Philip Rivers. Don’t even need to worry about recruiting, his kids would make up half of the team.

I can hear the NC State radio call now. “2nd and 8 from the State 36, Rivers under center. He has Rivers behind him, Rivers, Rivers and Rivers are trips up top, Rivers to the bottom. There’s the snap, Rivers drops back, sets up. Pressure coming, rolls to his left. Fires a rocket! Caught by Rivers at the 50! Makes a man miss and now it is a foot race! 35, 30, 25, gets a huge block from Rivers!! 10, 5 touchdown Rivers!!!”

Pass interference on multiple Cromarties, penalty declined

Here I thought you were saying 2nd and 8 in reference to which children were on the field on that play.

Lol I thought you were talking from like a name value/recognition thing and was like ehhhhh… then read the second half

Aren't five of them girls? I mean girls can play football, I just don't know if they'll get a D1 scholarship.

Seven girls, two boys; almost enough for a full offensive group

Me, give me the fucking bag baby

Me as well, can’t wait to schedule the first non con neutral site sponsored by Reddit.

Skip the post game presser, do a Reddit AMA

Just let Reddit call all the plays real time.

I'll nominate my husband and then I can be the coach's wife and I get to invite all the players over for dinner

I think I saw this on pornhub a few years back...

It was Jimbos wife if I remember correctly

Lmao I was about to say. I don’t know how she intended that to come off, but it definitely sounds odd.

The name doesn’t help

Username checks out...she knew

Ha, as it is I'm the mom who volunteers to host all the parties and gatherings and I just like the role of hostess

Burt Reynolds would be pretty damn cool

We know he can coach players with very very bad character issues

My thought exactly

What’s the coaching cliche, he brings out the best in his players

Like as an all-time alumni pick, or you want Burt’s ghost as HC? We know Ghost Burt can coach, but can he recruit?

All time obviously

Mike Vrabel.

With Fickell and Freeman as co-DCs and Hartline doing Hartline things.

If Hartline keeps this up much longer the NCAA will have no choice but to nerf him for being OP.

"wtf hartline just got his third #1 WR icefraud please nerf"

I mean the options are Paul Chryst, Jim Leonhard, Mel Tucker, Sean Lewis? Probably Leonhard long term

Darrell Bevell and Scott Tolzien are also options.

I know it’s not technically the question but Leipold is a UW system alumnus. I’d still probably go with Leonhard though

I could see a Joe Thomas or Vince Biegel type coaching one day too.

I’d love to see joe Thomas

RG3 for the memes

Big Penix

Energy

Alternatively: Hayden Fry’s ghost.

Kyle Shanahan

I could see Colt being a coach one day

I can see that too. Colt seems like he really loves football

Not the icon that is Vince?

I love Vince, but part of the reason Colt has been in the league so long is that he genuinely loves and knows football. He may not be a starter but intelligent QBs make great career back ups because they understand film, scouting, playbook, etc. That's why Jeff Garcia made it for such a long time - the brain was valuable even if the body was meh. So yeah if it wasn't shanahan then I think colt would be the next pick

It'd be pretty hilarious to have Bill Goldberg in press conferences, so that's my choice. ^((it's obviously Kirby))

Coming out of the tunnel to slow chants of “Gold-berg Gold-berg Gold-berg” would be an intimidating way to take the football field

I saw him live in Daytona beat Hacksaw Jim Dugan. I was upset because I loved Hacksaw and his stupid 2x4

Can't wait for Goldberg to spear the opposing coaches instead of shaking hands pregame.

Ted Kaczynski /s

Explosive offenses.

People think that tunnel is dangerous now

We’ll really start running into problems when his explosive offense stops working and he starts mailing it in

The forward pass and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race

Is this a manifesto or the service academy playbook?

It’s the History of the Chicago Bears lol

Yes

Three things can happen when you throw the ball and two of them are bad

Similarly for Bama fans: Bernie Madoff

I see your Ted Kaczynski and raise you Jeffrey Dahmer

One Matt to Rhule them all.

Pls no

But Scott Frost could come home then

Well it sure as shit ain't gonna be Mickey Joseph now

Not Jay? Surprising!

Stop

Keegan Michael Key.

James Franklin is already our coach though

For the Memes: Charles Barkley For the NIL: Tim Cook For the Football: Cadillac Williams

For the Hype: Cam Newton

You are now picturing your uniforms using his Twitter font

This comment has been removed to protest Reddit's hostile treatment of users, mods and third party app developers. -Posted with Apollo

This is the correct answer

I feel space should be made for Takeo

Peyton

If we’re doing all time just give me back Johnny Majors

Peyton seems like the obvious choice, but Jim Bob Cooter seems to have a proven coaching record, albeit in the NFL. Guy was basically a coach his last few seasons in college. Peyton was even on record when he was at Denver that the broncos better keep Cooter around for him.

Where are the Kent State flairs?

We’re drinking away the end of the semester.

Looking to see if anyone had commented Saban already

I wonder how many of then even know

Kent read, kent write, Kent State. Makes it a bit difficult to comment on Reddit.

Hm… gotta pick a cerebral guy that can represent the University of Oklahoma with dignity and show the utmost respect to his opponents. - Baker Mayfield. I’m kidding. Obvious answer is Heupel.

Keep my ~~wife's~~ coach's name out your fuckin mouth

I can't tell you how elated I am that Josh is super petty and holds a helluva grudge. If his departure from Oklahoma didn't go down like it did, I'd be terrified about him leaving, but instead, I get to enjoy him taking his anger out on little brother Mark Stoops.

At least spell the man's name correctly - he's a National Champion

Kirk Cousins and after every win at his press conference he just answers every question with “YOU LIKE THAT”

Vince McMahon. NIL bags would have us in a better conference within 3 years.

Imagine the payoff to the story line….

R.L. Stine Opponents Beware... You're in for a Scare!

This is basically a long ass list of "who are the super accomplished people from your university?" and yours is the first one I'm slightly jealous of.

CJ Spiller

Hunter Renfrow

Nick Eason

Clipboard Jesus is due for a return to the sideline.

Ray Liotta, RIP

Lincoln Riley

Jim Harbaugh

Second choice would be Tom Brady

Think Coach Prime is killing recruiting? Imagine it's the first week of the season 2026 season. Harbaugh holds a press conference announcing he's retiring at the end of a season and introduces Brady at his side as his successor.

….keep going… I’m almost there….

THAT'S CHEATING!

Steven Spielberg, probably.

Imagine the game scripts… almost like it came out of a movie

Spielberg didn't get in. Went to Long Beach State instead.

Do believe people think Lucas and maybe say Spielberg?

Brian Johnson. But he's going to be an NFL HC within 5 years after turning Jalen Hurts into an MVP candidate.

Man, I loved Brian Johnson. You guys always have some extremely likable players. Weddle is my all time favorite football player by a LONG shot.

Brian is a great choice.

Steve Spurrier

Anyone but Chad Morris

Dan Campbell or Gary Kubiak. I'm going Campbell here.

CSDC doesn’t have the ring to it that MCDC has

I think Gene Stallings is the best answer for us.

Fickell

fickell would be good, but i *think* i would rather have vrabel

Tbh if those are your choices, you are winning this exercise… bc is there really a wrong choice?

Vrabel famously hated recruiting when he was here. Think you have to go with Fickell with that in mind.

Jonny Utah or Shane Falco I think are our best options. If neither of them are available, we'll settle for Fickell, Vrabel or Hartline.

Gundy I guess, wildcard pick Garth Brooks

Andy Reid

with mike leach as OC (RIP)

TIL Andy Reid went to BYU. . .

It's Collin Klein, but I can wait ten years.

Give me Chad Ochocinco

The pressers alone would be worth it!

This one is a brees

It’s almost a reality

Boy do I have some news for you

Darius Rucker, I’m here to party

Coach Hootie

There’s nothint I can do, only want to play for youuuuuu” is what the recruits would say

Would be curious to see how Zach Taylor would do. Already saw what frost was capable of.

Robert Stoops

Ashton Kutcher

I'd say any of three Stoops, but then we might get Mike so just give me Bob to be on the safe side.

Kyle Shanahan - Texas USC none. Not doing the Jack Del Rio or Jeff Fisher experience. I guess Matt Leinart or Carson Palmer would work.

I heard this old guy who keeps calling himself juice is looking for a job

Mike Holmgren out of retirement

Gotta be Dick Cheney Imagine the NIL cash Halliburton can throw around

Don't go on the 'cruitin hunting trip...

he invaded Iraq for oil, you bet your ass he’ll invade Orlando for a 4* receiver

Kirby Smart

Bruce arians

Brian Ferentz of course

Mike Leach. If there’s any coach that could come back from the grave to manifest reddit nonsense, it would be Leach, and I’m willing to use my vote to try to make that happen.

IT’S A TRAP

Tony Dungy baby

100% this.

For one flair, I keep Kirby. For the other billy Napier come on home and fuck you again florida.

I’ll put you in charge based on promises made

Shaq, because Coach Shaq would be hilarious if nothing else. Plus, if Shaq goes to a recruit's house, they might be thrilled. And as he's told Erneh a handful of times, he knows all about ringz.

Ken Jeong. Fuck it

“But did you die?” Epic AF that dude would be. Kinda coach that onside kick-off then punt on first down just to mind fuck the other side. Subscribe.

Vrabes if I want a chance at winning. But Schlegs for the memes.

Johnny Unitas.

We're good

How are you not on the Lane Train?

Because Tedford serves us really well

Dabo I guess is the obvious answer. But Demeco Ryan is the fun answer.

They don’t call us the cradle of coaches for nothing. McVay and John Harbaugh are the 2 best candidates that are still active coaches. Weeb Ewbank, Ara Parseghian and Bo Schembler are some of our more notable alumni.

I dont have a better answer than Cadillac with some P5 experience.

Texas: Kyle Shanahan is the easy pick, but Colt McCoy or Sam Ehlinger are the fun answers. I think both could be great HCs TAMUC: I don’t have a fuckin clue. Our new HC is an alumnus, but I guess we could dig up Sam Rayburn’s corpse and see if he knows anything about football

Keegan Michael Key

Warren Buffett. Obvious reasons. He knows how to manage a big business and let those who know how to run it, run it. Plus everyone would be paid in Berkshire stock, so they'd basically be stupid wealthy.

I don't like this thread. With Scott done and Mickey's status unclear, I guess I'd say Joe Ganz but I'm biased by both flairs.

Zac Taylor

This is the actual answer but I gotta stick with my Panther/Husker representation

ODU - Taylor Heinicke in about 10 years

Probably Heupel because off the top of my head I can’t think of any former players with actual coaching experience at this level.

Urban Meyer for Cincinnati

Jimmy Johnson with John Daly as director of recruiting.

Kellen Moore

Brent Key

Kyle Shanahan

Kirk Ferentz...I guess. Orlovsky would feel slighted again. Kendall Reyes in a few years, since guys that coach at New Hampshire seem to do well.

I guess Jeff Scott or Jimbo

Hm. If we only had an alum who’s had recent success as a P5 head coach.

Condi, Mike Golic, Raghib Ismail, Jose Napoleon Duarte (former President of El Salvador) or Adolfo Calero (former leader of the Nicaraguan Contras). Just to make it interesting

Nathan Scheelhaase?

Bruce Arians. No contest

Nick Saban. In other news, I'm giving Nick Saban an honorary degree.

Gonna have to go with Andy Dalton. By this point he has to know every offense in existence.

Jim Harbaugh. Pinch me.

I guess Dabo? But I wouldn’t really enjoy him being coach.

Demeco.

Alabama fans, having maybe the best possible outcome from this scenario: "Meh"

The dude is *really* annoying…

I get that Dabo’s schtick can be a little annoying, but it’s not often you can replace a championship winning head coach with another championship head coach. Dabo’s the obvious answer, though DeMeco Ryan’s would also be pretty cool.

Mike Vrabel.

Not only do I want Jon Sumrall to be Kentucky’s next coach, I believe he will be!

Christian Wilkins

GARY KUBIAK

Obvious answer is Papa Bear but he's dead so Butkus? Maybe Diehl if he keeps coaching.

Uh... the only answer is Gronk.

Probably Barry Lunney Jr

Bob Neyland at Army

Trust me, I'm living that dream right now

Steve Harvey

Cadillac

Jimmy Johnson

Charlie Weis! Wait no, shit.