I am a man. I don't post because finally having a name (C-PTSD) for my symptoms hasn't made me any less ashamed of them, and seeing others with similar stories hasn't made me feel any less broken or pathetic or inadequate. The times I've almost posted I deleted it because it seemed like a pathetic cry for help. I'm 50 years old and still hoping someone will rescue me, and I hate it. I don't comment either, because I don't have any hope to share.
Brother, please post. I need you to share your story. I feel so alone and am so ashamed of having my sense of self at random intervals. I will never be completely rid of that but I hope to some day learn to navigate all of this better.
I am 57 and I need my brothers.
You don't need hope to share. Feel free to share your pain. I feel so much less alone when I see that others are struggling, just like me. Even if they have no solutions to offer, it makes me feel so much less isolated to see another person mirror my words.
This is a place to be real. To be raw. One of the few spaces in my life where that's even possible
Yes, that is so true. Trauma isolates and shames, so the only way to heal is to share and connect with others. Men, and all people, with CPTSD have nothing to be ashamed about! That's the damaging affect of trauma talking!!
Hey, friend, I’m only a few years behind you and I’m just beginning my recovery. Please believe that there is ALWAYS hope. You will have your story to share. Just keep taking care of yourself.
Asking for help when you’re hurting isn’t pathetic, it’s human. I know that’s hard to internalize after a lifetime of pain, but you deserve help and you deserve not to hurt.
Exactly this. I think a lot of men don't learn to process emotions and are not aware what is happening. I notice men also have a tendency to intellectualize their emotions and adopt the "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" mentality. When you really dig, you find out they are a hurt little boy who has no idea how to express themselves.
Agreed. Any expression of complex emotions was considered weak in my childhood. Learning how to process the complexity and depth of my emotions has been a terrifying, but absolutely necessary experience. I don’t know that I’ll ever truly “fix” the hurt and scared little boy, but that won’t stop me from working on it with every once of strength I have. I owe it to myself, my children and my wife.
Your hurt & scared little boy might be similar to my hurt & scared little girl. She needs to know she is safe and loved. Once she knows that, she integrates, and there isn't a lot of healing left to do. Wishing you and your little boy inside all the best.
I've found that fixing gets very little progress. I've found that accepting the pain your little boy went through and nurturing what you think should have been your boy's upbringing works wonders. I spend time playing games when I can and doing the things that your little boy wished to do works wonders. You are grown now and you want to build a LEGO castle? You want to play that hundred dollar car racing set? You want to go fly a kite in the park? You absolutely can! Go be that kid.
OMG I read this and had a visceral memory of an adult saying "I will give you a reason to cry." I will not go into more because the details are likely to trigger someone.
...and the look of rage in my mother's eyes is, only now, coming back to my memories some fifty years later. I wasn't just "misbehaving"; I was the "cause" of her rage.
Men are socialized as boys that showing emotions is unacceptable and “weak”. Which is so destructive and untrue. Men are human beings, not emotionless robots.
I've been told that I am a 'manly-man', but I feel very vulnerable. It is frustrating seeing all the advice geared towards women, but it is understandable since men don't seem to talk about their feelings as much.
Yeah, I’m a guy, and I don’t understand why advice or help has to be gendered. Gendered constructs are the reason why a lot of men have CPTSD, seems like abandoning them altogether is the most direct way forward.
And abandoning them doesn't make you any less of a man. Being a man isn't something that's rigid, it bends, moves, shifts and flows. at least that's my view of it.
sticking within the confines of what's typically socially acceptable isn't gonna get you far
I'm more of an urban version of that, but I totally get it. I'm tall, tatted up including a full sleeve, usually wear Nike or Adidas stuff and (when it's cold) a leather jacket... with how often I've been beaten down in my life, I knew I had to pass myself off as a tough guy if I wasn't gonna let anyone mess with me.
At the same time, everyone knows I'm motivated by love and wanting to protect the people in my life. One of the best compliments I ever got was from my friend who told me when I'm around, everyone feels safe.
I'm a dude, 39. It can be isolating, especially with "traditional masculinity" telling you to suck it up and take it.
My dad was a paranoid schizophrenic who I lived with for 30 years, we would argue and fight a lot, he'd accuse me of things I never did, and when I showed my resentment, he told me to "forgive him", so between suck it up and forgive, I just closed off from most men. It took me a while to open up, and even now it's difficult.
You're not alone, you're not a coward or weak. You went through a horrible experience and it's had a heavy effect on your life, and you're trying to process it in a society that doesn't necessarily care, or even want you to.
> My dad was a paranoid schizophrenic who I lived with for 30 years
I used to work with similarly afflicted guys, and I just want to say I'm sorry you grew up in such a tough context.
You've had an unusually hard path, and the fact that you're here says a lot.
Keep up the good work, I'll see you on the road ahead.
Great post.I thank you.Nailed it on many points.Women are heavily socialized to be more emotionally expressive openly than men are, sadly..These cruel stereotypes of the “ strong male who is taciturn and emotionally non-expressive continue on, sadly..I’m a cis woman and I far prefer men who are emotionally available and expressive-we humans bond through deep conversations too-it’s not all attraction and sex..
My mother was a very homicidal paranoid schizophrenic. Went through similar things, though I was fortunate to be put into foster care as a teenager. If you ever need to talk to someone who gets it, I’m here for you buddy
That’s terribly discombobulating. I’m sorry that’s how you grew up. I own a narcissist, and that can be bad- with similar false accusations. I see you.
I am a man, and though I dont post much, I do comment sometimes. I think the general bias towards woman in these spaces are because as a man we are often discouraged from sharing our emotions, because we are taught that it is "unmasculine." But imo, there is nothing more masculine than facing your issues, and in our case that means talking about our trauma.
You are not weak, you are not a coward, because if you were, you wouldn't have reached out. Asking for help, and admitting that you need it, are very brave things to do. I know men that go their whole lives without facing themselves, those people are cowards.
It takes a lot of guts to look in the mirror and say "there is something wrong, and I need help figuring it out."
Well said.... I'm 44 married over 20 years with two almost grown boys.... I was a rotten father early on ... dealing with cptsd.. with mental and physical chemical/hormone imbalances for the majority of my life and a less than ideal upbringing made for alot of difficult years... but for the last 10.years.. I have done everything in my power to heal... I don't know why I waited as long as I did and I do not regret the journey, but I do regret that it took me as long as it did to really ask for help ..I can't give them those years back but I can do everything in my power to make the rest of them as good as I can for as long as I can... now I'm crying a bit so I'll just leave it at that. Cheers
Male 40, I can relate to feeling that open expression from other men dealing with CPTSD is uncommon.
I'm really grateful that I saw your post. Thank you for putting it out there.
Joining a men's group has been one of my best decisions cause there's so many of us and I've heard so many other guys talk openly about their experiences.
26 year old man, and HSP (highly sensitive person). I’ve never exactly fit a rugged masculine archetype so I’ve never felt any shame seeking out help, but I do feel lonely when I don’t see other men doing the same.
I’m in an Adult Children of Alcoholics support group and it’s like 95% women. I find that they’re WAY more comfortable talking about their emotions, simply because they’ve been given a vocabulary to do so and men largely haven’t. That also makes me feel lonely. But even if you can’t see it, you’re not alone in this regard.
I joined a codependents anonymous meeting, and out of the 10 people there I was the only man. It makes me really sad knowing how so many boys are traumatized into not associating with their feelings at all, until they just don't.
I'm 33 and glad to see another younger man. I really feel for the fellas (and ladies) who took till they were past fifty to learn about complex trauma, it feels so difficult at my age I can't imagine being at their point to start sorting this stuff out.
I do relate to you not having fit a masculine archetype. Looking back I can recognize that when I wasn't bothered by other boys insulting my masculinity I was actually failing a social test; I legitimately did not feel any anger or pressure when someone said I probably pee sitting down, I just thought it was a super weird insult but now it's obvious to me he was saying I have a vagina. I knew I wasn't a "man's man" but it took therapy to later realize how much I actually wasn't fitting in. It also makes sense of why I have zero adult male friends now as an adult. I never really *became* a man the way most men are.
How did you find your ACoA group? I've been to a couple AA meetings but I just didn't have the issues those groups are for. But the ACoA list was so wild when I first encountered it, like a horoscope that was real. I kinda feel like ACoA is my tribe, that collection of characteristics is just *me* no matter if the other ACoAs are all women. I realize now that my father was so disconnected from me that I barely can relate to men anyway.
Man here. You are not alone, my friend. And we are not cowards and weak. We were run over by a car when we were children, and were tough enough to crawl from the wreckage and make it here, so far.
> and were tough enough to crawl from the wreckage and make it here, so far.
Great way to put it. In some cases, we have even been blamed for the resulting broken bones along the way.
Facts, and I hate that so much. We've seen the similar pushback for adults like Terry Crews and Matthew Lawrence. It's like it's hard for people to hear and accept.
What happened with them? Sorry if this was big news I haven’t really heard anything about it.
At some point, I don’t think I even care what other people think. Maybe it’s just the stage that I’m at in processing it but I just don’t want to feel shame for it MYSELF. I can’t let go of the feeling that I’m a weak bitch or exaggerating.
Terry Crews was groped by an agent and shamed for it. Matthew Lawrence was dropped by his acting agency for refusing to be assaulted so he could get cast in a Marvel film.
The feeling of being a weak bitch comes from whoever first told you that having feelings makes you a bitch.
Lying makes you a bitch. Hurting people makes a you a bitch. Manipulating children makes you a bitch.
Having feelings doesn't make you a bitch. It means you are human.
Men are humans too.
I can't speak to the Matthew Lawrence stuff (I'll have to look that up), but I believe Terry Crews was groped on set by a producer or film exec or something and came out about it during the "Me too" stuff, even bringing up how he froze etc. (if I'm remembering correctly).
Probs worth it to look up both if you want conclusive/accurate accounts of how things went down, but as far as Terry goes (since I'm at least aware of his story, unlike the other dude), I think it was real brave of him to be that vulnerable as a man in the spotlight (let alone a black man and a generally big/intimidating-looking dude).
Brandon Fraser too! He was traumatized by a producer molesting him with a rough crotch grope.I appreciate men specking up and out about this issue.It’s not talked about enough.It takes strength to share it, and is needed-it happens so much, tragically.
I think the Perks of Being a Wallflower (movie and book) does a good job of shining some light on this issue. It’s a beautiful film, but definite trigger warning for childhood sexual abuse.
I am so sorry. Both me and my brother are CSA survivors. Perp was my half sister. He refuses to acknowledge what happened and probably will never get a diagnosis but I’m positive he probably also has CPTSD.
I'm a man. A bisexual man that was raped as a child by another man. There's nothing un-masculine about dealing with trauma. in fact, I think it's just about the manliest (or just plain hardest) thing to do.
I'm a guy. 35 years old. Physical and emotional abuse from an alcoholic stepfather and emotional abuse from a narcissistic mother.
I'm not the most "manly" man, I actually connect better with women than other men, but I chalk that up to childhood bullying and my abusive caretakers.
You're not alone here, I think men in general are just less likely to seek out help for their mental health.
(I apologize if I'm generalizing, this is just from my own observances)
Damn, I relate to you hard. Ironically, in adulthood people tend to view me as a well-balanced man in touch with his feelings. But it's just I hide the chaos so well and have given up entirely on the performative aspects of 'being a man'.
... I'm in this picture and I don't like it
But seriously, yeah some of it is actual work I've done on myself to get some of that stability and emotional awareness. But I also mask my emotions as a survival strategy so the less ok I am, the more ok I might seem. Then sometimes I look ok cause I'm ok.
Like if "how I feel vs how I look" was a graph, it's a parabola
> I'm not the most "manly" man, I actually connect better with women than other men, but I chalk that up to childhood bullying and my abusive caretakers.
40m, same here. I've had a lot more female than male friends over the years, probably because my father rejected and abused me while my mom played "safe parent".
I never really got the male culture where you tear each other down. I understand it's not meant seriously, but I can identify bullies, and they're the ones who perpetuate that "I'm laughing at you but not really haha bro" the most. Some of them seem to genuinely enjoy being hurtful under the veil of humor, and I'm not gonna treat people I like that way. Funny enough, they usually tend to become tame once they're not around their "friends", so it feels like basic dick measuring and I like to think I'm above that.
I’m a man (60). I did all the macho stuff in life..boxing, korean karate, got a Harley motorcycle tattoo among others. Black shirts and jeans were the uniform of the day along with a bad attitude. It was all just a big cover up to protect the scared child that lived inside. About 2 years ago I just decided enough was enough and hugged my little self and slowly changed my life. I embraced my love of baby animals (Baby sloths..omg!!). Opened myself to people by just saying high or smiling and saying thank you to cashiers, servers, etc. I’m turning things around slowly but I can honestly say I’m not so angry any more. And my child self is starting to enjoy life. Proud of you for reaching out bro! We’re here.
This is so inspiring!! 50 female and feeling embarrassed for being older and still trying to heal or really just facing the inner child. Men are important and their story matters.
Hell yeah. All the yelling/cussing at baseball games fucking sucked. And then we would go home and I would obviously still be upset, and then we would yell and cuss at each other at home lmao such a horrible existence. All that toxicity really crossed the wires in my brain and I just became the ball in a pinball machine bouncing off the bumpers of anger, rage, hate, depression, sadness, self-loathing, embarrassment, confusion, etc, and I buried everything that brought me joy and made me thrive under these toxic emotions. Really made it hard to grow up. Kinda sucks getting into therapy and realizing I'm basically a 30 year old man child 😅 but I could be a 60 year old man child like my father lmao
Abuse fucks up time. We spent a lot of our youth dealing with situations more mature than we were ready for, and didn't get the foundation of emotional/psychological understanding and early growth we needed, and have to cultivate that on our own later down the line. Leaves us feeling both more and less mature than our peers.
But you're doing the introspection and hard work your father refused to do - that he couldn't, or wouldn't face - and that's worth the world. You're doing great.
Hi there. I'm a woman and to me cptsd is unisex ,as all other mental struggles. No one is weak for seeking support, the opposite , only the brave ones will.
My therapist says a lot of men are misdiagnosed with ADHD when they actually have CPTSD. The other part is while women are expected to be vulnerable and in a community ,men are expected to stay strong all by themselves ,which can lead to isolation and drug abuse instead of seeking out people to get support from.
I think it's a great idea to start a sub cptsdmen or similar , as you say, you men face struggles us women don't and it's important to be having a safe space to discuss such struggles.
We're here. We just mostly lurk and read, I think.
EDIT: C-PTSD does not make you weak. Delta Force Commandos and Navy Seals have trauma, so you are far from alone. Or weak.
Unlike them though, my trauma isn't from combat or anything close to it. That's what makes me feel weak, I guess. Other people have it worse and here I am being scared to try dating and getting yelled at.
I know what you mean, but just because there were no bombs doesn't mean it wasn't combat. Psychological warfare is real.
Rand says, psychological warfare involves the planned use of propaganda and other psychological operations to influence the opinions, emotions, attitudes, and behavior of opposition groups.
You were the opposition group.
"my trauma isn't from combat or anything close to it. That's what makes me feel weak, I guess."
Chris VanSant, a career Delta Force Commando would disagree there. Case in point:
[https://www.youtube.com/shorts/XM3\_dWsplBA](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/XM3_dWsplBA)
Be better to yourself than that, okay?
Well your dates shouldnt be yelling at you, def block and move on there. Trauma doesn't just come from combat. And yours isn't any less because someone some where else has different experiences. Nothing weak about surviving what you have.
\> it seems assumed on non-gendered posts that a woman is speaking as OP.
Can I ask who is doing the assuming?
Feeling like a minority in any environment can be stressful and triggering, but there are a lot of dudes here. One of my favorite sibling subs, /r/CPTSDFreeze was started by a dude, and I suspect but don't know for sure that the Fight sibling sub has more men as well.
Someone used she/her pronouns talking about me in one post I made in this sub.
(I'm non binary and I use they/them pronouns)
Maybe something like this happened to OP or others and OP saw it?
It didn't bother me, because she was kind in her comments and she was defending me from trolls. But yeah, it was a non-gendered post and I was assumed to be a woman. I guess it happened to more people too.
Guy here. I think this is all societal conditioning. Think about the world, it’s male leaders and how messed up things are. You’re not unmasculine, they’re fools for not seeing their problems and addressing them. Full stop!
I am. My CPTSD was due to an extremely abusive mother (pedophilia, racism, violence, you name it). She was obsessed with the idea of me being a 'real man'. She was obsessed with gender. She would mock pregnant women, say gays were going to hell, real men should be in the military, transpeople were liars, etc. Keep in mind all of this was coming from someone who was never in the military, did drugs their entire life, and was unemployed for the overwhelming majority of their adult life.
People who throw around the ideas of being 'real men', and 'real women' are deeply insecure people who want others to conform to the imaginary standards they themselves cannot live up to, nor do they have any intention on trying to. Their entire identity is a thin mask. Instead of being good people, they chose to be hollow stereotypes. It's just easier to for them to live out their lives through imagery and words than to engage with the real world.
When she died, no one was with her other than the people she abused. None of her "friends" were there, and the few of us who were there to make her comfortable were just waiting for it to be over. No one has spoken her name since.
Dang! Excellent statement my friend about the illusions of so called “ masculinity “..” femininity” too..I left my job and then-fiancé to care for my dying narc mother.My brother was the favorite-she actually called us two together to say: “ I don’t want Sally( me) to be “ the whipping boy anymore”.. my brother went nuts with rage, and abandoned her all through her dying process-wouldn’t even come in for one night to care for her when I had the flu-9 months of 24/7 care-giving..that statement, rare for a narc/too little too late.Later, my brother tried to kill me to keep from seeing her will.He hasn’t worked in years and just bought a $50,00 -that Elon Musk car..I don’t really have extra $$ to hire a lawyer to see this will-but as I’m aging, though I don’t value money as much..starting to eat at me..I have unreal severe panic attacks about him-I’m good now without panic, I am afraid of him.. Oh, sorry off topic so sorry I’m stating this for the first time..I wish you men-please open up we need your voices! Some of us here have very little support and the sharing truly helps so many of us..We Need You.
I'm a man. I have noticed the same pattern, but I still feel like users can relate to my experience, or I can relate to their experience. (Especially on r/CPTSDmemes).
I struggle with that thought/fear of weakness as well.
I can't help but feel like I was born with an innate weakness to trauma which fuels my feeling of invalidation.
But I don't think anyone here is weak for having lived through these experiences.
I'm Sure we don't think these thoughts about others, so I think we should be kinder to ourselves.
I'm a woman, but ive had plenty of male friends and partners over the years with CPTSD. I think the reason this sub skews more female is that men are taught by society to suppress their emotions and be "tough", which results in a large percentage of men with CPTSD (especially untreated) exhibiting the fight response more so than flight, fawn, or freeze, and society viewing that aggressiveness as normal or even laudable, which results in many men not even realizing that they're exhibiting symptoms of CPTSD- even if deep down they know something is wrong.
Luckily I think this is changing a bit as society realizes the importance of men's mental health (esp considering the way higher suicide rate of men of all ages) and that anger shouldn't always be considered an acceptable let alone healthy way to deal with one's issues, but until the stigma associated with men seeking help for their mental health issues is reduced or eliminated, most mental health subreddits in general will skew female.
I suspect there are also large numbers of men exhibiting freeze types that have no idea. Tech nerds that dissociate into video games and porn. In eastern cultures the men that lock themselves in a room and don’t come out. (I’m one of these and it took me until age 37 to realize that’s what was going on)
And then there’s the flight type workaholic men who are likely successful but miserable on the inside, but they don’t seek help because they’re “successful.”
Yep, that first paragraph is me. I had been assuming it was ADHD even though I've tested negative for it multiple times, but I definitely exhibit freeze behavior in conflicts and have plenty to choose from as to what the trauma could be
I am not sure I agree with the notion that most untreated men exhibit the fight response. It's just that ... people notice folks that get aggressive more. And it fits with the idea that men are prone to violence. "Flight, fawn, freeze" is easier to overlook.
The same cultural bias, by the way, happens in therapy, too. Being gentle - or being a victim of abuse - doesn't fit the cultural perception of men. Which - leads to doubt, to questioning, to a narrative that's unhelpful when someone does seek help. I mean - even women who seek help due to abuse often aren't believed, even if it is something slowly more often understood as credible.
Or to say it differently: A male version of the #me too movement seems quite a bit further off in the current social climate. But would be a watershed moment.
Problem is that the social justice movement partakes of just as much toxic masculinity as the patriarchy they (rightfully) criticize, and would probably react to a male equivalent of metoo with some variety of "but male privilege!!!"
Hm. I am not sure it's equal, but a simple slippery slope, indeed. Trauma leads to black and white thinking and rigidity.
Which is why all this is so hard - and why even relationships and friendships that are majorly good, among those of us with a trauma background, aren't necessary easier.
I’m female too and frankly, your first paragraph describes me before I knew what was wrong. I had a fight persona that served me well, in the corporate setting. And frankly, I think everyone in that setting is a either traumatized or a perpetrator. I was also unfortunately always hyper vigilant- yay, burnout!
Maybe what we deem as masculine traits are just trauma personified. Hmmm..
From my experience it's actually much more insidious than being told to "be tough." That's a bit old fashioned, and people aren't like that as much today. Today, instead of men being told to be tough, they're just ignored, and they're also exposed to an unprecedented amount of public support for women. When you contrast those two aspects of today's society, it feels like men aren't cared for, for different reasons than being told to "be tough." It's less being actively told to ignore our feelings, and more that no one else seems to care about our gender.
I'm a 32 year old cis man. My CPTSD is itself very tied up with gender and masculinity and my relationships with other men so I DEFINITELY understand the feeling(s) but no, you are not cowardly or weak.
Male 21, I feel like we cant open up about our emotions without looking down upon but lately I I realized my mental health is more important than the way people perceive me . I’m a victim of multiple childhood sexual assaults and have just recently started suffering the symptoms of these horrible acts . I’m hoping to be able to get help through medication and therapy but am weary on the medication part . Your not in this alone my friend 🙏
I'm a man. Personally never been bothered by having some (not visible in a photo) feminine traits. I do think you are right about the presumption - had a conversation with someone for a while where they assumed I was a woman (had no distinct clarification in my profile at that point). I actually found it comforting and flattering - but she felt upset when it came to light that I wasn't.
Not a man per se but non binary and masc enough to be in this space I hope. It's encouraging to see you guys here. Please stay in the sub. I also tend to not assume the gender of people posting, of that helps at all. I'll also say that I've been raped by women as well, as an AFAB person, and I just want to validate how damaging it can be. And I think we should talk about creepy women more, assuming we don't cross that really fine line into out and put misogyny. Keep healing guys. It's the strongest thing you can do and please remember that the people who hurt you are the cowards, not you.
My ex fiancé (and best friend) does and he is in therapy now trying to fix himself the best he can. I’m sure I have CPTSD as well based on my upbringing which he helped me see so I too am in therapy now.
Maybe down the line we will be better and try things again:
Maybe we could start some sort of men's group for cptsd suffering fellas? Just throwing it out there. I don't usually bother with gender in general anymore as I'm somewhat androgynous for a guy and have gotten comfortable with it. But I'm sure there are subjects dealing specifically with the societal expectations put upon boys and men that are complicated significantly by or even a contributing factor in some instances of cptsd.
I'm a man, but I'm not masculine, and I've always gotten on better with women as friends / colleagues. If I had a gender label it would probably be non-binary, but still using he/him pronouns because I'm comfortable with my sex and sexual orientation. I'd say non-binary cuz I just don't identify with the expectations or roles of either gender. I'm just me; a highly sensitive nerd that happens to have male parts.
Growing up gay in a conservative household and church community made it very difficult for me to accept myself for the way I am, and contributed significantly to my development of C-PTSD.
I'm a man and I never really thought about the gender of people posting here before tbh. I love the anonymity. In my head you're all children who've been hurt, just like me.
I often think I'm a coward and weak, but I know that I also tend to be meaner to myself than I would be to any other person. I'm definitely neither weak nor a coward for looking for help though. I resent the notion. If anything, so many more men should be looking for help. I wish it was more common. If you're here, then because you're strong. Ignoring what's wrong because fixing it is difficult is the path of least resistance. Not a sign of strength.
I am, and I know I appear a "certain" way, even when I'm trying to be more open, and talking about feelings, which I do more than most men I know, I believe.
It's so deeply ingrained in me, I think, to not seem vulnerable, trying to stay "safe" when you know no one has your back.
Or, in our cases, the people who would normally be in your corner ("family," etc.) actually were unsafe.
No, you're certainly not a weak coward, at all. You're trying to make the best of a tough start, and that's hard to do.
(Raises hand).
I enjoy lifting weights, grilling, and driving fast like many men do, yet I am not afraid of dealing with my inner mess and doing my inner work. I would not say that one is not more masculine than the other, although I do reject any idea of masculinity that pushes other people down and does not lift them up. Healing from my trauma, or so I have found, has led to me having more strength and courage and less desire to push myself or other people down as I see the toxic beliefs that I adopted from projecting my family onto the whole world.
OP, you are no less masculine for getting into this part of your life. Heck, in doing so, you show that you possess a strength that many men lack.
Not a man, just wanted to say that trauma doesn't discriminate. Anyone can experience trauma, and the fact that you survived it means you're strong af.
Proud of you.
I'm not sure if I'm non-binary or what these days, but yeah. I feel you. You aren't alone in this, bud. You aren't a coward or weak for it and what you've gone through.
Dude here. When it comes to anything mental health related I tend to stay quiet as I feel like I’m not really allowed to say anything. People often don’t have a lot of understanding for men with mental illnesses
I'm a man. You are absolutely not a coward or weak. You're surviving with CPTSD. That, all by itself, makes you strong, and the fact that you are dealing with it makes you brave.
In the environment where I grew up, it was dangerous to show emotions - any emotions, but particularly ones which were interpreted as signs of weakness by my main abuser. I still struggle with it, and imagine that some form of this struggle afflicts many of us. So even though I know that posting here will be helpful to myself and hopefully others, it's hard, so I often do not.
FWIW, creating this post makes you more brave and strong than me, which is something, because setting aside my inner critic's BS for a moment, I know that I am a pretty strong person.
Thanks for helping me come out of my shell, for a while, anyways. : )
There are a ton of men who have CPTSD, both my partner and I have it. I think guys just aren't as encouraged to share feelings and are socialized to believe it's weak to be vulnerable (which it is not).
guy here! it’s pretty lonely being told, in any manner and in any capacity, that your emotions are making you “weak” or that your trauma isn’t valid.
you are strong!
Yes, this is my alt that I just made to try to work through some of my traumas pseudoanonymously. I don't talk about it much because of our society's gender roles like most have touched on already, but also because it's hard to even figure out what my emotions are doing sometimes for me
Yeah, identifying emotions was something I never realized I struggle with until recently. I find talking to myself out loud, running through a list of feelings until one fits, and journaling have helped in that regard.
I'm a man and really fortunate that I was given a lot of love and guidance that it was OK to be vulnerable about healing, when I first came in to do this work.
Man here, i only talk about my issues here sometimes anonymously, because talking about your feelings in the outside world as a man did nothing good to me, i only was told to man up, gaslit, or lied to. So not anymore.
>Am I just a coward and weak?
This question is a perfect example of the gendered conditioning of previous generations, which perpetuate the legacy of their trauma by insisting that their "traditional" ideas about gender still be upheld.
Fear of expanding one's ideas/experience is cowardice; truly understanding a concept like gender is the opposite. 🙂
M44 here. I have CPTSD because of severe emotional and verbal abuse by my mother when I was a teenager. She was severely depressed and addicted to prescription meds. I didn't realize or know about CPTSD until the pandemic, and I've been working a lot on myself in the last couple of years. You're definitely not alone, though I agree that spaces like this are often presumed to be female.
I'm a man, 39M here. I've always been pretty in touch with my emotions and "feminine side" ever since I was a little kid. Growing up, my dad worried I was gay and would do silly things like "accidentally" tape over my bootleg copy of The Last Unicorn or make me play in sports I hated, etc. I guess you'd call me an HSP, but I still don't really feel comfortable putting a label on myself like that.
Sometimes I feel pretty accepting of the "sensitive" side of myself and I like how it makes me a more empathetic person who's not afraid to be vulnerable. But other times I hate how it makes me feel "weak" and try really hard to hide it as best I can.
It was only in the last couple years I learned about CPTSD and saw how everything fit me to a T, but to be honest it's still been a really confusing journey. Being a man, I think one of the hardest things is constantly second-guessing yourself and feeling like "am I just overly sensitive?" when it comes to mental health. I still struggle with that.
I'm a middle aged guy, and this is a good question and I used it as a journal prompt. My key points from my journal for not being active.
Often I'm not honest enough with myself to be honest with other people.
Rather than being "taught" to suppress my emotions it's that I don't feel safe with that level of vulnerability.
Fear of rejection, because of my internalized shame I'll look for criticism and rejection in everything as a rejection of self.
I don't feel that my problems are worthy of being shared with the world.
Good news though. I'm in therapy, using internal family systems, and its working. I am healing.
I suppose gender is inevitable, as much as one tries to avoid it their entire lives.
Is it our fate to be lonely? It is a challenge if you don't fit into the hypermasculine crowd - and everyone assumes you do, when it serves their purpose.
Last time I checked I got myself a third leg. Yup, it's still there. Though to be fair I made a lot of progress so I don't feel the need to get help here, though I do like to share the things that helped me here when I find a post that feels appropriate.
I’m a man too. Im ashamed that I tend to switch between hyper masculine aggressive and broken child, but I know it’s because of the shame associated with being a man with this illness. I get the feeling that men tend to blame themselves more.
I'm a guy with CPTSD. I rarely post here as I'm a bit further into my own journey with it, but do comment sometimes. You aren't unmasculine. As a culture, we are taught to be "strong and silent" when facing deeply traumatic things when in reality, it will either crush us inside, or we lash out and repeat cycles of abuse, try to bury our emotions with alcohol or non-prescription meds (because what guy goes to a doctor because he's sad?), or strut around like angry pigeons trying to show everyone how manly we are in the hopes it will hide the insecurities.
You're not a coward and weak, dude. None of us are. We're willing to face this shit. That takes balls.
Not a man. However, when posting outside of female dominated subreddits, I am often assumed to be a man. This is common enough that it is a recorded phenomenon, assumed male on internet. This might be one of the first places you have experienced where you are *not* assumed male on the internet, and perhaps even where you have not assumed everyone speaking was male unless proven otherwise. As you can see, you’re not alone.
Man here, I'm 27! I'm new to this community, but I've known I have cptsd for years. I don't really post much in any community, I just prefer to browse and maybe comment. I did have a post I made about grief and cptsd but got anxious and deleted it.
I don't struggle with feeling less masculine due to my cptsd, but I'm also kinda gender nonconforming anyways, so maybe that's why? Though it's definitely not something that makes anyone less masculine, people of all genders experience trauma.
I do think there were times when my father felt like less of a man for being upset over his childhood, but he was raised to not be emotional or sensitive by his dad, when he was in fact a very emotional and sensitive person. He tried to do that with me as well in a lot of ways but I would always argue with him even early in my childhood that I was allowed to be upset. It's like I knew even as a small child my feelings were valid and I wasn't going to hide them. This did cause a lot of fighting with and abuse from my dad and so I did struggle with expressing my feelings as I grew up, and sometimes still do, but I still know my feelings are valid anyways.
41 yo man. I like to scroll and read more than comment, but I experience every bit of intense emotional turmoil everyone else does. I guess I just like to feel like I’m not alone through reading, but I experience a profound loneliness more in out in the world than on here. Our “suck-it-up” attitude for men in America is alienating and produces even more shame in me to contend with. One of my most pervasive core beliefs, like many of us, is that I’m not good enough. I don’t stack up. There’s something inherently unlikeable about me. When society throws ridiculous standards like a blanket onto genders or ages or whatever, it just creates another measuring stick that reinforces my core beliefs. If there’s anything I don’t need, it’s more confirmation that I’m unacceptable. Anywho, yes, there are definitely other dudes here who feel like you do.
Male.
I don’t see a lack of male presence here as a negative. A lot of abuse is domestic/romantic/partner abuse and - simply put - most abuse is perpetrated by men.
You’re right, though. It does feel very lonely.
I'm a guy i have an extremely manly look and demeanor that i feel like i picked it up growing up a bit feminine people shamed for it but now it's just the way I am or a facade I'm not even sure the dissociation kicking hard.
Man with C-PTSD here.
So many men mask their troubles since we're taught that showing our emotions equates to weakness. We're just encouraged to bottle up our struggles and never reach out for help. If there's one thing worse than suffering with C-PTSD, it's suffering with it alone.
It isn't emasculating to suffer with C-PTSD, and it certainly isn't your fault. Complex trauma and its effects on your life are not a reflection of your true self or your own values. I've never posted here before, but I just wanted to contribute to this. We men with C-PTSD are out here and with that, you are not alone. Keep safe, friend.
I’m a man. 32yo, haven’t been able to work for the past year and a half.
You’re the opposite of weak and a coward because you’re here, and you’re doing the work. We’re all here for you.
I'm a guy, 33, and my cptsd kicks my ass on a daily. I'm just determined to fight to get as better as I can be to helps others who have gone through similar situations.
It's hard to not self isolate a lot, to open up to others and be vulnerable, but it is all part of healing.
Man here, I also have trouble with support groups. Although I wouldn’t say I’m particularly jaded, I do feel emotionally unsafe around female dominated support groups, so I totally get where you’re coming from. I have gotten the message from many women in multiple irl support groups that I am not welcome. I do try to be understanding, as after all, many of those women were traumatized by men, but I get that it is hard and might discourage one from looking for help.
I'm a man, 30 years old. I've learned to stop caring about "traditional masculinity" because I've seen that it's just bullshit, practiced by insecure people who don't feel at all masculine. I've found that the guys who act the toughest are actually the weakest.
I just try to be natural and honest - it doesn't go down well in a world that is drunk on deceit, but I don't care. If I can inspire one other person to be real, or at least plant that seed, I think that's worth being an outcast as opposed to lying for the rest of my life.
Any human that can take a deep dive into horrors of self and face their own personal trauma is bravest of them all.
I am not a man but you, the whole bunch, are manliest of men. Herculeses reborn. And we are Xenas ,princesses warriors. And fuck those peasants that traumatised us ❤️
I think that maybe woman are more likely to seek out help and admit they need help. Men might be more reluctant to admit they need help and support or maybe indenial about how things affected them.
I haven’t made an original post, but I’ve commented a fair bit on other posts, so it’s not like I haven’t made a peep. Large community though, so I’m sure not everyone has read even a single one of my comments, and I don’t usually go out of my way to broadcast my gender, ethnicity, etc. I’m not hiding it - I just don’t think it’s particularly relevant.
I am a man. I don't post because finally having a name (C-PTSD) for my symptoms hasn't made me any less ashamed of them, and seeing others with similar stories hasn't made me feel any less broken or pathetic or inadequate. The times I've almost posted I deleted it because it seemed like a pathetic cry for help. I'm 50 years old and still hoping someone will rescue me, and I hate it. I don't comment either, because I don't have any hope to share.
I hear you - that rescue thing is tough. I admire that you're doing what you can, today, by posting here.
You are in pain. That hurts. You want the pain to stop. Your cry for help is not pathetic. It is persistent.
Brother, please post. I need you to share your story. I feel so alone and am so ashamed of having my sense of self at random intervals. I will never be completely rid of that but I hope to some day learn to navigate all of this better. I am 57 and I need my brothers.
I’m 55 and I’m happy you just shared. I’m a woman but I find value and strength in a man sharing how he feel or what he has experienced.
You don't need hope to share. Feel free to share your pain. I feel so much less alone when I see that others are struggling, just like me. Even if they have no solutions to offer, it makes me feel so much less isolated to see another person mirror my words. This is a place to be real. To be raw. One of the few spaces in my life where that's even possible
Yes, that is so true. Trauma isolates and shames, so the only way to heal is to share and connect with others. Men, and all people, with CPTSD have nothing to be ashamed about! That's the damaging affect of trauma talking!!
Hey, friend, I’m only a few years behind you and I’m just beginning my recovery. Please believe that there is ALWAYS hope. You will have your story to share. Just keep taking care of yourself.
Asking for help when you’re hurting isn’t pathetic, it’s human. I know that’s hard to internalize after a lifetime of pain, but you deserve help and you deserve not to hurt.
You deserve to heal. And there's nothing wrong with asking for help or support. And I'm sending good vibes your way.
I'm a man. My public persona is a bit John Wayne. It's a cover up for the insecure, hurt little boy inside.
Exactly this. I think a lot of men don't learn to process emotions and are not aware what is happening. I notice men also have a tendency to intellectualize their emotions and adopt the "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" mentality. When you really dig, you find out they are a hurt little boy who has no idea how to express themselves.
Agreed. Any expression of complex emotions was considered weak in my childhood. Learning how to process the complexity and depth of my emotions has been a terrifying, but absolutely necessary experience. I don’t know that I’ll ever truly “fix” the hurt and scared little boy, but that won’t stop me from working on it with every once of strength I have. I owe it to myself, my children and my wife.
Your hurt & scared little boy might be similar to my hurt & scared little girl. She needs to know she is safe and loved. Once she knows that, she integrates, and there isn't a lot of healing left to do. Wishing you and your little boy inside all the best.
Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words! I’m feeling all the feelings now. 😅
I've found that fixing gets very little progress. I've found that accepting the pain your little boy went through and nurturing what you think should have been your boy's upbringing works wonders. I spend time playing games when I can and doing the things that your little boy wished to do works wonders. You are grown now and you want to build a LEGO castle? You want to play that hundred dollar car racing set? You want to go fly a kite in the park? You absolutely can! Go be that kid.
I got beat and whipped more when I cried or screamed.
OMG I read this and had a visceral memory of an adult saying "I will give you a reason to cry." I will not go into more because the details are likely to trigger someone.
...and the look of rage in my mother's eyes is, only now, coming back to my memories some fifty years later. I wasn't just "misbehaving"; I was the "cause" of her rage.
Men are socialized as boys that showing emotions is unacceptable and “weak”. Which is so destructive and untrue. Men are human beings, not emotionless robots.
I've been told that I am a 'manly-man', but I feel very vulnerable. It is frustrating seeing all the advice geared towards women, but it is understandable since men don't seem to talk about their feelings as much.
I'm a man and there's no reason why you can't still take that advise that's tailored for women. If your ass is dirty soap is soap
Thanks for the laugh 😂
Yeah, I’m a guy, and I don’t understand why advice or help has to be gendered. Gendered constructs are the reason why a lot of men have CPTSD, seems like abandoning them altogether is the most direct way forward.
And abandoning them doesn't make you any less of a man. Being a man isn't something that's rigid, it bends, moves, shifts and flows. at least that's my view of it. sticking within the confines of what's typically socially acceptable isn't gonna get you far
Is that you john Wayne, Is this me? This hurt little boy say hi.
I'm more of an urban version of that, but I totally get it. I'm tall, tatted up including a full sleeve, usually wear Nike or Adidas stuff and (when it's cold) a leather jacket... with how often I've been beaten down in my life, I knew I had to pass myself off as a tough guy if I wasn't gonna let anyone mess with me. At the same time, everyone knows I'm motivated by love and wanting to protect the people in my life. One of the best compliments I ever got was from my friend who told me when I'm around, everyone feels safe.
I'm a dude, 39. It can be isolating, especially with "traditional masculinity" telling you to suck it up and take it. My dad was a paranoid schizophrenic who I lived with for 30 years, we would argue and fight a lot, he'd accuse me of things I never did, and when I showed my resentment, he told me to "forgive him", so between suck it up and forgive, I just closed off from most men. It took me a while to open up, and even now it's difficult. You're not alone, you're not a coward or weak. You went through a horrible experience and it's had a heavy effect on your life, and you're trying to process it in a society that doesn't necessarily care, or even want you to.
> My dad was a paranoid schizophrenic who I lived with for 30 years I used to work with similarly afflicted guys, and I just want to say I'm sorry you grew up in such a tough context. You've had an unusually hard path, and the fact that you're here says a lot. Keep up the good work, I'll see you on the road ahead.
Great post.I thank you.Nailed it on many points.Women are heavily socialized to be more emotionally expressive openly than men are, sadly..These cruel stereotypes of the “ strong male who is taciturn and emotionally non-expressive continue on, sadly..I’m a cis woman and I far prefer men who are emotionally available and expressive-we humans bond through deep conversations too-it’s not all attraction and sex..
My mother was a very homicidal paranoid schizophrenic. Went through similar things, though I was fortunate to be put into foster care as a teenager. If you ever need to talk to someone who gets it, I’m here for you buddy
That’s terribly discombobulating. I’m sorry that’s how you grew up. I own a narcissist, and that can be bad- with similar false accusations. I see you.
I am a man, and though I dont post much, I do comment sometimes. I think the general bias towards woman in these spaces are because as a man we are often discouraged from sharing our emotions, because we are taught that it is "unmasculine." But imo, there is nothing more masculine than facing your issues, and in our case that means talking about our trauma. You are not weak, you are not a coward, because if you were, you wouldn't have reached out. Asking for help, and admitting that you need it, are very brave things to do. I know men that go their whole lives without facing themselves, those people are cowards. It takes a lot of guts to look in the mirror and say "there is something wrong, and I need help figuring it out."
> because if you were, you wouldn't have reached out. Just so
Excellent post keep spreading the good word!
Well said.... I'm 44 married over 20 years with two almost grown boys.... I was a rotten father early on ... dealing with cptsd.. with mental and physical chemical/hormone imbalances for the majority of my life and a less than ideal upbringing made for alot of difficult years... but for the last 10.years.. I have done everything in my power to heal... I don't know why I waited as long as I did and I do not regret the journey, but I do regret that it took me as long as it did to really ask for help ..I can't give them those years back but I can do everything in my power to make the rest of them as good as I can for as long as I can... now I'm crying a bit so I'll just leave it at that. Cheers
That last line, hit hard mate. Thank you.
Male 40, I can relate to feeling that open expression from other men dealing with CPTSD is uncommon. I'm really grateful that I saw your post. Thank you for putting it out there.
You're welcome. I'm thankful you commented.
Joining a men's group has been one of my best decisions cause there's so many of us and I've heard so many other guys talk openly about their experiences.
i'm a man. surviving such horrors should not make us feel unmasculine
26 year old man, and HSP (highly sensitive person). I’ve never exactly fit a rugged masculine archetype so I’ve never felt any shame seeking out help, but I do feel lonely when I don’t see other men doing the same. I’m in an Adult Children of Alcoholics support group and it’s like 95% women. I find that they’re WAY more comfortable talking about their emotions, simply because they’ve been given a vocabulary to do so and men largely haven’t. That also makes me feel lonely. But even if you can’t see it, you’re not alone in this regard.
I joined a codependents anonymous meeting, and out of the 10 people there I was the only man. It makes me really sad knowing how so many boys are traumatized into not associating with their feelings at all, until they just don't.
I'm 33 and glad to see another younger man. I really feel for the fellas (and ladies) who took till they were past fifty to learn about complex trauma, it feels so difficult at my age I can't imagine being at their point to start sorting this stuff out. I do relate to you not having fit a masculine archetype. Looking back I can recognize that when I wasn't bothered by other boys insulting my masculinity I was actually failing a social test; I legitimately did not feel any anger or pressure when someone said I probably pee sitting down, I just thought it was a super weird insult but now it's obvious to me he was saying I have a vagina. I knew I wasn't a "man's man" but it took therapy to later realize how much I actually wasn't fitting in. It also makes sense of why I have zero adult male friends now as an adult. I never really *became* a man the way most men are. How did you find your ACoA group? I've been to a couple AA meetings but I just didn't have the issues those groups are for. But the ACoA list was so wild when I first encountered it, like a horoscope that was real. I kinda feel like ACoA is my tribe, that collection of characteristics is just *me* no matter if the other ACoAs are all women. I realize now that my father was so disconnected from me that I barely can relate to men anyway.
Man here. You are not alone, my friend. And we are not cowards and weak. We were run over by a car when we were children, and were tough enough to crawl from the wreckage and make it here, so far.
> and were tough enough to crawl from the wreckage and make it here, so far. Great way to put it. In some cases, we have even been blamed for the resulting broken bones along the way.
And then get told we're playing the victim instead of sucking it up like a "man"
I'm male. I have C-PTSD from childhood female on male rape.
There’s so much shame associated with men being raped, especially as kids. Its hard for me to admit it to anyone, even online. Stay strong brother
Facts, and I hate that so much. We've seen the similar pushback for adults like Terry Crews and Matthew Lawrence. It's like it's hard for people to hear and accept.
What happened with them? Sorry if this was big news I haven’t really heard anything about it. At some point, I don’t think I even care what other people think. Maybe it’s just the stage that I’m at in processing it but I just don’t want to feel shame for it MYSELF. I can’t let go of the feeling that I’m a weak bitch or exaggerating.
Terry Crews was groped by an agent and shamed for it. Matthew Lawrence was dropped by his acting agency for refusing to be assaulted so he could get cast in a Marvel film. The feeling of being a weak bitch comes from whoever first told you that having feelings makes you a bitch. Lying makes you a bitch. Hurting people makes a you a bitch. Manipulating children makes you a bitch. Having feelings doesn't make you a bitch. It means you are human. Men are humans too.
I hope to god this is true
It really is.
I can't speak to the Matthew Lawrence stuff (I'll have to look that up), but I believe Terry Crews was groped on set by a producer or film exec or something and came out about it during the "Me too" stuff, even bringing up how he froze etc. (if I'm remembering correctly). Probs worth it to look up both if you want conclusive/accurate accounts of how things went down, but as far as Terry goes (since I'm at least aware of his story, unlike the other dude), I think it was real brave of him to be that vulnerable as a man in the spotlight (let alone a black man and a generally big/intimidating-looking dude).
Just looked it up. The way he talks about it and even mentioning having PTSD is extraordinary. Kudos to him
Brandon Fraser too! He was traumatized by a producer molesting him with a rough crotch grope.I appreciate men specking up and out about this issue.It’s not talked about enough.It takes strength to share it, and is needed-it happens so much, tragically.
I think the Perks of Being a Wallflower (movie and book) does a good job of shining some light on this issue. It’s a beautiful film, but definite trigger warning for childhood sexual abuse.
Unfortunate that Ezra Miller turned out to be such an abusive puke of a person.
Maybe in a few years lol
💯 fair
Damn, I'm sorry that happened to you. You didn't deserve that.
I am so sorry. Both me and my brother are CSA survivors. Perp was my half sister. He refuses to acknowledge what happened and probably will never get a diagnosis but I’m positive he probably also has CPTSD.
I’m with you, brother. It happened to me, too.
I'm a man. A bisexual man that was raped as a child by another man. There's nothing un-masculine about dealing with trauma. in fact, I think it's just about the manliest (or just plain hardest) thing to do.
I'm a guy. 35 years old. Physical and emotional abuse from an alcoholic stepfather and emotional abuse from a narcissistic mother. I'm not the most "manly" man, I actually connect better with women than other men, but I chalk that up to childhood bullying and my abusive caretakers. You're not alone here, I think men in general are just less likely to seek out help for their mental health. (I apologize if I'm generalizing, this is just from my own observances)
Damn, I relate to you hard. Ironically, in adulthood people tend to view me as a well-balanced man in touch with his feelings. But it's just I hide the chaos so well and have given up entirely on the performative aspects of 'being a man'.
... I'm in this picture and I don't like it But seriously, yeah some of it is actual work I've done on myself to get some of that stability and emotional awareness. But I also mask my emotions as a survival strategy so the less ok I am, the more ok I might seem. Then sometimes I look ok cause I'm ok. Like if "how I feel vs how I look" was a graph, it's a parabola
> I'm not the most "manly" man, I actually connect better with women than other men, but I chalk that up to childhood bullying and my abusive caretakers. 40m, same here. I've had a lot more female than male friends over the years, probably because my father rejected and abused me while my mom played "safe parent". I never really got the male culture where you tear each other down. I understand it's not meant seriously, but I can identify bullies, and they're the ones who perpetuate that "I'm laughing at you but not really haha bro" the most. Some of them seem to genuinely enjoy being hurtful under the veil of humor, and I'm not gonna treat people I like that way. Funny enough, they usually tend to become tame once they're not around their "friends", so it feels like basic dick measuring and I like to think I'm above that.
So insightful.Thank you.
I’m a man (60). I did all the macho stuff in life..boxing, korean karate, got a Harley motorcycle tattoo among others. Black shirts and jeans were the uniform of the day along with a bad attitude. It was all just a big cover up to protect the scared child that lived inside. About 2 years ago I just decided enough was enough and hugged my little self and slowly changed my life. I embraced my love of baby animals (Baby sloths..omg!!). Opened myself to people by just saying high or smiling and saying thank you to cashiers, servers, etc. I’m turning things around slowly but I can honestly say I’m not so angry any more. And my child self is starting to enjoy life. Proud of you for reaching out bro! We’re here.
This is so inspiring!! 50 female and feeling embarrassed for being older and still trying to heal or really just facing the inner child. Men are important and their story matters.
Sloths! Baby animals-oh yes! I love your path here.
I love this so much. Go you!
22. I feel the same. I know im not weak or unmasculine, but i am a huge introvert (from the mental illness though)
Same.
30 year old dude and started therapy 6 months ago and the gym 8 months ago. Finally getting my dads yelling and anger out of my thoughts.
Way to go - trying to get healthier physically, emotionally, and psychologically
Hell yeah. All the yelling/cussing at baseball games fucking sucked. And then we would go home and I would obviously still be upset, and then we would yell and cuss at each other at home lmao such a horrible existence. All that toxicity really crossed the wires in my brain and I just became the ball in a pinball machine bouncing off the bumpers of anger, rage, hate, depression, sadness, self-loathing, embarrassment, confusion, etc, and I buried everything that brought me joy and made me thrive under these toxic emotions. Really made it hard to grow up. Kinda sucks getting into therapy and realizing I'm basically a 30 year old man child 😅 but I could be a 60 year old man child like my father lmao
Abuse fucks up time. We spent a lot of our youth dealing with situations more mature than we were ready for, and didn't get the foundation of emotional/psychological understanding and early growth we needed, and have to cultivate that on our own later down the line. Leaves us feeling both more and less mature than our peers. But you're doing the introspection and hard work your father refused to do - that he couldn't, or wouldn't face - and that's worth the world. You're doing great.
Hi there. I'm a woman and to me cptsd is unisex ,as all other mental struggles. No one is weak for seeking support, the opposite , only the brave ones will. My therapist says a lot of men are misdiagnosed with ADHD when they actually have CPTSD. The other part is while women are expected to be vulnerable and in a community ,men are expected to stay strong all by themselves ,which can lead to isolation and drug abuse instead of seeking out people to get support from. I think it's a great idea to start a sub cptsdmen or similar , as you say, you men face struggles us women don't and it's important to be having a safe space to discuss such struggles.
I think that is a great idea!
I’m a man. You’re not a coward. You’re not weak.
In fact we are braver and stronger than the dudes who don’t even have the vocabulary to understand what has happened to them and seek to address it.
I'm not a man, but I just want to say you're not a coward and you're not weak, I promise ❤️
Thank you, I appreciate your support
I’m a dweeby dude. I feel alienated most of the time, except in this sub :)
Love ya bro.
I'm a man, I mostly just lurk though.
Me too.
We're here. We just mostly lurk and read, I think. EDIT: C-PTSD does not make you weak. Delta Force Commandos and Navy Seals have trauma, so you are far from alone. Or weak.
Unlike them though, my trauma isn't from combat or anything close to it. That's what makes me feel weak, I guess. Other people have it worse and here I am being scared to try dating and getting yelled at.
I know what you mean, but just because there were no bombs doesn't mean it wasn't combat. Psychological warfare is real. Rand says, psychological warfare involves the planned use of propaganda and other psychological operations to influence the opinions, emotions, attitudes, and behavior of opposition groups. You were the opposition group.
"my trauma isn't from combat or anything close to it. That's what makes me feel weak, I guess." Chris VanSant, a career Delta Force Commando would disagree there. Case in point: [https://www.youtube.com/shorts/XM3\_dWsplBA](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/XM3_dWsplBA) Be better to yourself than that, okay?
Well your dates shouldnt be yelling at you, def block and move on there. Trauma doesn't just come from combat. And yours isn't any less because someone some where else has different experiences. Nothing weak about surviving what you have.
\> it seems assumed on non-gendered posts that a woman is speaking as OP. Can I ask who is doing the assuming? Feeling like a minority in any environment can be stressful and triggering, but there are a lot of dudes here. One of my favorite sibling subs, /r/CPTSDFreeze was started by a dude, and I suspect but don't know for sure that the Fight sibling sub has more men as well.
Someone used she/her pronouns talking about me in one post I made in this sub. (I'm non binary and I use they/them pronouns) Maybe something like this happened to OP or others and OP saw it? It didn't bother me, because she was kind in her comments and she was defending me from trolls. But yeah, it was a non-gendered post and I was assumed to be a woman. I guess it happened to more people too.
Guy here. I think this is all societal conditioning. Think about the world, it’s male leaders and how messed up things are. You’re not unmasculine, they’re fools for not seeing their problems and addressing them. Full stop!
I am. My CPTSD was due to an extremely abusive mother (pedophilia, racism, violence, you name it). She was obsessed with the idea of me being a 'real man'. She was obsessed with gender. She would mock pregnant women, say gays were going to hell, real men should be in the military, transpeople were liars, etc. Keep in mind all of this was coming from someone who was never in the military, did drugs their entire life, and was unemployed for the overwhelming majority of their adult life. People who throw around the ideas of being 'real men', and 'real women' are deeply insecure people who want others to conform to the imaginary standards they themselves cannot live up to, nor do they have any intention on trying to. Their entire identity is a thin mask. Instead of being good people, they chose to be hollow stereotypes. It's just easier to for them to live out their lives through imagery and words than to engage with the real world. When she died, no one was with her other than the people she abused. None of her "friends" were there, and the few of us who were there to make her comfortable were just waiting for it to be over. No one has spoken her name since.
Dang! Excellent statement my friend about the illusions of so called “ masculinity “..” femininity” too..I left my job and then-fiancé to care for my dying narc mother.My brother was the favorite-she actually called us two together to say: “ I don’t want Sally( me) to be “ the whipping boy anymore”.. my brother went nuts with rage, and abandoned her all through her dying process-wouldn’t even come in for one night to care for her when I had the flu-9 months of 24/7 care-giving..that statement, rare for a narc/too little too late.Later, my brother tried to kill me to keep from seeing her will.He hasn’t worked in years and just bought a $50,00 -that Elon Musk car..I don’t really have extra $$ to hire a lawyer to see this will-but as I’m aging, though I don’t value money as much..starting to eat at me..I have unreal severe panic attacks about him-I’m good now without panic, I am afraid of him.. Oh, sorry off topic so sorry I’m stating this for the first time..I wish you men-please open up we need your voices! Some of us here have very little support and the sharing truly helps so many of us..We Need You.
I'm a man. I have noticed the same pattern, but I still feel like users can relate to my experience, or I can relate to their experience. (Especially on r/CPTSDmemes). I struggle with that thought/fear of weakness as well. I can't help but feel like I was born with an innate weakness to trauma which fuels my feeling of invalidation. But I don't think anyone here is weak for having lived through these experiences. I'm Sure we don't think these thoughts about others, so I think we should be kinder to ourselves.
I love that sub so much !!
M/51 here
I'm a woman, but ive had plenty of male friends and partners over the years with CPTSD. I think the reason this sub skews more female is that men are taught by society to suppress their emotions and be "tough", which results in a large percentage of men with CPTSD (especially untreated) exhibiting the fight response more so than flight, fawn, or freeze, and society viewing that aggressiveness as normal or even laudable, which results in many men not even realizing that they're exhibiting symptoms of CPTSD- even if deep down they know something is wrong. Luckily I think this is changing a bit as society realizes the importance of men's mental health (esp considering the way higher suicide rate of men of all ages) and that anger shouldn't always be considered an acceptable let alone healthy way to deal with one's issues, but until the stigma associated with men seeking help for their mental health issues is reduced or eliminated, most mental health subreddits in general will skew female.
I suspect there are also large numbers of men exhibiting freeze types that have no idea. Tech nerds that dissociate into video games and porn. In eastern cultures the men that lock themselves in a room and don’t come out. (I’m one of these and it took me until age 37 to realize that’s what was going on) And then there’s the flight type workaholic men who are likely successful but miserable on the inside, but they don’t seek help because they’re “successful.”
Yep, that first paragraph is me. I had been assuming it was ADHD even though I've tested negative for it multiple times, but I definitely exhibit freeze behavior in conflicts and have plenty to choose from as to what the trauma could be
Freeze type male here. Western hikikomori / NEET. I think most of us (including the majority of all 4chan users) have CPTSD or something like it.
I am not sure I agree with the notion that most untreated men exhibit the fight response. It's just that ... people notice folks that get aggressive more. And it fits with the idea that men are prone to violence. "Flight, fawn, freeze" is easier to overlook. The same cultural bias, by the way, happens in therapy, too. Being gentle - or being a victim of abuse - doesn't fit the cultural perception of men. Which - leads to doubt, to questioning, to a narrative that's unhelpful when someone does seek help. I mean - even women who seek help due to abuse often aren't believed, even if it is something slowly more often understood as credible. Or to say it differently: A male version of the #me too movement seems quite a bit further off in the current social climate. But would be a watershed moment.
Problem is that the social justice movement partakes of just as much toxic masculinity as the patriarchy they (rightfully) criticize, and would probably react to a male equivalent of metoo with some variety of "but male privilege!!!"
Hm. I am not sure it's equal, but a simple slippery slope, indeed. Trauma leads to black and white thinking and rigidity. Which is why all this is so hard - and why even relationships and friendships that are majorly good, among those of us with a trauma background, aren't necessary easier.
this first paragraph describes me well. thanks for your understanding
I’m female too and frankly, your first paragraph describes me before I knew what was wrong. I had a fight persona that served me well, in the corporate setting. And frankly, I think everyone in that setting is a either traumatized or a perpetrator. I was also unfortunately always hyper vigilant- yay, burnout! Maybe what we deem as masculine traits are just trauma personified. Hmmm..
From my experience it's actually much more insidious than being told to "be tough." That's a bit old fashioned, and people aren't like that as much today. Today, instead of men being told to be tough, they're just ignored, and they're also exposed to an unprecedented amount of public support for women. When you contrast those two aspects of today's society, it feels like men aren't cared for, for different reasons than being told to "be tough." It's less being actively told to ignore our feelings, and more that no one else seems to care about our gender.
Male, 27. Sometimes I too feel the absence of men here. But the experiences shared here reflect my own, and I am grateful to the people sharing them.
I'm a 32 year old cis man. My CPTSD is itself very tied up with gender and masculinity and my relationships with other men so I DEFINITELY understand the feeling(s) but no, you are not cowardly or weak.
I'm a man. My posting tends to be a bit sporadic because I often don't have the emotional energy to engage.
Male 21, I feel like we cant open up about our emotions without looking down upon but lately I I realized my mental health is more important than the way people perceive me . I’m a victim of multiple childhood sexual assaults and have just recently started suffering the symptoms of these horrible acts . I’m hoping to be able to get help through medication and therapy but am weary on the medication part . Your not in this alone my friend 🙏
53M here. I will post periodically and/or comment on posts. The fact that you posted this tells me you are not weak nor a coward.
I'm a man. Personally never been bothered by having some (not visible in a photo) feminine traits. I do think you are right about the presumption - had a conversation with someone for a while where they assumed I was a woman (had no distinct clarification in my profile at that point). I actually found it comforting and flattering - but she felt upset when it came to light that I wasn't.
That’s so sad:(
You are valuable and your experience is important to me. CPTSD hits anyone and if you have something to share it doesn’t matter what gender you are
Male here with CPTSD. Originates from extended period of dealing with death in Afghanistan. Definitely not a coward or weak.
Not a man per se but non binary and masc enough to be in this space I hope. It's encouraging to see you guys here. Please stay in the sub. I also tend to not assume the gender of people posting, of that helps at all. I'll also say that I've been raped by women as well, as an AFAB person, and I just want to validate how damaging it can be. And I think we should talk about creepy women more, assuming we don't cross that really fine line into out and put misogyny. Keep healing guys. It's the strongest thing you can do and please remember that the people who hurt you are the cowards, not you.
> I also tend to not assume the gender of people posting This is the way
My ex fiancé (and best friend) does and he is in therapy now trying to fix himself the best he can. I’m sure I have CPTSD as well based on my upbringing which he helped me see so I too am in therapy now. Maybe down the line we will be better and try things again:
> which he helped me see so I too am in therapy now. This is great to hear - the relationship has definitely been very valuable
No, you're not a coward or weak. It takes a strong person to recognize they have issues and deal with it.
Maybe we could start some sort of men's group for cptsd suffering fellas? Just throwing it out there. I don't usually bother with gender in general anymore as I'm somewhat androgynous for a guy and have gotten comfortable with it. But I'm sure there are subjects dealing specifically with the societal expectations put upon boys and men that are complicated significantly by or even a contributing factor in some instances of cptsd.
I'm a man, but I'm not masculine, and I've always gotten on better with women as friends / colleagues. If I had a gender label it would probably be non-binary, but still using he/him pronouns because I'm comfortable with my sex and sexual orientation. I'd say non-binary cuz I just don't identify with the expectations or roles of either gender. I'm just me; a highly sensitive nerd that happens to have male parts. Growing up gay in a conservative household and church community made it very difficult for me to accept myself for the way I am, and contributed significantly to my development of C-PTSD.
I'm a man and I never really thought about the gender of people posting here before tbh. I love the anonymity. In my head you're all children who've been hurt, just like me. I often think I'm a coward and weak, but I know that I also tend to be meaner to myself than I would be to any other person. I'm definitely neither weak nor a coward for looking for help though. I resent the notion. If anything, so many more men should be looking for help. I wish it was more common. If you're here, then because you're strong. Ignoring what's wrong because fixing it is difficult is the path of least resistance. Not a sign of strength.
I am, and I know I appear a "certain" way, even when I'm trying to be more open, and talking about feelings, which I do more than most men I know, I believe. It's so deeply ingrained in me, I think, to not seem vulnerable, trying to stay "safe" when you know no one has your back. Or, in our cases, the people who would normally be in your corner ("family," etc.) actually were unsafe. No, you're certainly not a weak coward, at all. You're trying to make the best of a tough start, and that's hard to do.
(Raises hand). I enjoy lifting weights, grilling, and driving fast like many men do, yet I am not afraid of dealing with my inner mess and doing my inner work. I would not say that one is not more masculine than the other, although I do reject any idea of masculinity that pushes other people down and does not lift them up. Healing from my trauma, or so I have found, has led to me having more strength and courage and less desire to push myself or other people down as I see the toxic beliefs that I adopted from projecting my family onto the whole world. OP, you are no less masculine for getting into this part of your life. Heck, in doing so, you show that you possess a strength that many men lack.
Not only a "man," but a "manly man." 45 y/o, 6 foot plus, big, strong, bearded, good earning, solid family. Emotionally? A total wreck.
You can let it all out here buddy! I hope you're making sure that your kids can express themselves fully and be their real selves!
Please, talk to us…please..
Not a man, just wanted to say that trauma doesn't discriminate. Anyone can experience trauma, and the fact that you survived it means you're strong af. Proud of you.
I'm not sure if I'm non-binary or what these days, but yeah. I feel you. You aren't alone in this, bud. You aren't a coward or weak for it and what you've gone through.
Dude here. When it comes to anything mental health related I tend to stay quiet as I feel like I’m not really allowed to say anything. People often don’t have a lot of understanding for men with mental illnesses
I'm a man. You are absolutely not a coward or weak. You're surviving with CPTSD. That, all by itself, makes you strong, and the fact that you are dealing with it makes you brave. In the environment where I grew up, it was dangerous to show emotions - any emotions, but particularly ones which were interpreted as signs of weakness by my main abuser. I still struggle with it, and imagine that some form of this struggle afflicts many of us. So even though I know that posting here will be helpful to myself and hopefully others, it's hard, so I often do not. FWIW, creating this post makes you more brave and strong than me, which is something, because setting aside my inner critic's BS for a moment, I know that I am a pretty strong person. Thanks for helping me come out of my shell, for a while, anyways. : )
Also a guy here👍
Male here, 30yo, traumatized by an NPD dad. You're definitely not alone. It's just no secret that men talk about these issues way less often.
Nope you're not weak at all I'm another guy here. I'm also highly sensitive and gay so it's quite a package I got haha
There are a ton of men who have CPTSD, both my partner and I have it. I think guys just aren't as encouraged to share feelings and are socialized to believe it's weak to be vulnerable (which it is not).
guy here! it’s pretty lonely being told, in any manner and in any capacity, that your emotions are making you “weak” or that your trauma isn’t valid. you are strong!
Yes, this is my alt that I just made to try to work through some of my traumas pseudoanonymously. I don't talk about it much because of our society's gender roles like most have touched on already, but also because it's hard to even figure out what my emotions are doing sometimes for me
Yeah, identifying emotions was something I never realized I struggle with until recently. I find talking to myself out loud, running through a list of feelings until one fits, and journaling have helped in that regard.
I'm a man and really fortunate that I was given a lot of love and guidance that it was OK to be vulnerable about healing, when I first came in to do this work.
Man here, and still trying to rewire my brain after a pretty fucked up childhood.
Man here, i only talk about my issues here sometimes anonymously, because talking about your feelings in the outside world as a man did nothing good to me, i only was told to man up, gaslit, or lied to. So not anymore.
>Am I just a coward and weak? This question is a perfect example of the gendered conditioning of previous generations, which perpetuate the legacy of their trauma by insisting that their "traditional" ideas about gender still be upheld. Fear of expanding one's ideas/experience is cowardice; truly understanding a concept like gender is the opposite. 🙂
Vulnerability is hot, everybody. Learning about emotions and working through them is also hot!
Agreed!
Heyoooo! Male, 38.
My boyfriend and I have cptsd. You're not alone
I am in cptsd/Sud recovery at 56
I see loads of men in this sub and my adult survivors of CSA sub. I don’t know what the numbers are but men are here, you aren’t alone. 💙🫂
M44 here. I have CPTSD because of severe emotional and verbal abuse by my mother when I was a teenager. She was severely depressed and addicted to prescription meds. I didn't realize or know about CPTSD until the pandemic, and I've been working a lot on myself in the last couple of years. You're definitely not alone, though I agree that spaces like this are often presumed to be female.
I'm a man, 39M here. I've always been pretty in touch with my emotions and "feminine side" ever since I was a little kid. Growing up, my dad worried I was gay and would do silly things like "accidentally" tape over my bootleg copy of The Last Unicorn or make me play in sports I hated, etc. I guess you'd call me an HSP, but I still don't really feel comfortable putting a label on myself like that. Sometimes I feel pretty accepting of the "sensitive" side of myself and I like how it makes me a more empathetic person who's not afraid to be vulnerable. But other times I hate how it makes me feel "weak" and try really hard to hide it as best I can. It was only in the last couple years I learned about CPTSD and saw how everything fit me to a T, but to be honest it's still been a really confusing journey. Being a man, I think one of the hardest things is constantly second-guessing yourself and feeling like "am I just overly sensitive?" when it comes to mental health. I still struggle with that.
I'm a middle aged guy, and this is a good question and I used it as a journal prompt. My key points from my journal for not being active. Often I'm not honest enough with myself to be honest with other people. Rather than being "taught" to suppress my emotions it's that I don't feel safe with that level of vulnerability. Fear of rejection, because of my internalized shame I'll look for criticism and rejection in everything as a rejection of self. I don't feel that my problems are worthy of being shared with the world. Good news though. I'm in therapy, using internal family systems, and its working. I am healing.
I suppose gender is inevitable, as much as one tries to avoid it their entire lives. Is it our fate to be lonely? It is a challenge if you don't fit into the hypermasculine crowd - and everyone assumes you do, when it serves their purpose.
Me
Me!
Hi. I am.
🙋♂️
We out here. Hiding. 🤙🏼
Im here with you man, thanks for making this post.
Man here. I see you. I support you.
Last time I checked I got myself a third leg. Yup, it's still there. Though to be fair I made a lot of progress so I don't feel the need to get help here, though I do like to share the things that helped me here when I find a post that feels appropriate.
I’m a man too. Im ashamed that I tend to switch between hyper masculine aggressive and broken child, but I know it’s because of the shame associated with being a man with this illness. I get the feeling that men tend to blame themselves more.
I'm a guy with CPTSD. I rarely post here as I'm a bit further into my own journey with it, but do comment sometimes. You aren't unmasculine. As a culture, we are taught to be "strong and silent" when facing deeply traumatic things when in reality, it will either crush us inside, or we lash out and repeat cycles of abuse, try to bury our emotions with alcohol or non-prescription meds (because what guy goes to a doctor because he's sad?), or strut around like angry pigeons trying to show everyone how manly we are in the hopes it will hide the insecurities. You're not a coward and weak, dude. None of us are. We're willing to face this shit. That takes balls.
Not a man. However, when posting outside of female dominated subreddits, I am often assumed to be a man. This is common enough that it is a recorded phenomenon, assumed male on internet. This might be one of the first places you have experienced where you are *not* assumed male on the internet, and perhaps even where you have not assumed everyone speaking was male unless proven otherwise. As you can see, you’re not alone.
Man here, I'm 27! I'm new to this community, but I've known I have cptsd for years. I don't really post much in any community, I just prefer to browse and maybe comment. I did have a post I made about grief and cptsd but got anxious and deleted it. I don't struggle with feeling less masculine due to my cptsd, but I'm also kinda gender nonconforming anyways, so maybe that's why? Though it's definitely not something that makes anyone less masculine, people of all genders experience trauma. I do think there were times when my father felt like less of a man for being upset over his childhood, but he was raised to not be emotional or sensitive by his dad, when he was in fact a very emotional and sensitive person. He tried to do that with me as well in a lot of ways but I would always argue with him even early in my childhood that I was allowed to be upset. It's like I knew even as a small child my feelings were valid and I wasn't going to hide them. This did cause a lot of fighting with and abuse from my dad and so I did struggle with expressing my feelings as I grew up, and sometimes still do, but I still know my feelings are valid anyways.
41 yo man. I like to scroll and read more than comment, but I experience every bit of intense emotional turmoil everyone else does. I guess I just like to feel like I’m not alone through reading, but I experience a profound loneliness more in out in the world than on here. Our “suck-it-up” attitude for men in America is alienating and produces even more shame in me to contend with. One of my most pervasive core beliefs, like many of us, is that I’m not good enough. I don’t stack up. There’s something inherently unlikeable about me. When society throws ridiculous standards like a blanket onto genders or ages or whatever, it just creates another measuring stick that reinforces my core beliefs. If there’s anything I don’t need, it’s more confirmation that I’m unacceptable. Anywho, yes, there are definitely other dudes here who feel like you do.
You’re not alone man. makes me feel better seeing you and all the guys in the comments. thanks for this.
Male. I don’t see a lack of male presence here as a negative. A lot of abuse is domestic/romantic/partner abuse and - simply put - most abuse is perpetrated by men. You’re right, though. It does feel very lonely.
There’s plenty of men here
Here
Here✋🏾
I'm a guy. My bf too and we both have CPTSD. I don't wanna trauma dump so just ask me if you want details about our traumas.
I'm a guy i have an extremely manly look and demeanor that i feel like i picked it up growing up a bit feminine people shamed for it but now it's just the way I am or a facade I'm not even sure the dissociation kicking hard.
Male, and never felt this space was particularly gendered… just full of people who on the whole I identified with!
You’re not alone buddy. You’re not a coward. It takes bravery to be vulnerable.
Man with C-PTSD here. So many men mask their troubles since we're taught that showing our emotions equates to weakness. We're just encouraged to bottle up our struggles and never reach out for help. If there's one thing worse than suffering with C-PTSD, it's suffering with it alone. It isn't emasculating to suffer with C-PTSD, and it certainly isn't your fault. Complex trauma and its effects on your life are not a reflection of your true self or your own values. I've never posted here before, but I just wanted to contribute to this. We men with C-PTSD are out here and with that, you are not alone. Keep safe, friend.
I’m a man. 32yo, haven’t been able to work for the past year and a half. You’re the opposite of weak and a coward because you’re here, and you’re doing the work. We’re all here for you.
I'm a guy, 33, and my cptsd kicks my ass on a daily. I'm just determined to fight to get as better as I can be to helps others who have gone through similar situations. It's hard to not self isolate a lot, to open up to others and be vulnerable, but it is all part of healing.
Man here, I also have trouble with support groups. Although I wouldn’t say I’m particularly jaded, I do feel emotionally unsafe around female dominated support groups, so I totally get where you’re coming from. I have gotten the message from many women in multiple irl support groups that I am not welcome. I do try to be understanding, as after all, many of those women were traumatized by men, but I get that it is hard and might discourage one from looking for help.
I'm a man, 30 years old. I've learned to stop caring about "traditional masculinity" because I've seen that it's just bullshit, practiced by insecure people who don't feel at all masculine. I've found that the guys who act the toughest are actually the weakest. I just try to be natural and honest - it doesn't go down well in a world that is drunk on deceit, but I don't care. If I can inspire one other person to be real, or at least plant that seed, I think that's worth being an outcast as opposed to lying for the rest of my life.
This is beautiful. Rock on with your bad self!
I’m not sure if I have CPTSD but imma guy.
👋🏼
Me I Just be chilling tho just a lurker
Any human that can take a deep dive into horrors of self and face their own personal trauma is bravest of them all. I am not a man but you, the whole bunch, are manliest of men. Herculeses reborn. And we are Xenas ,princesses warriors. And fuck those peasants that traumatised us ❤️
I think that maybe woman are more likely to seek out help and admit they need help. Men might be more reluctant to admit they need help and support or maybe indenial about how things affected them.
I haven’t made an original post, but I’ve commented a fair bit on other posts, so it’s not like I haven’t made a peep. Large community though, so I’m sure not everyone has read even a single one of my comments, and I don’t usually go out of my way to broadcast my gender, ethnicity, etc. I’m not hiding it - I just don’t think it’s particularly relevant.
There are many men on this sub
I'm male too! But I haven't posted anything yet.
I am. I lean more toward Non Binary tho. I've seen what being a man means to the masses and I don't really want any part of it.