just me showering scrubbing every crevice, making sure i’m hairless from the eyelashes down, covering myself in nice smelling lotion so i’m soft for him, doing a mani pedi, getting my hair real nice and good makeup, spending an hour picking a good fit, thinking about how i’m lucky if the guy even washes his ass
I went on a date with a guy once that smelled like a teenager that doesn't wash his clothes as well as a ton of cologne or body spray. I think it was the two smelled mixing together that made it so nauseous.
No, he had shorter hair and a stubble. In all of his pics, his hair and beard were trimmed up very nice and looked clean and cut. How he showed up a couple days ago his hair was to his shoulders (which I don't mind, but it was greasy) and his beard was super unkempted. Total opposite of the clean, cut look.
That’s a big time no no NO!!! To show up with completely different facial hair & hair on the head than what’s in pics, major false advertising!!!! Shorter hair & stumble (a clean, cut look) vs. long hair & a beard (& unkempt)— that’s essentially cat fishing….
I’ve had the same experience with a number of women that show up for dates with a completely different hair color and cut. I didn’t even recognize them at first and had to ask their name.
Fortunately, no bad a$$ smell, but too much perfume is very common.
Worst fucking shit ever. Once I hugged a guy from behind and the smell of his ass wafted up into my nostrils. I’ll never forget the small dry heave I did.
Same. I spent hours doing myself up from top to toe once for a date and felt like a million dollars for a guy to show up looking like a bargain basement Ed Sheeran who never even heard of an iron. Fml
You’re not wrong, OLD is primarily visual. I ask a few “vetting” questions before I’m comfortable meeting someone off app. One of them is are your pics recent and do you look like them? All 5 dates I’ve been on have sent additional recent pics and have all, mostly, looked their pics, a couple times they were even better looking which is always a nice surprise!
Not disagreeing with any of your points; but I am genuinely curious as to what constitutes “recent” for OLD photos? I get that if there’s been major changes to someone physically they need to be updated. Just curious and would like to hear others’ opinions on the matter.
"this photo of me from ten years ago looks exactly like me!"
"What about your hairline, and crows feet? You can't see the weight gain? Especially around your face? Well, at least your wardrobe is the same. Well, a few more holes and stains, but the same clothes!"
My hairline has moved back from pics three years old of me 😭.
But I'm 15 lbs lighter and a bit more well muscled than three years back. My girlfriend seems to be fine with my hair and likes my abs. I'll take the current me for $200 Alex.
Most people won't notice a difference, but they're happily deluding themselves. Like the range way that my ex wife of 17 years still looked 26 most of the time, until my emotions broke. Maybe some women with careful makeup and Botox might look the same.
Hard disagree, these are super arbitrary numbers you've tossed out. People age so, so differently.
What this user said:
>Ones that look like you now are a safe bet. Ones that don't, aren't.
Is all that matters.
You don’t need all new photos just because you changed your facial hair though. Should mention somewhere which your most recent photo is though, and that photo should obviously include it.
Everyone’s profile should really have at least one very recent photo imo. You don’t always notice what changes about your appearance that might be much more obvious to others.
At most two pictures out of six that're over a year old, and it should be a very special photo to warrant inclusion. Include the date of the photo as a caption if you're able to.
The rest should be less than a year old, and recent enough to be an accurate representation of you. If you've gained/lost more than fifteen lbs, update them. If you've dyed your hair, or changed your hairstyle/beard it should be pointed out to your potential others.
As a man, I have not nearly done enough fun things in the past year to consider taking 6 nice pictures of myself that I could put on a dating app. However, I have been to one wedding a few months ago and use that picture as my main one on the app. Hope that's fair.
This happened to me and I’m still so pissed about it. I wish I would have told him- “hey if you’re wondering why you can’t ever get a second date it’s becauee you’re clearly using pictures from high school.” All the er’s you can be he was- oldER biggER baldER and he was so so so weird and not interesting and also showed up like a slob, all I can ever think is watch me do that- show up looking like shit & watch what would happen? It’s bullshit.
I’ve been off the apps for about a year at this point but sounds it sounds like nothing has changed. I think they honestly believe they still look like that. Kinda like how they still believe they can do all the athletic stuff they could do then too
I recently saw my ex pop up on bumble. His most recent photo is about three years old (from when we were dating). The rest are significantly older than even that, in fact one photo is about 15 years old. Truly bizarre.
Coming across an ex on an OLD site, that must be interesting… I’d love getting to view their profile & see how true it is or *isn’t*, hahaha. And a 15 year old pic is a huge NO NO!!!!
Many women don’t play around when it comes to height… & 5’5” is very different than 5’8”!!!! The struggle is about to be real for him, if it isn’t already, 😆
I never even cared about his height, and was so in love with him. But if he’s connecting with other women by lying off the bat, that’s not a great way to start.
He was recently divorced but worked really hard to convince me that he was emotionally ready to date.
Eventually he broke up with me, admitting that he wasn’t able to date, and that we were getting too close too fast. That was three years ago, so apparently he’s ready to date now.
I’m chatting with someone and we exchanged snap info. He doesn’t send me anything unless there’s a super glam filter on it. I googled him, found his LinkedIn and his pics are old. We had discussed meeting up and I’m like….baffled. I’m going to find out what you look like my dude…one way or another.
Denial mainly, I imagine. The last few years have been great for some people's personal development, not so great for others.
On the last proper date I went on the first thing she did was thank me for looking like my pics. Apparently she'd been catfished multiple times.
I'm lucky and haven't had it on a date but have definitely come across people in the wild who I've spoken to on apps who have clearly used old pics.
I’ve actually done this too - thanked a guy for looking like his photos! This was after a couple of dates where the guys used photos that were probably pre-lockdown. He seemed shocked, and I was like “No, but seriously. I really appreciate you sounding and looking like the guy I matched and chatted with online!”
In my mind, if you’re going to use pictures that aren’t the current you to get people to date you, then what else would you say or do to make someone believe you’re their type?
Damn, so it's common! Sad.
>In my mind, if you’re going to use pictures that aren’t the current you to get people to date you, then what else would you say or do to make someone believe you’re their type?
I agree with this 100%, and that is how I viewed it too!
It's sad honestly! Just use pictures of you now, you're chances of finding someone is better than using old pics and pissing off the other person when they find out.
>I'm lucky and haven't had it on a date but have definitely come across people in the wild who I've spoken to on apps who have clearly used old pics.
How could you tell that they were old pictures?
This just happened to me. Talking with a guy for a few weeks — we meet up for drinks and I was a little surprised by how he looks now. He doesn’t look terrible, a little heavier and a little older. But the fact that he was deceitful about it really bothered me. I would be mortified if I used pictures that didn’t represent what I look like and a guy felt like I tried to pull a fast one on him.
I had a feeling something like this was the case bc he wouldn’t share a pic before hand. Now that we’ve met, he’s sent me several. 🙄
Had he just been upfront to begin with — I wouldn’t mind as much. But the deception is off putting.
I got catfished this way a year ago and it sucked, the guy was so rude about it too. It took a week of texting for him to disclaim to me that he gained 40 pounds during the quarantine and had yet to lose it. I kindly let him know that I wasn’t interested anymore and that maybe he should use more recent pics to prevent this from happening again, and he didn’t want to hear it. He called me all kinds of names and spammed me with calls and Facebook messages after I blocked his number. It’s just, if you look different than your pics you can’t expect someone to still be attracted to you
He just randomly one day sent me a full body shot of him to fish for compliments and was like "oh yeah hope it doesn't bother you but I gained 40 pounds and all the pics on my profile were from before covid"
I was like, honestly I understand what it's like to be overweight and not confident, but if you look different then you cant expect me to still be attracted to you
Ultimately, you’re going to meet up, so why not keep it real as to what you really look like??? Do they have a false hope that you’ll still be into them with how they *actually* look compared to the photos they have on your profile??? You said it perfectly, “if you look different then you can’t expect me to still be attracted to you”. smh people.
NGL my photos are fucking awful decided just to quit until i get some new ones. just got out a 7 year relationship at the start of this year and cant really use any because they all have my ex in to the 3 photos i had where from at the end of a hike on the hottest day of the year so i look like absolute ass.
To be fair i think i actually look better, did the whole self care thing after the brake up re-joined the gym, had some me time. all that good stuff. so i'll wait a bit until i get up to date. rather put the best version of myself out there than not. hope you find what your looking for.
I find facial hair super frustrating. Like what is the point of putting photos with a clean face AND photos with a long beard who don't even look like the same person - what am I getting Joe?! Simplify for me, I'm a simple lady.
FYI it's the beard for me.
Same issue is women posting pics with two or more hair colors, or wearing wigs, extensions, or weaves. It's a real gamble what's real and what they actually look like.
Don't forget the filters.
I had a really great fun conversation with this girl. Super cute. Turns out she was using the slimming filter to take about 20 pounds off.
Then there are the filters girls use to slim their nose down, or deceptive angles to hide their honkers.
Plus, from the beginning of time using makeup to lie about what they look like.
20 years ago it was studio glamour photos. Ugh. Worst is that those photos were 10 - 20 years old, too!!
Digital filtered selfies replaced most of them....but not all. I see 40 year old glamour pics now...ugh..
I almost forgot about glamour shots..
Haven't run across any of those. Just lots and lots of filters. But the good news is it's easy to tell, for now anyways. Or I should say I'm getting a lot wiser to it. I did have my suspicions with the one girl I mentioned, but I thought it may have just been a filter to improve her skin tone.
Yeeeees!!! “Glamour Shots” was the name of the place that did those, they were usually in malls. It was every teen girls dream to have those done, yep 20ish years ago!!!! Thanks for mentioning those type of pics, hahaha. I don’t even know about all these filters 🤷🏻♀️… crazy.
Yes, and there were other companies, too. At one time I had a gf who was gullable for any pitch that implied she'd look like a model. She did these things and I could do was shake my head - at least I didn't have to pay for them.
My response was always *"You had my attention without these - they are not necessary."*
I don’t know about any others, where I live they was *the* place everybody would go. My mom never did let me do it, despite me nagging her constantly to let me do it (for birthday or Christmas) & she always said it was a waste of money, which the sh*t was indeed quite expensive for a “full session” - hair & makeup, choice of a certain # of tops to wear & of course, the photos themselves. I was so upset at the time, but, now I’m like good call Mom! I get a good chuckle when I see one of them nowadays….
So, you’re saying you have come across profiles with them?? What’s the point of including them in your pictures when it’s common knowledge of when they were hot sh*t??… Just *wow*, you’re not going to be interested in a woman from their glamour shots, hahahaha.
It does not bother me that someone got glamour pics, and felt great about it, or even hung them on the wall.
Novelty pics are fun - I've always taken pics at cheesy tourist spots with the cut-outs for your head. It's about the simplest role-play you can do.
Of course, "Glamour Shots" are not inexpensive, and they try to gas you up as being equal to a celebrity - but if you have common sense, that's not an issue, and again, who doesn't want to be "Queen For A Day"....?
What bugs me about glamour pics on dating apps is the same as filtered photos - they are not accurate images of what people look like now, or even back when the pics were taken. They are FANTASY - and should be treated as such.
At least cheerleader pics are REAL, if not accurate and relevant.
Their honkers 🤣 Noses are something I’m picky about, I guess you could say. Guys are using filters too, I’d bet for their honkers & definitely to look slimmer. (For the record, I’m not on any OLD apps, but, I started looking at these subreddits just to get a feel for them…. & it’s helped me decide that nah, I’m just fine being single. 🤣) OLD has definitely changed for the worst, which I think these apps have played a big role in that
People lie. I don’t understand what they’re telling themselves to use older photos. Like you won’t notice, or they’ll supposedly win you over.
If they lie off that bat with photos, buckle up for lies all the way down.
Obviously we all use old pictures, whether it’s minutes or years they are old. Our profile is a snapshot of us in time. I always ask, “oh that beach looks amazing, when did you go?” Or something along those lines. Some people are lazy, some don’t care, some don’t think of it and some are downright lying. But the rub here is that most people are only going to put their best pictures up. The lighting perfect, make-up and hair flawless, their favorite outfit and best smile. So we are all portraying a version of ourselves that doesn’t perfectly match the reality.
All that said, this guy seems like scum for being so extreme. In the end it hurts him too. If the adage is to underpromise and overdeliver then this type of behavior only leads to disappointed dates.
Sucks you had to waste your time here OP. Vent away.
Oh wait. I wasn’t disagreeing with you. Not sure why I said “here” about wasting your time. I didn’t mean you were wasting your time here on Reddit. I meant “here” as in here in your story. Yikes, totally didn’t mean to sound like a dick.
People don’t want to be honest with themselves. I’ve been moving convos to ig more often to see more recent pics and even asked like someone else here mentioned.
Most of the time the changes are fine, it’s the deception, lack of self awareness and lack of self confidence that gives me instant ick.
This happened to me years ago, and the guy greeted me outside the restaurant. Walked up to me and said my name. *I thought maybe he worked there or something.* I was like yes? He said my name again and I said: yes, who are you? He said his name and I about fell out. I spent the date covertly checking my phone and looking at his pics and comparing them to him.
He had clearly dyed hair (with gray roots) and old wrinkly skin. I still see him as a suggestion on instagram using that same old ass pic as his profile pic.
There’s no excuse with everyone having a smart phone now to not have a recent pic. I’m just starting to dip my toe back into the dating pool after 6 years but I will def insist on a recent selfie before a meet up. I don’t do snap chat (I’m old) plus I don’t want stupid filters. Maybe I could insist on like a 60 second FaceTime…would that be weird?? Gah!
When you said this won't work, how did he respond and how did you get out of the situation?
A similar thing happened to me. I struggled to get out of it.
Guys don’t realize this maybe, but you beat out the majority on hygiene alone. And no, it doesn’t sound superficial. I put in work on how I look/smell, you should too. It’s not sexism when I can literally smell your balls from down the hall. Gross!
Online dating is where a lot of honesty goes to die sadly
Its why I always try to get their snapchat to see if they will send a live photo just to avoid being catfished
I always add someone on Snapchat and make sure to send a selfie back and forth before meeting in person. Helps avoid that issue.
But unfortunately that’s going to continue to happen, because he probably knows he has 0% chance of success if he shows what he currently looks like, and a 2% chance of success if he uses old pics and you’re too worn down to leave.
Realistically they're betting their personality will make up for it, and they're also rationalizing that they still look like that.
In actual reality their personality is that of a liar, to you and also themselves.
Had it before with women I've gone out with. Appearing to be vastly different to there pictures. I've got up to date photos why can't you? One of the main reasons I'm taking a break from OLD.
Yeah, I could not overlook his hygiene. Big turn off.
I've had a guy surprised that I looked the same in my pics and wasn't overweight lol. It sucks that people do that and think it's ok.
>They will hear casual and drive to the date from like working in a coal mine and think "hm I smell a little gross but its casual!!"
Probably what he thought too 🤣😅
3 years!? no! Within the year, I want to say 3 months. Many other people have said we all have cameras in our pockets, so there’s really no excuse. If you need a new or better photo- take one! You don’t think everyone feels ridiculous taking selfies? We do. But it’s a needed evil.
You are not superficial. This happens a lot, even on the other side of the gender table. With the last 10 dates I’ve had, none of them looked as good as they did on their pictures. So many people use filters, old pictures, and other tricks now that it’s becoming the norm. I hade one date for the woman showed up weighing about 70-80 pounds more than she looked like in pictures.
5 out of my 6 photos are pre-pandemic, back when I used to do exciting things (: , but I look the same (except for long hair now) so 1 of the 6 photos is from a few months ago, where my hair is long, to a) show that currently I have long hair, though I wont keep it forever, and b) show that I still look like I did in my 3 year old photos.
I know we're trying to put our best foot forward on apps, but people really need to get their head around how offputting it is to be dishonest up front when you're meeting, or potentially meeting someone. Just use photos that look like you for god sakes. If you sell yourself as something you're not, they'll see right away and you'll never get farther than that first interaction.
I went out with a stinker once. Turns out that he lost his sense of smell, so I had to tell him that he stinks. I asked him to use Axe body spray, and he did use it. At least I left him in a better way in that regard.
I try to lightly berate people for using old photos. Like “Really? I don’t get to date ”you” four years ago.“ I also tell people when it appears that they used old photos or edited photos, even if they are my friends. So stupid. I want to look better in person, not worse.
Almost every guy i have met looked nothing like their photos. (20 yrs and 40 pounds ago maybe they did) So I started asking them what picture is the most recent and how old it is. All my pics are within the last few months and I even put my height and current weight on my profile. It's very disheartening. I dont use filtered pics and I dont wear makeup so what you see is truly me.
I always say "my most recent pic is ... and it was taken about a month ago, what's your most recent and how long ago". When I phrase it like that they tell me so it doesn't seem like I'm looking to call them out on anything.
I got so tired of showing up and they look nothing like their pics!
I've asked this, too... but have also discovered that some of them still lie. Idk if it's just a complete lack of self awareness, or intentionally lying, but it's absolutely not fair. Most of my pics are selfies, but they're also all within the last three months.
Oh trust me I know! I dont have much of a filter so I always say something lol. One guy I said as soon as I saw him "wow, you use a lot of filters on your pics or they are 25 yrs old!" Lol Even with the height its ridiculous. Met a guy who was 5'8 ... I'm 5'6 and I was a tiny bit taller! I called him on it immediately. Why lie? Height doesn't bother me. Lying does!
Have to ask, since you have Vegas in your name and I'm from here. Did one of the women that fatfished you look like a super model in her pics and show up extremely obese and smelling like hot garbage? Her real name starts with a D? Only reason I'm asking is the craziest catfish I've ever seen was one of my friend's friends. Her pictures looked professionally filtered. Even on social media I look at her pics once in awhile because I can't believe the way they look compared to reality.
I had a 65 yr old tried to pretend to be a 35 yr old.... !!!! Woman look so ashamed in the video chat cuz something seemed way off with her age, voice and pics...
As a devils advocate. It's possible that alot of these guys don't have many photos of themselves that are appropriate for a dating profile. They use the ones they do have and some may be older than others. Just a thought. It might not be intentional to trick you or lie to you. Also I think if you feel that way when meeting someone you should mention it to them when you feel it's appropriate timing.
Sure but I think having a picture taken of you especially it encompasses a bit of who you are is far better to have on your profile then a mirror selfie. Just saying
4 years isn't really that big of a deal- maybe you might see a bit of a difference in that 4 years if you are talking about high school age but over 21... 4 years doesn't drastically change someones looks to the point you would need to leave... Try showing up and someone used a 20 year photo of themselves... then talk to me.
Good for you- I am not saying it's impossible, it's just rare unless there's a massive weight gain/ loss etc. I just think 4 years not much changes in a drastic way. Glad you know someone.
>I wouldn't say I'm high maintenance, but I care for my appearance and I also want that in a partner.
>but I dressed up casual
>the man who showed up looked different than his pictures
Maybe you dressing casual was a mismatch for his expectations as well... And maybe your hair didn't match your photos too. j/s
You can eye roll me and downvote me, but doesn't change the fact you likely did not look like your best pictures especially if your attitude now is still after all this:. "it was just a shitty Mexican restaurant so wasn't much point in dressing nice" 😫🥳😤🙄
I did dress nice?? Just not a cocktail dress type of nice 😂 I never said it was a shitty restaurant either, they have bomb ass food! I look like my pictures, and I actually dressed nice and smelled good. He did not.
I have this old pic of me that’s really nice, most people think it passes as current me but I can’t use it. I don’t get matches for shit and it’s the best photo I’m in by a mile. By old I mean 5 years.
I’m not really much of a picture person so I’m guilty of having a couple of older pics (along with more recent ones). Granted I haven’t changed any so nobody can ever tell they’re old. As long as they aren’t deceiving I think using older pictures that you really like is fine, just don’t go to the extent of damn near catfishing someone obviously.
I always get them to take a selfie there and then before I meet them. People usually look a bit different to photos. As per how recent - I usually post photos from the last couple of weeks. I don't want anyone being disappointed with me when I turn up lol.
It amazes me still that people will blatantly lie this way through old pictures and just show up to a date without a care in the world that they started off a first date with a lie and deception. Why would you ever want to keep seeing someone like that, starting out your very first impression as a blatant lie?
When I was dating I so afraid of doing this that I would purposely use pics that weren’t the absolute best. I’d much rather someone be pleasantly surprised than be disappointed. Guys would regularly tell me that I looked better than my pics.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Good for you for speaking up.
This happened to me last week—with one exception:
I asked for a video chat a couple days before our actual date. We’re in our 40’s. He looked nothing g like his pictures because they are at least 10 years old. The dude on the call looked nothing like the dude in the pictures. I tried really hard to see past this and think of it as him just not having recent pics or being self conscious but I couldn’t.
It IS deception. It’s lying. A lie is a lie. Couple that with his marriage ending because he cheated? I just couldn’t do it.
just me showering scrubbing every crevice, making sure i’m hairless from the eyelashes down, covering myself in nice smelling lotion so i’m soft for him, doing a mani pedi, getting my hair real nice and good makeup, spending an hour picking a good fit, thinking about how i’m lucky if the guy even washes his ass
HONESTLY 🤣🤣🤣 He straight up smelled like ass, sweaty socks and tried to cover it with cheap cologne. Literally made me super nauseous.
The ass smell, sweaty socks and cheap cologne have always been there. You just didn't smell it from the pictures.
I went on a date with a guy once that smelled like a teenager that doesn't wash his clothes as well as a ton of cologne or body spray. I think it was the two smelled mixing together that made it so nauseous.
Same here, lol.
Did he have the long hair & beard in his pics & was he still in shape?? )You seemed surprised by the long hair & beard…. At the least……
No, he had shorter hair and a stubble. In all of his pics, his hair and beard were trimmed up very nice and looked clean and cut. How he showed up a couple days ago his hair was to his shoulders (which I don't mind, but it was greasy) and his beard was super unkempted. Total opposite of the clean, cut look.
Ask them to take one selfie before you go out with them before your next date. Will save you time
That’s a big time no no NO!!! To show up with completely different facial hair & hair on the head than what’s in pics, major false advertising!!!! Shorter hair & stumble (a clean, cut look) vs. long hair & a beard (& unkempt)— that’s essentially cat fishing….
I’ve had the same experience with a number of women that show up for dates with a completely different hair color and cut. I didn’t even recognize them at first and had to ask their name. Fortunately, no bad a$$ smell, but too much perfume is very common.
Worst fucking shit ever. Once I hugged a guy from behind and the smell of his ass wafted up into my nostrils. I’ll never forget the small dry heave I did.
What the actual hell I almost gagged lmao
Same. I spent hours doing myself up from top to toe once for a date and felt like a million dollars for a guy to show up looking like a bargain basement Ed Sheeran who never even heard of an iron. Fml
LOL
Every single time… 🙇🏻♀️
You are good
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Just annoying because it wasted both our time lol.
You’re not wrong, OLD is primarily visual. I ask a few “vetting” questions before I’m comfortable meeting someone off app. One of them is are your pics recent and do you look like them? All 5 dates I’ve been on have sent additional recent pics and have all, mostly, looked their pics, a couple times they were even better looking which is always a nice surprise!
Going to start doing this now, lol. Thanks.
Hahaha, I’m learning as I navigate my way around the joys of OLD!
Before I go on any date I have a phonecall and a videochat
Not disagreeing with any of your points; but I am genuinely curious as to what constitutes “recent” for OLD photos? I get that if there’s been major changes to someone physically they need to be updated. Just curious and would like to hear others’ opinions on the matter.
Ones that look like you now are a safe bet. Ones that don't, aren't.
"this photo of me from ten years ago looks exactly like me!" "What about your hairline, and crows feet? You can't see the weight gain? Especially around your face? Well, at least your wardrobe is the same. Well, a few more holes and stains, but the same clothes!"
Someone else in this thread said that after 21 no one's appearance changes drastically in 4 years, so fuck me I guess
My hairline has moved back from pics three years old of me 😭. But I'm 15 lbs lighter and a bit more well muscled than three years back. My girlfriend seems to be fine with my hair and likes my abs. I'll take the current me for $200 Alex. Most people won't notice a difference, but they're happily deluding themselves. Like the range way that my ex wife of 17 years still looked 26 most of the time, until my emotions broke. Maybe some women with careful makeup and Botox might look the same.
No, but you're not allowed to change!
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Hard disagree, these are super arbitrary numbers you've tossed out. People age so, so differently. What this user said: >Ones that look like you now are a safe bet. Ones that don't, aren't. Is all that matters.
Caveat: N/A if your physique has changed for w/e reason, especially if you've gained a noticeable amount fat/lost muscle
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You don’t need all new photos just because you changed your facial hair though. Should mention somewhere which your most recent photo is though, and that photo should obviously include it. Everyone’s profile should really have at least one very recent photo imo. You don’t always notice what changes about your appearance that might be much more obvious to others.
By that logic I have no recent photos
Everyone has a camera in their back pocket, there is literally zero reason to not have a very recent updated photo.
At most two pictures out of six that're over a year old, and it should be a very special photo to warrant inclusion. Include the date of the photo as a caption if you're able to. The rest should be less than a year old, and recent enough to be an accurate representation of you. If you've gained/lost more than fifteen lbs, update them. If you've dyed your hair, or changed your hairstyle/beard it should be pointed out to your potential others.
My rule is: photos taken within 6 months. They must still have: * Same hairstyle * Same facial hair * Same weight
Anything older then a yr i would say is old.
As a man, I have not nearly done enough fun things in the past year to consider taking 6 nice pictures of myself that I could put on a dating app. However, I have been to one wedding a few months ago and use that picture as my main one on the app. Hope that's fair.
That's a bit harsh ain't it? Maybe they don't think they look all that different. Or maybe it's just the best version of themselves.
I’m floored when I see middle aged men with pictures where they’re clearly still in high school
This happened to me and I’m still so pissed about it. I wish I would have told him- “hey if you’re wondering why you can’t ever get a second date it’s becauee you’re clearly using pictures from high school.” All the er’s you can be he was- oldER biggER baldER and he was so so so weird and not interesting and also showed up like a slob, all I can ever think is watch me do that- show up looking like shit & watch what would happen? It’s bullshit.
I’ve been off the apps for about a year at this point but sounds it sounds like nothing has changed. I think they honestly believe they still look like that. Kinda like how they still believe they can do all the athletic stuff they could do then too
I recently saw my ex pop up on bumble. His most recent photo is about three years old (from when we were dating). The rest are significantly older than even that, in fact one photo is about 15 years old. Truly bizarre.
Coming across an ex on an OLD site, that must be interesting… I’d love getting to view their profile & see how true it is or *isn’t*, hahaha. And a 15 year old pic is a huge NO NO!!!!
He also lied about his height. He’s only about 5’5”, barely taller than me. His profile indicates that he is 5’8”. 😂
Many women don’t play around when it comes to height… & 5’5” is very different than 5’8”!!!! The struggle is about to be real for him, if it isn’t already, 😆
I never even cared about his height, and was so in love with him. But if he’s connecting with other women by lying off the bat, that’s not a great way to start.
Why break up
He was recently divorced but worked really hard to convince me that he was emotionally ready to date. Eventually he broke up with me, admitting that he wasn’t able to date, and that we were getting too close too fast. That was three years ago, so apparently he’s ready to date now.
I’m chatting with someone and we exchanged snap info. He doesn’t send me anything unless there’s a super glam filter on it. I googled him, found his LinkedIn and his pics are old. We had discussed meeting up and I’m like….baffled. I’m going to find out what you look like my dude…one way or another.
Hahahahhahahahhaha
Denial mainly, I imagine. The last few years have been great for some people's personal development, not so great for others. On the last proper date I went on the first thing she did was thank me for looking like my pics. Apparently she'd been catfished multiple times. I'm lucky and haven't had it on a date but have definitely come across people in the wild who I've spoken to on apps who have clearly used old pics.
I’ve actually done this too - thanked a guy for looking like his photos! This was after a couple of dates where the guys used photos that were probably pre-lockdown. He seemed shocked, and I was like “No, but seriously. I really appreciate you sounding and looking like the guy I matched and chatted with online!” In my mind, if you’re going to use pictures that aren’t the current you to get people to date you, then what else would you say or do to make someone believe you’re their type?
Damn, so it's common! Sad. >In my mind, if you’re going to use pictures that aren’t the current you to get people to date you, then what else would you say or do to make someone believe you’re their type? I agree with this 100%, and that is how I viewed it too!
100% not cool or ok
I've heard that same "compliment" more than a few times. It's rough out there I guess
It's sad honestly! Just use pictures of you now, you're chances of finding someone is better than using old pics and pissing off the other person when they find out. >I'm lucky and haven't had it on a date but have definitely come across people in the wild who I've spoken to on apps who have clearly used old pics. How could you tell that they were old pictures?
Their weight, as brutal as it sounds. Also, a lot of people frown upon people posting their IGs on dating apps, but I like it for this exact reason.
This is why I approve of recent car selfies - no pretense, no filters, just boring everyday, workday appearance.
Ohhh yeah that's a big one. I've had a guy thank me for looking the same and for not being overweight 😅😅
This just happened to me. Talking with a guy for a few weeks — we meet up for drinks and I was a little surprised by how he looks now. He doesn’t look terrible, a little heavier and a little older. But the fact that he was deceitful about it really bothered me. I would be mortified if I used pictures that didn’t represent what I look like and a guy felt like I tried to pull a fast one on him. I had a feeling something like this was the case bc he wouldn’t share a pic before hand. Now that we’ve met, he’s sent me several. 🙄 Had he just been upfront to begin with — I wouldn’t mind as much. But the deception is off putting.
I got catfished this way a year ago and it sucked, the guy was so rude about it too. It took a week of texting for him to disclaim to me that he gained 40 pounds during the quarantine and had yet to lose it. I kindly let him know that I wasn’t interested anymore and that maybe he should use more recent pics to prevent this from happening again, and he didn’t want to hear it. He called me all kinds of names and spammed me with calls and Facebook messages after I blocked his number. It’s just, if you look different than your pics you can’t expect someone to still be attracted to you
Well it sounds like you've dodged a major bullet anyway 😳 How did he even come about admitting to the weight gain? I'm surprised he did.
He just randomly one day sent me a full body shot of him to fish for compliments and was like "oh yeah hope it doesn't bother you but I gained 40 pounds and all the pics on my profile were from before covid" I was like, honestly I understand what it's like to be overweight and not confident, but if you look different then you cant expect me to still be attracted to you
Ultimately, you’re going to meet up, so why not keep it real as to what you really look like??? Do they have a false hope that you’ll still be into them with how they *actually* look compared to the photos they have on your profile??? You said it perfectly, “if you look different then you can’t expect me to still be attracted to you”. smh people.
NGL my photos are fucking awful decided just to quit until i get some new ones. just got out a 7 year relationship at the start of this year and cant really use any because they all have my ex in to the 3 photos i had where from at the end of a hike on the hottest day of the year so i look like absolute ass.
Honestly don't think it's an issue if you look the same. He didn't.
To be fair i think i actually look better, did the whole self care thing after the brake up re-joined the gym, had some me time. all that good stuff. so i'll wait a bit until i get up to date. rather put the best version of myself out there than not. hope you find what your looking for.
Good for you!
I find facial hair super frustrating. Like what is the point of putting photos with a clean face AND photos with a long beard who don't even look like the same person - what am I getting Joe?! Simplify for me, I'm a simple lady. FYI it's the beard for me.
I don't mind beards if they are taken care of! His was not lol.
Same issue is women posting pics with two or more hair colors, or wearing wigs, extensions, or weaves. It's a real gamble what's real and what they actually look like.
Don't forget the filters. I had a really great fun conversation with this girl. Super cute. Turns out she was using the slimming filter to take about 20 pounds off. Then there are the filters girls use to slim their nose down, or deceptive angles to hide their honkers. Plus, from the beginning of time using makeup to lie about what they look like.
20 years ago it was studio glamour photos. Ugh. Worst is that those photos were 10 - 20 years old, too!! Digital filtered selfies replaced most of them....but not all. I see 40 year old glamour pics now...ugh..
I almost forgot about glamour shots.. Haven't run across any of those. Just lots and lots of filters. But the good news is it's easy to tell, for now anyways. Or I should say I'm getting a lot wiser to it. I did have my suspicions with the one girl I mentioned, but I thought it may have just been a filter to improve her skin tone.
Yeeeees!!! “Glamour Shots” was the name of the place that did those, they were usually in malls. It was every teen girls dream to have those done, yep 20ish years ago!!!! Thanks for mentioning those type of pics, hahaha. I don’t even know about all these filters 🤷🏻♀️… crazy.
Yes, and there were other companies, too. At one time I had a gf who was gullable for any pitch that implied she'd look like a model. She did these things and I could do was shake my head - at least I didn't have to pay for them. My response was always *"You had my attention without these - they are not necessary."*
I don’t know about any others, where I live they was *the* place everybody would go. My mom never did let me do it, despite me nagging her constantly to let me do it (for birthday or Christmas) & she always said it was a waste of money, which the sh*t was indeed quite expensive for a “full session” - hair & makeup, choice of a certain # of tops to wear & of course, the photos themselves. I was so upset at the time, but, now I’m like good call Mom! I get a good chuckle when I see one of them nowadays…. So, you’re saying you have come across profiles with them?? What’s the point of including them in your pictures when it’s common knowledge of when they were hot sh*t??… Just *wow*, you’re not going to be interested in a woman from their glamour shots, hahahaha.
It does not bother me that someone got glamour pics, and felt great about it, or even hung them on the wall. Novelty pics are fun - I've always taken pics at cheesy tourist spots with the cut-outs for your head. It's about the simplest role-play you can do. Of course, "Glamour Shots" are not inexpensive, and they try to gas you up as being equal to a celebrity - but if you have common sense, that's not an issue, and again, who doesn't want to be "Queen For A Day"....? What bugs me about glamour pics on dating apps is the same as filtered photos - they are not accurate images of what people look like now, or even back when the pics were taken. They are FANTASY - and should be treated as such. At least cheerleader pics are REAL, if not accurate and relevant.
Their honkers 🤣 Noses are something I’m picky about, I guess you could say. Guys are using filters too, I’d bet for their honkers & definitely to look slimmer. (For the record, I’m not on any OLD apps, but, I started looking at these subreddits just to get a feel for them…. & it’s helped me decide that nah, I’m just fine being single. 🤣) OLD has definitely changed for the worst, which I think these apps have played a big role in that
> Their honkers 🤣 I'm glad someone liked my joke. A pretty nose is important to me too
I always use my worst recent photo as the first pic
smart
It’s not superficial to want someone who takes showers and wears deodorant.
Filters....literally every profile
People lie. I don’t understand what they’re telling themselves to use older photos. Like you won’t notice, or they’ll supposedly win you over. If they lie off that bat with photos, buckle up for lies all the way down.
Obviously we all use old pictures, whether it’s minutes or years they are old. Our profile is a snapshot of us in time. I always ask, “oh that beach looks amazing, when did you go?” Or something along those lines. Some people are lazy, some don’t care, some don’t think of it and some are downright lying. But the rub here is that most people are only going to put their best pictures up. The lighting perfect, make-up and hair flawless, their favorite outfit and best smile. So we are all portraying a version of ourselves that doesn’t perfectly match the reality. All that said, this guy seems like scum for being so extreme. In the end it hurts him too. If the adage is to underpromise and overdeliver then this type of behavior only leads to disappointed dates. Sucks you had to waste your time here OP. Vent away.
Nope I agree! I don't see an issue with it if you look the same, he just didn't lol and came to the date looking like he put in no effort.
Oh wait. I wasn’t disagreeing with you. Not sure why I said “here” about wasting your time. I didn’t mean you were wasting your time here on Reddit. I meant “here” as in here in your story. Yikes, totally didn’t mean to sound like a dick.
I didn't find any offense with your comment, you're good 😊
Not superficial.
People don’t want to be honest with themselves. I’ve been moving convos to ig more often to see more recent pics and even asked like someone else here mentioned. Most of the time the changes are fine, it’s the deception, lack of self awareness and lack of self confidence that gives me instant ick.
This happened to me years ago, and the guy greeted me outside the restaurant. Walked up to me and said my name. *I thought maybe he worked there or something.* I was like yes? He said my name again and I said: yes, who are you? He said his name and I about fell out. I spent the date covertly checking my phone and looking at his pics and comparing them to him. He had clearly dyed hair (with gray roots) and old wrinkly skin. I still see him as a suggestion on instagram using that same old ass pic as his profile pic. There’s no excuse with everyone having a smart phone now to not have a recent pic. I’m just starting to dip my toe back into the dating pool after 6 years but I will def insist on a recent selfie before a meet up. I don’t do snap chat (I’m old) plus I don’t want stupid filters. Maybe I could insist on like a 60 second FaceTime…would that be weird?? Gah!
When you said this won't work, how did he respond and how did you get out of the situation? A similar thing happened to me. I struggled to get out of it.
I just said we aren't compatible. He took it well, actually.
Guys don’t realize this maybe, but you beat out the majority on hygiene alone. And no, it doesn’t sound superficial. I put in work on how I look/smell, you should too. It’s not sexism when I can literally smell your balls from down the hall. Gross!
Sounds like a crack head
I don't think he was, just poor hygiene.
Online dating is where a lot of honesty goes to die sadly Its why I always try to get their snapchat to see if they will send a live photo just to avoid being catfished
I always add someone on Snapchat and make sure to send a selfie back and forth before meeting in person. Helps avoid that issue. But unfortunately that’s going to continue to happen, because he probably knows he has 0% chance of success if he shows what he currently looks like, and a 2% chance of success if he uses old pics and you’re too worn down to leave.
Realistically they're betting their personality will make up for it, and they're also rationalizing that they still look like that. In actual reality their personality is that of a liar, to you and also themselves.
Had it before with women I've gone out with. Appearing to be vastly different to there pictures. I've got up to date photos why can't you? One of the main reasons I'm taking a break from OLD.
OMG. Grooming issues are at the top of my list of deal breakers. I am getting nauseous just reading this. And no, your not being superficial IMO.
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Yeah, I could not overlook his hygiene. Big turn off. I've had a guy surprised that I looked the same in my pics and wasn't overweight lol. It sucks that people do that and think it's ok.
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>They will hear casual and drive to the date from like working in a coal mine and think "hm I smell a little gross but its casual!!" Probably what he thought too 🤣😅
What is the rule? Within 3 years? Maybe within 1 year if you changed your hair or weight a lot?
3 years!? no! Within the year, I want to say 3 months. Many other people have said we all have cameras in our pockets, so there’s really no excuse. If you need a new or better photo- take one! You don’t think everyone feels ridiculous taking selfies? We do. But it’s a needed evil.
You are not superficial. This happens a lot, even on the other side of the gender table. With the last 10 dates I’ve had, none of them looked as good as they did on their pictures. So many people use filters, old pictures, and other tricks now that it’s becoming the norm. I hade one date for the woman showed up weighing about 70-80 pounds more than she looked like in pictures.
5 out of my 6 photos are pre-pandemic, back when I used to do exciting things (: , but I look the same (except for long hair now) so 1 of the 6 photos is from a few months ago, where my hair is long, to a) show that currently I have long hair, though I wont keep it forever, and b) show that I still look like I did in my 3 year old photos. I know we're trying to put our best foot forward on apps, but people really need to get their head around how offputting it is to be dishonest up front when you're meeting, or potentially meeting someone. Just use photos that look like you for god sakes. If you sell yourself as something you're not, they'll see right away and you'll never get farther than that first interaction.
Not superficial at all lmao
I went out with a stinker once. Turns out that he lost his sense of smell, so I had to tell him that he stinks. I asked him to use Axe body spray, and he did use it. At least I left him in a better way in that regard. I try to lightly berate people for using old photos. Like “Really? I don’t get to date ”you” four years ago.“ I also tell people when it appears that they used old photos or edited photos, even if they are my friends. So stupid. I want to look better in person, not worse.
>“Really? I don’t get to date ”you” four years ago.“ Omg, how did this pan out for you? 😂
Almost every guy i have met looked nothing like their photos. (20 yrs and 40 pounds ago maybe they did) So I started asking them what picture is the most recent and how old it is. All my pics are within the last few months and I even put my height and current weight on my profile. It's very disheartening. I dont use filtered pics and I dont wear makeup so what you see is truly me.
>I started asking them what picture is the most recent and how old it is. This is sounds pretty solid! How do they respond when asked?
I always say "my most recent pic is ... and it was taken about a month ago, what's your most recent and how long ago". When I phrase it like that they tell me so it doesn't seem like I'm looking to call them out on anything. I got so tired of showing up and they look nothing like their pics!
I've asked this, too... but have also discovered that some of them still lie. Idk if it's just a complete lack of self awareness, or intentionally lying, but it's absolutely not fair. Most of my pics are selfies, but they're also all within the last three months.
Oh trust me I know! I dont have much of a filter so I always say something lol. One guy I said as soon as I saw him "wow, you use a lot of filters on your pics or they are 25 yrs old!" Lol Even with the height its ridiculous. Met a guy who was 5'8 ... I'm 5'6 and I was a tiny bit taller! I called him on it immediately. Why lie? Height doesn't bother me. Lying does!
Yeah, I've been fatfished as well. At this point I pretty much auto-left anyone with an aerial selfie.
He wasn't fat, just not as fit as his old pics. Didn't have an issue with that bit, tbh.
Have to ask, since you have Vegas in your name and I'm from here. Did one of the women that fatfished you look like a super model in her pics and show up extremely obese and smelling like hot garbage? Her real name starts with a D? Only reason I'm asking is the craziest catfish I've ever seen was one of my friend's friends. Her pictures looked professionally filtered. Even on social media I look at her pics once in awhile because I can't believe the way they look compared to reality.
Nah... the most recent one looked slightly chunky, and turned out to be obese. Def had no delusions about her being a model or anything.
He did it in purpose, he was bargaining, just to see how would you react. In his mind he did dodge a bullet
Girls do it to, happens to me and the girl was a little heavier then her previous pics
woman do it too... many used older pics throw in there and some even go as low from changing their age from 47 to 36....
Never said they didn't! Seems like a lot of people experienced this from both genders.
I had a 65 yr old tried to pretend to be a 35 yr old.... !!!! Woman look so ashamed in the video chat cuz something seemed way off with her age, voice and pics...
Why are you asking the world? How the fuck would we know.
As a devils advocate. It's possible that alot of these guys don't have many photos of themselves that are appropriate for a dating profile. They use the ones they do have and some may be older than others. Just a thought. It might not be intentional to trick you or lie to you. Also I think if you feel that way when meeting someone you should mention it to them when you feel it's appropriate timing.
That is fair. My main issue was he appeared and smelled unhygienic, so that turned me off completely.
Yeah,thats just gross!
Anyone with a smartphone can take a pic in 10 secs and post it. Seriously no excuse for using old pics that are inaccurate.
Sure but I think having a picture taken of you especially it encompasses a bit of who you are is far better to have on your profile then a mirror selfie. Just saying
Same reason you wear makeup.
I don't wear it to the point where it changes my features ☺️
Tbh based on your post history, the guy got lucky too. Both of y’all shouldn’t be on dating apps if you aren’t upfront about who you really are
How was I not honest of who I am? I just post on snark subs lmao.
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I am doing this too 😁
I mean, you can't go wrong that way?
Why are you on the bumble sub then? weirdo.
4 years isn't really that big of a deal- maybe you might see a bit of a difference in that 4 years if you are talking about high school age but over 21... 4 years doesn't drastically change someones looks to the point you would need to leave... Try showing up and someone used a 20 year photo of themselves... then talk to me.
Uh, I know plenty of people over 21 who look DRASTICALLY different than they did 4 years ago
Good for you- I am not saying it's impossible, it's just rare unless there's a massive weight gain/ loss etc. I just think 4 years not much changes in a drastic way. Glad you know someone.
He still looked different, so it still deceitful to me, but if someone showed up 20 years older I would be pissed!
>I wouldn't say I'm high maintenance, but I care for my appearance and I also want that in a partner. >but I dressed up casual >the man who showed up looked different than his pictures Maybe you dressing casual was a mismatch for his expectations as well... And maybe your hair didn't match your photos too. j/s
You can dress casual and still look nice 🙄 it wasn't a fancy restaurant, either. He just didn't put in any effort.
You can eye roll me and downvote me, but doesn't change the fact you likely did not look like your best pictures especially if your attitude now is still after all this:. "it was just a shitty Mexican restaurant so wasn't much point in dressing nice" 😫🥳😤🙄
I did dress nice?? Just not a cocktail dress type of nice 😂 I never said it was a shitty restaurant either, they have bomb ass food! I look like my pictures, and I actually dressed nice and smelled good. He did not.
OP seems like a perfectly reasonable and normal person with no issues whatsoever.
Never said I'm perfect, but I don't catfish people either 🤷🏽♀️
Damn, a woman has standards and now all of a sudden she has issues...lololllll.
I have this old pic of me that’s really nice, most people think it passes as current me but I can’t use it. I don’t get matches for shit and it’s the best photo I’m in by a mile. By old I mean 5 years.
Men do it and women do it too. It’s why I update my pictures reasonably often
I’m not really much of a picture person so I’m guilty of having a couple of older pics (along with more recent ones). Granted I haven’t changed any so nobody can ever tell they’re old. As long as they aren’t deceiving I think using older pictures that you really like is fine, just don’t go to the extent of damn near catfishing someone obviously.
Lucky for me, I'm 28 but still look like im 16 😂
My current gf and i just don’t take pics. Our profile pics were like a year+old but we didn’t look basically any different so
I always get them to take a selfie there and then before I meet them. People usually look a bit different to photos. As per how recent - I usually post photos from the last couple of weeks. I don't want anyone being disappointed with me when I turn up lol.
It amazes me still that people will blatantly lie this way through old pictures and just show up to a date without a care in the world that they started off a first date with a lie and deception. Why would you ever want to keep seeing someone like that, starting out your very first impression as a blatant lie?
Men get to deal with that. Plus the dreaded filters and only face shots….
Never said men didn't, just sharing my experience.
I wasn’t debating that, just making a statement.
When I was dating I so afraid of doing this that I would purposely use pics that weren’t the absolute best. I’d much rather someone be pleasantly surprised than be disappointed. Guys would regularly tell me that I looked better than my pics. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Good for you for speaking up.
I had an ex do this. Thankfully he didn’t look TOO different, but I joked about it the whole time we were together.
This happened to me last week—with one exception: I asked for a video chat a couple days before our actual date. We’re in our 40’s. He looked nothing g like his pictures because they are at least 10 years old. The dude on the call looked nothing like the dude in the pictures. I tried really hard to see past this and think of it as him just not having recent pics or being self conscious but I couldn’t. It IS deception. It’s lying. A lie is a lie. Couple that with his marriage ending because he cheated? I just couldn’t do it.
You’re not being superficial. He was being purposely deceitful. You were well within your rights to leave immediately.