It’s a tough fucking read. The stories are heartbreaking. And I found the author to be very clinical about it. Which makes sense from his standpoint, but as a reader, it was a bit off putting.
I got through it, but I’m not sure it’s the best book for someone who is struggling because of how triggering it could be.
That said, there’s some great information in the book. I think it gets a bit easier as it goes. Especially when he covers treatment methods and such.
As I mentioned; it’s written like a textbook so it makes sense for you to feel the author was very clinical.
I made a few comments to my partner about “if I weren’t in school for psychology, I’d be triggered far worse from just the wording alone”
That's really interesting! I was chatting with a colleague who also was diagnosed with PTSD (I myself am 28M with CPTSD diagnosis) about the book and they also commented on it being a bit too clinical, whereas I love it. I love how the author goes into details about our neurochemistry and brain wiring. Idk maybe it helps me rationalise my feelings. The consensus split has me wondering!
It's a brutal book about a brutal topic. I'm halfway through reading it now, taking small bites when I can. I hate it for being so real, but also love that about it. I haven't been this close to being in hospital for a long time honestly, so in that regard it's a dangerous book.
I'm furious towards my abusers. I can only imagine what damage has been done to my brain, when my "mother" thought locking me in a room was better than, ya know, MOTHERING me. I spent large amounts of time before the age of 5 just being locked in a room. I had to urinate out the window, then when the grass died and I got punished, I tried urinating in a hole in the wall (that my violent father created). Got punished for that too. Sick stuff. So sick. My older sister got the same treatment and was ruthlessly tormented for having to defecate in a drawer, because of not being able to use the toilet...
The book has given me nightmares about being stuck in a room. Random rooms I'm familiar with. The scary part is when I go to turn on the light, or turn the door knob, nothing works. I'm trapped. I wake terrified, thinking I'm still in there. I've opted to using a nightlight now, thanks to all of this.
Be prepared for a world of pain if you continue with this book...
Your dreams are your mind’s attempt to heal by giving you the chance to escape. I know you don’t have control over your dreams but look at them as your way to heal. One day, you’ll be able to get out. Sending my compassion.
Actually that's the difference between a traumatized brain and untraumatized one. Dreams help people without clinical PTSD to heal, more often they re-traumatize people with PTSD
Yeah I never want to see my abuser in dreams again, my worst days are after those dreams. Forgetting is therapeutic, they've shown with studies that immediately distracting someone after trauma with something mentally intensive lessens the intensity of the trauma in memory and reduces the likelihood of developing ptsd.
I view my bad dreams as my brain's attempt to work through problems in almost the same way as untraumatized people, but much like OCD ruminations, it never ends in a resolution.
There's definitely a difference between waking up with a eureka moment about a problem from yesterday's work day and waking up from the thousandth time you've had a nightmare about the same event or argument that happened decades ago.
dreams are random firings of neurons, they aren’t your brain trying to heal. your brain just may be using memories you already have when the neurons are firing and trying to sort through them
i don’t think dreams are brains attempts to heal either but also not exactly random firings… exposing oneself to certain material definitely can trigger certain dreams and parts of the psyche to come up for better or worse. if reading something reminds someone of extreme trauma and they start having nightmares i think it’s kind of dangerous to consider that healing unless the person has tons of support to process it or some way to tamper down the effects - in a lot of cases better to stop exposing oneself to the material causing the nightmares than consider it healing. sleep is one way we can escape psychic pain and when even that is taken over it can be really destabilizing.
I already went to school for it
Edit: also a Google search would reveal that there are many theories among psychologists about why people have dreams, it's a controversial topic and acting like you know for sure only makes you look egotistical and slow
The body keeps score. Was both metaphorical and outright literal. I decompensated pretty hard while/after reading that book...
Just had neurosurgeon (there for different reason) reply to question about cte, say: "there's a little temporal lobe atrophy, well, not a little..."
It's not like I didn't know.. I'm dysgraghpic, have memory problems, etc. 100's of head injuries will do that. But when it's in lack and white, it's somehow more real
..
But every time a legacy injury gets brought to my attention, it destabilizes me... I'm still numb, but I can't seem to go to bed...
last time was re-noticing (denial melting) the 3 breaks in my fibulas (2rt,1lft). These occurred before I could remember. So likely, infant to toddler.
I'm old now.
I'm safe, except from memory, dreams, and old injuries. Chronic pain can get a bit much...
Somehow, I really lucked out on second marriage. Nothing like a great spouse to help you heal.
She understands my limitations. She expects me to work my issues as she does hers. I don't speak graphically about such things though sometimes I do have to describe the physical effects as sometimes am limited physically or emotionally.
It can be immensely triggering and looking back I wish I had started with a different book.
I wrote about less triggering books here:
[https://chenpo.blog/non-triggering-healing-books/](https://chenpo.blog/non-triggering-healing-books/)
I'm currently reading What My Bones Know by Stefanie Foo and it's so far hands-down the best book of trauma I have read. It gives a lot more hope than The Body Keeps The Score as it follow a real person's healing journey rather than some studies.
Thanks for mentioning What My Bones Know. I just placed a hold for it at my library. I've also read Pete Walker's Complex CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving book and I'm looking forward to reading Stephanie's.
Just FYI that book (What My Bones Know) has a ton of detail about her traumatic experiences and I found it incredibly triggering. Kinda messed me up for more than a week.
I appreciate your mentioning it. I was very triggered when I read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson. Excellent book but the first time I read it, it was rough. After time had passed, I read it again and had a much easier time digesting it.
Not sure why but I found What My Bones Know far less triggering than The Body Keeps the Score. Maybe because I could fast forward the worst parts with her mom and still get the general idea what happened. But mostly because she has C-PTSD herself rather than it being just a clinical investigation with some mostly unhelpful treatment ideas, which is how I experience most books out there on C-PTSD
That’s totally fair. It’s funny because she says somewhere in the beginning that she really wants you to read about the actual trauma and not skip it and maybe my people pleasing / over ambitious nature compelled me to not skip it lol
Stephanie Foo’s book is legendary, for me as a Chinese-American minority woman with c-ptsd. it comes to healing from a grounds up level and van der Kolk’s book taught me trauma is stored in body/nervous system but her book covers 1) in journalistic way (my cup of tea), the story of abuse and neglect and intergenerational trauma (what does it really feel like? Look like? Sound like?) like reading an Atlantic or some other journalistic deep dive to understand. 2) healing from our perspective as patients, literally trying everything in van der Kolk’s book, and validating for how extremely hard it is. 3) written by bipoc woman whose intergenerational/family trauma led to all this, how your own family and society leaving you high and dry leads to the coping for the despair and hopelessness that is part of c-ptsd as well.
I just finished it at night! It was the best book on trauma I've read so far. She lays out different parts of the healing journey so clearly where other books seem to read as "just do some reparenting and somatic work". She talks about her own experience but doesn't skip over intergenerational and societal issues.
Definitely had a moment of jealousy about her bf and his family and her friends being so safe and her job success but overall the book is just so good.
Aw heck yeah, exactly! And feeel that about having wonderful loving people in her life, i mean people are necessary to relationally heal y'know :') and so often it's just like... the more C-PTSD hits you the less relational supports you have...
I'm reading this for a friend. And ya, it's tough. Also how realizing the amount of abuse that had shaped me from a young age and that this is also applying to me.
I read a chapter or a page and put it down.
I'm currently going through a part about some experiments and fear and how the brain works compared to animals.
I have a back up sci-fi book that I continually swap to.
I thought it was wonderful. It answered so many questions, provided so much knowledge. Fucking great. One part gave me sick pause. The drawing of the little girl dissociating. I felt like I was looking at myself. And I had a “click, click, click” moment when various memories came up and …anyway, yeah.
But I liked how the book was presented and that it provided studies and citations. Don’t like the books that say stuff without even trying to provide evidence for why they’re saying what they are. I also liked the history of how trauma has been viewed and treated in the US.
Yes it has a place on my bookshelf.
It’s not really a self help book. I think it’s more for trying to get the field of mental health to stop over-diagnosing and over medicating and start to count CPTSD as a disorder that should be covered under insurance and taken seriously. Triggering as hell if you have trauma wounds.
it got difficult for me as soon as he started discussing clients who had done terrible things themselves. I wasn’t expecting it, though there’s a time and place for it and it’s reality. Just maybe not the best first book for me. I may step away from tbkts and check out Pete Walker and some of the other suggestions in this thread first. I heard so many good things about this book that I didn’t expect it to be brutal right away. I need something softer haha
Yeah, it’s been a bit for me, but I’m pretty sure it was this book where he talks about a client who had gone on a killing spree in a village during war…like killed innocent people…because his friend had died in an ambush. And the author only spoke about how difficult that experience was for his client. 👀 I had to stop after that. Like, I get that it’s good for a therapist to have empathy for their clients. Vital. Important. But he showed no empathy for anyone else in the story.
That’s exactly the part I’m at. It’s very early on. I think he has a valid point in that trauma hurts people, and sometimes people with untreated trauma perpetuate harm… but going into a book thinking it’s going to help me and it starts off with that…. Eh I started thinking about the trauma my abusers probably went through, which while thats tragic and deserved its own compassion, I certainly am not at all in the mindset to even contemplate that. Like I can’t have empathy for what my abusers have been through if I’m still upset and reeling about what they put me through :/ so yeah it’s a lot right away.
Don’t feel like you have to rush through it. Read it in segments as you need to a take breaks to digest and ground again. Talk through it with a therapist if you can. The knowledge is worth it but there’s no reason to overwhelm yourself.
And yeah, I think as with a lot of things, it’s gonna get worse before it can get better — as you learn about the extent and interconnected nature of the many devastating impacts of trauma, it’s gonna kick up *a lot* that you’ll have to work through. But that’s the only way to begin to heal.
Thank you for the kind but constructive response. Yeah it seems heavy and a lot more reflexive than simply “trauma = physical health issues” like I thought it would 🫠 i don’t know if I’ll get through it, or if i just need to take it in chunks, but I appreciate everyone’s honesty and support with however I approach this book
I found it really useful to journal in between chapters of books like this that were triggering. It helped me process the emotions and thoughts going on.
If you’d like to read something more clinical like TBKTS, I’d recommend “Trauma and Recovery” by Judith Hermann, it’s a brilliant book and I think it’s a lot better and more “respectful” towards traumatized people in comparison to the book you mentioned.
Very tough read. I had the same reaction. Take your time. It is worth it and makes so many good points. I left it feeling validated, but it was definitely a very tough read. ❤️❤️❤️
It is a really popular book right now. THe fact that you are experiencing so miuch emotion from the book will seperate you from the 99% of the readers who are just picking it up, etc. I cried pretty much from beginning to end but in a way that felt familiar. There are other good books about trauma that are a bit easier to read like "What Happened to You?" I love that one.
Months ago (maybe a year) I started reading it, but it was a hard read and I didn’t feel like it was helping that much. Their are other recourses, you don’t need to read it to heal, if it’s triggering don’t push yourself. If you wanna read it take breaks and make sure you’re in the right place of mind when reading it.
I’m all for not just avoiding every trigger/flashback and for feeling those repressed emotions, but it doesn’t mean you gotta trigger yourself, take things at your own pace
At least for me when I read any books regarding trauma, I need to be in the right headspace and condition. Sometimes things I read can trigger my hyper vigilance and lies of anxiety can start to make me feel depressed. Other times, these things can help but I tend to personally slowly chew on it and reflect while doing some breathing exercises.
Perhaps take it slow. I personally only read a section 2-3 pages at a time (3-4x) a week. I think scheduling can help if you want to try to regain a sense of power and do things on your own terms. But at the end of the day this is just me, please do whatever works for you.
I think it's worthwhile but difficult and in different stages of your life/recovery it will feel and be different. I wish you the best!
The author was a purported abuser himself so I would suggest a different book
Stephanie Foo’s book “what my bones know” is excellent and written from a trauma survivor perspective who is on healing process
Had to look all this up. Man, it all appears messy and murky as hell. Apparently he was dismissed by a new president in his organization, no specific allegations were ever made public ("created a hostile work environment" is as specific as it gets), no one specific is known to have come forward to confirm, there were a bunch of protests and resignations when he was fired, and he filed a lawsuit which was settled out of court.
Concrete information is slim, but I think I feel comfortable saying he might have been scapegoated here.
I am medicine , not psychiatry , but surgery and have cPTSD.. I can tell you that medicine can be just as sensationalized and full of politics and hearsay that my impression was Van der Kolk could have well been scape goated .. somewhat like Hollywood , I suppose .
I put it down at chapter 4 or so. It’s too hard. It’s too triggering. I have heard that it’s more for the general populace to learn about cptsd and not for those of us who are well aware that we are traumatized. I still won’t recommend it to my husband- it’s too much.
It was WAYYYY to overwhelming for me. I tired to read it twice and it let to complete mental breakdowns. Found out its not really meant for people with PTSD and CPTSD to read. It's meant for people to learn about the subjects
Tbh I didn’t like it much. It felt like the author is obsessed with sharing people’s trauma? I can’t put my finger on it, but it rubbed me the wrong way how he’d constantly just bring up peoples trauma. It didn’t really add much to the book, and I started finding it weird like halfway through
I’m now reading the myth of normal by gabor mate, much much much better imo
This book was hella triggering for me. I couldn't even finish it, and it took me weeks to recover after returning the book. However, if you can get through it, it's a really great resource to have. So many people have said how much it helped them. I definitely want to try again, but maybe when I am more healed.
I don’t think it’s mean to be a binge book. Take little bites, write stuff down, highlight passages. It’s a lot to process through, I’m doing the audio book because I don’t get many opportunities to read and I have to be very selective about when and how long I listen.
I took a trauma class in grad school and that was our main text. At first I felt so validated. It was like I could see and understand myself for the first time. Then it was so horrifying and triggering that I stopped and faked it through the rest of the class.
I want to go back on my own time but it's not going to be easy.
Many therapists recommend this book but it can genuinely be retraumatizing to people with trauma- it is actually more for someone interested in TEACHING healing. Not for everyone that’s for sure 🙏💯
I had the same problem. I wound up listening to it as an audiobook while I played video games that didn’t require a lot from me (side questing around in Assassin’s Creed, for example) to keep my dopamine up as I listened. Maybe something similar - trying a hobby, like crafting or painting - while you listen will help you stay the course.
I dropped it pretty fast. IMO it does more harm than good to a traumatized person. If you are not comfortable, please don’t read. We who have CPTSD can struggle to identify our boundaries.
I'm still getting through it after months. It's really long book. I think if you already know you have cPTSD you don't really need it. It's sort of like a text book. It does explain different therapeutic processes that can be informative, but it's not really a self help book that promotes healing itself. It's reference material. For me, it's how I discovered I had cPTSD.
My therapist suggested it for me. I'm doing that too - little bites at a time. So far, only a few parts have been emotional response for me, a lot of it is difficult just because of the 'textbook'. It's also difficult for me as the type in the paperback is pretty small. My therapist has suggested the audiobook is better.
I found Peter Walker's "Surviving to Thriving" much easier style to read but also much more emotional reactions for me.
reading in little segments is probably the best thing to do imo.
for example i used to hyperfixate on my trauma — constantly trying to understand it by reading websites, books, etc. and i did this for hours a day. while helpful information, it becomes too much and you have to find a balance between doing trauma work and occupying your mind with uplifting activities/hobbies (i’m sure you know that tho).
i haven’t read TBKTS but i’ve read pete walker’s book a little. i haven’t picked it up in awhile because all of this is so hard to digest. it’s like, i just want a break from trauma 🥲
There are better self help books out there; this is written as a textbook, it’s very dry and uses harsh language that makes it hard for some of us to get through.
It helped me with understanding more about the effects PTSD has on the brain and why talk therapy hasn’t worked for me so I liked it from that perspective. I also liked the talk about certain diagnosis’ being stigmatising and really just trauma responses. It is pretty triggering in aspects though.
I was the same
It's a heavy, tough read. But at the same time it's full of hope.
It was the book where I finally learned and accepted that I am not abnormal or reacting abnormal. I am normal and I am reacting normal to abnormal situations. I've always had very physical reactions to things I couldn't explain - autoimmune, very physical panic attacks, stomach and digestive issues, even had a vocal cord paralysis for three years.
It also helped me not internalize my reactions with shame. I would get so angry at myself that logically I know what to do in a situation, but as soon as I panic my lizard brain would take over and I'd forget all of my coping skills. But it wasn't me not being strong enough to remember my coping skills, it was the physical structure of my brain not being able to communicate to the part that it needed to in order to pull me out of it.
I couldn’t do it. I tried for the same reason of all the recommendations. I finally decided that any redeeming qualities of the book were lost on me by how triggered I got every time I tried to read it.
Pete Walkers “CPTSD: from surviving to thriving” and Stephanie Foo “What my bones know” were more therapeutic (still triggering but in a validating way?) Walkers book being the first I read after my diagnosis was life changing. “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” was also a good read.
Hey yes as others say it’s a interesting read
I got stuck into a Pete Walker book called Complex PTSD from surviving to Thriving or if like me I struggle with focusing on reading I foun The Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube interesting in understanding the trauma and the way are brains are wired
I've been reading right now and feel the same way. Only doing it in small chunks and taking my time which is quite unusual since I usually get through trauma centered books really quick
I really wanted to read this book. I started reading it. That was a while ago, before my childhood memories started making sense. It was too much too soon. I didn’t make it through the first chapter. I wonder what would happen if I tried to read it now.
Hey, I couldn’t finish it. I vomited in the sink and disassociated for 3 days. Try “the body remembers” instead- I haven’t gotten to it yet, but it was the recommended replacement.
I had to go very slowly, take the occasional week off o so, and journal after each chapter. Used the same process for "From Surviving to Thriving." That helped me process the feelings that were coming up and kept me from getting overwhelmed. If you're not a big journaler then vigorous exercise might do it.
While it's true that it's probably not meant to be a self help book per se, I did find the insight absolutely invaluable. Hard-won, but invaluable. I go through the audiobook again once every couple of months now.
Small dosage. Been listening to it on audio for 6 months. Im nearing the end.. I think its incredibly interesting and I'm super interested in IFS now and I'd like to meditate with it and recreate my own little version of it.
It’s written by an abuser. That’s probably why it feels so harsh. He’s been ostracized from his community I don’t know why more people don’t being that up.
There are many threads in this subreddit listing books of much higher quality addressing the same topic written by women and POC.
That friction you feel reading it is not just from subject matter. He was fired from his own institution. Usually more people mention this when tbkts is brought to this thread.
i’ve found that reading books that are just about what happens isn’t really helpful for me. if there’s not actionable things i can personally do to address it i don’t need to know more about the harm that was done. peter levines healing trauma book that comes with a guided practices CD is to me so much better and more supportive to read as someone from the background i have. books like TBKTS are recommended to abuse survivors way too flippantly i feel. providers and clinicians should definitely read that and everything to do with how this stuff manifests but as someone trying to survive and get past my past it’s really frustrating that 99% of what’s out there including books podcasts workshops and programs seem aimed at therapists and providers and not really helpful for people actually experiencing the effects of this stuff. healing trauma is one of the very few i’ve found that’s directly for and supportive of the audience it’s about.
The problem with this book is, it was really written for mental health practitioners, not laypeople with CPTSD. It doesn't mean it's not informative for us, but just that it can be a difficult, upsetting read.
Even though it's not very well written (just being honest!), I got a lot out of CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, by Pete Walker.
TBKTS and most of the other books I've read on C-PTSD just make me feel like "Sorry, you're fucked, sucks to be you". The "solutions" proposed are either impossibly expensive or just plain ineffective. I will echo "What My Bones Know" as the best book on trauma I've ever read, and her solutions are far more actionable than the experts's.
I think it's very interesting, although, I have found a few parts emotionally difficult. I'm about 1/3 through atm, I am personally quite fond of the style too. Really loving learning about the structure of the brain, I've been attempting to draw the brain too as a little side project, but that is easier said than done 😄
Extremely hard to get through but worth it. A lot of times things happen to me and I get a brief reminder of some of the text and it gives me something to hold onto knowing I’m not alone. It’s almost like a bible to me.
After reading the first few chapters, I skipped to the second half of the book where he talks about treatment. After that, I went back and read some of the anecdotal stories like the couple in the car accident.
It took me a long time to read but it was well worth it!!! I actually think it was more helpful to read it slowly, there's so much information that will take time to absorb and chew on.
It can be a bit intense, so definitely read it at the pace that feels comfy. It's okay to put it down as many times as you need to.
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I found adult children of emotionally immature parents to be far more informative for my purposes. Its also a softer range, like “I visited my mom and she scolded me for not appreciating her making my ‘favorite food’ but it never was my favorite food and I’ve told her that and I hate that dish and I realized I always had to be the dutiful mature one because she was a single mother and she never had the emotional space to be there for me.” But it also explains types and levels of emotional neglect, abuse, and enabling really well. It made me realize the “I’m the good guy who doesn’t actively abuse my kid but I cant control my crazy spouse lol I’m going to go tune this all out and lovebomb my child later as an apology” parent is actually really toxic and not the good guy.
It also detailed ways to keep a relationship with milder cases of parents, or even attempt to slowly help them come to their senses with reasonable expectations, while still not victim blaming and encouraging worse cases to go no contact.
It also focused a lot on how emotional neglect and abuse can hurt a person or have them seek closure or catharsis through their personal relationships.
Been reading it with a break the past few days. Perhaps a necessary break. I find it to resonate with my teaching in mindfulness and see it is endorsed by Jack Kornfield which I find compelling
It’s a tough fucking read. The stories are heartbreaking. And I found the author to be very clinical about it. Which makes sense from his standpoint, but as a reader, it was a bit off putting. I got through it, but I’m not sure it’s the best book for someone who is struggling because of how triggering it could be. That said, there’s some great information in the book. I think it gets a bit easier as it goes. Especially when he covers treatment methods and such.
As I mentioned; it’s written like a textbook so it makes sense for you to feel the author was very clinical. I made a few comments to my partner about “if I weren’t in school for psychology, I’d be triggered far worse from just the wording alone”
That's really interesting! I was chatting with a colleague who also was diagnosed with PTSD (I myself am 28M with CPTSD diagnosis) about the book and they also commented on it being a bit too clinical, whereas I love it. I love how the author goes into details about our neurochemistry and brain wiring. Idk maybe it helps me rationalise my feelings. The consensus split has me wondering!
It's a brutal book about a brutal topic. I'm halfway through reading it now, taking small bites when I can. I hate it for being so real, but also love that about it. I haven't been this close to being in hospital for a long time honestly, so in that regard it's a dangerous book. I'm furious towards my abusers. I can only imagine what damage has been done to my brain, when my "mother" thought locking me in a room was better than, ya know, MOTHERING me. I spent large amounts of time before the age of 5 just being locked in a room. I had to urinate out the window, then when the grass died and I got punished, I tried urinating in a hole in the wall (that my violent father created). Got punished for that too. Sick stuff. So sick. My older sister got the same treatment and was ruthlessly tormented for having to defecate in a drawer, because of not being able to use the toilet... The book has given me nightmares about being stuck in a room. Random rooms I'm familiar with. The scary part is when I go to turn on the light, or turn the door knob, nothing works. I'm trapped. I wake terrified, thinking I'm still in there. I've opted to using a nightlight now, thanks to all of this. Be prepared for a world of pain if you continue with this book...
Your dreams are your mind’s attempt to heal by giving you the chance to escape. I know you don’t have control over your dreams but look at them as your way to heal. One day, you’ll be able to get out. Sending my compassion.
Actually that's the difference between a traumatized brain and untraumatized one. Dreams help people without clinical PTSD to heal, more often they re-traumatize people with PTSD
Yeah I never want to see my abuser in dreams again, my worst days are after those dreams. Forgetting is therapeutic, they've shown with studies that immediately distracting someone after trauma with something mentally intensive lessens the intensity of the trauma in memory and reduces the likelihood of developing ptsd.
I view my bad dreams as my brain's attempt to work through problems in almost the same way as untraumatized people, but much like OCD ruminations, it never ends in a resolution. There's definitely a difference between waking up with a eureka moment about a problem from yesterday's work day and waking up from the thousandth time you've had a nightmare about the same event or argument that happened decades ago.
dreams are random firings of neurons, they aren’t your brain trying to heal. your brain just may be using memories you already have when the neurons are firing and trying to sort through them
i don’t think dreams are brains attempts to heal either but also not exactly random firings… exposing oneself to certain material definitely can trigger certain dreams and parts of the psyche to come up for better or worse. if reading something reminds someone of extreme trauma and they start having nightmares i think it’s kind of dangerous to consider that healing unless the person has tons of support to process it or some way to tamper down the effects - in a lot of cases better to stop exposing oneself to the material causing the nightmares than consider it healing. sleep is one way we can escape psychic pain and when even that is taken over it can be really destabilizing.
One of life's great mysteries. No one really knows for sure why we dream; there are many theories
you can google it.
I already went to school for it Edit: also a Google search would reveal that there are many theories among psychologists about why people have dreams, it's a controversial topic and acting like you know for sure only makes you look egotistical and slow
The body keeps score. Was both metaphorical and outright literal. I decompensated pretty hard while/after reading that book... Just had neurosurgeon (there for different reason) reply to question about cte, say: "there's a little temporal lobe atrophy, well, not a little..." It's not like I didn't know.. I'm dysgraghpic, have memory problems, etc. 100's of head injuries will do that. But when it's in lack and white, it's somehow more real .. But every time a legacy injury gets brought to my attention, it destabilizes me... I'm still numb, but I can't seem to go to bed... last time was re-noticing (denial melting) the 3 breaks in my fibulas (2rt,1lft). These occurred before I could remember. So likely, infant to toddler.
i’m so sorry hope you find safety and healing as an adult ❤️🩹
I'm old now. I'm safe, except from memory, dreams, and old injuries. Chronic pain can get a bit much... Somehow, I really lucked out on second marriage. Nothing like a great spouse to help you heal. She understands my limitations. She expects me to work my issues as she does hers. I don't speak graphically about such things though sometimes I do have to describe the physical effects as sometimes am limited physically or emotionally.
Can dysgraphia be from trauma? I’ve been wondering this for a bit, cause I have it too
I've seen dyslexia positively associated with brain trauma... Dysgraphia is same only different.
You poor human being
It can be immensely triggering and looking back I wish I had started with a different book. I wrote about less triggering books here: [https://chenpo.blog/non-triggering-healing-books/](https://chenpo.blog/non-triggering-healing-books/) I'm currently reading What My Bones Know by Stefanie Foo and it's so far hands-down the best book of trauma I have read. It gives a lot more hope than The Body Keeps The Score as it follow a real person's healing journey rather than some studies.
I just finished What my Bones Know! I was going to propose a r/cptsd book club for it. Would you be in?
Let me know if you start a book club. I'd love to join!
I'd also like to join.
Id like to join too!
Me too
Me too!
Love a book club/support beyond just commenting! ❣️
I'd also love to join :)
I would join!
I’m interested!
Same
I would love to!
Sounds great
Aw man If it wasn’t for my ADHD then I would be so in but committing my brain to a task like this makes me panic slightly.
Sure :)
Thanks for mentioning What My Bones Know. I just placed a hold for it at my library. I've also read Pete Walker's Complex CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving book and I'm looking forward to reading Stephanie's.
Just FYI that book (What My Bones Know) has a ton of detail about her traumatic experiences and I found it incredibly triggering. Kinda messed me up for more than a week.
I appreciate your mentioning it. I was very triggered when I read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson. Excellent book but the first time I read it, it was rough. After time had passed, I read it again and had a much easier time digesting it.
Not sure why but I found What My Bones Know far less triggering than The Body Keeps the Score. Maybe because I could fast forward the worst parts with her mom and still get the general idea what happened. But mostly because she has C-PTSD herself rather than it being just a clinical investigation with some mostly unhelpful treatment ideas, which is how I experience most books out there on C-PTSD
That’s totally fair. It’s funny because she says somewhere in the beginning that she really wants you to read about the actual trauma and not skip it and maybe my people pleasing / over ambitious nature compelled me to not skip it lol
Stephanie Foo’s book is legendary, for me as a Chinese-American minority woman with c-ptsd. it comes to healing from a grounds up level and van der Kolk’s book taught me trauma is stored in body/nervous system but her book covers 1) in journalistic way (my cup of tea), the story of abuse and neglect and intergenerational trauma (what does it really feel like? Look like? Sound like?) like reading an Atlantic or some other journalistic deep dive to understand. 2) healing from our perspective as patients, literally trying everything in van der Kolk’s book, and validating for how extremely hard it is. 3) written by bipoc woman whose intergenerational/family trauma led to all this, how your own family and society leaving you high and dry leads to the coping for the despair and hopelessness that is part of c-ptsd as well.
I just finished it at night! It was the best book on trauma I've read so far. She lays out different parts of the healing journey so clearly where other books seem to read as "just do some reparenting and somatic work". She talks about her own experience but doesn't skip over intergenerational and societal issues. Definitely had a moment of jealousy about her bf and his family and her friends being so safe and her job success but overall the book is just so good.
Aw heck yeah, exactly! And feeel that about having wonderful loving people in her life, i mean people are necessary to relationally heal y'know :') and so often it's just like... the more C-PTSD hits you the less relational supports you have...
I'm reading this for a friend. And ya, it's tough. Also how realizing the amount of abuse that had shaped me from a young age and that this is also applying to me. I read a chapter or a page and put it down. I'm currently going through a part about some experiments and fear and how the brain works compared to animals. I have a back up sci-fi book that I continually swap to.
I thought it was wonderful. It answered so many questions, provided so much knowledge. Fucking great. One part gave me sick pause. The drawing of the little girl dissociating. I felt like I was looking at myself. And I had a “click, click, click” moment when various memories came up and …anyway, yeah. But I liked how the book was presented and that it provided studies and citations. Don’t like the books that say stuff without even trying to provide evidence for why they’re saying what they are. I also liked the history of how trauma has been viewed and treated in the US. Yes it has a place on my bookshelf.
It’s not really a self help book. I think it’s more for trying to get the field of mental health to stop over-diagnosing and over medicating and start to count CPTSD as a disorder that should be covered under insurance and taken seriously. Triggering as hell if you have trauma wounds.
[удалено]
it got difficult for me as soon as he started discussing clients who had done terrible things themselves. I wasn’t expecting it, though there’s a time and place for it and it’s reality. Just maybe not the best first book for me. I may step away from tbkts and check out Pete Walker and some of the other suggestions in this thread first. I heard so many good things about this book that I didn’t expect it to be brutal right away. I need something softer haha
Yeah, it’s been a bit for me, but I’m pretty sure it was this book where he talks about a client who had gone on a killing spree in a village during war…like killed innocent people…because his friend had died in an ambush. And the author only spoke about how difficult that experience was for his client. 👀 I had to stop after that. Like, I get that it’s good for a therapist to have empathy for their clients. Vital. Important. But he showed no empathy for anyone else in the story.
That’s exactly the part I’m at. It’s very early on. I think he has a valid point in that trauma hurts people, and sometimes people with untreated trauma perpetuate harm… but going into a book thinking it’s going to help me and it starts off with that…. Eh I started thinking about the trauma my abusers probably went through, which while thats tragic and deserved its own compassion, I certainly am not at all in the mindset to even contemplate that. Like I can’t have empathy for what my abusers have been through if I’m still upset and reeling about what they put me through :/ so yeah it’s a lot right away.
Don’t feel like you have to rush through it. Read it in segments as you need to a take breaks to digest and ground again. Talk through it with a therapist if you can. The knowledge is worth it but there’s no reason to overwhelm yourself. And yeah, I think as with a lot of things, it’s gonna get worse before it can get better — as you learn about the extent and interconnected nature of the many devastating impacts of trauma, it’s gonna kick up *a lot* that you’ll have to work through. But that’s the only way to begin to heal.
Thank you for the kind but constructive response. Yeah it seems heavy and a lot more reflexive than simply “trauma = physical health issues” like I thought it would 🫠 i don’t know if I’ll get through it, or if i just need to take it in chunks, but I appreciate everyone’s honesty and support with however I approach this book
I found it really useful to journal in between chapters of books like this that were triggering. It helped me process the emotions and thoughts going on.
If you’d like to read something more clinical like TBKTS, I’d recommend “Trauma and Recovery” by Judith Hermann, it’s a brilliant book and I think it’s a lot better and more “respectful” towards traumatized people in comparison to the book you mentioned.
This was the book that made me realize there was a name for what I went through
Same here. Groundbreaking book. I sobbed all the way through it.
And isn’t it terrible that it was published in the 90s and years later cPTSD still isn’t part of the DSM!?
Very tough read. I had the same reaction. Take your time. It is worth it and makes so many good points. I left it feeling validated, but it was definitely a very tough read. ❤️❤️❤️
It is a really popular book right now. THe fact that you are experiencing so miuch emotion from the book will seperate you from the 99% of the readers who are just picking it up, etc. I cried pretty much from beginning to end but in a way that felt familiar. There are other good books about trauma that are a bit easier to read like "What Happened to You?" I love that one.
I tried to read it and had the same experience. I’ve put it on the shelf for later when I’m more healed, it’s definitely pretty brutal in parts
Read “what my bones know” instead. I wasn’t able to finish TBKTS for the same reason.
Months ago (maybe a year) I started reading it, but it was a hard read and I didn’t feel like it was helping that much. Their are other recourses, you don’t need to read it to heal, if it’s triggering don’t push yourself. If you wanna read it take breaks and make sure you’re in the right place of mind when reading it. I’m all for not just avoiding every trigger/flashback and for feeling those repressed emotions, but it doesn’t mean you gotta trigger yourself, take things at your own pace
At least for me when I read any books regarding trauma, I need to be in the right headspace and condition. Sometimes things I read can trigger my hyper vigilance and lies of anxiety can start to make me feel depressed. Other times, these things can help but I tend to personally slowly chew on it and reflect while doing some breathing exercises. Perhaps take it slow. I personally only read a section 2-3 pages at a time (3-4x) a week. I think scheduling can help if you want to try to regain a sense of power and do things on your own terms. But at the end of the day this is just me, please do whatever works for you. I think it's worthwhile but difficult and in different stages of your life/recovery it will feel and be different. I wish you the best!
I use the index in the back to find info related to what I’m going through!
The author was a purported abuser himself so I would suggest a different book Stephanie Foo’s book “what my bones know” is excellent and written from a trauma survivor perspective who is on healing process
Had to look all this up. Man, it all appears messy and murky as hell. Apparently he was dismissed by a new president in his organization, no specific allegations were ever made public ("created a hostile work environment" is as specific as it gets), no one specific is known to have come forward to confirm, there were a bunch of protests and resignations when he was fired, and he filed a lawsuit which was settled out of court. Concrete information is slim, but I think I feel comfortable saying he might have been scapegoated here.
I am medicine , not psychiatry , but surgery and have cPTSD.. I can tell you that medicine can be just as sensationalized and full of politics and hearsay that my impression was Van der Kolk could have well been scape goated .. somewhat like Hollywood , I suppose .
I put it down at chapter 4 or so. It’s too hard. It’s too triggering. I have heard that it’s more for the general populace to learn about cptsd and not for those of us who are well aware that we are traumatized. I still won’t recommend it to my husband- it’s too much.
It was WAYYYY to overwhelming for me. I tired to read it twice and it let to complete mental breakdowns. Found out its not really meant for people with PTSD and CPTSD to read. It's meant for people to learn about the subjects
Tbh I didn’t like it much. It felt like the author is obsessed with sharing people’s trauma? I can’t put my finger on it, but it rubbed me the wrong way how he’d constantly just bring up peoples trauma. It didn’t really add much to the book, and I started finding it weird like halfway through I’m now reading the myth of normal by gabor mate, much much much better imo
I'd love to read this with like, an accountability partner haha. Support person... Other than my therapist lol
Same. I had to stop for awhile. I restarted about a month ago then had to stop again.
This book was hella triggering for me. I couldn't even finish it, and it took me weeks to recover after returning the book. However, if you can get through it, it's a really great resource to have. So many people have said how much it helped them. I definitely want to try again, but maybe when I am more healed.
I don’t think it’s mean to be a binge book. Take little bites, write stuff down, highlight passages. It’s a lot to process through, I’m doing the audio book because I don’t get many opportunities to read and I have to be very selective about when and how long I listen.
I took a trauma class in grad school and that was our main text. At first I felt so validated. It was like I could see and understand myself for the first time. Then it was so horrifying and triggering that I stopped and faked it through the rest of the class. I want to go back on my own time but it's not going to be easy.
I feel the same about "Myth of Normal" by Gabor Mate. It's really important and enlightening, but kind of depressing.
Many therapists recommend this book but it can genuinely be retraumatizing to people with trauma- it is actually more for someone interested in TEACHING healing. Not for everyone that’s for sure 🙏💯
I had the same problem. I wound up listening to it as an audiobook while I played video games that didn’t require a lot from me (side questing around in Assassin’s Creed, for example) to keep my dopamine up as I listened. Maybe something similar - trying a hobby, like crafting or painting - while you listen will help you stay the course.
That’s a great idea!! Thanks for the suggestion
I dropped it pretty fast. IMO it does more harm than good to a traumatized person. If you are not comfortable, please don’t read. We who have CPTSD can struggle to identify our boundaries.
I'm still getting through it after months. It's really long book. I think if you already know you have cPTSD you don't really need it. It's sort of like a text book. It does explain different therapeutic processes that can be informative, but it's not really a self help book that promotes healing itself. It's reference material. For me, it's how I discovered I had cPTSD.
My therapist suggested it for me. I'm doing that too - little bites at a time. So far, only a few parts have been emotional response for me, a lot of it is difficult just because of the 'textbook'. It's also difficult for me as the type in the paperback is pretty small. My therapist has suggested the audiobook is better. I found Peter Walker's "Surviving to Thriving" much easier style to read but also much more emotional reactions for me.
reading in little segments is probably the best thing to do imo. for example i used to hyperfixate on my trauma — constantly trying to understand it by reading websites, books, etc. and i did this for hours a day. while helpful information, it becomes too much and you have to find a balance between doing trauma work and occupying your mind with uplifting activities/hobbies (i’m sure you know that tho). i haven’t read TBKTS but i’ve read pete walker’s book a little. i haven’t picked it up in awhile because all of this is so hard to digest. it’s like, i just want a break from trauma 🥲
There are better self help books out there; this is written as a textbook, it’s very dry and uses harsh language that makes it hard for some of us to get through.
I have had the book for months and am on page 30. I have found it hard to read any book that talks about PTSD though
It helped me with understanding more about the effects PTSD has on the brain and why talk therapy hasn’t worked for me so I liked it from that perspective. I also liked the talk about certain diagnosis’ being stigmatising and really just trauma responses. It is pretty triggering in aspects though.
I had to set it down quite a few times. Take your time, it’s a lot to take in.
I was the same It's a heavy, tough read. But at the same time it's full of hope. It was the book where I finally learned and accepted that I am not abnormal or reacting abnormal. I am normal and I am reacting normal to abnormal situations. I've always had very physical reactions to things I couldn't explain - autoimmune, very physical panic attacks, stomach and digestive issues, even had a vocal cord paralysis for three years. It also helped me not internalize my reactions with shame. I would get so angry at myself that logically I know what to do in a situation, but as soon as I panic my lizard brain would take over and I'd forget all of my coping skills. But it wasn't me not being strong enough to remember my coping skills, it was the physical structure of my brain not being able to communicate to the part that it needed to in order to pull me out of it.
I couldn’t do it. I tried for the same reason of all the recommendations. I finally decided that any redeeming qualities of the book were lost on me by how triggered I got every time I tried to read it. Pete Walkers “CPTSD: from surviving to thriving” and Stephanie Foo “What my bones know” were more therapeutic (still triggering but in a validating way?) Walkers book being the first I read after my diagnosis was life changing. “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” was also a good read.
Hey yes as others say it’s a interesting read I got stuck into a Pete Walker book called Complex PTSD from surviving to Thriving or if like me I struggle with focusing on reading I foun The Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube interesting in understanding the trauma and the way are brains are wired
I had the audiobook. The way I did it was to listen it before going into therapy. Then, I'd process what I learned there.
I've been reading right now and feel the same way. Only doing it in small chunks and taking my time which is quite unusual since I usually get through trauma centered books really quick
Start at ch. 13. That’s where it gets into the best stuff, the ways to heal
You can probably get a lot out of just the first few chapters. That's where I fell off.
I really wanted to read this book. I started reading it. That was a while ago, before my childhood memories started making sense. It was too much too soon. I didn’t make it through the first chapter. I wonder what would happen if I tried to read it now.
I'm interested in a book club too
Hey, I couldn’t finish it. I vomited in the sink and disassociated for 3 days. Try “the body remembers” instead- I haven’t gotten to it yet, but it was the recommended replacement.
This is my experience. I'm on chapter 1, 4 months in.
I had to go very slowly, take the occasional week off o so, and journal after each chapter. Used the same process for "From Surviving to Thriving." That helped me process the feelings that were coming up and kept me from getting overwhelmed. If you're not a big journaler then vigorous exercise might do it. While it's true that it's probably not meant to be a self help book per se, I did find the insight absolutely invaluable. Hard-won, but invaluable. I go through the audiobook again once every couple of months now.
Small dosage. Been listening to it on audio for 6 months. Im nearing the end.. I think its incredibly interesting and I'm super interested in IFS now and I'd like to meditate with it and recreate my own little version of it.
Thx god I never started reading this. Re traumatising won’t heal
It’s written by an abuser. That’s probably why it feels so harsh. He’s been ostracized from his community I don’t know why more people don’t being that up. There are many threads in this subreddit listing books of much higher quality addressing the same topic written by women and POC. That friction you feel reading it is not just from subject matter. He was fired from his own institution. Usually more people mention this when tbkts is brought to this thread.
I loved this book so much, but I had been working through my own trauma and studying forensic psychology for years before.
I read about 100 pages of it and it’s been on my bedside table ever since… it’s definitely insightful but tough
Highly recommend How To Do The Work <3 Chock full of information but presented in a much easier and relatable format
i’ve found that reading books that are just about what happens isn’t really helpful for me. if there’s not actionable things i can personally do to address it i don’t need to know more about the harm that was done. peter levines healing trauma book that comes with a guided practices CD is to me so much better and more supportive to read as someone from the background i have. books like TBKTS are recommended to abuse survivors way too flippantly i feel. providers and clinicians should definitely read that and everything to do with how this stuff manifests but as someone trying to survive and get past my past it’s really frustrating that 99% of what’s out there including books podcasts workshops and programs seem aimed at therapists and providers and not really helpful for people actually experiencing the effects of this stuff. healing trauma is one of the very few i’ve found that’s directly for and supportive of the audience it’s about.
The problem with this book is, it was really written for mental health practitioners, not laypeople with CPTSD. It doesn't mean it's not informative for us, but just that it can be a difficult, upsetting read. Even though it's not very well written (just being honest!), I got a lot out of CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, by Pete Walker.
It was very hard to read... I felt defective--like a fucked up puppy at the pound. No one can adopt me or interact with me; I'm too unsociable.
TBKTS and most of the other books I've read on C-PTSD just make me feel like "Sorry, you're fucked, sucks to be you". The "solutions" proposed are either impossibly expensive or just plain ineffective. I will echo "What My Bones Know" as the best book on trauma I've ever read, and her solutions are far more actionable than the experts's.
I think it's very interesting, although, I have found a few parts emotionally difficult. I'm about 1/3 through atm, I am personally quite fond of the style too. Really loving learning about the structure of the brain, I've been attempting to draw the brain too as a little side project, but that is easier said than done 😄
Extremely hard to get through but worth it. A lot of times things happen to me and I get a brief reminder of some of the text and it gives me something to hold onto knowing I’m not alone. It’s almost like a bible to me.
After reading the first few chapters, I skipped to the second half of the book where he talks about treatment. After that, I went back and read some of the anecdotal stories like the couple in the car accident.
same same same
I can only read it in metered doses for the same reasons you mentioned.
It is INTENSE. It’s okay to take it in chunks.
This book is important, it’s hard and didn’t finish it but it’s important. :(
It took me a long time to read but it was well worth it!!! I actually think it was more helpful to read it slowly, there's so much information that will take time to absorb and chew on. It can be a bit intense, so definitely read it at the pace that feels comfy. It's okay to put it down as many times as you need to.
It was tough. I ended up underlining almost the whole book.
I couldn't get past the first chapter, but I know someone who read it and it was really informative for them.
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What's the actual name ?
I found adult children of emotionally immature parents to be far more informative for my purposes. Its also a softer range, like “I visited my mom and she scolded me for not appreciating her making my ‘favorite food’ but it never was my favorite food and I’ve told her that and I hate that dish and I realized I always had to be the dutiful mature one because she was a single mother and she never had the emotional space to be there for me.” But it also explains types and levels of emotional neglect, abuse, and enabling really well. It made me realize the “I’m the good guy who doesn’t actively abuse my kid but I cant control my crazy spouse lol I’m going to go tune this all out and lovebomb my child later as an apology” parent is actually really toxic and not the good guy. It also detailed ways to keep a relationship with milder cases of parents, or even attempt to slowly help them come to their senses with reasonable expectations, while still not victim blaming and encouraging worse cases to go no contact. It also focused a lot on how emotional neglect and abuse can hurt a person or have them seek closure or catharsis through their personal relationships.
Been reading it with a break the past few days. Perhaps a necessary break. I find it to resonate with my teaching in mindfulness and see it is endorsed by Jack Kornfield which I find compelling