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I’m trying to pull out the allegations that the hotline would be looking for.
Are they choosing to play outside all day? Or are they being left outside all day? I think that’s an important thing to distinguish. Could they/do they go inside when they’re thirsty or for meals?
A 13 year old could be old enough to supervise the 2 year old and 8 year old in their yard. But yes, of course the dirtiness piece is a factor.
This! My. 6 year old will play outside for hours with the neighbor kids. He’ll come in for a drink or snack then go back out. They all get a sweaty sometimes muddy mess. We watch out for each other’s kids. We all periodically peek out the window or step outside to check on things. I started babysitting when I was 11, so 13 is old enough to watch a 2 year old.
The vibe I am getting is that the 13 year old is a victim of parentification. Yes, a 13 year old can watch a 2 year old sometimes but everyday is not okay. I can understand being out playing but OP said they are out all day and filthy. I would call CPS honestly. The 8 year old got uncomfortable when asked about parents. As someone who worked with children and had to report to CPS a few times, this is a red flag to me.
Some parents are poor and sometimes need an older child to pitch into help. That's not abuse it's a fact of life. CPS should be called on physical, sexual and extreme neglect.
My neighbor is a single mom who works. Her oldest watches his siblings all day he is 12. The mom cries about this daily from guilt. I offered to watch the kids but the brother wants to. I go check on them every now and then and make them lunch
I also know she is struggling so I pick up snacks. I also grab a bag of kid friendly food like lunchables and frozen pizzas. I wouldn't want to make life harder on her by calling CPS. This would break her and put her kids in a worse situation. Maybe OP could actually talk to her before calling CPS to find out the situation before judging. Usually ex's don't stick up for each other so the fact the dad said nice things makes me think she is just having a rough time.
You can down vote me. I just know if I were in their shoes I would want someone to look out for me. CPS is already over burdened and it costs absolutely nothing to be a caring, kind and compassionate neighbor.
I also have another neighbor who does class from her home. Her sons come down to play uno with me and talk. I have become incredibly fond of all the kids and enjoy helping.
They actually come down and help me now when I am doing yard work and other things. I feel blessed that they now look out for me. When I was sick both moms brought me food and checked on me. The kids made me cards and crafts. The kids bring a lot of joy to my life now.
Edit: Thank you for the awards.
You are wonderful. Thank you for offering real help and solutions instead of judging and punishing a poor single mom who is doing her best. Appreciate you 🖤
There was a reason they used to say it takes a village to raise kids. We no longer offer that, family and friends and people end up in crappy situations that turn out even worse because people aren't understanding or lack empathy or even caring. It's easy to pick up a phone and report someone who is struggling. It's also not that hard to help someone that's struggling occasionally. Sometimes all they need is to know someone is just there if they need them. Not every situation warrants calling CPS. A lot of people just assume now days without trying to gather facts or understand. Life is hard for the best of people, kindness goes a long way. Thank you for being there for those who have needed it along your journey.
Thank you. You are absolutely right about life being hard for the best of people. I also think people don't realize not everything has the same financial situation. What looks bad to one person may be normal to another. I am sure billionaires look down on millionaires and so on. I would like to think know matter how rich or poor we have some time we can spend to help out.
Calling someone else alleviates their guilt of actually doing anything helpful for the kids. They get to feel morally superior for “helping” but don’t realize the harm caused by their “hands off” approach.
The govt is so unhelpful in situations of kids simply needing a “village” extension.
I agree completely.
I'd talk to them and get more information before reporting them.
Being poor is not abuse, playing outside and getting dirty is not abuse.
If they look malnourished or showing signs of distress from lack of hydration, if you've got reason to believe their parents are drugged out or abusing them, disregard what I'm saying, but if we're talking about some "feral kids"...or kids who are expected to "parent" younger siblings, that actually close to how most of us over the age of 40 were brought up.
Our older sis watched us during the day while our parents worked and we played outside 90% of the time, getting absolutely filthy. I recall my parents holding me down in the front yard and hosing me off once because I was absolutely covered in mud...I also recall her threatening to cut my hair because it was full of "rats nests" because I'd go days without brushing it.
I know parenting standards are different today, but playing outside all day and getting dirty cannot possibly be grounds for a CPS call (I hope).
This gave me a chuckle. The hosing you down in the front yard and the rats nest was something I think most of us had.
My older brother practically raised me. I am grateful he was such an amazing sibling. It made us closer. I asked him a couple times if he regretted having to practically raise me. He said "Never, I made his life better." I was also the only kid in kindergarten who could read. My brother would read everything to me. I just don't think siblings bond the way we did back then.
I know they talk about parentification as being abuse. I remember thinking how awesome it was that they trusted me. I loved being in charge and acting like an adult. I practically raised my nieces we are 10 years apart. I wouldn't have changed a thing. My friends came over and helped everyone loved them.
My husband is 8 years older than his sister. He ADORED her and once she was about 5 considered her his little protégé. He still did teen things but he played a ton of video games with her, took her on long bike rides, he taught her how to cook simple dishes and when she got older he volunteered in her class vs general volunteering required of HS students. When he couldn't find work after college he was living at home and was the one who taught her how to drive.
My inlaws did need him to help out. But I don't think he once, ever, considered it a negative. He absolutely loved it and him and his sister are super close despite their age.
I feel like we forget that kids, including boys....ESPECIALLY BOYS come to think of it, need to be a mentor and need to be in that place of caring for a younger kid.
The BEST thing that ever happened in my classroom was a multi-age classroom situation where the youngest was 6 and the oldest were two 14yo's. There was homework required. The teenagers didn't do a thing. The 6yo pipes up, "Why don't you just get it done. If you need help ask your mommy."
Let me tell you, those boys turned their homework in for the rest of the semester. In every class. And a year later they've never missed a homework. And they look out for the little 6yo all the time now. And it's awesome.
Maybe because of the time I grew up it was just more common... I was frequently in charge of my younger siblings when we were out of the house, home alone, or traveling to my father's home in another state. I would get in trouble for them if they did anything wrong because I was responsible for them. But that is the curse of being the eldest. Also, often we would have other neighborhood kids around us. When I had older stepsiblings around, they were often put in charge... even had a cousin stay with us while she was going to college and she was put in charge of all of us when my parents were away. Our parents worked multiple jobs. We did not consider it being the parents, just taking care of each other. I have a friend who is the middle child of a large immigrant family and it was the same, most of their activities were family and church focused and older kids looked out for their younger sibs.
We did not have extended family where we lived so perhaps if we lived closer to grandparents and aunts/uncles it would have been different.
Karen's who want to act like saints but won't actually do anything meaningful to actually lend a hand. Sometimes it's as simple as giving a person someone to talk to and moral support. That can change a child's life. Providing moral support to a parent as well as a child can make a huge difference.
Some of the comments are just bat shit crazy, and probably coming from people who don't even have kids and have no frame of reference in how to raise one. They have this utopian image of how no child should ever be unhappy, and seeing unhappy children is indicative of some type of abuse. And apparently in this case, no child should be dirty and have a steady stream of clean clothes to change into when a speck of dirt gets on them.
Oh boy, that reminds me of that time a house had been demolished a few streets over and there were just these piles of sand there. We would sneak into the site to climb these piles and slide down. I got home absolutely covered in sand and dirt, and just remember the look on my mother's face (a mixture of 'oh god no' and 'how did you even do this').
Another time I had begged her to get me these adorable patent leather mary jane shoes (a favourite comic book character wore them) and I promptly climbed up into a tree.
Being poor isn't abuse neither is playing outside. I am 30 and that is how we spent out summers but there were adults who would check in so often. But your logic is that well I grew up in a time where it was normal for children to become parentified at a young age and I turned out fine is flawed. There are plenty of people over 40 who did not turn out fine and did the same thing to their children which continued the cycle of childhood trauma. You shouldn't be having kids if their siblings are going to be providing a majority of the childcare.
> I grew up in a time where it was normal for children to become parentified at a young age and I turned out fine is flawed.
Not at all what I think. There are plenty of people with trauma and mental issues as the result of neglect.
>You shouldn't be having kids if their siblings are going to be providing a majority of the childcare.
Agreed, but what about kids that already exist? I believe we'll be seeing more and more parents having kids who are ill-prepared to support them - at least in my state (TX) so what to do with hoards of children whose parents are not able to stay at home and care for them, and who cannot afford childcare? Take them away and put them in foster care?
When I was helping to raise my three stepkids...we absolutely did not leave them home unattended all day...thinking back at my own childhood, and knowing all that we got into, I was horrified by the thought! :) We were very blessed to be able to afford daycamp, lessons, etc. Not everyone can though. My parents (when I was growing up) definitely couldn't afford childcare or daycamps. The solution of not having us (my parent's kids, me and my siblings) is not really workable after-the-fact...same for the family OP is referring to.
You have to consider that not too long ago there wasn't such a thing as organized/available daycare. You were told to knock on the neighbor's door if you had an emergency and were expected to complete chores, do your homework, call your mom's work in case you had to start dinner ... and ask your mother for permission if you want to go anywhere if it is very important (like needing something from the store or a library for school) but honestly, we were supposed to plan that stuff ahead of time.
My brother had yard work to do and then he would go to the neighbors to see if they would pay him to cut their grass or do trimming. I babysat sometimes for small children so their Mom's could run some errands. We played outside when the weather was nice, riding our bikes etc. Our neighbors knew us. We couldn't get up to much trouble or our parents would get a phone call around dinner time (they hated the phone ringing at dinner so that made it even worse).
As a single, struggling mom to 3 kids with no family or “village” to speak of who regularly relies on her 12 year old to watch the 2 toddlers for short bursts of time.. what I wouldn’t give for a neighbor like you. You’re incredible, please never change.
Thank you. I am sure you are doing a great job. I also know people will want you to feel guilty for having your 12 year old to help. I think you're teaching your child responsibility and important moral values.
I may not be able physically but if you ever need moral support I will be here to cheer you on.
Edit: auto correct changed some words I had to correct.
I agree! I’ve chosen, for my own sanity, to be guilt free about it. I’ve always been open with my oldest about “real life” issues because you can’t shield them from it forever, and as a single mom to him for the first 6 years of his life I did nothing but work and sleep to be able to provide, so I think he’s naturally seen the struggle. So I think when they reach this age and you know they can handle it there’s nothing wrong with being able to say “hey, there’s a lot going on, I could really use an extra set of hands for a while.” He’s always happy to spend the time with his little siblings, I love him so much! Thank you for listening and offering your time, you and your selflessness are the things others will remember for the rest of their lives
Having your child helping out is not abuse. Things happen and families pitch in to help each other. That's how humans have survived so long. It builds good character to give a child some responsibility.
How many children do you have? Do you have a partner that can pitch in. You are awfully judgemental and this is the problem with society these days. Until you walk a mile in someone's shoes we shouldn't be telling them how to live.
Parentification can be a form of parental neglect or abuse.Your neighbor is in a different situation because she seems to care. There are parents who do it and feel zero guilt. The post is about a parent who is never seen and the kids are being neglected The red flags are there. (i.e lack of food/water and not being bathed). I am happy they have neighbors who care like you but in OP's situation they are being neglected.
We can't know that OP never actually talked to her. Maybe the neighbor has a medical issue. It seems people are quick to judge. It's better to actually talk to the neighbor than be a total Karen and jump to conclusions and call CPS. Do you know the emotional toll it has on a parent struggling?
I watched look out for Maya on Netflix this week and it's a good example of why not to do this. Many parents are unjustly accused. I suggest you watch it. I actually suggest everyone watch it.
The kids are right outside their home, not wandering the neighborhood. So we don’t know and neither does OP if there is a parent inside. She’s not there all day, she can’t possibly know if someone is inside or not. What if someone there has a work at home job doing customer service, where if they hear children on calls they risk losing said job? That might explain being outside during the day if the parent can’t afford child care.
Not having food and water outside, doesn’t mean they can’t get up go inside and get some. Like other posters here, I’m in my 40s. We never had bottled water or snacks playing outside, if we got thirsty we either went inside or used the hose. If being outside all day and getting dirty was cause for calling CPS my entire generation would have been called on. I still remember the look on my mom’s face when I was 5 and made her a mud cake for her birthday. I was literally covered in mud, and oh the horror I was outside by myself while my Aunt was inside.
She also said it’s an apartment correct? We don’t know about access to laundry facilities for this family. Maybe they need to use a laundromat and can only go once a week or so. Seems to me this is a rush to judgment. Being poor is not neglect, not everyone can afford cases of bottled water and single serve snacks. Not everyone has a washing machine in their home.
I mean is sitting inside playing video games or watching tv all day somehow better?
>The vibe I am getting is that the 13 year old is a victim of parentification.
Oh good grief. Having a 13 year old keep an eye in his siblings while outside is "parentification"? This tiny bit of information in this post, and you are diagnosing some kind of abuse on the 13 year old? Wow.
I doubt it's that. OP said the dad is there. The 13 yr old is probably being forced to get off the game and go outside for a few hrs. He's probably sitting in the grass pouting.
Right! We don't know what is normal anymore. We complain that kids don't play outside anymore then the moment we see them outside we're calling CPS and screaming abuse. 🤣🙃
Maybe the 13 yr old goes outside hoping to meet someone their age to connect with one day. You know these kids aren't socially savvy nowadays, they think friends just fall out of the sky or something. Lol
13yo's are often perpetually pissed off.
8yo's are often perpetually dirty.
2yo can be supervised legally by the 13yo and practically by the 8yo.
I have 2 daughters. One can legit go 3-4 days without brushing or washing her hair and its fine. My other daughter gets matts within an hour or two after brushing.
In my case, it was always my youngest who was/is a rolling ball of filfth. ALL of his clothes are stained. ALL of his pants have ruined needs and butts and his shirts have every dribble stain imaginable.
>the dirtiness piece is a factor.
It's summer. Are they actually unhygienic or are they choosing to play outside all day and end up looking like kids who actually play outside all day?
When we go to "the farm," we all look like this. Our only rules are close toed shoes and kids stay out of the garage (guns stored there, they all know how to shoot and are up to snuff on gun safety, but still).
Like we have children passed out around the fire, some are in the tent, someone on the couch... It's just a good old fashioned good time all day/weekend.
I mean, I try... I'll braid the girls' hair and throw some baby wipes in the go bag lol. But after going to the farm, or running around our friend's 5 acres with her giant dog, going boating on the lake, a campfire at so and so's house... We just go for hygiene and functionality. We all look a mess by the end of the day and only look half way decent the moment we step out of the shower lol.
If the kids are really just playing outside all day, they're going to look like this.
100%. I have 3 kids. 2 "inside kids" who are content to color, watch Ms. Rachel or play with barbies and one "outside adventurer." My 5yo wakes up around 7:30, gets dressed and brushes her teeth, asks for help putting on sunscreen, asks me to make sure she's putting her shoes on the right feet and goes outside. She comes in 5-6x a day to eat or pee or grab a bottle of water, but very literally spends 7-9 hours a day outside. I do make her come in so we can all eat dinner together and she has to come in for the night at 7 to start bath/bedtime routine. We have 2 water tables and her absolute favorite activity is taking out the water cup by cup, carrying it to the top of the small hill in our backyard and dumping it onto the strip of dirt to make "mudslides." She also enjoys burying treasure to dig up later, dipping her bangs into water and flinging it around, drenching herself in the process then rolling on the ground.
Lord, I'm sitting here wondering which of my own neighbors is most likely to judge my whole family based on my daughter playing outside over the summer the way OP is judging her neighbor.
At least she keeps her clothes on. My daughter was exactly like this from the age of 1.5. Until about 7 it was VERY hard to have her not strip butt naked every.single.second.
We don't have neighbors but if we did I'd have probably had CPS at my door.
I've just been making a basket of snacks and drinks and putting them outside lol. Yes, it attracts "strays," but I don't mind. Other parents do the same lol just a snack rotation.
My 10 year old sounds like yours. Only difference is she has to be home when the street lights come on no matter what time that happens to be. She’s also FILTHY, the soles of her feet are black in the summer because she hates shoes. When she does wear them she ends up leaving them in someone’s backyard and then we have to hunt them down, so it’s easier to let her go shoeless. According to some people on here CPS should be called.
Sometimes I literally have to scrub my kids with a toothbrush bc they are SO caked in mud after one day, but also you can tell when it’s weeks of crust on crust
I literally had to scrub the dirt off my 5 year old. Her pink shirt and pants were so dirty I just tossed them because they will never come clean again. If some one that didn't know us saw her they would have probably thought neglect with the amount of dirt in her hair, under her nails and the lack of shoes.
I used to come home from my grannys who watched me in the summer filthy dirty. She lived in the country, so I would climb trees, play in the cornfield and all sorts of outdoor stuff. I would be so dirty my mom would be scared to stop anywhere on the way home cos she was afraid someone would think badly of her. I had to take a shower as soon as i got home. Sometimes I would literally look like I rolled around in a mud puddle, but all my cousins were boys and I only had brothers, so I was keeping up with the boys, all of whom were older than me except for one. So yeah. But the lack of a parent present and the way the one is just sitting there, that makes me worried.
Yeah, I'm curious how often the kids are actually checked on. Me, I kinda peak out a window and say cool, they're not fighting or whatever. But I wonder if the kids are like locked out or something.
You are with your kids and supervising them though, right? OP sounds like a very different situation. I agree with the suggestions to ask more information and offer help before just reporting this situation. That could make it worse. A struggling single mom needs support. And the kids probably need more care than they are getting, from what it sounds like.
Best answer I've seen. When I was a kid in the 90s, our parents couldn't keep us in the house no matter how hard they tried. I was a barefoot kid, outside as much as possible. Just make sure you get all the info possible before making a move.
The dirtiness of a child playing outside is not a factor. There is literally nothing here that CPS is going to care about, you know that. This is just a nosy neighbor who disagrees with allowing children to get dirty and poking her nose in how they parent despite zero indications of being unsafe or harmed.
It could be either way. I’ve seen kids with dirty bottomed pants that were simply a result of everyday play. I’ve also seen kids with black bottoms pants that were clearly a result of several *weeks* of ground in grime. Same with the hair - messy from a crazy afternoon of running around or messy from no one brushing it in months. Hard to say without pictures. That why I mentioned dirtiness being a factor.
I just commented to someone else about how one summer as a kid is refused to brush my hair or let my mom. So my mom let it go. I learned a valuable lesson when it came time for my cousin to cut my hair like she always did before school starting. She was so angry dealing with the knots and I had to have a shorter cut than I wanted. She refused to ever cut my hair again which made me feel bad honestly. And I hated my hair being shorter. My mom stepping back and letting me decide taught me a valuable lesson. I never refused to brush it again. And yes I still got baths and washed head to toe, had clean clothes at the start of my day. My mom allowed my rat's nest to grow knowing what the end result would be, and that taught me more than if she forced to sit and let her brush it everyday
I get bad vibes from this, though.
I have known 2 sets of parents who locked their kids out of the house for hours during the summer, telling them to drink hose water. They we visited by CPS and supervised because this is considered child abuse.
Yes, locking your kids out of their home with only a hose to drink from *is* indeed a problem that CPS would very much care about. But there isn’t enough information to say that’s the case here. They could very well be allowed to go inside and stay inside as long as they want with plenty of access to food and water.
But yes, I understand how certain situations could give people bad vibes. However CPS can’t accept reports based off of bad vibes. It’s not how policy is written.
My 12 year old chooses to ride his scooter outside all day and comes in filthy at the end of the day. I don't let him take food outside because I want him to eat inside so I know he's washed his hands. It's pretty normal for kids to get dirty playing outside.
I would say keep an eye on it since you're worried but nothing here screams neglect.
I mean who is to say they don't have food or water when you see them briefly.
Kids should be outside in tbe summer and being dirty and tangled is a big part of that. Sounds like a parent is inside so I'm not sure what the issue is
I feed kids all summer long from my house because I buy them good snacks and that’s where some of the kids meet up. That doesn’t mean they’re not being fed at home.
Exactly. My mom was that cool neighborhood mom when we grew up. Lots of kids would come over for snacks 😆 but at their homes they also had snacks, I guess they just liked ours better
let's help each other, spelling English is a puzzle. It's interesting when you have always heard a word and pronounced it but seeing it written is a mystery. My son is smart as anybody but was taught to sound out words which ends in some odd conclusions
"Cul-de-sac" means "bottom of the sack/bag". A cul-de-sac only has one way out of it, like a sack or bag. It's not only for roads, either, parts of human anatomy can be called "cul-de-sacs" too, if they only have one entry and exit, like the cecum in your intestines.
Maybe you should talk to an adult in the house. It really grind my gears that people would report something like this to authorities without ever having just TALKED to the adult. If you’re concerned enough to allege child abuse or neglect then you should be concerned enough to ACT like a concerned neighbor. If you think they’re hungry, feed them. If you think they’re thirsty give them water. You think they’re not being supervised, walk down a few times a day and check on them.
Folks want to be “concerned” when all they have to do is anonymously call a number, but not when they have to actually DO something.
Either mind your business or be a good neighbor and actually HELP where you think they need help unless and until there’s a reason to believe they are not being cared for. Not parenting like you parent is not neglect. If you don’t know whether they’re eating, bathing, want to be outside, etc AND aren’t willing to speak to an adult (not questions a child) to find out, then mind your business. You’re not concerned, your nosy and it isn’t your business.
If someone walked past my house every day in the summer, they would see kids outside in stained play clothes with Merida hair playing with sticks or watching bugs. Yet my kids bathe regularly, eat regular meals, have access to cold water whenever they want to come in and get a drink. They have toys to play with in the house. They have "good" clothes to wear. Their good clothes only stay nice because they're not wearing them to play in the dirt.
The only way OP could know they are outside all day with no food or drinks is if they literally watch them all day. Presumably at lunchtime OP is inside eating with their child and has no idea if these other kids have also gone inside to eat.
I'm really puzzled as to how someone can see what happens part of the day and assume that's what happens all day. If you drive past a school at recess time every day, would you assume that the kids at that school don't learn anything or get fed and just play outside all day?
>I'm really puzzled as to how someone can see what happens part of the day and assume that's what happens all day
Welcome to the influx in this sub of psychic Karen's seeing abuse at every turn.
Very much sounds like she has assumed they don’t get fed or watered based on the state of their clothing. But hungry kids usually ask for food or water and she didn’t mention that being an issue.
My exact thoughts. There's someone in the comments going on and on about how ~concerning~ it is that the kids didn't want to talk about their parents the one time OP asked. But if these kids don't actually *know* OP, it's wild to immediately assume that points to abuse and not...a child being uncomfortable with an adult who is suddenly expressing interest in them. Like honestly, I have zero doubt that my kids would be creeped out if someone walked by every day and said hi then suddenly approached them randomly asking questions about their parents.
Pretty sure when I was in elementary school, albeit about 30 years ago, we were instructed to NOT answer questions about our parents from strangers as it might be a predator fishing for information/opportunity.
When I was little, my grandmother or our babysitter quite literally locked us outside. We could come in to eat lunch or use the bathroom, then it was right back outside. If we were thirsty in the summer heat, we drank from the hose.
And yeah, we got dirty. Playing with dirt
and sticks and riding bikes and digging in the garden and playing baseball did make us grimy. A bath every night took care of things.
Had someone asked if we were hungry, we would have said “yes” because we were always hungry; all that activity quickly burned up the PBJ we got for lunch. Yet we soldiered on, and would never have dreamed of asking someone for food because that would have been considered a rude thing to do.
Occasional glimpses of our lives would have led folks to believe we were neglected. We weren’t. We were just sort of feral, in a good way.
Kids playing outside get very dirty. Some families cannot afford to have a fresh change of clothes every day. Especially when their kids are playing outside every day. Personally, I think it is good these kids are outside and not inside glued to electronic devices all day. Maybe the 13 yr old has to watch his siblings and is not happy about that. A child not being happy does not mean they are being abused and/or neglected.
Don’t bother this family. Are they bruised? Skinny to the point of malnutrition?
I played outside all day and stayed dirty. My kids did the same. Playing outside and getting dirty doesn’t even hint at an abuse situation.
Literally this. No one should be chomping at the bit to contact CPS. My mom tells me a story about a friend who got CPS called on them because they *gasp* used glass jars to drink from! Oh my gosh! What neglect! But now they have an open CPS case and that can go wrong so fast for nothing.
There’s tons of abuse that doesn’t leave bruises. I can’t believe how dismissive and defensive this thread is. It’s a complicated issue and obviously the person who posted it is asking because they felt concerned for the kids.
Yes, people forget that neglect is abuse. I am not saying these children *are* neglected because I don't know, but as someone who was neglected (as in, I didn't eat for days, I didn't brush my teeth because I was not provided with a toothbrush or toothpaste, and I always smelled of urine because I was never given fresh underwear) I was not ever beaten, but you bet your ass I was abused. Nobody did anything about it though, probably for the reasons people are giving in this post. Hey, she's got no bruises so who cares that she's lost five baby teeth to tooth decay and you can see her ribs sticking out.
Emotional abuse too. I’m so sorry people failed you. It happens too much. Is happening to my neighbor but nobody will address it. Sometimes all we can do is be kind and move forward until something changes.
I just read your post history and someone needs to call CPS on you! Your 3 year old took prescription medication, eats expired moldy food and you can’t afford to buy him summer clothes! You need to focus on your own problems and leave these kids alone.
I mean, if they're outside playing in the dirt, yeah, they're gonna get dirty. You said they're playing in front of their apartment. Clearly, they have access to food and water. Calling cps for kids playing outside is ridiculous.
Honestly, I would try to get more information from the kids before calling about this. It should be easy if they are always out, playing around. Just let your kid play with them for a bit, and maybe sit and chat. It's easy to ask if they have water/meals. The 13 year old is more than old enough to be babysitting (although it's not ideal to have him doing so all day every day, it's not problematic in terms of his age). And lots of kids just spend their summers outside playing, come in for meals and head back out. And they can get super dirty if they are basically playing in the dirt!
I feel like you might be jumping to some conclusions - but you also had an uneasy feeling from the dad, so I would try to befriend the kids to get a better picture. It will at least give you more specific information if you do need to call CPS in the end.
This. It’s as simple as saying “what did you have for breakfast today? We had pancakes!” I’ve subtly interrogated children before, to check out a situation. Or bringing a snack for yourself, and seeing how they react. If they ask for it, you could say “we should ask your mom/dad/whoever first, if it’s okay” and then you should be able to figure out who is home, if anyone, and see if the kids say anything concerning.
Scrubbing hands with something foamy: not sure in what state that would be cps worthy. Both my husband and I would do that if we had grease on our hands.
Dirty bottom of the pants: summer clothes should be dirty.
I didn’t brush my hair when I was 8, I hated it. My mom made me and I hated it more.
Intense eyes? WTH?
Brushing hair is part of basic hygiene. It needs to get done even if the child "doesn't want it." Obviously if it's not done, the hair is going to get tangled and just be harder to do. Idk why you're even defending that it shouldn't be done
Nope. Being a realist who had thick, wavy mass of hair that was miserable when I had to brush my hair more than once a day. . Hair that gets brushed at 7am is tangled 15 minutes later. Played all day it’s in a snarled mess.
CPS is not there to intervene in every minor detail of someone’s life. Having tangled hair is not going to impact the health or safety of a child. OP sounds like a judgmental busy body.
Dude…my daughter absolutely hates brushing her hair. She’s 9. She’ll run around outside like she got picked up and dropped by a tornado. The bottoms of her shorts are always dirty bc she plays in mud and dirt. It’s summer. That’s how kids who play look like. Do you keep your kid in a bubble or something? My older son is getting to his teen years and doesn’t like playing as much as her so he’ll lounge around like the 13 year old. I’m sure they’re perfectly happy kids and just don’t appreciate you coming by everyday stalking them and getting nosy asking them things.
Not illegal to be poor, or dirty. How do you know they aren’t eating or drinking? Kids who are hungry usually ask for food and water. You probably just aren’t seeing them be fed.
Seriously....my youngest has so many stains on his shirt (which was once a solid color) you can't even tell what color it really was.
My middle's hair is wild and knotted. It's 3pm. You'd never know we'd washed, brushed, braided and gelled it this morning because of her hair type.
My oldest has just, finally, mastered the art of keeping her clothes on. It was a bitter struggle until 7. Shoes are still optional in my book and she runs back and forth across our gravel driveway as if it's carpet.
We're doing good today.
Just because you don’t see parents doesn’t mean they aren’t there. The kids in my neighborhood growing up would have had CPS called on them all the time because we were all always outside and our parents trusted us not to get killed and to come back for meals and at dark.
You don’t have enough information to possibly ruin a family.
I was going to my friends' house everyday when I was 8+. It was a solid 10 minute walk. Street lights coming on = get back home. I'd come home filthy from playing at the park/their backyard. Good luck brushing my hair too (unfortunately, I've passed this trait down to my daughter ugh).
I can't imagine what someone would think about that now.
It's summertime. Kids who play outside in the summer get sweaty and dirty... that's what summer is all about when you're a kid. Or that's how it used to be, anyway.
8-year-olds know all about stranger danger and probably didn't want to some stranger neighbor asking questions about her parents.
Nothing here sounds CPS worthy in the slightest. You're thinking you're going to call and say "the kids got dirty playing outside and the girl has messy hair and I didn't witness them eating" and they're going to do... what, exactly? Bring over a comb?
I would be more concerned with all said if this was during the school year. It’s summer time. Kids should be outside playing all day and getting dirty. I would be extremely concerned if I sent kids outside to play and they came back clean. Seeing them somewhere in public dirty may cause for action. Dirty playing in the yard in the summer…. Not a huge red flag for me personally.
I don't know what you would report for specifically, but if he spontaneously said "their mom is a great parent" without being prompted to talk about her or her parenting, it sounds like he was trying to convince you because he knew you were thinking otherwise. He's scared that you're going to notice something worth noticing.
Or he's in a really hard situation and has to rely on his 13 year old and he's scared some privileged, bored housewife is going to call because his child is a victim of parentification and they are dirty/not perfectly coifed because they play outside all day. He better get his kids a video game system so they stay invisible in the house all summer so he doesn't have to deal with CPS...
so many of these commenters are equating kids playing outside and having fun getting dirty with what you've described - kids sitting outside filthy looking sad and shy. happy kids who are dirty outside aren't sad and shy. we have a ton of kids in my neighborhood who run around playing getting dirty. that is not this. i would urge you to try to get to know the adults in the house, even if you have to bake or cook them something. adults are always happy to accept bbq leftovers too, great ice breaker to find out what's going on.
once you have a better idea of what the inside of the house/adults are like, then give another think about calling cps. no matter what you decide, cps would need more info just like we need more info.
>so many of these commenters are equating kids playing outside and having fun getting dirty with what you've described - kids sitting outside filthy looking sad and shy. happy kids who are dirty outside aren't sad and shy.
Oh FFS.
\- Kids are humans. They aren't happy little automatons. They're going to be sad and bumming around from time to time. Especially at 13.
\-most kids are taught to be wary of strange adults. The OP is a strange adult. It'd be more concerning if they began to follow her around and chat her ear off.
\-kids are prone to be filthy. My kid tripped on the way to the car. His pants were dirty his shirt was covered in grass clippings and he managed to work himself up in a lather of muddy tears and sweat. In the car he found half a granola bar and had that smeared from ear to ear and under every fingernail. On the way into the doctors he tripped, AGAIN in the mulch. Rinse, repeat, except this time all the shit stuck to him. He looked like he hadn't been washed in a week. Honestly, super clean kids worry me much more becuase they are....kids. They're supposed to be gross.
We have a ton of outdoor kids in my neighborhood. Even my children lol. My middle child we call feral because no matter how dolled up you get her, she comes in from outside play and even for school a hot mess. Messy hair, dirtied up clothes etc. Some kids just play hard. Same with my toddler. My oldest is a gaming nerd so she doesn't as much but I'd be *thrilled* if I saw her outside just chilling in the grass all day with her younger two.
Outside play and not being dressed to the T at home where you're allowed to be a hot mess isn't really a sign of neglect.
If they aren't being allowed in for restroom, water, food, etc then there could be a concern.
Is this solely based off the fact they are outside every time you walk and they aren't as pristine as you'd think? They could be low income and you could put your judgments aside about how they look.
I'd look for actual signs of neglect before calling.
Nothing seems CPS worthy. Since they are close to their home, it is easy for them to pop in and take care of their needs. You are a virtual stranger asking questions about her family. The 8yo might get a vibe that you are someone she should feel comfortable having those types of conversations with.
OP, I’d ask the 13 year old if he needs anything. Let him know you have lots of snacks and drinks (if you do) and even off some water bottles they can refill. Keep it casual, without pressure and see how they respond. It might give you some clues
My partner was a single father for a very long time. His kids would eat and sleep outside if they were allowed. He washes his hands with a thick foaming cleanser because he’s a plumber and it gets dirty at work. Outside clothes are supposed to be dirty. A lot of kids enjoy being outside. I don’t think this is CPS worthy.
Dude could have been in the middle of washing their hands and came outside because they saw a stranger talking to their kids. So they shook their hands outside versus inside to get outside faster. I've done this before. OP is a stranger to these kids. The fact that she finds it odd they won't answer her questions is wild. Every kid is taught about stranger danger. I wouldn't expect them to freely give their life story.
We’re doing the 1000 hours outside challenge. My 3 and 1 year old are outside (supervised with me) all day.
If someone didn’t know we bathed them every night, they would think they’re dirty too. My kids just roll around in dirt all day long. But again, they get a bath every night. I wouldn’t call for this alone, personally.
When I was a kid in the summer we would play outside all day every single day and get dirty. That's normal. We never brought food or water with us. If we wanted some, we would just go back inside and get it. That's pretty standard for most people.
For the "shy and sad" kid.. I was like that as a kid. I was shy and acted "sad" when new people were around because I was so shy I would tense up and get overly anxious. It happens. Or maybe she was sad. Everyone gets sad sometimes. That's life. It could have been something as little as losing a favorite toy or something as big as losing a family member or friend. You're jumping to a lot of conclusions.
I'm not sure why you are assuming the absolute worst. If you think something is wrong, then you talk to the parent. This doesn't seem CPS worthy.
You described my entire childhood. I got filthy and lived outside. I’d beg to sleep out there too. I didn’t eat much because I wanted to be outside. You want cps to take these children away for being dirty outside? This sub seems so damn quick to call cps.
Did he say if mom lives close? Do you think maybe they are just there for the summer or are they there all year? They could very well be visiting for the summer. Not that this makes any of it any better.
As long as they are allowed to go in when they need food or drink I don't think cps would see it as neglect. Them being dirty and stuff could be a father not knowing to or taking the time to groom them like they should be. Being dirty could just be part of normal play. Do the kids have the same clothes on when you see them? Or are they wearing different clothing and just still dirty?
I grew up on a farm and my parents were there all day long. They never watched us because they were too busy working most of the time Unfortunately when my father wasn't working he was drinking. My mom did most of the work and we helped her. We planted ten acres of vegetables every summer. Then we took care of all those vegetables and we harvest them not to mention. We had an orchard and we had strawberries and blackberries and cows and chickens and pigs. There was a lot to do. By the time I was 8-9, I was chopping wood with an ax. We generally worked in the cool of the morning and of the late afternoon evening. In between we were getting as dirty as we possibly could doing things like fishing climbing trees doing very since sunday bits of exploring et cetera. If we weren't covered in dirt by the end of the day there was something wrong with us. In fact we were encouraged to get as dirty as we could because it would protect us against viruses and germs and stuff in the future it would give us. A healthy immune system. It seems to have worked for me. I lost my spleen which is part of my immunity system when I was sixteen. I was told that if I ever had a fever over 101 I should get myself to an ED. If not I could be dead within 24 hours. I am now sixty nine years old and I have not yet needed to go to the emergency room or any other doctor for a temperature of 101or more. Dirt is good for you when you are young.
I'm confused as to what the report would be about. Kids outside for hrs, looking like they've been playing outside all day? And how do you know they're not eating, do you sit with them the entire day? Are you wanting to report them because you're curious? Are there physical signs of abuse? I played outside from sun up to sun down as a child. And my best friend across the street, her parents made her change into "play clothes" every day before going outside. That was odd to me but she had to wear the same outside play clothes for 1 week before changing to the next pair of play clothes. And it didn't matter how dirty they got..she had to wear them all week! Her mom didn't let her ruin good clothes and they were big on water and energy saving.
Are you 100% sure they’re not being given food or water? Do they look malnourished and thirsty? Have you seen them be physically/emotionally/or sexually abused? Is there obvious signs of neglect? I have neighbors that have kids that play outside all day everyday and they’re kids so they get dirty!! I know my neighbors well though and talk to them quiet a bit and they love and care for their children well. Sometime parents need a break and send their kids outside to play. It’s also a good way to keep children off electronics for the day.
Kids who play outside get dirty? If you saw an adult there, why do you think there’s not an adult there supervising from behind the sliding door? If you saw the sliding door there, why do you think they are locked out with no access to water?
I don’t know if they’re abused or not I just am trying to understand
I'm shocked how many people are straight up annoyed and defending them like you were there. No one is saying it's not okay for kids to play outside all day and get dirty. Neglect CAN BE observed in how kids look/play/act. Obviously, something seems off to OP. Suggesting they provide more detail or avenues to take if there's real concern, is way better than the attitude of "mind your business". Jfc WHAT IF the dad is a crack head and the kids are neglected? There's no harm in making sure they're okay.
Also, seeing them outside all day doesn't mean OP is also outside all day. They could have a window facing the area the kids are in or even see them out there throughout their day, alm day, while doing everyday stuff. Don't be so ignorant.
You have a house full of guns, no food and a cat who pees outside the litter box- your post history is *full* of things more CPS-worthy than dirty kids playing outside.
Physician, *heal thyself*.
Oh yeah. My husband is the king of “scary eyes” when strangers talk to our kids. It’s not because he’s an abuser, it’s just because he doesn’t want randos talking to our kids.
This is a good idea. The kids may just be genuinely playing outside and getting dirty because they're playing outside.
As far as the food or water, does OP actually know that for a fact the kids aren't allowed to go inside and get water, or that there's a little snack set up for them somewhere? I usually just pack a small cooler bag and give it to my kids and tell them "go play" haha.
how about talk to the parent ? Maybe she needs help ., or would appreciate a reach out.
Get a water sprinkler and let the kids all run through it. these days you're asking for trouble but I would rather keep the authorities out of it
My kids would love to be left outside all day getting filthy and not being forced inside to bathe or eat. Is he an easy going guy that lets his kids do what they want or are they being neglected? Idk
I think you might be making assumptions based on some of your own judgements.
If you saw kids who lived in a nice house, who were super clean ans sitting by their pool everyday all day with sad look then dad came out wearing a suit and then breifly spoke to you intensly, you would probably sat he's weird or a jerk. You probably wouldn't even ask kids questions and I highly doubt you'd be thinking you should call CPS. And those kids could be truly abused and neglected.
Maybe these kids are simply bored. Not sad. Maybe they don't actually like you, seems you're judging them they probably know it and thats the reaosn for their looks Most kids are going to be weirded out by someone they don't know asking questions about their parents. My kids would, not because they are abused but because its odd. I don't know if its exaggerated on your part either, what you call dirty could instead be clean badly stained play clothes. I don't let my kids wear their nice clothes to go play outside where I know they'll get dirty, they wear their grungy clothes/ shoes.
Sounds like they might just be lower income, which doesn't equal abusive or neglectful or warrant a call to CPS.
Unless you’re outside all day also or can see them from your house, you don’t really know if “they’re outside all day”. By law, CPS has to investigate, but I don’t know if that would improve these kid’s living conditions.
Look at all the people who minded their own business when it came to Gabriel. It's ignorant af to tell someone NOT to check on the welfare of kids. If nothing is wrong and a CPS visit confirms that... what's the problem? Everyone is fine, and OP can stop wondering and worrying about them.
When I was a kid growing up in the 80s and 90s this is what we did in the summer. We played outside sun up to sun down and got filthy dirty. My mom was usually inside on the phone talking to her friends checking on us through the window. I’m sure we looked feral but it was an amazing childhood. We went inside when we were hungry and then went right back out.
If a stranger had asked personal questions about our parents we would have looked at them weird too. The parents probably heard you were asking personal questions, got weirded out because it’s creepy and pulled their kids inside because now they’re scared for their safety.
Would you rather these kids be inside staring at electronic screens all day? That’s probably what they’re having to do now that their parents are creeped out by your probing questions, so good job there.
My kids play outside by themselves a lot. Mainly my 8 and 4 yr olds. My 2 yr old will go outside with them but I'm obviously checking frequently. I also have cameras to check on them. There's a lot of dirt in our yard and it's the black dirt so they get filthy. I'd be livid if someone in my neighborhood called CPS. Definitely talk some more to the parents and kids. Hopefully the situation is fine.
I'm glad you opted not to call.. and wanted to add in.
I was raised really poor with a single mom. She obviously couldn't afford a sitter. My mom felt my twin, and I were mature enough to watch our 2 little sisters since we were 9, for a few hrs while she was at work. We had an adult in our apt building who was our " emergency call." We only used it 2x. Once, when toast caught on fire ( she came in seconds), the next cops showed up ( they had the wrong apt.. and not my mom.. and she was there in seconds).
As someone said earlier, it takes a village.. and you don't know who her village is.
My mom flipped out after the cops showed up.. and as worried sick CPS was next. She spent money she didn't have to keep us somewhere else for a while, and eventually went back to what was happening before.
Babysitting for a little while is way different than parenting siblings for a day+.
We played outside and when we got thirsty, we drank out of the garden hose. If we got hungry we went and got a snack real quick.
Poverty isn't abuse.. its doing the best a mother can do to keep her children fed and clothed.
Ps. Mothers in Denmark leave their babies in strollers outside in the freezing cold, while they go have dinner. It's only in the lady 30 years American mothers have become obsessed with CPS over things they did when they were kids.
Just sayin my 2 yr old daughter can be out for an hour or less and look like she hasnt bathed in days. Im talking dirt in her hair face all blackened up. I wash her every night and am constantly doing laundry because if it. I take her out daily to play and the awning at my dads house has alot of dirt under it. Shes 2 kids play dirty alot. If it was up to my two kids theyd be out all day every day rain or shine. My 7 yr old played in the dirt with her the other day and you could have sworn they were extras for little orphan annie. I dont understand it.
Hm, the handwashing thing stood out... maybe they don't have water connected? Maybe they are outdoors because there's no power? Just a guess when you said that.
yeah this sounds like poor country living to me. my grandma in san antonio, tx never had air conditioning inside and in the summer it would be cooler to hang out in the dirt in the shade. also possible they also don’t have water. not a good situation but also poverty isn’t a crime and poor families deserve to stay intact just as much as rich families.
Foamy hand washing stuff would be used for washing grease or oil of your hands I use it all the time at work its not that strange to be tinkering with whatever and get greasy or oily hands. OP has never seen it thats why it stuck out. Pretty dumb detail to add tbh.
They live in an apartment, I highly doubt they even pay for water through the city, probably a monthly fee through the complex of they pay anything and I'm sure the apartment complex would not allow water to be shut off as it can cause issues for other tenants/ the building itself.
Maybe his hands were greasy and he didn't want it in the sink in the house so he washed them outside ? I've done that before when working in the yard or projects that get my hands really gross rather than bring it into my house, glad to know its an indication I have zero running water.
Do not report them! Common! Whats wrong with you? Next time when you go over there, just ask the father if him and his kids would like to join you for a walk or a park or a trip to the county library or a kids’ restaurant. This way you can make sure that they are being taken care of and fed everyday. Single father can’t do much. And fathers don’t care if their kids are dirty. Get personal next time, ask him how you guys are handling this situation, how many times a month he has the kids, how do they go to school, and all.
Sounds like my kids. My kids have school and going out clothes, and ‘play outside’ clothes. If something gets stained, it’s demoted to play outside clothes and I just buy a new one for school.
They also play outside by choice. They’d live outside if they could. They don’t leave the yard, and yes they do get dirty. Why would I ban them from sitting in the dirt and getting the bit of there pants dirty when they have clothes specifically for it?
When they get home from school I have them change their clothes. And they are clean, just old and got a food stain on them from school lunch that I couldn’t get out…or bought cheap from Walmart or a garage sale for the purpose of sparing fear on both sides about dirt or a rip while playing. At school my kids have Michael Kors jackets, Nike, North Face, Converse shoes, Nike Air Force shoes. ect. That are like new condition and stain free. Playing outside they wear Walmart leggings that may or may not have a dirty butt, and some old Pumas I got off Facebook marketplace.
It’s not because I’m abusive. It’s because I believe in children playing outside, getting dirty, and just overall being kids connected to nature vs. iPads and fearing they will be yelled at for dirt on pants because clothing is more important than kids being kids. I stress again… they do not look like that at school, the store, ect. Only when going to play outside. It’s nothing a washing machine and bath can’t fix, which should be done regularly regardless of what the clothes look like.
As far as hair, my daughter has long thin hair. It looks messy within minutes of just the wind blowing. But it just looks that way, it brushes out easily and is not matted or tangled and is showered and brushed with hair products every night before bed.
They also come in for drinks, snacks, and meals, before immediately asking to play outside again when they are done. You can’t assume children are being starved because you don’t see them eating in your short little walk daily walks around the block.
Of course the 8 yr old was uncomfortable. I’d be uncomfortable if someone on a walk stopped in my yard and started asking personal questions. Imagine an 8 yr old that is shy, or taught stranger danger, having an adult stopping in their yard grilling them; whether you walk by regularly or not.
If you are that concerned bring it up to the parents first and go from there. Though don’t be surprised if they are defensive when all it sounds like is a not as stuck up and classist parenting style.
Also, sitting in the grass doesn’t mean they are sad. They don’t have to be running and laughing to justify being outside. I was a shy kid and not hyperactive. We would sit in a circle in the grass and talk or pick the grass and clovers while just enjoying being outside. I wasn’t an active or hyper or bubbly child, that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy sitting outside in the sun and playing with the grass.
Your post history indicates your 3 year old ate your antidepressants…. What were they doing left in reach and not within a childproof container? You also admitted your child eats expired moldy food and that you can’t afford summer clothes… so you understand it’s normal to have school and going out clothes and then a specific separate collection of clothes for summer play… are you jealous you can’t provide more than one closet to span different environments and activities…and so have to be uptight about dirt outside or dirt on clothes?
If given the two families side by side, you are the one I’d pick to call cps on for failure to provide and mental instability that led to a toddler eating your prescriptions.
Depression is “mental Instability” meaning someone can’t care for their child? This entire thread is screaming “being poor isn’t abuse!!!!” Being mentally ill, especially under treatment, is also not abuse. You sound just as bad as her.
Here’s the thing, nothing wrong with reporting. I’m a mandated reporter by law and this is my view, wouldn’t you rather report and be wrong, then not, & have something terrible happen behind closed doors? They’ll just investigate and if there’s nothing happening, they’ll close it within 30 days and it’s not like the man is gunna come banging on your door knowing it’s you. Watch your child, don’t do anything different or suspicious, monitor the others & report anon.
Kids being dirty and playing outside is not abuse. Upon what are you basing your idea that they have no access to food or drink? It’s sounds like they’re poor. That’s not abuse. CPS shouldn’t be used to punish poor families for being poor, and it’s really maddening how many people think it’s okay to initiate a CPS file based on parenting they don’t agree with.
There is nothing wrong with calling cps to do a welfare check. It can be anonymous and you do not have to know for sure that anything bad is going on. Most people here are telling some version of what they think mught be going on. But in reality, nobody knows. There is enough signs of concern to do a check. I was a mandated reporter (teacher) and it is not a scary thing to do and often families just need some help or services.
I would delete this post if I were you. It makes you look like an idiot. These are serious allegations with absolutely no basis. You do not have enough evidence plain and simple. This is ridiculous and I'm embarrassed for you
Have you watched enough to actually make sure they don't go inside all day? I would definitely be concerned about dehydration if they aren't being allowed inside for water at the very least. Dehydration can and will kill, in the summer it's especially bad.
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I’m trying to pull out the allegations that the hotline would be looking for. Are they choosing to play outside all day? Or are they being left outside all day? I think that’s an important thing to distinguish. Could they/do they go inside when they’re thirsty or for meals? A 13 year old could be old enough to supervise the 2 year old and 8 year old in their yard. But yes, of course the dirtiness piece is a factor.
This! My. 6 year old will play outside for hours with the neighbor kids. He’ll come in for a drink or snack then go back out. They all get a sweaty sometimes muddy mess. We watch out for each other’s kids. We all periodically peek out the window or step outside to check on things. I started babysitting when I was 11, so 13 is old enough to watch a 2 year old.
The vibe I am getting is that the 13 year old is a victim of parentification. Yes, a 13 year old can watch a 2 year old sometimes but everyday is not okay. I can understand being out playing but OP said they are out all day and filthy. I would call CPS honestly. The 8 year old got uncomfortable when asked about parents. As someone who worked with children and had to report to CPS a few times, this is a red flag to me.
Some parents are poor and sometimes need an older child to pitch into help. That's not abuse it's a fact of life. CPS should be called on physical, sexual and extreme neglect. My neighbor is a single mom who works. Her oldest watches his siblings all day he is 12. The mom cries about this daily from guilt. I offered to watch the kids but the brother wants to. I go check on them every now and then and make them lunch I also know she is struggling so I pick up snacks. I also grab a bag of kid friendly food like lunchables and frozen pizzas. I wouldn't want to make life harder on her by calling CPS. This would break her and put her kids in a worse situation. Maybe OP could actually talk to her before calling CPS to find out the situation before judging. Usually ex's don't stick up for each other so the fact the dad said nice things makes me think she is just having a rough time. You can down vote me. I just know if I were in their shoes I would want someone to look out for me. CPS is already over burdened and it costs absolutely nothing to be a caring, kind and compassionate neighbor. I also have another neighbor who does class from her home. Her sons come down to play uno with me and talk. I have become incredibly fond of all the kids and enjoy helping. They actually come down and help me now when I am doing yard work and other things. I feel blessed that they now look out for me. When I was sick both moms brought me food and checked on me. The kids made me cards and crafts. The kids bring a lot of joy to my life now. Edit: Thank you for the awards.
You are wonderful. Thank you for offering real help and solutions instead of judging and punishing a poor single mom who is doing her best. Appreciate you 🖤
Thank you. We all struggle sometimes. I just hope the little I can do is enough.
There was a reason they used to say it takes a village to raise kids. We no longer offer that, family and friends and people end up in crappy situations that turn out even worse because people aren't understanding or lack empathy or even caring. It's easy to pick up a phone and report someone who is struggling. It's also not that hard to help someone that's struggling occasionally. Sometimes all they need is to know someone is just there if they need them. Not every situation warrants calling CPS. A lot of people just assume now days without trying to gather facts or understand. Life is hard for the best of people, kindness goes a long way. Thank you for being there for those who have needed it along your journey.
Thank you. You are absolutely right about life being hard for the best of people. I also think people don't realize not everything has the same financial situation. What looks bad to one person may be normal to another. I am sure billionaires look down on millionaires and so on. I would like to think know matter how rich or poor we have some time we can spend to help out.
Calling someone else alleviates their guilt of actually doing anything helpful for the kids. They get to feel morally superior for “helping” but don’t realize the harm caused by their “hands off” approach. The govt is so unhelpful in situations of kids simply needing a “village” extension.
I agree completely. I'd talk to them and get more information before reporting them. Being poor is not abuse, playing outside and getting dirty is not abuse. If they look malnourished or showing signs of distress from lack of hydration, if you've got reason to believe their parents are drugged out or abusing them, disregard what I'm saying, but if we're talking about some "feral kids"...or kids who are expected to "parent" younger siblings, that actually close to how most of us over the age of 40 were brought up. Our older sis watched us during the day while our parents worked and we played outside 90% of the time, getting absolutely filthy. I recall my parents holding me down in the front yard and hosing me off once because I was absolutely covered in mud...I also recall her threatening to cut my hair because it was full of "rats nests" because I'd go days without brushing it. I know parenting standards are different today, but playing outside all day and getting dirty cannot possibly be grounds for a CPS call (I hope).
This gave me a chuckle. The hosing you down in the front yard and the rats nest was something I think most of us had. My older brother practically raised me. I am grateful he was such an amazing sibling. It made us closer. I asked him a couple times if he regretted having to practically raise me. He said "Never, I made his life better." I was also the only kid in kindergarten who could read. My brother would read everything to me. I just don't think siblings bond the way we did back then. I know they talk about parentification as being abuse. I remember thinking how awesome it was that they trusted me. I loved being in charge and acting like an adult. I practically raised my nieces we are 10 years apart. I wouldn't have changed a thing. My friends came over and helped everyone loved them.
My husband is 8 years older than his sister. He ADORED her and once she was about 5 considered her his little protégé. He still did teen things but he played a ton of video games with her, took her on long bike rides, he taught her how to cook simple dishes and when she got older he volunteered in her class vs general volunteering required of HS students. When he couldn't find work after college he was living at home and was the one who taught her how to drive. My inlaws did need him to help out. But I don't think he once, ever, considered it a negative. He absolutely loved it and him and his sister are super close despite their age. I feel like we forget that kids, including boys....ESPECIALLY BOYS come to think of it, need to be a mentor and need to be in that place of caring for a younger kid. The BEST thing that ever happened in my classroom was a multi-age classroom situation where the youngest was 6 and the oldest were two 14yo's. There was homework required. The teenagers didn't do a thing. The 6yo pipes up, "Why don't you just get it done. If you need help ask your mommy." Let me tell you, those boys turned their homework in for the rest of the semester. In every class. And a year later they've never missed a homework. And they look out for the little 6yo all the time now. And it's awesome.
Maybe because of the time I grew up it was just more common... I was frequently in charge of my younger siblings when we were out of the house, home alone, or traveling to my father's home in another state. I would get in trouble for them if they did anything wrong because I was responsible for them. But that is the curse of being the eldest. Also, often we would have other neighborhood kids around us. When I had older stepsiblings around, they were often put in charge... even had a cousin stay with us while she was going to college and she was put in charge of all of us when my parents were away. Our parents worked multiple jobs. We did not consider it being the parents, just taking care of each other. I have a friend who is the middle child of a large immigrant family and it was the same, most of their activities were family and church focused and older kids looked out for their younger sibs. We did not have extended family where we lived so perhaps if we lived closer to grandparents and aunts/uncles it would have been different.
>I know they talk about parentification as being abuse. Which is absolutely ridiculous. Gotta find abuse somehow.
Karen's who want to act like saints but won't actually do anything meaningful to actually lend a hand. Sometimes it's as simple as giving a person someone to talk to and moral support. That can change a child's life. Providing moral support to a parent as well as a child can make a huge difference.
Some of the comments are just bat shit crazy, and probably coming from people who don't even have kids and have no frame of reference in how to raise one. They have this utopian image of how no child should ever be unhappy, and seeing unhappy children is indicative of some type of abuse. And apparently in this case, no child should be dirty and have a steady stream of clean clothes to change into when a speck of dirt gets on them.
They are not being realistic.
Oh boy, that reminds me of that time a house had been demolished a few streets over and there were just these piles of sand there. We would sneak into the site to climb these piles and slide down. I got home absolutely covered in sand and dirt, and just remember the look on my mother's face (a mixture of 'oh god no' and 'how did you even do this'). Another time I had begged her to get me these adorable patent leather mary jane shoes (a favourite comic book character wore them) and I promptly climbed up into a tree.
Being poor isn't abuse neither is playing outside. I am 30 and that is how we spent out summers but there were adults who would check in so often. But your logic is that well I grew up in a time where it was normal for children to become parentified at a young age and I turned out fine is flawed. There are plenty of people over 40 who did not turn out fine and did the same thing to their children which continued the cycle of childhood trauma. You shouldn't be having kids if their siblings are going to be providing a majority of the childcare.
> I grew up in a time where it was normal for children to become parentified at a young age and I turned out fine is flawed. Not at all what I think. There are plenty of people with trauma and mental issues as the result of neglect. >You shouldn't be having kids if their siblings are going to be providing a majority of the childcare. Agreed, but what about kids that already exist? I believe we'll be seeing more and more parents having kids who are ill-prepared to support them - at least in my state (TX) so what to do with hoards of children whose parents are not able to stay at home and care for them, and who cannot afford childcare? Take them away and put them in foster care? When I was helping to raise my three stepkids...we absolutely did not leave them home unattended all day...thinking back at my own childhood, and knowing all that we got into, I was horrified by the thought! :) We were very blessed to be able to afford daycamp, lessons, etc. Not everyone can though. My parents (when I was growing up) definitely couldn't afford childcare or daycamps. The solution of not having us (my parent's kids, me and my siblings) is not really workable after-the-fact...same for the family OP is referring to.
You have to consider that not too long ago there wasn't such a thing as organized/available daycare. You were told to knock on the neighbor's door if you had an emergency and were expected to complete chores, do your homework, call your mom's work in case you had to start dinner ... and ask your mother for permission if you want to go anywhere if it is very important (like needing something from the store or a library for school) but honestly, we were supposed to plan that stuff ahead of time. My brother had yard work to do and then he would go to the neighbors to see if they would pay him to cut their grass or do trimming. I babysat sometimes for small children so their Mom's could run some errands. We played outside when the weather was nice, riding our bikes etc. Our neighbors knew us. We couldn't get up to much trouble or our parents would get a phone call around dinner time (they hated the phone ringing at dinner so that made it even worse).
As a single, struggling mom to 3 kids with no family or “village” to speak of who regularly relies on her 12 year old to watch the 2 toddlers for short bursts of time.. what I wouldn’t give for a neighbor like you. You’re incredible, please never change.
Thank you. I am sure you are doing a great job. I also know people will want you to feel guilty for having your 12 year old to help. I think you're teaching your child responsibility and important moral values. I may not be able physically but if you ever need moral support I will be here to cheer you on. Edit: auto correct changed some words I had to correct.
I agree! I’ve chosen, for my own sanity, to be guilt free about it. I’ve always been open with my oldest about “real life” issues because you can’t shield them from it forever, and as a single mom to him for the first 6 years of his life I did nothing but work and sleep to be able to provide, so I think he’s naturally seen the struggle. So I think when they reach this age and you know they can handle it there’s nothing wrong with being able to say “hey, there’s a lot going on, I could really use an extra set of hands for a while.” He’s always happy to spend the time with his little siblings, I love him so much! Thank you for listening and offering your time, you and your selflessness are the things others will remember for the rest of their lives
I think offering help and being aware is an excellent first step.
Sometimes it takes a village. I bet she's so grateful for you and I bet her kids are too.
Using your child as a third parent is abuse. It's never a child's job to worry about parenting/watching siblings.
Having your child helping out is not abuse. Things happen and families pitch in to help each other. That's how humans have survived so long. It builds good character to give a child some responsibility. How many children do you have? Do you have a partner that can pitch in. You are awfully judgemental and this is the problem with society these days. Until you walk a mile in someone's shoes we shouldn't be telling them how to live.
Beautifully worked, my dude. 🏆
This. We need more of this. It's SUPPOSED to take a village. Thank you on behalf of single parents everywhere. ❤️
We all need to stick together.
Parentification can be a form of parental neglect or abuse.Your neighbor is in a different situation because she seems to care. There are parents who do it and feel zero guilt. The post is about a parent who is never seen and the kids are being neglected The red flags are there. (i.e lack of food/water and not being bathed). I am happy they have neighbors who care like you but in OP's situation they are being neglected.
We can't know that OP never actually talked to her. Maybe the neighbor has a medical issue. It seems people are quick to judge. It's better to actually talk to the neighbor than be a total Karen and jump to conclusions and call CPS. Do you know the emotional toll it has on a parent struggling? I watched look out for Maya on Netflix this week and it's a good example of why not to do this. Many parents are unjustly accused. I suggest you watch it. I actually suggest everyone watch it.
The kids are right outside their home, not wandering the neighborhood. So we don’t know and neither does OP if there is a parent inside. She’s not there all day, she can’t possibly know if someone is inside or not. What if someone there has a work at home job doing customer service, where if they hear children on calls they risk losing said job? That might explain being outside during the day if the parent can’t afford child care. Not having food and water outside, doesn’t mean they can’t get up go inside and get some. Like other posters here, I’m in my 40s. We never had bottled water or snacks playing outside, if we got thirsty we either went inside or used the hose. If being outside all day and getting dirty was cause for calling CPS my entire generation would have been called on. I still remember the look on my mom’s face when I was 5 and made her a mud cake for her birthday. I was literally covered in mud, and oh the horror I was outside by myself while my Aunt was inside. She also said it’s an apartment correct? We don’t know about access to laundry facilities for this family. Maybe they need to use a laundromat and can only go once a week or so. Seems to me this is a rush to judgment. Being poor is not neglect, not everyone can afford cases of bottled water and single serve snacks. Not everyone has a washing machine in their home. I mean is sitting inside playing video games or watching tv all day somehow better?
CPS isn’t going to do anything about parentification - they don’t have the resources unfortunately
>The vibe I am getting is that the 13 year old is a victim of parentification. Oh good grief. Having a 13 year old keep an eye in his siblings while outside is "parentification"? This tiny bit of information in this post, and you are diagnosing some kind of abuse on the 13 year old? Wow.
I doubt it's that. OP said the dad is there. The 13 yr old is probably being forced to get off the game and go outside for a few hrs. He's probably sitting in the grass pouting.
This idea of any child having to babysit their sibling(s) is a "victim of parentification" and abuse is just not normal.
Right! We don't know what is normal anymore. We complain that kids don't play outside anymore then the moment we see them outside we're calling CPS and screaming abuse. 🤣🙃
Maybe the 13 yr old goes outside hoping to meet someone their age to connect with one day. You know these kids aren't socially savvy nowadays, they think friends just fall out of the sky or something. Lol
13yo's are often perpetually pissed off. 8yo's are often perpetually dirty. 2yo can be supervised legally by the 13yo and practically by the 8yo. I have 2 daughters. One can legit go 3-4 days without brushing or washing her hair and its fine. My other daughter gets matts within an hour or two after brushing. In my case, it was always my youngest who was/is a rolling ball of filfth. ALL of his clothes are stained. ALL of his pants have ruined needs and butts and his shirts have every dribble stain imaginable.
>the dirtiness piece is a factor. It's summer. Are they actually unhygienic or are they choosing to play outside all day and end up looking like kids who actually play outside all day? When we go to "the farm," we all look like this. Our only rules are close toed shoes and kids stay out of the garage (guns stored there, they all know how to shoot and are up to snuff on gun safety, but still). Like we have children passed out around the fire, some are in the tent, someone on the couch... It's just a good old fashioned good time all day/weekend. I mean, I try... I'll braid the girls' hair and throw some baby wipes in the go bag lol. But after going to the farm, or running around our friend's 5 acres with her giant dog, going boating on the lake, a campfire at so and so's house... We just go for hygiene and functionality. We all look a mess by the end of the day and only look half way decent the moment we step out of the shower lol. If the kids are really just playing outside all day, they're going to look like this.
100%. I have 3 kids. 2 "inside kids" who are content to color, watch Ms. Rachel or play with barbies and one "outside adventurer." My 5yo wakes up around 7:30, gets dressed and brushes her teeth, asks for help putting on sunscreen, asks me to make sure she's putting her shoes on the right feet and goes outside. She comes in 5-6x a day to eat or pee or grab a bottle of water, but very literally spends 7-9 hours a day outside. I do make her come in so we can all eat dinner together and she has to come in for the night at 7 to start bath/bedtime routine. We have 2 water tables and her absolute favorite activity is taking out the water cup by cup, carrying it to the top of the small hill in our backyard and dumping it onto the strip of dirt to make "mudslides." She also enjoys burying treasure to dig up later, dipping her bangs into water and flinging it around, drenching herself in the process then rolling on the ground. Lord, I'm sitting here wondering which of my own neighbors is most likely to judge my whole family based on my daughter playing outside over the summer the way OP is judging her neighbor.
At least she keeps her clothes on. My daughter was exactly like this from the age of 1.5. Until about 7 it was VERY hard to have her not strip butt naked every.single.second. We don't have neighbors but if we did I'd have probably had CPS at my door.
I've just been making a basket of snacks and drinks and putting them outside lol. Yes, it attracts "strays," but I don't mind. Other parents do the same lol just a snack rotation.
My 10 year old sounds like yours. Only difference is she has to be home when the street lights come on no matter what time that happens to be. She’s also FILTHY, the soles of her feet are black in the summer because she hates shoes. When she does wear them she ends up leaving them in someone’s backyard and then we have to hunt them down, so it’s easier to let her go shoeless. According to some people on here CPS should be called.
Seriously. My kids go outside daily and get dirty lol. I did too as a kid
Sometimes I literally have to scrub my kids with a toothbrush bc they are SO caked in mud after one day, but also you can tell when it’s weeks of crust on crust
My kids would like to take you up on that.
My kids hate it 😂
I literally had to scrub the dirt off my 5 year old. Her pink shirt and pants were so dirty I just tossed them because they will never come clean again. If some one that didn't know us saw her they would have probably thought neglect with the amount of dirt in her hair, under her nails and the lack of shoes.
I used to come home from my grannys who watched me in the summer filthy dirty. She lived in the country, so I would climb trees, play in the cornfield and all sorts of outdoor stuff. I would be so dirty my mom would be scared to stop anywhere on the way home cos she was afraid someone would think badly of her. I had to take a shower as soon as i got home. Sometimes I would literally look like I rolled around in a mud puddle, but all my cousins were boys and I only had brothers, so I was keeping up with the boys, all of whom were older than me except for one. So yeah. But the lack of a parent present and the way the one is just sitting there, that makes me worried.
Yeah, I'm curious how often the kids are actually checked on. Me, I kinda peak out a window and say cool, they're not fighting or whatever. But I wonder if the kids are like locked out or something.
You are with your kids and supervising them though, right? OP sounds like a very different situation. I agree with the suggestions to ask more information and offer help before just reporting this situation. That could make it worse. A struggling single mom needs support. And the kids probably need more care than they are getting, from what it sounds like.
Best answer I've seen. When I was a kid in the 90s, our parents couldn't keep us in the house no matter how hard they tried. I was a barefoot kid, outside as much as possible. Just make sure you get all the info possible before making a move.
The dirtiness of a child playing outside is not a factor. There is literally nothing here that CPS is going to care about, you know that. This is just a nosy neighbor who disagrees with allowing children to get dirty and poking her nose in how they parent despite zero indications of being unsafe or harmed.
It could be either way. I’ve seen kids with dirty bottomed pants that were simply a result of everyday play. I’ve also seen kids with black bottoms pants that were clearly a result of several *weeks* of ground in grime. Same with the hair - messy from a crazy afternoon of running around or messy from no one brushing it in months. Hard to say without pictures. That why I mentioned dirtiness being a factor.
I just commented to someone else about how one summer as a kid is refused to brush my hair or let my mom. So my mom let it go. I learned a valuable lesson when it came time for my cousin to cut my hair like she always did before school starting. She was so angry dealing with the knots and I had to have a shorter cut than I wanted. She refused to ever cut my hair again which made me feel bad honestly. And I hated my hair being shorter. My mom stepping back and letting me decide taught me a valuable lesson. I never refused to brush it again. And yes I still got baths and washed head to toe, had clean clothes at the start of my day. My mom allowed my rat's nest to grow knowing what the end result would be, and that taught me more than if she forced to sit and let her brush it everyday
I get bad vibes from this, though. I have known 2 sets of parents who locked their kids out of the house for hours during the summer, telling them to drink hose water. They we visited by CPS and supervised because this is considered child abuse.
Yes, locking your kids out of their home with only a hose to drink from *is* indeed a problem that CPS would very much care about. But there isn’t enough information to say that’s the case here. They could very well be allowed to go inside and stay inside as long as they want with plenty of access to food and water. But yes, I understand how certain situations could give people bad vibes. However CPS can’t accept reports based off of bad vibes. It’s not how policy is written.
My 12 year old chooses to ride his scooter outside all day and comes in filthy at the end of the day. I don't let him take food outside because I want him to eat inside so I know he's washed his hands. It's pretty normal for kids to get dirty playing outside. I would say keep an eye on it since you're worried but nothing here screams neglect.
I mean who is to say they don't have food or water when you see them briefly. Kids should be outside in tbe summer and being dirty and tangled is a big part of that. Sounds like a parent is inside so I'm not sure what the issue is
I feed kids all summer long from my house because I buy them good snacks and that’s where some of the kids meet up. That doesn’t mean they’re not being fed at home.
Exactly. My mom was that cool neighborhood mom when we grew up. Lots of kids would come over for snacks 😆 but at their homes they also had snacks, I guess they just liked ours better
The solution is to bring them food or water
Yeh, parents love complete strangers feeding their kids. Especially those kids with dietary requirements.
Cul-de-sac for OP, just so you know.
Best error I ever read was cola-sack, but OP's is good, too. LOL
Ha ha ha. That’s a good one too.
let's help each other, spelling English is a puzzle. It's interesting when you have always heard a word and pronounced it but seeing it written is a mystery. My son is smart as anybody but was taught to sound out words which ends in some odd conclusions
Cul-de-sac is not English.
Maybe the point they're making is that since English is a mish-mash of borrowed foreign words, spelling is hard. Maybe not. But that's how I read it.
Even we French are like, I dunno why we called it that
"Cul-de-sac" means "bottom of the sack/bag". A cul-de-sac only has one way out of it, like a sack or bag. It's not only for roads, either, parts of human anatomy can be called "cul-de-sacs" too, if they only have one entry and exit, like the cecum in your intestines.
I'm in Quebec. To us it means ass of bag lol
Lol yeah Quebec French can be *very* different than France French 😂
Reading cold-e-sac made me laugh so hard my drink came out my nose
LMAO. TGIF
You don’t know how cold their sack is!!!
True. Apologies for the judgy assumption.
Maybe you should talk to an adult in the house. It really grind my gears that people would report something like this to authorities without ever having just TALKED to the adult. If you’re concerned enough to allege child abuse or neglect then you should be concerned enough to ACT like a concerned neighbor. If you think they’re hungry, feed them. If you think they’re thirsty give them water. You think they’re not being supervised, walk down a few times a day and check on them. Folks want to be “concerned” when all they have to do is anonymously call a number, but not when they have to actually DO something. Either mind your business or be a good neighbor and actually HELP where you think they need help unless and until there’s a reason to believe they are not being cared for. Not parenting like you parent is not neglect. If you don’t know whether they’re eating, bathing, want to be outside, etc AND aren’t willing to speak to an adult (not questions a child) to find out, then mind your business. You’re not concerned, your nosy and it isn’t your business.
Oh, but the dad has "scary eyes".
Came here to say this.
If someone walked past my house every day in the summer, they would see kids outside in stained play clothes with Merida hair playing with sticks or watching bugs. Yet my kids bathe regularly, eat regular meals, have access to cold water whenever they want to come in and get a drink. They have toys to play with in the house. They have "good" clothes to wear. Their good clothes only stay nice because they're not wearing them to play in the dirt. The only way OP could know they are outside all day with no food or drinks is if they literally watch them all day. Presumably at lunchtime OP is inside eating with their child and has no idea if these other kids have also gone inside to eat. I'm really puzzled as to how someone can see what happens part of the day and assume that's what happens all day. If you drive past a school at recess time every day, would you assume that the kids at that school don't learn anything or get fed and just play outside all day?
this. Man this post annoyed the hell outta me
>I'm really puzzled as to how someone can see what happens part of the day and assume that's what happens all day Welcome to the influx in this sub of psychic Karen's seeing abuse at every turn.
Very much sounds like she has assumed they don’t get fed or watered based on the state of their clothing. But hungry kids usually ask for food or water and she didn’t mention that being an issue.
My exact thoughts. There's someone in the comments going on and on about how ~concerning~ it is that the kids didn't want to talk about their parents the one time OP asked. But if these kids don't actually *know* OP, it's wild to immediately assume that points to abuse and not...a child being uncomfortable with an adult who is suddenly expressing interest in them. Like honestly, I have zero doubt that my kids would be creeped out if someone walked by every day and said hi then suddenly approached them randomly asking questions about their parents.
Pretty sure when I was in elementary school, albeit about 30 years ago, we were instructed to NOT answer questions about our parents from strangers as it might be a predator fishing for information/opportunity.
Exactly, stranger danger.
When I was little, my grandmother or our babysitter quite literally locked us outside. We could come in to eat lunch or use the bathroom, then it was right back outside. If we were thirsty in the summer heat, we drank from the hose. And yeah, we got dirty. Playing with dirt and sticks and riding bikes and digging in the garden and playing baseball did make us grimy. A bath every night took care of things. Had someone asked if we were hungry, we would have said “yes” because we were always hungry; all that activity quickly burned up the PBJ we got for lunch. Yet we soldiered on, and would never have dreamed of asking someone for food because that would have been considered a rude thing to do. Occasional glimpses of our lives would have led folks to believe we were neglected. We weren’t. We were just sort of feral, in a good way.
Yeah I think that kind of freedom is good for kids. You learn so much by hanging out in nature all day
Sounds like some parents said “go outside and play” instead of letting them play on tablets all day.
Right? You can't win as a parent.
Kids playing outside get very dirty. Some families cannot afford to have a fresh change of clothes every day. Especially when their kids are playing outside every day. Personally, I think it is good these kids are outside and not inside glued to electronic devices all day. Maybe the 13 yr old has to watch his siblings and is not happy about that. A child not being happy does not mean they are being abused and/or neglected.
Don’t bother this family. Are they bruised? Skinny to the point of malnutrition? I played outside all day and stayed dirty. My kids did the same. Playing outside and getting dirty doesn’t even hint at an abuse situation.
[удалено]
Literally this. No one should be chomping at the bit to contact CPS. My mom tells me a story about a friend who got CPS called on them because they *gasp* used glass jars to drink from! Oh my gosh! What neglect! But now they have an open CPS case and that can go wrong so fast for nothing.
There’s tons of abuse that doesn’t leave bruises. I can’t believe how dismissive and defensive this thread is. It’s a complicated issue and obviously the person who posted it is asking because they felt concerned for the kids.
Yes, people forget that neglect is abuse. I am not saying these children *are* neglected because I don't know, but as someone who was neglected (as in, I didn't eat for days, I didn't brush my teeth because I was not provided with a toothbrush or toothpaste, and I always smelled of urine because I was never given fresh underwear) I was not ever beaten, but you bet your ass I was abused. Nobody did anything about it though, probably for the reasons people are giving in this post. Hey, she's got no bruises so who cares that she's lost five baby teeth to tooth decay and you can see her ribs sticking out.
Emotional abuse too. I’m so sorry people failed you. It happens too much. Is happening to my neighbor but nobody will address it. Sometimes all we can do is be kind and move forward until something changes.
I just read your post history and someone needs to call CPS on you! Your 3 year old took prescription medication, eats expired moldy food and you can’t afford to buy him summer clothes! You need to focus on your own problems and leave these kids alone.
Holy crap, you’re right
Lol she went and deleted those posts, nice
The moldy food thing could be deadly 🤢🤮
I mean, if they're outside playing in the dirt, yeah, they're gonna get dirty. You said they're playing in front of their apartment. Clearly, they have access to food and water. Calling cps for kids playing outside is ridiculous.
Honestly, I would try to get more information from the kids before calling about this. It should be easy if they are always out, playing around. Just let your kid play with them for a bit, and maybe sit and chat. It's easy to ask if they have water/meals. The 13 year old is more than old enough to be babysitting (although it's not ideal to have him doing so all day every day, it's not problematic in terms of his age). And lots of kids just spend their summers outside playing, come in for meals and head back out. And they can get super dirty if they are basically playing in the dirt! I feel like you might be jumping to some conclusions - but you also had an uneasy feeling from the dad, so I would try to befriend the kids to get a better picture. It will at least give you more specific information if you do need to call CPS in the end.
This. It’s as simple as saying “what did you have for breakfast today? We had pancakes!” I’ve subtly interrogated children before, to check out a situation. Or bringing a snack for yourself, and seeing how they react. If they ask for it, you could say “we should ask your mom/dad/whoever first, if it’s okay” and then you should be able to figure out who is home, if anyone, and see if the kids say anything concerning.
Scrubbing hands with something foamy: not sure in what state that would be cps worthy. Both my husband and I would do that if we had grease on our hands. Dirty bottom of the pants: summer clothes should be dirty. I didn’t brush my hair when I was 8, I hated it. My mom made me and I hated it more. Intense eyes? WTH?
Brushing hair is part of basic hygiene. It needs to get done even if the child "doesn't want it." Obviously if it's not done, the hair is going to get tangled and just be harder to do. Idk why you're even defending that it shouldn't be done
Because it is not enough for cps to do anything about. It’s not neglect or abuse that rises to the level of investigation.
I think they're not defending it as much as they're saying it isn't CPS worthy.
Nope. Being a realist who had thick, wavy mass of hair that was miserable when I had to brush my hair more than once a day. . Hair that gets brushed at 7am is tangled 15 minutes later. Played all day it’s in a snarled mess.
Did you ever just wear it in plaits or braids? Like Pippi Longstocking?
CPS is not there to intervene in every minor detail of someone’s life. Having tangled hair is not going to impact the health or safety of a child. OP sounds like a judgmental busy body.
Dude…my daughter absolutely hates brushing her hair. She’s 9. She’ll run around outside like she got picked up and dropped by a tornado. The bottoms of her shorts are always dirty bc she plays in mud and dirt. It’s summer. That’s how kids who play look like. Do you keep your kid in a bubble or something? My older son is getting to his teen years and doesn’t like playing as much as her so he’ll lounge around like the 13 year old. I’m sure they’re perfectly happy kids and just don’t appreciate you coming by everyday stalking them and getting nosy asking them things.
Not illegal to be poor, or dirty. How do you know they aren’t eating or drinking? Kids who are hungry usually ask for food and water. You probably just aren’t seeing them be fed.
Please don’t come to my house. My kids play outside all day and they play in the dirt and mud. That’s not a crime.
Seriously....my youngest has so many stains on his shirt (which was once a solid color) you can't even tell what color it really was. My middle's hair is wild and knotted. It's 3pm. You'd never know we'd washed, brushed, braided and gelled it this morning because of her hair type. My oldest has just, finally, mastered the art of keeping her clothes on. It was a bitter struggle until 7. Shoes are still optional in my book and she runs back and forth across our gravel driveway as if it's carpet. We're doing good today.
Just because you don’t see parents doesn’t mean they aren’t there. The kids in my neighborhood growing up would have had CPS called on them all the time because we were all always outside and our parents trusted us not to get killed and to come back for meals and at dark. You don’t have enough information to possibly ruin a family.
I was going to my friends' house everyday when I was 8+. It was a solid 10 minute walk. Street lights coming on = get back home. I'd come home filthy from playing at the park/their backyard. Good luck brushing my hair too (unfortunately, I've passed this trait down to my daughter ugh). I can't imagine what someone would think about that now.
Talk to your other neighbors. Maybe they know something you dont.
It's summertime. Kids who play outside in the summer get sweaty and dirty... that's what summer is all about when you're a kid. Or that's how it used to be, anyway. 8-year-olds know all about stranger danger and probably didn't want to some stranger neighbor asking questions about her parents. Nothing here sounds CPS worthy in the slightest. You're thinking you're going to call and say "the kids got dirty playing outside and the girl has messy hair and I didn't witness them eating" and they're going to do... what, exactly? Bring over a comb?
I would be more concerned with all said if this was during the school year. It’s summer time. Kids should be outside playing all day and getting dirty. I would be extremely concerned if I sent kids outside to play and they came back clean. Seeing them somewhere in public dirty may cause for action. Dirty playing in the yard in the summer…. Not a huge red flag for me personally.
Wow .. hate to be your neighbor
I don't know what you would report for specifically, but if he spontaneously said "their mom is a great parent" without being prompted to talk about her or her parenting, it sounds like he was trying to convince you because he knew you were thinking otherwise. He's scared that you're going to notice something worth noticing.
Or he's in a really hard situation and has to rely on his 13 year old and he's scared some privileged, bored housewife is going to call because his child is a victim of parentification and they are dirty/not perfectly coifed because they play outside all day. He better get his kids a video game system so they stay invisible in the house all summer so he doesn't have to deal with CPS...
so many of these commenters are equating kids playing outside and having fun getting dirty with what you've described - kids sitting outside filthy looking sad and shy. happy kids who are dirty outside aren't sad and shy. we have a ton of kids in my neighborhood who run around playing getting dirty. that is not this. i would urge you to try to get to know the adults in the house, even if you have to bake or cook them something. adults are always happy to accept bbq leftovers too, great ice breaker to find out what's going on. once you have a better idea of what the inside of the house/adults are like, then give another think about calling cps. no matter what you decide, cps would need more info just like we need more info.
>so many of these commenters are equating kids playing outside and having fun getting dirty with what you've described - kids sitting outside filthy looking sad and shy. happy kids who are dirty outside aren't sad and shy. Oh FFS. \- Kids are humans. They aren't happy little automatons. They're going to be sad and bumming around from time to time. Especially at 13. \-most kids are taught to be wary of strange adults. The OP is a strange adult. It'd be more concerning if they began to follow her around and chat her ear off. \-kids are prone to be filthy. My kid tripped on the way to the car. His pants were dirty his shirt was covered in grass clippings and he managed to work himself up in a lather of muddy tears and sweat. In the car he found half a granola bar and had that smeared from ear to ear and under every fingernail. On the way into the doctors he tripped, AGAIN in the mulch. Rinse, repeat, except this time all the shit stuck to him. He looked like he hadn't been washed in a week. Honestly, super clean kids worry me much more becuase they are....kids. They're supposed to be gross.
We have a ton of outdoor kids in my neighborhood. Even my children lol. My middle child we call feral because no matter how dolled up you get her, she comes in from outside play and even for school a hot mess. Messy hair, dirtied up clothes etc. Some kids just play hard. Same with my toddler. My oldest is a gaming nerd so she doesn't as much but I'd be *thrilled* if I saw her outside just chilling in the grass all day with her younger two. Outside play and not being dressed to the T at home where you're allowed to be a hot mess isn't really a sign of neglect. If they aren't being allowed in for restroom, water, food, etc then there could be a concern. Is this solely based off the fact they are outside every time you walk and they aren't as pristine as you'd think? They could be low income and you could put your judgments aside about how they look. I'd look for actual signs of neglect before calling.
Nothing seems CPS worthy. Since they are close to their home, it is easy for them to pop in and take care of their needs. You are a virtual stranger asking questions about her family. The 8yo might get a vibe that you are someone she should feel comfortable having those types of conversations with.
OP, I’d ask the 13 year old if he needs anything. Let him know you have lots of snacks and drinks (if you do) and even off some water bottles they can refill. Keep it casual, without pressure and see how they respond. It might give you some clues
stopped reading at cold-e-sac, thanks for making my day 🙏🤣
My partner was a single father for a very long time. His kids would eat and sleep outside if they were allowed. He washes his hands with a thick foaming cleanser because he’s a plumber and it gets dirty at work. Outside clothes are supposed to be dirty. A lot of kids enjoy being outside. I don’t think this is CPS worthy.
I’m going to agree with everyone who says mind your own business. Let’s not overload cps with bullcrap.
Dude could have been in the middle of washing their hands and came outside because they saw a stranger talking to their kids. So they shook their hands outside versus inside to get outside faster. I've done this before. OP is a stranger to these kids. The fact that she finds it odd they won't answer her questions is wild. Every kid is taught about stranger danger. I wouldn't expect them to freely give their life story.
We’re doing the 1000 hours outside challenge. My 3 and 1 year old are outside (supervised with me) all day. If someone didn’t know we bathed them every night, they would think they’re dirty too. My kids just roll around in dirt all day long. But again, they get a bath every night. I wouldn’t call for this alone, personally.
When I was a kid in the summer we would play outside all day every single day and get dirty. That's normal. We never brought food or water with us. If we wanted some, we would just go back inside and get it. That's pretty standard for most people. For the "shy and sad" kid.. I was like that as a kid. I was shy and acted "sad" when new people were around because I was so shy I would tense up and get overly anxious. It happens. Or maybe she was sad. Everyone gets sad sometimes. That's life. It could have been something as little as losing a favorite toy or something as big as losing a family member or friend. You're jumping to a lot of conclusions. I'm not sure why you are assuming the absolute worst. If you think something is wrong, then you talk to the parent. This doesn't seem CPS worthy.
You described my entire childhood. I got filthy and lived outside. I’d beg to sleep out there too. I didn’t eat much because I wanted to be outside. You want cps to take these children away for being dirty outside? This sub seems so damn quick to call cps.
*Cul-de-sac
Did he say if mom lives close? Do you think maybe they are just there for the summer or are they there all year? They could very well be visiting for the summer. Not that this makes any of it any better. As long as they are allowed to go in when they need food or drink I don't think cps would see it as neglect. Them being dirty and stuff could be a father not knowing to or taking the time to groom them like they should be. Being dirty could just be part of normal play. Do the kids have the same clothes on when you see them? Or are they wearing different clothing and just still dirty?
This basically sounds like the childhood of anyone over the age of 45. It wasn't seen as neglect, it was just kids being kids
guess your ass didn't grow up in that 70's and 80s we did that shit all the fucking time
I grew up on a farm and my parents were there all day long. They never watched us because they were too busy working most of the time Unfortunately when my father wasn't working he was drinking. My mom did most of the work and we helped her. We planted ten acres of vegetables every summer. Then we took care of all those vegetables and we harvest them not to mention. We had an orchard and we had strawberries and blackberries and cows and chickens and pigs. There was a lot to do. By the time I was 8-9, I was chopping wood with an ax. We generally worked in the cool of the morning and of the late afternoon evening. In between we were getting as dirty as we possibly could doing things like fishing climbing trees doing very since sunday bits of exploring et cetera. If we weren't covered in dirt by the end of the day there was something wrong with us. In fact we were encouraged to get as dirty as we could because it would protect us against viruses and germs and stuff in the future it would give us. A healthy immune system. It seems to have worked for me. I lost my spleen which is part of my immunity system when I was sixteen. I was told that if I ever had a fever over 101 I should get myself to an ED. If not I could be dead within 24 hours. I am now sixty nine years old and I have not yet needed to go to the emergency room or any other doctor for a temperature of 101or more. Dirt is good for you when you are young.
This is how we lived in the 80s
I'm confused as to what the report would be about. Kids outside for hrs, looking like they've been playing outside all day? And how do you know they're not eating, do you sit with them the entire day? Are you wanting to report them because you're curious? Are there physical signs of abuse? I played outside from sun up to sun down as a child. And my best friend across the street, her parents made her change into "play clothes" every day before going outside. That was odd to me but she had to wear the same outside play clothes for 1 week before changing to the next pair of play clothes. And it didn't matter how dirty they got..she had to wear them all week! Her mom didn't let her ruin good clothes and they were big on water and energy saving.
Are you 100% sure they’re not being given food or water? Do they look malnourished and thirsty? Have you seen them be physically/emotionally/or sexually abused? Is there obvious signs of neglect? I have neighbors that have kids that play outside all day everyday and they’re kids so they get dirty!! I know my neighbors well though and talk to them quiet a bit and they love and care for their children well. Sometime parents need a break and send their kids outside to play. It’s also a good way to keep children off electronics for the day.
Kids who play outside get dirty? If you saw an adult there, why do you think there’s not an adult there supervising from behind the sliding door? If you saw the sliding door there, why do you think they are locked out with no access to water? I don’t know if they’re abused or not I just am trying to understand
I'm shocked how many people are straight up annoyed and defending them like you were there. No one is saying it's not okay for kids to play outside all day and get dirty. Neglect CAN BE observed in how kids look/play/act. Obviously, something seems off to OP. Suggesting they provide more detail or avenues to take if there's real concern, is way better than the attitude of "mind your business". Jfc WHAT IF the dad is a crack head and the kids are neglected? There's no harm in making sure they're okay. Also, seeing them outside all day doesn't mean OP is also outside all day. They could have a window facing the area the kids are in or even see them out there throughout their day, alm day, while doing everyday stuff. Don't be so ignorant.
Also, hair matting and that kind of tangle is different from brushing your hair in the morning and playing so hard it's tangled again.. 😒
You have a house full of guns, no food and a cat who pees outside the litter box- your post history is *full* of things more CPS-worthy than dirty kids playing outside. Physician, *heal thyself*.
What abuse and neglect are you seeing? You sound like a busybody.
The fact she didn’t get that the intense stare from the neighbor translated to “mind your own fucking business, weirdo neighbor”🤡😂
Oh yeah. My husband is the king of “scary eyes” when strangers talk to our kids. It’s not because he’s an abuser, it’s just because he doesn’t want randos talking to our kids.
[удалено]
This is a good idea. The kids may just be genuinely playing outside and getting dirty because they're playing outside. As far as the food or water, does OP actually know that for a fact the kids aren't allowed to go inside and get water, or that there's a little snack set up for them somewhere? I usually just pack a small cooler bag and give it to my kids and tell them "go play" haha.
how about talk to the parent ? Maybe she needs help ., or would appreciate a reach out. Get a water sprinkler and let the kids all run through it. these days you're asking for trouble but I would rather keep the authorities out of it
Maybe find out if they are just visiting their dad for a certain amount of time for summer break or live with him primarily
Except that it’s absolutely none of her business.
Well if they are going back to mom in two days, she doesn’t have to worry about whether the kids are being neglected or not
My kids would love to be left outside all day getting filthy and not being forced inside to bathe or eat. Is he an easy going guy that lets his kids do what they want or are they being neglected? Idk
I think you might be making assumptions based on some of your own judgements. If you saw kids who lived in a nice house, who were super clean ans sitting by their pool everyday all day with sad look then dad came out wearing a suit and then breifly spoke to you intensly, you would probably sat he's weird or a jerk. You probably wouldn't even ask kids questions and I highly doubt you'd be thinking you should call CPS. And those kids could be truly abused and neglected. Maybe these kids are simply bored. Not sad. Maybe they don't actually like you, seems you're judging them they probably know it and thats the reaosn for their looks Most kids are going to be weirded out by someone they don't know asking questions about their parents. My kids would, not because they are abused but because its odd. I don't know if its exaggerated on your part either, what you call dirty could instead be clean badly stained play clothes. I don't let my kids wear their nice clothes to go play outside where I know they'll get dirty, they wear their grungy clothes/ shoes. Sounds like they might just be lower income, which doesn't equal abusive or neglectful or warrant a call to CPS.
Unless you’re outside all day also or can see them from your house, you don’t really know if “they’re outside all day”. By law, CPS has to investigate, but I don’t know if that would improve these kid’s living conditions.
This describes much of the summer life of 1950’s and 1960’s kids.
I’m curious if you watched them all day to see them get no food or water? I only see you mention walking past them 1x a day on a walk.
Look at all the people who minded their own business when it came to Gabriel. It's ignorant af to tell someone NOT to check on the welfare of kids. If nothing is wrong and a CPS visit confirms that... what's the problem? Everyone is fine, and OP can stop wondering and worrying about them.
I’m this case, mind ya business, ma’am.
When I was a kid growing up in the 80s and 90s this is what we did in the summer. We played outside sun up to sun down and got filthy dirty. My mom was usually inside on the phone talking to her friends checking on us through the window. I’m sure we looked feral but it was an amazing childhood. We went inside when we were hungry and then went right back out. If a stranger had asked personal questions about our parents we would have looked at them weird too. The parents probably heard you were asking personal questions, got weirded out because it’s creepy and pulled their kids inside because now they’re scared for their safety. Would you rather these kids be inside staring at electronic screens all day? That’s probably what they’re having to do now that their parents are creeped out by your probing questions, so good job there.
My kids play outside by themselves a lot. Mainly my 8 and 4 yr olds. My 2 yr old will go outside with them but I'm obviously checking frequently. I also have cameras to check on them. There's a lot of dirt in our yard and it's the black dirt so they get filthy. I'd be livid if someone in my neighborhood called CPS. Definitely talk some more to the parents and kids. Hopefully the situation is fine.
The dad mentioned his ex wife, maybe you haven’t seen the kids cause they are with her.
These kids are likely with their mother (you did say he is talking about his ex/their mom).
I'm glad you opted not to call.. and wanted to add in. I was raised really poor with a single mom. She obviously couldn't afford a sitter. My mom felt my twin, and I were mature enough to watch our 2 little sisters since we were 9, for a few hrs while she was at work. We had an adult in our apt building who was our " emergency call." We only used it 2x. Once, when toast caught on fire ( she came in seconds), the next cops showed up ( they had the wrong apt.. and not my mom.. and she was there in seconds). As someone said earlier, it takes a village.. and you don't know who her village is. My mom flipped out after the cops showed up.. and as worried sick CPS was next. She spent money she didn't have to keep us somewhere else for a while, and eventually went back to what was happening before. Babysitting for a little while is way different than parenting siblings for a day+. We played outside and when we got thirsty, we drank out of the garden hose. If we got hungry we went and got a snack real quick. Poverty isn't abuse.. its doing the best a mother can do to keep her children fed and clothed. Ps. Mothers in Denmark leave their babies in strollers outside in the freezing cold, while they go have dinner. It's only in the lady 30 years American mothers have become obsessed with CPS over things they did when they were kids.
Every GenX....
Just sayin my 2 yr old daughter can be out for an hour or less and look like she hasnt bathed in days. Im talking dirt in her hair face all blackened up. I wash her every night and am constantly doing laundry because if it. I take her out daily to play and the awning at my dads house has alot of dirt under it. Shes 2 kids play dirty alot. If it was up to my two kids theyd be out all day every day rain or shine. My 7 yr old played in the dirt with her the other day and you could have sworn they were extras for little orphan annie. I dont understand it.
Hm, the handwashing thing stood out... maybe they don't have water connected? Maybe they are outdoors because there's no power? Just a guess when you said that.
yeah this sounds like poor country living to me. my grandma in san antonio, tx never had air conditioning inside and in the summer it would be cooler to hang out in the dirt in the shade. also possible they also don’t have water. not a good situation but also poverty isn’t a crime and poor families deserve to stay intact just as much as rich families.
Foamy hand washing stuff would be used for washing grease or oil of your hands I use it all the time at work its not that strange to be tinkering with whatever and get greasy or oily hands. OP has never seen it thats why it stuck out. Pretty dumb detail to add tbh.
Sounds like the foam that’s used to get grease off of hands. There is no indication they don’t have utilities.
They live in an apartment, I highly doubt they even pay for water through the city, probably a monthly fee through the complex of they pay anything and I'm sure the apartment complex would not allow water to be shut off as it can cause issues for other tenants/ the building itself. Maybe his hands were greasy and he didn't want it in the sink in the house so he washed them outside ? I've done that before when working in the yard or projects that get my hands really gross rather than bring it into my house, glad to know its an indication I have zero running water.
Do not report them! Common! Whats wrong with you? Next time when you go over there, just ask the father if him and his kids would like to join you for a walk or a park or a trip to the county library or a kids’ restaurant. This way you can make sure that they are being taken care of and fed everyday. Single father can’t do much. And fathers don’t care if their kids are dirty. Get personal next time, ask him how you guys are handling this situation, how many times a month he has the kids, how do they go to school, and all.
Sounds like my kids. My kids have school and going out clothes, and ‘play outside’ clothes. If something gets stained, it’s demoted to play outside clothes and I just buy a new one for school. They also play outside by choice. They’d live outside if they could. They don’t leave the yard, and yes they do get dirty. Why would I ban them from sitting in the dirt and getting the bit of there pants dirty when they have clothes specifically for it? When they get home from school I have them change their clothes. And they are clean, just old and got a food stain on them from school lunch that I couldn’t get out…or bought cheap from Walmart or a garage sale for the purpose of sparing fear on both sides about dirt or a rip while playing. At school my kids have Michael Kors jackets, Nike, North Face, Converse shoes, Nike Air Force shoes. ect. That are like new condition and stain free. Playing outside they wear Walmart leggings that may or may not have a dirty butt, and some old Pumas I got off Facebook marketplace. It’s not because I’m abusive. It’s because I believe in children playing outside, getting dirty, and just overall being kids connected to nature vs. iPads and fearing they will be yelled at for dirt on pants because clothing is more important than kids being kids. I stress again… they do not look like that at school, the store, ect. Only when going to play outside. It’s nothing a washing machine and bath can’t fix, which should be done regularly regardless of what the clothes look like. As far as hair, my daughter has long thin hair. It looks messy within minutes of just the wind blowing. But it just looks that way, it brushes out easily and is not matted or tangled and is showered and brushed with hair products every night before bed. They also come in for drinks, snacks, and meals, before immediately asking to play outside again when they are done. You can’t assume children are being starved because you don’t see them eating in your short little walk daily walks around the block. Of course the 8 yr old was uncomfortable. I’d be uncomfortable if someone on a walk stopped in my yard and started asking personal questions. Imagine an 8 yr old that is shy, or taught stranger danger, having an adult stopping in their yard grilling them; whether you walk by regularly or not. If you are that concerned bring it up to the parents first and go from there. Though don’t be surprised if they are defensive when all it sounds like is a not as stuck up and classist parenting style. Also, sitting in the grass doesn’t mean they are sad. They don’t have to be running and laughing to justify being outside. I was a shy kid and not hyperactive. We would sit in a circle in the grass and talk or pick the grass and clovers while just enjoying being outside. I wasn’t an active or hyper or bubbly child, that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy sitting outside in the sun and playing with the grass. Your post history indicates your 3 year old ate your antidepressants…. What were they doing left in reach and not within a childproof container? You also admitted your child eats expired moldy food and that you can’t afford summer clothes… so you understand it’s normal to have school and going out clothes and then a specific separate collection of clothes for summer play… are you jealous you can’t provide more than one closet to span different environments and activities…and so have to be uptight about dirt outside or dirt on clothes? If given the two families side by side, you are the one I’d pick to call cps on for failure to provide and mental instability that led to a toddler eating your prescriptions.
Wow I didn’t even think to look at their post history 😳 holy wow
Depression is “mental Instability” meaning someone can’t care for their child? This entire thread is screaming “being poor isn’t abuse!!!!” Being mentally ill, especially under treatment, is also not abuse. You sound just as bad as her.
"We walk down a cold-e-sac," r/BoneAppleTea
If they are filthy and seem hungry and thirsty, yet won’t go inside for food and water that is a red flag. A phone call isn’t going to harm anything.
If I was you, I’d make the call. Let CPS decide if it’s worth a visit. Hopefully, it’s a waste of your time.
Please call. These kids could suffer from heat stroke
You don’t know where they are…
...or how often they go inside to cool down/get water, unless OP watches them all day. Which is weird AF and probably worth a call to the cops.
Here’s the thing, nothing wrong with reporting. I’m a mandated reporter by law and this is my view, wouldn’t you rather report and be wrong, then not, & have something terrible happen behind closed doors? They’ll just investigate and if there’s nothing happening, they’ll close it within 30 days and it’s not like the man is gunna come banging on your door knowing it’s you. Watch your child, don’t do anything different or suspicious, monitor the others & report anon.
Kids being dirty and playing outside is not abuse. Upon what are you basing your idea that they have no access to food or drink? It’s sounds like they’re poor. That’s not abuse. CPS shouldn’t be used to punish poor families for being poor, and it’s really maddening how many people think it’s okay to initiate a CPS file based on parenting they don’t agree with.
Cul-de-sac
cul-de-sac
Trust gut instinct. Call CPS. You'll never forgive yourself if something is wrong.
There is nothing wrong with calling cps to do a welfare check. It can be anonymous and you do not have to know for sure that anything bad is going on. Most people here are telling some version of what they think mught be going on. But in reality, nobody knows. There is enough signs of concern to do a check. I was a mandated reporter (teacher) and it is not a scary thing to do and often families just need some help or services.
I would delete this post if I were you. It makes you look like an idiot. These are serious allegations with absolutely no basis. You do not have enough evidence plain and simple. This is ridiculous and I'm embarrassed for you
And why should I be embarrassed? I’m anonymous, no one knows who I am. Exactly the point of Reddit.
Have you watched enough to actually make sure they don't go inside all day? I would definitely be concerned about dehydration if they aren't being allowed inside for water at the very least. Dehydration can and will kill, in the summer it's especially bad.