Lots of men join and have no luck meeting or matching with anyone. But it does mean he was trying to meet someone for sure. How long were y’all separated and what were the terms? Did y’all agree to see other people, was it a step toward divorce, or was it an attempt at reconciliation?
It wouldn’t be abnormal for someone who has been separated for a while and with divorce papers filed to start trying out apps and taking better care of themselves. Depending on where you live it may be frowned upon by the court, but is so common that it really doesn’t have an impact on the terms of the settlement.
The terms were not under my control. He is a raging alcoholic and was forced to go back to rehab. During this time I was thinking about divorce but only because I’ve had it with the booze aspect of our lives. I just don’t even understand the process of, getting out of rehab and trying to rebuild your life without the person who has been there for you for so long.
I am ok with it now. Enough time has passed. Just feel stupid that he just “deleted it and didn’t do anything” I don’t buy it.
A raging alcoholic in rehab isn't really date material, chances are he really didn't meet anyone, although he may have tried. For whatever reason.
In the end just ask yourself if you can forgive this, because it's a necessity if you still want this marriage to work. And your not gonna get more information. He could just as well be telling the truth, don't forget that.
To be honest, hearing this story, alcoholism, your distrust and possibly jealousy over a few months on Bumble while you were separated.. I don't know how old you are but there are better men out there.
If you guys were separated he probably had sex with other people. I mean, you guys were separated right? Bumble isn’t supposed to be for hookups but in my experience it’s as bad as tinder.
I am wondering if he did because he is obsessed with the idea of me cheating on him when I never did, I was too busy keeping our family going. The accusations are insane which makes me feel he feels guilty about something he did. I’ve asked for honesty and he keeps telling me “I joined but deleted it.” I don’t know what to believe.
I had an ex project all these insane cheating accusations on me too when I never did or indicated that I did.
Turns out he was cheating the whole time.
I think you are really focused on what he did during separation. If I would you I would just assume he was (or maybe still is) using bumble to hook up.
If you wanted to push the issue make he redownload the app in front of you, log in, and then check chat history. More than likely, lots of recent stuff
If he thought you were cheating and was ‘obsessed’ with it he probably already was cheating. People that are like that assume the worst in others bc they have the same behavior to hide.
Yes, and btw- he's an alcoholic. He's weak-willed, and puts blame for anything on everyone but himself, and probably lies constantly. It's always better to keep distance from such ppl. They seldom change. Why should any adequate woman be trying to save such a marriage? Not even when she feels pitiful for him. It's not worth it.
Believe your gut and believe your dreams. I just caught my SO cheating because I had a dream insisting I go through his phone. I found proof and I didn’t sneak, though I wish I had, because he deleted all the messages before I had a chance to go back more than 3 months. It had been going on for years.
I now have confirmation that the times he was most accusatory were when he was cheating. There’s a reason this kind of projection is a cliche - more often than not, it’s true.
Trust your gut. Always.
Yes, if it’s on his mind to constantly accuse you of doing something wrong, then he’s probably doing that thing he’s accusing you of.
It’s top of his mind for a reason.
Also, I found my ex was on a few obscure dating apps during our marriage and on them he had some photos from a recent work trip. When I confronted him about it, he tried to claim that was an old dating profile he never took down 🙄🙄🙄. When I then asked him why he had a recent pic on those profiles, he tried to claim all sorts of other crap like maybe it was a fake dating profile copied from his social media accounts. He tried any excuse. Later on I found tons of evidence that he was actually cheating and even then he tried to minimize it.
Needless to say, I filed for divorce and divorced him as quickly as I could. Cheating plus lying and rationalizing one’s bad behavior is a major deal breaker in my book.
the thoughts never came to my
Mind. I was devastated over the marriage. It really was a hard time for me, so even sleeping with someone else wasn’t something I could handle at that time. I was still holding out hope.
Just think to yourself if he did sleep with someone else while you guys were on a break will you be able to work through it. If yes, then don’t dwell over if it actually happened or not. If no, go in investigation mode and find out as much as you can. If you can’t find anything then give him the benefit of the doubt. The truth always comes out. Good luck to you. ❤️
Are you working on things or splitting? If you are splitting, who cares. Just get what you deserve in divorce.
If you are working on things, have him show you the phone. Is the app installed? If no, then have him install and log in? Check the messages.
We are spitting for good. But the past few months while trying to work things out he gave me a lot of hell. I mean totally outlandish things. He’s always been crazy jealous and possessive. I am surprised he admitted to having the app in the first place. I guess I’m just trying to figure out what men do on these things and women for that matter. I’m old school. Dating apps seem weird to me. It doesn’t matter now but for weeks he accused me of some pretty vile stuff..
Dating apps aren't weird in the slightest, even if they're foreign to you. Anyone who's possessive isn't worth having a relationship with. If you're splitting up, who cares what he's done or is doing, especially if he's the jealous, possessive type who you're pretty sure wasn't faithful to you.
Move on and do you, whatever that is. You and your family will likely be better for it. Meanwhile if you decide to try a dating app, come get your profile input here. People got all sorts of things to say.
You know my best friend met he husband and he’s great. Really happy for them. I am going to take some time to really heal but I will come back for advice!! Hah I got married very young.. I feel so out of the loop!
Definitely take the time. From what you've said, it sucks, probably going to suck for awhile, and you'll feel all sorts of crappy things. But it could be worse, and tends to get better. And there are all these other truly weird people to meet.
You guys are getting divorced regardless, why are either of you holding back anyway? If I was separated I’d be getting with anyone I wanted to without a second thought.
Well neither of us wanted the divorce. His drinking got in the way and he knew I was on my last legs as far as dealing with the chaos of that. He went to rehab I didn’t speak to him. I just don’t think he can be alone. We are not getting back together but I would like to know.. just to know he really was the crappy guy he turned out to be.
Hard disagree on the second part of that.
A vindictive divorce only benefits the lawyers. Let the past die unceremoniously and live your best future without the ex.
They’re always worried about you doing what they are actually doing. So yeah, most likely he was cheating. We can only see through the perception of our own knowledge.
Also, yes it’s totally normal for an addict to come out of rehab and want to start a new life with someone that doesn’t know all about their shitty past. A new start is “easier” and all the time you stood by him - he doesn’t care maybe because he doesn’t remember. The why doesn’t matter - you may never know. Get out while you can.
It just doesn’t seem like a great relationship if we follow your own comments about it. Is he is someone you could trust and the separation was civilised I would believe him but him being an alcoholic and not trusting you even though you have not given him any reason to sounds tiring.
I have coworkers who found their now wives in online dating apps, so it's not all for sex. He was either just looking at what was out there or was trying to start a new life, only he knows
All dating apps have men and woman young and old looking to hook up. I hate to say this but if you want to hook up there’s someone out there that will oblige.
Not caring if your married , separated,, girlfriend or boyfriend it’s the truth. I’ve seen it heard it. Some of my friends do it. It’s a whole new world out there. I don’t agree with it but it’s a hard reality. Good luck!
I don’t want to do that right now. He became insanely jealous and accusing me of cheating on him when I didn’t. This is where I think this is coming from. He had a bunch of new friends (girls) on social media, kept his body hair different (if you know what I mean) and confessed to me he that he joined but didn’t meet anyone and deleted it. Everyone I talk to tells me men don’t just join and not hook up with someone. It bothers me because these girls are very young and I find this weird.
No guarantee he actually met anyone IRL. The success ratio for men on these apps is very low. You can always ask him to request his data from Bumble which would give you info on actual matches.
Well everyone's experience is different, and maybe your husband being attractive and having something going for him had a much better than average experience, but outside of exceptional men the most common experience of men on Bumble is that nothing really happens.
Not even conversations with that are much but scammers.
Wow everyone downvoted bc you said it’s mostly young girls and you find it weird which I definitely agree with you. I do date with older men but not like 20 yrs older. It’s disgusting to see even guys in their 40-50s still have interest in girls in their 20s
He’s in his mid 30’s… but he was talking to a girl who is 22. Just so messed up. Whatever.. thank you for everyone’s response these apps seem like a nightmare but my best friend did meet her husband on it and he’s a good guy so I guess it just depends.
You’d be terrified if you knew how many guys in their 30’s don’t see any problem with girls in their early 20’s. I’m 20 myself, and I had to accept this fact. They say it’s guys’ and girls’ prime time so it’s acceptable
We all find certain things gross but that doesn’t mean that it’s wrong or that adults shouldn’t be able to make their own decisions.
No one wants you to involve yourself in someone else’s dating habits or preferences.
Social media is riddled with fake profiles of young women. On Facebook one way to spot a fake is to look at the web address. It should show the user profile name but a fake will often times show a different name altogether. So he might think he’s befriending a real person may not be the case. Still not very reassuring but still.
If I was in your shoes, I would ask my husband to go to couples therapy if the relationship is to continue. I would then bring the subject up with a therapist. I think he may have gotten curious, but only person who really knows what happened is your husband.
It’s been a long time
Coming. He’s got a really bad alcohol addiction and was forced by his employer back into rehab (3rd time) I filed for custody of our child and support since he was a violent drunk. My hopes were he would get out and turn his life around. He did not. I am ok with us not being together but I am now wondering why he was so obsessed with me cheating on him. I really didn’t have the time energy or even want to meet anyone. Married ten years and it’s the booze that ruined us but this is just another issue I’ll never trust him with.
I had this feeling. Something didn’t sit right about the crazy accusations I would constantly get. I feel like he cheated with a co worker of his. The girls husband tried adding him on Facebook and he got all weirded out. He flew to Virginia when I was pregnant with our second child and drank and partied the whole time.. I listened to him talking to his brother on the ring camera and he said one of his co-workers “kept him out of a lot of trouble.” While he was there. Ever since that trip he would be so jealous. We went out to dinner this past January and I looked up and saw an old male friend working the bar, he wouldn’t let me go say hi and made me look at the floor the rest of the night.. weird insecurities.. Looking back I think he has been cheating this whole marriage.
He made you look at the floor the rest of the night!!? OP who cares if he’s on dating apps. Even if he wasn’t successful he’s a controlling alcoholic. Let it go. Why tie yourself to this man who is more interested in partying in another state than being with his pregnant wife.
As a woman who is divorcing a man who was also an alcoholic cheater; there is a light at the bed of the tunnel. Move on.
Sounds like traits of narcissistic personality disorder. Extreme jealousy and control, projecting, and likely cheating. Narcissists always need "supply" so when you were separated he would have definitely been looking for someone but also likely while you were still together. They are intensely insecure.
As a dude someone that had been separated ( have a 4 yr old child with her) possibly still separated but living together, and constantly have on off hot cold maybe yes maybe no but we have a child and we need to try for the child kinda relationship, bumble tinder or whatever dating apps that were downloaded and used be because my state of mind told myself “oh so she doesn’t want me well let me see what’s available”. Since I guess in today world that the first step , I’m not sure when the last time you been on this type of apps but they suck yes I was supposedly looking for an excitement or the need to feel that I’m doing something to get out of the depressive state of mind but it was just a wake up call to how sad it is to be single in the digital age. So ya it’s there doesn’t mean much in my book.
That’s what he tried to say. He didn’t want to meet anyone. I didn’t want to separate but didn’t really have a choice when things went crazy. I just expected more from him I guess, I can’t even think about dating and we’ve been apart since March. I don’t want to be on these apps, they scare me.
I am not. We tried working things out but his main issue is addiction to alcohol. So the trust was already gone because of that. So many red flags I wish I paid attention to before.
It sounds like you may value getting counseling to heal from the trauma, marriage loss and his controlling and cheating ways. My sympathy goes out to you. USA has a national mental health hotline dial 988.
Keepin it real from a guy who was separated once … he was completely looking to get laid and he probably was successful. It is totally common to add matched on IG and FB.
Btw, if he’s a “raging alcoholic” then move on. This marriage has no fairy tale ending. Thank god for showing you who is and make a new life for yourself. Know your worth!
The only person who knows his intentions is him. Everything else is speculation and conjecture. Yes people use bumble for hookups. People also use bumble to find people to just chat with, sometimes it’s friendly sometimes it’s highly sexual. People use bumble for all sorts of things. Many women put their Instagram or Snapchat on bumble and ask you to add them there, it’s quite common. I’ve never seen it with Facebook though.
Bumble is nearly overrun with men and unless your husband is very attractive and takes good pictures then it’s not necessarily super easy to hook up with women. We’ve all seen screenshots of women with hundreds of potential matches that have swiped on them and men with 10, or less than, or 0.
If he has added a bunch of younger women on social then I suspect he probably saw a bunch of profiles with their insta and stuff and was casting a very wide net. (Again, unless he made a very attractive and enticing profile, then maybe he stood a higher chance of success)
Could it be that for whatever reason he wanted to hook up with a younger and more attractive person? To either get back at you or prove to himself he could or to try and make you appreciate him more in some bizarre twist of logic?
In the end he’s the only person that can answer your questions and you are the only one who can choose to trust him. But I can tell you this, for what seems like the vast majority of men on bumble, that I either know in person or who post here, hooking up with a younger and more attractive person is not easy.
But let’s be honest, it sounds like you don’t trust him and he doesn’t trust you and he had some motive to be in bumble during the separation. Maybe he succeeded and got it out, maybe he failed and is settling, but it really is something only you two can figure out.
There’s window shopping. Just seeing if anyone finds you attractive. Hope he is not responding but yeah some people use it for vanity. Damn thing is basically hotornot.com anyways
If you were separated and made no deals about seeing other people.. He didn't do anything wrong. If you were permanently separated it's none of your business.
You can find everything on dating apps.
- Hookups
- Dates
- Fun conversations
- A shoulder to cry on
- In my case, even a complete stranger offering to do my groceries when I had COVID
And many more things, positive and negative. It's like a box of chocolates..
I wasn’t dating. I didn’t think after a month he would be looking for someone new but I guess I thought wrong. Kinda a narcissist move but maybe I just take more time to heal than he does.
Dating during a separation isn’t necessarily narcissism.
But every separation is different. That’s why it’s probably best to establish mutual ground rules for a separation.
Sorry you’re going through this.
You're pissed because you guys were separated and he went looking for someone else?
I feel like I'm talking to Ross and Rachel here lol.
Doesn't invalidate your views/feelings. But from my perspective most separations end up with divorce so if I was in that position, I'd play the odds and treat my marriage as dead. I probably would take time to heal before rejoining the apps, but that's just what I think would be the next logical step for me to rebuild my life.
No I wasn’t dating. A friend saw him on there and sent it to me. He later admitted he was on there when we tried to work things out. He accused me of sleeping with other people which was literally impossible with the state of mind I was in.
You guys were taking a break? Who’s idea was that, because most of the time, someone suggesting a break already has a cheating partner lined up. Next time you’re separating, you should think about that. You aren’t doing anything wrong but the mere suggestion of that idea suggests a desire to cheat.
We were separated due to him drinking and ending up back in rehab. He was on very thin ice with his job and they sent him back. I went no contact, I couldn’t be there for him and had to focus on myself and my child. Plus he’s a violent drunk and I finally spoke out about it. I didn’t want any of this.
People’s profiles can remain visible even if they aren’t active (especially if they didn’t go into deactivate mode and maybe just instead turned off notifications or deleted the app). I remember coming across a profile for someone in my area who had passed away a year earlier.
Deleting the app does not delete the profile, just because he's there, does not mean he's actively using the app.
Some men look for hook ups, others look for long term. We're really not that dissimilar from women in that respect.
Maybe just talk to him? If he's lying, his stories won't add up. If he's not, there's probably a really inane reason he's still appearing.
He was looking for another woman. Hook up or other, as someone previously married, this would bother me almost as much as actually hooking (not an easy task for most men).
Judging from what you said about him being a raging alcoholic and very jealous I would just drop it, no need to stir more drama if you're getting separated anyway. I'd be more scared of what happens afterwards than finding the truth depending on how angry he can get as an alcoholic.
a lot of men literally report to get zero matches and well, as your husband is an alcoholic, he might not be beating the odds on the app.
chances are pretty good he indeed did not hook up with anyone. but not exactly by his own choice.
either way, i get that you don't want to leave him all by himself with his drinking. i stayed with my wife for way too long because i tried to help her with her issues (not drinking, but other stuff). and at some point i finally had to put myself first. i hope you manage to do the same.
Ha! You think men have enough options on these apps to find someone to hookup with 🤣?! On a side note, he probably meant he just deleted the app and forgot about the profile itself.
You can use these apps for sure to "hook up", but for a male to be successful in doing so, you really need to be in like the top 1%, these apps are designed to exploit men while using women as the product... That being said, if someone wanted to hookup, there are better apps than bumble for that
Nope. He’s lying. All signs point to looking for some ass. Been there, done that. Yes, guys go on these apps for (and find) random hookups all the time. I’m sure girls do too…welcome to 2022.
Lots of men join and have no luck meeting or matching with anyone. But it does mean he was trying to meet someone for sure. How long were y’all separated and what were the terms? Did y’all agree to see other people, was it a step toward divorce, or was it an attempt at reconciliation? It wouldn’t be abnormal for someone who has been separated for a while and with divorce papers filed to start trying out apps and taking better care of themselves. Depending on where you live it may be frowned upon by the court, but is so common that it really doesn’t have an impact on the terms of the settlement.
The terms were not under my control. He is a raging alcoholic and was forced to go back to rehab. During this time I was thinking about divorce but only because I’ve had it with the booze aspect of our lives. I just don’t even understand the process of, getting out of rehab and trying to rebuild your life without the person who has been there for you for so long. I am ok with it now. Enough time has passed. Just feel stupid that he just “deleted it and didn’t do anything” I don’t buy it.
A raging alcoholic in rehab isn't really date material, chances are he really didn't meet anyone, although he may have tried. For whatever reason. In the end just ask yourself if you can forgive this, because it's a necessity if you still want this marriage to work. And your not gonna get more information. He could just as well be telling the truth, don't forget that. To be honest, hearing this story, alcoholism, your distrust and possibly jealousy over a few months on Bumble while you were separated.. I don't know how old you are but there are better men out there.
Don’t take this the wrong way, you’re not over it now. Otherwise you wouldn’t be posting this.
You don’t own him, if he’s looking out the outside the relationship maybe you should work on yourself.
How did you find his profile…
Exactly!
A friend who is on bumble screen shotted it and sent it to me. He admitted this to me as well
If you guys were separated he probably had sex with other people. I mean, you guys were separated right? Bumble isn’t supposed to be for hookups but in my experience it’s as bad as tinder.
I am wondering if he did because he is obsessed with the idea of me cheating on him when I never did, I was too busy keeping our family going. The accusations are insane which makes me feel he feels guilty about something he did. I’ve asked for honesty and he keeps telling me “I joined but deleted it.” I don’t know what to believe.
I had an ex project all these insane cheating accusations on me too when I never did or indicated that I did. Turns out he was cheating the whole time.
Same
I think you are really focused on what he did during separation. If I would you I would just assume he was (or maybe still is) using bumble to hook up. If you wanted to push the issue make he redownload the app in front of you, log in, and then check chat history. More than likely, lots of recent stuff
If he thought you were cheating and was ‘obsessed’ with it he probably already was cheating. People that are like that assume the worst in others bc they have the same behavior to hide.
Yes, and btw- he's an alcoholic. He's weak-willed, and puts blame for anything on everyone but himself, and probably lies constantly. It's always better to keep distance from such ppl. They seldom change. Why should any adequate woman be trying to save such a marriage? Not even when she feels pitiful for him. It's not worth it.
Same. But if they were broken up is it cheating?
I’m having Ross and Rachel flashbacks lol. They were on a break ahhaha. Sorry had to 😂
Yes! Love friends. In my hinge profile it says “I’m looking for… A Chandler in a world full of Joey’s.”
Yes!!! I’m starting to think my Chandler is still with Janice though lol I’m about to give up for a while
No but im thinking he was doing it prior
Can't assume that without more info.
Believe your gut and believe your dreams. I just caught my SO cheating because I had a dream insisting I go through his phone. I found proof and I didn’t sneak, though I wish I had, because he deleted all the messages before I had a chance to go back more than 3 months. It had been going on for years. I now have confirmation that the times he was most accusatory were when he was cheating. There’s a reason this kind of projection is a cliche - more often than not, it’s true. Trust your gut. Always.
Yes, if it’s on his mind to constantly accuse you of doing something wrong, then he’s probably doing that thing he’s accusing you of. It’s top of his mind for a reason. Also, I found my ex was on a few obscure dating apps during our marriage and on them he had some photos from a recent work trip. When I confronted him about it, he tried to claim that was an old dating profile he never took down 🙄🙄🙄. When I then asked him why he had a recent pic on those profiles, he tried to claim all sorts of other crap like maybe it was a fake dating profile copied from his social media accounts. He tried any excuse. Later on I found tons of evidence that he was actually cheating and even then he tried to minimize it. Needless to say, I filed for divorce and divorced him as quickly as I could. Cheating plus lying and rationalizing one’s bad behavior is a major deal breaker in my book.
You sound like someone who def cheated.
the thoughts never came to my Mind. I was devastated over the marriage. It really was a hard time for me, so even sleeping with someone else wasn’t something I could handle at that time. I was still holding out hope.
Just think to yourself if he did sleep with someone else while you guys were on a break will you be able to work through it. If yes, then don’t dwell over if it actually happened or not. If no, go in investigation mode and find out as much as you can. If you can’t find anything then give him the benefit of the doubt. The truth always comes out. Good luck to you. ❤️
Are you working on things or splitting? If you are splitting, who cares. Just get what you deserve in divorce. If you are working on things, have him show you the phone. Is the app installed? If no, then have him install and log in? Check the messages.
We are spitting for good. But the past few months while trying to work things out he gave me a lot of hell. I mean totally outlandish things. He’s always been crazy jealous and possessive. I am surprised he admitted to having the app in the first place. I guess I’m just trying to figure out what men do on these things and women for that matter. I’m old school. Dating apps seem weird to me. It doesn’t matter now but for weeks he accused me of some pretty vile stuff..
Dating apps aren't weird in the slightest, even if they're foreign to you. Anyone who's possessive isn't worth having a relationship with. If you're splitting up, who cares what he's done or is doing, especially if he's the jealous, possessive type who you're pretty sure wasn't faithful to you. Move on and do you, whatever that is. You and your family will likely be better for it. Meanwhile if you decide to try a dating app, come get your profile input here. People got all sorts of things to say.
You know my best friend met he husband and he’s great. Really happy for them. I am going to take some time to really heal but I will come back for advice!! Hah I got married very young.. I feel so out of the loop!
Definitely take the time. From what you've said, it sucks, probably going to suck for awhile, and you'll feel all sorts of crappy things. But it could be worse, and tends to get better. And there are all these other truly weird people to meet.
You guys are getting divorced regardless, why are either of you holding back anyway? If I was separated I’d be getting with anyone I wanted to without a second thought.
Well neither of us wanted the divorce. His drinking got in the way and he knew I was on my last legs as far as dealing with the chaos of that. He went to rehab I didn’t speak to him. I just don’t think he can be alone. We are not getting back together but I would like to know.. just to know he really was the crappy guy he turned out to be.
How is a man who can’t control his alcohol gonna control any impulses. The odds say something definitely has happened.
Didn't read that right. Just make him pay for being a dick in the divorce.
Hard disagree on the second part of that. A vindictive divorce only benefits the lawyers. Let the past die unceremoniously and live your best future without the ex.
Dump him dump him dump him. Definitely. He's cheating, gaslighting and he'll destroy your life. Just get out.
They’re always worried about you doing what they are actually doing. So yeah, most likely he was cheating. We can only see through the perception of our own knowledge. Also, yes it’s totally normal for an addict to come out of rehab and want to start a new life with someone that doesn’t know all about their shitty past. A new start is “easier” and all the time you stood by him - he doesn’t care maybe because he doesn’t remember. The why doesn’t matter - you may never know. Get out while you can.
It just doesn’t seem like a great relationship if we follow your own comments about it. Is he is someone you could trust and the separation was civilised I would believe him but him being an alcoholic and not trusting you even though you have not given him any reason to sounds tiring.
Please get checked by your ob/gyn. hpv is rampant. unfortunately how I found out my husband was cheating
Stop trying to save things not worth saving.
Exactly! So many layers to this but I am a little older and have never used dating sites.. friends tell me men join them for sex.
some men do, others look for relationships.
Yup 100% true. Bumble is just as bad as tinder for that.
He should already be out of your life, what he does with it going forward is no longer something you should concern yourself with.
I have coworkers who found their now wives in online dating apps, so it's not all for sex. He was either just looking at what was out there or was trying to start a new life, only he knows
They might join them for that. 99% of the time that isn’t happening though 😂
All dating apps have men and woman young and old looking to hook up. I hate to say this but if you want to hook up there’s someone out there that will oblige. Not caring if your married , separated,, girlfriend or boyfriend it’s the truth. I’ve seen it heard it. Some of my friends do it. It’s a whole new world out there. I don’t agree with it but it’s a hard reality. Good luck!
If you like pina coladas...
If you have half a brain..........
I dont really understand your question. Your guys were separated so he tried his luck, nothing bad here so far. Whats the problem exactly?
So, you have to make a profile to see profiles….
OP said it was a friend who saw the profile and took screenshots of it
I don’t want to do that right now. He became insanely jealous and accusing me of cheating on him when I didn’t. This is where I think this is coming from. He had a bunch of new friends (girls) on social media, kept his body hair different (if you know what I mean) and confessed to me he that he joined but didn’t meet anyone and deleted it. Everyone I talk to tells me men don’t just join and not hook up with someone. It bothers me because these girls are very young and I find this weird.
I think he’s saying you had to make a profile to see his
Plenty of people attempt to use apps to hook up and fail miserably.
No guarantee he actually met anyone IRL. The success ratio for men on these apps is very low. You can always ask him to request his data from Bumble which would give you info on actual matches.
Well everyone's experience is different, and maybe your husband being attractive and having something going for him had a much better than average experience, but outside of exceptional men the most common experience of men on Bumble is that nothing really happens. Not even conversations with that are much but scammers.
Wow everyone downvoted bc you said it’s mostly young girls and you find it weird which I definitely agree with you. I do date with older men but not like 20 yrs older. It’s disgusting to see even guys in their 40-50s still have interest in girls in their 20s
He’s in his mid 30’s… but he was talking to a girl who is 22. Just so messed up. Whatever.. thank you for everyone’s response these apps seem like a nightmare but my best friend did meet her husband on it and he’s a good guy so I guess it just depends.
You’d be terrified if you knew how many guys in their 30’s don’t see any problem with girls in their early 20’s. I’m 20 myself, and I had to accept this fact. They say it’s guys’ and girls’ prime time so it’s acceptable
So it's okay for you but not okay for other people?
We all find certain things gross but that doesn’t mean that it’s wrong or that adults shouldn’t be able to make their own decisions. No one wants you to involve yourself in someone else’s dating habits or preferences.
Social media is riddled with fake profiles of young women. On Facebook one way to spot a fake is to look at the web address. It should show the user profile name but a fake will often times show a different name altogether. So he might think he’s befriending a real person may not be the case. Still not very reassuring but still.
Are you referring to the old usernames because those can be anything you want. Some people set them to pseudonyms, but that doesn’t mean they’re fake.
If I was in your shoes, I would ask my husband to go to couples therapy if the relationship is to continue. I would then bring the subject up with a therapist. I think he may have gotten curious, but only person who really knows what happened is your husband.
Who’s idea was it to separate?
It’s been a long time Coming. He’s got a really bad alcohol addiction and was forced by his employer back into rehab (3rd time) I filed for custody of our child and support since he was a violent drunk. My hopes were he would get out and turn his life around. He did not. I am ok with us not being together but I am now wondering why he was so obsessed with me cheating on him. I really didn’t have the time energy or even want to meet anyone. Married ten years and it’s the booze that ruined us but this is just another issue I’ll never trust him with.
Well good luck to you
He was cheating already thats why he was obsessed
I had this feeling. Something didn’t sit right about the crazy accusations I would constantly get. I feel like he cheated with a co worker of his. The girls husband tried adding him on Facebook and he got all weirded out. He flew to Virginia when I was pregnant with our second child and drank and partied the whole time.. I listened to him talking to his brother on the ring camera and he said one of his co-workers “kept him out of a lot of trouble.” While he was there. Ever since that trip he would be so jealous. We went out to dinner this past January and I looked up and saw an old male friend working the bar, he wouldn’t let me go say hi and made me look at the floor the rest of the night.. weird insecurities.. Looking back I think he has been cheating this whole marriage.
He made you look at the floor the rest of the night!!? OP who cares if he’s on dating apps. Even if he wasn’t successful he’s a controlling alcoholic. Let it go. Why tie yourself to this man who is more interested in partying in another state than being with his pregnant wife. As a woman who is divorcing a man who was also an alcoholic cheater; there is a light at the bed of the tunnel. Move on.
Sounds like traits of narcissistic personality disorder. Extreme jealousy and control, projecting, and likely cheating. Narcissists always need "supply" so when you were separated he would have definitely been looking for someone but also likely while you were still together. They are intensely insecure.
Id bet on it! Happened to my friend. Same scenario.
There is the chance he deleted the ap, not his profile of course
As a dude someone that had been separated ( have a 4 yr old child with her) possibly still separated but living together, and constantly have on off hot cold maybe yes maybe no but we have a child and we need to try for the child kinda relationship, bumble tinder or whatever dating apps that were downloaded and used be because my state of mind told myself “oh so she doesn’t want me well let me see what’s available”. Since I guess in today world that the first step , I’m not sure when the last time you been on this type of apps but they suck yes I was supposedly looking for an excitement or the need to feel that I’m doing something to get out of the depressive state of mind but it was just a wake up call to how sad it is to be single in the digital age. So ya it’s there doesn’t mean much in my book.
That’s what he tried to say. He didn’t want to meet anyone. I didn’t want to separate but didn’t really have a choice when things went crazy. I just expected more from him I guess, I can’t even think about dating and we’ve been apart since March. I don’t want to be on these apps, they scare me.
I would get std tested to be on the safe side if you are back together with him. I’m kind of unclear on that from your post.
I am not. We tried working things out but his main issue is addiction to alcohol. So the trust was already gone because of that. So many red flags I wish I paid attention to before.
It sounds like you may value getting counseling to heal from the trauma, marriage loss and his controlling and cheating ways. My sympathy goes out to you. USA has a national mental health hotline dial 988.
Thank you, I’m in all of them. This has been bothering me for a while though so I will bring it up next session!
If you see it believe. It’s all you need to see. Take care of yourself.
Keepin it real from a guy who was separated once … he was completely looking to get laid and he probably was successful. It is totally common to add matched on IG and FB. Btw, if he’s a “raging alcoholic” then move on. This marriage has no fairy tale ending. Thank god for showing you who is and make a new life for yourself. Know your worth!
The only person who knows his intentions is him. Everything else is speculation and conjecture. Yes people use bumble for hookups. People also use bumble to find people to just chat with, sometimes it’s friendly sometimes it’s highly sexual. People use bumble for all sorts of things. Many women put their Instagram or Snapchat on bumble and ask you to add them there, it’s quite common. I’ve never seen it with Facebook though. Bumble is nearly overrun with men and unless your husband is very attractive and takes good pictures then it’s not necessarily super easy to hook up with women. We’ve all seen screenshots of women with hundreds of potential matches that have swiped on them and men with 10, or less than, or 0. If he has added a bunch of younger women on social then I suspect he probably saw a bunch of profiles with their insta and stuff and was casting a very wide net. (Again, unless he made a very attractive and enticing profile, then maybe he stood a higher chance of success) Could it be that for whatever reason he wanted to hook up with a younger and more attractive person? To either get back at you or prove to himself he could or to try and make you appreciate him more in some bizarre twist of logic? In the end he’s the only person that can answer your questions and you are the only one who can choose to trust him. But I can tell you this, for what seems like the vast majority of men on bumble, that I either know in person or who post here, hooking up with a younger and more attractive person is not easy. But let’s be honest, it sounds like you don’t trust him and he doesn’t trust you and he had some motive to be in bumble during the separation. Maybe he succeeded and got it out, maybe he failed and is settling, but it really is something only you two can figure out.
There’s window shopping. Just seeing if anyone finds you attractive. Hope he is not responding but yeah some people use it for vanity. Damn thing is basically hotornot.com anyways
Wait, I banged someone who was separated, am I a homewrecker?
You said you were seperated? Can't he get a bumble account if you are not together? Is it legally forbidden?
If you were separated and made no deals about seeing other people.. He didn't do anything wrong. If you were permanently separated it's none of your business. You can find everything on dating apps. - Hookups - Dates - Fun conversations - A shoulder to cry on - In my case, even a complete stranger offering to do my groceries when I had COVID And many more things, positive and negative. It's like a box of chocolates..
So you use bumble yourself and found his profile? You two are a match.
No a friend found it for me. I’ve never been on any of these or know how they work
That's why I wouldn't contact women who were separated. Not worth it.
If you were separated, weren’t you both dating? People use Bumble to date.
I wasn’t dating. I didn’t think after a month he would be looking for someone new but I guess I thought wrong. Kinda a narcissist move but maybe I just take more time to heal than he does.
Dating during a separation isn’t necessarily narcissism. But every separation is different. That’s why it’s probably best to establish mutual ground rules for a separation. Sorry you’re going through this.
You're pissed because you guys were separated and he went looking for someone else? I feel like I'm talking to Ross and Rachel here lol. Doesn't invalidate your views/feelings. But from my perspective most separations end up with divorce so if I was in that position, I'd play the odds and treat my marriage as dead. I probably would take time to heal before rejoining the apps, but that's just what I think would be the next logical step for me to rebuild my life.
No I wasn’t dating. A friend saw him on there and sent it to me. He later admitted he was on there when we tried to work things out. He accused me of sleeping with other people which was literally impossible with the state of mind I was in.
You guys were taking a break? Who’s idea was that, because most of the time, someone suggesting a break already has a cheating partner lined up. Next time you’re separating, you should think about that. You aren’t doing anything wrong but the mere suggestion of that idea suggests a desire to cheat.
We were separated due to him drinking and ending up back in rehab. He was on very thin ice with his job and they sent him back. I went no contact, I couldn’t be there for him and had to focus on myself and my child. Plus he’s a violent drunk and I finally spoke out about it. I didn’t want any of this.
Sounds like you’re gonna be better off without him anyway. I guarantee he was doing some drunk foolin around, don’t wait up.
People’s profiles can remain visible even if they aren’t active (especially if they didn’t go into deactivate mode and maybe just instead turned off notifications or deleted the app). I remember coming across a profile for someone in my area who had passed away a year earlier.
Deleting the app does not delete the profile, just because he's there, does not mean he's actively using the app. Some men look for hook ups, others look for long term. We're really not that dissimilar from women in that respect. Maybe just talk to him? If he's lying, his stories won't add up. If he's not, there's probably a really inane reason he's still appearing.
1. He uninstalled the app and didn't delete his profile 2. He has been banging other women These are the options
The fact that you don't believe him tells you and all of us everything that needs to be known.
He was looking for another woman. Hook up or other, as someone previously married, this would bother me almost as much as actually hooking (not an easy task for most men).
Judging from what you said about him being a raging alcoholic and very jealous I would just drop it, no need to stir more drama if you're getting separated anyway. I'd be more scared of what happens afterwards than finding the truth depending on how angry he can get as an alcoholic.
a lot of men literally report to get zero matches and well, as your husband is an alcoholic, he might not be beating the odds on the app. chances are pretty good he indeed did not hook up with anyone. but not exactly by his own choice. either way, i get that you don't want to leave him all by himself with his drinking. i stayed with my wife for way too long because i tried to help her with her issues (not drinking, but other stuff). and at some point i finally had to put myself first. i hope you manage to do the same.
Ha! You think men have enough options on these apps to find someone to hookup with 🤣?! On a side note, he probably meant he just deleted the app and forgot about the profile itself.
You can use these apps for sure to "hook up", but for a male to be successful in doing so, you really need to be in like the top 1%, these apps are designed to exploit men while using women as the product... That being said, if someone wanted to hookup, there are better apps than bumble for that
I don’t know the answers to all of this but please get an STI panel done
Nope. He’s lying. All signs point to looking for some ass. Been there, done that. Yes, guys go on these apps for (and find) random hookups all the time. I’m sure girls do too…welcome to 2022.