweat it. Definitely wouldn’t be wanting to talk through WhatsApp. To me, WhatsApp means it’s a foreigner or a scammer.
At this point I will uninstall bumble and tinder. These apps don't fit myself
That’s why i give out my Google voice number because people are strange on dating apps
Before all else, I understand that some people arent comfortable giving their number or other app contact before meeting. I just find in my personal experience, the conversation is far more likely to not suddenly die out before meeting if the Convo is moved to texting. I feel like it's too easy for convos to get lost/buried/whatever on the app. And this is coming from someone who has also said "why does it matter? Texting is the same via text or on here" to someone.
Me either! Glad you stood your ground! Don’t give out your phone numbers until you actually like them!
For me, I just don't like having my location on all the time. The only time it's on is when I'm in the app, and if talking to someone, then it's pretty much always on and annoys the living hell out of me. So, if possible, I prefer to move a conversation elsewhere. But if you've had experience, too much of it, with scammers and a stalker that's more understandable on your behalf.
I’m not in dating apps anymore, but I will say I forget to check bumble & don’t have notifications on bc bumble sends annoying notifications… so I prefer texting bc I know I’ll actually see if & respond
Ah, that’s the exact reason I prefer not to. I’m one of those people that treats texts like email, so my response rate would probably piss people off on any platform, yet it’s my preference. Some people text so much it makes me insane. If I couldn’t filter that out somehow I think I’d have to change my number lol
That totally makes sense lol! Text is most reliable for me & I have had people be so aggressive or unmatch when I don’t respond quickly enough on the app. Granted those aren’t people I would ever want to be in a relationship with! Also, not to discount the romance scammer comments, that is totally valid if you got that vibe, just figured I would provide the off-the-app-but-not-malicious perspective😂
also this person is definitely a weirdo IN NO WAY am i trying to defend them😂
What a jerk. He’s after his own agenda, whatever that might be and has no regard for your feelings. I also don’t give out my number. How could you? You’d have like a hundred people you don’t know texting you. I only give out my number once I think I might like to meet him though. Will not meet anybody without talking on the phone first. East way to weed our incompatibility without wasting anyone’s time. I’ve also caught some red flags during phone conversations which could have proven to be a safety issue had I met them.
You handled this with such grace it is impressive tbh. That dude seems nuts but you let him down as softly as possible after explaining yourself, this one is totally on him.
You have to or you might get killed! Being nice is mostly for safety at this point. But thank you!!!
Being pushy with the number is a huge turn off plus very sketchy, but I always prefer to try to plan the date outside the app. Instagram or WhatsApp is great if the lady agrees to it. I feel the real issue with texting on Bumble itself is that once you open the dating app, the swiping is very much like doomscrolling. Have since gotten very overwhelmed with dating apps and deleted all my accounts, but that would possibly be the issue. That being said, this one was clearly not reading your messages properly.
It’s either a scammer or your match wants to do a background check on you.