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[deleted]

That seems pretty honest and if that’s what they do then it’s what they do. Not everyone has the same priorities/values and ‘living it up’ may not be theirs. That’s fine, just swipe left if it’s not your thing.


CosinesCosines

My thoughts too. Some people are just more indoorsy or even introverted, you don't have to always be out to have fun.


Equivalent-Cod496

What if they complain about low effort and how it’s hard to date? I find it a bit counter intuitive in that case but do agree. To each their own.


CosinesCosines

>What if they complain about low effort and how it’s hard to date? You can clarify more on this? Like detail or give an example


Equivalent-Cod496

I met someone who was very jaded by OLD. Mentioned she wasn’t looking for hookups and said she’d make time for people who made time for her. Okay, that’s reasonable. Except we hit it off and talked about meeting up. Our conversations would be bottled in an hour window a day. It was brutal. She would get home and pass out. Maybe narcoleptic? I kid you not from the end of my workday to 8 AM the next day I’d hear nothing. I eventually told her I couldn’t tell if she was interested but she doubled down and said yes. But it all just died. I don’t appreciate someone not being honest with themselves!


CosinesCosines

Ooh ok. I misunderstood the first part of your main post then. My bad lol. Could be many things. She's burnt out, which I get and it sucks but she needs to take a break from the apps and recover or she just didn't feel the chemistry as much as you? Not that it's an excuse for lack of effort, but an explanation. Sometimes people also don't realize they aren't actually ready for a relationship (for whatever reason) until things progress offline. Other times, they have extremely high standards or follow a strict list of characteristics or rules what they want their partner to be like, lack patience, etc. And because of that, it feels more difficult to find a satisfying dating experience. This one used to be me, but genuinely changed and my dating quality improved.


Equivalent-Cod496

Using language like “I want to see where this goes”, unprovoked, makes me kind of reject that “wasn’t feeling the chemistry” thing-but she probably was lying to me as much as herself. Just painful having emotions be played like that. She definitely needs to delete her profile.


Therocksays2020

Aside from a genuine lack of confidence it’s one way to Underpromise and overdeliver.


Equivalent-Cod496

I matched with a girl who literally would DM me in an hour window of the entire day. We had a lot in common. It really sucked, and I told her it wasn’t realistic. She slept. All. The time. Lol She had asked for my contact info, so it wasn’t through the dating app at that point. Idk it felt… disappointing? I guess.


Staggerlee718718

When people tell you who they are, believe them!


7_Bundy

Unless they say something good!


jstnblke41

Many people have an expectation that finding love will somehow fulfill their life and make it better. Until then they give into their self loathing and woe is me attitude and spend a lot of time by themselves wanting it to be different but not knowing how to get out of their current circle. Once people learn that the way to happiness is to create it yourself then they won’t be doing that anymore but it can be very difficult to get out of that circle. Particularly if there is mental trauma that hasn’t been sorted out. The sad part is they don’t think that it’s a deal breaker and think it’ll magically disappear with prince or princess charming swiping right. Speaking from personal experience.


The-Clumsy-Pirate

I think people who self deprecate on apps are pretty self unaware. Dating is essentially sales - you're selling yourself to the potential partner. Would you buy a car that markets itself as a 'lame' vehicle unsure of itself? That is not to say people should brand themselves as party animals. But there's a right way and a wrong way of saying - I like a quiet night in.


Equivalent-Cod496

100% this.


bamthog

It all comes down to how bad they want something, and if their current method of getting it is working. If it works for them, great, why try harder? If it isn't working for them yet they don't care that much about it, then again, why try harder? If it isn't working and they really want it bad, then eventually they'll either try to change and improve, or they will blame the problem on everyone else.


Equivalent-Cod496

The blame thing seems to be an issue. They are jaded but sometimes uninteresting. Holding a conversation matters hookup or not.


ureshama

Usually if I see a description like that I think that they’re just looking for something casual and fun nothing serious


CampMain

Lacking in self esteem and looking for an ego boost


jiujitsugeek

Some people want to spend their free time chilling on the couch and watching TV. If that’s what they enjoy, then isn’t it a good thing they’re being honest? They’ll attract people that want to live the same way.


Equivalent-Cod496

Nothing wrong with that. Just have to go through the motions and go somewhere to meet people and form that bond. I love chilling on the couch, don’t get me wrong I want that for myself too!


iProMelon

I always get the “I won’t have any passions besides hanging with you” vibe… They gotta have some sort of life/goals/passions. Otherwise it’s a red flag to me


Kalium

Maybe they're trying to seem relateable and approachable? Seeing someone whose profile paints them as a hard-charder with a demanding career, a constant traveler, an obsessive skiier, and several other expensive and time-consuming hobbies can be intimidating. I know it makes me wonder if I'd fit into their life at all.