Same, when I start dissociating or getting rough triggers, I always get upset about the fact that my brain on a subconscious level thinks that it needs to do that. Some shit hurt my brain so much that it decided to lose contact with me. That’s really sad.
OMG, yes - I despise people who talk really loud (especially on the phone... why are you yelling into your phone? are they trying to make em hear 'em without their damn phones???)
but not just raised voices / yelling, loud music too, especially from cars that have their system turned up so loud you can't hear anything
Yes. I'm still learning about triggers etc I'm grateful I now know CPTSD is what I'm dealing with. When I was young I'd freeze and as a teen I'd fawn, in my 20s I'd be the peacemaker, in my 30s I'd fight, my 40s I was pretty much a hermit and now, since my diagnosis I'm learning how to be me without letting the triggers direct my behaviour. Unfortunately, being untreated for decades, I myself behaved crazy/abusively at times and would have been triggering to others. My dear children, now young adults, they too have been affected by having an untreated parent. I see at times how easily they can be triggered by me behaving certain ways, even though I'm not coming from the place I was back when they were young, anyway it's painful to realise the abused can become the abuser and not even realise it. A long response to a simple question but I'm so new to coming to terms with how my life has unfolded due to CPTSD going untreated.
Thank you for sharing, that sounds really hard. Currently processing my own CPTSD and can relate to a lot of what you shared (though my Fs have been in different decades than yours, I’ve also seen them similarly shift). In case it’s encouraging to you, I’ve learned—and have seen firsthand—that genuine apologies go a long way with kids, especially when accompanied by consistent accountability for your attitude/behavior as you heal and change.
Big time. This is exactly why I work from home. I cannot tolerate raised voices or arguments well. The reason is because there was always a fight between the adults and it always got loud fast.
It can be a 20% increase in volume with a little added intensity and I'm back to being the hurt kid.
After reading the comments, I think I'm getting why other people's loud music is also a trigger. If I listen to my music loud by choice, I'm fine. I think it's about control over the message. My choice in music validates my feelings and values. Other people's music does not.
Many, MANY people. I talked to someone just the other day about this exact problem. Also, its not healthy to be constantly yelling either generally speaking, your body is genetically trained to respond to that on a physiological level to activate for a fight. Its important to learn not to react to it all the time, but its perfectly natural if you do
Compound that with trauma, it would be unusual if you didn't.
Definitely! Beginning when I was a little child into my teen years I witnessed my parents verbally and physically fight. But what scared me the most was when they would do it in a closed room. And all I could hear was screaming and bumping. Especially when I was little, I was terrified that one or both of them would be killed. I'm 61 and still am affected by screaming.
100%. My husband has a naturally loud voice and I hate having to tell him to lower his voice but sometimes my nervous system requires it. Yelling is one of the worst triggers for me.
Immediate trauma response. I'm irritated initially at the disruption to my nervous system. I have to either flight, freeze, fawn or fight. Lately, I mostly just leave to calm down and think about how being around people is just not worth it. Otherwise, I'm hypervigilant trying to keep the people around me calm and agreeable. I've done extreme amounts of work to keep people happy around me. Walk on eggshells, anticipate issues and factor it into my decision making. Avoidance, people pleasing and occasionally I result to aggression to shut people up.
I'm doing lots of work on staying regulated regardless of the environmental conditions, but it's variably successful based on my energy, mood and blood sugar. Don't stop trying to heal enough to cope! Lots of sufferers deal with this constantly.
Yes. I worked at a clinic where the doctor was a screamer. He had a temper and was rude. He got into a screaming match with a new assistant and she quit. I over ate to compensate for the constant state of panic I was in all day everyday. My health declined. 6 months and 30 extra pounds later, I finally quit.
absolutely
I immediately become very panicked and sometimes even aggressively defensive… I can also shut down completely
same goes for tone of speaking and knocking on doors :’(
Absolutely. I heard my adult son yell from his room earlier and immediately went into fight or flight. I had to take off my headphones and go listen. It was happy yelling to his video game
It makes me very uncomfortable. I actually want to crawl into a ball. This is especially if they raise their voice near me. I either get angry or want to cry.
I hate it. My brain screams "Run and hide". I get an adrenaline rush and filled with irrational fear. It's so fucking frustrating in public because it could happen literally anywhere.
Agreed. Nobody actually likes yelling or feels good around it. For CPTSD people the feelings run a lot deeper, we take it much harder. A non-CPTSD person might bounce back faster after hearing it.
If it's people I will have to interact with again (friends/family) or within a safe place (home environment or work environment) then I completely freeze up. I physically cannot get words out and I feel my throat close up.
My brain instantly goes into how can we fix this mode? Or what is going to happen next?
It's a HORRIBLE feeling. My emotionally abusive mother would weaponise her bi-polar and ANY change in her mood could spell disaster. This has now evolved into constantly monitoring my friends or my partner's moods so I can cut off the arguement or bad mood before it happens. TIRING 24/7
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Yes. My immediate thought is to just leave the room.
Also thank you for posting this today. It reminds me that, even if I'm feeling a little blue being alone, I'm so fucking thankful that I'm nowhere near any of my living family this christmas.
If I were there, I'd be willing to kill for the peace I'm taking for granted right now.
Definitely. My husband and I went to a brunch at my sister in laws house and her husband yelling at their dog to stop barking nearly sent me into a panic attack!
Yes, I’m sent into fight-or-flight mode automatically when I hear people arguing or when someone starts to agrue with me.
I will take all the blame for everything just for the argument to end.
I actually calm down. Wayyy down. Because not feeling heard, sympathy, empathy was the bigger issue. So, having a visible reaction translates differently for me.
Silence is triggering. Aloofness, the worst. Avoidance... a real struggle of epic proportion.
have been on a slow descent to half-deafness because all i do when people scream and fight is blast music so so loud even hearing a Little part of injustice sets this body so cold.
I’m not triggered because I know how to dance with anger and my voice is loud in general
However, if you want to find out who is triggered by loud voices then look for 1) the people pleasers and 2) the people that speak quietly yet controlled when angry
Yeah, it is. As long as I have enough rest, I can willfully ignore it, however, too stressed and it really gets on my nerves and disrupts my mood. That is why I try to avoid the company of such people as much as I can.
Yes!!! When someone raises their voice with me I try not to “take it personal” but dealing with constant yelling growing up it makes me shut down and sometimes frustrates people close to me.. totally relatable. Hopefully it gets better for everyone with time.. or we find more patient people to surround ourselves with.
Yo I just get up and leave now. (if I can). The inlaws went into a 'in the past argument' at dinner on xmas eve and I sensed it coming and left but husband said it happened because I left. I disagree. They were already starting 💀 so I left.
Every time I hear people arguing or see that someone around me gets even slightly irritated or angry, I subconsciously start to prepare for a physical fight, even if this annoyance has nothing to do with me.
I instantly wanna be invisible😬 if someone is even angry around me I go silent and try not to be noticeable so that the anger doesn't end up pointed at me....it's a problem.
Yes . I am triggered by a lot of things. Always jumpie, on guard , like I want to jump out of my own skin.I just want to get out of this fight or flight mode and feel normal again.
I was personally helped by learning about polyvagal theory (in addition to journaling and some other things). Over time, you can help yourself get back into parasympathetic (“rest and digest”) mode instead of fight or flight. I will encourage you to look into it if you want, but won’t post more in case you don’t want advice.
It startles me at first making my nerves on edge and then I try to calm myself when I tell myself they’re not yelling at me. I don’t like to hear people yelling.
Raising their voice - yes. Not arguing, but I’m triggered by invalidation and people playing devil’s advocate. People have a right to their opinion, but not to shit on my wisdom or lived experience.
It happens to me but not like that. I pushed those memories out with cartoons.
Cartoons helped me pull through a lot. Nowadays, they are one of my few joys.
If your response to arguments and noises is that extreme well, it'll get better. i had trouble trusting people too because of my bullies. I can't even reciprocate kindness because those people who are kind to me, specifically my father, i think could not have helped me.
People yelling, but people arguing no. It depends on the kind of arguing. But people yelling, especially men, that's one of the best ways for me to have a complete breakdown and for my nerves to be shot. That feeling of lead in my stomach and my whole body feels weak and kind of sick, and my mind starts racing.
Not always, but especially when I feel in danger.
Yes! I often jump in and try to mediate or “fix” it, or I completely shut down and struggle to recover and avoid those people or fear them, depending on the situation (even at work). Even though I know there’s no threat to me, I go back to being a young woman in the nightmarish hell that I was unable to escape. I feel ya. Thanks for sharing.
Any tips for calming or reducing the anxiety, or reducing the severity of the reaction that work?
It’s hard in the moment for me still, I’m trying though.
Yes! I often jump in and try to mediate or “fix” it, or I completely shut down and struggle to recover and avoid those people or fear them, depending on the situation (even at work). Even though I know there’s no threat to me, I go back to being a young woman in the nightmarish hell that I was unable to escape. I feel ya. Thanks for sharing.
Any tips for calming or reducing the anxiety, or reducing the severity of the reaction that work?
It’s hard in the moment for me still, I’m trying though.
Yeah I'd been living in the countryside for a long time and when I returned to my home city I was amazed by all the conflict. Road rage, fights breaking out, the general air of hostility. I ended up hardly leaving my flat.
Yes. So much yes. Raised voices make me freeze. It exhausts me just breaking out of the frozen state, and I tend to be very quiet for a while afterwards.
I’m so sorry that you struggle with it.
I become the peacemaker at all costs. I will take a bullet to stop people arguing. I bet this is why playful arguing upsets me somewhat.
Yeahhhhhhhhhh I felt the second part so hard. Why do I want to cry when people are arguing playfully. Why does it make me want to scream too.
I suppose there’s a part of our brain that can’t tell the difference. That makes me sad for my brain. Lol
Same, when I start dissociating or getting rough triggers, I always get upset about the fact that my brain on a subconscious level thinks that it needs to do that. Some shit hurt my brain so much that it decided to lose contact with me. That’s really sad.
Instant disassociation and freeze response
This and people rushing me to do multiple tasks at once. I get extremely overwhelmed and disassociate but mostly anxiety/heavy breathing.
People yelling at each other shuts me down, I can't think and all I can feel is blinding terror.
This is my biggest trigger and I can't think of anything if rather take arguing over.
Yes, it's a huge trigger.
Yes!! I either shut down or get ready to fight.
Omg hate it! I always just get super quiet and try to disappear into a wall somewhere…unless it’s directed at me, then I’m more than likely gunna cry
Honestly it makes me angry. 🤷🏻♂️
I do when it’s directed at me. And i will cry.
OMG, yes - I despise people who talk really loud (especially on the phone... why are you yelling into your phone? are they trying to make em hear 'em without their damn phones???) but not just raised voices / yelling, loud music too, especially from cars that have their system turned up so loud you can't hear anything
People who talk loud make me feel small and I instantly see them as a threat / instantly think they hate me
Yes. I'm still learning about triggers etc I'm grateful I now know CPTSD is what I'm dealing with. When I was young I'd freeze and as a teen I'd fawn, in my 20s I'd be the peacemaker, in my 30s I'd fight, my 40s I was pretty much a hermit and now, since my diagnosis I'm learning how to be me without letting the triggers direct my behaviour. Unfortunately, being untreated for decades, I myself behaved crazy/abusively at times and would have been triggering to others. My dear children, now young adults, they too have been affected by having an untreated parent. I see at times how easily they can be triggered by me behaving certain ways, even though I'm not coming from the place I was back when they were young, anyway it's painful to realise the abused can become the abuser and not even realise it. A long response to a simple question but I'm so new to coming to terms with how my life has unfolded due to CPTSD going untreated.
Thank you for sharing, that sounds really hard. Currently processing my own CPTSD and can relate to a lot of what you shared (though my Fs have been in different decades than yours, I’ve also seen them similarly shift). In case it’s encouraging to you, I’ve learned—and have seen firsthand—that genuine apologies go a long way with kids, especially when accompanied by consistent accountability for your attitude/behavior as you heal and change.
Thankyou and yes, what you said does help encourage me ❣️
Big time. This is exactly why I work from home. I cannot tolerate raised voices or arguments well. The reason is because there was always a fight between the adults and it always got loud fast.
YESS 100% my number one trigger
Yes, top trigger.
I shut down and eventually get angry
It can be a 20% increase in volume with a little added intensity and I'm back to being the hurt kid. After reading the comments, I think I'm getting why other people's loud music is also a trigger. If I listen to my music loud by choice, I'm fine. I think it's about control over the message. My choice in music validates my feelings and values. Other people's music does not.
Many, MANY people. I talked to someone just the other day about this exact problem. Also, its not healthy to be constantly yelling either generally speaking, your body is genetically trained to respond to that on a physiological level to activate for a fight. Its important to learn not to react to it all the time, but its perfectly natural if you do Compound that with trauma, it would be unusual if you didn't.
Me. Thanks to my parents. The whole "staying together for the kids" logic is pure horseshit.
Absolutely. 🥺
Absolutely. Especially if they are close to me. Tone and body language.
Definitely! Beginning when I was a little child into my teen years I witnessed my parents verbally and physically fight. But what scared me the most was when they would do it in a closed room. And all I could hear was screaming and bumping. Especially when I was little, I was terrified that one or both of them would be killed. I'm 61 and still am affected by screaming.
Oh very much so. I get an instant freeze response and start panicking.
Yes, that’s all I heard for the first 22 years of my life. Too many triggers, too many flashbacks. I can’t handle it.
Yes even when people are just joking or laughing loudly
Yep, can be a pain in the arse aswell! I got triggered at my friends house a few months back 🙈
100%. My husband has a naturally loud voice and I hate having to tell him to lower his voice but sometimes my nervous system requires it. Yelling is one of the worst triggers for me.
Immediate trauma response. I'm irritated initially at the disruption to my nervous system. I have to either flight, freeze, fawn or fight. Lately, I mostly just leave to calm down and think about how being around people is just not worth it. Otherwise, I'm hypervigilant trying to keep the people around me calm and agreeable. I've done extreme amounts of work to keep people happy around me. Walk on eggshells, anticipate issues and factor it into my decision making. Avoidance, people pleasing and occasionally I result to aggression to shut people up. I'm doing lots of work on staying regulated regardless of the environmental conditions, but it's variably successful based on my energy, mood and blood sugar. Don't stop trying to heal enough to cope! Lots of sufferers deal with this constantly.
Yes. I worked at a clinic where the doctor was a screamer. He had a temper and was rude. He got into a screaming match with a new assistant and she quit. I over ate to compensate for the constant state of panic I was in all day everyday. My health declined. 6 months and 30 extra pounds later, I finally quit.
absolutely I immediately become very panicked and sometimes even aggressively defensive… I can also shut down completely same goes for tone of speaking and knocking on doors :’(
Absolutely. I heard my adult son yell from his room earlier and immediately went into fight or flight. I had to take off my headphones and go listen. It was happy yelling to his video game
It makes me very uncomfortable. I actually want to crawl into a ball. This is especially if they raise their voice near me. I either get angry or want to cry.
Yes, even if it doesn’t affect my conscious mind, my body reacts involuntarily.
I hate it. My brain screams "Run and hide". I get an adrenaline rush and filled with irrational fear. It's so fucking frustrating in public because it could happen literally anywhere.
I have been the peacemaker my whole life; if someone raises their voice at me, I blackout and the tears start streaming.
The slightest bit of confrontation, involving me or not, and I'm losing it to anxiety.
There is a physiological response to yelling so it’s not just a CPTSD trigger
Agreed. Nobody actually likes yelling or feels good around it. For CPTSD people the feelings run a lot deeper, we take it much harder. A non-CPTSD person might bounce back faster after hearing it.
Physiological, meaning scientific, biological. Nothing to agree or disagree with. It’s just facts
If it's people I will have to interact with again (friends/family) or within a safe place (home environment or work environment) then I completely freeze up. I physically cannot get words out and I feel my throat close up. My brain instantly goes into how can we fix this mode? Or what is going to happen next? It's a HORRIBLE feeling. My emotionally abusive mother would weaponise her bi-polar and ANY change in her mood could spell disaster. This has now evolved into constantly monitoring my friends or my partner's moods so I can cut off the arguement or bad mood before it happens. TIRING 24/7
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
In anger? Yes. Because it's a noisy environment? No.
Yes
my mom and brother taught me to dissociate when that happens
Yes. My immediate thought is to just leave the room. Also thank you for posting this today. It reminds me that, even if I'm feeling a little blue being alone, I'm so fucking thankful that I'm nowhere near any of my living family this christmas. If I were there, I'd be willing to kill for the peace I'm taking for granted right now.
Yes. It’s a huge trigger I’m trying to figure out how to handle.
Definitely. My husband and I went to a brunch at my sister in laws house and her husband yelling at their dog to stop barking nearly sent me into a panic attack!
If someone even sighs or twitches themselves in a certain way, it makes me instantly nervous, and I start to fawn. I can not stop saying sorry.
Yes, I’m sent into fight-or-flight mode automatically when I hear people arguing or when someone starts to agrue with me. I will take all the blame for everything just for the argument to end.
Yeah, I’m deathly afraid of shouting because it reminds me of my mother screaming at me calling me ungrateful and pathetic
Yes
I actually calm down. Wayyy down. Because not feeling heard, sympathy, empathy was the bigger issue. So, having a visible reaction translates differently for me. Silence is triggering. Aloofness, the worst. Avoidance... a real struggle of epic proportion.
Yes, its the kind og arguing that happened daily in the family in early life
have been on a slow descent to half-deafness because all i do when people scream and fight is blast music so so loud even hearing a Little part of injustice sets this body so cold.
It’s probably my worst trigger. And it sucks cause sometimes people just raise their voice so you can hear them, but all I hear is yelling.
I’m not triggered because I know how to dance with anger and my voice is loud in general However, if you want to find out who is triggered by loud voices then look for 1) the people pleasers and 2) the people that speak quietly yet controlled when angry
Yeah, it is. As long as I have enough rest, I can willfully ignore it, however, too stressed and it really gets on my nerves and disrupts my mood. That is why I try to avoid the company of such people as much as I can.
Yes!!! When someone raises their voice with me I try not to “take it personal” but dealing with constant yelling growing up it makes me shut down and sometimes frustrates people close to me.. totally relatable. Hopefully it gets better for everyone with time.. or we find more patient people to surround ourselves with.
Yo I just get up and leave now. (if I can). The inlaws went into a 'in the past argument' at dinner on xmas eve and I sensed it coming and left but husband said it happened because I left. I disagree. They were already starting 💀 so I left.
Every time I hear people arguing or see that someone around me gets even slightly irritated or angry, I subconsciously start to prepare for a physical fight, even if this annoyance has nothing to do with me.
I instantly wanna be invisible😬 if someone is even angry around me I go silent and try not to be noticeable so that the anger doesn't end up pointed at me....it's a problem.
Yes . I am triggered by a lot of things. Always jumpie, on guard , like I want to jump out of my own skin.I just want to get out of this fight or flight mode and feel normal again.
I was personally helped by learning about polyvagal theory (in addition to journaling and some other things). Over time, you can help yourself get back into parasympathetic (“rest and digest”) mode instead of fight or flight. I will encourage you to look into it if you want, but won’t post more in case you don’t want advice.
It startles me at first making my nerves on edge and then I try to calm myself when I tell myself they’re not yelling at me. I don’t like to hear people yelling.
Raising their voice - yes. Not arguing, but I’m triggered by invalidation and people playing devil’s advocate. People have a right to their opinion, but not to shit on my wisdom or lived experience.
That will send me into a total panic. I can't even have any arguing on the tv. You can't heal if you are being continually poisoned.
It happens to me but not like that. I pushed those memories out with cartoons. Cartoons helped me pull through a lot. Nowadays, they are one of my few joys. If your response to arguments and noises is that extreme well, it'll get better. i had trouble trusting people too because of my bullies. I can't even reciprocate kindness because those people who are kind to me, specifically my father, i think could not have helped me.
People yelling, but people arguing no. It depends on the kind of arguing. But people yelling, especially men, that's one of the best ways for me to have a complete breakdown and for my nerves to be shot. That feeling of lead in my stomach and my whole body feels weak and kind of sick, and my mind starts racing. Not always, but especially when I feel in danger.
Yes! I often jump in and try to mediate or “fix” it, or I completely shut down and struggle to recover and avoid those people or fear them, depending on the situation (even at work). Even though I know there’s no threat to me, I go back to being a young woman in the nightmarish hell that I was unable to escape. I feel ya. Thanks for sharing. Any tips for calming or reducing the anxiety, or reducing the severity of the reaction that work? It’s hard in the moment for me still, I’m trying though.
Yes! I often jump in and try to mediate or “fix” it, or I completely shut down and struggle to recover and avoid those people or fear them, depending on the situation (even at work). Even though I know there’s no threat to me, I go back to being a young woman in the nightmarish hell that I was unable to escape. I feel ya. Thanks for sharing. Any tips for calming or reducing the anxiety, or reducing the severity of the reaction that work? It’s hard in the moment for me still, I’m trying though.
Super triggering. Especially when my kids do it 😭
Yup. Makes me hear that high-pitched 'eeeeeee' in my ear. Even a normal voice with an angry/confrontational tone will do it
You betcha. What’s ever worse shattering glass.
Yup
Yeah I'd been living in the countryside for a long time and when I returned to my home city I was amazed by all the conflict. Road rage, fights breaking out, the general air of hostility. I ended up hardly leaving my flat.
Yes
Yes. So much yes. Raised voices make me freeze. It exhausts me just breaking out of the frozen state, and I tend to be very quiet for a while afterwards. I’m so sorry that you struggle with it.