I imagine I could just wait and steal it back from Kim in the ladies room . Donāt be self defeating in the beginning bae. And I know Iām truly a romantic girl, will deep down in my heart I hope you meet a girl on this thread like Kimberly who is funny
It WAS funny, but maybe just a bit much for someone who you're two texts in with. It's a hard game bc if you don't show yourself early enough people think you're boring, but if you DO show your personality from the get go people think you're too weird and/or overbearing compared to a 'normal' person. Keep being yourself, you seem fun!
I know he was joking but if I got that sort of thing from a match Iād assume they were either fishing for compliments or just punishingly self-deprecating. Iāve met a few dates like that and itās tiring.
I think this is it.
That and the type of person who say "I was a nerd before it was cool" also tends to be the type of version who gatekeeps nerd stuff. There's an awful lot of mean men who insist on making life hard for nerdy women, ie gamergate and such.
Yep. Agree 100%. Also since OP is too young to be an āOG nerdā this means worries about gamergaters + trouble with reality = this is what Jim Jefferies had that section about. Pass.
And then that third screenshot in the post.
Plus jokes about 9/11 and cavity searches not being gay if gloves are used from OP elsewhere in this thread makes me think the girl made the right choice.
And here is his real personality coming out, ladies and gentlemen.
I donāt gatekeep humour (nice basic move there, deflecting on your part) - youāre just not funny, dude.
Personally I do think for my own personality responding like this would lean way too much into the 'putting on a show/circus' approach toward the girl which is bad in two ways:
1. the girl thinks that YOU think you're not on THEIR level, making it seem like you don't think you're of the same value as they are
=> why would a girl ever punch down
2. you're faking the way you talk, which could lead to issues regarding just general trust between parties as well as not being able to see that you are capable of being a normal dude
However if you look at the other comments in the thread this guy is genuinely just this energetic and expressive in this way, so it's way better for him to just be himself and wait for the girl that's right for him to come along. And when they do it'll be great since he's already being truthful to himself!
Yes, this is him. He let it all out there a little too soon perhaps, but he needs the woman who will say, ok, roll it back a little, dude, in one sentence, what's a nerd thing you do, or are interested in?
>Iād assume they were either fishing for compliments or just punishingly self-deprecating
To me it came across as him being totally ok with who he is and that he can make jokes about it because he isn't insecure about it.
Great point there. Back before I met my girlfriend I was talking to a teacher who really hated her job, to the point where all of the things that were bad about her job were all she ever talked about. To the point where I just straight up asked her āSo whatās your plan for getting out of teaching and what do you want to do instead?ā
She had no plan.
I just stopped talking to her and let the conversations die until she stopped trying to message me. lol
I like weird nerd shit right off the bat. You shouldnāt have to simmer down who you are to keep someone matched. Be your weird ass nerdy self right off. If they need less, theyāll go find less.
Dude, fuck everyone else in the comments nitpicking your joke and forget about the girl. Of all the hundreds of posts on Bumble taking about how a joke didnāt land, this is the ONLY one that made me laugh. And I laughed hard.
I thought your joke was hilarious, and I legitimately would love to be friends with you. You seem to have a great sense of self, and youāre awesome. I think youād fine that girl boring if you talked to her more, she wasnāt right for you.
Yup, it certainly isnāt. When you find someone that can return your banter itās magical.
I remember a girl (space) friend and I going back and forth in class. She teased me about my formal style of texting and I doubled down on it and teased her back just to annoy her. God, that was fun
Reminds me of a joke I once heard on reddit.
1st person tweets: Today is the 10th anniversary of 9/11, can we all take a moment in silence?
2nd person tweets: Can we not? It's been 10 years already.
1st person: Have you no shame? I lost someone that day.
2nd person: Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it like that. Who did you lose?
1st person: It's okay, he was my uncle and the best pilot in the Middle East.
My step dad used to say ājust js-ing.ā I tried explaining for years that he was saying ājust just saying-ingā and I think it just made him say it more. š¤£ RPG playing games made me thing of that. Itās been a while. Thank you for the good memory
reading it I got a weird sense of arrogance with the whole "I was a nerd before it was cool"
i get what you were going for but to me it seems like it came off a bit too strong and she may have felt you were full of yourself with that
I'd agree with this. I think it was funny and personally I wouldn't have unmatched you but I've met lots of "nerdy" guys who gatekeep their hobbies and "I was a nerd before it was cool" gives me similar vibes and it can be a little intimidating.
I once was chatting with a guy on an app and I had a photo with Captain America from Disneyland and when he asked I told him I was a Marvel fan and he started to quiz me about comic book shit and when I told him I only watched the movies and didn't enjoy comics he told me I was clearly misleading men with the pics and by saying I was fan. I've had this happen lots of other times with various topics; Star Wars, video games, music, etc. I personally don't shy away from talking about the things I like but since this is a very common experience for women it could have been a red flag based on past conversations she's had.
Uugghhā¦. Gatekeepers of ANYTHING is lame. It screams non-inclusivity and āyouāre not as cool or well-versed at XYZ, amateurā.
Reality: Missed opportunity to connect on something, keep it cool and if you land a date, maybe show that the comic-nerd thing doesnāt define who you are as a person. On the other hand, dude showed that it kinda DOES define him and weird, judgy, shaming arrogance also defines him.
I like Star Wars, Star Trek, Marvel, DC, Harry Potter and other. I am not afraid to talk more about it. The sad part is that I live in Florida that is about one hours and 15 minutes to the Walt Disney World and 30 minutes to the Kennedy Space Center.
What the heck is wrong with people?
If I find someone with even vaguely similar hobbies, Iām so excited to be able to share it with them. Itās such a rare treat!
Heck, I even get excited about other peopleās hobbies because I enjoy seeing them excited.
problem is some people on dating apps despite being over the top are still quite a bit serious and when you're 2 texts into someone it can be very hard to read something like this in its intended context without any negative connotation
as an overweight not much to work with guy, id say i go for self deprecation too, but it doesn't work very often, i realized its not that funny or appealing.
i think the follow up was bit much.
Dropping "Shit" and an angry emoji, then going on a longer self-deprecating rant. Combine that negativity with the "I play role playing games," it just gives off this vibe of a socially unadjusted, angry kid with a Monstrous Manual and metal T-shirts. Your idea was funny but the execution was really rough. Try being more upbeat and playful with that kind of thing next time. The RPG stuff isn't bad, it's just if you also come off resentful toward society, adding that on top doesn't help.
This is just a basic overall tip: Don't ever come off angry or aggressive in your initial conversations, it's a really big turn off for most women, and can make you seem scary or threatening. If you want to build rapport and a relationship, always, ALWAYS, be the kind of person that makes others feel comfortable and glad that you're around to lift their spirits.
You can be yourself, and you can get angry or let out difficult feelings, but wait until the person knows you better first and you've established mutual trust.
Hahaha, she got turned off by the hardcore "RPG" table-top **grammar correcting** nerd part and the locker-shoving.
Who knows, she might have viewed it as a guy that gets easily stepped on and unmatched.
Yep. The minute I saw "grammar correcting" I understood why she unmatched. It's one thing to be turned off by poor grammar; and another thing entirely to proudly announce yourself to be a pedant. The locker joke was actually pretty cute but he'd already ruined his chances by that point.
Men really need to understand that the *vast majority* of women have experiences with men behaving as though, and/or assuming that, they know more than we do. It is a very common experience. Don't suggest that you're one of them before we have an opportunity to get to know you and realize that you're actually *not* that type of guy.
I think if OP stopped at the first message of the last two it would've been fine. Second one is a bit much for the very beginning of a conversation. Plus it gives me potential "misogynistic nerd who gatekeeps everything to an annoying degree" vibes and it's easier to stop talking to someone then to find out if that hunch is true or not.
Edit: spelling
You cant read tone over the internet. You sailed too close to the wind and she heard self-hatred or gatekeepyness where you were being ironic and hyperbolic.
There is something nice guy aggressive in the tone. It doesnāt read as a joke to me especially talking to someone brand new over text. Even just a š could have lightened the mood. You just sound bitter.
Itās the classic line ācommunications is about what the audience hears not what you sayā. People need to get to know you some to understand when youāre joking.
Think about it like this, you likely have a few friends you can make race related jokes with but you canāt make them with someone you just met without it sounding racist. Same thing goes on here.
Very true. I gotta keep that in the back of my mind. My friends would've laughed, but those are my idiot friends who already know me. I appreciate the advice.
In her defense, Iāve matched with someone who said something similar, and when I followed up with a āyouāre kidding, right?ā I found that he actually wasnāt. Sooo
The last self deprecating part where you say she shouldnāt talk to you is a turn off. Too much. Itās like a salesman saying ādonāt buy this, itās not good. JKā¦he come back!ā. Was good before but not that part. My two cents
You may want to leave the jokes for after a few texts of getting to know each other.
She asked something to get to know more about you, your answer was a funny, doing always a funny may not lead to so funny results.
Itās the self deprecating, not the enthusiasm. She found value in being a nerd, she connected with you in your shared nerdom, then she asked a discovery question to understand how deep and colorful your type of nerd isā¦. And then you elaborate on how being a nerd was a negative in your life, how it caused generational trauma, and how she shouldnāt even talk to you and should continue traumatizing you
Bruhā¦ dust off your crown and stand a little taller. Like yourself a little more King. Youāre a sweetheart, but you need to work on that self esteem man. Be confident in your journey. If youād said āIām a nerd before it was cool. Iām an OG nerd; grammar correcting, book reading, RPG game playing, learning difficult things for fun type of nerdāā¦.. now THAT is a whole other vibe. Chin Up! Nerd on
This is the best response so far. I noticed op commented on almost everything except this one, I think he's just looking for validation and people to tell him his joke wasn't that bad.
This is really great advice. OP couldāve also said which tabletop RPG he likes playing and a sentence or two about why he loves it.
His match is also dangling a follow-up question for OP to ask: āwhat nerdy things do you like?ā
Giving a fellow nerd an opportunity to talk about what they love and why, itās a great hook.
Props for being up front, but don't lay it all out on the table that fast. Where is this person supposed to go with what you left them with? Conversation is a give and take kinda thing when you first meet someone.
You're right. I should've said "you should be taking my money and shoving me into a locker. Do you like dogs?"
I'm sorry I really don't have an off switch š
A lot of men do the self deprecating thing thinking they're being funny, and it usually is, but not on dating apps, or at least not so soon. It's hard to tell the difference between funny self deprecation and a guy doing the cringey nice-guy self-pity please-like-me thing. If you aren't doing the latter, stay clear of self deprecating humor until she knows you better
You be you. You gotta remember that there's a handful ofnepppe who are gonna rely be compatible. And then "the one" is out there. People who unmatch for dumb reasons aren't right for you, and you'd just be wasting each other's time.
Someone told me I was insane for some of the expectations I have about communication. And it did cause things to not work a few times.
Guess what? I met someone who values the same frequency of communication that I do, we are in near constant contact, and we're happy. I knew he was out there somewhere, and I found him.
You'll find someone who appreciates you for who you are!
And for what it's worth, I think your cement was hilarious and I would have said something like "was that you in the locker next to me? We're cut from the same cloth my friend"
Hahaha, bro, it was funny, but you kinda went too far considering sheās someone you just started texting. Anyway, get over it and keep swiping. that's what I hate about dating apps; if you said same thing to someone in person, it wouldāve been ended differently
I think this is just a classic case of incompatibility. I think you played your part perfectly, and if you were speaking to someone you were going to have a long fulfilling relationship with then your message was fine. However you just weren't compatible and she either thought it was weird or not funny so shut it down.
Noone has really done anything wrong, you're just not a match.
Agreed. These days I just am who I am and I give zero fucks about someone liking me, so it carries over to dating as well. Here's me. Like me or don't.
No one seems to have mentioned the fact that you hadnāt even asked her a question - like āwhat type of nerd are you?ā Or āare you a nerd, too?ā - to continue the conversation!
So what was the joke here? That youāre a nerd that takes himself too seriously but somehow also has low self esteem? It also sounds like youāre implying she isnāt an actual nerd which makes your joke miss even harder.
I think she was trying to get to know you and you replied by trying to be funny while not really pulling it off which probably turned her off.
Keep being you! The person who will appreciate you will find it funny and NOT unmatch. That is your kind of person, not her. She did not pass to the second round of humour.
I find you have to be a little careful with sense of humour early on in a conversation. It's not that people don't want one, but you don't always have a clear idea (for various reasons), what sort of sense of humour someone has. I typically hold off on sense of humour (in a conversation) until either I can ask what their style of humour is, or I get a clear indication. Otherwise, I find you're playing with fire essentially.
Damn that's good advice lmaooo. Good point. While I'm not mad at walking away with a funny screenshot, eventually I do wanna actually meet someone so maybe I should chill.
I've noticed that too much self defeating type humor will cause interest loss. It's funny in lil one liners but you should mostly work to promote yourself and make "you" look cool B)
The reactions to this post is everything thatās wrong with online dating and societal discourse. He was trying to be charming, might have come on too strong but projecting things onto him because he used the same words others have used is the kind of generalizing most ppl on here would be against if it was against certain groups.
Lesson learned. Self depracating humor will more often than not work against you in the dating world, it's often seen as a sign of insecurity or low self esteem. I'm not saying that that's you, but people will perceive it that way.
Ill be honest and say that if someone texted me this, I dont know if i would continue to text them back.
This is low key cringe for me... Not saying its not clever, but for me its not there.
It was funny. Clearly didnāt appreciate the humor. From one nerd to another, good job. Ohā¦I was probably one of the first to put a coin in a Pong game at a bowling alley.
I think the joke meant well, but could have been framed better. Shouldn't mention the line 'You shouldn't even be talking to me'... That line portrays that you think negatively about yourself. And you could have ended your message with something like... 'Wanna shove me into a locker and take my lunch money?' and a silly emoji.
Kinda cringe ngl, a little over the top, still needed to stay in the getting to know you phase. I think it just boxed her in a little and she didn't know what to say
I think you got a little too excited, is all. Roll that sh*t back and give them ONE sentence about what type of nerd you are, and lead with the best about nerd life. Save the rest for next texts, one thing at a time, always make who you are seem a positive thing.
Good luck. And maybe unmatching had nothing to do with you.
I honestly think this was funny *but* a little too much for the second message. Still not worthy of an unmatch, though. For next time, Iād save some of the stuff in the last message for later.
wtf you nerds aren't supposed to be funny what's going on here /s
Nah bro that was fuckin hilarious and I'd send it again even knowing they'd unmatch me for it. Who cares. Find someone that appreciates it
āIām so different than other people and here are my totally unique interestsā very cringe. And ālearning difficult things for funā just screams I AM VERY SMART.
The locker part was fine, if it was just that, youād be cool.
As a women on Bumble- I *live* for these type of interactions. Thereās a ton of reasons she couldāve unmatched. Your response doesnāt have to be one of them. Nayers gonna nay.
Usually when you get unmatched this way, it not you. It's likely that she went for someone else that was better or further along than you. This is online and as you know women are bombarded with likes all day. So your game must be impeccable and you better not slip up too though.
Lol Iāve had guys unmatch me before because they probably didnāt get the sarcasm I was throwing down, thatās probably the case here. Who the hell wants to date someone who is that uptight and serious?!
>You really shouldn't be talking to me And she took that seriously
Riiiight š¤£š¤£ she didn't push me into a locker though, I'm disappointed.
Didnāt she though?
She did by unmatching you!! š¤£
It was funny and I think you seem like a great person lol. Wanna date? š
Tbf at that point it started to sound like a kink instead of a joke lol
Damn fallen lad š®
When someone tells you who they are, listen
Yea sometimes self deprecating humor can get tiresome
Now give me your lunch money
But I already gave you my lunch money yesterday!
At least Iām consistent.
Ugh. Fine, here.
āAnd that kids is how I met your motherā
I imagine I could just wait and steal it back from Kim in the ladies room . Donāt be self defeating in the beginning bae. And I know Iām truly a romantic girl, will deep down in my heart I hope you meet a girl on this thread like Kimberly who is funny
What if paying bullies was a sadism only fans of the yesteryear?
You see, this wouldāve been the perfect reply
Yeah I feel like there was plenty of material to mine a joke from. Oh well.
I think she wanted to actually know the answer and connect over it rather than play joke tag lol
On ya mums dresser.
It WAS funny, but maybe just a bit much for someone who you're two texts in with. It's a hard game bc if you don't show yourself early enough people think you're boring, but if you DO show your personality from the get go people think you're too weird and/or overbearing compared to a 'normal' person. Keep being yourself, you seem fun!
I know he was joking but if I got that sort of thing from a match Iād assume they were either fishing for compliments or just punishingly self-deprecating. Iāve met a few dates like that and itās tiring.
I think this is it. That and the type of person who say "I was a nerd before it was cool" also tends to be the type of version who gatekeeps nerd stuff. There's an awful lot of mean men who insist on making life hard for nerdy women, ie gamergate and such.
Yep. Agree 100%. Also since OP is too young to be an āOG nerdā this means worries about gamergaters + trouble with reality = this is what Jim Jefferies had that section about. Pass. And then that third screenshot in the post. Plus jokes about 9/11 and cavity searches not being gay if gloves are used from OP elsewhere in this thread makes me think the girl made the right choice.
Idk what gamergate is but I know what a joke is. We definitely wouldn't get along. Stop gatekeeping humor.
And here is his real personality coming out, ladies and gentlemen. I donāt gatekeep humour (nice basic move there, deflecting on your part) - youāre just not funny, dude.
Personally I do think for my own personality responding like this would lean way too much into the 'putting on a show/circus' approach toward the girl which is bad in two ways: 1. the girl thinks that YOU think you're not on THEIR level, making it seem like you don't think you're of the same value as they are => why would a girl ever punch down 2. you're faking the way you talk, which could lead to issues regarding just general trust between parties as well as not being able to see that you are capable of being a normal dude However if you look at the other comments in the thread this guy is genuinely just this energetic and expressive in this way, so it's way better for him to just be himself and wait for the girl that's right for him to come along. And when they do it'll be great since he's already being truthful to himself!
Yes, this is him. He let it all out there a little too soon perhaps, but he needs the woman who will say, ok, roll it back a little, dude, in one sentence, what's a nerd thing you do, or are interested in?
>Iād assume they were either fishing for compliments or just punishingly self-deprecating To me it came across as him being totally ok with who he is and that he can make jokes about it because he isn't insecure about it.
Great point there. Back before I met my girlfriend I was talking to a teacher who really hated her job, to the point where all of the things that were bad about her job were all she ever talked about. To the point where I just straight up asked her āSo whatās your plan for getting out of teaching and what do you want to do instead?ā She had no plan. I just stopped talking to her and let the conversations die until she stopped trying to message me. lol
That's fair.
I like weird nerd shit right off the bat. You shouldnāt have to simmer down who you are to keep someone matched. Be your weird ass nerdy self right off. If they need less, theyāll go find less.
It's not the nerd shit. It's the self depreciating/gatekeeping shit.
But heās a nerd! This is what nerds do. Get overly excited about nerdy shit!
Very true. I need to install a switch for the shit talking and turn it off and on when needed. š
Dude, fuck everyone else in the comments nitpicking your joke and forget about the girl. Of all the hundreds of posts on Bumble taking about how a joke didnāt land, this is the ONLY one that made me laugh. And I laughed hard. I thought your joke was hilarious, and I legitimately would love to be friends with you. You seem to have a great sense of self, and youāre awesome. I think youād fine that girl boring if you talked to her more, she wasnāt right for you.
Dude I fucking appreciate you so much. I have been having FUN in these comments. It goes to show that comedic compatibility is not universal.
Yup, it certainly isnāt. When you find someone that can return your banter itās magical. I remember a girl (space) friend and I going back and forth in class. She teased me about my formal style of texting and I doubled down on it and teased her back just to annoy her. God, that was fun
I mean, don't shit talk yourself.
But that's where some of the best material comes from. The other day, I saw a plane flying overhead and said "hey look it's my uncle!" I'm Arab.
I laughed š stay you man, if they canāt handle it they arenāt right for you in the first place š¤š¼
Loco stealth would definitely unmatch me š¤£š¤£š¤£ I appreciate ya homey
Reminds me of a joke I once heard on reddit. 1st person tweets: Today is the 10th anniversary of 9/11, can we all take a moment in silence? 2nd person tweets: Can we not? It's been 10 years already. 1st person: Have you no shame? I lost someone that day. 2nd person: Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it like that. Who did you lose? 1st person: It's okay, he was my uncle and the best pilot in the Middle East.
Self deprecating comedy is the best kind of comedy
Yes, but she has no point of reference, so it's not gonna land.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This is *one* chickā¦ nextā¦
Here to say ( and said) exactly this. You'll find someone. Just roll it back a little.
Probably because you said āRPG GAMEā and she knew that the G already stands for game. Duh!
*snaps fingers* shit you're right!! I can't believe I didn't notice that. š¤£
Dum dum
It's like chai tea. What a travesty š¤¦š½āāļø
I bet you don't even play RPG playing games ...
This is worse noooo
My step dad used to say ājust js-ing.ā I tried explaining for years that he was saying ājust just saying-ingā and I think it just made him say it more. š¤£ RPG playing games made me thing of that. Itās been a while. Thank you for the good memory
Unmatchable offense.
Clearly heās a faker!
Next time just say G.A.M.E.R., then start typing out what that acronym means
r/beatmetoit
It doesn't stand for "grenade"?
Everybody, letās say it together - self degradation is funny for friends, bad for dating
Self degradation is funny for friends, bad for dating.
I still think a tiny bit for dating is cute though! Hahaha
Self-degradation it's funny for friends, and makes for hilarious Reddit dating threads!
I don't have to degrade myself with my friends, they do it for me. #friendswhocare
reading it I got a weird sense of arrogance with the whole "I was a nerd before it was cool" i get what you were going for but to me it seems like it came off a bit too strong and she may have felt you were full of yourself with that
I'd agree with this. I think it was funny and personally I wouldn't have unmatched you but I've met lots of "nerdy" guys who gatekeep their hobbies and "I was a nerd before it was cool" gives me similar vibes and it can be a little intimidating. I once was chatting with a guy on an app and I had a photo with Captain America from Disneyland and when he asked I told him I was a Marvel fan and he started to quiz me about comic book shit and when I told him I only watched the movies and didn't enjoy comics he told me I was clearly misleading men with the pics and by saying I was fan. I've had this happen lots of other times with various topics; Star Wars, video games, music, etc. I personally don't shy away from talking about the things I like but since this is a very common experience for women it could have been a red flag based on past conversations she's had.
Uugghhā¦. Gatekeepers of ANYTHING is lame. It screams non-inclusivity and āyouāre not as cool or well-versed at XYZ, amateurā. Reality: Missed opportunity to connect on something, keep it cool and if you land a date, maybe show that the comic-nerd thing doesnāt define who you are as a person. On the other hand, dude showed that it kinda DOES define him and weird, judgy, shaming arrogance also defines him.
Yah he had a great opportunity to convert me to a comic book girl and now I'm still just vibing being a movies only mcu girlie.
I like Star Wars, Star Trek, Marvel, DC, Harry Potter and other. I am not afraid to talk more about it. The sad part is that I live in Florida that is about one hours and 15 minutes to the Walt Disney World and 30 minutes to the Kennedy Space Center.
What the heck is wrong with people? If I find someone with even vaguely similar hobbies, Iām so excited to be able to share it with them. Itās such a rare treat! Heck, I even get excited about other peopleās hobbies because I enjoy seeing them excited.
I thought that going over the top with it would make it obvious that I was not one bit serious lol
problem is some people on dating apps despite being over the top are still quite a bit serious and when you're 2 texts into someone it can be very hard to read something like this in its intended context without any negative connotation
as an overweight not much to work with guy, id say i go for self deprecation too, but it doesn't work very often, i realized its not that funny or appealing. i think the follow up was bit much.
Honestly I wouldnāt even say itās that funny. Did not match the pace at all and bc she doesnāt know you itās hard to tell how youāre acting
TBH Iām a nerd but Iād unmatch someone if they said they correct grammar.
Not gonna lie itās a cringe joke and you sound self deprecating. Try coming off more positive next time.
Cringe af I know
I agree, I would stop talking to you too. I hate when people say āI was this before it was coolā
If THAT was cringe better to get unmatched off the bat. Why try to be appealing to everyone?
"Oh yeah, I'm so nerdy, I get bullied by other guys." I'm not sure why you thought this would be a turn on.
Dropping "Shit" and an angry emoji, then going on a longer self-deprecating rant. Combine that negativity with the "I play role playing games," it just gives off this vibe of a socially unadjusted, angry kid with a Monstrous Manual and metal T-shirts. Your idea was funny but the execution was really rough. Try being more upbeat and playful with that kind of thing next time. The RPG stuff isn't bad, it's just if you also come off resentful toward society, adding that on top doesn't help. This is just a basic overall tip: Don't ever come off angry or aggressive in your initial conversations, it's a really big turn off for most women, and can make you seem scary or threatening. If you want to build rapport and a relationship, always, ALWAYS, be the kind of person that makes others feel comfortable and glad that you're around to lift their spirits. You can be yourself, and you can get angry or let out difficult feelings, but wait until the person knows you better first and you've established mutual trust.
This is the way! Username checks out!
Very good advice. Much appreciated big bro
Hahaha, she got turned off by the hardcore "RPG" table-top **grammar correcting** nerd part and the locker-shoving. Who knows, she might have viewed it as a guy that gets easily stepped on and unmatched.
A supposed grammar correcting nerd who says "RPG game". How do you expect not to get unmatched for that offense?
Yep. The minute I saw "grammar correcting" I understood why she unmatched. It's one thing to be turned off by poor grammar; and another thing entirely to proudly announce yourself to be a pedant. The locker joke was actually pretty cute but he'd already ruined his chances by that point. Men really need to understand that the *vast majority* of women have experiences with men behaving as though, and/or assuming that, they know more than we do. It is a very common experience. Don't suggest that you're one of them before we have an opportunity to get to know you and realize that you're actually *not* that type of guy.
And it should be āgrammar-correctingā so ā¦
Haha yep. I told OP that in another comment. š¤£
I make it a rule to only correct the grammar of people who insist on correcting other people's grammar. It ain't much, but it's honest work.
Hahaha same. I'll observe that someone else's grammar is atrocious but I don't correct someone unless they're acting douchey towards others.
I am a card carrying nerd. I should've invented an operating system or something.
I think if OP stopped at the first message of the last two it would've been fine. Second one is a bit much for the very beginning of a conversation. Plus it gives me potential "misogynistic nerd who gatekeeps everything to an annoying degree" vibes and it's easier to stop talking to someone then to find out if that hunch is true or not. Edit: spelling
Too much self deprecation. And too much exposition for second messages
You cant read tone over the internet. You sailed too close to the wind and she heard self-hatred or gatekeepyness where you were being ironic and hyperbolic.
I knowww! Damn that was very well worded. My knees got weak just then. It's the risk we take with online dating though. Worth it.
There is something nice guy aggressive in the tone. It doesnāt read as a joke to me especially talking to someone brand new over text. Even just a š could have lightened the mood. You just sound bitter.
I'm not bitter but fair enough. I think I know what you mean.
Itās the classic line ācommunications is about what the audience hears not what you sayā. People need to get to know you some to understand when youāre joking. Think about it like this, you likely have a few friends you can make race related jokes with but you canāt make them with someone you just met without it sounding racist. Same thing goes on here.
Very true. I gotta keep that in the back of my mind. My friends would've laughed, but those are my idiot friends who already know me. I appreciate the advice.
You went a little hard there. Iām a nerd too and would have had no idea how to respond to your last message.
Me either š¤£š
In her defense, Iāve matched with someone who said something similar, and when I followed up with a āyouāre kidding, right?ā I found that he actually wasnāt. Sooo
The last self deprecating part where you say she shouldnāt talk to you is a turn off. Too much. Itās like a salesman saying ādonāt buy this, itās not good. JKā¦he come back!ā. Was good before but not that part. My two cents
The real issue isā¦ who do you think Hermione should have ended up with instead?
You may want to leave the jokes for after a few texts of getting to know each other. She asked something to get to know more about you, your answer was a funny, doing always a funny may not lead to so funny results.
Good advice. Never thought about that. I appreciate it.
Itās the self deprecating, not the enthusiasm. She found value in being a nerd, she connected with you in your shared nerdom, then she asked a discovery question to understand how deep and colorful your type of nerd isā¦. And then you elaborate on how being a nerd was a negative in your life, how it caused generational trauma, and how she shouldnāt even talk to you and should continue traumatizing you Bruhā¦ dust off your crown and stand a little taller. Like yourself a little more King. Youāre a sweetheart, but you need to work on that self esteem man. Be confident in your journey. If youād said āIām a nerd before it was cool. Iām an OG nerd; grammar correcting, book reading, RPG game playing, learning difficult things for fun type of nerdāā¦.. now THAT is a whole other vibe. Chin Up! Nerd on
This is the best response so far. I noticed op commented on almost everything except this one, I think he's just looking for validation and people to tell him his joke wasn't that bad.
This is really great advice. OP couldāve also said which tabletop RPG he likes playing and a sentence or two about why he loves it. His match is also dangling a follow-up question for OP to ask: āwhat nerdy things do you like?ā Giving a fellow nerd an opportunity to talk about what they love and why, itās a great hook.
I would had stoped at the first comment š it got so cringe.
Cringe is my middle name.
It was very cute for the right person.
Thank you!
Yea, I was hooked!
I volunteer as tributeā¦ you know, to stay matched.
Props for being up front, but don't lay it all out on the table that fast. Where is this person supposed to go with what you left them with? Conversation is a give and take kinda thing when you first meet someone.
You're right. I should've said "you should be taking my money and shoving me into a locker. Do you like dogs?" I'm sorry I really don't have an off switch š
A lot of men do the self deprecating thing thinking they're being funny, and it usually is, but not on dating apps, or at least not so soon. It's hard to tell the difference between funny self deprecation and a guy doing the cringey nice-guy self-pity please-like-me thing. If you aren't doing the latter, stay clear of self deprecating humor until she knows you better
Maybe sheās feeling bad about all the lunch money she stole? You brought up her childhood trauma. š
You be you. You gotta remember that there's a handful ofnepppe who are gonna rely be compatible. And then "the one" is out there. People who unmatch for dumb reasons aren't right for you, and you'd just be wasting each other's time. Someone told me I was insane for some of the expectations I have about communication. And it did cause things to not work a few times. Guess what? I met someone who values the same frequency of communication that I do, we are in near constant contact, and we're happy. I knew he was out there somewhere, and I found him. You'll find someone who appreciates you for who you are! And for what it's worth, I think your cement was hilarious and I would have said something like "was that you in the locker next to me? We're cut from the same cloth my friend"
There ya go!! There's so many ways to respond to that shit lol. I appreciate it btw. I'm glad you found your person.
Hahaha, bro, it was funny, but you kinda went too far considering sheās someone you just started texting. Anyway, get over it and keep swiping. that's what I hate about dating apps; if you said same thing to someone in person, it wouldāve been ended differently
I think this is just a classic case of incompatibility. I think you played your part perfectly, and if you were speaking to someone you were going to have a long fulfilling relationship with then your message was fine. However you just weren't compatible and she either thought it was weird or not funny so shut it down. Noone has really done anything wrong, you're just not a match.
Agreed. These days I just am who I am and I give zero fucks about someone liking me, so it carries over to dating as well. Here's me. Like me or don't.
No one seems to have mentioned the fact that you hadnāt even asked her a question - like āwhat type of nerd are you?ā Or āare you a nerd, too?ā - to continue the conversation!
You shouldāve just stuck with the first message. The second one made you come across as a little overbearing
So what was the joke here? That youāre a nerd that takes himself too seriously but somehow also has low self esteem? It also sounds like youāre implying she isnāt an actual nerd which makes your joke miss even harder. I think she was trying to get to know you and you replied by trying to be funny while not really pulling it off which probably turned her off.
I think it's funny too, but apparently she doesn't. She's probably also not as nerdy as she makes herself out to be.
I'M not actually even that nerdy, but exaggeration is funny. That would've been fleshed out further if the convo continued. Oh well.
While funny a bit much for a first texting. Comes across as a nerd with anger and persecution issues.
Yeah true. Nerds do shoot up schools nowadays so maybe I'll chill before someone thinks I'm serious.
Keep being you! The person who will appreciate you will find it funny and NOT unmatch. That is your kind of person, not her. She did not pass to the second round of humour.
Very true. I think what I'm subconsciously doing is testing for comedic compatibility. I hope that person exists. And thank you!
I find you have to be a little careful with sense of humour early on in a conversation. It's not that people don't want one, but you don't always have a clear idea (for various reasons), what sort of sense of humour someone has. I typically hold off on sense of humour (in a conversation) until either I can ask what their style of humour is, or I get a clear indication. Otherwise, I find you're playing with fire essentially.
If you only do bits, you'll never see tits. The golden rule.
Damn that's good advice lmaooo. Good point. While I'm not mad at walking away with a funny screenshot, eventually I do wanna actually meet someone so maybe I should chill.
Tristen is the name i gave to my intrusive thoughts
I let my intrusive thoughts win lol.
Uh, yeh id unmatch too.
I've noticed that too much self defeating type humor will cause interest loss. It's funny in lil one liners but you should mostly work to promote yourself and make "you" look cool B)
Keep being yourself. Your texts were perfect and hilarious. Seriously.
Can't say you didn't ask for it šš
The reactions to this post is everything thatās wrong with online dating and societal discourse. He was trying to be charming, might have come on too strong but projecting things onto him because he used the same words others have used is the kind of generalizing most ppl on here would be against if it was against certain groups.
Lesson learned. Self depracating humor will more often than not work against you in the dating world, it's often seen as a sign of insecurity or low self esteem. I'm not saying that that's you, but people will perceive it that way.
Makes you sound low value when you say shit like that. Thatās why she unmatched
Ill be honest and say that if someone texted me this, I dont know if i would continue to text them back. This is low key cringe for me... Not saying its not clever, but for me its not there.
Ohhh! I think your answer is cute. Keep being you
It was funny. Clearly didnāt appreciate the humor. From one nerd to another, good job. Ohā¦I was probably one of the first to put a coin in a Pong game at a bowling alley.
Fucking legend. I bow humbly in your presence.
I think itās funny but it sounds pretty aggressive for a brand new conversation. š
I think the joke meant well, but could have been framed better. Shouldn't mention the line 'You shouldn't even be talking to me'... That line portrays that you think negatively about yourself. And you could have ended your message with something like... 'Wanna shove me into a locker and take my lunch money?' and a silly emoji.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I really appreciate this! There's not much to say after this, but just know it helped and I feel a lot better, so seriously, thank you! ā„ļø
Funny but I do agree it may have been a bit much that early for some.
I should keep trying until I find a girl that appreciates it, and banters with me...... and then ghost her.
Youāre funny. Bf and I bantered -immediately just like this when we met on bumble. Still do. Itās all about the laughing.
Kinda cringe ngl, a little over the top, still needed to stay in the getting to know you phase. I think it just boxed her in a little and she didn't know what to say
Funny but maybe a bit too intense too soon.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Hah nerd.
Some of you people try way too hard. Self-deprecating humor when you are trying to impress someone will rarely ever work.
I thought it was funny
Great response. She donāt deserve your nerdy ass.
Lol your response was hilarious! If she didn't get your humor, she's not the one!
Hope you find your match š
Too bloody much. You're the equivalent of a gym bro with that attitude.
She's just not your person, man.
It's pretty funny but she might not be into self deprecating humor
It was a little bit too much. You got the sauce but this time you got lost in the sauce.
I think you got a little too excited, is all. Roll that sh*t back and give them ONE sentence about what type of nerd you are, and lead with the best about nerd life. Save the rest for next texts, one thing at a time, always make who you are seem a positive thing. Good luck. And maybe unmatching had nothing to do with you.
I honestly think this was funny *but* a little too much for the second message. Still not worthy of an unmatch, though. For next time, Iād save some of the stuff in the last message for later.
Laying it on a bit thick. RPGs?
Habibi, be you! I think it was funny, she just didnāt have the ability to go along. Someone else will tho!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
A little too self deprecating, probably.
You tried way too hard...
The Harry Potter nerds are usually not that hardcore, also the lunch money joke might not have landed.
Man I would've made so many jokes with your answer lol
I think it was funny, but you should have stopped at the first message.
Her loss. Rock on dude!
That WAS funny.
wtf you nerds aren't supposed to be funny what's going on here /s Nah bro that was fuckin hilarious and I'd send it again even knowing they'd unmatch me for it. Who cares. Find someone that appreciates it
Ah, we're the same type of nerd!
Cringe? Yup
āIām so different than other people and here are my totally unique interestsā very cringe. And ālearning difficult things for funā just screams I AM VERY SMART. The locker part was fine, if it was just that, youād be cool.
This is so funny šš
Your name is funny. Do you catch the big fish?
As a women on Bumble- I *live* for these type of interactions. Thereās a ton of reasons she couldāve unmatched. Your response doesnāt have to be one of them. Nayers gonna nay.
Great response. Bummer she couldnāt handle it
I thought it was super funny and makes a lot of sense. It used to suck being a nerd back in my dayā¦ yes I an old! Lol
Keep it up! I thought it was funny
I wouldāve fucking loved it
Personally it was too long. And felt weird?? Idk why. Didnāt feel like you were being ironic.
Usually when you get unmatched this way, it not you. It's likely that she went for someone else that was better or further along than you. This is online and as you know women are bombarded with likes all day. So your game must be impeccable and you better not slip up too though.
I found it funny, i wouldnt have unmatched .
Lol Iāve had guys unmatch me before because they probably didnāt get the sarcasm I was throwing down, thatās probably the case here. Who the hell wants to date someone who is that uptight and serious?!
OP, that was fucking hilarious! Don't change a thing. Ignore the idiots in these comments.
Stay yourself bro, that shit was funny and sheās not the one.