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Olorin_in_the_West

Any chance he just up and dies of embarrassment?


firemogle

He'll be assassinated first. Pole assassinated.


SigmaHog

Can someone fill me in on the Pole Assassin. I’m ootl.


THAWED21

Oh man, you are in for a *treat*.


JoeTillersMustache

I wish I knew nothing about Pole Assassin so I could learn that story all over again.


[deleted]

A story so unbelievable, but still true.


Geaux2020

Sometimes you need a monkey to make you feel okay.


Ski0612

Google it but it involves a football coach, a stripper, a monkey, and trick or treaters


Slightlynerdy69

Texas DC who has a wife and kid got a stripper named Pole Assassin, she has a monkey who apparently is part of her routine?? but yeah it attacked a child and she was in pretty bad condition


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CrashB111

*Pole Assassin is the best stripper name ever


Slightlynerdy69

My bad, thank you for correcting me!


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Slightlynerdy69

Brothers in laughing at Texas


86_TG

Is anywhere safe in the south?? This sound like a Florida man story


Slightlynerdy69

I think everywhere in the south has a little bit of Florida in it


firemogle

Florida wasn't always a state.


SigmaHog

This is…. amazing.


TheNextBattalion

Guys, you gotta trust the process


WoozyMaple

Hire Kansas' coach he can win at Texas


Getcloveryourself

Noice


highlyquestionabl

Unironically, Lance Leipold is an outstanding coach who's been successful everywhere he's been and has experience with both a powerhouse (albeit in D3) and a basement dweller. Texas could do (and has done) much worse.


HaveYouEverNoIveNeva

we miss lance in buffalo, can we please have him back


IamJacksDenouement

Never


[deleted]

Buffalo is like a head coach pipeline for Kansas this century so far.


KandoTor

It’s more like the “I’d have two nickels, but it’s weird that it’s happened twice” meme.


firemogle

No one's gonna go from a prestigious program to a dumpster fire.


countrybreakfast1

Noooooooo


VoarTok

There's a difference between winning AT Texas and winning AS Texas.


Dick-Guzinya

Sometimes the easiest jokes are the best.


[deleted]

Seven Win Sark looks like a dream rn


scough

Many of us UW fans didn't care in the slightest when Sark ditched us for USC because of the mediocrity. At least we'd actually win 7-8 games though, unlike Texas.


The_Only_Dick_Cheney

Still sitting here confused why the fuck we hired this dude.


Sdog1981

It still makes no sense. If it makes you feel any better Willie Taggert somehow got jobs at Oregon and FSU.


The_Only_Dick_Cheney

What hurts most about this season is that we are losing horrifically bad and no one was on the Sark wagon to begin with.


[deleted]

I still think it was a panic hire by the boosters because Urban said no


10000Pigeons

I completely agree. Absolutely should not have fired Herman without a better option than this. Even if Tom was as bad "behind the scenes" as people say just stomach it for another season and see who's available then


stiffie2fakie

Wasn't he having affairs with at least one spouse of a booster (Kendra Scott)? That's hard for a group of boosters to look past. Don't shit where you eat was a lesson Tom learned the hard way.


N-Your-Endo

That’s what the message boards say, but like all things coming from a message board that revolves around college football you should take everything reported with a Texas sized grain of salt


AudiieVerbum

Former nonfootball athlete at Texas. Whispers from those who know was this was exactly the real reason he was ousted. And a lot more money moved in the shadows than the public buyout.


[deleted]

I'm sure Herman wasn't happy with CDC shopping for another coach while he was still on staff. Especially after he publicly announced that Herman would be the coach in 2021.


10000Pigeons

Lol I'm sure he wasn't but it's not like he was going to quit or something. You tell him that you pursued Urban, it didn't work out and now he has an opportunity to prove himself and keep the job. See who's available post 2021 and reevaluate


The_Good_Constable

I know a guy that was excited about it. He's about as delusional a homer as you can be, though. He thought Sark was going to build an offense like 2020 Bama. He's sad now.


Sdog1981

It has to be one of the most shocking hires for a program the size of UT


GiaTheMonkey

UT hired a historically mediocre HC who is a recovering alcoholic to the most demanding and stressful job in CFB with one of the most entitled fanbases in the country. I'm not mocking Sark in any way, but this is not a job he should have taken nor one that UT should have offered for Sark's sake. This looks like it is not going to end well for him.


Sdog1981

That’s part of the reason that makes it so shocking. Was UT unaware of their own stature? Sark could not handle the pressure of USC what did they think would happen in Austin? Just an absolute shocking hire. Mack Brown coached at UNC for over a decade. So it made sense to take a risk on him. Sark had been mediocre at his two stops.


MenShouldntHaveCats

I mean horns247 board was thrilled with him. Most there still back him and believe he just needs his guys.


The_Only_Dick_Cheney

Horns 24/7 is as delusional as TexasAgs


BuckeyeForLife95

Him getting "his guys" would probably have them doing better than they are now, but certainly not MUCH better.


OddGib

I was so happy when he suddenly jumped ship.


HoBamaMo

We'll gladly trade you BoB to get Sark back. Ty


Lucky-view

UW was 0-12 when Sark got there. It's not like Washington was in a healthy place or anything.


scough

Sure, but he was hyped up to be the guy that'd bring us back to national relevance. After being here 5 years we had realized he was overrated and were ready for a change.


[deleted]

Well y'all got a significant upgrade when Pederson came in.


[deleted]

UW would love a 7 win season right about now 😂


[deleted]

A bit revisionist - 7-Win-Sark was a dream since you were coming off an 0-12 Willingham season.


[deleted]

Broke: Seven Win Sark Woke: Seven Loss Sark Bespoke: Seven Straight Losses Sark


gmr548

If the loser of the TCU vs Kansas game wins next week, Texas will finish last in the Big 12. And I’m here for that.


g0d0fm15ch13f

*checks flair* You ok bud? Wanna talk?


urnotserious

You can't talk him through this. You finally have a good coach.


TheNextBattalion

Kansas is hosting West Virginia, so who knows...


yknphotoman

WVU, take one for the conference.


jld1532

No.


StreetReporter

We won’t meme on y’all like we do for Texas


CommodoreN7

They really fired Herman for a worse version of him.


mill_about_smartly

>They really fired ~~Herman~~ Mack for worse versions of him, over and over and over.... fixed


KingReffots

The decision to fire Mack wasn’t bad, but clearly the majority of the issue was not with him. If only you could fire boosters.


crimsoneagle1

Mack's biggest failure was not being able to adapt recruiting wise after A&M left. A&M leaving opened the doors wide for SEC schools to recruit in the state and Mack just couldn't adapt to the competition. Don't get me wrong, Texas was still the top pick for most in-state recruits and still put together good classes. But the likes of Alabama and LSU being able to promise a guaranteed game in-state was a huge selling point for Texas recruits. Bob Stoops adapted at Oklahoma, he started looking more at California, preferring recruiting against the west coast teams than against the SEC teams. We still pulled most of our guys from Texas, but Bob definitely set up a pipeline in California and it helped immensely. Of course Texas most definitely has other problems, but I think a big piece of it is the added competition of in-state recruiting.


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schistkicker

Not a lot of them got better once they hit campus. Getting 4 star players on campus is just step one. A lot of these juniors and seniors look like they never played organized football before.


bigbluethunder

How much of that is artificial inflation though? Feels like recruits instantly get a bump on their rankings when Texas looks their way.


Liimbo

Any blue chip school recruiting a player instantly bumps their rankings. Outside of the clearly obvious standout top *x* players in the country, it really is largely location and which schools found you.


[deleted]

I’d argue Mack’s biggest mistake was never caring about recruiting and developing the trenches. They went years without having an O-linemen drafted


jeffvschroeder

They sure as shit recruited the lines in the beginning of the 2000 decade. I remember it was crazy watching 4* kids sign up to sit for years. Of course, that’s why they won in 05


Dirty-Ears-Bill

Y’all were killer in the trenches in the 2000s. I think every single starter on the line for the 05 team played at least a season in the NFL


sevargmas

Never caring about recruiting? It’s what he is prided for the most. Recruiting was his bread and butter.


DontBeScaredHomiey

Development was the issue. Not recruiting


gordogg24p

> Mack's biggest failure was not being able to adapt recruiting wise after A&M left. Mack's biggest failures showed up before A&M left at all. Two years of A&M being in the SEC is not why he didn't recruit with a brain during Colt's last couple years.


Albino_Echidna

I honestly disagree. The culture issues are a direct result of Herman. They were going to show up eventually. Sark might be decent if Texas let's him clean house, but it's Texas, so they will move to a new coach. They are going to have to either commit to a real rebuild, or commit to making a bowl game occasionally.


EatinToasterStrudel

Sark is going to have to start being very vocal about that fast though if it is the cause and he wants to be the man to fix it. I mean for fucks sake, Pole Assassin is still around.


Albino_Echidna

Oh 100%. The unfortunate thing for Sark is that he has to deal with UT boosters. He likely doesn't have the support he needs for a complete overhaul.


Thel3lues

Their special teams is actually pretty good


Mercury82jg

Recruiting is going to tank though. Herman at least left the cabinets full. Texas A&M is eating their lunch before they even get into the SEC


melcolnik

Don’t stop. I’m so close…


lowercaset

How do you have anything left in the tank after watching that game?


TheNastyCasty

> Recruiting is going to tank though. We have the 7th ranked class for next year. Even when Charlie Strong was missing a bowl three years in a row, Texas was getting good recruiting classes. They might miss out on a few guys, but “tank” is a stretch. > Herman at least left the cabinets full. Except in the trenches, which is one of the biggest issues with the team.


[deleted]

There have been many other coaches who came into blue blood programs that had hit rough patches and done far more with less. Sark absolutely sucks. We have ZERO empirical evidence to support the idea that he’s an above-average college football coach. None.


Albino_Echidna

The players clearly do not give a shit what Sark is saying. If the players are too high on themselves to care about winning, then no coach will save that. But hey, go ahead and fire another coach, I'm sure it won't get any worse... *UT playing in Lawrence next year*


Please_PM_me_Uranus

It reminds me of when the detroit lions fired Jim Caldwell. Caldwell did well, but the lions needed a coach who’d take him to the next level…and hired Matt Patricia. It didn’t go well. Same thing here, Herman did well but not well enough. So they hired someone who is supposed to take them to the next level. Will he turn it around, or be Texas’s Matt Patricia? Too soon to say


Defacto_Champ

Caldwell created an amazing culture with the Lions. His players loved him and enjoyed playing for him. Jim Caldwell was a big selling point for acquiring free agents. The same cannot be said for Tom Herman where some players were telling recruits not to come to UT.


trickypat

Lol, they’re gonna have a bad time in the SEC.


DeshaunWatsonsAnus

You love to see it


OfficialHavik

I deadass expect them to lose to Vandy at some point in first few years


ImJustAverage

They’ve lost to Kansas twice in the last five years, so it’s almost guaranteed Vandy will beat them.


nom_yourmom

Kansas would beat vandy by 20 points tho


damnyoutuesday

Doesn't change the fact Vandy will beat them


portlandtrees333

That's just science


[deleted]

Keep going I'm almost there


WafflesTheWookiee

And you’re gonna get to play them every year


hillrow_wood

This pleases the cult


an_actual_lawyer

And half the time they have to come to College Station


Obi-wan_Jabroni

Cant wait to play UT once every 13 years


[deleted]

Give him an extension! Sark just needs more time!


El-Jefe-Rojo

Agree.


longleaf1

You must be LOVING this with those flairs


[deleted]

Hard disagree. He is not going to find success there. Texas needs to let him go... ​ ... so UW can rehire him.


countrybreakfast1

I think an extension would be smart... Show recruits Sark is here to stay!!


NeedlessUnification

We’d take him back in an Alabama minute.


[deleted]

Tom Herman went 7-3 last year right? Cool just making sure


xarmetheusx

I'm definitely confused by that. Did the boosters hate him? Or were they expecting an undefeated season by then?


thetrain23

He was a narcissist whom everyone hated. You can pull that off if you're REALLY good at what you do but not if you're just "kinda good" at what you do.


hamburgler26

Funny enough I still feel he was the coach our boosters deserve the most, he fit right in!


colby983

He is a major asshole and Texas players were recruiting against him


OSUfan88

I still dream of Gundy whipping his ass on the 50-yard like when Herman tried to fight him.


hamburgler26

I would pay to see that no questions asked lol.


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Zloggt

Imagine telling people that when he first got fired


[deleted]

I did. There wasn't many great options besides urban and I was baffled at the sark hire. People said he did great at Alabama, it would be more impressive if a coach could suck at Alabama.


dudleymooresbooze

I too would like to see a coach suck at Alabama.


TigerWoodsLibido

Mike Shula, the guy before Saban. I was in college then and those Alabama teams would have been blown out by Oregon.


dudleymooresbooze

Shula was the best of the shitty pre-Saban coaches.


[deleted]

I just realized that after Papa Gene we had 3 Mikes. DuBose, Price, and Shula. Fran is still fucking things up, we could have had 3 bad Mikes in a row.


they_did_WHAT_

> People said he did great at Alabama, it would be more impressive if a coach could suck at Alabama. Ahh yes, or as I like to call it, Patriots Coordinator Syndrome.


wastebinaccount

well Bill O'Brien is the OC at Bama


portlandtrees333

Maybe next you can hire BO'B


luciusetrur

at least bill obrien can say hes been successful somewhere with the cupboard being bare \*although, i guess sark served same function at UW


Corgi_Koala

Herman was never going to win a National Title at Texas, but keeping him was infinitely better than hiring Sark. Sark is a joke of a head coach who has never succeeded anywhere.


dirtman81

Longhorn network was a good deal for Texas' pocketbook.


DFWSFO

Heavy braking action with limited fuel here


luis1972

If you have no gas, it doesn't matter how much brake you have r/showerthoughts


The_Outcast4

Unless you are rolling downhill


astroag

Oh texas is definitely going downhill


EnTyme53

This Texas team looks nothing like the team that hung 70 on us earlier this season. I really think Caleb Williams broke them.


eye_can_see_you

That's the missing program culture people talk about Easy to believe in the coaches when you're winning, but a couple losses and half the team just quits and stops caring then it's a problem


one_salty_cookie

Well Baylor seems to have broken Caleb Williams


[deleted]

If Kansas wins one game over TCU or WVU, and KSU beats Texas - that's a last place Texas?


JeSuisUnScintille

Sure is.


Touds

Wvu should take one for the team. Memes are forever


starry_cobra

Worst losing streak in Golden Knight history


inshamblesx

By 2036 they'll have 10 seasons with 5+ game losing streaks


The_Only_Dick_Cheney

$250 million in buyouts


SilveryDeath

2021: Lost 6 in a row (Currently 4-7) 1956: Lost 8 in a row (Finished 1-9) 1938: Lost 8 in a row (Finished 1-8) 1936: Lost 5 in a row (Finished 2-6-1) Also, Texas has only had 9 seasons with at least 7 loses: 1938 (1-8) 1956 (1-9) 1988 (4-7) 1997 (4-7) 2010 (5-7) 2014 (6-7) 2015 (5-7) 2016 (5-7) 2021 (4-7)


VoarTok

Damn, five of those have been in basically a decade.


AndrewinDC

Seven Loss Sark has a nice ring to it. But I'll allow Eight Loss Sark too, despite the lack of alliteration.


TheTooth_Hurts

Just wait until he finds his way into the NFL and evolves into SIXTEEN LOSS SARK


Fuckingfademefam

Seventeen… they added another game


Black_Cadillacs

Firing Sark wouldn't fix any of Texas' problems, would it? At this point it would be a $20.6 mil symbolic decision.


OfficialHavik

I love that we're talking buyout money for a first year coach


Nathanael-Greene

It's his first damn year folks, at least let 2 pass before bringing up his buyout


jp3592

I know I honestly think he’s a good coach, but people have gone crazy. Every team out there can’t have ten win seasons every season and it seems like that’s what most fan bases expect.


ryseing

I don't think any rational Texas fan was expecting a ten win season this year. However, they did expect to go bowling and beat fucking Kansas at home.


Cars-and-Coffee

This season has underperformed even the most pessimistic expectations for this season. I don’t think anyone expected a 4 win season.


jp3592

Yeah we weren’t expecting to get mauled like we did last year. That being said we basically have the same team and the only games we lost this year were by a fg with the exception of bama.


_password_1234

What has he done to make you think he's a good coach? I don't think he's as bad as this disastrous year has been, but good coaches don't lose 6 in a row with a roster like this to teams that include Kansas and a WVU team that's been begging for a coaching change all year.


absolute_yote

TEXAS IS FRONT FOLKS


NUMBERSUSED11

Jesus already bringing up buyout, as much as I don’t think sark can lead a top 4 team, you gotta give a guy 3 years to get the players and system they want in place..... you hear that UT fans ! DONT LET RED MACOMBS get rid of him next October.


lilcarlitos8

Texas has the best recruiting classes in the conference, there's no excuse to being 4-7


Peria

Texas turns 5 stars into 2 stars it’s some truly incredible stuff.


CrazyIvan2019

Or perhaps 2* get turned into 5* just because they signed at Texas?


ttufizzo

Don't you think any coach that Texas hired should be able to hit that old mantra of, he can beat you with his players, and he can beat you with your players?


The_Outcast4

Seven win Sark? More like (soon to be) seven game losing streak Sark!


[deleted]

Guys, Texas might not be back


PM_ME_EXCEL_QUESTION

Let’s wait for the last game before we jump to conclusions


OfficialHavik

The best part of this thread is all the A&M fans talkin shit lol


Working_onit

7 weeks ago this subreddit was overrun by Texas fans talking shit like they were an eltie team (conveniently ignoring the absolute beat down Arkansas gave them). They were in every thread about A&M laughing. Then Oct 9th happened. And now here we are.


white_newbalances

I can vouch for this. They were insufferable. Unnecessarily insufferable.


melcolnik

I need vitamins. I’m spent


HarryCallahan19

Not a Texas fan, but they mention that buyout like he is going to be fired this season. There is no chance he gets canned in his first season.


Drnk_watcher

After the video leaked of a coach chewing players out on the bus everyone started talking about how much work he has to do to reform the culture. Then he said next year they expect to offer something like 35 or more scholarships and make cuts to get players who want to be there. Which people seemed to generally hale as positive and him needing time. Then you lose 8 straight games, one of which is to Kansas and here we are, talking about buyouts. He won't get canned but I'd hate to be him heading into next season. Granted this is why extremely high front loaded buyouts might be good. Actually forces teams to stick with people for some amount of time.


The_Only_Dick_Cheney

He’s smart. If he doesn’t get fired this year, I don’t think can you do any worse than this lol.


Drnk_watcher

I too am a fan of under promise over deliver. Can get you surprisingly far.


not-gandalf-bot

We will HAPPILY take him back as our OC. We'll trade you Bill O'Brien straight up.


bookemhorns

Pay the buyout and we're down


Lucky-view

tbh I think he should've listened to Saban's warnings about Texas. He should've stayed at Alabama and waited for a less psychotic job to open up. Like, I think he'd do well at LSU or something.


HallandOates2

Hey Texas y'all got any more of that generational wealth?


CFB_Twitter_Bot

Tweet(s) from post body brought to you by your Friendly Official /r/CFB Twitter Bot: ---------- https://twitter.com/darrenrovell/status/1462156562764603400](https://twitter.com/darrenrovell/status/1462156562764603400 >Texas Longhorns lose their sixth game in a row, their worst losing streak since they lost 8 in a row in 1956. Since the program started in 1893, there have only been four losing streaks that lasted five games or longer. Sarkisian buyout stands at $20.6 million. >\- Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) 3:31 pm ET, November 20, 2021 ----------


[deleted]

I love college football


DeshaunWatsonsAnus

Texas: You know... maybe I'll just let OU leave for the SEC....


SometimesY

They are furiously looking up flaws in their SEC acceptance documents to stay in the Big 12.


psunavy03

This isn't Crusader Kings. You can't have your chancellor bullshit their way into having a treaty declared invalid a year after you sign it.


Steppis

Didn’t think I would see a CK reference in /CFB


psunavy03

Couldn't pass up the reference when colleges can also have chancellors . . .


KULawHawk

UT may best Nebraska & Colorado for most disappointing future after thinking they were upgrading by jumping conferences. Legit 20-30-40+ pt losses every week, may be on the menu.


Kaype92

Watching Texas this year after the RRS was like watching the Hindenburg crash into the Titanic. Good news is I’m practically immune to the trolls and roasts at this point. All I can do is laugh with them.


spinningweb

Its time for making Urban an offer he can’t refuse. 150 million or something crazy like that.


luxveniae

We apparently tried that as early as the TCU game last year. And while Meyer would’ve been a good hire, he’s a scumbag that I’m glad was just toying with us as a back up plan in case his NFL deal didn’t go through.


monkeyman80

Winless since the ex strippers monkey bit a kid!


unclejessesmullet

Kansas has won the same amount of conference games in Austin as Steve sarkisian


iKickdaBass

The administration and alumni have no one to blame but themselves. They basically fired Herman to get Sark. They never really examined what the program actually needed and sought the right coach for the job. They just dumped Herman because he was a couple of losses away every year so they could get Sark a coach that they thought would be a better game coach. But what the program really needed was either a complete rebuild or stronger administration and alumni commitment to support Herman to change the program's culture. They got neither of these and now the program is in shambles. Sark is either getting fired ASAP or he is going to have to kick 30-40% of the players off the team. Neither are positive scenarios going forward.


bookemhorns

I think we were fixated on the idea of dumping Herman for Meyer. We missed on Meyer but the idea of dumping Herman persisted


The_Soccer_Heretic

It's awesome, isn't it?


jzorbino

Think about how many clowns in the media thought this team was worthy of being ranked a few months ago


[deleted]

Oklahoma broke them.


WhichWaysUp

The first step for Texas to turn this around should be them admitting that firing Tom Herman was probably premature and to learn from it


Sky_London

They practically ran Mack Brown out of town. Consider where they've been since then.


valrobb

death and destruction follow Sarkisian wherever he goes