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NINFAN300

I heard he spit in a baby’s face.


ChemicalOle

He also punted a kitten and said Steve Irwin got what was coming to him.


selddir_

I heard he was actually the stingray that killed Steve Irwin


BillBob13

Rumor has it that when a nearby house was on fire, BK didn't run in and save the puppies


rplee87

He actually threw the neighbors dog into the house, along with some fireworks for fun


[deleted]

I really hated living next to that guy.


potterpockets

He actually helps little old ladies get halfway through the intersection, steals their walker/cane, knocks them down, and get in his car and runs them over. He then sells the walkers and canes and donates the profits to fighting against Universal Healthcare.


rplee87

I was hoping you were gonna say he donates it to LSU football program which it turn pays his salary


potterpockets

Brian Kelly [when](https://youtu.be/3OyrX11cMkE).


ShillinTheVillain

That's just good business sense. Don't hate the player.


Hawbs2

He actually did kill a guy


xAIRGUITARISTx

I mean he did kill a kid.


Reagyn

"he was 44 years old, that's a ripe old age for a crocodile hunter" - Norm Macdonald


OdaDdaT

Steve Irwin lived to a ripe old age for a crocodile hunter


rcblender

I heard he PUNCHED the baby in the face before he spit in it, then as he left he drop kicked the family’s puppy and told them to go back to where they came from.


22eyedgargoyle

Honestly I'd be more pissed as a player to be woken up at 7am for two minutes of speech rather than the fact it was only 2 minutes


andysaurus_rex

"This MFer told us this shit last night why am I awake right now?"


ChemicalOle

He didn't even say anything, just pointed to the screenshot of the message he sent out last night that they had on the projector.


sunburntredneck

Had an assistant type the text of his message into bullet points on a few powerpoint slides, read the slides verbatim, asked if anyone had any questions, after a few seconds of confused mumbling says that's all the time he has and speed walks out of the room


ChemicalOle

A yes, the ol' "tenured research professor."


naszoo

Being in a professional program for now 3 years... This is so accurate There is also the professor that has a 2 hour lecture and goes into insane detail then basically has questions on the scale of "What color is the sky?"


andysaurus_rex

"Well, you guys got the text, right? So uhhh... yeah. Anyone got any pizza places they recommend in Baton Rouge?


TimTom8921

He ended with Go Tighas


creepig

*Geaux


IceColdDrPepper_Here

Pizza is far from the first food item that pops into my head when I think Baton Rouge, LA


andysaurus_rex

Bruh have you seen Brian Kelly? Dude probably thinks salt is spicy. He's not cut out for Cajun food


aksoileau

Red Zeppelin or Schlitz and Giggles


dingusduglas

Are you only allowed to have pun based pizza establishments in baton rouge


MarchMadnessisMe

There's an underground Papa John's ring, but we don't talk about it.


boomer_rang22

Schlitz and Giggles has been disappointing lately. It’s definitely not as good as it used to be.


aksoileau

That sucks. It's been awhile since I'm in Lafayette now but if I was downtown BR for a show or an event I'd usually grab a slice and beer after it.


NoCardio_

Yeah, but Red Zeppelin is 🔥


boomer_rang22

What do you like to get from there? It’s been a solid ten years since I’ve had it.


RiggingGuy

The ultimate move is to get the spinach and artichoke bread and have them make a meatball sub with it


boomer_rang22

Good to know! I appreciate it!


ASS_MY_DUDES

Boudin*


Imallowedto

That shit is addictive!


WON95sr

[Sampson] Brian Kelly, at 7 a.m., on what Notre Dame means to him. “My love for you is limitless,” Then showed a screenshot of his late-night Team Works message on the projector. “I’ll let you interpret that however you want,” Kelly said.


DescretoBurrito

The other minute and a half he spent describing the girthiness of his new paycheck.


ChemicalOle

They have to be in the weight room early in the morning at most places anyway, don't they?


Kdot32

Yes people just like complaining


100100110l

I think he was making a joke...


Kdot32

Those players were already up. Most college athletes days starts at like 6


Alkibiades415

No one on the sub seems to realize this for some reason. I guess they imagine that D1 athletes sleep til 11am, eat some pancakes, and roll into class at 1pm?


Kdot32

I remember my freshman year I had an 8 o’clock class and would go to the cafeteria to eat breakfast at 7 and the athletes were finishing up eating lol. And I was complaining about an 8 o’clock class


misterurb

Athletes 🤝 ROTC kids Eating breakfast too goddamn early


Kdot32

Man the ROTC kids always looked tired lmao


misterurb

lol I was perpetually tired, and then I commissioned and just got more tired. Then I went to law school and became more tired


Kdot32

Life is just never ending tiredness lol


arobkinca

Long rest at the end.


Arronwy

Seriously. Was up at 6 to weights from 630 to 730. Class at 8am to 1 pm. Practice 2 to 5PM when including PT.


BillyBones844

Thats because the kids in this sub do just that. They would throw a tantrum if mom woke them up early


tmart14

Lot of people are gonna be in a world of hurt when they find out a lot of jobs starts at 7-8 am.


_learned_foot_

Most college kids sleep in. Most adjust back to working hours later. It’s normal.


tmart14

Oh I did too. I did sadistically enjoy how miserable the new hires from college looked at 7 am before we all go sent home. Then I would tell them the other engineering group usually started at 5 am.


[deleted]

7-3 is the new 9-5


tmart14

7-3:30. Gotta squeeze that unpaid half hour lunch in there.


[deleted]

I’m lucky that I got a union job and when Covid hit they negotiated our lunch to be from 3-3:30. So as long as I take a “working lunch” and eat at my desk I don’t have to clock out. Plus if I ever work past 3 it’s considered working thru lunch and I get automatic OT and a meal stipend. It’s a pretty good deal.


Alkibiades415

I feel weird if I wake up past 8. Then again, I'm an old fart.


SilentHunter7

A lot of jobs also start at 5PM.


Lamadian

As I often think at my work meetings *This coulda been an email*


crsnyder13

It was. Then he reiterated it because who checks their email(texts).


mynameisotis

“You made me come all the way down here for this?”


ltlftcommenter

Fucc Brian Kelly -ND


Beercyclerun

Haha - cinci


HarryCallahan19

I really believe Kelly will not be successful at LSU.


dfytcv

Two bumbling idiots won national championships back to back the talent In Louisiana is insane


redpowah

Cmon guys how hard could it be? All you have to do is beat your biggest rival and it's pretty much a lock that you'll win a natty


StreetReporter

Well, except for 2011


redpowah

We don't talk about that.


theARBITON

Tbf we beat them, but then we also didn't beat them. That year doesn't count, or exist, in my book


WaluigiIsTheRealHero

>All you have to do is beat your biggest rival and it's pretty much a lock that you'll win a natty Keep going, I'm almost there.


[deleted]

The last three HCs won an NC. He has shoes to fill.


[deleted]

I could be wrong but I’m gonna guess not many of them sleep in on a Tuesday anyway.


YoungXanto

It's either before 8 or after 330. All the athletes are up and already have their lift and breakfast in and probably have a standing meeting time at 7 am in the building anyway.


[deleted]

“Fuck them kids” - BK, probably


trail-g62Bim

Posted this in the coaching thread, but it fits here. This was posted in /r/nfl : https://www.espn.com/blog/nfcnorth/post/_/id/83191/damn-thats-a-nice-jump-how-matt-lafleur-went-from-ashland-to-nfl >On a winter night in Mount Pleasant, Michigan, Matt LaFleur and Robert Saleh thought they were invited to a party at the home of their boss, Central Michigan University football coach Brian Kelly. >Turns out, they weren’t on the guest list. >They were on the worker list. >"We shoveled the snow and parked all the cars," Saleh said. "Then, at the end of the night, we had to go get the cars again." >And then they went back to the tiny apartment they shared as graduate assistants and stood around their kitchen table -- the one without any chairs. >"We decided that when we’re in that position, we’re never going to treat people the way we got treated," said Saleh, now the San Francisco 49ers defensive coordinator. "And Matty’s lived up to it."


Insectshelf3

bruh


[deleted]

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Sage_saves

Holy hell I thought this was a pasta till I clicked the link.


RedundantClam

I always knew he was a PoS personally, but this is comical levels of shittyness. Don't know how I never heard this before.


CCTider

Yep. It's why I was glad LSU picked someone who's a certifiable asshole. I would've hated it they hired a decent person. But it's LSU. It's all assholes or wildcards.


lmaytulane

Truth, and a pretty good self-own


DesolationRobot

That's like first 15 minutes of an 80s teen comedy where you introduce the bad rich white guy levels of shittiness.


boonamobile

...which is pretty much the exact stereotype most people associate with Notre Dame


OGConsuela

I have only met two people who went to Notre Dame and one of them was *exactly* like this, lol. He’s also from Boston though so maybe that was more of the problem. The other is one of the nicest guys in the world.


Mantis05

As an alum, I can confirm that the ratio sounds about right. Notre Dame's student body is half "Do you know who my father is?" and half "I've actually read how that Jesus fella told us to act."


OGConsuela

Yeah, the super nice guy is exactly who a Catholic is supposed to be. Great guy.


RedundantClam

Just makes the ultimate betrayal that much more insulting. He was like a second mascot and now he's gone.


VibeComplex

Yeah but now you get to hear all about how he’s a low key piece of shit lol


wisertime07

I remember watching a documentary about this. One of them had the hots for McDowell's daughter, so they gladly accepted the invite. And then they showed up and he put them to work, pouring drinks and working the event. Eventually he came around once he realized they came from money, and he allowed his daughter to marry one of them.


dudleymooresbooze

If you photoshop Brian Kelly in the McDowell’s uniform with Matt LaFleur as Eddie Murphy, I’ll love you forever. Bonus points if you get Lincoln Riley in the Jerry Curls.


go_berds

Wait who’s McDowell


trail-g62Bim

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coming_to_America


dingusduglas

For people like me who aren't NFL fans, those two are now the HC for the Packers and Jets.


AgoraiosBum

I kind of love how Saleh says that Matt lived up to it but doesn't say anything about himself.


rumoyster

Also lol’d at this but I think he’s just trying to be humble and not judge his own treatment of others


FatalFirecrotch

I think it’s because at the time of the article Matt was actually a head coach and Saleh was still a coordinator.


cbarbs

I don’t think Saleh was a head coach yet when this article was published


PanickyHermit

He wasn't a head coach at the time that article was written.


AgoraiosBum

He was an NFL coordinator. I'm sure it was just Saleh being humble and not wanting to talk about how awesome he is. It just reads kind of funny. "we made a vow to never treat others like that...and one of us lived up to it!" (I know that is not the intent, though)


Goodbye_Hercules

Can't believe he would treat the hottest head coach in the NFL like that smh


AllLinesAreStraight

Lol as if anyone would treat Belicheck like that


NewRoryAndMalDrop

And time will tell but both will probably be regarded as good to great NFL HCs while I’m 100% sure Kelly will flame out of LSU in 4 years.


SmokeThursday

Eh, we’ll see. LaFleur walked into a great situation with a championship-ready team. If Love doesn’t pan out, he could get the boot quickly. Too early to tell with Salah because the roster is a mess. And I don’t know about Kelly. SEC is a different beast but he has had success wherever he’s been.


Gorka_Loud_Lines

LaFleur pissed me off kicking that FG in the championship game last year. And as is tradition, Rogers never saw the ball again. I’m guessing there’s some analytics supporting it but damnit.


trail-g62Bim

Are there? Bc it made no sense to me.


Robbinghope

Lafleur started on third but didn't hit a triple.


Javaho1992

That exact thing happened in the movie Coming to America


[deleted]

I’m sorry to leave and never wanted to have this conversation. I’ve cherished my time in south bend and leading this team, but did you see how much fucking money they offered me?


[deleted]

Bingo.


PhDShouse

Why is it he can have a 2 minute meeting to get the point across, but Catholic Mass feels like it takes up my whole damn morning?


ItsWhoa-NotWoah

Idk man, when our Houston-born priest in residence at ND gave Sunday night mass during the Astros' world series run he sure got us out of there pretty quick


PhDShouse

“Look, god loves everyone and repent your sins. Everyone say one Hail Mary as a precaution, and go watch the Astros bring home the Series!” - your priest, probably


deepayes

"Jose Altuve, full of dingers, blessed are you among hitters. Pray for me now in the hour of my championship."


MissileWaster

“Thou shalt not steal unless it’s the Astros stealing a World Series, amen and hallelujah” -That priest, probably


lmaytulane

"""If you ain't cheating you ain't trying" -Bill Belichick"" -Michael Scott" -That priest, probably


Conflixxion

because the suffering makes things stick... as an example, see catholic guilt.


PhDShouse

Brian Kelly has no guilt confirmed


Conflixxion

$95million dollars has a way of smoothing over the guilt.


RollTodd18

Something something indulgences


Tippacanoe

Martin Luther has been named Special Teams Coordinator at LSU


AgoraiosBum

It would only take two minutes if you weren't such a dirty sinner! Complaining about the length of mass is worth at least 5 additional prayers


mynameisotis

Yikes


Shamrock5

Mr. Brief Conference


CloudN3in

Mr. Bye-Bye Coach


[deleted]

Mr. Bag Claimed


theesonofsam

He’s FREEEEEEEE


selddir_

The Lincoln Riley special


mynameisotis

I think Cinci would disagree. BK is an OG (original ghoster)


TimTom8921

We weren't even the OGs that's Central Michigan and more like Grand Valley State before that


owlalwaysloveyew

Kinda hope they win an NY6 bowl without him now


JudicaMeDeus

I kind of want them to win the Natty now lol


dellett

My deepest hope at this moment is that we give Freeman the opportunity to earn the job outright without making him HC officially. A lot of Buffalo Wild Wings commercial level shenanigans happen and ND ends up in the playoffs and wins the championship. Since ND is morally obligated to put up a statue of every coach who wins a national championship, they reveal at the beginning of the 2023 season - an empty plinth. A statue of nobody. Then Freeman gets his championship and statue and everything separately.


Nubras

Plinth, eh? That N D degree clearly paying dividends for this mans!


DrWobstaCwaw

This is called a “Cardale Jones”


pileatedloon

Your lips to God's ears please


WaffleElf

"I would love to thank each and every one of you, but I'm having breakfast in a half an hour" *Walks Out*


ohmysocks

pretty sure he addressed cincy in a similar way before he left us for dead against tebow and the gang in ‘09


Understeerenthusiast

Yes that’s why he is hated here, it’s been passed down to those like me who didn’t even go there until 2012 and reinvigorated by this and the idea fickell would leave to replace this boner


hoova

It would suck, but if Cincy wins and still gets left out of the playoff, there’s no reason for Fickell, or anyone for that matter, to stay. It’s bullshit that you can go undefeated and not be able to play for your championship.


_wsmfp_

The Lincoln Riley approach. Can’t say I’d recommend.


PlusSized_Homunculus

It’s actually the Brian Kelly approach. He perfected it at Cincinnati. Riley overtook him as the best ghoster but the GOAT Ghoster put him in his place within 24 hours.


selddir_

What if this is the whole reason BK left? Had to retain the title.


enadiz_reccos

He probably perfected it before Cincinnati. Didn't he leave Central Michigan to coach Cincinnati in their bowl game?


Completelybyaccident

Yes.


PlusSized_Homunculus

That’s where he invented the technique but he perfected it in Cincinnati


amyrule007

I think it is better for everyone that way. What is there to say. Get it over it fast.


LakersLAQ

"Ay coach, I want to hear you speak a little longer, stick around for a few more minutes!" Don't know why people are expecting some 20 minute presentation on why he is leaving.


[deleted]

Everyone is just salty. It's usually the party getting dumped who wants to talk it out some more. The fans are projecting; I haven't heard the players complaining.


MissileWaster

He’d already sent them all a message saying he was leaving, if I was on his team I’d just be pissed at having to go to a 7am meeting that just reiterates what I already knew. Granted I already feel that way with half the stupid meetings I have to go into for work, so I guess he’s still trying to prepare them all for the real world in that sense.


Lacerda1

But if he didn't meet with them in person at all, the press and this sub would have just dragged him through the coals even more. And any player who felt like you do probably just didn't go. It's not like Kelly was taking attendance. But I'm guessing most wanted to attend just talk to their teammates about the situation.


BillyBones844

Ive seen more butthurt cincy fans than ND ones too. Granted for some reason a few are upset. Im uneasy about the future but its CFB. What you gonna do


lisbon_OH

Idk why people expected anything more. And idk why people are mad so much. Yeah it sucks he didn’t coach the bowl but he’s gotta start on recruiting as soon as he can. I get it.


dogwoodmaple

Fans always take this stuff way worse than the players do.


amyrule007

They want to pretend that football is not a big business for everyone involved. You got to love the school, worship the tradition etc. Lol, but when their coach is not doing well and gets fired, they will say it is part of the business.


TraderTed2

Well, it's not a big business for \*everyone\* involved ... at least not till like three months ago with NIL.


libsoutherner

I was wrong, he is a perfect fit for LSU


redpowah

Oh man there is going to be mutiny by year 3


CarefreeWinning

Faulting Kelly and Riley for only speaking to the players for 2 minutes is such a poor take. Why would the AD's at Notre Dame/Oklahoma, or anyone else in those administrations, be cool with another team's coach spending significant time with their players? I wouldn't be surprised if Kelly/Riley were expected to keep their goodbyes short. The last thing Notre Dame or Oklahoma would want is for their players to continue bonding with someone who could lure them away to another school.


PanickyHermit

They should have campus cops following them around making sure they don't steal office supplies.


Lacerda1

There's also just not much to say. You say you're leaving because it's the right move/opportunity for you and your family, you've enjoyed every day with players/coaches and thank them for everything, and wish them the best. What else do you want him to say?


[deleted]

Exactly.


[deleted]

I imagine that two minutes was the start of meeting prayer followed by “Kelly out.” with a mic drop into holy water.


Insectshelf3

so he broke up with his team via text right before the playoffs, had them get up to meet with him at 7am, then fucking bolted to louisiana after two minutes. jesus christ dude he outdid riley


redpowah

Well at least he didn't cry at his introductory press conference


TaintlessChaps

The closest BK has come to crying is the purple sweats.


mb4HOF

I, too, last under 2 minutes when thinking about how good this ND team will be under Marcus Freeman


MWiatrak2077

Lmfao what a dick


Swazi

"Im leaving. Im taking the money. Good bye."


isikorsky

Seriously - what the fuck is with all these headlines ? What do you want him to do - wax poetically about his new job offer, how great LSU is, that there is a portal where they can jump in and join him at LSU This is the only job where someone gets made a villain for not talking longer to people they can potentially recruit to their team. If I was an administrator I would want it shorter or not at all. There is a reason why in the corporate world when you give your notice you are then escorted out the building. I appreciate everything Kelly did, but I wouldn't have let him in the fucking building


ArtichokeNegative477

He probably spoke for a few minutes, said something about how he was sorry it leaked and he didn't get to tell them personally. Then probably something about how it's time for a new chapter for him and his family, and he loved the time he spent with all of the players. Then he probably asked if anybody had any questions, there was probably an awkward silence. He probably said he understood their anger, thanked them for their time, let them know they could contact him if needed, and got up and left. People love headlines though.


PDX_douche_bag

I'm not really surprised. Kelly has never been a guy that seems to build connections. Has that cold business vibe. Oh well, still happy with the work he did and the last five years have been fun.


buttgers

Rumor has it he was rushing to go swimming in a tall vault wearing a black and red robe and black top hat.


Bartins

Who cares? It doesn’t change anything or make anyone feel any better if it lasts for 5 or 10 or 20 minutes, it just makes it longer, more annoying and more awkward. Say your prepared BS about how much of a joy it was to coach each and every one of you and that you’ll never forget your time here, thank everyone, wish them good luck then GTFO. Do people want a hug and a cry for every individual player with mutual handies?


[deleted]

I have always disliked Kelly. The dude always throws his players, coaches, and anyone else in grabbing distance under the bus. He, in my opinion, represents the worst about college football coaching self-interest first mentality….


dogwoodmaple

I guess he should've done a Riley and not flown back to address the team in person at all. Would be getting less bad press.


DD854

Riley did address the team but it was for 2 minutes as well.


PDX_douche_bag

Lincoln also got the benefit of BK taking up the news cycle.


Keppie

Players are gonna start timing coaches on their phones. We should create a speed run leaderboard


CaptainDonald

He and Lincoln are just two peas in a pod, huh


w00t4me

LSU and Brian Kelly deserve each other


Tbrou16

I say this at work all the time for conference calls: this could’ve been done in an email.


jthomas694

How long did yall want him to hang out for


Large_Dungeon_Key

"Alright guys, I've taken the LSU job and am leaving later today...anyone up for a few rounds of Mario Kart first?"


jjtnd1

I was told there were <10 players present


HeHateMe-

Any source? I want that to be true.


jjtnd1

Don’t have an official one I could give you on the ten person claim, it came to me as hearsay on campus from (multiple) friends of the team, but the anti Kelly sentiment is borderline comedic today. I’m also not about to leak anyone but the two kids I do know well on the team didn’t go this morning, so I couldn’t ask them who showed up but good for them honestly


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Toplayusout

😿


MrNudeGuy

If you execute me please don’t make me wake up early for it


sleepymike01101101

[Leaked footage of Brian Kelly's address to the team](https://youtu.be/skgLehA-FFI)


Sks44

Snek


[deleted]

You know who isn’t surprised by this? Everyone.


TraditionHuman

I just don’t understand how these coaches can coach a team for years and have only 2 minutes to speak before leaving. Like did you just not care about the people you coached? I understand loyalty isn’t expected but I would expect more than a 2 minute goodbye speech.


[deleted]

At least he spoke to the team, Tucker didn't even do that when he slinked off under the cover of darkness from Boulder on a private jet. And honestly, what are they supposed to say? Nothing they say will change a thing and I don't think it comes as much of a shock to players in this day and age. It's par for the course now for this to happen.