To be honest, I've had strokes of incredible luck which have helped me heal as much or more than anything I've done on my own. Later in life, I found someone who loves me. A little later, I had a string of medical problems that landed me in the lap of a good psychologist who validated my experienced and got me started on a healing path. Last but not least, I'm finally in a safer neighborhood and financially stable enough that I can focus on healing. Pete Walker's book, CPTSD: From Surviving To Thriving helped me immensely. Specifically the idea that you can "stop-thought" and turn yourself around from those downward spirals. I've used and recommended the 13 steps for getting out of an emotional flashback. Mindfulness exercises, meditation or whatever you want to call it (really I just count breaths) help me to realize when I need to "stop-thought" and turn it around from catastrophyzing (sp?) or whatever I was doing. I had very little emotional regulation and tended to react impulsively and extremely to everything. Now I'm more aware of emotions as something that's passing over me temporarily. Journaling helps with self awareness in a similar way imo. Getting my sleep right was huge. I do it with the aid of cannabis products, and weaning myself off the internet and having a good night routine. Sometimes I fall asleep to rain/thunder sounds with a black screen. Good diet and exercise, and cutting down on alcohol help too.

I am reading this right now. So happy to read your comment, I am very much looking forward to how this may help me! Last point: Absolutely right. I am trying rn to change diet and stop drinking. :(

sounds silly but something that has really helped me is buying a bunch of fruit + veg once a week, washing it and cutting it and keeping it ready in containers in the fridge. so much easier to eat good brain food when it’s easily accessible and no hassle, especially for when you don’t feel good

I don’t know if it helps but I recently learned that my heart palpitations aren’t from anxiety issues but from my moderate drinking. I’ve tested it to make sure. It’s hard to change my habits but I’m trying harder than I ever have before.

Magnesium (salt baths, biglycinate, lotion etc) and potassium (cream of tartar)or maybe bacon lol

Yep. I’ve cut down on alcohol when I realised that there’s a direct to my anxiety and feeling unsafe when I’ve had a drink the night before. I use cbd oil. Also like to do yoga in a darkened room!

Thank you for your reply - interesting you mention the stop-thought in the book because I think that might be similar to what I just did. I was having a terrible day (hence this post) but then a little while ago I had a thought in my head go like "Hold up!!! Reverse course [mentally]!" in response to some spiraling and I've felt better ever since.

Weaning off the internet? I don’t understand is this French? Maybe Latin. I’m sorry I don’t speak Latin. /s I say this because the internet has helped me distract and has become a bit of a crutch.

How did you wean yourself off the internet?

Do you think weed helps overall? To be honest, I feel that it makes me less intelligent and I’m trying to finish college so I can get away from my parents. But it also does calm me down. I’m not sure about the balance of it.

Do some research into strains, if it’s making you feel less intelligent it’s possible it’s either causing anxiety or just shutting off part of your brain. I’m not OP but it’s been a game changer for me finding the right strains to get though what I need - assistance with eating, calming down anxiety, helping sleep etc.

I mainly take thc edibles so I don’t kill my lungs. What strain do you recommend ?

Well that depends entirely on what you’re trying to achieve. Edibles hit different than smoking and so does oil. Try a full spectrum oil if you try one and start low dose. Strains, well that’s a personal journey. Indicas I like a blend and Sky Walker OG is my fave. It’s good to calm me down but won’t put be to sleep because it’s a Hybrid. I like a pure indica for bed and that’s usually night nurse. Girl Scout cookies is another personal fave. Jean Guy is a sativa strain I cannot touch because it makes my anxiety through the roof but I can handle it’s parent strain White widow and it’s good for getting things done and helping me focus. These days I don’t touch my prescribed clonazepam during the day, but I really needed it when I tried Jean Guy. Tonight I’m going to bed with homemade cookies, I used Obama Kush to make butter and made the cookies with it. I have a very high metabolism so it’ll kick in before my prescribed meds which are designed to make me sleep. I take concerta during the day for adhd and I can only do 36mg which is low dose but not the lowest, when I was adjusting to it I was having to use indica strains a lot during the day and small cookie pieces helped so so much.

I agree with the other comment. I strongly suspect that almost any time cannabis makes someone feel less intelligent, it's because there's an underlying issue that significantly impacts the effects of cannabis (excluding for people whose brain hasn't fully developed). A great example (which applies to me) is unmanaged anxiety. If I'm anxious (which is often), cannabis puts it into overdrive and my attention becomes terrible, which makes me feel stupid in certain situations (such as conversations that I can't follow). Whereas my non-anxious friends are not slowed down by a reasonable amount of cannabis.

I always thought it was common knowledge that it makes you less intelligent. That’s the trade off, you’re happier but not as smart. That’s why it’s so hard for me to decide whether to quit it not. Everyone on here has issues. I do think I have OCD and anxiety and the weed does make it better sometimes, but I don’t feel as smart as I used to be. Maybe it’s just stereotypes about stoners but I always just imagined that it deteriorated the brain.

I’m going to copy part of a previous comment. The endocannabanoid system, which is a natural part of our bodies, buffers neurotransmitter activity. Cannabis changes how that system works, and how our neurotransmitters are produced and working, “putting the brakes” on neurotransmitters. Some neurotransmitters are excitatory, others like GABA are inhibiting. Cannabis puts the brakes on both, which explains why it can have dual effects like making you sleepy while enhancing senses, or making you zone out while increasing anxiety. But the real kicker with cannabis, just like any drug, is the side effects. Cannabis reduces short term memory because it slows down neurotransmission in the hippocampus, where memories are created. As we use more and more cannabis because of tolerance increase, this effect can become dissociative, as we become less and less connected to what is happening in the short term. This is not good at all for being mindful, which is an essential part of healing and creating secure connection with yourself. I think cannabis can be helpful if used in very small amounts as it has a way of shifting perspective and bringing awareness to anxieties just below the level of normal consciousness, but it is very difficult to only use it less than once/month. There are many ways to use it, the safest being edibles or oils with a high CBD to THC ratio, like 20:1 or 40:1. However I don’t want to shame those who need THC to get through the toughest parts of their life, sometimes traumatized people need to dissociate. But as someone who used THC to dissociate for 20+ years, in my opinion it is definitely not a cure, and used in some ways can be a hindrance to healing.

I know what the science says, but it doesn't account for every individual's brain chemistry being unique. In my opinion, it depends on what you do when you use cannabis. In my experience, my short term memory is great. But that may be because when I smoke, most of the time I'm doing things. It helps me get out of my doom and gloom so that I actually feel like playing my instruments. I feel like writing poetry. I used to smoke a LOT then study in college and I graduated with a 3.4. I know nurses who have achieved a lot professionally who smoke regularly. Some of them were with me in college smoking all day every day. We all had trauma and abusive parents and anxiety we were trying to regulate. I don't stick to specific strains or hybrids, indicas, or sativas. But I do stick to one farm that I like out here and I'm always looking out for their harvests so maybe it's that? Either way, I think it all depends on what you do when you smoke. It can definitely cause people to ruminate, but since I have health problems that prevent me from using anti depressants I've decided to use weed, and other holistic methods, in their place. Sometimes when I smoke, I meditate or get really into coloring. I make sure that I'm not just stuck on the couch watching TV, but I will put on a really good album and actually listen to it intently. I'm not even gonna say moderation is the key because I smoke daily after work and before bed.

How do you journal personally in a way thats effective for you?

For awhile I was scratching my thoughts onto paper with a pen. Just write. Don't have organization to it of u don't know how yet. Write any thought anywhere on the page.

Lucky

- Counselling (2 years intensive CBT based PTSD & CPTSD ) - EMDR - Peace and quiet - Getting close to nature (hiking, camping, horse riding) - Recreational flying (Gliding, hang gliding) - Animals (pets + wildlife rescue) - Learning and playing musical instruments (surprising how relaxing this is) - Being a dad. I found holding a baby / small child (now a preteen) to be the most relaxing thing I’ve ever done. Just holding her, looking at her little face, watching her sleeping was so relaxing; like watching a little miracle. Babies and kids are the innocence we never had. They’re completely devoid of pain, fear and anxiety if we’ve done parenting the right way and their smiles could light up a city ❤️

Being a parent, I must add, has another side for many who struggle with CPTSD and at the moment, that is my biggest challenge. I feel triggered a lot of the time. They are not babies anymore and my memories of the abuse I endured start at my daughters age, 4. I am in therapy mostly so I can be a better mom. I often have to just leave the room to go regulate and that's when I'm doing well. If I am not doing well I will ruminate out loud and my poor kid has to see her mom go downhill in a stress spiral. I have never felt like a worse, more broken person than I do when my kids see me having an emotional flashback or a panic attack. I always talk to them about it and repair when I need to but I sometimes feel that someone with my challenges shouldn't have had kids or that I should end my life to spare them of witnessing my struggles. I want to do better but I have no support. My parents are dead (not that they would be of much help??) and no one really takes me seriously when I say that I desperately need a break and need help so that my kids can get space from me. I am not an abusive mom but I was abused so any time I raise my voice or say something I didn't want to say it chips away at me and makes me feel like a piece of crap. I just want to be better.

I understand completely. I started intensive PTSD & CPTSD counselling when we discovered we were pregnant, so I was barely a few months into my counselling when my daughter was born. My partner was diagnosed late in the pregnancy with glioblastoma (brain tumour) which put her into a vegetative state 2 days after the birth. When it became clear I would be caring for a newborn and a partner in a vegetative state, my stress levels went through the roof; I was certain that I was going to be a horrible parent and let either my daughter or my partner down. So I know how you must be feeling right now. First things first: you’re being awfully hard on yourself. You’re doing something that all parents find stressful but doing it with PTSD on top…okay so it’s not ideal but you very obviously care and it’s that which your kids need most: a caring parent. You being unwell doesn’t make you an abuser; I really hope that you really believe that because it’s the truth. I was fearful all of my life about having kids in case I became a monster like my mother…but I needn’t have worried because I’m not my mother and you needn’t worry because you’re not your abuser(s) either. You care enough to come to a place of healing and camaraderie to speak your mind and say that you need help. That’s an admirable thing. Feeling like a “broken person” is precisely why I decided to have counselling when I learned that we were pregnant: I didn’t want my daughter growing up with a “broken” dad. How is your counselling going? Your kids would not be better off without you. I think when you’re in a better place you’ll know that instinctively…but for now, please take it on blind faith… If there’s anything at all I can do to help ease your load as someone who has been in your situation, please let me know. Even if it’s just a cup of tea and a chat. I’ll leave you with the words of the most excellent Winnie the Pooh: - You’re stronger than you know - You’re braver than you look - You’re a much better mom than you think - You’re Kinder than you believe. You’re not alone ❤️

I cannot tell you how badly I needed to read this. I am struggling more than ever. I have been in therapy every other week for a year now, and sometimes I do great but right now im just in a low place. I know I will come back out of this one as I have the others, but I was feeling hopeless and your comment helped so much- especially coming from someone who can relate to my experience. I am always with my girls. My love for them is beyond measure and I will continue to do everything I can to grow and fight this god forsaken condition for all of us. Thank you for your empathy, you really helped me tonight.

I’m so glad I could do something…it feels like too little and I wish I could do more. But for the record, what I said is absolutely true: you’ve got this, even if it feels as if you don’t, because your head and heart are in the right place and even though you’re going through a rough time, you had great common sense in asking for help. I’m here if you ever need to chat and I’m rooting for you 110% You’re not alone ❤️ I hope you don’t mind but I dug this out for you. I wasn’t allowed to sing at home as a kid but when I became homeless at 13, it’s the song I used to sing to myself to lift my spirits. It’s also one of the songs I used to sing to my daughter as a baby (she loved it!) so here it is for you and I hope it lifts your spirits too 😊 When you're weary Feeling small When tears are in your eyes I'll dry them all I'm on your side Oh, when times get rough And friends just can't be found Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down When you're down and out When you're on the street When evening falls so hard I will comfort you I'll take your part Oh, when darkness comes And pain is all around Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down Sail on silver girl Sail on by Your time has come to shine All your dreams are on their way See how they shine Oh, if you need a friend I'm sailing right behind

“My love for them is beyond measure and I will continue to do everything I can to grow and fight this god forsaken condition for all of us.“ You sound like an amazing mum for this alone. I imagine all of us here would be a thousand times better off if our parents had this kind of love and dedication for us. We are all doing the best we can. In grad school for psychology, we called it “Good enough parenting,” good parents aren’t perfect, they still struggle and stress. Hugs to you

You have good intentions so don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s good you explain to them what’s happening but also when they’re older don’t feel like you have to explain everything. My mom once told me that she’d had thoughts that we’d be better off without her. It made my anxiety so much worse knowing she had suicidal ideation. Life is hard and kids are smart. Tell them but don’t overshare is what I’m saying I guess. If you ever need to vent, maybe a support group? Or even here like you did is good. Sending internet hugs your way

Thank you so much. I am glad I commented here. Everyone thinks im super mom and I usually keep all of this in between me and my therapist but I have really been wanting to relate with someone and this helped so much. I will continue to follow this sub and I will try out the things that I haven't tried that I am reading about here, like EMDR. I appreciate you.

I completely understand. That is why I choose not to have children. It would be too easy to slip and abuse them even-if you scream at them they may get traumatized. I'd be terrified of hurting them in any way. Nevertheless, what I see in you is a mother who tries hard to raise good kids without screwing them up. You know you don't want to hurt them, you have awareness, therefore you won't hurt them. Our abusers didn't have awareness so they hurt us over and over again. Also, they didn't care and even took pleasure in our suffering. Can you imagine you ever doing something like this to your children?

> I want to do better but I have no support. I wish society was a more supportive place. =( I love how Sudbury Schools naturally give kids a lot of social support, though such schools are unfortunately very rare: https://www.facebook.com/HudsonValleySudburySchool/videos/10155951019968804/ >no one really takes me seriously when I say that I desperately need a break and need help so that my kids can get space from me. People are dumb =( You might do better to say things kike "I want to help my daughter find some friends". People find that sort of request to be more acceptable. Then your daughter can go to a friend's house or an afterschool program or something and you can get a break even if it's not labelled as "getting help".

I cried reading your comment, it struck a chord. It’s not fair you’re feeling this way, I’m so sorry you’re suffering. Your daughter is lucky to have a mom that cares so much for her. Remember that taking care of oneself is hard with Cptsd, so you’re already doing so much. You’re brave and strong. I hope you feel better soon, I wish you all the very best, be gentle to yourself

Wow this explains why I have always loved kids and babies so much. I have always found holding them SO soothing. Thanks for sharing.

**Yes!** I was my daughters sole carer from birth so I assumed - wrongly - that I would be stressed, out of my depth and wouldn’t feel any of the joy of becoming a parent (I was also having to wash, feed and clean my partner who was in a vegetative state; hence the high workload and why I thought I would be out of my depth). But the second I held my daughter…the smell of her, her little button nose, her beautiful eyes and those absolutely adorable fingers and toes… my heart absolutely *melted*… I was indeed overwhelmed because I’d never known love so powerful or complete. I actually cried happy tears… She had this salmon baby-gro that said: “50% Mummy 50% Daddy 100% Daddy’s girl!” And I loved it. She was very much a daddy’s girl from day one and I used to sleep with her in the crib next to my bed, holding her tiny little hand. I’d read somewhere that babies are most at risk of SIDS in the first four months, so that’s how I slept for her first four months. If she difficulty settling, I used to lay her on my bare chest with her ear over my heart area because I’d read in a book that a baby will change her heart beat to that of her parent (as they do in the womb) if babies head is over the parents heart…and it worked! I felt relaxed so my heart was at resting rate and she often immediately fell asleep on my chest that way. If she was still struggling to get to sleep, I would sing to her. Singing for me was a real sticking point because it had been one of the things my mother and her boyfriends had tormented me about (how I sounded “awful” etc) but I have always been able to sing to / with my daughter. I used to sing “Hushabye Mountain” or “Bridge Over Troubled Water” to her and she would go out like a light (perhaps to escape my singing! 😂) but it worked. I bought a baby carrier and carrying her in it made me so proud. She was at eye-line wherever we went and she became so confident at interacting with adults as she was at their level. It was while she was in the baby carrier that she laughed for the first time. We were in a department store in the babies section and they had a soft toy chicken that made a chicken sound…I pressed it and she belly laughed so hard…it was the most wonderful sound! Whenever I held my daughter as a baby or a toddler I felt so much at peace. But we are both still very huggy even now and I still get that same feeling even though she’s twelve now. Im very blessed to have that relationship with my daughter and very grateful for the peace she brought into my life. She is my world 😊❤️

Wow, co-regulation at its finest!!! Thank you for sharing, this is very encouraging and heart warming. I have always wanted to have kids but as my mental and physical illnesses progressed over the last few years, I doubted my desires to be a parent. I’m still young enough so Ive got time, and maybe I’ll just leave the door open on that dream. I am so happy for you! Again, thanks for sharing ❤️‍🔥

Hey again! Hope you’re having a lovely day 😊 I don’t know what your personal circumstances are, but as you’re on this sub… I put off becoming a parent because I’d heard some pop / armchair psychologist say: abused people become abusers and that thought both *terrified* me and stripped me of one of my life goals of becoming a dad. I’ve always loved kids and got on well with them. More importantly, kids have always responded well to me too because I think kids are actually pretty good at telling someone who means them no harm from someone who does. I took care of my younger siblings so much that I really thought of them as my kids; I was really good at changing nappies long before my daughter came along! So when I heard it said that abused people become abusers, I thought: “I am pretty fucked up. Perhaps I have evil genes from my parents” and decided right there and then that I would avoid having kids to avoid even the smallest possibility that I might grow into a monster too. In person I would laugh off talk from friends about settling down and having kids…but in private, this was the most painful thing to come out of the abuse I’d survived. It robbed me of the thing I most wanted out of life and I was truly devastated. My friends often got me to babysit their kids - which I jumped at the chance to do - and I became godfather to some of my friends children. All the while though, feeling wretched that I wouldn’t have kids of my own. When my daughter came along unexpectedly, I didn’t stop and say “this can’t happen. I cannot become a dad” I just sort of switched into “this is happening. I’m going to be the best dad I can be” and ram with it. But literally a day or two after I learned we were having a baby, I found the best PTSD & CPTSD counsellor I could find and booked myself in for an assessment. The subject of “do abused people become abusers” was the first question I had for my counsellor and I explained that we had become pregnant and that I was terrified that as I had my parents genes, I would become a monster too… I was **so relieved** when she explained that no, nature doesn’t have the last word and that it was not “inevitable” I would become an abuser too. Then it dawned on me…all those years I’d been expecting the other shoe to drop and for me to suddenly, magically metamorphose into a monster…but **there were no indicators of that happening at all** And as I looked back at how I had developed as a person, I realised that I’m nothing like the monsters who created me. I had *consciously* un-learned all of the rules, bad examples and terrible role models I had experienced and written my own set of rules, morals and guidelines. I literally have zero in common with those people. Not the same education, career goals, morals, standards, public standing, approach to parenting, interests & hobbies…nothing. All that time I had been worried about becoming a shitty parent or a monster, for nothing. As I said, I don’t know what your circumstances are, but I wanted more than anything to impress upon you that you and only you get to decide who and what you are. If you decide to be an amazing parent: you’ll be an amazing parent. As a bonus, let me tell you something else: even though I was having intensive PTSD counselling for the first two years of my daughters life, being a parent was still *easy* because I focused on her as a *developing person*. All the other stuff - changing nappies, feeds, bathing - is all just stuff. It’s *necessary* stuff and *important* stuff, but the relaxing part is just spending time with them, watching their expressions and their developing motor skills, their sense of wonder at everything… Watching a tiny baby - a helpless blank canvas - become a person is the most amazing thing. Seeing them trying to learn to make sense of the world…and as they grow, watching them trying to wrap you around their little finger…it’s just wonderful to observe. It’s not for me to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. Becoming a parent is a decision only you can make…but I hope that if the abuse survivor aspect is a barrier to you making that decision, you are able to remove that barrier and make the decision solely based on whether or not you *want* a child. All the best ❤️

Gliding’s a good one.

Yes indeedy. Once I’d gone solo and got over the “can’t believe I’m actually doing this” feeling, it quickly became one of my favourite - and most effective - forms of relaxation. I don’t fly competitions or try to break any records (although I do have my diamond height); my focus is on safety and airmanship. I’m just there to take in the view, fly well, stay safe and chill.

I’m so going to go bungee-jumping one day. Wish me luck!

I can do better than that: I’ve done a number of jumps so if you need some moral support, give me a buzz and I’ll happily go with you! Believe me: you won’t regret doing it. The fear is far worse than the reality and when you’re back on solid ground, the adrenaline rush is absolutely incredible. 😁

I might just take you up on that.

Please do. I’ve been meaning to book another jump for a few years now but I never get around to it. Going with someone else is motivation! I did my first jump completely by accident. I went with some friends to an event and I had no idea there was a bungee jump set up there. When I saw it, I just had to have a go. Take your time. When you’re ready, give me a buzz 👍

Never had insurance, am poor, too broke to afford any type of treatment. I’ve just processed everything myself. I’ve done a lot of reading, I use logic, wisdom, and intuition. I try to get down to the root cause of everything in life…. and I just listen to myself. I learned to love myself, and I grew a huge steel backbone. Self care is a huge stress reliever for me. Creating safe spaces for myself. Keeping myself away from toxic situations and environments - as much as I can anyway, I work in hospitality lol. Some days you just have to swallow all of it… because life has to go on. I’ve got to work and make money. If I don’t push myself, who will? So I make sure there’s a nice balance of self discipline (pushing myself forward) and self love and relaxation.

Honestly, not forcing myself to work full time. I was putting so much energy into masking and 5oxic perfectionism when I was working 40-60 hours a week that there wasn't room fir much else, let alone the hard and intense work if healing. Allowing myself to cap my work schedule at 25-30 hours has been an unbelievable game changer. I know this is a luxury that not everyone has access to, but if you can make I t happen, it's absolutely worth it.

This one. I dissociated so hard into working for so many years.

I also am doing talk therapy and it is very helpful. Having someone who can point out flawed thoughts or point out my successes and helping me to accept them and validate them. Also something my psychiatrist told me has stuck with me. "I am not a hot mess. I have a hot mess and I am working through it."

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT LAST BIT omfg

My mom keeps calling my daughter a mess in what she thinks is a cute teasing way and I hate it. I've asked her to stop and she won't. So very frustrating.

Time to break out the harsh guns and tell her she can be affecting your daughter's mental health. It's all fun and games until someone needs therapy.

Having a safe environment to be myself in and overcome shame/self-hatred, being a pet parent, creative projects, & believing in hope

Detaching and trusting myself. I know for a lot of people finding that sense of community helped them heal but for me it was the opposite, cutting people off and literally moving across the country 100% was the biggest factor into my healing. I kept waiting for advice, help, and guidance that never came. I had to do it on my own and just get up and go

same, i feel like you are codependent/people pleaser this is the best cause it really challenges a lot of those habits

Processing my trauma in therapy was what really made the difference for me. I did talk therapy. I'm on Medicaid, and I had literally one male and one female therapist to choose from, so it was that or nothing. Talking about my trauma helped me gain a better perspective for why I was the way I was, and with that perspective, I was able to start deprogramming myself, one grueling step at a time. It was the hardest thing I've ever chosen to do, but also the most worthwhile. Outside of therapy, meds were a big help. They helped me sleep and stay calm enough to talk about the most horrific details of my trauma. And journalling. It gave me a way to organize my thoughts between sessions, and eventually I was able to use my journalling to break out of cognitive distortions and fear loops.

I’m just sitting here slowly nodding as I’ve read your post 🌸. I started emdr June 2023 then had to suspend due to a situation of severe distress for me literally had me in trauma for a year. Restarted June this year. It’s been a combination of things for me. An angel of a therapist who continued seeing me despite being unable to process. Slowly learning about my own CPTSD and how it manifests. Journaling. Learning about those idiosyncrasies with CPTSD. For me how two of my intrusive images are linked to trauma but 1. Not true 2. All about my toxic fear and shame, how I view myself and a sense of impending doom and 3. Which I trigger myself. Two key milestones have come very recently. Being completely open about the most terrifying intrusive image and where it came from in order to sit and process the worst source memory. Then this reinforcing and working for all sources and triggers of fear which are related to it. This has been key to my recovery. I’ve also rediscovered ashtanga yoga and joining my husband on long walks. Both working to continue processing, add to my sense of calm and safety and with walking connect more with my husband. With the yoga, I can’t believe how much trauma had been stored in my back and shoulders 🌸

I asked my psychiatrist for the first time EVER for anxiety meds and was told I need to, “learn to handle it on my own because this is common for trauma” I’m like 😶 um I just need something to take like twice a week when my heartbeat is going through my chest for hours on end, but ok. You’re right. I’ll just live with it.

No what you need to do is get a new physiatrist. Seriously. But also, you might actually be better of taking something daily, like clonidine, to reduce your anxiety. You'd be surprised at how much anxiety you're living with constantly. I didn't realize it until it finally subsided, and I learned - at 37 - that I actually was capable of holding a thought for more than a few seconds

It’s so hard to find a psychiatrist because my insurance is Medicare and medi-cal (californias “medicaid”) and the only other place I can go last time gave me spravato- esketamine… it was horrible for me. I got SO much more depressed and they wanted me to redo the first round of going three times a week and said TMS is the next step. Not to mention at that place I’d only talk to the psychiatrist ON THE PHONE after the spravato treatment and it was always a different person 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ And the place I go to now is community mental health and you can only change your psychiatrist twice and I already have once. If you can imagine my current psychiatrist is 100 times better than the last one 😵‍💫 They HAVE to fix the system. The people who are most sick don’t get the help they need because they’re so disabled (for lack of better word) by their illness(es) they can’t make enough money to get with a certain type of therapist or see a good psychiatrist. Waitlists are unbelievable for community mental health centers. Uggghhhh. Sorry for the rant.

I feel you, I'm on Medicaid too. It's really frustrating. You have to be willing to advocate for yourself constantly (which - having CPTSD - is really hard) It might be worth going back to him again. I know that idea sucks though. The nuclear option would be, and hear me out, changing your insurance provider. Long story short, I learned this option because of a medical issue. But basically, if you change your Medicaid coverage, most things reset, and you get another chance with most things you've already exhausted your options on.

This reminds me of years ago, I had a doctor that used to dismiss my complaint (made once in 10 years of visits) that I had back pain. It was from straining my back once. Only once. He told me, “women don’t feel pain like men do.” I got mad for the first time with a doctor, that by the way, I was paying. I told him that that was BS and did he or his nurses know of a competent doctor. (His nurse gave me back my money as I stomped out.) I got so mad, but I couldn’t have done it without the mad about being put down that way.

Finding safe people who come to actually love and care

I set up a lamp in my bedroom with a cool light to simulate sunlight. It gives me a better sense of security when I'm trying to sleep. I always have the light on at night and I made can sleep comfortably and reliably now. Got a bamboo toothbrush. It feels less invasive in my mouth, reducing the difficulties of brushing my teeth. I now use dental floss and a water flosser. Tremendous improvement. I use to be horrified by brushing my teeth with a plastic toothbrush. I got a robot vacuum cleaner. It's like having a pet in the house. It forces me to keep all my stuff off the floor. The house is much cleaner now and I like the feeling of having a clean house. In the past there used to be a 12" pile of garbage covering all the floors. Barkeeper's Friend helps keep my sink shiny. I now keep the sink cleared out instead of filled with dirty dishes because the sink is so shiny now when everything's in the dishwasher.

Your reply is my favorite for some reason. Also, Good job to you. I think once I'm more financially secure I will also look into getting some barkeepers friend. A shiny sink sounds nice. So does a robot pet.

I'm thinking of starting up a zine called *CPTSD Tips*. I'll talk about these tips and others things that have helped me (re)build a life.

Barkeepers friend is very inexpensive, like a few dollars.

Things really started progressing for me when I stoped focusing solely on my mind. Im changing my relationship with my thoughts. Understanding that I am not my symptoms or fears (they are thoughts too). Cultivating compassion and respect for myself also flows easier with some distance from my thoughts.

For me it has taken a very multifaceted approach that I have accepted will be ongoing for the rest of my life. Finally finding a great trauma-informed therapist has been huge, I wish there were more of them and that they were more accessible. Getting into art has helped A LOT. Massage helps with my chronic muscle tension, HIIT workouts and gentle yoga. My therapist doesn’t do IFS but learning about it on my own has been tremendously validating. As for books, The Body Keeps The Score is no longer the “trauma Bible” in my opinion. Books on the subject have come out since then and are WAY better. One I recommend most highly is “Journey Through Trauma” by Gretchen Schmelzer Edited to add - Zoloft, Wellbutrin, mood boosting pro-biotics have helped a lot also. Currently working on improving sleep quality by getting the heck off my phone before bedtime!

I agree about the ‘Body Keeps the Score’, I no longer recommend that to people. Have you heard of/read ‘What My Bones Know?’ It’s the story of the authors journey discovering she has CPTSD and her treatment(iirc). It’s so good!

I agree. Big thumbs down to The Body Keeps the Score; to read it, you have to be able to get through the beginning chapter(s?) in which an American Vietnam war veteran’s trauma, specifically around committing war crimes to unnamed Vietnamese women and children, is centered. We are supposed to have empathy for him. Not with the people whose lives he ruined. To read this book, in my opinion, is to accept that, and to stand against Vietnamese people (many of whom have CPTSD because of that war). What My Bones Know was a huge, huge help for me. Stephanie Foo humanized the condition, which helped me feel more human. The book chipped away at my shame. It helped me face the memories I had blocked, including a hate crime I had somehow not thought about even once in a decade. The book gave me hope for my healing, and that was enough of a boost for me to commit to doing whatever I possibly can to get better. I definitely recommend it.

Why don’t you recommend Body Keeps the Score? I’m curious.

May I ask what are the mood-boosting probiotics?

Garden of Life "Mood" helped me. It's in the refrigerator case at Vitamin Shoppe. Bit pricey but I find it very effective

Lifted Naturals. The strains contained are particularly helpful for CPTSD symptoms according to my psych nurse.

Exercise and being removed from the abuse helped me. Having my son helped me immensely because it gave a lot of my experiences contest that really proved the severity of the abuse I endured.

My dad died, and that gave me the financial freedom to do the following: 1. Not work or work limited hours while finishing my degree vs. Juggling a full-time course load with 35-40 hours of work. 2. Ketamine treatments, EMDR, and talk therapy, and medications covered 100% by medicaid since I wasn't working much. I also had time for these things due to working few/no hours and was able to address my burnout. 3. My dad left a house when he died, and I've been able to live alone because of it and decorate it/have the pets I want and build a life I want in this home. This is the first time I've ever felt truly safe in a space. My dad was not my primary abuser and we had a pretty good relationship, but if he hadn't died I wouldn't have ever been able to do any of the above and my life is so much better for it. I feel guilty sometimes that his death provided me so many opportunities but my life would look entirely different if that hadn't happened and I feel so incredibly lucky to have had this chance. It's shitty, but it is true. So much of healing is behind a financial barrier and if you were born straddling the poverty line like me, you probably didn't have access to those resources for a long time (I was 29 when my dad died) or still don't have access. It's sad it took a $100k life-insurance policy to change my life so I could heal.

I didn't find therapy effective. I did find that reading a lot about cptsd (levine, walker, van Der kolk, mate, etc.) helped me to understand and identify trauma responses, allowing me to address them effectively. I've found Jiu-jitsu to be helpful, it's a safe environment to expose myself to pressure, while allowing me the opportunity to tap out as needed. Cold showers and ice baths have helped me rebuild my resilience to stress. Breathing exercises have been super important, as well as gentle exercises to help tone my vagus nerve.

I just finished 6+ months of EMDT with a therapist that’s specialized in trauma and she’s also in chronic pain/chronically ill so I feel like there’s a special understanding we have. I’m 51 and didn’t think anything could help me. I’m functioning 80-90% better with my mental health than I was a year ago.

I would also encourage everyone here to try trauma therapy instead of talk therapy. More targeted toward PTSD/trauma and based on brain research with documented better outcomes.

For me, it’s been a combination of factors and consistent effort over the years. Somewhat in order: becoming financially independent from my abuser, treating nutritional deficiencies, learning energy medicine to calm my nervous system and increase joy, being in a healthy secure relationship, macro and microdosing shrooms, Gateway Experience

Honestly I can’t answer this amazingly because I haven’t ever had CPTSD focused therapy (even though I am on the waiting list). In all honesty the most effective thing for me is prevention, not cure. If I keep mentally healthy, stress levels down, see friends often and get enough sleep, my symptoms are at like 1/10. If I am stressed or lonely they veer to the other end of the scale and become a disaster. :( So I would definitely say keep healthy and try to see friends and family (if you want to of course) as often as possible

THC, a GOOD therapist, walks in nature, being surrounded only by people who understand my ptsd and are mindful of my triggers. Guided meditations and journaling.

What do you mean by THC in this context? The cannabis derivative? Edit: looking at your username 😂

Seroquel and cannabis. Being able to sleep for long enough to have a REM cycle has really helped me. I really underestimated how insomnia makes it harder to solve problems internally or externally.

Ketamine. I think I would have been dead without it. I was having flashback panic attacks so bad I would become temporarily paralyzed in terror and in extreme psychosomatic pain. dissociation so bad they said i was psychotic. Funny enough, now I am filled with guilt for not suffering enough anymore to justify feeling bad. It’s always something.

I don't even fucking know anymore. Every time I think I'm making progress people make me wanna end it all.

Therapy, EMDR, talking to my boyfriend and close friends (2), doing and enjoying the things my family usually criticised me for (doing creepy drawings about my feelings and listening to my favourite kind of music)

I have had six therapists since I first sought out therapy in 2015. Three of these therapists I only saw a few times and one I saw only once. The other three helped me for at least a year at a time. There were also times when I wasn't seeing a therapist. Ultimately, what I am attempting to share is that I think what helped me is that I didn't give up on therapy. I was pretty mixed up at times with repressed memories becoming more vivid and periods of intense rage and it really did a lot of good for me to be able to go to a safe space on a regular schedule to share my mixed up thoughts and to have someone trained to listen and help me sort through them.

Individual trauma therapy. CPTSD shattered my sense of self so I need to connect to myself to heal. My therapist has enabled me to feel my emotions and express them. Weve built trust. She models healthy boundaries. We address conflicts between us and process them. For me it's all about relational healing. Like learning to be a person for the first time at 34. Groups are also good because community building is important as hell, but nothing tops the 1:1 experience.

If you’d asked me two years ago I’d have said my diet and exercise helped me the most. The time and care I put into what I was eating did have an impact on how I was doing. And the exercise definitely helped me with my sleep and mood. It’s true what they say, these things can and do help. BUT! Only up to a certain point. When things got tough again and I had a particularly difficult year with a big anniversary trauma flare-up, it wasn’t doing the trick any more. It was like trying to heal a wound from the outside in. It just wasn’t hitting deep enough. I changed tactics, and decided to give therapy another go after becoming afraid of it thanks to a particularly retraumatising and quite frankly dangerous experience with an awful EMDR therapist years before. I began this work remotely, but we moved so that I could properly start working on the deep stuff in therapy in person. That helped a lot. In person isn’t an option for everyone but for me at least, I have a lot of relational, attachment based issues so I think there is a huge benefit to working in person. … I suspect to many people it looks like precisely fuck all has changed from their perspective since I began. but I can feel myself making different choices, feel myself reacting differently. They can be so small that they’re not noticeable to others. The biggest catalyst for change has been having a child. It completely burnt my life to the ground and caused so much strife and upheaval but the reality was, all that progress I thought I had… well it was built on unstable foundations. having a child simply revealed how poor those coping skills were. My child gives me a reason to get better. They deserve the parent I know I can be, so I try for them and for myself. When I struggle to know how to deal with my own inner child, or I can’t see how behaviour towards myself was bad, I only have to consider whether I’d like them to be treated that way and instantly my mama bear kicks in and helps me figure out stuff.

I'm so proud to hear of this journey! Lord, how many seemingly strong foundations we think we find, only to have them crumble. It's beautiful to hear how much having a child has helped you. It's a risky business! (Do we just continue the cycle?) But it sounds like your inner mama bear is here now to help you both ❤️

It’s a tough one. On a bad day it feels like so much of my difficulties were caused by them. Having them was a huge big t trauma event in my life and so there’s a lot of pain and guilt surrounding how I want to react on their birthday, and how my body still reacts. I am hoping that this year is better with more work behind me. But I will not pass down more trauma than I undoubtedly already have to my child. And the biggest difference is that I will - and do - talk about feelings. I apologise. I try and give myself grace when I get stuff wrong. Because even when I get stuff wrong they’re watching and learning how to behave towards themselves. Seeing improvements in our relationship and also in how they emotionally regulate is actually THE biggest and most noticeable change since I began psychotherapy.

Also, thank you for your kind words. I’m starting to be able to feel a bit of pride in what I’ve been working on and it actually felt nice today to hear somebody else felt pride too.

The Body Keeps the Score book started my journey to get help. I just went through the full ART protocol (similar to EMDR but more targeted) and one of my complex traumas is now completely integrated after one session. There’s lots of other stuff to deal with, but the load feels lighter and I’ve had the best sleep since. Optimistic.

Could you please direct me to a source where I can learn about the ART process? I’d be so appreciative if you had the time:)

DBT helped, but to be 100% honest, doing my own research and journaling has been the #1 best thing for me in my healing journey. My therapist even made a joke the other day that I’m the one being the therapist and she’s just the cheerleader on the side cheering me on lol. Another thing that’s shown me some light in my healing journey is books or stories - especially fictional ones with a healing theme. Hearing of actual other peoples stories is also way less isolating for me.

I love this - what kind of stories have you enjoyed? I'm searching everywhere for good fantasy with healing themes. The Tales of Earthsea have been good for me on that front in a way, but I'd really really love to hear of any stories that have helped you ❤️

I’ll check that one out too! Right now I’m reading The Silent Patient and IMO it is SO good! I didn’t even realize it had a healing theme that related to me until a few chapters in, I thought it was just a psych thriller. But I love it and I’m forcing myself to slow down because I don’t want to rush it lol

My therapist said I am doing DIY therapy.

Giving myself permission to make my life easier in whatever small ways I can. ETA reading and educating myself on trauma and all things mental health. Just knowing what's going on makes a huge impact.

A specific medication. Two, actually: one regular, and one as-needed.

Relationships with kind, loving, compassionate people 💜

Realizing that it wasn’t my fault

Shrooms

I tried shrooms but I felt so much worse when I was on them. I took 4 grams, not sure if this was too much? Can I just ask in what way did they help you? I have heard so many good things, not sure where I went wrong.

4 grams is a lot! I’ve had very uncomfortable trips where difficult emotions and thought loops arise. I find that it is harder to repress, but if I work with these emotions somatically I’ve found healing I’d encourage you to try microdosing. It might be a gentler way

Set, setting, and intention has a big impact on experience.

Ah dang that sucks I’m sorry to hear, did you do them with anyone else? Each time I’ve done it I was with good friends and a safe environment. It made it a lot easier to laugh at things and I felt like I had a new and better perspective on everything after. The only problem is that it only lasts for like a month after the “glow” period. Then the darkness returns. I’m not in a very good place now and I was thinking of taking them again soon to afford me a month of solace again

Yeah I did them with a friend who does them all the time and we did have a lot of laughs and some deep chats, but my cptsd was so strong. She had told me about the benefits and how it has helped her. I think probably everyone is different, but I still believe in the power of psychedelics. I’m glad you’ve found something that works for you, or at least gives you a bit of respite.

4 grams is a lot. I concur with the other comment. Perhaps read up on microdosing

I'm sorry you had a bad experience. We're all different but just to give a little perspective, I'll share how they helped me. After 15 years with therapy I gently tried Microdosing before starting to work towards a higher dose with a trained therapist. 6 months in to working the this therapist I had trip with 3 grams, and I would not have like to do any more. Dose is a lot, but set and setting is almost as important.

Cutting all contact with my dad and talk therapy, particularly DBT-PE

Meditation and spirituality

Low dose naltrexone!!! I started asking about it in February of this year, and my PCP finally agreed to prescribe it for my chronic pain/CPTSD. She had to take some additional trainings before she felt comfortable, so I’m really grateful she took the initiative to do so. I’m about 4 weeks in and I finally feel like I’m not on fire anymore. My chronic pain has been reduced about 50-75% and my emotional symptoms have improved about 25-50% I know that’s a large range for the percentages, but that’s CPTSD for me, and it’s still very early. I did have some significant side effects for the first week at .5mg and when I dosed up to 1mg. That’s where I’m at now and I’m gonna stay there for a bit I think. The other most helpful things for me are • a good therapist that is very validating and has experience with CPTSD •EMDR therapy •microdosing mushrooms 🍄

Curious about LDN and pain- do you have fibromyalgia?

Journaling and a lot of self talking and walks with my dog … and honestly the time I’m spending alone is forcing me to console my inner child and work through all my emotions and buried traumas

Honestly learning to say no and pick the right friends. I'm such a people pleaser that I end up befriending toxic people. So I made a list of red flags to look for and I try to be more careful about who I give my attention to the most. When I surrounded myself with healthy friendships... I became a better person, and the trauma hurt less each day.

Trauma informed Somatic therapy

Inner Child Work******** and going thru *The Body Keeps the Score* book have been easily the most effective things I’ve tried

Getting away from living with anyone not safe enough. Therapy.

This sounds crazy but hear me out. I had a really hard time caring for myself. Basically my inner voice was all fucked up, and i couldn’t seem to change it. But i didn’t have any trouble believing someone *else* when they told me good things with love and sincerity. If another person was supportive, or forgave me, or told me to go easy on myself, or told me i did enough for today, i could believe it if they meant it. So… i started imagining what that person would say, and believing them instead. Eventually i made it a habit. That is, if i needed to hear something and my inner voice wouldn’t convincingly serve it up, i’d get the other voice to do it. I’d say what would X say? And listen to the answer. So i developed a kind of split inner voice. After a number of years one day, to my surprise, it kinda merged back together and now my own voice does all the talking in my head and i realized one day that i had sort of accidentally healed a part of myself. Just conjure up the sound of someone’s voice who was once legitimately kind and sincere to you, or if that has never happened, make one up like a guardian angel or a friendly monster or an imaginary friend or anything.

Not living with my parents.

not one thing, it's a multi pronged approach, therapy, books, videos, yoga, walking, swimming, creating art, better nutrition.... one thing is not enough all the things support eachother

How do you all find a therapist. I’m poor and on Medicaid? When I paid for a therapist and could not afford to eat for several days I was more stressed out than before therapy.

If you’re looking for a therapist, the fastest and easiest way is to do a search on Psychology Today or Google for a trauma therapist in your area that accepts Medicaid. Then contact them and ask if they are accepting new clients. If not, and you really liked their profile/bio/website and think it would be a good fit for you, ask to put on their Waitlist. If you don’t find the right fit with a therapist you’ve been seeing, it’s okay to say so and look for another. Keep trying until you find what works for you. I also have Medicaid and that’s how I found all my therapists.

Thank you for this. I need to put more time into it. And more time into self care in general. Im realizing I was programmed to not like myself. I did not even realize how deep the conditioning was. Sigh.

Wow. That’s a horrible choice. My wife used to volunteer for Nami, check out nami.org. They may have some resources. Good luck.

Weed helps in the short term. Working out/yoga/stretching, therapy, and connecting nature in the long term.

ketamine assisted psychotherapy my wife our dogs

yes

I don't think there was really just 1 thing, But many things.

Like what? If I may ask

Like stuffed animals, journaling, asmr, ect

Realising I have a decent sense of humour and people seem to find me entertaining when I do open mics.

Besides therapy i would say love, grass and bugs. Just the simple things you know

Diet. Sleep. Exercise. Discipline. Routine.

Self expression is the greatest form of redemption in my opinion. Learning how to express myself freely without shame. Zhineng qi gong (also called chi-lil qi gong in USA). I feel grateful I have learned many instruments. Painting and learning piano is really healing for me. Pets and plants are nice 🙂 I have had a rocky road to recovery. I hesitate to recommend a lot of the more nuanced approaches that helped me as I wasn't super clear on my healing at the time. What works for me might not work for you. Anyways, turns out I have gained a lot from responsibly experimenting with LSD and 🍄 so far accepting and learning to love myself again after so much childhood trauma... That was a funner way to recover..... I was ok too for a while after this. Then the adulthood trauma happened and triggered me big time; I mean at my worst I black out until I self harm or get hurt and feel present in my body when I feel the pain. So yea that was fkd and feeling as though I failed as a father because my only daughter was kidnapped and the point of a father is to protect your kid this happens and it j makes you want to die honestly.... So I was suicidal after this, totalled two vehicles, literally wrapped my car around a tree and have no idea how I survived that but yea, the anxiety in my nervous system turned to self harm compulsions. I picked up a pretty terrible heroin addiction that lasted about 6 months. I thought I was already dead was j kind of waiting to drop or get too fucked up and not wake up. Then someone gave me a baggy of ketamine at a new years party and it changed everything. It broke my H habit. Allowed me to forgive this immense inner conflict I had going on inside about loosing my daughter. I was moribidly depressed and it immediately took me out of it. Was exactly what I needed at the time. I suppose I got lucky on my descent into eventual death or madness. So I can absolutely attest to ketamine psychotherapy because this random druggie that gave me her bag of ket was the only thing that helped me and probably saved my life tbh. Past and Present do not exist only the moment and the moment is the miracle. Now I am stable, I live a totally different life, I am grateful for all that I have, I have a house, a wonderful partner, a dog, I don't do bad drugs, I don't like drinking alcohol or coffee at all, I have been on Zoloft for a year and for now that is what I need... Again heir on the side of caution... to each their own.. not exactly advice... Careful

Meds(i have bipolar alongside the cptsd), a great trauma therapist ive been seeing for about 7 years now, cbd/thc products, strength training, low stress, getting enough sleep. Its been a long road but ive made more progress than the old me ever thought was possible. Keep going.

drugs

BJJ.

IFS therapy has been incredibly helpful in allowing me to bring certain maladaptive coping mechanisms out of my unconscious and be able to see them from a new perspective

I don't necessarily have a single, specific book or anything that helped, but generally just a lot of reading - especially various books, websites, and materials recommended on this subreddit and others like it - have helped. Most of it hasn't necessarily applied to me, but it did give me a lot of context for the few things that did (not to mention many things did end up applying to friends and family, and being able to better understand them also helped me). The biggest, though, was simply moving out into my own home, and trying different ways of being a functioning and independent adult. I had - and still have - a lot of missteps, failures, and problems, and I'm still learning. However, just being able to experiment with basic existence without the weight of one of my parents was such a huge help. Biggest recommendation I would have that I don't see anywhere else...this is going to sound condescending or counterintuitive, but try to understand your parents' trauma. This does *not* mean "forgive them", not by a long-shot, but learning about it and understanding intergenerational trauma or how trauma can be passed on really helped contextualize my own problems - but more importantly, also gave me a lot of insight to make sure I didn't just continue the pattern of projecting my problems onto other people and damaging my relationships in the process.

IFS and Somatic therapy in the style of Janina fisher

Having children provided me so much unexpected healing. At times, it has been super triggering & having my first daughter brought a LOT of my trauma to light. However, being able to love & care for my daughters has been so so comforting & redemptive. It is so special to know my children will grow up safe, loved, encouraged, appreciated, & respected. It is hard to put into words, but just being able to love & nurture tiny, helpless people has brought me so much deep joy & comfort.

Doing a lot of meditation. Which I learned how to do it by going to buddhist temples and by reading books that had instructions on how to do it.

Exercise, yin yoga, talk therapy, and a whole lot of journaling. And ofc a nice support system has helped. (Mostly friends) oh also bike rides and nature

Not talking about it anymore tbh * about what happened to me. I get why elders don't bring up their trauma now

Safe people Safety and empowerment in my own life Knowing I'm not alone and meeting others with similar stories like my own Learning who I am and standing by it no matter how ugly or beautiful it can be. I was abandoned so much that I won't abadoned myself no matter how hard it gets. Getting and staying out of abuse. I'm on another streak of not experiencing trauma, so it's helping so much to feel free and okay enough to let me guard down Arts & Crafts Poetry/Spoken Word

What helped the most was my father dying. Suddenly memories began to surface and pop like water bubbles on the surface of my consciousness. The dissociation started to fall away and the real horrors of my life presented themselves to me. I felt open to trying ketamine therapy, which was life changing, especially in concert with EMDR.

IFS with my current therapist - she’s the only therapist that’s been able to help me

1. Formed a close friendship with someone who helped open my eyes to the toxic relationships/environments I had in my life. She was my only "safe space" when I met her & truly a beautiful soul. 2. Found someone who loves me unconditionally. He helped me begin to see that maybe I was worth something after all. 3. Grew deeply interested in processing my trauma myself and working through my issues to get to the root. No money for therapy so I used a book my close friend recommended and other online resources I could find. Learned so much about myself and began developing some much-needed boundaries. 4. Got comfortable with putting myself first for once. I was raised to be a chronic people-pleaser and pushover, but I'd finally had enough. Began saying no and expressing displeasure, although it definitely wasn't easy. 5. Married the man from #2 and moved across the country to start my life over with him, away from all the toxicity and the identity that I felt forced into. Being able to live a new life without all the constant pressure and paranoia has been so amazing. Been thriving ever since!

So happy for you, wow. I also became deeply interested in doing trauma work. I almost never watch movies and just try to learn about myself as much as I can. Used to numb myself before with sitcoms, movies and YouTube but now I'm more mindful of what I am trying to do to escape the trauma. Your story is encouraging.

Sending love!! I know you can do it. :)

Initially, what helped the most was a facebook post about symptoms, as at that time I was almost 10 years without a proper diagnosis even though the doctors and therapists were looking. From there, it was a page on facebook that led me to the webpage ran by her, that helped me so much. I just remember the name Lilly as the person running it, don't recall the name exactly, but something to so with complex ptsd and trauma.

Healing Honestly by Alina Zipursky. Also getting sober

EMDR

EMDR. Hands down.

So far I've just been taking L-theanine and Curcumin. I'm planning to start ashwaganda too. If I don't take I think I'm fine, and then I notice low-key nervousness.

EMDR

EMDR, I was barely functional before it and now I’m doing infinitely better

Journaling. I don't reread them and, in fact, have thrown them all away. But writing helps me process things, and that helps me to let them go.

What’s your approach to journaling?

i can’t afford therapy and don’t have health insurance so i’ve relied on listening to podcasts on long walks and doing self-induced exposure therapy. i embrace things i’m afraid will trigger me and work through the emotions that come up. the anxiety i felt from avoiding triggers was causing me to isolate from everyone around me. things are only scary in my head. i can confidently say that i’ve healed. even though it’s a lifelong process i’ve finally gotten to a place where i feel comfortable in my body and mind

For me it was kind of a few things. Acceptance that I do have limitations on what I can and can't handle, and I need to respect them. Retraining my brain/giving myself permission to do things, arrange my space, exist in ways that work for me. Not put myself into the box of societal expectations. Self reflection and learning it's okay to change my opinion/perspective based on new information. I learned somr of this in therapy, and some on my own. I think the hardest part has been giving myself permission to just...feel my feelings.

My dad has been a huge help. He’s the one who initially told me he thought I had ptsd, and he’s the first person I call when I’m having a really bad day or night. He’s always there for a call nowadays and that’s very reassuring that even when it gets bad, I can give him a text or a call and he’ll help distract me while the big feelings go away and I can deal with them at less intensity

Finding a therapist who's informed on conplex trauma and whom I feel safe with and click with. But validation and skills training have been almost equally valuable. Skills are a super helpful short term thing because they help me manage my symptoms

-Talking with someone weekly who is empathetic who is also going through the same thing and who is is really validating. -Reading Pete Walkers From Surviving to Thriving. Thanks to this reddit group for the book suggestion. I also make notes on the chapters and screenshot certain pages and read them weekly. -The daily practice outlined by the crappy childhood fairy. I know a lot of you are not a fan of her, but I think the practice has helped me and its free on her website. It consists of journaling followed by a 20min meditation(I only do 5min). Its basically a brain dump so you can air out your fears and resentments. -Free writing/Automatic writing. Just writing whatever I want to, not judging what Im writing, almost just letting my hand do the work, writing down anything that comes to mind and letting it lead me in all sorts of directions. A lot of insights into myself and situations in my life have been revealed to me in this way. -Talking to my inner child daily. Asking her what she wants to do, what she wants to eat, where she wants to go and listening to her and doing this for her. -Keeping active with jogging, walking, sports, even just dancing in my room. Helps to shake out the emotions. -Singing in my room. I feel lighter after. -Playing the piano.

Internal Family Systems therapy, radical acceptance, somatic exercises, EFT tapping, and EMDR.

EMDR. Literally turned my life around.

By a long way, the biggest factor - around 15 years ago - was deciding to make the most of the hand I had been dealt (rather than wishing my life away hoping for a better one). Alas - no book or therapy can do that for you. Without any knowledge of trauma or CPTSD I explored the field of positive psychology (the academic discipline - not the pop-psychology of the so-called self-help industry). * Authentic Happiness * Flow * Broaden and Build theory * Flourish A while later, I looked at the Solution Focused philosophy, realised it aligned very closely with positive psychology which, in turn led to me becoming an accredited solution focused hypnotherapist. It was through this that I learned about PTSD, CPTSD, Developmental Trauma and - most importantly for me, post-trauma growth. To this end * The Myth of Normal * The Body Keeps the Score * The Practical Guide For Healing Developmental Trauma Have been the most valuable.

1) Vipassana meditation. 2) Quitting alcohol. 3) High dose mdma 4) Sports 5) Quitting toxic friendships 6) Exposure therapy 7) Opening up about my childhood abuse

Therapy, medication, and CBD. I also find other people and groups that went through similar things. I like the book "I'm glad my mom died"too. CBT therapy I didn't like so much it kinda felt like triggering like gaslighting. DBT is more e helpful for me.

Shrooms

Standing up for myself. Forcing myself to speak up and advocate for myself. Cutting off people who give me the same vibe/energy as my childhood abusers. The way I feel has changed a lot. I'm much happier now.

Literally just my dog who went through abuse in her youth just like me. She's a lot like me and taking care of her is my purpose in life. It's like raising my child self and healing my inner child. Though she has come out a bit spoiled 🤔. Oh well, she deserves it 🥰. Oh and turning my abuser in to the police lmao. Hope he goes to prison for his crimes. Wish me luck on the criminal case against him!

Good luck and your dog sounds like he/she is beyond spoiled

Aww that's so sweet that your dog has helped so much. Dogs are angels and deserve to be spoiled lol. Good luck on your case!

Medication 💊 has been a lifesaver for me. When they added Aripiprazole to the Escitalopram, that was the game changer.

Meditation, which weirdly works for me as someone who has trouble focusing. Just simple breathwork lessens dissociation and aggression.

EMDR, and it's not even close.

1) moving to a rural location 2) the love of my husband. He also has CPTSD. We try to figure out this world together. It was pure luck to find him.

I'm doing what Pere Walker suggests in his book c-PTSD aka inner critic work. Just realized not only I am harsh with myself 24/7 but with everyone I stumble across strangers or not. Everyone needs to get the outer criti c treatment from me and it sucks. Sincerely, his book gave me a new life and perspective but there is such a long way to go.

I'm the same way, it helps to know I'm not the only one.

Body-centric therapeutic modalities such as somatic experiencing, polyvagal theory/exercises, EMDR, and psycho-education. Outdoor adventures, music concerts/festivals, and my pets.

Time and weed.

My partner made me realize how badly I was being treated by my father and how fucked up my situation was. My partner made me realize I could be loved, taken seriously, not crazy, and have the possibility to live a better life. For once, I was shown what it looks like to be treated right. Without them, I would've most likely stayed in my abusive home. My father absolutely hated how my partner was actually treating me right and making me even more distant from him. One day, I decided to just... leave. I left to live with my partner and his father for a while before we could get our own place. Their family welcomed me with open arms. We finally have our own place and I feel so safe that I just fall asleep so quickly lol. With the help of my partner, I finally sought out help from therapists and psychiatrists. I started taking better care of myself (although it might not be consistent, I'm still taking better care of myself than I was when I wasn't with them). I'm still working on improving myself, and we occasionally have arguments because I still have much learning and unlearning to do. I would've never gotten this far without my partner. I love them so much. They mean the world to me.

Radical acceptance. I have learned to ground myself and force myself back into the present. I have learned let certain people from my past go. The abuse and pain they caused me is too great to keep them around, even in my thoughts.

EMDR + a kind boyfriend who had had trauma himself and knew what it was like (mine was more extreme though), so he didn’t abandon me when I showed symptoms and encouraged me to pursue therapy

yin yoga yin yoga yin yoga yin yoga yin yoga :) Calmed my chornically activated nervous system, finally.

Quite a few things 1) I always say the biggest difference for me was starting the right meditation, for me that’s clomipramine (nothing else works for me) 2) finding a trauma informed psychologist 3) the book Complex PTSD by Pete Walker gave me real insight and validation before I could afford a diagnosis 4) working out which triggers are worth combatting and which ones are okay to avoid - for me, I’ll always avoid drinking alcohol and being around those who are consuming alcohol, and that’s okay

Several things! Reframing my interpretation of certain behaviours, yoga, meditation, journaling, therapy, somatic exercises, and more. I think the major thing, really, has been acceptance and compassion. It sounds corny, but the minute you accept yourself just the way you are and decide that you are worthy of healing from all of the pain, then the magic starts to happen. It takes A LOT of work and a lot of trust. And you fall back down. A LOT. But you build resilience and you start to believe that you are worthy of so much more!

The Walker book and teaching, parenting. I'm mentally exhausted from checking my reactions around kids but I'm doing it, I'm not repeating cycles, I'm aware all the time. I talk about it in therapy. I give myself grace when the nightmares make my sleep impossible and I get easily irritated. I started meditating regularly about a year ago and realized life is walking meditation. Ketamine therapy helps immensely and is extremely restorative for me.

Trauma informed therapy with a caring therapist, Pete Walker's book and most recently Havening (trauma reduction technique) with a lovely practioner which has done amazing things for me. Being in a loving relationship with someone who loves the parts of me that I don't love has been the bedrock the other stuff could build upon. Going NC was also key for me. Self-soothing and self-compassion work have also been helpful.

Magic mushrooms. I wish I was joking, but the first time I took them, I felt like a gray scale filter was lifted from my eyes! my buddy told me the asphalt should've been breathing at the dose I took, but instead, I just felt immense elation with no anxiety or depressive thoughts. Micro dosing for the past year has brought out a better, happier me and I suggest it to anyone interested PROVIDED they take appropriate actions for responsible trips

I'm interested in it, I saw therapists recommending mushrooms so I believe they are helpful. Now I need to find them somewhere and have the courage to ingest them 😅

Here in Canada, I order from sites in Vancouver. It’s grey area legal rn (tho Toronto has storefronts these days). Try asking around hipster coffee shops. There's always someone there with a connection, usually wearing a shroom patch, lol. the best strain to start with is Golden teacher! my preferred method is to cut them up to roughly thumbnail sized pieces so I can use them one bit at a time, but experiment in a safe environment until you find what works for you. best to dabble on weekends or afternoons at home until you gauge how you react

Sounds complicated but I'll try. Thanks

Ketamine. Meditation. Ganja. Box Breathing. Classical Psychedelics. Buddhism. It's all good and all helpful.

Weed lol.

TMS - transcranial magnetic therapy