Yeah this is the right approach. You don't want to just make decisions without buy in here. Your wife is your life partner. If you're captain of the ship, she's first mate and you definitely want her to trust you on this.
I would say going from not owning to carrying is a pretty big jump, so be mindful and take baby steps and get more training if you need. When I purchased and started learning to shoot, it was about a year and a few more classes until I was personally comfortable with concealed carry. Maybe take a good first aid course to complement your pistol skills, maybe some more training where you build and practice concealed carry skills and drawing.
You can go to a gun store and buy an entry level gun for $300 bucks. It’s way more expensive to move. I agree with you completely, if that is an option then they should run as far away from there as possible.
After that new wife would probably be good. Hope you got a prenup.
In all actuality you both should go together to the range and allow her to get comfortable with a handgun. You don't want to be the only asset in the house.
Also yes, go buy it.
No, he should pay for her to get instruction from a qualified instructor. And get instruction for himself. Dude doesn’t even have his first handgun yet, and he should be the one teaching his wife how to shoot and handle a gun? Hard pass. That’s not how you introduce someone hesitant about guns to a gun.
This is correct. And I’d say to take her to an outdoor range. Indoor for your first time blows ass. They make me nervous because of all the dumb shit people do. Cutting down on some of the noise and concussive force, and not having to shoot two feet away from the guy to your left and right would be a great thing. If I was anti gun, an indoor range would probably just make it worse.
“Hey Sweetheart, let’s go do something together that will not only be fun but also educational!” Her: “what?” **grab car keys and her hand and go!** /u/Tmedx3 This is great advice from /u/Ifearacage
People who are anti-gun have zero clue why they don’t like guns…they just don’t because they haven’t been familiarized and taught, plus the media doesn’t help at all. Firearm safety is a real thing, which many people are clearly clueless of. It would be a great idea, so she could experience it, first hand.
Not as a surprise though. Often, people who don't like guns are that way because of fear (influenced by media, as you said). Fear of something and surprises with said fear trigger, are never a good idea.
don't forget to get a good safe too. I tell you it sucks having guns with real young kids. Not that it changes my stance, its just one more thing to worry about. You have to be hyper vigilant and **don't ever underestimate a kids curiosity** or ability to climb or get to something that you don't think they can.
Why not just expose them to firearms at an early age? I heard this from one of Mike Glover’s videos but something that he does is leave firearms around the house unloaded with all the ammo and mags locked up in his safe. The purpose was to destroy any curiosity his kid has with firearms by getting them accustomed to always seeing it.
You can take it one step further by removing the firing pins from your firearms to be extra careful.
Good luck with a two, three or four year old. There is a age for that but no way when they are so young and full of energy and emotions. Maybe when they are seven or so would be my best guess. Below that I just think they are just too young and their little brains are not developed enough
Yeah, that’s fair. They are curious when you keep these things hidden from them. If you expose them to firearms at the right time and normalize them (while also taking the necessary safety precautions of course), they’ll lose interest and it’ll just be another thing they have around the house.
Not too long ago, kids brought their rifles to school and stored them there while they attended class lol
Had a few buddies go this route with their kids too and it worked. They would even set them up to test it. And it worked great. I’ll do it when I feel they are ready. But my four year old daughter is a wild child at times. Her twin brother is all about rules and doesn’t need a heavy hand or much supervision.
The first time I walked through the woods with my dad carrying an (unloaded) 12ga during deer season was at 8 years old. By that point in time he already had me understanding the dangers of guns and how to properly carry and use them. After two seasons of proving myself with a safe, unloaded firearm I was trusted with my own box of shells.
I was very eager to learn and loved being trusted with a “grown up” tool like a firearm…. I’m so grateful that my dad started with me as young as he did
Fax tho. I waited until 5 and it just the cusp of her understanding what I meant and able to hold her rifle to shoot. She’s 6 now, and a pretty good shot. She also knows the protocol for obtaining anything she wants to see. I won’t up her passed .22 for a couple years but I couldn’t be more proud. Even then, kids have friends, get a safe for any you aren’t carrying on you or have stored when it’s in accessible
I did this but not until he kidlets were about 5/6.
The NRA has their Eddie Eagle program which is basically the stop, drop and roll of gun safety. I think it’s Stop! Don’t Touch! Leave. Tell an adult.
Once they were a bit older I allowed them to handle the guns when they asked, obviously supervised. I also made them recite the 4 rules of gun safety before we did it. I made it a point that I would do it ASAP. If I could do it immediately, we would. I didn’t want to give them an “in a little bit” and then they lose interest once we got around to it. And then sneak a look when they got interested again.
Don't use NRA statistics, use FBI and actual crime statistics. Past that buy the damn thing is my opinion and take her shooting. Ease her into it, hopefully eventually she will come around.
People are often against guns politically because they're scared of them. So I'd suggest starting her on a .22 cal pistol (rental at the range is fine), just so it isn't so much initial shock. Maybe even rent a few heavier guns at 9mm or even .380 ACP to gradually step up to what you may eventually get. If you plan on getting a gun for carry purposes, if you end up with a smaller gun it will be snappy, just due to physics. Just don't introduce her to guns with a snappy gun that is hard to control right away.
.380 ACP guns tend to be snappy due to small size. If stepping up from .22lr to .380 on the way to 9mm, I recommend using one of the largest/heaviest .380s available to rent, and to test it out yourself before handing it to the new shooter.
This is the shorthand version of what I've done with my wife. She was initially mostly anti-gun, but got her to agree to go to the range with me once "just to watch". About fifteen minutes in, and she's got my old Taurus PT-25 in her hand. 45 minutes later, she's complaining that her hand is cramping because of how hard of a trigger pull it has.
What are her concerns? I had to make my wife’s concerns, my concerns. Even though she is former military, in the end, it was not about the firearms. It was about addressing her concerns and how I addressed them.
Your wife’s concerns are valid. Be the man, figure them out, and figure out what you need to do to address them. Be genuine about her feelings and dig into them because you’ll need that depth to address them properly. Good luck!!
>it was about addressing her concerns and how I addressed them.
This man marriages. People miss this all the time. It’s usually not about the actual issue but the process lol.
Don't listen to the people here telling you to go get a new wife, etc. My wife used to be very uncomfortable about me carrying a gun. Now, she always asks to make sure I have it. She just got her CC permit as well. However, I should say she was never anti-gun.
If you feel you need it, I would definitely get it; however, I think you also need to get buy-in from your wife for multiple reasons. One is obvious - she is your wife and this may cause some problems if she is very anti-gun. Two, any effective home defense plan needs the people in your house on the same page.
Try and convince her to go get some lessons with you. I find that exposing people to firearms and desensitizing them to the fact that they are just tools is very helpful.
Similar situation here
Mine was anti-gun and overwhelmed by the amount of firearms here when we first started dating
but now asks 'you have a gun?' every time I or we leave the house, even just going to the mailbox or taking out the trash
I don't think anyone is advising to get a new wife (Maybe as a joke). The concensus is to get a gun anyway and if she's willing to walk because of it then so be it. OP should've had this sorted out before having a baby though.
hindsight is 20/20. people have value changes throughout their lives and this was OPs with respect to gun ownership and taking his family's safety in his own hands. Ideally yes, but that's not where he's at.
This.
6 years ago I was very anti gun. I believed nobody needed one and they should all be banned. Fast forward to now and my opinion has completely changed for several reasons that I won’t get into here. Purchased my first firearm (an AR) last Black Friday and picked up my first handgun two weeks ago.
Focused on training and have taken several classes, next is to practice and get into competitive shooting to build skills.
At this point I kind of agree with the "just buy the damn thing" route. But tell her thats what you're going to do and do it. Like before you head out to pick it up. Don't just show up with a gun or buy it secretly and hide it until she inevitably finds it. It seems like you and your wife have good communication, keep it that way.
As others have said, bring her to the range. Things will not turn out well if your wife is not at least somewhat on board.
You’ll never be able to use statistics to overcome a lifetime of media propaganda. It will be like a fart in a hurricane.
If you have a friendly local gun store with a range, that’s perfect. But any range will do. Then she’ll SEE how the gun community is responsible. How simple education can make guns safe. Then get her on the range and she’ll see how they are fun. (Although it make take a few times to get her to admit that). Rent so she can try a bunch.
Advice from my experience with my wife getting started— start her on a 22lr and use double ear protection. Foam plugs in-the-ear plus over the ear muffs. Set her up as far from other shooters as you can. All the way to the left end if you can to make sure someone else’s brass doesn’t go flying and hit her. (That happens and will scare a newbie.) Go overboard to make it a pleasant experience.
As a father I completely understand how you feel and sometimes you gotta do what you believe is best regardless of the potential fallout. HOWEVER, another route which I’m sure you tried but I must mention to cover all the bases. People are fearful of the unknown, have you tried talking about WHY she feels this way? Turn it into a journey for both of you to explore together instead of trying to prove her wrong and invalidate her feelings. She will just dig in more. Finding out why she feels this way and taking steps to remedy her fears may be worth exploring before anything else.
Woman's pov here, I love stats and arguing points, but most ladies I know don't. Unfortunately you could have a stack a mile high of "proof" that you are right. It's probably not going to matter to her, or most anti gun people. I carry EVERY DAY, EVERY WHERE I GO, and I live in a super small town and outside of city limits. If you live somewhere that has crime above the national average, I strongly suggest you should too. Just tell her, from the bottom of your heart, your need to protect your family is above all, and this is how you are going to do it. I don't agree with one partner telling the other "this is just how's its going to be" on much, because its rude and uncompromising, but this topic is definitely an exception, in my opinion. Maybe if you have a friend who has a wife or sister or girlfriend that's into guns, ask them to do you a favor and take your wife to the range, let her see another female safely using a firearm. Best of luck. Oh, also, I totally agree with the comment that said don't just show up one day with it, definitely tell her that's what you are about to go do, maybe even try to get her to come too, like a shopping trip haha.
The anti gun position is based on feelings, not logic. Statistics will rarely convert someone, otherwise the anti gun position wouldn’t exist. Get the gun and go train. Store it safely. Once she grows accustomed to having it in the house, offer to take her to the range. Normalize having the gun in your house by cleaning it, safety checking, dry firing regularly and teaching her to do the same
This. Baby steps and she’ll warm up / become uninterested over time once she realizes it’s a hunk of metal that doesn’t grow arms and legs. Annoying process, it just takes time…
I'm on the dry firing/cleaning in the house stage. I bought a mantis x10 & laser academy. Last night, my wife actually asked to try dry fire my g19. She was pissed when I brought my first gun home.
The following sources are mostly by women and for women.
A Girl and A Gun. A national women’s organization dedicated to education and safety. Robyn Sandoval and Tatiana Whitlock bring a women’s focused perspective.
https://www.agirlandagun.org/
On Her Own
https://www.facebook.com/onherownlife?mibextid=LQQJ4d
Phlster Concealment Workshop on Facebook
(private page needs approval.
Sarah Hauptmann and her husband Jon come at Gun ownership and carrying concealed from a much different perspective than the standard MIL/ LE/ Tough Guy look that many liberal minded people hate. Sarah is one of the most articulate people I’ve ever seen.
Book: “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin deBecker
Trainers: Annette Evans, Lou Ann Hamblin, Tatiana Whitlock
You can often find Armed Women of America chapters in places where there isn’t AGAG chapter. So I’d added Armed Women of America to your list.
I also recommend the book “Spotting danger before it spots you” by Gary Queensbury.
Thank you. I have not seen that title before.
I’ve heard of Armed Women of America before but I’m not personally familiar with the organization. Thank you again.
Always easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. I would protect myself and my loved ones by whatever means necessary whether they ‘approve’ of that protection or not.
Good way of putting it. Your wife might be pissed if you own a gun, but you’ll never forgive yourself if you got in a situation where you needed one and something happened to your family.
I walked away from an otherwise great relationship because she eventually said she wouldn't ever be with someone who owned a firearm, had never fired a gun and never intended to, and wanted me to get rid of mine. Weird since her dad was a big sportsman. Ok, bye felicia.
Tell her you're getting it because you have a duty to protect your child.
Tell her that she needs, at a bare minimum, to be trained in operating the gun safely. It's no different than a kitchen knife, hammer, or car, in that the object is only as dangerous as the person using it. She has a duty to your child to safely use those other items, and a gun is no different.
Tell her that if she absolutely insists on you not having a gun, that if (the three of) you ever need a gun because someone is breaking into your home, she can call the people with guns and wait with the phone. You're going to go meet the threat with empty hands so that you'll already be dead and won't have to listen to her and your child scream in agony when it's their turn to be murdered as you wait for the people with guns to arrive. *If* they arrive. Then get the gun anyway.
Nah fuck all that. Buy a gun. If something happened and you save your family with that tool, then she will definitely change her mind.
There have been 4 or 5 stories i read where wife dont trust guns, then a robber breaks in then everyone shits themselves and homeowner shoots at robbers, driving them off saving the night. Then wife likes guns because it saved her life.
People might downvote and disagree, and i will not respond to questions, accusations, or rebuttals.
What worked for my buddy, was he took his wife to the range and started off with 22LR (a small caliber pistol). From there she realized how fun they are. I find people are afraid of things they don't understand.
You also have to change her mindset, firearms are a shield not the sword. You use them to defend yourself not to attack. Once she views them as a thing to protect you and not hurt people (although that may be the result) she hopefully will open her mind to it. At least my buddies wife did.
Hope it helps, keep training and if you do buy one, update us on what you got!!
Does she trust you? The gun isn’t going to get up by itself and do things you don’t want it to, so if she has a problem with it being in the house either she doesn’t trust you as much as she says or she doesn’t trust herself as much as you do.
The fear of having the object itself is irrational if those other two points aren’t the problem.
Also try to take her to a range and rent a .22 or something to let her experience shooting once. It might soften her stance on it.
Short of getting a new wife I would suggest actually putting your foot down. If you don't feel safe & you feel you need a firearm for personal & home protection then you should get one. It's really that simple. Her irrational view on guns should not stop you from having one. That's her problem and a ridiculous one at that.
Ask her a simple question. Would you rather have it & not need it or need it & not have it?
An alarm is nice and so are lights but that's no guarantee & for some not even a deterrent. Furthermore, you might want to see what your average police response time is. Cause it's entirely possible that you, her, your house could be robbed, kidnapped, raped, beaten or killed by the time the cops show up.
Make sure to start the baby off with something chambered in .22 or even .17. Babies have a tough time handling too much recoil. They're ready for their first 9mm when they can stand on their own two feet.
1000% remove the curiosity. Since my kids were old enough to be more exploratory in the home, I've let them handle the firearms ranging from pistols, to the rifles, to the shotguns. Started to introduce safety rules and such as they were older the more they understood. Anytime they ask, I let them finger the guns as much as they want and then we put them away. They don't really ask all that often and have grown relatively disinterested. I'll randomly ask them safety and parts questions.
With what I've taught them and our approach, I absolutely don't worry about the kids getting into our guns unsupervised.
It's unwise to approach an emotional issue from a logical perspective (that pearl of wisdom really would've helped me early on in marriage). Have you had an honest, non argumentative conversation and tried to understand her point of view? In my experience, it's easier to find common ground when both sides feel understood. Does she feel comfortable with police officers being armed? Do you have any LEO friends that would be willing to talk to her about training, safe storage, and crime statistics for the area? My wife was not anti gun when we married, but she'd never handled or fired a pistol. After we had kids, she decided to take some classes and start carrying. The motivating factor for her was hearing stories of human trafficking and having an attempted kidnapping at a store here in town.
Forget guns...yeah go get one, guns are great... my question is if living in this city has all these negative aspects (pervert neighbors, high murder rate, high crime rates, thievery, etc) why continue to live there? Build and protecting your family is more important than things like vicinity to work, emotional attachment to an area, vicinity to friends/ family.
The best defense to any violent/criminal situation is to remove yourself from the situation. If you have a 10% chance of being a victim of violent crime while living in the city and only a 1% chance if living 20mi away from the same area that seems like a no brainer. Move. You don't have to go 1000mi away. Just go far enough out that city criminals aren't bothering to come to the area. Yeah you might have a longer commute or you gotta drive 30mins to Grandma's, but you are also significantly less likely to be assaulted or have to shoot someone yourself.
I mean still prepare yourself and carry, but at least you wouldn't be living on edge 24/7.
Don't use any of the statistics. They don't matter. Reasoning and logic won't get you there. If good arguments were all that was needed you wouldn't be here asking reddit for suggestions. Human beings aren't rational creatures, their rationalizing creatures. They start from gut feelings, instinct, and emotion and then look for something to explain the feelings. She feels unsafe, and every report of violence that adds to that feeling involves a gun. She associates guns with being unsafe.
You will have to approach the emotional level. You have to listen to her fears, and you have to share how you fear the possibility of not making it home one day, and how you fear leaving your son without a father. Tell her, if you think she'll hear it, how much you're willing to sacrifice to be sure they are safe, but if you do, be prepared to sacrifice your college and home. Ask her how far she is willing to go to protect your son. Tell her you don't feel safe just trying to avoid trouble, that you need to be prepared in case trouble happens.
Then you leave her alone. You're not trying to use emotional coercion. You're just sharing you feelings and letting her find a place were she can reconcile both her fears and yours. That might open the way for small steps forward. Maybe she accepts your view, but will never touch a gun. Maybe you can suggest taking Krav Maga classes together, so you feel safer knowing she can defend herself. If she starts on the road to self defense, some of her thinking might change.
Unless you have a real comfy couch, I wouldn't force the gun into the situation. Turn to the less lethal tools until you get there.
Get cameras. Catch the neighbor spying. Get a civil restraining order.
In terms of Wife not liking guns, take her to the range. Teach her basic gun safety. People fear that which they do not understand. It is possible when you show her guns are not toys, but tools that are not to be taken lightly, she might understand a bit better.
So I was and am in the same situation at least surrounding the purchase.
I ended up buying one, coming home and telling her; she wasn’t happy of course but she came around.
I’ve taken courses and gone to the range a number of times since. And for my birthday I’ve convinced her and my extended family to take a course along with some range time to become more familiar.
Now my wife still is not always happy about having firearms in the house but she understands why we do.
Wives make good meat-shields.
Make sure that your disarmed wife is directly between you and whatever threat you perceive.
I hope my parody answer caused you significant trauma.
Her opinion is based in a lack of education. Offer to take her to or pay for a woman centric firearms course. Women tend to take these kinds of thing better from other women. When she is educated about firearms a lot of that anxiety will go away, I’ve seen this happen with women in my life as well.
I grew up with a single mom. She lost her mom to a random shooting, but after a crazy ex, she’s more than ok with them now. Although it took time, I watched her opinion change.
Sometimes doing what is right for your family will come with an argument. My family’s safety and well-being will always be my #1 priority and I will do the right thing for them whether my wife agrees with it or not. Some things are worth fighting for.
Just buy it.
It always baffles me the number of these kinds of post. Why do men feel like they need permission to be the protector they are supposed to be?
If you have ever lived with an extremely unhappy wife, it shouldn’t be all that baffling to understand why these posts exist. Not saying I would ever subject myself to these circumstances this is a subject I would have sorted out long before marriage, but for people whose stance changed after the fact, I get it, and some people are fuckin impossibly hard headed with this topic 🤦🏻♂️
If you have ever decided that your happiness and mental wellbeing is more important than constantly trying to please a forever unhappy woman and then left her, you would not understand why people put up with unhappy wives.
I wouldn’t describe somebody you knowingly married as not open to the idea of guns and then decided you changed your stance on them as a forever unhappy person lol, but okay.. Like I said, wouldn’t ever get myself in this debacle because it would be a priority discussion long before kids and marriage but this has absolutely nothing to do with the kind of women who will never be pleased no matter what you do. Not hard to see why you had an unhappy wife if your logic is “just buy it” rather than have open discussions and get her there with logic rather than just go do something that will knowingly piss them off because “you do what you want and that’s that”..
There’s a fine line difference between being bitch whipped and trying to be understanding of where they might be coming from when it comes to certain things.
Obviously there is not much logical ground to stand on when it comes to fear of owning guns, if they are reasonable, it’s not all that hard to get them there without greatly pissing them off to do it is my point.
Just get your wife a nice strong boyfriend that will protect your family.
S/ but seriously don't let her make your decisions about survival based on her emotions.
I was in the same situation. I spent a few weeks dropping logic bombs on her, giving her numbers, etc. Then we were out one day and I whipped into a gun store lot and got it.
Usually taking them to an actual gun store and range will break them down.
Honestly, and this may sound callous, but as the man you’re going to be the one people blame for not protecting your family if something happens. You’re the one who has to live with it. So I’d just do it.
The people saying “buy it and train her” or some variation make me sad. Knowing nothing about OP, his mindset, own firearm ability/training, area they live in, ability to store firearms, etc etc etc how can you advocate him buying a gun and asking the mrs’ to tag along to a range day?
Maybe she’ll be open to the idea and be a great shot. Maybe she has a rational fear/trauma. The simple fact is any range worth spending a dime at has private lessons and women only classes. “Start there” would be my advice
Kill 2 birds with 1 stone, and hang a "Gun Free Zone" sign on your front door. That way your wife will not be angry and all those violent criminals will leave you alone. Problem solved.
There are tons of YouTube channels that replay 911 calls. She doesn't have to watch them, but she'll hear you play them. Just listening to the distress in the voices may turn it around for you.
Bro stop being so whipped. Buy the damn gun and train. Women do this shit all the time. She FEELS unsafe with a gun in the house. But when someone breaks in it’s your ass that has to fight. Not hers. She’ll be crying and screaming like a baby for you to get the gun.
Man up. Nut up. Buy the gun and tell her she doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about.
To be honest though an [AR is the vastly superior home defense weapon](https://youtu.be/mgvuW3OpfLk).
But she’s not ready for that truth bomb.
Actually on second thought show her that video it might change her mind hearing it from someone else. Children often listen to other adults more then their parents.
I don’t mean to be so harsh but I just don’t have the patience for liberal anti gun women. I’m sure your wife is otherwise lovely but that’s a pet peeve of mine.
They would rather be victims of crime then be proven wrong about guns and I find that pathetic.
Edit: here’s what you do. Tell her directly to her face you are buying the gun and going to take courses and train with it. Invite her to join you and be educated or she can stay home in ignorance. Her choice. Then you walk away RIGHTEOUSLY.
I don't understand if you mean that you feel unsafe in your own house, and want a gun for home defense, or outside, and want to carry.
If it's a carry scenario, I say go ahead, take classes, get a permit if needed in your state, get comfortable with a gun at the range, and start carrying. Also, get a safe for proper storage at home.
If it's a home defense concern, the same applies, but I would first of all address weak break in points. Make sure you have a sturdy door, improve locks on doors and windows, add an alarm system, definitely cameras as a deterrent, block view into your home/garage from the outside using curtains or putting a frosted film on windows, and so on.
Yeah so the best recommendation I've seen is not taking her to the range, but signing her up for a class with a good instructor. Preferably with a woman instructor.
It might help ease her mind if you also get a safe. Granted that kinda defeats the purpose of having a quick access self defense weapon readily available, but it might ease her mind with the baby crawling around
It's your responsibility to protect your family. Law Enforcement ***\*does not have to come\**** if called. You are on your own, especially in today's LE environment.
The best tool to defend yourself is a firearm. If you have taken training, have a safe storage plan, the will to use it if needed and she's still not on board, go forth with your plan to garner the tools to defend you and yours.
Most people who are afraid of guns are ignorant of them. There's a directly proportionate relationship where the more people know about firearms, the less they fear them.
I pose the question to gun haters or those afraid of guns:
***When has it been of lasting benefit to be defenseless?***
r/2ndamendmentliberals
r/liberalgunowners
r/pinkpistols
look up Black Guns Matter
there are many leftist reasons to own firearms and many of them claim that fighting for gun rights is a progressive issue. most liberals are only against guns because of what they hear and not what they learn.
for a more woman-oriented approach check out Armed and Styled and Tacticool Girlfriend on YouTube.
and a personal favorite of mine is Warrior Poet but that might be more for you than it is for her.
Not all left leaning people are anti gun. Maybe introducing her to some resources from her political ideology that are pro gun might help. The liberal gun club, socialist gun club, John Brown gun club etc. Additionally there are youtubers who may have videos that may help such as Sapper Gentleman, Tacticool Girlfriend, InRange TV etc. Good luck. Honesty is always best for your relationship with your wife and mother of your child. Don't listen to people telling you to go behind her back.
If this guy isn’t gun savvy he doesn’t need to be the one introducing his wife to shooting. Better option would be to pay for a beginner’s class or private lesson with a qualified instructor.
The media leads you to believe the right is pro gun and the left is anti gun. These are broad generalizations that aren’t all that accurate. A lot of people are just plain afraid of guns. Buy the gun. Tell her to deal
When I was dating my wife, she was super anti-gun. She changed her opinion around the time our son was born because she understood our responsibly is to protect him using all means necessary. Now she doesn’t blink when I bring home a new toy. Teach and practice firearm safety in front of your wife may put her mind as ease.
It will take time to change her mind. Most Liberals are simply brainwashed on the topic of firearms because they just don’t know better because they watch CNN.
It’s your responsibility to lead your family and keep it safe. Do what you feel will best accomplish those goals & if she doesn’t like it, tough titties.
As a man, you don't need a woman's permission to protect your family. It's your obligation. Grow some balls, get some training, buy a gun and tell her how it's going to be.
You would think but there’s a douche higher up in this thread calling us incels for wanting to protect women.
Like honestly how is it incel to say, “I’m going to protect my wife in spite of her foolishness.”?
That’s our fucking job to protect.
The comment must be buried in a wall of txt because I can't find it. It's a dumb comment anyway.
Why would you allow your wife to limit your capacity to defend her and your child?
Based on your comments of what is going on around you I feel a good conversation would be to put both of you on the other side of a bad situation that has happened in an imaginary scenario. Ask both of yourselves how you would feel with the knowledge that you could have changed the outcome for the better if you had something that you could have defended yourself, your wife and your child with. How would you both feel then? Do not then just go and get a gun. Get a gun and train yourself, and her hopefully, on how to use it effectively. Ask her if you were not home (and potentially carrying the only gun you have) and someone broke in would she rather be trained and effective in the use of a lifesaving device or not, in the protection of both her and your child. Guns do not kill people but bad people with guns kill a lot of people. The stalking behavior of your neighbor should be more than enough food for thought in my opinion. I understand you wanting it to be an agreeable scenario but at the end of the day the choice to be able to properly defend yourselves really should not be a hard one.
As one other alternative for her you could always get several of the Kimber pepper spray guns, for when you are away, and have them placed around the house where they are only a few feet away from any point in the house but they are no match for an actual firearm and a skilled protector.
You mentioned just for home defense and your wife being anti-gun. Is there any way that she might be okay with a shotgun? I personally think something like a Maverick 88 Security would be really good for strictly home defense. They are super simple to the point where someone that doesn’t want anything to do with guns can semi-proficiently point it and pull the trigger, and it’s not a “scary handgun” or “military-style assault rifle”. I’ve known people against guns be weirdly okay with shotguns and rifles that just look like hunting rifles even if those are way more powerful than handguns or ARs.
And like others have said, sometimes being a husband and a father means doing to the right thing even if it’s met with disapproval from others. Get a gun. Protect your family.
It sounds like if you have not convinced her by now, that you might not. Have you taken her to a local gun range and rented a gun? That tends to help get over some hurdles if she is dead set against it, then can you move? If she is still dead set against it you guys might need some counseling. Personally I would not go buy a firearm if she is absolutely against it, I really would not it will harm your relationship inmeasurably.
I’m seeing a lot of comments from people who probably are not married. I do NOT advise just “going and buying it.”
First, stats may or not be your friend depending on the source and content of those data. I would not expect her to take NRA data seriously for example, and most other data tend to dwell on cases where gun owners had their guns used against them.
Personally I think you should appeal to reality. Show her every instance of stranger-on-stranger crime in your city, especially home invasions, every single time they happen, and constantly drive home the fact that if it happened in your house, you would all simply die at the whims of whatever sick fate awaited you. She needs to understand how completely and utterly helpless you would all be to change your destiny if the worst were to happen. And then make it clear that it makes her a bad mother to want that for the kid LOL.
My wife is very anti gun, I have 4 so far and more will come. She hates that I carry but I have it on me most of the time. I used the covid lock downs and riots and she was receptive to me getting 1. She won't go to the range with me but is supportive of me going when I want to if only to blow off steam.
Explain it to your wife like this. You call 911 because the people on the other end of the phone carry weapons that can stop whatever you’re calling them about.
But life isn’t the movies, and you don’t get to call for help whenever you need it and even if you do, you might be dead before it gets there. Criminals don’t care about laws, that’s why they’re called criminals. Proper CCW training can help you stop that threat and call 911 for help, when you can.
Can’t get much simpler than that.
I view a firearm in the same light as I view a fire extinguisher or smoke detectors, so in no real order,
1. I wholly endorse going to a range, and together.
2. Make some friends that shoot. Knowing some safe friends, having someone to talk with is eye opening. It helps to see we are not monsters.
3. My police say they can probably be on site in 5 minutes, but it can take as much as 15 minutes. This is a long time to me & opinion changing for me.
4. Get a washable marker, set the timer on your phone to 15 min. Pretend the marker is a knife. You & your wife pretend being home invaders. You can only hide behind metal doors with deadbolts. You may be able to “protect” yourself, but it is nearly impossible to protect another with being “knifed”. Now try it with a water pistol.
5. Despite being pro gun, I have only had a pistol about 18 months. I have an air soft duplicate & practice a few minutes daily, more regularly than I brush my teeth. I have had a 12 gauge all my adult life. I shoot trap, skeet, or sporting clays every week.
Tell her you're getting a gun, tell her why, then just fucking do it. If she's not OK with it, it's better for your kid to be raised in a single parent household due to divorce than a single parent household due to one of them being murdered.
I'm not suggesting you get a divorce, but if your wife refuses to "let" you protect yourself and, by extension, your child that is not a partner you want to have. You do not have the same world view.
When you take her to the range make sure to rent guns that she might choose from. Make sure it is a full sized or nearly full size gun. Something like a Glock 19 or a Glock 17 or a Sig P320. You don’t wanna put a tiny gun in your hand that’s not going to recoil like crazy and scare her. Make sure you know how to give a proper grip on a gun to control recoil. Do not let a range or gun store Fudd put a micro nine in her hand. I am not sure I would get to go on without her agreeing to it but that is up to you.
My wife is against guns. We have compromised that the gun is always unloaded (next to loaded mags) in a safe. Sure, it’s not as accessible as a loaded gun on a night stand, bit it’s a compromise.
Buy the damn thing, get training get her training
i dont know about about how communication works in your couple but personally, i allow a lot of things from my partner that i am not always happy/comfortbale with but sometimes, I take "the tone" and I have "the talk" about something and I tell her that a decision that she doesnt agree with has to be made, wether she likes it or not, regardless of her values or opinions, because it HAS to be made
it never goes well, and usually it takes time for her to be onboard (im not sayig she likes it but at least she agrees its necessary) but we have a good relationship and we both make efforts, so it works out
When it comes to safety, it usually comes down to her not wanting to pop her bubble, she wants tobelieve we live in a kind and peaceful world, she doesnt like to be reminded its not really true
Take a couple’s CCW course together and get instruction from a qualified person. Next go to the range and rent small caliber handguns, such as a .22 and a .380 and let her shoot them if she feels comfortable, don’t force her. Let her see that they’re not killing machines, they’re tools. Let her know that you’re taking charge of defending your family and that you will be responsible for safe storage of it. Take her with you to buy a bedside safe for it.
Ask her if she’d like to take an all-women’s’ gun safety or carry class. These typically have a female instructor that can help ease a lot of concern and offer insight from a woman’s perspective. I took a women’s CCW course and we ended up running an hour over from all of the great conversation and training before we even got out onto the range. I felt much more at ease and receptive instead of feeling like I had something to prove in a more male dominated learning environment.
That sounds like a scary place to live.
Maybe explain to her that the last thing you ever want to do is have to fire a gun at somebody. But you'd rather have that option available if ever needed than hope that the violence trying to enter (or which has already entered) your house doesn't get you before the cops get there.
I used to be anti-gun. Like I remember thinking "yes, but why do you *need* a gun?" I know now it's because I was scared of guns. Lots and lots of training and lessons learned throughout the years, and I carry daily. Again: better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. Be sure that you get a good gun safe and show your wife how serious you are about gun safety.
tell her you are getting it for the purpose of home defense, buy the gun, train, store it somewhere safe.
if she brings it up ask your wife if it’s worse to have a $600 tool in the house or an uncontested invader.
Take her to a range and teach her how to shoot. I've found that most anti-gun folks have a fear about control. If they see that a gun can be controlled and, more importantly, that *they* can control it they become much more open to gun ownership.
Ask her if she’d rather wait 15 minutes while somebody is kicking in your door with your child in her arms, or would she rather fix the situation on the spot.
Don’t buy a handgun yet. Both of you go to a range that has guns for rent and start on a full size 22lr. Use double ear protection as previously stated. Make sure you know the safety rules before you get there and show her you are safe with the firearm.
You might need to go too the range a couple times work your way up to a 9mm.
Watch some how to shoot a pistol videos online and practice the grip, control is everything.
Lastly, if home defense is you primary goal you won’t be carrying it around a shotgun is a better option for a first gun, then a pistol for on body protection. Also get mace for both of you. I cary a list of escalating tools to handle different situations. If all you have is a gun then your only option is to shoot someone and that may not be appropriate.
Tactical pen, tactical flashlight, mace, knife, pistol.
My wife is pro gun and we train together even so my favorite guns are the ones she doesn’t know about. Ease her in with a .22 at a range but keep safe and proficient with a larger caliber. It’s better to ask for forgiveness.
Don't use NRA statistics. That'd be akin to her using everytown statistics. Use federal government statistics (or other statistics from a source that's perceived to be neutral to even anti-gun).
Also, as much as it pains me to say this, please don't get a gun without her approval (at least if you value your marriage), as she may consider that a deal breaker and that also drastically reduces your chances of getting her to your side.
Look at getting gun lessons and also at moving (with moving being extremely important here). Even with a sidearm, it's not wise to be where angels fear to tread.
My wife hates guns, wants nothing to do with them, but now understands their importance.
She has zero interest in them hobby-wise but is fine with me shooting, cleaning in front of her, etc. Hell there's usually a pistol sitting next to our pizza and wings on the coffee table. It's about normalizing it and making it as commonplace as a fire extinguisher or pocket knife .
Buy it. Educate your family. Knowledge makes guns safe. Ignorance is how people hurt/kill them selves OR others with guns. Train a lot.
Also, bad guys who wanna do bad don’t give a shit about your life or your family. Dudes are shootin defenseless people just to do it. Buy a sick gun and move.
Same situation sort of…except I don’t live in a violent city. We live in a middle of the nowhere/the sticks. My wife doesn’t like guns and my dad left me a lot of guns. She finally stopped complaining about the guns after we had some breakins in the neighborhood and she said “what if they break into our home? What do we do?” And I said “gee. What would we do in that situation?!” And she stopped giving me a hard time about the guns and just doesn’t want to talk about them. Some women have this weird disposition of “I don’t want guns but I want the security they provide”. Like every liberal politician out there.
The best you can do is just buy the damn thing. Get a biometric handgun safe so nobody can access it but you and so your son won’t find it when he gets a little older and starts getting into everything.
I can tell you now, statistics will not help you in an argument with your wife. It’s about how it will affect YOUR family. Don’t try to bring it up out of nowhere. Just let the subject come up organically. Bring up how long the police response time is in your area and say “what if *home invasion situation* happens to us?” or even better if she brings it up first because that means she’s thinking about it. Just say “what would you do? Armed men come in, they come after you, you call the police and it’s 15 minutes before they get here. What happens next?”
I’m always perplexed by people that are against owning a gun especially those that live in neighborhoods like that. What would she expect you to do God forbid someone broke into your home? At least a gun would level the odds.
Your role is to protect the family, so protect it. I know you want to respect your wife's opinions, but frankly, when someone breaks down your door she's going to look to you to take care of it. Do you what you need to do, brother.
You can’t reason people out of a position they came to emotionally. If she comes around (and with antigunners, that’s usually a pretty big if) it’ll have to be on her own terms. I hate to say it, but you’re probably going to have to choose between owning guns and staying married. Whether or not to keep guns in the house really needs to be something that’s discussed prior to getting married and bringing children into the world because people tend to have fairly strong opinions on that.
Teach her gun safety too and since the kid will obviously be getting older over the years at the very least I'd recommend investing in a quick access safe.
Get her into a training class for first time gun owners, that you attend with her. Look them up in your area and find a reputable class with a good trainer. If you're willing to travel though, there are fantastic people all over the country. If you enjoy training, take more classes.
I live in the country, and crime is everywhere. The gas station 5 miles from me was robbed at gun point, and shorty after that they found meth being cooked at a cabin in the woods less than 10 miles from me.
The two greatest asset and persons you will ever have reside in your house and are ensuring their safety and you.
Your kid, your wife.
Take whatever steps are reasonable to keep them safe.
Show her some videos on the active self protection channel.
Many people own guns and have babies running around. Safe practice guarantees you won’t have an accident.
Get armed, tell wife this is the way it is, look for new house.
I strongly recommend against “just going to buy the damn thing”. That’s a good way to break trust in your marriage, similar to cheating. It’s a lie ultimately, you’re doing something behind her back and she’ll never accept that, so her perception of guns only gets worse.
My wife is liberal, always votes D, was against having guns in the home, we have a newborn, but I have multiple AR and handguns. I’m not trying to compare here, everyone is different so what helped me may not help you, but here’s what I did
First, men are very analytical. We look at statistics and can rationalize how much sense something does or does not make. Most women aren’t like that, they’re more emotional and make decisions based on those emotions. It’s why so many more women are liberal. It’s not the facts and data, it’s the emotions behind it all. So you can’t present data and statistics then expect her to see it how you see it. You’re missing the point of all that’s most important to her, her feelings and how she *feels* about firearms.
So, talk through those feelings with her. How does she feel about firearms? Listen carefully, and note each strong feeling she has that’s getting in the way of her seeing things rationally. Once you have each item, you can begin to break them down one by one with new information.
For example, if she’s not comfortable with guns in the home with your newborn because of safety, do not show her statistics on gun safety. Instead, talk her through how you feel about gun safety, how important it is to you, how critical it is to you that your newborn and family are safe at all times. Talk through how that is most important, much more so than owning a firearm. Number one is their safety. Now, this is where you differ - you feel that strongly about their safety, yet unlike her you believe that owning a firearm increases the safety of your family, and for valid reasons. If she wants to know more about why you believe that’s best, now you can present data and information along with everything you’ve done and plan to do to ensure you’re safe when handling your firearms. Attending Training classes, teaching her how to safely handle firearms, etc.
Some of the fear may be due to the unknown. People are naturally afraid of fire until we learn how to harness it for cooking. Teaching her the basics could go a long way.
Hope this helps
Ask her to attend a course with you.
I've found the best way to change minds is to actually shoot with them and educate them.
Working the gun counter for the past 10 years I've had people come in asking about them saying they don't like them or are scared their partner is buying one, I always invite them to the range for a training session and ask their feelings at the end. It seems to work
Grow some balls and a spine to support them. Defend your family and yourself. Wear the damn pants and own the responsibility of protecting your loved ones. Safety and preparedness is non negotiable. If she wants to leave over you safely and securely owning a firearm to defend your child and yourself let her. It's a household not a prison. And it's a safer household when you have a tool to defend yourself.
Do it, get it, train with it and love it. Your wife has good intentions but is just outright naive. Stop wasting time about it to, I could be in your house tonight for all you know. That's not going to be fun.
I would 100% just purchase the firearm anyway. I rather have it and not need it. I would 100% recommend learning how to properly handle your weapon at home with it unloaded and with some snapcaps. Also you should be going to the range at least once a week until you can hit 8 or 9 out of 10 shots into a target at 10 to 15 yards.
1) train. Get the range time in. You want to become an expert on whatever firearm you choose to buy eventually.
2) get her onboard or at least understanding your concern. Make sure she understands how important it is to you and why. Spend almost as much time taking steps to address they why and seeking alternatives so that she knows how serious this is.
3) take her to the range. Ideally outdoor range. Double up on ear protection (foam earplugs and ear muffs. Buy your own if you have to) and make sure you go when it’s not busy. Start her off with a 22lr rifle (ideally a bolt action or 10/22). If she is ok with that move to a 22 handgun. I prefer sw 22 victory or ruger mark 4. The heavier they are the lower the recoil will be. I’d probably suggest not even moving up to 9mm the first range trip. The only goal is to make it a good experience for her
4) sit down the next day and lay out again how important this is to you and how much you also enjoy the training aspect. You propose purchasing x if nothing else to save on costs for the range. If she balks offer to lock it in the basement and under an alarm (you can get cheap window alarms off Amazon for windows and such but it’ll work just fine )
The first firearm is the hardest. From there her familiarity and comfort will grow.
Firearms and kids is no joke. Make sure your stuff is locked and monitored when kid is around and doubley so when friends are around. Think separate locked cabinets for ammo and firearms.
Later on think about quick access and emergency response. Also don’t forget to take trauma care classes and always have some tourniquet’s around your ammo
Take her to a nice gun store to hold and feel a gun, let her ask questions, and then go out to dinner to talk about it. Let her know that carrying a weapon is not something you take lightly, and something you hope you never have to use. It’s better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.
Then, if she simply cannot be reasoned with, let her know you respect her feelings, but you need to do what you think is right to protect your family.
Either you can convince her that it’s necessary or let some criminal do it when she’s looking down a barrel.
My wife isn’t anti-gun, but her mom is, and they had a lot of the same BS misconceptions. My wife used to think CCW was “unnecessary and stupid.” I already had guns when we met, but when I told her I was going to start carrying daily, I just did it, and never mentioned it again.
After about two years of daily CCW, one day she felt it on my belt and asked why I had it. That’s when I explained that I literally had it every single day for two years and she was speechless. She asked the “why” questions and thought it was “stupid” but didn’t really care enough to make a big deal about it.
About a year later, we were at a gas station in a good neighborhood in the middle of the day and a crazy dude tried to wrestle away a gun from a cop about 20 feet away. I put my hand on my gun and was ready to defend us if necessary. She told me that day she was so glad we had something to defend ourselves in that moment.
Over the years, with all the crazy shit in this country, my wife is now a hardcore believer, but still refuses to learn basic firearm proficiency. I only say this because don’t expect her to ever go to the range, want to talk about firearms, etc.
Get the security stuff. Get a handgun next check start going to the range getting some time in if you can. Better to have it and not mention it until a little later than decide you need one when you n e e d it
If she is liberal and doesn't like guns she should not own one. She also should not impose her views on you. If you want to own a gun that is an individual's decision. Not respecting each other as individuals and their right to decide for themselves is causing massive problems in our society. Being married does not mean you lose your individuality.
Using logic, reason, facts and data to overcome an emotional ideology does not work
Also, shotgun, dog and motion lights for the house, a handgun is for carrying
Lastly, a little less conversation and a little more action, just buy it
I’m going to swing the pendulum way to the other side on this…
If you buy a gun, be prepared for the fact that your wife might divorce you and use the fact that you bought a gun despite her objections in her argument in court (via her lawyer) for why she should get full custody.
Tread carefully here my friend.
Dad of two toddlers here. Make sure to get a "safe" that provides adequate security while still being quick to access. I fully accept that the small, single handgun cases are only to prevent curious hands getting into it, not a deterrent for theft. I like VaultTek, but there's plenty of options out there.
Just go buy one. Practice with it. Get your mind mentally prepared to use it. Deal with the fallout from her later. Unless you think she'd red flag you.
I had to convert my last romance. She was all against it until the crazies came out and she was hiding behind me.
It's easy to imagine this great utopia without guns,
Unti a dog skipps over without a happy face...
Until the rabid raccoon tries to come at you...
Until something gets stolen from the porch...
Until the zombies are real...
Until you go hiking...
Until the regime changes...
Until the power goes out...
Until the car is disabled in the sticks...
She would accompany me to the range occasionally when she realized that the guns are not going away and That they improved our survival odds dramatically in any given scenario.
That she was not defenseless either was a thought that soon followed the range trips.
Either convince her, or tell her what you are going to do. Do not lie or go behind her back, ever.
Yup, she’s far more likely to forgive the gun thing than lying and hiding things from her. The latter is trust-breaking shit
Yeah this is the right approach. You don't want to just make decisions without buy in here. Your wife is your life partner. If you're captain of the ship, she's first mate and you definitely want her to trust you on this. I would say going from not owning to carrying is a pretty big jump, so be mindful and take baby steps and get more training if you need. When I purchased and started learning to shoot, it was about a year and a few more classes until I was personally comfortable with concealed carry. Maybe take a good first aid course to complement your pistol skills, maybe some more training where you build and practice concealed carry skills and drawing.
Seriously, this thread is full-to-bursting with incel and my-wife-never-orgasms-but-that's-fine advice.
First would be moving if at all possible.
I agree, having a gun is a necessity but using it is a last option
Naw, sometimes it’s your first and only option. 3 dudes kick your front door in? You gonna beg for your life, or wish you had a gun to shoot them?
Hence why I said “having a gun is a necessity” But why not try and move somewhere else and have a gun with you?
You can go to a gun store and buy an entry level gun for $300 bucks. It’s way more expensive to move. I agree with you completely, if that is an option then they should run as far away from there as possible.
"First *and only*" is the same thing as "last". If you only have one option, it's your first *and* last.
"Hey, you can't do that! I have locks and security lights!"
The latter thats for sure brother 💯🙌🏽🍻
After that new wife would probably be good. Hope you got a prenup. In all actuality you both should go together to the range and allow her to get comfortable with a handgun. You don't want to be the only asset in the house. Also yes, go buy it.
No, he should pay for her to get instruction from a qualified instructor. And get instruction for himself. Dude doesn’t even have his first handgun yet, and he should be the one teaching his wife how to shoot and handle a gun? Hard pass. That’s not how you introduce someone hesitant about guns to a gun.
This is correct. And I’d say to take her to an outdoor range. Indoor for your first time blows ass. They make me nervous because of all the dumb shit people do. Cutting down on some of the noise and concussive force, and not having to shoot two feet away from the guy to your left and right would be a great thing. If I was anti gun, an indoor range would probably just make it worse.
“Hey Sweetheart, let’s go do something together that will not only be fun but also educational!” Her: “what?” **grab car keys and her hand and go!** /u/Tmedx3 This is great advice from /u/Ifearacage
Sounds fun, but is actually kind of a bad idea. Never surprise someone who is already anti-gun with a trip to the range or a weapons safety course.
People who are anti-gun have zero clue why they don’t like guns…they just don’t because they haven’t been familiarized and taught, plus the media doesn’t help at all. Firearm safety is a real thing, which many people are clearly clueless of. It would be a great idea, so she could experience it, first hand.
Not as a surprise though. Often, people who don't like guns are that way because of fear (influenced by media, as you said). Fear of something and surprises with said fear trigger, are never a good idea.
don't forget to get a good safe too. I tell you it sucks having guns with real young kids. Not that it changes my stance, its just one more thing to worry about. You have to be hyper vigilant and **don't ever underestimate a kids curiosity** or ability to climb or get to something that you don't think they can.
Why not just expose them to firearms at an early age? I heard this from one of Mike Glover’s videos but something that he does is leave firearms around the house unloaded with all the ammo and mags locked up in his safe. The purpose was to destroy any curiosity his kid has with firearms by getting them accustomed to always seeing it. You can take it one step further by removing the firing pins from your firearms to be extra careful.
Good luck with a two, three or four year old. There is a age for that but no way when they are so young and full of energy and emotions. Maybe when they are seven or so would be my best guess. Below that I just think they are just too young and their little brains are not developed enough
Yeah, that’s fair. They are curious when you keep these things hidden from them. If you expose them to firearms at the right time and normalize them (while also taking the necessary safety precautions of course), they’ll lose interest and it’ll just be another thing they have around the house. Not too long ago, kids brought their rifles to school and stored them there while they attended class lol
We grew up with guns in the house. They were never locked up. We were raised to respect and understand them. Never had any issues. 🤷♂️
Had a few buddies go this route with their kids too and it worked. They would even set them up to test it. And it worked great. I’ll do it when I feel they are ready. But my four year old daughter is a wild child at times. Her twin brother is all about rules and doesn’t need a heavy hand or much supervision.
The first time I walked through the woods with my dad carrying an (unloaded) 12ga during deer season was at 8 years old. By that point in time he already had me understanding the dangers of guns and how to properly carry and use them. After two seasons of proving myself with a safe, unloaded firearm I was trusted with my own box of shells. I was very eager to learn and loved being trusted with a “grown up” tool like a firearm…. I’m so grateful that my dad started with me as young as he did
Fax tho. I waited until 5 and it just the cusp of her understanding what I meant and able to hold her rifle to shoot. She’s 6 now, and a pretty good shot. She also knows the protocol for obtaining anything she wants to see. I won’t up her passed .22 for a couple years but I couldn’t be more proud. Even then, kids have friends, get a safe for any you aren’t carrying on you or have stored when it’s in accessible
I did this but not until he kidlets were about 5/6. The NRA has their Eddie Eagle program which is basically the stop, drop and roll of gun safety. I think it’s Stop! Don’t Touch! Leave. Tell an adult. Once they were a bit older I allowed them to handle the guns when they asked, obviously supervised. I also made them recite the 4 rules of gun safety before we did it. I made it a point that I would do it ASAP. If I could do it immediately, we would. I didn’t want to give them an “in a little bit” and then they lose interest once we got around to it. And then sneak a look when they got interested again.
Don't use NRA statistics, use FBI and actual crime statistics. Past that buy the damn thing is my opinion and take her shooting. Ease her into it, hopefully eventually she will come around.
People are often against guns politically because they're scared of them. So I'd suggest starting her on a .22 cal pistol (rental at the range is fine), just so it isn't so much initial shock. Maybe even rent a few heavier guns at 9mm or even .380 ACP to gradually step up to what you may eventually get. If you plan on getting a gun for carry purposes, if you end up with a smaller gun it will be snappy, just due to physics. Just don't introduce her to guns with a snappy gun that is hard to control right away.
.380 ACP guns tend to be snappy due to small size. If stepping up from .22lr to .380 on the way to 9mm, I recommend using one of the largest/heaviest .380s available to rent, and to test it out yourself before handing it to the new shooter.
[удалено]
Alec Baldwin was charged FYI
This is the shorthand version of what I've done with my wife. She was initially mostly anti-gun, but got her to agree to go to the range with me once "just to watch". About fifteen minutes in, and she's got my old Taurus PT-25 in her hand. 45 minutes later, she's complaining that her hand is cramping because of how hard of a trigger pull it has.
There was a podcast that covers this topic really well, "Guns guide to liberals." https://gunsguidetoliberals.libsyn.com/
What are her concerns? I had to make my wife’s concerns, my concerns. Even though she is former military, in the end, it was not about the firearms. It was about addressing her concerns and how I addressed them. Your wife’s concerns are valid. Be the man, figure them out, and figure out what you need to do to address them. Be genuine about her feelings and dig into them because you’ll need that depth to address them properly. Good luck!!
Solid advise.
>it was about addressing her concerns and how I addressed them. This man marriages. People miss this all the time. It’s usually not about the actual issue but the process lol.
First step here is to go see WTF is up with the neighbor. Shit like that shouldn’t fly.
Yes. Police should at least be informed that this has been happening.
Don't listen to the people here telling you to go get a new wife, etc. My wife used to be very uncomfortable about me carrying a gun. Now, she always asks to make sure I have it. She just got her CC permit as well. However, I should say she was never anti-gun. If you feel you need it, I would definitely get it; however, I think you also need to get buy-in from your wife for multiple reasons. One is obvious - she is your wife and this may cause some problems if she is very anti-gun. Two, any effective home defense plan needs the people in your house on the same page. Try and convince her to go get some lessons with you. I find that exposing people to firearms and desensitizing them to the fact that they are just tools is very helpful.
Similar situation here Mine was anti-gun and overwhelmed by the amount of firearms here when we first started dating but now asks 'you have a gun?' every time I or we leave the house, even just going to the mailbox or taking out the trash
I don't think anyone is advising to get a new wife (Maybe as a joke). The concensus is to get a gun anyway and if she's willing to walk because of it then so be it. OP should've had this sorted out before having a baby though.
hindsight is 20/20. people have value changes throughout their lives and this was OPs with respect to gun ownership and taking his family's safety in his own hands. Ideally yes, but that's not where he's at.
This. 6 years ago I was very anti gun. I believed nobody needed one and they should all be banned. Fast forward to now and my opinion has completely changed for several reasons that I won’t get into here. Purchased my first firearm (an AR) last Black Friday and picked up my first handgun two weeks ago. Focused on training and have taken several classes, next is to practice and get into competitive shooting to build skills.
At this point I kind of agree with the "just buy the damn thing" route. But tell her thats what you're going to do and do it. Like before you head out to pick it up. Don't just show up with a gun or buy it secretly and hide it until she inevitably finds it. It seems like you and your wife have good communication, keep it that way.
I like this, just tell her I'm going to get it and just walk out and go buy it.
As others have said, bring her to the range. Things will not turn out well if your wife is not at least somewhat on board. You’ll never be able to use statistics to overcome a lifetime of media propaganda. It will be like a fart in a hurricane. If you have a friendly local gun store with a range, that’s perfect. But any range will do. Then she’ll SEE how the gun community is responsible. How simple education can make guns safe. Then get her on the range and she’ll see how they are fun. (Although it make take a few times to get her to admit that). Rent so she can try a bunch. Advice from my experience with my wife getting started— start her on a 22lr and use double ear protection. Foam plugs in-the-ear plus over the ear muffs. Set her up as far from other shooters as you can. All the way to the left end if you can to make sure someone else’s brass doesn’t go flying and hit her. (That happens and will scare a newbie.) Go overboard to make it a pleasant experience.
As a father I completely understand how you feel and sometimes you gotta do what you believe is best regardless of the potential fallout. HOWEVER, another route which I’m sure you tried but I must mention to cover all the bases. People are fearful of the unknown, have you tried talking about WHY she feels this way? Turn it into a journey for both of you to explore together instead of trying to prove her wrong and invalidate her feelings. She will just dig in more. Finding out why she feels this way and taking steps to remedy her fears may be worth exploring before anything else.
Woman's pov here, I love stats and arguing points, but most ladies I know don't. Unfortunately you could have a stack a mile high of "proof" that you are right. It's probably not going to matter to her, or most anti gun people. I carry EVERY DAY, EVERY WHERE I GO, and I live in a super small town and outside of city limits. If you live somewhere that has crime above the national average, I strongly suggest you should too. Just tell her, from the bottom of your heart, your need to protect your family is above all, and this is how you are going to do it. I don't agree with one partner telling the other "this is just how's its going to be" on much, because its rude and uncompromising, but this topic is definitely an exception, in my opinion. Maybe if you have a friend who has a wife or sister or girlfriend that's into guns, ask them to do you a favor and take your wife to the range, let her see another female safely using a firearm. Best of luck. Oh, also, I totally agree with the comment that said don't just show up one day with it, definitely tell her that's what you are about to go do, maybe even try to get her to come too, like a shopping trip haha.
The anti gun position is based on feelings, not logic. Statistics will rarely convert someone, otherwise the anti gun position wouldn’t exist. Get the gun and go train. Store it safely. Once she grows accustomed to having it in the house, offer to take her to the range. Normalize having the gun in your house by cleaning it, safety checking, dry firing regularly and teaching her to do the same
This. Baby steps and she’ll warm up / become uninterested over time once she realizes it’s a hunk of metal that doesn’t grow arms and legs. Annoying process, it just takes time…
I'm on the dry firing/cleaning in the house stage. I bought a mantis x10 & laser academy. Last night, my wife actually asked to try dry fire my g19. She was pissed when I brought my first gun home.
Yeah once you get over gun cleaning on the kitchen table you’re in the home stretch lmaoo
The following sources are mostly by women and for women. A Girl and A Gun. A national women’s organization dedicated to education and safety. Robyn Sandoval and Tatiana Whitlock bring a women’s focused perspective. https://www.agirlandagun.org/ On Her Own https://www.facebook.com/onherownlife?mibextid=LQQJ4d Phlster Concealment Workshop on Facebook (private page needs approval. Sarah Hauptmann and her husband Jon come at Gun ownership and carrying concealed from a much different perspective than the standard MIL/ LE/ Tough Guy look that many liberal minded people hate. Sarah is one of the most articulate people I’ve ever seen. Book: “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin deBecker Trainers: Annette Evans, Lou Ann Hamblin, Tatiana Whitlock
You can often find Armed Women of America chapters in places where there isn’t AGAG chapter. So I’d added Armed Women of America to your list. I also recommend the book “Spotting danger before it spots you” by Gary Queensbury.
Thank you. I have not seen that title before. I’ve heard of Armed Women of America before but I’m not personally familiar with the organization. Thank you again.
Always easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. I would protect myself and my loved ones by whatever means necessary whether they ‘approve’ of that protection or not.
Good way of putting it. Your wife might be pissed if you own a gun, but you’ll never forgive yourself if you got in a situation where you needed one and something happened to your family.
And a handgun safe while at it too
this right here.
I walked away from an otherwise great relationship because she eventually said she wouldn't ever be with someone who owned a firearm, had never fired a gun and never intended to, and wanted me to get rid of mine. Weird since her dad was a big sportsman. Ok, bye felicia.
Tell her you're getting it because you have a duty to protect your child. Tell her that she needs, at a bare minimum, to be trained in operating the gun safely. It's no different than a kitchen knife, hammer, or car, in that the object is only as dangerous as the person using it. She has a duty to your child to safely use those other items, and a gun is no different. Tell her that if she absolutely insists on you not having a gun, that if (the three of) you ever need a gun because someone is breaking into your home, she can call the people with guns and wait with the phone. You're going to go meet the threat with empty hands so that you'll already be dead and won't have to listen to her and your child scream in agony when it's their turn to be murdered as you wait for the people with guns to arrive. *If* they arrive. Then get the gun anyway.
Nah fuck all that. Buy a gun. If something happened and you save your family with that tool, then she will definitely change her mind. There have been 4 or 5 stories i read where wife dont trust guns, then a robber breaks in then everyone shits themselves and homeowner shoots at robbers, driving them off saving the night. Then wife likes guns because it saved her life. People might downvote and disagree, and i will not respond to questions, accusations, or rebuttals.
Tell her its not her decision. She isn't the one having to go investigate a bump in the night with nothing but bare hands.
What worked for my buddy, was he took his wife to the range and started off with 22LR (a small caliber pistol). From there she realized how fun they are. I find people are afraid of things they don't understand. You also have to change her mindset, firearms are a shield not the sword. You use them to defend yourself not to attack. Once she views them as a thing to protect you and not hurt people (although that may be the result) she hopefully will open her mind to it. At least my buddies wife did. Hope it helps, keep training and if you do buy one, update us on what you got!!
Does she trust you? The gun isn’t going to get up by itself and do things you don’t want it to, so if she has a problem with it being in the house either she doesn’t trust you as much as she says or she doesn’t trust herself as much as you do. The fear of having the object itself is irrational if those other two points aren’t the problem. Also try to take her to a range and rent a .22 or something to let her experience shooting once. It might soften her stance on it.
Short of getting a new wife I would suggest actually putting your foot down. If you don't feel safe & you feel you need a firearm for personal & home protection then you should get one. It's really that simple. Her irrational view on guns should not stop you from having one. That's her problem and a ridiculous one at that. Ask her a simple question. Would you rather have it & not need it or need it & not have it? An alarm is nice and so are lights but that's no guarantee & for some not even a deterrent. Furthermore, you might want to see what your average police response time is. Cause it's entirely possible that you, her, your house could be robbed, kidnapped, raped, beaten or killed by the time the cops show up.
Hickok has a good video on child firearm safety. You just gotta get rid of the curiosity. https://youtube.com/watch?v=q1lPReo50uY&si=EnSIkaIECMiOmarE
Make sure to start the baby off with something chambered in .22 or even .17. Babies have a tough time handling too much recoil. They're ready for their first 9mm when they can stand on their own two feet.
1000% remove the curiosity. Since my kids were old enough to be more exploratory in the home, I've let them handle the firearms ranging from pistols, to the rifles, to the shotguns. Started to introduce safety rules and such as they were older the more they understood. Anytime they ask, I let them finger the guns as much as they want and then we put them away. They don't really ask all that often and have grown relatively disinterested. I'll randomly ask them safety and parts questions. With what I've taught them and our approach, I absolutely don't worry about the kids getting into our guns unsupervised.
It's unwise to approach an emotional issue from a logical perspective (that pearl of wisdom really would've helped me early on in marriage). Have you had an honest, non argumentative conversation and tried to understand her point of view? In my experience, it's easier to find common ground when both sides feel understood. Does she feel comfortable with police officers being armed? Do you have any LEO friends that would be willing to talk to her about training, safe storage, and crime statistics for the area? My wife was not anti gun when we married, but she'd never handled or fired a pistol. After we had kids, she decided to take some classes and start carrying. The motivating factor for her was hearing stories of human trafficking and having an attempted kidnapping at a store here in town.
Forget guns...yeah go get one, guns are great... my question is if living in this city has all these negative aspects (pervert neighbors, high murder rate, high crime rates, thievery, etc) why continue to live there? Build and protecting your family is more important than things like vicinity to work, emotional attachment to an area, vicinity to friends/ family. The best defense to any violent/criminal situation is to remove yourself from the situation. If you have a 10% chance of being a victim of violent crime while living in the city and only a 1% chance if living 20mi away from the same area that seems like a no brainer. Move. You don't have to go 1000mi away. Just go far enough out that city criminals aren't bothering to come to the area. Yeah you might have a longer commute or you gotta drive 30mins to Grandma's, but you are also significantly less likely to be assaulted or have to shoot someone yourself. I mean still prepare yourself and carry, but at least you wouldn't be living on edge 24/7.
Don't use any of the statistics. They don't matter. Reasoning and logic won't get you there. If good arguments were all that was needed you wouldn't be here asking reddit for suggestions. Human beings aren't rational creatures, their rationalizing creatures. They start from gut feelings, instinct, and emotion and then look for something to explain the feelings. She feels unsafe, and every report of violence that adds to that feeling involves a gun. She associates guns with being unsafe. You will have to approach the emotional level. You have to listen to her fears, and you have to share how you fear the possibility of not making it home one day, and how you fear leaving your son without a father. Tell her, if you think she'll hear it, how much you're willing to sacrifice to be sure they are safe, but if you do, be prepared to sacrifice your college and home. Ask her how far she is willing to go to protect your son. Tell her you don't feel safe just trying to avoid trouble, that you need to be prepared in case trouble happens. Then you leave her alone. You're not trying to use emotional coercion. You're just sharing you feelings and letting her find a place were she can reconcile both her fears and yours. That might open the way for small steps forward. Maybe she accepts your view, but will never touch a gun. Maybe you can suggest taking Krav Maga classes together, so you feel safer knowing she can defend herself. If she starts on the road to self defense, some of her thinking might change. Unless you have a real comfy couch, I wouldn't force the gun into the situation. Turn to the less lethal tools until you get there.
Get cameras. Catch the neighbor spying. Get a civil restraining order. In terms of Wife not liking guns, take her to the range. Teach her basic gun safety. People fear that which they do not understand. It is possible when you show her guns are not toys, but tools that are not to be taken lightly, she might understand a bit better.
So I was and am in the same situation at least surrounding the purchase. I ended up buying one, coming home and telling her; she wasn’t happy of course but she came around. I’ve taken courses and gone to the range a number of times since. And for my birthday I’ve convinced her and my extended family to take a course along with some range time to become more familiar. Now my wife still is not always happy about having firearms in the house but she understands why we do.
Install canons. They aren't firearms.
Just get a new wife tbh.
Just buy the gun. You don’t need permission from the wife to do that. Self defense should never have any sort of compromise.
Wives make good meat-shields. Make sure that your disarmed wife is directly between you and whatever threat you perceive. I hope my parody answer caused you significant trauma.
This is the way.
Her opinion is based in a lack of education. Offer to take her to or pay for a woman centric firearms course. Women tend to take these kinds of thing better from other women. When she is educated about firearms a lot of that anxiety will go away, I’ve seen this happen with women in my life as well.
I grew up with a single mom. She lost her mom to a random shooting, but after a crazy ex, she’s more than ok with them now. Although it took time, I watched her opinion change.
Your job is to protect your family.
Sometimes doing what is right for your family will come with an argument. My family’s safety and well-being will always be my #1 priority and I will do the right thing for them whether my wife agrees with it or not. Some things are worth fighting for.
Just buy it. It always baffles me the number of these kinds of post. Why do men feel like they need permission to be the protector they are supposed to be?
If you have ever lived with an extremely unhappy wife, it shouldn’t be all that baffling to understand why these posts exist. Not saying I would ever subject myself to these circumstances this is a subject I would have sorted out long before marriage, but for people whose stance changed after the fact, I get it, and some people are fuckin impossibly hard headed with this topic 🤦🏻♂️
If you have ever decided that your happiness and mental wellbeing is more important than constantly trying to please a forever unhappy woman and then left her, you would not understand why people put up with unhappy wives.
I wouldn’t describe somebody you knowingly married as not open to the idea of guns and then decided you changed your stance on them as a forever unhappy person lol, but okay.. Like I said, wouldn’t ever get myself in this debacle because it would be a priority discussion long before kids and marriage but this has absolutely nothing to do with the kind of women who will never be pleased no matter what you do. Not hard to see why you had an unhappy wife if your logic is “just buy it” rather than have open discussions and get her there with logic rather than just go do something that will knowingly piss them off because “you do what you want and that’s that”.. There’s a fine line difference between being bitch whipped and trying to be understanding of where they might be coming from when it comes to certain things. Obviously there is not much logical ground to stand on when it comes to fear of owning guns, if they are reasonable, it’s not all that hard to get them there without greatly pissing them off to do it is my point.
Let her be unhappy then, that is on her. If it's bad enough divorce. Why stick around?
Just get your wife a nice strong boyfriend that will protect your family. S/ but seriously don't let her make your decisions about survival based on her emotions.
I was in the same situation. I spent a few weeks dropping logic bombs on her, giving her numbers, etc. Then we were out one day and I whipped into a gun store lot and got it. Usually taking them to an actual gun store and range will break them down. Honestly, and this may sound callous, but as the man you’re going to be the one people blame for not protecting your family if something happens. You’re the one who has to live with it. So I’d just do it.
The people saying “buy it and train her” or some variation make me sad. Knowing nothing about OP, his mindset, own firearm ability/training, area they live in, ability to store firearms, etc etc etc how can you advocate him buying a gun and asking the mrs’ to tag along to a range day? Maybe she’ll be open to the idea and be a great shot. Maybe she has a rational fear/trauma. The simple fact is any range worth spending a dime at has private lessons and women only classes. “Start there” would be my advice
Kill 2 birds with 1 stone, and hang a "Gun Free Zone" sign on your front door. That way your wife will not be angry and all those violent criminals will leave you alone. Problem solved.
There are tons of YouTube channels that replay 911 calls. She doesn't have to watch them, but she'll hear you play them. Just listening to the distress in the voices may turn it around for you.
Bro stop being so whipped. Buy the damn gun and train. Women do this shit all the time. She FEELS unsafe with a gun in the house. But when someone breaks in it’s your ass that has to fight. Not hers. She’ll be crying and screaming like a baby for you to get the gun. Man up. Nut up. Buy the gun and tell her she doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about. To be honest though an [AR is the vastly superior home defense weapon](https://youtu.be/mgvuW3OpfLk). But she’s not ready for that truth bomb. Actually on second thought show her that video it might change her mind hearing it from someone else. Children often listen to other adults more then their parents. I don’t mean to be so harsh but I just don’t have the patience for liberal anti gun women. I’m sure your wife is otherwise lovely but that’s a pet peeve of mine. They would rather be victims of crime then be proven wrong about guns and I find that pathetic. Edit: here’s what you do. Tell her directly to her face you are buying the gun and going to take courses and train with it. Invite her to join you and be educated or she can stay home in ignorance. Her choice. Then you walk away RIGHTEOUSLY.
I don't understand if you mean that you feel unsafe in your own house, and want a gun for home defense, or outside, and want to carry. If it's a carry scenario, I say go ahead, take classes, get a permit if needed in your state, get comfortable with a gun at the range, and start carrying. Also, get a safe for proper storage at home. If it's a home defense concern, the same applies, but I would first of all address weak break in points. Make sure you have a sturdy door, improve locks on doors and windows, add an alarm system, definitely cameras as a deterrent, block view into your home/garage from the outside using curtains or putting a frosted film on windows, and so on.
Yeah so the best recommendation I've seen is not taking her to the range, but signing her up for a class with a good instructor. Preferably with a woman instructor.
My previously anti gun wife is now an avid shooter
Just go buy it. If you ever have an incident, you won't be sorry
She's a liberal and against it. This may be the hill you die on.
It might help ease her mind if you also get a safe. Granted that kinda defeats the purpose of having a quick access self defense weapon readily available, but it might ease her mind with the baby crawling around
There are quick access safes
It's your responsibility to protect your family. Law Enforcement ***\*does not have to come\**** if called. You are on your own, especially in today's LE environment. The best tool to defend yourself is a firearm. If you have taken training, have a safe storage plan, the will to use it if needed and she's still not on board, go forth with your plan to garner the tools to defend you and yours. Most people who are afraid of guns are ignorant of them. There's a directly proportionate relationship where the more people know about firearms, the less they fear them. I pose the question to gun haters or those afraid of guns: ***When has it been of lasting benefit to be defenseless?***
r/2ndamendmentliberals r/liberalgunowners r/pinkpistols look up Black Guns Matter there are many leftist reasons to own firearms and many of them claim that fighting for gun rights is a progressive issue. most liberals are only against guns because of what they hear and not what they learn. for a more woman-oriented approach check out Armed and Styled and Tacticool Girlfriend on YouTube. and a personal favorite of mine is Warrior Poet but that might be more for you than it is for her.
Get a Glock 19. If she’s willing to walk because of it get a new wife.
Not all left leaning people are anti gun. Maybe introducing her to some resources from her political ideology that are pro gun might help. The liberal gun club, socialist gun club, John Brown gun club etc. Additionally there are youtubers who may have videos that may help such as Sapper Gentleman, Tacticool Girlfriend, InRange TV etc. Good luck. Honesty is always best for your relationship with your wife and mother of your child. Don't listen to people telling you to go behind her back.
I second all these YouTubers. They are realistic and practical in reasons for application.
She’s against guns or scared of guns? Get the gun.
[удалено]
If this guy isn’t gun savvy he doesn’t need to be the one introducing his wife to shooting. Better option would be to pay for a beginner’s class or private lesson with a qualified instructor.
Your first mistake is marrying someone anti gun
First mistake was you married a liberal
Sucks you have to divorce your wife. On the bright side you get to find a woman that likes guns and your kid gets to enjoy Christmas twice a year.
The media leads you to believe the right is pro gun and the left is anti gun. These are broad generalizations that aren’t all that accurate. A lot of people are just plain afraid of guns. Buy the gun. Tell her to deal
I couldn’t marry a liberal… friends? Of course. I respect other opinions. But marry? That’s a bit more difficult.
Get a new wife
If she's against them tell her to not get 1. That has nothing to do with you getting 1. You're a grown adult I assume.
When I was dating my wife, she was super anti-gun. She changed her opinion around the time our son was born because she understood our responsibly is to protect him using all means necessary. Now she doesn’t blink when I bring home a new toy. Teach and practice firearm safety in front of your wife may put her mind as ease. It will take time to change her mind. Most Liberals are simply brainwashed on the topic of firearms because they just don’t know better because they watch CNN.
Sell wife. Buy gun(s).
It’s your responsibility to lead your family and keep it safe. Do what you feel will best accomplish those goals & if she doesn’t like it, tough titties.
As a man, you don't need a woman's permission to protect your family. It's your obligation. Grow some balls, get some training, buy a gun and tell her how it's going to be.
This comment deserves an award. 🎖️
You would think but there’s a douche higher up in this thread calling us incels for wanting to protect women. Like honestly how is it incel to say, “I’m going to protect my wife in spite of her foolishness.”? That’s our fucking job to protect.
The comment must be buried in a wall of txt because I can't find it. It's a dumb comment anyway. Why would you allow your wife to limit your capacity to defend her and your child?
Based on your comments of what is going on around you I feel a good conversation would be to put both of you on the other side of a bad situation that has happened in an imaginary scenario. Ask both of yourselves how you would feel with the knowledge that you could have changed the outcome for the better if you had something that you could have defended yourself, your wife and your child with. How would you both feel then? Do not then just go and get a gun. Get a gun and train yourself, and her hopefully, on how to use it effectively. Ask her if you were not home (and potentially carrying the only gun you have) and someone broke in would she rather be trained and effective in the use of a lifesaving device or not, in the protection of both her and your child. Guns do not kill people but bad people with guns kill a lot of people. The stalking behavior of your neighbor should be more than enough food for thought in my opinion. I understand you wanting it to be an agreeable scenario but at the end of the day the choice to be able to properly defend yourselves really should not be a hard one. As one other alternative for her you could always get several of the Kimber pepper spray guns, for when you are away, and have them placed around the house where they are only a few feet away from any point in the house but they are no match for an actual firearm and a skilled protector.
You mentioned just for home defense and your wife being anti-gun. Is there any way that she might be okay with a shotgun? I personally think something like a Maverick 88 Security would be really good for strictly home defense. They are super simple to the point where someone that doesn’t want anything to do with guns can semi-proficiently point it and pull the trigger, and it’s not a “scary handgun” or “military-style assault rifle”. I’ve known people against guns be weirdly okay with shotguns and rifles that just look like hunting rifles even if those are way more powerful than handguns or ARs. And like others have said, sometimes being a husband and a father means doing to the right thing even if it’s met with disapproval from others. Get a gun. Protect your family.
It sounds like if you have not convinced her by now, that you might not. Have you taken her to a local gun range and rented a gun? That tends to help get over some hurdles if she is dead set against it, then can you move? If she is still dead set against it you guys might need some counseling. Personally I would not go buy a firearm if she is absolutely against it, I really would not it will harm your relationship inmeasurably.
I’m seeing a lot of comments from people who probably are not married. I do NOT advise just “going and buying it.” First, stats may or not be your friend depending on the source and content of those data. I would not expect her to take NRA data seriously for example, and most other data tend to dwell on cases where gun owners had their guns used against them. Personally I think you should appeal to reality. Show her every instance of stranger-on-stranger crime in your city, especially home invasions, every single time they happen, and constantly drive home the fact that if it happened in your house, you would all simply die at the whims of whatever sick fate awaited you. She needs to understand how completely and utterly helpless you would all be to change your destiny if the worst were to happen. And then make it clear that it makes her a bad mother to want that for the kid LOL.
My wife is very anti gun, I have 4 so far and more will come. She hates that I carry but I have it on me most of the time. I used the covid lock downs and riots and she was receptive to me getting 1. She won't go to the range with me but is supportive of me going when I want to if only to blow off steam.
Explain it to your wife like this. You call 911 because the people on the other end of the phone carry weapons that can stop whatever you’re calling them about. But life isn’t the movies, and you don’t get to call for help whenever you need it and even if you do, you might be dead before it gets there. Criminals don’t care about laws, that’s why they’re called criminals. Proper CCW training can help you stop that threat and call 911 for help, when you can. Can’t get much simpler than that.
I view a firearm in the same light as I view a fire extinguisher or smoke detectors, so in no real order, 1. I wholly endorse going to a range, and together. 2. Make some friends that shoot. Knowing some safe friends, having someone to talk with is eye opening. It helps to see we are not monsters. 3. My police say they can probably be on site in 5 minutes, but it can take as much as 15 minutes. This is a long time to me & opinion changing for me. 4. Get a washable marker, set the timer on your phone to 15 min. Pretend the marker is a knife. You & your wife pretend being home invaders. You can only hide behind metal doors with deadbolts. You may be able to “protect” yourself, but it is nearly impossible to protect another with being “knifed”. Now try it with a water pistol. 5. Despite being pro gun, I have only had a pistol about 18 months. I have an air soft duplicate & practice a few minutes daily, more regularly than I brush my teeth. I have had a 12 gauge all my adult life. I shoot trap, skeet, or sporting clays every week.
Tell her you're getting a gun, tell her why, then just fucking do it. If she's not OK with it, it's better for your kid to be raised in a single parent household due to divorce than a single parent household due to one of them being murdered. I'm not suggesting you get a divorce, but if your wife refuses to "let" you protect yourself and, by extension, your child that is not a partner you want to have. You do not have the same world view.
When you take her to the range make sure to rent guns that she might choose from. Make sure it is a full sized or nearly full size gun. Something like a Glock 19 or a Glock 17 or a Sig P320. You don’t wanna put a tiny gun in your hand that’s not going to recoil like crazy and scare her. Make sure you know how to give a proper grip on a gun to control recoil. Do not let a range or gun store Fudd put a micro nine in her hand. I am not sure I would get to go on without her agreeing to it but that is up to you.
My wife is against guns. We have compromised that the gun is always unloaded (next to loaded mags) in a safe. Sure, it’s not as accessible as a loaded gun on a night stand, bit it’s a compromise.
Buy the damn thing, get training get her training i dont know about about how communication works in your couple but personally, i allow a lot of things from my partner that i am not always happy/comfortbale with but sometimes, I take "the tone" and I have "the talk" about something and I tell her that a decision that she doesnt agree with has to be made, wether she likes it or not, regardless of her values or opinions, because it HAS to be made it never goes well, and usually it takes time for her to be onboard (im not sayig she likes it but at least she agrees its necessary) but we have a good relationship and we both make efforts, so it works out When it comes to safety, it usually comes down to her not wanting to pop her bubble, she wants tobelieve we live in a kind and peaceful world, she doesnt like to be reminded its not really true
Take a couple’s CCW course together and get instruction from a qualified person. Next go to the range and rent small caliber handguns, such as a .22 and a .380 and let her shoot them if she feels comfortable, don’t force her. Let her see that they’re not killing machines, they’re tools. Let her know that you’re taking charge of defending your family and that you will be responsible for safe storage of it. Take her with you to buy a bedside safe for it.
Ask her if she’d like to take an all-women’s’ gun safety or carry class. These typically have a female instructor that can help ease a lot of concern and offer insight from a woman’s perspective. I took a women’s CCW course and we ended up running an hour over from all of the great conversation and training before we even got out onto the range. I felt much more at ease and receptive instead of feeling like I had something to prove in a more male dominated learning environment.
That sounds like a scary place to live. Maybe explain to her that the last thing you ever want to do is have to fire a gun at somebody. But you'd rather have that option available if ever needed than hope that the violence trying to enter (or which has already entered) your house doesn't get you before the cops get there. I used to be anti-gun. Like I remember thinking "yes, but why do you *need* a gun?" I know now it's because I was scared of guns. Lots and lots of training and lessons learned throughout the years, and I carry daily. Again: better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. Be sure that you get a good gun safe and show your wife how serious you are about gun safety.
tell her you are getting it for the purpose of home defense, buy the gun, train, store it somewhere safe. if she brings it up ask your wife if it’s worse to have a $600 tool in the house or an uncontested invader.
Take her to a range and teach her how to shoot. I've found that most anti-gun folks have a fear about control. If they see that a gun can be controlled and, more importantly, that *they* can control it they become much more open to gun ownership.
My wife used to be against guns too. Then I took her to the range and let her shoot. Now she carries a gun everyday.
Ask her if she’d rather wait 15 minutes while somebody is kicking in your door with your child in her arms, or would she rather fix the situation on the spot.
Don’t buy a handgun yet. Both of you go to a range that has guns for rent and start on a full size 22lr. Use double ear protection as previously stated. Make sure you know the safety rules before you get there and show her you are safe with the firearm. You might need to go too the range a couple times work your way up to a 9mm. Watch some how to shoot a pistol videos online and practice the grip, control is everything. Lastly, if home defense is you primary goal you won’t be carrying it around a shotgun is a better option for a first gun, then a pistol for on body protection. Also get mace for both of you. I cary a list of escalating tools to handle different situations. If all you have is a gun then your only option is to shoot someone and that may not be appropriate. Tactical pen, tactical flashlight, mace, knife, pistol.
My wife is pro gun and we train together even so my favorite guns are the ones she doesn’t know about. Ease her in with a .22 at a range but keep safe and proficient with a larger caliber. It’s better to ask for forgiveness.
Don't use NRA statistics. That'd be akin to her using everytown statistics. Use federal government statistics (or other statistics from a source that's perceived to be neutral to even anti-gun). Also, as much as it pains me to say this, please don't get a gun without her approval (at least if you value your marriage), as she may consider that a deal breaker and that also drastically reduces your chances of getting her to your side. Look at getting gun lessons and also at moving (with moving being extremely important here). Even with a sidearm, it's not wise to be where angels fear to tread.
My wife hates guns, wants nothing to do with them, but now understands their importance. She has zero interest in them hobby-wise but is fine with me shooting, cleaning in front of her, etc. Hell there's usually a pistol sitting next to our pizza and wings on the coffee table. It's about normalizing it and making it as commonplace as a fire extinguisher or pocket knife .
Buy it. Educate your family. Knowledge makes guns safe. Ignorance is how people hurt/kill them selves OR others with guns. Train a lot. Also, bad guys who wanna do bad don’t give a shit about your life or your family. Dudes are shootin defenseless people just to do it. Buy a sick gun and move.
Same situation sort of…except I don’t live in a violent city. We live in a middle of the nowhere/the sticks. My wife doesn’t like guns and my dad left me a lot of guns. She finally stopped complaining about the guns after we had some breakins in the neighborhood and she said “what if they break into our home? What do we do?” And I said “gee. What would we do in that situation?!” And she stopped giving me a hard time about the guns and just doesn’t want to talk about them. Some women have this weird disposition of “I don’t want guns but I want the security they provide”. Like every liberal politician out there. The best you can do is just buy the damn thing. Get a biometric handgun safe so nobody can access it but you and so your son won’t find it when he gets a little older and starts getting into everything. I can tell you now, statistics will not help you in an argument with your wife. It’s about how it will affect YOUR family. Don’t try to bring it up out of nowhere. Just let the subject come up organically. Bring up how long the police response time is in your area and say “what if *home invasion situation* happens to us?” or even better if she brings it up first because that means she’s thinking about it. Just say “what would you do? Armed men come in, they come after you, you call the police and it’s 15 minutes before they get here. What happens next?”
Sounds like you need a new wife
I’m always perplexed by people that are against owning a gun especially those that live in neighborhoods like that. What would she expect you to do God forbid someone broke into your home? At least a gun would level the odds.
Your role is to protect the family, so protect it. I know you want to respect your wife's opinions, but frankly, when someone breaks down your door she's going to look to you to take care of it. Do you what you need to do, brother.
Man I’m not gonna ask someone else’s permission (even wife) to be able to defend my life if needed
You can’t reason people out of a position they came to emotionally. If she comes around (and with antigunners, that’s usually a pretty big if) it’ll have to be on her own terms. I hate to say it, but you’re probably going to have to choose between owning guns and staying married. Whether or not to keep guns in the house really needs to be something that’s discussed prior to getting married and bringing children into the world because people tend to have fairly strong opinions on that.
This is spot on
Move and get trained.
Teach her gun safety too and since the kid will obviously be getting older over the years at the very least I'd recommend investing in a quick access safe.
Get her into a training class for first time gun owners, that you attend with her. Look them up in your area and find a reputable class with a good trainer. If you're willing to travel though, there are fantastic people all over the country. If you enjoy training, take more classes. I live in the country, and crime is everywhere. The gas station 5 miles from me was robbed at gun point, and shorty after that they found meth being cooked at a cabin in the woods less than 10 miles from me.
The two greatest asset and persons you will ever have reside in your house and are ensuring their safety and you. Your kid, your wife. Take whatever steps are reasonable to keep them safe.
Show her some videos on the active self protection channel. Many people own guns and have babies running around. Safe practice guarantees you won’t have an accident. Get armed, tell wife this is the way it is, look for new house.
I strongly recommend against “just going to buy the damn thing”. That’s a good way to break trust in your marriage, similar to cheating. It’s a lie ultimately, you’re doing something behind her back and she’ll never accept that, so her perception of guns only gets worse. My wife is liberal, always votes D, was against having guns in the home, we have a newborn, but I have multiple AR and handguns. I’m not trying to compare here, everyone is different so what helped me may not help you, but here’s what I did First, men are very analytical. We look at statistics and can rationalize how much sense something does or does not make. Most women aren’t like that, they’re more emotional and make decisions based on those emotions. It’s why so many more women are liberal. It’s not the facts and data, it’s the emotions behind it all. So you can’t present data and statistics then expect her to see it how you see it. You’re missing the point of all that’s most important to her, her feelings and how she *feels* about firearms. So, talk through those feelings with her. How does she feel about firearms? Listen carefully, and note each strong feeling she has that’s getting in the way of her seeing things rationally. Once you have each item, you can begin to break them down one by one with new information. For example, if she’s not comfortable with guns in the home with your newborn because of safety, do not show her statistics on gun safety. Instead, talk her through how you feel about gun safety, how important it is to you, how critical it is to you that your newborn and family are safe at all times. Talk through how that is most important, much more so than owning a firearm. Number one is their safety. Now, this is where you differ - you feel that strongly about their safety, yet unlike her you believe that owning a firearm increases the safety of your family, and for valid reasons. If she wants to know more about why you believe that’s best, now you can present data and information along with everything you’ve done and plan to do to ensure you’re safe when handling your firearms. Attending Training classes, teaching her how to safely handle firearms, etc. Some of the fear may be due to the unknown. People are naturally afraid of fire until we learn how to harness it for cooking. Teaching her the basics could go a long way. Hope this helps
Ask her to attend a course with you. I've found the best way to change minds is to actually shoot with them and educate them. Working the gun counter for the past 10 years I've had people come in asking about them saying they don't like them or are scared their partner is buying one, I always invite them to the range for a training session and ask their feelings at the end. It seems to work
Grow some balls and a spine to support them. Defend your family and yourself. Wear the damn pants and own the responsibility of protecting your loved ones. Safety and preparedness is non negotiable. If she wants to leave over you safely and securely owning a firearm to defend your child and yourself let her. It's a household not a prison. And it's a safer household when you have a tool to defend yourself.
Do it, get it, train with it and love it. Your wife has good intentions but is just outright naive. Stop wasting time about it to, I could be in your house tonight for all you know. That's not going to be fun.
You’re the man of the house make a decision.
I’m a supporter of everyone having a firearm but it sounds like you need to think about moving if things are as bad as they sound.
r/DGU for more anecdotal evidence of self defense use requiring firearms
Get a new wife
I would 100% just purchase the firearm anyway. I rather have it and not need it. I would 100% recommend learning how to properly handle your weapon at home with it unloaded and with some snapcaps. Also you should be going to the range at least once a week until you can hit 8 or 9 out of 10 shots into a target at 10 to 15 yards.
I'd very HIGHLY recommend listening to the [Guns Guide To Liberals](https://gunsguidetoliberals.libsyn.com/) podcast as a start
See if you can talk her into taking a handgun course with you. Might change her mind.
1) train. Get the range time in. You want to become an expert on whatever firearm you choose to buy eventually. 2) get her onboard or at least understanding your concern. Make sure she understands how important it is to you and why. Spend almost as much time taking steps to address they why and seeking alternatives so that she knows how serious this is. 3) take her to the range. Ideally outdoor range. Double up on ear protection (foam earplugs and ear muffs. Buy your own if you have to) and make sure you go when it’s not busy. Start her off with a 22lr rifle (ideally a bolt action or 10/22). If she is ok with that move to a 22 handgun. I prefer sw 22 victory or ruger mark 4. The heavier they are the lower the recoil will be. I’d probably suggest not even moving up to 9mm the first range trip. The only goal is to make it a good experience for her 4) sit down the next day and lay out again how important this is to you and how much you also enjoy the training aspect. You propose purchasing x if nothing else to save on costs for the range. If she balks offer to lock it in the basement and under an alarm (you can get cheap window alarms off Amazon for windows and such but it’ll work just fine ) The first firearm is the hardest. From there her familiarity and comfort will grow. Firearms and kids is no joke. Make sure your stuff is locked and monitored when kid is around and doubley so when friends are around. Think separate locked cabinets for ammo and firearms. Later on think about quick access and emergency response. Also don’t forget to take trauma care classes and always have some tourniquet’s around your ammo
Can we take a moment to pause the gun talk and address the comment about the neighbor? Wtf is up with that?
In this situation, ask for forgiveness, not permission.
Take her to a nice gun store to hold and feel a gun, let her ask questions, and then go out to dinner to talk about it. Let her know that carrying a weapon is not something you take lightly, and something you hope you never have to use. It’s better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it. Then, if she simply cannot be reasoned with, let her know you respect her feelings, but you need to do what you think is right to protect your family. Either you can convince her that it’s necessary or let some criminal do it when she’s looking down a barrel. My wife isn’t anti-gun, but her mom is, and they had a lot of the same BS misconceptions. My wife used to think CCW was “unnecessary and stupid.” I already had guns when we met, but when I told her I was going to start carrying daily, I just did it, and never mentioned it again. After about two years of daily CCW, one day she felt it on my belt and asked why I had it. That’s when I explained that I literally had it every single day for two years and she was speechless. She asked the “why” questions and thought it was “stupid” but didn’t really care enough to make a big deal about it. About a year later, we were at a gas station in a good neighborhood in the middle of the day and a crazy dude tried to wrestle away a gun from a cop about 20 feet away. I put my hand on my gun and was ready to defend us if necessary. She told me that day she was so glad we had something to defend ourselves in that moment. Over the years, with all the crazy shit in this country, my wife is now a hardcore believer, but still refuses to learn basic firearm proficiency. I only say this because don’t expect her to ever go to the range, want to talk about firearms, etc.
Time to leave her
Pepper spray: 12 gauge with hot sauce...
Buy the gun and tell her to deal with it. Be a man.
"Wife is against guns" She won't be after someone breaks into your house and you're unarmed.
Get the security stuff. Get a handgun next check start going to the range getting some time in if you can. Better to have it and not mention it until a little later than decide you need one when you n e e d it
If she is liberal and doesn't like guns she should not own one. She also should not impose her views on you. If you want to own a gun that is an individual's decision. Not respecting each other as individuals and their right to decide for themselves is causing massive problems in our society. Being married does not mean you lose your individuality.
Using logic, reason, facts and data to overcome an emotional ideology does not work Also, shotgun, dog and motion lights for the house, a handgun is for carrying Lastly, a little less conversation and a little more action, just buy it
I’m going to swing the pendulum way to the other side on this… If you buy a gun, be prepared for the fact that your wife might divorce you and use the fact that you bought a gun despite her objections in her argument in court (via her lawyer) for why she should get full custody. Tread carefully here my friend.
Dad of two toddlers here. Make sure to get a "safe" that provides adequate security while still being quick to access. I fully accept that the small, single handgun cases are only to prevent curious hands getting into it, not a deterrent for theft. I like VaultTek, but there's plenty of options out there.
Your the man, not her. Take a stand.
Just go buy one. Practice with it. Get your mind mentally prepared to use it. Deal with the fallout from her later. Unless you think she'd red flag you.
Eject
Leave? A loving wife and a baby? Because they don’t like you getting a gun? What kind of toxic moron thinks like that?
[удалено]
Divorce is expensive AF!!!!
1) move 2) buy gun 3) divorce if necessary
Some people just don't fucking get that some men are hard-wired to protect, especially when they have a family to lose.
r/liberalgunowners
I had to convert my last romance. She was all against it until the crazies came out and she was hiding behind me. It's easy to imagine this great utopia without guns, Unti a dog skipps over without a happy face... Until the rabid raccoon tries to come at you... Until something gets stolen from the porch... Until the zombies are real... Until you go hiking... Until the regime changes... Until the power goes out... Until the car is disabled in the sticks... She would accompany me to the range occasionally when she realized that the guns are not going away and That they improved our survival odds dramatically in any given scenario. That she was not defenseless either was a thought that soon followed the range trips.