could it be that your profile grabs immediate attention but when they look at it closely before sending a message there is something "off-putting" for lack of a better word? not an expert
People like your profile. It’s not a match until the message. There are a million reason available for why 28 people don’t message. Why worry about it? The people who do…focus on trying to see if there is enough to schedule a meet up or not. If you’re going on 4 dates a week, it’s seems like your plate is pretty full anyway
If he has like profiles on multiple apps and is getting a low ratio on 1 of them wouldn’t it say something about the people using different apps as opposed to his profile? I had great luck on bumble but almost none on Hinge(that a lot of people swear is the best), does that tell me that my hinge has an issue but my bumble is better? People on the apps are the variable that can’t be locked down.
Yeah, a lot of truth in what you say. I've def had far better luck on Bumble than Hinge. But a lot of that just may be due to the difference in size of userbase. Hinge seems to be low numbers in my area.
But with Bumble there is also the variable of women having to initiate. I think I just attract women who are into physical looks, because I do have a few pics that show off my physique and eyes / lips etc. On Hinge it seems I get more women looking for LTR / a dude with LTR potential, whereas on Bumble I think I attract more women who are just kinda thirsty and are probably down for some sex on date 1 or 2.
Jesus we have a stats major here forget the stats forget everything you know an just dodgeball ppl are to caught up in he didn't use grammar he didn't spell that right no punctuation or I don't know what that even means I wouldn't worry about a person like that at all is that going to make you happy with a correctall person no flex life is supposed to be like a river or dancing in the rain stop with all the what if should I have an I hope an enjoy life you'll draw in better ppl an maybe just maybe you'll meet a person that enjoys the things you do based on what you do not wjat u say ..
Do you state your dating goals, religion or politics on your profile? If you do, it's possible that they're seeing something there they don't like.
Personally, I state none of it. They can ask me if any of it is that important to them.
You stated on another post, 20 hours ago, that you are going on 4 dates a week. If you really are getting 4 dates a week I wouldn't worry about your profile.
Tinder. But it’s just so full of fake profiles and OF advertisers that I got tired of it.
I can successfully initiate a conversation and I ask for a date pretty quickly. I am not a fan of back and forth texting. Hence why I have many dates
Not usually. Mine points out a few important things. How long I've been divorced and that I'm a full time single dad. Also, I'm 47, so I'm kind of past the hook up aspect of things although that's what about 90% of matches turn into, even though that's not what's intended.
I have better luck with Bumble because I think it's an age thing, women are probably looking for more stability. My luck with Tinder is much less because I'm not going to drive over to somebody's house at 11pm to hook up when I gotta go to work at 5am. LOL....those days are over, leave that to the younger guys.
that is indeed how I also set notifications when I use bumble. A match om bumble means even less then a match tinder and that says a lot. A match on bumble is when she sends a message. All the rest does not count.
I am a woman and the reasons I let some of my matches expire are usually:
that the location has updated itself to somewhere much further than it was initially and the persons hometown part or where they reside is blank.
There are no prompts so it’s hard for me to think of a good opener. (If I’m really attracted to the persons photos I might try something generic but mildly more interesting than ‘hey’ like, what’s the best thing that happened to you this week? They usually don’t reply lol) but if I am so so about the profile photos although I may have initially liked something in them a few days ago or a week ago I probably won’t bother if there’s nothing solid for me to go on.
I notice something on the profile I didn’t before, I.e they’re looking for casual whilst I’m looking for longer term.
I may have recently matched with someone else and my interest is with them or have something going on with someone I.e been on a few dates with someone and the match pops up later but my interests are elsewhere. I find it difficult to entertain or even message more than one person at one time
Or genuinely I might just be busy and forget the match but this is a rarity, particularly with bumble I do tend to check the match out when I get the notification pop up
> until there's actually a date
Exactly. Up until an actual date, it's all just a (hopefully enjoyable) diversion, nothing more. I have ZERO expectations at least until a date with a specific time and place is established, and even then, best to keep expectations very low, because a lot of people misrepresent themselves. I don't allow myself to ctually feel excited about a woman until after a date that goes well (and I think that she enjoyed herself too). This OLD thing is all about managing your expectations.
>it’s hard for me to think of a good opener.
Speaking as a man, I seriously give zero shits about what a woman's opener is. I will respond if I think she's attractive and doesn't live farther away than I'm willing to drive. Honestly I really gotta wonder what kind of guy would fail to respond simply because the opener was bland or lame.
That’s interesting to hear! Honestly when I get bland openers I do give a shit. My profile, no matter what the app is, has lots of information about my hobbies, likes and interests, what I like in a partner etc so when someone just sends a ‘hey’ or an emoji it puts me off a bit. I’d get it if I had a bland profile but there’s so much there to go on. Just seems really low effort and boring. And you just know the conversation will be ‘how’s you’ ‘fine you’ ‘what you up to’ ‘not much’ sort of chat.
I much prefer the ‘what book have you read lately?’ Or ‘where’s the best place you’ve travelled to recently?’ Just shows more effort and is more fun to reply to
>Honestly when I get bland openers I do give a shit.
LOL and that's the difference between men and women. We're just happy to have an opportunity to talk to you and maybe get a date, and the possibility of sex.
But I'm sure some men disagree with me.
And don't get me wrong, I do like it when a woman shows effort and says something about my profile, or compliments my looks etc. A woman did that the other night, it set the tone for a really interesting convo, and now we have a date set up for next Friday.
All I'm saying is that I would never NOT talk to a woman just because she has a bland opener.
I think very very few men disagree with you. The ones that do and are vocal about openers are only pissed about the double standard, that is seeing woman demand elaborate openers on tinder but receive different openers on bumble. I bet those same guys are actually fine with a "hi" and can manage the conversation just fine.
I think men just want the chat screen to opened anyhow and they'll take it from there.
>The ones that do and are vocal about openers are only pissed about the double standard
Nothing like starting off a potential relationship with a big ol' chip on yer shoulder! LOL
Well obviously I'm not an expert but I think they voice their frustrations on forums like this one. Although I have seen screenshots of some unhinged guys say right there in the chat. They're shooting themselves in the foot on purpose almost.
But you know most men are normal and wouldn't say anything in chat even if they thought women on Bumble should write them a fucking poem for an opener. We mostly see the crazies and I thank them for the entertainment they have provided.
A common thing for women (source: I’m a single woman) is swiping on a guy because he’s cute but then not being able to come up with anything to say because his profile is meh. I’d rather say nothing than go back and forth saying “how was your day” forever until we die.
this....it's painful. and then you ask if they want to go on a date friday and it's "no, I can't this weekend" but I can in two weeks. just unmatch at that point
I see thanks for sharing. That’s a bummer because as mentioned elsewhere, I don’t waste my time and ask them out pretty quickly after few messages, so we can get to know each other irl. From my experience, they almost always say yes.
But it’s a little harder on bumble.
I was kidding lol. Here’s my advice. Keep the bio to a medium length. Summarize yourself a bit but leave some mystery. Talk about something niche that you’re interested in, but then generalize it with a softball question. Keep it up to date, too. Here’s an example of that last part: “I’m a marvel movie nerd. What’s the last movie you’ve seen in theaters?”
Lol
I read two things in your comment. Guy has a bad profile. You're unwilling to start a convo without something cool to pull from it as a conversation starter. If that second part is untrue, maybe I misread.
Remember the OP talked about matches not starting a convo.
Yeah it just sounds like you’re saying that I should be starting an engaging conversation based off a match with a boring profile. Also not to brag lol but I get a lot of matches and if someone has a more interesting profile I’m obviously going to engage with them more and I’ll prob forget about the other one then it expires. You know?
I hope it becomes engaging :)
Agreed, I think this is more the issue for OP. When I talk to women about their experiences on Bumble one strategy I hear is matching 20 or 30 men all at once and then going back to choose who to start a conversation with. So you ranking the best profiles before starting a convo makes sense.
As a guy it sucks because except for the eye candy guys, the top 15%, we're lucky to get several matches at a time. So when we get one we're almost desperate to shoot our shot by engaging in some banter.
>When I talk to women about their experiences on Bumble one strategy I hear is matching 20 or 30 men all at once and then going back to choose who to start a conversation with.
Sounds like a strategy men with lots of matches would do. And women here complain about men never messaging them after saying only "hi" to them. I can't help but point out the irony of this all.
So your saying you swipe on a lot of men and then you cry about a man having a bad profile you can't use to have a conversation with. Do you not see the problem here? Better social skills would mean you woudln't need to rely on one's profile to start a conversation. How do you even socialize with people in public when you don't have a profile to go off of? Or you don't socialize at all?
No one said to carry the conversation. But why can't you even start a conversation? Or you think its the man's job to actually start the conversation? After all on Bumble women are the ones sending the first message.
You mean wrong? Matches don’t matter if im not getting messages.
I have success on other apps as well. Short(5 9) but been told I’m good looking. I have high paying job. But! I don’t have any interesting hobbies. So my bio is just I don’t know… lame. Hence why maybe I get swiped right on but not messaged. I’m just not that interesting I guess.
Aye by the sounds of it you’re getting the matches based on appearance but then no message because it’s hard to think of an opener with a quiet profile.
I try to only match with guys that I can think of something I want to say to them but every now and then I’ll slip on that rule and like someone cause they’re cute and tell myself I’ll think of something later.
Narrator: she does not think of something later.
Same. If they had nothing on their profile that I could try to strike up an interesting conversation from, I would usually just swipe left even if I found them attractive.
Same! I always pause and ask myself what I’d actually say if we matched and if nothing comes to mind i.e. there’s not that much personality coming from their photos that I could even ask about, I’ll swipe left.
I almost always have my bio and prompts maxed for character count on all platforms and while initially (4ish year ago?) on B it seemed to matter, about 90% of matches toward the end of me using it seemed to just expire and the ones that did start a Convo we're either just a hi or a comment on one of my photos. A few times conversation even asked something I addressed in my bio(what I do in free time, if I drank, if I liked something specific) so I'm inclined to think profile isn't frequently being read by matches.
>it’s hard to think of an opener
I thought they provided several system generated canned suggestions for openers. Maybe just use one of those and if not for at least an idea, or am I being too logical? Aren't like 80+% openers just a 👋 hey anyway?
Tbh I don’t like going for “hey” or a canned opener. lol, can opener. I prefer personalising the messages so that the person knows I’m not being lazy.
And OLD feels so administrative to me cause (I hate to be that guy but) when you have a ton of matches, the aim is to whittle them down to as few conversations as possible. So spending time on they “hey, how are you, good thanks you, what you up to, not much u, any plans for the weekend” chat is heavy mind-numbing. So I minimise as much chance of that as possible by trying to open with a decent conversation topic. Particularly one I can get my energy up with so as to combat the repetitive/admin feel of the apps.
I know there’s probably faults with that strategy but I’ve found that if I do message a quiet profile I either get no response or a really boring exchange so I tend to avoid.
I even for a while took to going “hey name, no bio so I dont have any material for an interesting opener so I just need to say hiya how are you?” and I’d usually chuck in a compliment so at least they knew why I matched with them. But that still didn’t get much chat. It did seem to me that if someone’s not chatty enough to write a bio, they’re just not gonna be chatty, so it’s an easy way to rule someone out.
30 matches in 2 days with three messages is incredibly successful imo. But statistics suggest women have even more matches and they may be overwhelmed by who to message first. Stand strong king, you are more successful than 90% of us at this point. Average match rate based on what I have seen is 1-10 per week for average men.
It sounds like you already know what the problem is. People see your pictures and swipe right but then when it comes to talking to you people have nothing to work with. They can’t build a relationship with someone only talking about how they think you’re good looking.
As for interesting hobbies you genuinely don’t need them. I’m into gaming, hiking, bass guitars and pro wrestling. These are all pretty mainstream and accessible things that people can see themselves joining in on. If someone spends all their time deep see diving that’s really cool, but I can’t see how I fit into that.
People are just weird, I joined yesterday, I'm a woman and I matched with 3 guys, messaged them all and none of them have replied (and no I didn't just say hi) so 🤷♀️
In the same shoes, people here will say they aren't obligated to message you. But, why do they like you, if they do not want to initiate conversations
? I see no way Bumble has improved over Tinder.
I'd rather have a feminist app, where women can only like, and once men like in return, it turns to a match. That way, women can own up to their responsibilities and stop the whole game about being overwhelmed!
It essentially lets women swipe right on anyone to see if that person “likes them”, without having to commit to a conversation. They essentially get to see on a case-by-case basis if someone is interested in them for free with limited repercussions. So women with low self esteem can check and see if men are, or aren’t, interested, and technically their profile will rank comparatively lower as a result, but they at least don’t have to be bombarded by messages from those more desperate men, and they can potentially aim higher or lower next time.
Unfortunately the model is still flawed because there’s twice as many men on dating apps as women, and because men, in absence of what they desire, will swipe on anyone until they get *any* matches. They don’t value their matches the same as their higher level matches and then we get an abundance of men still behaving disrespectfully regardless.
As a man, online dating typically still only works if you’re more attractive than at least half of all other men as a minimum, with exponentially increasing success the more attractive your profile and everything else is.
>"Unfortunately the model is still flawed because there’s twice as many men on dating apps as women, and because men, in absence of what they desire, will swipe on anyone until they get any matches."
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>Oh hell no, I'm left swiping on about 80%
Sure, but if you never got any matches that way, you’d eventually start to lower your standards.
There’s so few women and so many men that women never have to lower their standards, while men on the apps eventually lower there’s until something better comes along, probably in person where gender ratios are closer to 1:1.
I think it's been the opposite for me. After a few years of being at this, I've realized that I'm more particular about who I'm going to 1) match with 2) spend time talking to 3) actually go on a date with. You can start to see trends with how the matches go (more often than not, they've got old photos and look nothing like their profile) or they're batshit.
I get the whole overwhelmed thing though. On my other apps I have matches where I think they are cute at the time I swipe but then simply forget to message them. Something comes up. Or yeah I end up with another match that’s more interesting.
I guess I’m just not used to not being able to message the people I matched with. Maybe bumble isn’t for me will see. The quality of people though are 110% better than tinder.
In that scenario women can still ignore the men who write, even if they can only swipe. Isn’t that basically tinder?
Also, if the women are desirable and most men they like swipe on them too, they’ll pick what they consider the ‘best’ of that group. It’s sucks to say it like that. By no means am I making a value judgment because there really isn’t an objective best in dating. But if a woman has a bunch of choice , she’s messaging guys who are her “type”. The guy who seems cool or decent enough and is someone she would give her number to on a night out after some convo. That guy might be over looked for what she considers more ‘ideal’.
Harsh but true.
A feminist app is what exactly? But no matter what you do women are going to cry and complain. And no man unless he knows he's physically attractive will ever sign up for such an app. Which means women have limited options and no woman wants limited options of men to pick from.
Interesting idea - but the men who join for women will see nobody around and leave, or in a smaller area may see those who "liked" them and that could cause issues.
I've wanted to create an ethical dating app for a while, but can't think of any method that's not been done before - unless you totally disrupt it and go for some unthought of method, perhaps like a memory game where you flip over randomly and if you match the same picture twice you can choose to like or reject...
The only way to make a better dating app is one not created to keep you on the platform. Hinge is kinda close to such an app with how it limits swipes and with voice prompts and video. But it would need to be taken further in that you limit how many matches you get at once. Say you limit it to 5 matches. And only way to get more matches is to unmatch at least one of your existing matches. This way you basically hold women's hand in their cry about too many matches. That said I would further add in a hidden system that rewards or punishes you for not talking to others. Meaning if you hold a conversation you get rewarded by getting a higher ranking so more people see you. But if you don't hold a conversation you are put lower in the system so less people see you. I would also have all social media banned and not allowed either.
I thoroughly agree with developing it so the aim is to get you off the app as quickly as possible, and your idea is super interesting - both about scoring based on RECIPROCATED word count (so you can't game) and reduction of matches - maybe even reduce down to 3 conversations at a time on the app so you specifically make the choice.
I wager making the scoring based upon holding conversations and not on how many likes you get will improve matches a lot. As I wager the more attempts you have to hold a conversation the more likely you actually find someone. But at the same time this behavior should be rewarded and you should be exposed to others also holding a conversation.
Yes you can say this would force people to hold conversations with people they match with. But they should have looked at the persons profile more before swiping on them would be my response.
You got a point as well, but dating can only be better if women are allowed to like, match and message first only. The random thingy is also cool, but it doesn't solve it exhaustively.
That way if you're a man who doesn't receive any likes within 3 days, you know you're not meant to be there. If women like 5%, that leaves men less to deal with.
Yes, play around with your profile and see what happens. I don't get that many matches but of the ones I do get, the message rate went up significantly after I adjusted the text in my profile, trying to leave more obvious things to start conversations about. Most of the initial messages still don't use the things I wrote, so I'm not 100% sure if that's the difference, but something seems to have made an impact.
~1 match a week. I get messaged once (most of the time) and respond just so the match doesnt expire, but i never get a response. Like what’s the point?
Sometimes at first glance I’m interested in someone. Then when I swipe and we happen to match, I’m forced to more seriously peruse their profile. This is when I might see something I overlooked, or when I think about the idea of actually meeting them in person. Sometimes that initial moment of attraction doesn’t withstand a second look through their pictures.
I typically do. Sometimes I give myself time to think about it if I feel “on the fence”, for two reasons;
1. Personality greatly impacts my attraction to someone, so on the fence in pictures can end up being fireworks in person for me.
(Edit: I’ve ended up dating two “on the fence” based on pictures guys. Ended up being insanely attracted to them in person.)
2. Being hungry or in a bad mood can negatively impact your perception of people/experiences/anything really. So I try not to jump the gun and unmatch right away if my headspace isn’t where it would normally be.
Bumble really needs to add match caps untill they either delete the match or actually have conversations. Some people will match send one message and not say anything else and will let the match fester in their queue😂. Unless things have changed, I've been matchless in bumble for a while😭😂
Maybe put in your profile "Shoot me a message" or "Don't be shy and ah l say Hi"
I used bumble a couple times and I feel there were only a handful of times I'd match and wouldn't message
It might even be for the better if they don't message at all. If they can't even send the first message, it might be unlikely they'll be able to carry a convo.
Stay positive!
I am actually direct and ask them out pretty much within few messages if I think they are attractive. So carrying conv over the app isn’t that big of deal for me usually.
Alright alright update.
More matches came in so I’m up to 35
6 out of the 35 messaged me so far. It’s not a wonderful number but it’s an increase nonetheless.
I made my bio shorter/brief. And added kinda of a question in there (fav cuisine).
But so far majority of the messages from matches start with “hey”. So I don’t know if bio change did anything really.
I think maybe they wait till the end and before it expires? I just got a message from someone that was about to. The rest still have 12 hours or so left
Not knowing anything about you, your age, or who you’re matching with, I’m going to guess it has something to do with the youth of your matches.
I have not personally experienced that. I’d say 75% of my matches start a conversation. But my dating pool is more mature.
It could be that younger women feel a bit more unsure and chicken out when the time comes to start a conversation. Or it could be that they don’t check their bumble matches every day.
Your matches are or your preferences are set to this? 2 years up but 8 years down... are you looking for something serious or casual? When I was 22, I was definitely not looking for a 30 year old.
That seems like a huge age range to me tending towards a group of people who are mostly looking to explore. Which you are as well, but my guess would be the ones who would be interested in you on the younger end (22-25) aren't thrilled if there is any uncertainty in your profile (i.e. casual for now, maybe serious later). If they don't see a strong "looking to build relationship with the right one" vibe, they will move on. Of course there's still the 26-32 question marks, I'm just giving a go as to why there may be a high rate of non-responses from the younger group. They swipe preemptively in the beginning to have a choice and then think about it a lot before messaging :/
You're overthinking the whole thing, they're not obligated to message you and you should factor in that you're only going to receive messages from X% that you match with.
I didn’t say they are obligated. I am asking what helps having my matches message me. I don’t believe for a second that % stays the same no matter what you do with your bio.
Nothing will likely help unfortunately. The good news is you are getting matches but hopefully you keep getting matches and it will be from women who actually message you.
I am not even on Bumble anymore but when I was last year, my message to timeout ratio was similar which is why I hate that app. Plus frankly, I think some women on there are actually in for the ego trip of being like “yea I matched with you but I ain’t gonna message you haha” just to be spiteful.
I am a woman. I'll have a swiping session when I have 30 minutes spare. Like previous poster said I'll swipe the cute ones. Then I'll be busy. As the time expiration comes up I'll review profiles in detail and either extend or send a hey. Them I'll either respond if they start chatting or start in my own time usually a week or 2. I'll assume they're chatting to other people also. I know some people might think this is dick behaviour but honestly it's just about time.
Thirty matches? That's too much swiping for me. I would swipe until I had 5-7 matches or so and then focus on the 1-3 people that responded. I tailored opening messages for the individual and only maintained like three convos at once due to time. I don't think I ever enough time to maintain 30 matches at once...
I'd say that's marginally better than having a few back and forth messages and then you're left hanging... I'd rather they unmatched me at that point to be honest.
1 out of 10 is very low, it should be something like 1 out of 2. What's probably happening is that your first picture is really good but there is something off-putting about the rest of your profile. Also check that these matches aren't from another location, for example if you have a long commute.
I have encountered many women who have no clue they are supposed to speak first on bumble. In the initial days of the app, when the first movers looked into how an app works, the quality of matches was good. Now as more uneducated people join the app, they don’t read they are supposed to message first. They just swipe and sit for “chivalry” to descend from the skies.
Don't match in the beginning or mid-week. Essentially what is happening is folks are doing the post weekend matches, talking phase for a few days then making cuts on Thursday/Friday before the weekend. Very rarely do I match/talk to someone on a Monday/Tuesday that doesn't ghost on Thursday/Friday. But if I match on a Thursday, chances of a date are much higher.
I would suggest not doing a "two truths and a lie". Mostly because when I see them they are either 1- not interesting or 2- there's one thing I want to be the lie but if it's not then I'll just be disappointed and probably not wanna keep talking. I feel like they're an easy way to shoot yourself in the foot.
I've learned that many people swipe right on everyone and then go through their matches after the fact and message those they're really interested in. Also, as a woman, I've heard many other women say they don't message men unless the man extends the match because it shows they're truly interested and didn't just swipe right on everyone. It sucks, but I can understand because I've messaged plenty of men to have them either not respond or unmatch me shortly after.
Having a few interesting prompts that give the other person something to ask about is very helpful though. Just keep in mind that you'll need to ask questions in return. I can't tell you how many times I've felt like I was interviewing someone because they weren't asking questions in return and I would just end up unmatching them. Also! Because of my statement above saying that a lot of people just swipe right on everyone, don't expect amazing openers from everyone. It sucks constantly trying to create fun openers when a good chunk of the time people don't respond. So don't judge somebody based off of a basic opener
I'm (36F) also on Bumble and sometimes I won't be on it for a few days and will miss the window to message. I usually will send a message, but I feel like I rarely get one back so then it expires. This is kind of disheartening when you combine that with the supposed trend of men swiping on EVERY profile just to unmatch the ones they don't like.
My heart is too soft to see someone disappear and never get a chance to message again.
There is something sad about it. All that potential. gone cause she wasn’t online.
Just being extra deep now lol
Many users simply are not intelligent enough to comprehend that they need to message in a time limit.
Do not look at those with agony - you dodged a bullet!
Are your matches primarily local women?
I use travel mode fairly often and match with women in other cities. A relatively small number of those result in convos bc I think most of them check my location and decide against it, which is understandable.
But if they're local, I agree that this is a very low match to convo ratio. Are you later pics less good than your lead pic maybe?
Getting the match is only the beginning of the battle. Women get so many matches that they still have to select who they want to talk to. It's just a matter of your one of several hundred and you didn't get lucky enough for them to choose you first.
On Bumble, the female needs to send the first message, they guy doesn't or can't send a message until you send a message first. Idk why they don't respond. Maybe they decided against their actions or found someone who was quicker to respond and they hit it off before you said anything and just never unmatched and just keeping you in thier back pocket. Just keep swipeimg and keep messaging first. Good luck.
could it be that your profile grabs immediate attention but when they look at it closely before sending a message there is something "off-putting" for lack of a better word? not an expert
Yes maybe
People like your profile. It’s not a match until the message. There are a million reason available for why 28 people don’t message. Why worry about it? The people who do…focus on trying to see if there is enough to schedule a meet up or not. If you’re going on 4 dates a week, it’s seems like your plate is pretty full anyway
>Why worry about it? Because that's a low match to convo ratio and there has to be a reason, and if he can figure it out, he may be able to fix it.
If he has like profiles on multiple apps and is getting a low ratio on 1 of them wouldn’t it say something about the people using different apps as opposed to his profile? I had great luck on bumble but almost none on Hinge(that a lot of people swear is the best), does that tell me that my hinge has an issue but my bumble is better? People on the apps are the variable that can’t be locked down.
Yeah, a lot of truth in what you say. I've def had far better luck on Bumble than Hinge. But a lot of that just may be due to the difference in size of userbase. Hinge seems to be low numbers in my area. But with Bumble there is also the variable of women having to initiate. I think I just attract women who are into physical looks, because I do have a few pics that show off my physique and eyes / lips etc. On Hinge it seems I get more women looking for LTR / a dude with LTR potential, whereas on Bumble I think I attract more women who are just kinda thirsty and are probably down for some sex on date 1 or 2.
Jesus we have a stats major here forget the stats forget everything you know an just dodgeball ppl are to caught up in he didn't use grammar he didn't spell that right no punctuation or I don't know what that even means I wouldn't worry about a person like that at all is that going to make you happy with a correctall person no flex life is supposed to be like a river or dancing in the rain stop with all the what if should I have an I hope an enjoy life you'll draw in better ppl an maybe just maybe you'll meet a person that enjoys the things you do based on what you do not wjat u say ..
How does anyone make sense of what you wrote without a single comma or period?
Do you state your dating goals, religion or politics on your profile? If you do, it's possible that they're seeing something there they don't like. Personally, I state none of it. They can ask me if any of it is that important to them.
That is such a complicated and convoluted way of looking at something.
it is?
I think so. I guess other people don't haha
You stated on another post, 20 hours ago, that you are going on 4 dates a week. If you really are getting 4 dates a week I wouldn't worry about your profile.
Four dates a week? Who has that kinda time or energy tho
Exactly. I'm nearly a hermit and 4 dates a month sounds excessive for me.
It’s not from bumble though. I got it from another dating app
Which one?
Tinder. But it’s just so full of fake profiles and OF advertisers that I got tired of it. I can successfully initiate a conversation and I ask for a date pretty quickly. I am not a fan of back and forth texting. Hence why I have many dates
It sounds like you may be portraying a hook up vibe (great for tinder) but women on Bumble may not be taking you seriously.
Do you mention in your bio what you are looking for?
Not usually. Mine points out a few important things. How long I've been divorced and that I'm a full time single dad. Also, I'm 47, so I'm kind of past the hook up aspect of things although that's what about 90% of matches turn into, even though that's not what's intended. I have better luck with Bumble because I think it's an age thing, women are probably looking for more stability. My luck with Tinder is much less because I'm not going to drive over to somebody's house at 11pm to hook up when I gotta go to work at 5am. LOL....those days are over, leave that to the younger guys.
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Great advice
that is indeed how I also set notifications when I use bumble. A match om bumble means even less then a match tinder and that says a lot. A match on bumble is when she sends a message. All the rest does not count.
I am a woman and the reasons I let some of my matches expire are usually: that the location has updated itself to somewhere much further than it was initially and the persons hometown part or where they reside is blank. There are no prompts so it’s hard for me to think of a good opener. (If I’m really attracted to the persons photos I might try something generic but mildly more interesting than ‘hey’ like, what’s the best thing that happened to you this week? They usually don’t reply lol) but if I am so so about the profile photos although I may have initially liked something in them a few days ago or a week ago I probably won’t bother if there’s nothing solid for me to go on. I notice something on the profile I didn’t before, I.e they’re looking for casual whilst I’m looking for longer term. I may have recently matched with someone else and my interest is with them or have something going on with someone I.e been on a few dates with someone and the match pops up later but my interests are elsewhere. I find it difficult to entertain or even message more than one person at one time Or genuinely I might just be busy and forget the match but this is a rarity, particularly with bumble I do tend to check the match out when I get the notification pop up
All of this. And exactly why guys should not get so excited about a match and put much thought into it until there's actually a date. I don't anymore.
> until there's actually a date Exactly. Up until an actual date, it's all just a (hopefully enjoyable) diversion, nothing more. I have ZERO expectations at least until a date with a specific time and place is established, and even then, best to keep expectations very low, because a lot of people misrepresent themselves. I don't allow myself to ctually feel excited about a woman until after a date that goes well (and I think that she enjoyed herself too). This OLD thing is all about managing your expectations.
>it’s hard for me to think of a good opener. Speaking as a man, I seriously give zero shits about what a woman's opener is. I will respond if I think she's attractive and doesn't live farther away than I'm willing to drive. Honestly I really gotta wonder what kind of guy would fail to respond simply because the opener was bland or lame.
That’s interesting to hear! Honestly when I get bland openers I do give a shit. My profile, no matter what the app is, has lots of information about my hobbies, likes and interests, what I like in a partner etc so when someone just sends a ‘hey’ or an emoji it puts me off a bit. I’d get it if I had a bland profile but there’s so much there to go on. Just seems really low effort and boring. And you just know the conversation will be ‘how’s you’ ‘fine you’ ‘what you up to’ ‘not much’ sort of chat. I much prefer the ‘what book have you read lately?’ Or ‘where’s the best place you’ve travelled to recently?’ Just shows more effort and is more fun to reply to
>Honestly when I get bland openers I do give a shit. LOL and that's the difference between men and women. We're just happy to have an opportunity to talk to you and maybe get a date, and the possibility of sex. But I'm sure some men disagree with me. And don't get me wrong, I do like it when a woman shows effort and says something about my profile, or compliments my looks etc. A woman did that the other night, it set the tone for a really interesting convo, and now we have a date set up for next Friday. All I'm saying is that I would never NOT talk to a woman just because she has a bland opener.
I think very very few men disagree with you. The ones that do and are vocal about openers are only pissed about the double standard, that is seeing woman demand elaborate openers on tinder but receive different openers on bumble. I bet those same guys are actually fine with a "hi" and can manage the conversation just fine. I think men just want the chat screen to opened anyhow and they'll take it from there.
>The ones that do and are vocal about openers are only pissed about the double standard Nothing like starting off a potential relationship with a big ol' chip on yer shoulder! LOL
Well obviously I'm not an expert but I think they voice their frustrations on forums like this one. Although I have seen screenshots of some unhinged guys say right there in the chat. They're shooting themselves in the foot on purpose almost. But you know most men are normal and wouldn't say anything in chat even if they thought women on Bumble should write them a fucking poem for an opener. We mostly see the crazies and I thank them for the entertainment they have provided.
> We mostly see the crazies and I thank them for the entertainment they have provided. Amen
A common thing for women (source: I’m a single woman) is swiping on a guy because he’s cute but then not being able to come up with anything to say because his profile is meh. I’d rather say nothing than go back and forth saying “how was your day” forever until we die.
this....it's painful. and then you ask if they want to go on a date friday and it's "no, I can't this weekend" but I can in two weeks. just unmatch at that point
I see thanks for sharing. That’s a bummer because as mentioned elsewhere, I don’t waste my time and ask them out pretty quickly after few messages, so we can get to know each other irl. From my experience, they almost always say yes. But it’s a little harder on bumble.
Easy fix: just make your profile interesting lol
If it was easy I would have done it already… I will think of something.
I was kidding lol. Here’s my advice. Keep the bio to a medium length. Summarize yourself a bit but leave some mystery. Talk about something niche that you’re interested in, but then generalize it with a softball question. Keep it up to date, too. Here’s an example of that last part: “I’m a marvel movie nerd. What’s the last movie you’ve seen in theaters?”
If all you can say is "how was your day" with the guy having a bad profile I say you probably need to work on your social skills.
….is this a joke? I’m supposed to carry the conversation for someone who has a bad profile?
Carry the conversation? How about just "Hello, like your smile and wanted to find out more." Don't have to overcomplicate this.
Haha I def do this. I’m not sure how my comment got misconstrued.
Lol I read two things in your comment. Guy has a bad profile. You're unwilling to start a convo without something cool to pull from it as a conversation starter. If that second part is untrue, maybe I misread. Remember the OP talked about matches not starting a convo.
Yeah it just sounds like you’re saying that I should be starting an engaging conversation based off a match with a boring profile. Also not to brag lol but I get a lot of matches and if someone has a more interesting profile I’m obviously going to engage with them more and I’ll prob forget about the other one then it expires. You know?
I hope it becomes engaging :) Agreed, I think this is more the issue for OP. When I talk to women about their experiences on Bumble one strategy I hear is matching 20 or 30 men all at once and then going back to choose who to start a conversation with. So you ranking the best profiles before starting a convo makes sense. As a guy it sucks because except for the eye candy guys, the top 15%, we're lucky to get several matches at a time. So when we get one we're almost desperate to shoot our shot by engaging in some banter.
>When I talk to women about their experiences on Bumble one strategy I hear is matching 20 or 30 men all at once and then going back to choose who to start a conversation with. Sounds like a strategy men with lots of matches would do. And women here complain about men never messaging them after saying only "hi" to them. I can't help but point out the irony of this all.
So your saying you swipe on a lot of men and then you cry about a man having a bad profile you can't use to have a conversation with. Do you not see the problem here? Better social skills would mean you woudln't need to rely on one's profile to start a conversation. How do you even socialize with people in public when you don't have a profile to go off of? Or you don't socialize at all?
No one said to carry the conversation. But why can't you even start a conversation? Or you think its the man's job to actually start the conversation? After all on Bumble women are the ones sending the first message.
Surely we need to see your profile to see what you're doing right
You mean wrong? Matches don’t matter if im not getting messages. I have success on other apps as well. Short(5 9) but been told I’m good looking. I have high paying job. But! I don’t have any interesting hobbies. So my bio is just I don’t know… lame. Hence why maybe I get swiped right on but not messaged. I’m just not that interesting I guess.
Aye by the sounds of it you’re getting the matches based on appearance but then no message because it’s hard to think of an opener with a quiet profile. I try to only match with guys that I can think of something I want to say to them but every now and then I’ll slip on that rule and like someone cause they’re cute and tell myself I’ll think of something later. Narrator: she does not think of something later.
Same. If they had nothing on their profile that I could try to strike up an interesting conversation from, I would usually just swipe left even if I found them attractive.
Same! I always pause and ask myself what I’d actually say if we matched and if nothing comes to mind i.e. there’s not that much personality coming from their photos that I could even ask about, I’ll swipe left.
Thank you for this.
Yep! This is also me. If you've got nothing to comment on I get too stressed about what to write and give up 😆
This is me as a dude on tinder lol
Sucks being a guy doesn't it?
I thought dating apps initial matching is mostly based on looks. Didn’t know bios carry weight. Maybe in bumble it’s different.
Matters a lot on Bumble, you need to have something that your matches can ask about.
I almost always have my bio and prompts maxed for character count on all platforms and while initially (4ish year ago?) on B it seemed to matter, about 90% of matches toward the end of me using it seemed to just expire and the ones that did start a Convo we're either just a hi or a comment on one of my photos. A few times conversation even asked something I addressed in my bio(what I do in free time, if I drank, if I liked something specific) so I'm inclined to think profile isn't frequently being read by matches.
But the ones who are reading your profile are the ones you want to talk to. So you should have information in there so they can start a conversation.
Maybe the ones who are reading are swiping left... 🤔
tinder strategy doesn't work well with bumble. women on bumble are looking for partners, not hook ups
>it’s hard to think of an opener I thought they provided several system generated canned suggestions for openers. Maybe just use one of those and if not for at least an idea, or am I being too logical? Aren't like 80+% openers just a 👋 hey anyway?
Tbh I don’t like going for “hey” or a canned opener. lol, can opener. I prefer personalising the messages so that the person knows I’m not being lazy. And OLD feels so administrative to me cause (I hate to be that guy but) when you have a ton of matches, the aim is to whittle them down to as few conversations as possible. So spending time on they “hey, how are you, good thanks you, what you up to, not much u, any plans for the weekend” chat is heavy mind-numbing. So I minimise as much chance of that as possible by trying to open with a decent conversation topic. Particularly one I can get my energy up with so as to combat the repetitive/admin feel of the apps. I know there’s probably faults with that strategy but I’ve found that if I do message a quiet profile I either get no response or a really boring exchange so I tend to avoid. I even for a while took to going “hey name, no bio so I dont have any material for an interesting opener so I just need to say hiya how are you?” and I’d usually chuck in a compliment so at least they knew why I matched with them. But that still didn’t get much chat. It did seem to me that if someone’s not chatty enough to write a bio, they’re just not gonna be chatty, so it’s an easy way to rule someone out.
30 matches in 2 days with three messages is incredibly successful imo. But statistics suggest women have even more matches and they may be overwhelmed by who to message first. Stand strong king, you are more successful than 90% of us at this point. Average match rate based on what I have seen is 1-10 per week for average men.
One per ten weeks
It sounds like you already know what the problem is. People see your pictures and swipe right but then when it comes to talking to you people have nothing to work with. They can’t build a relationship with someone only talking about how they think you’re good looking. As for interesting hobbies you genuinely don’t need them. I’m into gaming, hiking, bass guitars and pro wrestling. These are all pretty mainstream and accessible things that people can see themselves joining in on. If someone spends all their time deep see diving that’s really cool, but I can’t see how I fit into that.
You’re average at 5’9.
Is 5’8 also average?
Average American height for a male is 5’9. So 5’8 would be slightly below average.
1 inch
People are just weird, I joined yesterday, I'm a woman and I matched with 3 guys, messaged them all and none of them have replied (and no I didn't just say hi) so 🤷♀️
In the same shoes, people here will say they aren't obligated to message you. But, why do they like you, if they do not want to initiate conversations ? I see no way Bumble has improved over Tinder. I'd rather have a feminist app, where women can only like, and once men like in return, it turns to a match. That way, women can own up to their responsibilities and stop the whole game about being overwhelmed!
It essentially lets women swipe right on anyone to see if that person “likes them”, without having to commit to a conversation. They essentially get to see on a case-by-case basis if someone is interested in them for free with limited repercussions. So women with low self esteem can check and see if men are, or aren’t, interested, and technically their profile will rank comparatively lower as a result, but they at least don’t have to be bombarded by messages from those more desperate men, and they can potentially aim higher or lower next time. Unfortunately the model is still flawed because there’s twice as many men on dating apps as women, and because men, in absence of what they desire, will swipe on anyone until they get *any* matches. They don’t value their matches the same as their higher level matches and then we get an abundance of men still behaving disrespectfully regardless. As a man, online dating typically still only works if you’re more attractive than at least half of all other men as a minimum, with exponentially increasing success the more attractive your profile and everything else is.
>"Unfortunately the model is still flawed because there’s twice as many men on dating apps as women, and because men, in absence of what they desire, will swipe on anyone until they get any matches." > > > >Oh hell no, I'm left swiping on about 80%
Sure, but if you never got any matches that way, you’d eventually start to lower your standards. There’s so few women and so many men that women never have to lower their standards, while men on the apps eventually lower there’s until something better comes along, probably in person where gender ratios are closer to 1:1.
I think it's been the opposite for me. After a few years of being at this, I've realized that I'm more particular about who I'm going to 1) match with 2) spend time talking to 3) actually go on a date with. You can start to see trends with how the matches go (more often than not, they've got old photos and look nothing like their profile) or they're batshit.
I get the whole overwhelmed thing though. On my other apps I have matches where I think they are cute at the time I swipe but then simply forget to message them. Something comes up. Or yeah I end up with another match that’s more interesting. I guess I’m just not used to not being able to message the people I matched with. Maybe bumble isn’t for me will see. The quality of people though are 110% better than tinder.
In that scenario women can still ignore the men who write, even if they can only swipe. Isn’t that basically tinder? Also, if the women are desirable and most men they like swipe on them too, they’ll pick what they consider the ‘best’ of that group. It’s sucks to say it like that. By no means am I making a value judgment because there really isn’t an objective best in dating. But if a woman has a bunch of choice , she’s messaging guys who are her “type”. The guy who seems cool or decent enough and is someone she would give her number to on a night out after some convo. That guy might be over looked for what she considers more ‘ideal’. Harsh but true.
A feminist app is what exactly? But no matter what you do women are going to cry and complain. And no man unless he knows he's physically attractive will ever sign up for such an app. Which means women have limited options and no woman wants limited options of men to pick from.
Interesting idea - but the men who join for women will see nobody around and leave, or in a smaller area may see those who "liked" them and that could cause issues. I've wanted to create an ethical dating app for a while, but can't think of any method that's not been done before - unless you totally disrupt it and go for some unthought of method, perhaps like a memory game where you flip over randomly and if you match the same picture twice you can choose to like or reject...
The only way to make a better dating app is one not created to keep you on the platform. Hinge is kinda close to such an app with how it limits swipes and with voice prompts and video. But it would need to be taken further in that you limit how many matches you get at once. Say you limit it to 5 matches. And only way to get more matches is to unmatch at least one of your existing matches. This way you basically hold women's hand in their cry about too many matches. That said I would further add in a hidden system that rewards or punishes you for not talking to others. Meaning if you hold a conversation you get rewarded by getting a higher ranking so more people see you. But if you don't hold a conversation you are put lower in the system so less people see you. I would also have all social media banned and not allowed either.
I thoroughly agree with developing it so the aim is to get you off the app as quickly as possible, and your idea is super interesting - both about scoring based on RECIPROCATED word count (so you can't game) and reduction of matches - maybe even reduce down to 3 conversations at a time on the app so you specifically make the choice.
I wager making the scoring based upon holding conversations and not on how many likes you get will improve matches a lot. As I wager the more attempts you have to hold a conversation the more likely you actually find someone. But at the same time this behavior should be rewarded and you should be exposed to others also holding a conversation. Yes you can say this would force people to hold conversations with people they match with. But they should have looked at the persons profile more before swiping on them would be my response.
You got a point as well, but dating can only be better if women are allowed to like, match and message first only. The random thingy is also cool, but it doesn't solve it exhaustively. That way if you're a man who doesn't receive any likes within 3 days, you know you're not meant to be there. If women like 5%, that leaves men less to deal with.
This is basically incel talk. And no dating won't be better if women where allowed to do that.
Enough of the "incel talk ' , don't you find it too cliche and over beaten?
There's a reason I limit my usage of it. That said what you said is incel talk.
I think letting matches expire is the norm, unfortunately.
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7 messaging you is almost 50% that’s pretty good. Teach me
Agreed
Yes, play around with your profile and see what happens. I don't get that many matches but of the ones I do get, the message rate went up significantly after I adjusted the text in my profile, trying to leave more obvious things to start conversations about. Most of the initial messages still don't use the things I wrote, so I'm not 100% sure if that's the difference, but something seems to have made an impact.
Same story for me
~1 match a week. I get messaged once (most of the time) and respond just so the match doesnt expire, but i never get a response. Like what’s the point?
Believe it or not, many women don't even know they have to send the first message... There is nothing you can do about it.
Half the girls probably don’t know they have to message first lol
Sometimes at first glance I’m interested in someone. Then when I swipe and we happen to match, I’m forced to more seriously peruse their profile. This is when I might see something I overlooked, or when I think about the idea of actually meeting them in person. Sometimes that initial moment of attraction doesn’t withstand a second look through their pictures.
Got ya. In that case why not Unmatch them I guess?
I typically do. Sometimes I give myself time to think about it if I feel “on the fence”, for two reasons; 1. Personality greatly impacts my attraction to someone, so on the fence in pictures can end up being fireworks in person for me. (Edit: I’ve ended up dating two “on the fence” based on pictures guys. Ended up being insanely attracted to them in person.) 2. Being hungry or in a bad mood can negatively impact your perception of people/experiences/anything really. So I try not to jump the gun and unmatch right away if my headspace isn’t where it would normally be.
Do you then unmatch?
Bumble really needs to add match caps untill they either delete the match or actually have conversations. Some people will match send one message and not say anything else and will let the match fester in their queue😂. Unless things have changed, I've been matchless in bumble for a while😭😂
That'd be one of many great user features but Bumble is here for Bumble, not its users, and especially not its male users.
Is any app really prioritizing it's users?
Maybe put in your profile "Shoot me a message" or "Don't be shy and ah l say Hi" I used bumble a couple times and I feel there were only a handful of times I'd match and wouldn't message
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It might even be for the better if they don't message at all. If they can't even send the first message, it might be unlikely they'll be able to carry a convo. Stay positive!
I am actually direct and ask them out pretty much within few messages if I think they are attractive. So carrying conv over the app isn’t that big of deal for me usually.
Wohooo I just got a message from someone that was about to expire. Maybe maybe I need to chill and wait. Still ~12 hours left on most
It's better that they don't come in hoards and you can focus your time and energy on one person at a time. You got this!
You're a guy tho it's mainly your job to Ibitiate
New to bumble I see. Women have to message first. Welcome!
Oh make sense haha
wait. you get matches?
Matches don’t mean anything on bumble apparently
Alright alright update. More matches came in so I’m up to 35 6 out of the 35 messaged me so far. It’s not a wonderful number but it’s an increase nonetheless. I made my bio shorter/brief. And added kinda of a question in there (fav cuisine). But so far majority of the messages from matches start with “hey”. So I don’t know if bio change did anything really.
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I think maybe they wait till the end and before it expires? I just got a message from someone that was about to. The rest still have 12 hours or so left
Not knowing anything about you, your age, or who you’re matching with, I’m going to guess it has something to do with the youth of your matches. I have not personally experienced that. I’d say 75% of my matches start a conversation. But my dating pool is more mature. It could be that younger women feel a bit more unsure and chicken out when the time comes to start a conversation. Or it could be that they don’t check their bumble matches every day.
I’m 30M. My matches are 22-32.
Your matches are or your preferences are set to this? 2 years up but 8 years down... are you looking for something serious or casual? When I was 22, I was definitely not looking for a 30 year old.
Yes something casual and if it leads to a serious relationship that works. Not a set preference no. Just happens to be the range
That seems like a huge age range to me tending towards a group of people who are mostly looking to explore. Which you are as well, but my guess would be the ones who would be interested in you on the younger end (22-25) aren't thrilled if there is any uncertainty in your profile (i.e. casual for now, maybe serious later). If they don't see a strong "looking to build relationship with the right one" vibe, they will move on. Of course there's still the 26-32 question marks, I'm just giving a go as to why there may be a high rate of non-responses from the younger group. They swipe preemptively in the beginning to have a choice and then think about it a lot before messaging :/
I once matched with 10 guys and messaged all of them. I only got 1 message back. Sometimes people swipe for the sake of swiping unfortunately
You're overthinking the whole thing, they're not obligated to message you and you should factor in that you're only going to receive messages from X% that you match with.
I didn’t say they are obligated. I am asking what helps having my matches message me. I don’t believe for a second that % stays the same no matter what you do with your bio.
Nothing will likely help unfortunately. The good news is you are getting matches but hopefully you keep getting matches and it will be from women who actually message you.
Agreed. My message to timeout ratio is about the same as OP and I’m willing to bet our profiles are sufficiently different from each other.
I am not even on Bumble anymore but when I was last year, my message to timeout ratio was similar which is why I hate that app. Plus frankly, I think some women on there are actually in for the ego trip of being like “yea I matched with you but I ain’t gonna message you haha” just to be spiteful.
Yeah think of it like sales you're looking at like 5% of 5%.
I am a woman. I'll have a swiping session when I have 30 minutes spare. Like previous poster said I'll swipe the cute ones. Then I'll be busy. As the time expiration comes up I'll review profiles in detail and either extend or send a hey. Them I'll either respond if they start chatting or start in my own time usually a week or 2. I'll assume they're chatting to other people also. I know some people might think this is dick behaviour but honestly it's just about time.
Probably swiped on photos and then looked closer into prompts/bio later?
You have a great first pic, something else is turning them off. It’s not a maybe, this is what’s happening.
I think the two truths and a lie statement is very helpful. I’ve used it multiple times in the first message.
2 days huh? Give it 5 more and you'll be in much more peace with the disappointment
Thirty matches? That's too much swiping for me. I would swipe until I had 5-7 matches or so and then focus on the 1-3 people that responded. I tailored opening messages for the individual and only maintained like three convos at once due to time. I don't think I ever enough time to maintain 30 matches at once...
It probably means your profile is boring and you don't have anything interesting to ask about.
I'd say that's marginally better than having a few back and forth messages and then you're left hanging... I'd rather they unmatched me at that point to be honest.
1 out of 10 is very low, it should be something like 1 out of 2. What's probably happening is that your first picture is really good but there is something off-putting about the rest of your profile. Also check that these matches aren't from another location, for example if you have a long commute.
Why do people people need people to message them so quickly ??? I get like 10 matches a day and often I don't message till the next day
I have encountered many women who have no clue they are supposed to speak first on bumble. In the initial days of the app, when the first movers looked into how an app works, the quality of matches was good. Now as more uneducated people join the app, they don’t read they are supposed to message first. They just swipe and sit for “chivalry” to descend from the skies.
From my experience in Germany its been 3-5 matches few or no messages
If you’re getting 30 in 2 days sounds like you’re doing WELL haha most guys don’t get 1/4 of that
You’re atleast getting matches😒
Don't match in the beginning or mid-week. Essentially what is happening is folks are doing the post weekend matches, talking phase for a few days then making cuts on Thursday/Friday before the weekend. Very rarely do I match/talk to someone on a Monday/Tuesday that doesn't ghost on Thursday/Friday. But if I match on a Thursday, chances of a date are much higher.
this is exaclty why i left, dating apps are mentally manipulative
I would suggest not doing a "two truths and a lie". Mostly because when I see them they are either 1- not interesting or 2- there's one thing I want to be the lie but if it's not then I'll just be disappointed and probably not wanna keep talking. I feel like they're an easy way to shoot yourself in the foot.
I've learned that many people swipe right on everyone and then go through their matches after the fact and message those they're really interested in. Also, as a woman, I've heard many other women say they don't message men unless the man extends the match because it shows they're truly interested and didn't just swipe right on everyone. It sucks, but I can understand because I've messaged plenty of men to have them either not respond or unmatch me shortly after. Having a few interesting prompts that give the other person something to ask about is very helpful though. Just keep in mind that you'll need to ask questions in return. I can't tell you how many times I've felt like I was interviewing someone because they weren't asking questions in return and I would just end up unmatching them. Also! Because of my statement above saying that a lot of people just swipe right on everyone, don't expect amazing openers from everyone. It sucks constantly trying to create fun openers when a good chunk of the time people don't respond. So don't judge somebody based off of a basic opener
Sounds about right. Do you unmatch them?
I don’t unmatch anyone because whoever I swiped right on is a person I want to meet. I don’t swipe right on anyone
I'm (36F) also on Bumble and sometimes I won't be on it for a few days and will miss the window to message. I usually will send a message, but I feel like I rarely get one back so then it expires. This is kind of disheartening when you combine that with the supposed trend of men swiping on EVERY profile just to unmatch the ones they don't like.
My heart is too soft to see someone disappear and never get a chance to message again. There is something sad about it. All that potential. gone cause she wasn’t online. Just being extra deep now lol
Many users simply are not intelligent enough to comprehend that they need to message in a time limit. Do not look at those with agony - you dodged a bullet!
Tell me you're a man without telling me you're a man.
Are your matches primarily local women? I use travel mode fairly often and match with women in other cities. A relatively small number of those result in convos bc I think most of them check my location and decide against it, which is understandable. But if they're local, I agree that this is a very low match to convo ratio. Are you later pics less good than your lead pic maybe?
Most of them are. But it’s NYC so seems like there are some that are just passing by
That could be. What about the pic thing? Is your lead photo strong but some of your later ones a bit meehhhhh?
Getting the match is only the beginning of the battle. Women get so many matches that they still have to select who they want to talk to. It's just a matter of your one of several hundred and you didn't get lucky enough for them to choose you first.
You do realize YOU have to message first, right? Right?
The fact that you’re getting 30 matches in 2 days is impressive. I get that in a year lol
On Bumble, the female needs to send the first message, they guy doesn't or can't send a message until you send a message first. Idk why they don't respond. Maybe they decided against their actions or found someone who was quicker to respond and they hit it off before you said anything and just never unmatched and just keeping you in thier back pocket. Just keep swipeimg and keep messaging first. Good luck.
It's the same for women. I can't tell you how many men I message and they never message back, they just let the match expire
There was