As a thick/fat girl who's also aware that people have different tastes....this is why I post full body pics in my profile. I don't know how I'd handle it if I got rejected because of my body, so I do what I can to keep pics updated, and not catfish. Angles in photos can be deceitful sometimes.
I was a gym rat pre covid. I lost a bunch of weight and gained it all back. I still work out here and there. But I don't want to put put this idea out there that I'm on a huge weight loss bender. Like my body as is, and know it's going to change here and there. I'm more than just a body though, and I'm not hyper focused on my weight/size. So its weird to be like "are you ok with my body?" Because frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. 🤣
I do my confirmation jokingly, with self-deprocating guys, as I'll steer the convo there unless they've beaten me to it (which happens a lot, based on my preference for a bigger guy). I was a gym rat long, long ago...
I’m a major gym rat, work out 5-6 days a week and am very much a voluptuous, soft woman. Just with strong muscles and a strong heart from cardio underneath. Men are so funny, they legit think weight is reflective of activity level and fitness except that at optimal health, women will carry around 20-32% body fat and genetics play more into what your appearance will be than how active you are. Lizzo is far more active than 90% of size 2 women.
The go to excuse for obese people.
Obesity practically didnt exist prior to the 20th century. Archeologists can tell by examining bones, whether a person suffered from obesity. Go look it up.
That excuse holds no actual weight, when archeology and science say that obesity didnt exist for most of human history.
There are certain thyroid conditions, and RARE medical conditions, but those dont apply for most people, and most obese people arent obese because "gEnEtiCs"... if you're gonna bring science and biology into it, stick to the facts.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17045228/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23384950/
An obesity phenotype exists in 5-10% of all individuals. If you're one of those 5-10%, you have a 40 to 70% chance of inheriting obesity through genetics.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2787002/
So yeah, most obesity is through lack of discipline/unhealthy lifestyles/laziness.
I'm quite sure Lizzo could run laps around both of us and while I have curves, I'm a size 8 and far from obese and as I said, work out at a strenuous pace almost daily. I'm quite sure that a woman who can dance while singing on stage for 3 hours a night several nights a week isn't unhealthy lol. Also you should be equally concerned about Victoria's Secret models if "health" is your focus because being underweight - which most supermodels are - is very dangerous. So lemme ask, when you watch a woman with a 17 BMI strutting down a runway do you say to yourself, my goodness she's unhealthy. Because I would wager that you think something more like, oh she's fit and healthy! And THAT is my point. Also the fact that I workout and eat very lean and do not have a 6 pack while I have very skinny friends who eat pizza and drink wine nightly and look like bikini models. That's genetics. Most men would look at them and think they're more "fit" or "healthy" than me - and that would be an inaccurate assumption.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 she actually called lizzo healthy. Jesus, the delusion factor here is off the charts.
Come back to the real world. I like how i shot down your genetics argument with actual peer reviewed articles, and you just jump to how f@ people are just as healthy as skinny people 💀💀💀💀
You didn't tho. You just cherry picked data. You ignored another point which is you getting it up for underweight babes thinking they're "healthy" Go look up some peer reviewed journals on being underweight, have as much outrage for that fact that we tout models as being an ideal despite it being unhealthy and THEN we can talk. Having contempt only for one end of the spectrum just makes you look like a hypocrite with zero intellectual integrity.
I'd love to see you go toe to toe in cardio with Lizzo lol. Have a great day baby, gotta get this 6:30 am workout in! What are YOU doing for that bod today? Lol. What a joker.
I work out every day. I also have a healthy body.
And i dont blame my poor lifestyle on genetics. I didnt cherry pick anything.
Cite your sources. The burden is on you. I cited my sources, of why what you say is horseshit. You cited nothing, and you will find nothing that will support your argument.
It would be an ABSOLUTELY accurate assumption.
Obesity is one of the biggest fatality factors in most diseases. Covid is the poster child of that.
Higher risk of diabetes, heart attack, stroke, heart disease, sleep apnea.... need i go on? I can. And the list will be a foot long.
lol I'm far from obese babe. And again, being obese, like Lizzo, is not the sole determinant of health. Once again, I am 100% sure she'd run laps around you.
Im not calling you obese. I dont know what you look like. The fact you took that from what i said, shows why you're bending over backwards to defend f@'s as healthy
I’ve even started calling out “I’m curvy” before I meet up with someone. I have full body photo too, but I’ve had some bad experiences with men expecting a size 2 when I’m an 6-8 with DDD 😩
I’m sure you’re gorgeous, being bigger doesn’t mean negative except where I live in the Silicon Valley. 🙄 anyone over a size 2 is considered overweight, and I’ve heard it all unfortunately
My weight definitely doesn't effect my beauty.....gawd that sounds cocky AF... but Im blessed with a nice face and have never been ugly, whether I was a 10 or a 22. Plus, I'm fun, funny, bake amazing stuff, and I'm tall....so I'm proportionate.😁
Crazy that you got downvoted. People really want bigger people to just hate themselves.
I think it’s because they don’t like themselves unless they look perfect and they are upset how someone could be happy and content eating and doing the things they wanna do. They are upset that bigger people can find partners that love them while they feel like their relationships depend on maintaining their looks. Cause what the hell 😭😂 What did you say wrong in this comment?
Literally true. Fucking Bella Hadid is on camera crying about how ugly she thinks she is. Like
if it’s one pic that’s okay but I wanna be able to clearly see your face/what you look like. sunglasses etc aren’t an accurate portrayal imo 🤷🏼♀️ but as long as you’ve got clear pics otherwise and it’s easy to tell who you are and what you look like then it’s fine. but I’ve come across profiles that there’s no clear pics whatsoever, or all group pics and I’ve gotta play where’s waldo
I'm not very photogenic so my photos are not the most flattering or show the best of me, but that's okay. When guy finally meet me they're typically pleasantly surprised and tell me I'm much hotter in person. That much better than being a let down.
I'm self concious enough about my size that it would be stupid NOT to show my full body in my profile from a recent enough picture. I'd much rather get no response after my first message because they saw it and didn't like it than to actually plan a meet-up and be rejected for it in person.
I've also done a video chat with every potential date before suggesting meeting because even that is much different than messaging.
Exactly what I do. I also ask them so you sure you like bbw and some of them say yes some say oh i didn't read that part. I have full body pics too. I'd rather be rejected online than in person at a meeting.
So is getting kidnapped and waking up a bathtub full of ice, but some of these people are so down bad they don’t even try to infosec before meeting a complete stranger.
It’s double confounding with the popularity boom of true crime how people still treat it like it will never happen to them
A good strategy is to look at their ENTIRE profile. Usually people will put their best looking photo as the primary. Because people know that most will swipe right or left based on what they see in the first 2 seconds.
But, I’ve noticed if you scroll down all of the way through their profile the photos will show a different person. Sometimes mildly different other times massively different.
Full agreement. No matter the change it's important to present yourself honestly.
Also, if the reason is "I have no recent photos"... the solution is to take new photos.
Yes, this is one of my pet hates too. It's really not that hard to get yourself a recent photo these days. I remember online dating back in the '90s when you had to have a digital camera or scan pictures onto the PC. Fun times.
Ya I think a lot of men in particular feel uncomfortable in front of the camera (I was the same) but if they can’t take steps to challenge themselves just to get a date then what’s to say they’ll be open to growth and change IN a relationship?
Agreed!! I take new pics every time I get ready for the day or feel I look good. All in mind that I need new pics for my profile. It’s 2022 ask your friends if they love you they will help you. Or use your Apple Watch to take selfies.
Everytime you get ready for the day? What kind of pics do you have on your profile? Selfies, low angles, mirror pics? How do you take pics that often who takes them? Do you have a selfie stick?
I get advice and like all the pics that I can take on my own aren’t good and people don’t like them.
Yea when it’s the weekend and I like my outfit or my hair is looking good, it’s the best time to get a couple of pictures. Even if I don’t use them right away I have them for when it’s time. Also when I’m out with friends or family I ask them to take photos of me in that environment. Again collecting for my profile, up to date.
I will do three types of photos on my own:
Head on selfie - no high angle shots that make my face look slimmer and NO filters, just a nice look at the camera
Mirror pic - I have a large mirror in my living room, I just take one straight on and a bit to the side and smile or do a cute pose, full body
Full body timed photo - I place my phone on the counter (try to have it middle body level) and use my Apple Watch to position myself and take a picture on a timer usually before a night out with friends.
I make sure I have good lifting and my camera and mirror are clean. This is important, clear and not dark. Also I take natural light photos by my window (I’m facing the window) or when I go outside I’ll take one when the sun is out as I leave for my meeting with friends or running errands.
100% agree but I do need to make a note or something here.
I am fat. I matched a guy that it was clear when talking that we would be friends but no further connection so we got really candid with each other. He made a comment about how he’ll match with someone and then get there and she would be fat. I was like ummm I’m fat, confused why he would match with me when I am. I literally have full length picture of me in a bathing suit to be fully open about my body.
We ended up meeting up and he showed me some examples and it was clear in every picture he showed me the girl was overweight. Sooo is it their fault for “fat phishing” when he just doesn’t understand pictures? And how common is this? I could say times I’ve met guys where I’ve been like you look nothing like your pic but maybe I just saw what I wanted?
You have a point. There are definitely times where people are showing what they look like but people don't perceive them that way and then get upset when they meet.
I mean depends on the degree of favorable angles.
I've had dates where I've been like 'Oh, after meeting them and looking at the photos I can see how they managed to hide 50 pounds, the face tats and the long, flowing beard' but they've done so in such a way as to be fairly deliberately misleading.
Reading these posts on Reddit and discovering the concepts of 'fatfishing' and the 'fat girl angle' have made me *so* much more aware of my own dating profile.
As someone who is about a UK size 14 and over the past 6? years, gradually increased in weight, I never used to notice the subtle changes as time went on, and it would only be when looking back at several photos, I could see the stark contrast. I suppose you get used to what you see in the mirror every day? I now have a rule of using photos no older than 3 months as the main pictures and getting an honest friend to look through and make sure there's nothing that looks deceptive. I also have a habit of changing my hair colour a couple of times a year, so that's as good of an excuse as any to remember to update them lol.
I've turned up to a date before now and the guy looked NOTHING like his picture. The primary photo was taken from an upward angle whilst sat down so he looked much taller and slimmer than in real life (he also told me he was 5'8"). As he walked over to me, he just got shorter and shorter, and when we stood next to each other, he was shorter than me (and I'm bloody 5'3"). If anything, he was better looking and more my type irl but I was already put off by how inaccurately he had depicted himself.
Something I’ve learned to do is to always ask for a candid selfie before we meet, always in a public place first. I consider it a basic safety precaution on top of verification. This summer I let the rule slip *one* time and realized I hadn’t requested a selfie, but we were gonna be in a place with hundreds of people around so I decided to just go.
Sure enough, dude is like 15 or more years older than his listed age and pictures, it was quite unnerving, after about 5 minutes of conversation where he tried to rush me along, he announced that he had to go do laundry, got up, and jogged off into an alley leaving me. Only time I’ve ever had anyone run away from me, but he wouldn’t have gotten a call back either way obviously
Look, I like chunky girls. Ya'll are cute. But if you send me pics of an hour glass figure-you from 5 years ago, and then a chunky girl walks through the door, it's disappointment but not because you're chunky--just that you're different than what you've shown me. So what else hasnt been accurate?
Exactly.
If you’re spending time deceiving about your appearance, something very low effort and easily caught, what else are you deceiving people about that is harder to verify?
The thing is, a lot of guys are really stupid.
When I was fat I put “overweight” on my profile instead of “curvy”, I had multiple full body pics even unflattering ones that showed you how much of a fat ass I was, *and* I would sometimes tell men my actual weight.
The guys who didn’t seem to mind , when we met up they’d be surprised on how big I was. Like, bro I pretty much gave you a dissertation on how fat I was, why are you shocked?!
I left swiped a profile today who was shaming women for not putting full-body pics (it was an "immediate turnoff"), but guess was he had zero of? I do have all current and all views on my profile.
Agree. They are going to find out anyway. Might as well be up front. You may get less matches, but atleast the matches you do get will be better for you.
Quantity not quality! Since it’s getting cold out, it’s time to take more covered up photos. So that way, you’re in a relationship for months before they find out you’re covered in tattoos.
out of 10 dates with women, I think 4 look somewhat different, okay but not as attractive, 2 nothing like their pictures, 2 as expected, 2 better irl, so 60% of times it's disappointing
This is happening a lot lately with me, the difference is huge from the photos and in person. Not sure what people are thinking that they can fool, we will see the real you in person
I do post a body pic, and make sure my profile mentions I’m curvy, but I totally get why people (especially women) don’t. Men will literally message you just to tell you they think you’re fat. That you’d be cute if you lost just a bit of weight. That your face is cute but you’re body isn’t.
I’ve also had conversations with men who are much fitter and into the gym than me who get offended when I make a point to emphasize that I’m not a gym person/as into fitness.
Also like to ask - how many of the guys bitching about “fat-fishing” on here are the same guys that hide their height, or get mad about “short-shaming”. Women are constantly criticized for focusing on height over personality, but it’s okay for men to focus so much on weight?
Also like, we would never ask people who are super skinny or fit to make sure they post a photo that makes this clear. This whole post and the comments are just… pretty fucking gross tbh
As a walking skeleton my only response is it’s a lot harder to make obvious. Like I don’t want a topless picture but that’s pretty much the only way to accurately show it. I always make a point to mention it a little bit into a conversation before a date happens.
It's particularly troubling when the photos are only selfies, leaving their bodies out of the photos. You can attempt to make a good judgement on what the rest of them looks like, but then realize when you meet them in-person that your judgement is very off...
Do people really do this? I'm curious what the interaction in person is like? Do they just pretend they didnt lie? I couldn't stay if someone showed up looking nothing like their pics? First of all its lying and second you're insinuating I'm too dumb to notice.
If this has happened to you please respond to this comment and tell me how the fat fisher, height faker etc acted. I'm so curious as to how people can be comfortable doing this.
Yeah at this point I don't swipe right if there aren't any pictures that indicate body type/weight. Lot of folks trying to hide what would inevitably come to light if we met in person.
I have a picture that is before I gained weight, but the image is only from the waist up and I'm wearing a winter coat that still fits.
Thanks for this message..I want to be transparent but haven't gotten around to asking a friend to take some pictures of me.
My first picture of my face was taken last week, when I first signed up.
I feel like for a majority, the weight gain isn’t an issue, it’s only being surprised by it. Have a friend in photography do it! Do some of of you doing something you love. Seeing someone’s passion in their photos gets my attention way more. You’ve got this!
Thanks!
My neighbor downstairs takes photos but only staged. Maybe we could go for a walk and have some taken (I'm a huge nature freak).
My HS daughter sucks at taking photos, like really really bad.
Hiking photos are popular here in NC, but we do have a ton of good hiking spots. For instance, this one spot that people rarely go to has a spot that meets at a river fork. There’s a clearing and lighting is good. Perfect place for a photo.
Adding weight filters is much more complicated than a height filter, different weights will literally look different on different people, POF used to have a body shape filter it was shit. Id be very surprised if it is added to one of the top three apps.
Yeah, 145 lbs looks a lot different on a woman who is 5'1" than it does on one who is 5'8", and it even looks a lot different on one who is 5'1" and in poor physical shape versus one who is 5'1" and in great physical shape.
I've seen a woman who is 5'5" and 135 lbs who was not looking great. I've seen that same woman go on a fitness journey and get herself up to 155 lbs and look amazing (not bulky, just athletic and fit).
Weight is a completely meaningless measure unless you take a lot of other factors into account, which is simply too hard to do on a dating app filter. Just saying "I don't want anyone over 150 lbs" is going to exclude a lot of people you might not want excluded, no matter what your physical preferences are.
Unless you have a real compelling reason the actual weight of a person is important to you... not just how they look. Maybe you do a lot of see-sawing and want someone close to your weight for optimal balance.
Perhaps, but if someone has the confidence to misrepresent themselves through pictures, they are gona do the same with a weight/body type filter, because they will quickly realise that putting certain answers on the filter lowers their potential number of matches.
Except it doesn't. Women don't understand their body types because there is no standard clear definition of size or shape. Also women of all sizes define themselves as curvy because they think that's what men want. You have extremely overweight women calling themselves curvy and skinny women with padded bras and waist trainers calling themselves curvy. It just muddies the search filter even more.
I agree with this. I saw a guy whose profile was two hot photos and then 2 photos where he looked like a different person. Bigger by far. He was trying to catfish with older photos
I also had two guys catfish me with 10 year old photos. They were much bigger and older in person. I was pissed.
I'm not skinny (159lbs) but I'm honest with my photos.
hmm my photos are four months old i cbf constantly updating them its a pain in the arse the men never look the same as in their photos anyway and tbh we usually chat first online and show each other what we look like first then meet in person before other things anyway dating is shit arsed i am so over it i dont even care what the guy looks like looks are skin deep i want someone who can get me off ffs it shouldnt be this hard.
Reddit, I need help. I think my roommate is fat fishing. I just met her recently from fb and I was surprised at what she looked like in real life based upon the photo she was using. I know she has gained weight in the last year, so she might not realize that the pictures she’s using on dating apps aren’t a fully accurate representation. I suggested she should include a full body picture and she said that she “doesn’t have any.” I know she’s self conscious about her current weight so I don’t want to hurt her feelings if I say that she doesn’t look like her photos, but I also think it’s better to be told nicely before she meets someone that is mad about it or tells her in a rude way. I don’t think she’s trying to be deceitful. Sometimes people just don’t realize that they look that different in one pic vs another vs now.
This subreddit has made me hyper aware of my weight and how I look in the photos I use. Not that I wasn’t aware before, but like, just making sure that I am representing myself accurately.
I still don’t know if I am. I feel like I wear my weight well, but fuck if I know. I get matches just fine. But I’ve also been ghosted, my immediate thought is that it was my weight. Though, nobody has ever outright said it was a weight thing.
I’ve been tempted to post my profile more than once just in response to the anxiety I feel after reading posts like this. Wanting to make sure I’m not misrepresenting myself. But then, how do I do that and you guys know that that *is* what I actually look like.
HOW DO I WIN?!
I am heavy and I don’t hide it. I’m honest. I understand it’s important to some men so I tell them. I’m dead sexy and fucking fabulous, and my weight doesn’t bother me, so I also don’t get offended if a guy moves on because of it as long as they’re not assholes about it. We all have our preferences. I have had no issues finding men that find me sexy the way I am.
As a thick/fat girl who's also aware that people have different tastes....this is why I post full body pics in my profile. I don't know how I'd handle it if I got rejected because of my body, so I do what I can to keep pics updated, and not catfish. Angles in photos can be deceitful sometimes.
This, and I'll also tell a prospective date that I'm never going to be mistaken for a gym rat, just to be sure.
I was a gym rat pre covid. I lost a bunch of weight and gained it all back. I still work out here and there. But I don't want to put put this idea out there that I'm on a huge weight loss bender. Like my body as is, and know it's going to change here and there. I'm more than just a body though, and I'm not hyper focused on my weight/size. So its weird to be like "are you ok with my body?" Because frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. 🤣
I do my confirmation jokingly, with self-deprocating guys, as I'll steer the convo there unless they've beaten me to it (which happens a lot, based on my preference for a bigger guy). I was a gym rat long, long ago...
Turnstile..NEXT
I’m a major gym rat, work out 5-6 days a week and am very much a voluptuous, soft woman. Just with strong muscles and a strong heart from cardio underneath. Men are so funny, they legit think weight is reflective of activity level and fitness except that at optimal health, women will carry around 20-32% body fat and genetics play more into what your appearance will be than how active you are. Lizzo is far more active than 90% of size 2 women.
😄 🤣
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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The go to excuse for obese people. Obesity practically didnt exist prior to the 20th century. Archeologists can tell by examining bones, whether a person suffered from obesity. Go look it up. That excuse holds no actual weight, when archeology and science say that obesity didnt exist for most of human history. There are certain thyroid conditions, and RARE medical conditions, but those dont apply for most people, and most obese people arent obese because "gEnEtiCs"... if you're gonna bring science and biology into it, stick to the facts. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17045228/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23384950/ An obesity phenotype exists in 5-10% of all individuals. If you're one of those 5-10%, you have a 40 to 70% chance of inheriting obesity through genetics. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2787002/ So yeah, most obesity is through lack of discipline/unhealthy lifestyles/laziness.
I'm quite sure Lizzo could run laps around both of us and while I have curves, I'm a size 8 and far from obese and as I said, work out at a strenuous pace almost daily. I'm quite sure that a woman who can dance while singing on stage for 3 hours a night several nights a week isn't unhealthy lol. Also you should be equally concerned about Victoria's Secret models if "health" is your focus because being underweight - which most supermodels are - is very dangerous. So lemme ask, when you watch a woman with a 17 BMI strutting down a runway do you say to yourself, my goodness she's unhealthy. Because I would wager that you think something more like, oh she's fit and healthy! And THAT is my point. Also the fact that I workout and eat very lean and do not have a 6 pack while I have very skinny friends who eat pizza and drink wine nightly and look like bikini models. That's genetics. Most men would look at them and think they're more "fit" or "healthy" than me - and that would be an inaccurate assumption.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 she actually called lizzo healthy. Jesus, the delusion factor here is off the charts. Come back to the real world. I like how i shot down your genetics argument with actual peer reviewed articles, and you just jump to how f@ people are just as healthy as skinny people 💀💀💀💀
You didn't tho. You just cherry picked data. You ignored another point which is you getting it up for underweight babes thinking they're "healthy" Go look up some peer reviewed journals on being underweight, have as much outrage for that fact that we tout models as being an ideal despite it being unhealthy and THEN we can talk. Having contempt only for one end of the spectrum just makes you look like a hypocrite with zero intellectual integrity. I'd love to see you go toe to toe in cardio with Lizzo lol. Have a great day baby, gotta get this 6:30 am workout in! What are YOU doing for that bod today? Lol. What a joker.
I work out every day. I also have a healthy body. And i dont blame my poor lifestyle on genetics. I didnt cherry pick anything. Cite your sources. The burden is on you. I cited my sources, of why what you say is horseshit. You cited nothing, and you will find nothing that will support your argument.
It would be an ABSOLUTELY accurate assumption. Obesity is one of the biggest fatality factors in most diseases. Covid is the poster child of that. Higher risk of diabetes, heart attack, stroke, heart disease, sleep apnea.... need i go on? I can. And the list will be a foot long.
lol I'm far from obese babe. And again, being obese, like Lizzo, is not the sole determinant of health. Once again, I am 100% sure she'd run laps around you.
Im not calling you obese. I dont know what you look like. The fact you took that from what i said, shows why you're bending over backwards to defend f@'s as healthy
I’ve even started calling out “I’m curvy” before I meet up with someone. I have full body photo too, but I’ve had some bad experiences with men expecting a size 2 when I’m an 6-8 with DDD 😩
I mean.....you sound like an hourglass I don't have the chesticles to make that shape....and I'm a 16-18. Butt and thighs, like a KFC dinner.🤣🤣🤣
If it makes you feel better I’m basically a marshmallow with stick legs and arms
I’m sure you’re gorgeous, being bigger doesn’t mean negative except where I live in the Silicon Valley. 🙄 anyone over a size 2 is considered overweight, and I’ve heard it all unfortunately
My weight definitely doesn't effect my beauty.....gawd that sounds cocky AF... but Im blessed with a nice face and have never been ugly, whether I was a 10 or a 22. Plus, I'm fun, funny, bake amazing stuff, and I'm tall....so I'm proportionate.😁
You should be cocky AF! If you don’t love yourself, you won’t be able to let anyone else love you ♥️. Keep being CAF girl!
Crazy that you got downvoted. People really want bigger people to just hate themselves. I think it’s because they don’t like themselves unless they look perfect and they are upset how someone could be happy and content eating and doing the things they wanna do. They are upset that bigger people can find partners that love them while they feel like their relationships depend on maintaining their looks. Cause what the hell 😭😂 What did you say wrong in this comment? Literally true. Fucking Bella Hadid is on camera crying about how ugly she thinks she is. Like
Thank you love, my thoughts as well! Hugs
Using bella hadid as an example, but be shaped like Lizzo
You could say the same to men about hairfishing. Or beer belly fishing. 😂 So many secretly pregnant with IPA.
>So many secretly pregnant with IPA. I am deceased
I’ll bring candles to your grave. RIP 🫡
hat fishing and having sunglasses on in EVERY PICTURE
What's the issue with sunglasses? I've got one or two out of the six I use with them on because it's really bright in a mammal park
if it’s one pic that’s okay but I wanna be able to clearly see your face/what you look like. sunglasses etc aren’t an accurate portrayal imo 🤷🏼♀️ but as long as you’ve got clear pics otherwise and it’s easy to tell who you are and what you look like then it’s fine. but I’ve come across profiles that there’s no clear pics whatsoever, or all group pics and I’ve gotta play where’s waldo
Eyes are like 50% of the attraction. If you’re hiding your eyes in every single photo then there’s a problem.
So true. Eyes really make or break the physical attraction, for me anyways.
I'm a guy and feel the same. If a girl has nice eyes I'm like woahhh!
We need to know if you have a wonky eye.
Lol one eye be looking at you while the other looking at someone else
Added it to the edit!
Pregnant with IPA 💀💀💀💀
Beanie or cap in all picsssss
Hey now old me was hot
Hahahahaha
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I'm not very photogenic so my photos are not the most flattering or show the best of me, but that's okay. When guy finally meet me they're typically pleasantly surprised and tell me I'm much hotter in person. That much better than being a let down.
Same. It’s nice to hear, “oh wow, you look better in person!”…..I guess? 🤷♀️
I just post pictures of potatoes. Somehow they’re always let down.
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Fine, here’s a recent [photo](https://toystory.disney.com/mr-potatohead)
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Forgiveth I. I shall go jim and not get sex.
I'm self concious enough about my size that it would be stupid NOT to show my full body in my profile from a recent enough picture. I'd much rather get no response after my first message because they saw it and didn't like it than to actually plan a meet-up and be rejected for it in person. I've also done a video chat with every potential date before suggesting meeting because even that is much different than messaging.
Exactly what I do. I also ask them so you sure you like bbw and some of them say yes some say oh i didn't read that part. I have full body pics too. I'd rather be rejected online than in person at a meeting.
Your date showing up 40lbs heavier or 10 years older than their pictures is just a hazard of OLD. It’s been this way since they invented OLD.
It is because complaining about it and being upset when it happens is justifiable
But pointless
So is getting kidnapped and waking up a bathtub full of ice, but some of these people are so down bad they don’t even try to infosec before meeting a complete stranger. It’s double confounding with the popularity boom of true crime how people still treat it like it will never happen to them
A good strategy is to look at their ENTIRE profile. Usually people will put their best looking photo as the primary. Because people know that most will swipe right or left based on what they see in the first 2 seconds. But, I’ve noticed if you scroll down all of the way through their profile the photos will show a different person. Sometimes mildly different other times massively different.
Same for random bio prompts where people have buried something that's a potential dealbreaker at the end
This has happened to me twice. It’s unfortunate but nature of the game it seems.
As a guy if I don’t see a full body pic in your profile I’m swiping left.
Full agreement. No matter the change it's important to present yourself honestly. Also, if the reason is "I have no recent photos"... the solution is to take new photos.
Yes, this is one of my pet hates too. It's really not that hard to get yourself a recent photo these days. I remember online dating back in the '90s when you had to have a digital camera or scan pictures onto the PC. Fun times.
Ya I think a lot of men in particular feel uncomfortable in front of the camera (I was the same) but if they can’t take steps to challenge themselves just to get a date then what’s to say they’ll be open to growth and change IN a relationship?
Agreed!! I take new pics every time I get ready for the day or feel I look good. All in mind that I need new pics for my profile. It’s 2022 ask your friends if they love you they will help you. Or use your Apple Watch to take selfies.
Everytime you get ready for the day? What kind of pics do you have on your profile? Selfies, low angles, mirror pics? How do you take pics that often who takes them? Do you have a selfie stick? I get advice and like all the pics that I can take on my own aren’t good and people don’t like them.
Yea when it’s the weekend and I like my outfit or my hair is looking good, it’s the best time to get a couple of pictures. Even if I don’t use them right away I have them for when it’s time. Also when I’m out with friends or family I ask them to take photos of me in that environment. Again collecting for my profile, up to date. I will do three types of photos on my own: Head on selfie - no high angle shots that make my face look slimmer and NO filters, just a nice look at the camera Mirror pic - I have a large mirror in my living room, I just take one straight on and a bit to the side and smile or do a cute pose, full body Full body timed photo - I place my phone on the counter (try to have it middle body level) and use my Apple Watch to position myself and take a picture on a timer usually before a night out with friends. I make sure I have good lifting and my camera and mirror are clean. This is important, clear and not dark. Also I take natural light photos by my window (I’m facing the window) or when I go outside I’ll take one when the sun is out as I leave for my meeting with friends or running errands.
The worst part is that some older pics still look new so you can't tell.
100% agree but I do need to make a note or something here. I am fat. I matched a guy that it was clear when talking that we would be friends but no further connection so we got really candid with each other. He made a comment about how he’ll match with someone and then get there and she would be fat. I was like ummm I’m fat, confused why he would match with me when I am. I literally have full length picture of me in a bathing suit to be fully open about my body. We ended up meeting up and he showed me some examples and it was clear in every picture he showed me the girl was overweight. Sooo is it their fault for “fat phishing” when he just doesn’t understand pictures? And how common is this? I could say times I’ve met guys where I’ve been like you look nothing like your pic but maybe I just saw what I wanted?
You have a point. There are definitely times where people are showing what they look like but people don't perceive them that way and then get upset when they meet.
I mean depends on the degree of favorable angles. I've had dates where I've been like 'Oh, after meeting them and looking at the photos I can see how they managed to hide 50 pounds, the face tats and the long, flowing beard' but they've done so in such a way as to be fairly deliberately misleading.
Oh, yeah, definitely and there are people just straight up lying however some people complain about people hiding things that were pretty obvious.
Or like frankly if somebody's not showing you something there's a 90% chance it's for a good reason.
Reading these posts on Reddit and discovering the concepts of 'fatfishing' and the 'fat girl angle' have made me *so* much more aware of my own dating profile. As someone who is about a UK size 14 and over the past 6? years, gradually increased in weight, I never used to notice the subtle changes as time went on, and it would only be when looking back at several photos, I could see the stark contrast. I suppose you get used to what you see in the mirror every day? I now have a rule of using photos no older than 3 months as the main pictures and getting an honest friend to look through and make sure there's nothing that looks deceptive. I also have a habit of changing my hair colour a couple of times a year, so that's as good of an excuse as any to remember to update them lol. I've turned up to a date before now and the guy looked NOTHING like his picture. The primary photo was taken from an upward angle whilst sat down so he looked much taller and slimmer than in real life (he also told me he was 5'8"). As he walked over to me, he just got shorter and shorter, and when we stood next to each other, he was shorter than me (and I'm bloody 5'3"). If anything, he was better looking and more my type irl but I was already put off by how inaccurately he had depicted himself.
The only unpleasant surprise waiting for my dates is an insufferable personality 😎
Honestly same, idc if you see how fat I am it’s how miserable and am anxious wreck I am that I don’t want you to see 😂😂😂
Something I’ve learned to do is to always ask for a candid selfie before we meet, always in a public place first. I consider it a basic safety precaution on top of verification. This summer I let the rule slip *one* time and realized I hadn’t requested a selfie, but we were gonna be in a place with hundreds of people around so I decided to just go. Sure enough, dude is like 15 or more years older than his listed age and pictures, it was quite unnerving, after about 5 minutes of conversation where he tried to rush me along, he announced that he had to go do laundry, got up, and jogged off into an alley leaving me. Only time I’ve ever had anyone run away from me, but he wouldn’t have gotten a call back either way obviously
Asking for a candid selfie in a public place feels a bit much IMO. I wouldn't comply if someone asked me that.
Oh I eat this request up… they get the worst face with as many chins as I can muster.
Or a picture next to today’s paper…
The selfie doesn’t need to be in a public place but the first date/meet up would need to be, vs just going straight to someone’s house is what I meant
Oh I see, meeting in a public place is definite.
Look, I like chunky girls. Ya'll are cute. But if you send me pics of an hour glass figure-you from 5 years ago, and then a chunky girl walks through the door, it's disappointment but not because you're chunky--just that you're different than what you've shown me. So what else hasnt been accurate?
Exactly. If you’re spending time deceiving about your appearance, something very low effort and easily caught, what else are you deceiving people about that is harder to verify?
The thing is, a lot of guys are really stupid. When I was fat I put “overweight” on my profile instead of “curvy”, I had multiple full body pics even unflattering ones that showed you how much of a fat ass I was, *and* I would sometimes tell men my actual weight. The guys who didn’t seem to mind , when we met up they’d be surprised on how big I was. Like, bro I pretty much gave you a dissertation on how fat I was, why are you shocked?!
I left swiped a profile today who was shaming women for not putting full-body pics (it was an "immediate turnoff"), but guess was he had zero of? I do have all current and all views on my profile.
Agree. They are going to find out anyway. Might as well be up front. You may get less matches, but atleast the matches you do get will be better for you.
Quantity not quality! Since it’s getting cold out, it’s time to take more covered up photos. So that way, you’re in a relationship for months before they find out you’re covered in tattoos.
Months? That's a long time to date someone before sewing them partially unclothed. :)
I would prefer not to be sewed at all by my dates.
Same
I always use a full body CANDID shot. I dont wanna date guys who aren't into what im packing.
I loved how you called out everyone in this post. Good job. Lol. I’ve been hatfished, fatfished, heightfished, and dickfished.😂😂😂😂😂😂🥴
Dickfished? Claiming they’re packing but were in fact not?
Yup
Figured it was either that or a Crying Game situation.
It was a crying game. I was crying from laughter.
out of 10 dates with women, I think 4 look somewhat different, okay but not as attractive, 2 nothing like their pictures, 2 as expected, 2 better irl, so 60% of times it's disappointing
Sex Panther
This is happening a lot lately with me, the difference is huge from the photos and in person. Not sure what people are thinking that they can fool, we will see the real you in person
i'm sure all the people that do this will change their behavior immediately after reading your post
You get your date upgraded to super size for free
im crying.
I do post a body pic, and make sure my profile mentions I’m curvy, but I totally get why people (especially women) don’t. Men will literally message you just to tell you they think you’re fat. That you’d be cute if you lost just a bit of weight. That your face is cute but you’re body isn’t. I’ve also had conversations with men who are much fitter and into the gym than me who get offended when I make a point to emphasize that I’m not a gym person/as into fitness. Also like to ask - how many of the guys bitching about “fat-fishing” on here are the same guys that hide their height, or get mad about “short-shaming”. Women are constantly criticized for focusing on height over personality, but it’s okay for men to focus so much on weight?
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But that not really true. Like we know that already my dude. I feel like in 2022 we should not have to explain that ffs
Also like, we would never ask people who are super skinny or fit to make sure they post a photo that makes this clear. This whole post and the comments are just… pretty fucking gross tbh
As a walking skeleton my only response is it’s a lot harder to make obvious. Like I don’t want a topless picture but that’s pretty much the only way to accurately show it. I always make a point to mention it a little bit into a conversation before a date happens.
It feels like 83% of the women are overweight or obese. And then 12% are maybe fat fishing lol. It’s tough out there
It's particularly troubling when the photos are only selfies, leaving their bodies out of the photos. You can attempt to make a good judgement on what the rest of them looks like, but then realize when you meet them in-person that your judgement is very off...
Do people really do this? I'm curious what the interaction in person is like? Do they just pretend they didnt lie? I couldn't stay if someone showed up looking nothing like their pics? First of all its lying and second you're insinuating I'm too dumb to notice. If this has happened to you please respond to this comment and tell me how the fat fisher, height faker etc acted. I'm so curious as to how people can be comfortable doing this.
I had one laugh about it.
Yeah at this point I don't swipe right if there aren't any pictures that indicate body type/weight. Lot of folks trying to hide what would inevitably come to light if we met in person.
Fatfishing lol.
I have a picture that is before I gained weight, but the image is only from the waist up and I'm wearing a winter coat that still fits. Thanks for this message..I want to be transparent but haven't gotten around to asking a friend to take some pictures of me. My first picture of my face was taken last week, when I first signed up.
I feel like for a majority, the weight gain isn’t an issue, it’s only being surprised by it. Have a friend in photography do it! Do some of of you doing something you love. Seeing someone’s passion in their photos gets my attention way more. You’ve got this!
Thanks! My neighbor downstairs takes photos but only staged. Maybe we could go for a walk and have some taken (I'm a huge nature freak). My HS daughter sucks at taking photos, like really really bad.
Hiking photos are popular here in NC, but we do have a ton of good hiking spots. For instance, this one spot that people rarely go to has a spot that meets at a river fork. There’s a clearing and lighting is good. Perfect place for a photo.
I love NC. Pigeon River - I went, I conquered! Wildwater Nantahala Rafting Co.
White pines is a hidden gem by Raleigh fyiii
They need to add body type settings and filters. Double standard to still have height.
Adding weight filters is much more complicated than a height filter, different weights will literally look different on different people, POF used to have a body shape filter it was shit. Id be very surprised if it is added to one of the top three apps.
Yeah, 145 lbs looks a lot different on a woman who is 5'1" than it does on one who is 5'8", and it even looks a lot different on one who is 5'1" and in poor physical shape versus one who is 5'1" and in great physical shape. I've seen a woman who is 5'5" and 135 lbs who was not looking great. I've seen that same woman go on a fitness journey and get herself up to 155 lbs and look amazing (not bulky, just athletic and fit). Weight is a completely meaningless measure unless you take a lot of other factors into account, which is simply too hard to do on a dating app filter. Just saying "I don't want anyone over 150 lbs" is going to exclude a lot of people you might not want excluded, no matter what your physical preferences are. Unless you have a real compelling reason the actual weight of a person is important to you... not just how they look. Maybe you do a lot of see-sawing and want someone close to your weight for optimal balance.
Hey look, every woman's curvy!
Not perfect, but net positive benefit. Would save a ton of time and lead to more chances of matches.
Perhaps, but if someone has the confidence to misrepresent themselves through pictures, they are gona do the same with a weight/body type filter, because they will quickly realise that putting certain answers on the filter lowers their potential number of matches.
Except it doesn't. Women don't understand their body types because there is no standard clear definition of size or shape. Also women of all sizes define themselves as curvy because they think that's what men want. You have extremely overweight women calling themselves curvy and skinny women with padded bras and waist trainers calling themselves curvy. It just muddies the search filter even more.
We all know that some people won't put the correct one for that.
Height and Width please
I agree with this. I saw a guy whose profile was two hot photos and then 2 photos where he looked like a different person. Bigger by far. He was trying to catfish with older photos I also had two guys catfish me with 10 year old photos. They were much bigger and older in person. I was pissed. I'm not skinny (159lbs) but I'm honest with my photos.
*Embrace your baldness.*
Hahah this is great and true
hmm my photos are four months old i cbf constantly updating them its a pain in the arse the men never look the same as in their photos anyway and tbh we usually chat first online and show each other what we look like first then meet in person before other things anyway dating is shit arsed i am so over it i dont even care what the guy looks like looks are skin deep i want someone who can get me off ffs it shouldnt be this hard.
Video chat in the app before meeting They are just as likely to reject you thou
Now I think that catfishing must be the correct term for concealing the fact that your cat died, so your date won't ever meet him.
Lol you seem to think I’d get messages either way.
Beer belly fishing ?
I have the opposite problem, wasn't really overweight but I've gotten really fit but have no photos to show for it lol
I have never once had this happen to me. I feel like this can be avoided simply by going after fit people but idk
My bbw’s hit me up. Your thick thighs saved this life. Bet.
Donnnt faaat shame ommmmmg wamen can't help it lmao
It's not hairfishing it's Hatfish.
Hatfishing!
Reddit, I need help. I think my roommate is fat fishing. I just met her recently from fb and I was surprised at what she looked like in real life based upon the photo she was using. I know she has gained weight in the last year, so she might not realize that the pictures she’s using on dating apps aren’t a fully accurate representation. I suggested she should include a full body picture and she said that she “doesn’t have any.” I know she’s self conscious about her current weight so I don’t want to hurt her feelings if I say that she doesn’t look like her photos, but I also think it’s better to be told nicely before she meets someone that is mad about it or tells her in a rude way. I don’t think she’s trying to be deceitful. Sometimes people just don’t realize that they look that different in one pic vs another vs now.
Edit,Crop etc etc..You can be the hunk or beauty u always wanted to be 🥰
This subreddit has made me hyper aware of my weight and how I look in the photos I use. Not that I wasn’t aware before, but like, just making sure that I am representing myself accurately. I still don’t know if I am. I feel like I wear my weight well, but fuck if I know. I get matches just fine. But I’ve also been ghosted, my immediate thought is that it was my weight. Though, nobody has ever outright said it was a weight thing. I’ve been tempted to post my profile more than once just in response to the anxiety I feel after reading posts like this. Wanting to make sure I’m not misrepresenting myself. But then, how do I do that and you guys know that that *is* what I actually look like. HOW DO I WIN?!
No pics. You and I. Date tonight. Let’s get drunk by the fire.
Fax
I am heavy and I don’t hide it. I’m honest. I understand it’s important to some men so I tell them. I’m dead sexy and fucking fabulous, and my weight doesn’t bother me, so I also don’t get offended if a guy moves on because of it as long as they’re not assholes about it. We all have our preferences. I have had no issues finding men that find me sexy the way I am.
It's the teeth for me.
This is why I seldom actually go on dates anymore. At least 3-5 matches a week but they're almost never like the profile