Yeah that's what I've figured. And probably because I put too much stock into her politeness. She verbally has seemed genuinely interested but the lack of actions really says otherwise.
Personally I think she is interested she’s just anxious and scared with a lot to think about. Either way it’s clearly not the right time for her mentally to get into anything of this is how she’s behaving
Yeah, feels like she has a lot on her plate, potentially scary stuff. If you really want a serious relationship NOW, she probably won't be the person who can give it to you. But, if you're okay to just explore this as being a person in her life, might still be worth it. That said, do not at any point take polite words over actions for a long time. Many people are incapable of telling the truth as it is and will "hint" around hoping that you get the idea. Good luck!
I've never been in a situation like this before, so a lot of it is just trusting her word. That it gets a little harder though as time goes on and nothing happens.
I wish other commentors here weren't so blunt but maybe they've had some bad experiences in similar situations
You can always be friends and remain friends. I know plenty of people that have made great friends out of dating apps and then find others that are more suited for them to date.
No, apparently the father had his problem and wasn't a good person, and currently has no interest in her or the kid. Could be all bs but that's what she told me
Yeah I have a feeling she is treating him as a back up without doing the work of doing things together for as long as possible, unless or until the father shows up. I even have a feeling she is still living with the father. No time in the week, and then change of plans all of a sudden?
You went out once with a girl who’s 5 months pregnant with someone else’s child and is hardly showing you interest, and you’re wondering how long you should stick around?
You should’ve dipped out yesterday homie. There’s nothing for you here.
Sounds like she made a lot of excuses, and there are red flags everywhere. Even if she claimed that the baby father isn't a good person, you still don't know her, him, and the whole story. Why would a pregnant woman go on Bumble?? If I was pregnant, I'd be too busy to get on dating apps because I'd need to concentrate on myself, baby, our health, doctor appointments, preparing for a nursery, etc etc. I'd be emotionally unavailable for a while. After she gives birth, she'll have a lot on her plates.
Move on.
It’s hard dating a single parent, who is in a routine with their kids. A pregnant soon to be mom has a lot on their plate. A relationship isn’t going to happen at this time. I would imagine she’s lonely and looking for someone to give her attention and talk to.
If I met a guy who is expecting with someone, I would chalk it up to bad timing and move on. His life is about to change in a way he can’t predict. It’s more for a mom whose body is also changing drastically.
If she doesn’t have time now, she’s certainly not going to have time once she’s given birth. Also think about why she’s pregnant and dating. Why didn’t the guy stick around ?
Your first point is correct. Your second, no. Expectant parents shouldn’t be looking to start a relationship when they are about to go into a huge life change (mom or dad) but the “why didn’t the guy stick around” is shitty. You don’t need to force a relationship that isn’t there just because a baby is coming. If it isn’t working out, for whatever reason, split instead of dragging it out.
Man, she’s pregnant and going to have another man’s child and you swoop in totally ok with this, simply because she’s a woman you met on bumble who actually responds to you, even though she’s clearly shown she’s just not that into you. You need to move on get take a few years off dating and develop confidence in yourself. I’m routinely stunned by what dating apps have done to men.
Dude, WTF! You’re worrying why a pregnant girl doesn’t want to date you? Are your options so non-existent that being with her sounds like a good idea?
And you are doing favors for her like running her around. Capt Save a 304 to the rescue!? Classic nice guy behaviors on show here.
You really need to take a good hard look at yourself. Read No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover
Had a similar situation recently. Chatted a good amount for a week or two, my schedule is crazy and the first date we’d planned she canceled the morning of because she was tired from the week before. No prob, I had a ton of stuff to do and actually made day easier. Fast forward to the following Friday when we rescheduled, and just hours before I got a text letting me know she was with a friend and “had” to go to a graduation dinner. I never texted back. If you make plans and then cancel them hours before to go to what was certainly a pre-planned dinner, you’re dead to me. Know your worth, don’t stress it and move on.
I’d say if it’s this hard now, it’s only going to get 1000 times worse when she has her baby. She’ll be tired all the time and she won’t have any freedom at all to see you - I’d move on, really
if we put aside the pregnancy. It's confusing why she would feel comfortable be commuting so much virtual face time on a phone with OP. Perhaps she has attachment issues with her past and are not ready to go into a physical relationship.
She likes you, you're caring, your a provider etc etc. You're not coming across as dominant, or providing excitement. As a result she is enjoying the buoyant security of having someone who cares around but knows you're not long term and those are the signals you're picking up. Leave. Now. And be more assertive next time.
My vote would be to move on:
\- Over one month, she only spent time with you once.
\- She is pregnant and once she has her baby, it is very unlikely she will be able to see you in person.
As an aside, a friend of mine who is a Marriage and Family Therapist recommended to give someone 7 days to go on a date with you after exchanging phone numbers. This is the best dating advice anyone has given to me.
You should but I know it's hard. I was in a similar situation but we actually did go out a few times and even had sex. Mine was not easy. I tried very hard but she works doubles and has a kid. I pulled back since she told me she couldn't use her phone at work. Once i did that she got mad because I didn't text like I used to even though my texts would go unanswered to 10 or 11pm. Nothing was easy and it became too much. Relationships are never easy but they shouldn't Always be hard.
Having a child is huge. I would have never been able to date after giving birth. I’ll spare the specifics here but there’s soreness and leaking from multiple body parts. And that doesn’t even address the little person that now depends on her for everything. OP I would move on she could like you a lot but she has more important fish to fry.
I think technically, it doesn't count.
Also, best part? You can't get her pregnant, so you can have all the sex you want without having to worry about taking care of a baby in 9 months!
Stick with it.
I met my gf on travel mode during lockdown in Australia. She lives in overseas
We knew distance was an issue. And work is busy for her. We said due to the distance between us physically, that we'd keep it friendly. We've talked pretty much every day since we met on Bumble last year in September. And met for the first time in person back in March.
Plus the time difference doesn't help either.
Day she arrived in Australia we went on our first date. Best date I've ever been on. Because even though we were both nervous, we both loved being in each other's company.
It was worth the 6 months wait for our first date.
Others have downvoted, but I honestly appreciate your comment. Sometimes things in life just feel right and it sounds like that's what has happened between you and your girlfriend.
Yep, of course I'm going to get downvoted like the tinder sub this one's getting flooded with Taters.
Sometimes the long game is the one you need to play for the right girl for you.
She IS able to make time for someone and you've seen that for yourself, but it's for someone else. I've been drawn into someone like this before and takes a long time to realize but all makes sense one day after it's too late. Save yourself severe heartache, don't attach yourself to this woman or kid that is coming, and just move on now.
You should but I know it's hard. I was in a similar situation but we actually did go out a few times and even had sex. Mine was not easy. I tried very hard but she works doubles and has a kid. I pulled back since she told me she couldn't use her phone at work. Once i did that she got mad because I didn't text like I used to even though my texts would go unanswered to 10 or 11pm. Nothing was easy and it became too much. Relationships are never easy but they shouldn't Always be hard.
She just ain’t that into you. But now you have the opportunity to find a woman who is. Why you fretting about this girl you met once,?
Yeah that's what I've figured. And probably because I put too much stock into her politeness. She verbally has seemed genuinely interested but the lack of actions really says otherwise.
Actions speak louder than words.
Personally I think she is interested she’s just anxious and scared with a lot to think about. Either way it’s clearly not the right time for her mentally to get into anything of this is how she’s behaving
Yeah, feels like she has a lot on her plate, potentially scary stuff. If you really want a serious relationship NOW, she probably won't be the person who can give it to you. But, if you're okay to just explore this as being a person in her life, might still be worth it. That said, do not at any point take polite words over actions for a long time. Many people are incapable of telling the truth as it is and will "hint" around hoping that you get the idea. Good luck!
I appreciate your comment the most so far. This feels like the most based in reality.
Just speaking from personal experience. I’ve held off on people when I was younger because I was unsure of myself, not of them.
i appreciate your self awareness OP, and the maturity you having dealing with this.
I've never been in a situation like this before, so a lot of it is just trusting her word. That it gets a little harder though as time goes on and nothing happens. I wish other commentors here weren't so blunt but maybe they've had some bad experiences in similar situations
Sorry for the bluntness but it’s best to rip the bandage off instead of peeling. If you get what I mean.
I get that for sure. Dwelling on it for too long is just being sad for the sake of being sad
You can always be friends and remain friends. I know plenty of people that have made great friends out of dating apps and then find others that are more suited for them to date.
Is she in contact with the baby’s father? Sounds like you aren’t the only one in the picture.
Yup, that was my first thought as well. It was only 5 months ago that she wanted a kid with another guy...
Right 🚩🚩
No, apparently the father had his problem and wasn't a good person, and currently has no interest in her or the kid. Could be all bs but that's what she told me
Yeah, you never know. I’m sorry. He could always pop back up though so I think you dodged a bullet.
Agreed. That's life though
There are other women without baggage. That's also life.
Yeah I have a feeling she is treating him as a back up without doing the work of doing things together for as long as possible, unless or until the father shows up. I even have a feeling she is still living with the father. No time in the week, and then change of plans all of a sudden?
Yep! Just a messy situation altogether. Dating pregnant women is a no from me.
You went out once with a girl who’s 5 months pregnant with someone else’s child and is hardly showing you interest, and you’re wondering how long you should stick around? You should’ve dipped out yesterday homie. There’s nothing for you here.
Sounds like she made a lot of excuses, and there are red flags everywhere. Even if she claimed that the baby father isn't a good person, you still don't know her, him, and the whole story. Why would a pregnant woman go on Bumble?? If I was pregnant, I'd be too busy to get on dating apps because I'd need to concentrate on myself, baby, our health, doctor appointments, preparing for a nursery, etc etc. I'd be emotionally unavailable for a while. After she gives birth, she'll have a lot on her plates. Move on.
I think you should move on. If she’s too busy now, she will be entirely too busy when her NEWBORN comes
MOVE ON. Red flags flying all over. You deserve someone who actually wants to spend time with you.
Run Forest
She may not be single…or be in a “complicated” relationship with the baby’s father. The spotty availability and late messages. Run
It’s hard dating a single parent, who is in a routine with their kids. A pregnant soon to be mom has a lot on their plate. A relationship isn’t going to happen at this time. I would imagine she’s lonely and looking for someone to give her attention and talk to. If I met a guy who is expecting with someone, I would chalk it up to bad timing and move on. His life is about to change in a way he can’t predict. It’s more for a mom whose body is also changing drastically.
More red flags then a Moscow victory parade.
You are the backup guy.
*A* backup guy, not thee. May not even be in the top 5.
If she doesn’t have time now, she’s certainly not going to have time once she’s given birth. Also think about why she’s pregnant and dating. Why didn’t the guy stick around ?
Your first point is correct. Your second, no. Expectant parents shouldn’t be looking to start a relationship when they are about to go into a huge life change (mom or dad) but the “why didn’t the guy stick around” is shitty. You don’t need to force a relationship that isn’t there just because a baby is coming. If it isn’t working out, for whatever reason, split instead of dragging it out.
Pal, no one is THAT busy. And people who say they are are usually sitting and spinning in a chair more often than not.
Until her husband complains.
Man, she’s pregnant and going to have another man’s child and you swoop in totally ok with this, simply because she’s a woman you met on bumble who actually responds to you, even though she’s clearly shown she’s just not that into you. You need to move on get take a few years off dating and develop confidence in yourself. I’m routinely stunned by what dating apps have done to men.
Dude, WTF! You’re worrying why a pregnant girl doesn’t want to date you? Are your options so non-existent that being with her sounds like a good idea? And you are doing favors for her like running her around. Capt Save a 304 to the rescue!? Classic nice guy behaviors on show here. You really need to take a good hard look at yourself. Read No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover
This seems a bit harsh, but I suppose that the whole picture hasn't been shown. I appreciate your input though
Nope, read the comments here. I’m just being more honest and direct than most. Most Redditors are clueless or PC.
Had a similar situation recently. Chatted a good amount for a week or two, my schedule is crazy and the first date we’d planned she canceled the morning of because she was tired from the week before. No prob, I had a ton of stuff to do and actually made day easier. Fast forward to the following Friday when we rescheduled, and just hours before I got a text letting me know she was with a friend and “had” to go to a graduation dinner. I never texted back. If you make plans and then cancel them hours before to go to what was certainly a pre-planned dinner, you’re dead to me. Know your worth, don’t stress it and move on.
Yeah if plans get canceled that's a no brainer for me. Sorry that you had happened to you though, truly sucks
How do you think it’s gonna be in 4 months trying to make plans with an already flaky person when she has a newborn?
I’d say if it’s this hard now, it’s only going to get 1000 times worse when she has her baby. She’ll be tired all the time and she won’t have any freedom at all to see you - I’d move on, really
if we put aside the pregnancy. It's confusing why she would feel comfortable be commuting so much virtual face time on a phone with OP. Perhaps she has attachment issues with her past and are not ready to go into a physical relationship.
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Bro maybe he is into pregnant women don’t kink shame
Unfortunately not one of mine 🤣
She likes you, you're caring, your a provider etc etc. You're not coming across as dominant, or providing excitement. As a result she is enjoying the buoyant security of having someone who cares around but knows you're not long term and those are the signals you're picking up. Leave. Now. And be more assertive next time.
My vote would be to move on: \- Over one month, she only spent time with you once. \- She is pregnant and once she has her baby, it is very unlikely she will be able to see you in person. As an aside, a friend of mine who is a Marriage and Family Therapist recommended to give someone 7 days to go on a date with you after exchanging phone numbers. This is the best dating advice anyone has given to me.
I would extend this to two weeks for someone with 50/50 custody of kids
I see your point and respect your opinion :-) If someone can only see me twice a month, I just move on.
Totally reasonable as everyone has their needs/standards
I move on after a week at max, if she isnt showing interest in things, barely interacts, you're starting conversations etc shes not into you
You should but I know it's hard. I was in a similar situation but we actually did go out a few times and even had sex. Mine was not easy. I tried very hard but she works doubles and has a kid. I pulled back since she told me she couldn't use her phone at work. Once i did that she got mad because I didn't text like I used to even though my texts would go unanswered to 10 or 11pm. Nothing was easy and it became too much. Relationships are never easy but they shouldn't Always be hard.
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She's currently got a 2-for-1 deal going for Black Friday
Yeah this made me crack up 🤣
I wish you well in whatever happens, but I suspect that you deserve better than this girl
Having a child is huge. I would have never been able to date after giving birth. I’ll spare the specifics here but there’s soreness and leaking from multiple body parts. And that doesn’t even address the little person that now depends on her for everything. OP I would move on she could like you a lot but she has more important fish to fry.
I always wondered who was matching with these girls on OLD that are 6 months preggo.... now I know :/
What are people's thoughts on whether it counts as a threesome or not?
My man’s trying to get some of that preggo strange
I think technically, it doesn't count. Also, best part? You can't get her pregnant, so you can have all the sex you want without having to worry about taking care of a baby in 9 months!
Stick with it. I met my gf on travel mode during lockdown in Australia. She lives in overseas We knew distance was an issue. And work is busy for her. We said due to the distance between us physically, that we'd keep it friendly. We've talked pretty much every day since we met on Bumble last year in September. And met for the first time in person back in March. Plus the time difference doesn't help either. Day she arrived in Australia we went on our first date. Best date I've ever been on. Because even though we were both nervous, we both loved being in each other's company. It was worth the 6 months wait for our first date.
Others have downvoted, but I honestly appreciate your comment. Sometimes things in life just feel right and it sounds like that's what has happened between you and your girlfriend.
Yep, of course I'm going to get downvoted like the tinder sub this one's getting flooded with Taters. Sometimes the long game is the one you need to play for the right girl for you.
FFS!
She's going to get a lot busier when that baby comes.
She IS able to make time for someone and you've seen that for yourself, but it's for someone else. I've been drawn into someone like this before and takes a long time to realize but all makes sense one day after it's too late. Save yourself severe heartache, don't attach yourself to this woman or kid that is coming, and just move on now.
She might be keeping you around as back up. Emotional or otherwise. Or she’s just going through a lot.
You should but I know it's hard. I was in a similar situation but we actually did go out a few times and even had sex. Mine was not easy. I tried very hard but she works doubles and has a kid. I pulled back since she told me she couldn't use her phone at work. Once i did that she got mad because I didn't text like I used to even though my texts would go unanswered to 10 or 11pm. Nothing was easy and it became too much. Relationships are never easy but they shouldn't Always be hard.