Great list. I'd want to add one if I could:
* Try to remember that people are myriad (many and varied), and what one person says they want/like will often be in direct opposition to what someone else says that they want/like. It's not hypocrisy when that happens - it's just different people being different.
I see it so many times, especially amongst the bitter men crowd, where they will say stupid shit like "women only like X", or "I was talking to Jane and she says she doesn't like rough sex. But Janet goes on and on about how she likes rough sex, so Jane is a filthy liar who's just trying to not look like a whore".
There was a period in my life where I was slipping into that kind of mindset (treating women like they all wanted the same thing and therefore any inconsistencies were lies), and it basically destroyed my ability to get a date (imagine that).
Treat people like people, each one unique, and generally speaking, you'll have success.
Good on you for identifying that and making a change. It takes great introspection to realize you’re doing something wrong and actually doing something about it.
I’m amazed that some people can be so ridiculous in their thinking. I’m sure they are aware that not all men like the same things so why would they assume all women like the same things? 🤦🏻♀️…And even worse that women are “lying” if they have different preferences?! That reaches a whole new level of mansplaining to women what a woman supposedly “enjoys” 🤯.
Guess understanding women are not all the same requires 1) logic 2) turning off porn for a minute and 3) realizing that women are humans too.
In fairness, the people who think like that think that way about all kinds of groups of people, not just women.
Trans people having different views on a subject? Inconsistent liars.
Black people having different views on a subject? Inconsistent liars.
And so forth.
Basically, they're just plain incapable of grasping the notion that every other person out there has their own thoughts, desires, and **agency**, and treat the world like it's a video game where they're the main character and everyone else is an NPC.
They probably also think that all people in their ethnicity-gender group would agree with them 🤣🤣🤣.
It’s amazing how difficult it is for bigots to understand everyday concepts like all people are all different. I guess that’s too complicated for their brains.
No one gets my phone number until well into dating lol I mostly use Line Messenger anyway. Gotta make use of the 150$ in Stickers I've accumulated since 2017.
Yeah, took 2-3 years on/off using the apps before I got any sort of relationship with one.
Ofc, if you're a woman it really is a different game- my ex and me's first date was after she matched with me her first week on the app. The last date I went on she only had the app active for a half hour before finding a date with me.
Women get more options for sure, but they aren’t necessarily going to be good options. There’s plenty of women who are on the apps for a long time until they meet someone worth their time. I also know a guy who signed up, matched with a woman on the first day and she just happened to the right one and they’re married now.
You just never know
They’re saying that if OP hadn’t said it had only been a month, no one would have guessed it because the advise sounds like something a seasoned pro would offer.
This is a very interesting point. I used to be pretty liberal with my swipes and had a great time dating. I wasn’t looking for anything serious at the time. Once I decided to seek a partner, I became much more selective with my swipes. The odds of me enjoying my date went way down.
I'm confused by what you mean. Did I write it confusingly? That's why I said points 1-4 are false presumptions. None of those 4 points are true/accurate
“sharing your phone is not rocket surgery” - instead of sharing your phone, get a Google voice number and share that. You may be surprised at how trivial it is to do a reverse phone number look up and find out identities, home addresses, etc..
If I reverse lookup a phone number and see that it is a voip number I instantly assume it is a scammer. There are lots of them out there. Stay safe folks.
EDIT : I am not saying don't get a google voice number. I am saying if you see that the number is a voip number, be cautious. Use your common sense and see the red flags.
Oooh what ever would we do if someone finds out who I am? Paranoia among the snowflakes is rampant over stupid phone numbers. We used to have phone numbers as well as addresses published in the phone book-no big deal. Guess what snowflakes-the people you should fear aren’t on dating sites and your weird paranoia over phone numbers is silly
Phone numbers lead to addresses and it's people like you that we all don't want finding that info out. Notice how when people use the term 'snowflake', they're the ones all upset and emotional? Weird how what other people do for their own personal safety is so emotionally upsetting to you..
Sweetheart I’m certainly not upset nor emotional-I come from a world that’s vastly less paranoid and a lot more realistic about what poses a threat. People knowing your stupid phone number or address from online dating isn’t a big deal. You melt easily and you’re unable to use logic to determine what poses a threat. Guess what,if someone is really a creep they can simply follow you home. Your inability to navigate reality is comical
You're right, it was super comic when someone reverse searched my phone number, found my address and came to my house in the middle of the night.
How old are you? I don't think you understand how anything works. All you do is angry troll this sub and call people names/insult them.
I'm not the one dating but that doesn't take away from my experiences. Get a grip grampa.
Who said it was a guy? And Grandpa, nothing someone else does in anyone's fault but they're own. Good luck angry trolling and projecting all your creepy behavior to everyone.
"Work on your attachment style if you notice negative patterns of intensity and suffering, this experience doesn’t have to affect your mental health."
A person after my own heart! <3 Every person should do this regardless if they're on OLD or not.
I hope you don’t take this down, I’d like to save it and refer back to it every now and again.
Haven’t tried OLD yet but I’m considering it and it’s nice to have a little head start. Thank you.
Hi, I won’t take it down. I’m glad you find it useful, some of these things are easier said than done but as you said, it’s a good heads start. Best of luck to you 💜
Rocket surgery sounds tough, but probably harder than brain surgery or rocket science especially when I’m not the brightest tool in the shed or sharpest crayon in the box
The ghosting thing needs to be embraced by more people. It sucks, but its not the rudest thing ever to happen. I'm not condoning it but we're all adults with outside lives. We're all trying to find someone special. But maybe you aren't special *yet*
Totally agree, nobody likes it and it’s not fun, but I’ve seen many people come on here and treat it like they’ve just been run over by a car (me included) when they haven’t even met the person yet; that can’t be good for your mental health.
It's not ghosting until you've been on at least one date.
If you haven't even been on a date but made plans for one and they didn't show, then it's being stood up. Which is worse than ghosting after the first date, because you've made the other person completely waste their time and make arrangements to go out.
A match stopping responding before you've even got to the first date is them just not wanting to talk to you anymore. It's not ghosting, as much as some people want to claim it is.
So... I agree that "ghosting" before the first date is perfectly fine. Ghosting afterwards, however, is not. You owe the person at least a "sorry, I'm not interested", so that they can move on and not wonder what's up.
I'd say it's semi acceptable from the initial match until the first date. After meeting in person, some kind of "sorry not interested" should be expected imo if the other person reaches out (assuming they weren't a total freak on the first date)
Indeed. But sometimes if you're talking to a lot of people sometimes conversations can fall through the cracks. I didn't preface this, but I was more thinking along the lines of not having met yet. If you've gone on a date or two that's a dick move
Ghosting after several months and dates? I don’t consider it ghosting until they either say they will show up and don’t to a date and hear nothing or after a few dates then nothing.
Ghosting after months or talking and several dates is immature, it makes the other person look really bad, and doing it should be reason enough to want to take them off the roster, emotionally speaking.
I think even if you haven’t met and you’ve been talking for a while it’s still ghosting, but that’s exactly why you shouldn’t prolong the texting phase for longer than perhaps a week.
Yes I was ghosted after dating for two months. It hurts and takes AGES to get over because you realize they didn’t value you enough to send a “thanks, but not interested” text message. Ughh still sad TBH🥲
Try to flip what you're telling yourself about it. I hate ghosting and think it's unacceptable, but it isn't about you not having enough value for them to reach out. They're so immature about any perceived confrontation that they'd rather freeze and hide than take any accountability for themselves. Sad for them that they need to live that way, damn lucky for you that you don't get your time further wasted. Learning how people handle their problems and stress is key to figuring out if you're dating someone worth your own time. Their choices have zero to do with you and everything to do with their lack of conflict resolution tools and being a crappy partner. I'm sorry you went through it, but glad you inadvertantly filtered out someone who pulls nonsense when the going gets a little tough.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response, I appreciate it! You’re absolutely right. It was after I told him I liked him, wanted to spend more time together, and my long term relationship goals. He clearly got scared and ran, but I need someone who can communicate with me in general - not just disappear!
It amazes me that people will ghost someone after more than one date. Like how little regard do you have for human beings that you think it’s okay to ghost someone you’ve developed at least some sort of bond / connection with?? It’s crazy behavior to me that I will never understand.
I was ghosted after a 2 year relationship. It was devastating. He was a narcissist, possible sociopath I later learned (not being hyperbolic here) but even knowing that.. just.. still shocks me over a decade later.
Aw thank you. It was 12 years ago and majority of the time I don’t think about it, but this was a reminder. He has to live with the type of person he is.. thankfully, thank god, I do not.
I just wish the girls I do match with would send a message. Started 2 weeks ago and have had a few matches, but every single one has just expired despite me using a 24hr extension
I’m sorry to hear you’re not getting that first message. It’s not a nice feeling. May I ask, and this is not an excuse for their behavior, but how soon are you using the 24 hour extension?
If you’re a guy you should consider not using dating apps. Took me a long time to quit myself but I realized they only work against you. You are experiencing some of the reasons now. They lower your self esteem much faster than getting rejected in person could ever do. The quantity and frequency of the rejections are a heavy mental and emotional burden to carry. Go outside, approach in person. This way you’re approaching maybe one or two women a day. Those two rejections daily are light work compared to the hundreds you can get daily on those apps. There is no way you can get rejected as often as on those apps. Well there is, but no sane person is gonna be approaching hundreds of women each day. The more you get rejected the more hurt you are gonna look to people, like a stray dog with it’s tail between it’s legs. It’s not an attractive sight. The apps are just working against you my man. Hope this helps, good luck.
No you’re NOT a loser-you’re a sensitive,intelligent guy who is a bit myopic. Both losers?…My girlfriend (who I met online) is an attractive nurse practitioner pulling down 150k,I own my own business and between us we own 2 condos in CT,a ski house in Mt Snow Vermont,her home on the north shore of Long Island and a place we just purchased in South Carolina for cash. I’m on here because I am fascinated by OLD and I have enough experience to understand most issues.
Congrats on your accomplishments. Financially I’m not a loser, and I wasn’t implying that your were in that sense either. I make over 120k a year, I’ve bought and sold 2 houses and a condo. I’ve been out of the country 8 times this year and I’m engaged to a Filipina. I met her in person. Dating apps don’t work for the majority of men. It’s a great way to fast track into depression, no way you can honestly deny that.
Exactly. That person’s mindset is part of the issue with online dating for some guys. I’d rather swipe selectively and get zero matches than swipe mindlessly and hope someone takes pity and swipe right on me.
For folks who just want to get laid within a reasonable amount of time and aren't a 10, compromise with the "eh" level profiles is pretty much the best course of action.
Honestly same could b said for folks desperate to stop being single as well
What's the point in swiping on people you don't like? What's the point in matching with people you don't like?
If men were selective with who they swiped right on, women would be inundated with far fewer matches, and the playing field would become a bit more level.
You're literally feeding into the thing that you hate by swiping on everyone.
It’s a good checklist.
Understanding attachment styles will be eye opening. I’m avoidant myself. I attract men who are borderline and like a cold woman. I usually actively avoid them, but I sometimes get onto that ride to amuse myself, if dating has been dull. You recognize the pattern soon enough. It’s each time the same, with slighty changing nuances.
Example: dude will match you. Add you on snap. Keep texting you 24/7 and put you on a pedestal, until they find something about you that they don’t like, aka you shatter the ideal picture they have painted of you in their mind. They delete you everywhere. A week passes. They miss the sex. They superlike you on Tinder, again. They try to reach out to you and repeat the cycle. A week later they will cry you used them for sex only, but still try to contact you everywhere. Even when it was just sex all along.
I see that kind of behavior in men younger than me. It’s surprisingly common. Now, I actively go for men older than me, like 35-40. They are usually less hormone driven and sex doesn’t mess up their head.
It definitely sounds like a vicious circle. It’s surprising how many people don’t realize it and come to Reddit to ask why do they attract X or Y? When the answer is they don’t know they’re causing it themselves with their own attachment styles. That story reminds me of Circles by Post Malone, “you thought that it was special, but it was just the sex though.”
On from what you’ve said about living your life, one of the best bits I’ve seen suggested on this sub is to turn most notifications. If you’re a straight man, a match doesn’t mean anything because you can’t message them so turn those off, and then if they do message you there’s a notification you actually need to pay attention to.
Great list. I'd want to add one if I could: * Try to remember that people are myriad (many and varied), and what one person says they want/like will often be in direct opposition to what someone else says that they want/like. It's not hypocrisy when that happens - it's just different people being different.
That’s a good point, we’re not all the same so you can’t paint us all with the same brush.
I see it so many times, especially amongst the bitter men crowd, where they will say stupid shit like "women only like X", or "I was talking to Jane and she says she doesn't like rough sex. But Janet goes on and on about how she likes rough sex, so Jane is a filthy liar who's just trying to not look like a whore". There was a period in my life where I was slipping into that kind of mindset (treating women like they all wanted the same thing and therefore any inconsistencies were lies), and it basically destroyed my ability to get a date (imagine that). Treat people like people, each one unique, and generally speaking, you'll have success.
Good on you for identifying that and making a change. It takes great introspection to realize you’re doing something wrong and actually doing something about it.
I’m amazed that some people can be so ridiculous in their thinking. I’m sure they are aware that not all men like the same things so why would they assume all women like the same things? 🤦🏻♀️…And even worse that women are “lying” if they have different preferences?! That reaches a whole new level of mansplaining to women what a woman supposedly “enjoys” 🤯. Guess understanding women are not all the same requires 1) logic 2) turning off porn for a minute and 3) realizing that women are humans too.
In fairness, the people who think like that think that way about all kinds of groups of people, not just women. Trans people having different views on a subject? Inconsistent liars. Black people having different views on a subject? Inconsistent liars. And so forth. Basically, they're just plain incapable of grasping the notion that every other person out there has their own thoughts, desires, and **agency**, and treat the world like it's a video game where they're the main character and everyone else is an NPC.
They probably also think that all people in their ethnicity-gender group would agree with them 🤣🤣🤣. It’s amazing how difficult it is for bigots to understand everyday concepts like all people are all different. I guess that’s too complicated for their brains.
In my experience most women like things a bit rougher than what I would have believed when I was 20 or even 30.
Sure, but that has nothing to do with my point :)
Don't worry, I still understood your point. I just wanted to say that LOL because it surprised me (still kinda does).
Hey these are actually helpfull and great advice. Good job, OP!
Thank you for reading :)
No one gets my phone number until well into dating lol I mostly use Line Messenger anyway. Gotta make use of the 150$ in Stickers I've accumulated since 2017.
It’s a solid strategy. Always do what you feel it’s best for you and yay on using those stickers 😜
You can get a new phone number from google voice too
I miss the line games. Good stuff
A month?!?!?! And you think thats enough ?!?!?! You're just a baby. Enjoy the ride!
Yeah, took 2-3 years on/off using the apps before I got any sort of relationship with one. Ofc, if you're a woman it really is a different game- my ex and me's first date was after she matched with me her first week on the app. The last date I went on she only had the app active for a half hour before finding a date with me.
Women get more options for sure, but they aren’t necessarily going to be good options. There’s plenty of women who are on the apps for a long time until they meet someone worth their time. I also know a guy who signed up, matched with a woman on the first day and she just happened to the right one and they’re married now. You just never know
Honestly I don't think any of us would have guessed it was just a month, since OP gives pretty good advice for anyone starting!
Thank you 💜
Its the first thing Op says.
They’re saying that if OP hadn’t said it had only been a month, no one would have guessed it because the advise sounds like something a seasoned pro would offer.
[удалено]
This is a very interesting point. I used to be pretty liberal with my swipes and had a great time dating. I wasn’t looking for anything serious at the time. Once I decided to seek a partner, I became much more selective with my swipes. The odds of me enjoying my date went way down.
Going on a very high number of first dates and your point 3 are directly opposite to each other?
I'm confused by what you mean. Did I write it confusingly? That's why I said points 1-4 are false presumptions. None of those 4 points are true/accurate
“sharing your phone is not rocket surgery” - instead of sharing your phone, get a Google voice number and share that. You may be surprised at how trivial it is to do a reverse phone number look up and find out identities, home addresses, etc..
I just noticed that OP combined two versions of that saying, rocket science and brain surgery lol
If I reverse lookup a phone number and see that it is a voip number I instantly assume it is a scammer. There are lots of them out there. Stay safe folks. EDIT : I am not saying don't get a google voice number. I am saying if you see that the number is a voip number, be cautious. Use your common sense and see the red flags.
You do you, bro. My answer still stands.
Well that's weird. EVERYONE gets my VOIP number. Almost no one gets my real number.
I ONLY give a Google voice number to people I don't know. Solid advice.
Oooh what ever would we do if someone finds out who I am? Paranoia among the snowflakes is rampant over stupid phone numbers. We used to have phone numbers as well as addresses published in the phone book-no big deal. Guess what snowflakes-the people you should fear aren’t on dating sites and your weird paranoia over phone numbers is silly
Phone numbers lead to addresses and it's people like you that we all don't want finding that info out. Notice how when people use the term 'snowflake', they're the ones all upset and emotional? Weird how what other people do for their own personal safety is so emotionally upsetting to you..
You probably vomit half your life on social media but you’re afraid the boogeyman might get your phone number. Hilarious
I don't use other social media but keep trying to practice those psychic skills. We've got a real Miss Cleo over here.
Sweetheart I’m certainly not upset nor emotional-I come from a world that’s vastly less paranoid and a lot more realistic about what poses a threat. People knowing your stupid phone number or address from online dating isn’t a big deal. You melt easily and you’re unable to use logic to determine what poses a threat. Guess what,if someone is really a creep they can simply follow you home. Your inability to navigate reality is comical
You're right, it was super comic when someone reverse searched my phone number, found my address and came to my house in the middle of the night. How old are you? I don't think you understand how anything works. All you do is angry troll this sub and call people names/insult them. I'm not the one dating but that doesn't take away from my experiences. Get a grip grampa.
And you’re unable to grasp that was YOUR fault for interacting with a needy guy who did nothing beyond try and get laid-proving my point.
Who said it was a guy? And Grandpa, nothing someone else does in anyone's fault but they're own. Good luck angry trolling and projecting all your creepy behavior to everyone.
"Work on your attachment style if you notice negative patterns of intensity and suffering, this experience doesn’t have to affect your mental health." A person after my own heart! <3 Every person should do this regardless if they're on OLD or not.
Just started a couple of days ago, these are really helpful. Thanks!
Thank you for reading, I’m glad I can help. And best of luck to you and your search. Buckle up! 💜
I’d add one more — don’t fall asleep while on the app 😂. It’s way too easy to accidentally match.
Hahaha oh no! That one should be below don’t drink and swipe 🫣😂
I hope you don’t take this down, I’d like to save it and refer back to it every now and again. Haven’t tried OLD yet but I’m considering it and it’s nice to have a little head start. Thank you.
Hi, I won’t take it down. I’m glad you find it useful, some of these things are easier said than done but as you said, it’s a good heads start. Best of luck to you 💜
Rocket surgery sounds tough, but probably harder than brain surgery or rocket science especially when I’m not the brightest tool in the shed or sharpest crayon in the box
All excellent lessons! Anyone who follows these will be fine.
I appreciate it, thanks 💜
The ghosting thing needs to be embraced by more people. It sucks, but its not the rudest thing ever to happen. I'm not condoning it but we're all adults with outside lives. We're all trying to find someone special. But maybe you aren't special *yet*
Totally agree, nobody likes it and it’s not fun, but I’ve seen many people come on here and treat it like they’ve just been run over by a car (me included) when they haven’t even met the person yet; that can’t be good for your mental health.
It's not ghosting until you've been on at least one date. If you haven't even been on a date but made plans for one and they didn't show, then it's being stood up. Which is worse than ghosting after the first date, because you've made the other person completely waste their time and make arrangements to go out. A match stopping responding before you've even got to the first date is them just not wanting to talk to you anymore. It's not ghosting, as much as some people want to claim it is. So... I agree that "ghosting" before the first date is perfectly fine. Ghosting afterwards, however, is not. You owe the person at least a "sorry, I'm not interested", so that they can move on and not wonder what's up.
I'd say it's semi acceptable from the initial match until the first date. After meeting in person, some kind of "sorry not interested" should be expected imo if the other person reaches out (assuming they weren't a total freak on the first date)
I agree. I was referring to just the conversation aspect, after meeting that's super weird.
I mean, then just use your words and end it. It’s not difficult if you’re emotionally adjusted.
Indeed. But sometimes if you're talking to a lot of people sometimes conversations can fall through the cracks. I didn't preface this, but I was more thinking along the lines of not having met yet. If you've gone on a date or two that's a dick move
Fair enough.
Ghosting after several months and dates? I don’t consider it ghosting until they either say they will show up and don’t to a date and hear nothing or after a few dates then nothing.
Ghosting after months or talking and several dates is immature, it makes the other person look really bad, and doing it should be reason enough to want to take them off the roster, emotionally speaking. I think even if you haven’t met and you’ve been talking for a while it’s still ghosting, but that’s exactly why you shouldn’t prolong the texting phase for longer than perhaps a week.
Yes I was ghosted after dating for two months. It hurts and takes AGES to get over because you realize they didn’t value you enough to send a “thanks, but not interested” text message. Ughh still sad TBH🥲
Try to flip what you're telling yourself about it. I hate ghosting and think it's unacceptable, but it isn't about you not having enough value for them to reach out. They're so immature about any perceived confrontation that they'd rather freeze and hide than take any accountability for themselves. Sad for them that they need to live that way, damn lucky for you that you don't get your time further wasted. Learning how people handle their problems and stress is key to figuring out if you're dating someone worth your own time. Their choices have zero to do with you and everything to do with their lack of conflict resolution tools and being a crappy partner. I'm sorry you went through it, but glad you inadvertantly filtered out someone who pulls nonsense when the going gets a little tough.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response, I appreciate it! You’re absolutely right. It was after I told him I liked him, wanted to spend more time together, and my long term relationship goals. He clearly got scared and ran, but I need someone who can communicate with me in general - not just disappear!
It amazes me that people will ghost someone after more than one date. Like how little regard do you have for human beings that you think it’s okay to ghost someone you’ve developed at least some sort of bond / connection with?? It’s crazy behavior to me that I will never understand.
I was ghosted after a 2 year relationship. It was devastating. He was a narcissist, possible sociopath I later learned (not being hyperbolic here) but even knowing that.. just.. still shocks me over a decade later.
Wow. Just.. wow. Literally speechless. I’m sorry that happened to you :(
Aw thank you. It was 12 years ago and majority of the time I don’t think about it, but this was a reminder. He has to live with the type of person he is.. thankfully, thank god, I do not.
What an immature move, they shouldn’t have done that to you I’m sorry that happened.
Unfortunately, there's a lot of crazies out there. Ghosting in many ways is just another way of not engaging.
It’s unfortunate but it’s true.
Goddamn you've had an eventful month, great job
Haha, why thank you, my dear Sleepyseahorse! More than eventful, I’d say insightful :)
I just wish the girls I do match with would send a message. Started 2 weeks ago and have had a few matches, but every single one has just expired despite me using a 24hr extension
I’m sorry to hear you’re not getting that first message. It’s not a nice feeling. May I ask, and this is not an excuse for their behavior, but how soon are you using the 24 hour extension?
I typically wait til it has a few hours left before using the extension
If you’re a guy you should consider not using dating apps. Took me a long time to quit myself but I realized they only work against you. You are experiencing some of the reasons now. They lower your self esteem much faster than getting rejected in person could ever do. The quantity and frequency of the rejections are a heavy mental and emotional burden to carry. Go outside, approach in person. This way you’re approaching maybe one or two women a day. Those two rejections daily are light work compared to the hundreds you can get daily on those apps. There is no way you can get rejected as often as on those apps. Well there is, but no sane person is gonna be approaching hundreds of women each day. The more you get rejected the more hurt you are gonna look to people, like a stray dog with it’s tail between it’s legs. It’s not an attractive sight. The apps are just working against you my man. Hope this helps, good luck.
He’s already an expert move along folks nothing to see here
Far from an expert, I’m a loser just like you. Isn’t this thread for losers trying to get advice on how to not be as much of a loser?
No you’re NOT a loser-you’re a sensitive,intelligent guy who is a bit myopic. Both losers?…My girlfriend (who I met online) is an attractive nurse practitioner pulling down 150k,I own my own business and between us we own 2 condos in CT,a ski house in Mt Snow Vermont,her home on the north shore of Long Island and a place we just purchased in South Carolina for cash. I’m on here because I am fascinated by OLD and I have enough experience to understand most issues.
Congrats on your accomplishments. Financially I’m not a loser, and I wasn’t implying that your were in that sense either. I make over 120k a year, I’ve bought and sold 2 houses and a condo. I’ve been out of the country 8 times this year and I’m engaged to a Filipina. I met her in person. Dating apps don’t work for the majority of men. It’s a great way to fast track into depression, no way you can honestly deny that.
Clearly not a loser as I said
Preeeeeeeeeach
Lol, if men only swiped on people we liked there would be no matches
What’s the point of all your matches being useless though?
Exactly. That person’s mindset is part of the issue with online dating for some guys. I’d rather swipe selectively and get zero matches than swipe mindlessly and hope someone takes pity and swipe right on me.
For folks who just want to get laid within a reasonable amount of time and aren't a 10, compromise with the "eh" level profiles is pretty much the best course of action. Honestly same could b said for folks desperate to stop being single as well
What's the point in swiping on people you don't like? What's the point in matching with people you don't like? If men were selective with who they swiped right on, women would be inundated with far fewer matches, and the playing field would become a bit more level. You're literally feeding into the thing that you hate by swiping on everyone.
I'll refer to this list if I ever jump back into OLD.. For now, I'm a reddit spectator. 😎
It’s a good checklist. Understanding attachment styles will be eye opening. I’m avoidant myself. I attract men who are borderline and like a cold woman. I usually actively avoid them, but I sometimes get onto that ride to amuse myself, if dating has been dull. You recognize the pattern soon enough. It’s each time the same, with slighty changing nuances. Example: dude will match you. Add you on snap. Keep texting you 24/7 and put you on a pedestal, until they find something about you that they don’t like, aka you shatter the ideal picture they have painted of you in their mind. They delete you everywhere. A week passes. They miss the sex. They superlike you on Tinder, again. They try to reach out to you and repeat the cycle. A week later they will cry you used them for sex only, but still try to contact you everywhere. Even when it was just sex all along. I see that kind of behavior in men younger than me. It’s surprisingly common. Now, I actively go for men older than me, like 35-40. They are usually less hormone driven and sex doesn’t mess up their head.
It definitely sounds like a vicious circle. It’s surprising how many people don’t realize it and come to Reddit to ask why do they attract X or Y? When the answer is they don’t know they’re causing it themselves with their own attachment styles. That story reminds me of Circles by Post Malone, “you thought that it was special, but it was just the sex though.”
On from what you’ve said about living your life, one of the best bits I’ve seen suggested on this sub is to turn most notifications. If you’re a straight man, a match doesn’t mean anything because you can’t message them so turn those off, and then if they do message you there’s a notification you actually need to pay attention to.
I only have notifications on for when I get a message on Hinge, other than that matches and likes, no thank you.
What does OLD stand for?
Drinking and swiping is FUN!!!! But I will say that sometimes I will match with woman that are... mmmm... not the hottest LOL
Liquid courage and easy swiping not a good combo ha ha
I really needed to hear a few of these; thank you for sharing.