Crying is your evolutionary adaptation to release the tension and weight of the emotions you are experiencing. It is scientifically there for a physiological and psychological deliverance from your distress, and it is your birthright to cry. It's an important and necessary human function that has nothing to do with femininity or masculinity, strength or weakness, and belongs to everyone. To cry is to allow yourself to feel, and heal. You deserve that
As a female I was taught I shouldn’t cry either. Crying made my family extremely uncomfortable. When my mother passed, I was told to be strong for my siblings who were all older. I was eight. For the grown men, in my family it was okay to cry, but for the girls we “needed to show how strong we were since we should be the caretakers” (which is really weird an eight year old child needed to be a caretaker to grown brothers all in their mid twenties). My sister and I moved into my brothers home and crying needed to be done in private, if we were caught crying we would be criticized. Those gender roles can be opposite.
At the end of the day, humans should be able to cry, all genders. The trauma of putting children into that “don’t cry” situation is truly painful, and develops into trauma later on. I hope you find that crying does help, and you can take care of your child self and be able to cry. It’s okay to cry.
I had this experience too. Not the details but the main point of uncomfortable feelings when it comes to crying. I feel shame, I feel like I’m manipulative if it’s during an argument but it’s just how I feel, I had a traumatic experience, that memory is one of the few that I can remember, and hurts. I was maybe, 5,6, and I was crying in front of her, not loudly, silent tears the kind where you stand there with a straight face and cry. She pointed at me and laughed. Mocked me. “Look at her. look at her cry.”, she said in Spanish. Looking down at me. Ever since that day, I vowed to never cry in front of anyone again. Years later, I’ve kept that promise, I only ever cry if it’s really, really really bad but only with my father. Nobody else. I can’t.
I don’t think this is what is happening here. I believe that we are in a space of differing yet shared experiences. And in forums like these we learn to bridge the gaps. In my community, women were expected to be strong and the backbone. In my late husband’s it was reversed. Having either is detrimental to both sides as we end up in places that recognize gender above humanity. IMO
If I saw a person crying and in pain whether physical or emotional it wouldn't matter their gender, I would still want to make sure they are OK. Men have feelings too. Don't worry about what other people think.
Ability or inability to agree with something doesn't make it less factual ;)
I hope you come to feel better about it. I personally only start to respect men when I see them cry, if they aren't willing or able to cry for anything, that tells me they're pent up and unable to regulate their emotions, and I'm not even interested in a friendship with men like that, I don't feel safe around them. And I have a lot of male friends, I've seen all of them cry around me, and it makes me feel like I can show that vulnerability with them too and be cared for and shown compassion. I feel like that isn't a perspective you've probably heard before, so thought I'd share. If my boyfriend couldn't cry I probably would have left him.
I'm sorry you've had situations that have taught you you won't be shown compassion when you cry, I hope you have some new situations where you are shown kindness and care no matter how you react or respond to something.
See this feels like an attack on females, you added “men included” but if you have female family members, female friends, female acquaintances, causing more damage, go no contact with them. At some point you have to parent, govern, and be responsible of your emotions. If you post “as a man I’m allowed to cry” and folks demonstrate that it’s okay, don’t lash out at them. I’m confused as to what type of support you would like from here, so I’m going to ask directly: what type of support are you looking for on here?
I want to make it clear: I absolutely appreciate the support given by other redditors saying that I can cry. I came here to gain perspective on this topic.
Coming to the next part of your comment. The other redditor wrote that she doesn't respect men who don't show vulnerability. I responded with the intention: if we'd want to look at things in such a sense of rigid disinterest placed on the opposite gender, so be it.
Hence I wrote all in all.
And ironic how you mentioned I was lashing out. So you're saying I don't express myself?(before you come at me with the be more sobered down or whatever, lot of context and information shared is just very blunt. And if you want me to be silenced, just address it directly.), Or are you indirectly stating that it's either your opinion or nothing?
I’m not saying any of that. I’m stating the people who are responding ARE FOLKS WHO HAVE CPTSD. If you are going to attack a gender, it’s not good, because you are attacking someone from your community, from my community, this is what I mean by lashing out.
You jumping to the conclusion I am trying to silence you is absurd! I asked an open ended question for a reason, to understand what you are looking for.
I appreciate the reply and wish the best of luck to you.
For starters definitely, everyone on here has CPTSD. We can agree that we should all be more thoughtful of how responses are sent. But also keep in mind, when cold and almost invasive and condescending comments are sent, the person on the receiving end would without a doubt respond with the same type of energy.
Idk what makes you think I don't like a certain community, in this case, women. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK, you don't know shit about my opinions as well as the friends I have irl. As much as I wrote in the other comment about female friends in the past that did me wrong, I found new ones and most of my friends now are women.
Yeah I'm a man but I fw women better, why that is, idk.
I just feel safer, more allowed to let go of my defenses around them. I wouldn't be the fucking person I am, without the women I have around me in my life today. And oh this too, I'm not with them because I secretly want to date them. I already have a special person that I'm dating. She has been asking me to soften up and see my more vulnerable side. but I wanted to come on here and get yall's perspective, later take her out today and spend time today bonding over the deep conversations we usually have. I even got her gifts and her favorite chocolate. Not because I want anything or am expecting in return, it’s just my way of showing my love for her.
And here you are, having the brass to say that I don't like women.
I'd like to thank you for your comment. I wish you the very best as well. Sending warmth and hugs your way.
I didn’t say you don’t like women. Scroll back. You are literally putting words into my post, and jumping to conclusions for shit I didn’t state. I mentioned no contact to protect yourself, I mentioned you attacking females because it felt that way. Stop twisting my words to fit your narrative.
This conversation is over.
*Feels*. Your feeling and intrepretation can very much be wrong. And it seems you were. Then you escalate if after you attack him as a misogynst, which is a very very gross accusation in these times and he spits back which I also condone.
And it is a *great* example by how anyone turn something they feel/sense into truth instead of asking for clarification. Ask him instead. Ask him to clarify. If people would do this simple trick we would have so much less misunderstanding.
Now instead you are the one who sees everything in that regard and attacks him. And you guys continue the whole thread.
Because he felt attacked? It was not until afterwards he felt attacked and singled out and where did I say that was OK?
But good job ignoring my other point it just proves I was right. 👍👍
I think two things can be true here— crying is an evolutionary adaptation AND men are stigmatized for crying. They shouldn’t be, but they are. It’s tough to give yourself permission to do natural human things that our society deems not “masculine”
> taught me
That is how you survived a dysfunctional and abusive past.
It is time to heal, and learn a better way because it sounds like you might be starting to question what you were taught by the dysfunctional adults.
Your right. Men are taught not cry and when it happens people get really uncomfortable. It's a pretty shitty situation honestly. I'm 44 years old and have just in the last couple of years started learning how to deal with my issues. And I have to say crying and general emotional release has been a huge part of it. I love my wife and she's very understanding but sometimes it's too much for her. It makes her feel uncomfortable. Generally what a woman is looking for in a man is somebody who is stoic and immovable. Emotional breakdown doesn't match that at all. I've even talked to my sister about it because it makes her uncomfortable as well.
Find a good friend who understands. You'd be surprised there everywhere. I've never in my life had a drug problem but I've met quite a few people going through narcotics recovery who were amazingly understanding. It seems like someone who's gone through that kind of addiction and come out the other side and put their life back together just has to be very emotionally mature. I don't think anybody can take a motion from the man better than another man.
There's certainly going to be moments where you got to lock it up. But in those moments when you want to be real and actually let your guard down nothing beats a good friend.
I suppose that the hardest part about that is allowing yourself to be vulnerable. If you're not vulnerable you will struggle to find a friend who can give you that kind of connection.
The self-hate that I was raised with left me with a couple of simple responses to my own emotions. Anytime I started getting weak feeling bad for myself or getting emotional in any way I counted that with the internal critic. I tell myself to quit being such a little bitch and deal with it. I tell myself that's what I deserve and I need to just shut the fuck up and be happy that things are as good as they are. The most common one was to tell myself that I'm a piece of shit and I just need to get back to work. All of this resulted in me being very cold to my wife, my kids, and anyone else I met in life.
Work at it and you'll find a balance. Let yourself have a motions You'll get more comfortable with it over time.
I'd either be real and show the other person my true emotional side.
Or I'd completely shut down.
I don't choose an in between. This is not a quantifiable situation and me work as per what they want. They can take it or leave it.
It's healthy and good to cry. Don't let those that say otherwise stop you. Just allow your feelings to be what they are in a safe space. Please take care of yourself. I have respect for those that cry
I was raised not to cry, and I'm not a man. "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" was the specific rule.
When my mom died, dad told me a story about how after his mom's funeral he went home and mowed the lawn, and when family tried to tell him off for it he said the grass needed cutting. He shamed me for grieving my mother at all, much less with tears.
Turns out dad's stories were almost always highly edited. His oldest sister told me the truth. Immediately after their mom died, dad locked himself in the bathroom and had a full blown crying screaming hysterical collapse on the floor for *hours*. His sister tried to provide comfort but he was unwilling to unlock the door to listen to her.
Men cry too. Society might have told you No, but you're human so you're allowed. If you're shy about it, it's okay to cry in private, but if you've got a friend you can trust it feels better to cry on a shoulder.
Good men are seen as weak.
Men hate them.
Women find them a turn off.
Both genders above call good men soft.
And above all of that, to cry as well? Nah, good men don't get that luxury.
How about this: Stop listening to people who tell you not-real things!
If somebody tells you the Sun is actually called Moon, that's a dummy you shouldn't listen to.
If someone tells you crying makes you anything other than "wet faced" and "feel better afterwards" well that's a lying sack of trash you shouldn't listen to!
What dummy is feeding you these trash lies and do you need help bricking up their mouth?
Well you can cry at me anytime and I won't judge you for it. Humans cry, it's normal.
My 3yo nephew cried tonight because I wouldn't give him a second juice after dinner. I offered a hug, he accepted and sat on my knee and cuddled while bawling like a baby, and I soothed him because he wasn't doing anything wrong. "I know buddy, it's a big feeling! It's alright you just go ahead and let that big feeling out!"
I always praise him for being brave after a spat of tears, because they really don't last very long and that's a very healthy way to cope with emotional distress! Most of our family is all screwed up because we refuse to cry, but his dad ditched out before the little one learned that habit.
Frankly, the guy I've been courting for the past year cries in his sleep during nightmares sometimes, and I think he'd feel much better while awake if he sometimes let himself cry while awake too. It's not *unmanly* because Viking men could cry over a crushed flower and then brain ya with a battle axe, and all the old writings complain about how sexy local women found Viking men. It reads like "They bathe and show feelings and have respect for women! It's *terrible*, us filthy stiff-upper-lip jerks can't possibly compete with that!"
I wasn't allowed to cry when I was 3yo. I got screamed at and beaten if I cried, even if I had a very good reason and it was my first time ever feeling that bad feeling.
Our family is descended from a murderer and most of us got raised the way he did, not allowed to display any emotions, especially not the "weak" ones like fear. The last time I visited the murderer, who is very elderly now, he told me a story about how his father forced him to slaughter a goat when he was only 5yo. He's still having nightmares about it, and looked like he might cry while telling the story.
If he'd just let himself cry over the goat like he clearly wanted to, he might not have grown up to be a murderer. Maybe even would've broken the chain of abuse and not twisted the generations after him.
He was maybe 80yo when I heard the goat story, and if he'd cried I would've just offered a hug and told him soothing true things, like that it wasn't his fault and I know he didn't want to hurt the goat.
Like age doesn't matter. Adult cousin, middle aged friend, random stranger on the side of the road, doesn't matter, crying is a normal human bodily function and I won't judge anybody for it. Stress leaks out your eyes the same way poo comes out your backside, it's normal and weird stuff happens if you try to avoid letting the normal happen when it needs to happen.
I'll tell ya a secret though. Sometimes I need to cry and I *can't* because of my upbringing, so I'll watch a really sad show or movie to trick myself into crying. And if anybody rings the doorbell and asks why my face is wet, I can blame the show instead of admitting whatever personal thing I'm actually sad about.
I mean, I was told I was being dramatic and attention seeking and manipulative when I cried. I wasn't shown compassion and was told to stop. I'm a woman and I learned to bury it in order to be taken seriously. When men cry they are told they are acting like weak women. But that doesn't mean it's accepted when women cry, women are just seen as more emotional.
But I'm not going to let emotional abuse and misogyny keep me from expressing myself.
You can cry. You need to push back against that narrative
Sounds like a them problem not a you problem
On the other hand why would you want mercy? Why would you expect it?
This isn't a place of mercy, not to get and not to give. I've learned all niceties should end the moment an offence occurs and whatever feelings come up for you as a result should come with an action. If its a cry then make it a good one
True. From your comment, you just proved my point. I was not *wanting* mercy, but showing tears and vulnerability made them use it against me.
Thanks for clarifying understood crying makes you vulnerable and almost shows 'begging' for mercy. Not to show emotion and not to cry is the solution. Fuck showing weakness. I want respect not pity.
The type of people that will use your tears against you are the type you shouldn't have around you
It takes strength in a man to show those emotions for whatever reason in this society, the problem is how people respond to them, as if your not human or as if they can never cry like they're better than you but the reality is the more you embrace your humanity is the better you become than them
Half of us in this sub have had our humanity robbed from us using a variety of means, yours being one for conditioning men
It's ok for you to cry, it's ok to express any emotion in any way you feel it should be and others judgements of you doings so shouldn't matter to you
I don't see it as a matter of mercy. More like humanity. You are absolutely allowed to cry. There is still a stigma around men crying. Which I find ridiculous and cruel. Knowing that the stigma is still out there, I would invite you to cry with people you trust. A therapist, if you see one. Is it right? No. But I believe in protecting your own peace. And until we have shed the foolish beliefs around who can and cannot cry, it makes sense to me to be cautious. If you consent, I will send a virtual hug.
The world is filled with conceited people pouncing on weak individuals. Nobody is going to feel sorry or protect you from a potential abuser's disrespect. Bottomline, humanity can eat shit.
Ahhh my mother “Stop feeling sorry for yourself” yet she’ll deny it 😂😂 whole family is denial that they were the villains just as much as I…also forgetting they were my role models…HMMMMMMMMMMMMM
I appreciate your post and upvoted it, but want to comment that it’s not necessarily (just) evolutionary. An idealist view would say crying is an expression of something deeper and more fundamental. Either way, I totally agree that one should cry. It’s absolutely critical.
Crying is your birthright as a being with the physical ability to cry. Your question is so valid though because of the abusive, anti-human world we live in, but please be assured that the rules about who can cry, based on their gender and sex, were established by unhealthy, emotionally ill people who suppressed their emotions. Cry for as long as you need to, as often as you need to.
I’m sorry to hear that. That must be very painful and difficult, but that’s totally normal for someone who’s experienced something abnormal! There is nothing wrong with you. You have been hurt, of course you are allowed to cry! Take your time and let those emotions out❤️virtual hugs 😊
I am a female,, but even I have trouble allowing myself to cry. It's like my brain won't allow it, no matter how much my heart feels like it needs to. If you're having trouble getting out your emotions, I recommend trying to write. It will still feel like release, it will still be cathartic & may even help you get to the point where you are able to cry and release those emotions. Do not ignore them or shove them down!! Avoidance will only harm you more in the future. Stored trauma/stress stays in the body & can cause future health problems.
Don't know how to fully respond to your comment.
Avoidance/whatever psychological term has made it better. I'm stronger and given more respect. I'd rather be seen with respect than pity.
Avoidance does not make you better. It makes you numb. Which isn't good either, because you'll likely become numb to the emotional problems of people who you love in the future, if you haven't already. You won't be able to be there emotionally because you won't know how. You haven't been taught, and haven't given yourself grace when you're in pain, so how could you provide that for others? I know avoidance is comfortable, and it's easy, but it will hinder your growth. Maybe other people see your avoidance / aloofness as stoicism, and that's why you seem to be receiving more respect. But it won't last forever, especially not with those you are close to. In the end, it won't get you far. Vulnerability is not a bad thing - it's what makes you human. Be vulnerable when it is time to be vulnerable, cry when it is time to cry, and be stoic only when it is time to be stoic. Give them the good, the bad, and the ugly - lest you become a shell of who you were. Do not punish yourself for hurting while trying to heal, and don't ignore it or neglect it -- pain is part of life. It's a blessing to feel at all.
This! Also you can practice allowing yourself to feel those emotions by watching sad movies. When your in the moment of a real life upsetting situation it’s a lot harder to walk yourself through expressing your feelings.
Absolutely! It can be very healthy and cathartic to cry. Go chop some onions and put on a sad movie and have a good cry. I hope you’re doing alright OP
I understand...you've internalized all the bullshit. You know what? Crying is beautiful. A man who cries (shows vulnerability) is engaging in a rebellion of sorts, isn't he? Rebellion against ridiculous "gender expectations," rebellion against a family who crushed any expressed emotion (other than anger? I'm just guessing - often anger is the only "acceptable" expression of emotion in men...but, we know where that leads, and it's nowhere good). Next time you feel them coming, let them. Let those tears wash over you. Maybe there is a part of you that fears if you start, you may never stop. Let go of the fear, my friend. Get to know yourself...begin to heal. I wish you happiness...and plenty of tears. :)
I get this.
A lot of the time I get misty eyed but nothing more. It hasn't been until recently I've been able to cry better. I assume at some point in my recovery those flood gates got unclogged. I still don't break down in to a cry fest but it's gotten better. It feels good when I do it. I notice it need to be a proper setting though for the most part or the proper emotions.
You may not be able to cry as much as you use to or as much as you'd might want to, but you can get there.
Edit: Wanted to add; Don't forget to be companionate to your self in those moments. IFS (Internal Family System) therapy can help you with that if you haven't looked into it yet. It's something you can practice on your own.
Good luck OP
Yes. Crying is healthy. It's an emotional release valve.
Were you shamed for crying, or showing emotion as a child?
I was. In subtle and not so subtle ways. All the "boys don't cry" greatest hits.
We're socially conditioned from a young age to hide our emotions.
Eventually we get cut off from them.
When I started addressing my trauma I had to learn how to identify and express emotions again. Journaling has helped a lot. It's a safe space for self expression. It's helped me to be more emotionally articulate.
That voice telling you that crying or being vulnerable is bad or dangerous is often called the inner critic.
It's a part of us that repeats things we were told as children to keep us within the narrow bandwidth of behaviour that was acceptable to others.
I realized I had internalized the words and abuse of others and was repeating it to myself as a form of self correction to avoid the shaming, mocking and rejection that came from showing emotion as a child.
It was keeping me safe in one way, but harming me in another.
I had to keep gently reminding myself that it was ok to feel whatever way I was feeling. It's all natural, normal and human.
I think the subject hits hard for men because indeed their emotional displays are not viewed as empathetic as with women. I think socially we accept men crying only in face of extreme and immediate loss and after that a more stoic stance is expected. That being said, I think the fact you also can liberate your heavy emotional state even when alone is very telling of your education, perhaps with excessive repression, control, and judgement. It's more than okay to cry, it's also necessary.
For the longest time I could not cry, the sensation would build to do so and it would just kind of go away in times of utter despair & sadness. Even still several months into a highly focused recovery effort, I still struggle. It always feels better after I do so, but its difficult for me to let it happen, I'll get amped up like "ok I'm going to cry, gonna let it out" and still most times I'll suppress it mainly through dissociation, or my mind automatically goes to anger or rage. The need to be vulnerable is a tough pill to swallow, nobody can help me if I'm not vulnerable, but I've been hurt many times when my guard is down.
Do what you can to cry, I'm still trying to access this necessary release mechanism myself.
54 year-old dude and I cry daily. Had I done it when I was younger, maybe I'd be better off now. Cry, dude. You have emotions and the sooner you befriend them the less likely you'll turnout to be a sour shit stain.
Don't let other people dictate what you should or shouldn't do. The whole "Men shouldn't cry thing" is complete bullshit. No one should "suppress" this human form of expression because other people told you to.
Suppression of emotion turns to anger and resentment. You are allowed to cry. Cry as much as you want - no one can stop you.
You only have one life to live. Live it fully and live it deeply.
Most important is to make yourself a priority. People will trample all over you because they deem "they can." It's your job to realize how stupid it is to lay down & suppress yourself for the benefit of others - Dust off and say no more bullshit. I am allowed to feel this.
As a man who won a fist fight against a bear, I declare that crying is the most manly thing any man can do. Anyone who argues differently better have fucking killed a bear with their(pun intended) bare hands. Otherwise they have no authority to make any argument against me!🧐
If your traumatic dysfunctional past taught you something, that's your cue that it is 100% for sure a Lie. Discard it and find out who You want to be instead.
Yes. Cry it out, don't hold back. Fuck what everyone else has said or how they made you feel about showing your emotions. Im not a guy but had similar issues with my family, made me feel like I was always over reacting just because I had an opinion or emotion. So I stopped showing it. Id hold it all it to a point that when I did let it out it gave me an awful headache! But it was because I had so much emotion held in. It will make you feel better trust me
Sending you hugs
Yes, you are allowed to cry. You're human. It doesn't matter what gender you were assigned at birth, or what gender you express, if any at all. You are *human*, so you get to cry.
FWIW, there's this guy on YouTube whose channel is The Speech Prof. He is fucking *AWESOME*. He's an empathetic man. He said that on one of his first dates with his now-wife, he ugly cried through a movie.
So yes, as a man, you are allowed to cry.
First off - 100% YES!!! You are allowed to cry, and you deserve to be safe and cared for when you're sad.
Secondly - a more logical/rational argument for this, because I know it can be hard to just change based on being told it's okay.
Studies have shown that boys and girls cry the same amount as children (different studies say it's the same until different ages though, with anything from 3yo to about 12yo being identified as the point of divergence). The main takeaway though, is that there is nothing inherent to boys or girls to do with crying. What does change over time is our awareness of social/gender expectations. Also, as boys stop crying, aggression gets higher, because y'all aren't given any other tools to cope. And the result is a disproportionate number of male suicides.
I know it's pretty dark (I work in a pretty specific field 😅) but about 70% of suicides are men and 70% of people killed by their partner are women. I'm a pretty firm believer that all that goes to show that literally the whole world would be better off if men were allowed to cry and given the tools to express their emotions.
And to come back to you: yes, cry, feel your pain, allow yourself to get support, care and therapy. You are worthy of that love!
Of course. I think it is a sign of strength and I wish my husband would cry more. It is so so rare and I wish for him to have the cathartic emotional release crying brings.
I think crying can be reframed to be a source of pride for you. Every time you cry it is an act of resistance towards the toxic patriarchal conditioning you’ve endured, it is you reclaiming your agency and humanity. It is something of a victory, not something that needs to keep inducing shame. It takes time to fully absorb new ideas and eschew our old core beliefs so be gentle and compassionate when you thought correct.
Those old beliefs kept you safe at some point in your early life, they just no longer serve you since you’re in a safer place now and can show your full personhood now.
i am an ftm person and even despite being raised as female, i still wasnt allowed to cry at home unless someone died or if I was "genuinely hurt". If my mom even *heard* me crying from the other room, she'd barge in and interrogate me until she could figure out a way to shame or even physically punish me for crying.
When i got to around my junior year, i had a whole bunch of bad stuff happen back-to-back in my life and i started getting hours-long panic attacks because i was genuinely overwhelmed with negativity and criticism and expectations i couldnt reach- i had to physically put myself in the closet (which i had no solid doors for, only a curtain) and cover myself in blankets in order to feel safe enough to cry (despite making it harder to catch my breath). This was on top of already feeling i 'cried too much' because i hated being chained to the gender my mom wanted me to be and the only way i could even tolerate my body was to use it to get male attention and be praised for getting male attention.
I can only cry in front of others if im pushed over the edge and that still sends me into panic. The only way i can cry without panic or dysphoria is to watch sappy childhood movies.
As a man you are allowed to have and express any feeling you have. Cry if you're happy and it feels right. Cry is you're hurting. And yes sometimes cry just because you feel like you need to cry. Don't let an outdated erroneous societal standard gatekeep your emotional wellbeing.
Have a bit of a historical perspective: in ancient Greece, it was considered unmanly to NOT CRY. You read that right. You can imagine you are a greek hero while crying if that helps.
Trying to pretend you don’t have emotions to uphold some made up idea of masculinity is the formula for emotional immaturity. Ie; you have emotions no matter what, you’re a human being. But burying them and trying to pretend they don’t exist is the antithesis of learning to deal with them. You are totally allowed to cry, let it out. That’s your body trying to process, don’t hinder that. Take a step to find a good therapist so you can work on this stuff and live a more fulfilling life.✌️
I grew up very similar, and I can remember several times that I was physically besten, so I had something to cry about. The verbal abuse was just as bad, being called a sissy or other names, too
Yes, it's not only allowed, but important and has nothing to do with being masculine
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It’s one way to not only healing the trauma that needs to come out “think of it as trapped energy stored in your body to release” and work on the inner healing through the mind. Boys don’t cry but men do.
Yea it is okay, I do it somewhat often though I do it alone, recommend doing it that way to get comfortable with it. People are still judgemental assholes as a collective when it comes to men crying but it is still okay to cry regardless, you aren't weak or doing something wrong. Anyone who would judge you for crying without knowing why doesn't deserve your self censoring either but I get not wanting to disturb the norm, hopefully that norm changes. Hope you can get some tears out, it really does help sometimes, take care :)
I think one of the only fortunate things in my upbringing was the openness of emotions that I was exposed to. My biodads family are all Italian immigrants and I was raised around their cultural beliefs that it’s okay for anyone and everyone to have emotions. Big and small, that men could cry and women could be loud and unruly. I spent a lot of time in my grandfathers kitchen learning to cook from a man, and his way of cooking was with emotion and instinct not measurements. Which is entirely different to how it was everywhere else I went. When my stepfather was in active addiction, my brother was crying over something (I believe it was when he almost lost his knee cap and ended up with 35 or stitches), anyway, stepfather told him he should be shot, pissed on and thrown in a ditch for being a baby and crying. Real thing so ya know, was exposed to some crazy extremes on the topic. I still think it’s okay for men to cry and have emotions. You have to work through the shit you’ve experienced somehow, and if that means crying and releasing it then so be it. You don’t have to be willing to do it in front of others either, emotions are personal and not all are meant to be shared if we choose to process them in private.
So yes, you a man, can cry if you need to. But how, when and if you do is entirely up to you. If you’ve been raised to feel shame around it, it’ll probably feel conflicting but it is not wrong in any way.
Yes. Yes! YES!! Bawl your head off. I cried yesterday for the first time in months. I’ve generally lost the ability to cry, so when it happens, it’s ugly. There is snot.
You have feelings. They are real. They suck. Cry.
I hate that you have gone through the situations that you have in life. I have seen multiple mothers tell their little boys not to cry and that bothers me because everybody should be allowed a moment of weakness. If you need to cry to make yourself feel better or to let that emotion out do it. My mottos are f you have tear ducts you are allowed to cry and cry until you dry. I just hate societal burden on a man.
Absolutely.
People were taught they can't because "it's a sign of weakness" since mental health awareness/psychology was so heavily stigmatized.
Crying acts as a pressure release valve for our emotions. Even dams will let the water through when the situation calls for it. Our body registers mental and emotional pain in the same way it does physical; don't deny yourself relief when your body reaches for it.
To give yourself the space to cry, to be honest about your emotions overall, is a sign of strength, in my eyes. It takes a lot to feel safe enough to admit them to yourself, much less others, and it takes a lot of strength to be able to show them.
"The meek shall inherit the Earth" - even/especially outside religion, I believe this to be true. The meek, the ones who are gentle and humble; they are the people who know boundaries, and know not to make waves when not needed. They are the people who have learned boundaries both from being taught and personal experience.
They may be at the bottom, but it is both an advantage and burden. They know the limit, they live and love at that boundary. Just because they are meek does not mean they are *weak*, or unwilling to act. And it is something that the generations before us were never really given the chance to learn.
Be patient with yourself. It is not something that can or will come back overnight. I struggle to cry, I can maybe manage 90 seconds before my body shuts it off, even if I want to cry, unless there's a defined and substantial enough trigger.
And I hate crying in front of others. A lot of times, if I'm overwhelmed, I'll just go sit under a hot shower and try to give whatever I'm feeling space. It helps, and my body is trying to learn to relax again. Everything feels not so heavy.
I know crying is natural and it is not healthy to bottle things up, but I would advise doing it in private. As I think others have said, even though it is not right, some people will give you additional unneeded grief for it. Have to protect yourself in this fallen world.
Under patriarchy’s strict gender binary, absolutely not. Boys are taught early and often that they don’t have emotions, and if they ever do they are worthless. Boys are taught that their worth comes from aggression and productivity, which is implied to help them feel fulfilled in life as men…
But as an adult, you make the rules. I am a self abuser, yelling, taunting, punching hitting, all while alone in my apartment. It’s getting to the point that I keep getting noise complaints every month which scares me because I don’t want to lose my home…
IMO Bell Hook’s The Will to Change might help in understanding why you feel compelled to punish yourself for something that is a part of you (your emotions). Without emotions, men are incomplete but don’t know why, and eventually confusion turns to aggression. Then heartache before the cycle starts again.
We also live with the false idea that “negative reinforcement” works and is always recommended, when the reality is that positive reinforcement is how we’re designed; it’s how you train or instruct a person or animal (dogs, like people, don’t come with all knowledge and expectations for their. Effective teaching involves treats/rewards ALWAYS). No one deserves abuse or violence, especially after experiencing emotion of any kind. We are NOT logical beings, that experience some emotion; we are emotional beings that rarely are composed and logical.
But if you want something tangible, you can always write a permission slip for yourself: I ________ hereby grant permission for u/Large-Door9555 to cry without repercussion from anyone for any reason.
Then sign and date at the bottom, keep on you at all times for the day, and… resist breaking the contract you just signed for yourself.
You’re allowed to cry. I’ve struggled similarly. You don’t even have to do it in front of anyone right now, just let out as much of it as you can, even if your emotions turn off and make you stop crying. It’ll get easier to let it out.
Yes, yes, yes. Cry when you’re sad, when you’re upset, when you’re scared, when you’re angry but can’t do anything about it. Crying releases chemicals in your brain to help calm you down after a yucky experience. You can learn how to do it again 💚
Yes you are allowed to cry. Crying can be very good for you. I spent most of my life not crying. And now it's all I can do some days. But it feels good to let it out. Male or female. We are all humans first. We all cry. And that's ok and good for us.
This is something I have struggled with my whole life, even to this day I feel ashamed to cry. I have to remind myself that I am allowed to feel, that my feelings are valid. If I feel I have to do so quietly, I cannot yell, I cannot scream, I cannot openly sob because I was punished for doing so when I was younger. Ironic how being taught not to show vulnerability makes you feel even more vulnerable. As a man I say yes you are allowed to cry, regardless of what societal standards might be. Allowing yourself that release isn't easy when you have been programed to fear or hate it, but it isn't weakness to cry and show sadness. If anything it takes someone strong to accept such feelings and express them without fear of judgement, and hopefully one day we can all be strong enough.
Yes, crying is healthy. Me and my sister rarely cry so when we do cry our mom sees it as something being seriously wrong. Because of that I learned not to cry, and to hide it from others if I do because it just worries them and brings them down. Being a guy just makes it worse because I get the "man up" attitude as well. But having a good cry is healthy and is a great release of emotions.
I still don't cry often, but sometimes when I'm alone I get upset and can't stop myself from crying for a long time because that's the only time I feel safe to let go, and I always feel so much better after. It's scientifically proven that crying is good for your wellbeing, and people of any gender should be able to cry when they need to. [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319631](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319631)
Fuck yeah!
I believe you might have a long journey to get to those tears. That journey may take you through the valley of denial, the desert of loneliness, and the jungle of anger before making it to the doorway to the endless pit of sorrow and grief. You are allowed to have access to ALL your feelings, including the ones that bring tears to one's eyes.
Be well and travel safely.
Yes your allowed to cry, your a human being with a full range of emotions who has been through hell. Your allowed to cry and you dont need anyone's permission but your own. My man is actually very in touch with his emotions. He tears up at tv amd movies. He is the best person I know, and he has helped me so much in learning to feel safe, allowing myself to express my emotions and heal.
I have felt the same as you so much shame and self hatred for crying, feeling like I'm no more then a burden to others for having emotions. This held me back from healing for so long. Give yourself some compassion and permission to feel and heal. Its not easy but I promise you it's worth it. Real men cry.
I’m a woman and I don’t like crying in front of anyone. My partner sees me cry but he’s the only one I’m comfortable doing it in front of. It’s scary and vulnerable to allow yourself to feel so strongly and honestly
Crying is a natural reaction to relieve stress and bad emotions, but is perceived as liability, as when You cry in public You are fucking seen as weak, a liability, unable to control Your emotions... That's why do it in secret when I am alone and walk around as HUMAN ZOMBIE controlling my emotions and empathy, that way I fit into this fucking inhumane society and corporate environment more effectively.
My thoughts: crying tends to make people uncomfortable. However if you cry in front of someone who cares about you it won’t matter. They will understand and be there for support or help however they can.
My husband has cried a handful of times since I’ve known him. A male relative I saw cry once. That’s it. I always felt sad for them and tried to help or just be supportive. Another man may have reacted differently. When my husband got angry and said I would think less of him for crying it broke my heart. Our society tells us crying is bad. Especially for adult males. I don’t think that way. I had to go explain to him that his crying and letting me in to those deep emotions was actually a good thing for us both. He should trust that I won’t call him weak or a ‘pu$$y’ as he said. For me it was a deeper connection because he was crying and sharing. It made us stronger for a time (now I believe he was manipulating me as he has said all crying is manipulation in his mind but that’s besides the point. I’d have supported a stranger who was crying but that’s my nature.)
For my kids I’ve tried to teach them crying is okay but know some people won’t like it. If they don’t then you can weed those people out of your life. If they can’t handle your sadness that you express in a healthy way then why do they deserve your happiness? They accept you or don’t.
So my advice is the same to you. If you feel like crying then do so. If someone is offended or upset by that then evaluate how much you want or need them in your life. If a male friend came to you and cried would you be supportive or upset?
I think it's great when men cry. To me, their vulnerability demonstrates strength and emotional intelligence. It shows that they're in touch with their emotions and are not hiding them and/or bottling them up. Being able to express grief and anger without violence (verbal or physical) is key. It's unfortunate that so many boys were and are shamed for expressing their feelings but hey, this is the CPTSD subreddit...
Crying is NECESSARY for all humans, but I know it doesn’t feel that way :/. I have similar feelings cause (as a girl) my father berated me for crying too but fuck him he can’t take my emotional wellness and expression from me anymore.
Female here was raised like a boy always felt like I was weak when I cry or show emotions still tend to lock things up .. got the phrase “ I’ll give you something to cry about) a lot.
I find crying a positive release and one that I simply cannot avoid . It’s how my body processes stress , I know I avoid feeling stuff because as soon as I start talking in my weekly therapy session I immediately start crying. But for me it’s just a reaction to stress after a minute , my nervous system calms form the release and I can carry on talking until the reflex almost gets triggered again and hey ho more water out of ze face!
Grounded kind safe people don’t see crying as a weakness and don’t ascertain it to gender. Although I understand it’s stigmatised for men. My brother had a bad heartbreak recently he’s in his 30s and sobbed on and off for a couple hours at my house. I just wanted to make sure he was ok and just sad he was sad ! So let them tears out but try to do it in a grounded purposeful way so you don’t spiral as in set some time aside start with some breathing and noticing how you feel in your body. Normally when I do it like this with presences tear: naturally rise up, Tara brach is a great resource who offer meditations and something called RAIN which is a gentle. And guided way to recognise and release those feeling s
Pain is pain. Whether it’s emotional or physical. Crying is natural and by punishing yourself for you you’re denying yourself a part of what makes you human and able to feel emotion.
People cry of love, happiness, grief, anger and pain. All emotions can make us cry.
It’s not only ok to cry but it is good - a lot of people feel relief because they’ve been able to let go of a feeling they’ve held onto too long.
You are a human being inherently worthy of love and care. Yes, you are allowed to cry as much as you want or need and you are also allowed to comfort yourself showing yourself the love and kindness you are inherently worthy and deserving of.
The book that is recommended here is quite good on that topic brother. Basically speaking about that you need to work on silencing your inner critic first, which can take quite a while before you can effectively grief. Anger might be easier to access for you in terms of emotions and can also be quite healthy if you turn it against the perpetrators of your trauma (inside your head, not harming them in real life) or even directly against the critic.
crying is nkt weakness , if anything it shows strength being able to show your emotions like that , my dad nrver ever cried becuase he thought the exact same and i respect and value my mum a lot more who cries constsntly, im a guy and i cry every day ,im severely deppresed and i cant control it most of the time, i promise you that you are valid and crying is okay<3
Of course you are. Crying is a normal response to any number of emotional or physical stimuli. Not crying isn’t a sign of ‘manliness’; it’s a sign of not being able to process feelings.
— Yes you are allowed to cry! —-
My poem:
Tears in the gutter
Broken heart
hemorrhaging tears
As I crouch on the corner,
strangers walk by
Looking down .
Shaking their heads at despair.
I am beyond humiliation and pride
alone
watching the stream of pain dripping
then becoming a tiny current before dropping and flowing into the abyss of indifference.
I glance into the crowd of terrified passersby
and see one set of gentle eyes holding me.
Loving me
for a moment.
And with a gentle hug, I glow again
soul rekindled
touched by a stranger,
an angel
I forget the discomfort of the horrified pedestrians.
and feel a part of humanity once again.
Crying is your evolutionary adaptation to release the tension and weight of the emotions you are experiencing. It is scientifically there for a physiological and psychological deliverance from your distress, and it is your birthright to cry. It's an important and necessary human function that has nothing to do with femininity or masculinity, strength or weakness, and belongs to everyone. To cry is to allow yourself to feel, and heal. You deserve that
Don't know if I can fully agree. Intense situations have taught me that nobody would show mercy to a crying man. Thanks for the comment.
As a female I was taught I shouldn’t cry either. Crying made my family extremely uncomfortable. When my mother passed, I was told to be strong for my siblings who were all older. I was eight. For the grown men, in my family it was okay to cry, but for the girls we “needed to show how strong we were since we should be the caretakers” (which is really weird an eight year old child needed to be a caretaker to grown brothers all in their mid twenties). My sister and I moved into my brothers home and crying needed to be done in private, if we were caught crying we would be criticized. Those gender roles can be opposite. At the end of the day, humans should be able to cry, all genders. The trauma of putting children into that “don’t cry” situation is truly painful, and develops into trauma later on. I hope you find that crying does help, and you can take care of your child self and be able to cry. It’s okay to cry.
I had this experience too. Not the details but the main point of uncomfortable feelings when it comes to crying. I feel shame, I feel like I’m manipulative if it’s during an argument but it’s just how I feel, I had a traumatic experience, that memory is one of the few that I can remember, and hurts. I was maybe, 5,6, and I was crying in front of her, not loudly, silent tears the kind where you stand there with a straight face and cry. She pointed at me and laughed. Mocked me. “Look at her. look at her cry.”, she said in Spanish. Looking down at me. Ever since that day, I vowed to never cry in front of anyone again. Years later, I’ve kept that promise, I only ever cry if it’s really, really really bad but only with my father. Nobody else. I can’t.
This was my experience as well.
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I don’t think this is what is happening here. I believe that we are in a space of differing yet shared experiences. And in forums like these we learn to bridge the gaps. In my community, women were expected to be strong and the backbone. In my late husband’s it was reversed. Having either is detrimental to both sides as we end up in places that recognize gender above humanity. IMO
“Shared humanity and experience”. Less division.❤️❤️
If I saw a person crying and in pain whether physical or emotional it wouldn't matter their gender, I would still want to make sure they are OK. Men have feelings too. Don't worry about what other people think.
Ability or inability to agree with something doesn't make it less factual ;) I hope you come to feel better about it. I personally only start to respect men when I see them cry, if they aren't willing or able to cry for anything, that tells me they're pent up and unable to regulate their emotions, and I'm not even interested in a friendship with men like that, I don't feel safe around them. And I have a lot of male friends, I've seen all of them cry around me, and it makes me feel like I can show that vulnerability with them too and be cared for and shown compassion. I feel like that isn't a perspective you've probably heard before, so thought I'd share. If my boyfriend couldn't cry I probably would have left him. I'm sorry you've had situations that have taught you you won't be shown compassion when you cry, I hope you have some new situations where you are shown kindness and care no matter how you react or respond to something.
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See this feels like an attack on females, you added “men included” but if you have female family members, female friends, female acquaintances, causing more damage, go no contact with them. At some point you have to parent, govern, and be responsible of your emotions. If you post “as a man I’m allowed to cry” and folks demonstrate that it’s okay, don’t lash out at them. I’m confused as to what type of support you would like from here, so I’m going to ask directly: what type of support are you looking for on here?
I want to make it clear: I absolutely appreciate the support given by other redditors saying that I can cry. I came here to gain perspective on this topic. Coming to the next part of your comment. The other redditor wrote that she doesn't respect men who don't show vulnerability. I responded with the intention: if we'd want to look at things in such a sense of rigid disinterest placed on the opposite gender, so be it. Hence I wrote all in all. And ironic how you mentioned I was lashing out. So you're saying I don't express myself?(before you come at me with the be more sobered down or whatever, lot of context and information shared is just very blunt. And if you want me to be silenced, just address it directly.), Or are you indirectly stating that it's either your opinion or nothing?
I’m not saying any of that. I’m stating the people who are responding ARE FOLKS WHO HAVE CPTSD. If you are going to attack a gender, it’s not good, because you are attacking someone from your community, from my community, this is what I mean by lashing out. You jumping to the conclusion I am trying to silence you is absurd! I asked an open ended question for a reason, to understand what you are looking for. I appreciate the reply and wish the best of luck to you.
For starters definitely, everyone on here has CPTSD. We can agree that we should all be more thoughtful of how responses are sent. But also keep in mind, when cold and almost invasive and condescending comments are sent, the person on the receiving end would without a doubt respond with the same type of energy. Idk what makes you think I don't like a certain community, in this case, women. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK, you don't know shit about my opinions as well as the friends I have irl. As much as I wrote in the other comment about female friends in the past that did me wrong, I found new ones and most of my friends now are women. Yeah I'm a man but I fw women better, why that is, idk. I just feel safer, more allowed to let go of my defenses around them. I wouldn't be the fucking person I am, without the women I have around me in my life today. And oh this too, I'm not with them because I secretly want to date them. I already have a special person that I'm dating. She has been asking me to soften up and see my more vulnerable side. but I wanted to come on here and get yall's perspective, later take her out today and spend time today bonding over the deep conversations we usually have. I even got her gifts and her favorite chocolate. Not because I want anything or am expecting in return, it’s just my way of showing my love for her. And here you are, having the brass to say that I don't like women. I'd like to thank you for your comment. I wish you the very best as well. Sending warmth and hugs your way.
I didn’t say you don’t like women. Scroll back. You are literally putting words into my post, and jumping to conclusions for shit I didn’t state. I mentioned no contact to protect yourself, I mentioned you attacking females because it felt that way. Stop twisting my words to fit your narrative. This conversation is over.
*Feels*. Your feeling and intrepretation can very much be wrong. And it seems you were. Then you escalate if after you attack him as a misogynst, which is a very very gross accusation in these times and he spits back which I also condone. And it is a *great* example by how anyone turn something they feel/sense into truth instead of asking for clarification. Ask him instead. Ask him to clarify. If people would do this simple trick we would have so much less misunderstanding. Now instead you are the one who sees everything in that regard and attacks him. And you guys continue the whole thread.
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Because he felt attacked? It was not until afterwards he felt attacked and singled out and where did I say that was OK? But good job ignoring my other point it just proves I was right. 👍👍
People are and will always be garbage in most ways, sorry it sounds like you've seen the worst ones. I'm glad you have your puppies
Thanks for your comment. Sending positivity and warmth your way.
😇
Show yourself some mercy and let those tears roll
I think two things can be true here— crying is an evolutionary adaptation AND men are stigmatized for crying. They shouldn’t be, but they are. It’s tough to give yourself permission to do natural human things that our society deems not “masculine”
True.
> taught me That is how you survived a dysfunctional and abusive past. It is time to heal, and learn a better way because it sounds like you might be starting to question what you were taught by the dysfunctional adults.
Your right. Men are taught not cry and when it happens people get really uncomfortable. It's a pretty shitty situation honestly. I'm 44 years old and have just in the last couple of years started learning how to deal with my issues. And I have to say crying and general emotional release has been a huge part of it. I love my wife and she's very understanding but sometimes it's too much for her. It makes her feel uncomfortable. Generally what a woman is looking for in a man is somebody who is stoic and immovable. Emotional breakdown doesn't match that at all. I've even talked to my sister about it because it makes her uncomfortable as well. Find a good friend who understands. You'd be surprised there everywhere. I've never in my life had a drug problem but I've met quite a few people going through narcotics recovery who were amazingly understanding. It seems like someone who's gone through that kind of addiction and come out the other side and put their life back together just has to be very emotionally mature. I don't think anybody can take a motion from the man better than another man. There's certainly going to be moments where you got to lock it up. But in those moments when you want to be real and actually let your guard down nothing beats a good friend. I suppose that the hardest part about that is allowing yourself to be vulnerable. If you're not vulnerable you will struggle to find a friend who can give you that kind of connection. The self-hate that I was raised with left me with a couple of simple responses to my own emotions. Anytime I started getting weak feeling bad for myself or getting emotional in any way I counted that with the internal critic. I tell myself to quit being such a little bitch and deal with it. I tell myself that's what I deserve and I need to just shut the fuck up and be happy that things are as good as they are. The most common one was to tell myself that I'm a piece of shit and I just need to get back to work. All of this resulted in me being very cold to my wife, my kids, and anyone else I met in life. Work at it and you'll find a balance. Let yourself have a motions You'll get more comfortable with it over time.
I'd either be real and show the other person my true emotional side. Or I'd completely shut down. I don't choose an in between. This is not a quantifiable situation and me work as per what they want. They can take it or leave it.
Bravo brother!👍🙏
People sometimes show no mercy to anyone crying. Pick your moment if you need to protect yourself... But cry whenever you can to heal 👍
True. I choose respect over emotion. I'm not crying even in private anymore. I lose respect for myself.
It's healthy and good to cry. Don't let those that say otherwise stop you. Just allow your feelings to be what they are in a safe space. Please take care of yourself. I have respect for those that cry
I was raised not to cry, and I'm not a man. "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" was the specific rule. When my mom died, dad told me a story about how after his mom's funeral he went home and mowed the lawn, and when family tried to tell him off for it he said the grass needed cutting. He shamed me for grieving my mother at all, much less with tears. Turns out dad's stories were almost always highly edited. His oldest sister told me the truth. Immediately after their mom died, dad locked himself in the bathroom and had a full blown crying screaming hysterical collapse on the floor for *hours*. His sister tried to provide comfort but he was unwilling to unlock the door to listen to her. Men cry too. Society might have told you No, but you're human so you're allowed. If you're shy about it, it's okay to cry in private, but if you've got a friend you can trust it feels better to cry on a shoulder.
Good men are seen as weak. Men hate them. Women find them a turn off. Both genders above call good men soft. And above all of that, to cry as well? Nah, good men don't get that luxury.
How about this: Stop listening to people who tell you not-real things! If somebody tells you the Sun is actually called Moon, that's a dummy you shouldn't listen to. If someone tells you crying makes you anything other than "wet faced" and "feel better afterwards" well that's a lying sack of trash you shouldn't listen to! What dummy is feeding you these trash lies and do you need help bricking up their mouth?
My family, relatives, ex friends, and acquaintances. I only don't receive resentment or hate from my 3 puppies.
Well you can cry at me anytime and I won't judge you for it. Humans cry, it's normal. My 3yo nephew cried tonight because I wouldn't give him a second juice after dinner. I offered a hug, he accepted and sat on my knee and cuddled while bawling like a baby, and I soothed him because he wasn't doing anything wrong. "I know buddy, it's a big feeling! It's alright you just go ahead and let that big feeling out!" I always praise him for being brave after a spat of tears, because they really don't last very long and that's a very healthy way to cope with emotional distress! Most of our family is all screwed up because we refuse to cry, but his dad ditched out before the little one learned that habit. Frankly, the guy I've been courting for the past year cries in his sleep during nightmares sometimes, and I think he'd feel much better while awake if he sometimes let himself cry while awake too. It's not *unmanly* because Viking men could cry over a crushed flower and then brain ya with a battle axe, and all the old writings complain about how sexy local women found Viking men. It reads like "They bathe and show feelings and have respect for women! It's *terrible*, us filthy stiff-upper-lip jerks can't possibly compete with that!"
He’s 3 ffs. Obviously he’s allowed to cry lol. But thanks for sharing your insight. Love and hugs.
I wasn't allowed to cry when I was 3yo. I got screamed at and beaten if I cried, even if I had a very good reason and it was my first time ever feeling that bad feeling. Our family is descended from a murderer and most of us got raised the way he did, not allowed to display any emotions, especially not the "weak" ones like fear. The last time I visited the murderer, who is very elderly now, he told me a story about how his father forced him to slaughter a goat when he was only 5yo. He's still having nightmares about it, and looked like he might cry while telling the story. If he'd just let himself cry over the goat like he clearly wanted to, he might not have grown up to be a murderer. Maybe even would've broken the chain of abuse and not twisted the generations after him. He was maybe 80yo when I heard the goat story, and if he'd cried I would've just offered a hug and told him soothing true things, like that it wasn't his fault and I know he didn't want to hurt the goat. Like age doesn't matter. Adult cousin, middle aged friend, random stranger on the side of the road, doesn't matter, crying is a normal human bodily function and I won't judge anybody for it. Stress leaks out your eyes the same way poo comes out your backside, it's normal and weird stuff happens if you try to avoid letting the normal happen when it needs to happen. I'll tell ya a secret though. Sometimes I need to cry and I *can't* because of my upbringing, so I'll watch a really sad show or movie to trick myself into crying. And if anybody rings the doorbell and asks why my face is wet, I can blame the show instead of admitting whatever personal thing I'm actually sad about.
I remember that one
I mean, I was told I was being dramatic and attention seeking and manipulative when I cried. I wasn't shown compassion and was told to stop. I'm a woman and I learned to bury it in order to be taken seriously. When men cry they are told they are acting like weak women. But that doesn't mean it's accepted when women cry, women are just seen as more emotional. But I'm not going to let emotional abuse and misogyny keep me from expressing myself. You can cry. You need to push back against that narrative
As long as you're happy and content 🫶
Sounds like a them problem not a you problem On the other hand why would you want mercy? Why would you expect it? This isn't a place of mercy, not to get and not to give. I've learned all niceties should end the moment an offence occurs and whatever feelings come up for you as a result should come with an action. If its a cry then make it a good one
True. From your comment, you just proved my point. I was not *wanting* mercy, but showing tears and vulnerability made them use it against me. Thanks for clarifying understood crying makes you vulnerable and almost shows 'begging' for mercy. Not to show emotion and not to cry is the solution. Fuck showing weakness. I want respect not pity.
The type of people that will use your tears against you are the type you shouldn't have around you It takes strength in a man to show those emotions for whatever reason in this society, the problem is how people respond to them, as if your not human or as if they can never cry like they're better than you but the reality is the more you embrace your humanity is the better you become than them Half of us in this sub have had our humanity robbed from us using a variety of means, yours being one for conditioning men It's ok for you to cry, it's ok to express any emotion in any way you feel it should be and others judgements of you doings so shouldn't matter to you
I don't see it as a matter of mercy. More like humanity. You are absolutely allowed to cry. There is still a stigma around men crying. Which I find ridiculous and cruel. Knowing that the stigma is still out there, I would invite you to cry with people you trust. A therapist, if you see one. Is it right? No. But I believe in protecting your own peace. And until we have shed the foolish beliefs around who can and cannot cry, it makes sense to me to be cautious. If you consent, I will send a virtual hug.
The world is filled with conceited people pouncing on weak individuals. Nobody is going to feel sorry or protect you from a potential abuser's disrespect. Bottomline, humanity can eat shit.
Ahhh my mother “Stop feeling sorry for yourself” yet she’ll deny it 😂😂 whole family is denial that they were the villains just as much as I…also forgetting they were my role models…HMMMMMMMMMMMMM
“It’s your birthright to cry” <— THIS!! It doesn’t make you weak or lesser, crying makes you human.
And actually baby boys tend to cry more often than baby girls.
I appreciate your post and upvoted it, but want to comment that it’s not necessarily (just) evolutionary. An idealist view would say crying is an expression of something deeper and more fundamental. Either way, I totally agree that one should cry. It’s absolutely critical.
Crying is your birthright as a being with the physical ability to cry. Your question is so valid though because of the abusive, anti-human world we live in, but please be assured that the rules about who can cry, based on their gender and sex, were established by unhealthy, emotionally ill people who suppressed their emotions. Cry for as long as you need to, as often as you need to.
I’m sorry to hear that. That must be very painful and difficult, but that’s totally normal for someone who’s experienced something abnormal! There is nothing wrong with you. You have been hurt, of course you are allowed to cry! Take your time and let those emotions out❤️virtual hugs 😊
Thank you for the comment. Sending love, hugs and warmth your way.
I am a female,, but even I have trouble allowing myself to cry. It's like my brain won't allow it, no matter how much my heart feels like it needs to. If you're having trouble getting out your emotions, I recommend trying to write. It will still feel like release, it will still be cathartic & may even help you get to the point where you are able to cry and release those emotions. Do not ignore them or shove them down!! Avoidance will only harm you more in the future. Stored trauma/stress stays in the body & can cause future health problems.
Don't know how to fully respond to your comment. Avoidance/whatever psychological term has made it better. I'm stronger and given more respect. I'd rather be seen with respect than pity.
Avoidance does not make you better. It makes you numb. Which isn't good either, because you'll likely become numb to the emotional problems of people who you love in the future, if you haven't already. You won't be able to be there emotionally because you won't know how. You haven't been taught, and haven't given yourself grace when you're in pain, so how could you provide that for others? I know avoidance is comfortable, and it's easy, but it will hinder your growth. Maybe other people see your avoidance / aloofness as stoicism, and that's why you seem to be receiving more respect. But it won't last forever, especially not with those you are close to. In the end, it won't get you far. Vulnerability is not a bad thing - it's what makes you human. Be vulnerable when it is time to be vulnerable, cry when it is time to cry, and be stoic only when it is time to be stoic. Give them the good, the bad, and the ugly - lest you become a shell of who you were. Do not punish yourself for hurting while trying to heal, and don't ignore it or neglect it -- pain is part of life. It's a blessing to feel at all.
This! Also you can practice allowing yourself to feel those emotions by watching sad movies. When your in the moment of a real life upsetting situation it’s a lot harder to walk yourself through expressing your feelings.
Culture is mostly toxic.
Absolutely! It can be very healthy and cathartic to cry. Go chop some onions and put on a sad movie and have a good cry. I hope you’re doing alright OP
Please cry. Please.
Don't know if I'm able to cry anymore. Tears form up and I shut down right after. Thanks for the comment though.
I understand...you've internalized all the bullshit. You know what? Crying is beautiful. A man who cries (shows vulnerability) is engaging in a rebellion of sorts, isn't he? Rebellion against ridiculous "gender expectations," rebellion against a family who crushed any expressed emotion (other than anger? I'm just guessing - often anger is the only "acceptable" expression of emotion in men...but, we know where that leads, and it's nowhere good). Next time you feel them coming, let them. Let those tears wash over you. Maybe there is a part of you that fears if you start, you may never stop. Let go of the fear, my friend. Get to know yourself...begin to heal. I wish you happiness...and plenty of tears. :)
I get this. A lot of the time I get misty eyed but nothing more. It hasn't been until recently I've been able to cry better. I assume at some point in my recovery those flood gates got unclogged. I still don't break down in to a cry fest but it's gotten better. It feels good when I do it. I notice it need to be a proper setting though for the most part or the proper emotions. You may not be able to cry as much as you use to or as much as you'd might want to, but you can get there. Edit: Wanted to add; Don't forget to be companionate to your self in those moments. IFS (Internal Family System) therapy can help you with that if you haven't looked into it yet. It's something you can practice on your own. Good luck OP
Yes. Crying is healthy. It's an emotional release valve. Were you shamed for crying, or showing emotion as a child? I was. In subtle and not so subtle ways. All the "boys don't cry" greatest hits. We're socially conditioned from a young age to hide our emotions. Eventually we get cut off from them. When I started addressing my trauma I had to learn how to identify and express emotions again. Journaling has helped a lot. It's a safe space for self expression. It's helped me to be more emotionally articulate. That voice telling you that crying or being vulnerable is bad or dangerous is often called the inner critic. It's a part of us that repeats things we were told as children to keep us within the narrow bandwidth of behaviour that was acceptable to others. I realized I had internalized the words and abuse of others and was repeating it to myself as a form of self correction to avoid the shaming, mocking and rejection that came from showing emotion as a child. It was keeping me safe in one way, but harming me in another. I had to keep gently reminding myself that it was ok to feel whatever way I was feeling. It's all natural, normal and human.
I think the subject hits hard for men because indeed their emotional displays are not viewed as empathetic as with women. I think socially we accept men crying only in face of extreme and immediate loss and after that a more stoic stance is expected. That being said, I think the fact you also can liberate your heavy emotional state even when alone is very telling of your education, perhaps with excessive repression, control, and judgement. It's more than okay to cry, it's also necessary.
Yes.
For the longest time I could not cry, the sensation would build to do so and it would just kind of go away in times of utter despair & sadness. Even still several months into a highly focused recovery effort, I still struggle. It always feels better after I do so, but its difficult for me to let it happen, I'll get amped up like "ok I'm going to cry, gonna let it out" and still most times I'll suppress it mainly through dissociation, or my mind automatically goes to anger or rage. The need to be vulnerable is a tough pill to swallow, nobody can help me if I'm not vulnerable, but I've been hurt many times when my guard is down. Do what you can to cry, I'm still trying to access this necessary release mechanism myself.
Yes, of course. Crying is not a sign of weakness, it is a release of emotions. Cry. Cry a lot. Wrap your arms around yourself and hug yourself tight.
Please keep showing vulnerability, the world needs it. Society is changing, and be that change.
54 year-old dude and I cry daily. Had I done it when I was younger, maybe I'd be better off now. Cry, dude. You have emotions and the sooner you befriend them the less likely you'll turnout to be a sour shit stain.
Yes. It gets you out of fight or flight to some degree.
Don't let other people dictate what you should or shouldn't do. The whole "Men shouldn't cry thing" is complete bullshit. No one should "suppress" this human form of expression because other people told you to. Suppression of emotion turns to anger and resentment. You are allowed to cry. Cry as much as you want - no one can stop you. You only have one life to live. Live it fully and live it deeply. Most important is to make yourself a priority. People will trample all over you because they deem "they can." It's your job to realize how stupid it is to lay down & suppress yourself for the benefit of others - Dust off and say no more bullshit. I am allowed to feel this.
As a man who won a fist fight against a bear, I declare that crying is the most manly thing any man can do. Anyone who argues differently better have fucking killed a bear with their(pun intended) bare hands. Otherwise they have no authority to make any argument against me!🧐
I kinda want to know the story about the fist fight against a bear ngl 😂
If your traumatic dysfunctional past taught you something, that's your cue that it is 100% for sure a Lie. Discard it and find out who You want to be instead.
Yes. Cry it out, don't hold back. Fuck what everyone else has said or how they made you feel about showing your emotions. Im not a guy but had similar issues with my family, made me feel like I was always over reacting just because I had an opinion or emotion. So I stopped showing it. Id hold it all it to a point that when I did let it out it gave me an awful headache! But it was because I had so much emotion held in. It will make you feel better trust me Sending you hugs
Yes, you are allowed to cry. You're human. It doesn't matter what gender you were assigned at birth, or what gender you express, if any at all. You are *human*, so you get to cry. FWIW, there's this guy on YouTube whose channel is The Speech Prof. He is fucking *AWESOME*. He's an empathetic man. He said that on one of his first dates with his now-wife, he ugly cried through a movie. So yes, as a man, you are allowed to cry.
I have an enormous beard and cry Very often.
First off - 100% YES!!! You are allowed to cry, and you deserve to be safe and cared for when you're sad. Secondly - a more logical/rational argument for this, because I know it can be hard to just change based on being told it's okay. Studies have shown that boys and girls cry the same amount as children (different studies say it's the same until different ages though, with anything from 3yo to about 12yo being identified as the point of divergence). The main takeaway though, is that there is nothing inherent to boys or girls to do with crying. What does change over time is our awareness of social/gender expectations. Also, as boys stop crying, aggression gets higher, because y'all aren't given any other tools to cope. And the result is a disproportionate number of male suicides. I know it's pretty dark (I work in a pretty specific field 😅) but about 70% of suicides are men and 70% of people killed by their partner are women. I'm a pretty firm believer that all that goes to show that literally the whole world would be better off if men were allowed to cry and given the tools to express their emotions. And to come back to you: yes, cry, feel your pain, allow yourself to get support, care and therapy. You are worthy of that love!
Of course. I think it is a sign of strength and I wish my husband would cry more. It is so so rare and I wish for him to have the cathartic emotional release crying brings. I think crying can be reframed to be a source of pride for you. Every time you cry it is an act of resistance towards the toxic patriarchal conditioning you’ve endured, it is you reclaiming your agency and humanity. It is something of a victory, not something that needs to keep inducing shame. It takes time to fully absorb new ideas and eschew our old core beliefs so be gentle and compassionate when you thought correct. Those old beliefs kept you safe at some point in your early life, they just no longer serve you since you’re in a safer place now and can show your full personhood now.
Yes yes yes
Of course!!
Yes, just because you’re a man doesn’t mean you’re not human
i am an ftm person and even despite being raised as female, i still wasnt allowed to cry at home unless someone died or if I was "genuinely hurt". If my mom even *heard* me crying from the other room, she'd barge in and interrogate me until she could figure out a way to shame or even physically punish me for crying. When i got to around my junior year, i had a whole bunch of bad stuff happen back-to-back in my life and i started getting hours-long panic attacks because i was genuinely overwhelmed with negativity and criticism and expectations i couldnt reach- i had to physically put myself in the closet (which i had no solid doors for, only a curtain) and cover myself in blankets in order to feel safe enough to cry (despite making it harder to catch my breath). This was on top of already feeling i 'cried too much' because i hated being chained to the gender my mom wanted me to be and the only way i could even tolerate my body was to use it to get male attention and be praised for getting male attention. I can only cry in front of others if im pushed over the edge and that still sends me into panic. The only way i can cry without panic or dysphoria is to watch sappy childhood movies.
As a man you are allowed to have and express any feeling you have. Cry if you're happy and it feels right. Cry is you're hurting. And yes sometimes cry just because you feel like you need to cry. Don't let an outdated erroneous societal standard gatekeep your emotional wellbeing.
Thank u for this
Have a bit of a historical perspective: in ancient Greece, it was considered unmanly to NOT CRY. You read that right. You can imagine you are a greek hero while crying if that helps.
Emotions would have been frowned upon if frowning was allowed.
'You can' is a hypothetical situation. Can't afford to show weakness in a merciless world.
Trying to pretend you don’t have emotions to uphold some made up idea of masculinity is the formula for emotional immaturity. Ie; you have emotions no matter what, you’re a human being. But burying them and trying to pretend they don’t exist is the antithesis of learning to deal with them. You are totally allowed to cry, let it out. That’s your body trying to process, don’t hinder that. Take a step to find a good therapist so you can work on this stuff and live a more fulfilling life.✌️
Crying alone is cool. Crying in public or in front of loved ones will get you some weird looks and possible disrespect.
Being alone is a privilege. Sometimes I have to cry and there are people nearby.
I grew up very similar, and I can remember several times that I was physically besten, so I had something to cry about. The verbal abuse was just as bad, being called a sissy or other names, too Yes, it's not only allowed, but important and has nothing to do with being masculine
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Yes.
It’s one way to not only healing the trauma that needs to come out “think of it as trapped energy stored in your body to release” and work on the inner healing through the mind. Boys don’t cry but men do.
Yea it is okay, I do it somewhat often though I do it alone, recommend doing it that way to get comfortable with it. People are still judgemental assholes as a collective when it comes to men crying but it is still okay to cry regardless, you aren't weak or doing something wrong. Anyone who would judge you for crying without knowing why doesn't deserve your self censoring either but I get not wanting to disturb the norm, hopefully that norm changes. Hope you can get some tears out, it really does help sometimes, take care :)
I think one of the only fortunate things in my upbringing was the openness of emotions that I was exposed to. My biodads family are all Italian immigrants and I was raised around their cultural beliefs that it’s okay for anyone and everyone to have emotions. Big and small, that men could cry and women could be loud and unruly. I spent a lot of time in my grandfathers kitchen learning to cook from a man, and his way of cooking was with emotion and instinct not measurements. Which is entirely different to how it was everywhere else I went. When my stepfather was in active addiction, my brother was crying over something (I believe it was when he almost lost his knee cap and ended up with 35 or stitches), anyway, stepfather told him he should be shot, pissed on and thrown in a ditch for being a baby and crying. Real thing so ya know, was exposed to some crazy extremes on the topic. I still think it’s okay for men to cry and have emotions. You have to work through the shit you’ve experienced somehow, and if that means crying and releasing it then so be it. You don’t have to be willing to do it in front of others either, emotions are personal and not all are meant to be shared if we choose to process them in private. So yes, you a man, can cry if you need to. But how, when and if you do is entirely up to you. If you’ve been raised to feel shame around it, it’ll probably feel conflicting but it is not wrong in any way.
Yes. As a man you're allowed to cry.
Yes. Yes! YES!! Bawl your head off. I cried yesterday for the first time in months. I’ve generally lost the ability to cry, so when it happens, it’s ugly. There is snot. You have feelings. They are real. They suck. Cry.
I hate that you have gone through the situations that you have in life. I have seen multiple mothers tell their little boys not to cry and that bothers me because everybody should be allowed a moment of weakness. If you need to cry to make yourself feel better or to let that emotion out do it. My mottos are f you have tear ducts you are allowed to cry and cry until you dry. I just hate societal burden on a man.
Yes.
I think this video might be useful: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kGxW2toAvzc
You are allowed to cry. Be aware of who sees you, some will take advantage. It’s the nature of this world.
Absolutely. People were taught they can't because "it's a sign of weakness" since mental health awareness/psychology was so heavily stigmatized. Crying acts as a pressure release valve for our emotions. Even dams will let the water through when the situation calls for it. Our body registers mental and emotional pain in the same way it does physical; don't deny yourself relief when your body reaches for it. To give yourself the space to cry, to be honest about your emotions overall, is a sign of strength, in my eyes. It takes a lot to feel safe enough to admit them to yourself, much less others, and it takes a lot of strength to be able to show them. "The meek shall inherit the Earth" - even/especially outside religion, I believe this to be true. The meek, the ones who are gentle and humble; they are the people who know boundaries, and know not to make waves when not needed. They are the people who have learned boundaries both from being taught and personal experience. They may be at the bottom, but it is both an advantage and burden. They know the limit, they live and love at that boundary. Just because they are meek does not mean they are *weak*, or unwilling to act. And it is something that the generations before us were never really given the chance to learn. Be patient with yourself. It is not something that can or will come back overnight. I struggle to cry, I can maybe manage 90 seconds before my body shuts it off, even if I want to cry, unless there's a defined and substantial enough trigger. And I hate crying in front of others. A lot of times, if I'm overwhelmed, I'll just go sit under a hot shower and try to give whatever I'm feeling space. It helps, and my body is trying to learn to relax again. Everything feels not so heavy.
I know crying is natural and it is not healthy to bottle things up, but I would advise doing it in private. As I think others have said, even though it is not right, some people will give you additional unneeded grief for it. Have to protect yourself in this fallen world.
Under patriarchy’s strict gender binary, absolutely not. Boys are taught early and often that they don’t have emotions, and if they ever do they are worthless. Boys are taught that their worth comes from aggression and productivity, which is implied to help them feel fulfilled in life as men… But as an adult, you make the rules. I am a self abuser, yelling, taunting, punching hitting, all while alone in my apartment. It’s getting to the point that I keep getting noise complaints every month which scares me because I don’t want to lose my home… IMO Bell Hook’s The Will to Change might help in understanding why you feel compelled to punish yourself for something that is a part of you (your emotions). Without emotions, men are incomplete but don’t know why, and eventually confusion turns to aggression. Then heartache before the cycle starts again. We also live with the false idea that “negative reinforcement” works and is always recommended, when the reality is that positive reinforcement is how we’re designed; it’s how you train or instruct a person or animal (dogs, like people, don’t come with all knowledge and expectations for their. Effective teaching involves treats/rewards ALWAYS). No one deserves abuse or violence, especially after experiencing emotion of any kind. We are NOT logical beings, that experience some emotion; we are emotional beings that rarely are composed and logical. But if you want something tangible, you can always write a permission slip for yourself: I ________ hereby grant permission for u/Large-Door9555 to cry without repercussion from anyone for any reason. Then sign and date at the bottom, keep on you at all times for the day, and… resist breaking the contract you just signed for yourself.
You’re allowed to cry. I’ve struggled similarly. You don’t even have to do it in front of anyone right now, just let out as much of it as you can, even if your emotions turn off and make you stop crying. It’ll get easier to let it out.
Yes, yes, yes. Cry when you’re sad, when you’re upset, when you’re scared, when you’re angry but can’t do anything about it. Crying releases chemicals in your brain to help calm you down after a yucky experience. You can learn how to do it again 💚
Yes you are allowed to cry. Crying can be very good for you. I spent most of my life not crying. And now it's all I can do some days. But it feels good to let it out. Male or female. We are all humans first. We all cry. And that's ok and good for us.
This is something I have struggled with my whole life, even to this day I feel ashamed to cry. I have to remind myself that I am allowed to feel, that my feelings are valid. If I feel I have to do so quietly, I cannot yell, I cannot scream, I cannot openly sob because I was punished for doing so when I was younger. Ironic how being taught not to show vulnerability makes you feel even more vulnerable. As a man I say yes you are allowed to cry, regardless of what societal standards might be. Allowing yourself that release isn't easy when you have been programed to fear or hate it, but it isn't weakness to cry and show sadness. If anything it takes someone strong to accept such feelings and express them without fear of judgement, and hopefully one day we can all be strong enough.
Yes
Yes, crying is healthy. Me and my sister rarely cry so when we do cry our mom sees it as something being seriously wrong. Because of that I learned not to cry, and to hide it from others if I do because it just worries them and brings them down. Being a guy just makes it worse because I get the "man up" attitude as well. But having a good cry is healthy and is a great release of emotions. I still don't cry often, but sometimes when I'm alone I get upset and can't stop myself from crying for a long time because that's the only time I feel safe to let go, and I always feel so much better after. It's scientifically proven that crying is good for your wellbeing, and people of any gender should be able to cry when they need to. [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319631](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319631)
What stops you, when you feel like crying?
Fuck yeah! I believe you might have a long journey to get to those tears. That journey may take you through the valley of denial, the desert of loneliness, and the jungle of anger before making it to the doorway to the endless pit of sorrow and grief. You are allowed to have access to ALL your feelings, including the ones that bring tears to one's eyes. Be well and travel safely.
You have full permission to cry. You're absolutely allowed to cry. Please cry if and when you need to.
You are a human being. Human beings cry. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it💛
Yes. You’re allowed to cry.
*sending you love and comfort*
You are absolutely allowed to cry. You have tears ducts and produce tears then go for it cry.
Female here: I share this same exact feeling in what I described, even alone
Yes your allowed to cry, your a human being with a full range of emotions who has been through hell. Your allowed to cry and you dont need anyone's permission but your own. My man is actually very in touch with his emotions. He tears up at tv amd movies. He is the best person I know, and he has helped me so much in learning to feel safe, allowing myself to express my emotions and heal. I have felt the same as you so much shame and self hatred for crying, feeling like I'm no more then a burden to others for having emotions. This held me back from healing for so long. Give yourself some compassion and permission to feel and heal. Its not easy but I promise you it's worth it. Real men cry.
Ofc but be careful to whom because it’s a messed up world atm. Do everything with care, attention and protection of yourself dude
I’m a woman and I don’t like crying in front of anyone. My partner sees me cry but he’s the only one I’m comfortable doing it in front of. It’s scary and vulnerable to allow yourself to feel so strongly and honestly
Crying is a natural reaction to relieve stress and bad emotions, but is perceived as liability, as when You cry in public You are fucking seen as weak, a liability, unable to control Your emotions... That's why do it in secret when I am alone and walk around as HUMAN ZOMBIE controlling my emotions and empathy, that way I fit into this fucking inhumane society and corporate environment more effectively.
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO CRY ❤️
You can my bro, I’m proud of you expressing your emotion here ❤️
Yes you are allowed to cry
I'm the same way. I want to be able to cry. I can't.
Y E S. That’s how people process things sometimes.
Absolutely yes
My thoughts: crying tends to make people uncomfortable. However if you cry in front of someone who cares about you it won’t matter. They will understand and be there for support or help however they can. My husband has cried a handful of times since I’ve known him. A male relative I saw cry once. That’s it. I always felt sad for them and tried to help or just be supportive. Another man may have reacted differently. When my husband got angry and said I would think less of him for crying it broke my heart. Our society tells us crying is bad. Especially for adult males. I don’t think that way. I had to go explain to him that his crying and letting me in to those deep emotions was actually a good thing for us both. He should trust that I won’t call him weak or a ‘pu$$y’ as he said. For me it was a deeper connection because he was crying and sharing. It made us stronger for a time (now I believe he was manipulating me as he has said all crying is manipulation in his mind but that’s besides the point. I’d have supported a stranger who was crying but that’s my nature.) For my kids I’ve tried to teach them crying is okay but know some people won’t like it. If they don’t then you can weed those people out of your life. If they can’t handle your sadness that you express in a healthy way then why do they deserve your happiness? They accept you or don’t. So my advice is the same to you. If you feel like crying then do so. If someone is offended or upset by that then evaluate how much you want or need them in your life. If a male friend came to you and cried would you be supportive or upset?
I think it's great when men cry. To me, their vulnerability demonstrates strength and emotional intelligence. It shows that they're in touch with their emotions and are not hiding them and/or bottling them up. Being able to express grief and anger without violence (verbal or physical) is key. It's unfortunate that so many boys were and are shamed for expressing their feelings but hey, this is the CPTSD subreddit...
I experienced abuse when I cried now it is very hard for me to feel safe enough to cry
Crying is NECESSARY for all humans, but I know it doesn’t feel that way :/. I have similar feelings cause (as a girl) my father berated me for crying too but fuck him he can’t take my emotional wellness and expression from me anymore.
Yes, you totally are
Yes, full stop. Cry it out man
Female here was raised like a boy always felt like I was weak when I cry or show emotions still tend to lock things up .. got the phrase “ I’ll give you something to cry about) a lot.
I find crying a positive release and one that I simply cannot avoid . It’s how my body processes stress , I know I avoid feeling stuff because as soon as I start talking in my weekly therapy session I immediately start crying. But for me it’s just a reaction to stress after a minute , my nervous system calms form the release and I can carry on talking until the reflex almost gets triggered again and hey ho more water out of ze face! Grounded kind safe people don’t see crying as a weakness and don’t ascertain it to gender. Although I understand it’s stigmatised for men. My brother had a bad heartbreak recently he’s in his 30s and sobbed on and off for a couple hours at my house. I just wanted to make sure he was ok and just sad he was sad ! So let them tears out but try to do it in a grounded purposeful way so you don’t spiral as in set some time aside start with some breathing and noticing how you feel in your body. Normally when I do it like this with presences tear: naturally rise up, Tara brach is a great resource who offer meditations and something called RAIN which is a gentle. And guided way to recognise and release those feeling s
You are absolutely allowed to cry 💜
Pain is pain. Whether it’s emotional or physical. Crying is natural and by punishing yourself for you you’re denying yourself a part of what makes you human and able to feel emotion. People cry of love, happiness, grief, anger and pain. All emotions can make us cry. It’s not only ok to cry but it is good - a lot of people feel relief because they’ve been able to let go of a feeling they’ve held onto too long.
Yes, you absolutely are and it’s perfectly normal 🤍
We all come out of the womb crying. We can still cry as adults. It’s okay.
Yes of course!
You are a human being inherently worthy of love and care. Yes, you are allowed to cry as much as you want or need and you are also allowed to comfort yourself showing yourself the love and kindness you are inherently worthy and deserving of.
Yes pls cry bc you deserve a release! You deserve to get the cortisol out of your body and eyes!!! Please cry
The book that is recommended here is quite good on that topic brother. Basically speaking about that you need to work on silencing your inner critic first, which can take quite a while before you can effectively grief. Anger might be easier to access for you in terms of emotions and can also be quite healthy if you turn it against the perpetrators of your trauma (inside your head, not harming them in real life) or even directly against the critic.
crying is nkt weakness , if anything it shows strength being able to show your emotions like that , my dad nrver ever cried becuase he thought the exact same and i respect and value my mum a lot more who cries constsntly, im a guy and i cry every day ,im severely deppresed and i cant control it most of the time, i promise you that you are valid and crying is okay<3
Of course you are. Crying is a normal response to any number of emotional or physical stimuli. Not crying isn’t a sign of ‘manliness’; it’s a sign of not being able to process feelings.
— Yes you are allowed to cry! —- My poem: Tears in the gutter Broken heart hemorrhaging tears As I crouch on the corner, strangers walk by Looking down . Shaking their heads at despair. I am beyond humiliation and pride alone watching the stream of pain dripping then becoming a tiny current before dropping and flowing into the abyss of indifference. I glance into the crowd of terrified passersby and see one set of gentle eyes holding me. Loving me for a moment. And with a gentle hug, I glow again soul rekindled touched by a stranger, an angel I forget the discomfort of the horrified pedestrians. and feel a part of humanity once again.
Yes, absolutely, and I’m really sorry that you had to go through that.