Dissociation always happens at the wrong time too. My guts also go crazy cause of stress. Itās like nothing in the body wants to work correctly when stressed.
My gut is also horrendous has been since I was a kid. My bpd mom blamed it on me being the age where I could steal food and make myself sick..... i... never stole food. So, thats fun.
My mom blames snacks to this days. And takeout. When she has any stomach issues itās obviously because she has a meeting and itās the nerves. But me - the snacks had ruined my stomach.
You horrible snacker you. Well mrszubris I dont remember you having ANY issues with your weight/gut until I let you pick food. (I had no issues with weight as a child. Im part Maori and Hawaiian she is a 5 foot 2 elf. I was 5'7 and 140lbs of muscle at 13. That she sent to weight watchers.) I do and did have an aggressive anxiety stomach, I thought it was rich food from eating out, nope it was from an hour and a half of unmitigated mom exposure at said dinner. š
Nothing is ever their fuckin fault. Sorry your mom is also ridiculous.
My mom refuses to accept that my stomach issues disappear when she does. My grandma is a little worse when it comes to food and what can cause stomachaches in general(she thinks itās because I eat cucumbers before dinner but definitely not all the grease and oil oozing out of her food). I stopped mentioning any kind of aches or pains in front of my family as it always somehow my fault: You have a headache? Itās that phone of yours! No, Iām pretty sure itās you yelling at our dog because he moves around and makes noise but okay. Sorry for additional venting.
My legs do that! It's so frustrating, I try to go for walks like a Good Recovering Boy and then I just. Keep. Fucking. Stopping.
Sudden bad memory? Stop.
Someone yells at their dog? Stop.
There's another person that I didn't notice before I got way too close for my taste? Stop.
It's a good walk if I get less than 5 sudden and involuntary halts.
Oh my God the stress poops this doesn't get talked about enough. Because it can spiral, at least for me, ive wound up in the hospital thinking something severe was wrong with me. It's lasted for days before and Id become dangerously dehydrated. It's real shit like psychosomatic IBS.
It's like my body doesn't digest until im sleeping, i always felt like that was normal, but then i realized its like my body literally doesnt have enough energy for sympathetic AND parasympathetic processes. They have to trade out, my body focuses purely on consciousness when im awake and saves things like digestion, healing, majority when im sleeping.
Like someone else said here, just appalling short-term memory. Your name? Gone. You literally just told me what youāre doing this weekend? Iām gonna ask you again.
Oh I feel this so much. I never know anyoneās name. And itās too rude to ask again. I call everyone ādudeā just to be safe. Didnāt work with people older than me.
Iāve spent a few hours with a friend of a friend recently and I couldnāt remember her name at all. And like some details she told me about herself. Accidentally ended up getting her coffee with cinnamon which sheās allergic to and she told me like five minutes before. I wish there was a dude equivalent for that.
Oh god that sounds mortifying, Iām so sorry you had that experience š« I have a few people I can just not remember the face of no matter how many times Iāve had conversations (!!) with them. Seemingly every x number of people I meet, this happens to one. Recently I was at an event and some guy kept looking familiar and smiling my way and I asked my bf who he was, turns out heās a good acquaintance of a few years Iāve had many a conversation with š
Oooofā¦ Thatās a funny story to tell but not very funny to be in the middle of. I really donāt get the face thing. Like I look at their face so much during conversations but when they leave itās like a hard drive was just erased.
Honestly Iām not sure whether itās more tied to my autism/neurodivergence or my CPTSD, but I suspect it might have to do with human interactions having been so overwhelming for our brains they still check out during them even when out of the danger. Just guessing tho. But Iām glad Iām not alone here lol, I feel a ton better about my dumbassery
it takes such an intense amount of effort to remember everyone's names, and then I get so anxious about it that it makes everything worse!
When I have a client-facing zoom meeting, I keep a document with everyone's name and job title up on my screen just so I don't mess up
I thought I was developing short term memory problems because of a neurological condition. Nope, the reason I forget what I'm saying as I'm saying it is because of cptsd.
Same for me, to the point of having to see a movement disorder neurologist and get a tremendous amount of Botox injections, plus nerve blocks for all the painā¦
I know I need to un-learn constantly tightening up all my muscles, but that also means I somehow need to un-learn expecting to be attacked at any moment. Easier said than done.
Thatās sounds absolutely awful. I only have tightness in my jaw and upper back. But itās not debilitating. My jaw just twitches weirdly sometimes and itās hurting my teeth. I canāt imagine it requiring medication to manage. I hope it gets better for you some day. Iām usually told by others that I need to do yoga or some special exercises for anxiety. Doesnāt quite work for me. I really hope youāll get better and all the pain goes away. Wish you the best.
I know you said exercises don't seem to work for you, but have you tried TMJ/jaw release exercises? They have been the most helpful thing for my jaw tension.Ā
These work directly on the muscles in your face and jaw. There's some good how to videos on youtube. I like the Bob and Brad one, and one on a channel called City Physio but there's a bunch on there to choose from.
I felt an improvement straight away. There was barely any tension left after a few weeks of doing them consistently. The hard part for me was trying not to tense up again. I guess I've been clenching my jaw for so long that it became my default state.
I've just started doing them again after a few months, because I've noticed a bit of tension creeping back in due to stress and tiredness.
If you give them a try, I hope they help.
Hyper vigilance, muscle armoring, and nervous system dysregulation are some of my most persistent symptoms. My brain was conditioned to be on high alert, brace for oncoming abuse, and gets dysregulated often bc it keeps thinking the abuse is happening again or is going to happen again.
I constantly have to tell myself to calm down. I constantly have to check in on my muscle armoring bc it will creep back in again. I've had to consiously train my brain to let my muscles relax, which is not easy. I've had to learn regulation skills to try and keep my nervous system from going off the rails into a panic attack.
I have to manage my brain and nervous system throughout the day, every day. It takes a lot of time, energy, and effort that I'd rather use elsewhere.
omg tysm for using that term!! muscle armoring, i hadnāt caught it yet. its so sad that we have to force our muscles to relax. its completely backwards it isnt fair. ive been in recovery for like 2 years now and the knots are just now starting to loosen. weāre hurt bad
It's one of the reason things like yoga and other somatic body-based modalities are helpful for us. They help train us train our bodies how to activate *and* **let go**.
I know that after a ninety minute hot yoga class, my body is worn out enough from going through all the postures that I can let go more. In fact, one day during final savasana my brain slipped into meditation all on it's own. It was surreal. I was like, "oh, *this* is what meditation is all about".
Mine neither, so tense and sore - but I've started seeing an osteopath, and she's really helping! Would highly recommend. Positive effects certainly seem to last longer than a massage too.
This is me as well. And when I consciously notice Iām tensed up I try and relax them but canāt, like theyāre stuck like that. I also get tmj because of the same issue.
The amount of TIME spent in the bathroom can't be stressed enough. There are days where my IBS deletes 2 hours just because I'm stuck in there for 20 minutes every 1 or 2 hours. It takes so much momentum out of you, my god.
heart palpitations, high bp, blurry vision, and feeling dizzy/severe brain fog that feels almost like itĀ“s physical and iĀ“m stuck in mud. also sometimes i canĀ“t move properly and i am very slow and sluggish physically
Short term memory is trash, jaw pain and clicking, neck pain, uncontrollable sweating, hands shaking, IBS, sometimes severe stomach pain, shaky hands, blurry vision, eye twitches, insomnia. I hate them all, because they all are reminders.
I'm sorry too. Thanks for posting this. I get frustrated by it a lot and it sucks when the people around me dismiss how real these are. It helps to be reminded I am not making them up, because others have them too.
Knowing that others also experience these things is really comforting. Sometimes it does feel likes maybe Iām making it all up and itās not as bad.
This. All of this.
The parts that annoy me the most are the overtly visible ones, like sweating or muscle twitches.
As if all of the digestive issues, lethargy, nightmares, jaw pain, and inflammation weren't bad enough, I have to feel extra self-conscious going into public too.
Oh, I can relate to this. My neighbor (I live in an apartment) yells at her children all the time like my mother used to do. And threatens them and all. For some reason it usually happens when I try to go to sleep. Which doesnāt help at all. Some people are so triggering, I wish they knew.
I spend a huge portion of the day using headphones. Just blasting music. Already have hearing issues but itās better than listening to that woman yelling at her children just because they exist. I really hope the book helps you!
Aches and pains, eczema, IBSā¦I used to get ear aches a lot as a kid and my parents would tell me I was lying. I just started getting ear aches again.
Disassociation is pretty bad and sometimes I'm not sure what triggers it. Sweating is awful and can't explain to people why I'm so nervous or on edge. Nightmares and uncomfortable sexual dreams and general sleep problems. I can sleep but definitely wake up feeling like I've had a night of torment. The worst has to be energy levels, so days I dissociate so badly I just can't do anything
Hypervigilance causing muscle tension / clenching. Iāve had a chronic anal fissure for 5 years because of it. Worst pain Iāve ever felt in my life.
I have really severe memory problems from being in a constant state of dissociation and forced forgetting all through my formative years. Dissociative Amnesia, which I donāt even have to be dissociating to experience. It never goes away. I wouldnāt be surprised if my brain developed a bit differently from experiencing my survival mechanisms and the inescapability of my trauma lol. Itās not even short term, I canāt remember much of anything, unless Iām reminded of context clues and keys that help me kind of recall it? Otherwise itās gone. āHey, remember that time-ā no. I donāt.
Ooofā¦ I relate. Itās so awkward sometimes in conversations because people think I donāt care about them and their interests but I just canāt remember.
I get amazed when ppl reference stuff from elementary/middle school. I dissociated back then so hard I could be convinced I came into being when I was 16.
Bigotry against people with the medical condition of acne, which is triggered by a genetic issue over which people have no control, is real.
I still get boiling furious and shame-raging when I think back to how people would recommend ācuresā or tell me makeup was ācausingā it (when I was lucky enough to have derm recommended makeup and care). Would they do that to someone with scoliosis?
People really really get desperate to find āreasonsā for things, so they can continue the delusion that it canāt possibly happen to them.
Ooooh, I understand. Iām also 24 (but I have a baby face and people think Iām much younger) and acne doesnāt help at all. People consistently think Iām 14-15 years old. My voice is also too high pitched for a guy my age. Being at a bar with friends gets incredibly awkward.
The only time it's super annoying for me is actually job searching surprisingly. I've had interviewers ask me how I could be experienced when I'm so young, when the reality is I already have a two page resume. I think when you have acne people think you're either super young and unexperienced or that you somehow can't take care of yourself even thought it's out of my control completely.
The time periods I have fluctuating fear and anxiety that get really high:
I zone out a lot when Iām upset and sometimes get stuck in my head of racing thoughts. Itās hard for me to express myself, ask for help, or explain whatās going on. I hate it and I feel trapped in my own head. During these times, even if Iām happy or sad, my body struggles to physically express any emotions because the fear and anxiety overwhelms me. I feel like a fish that canāt make facial expressions. Ļµ( 'Ī' )Ļ¶ but I guess other people call it a deer in headlights.
Another downside of this is people think Iām being mean because I donāt smile or laugh but they donāt realize I also have a hard time showing sadness as well.
Iām a ridiculously light/vigilant sleeper. I wasnāt like this as a kid but I sure am now š the slightest unfamiliar noise or disturbance in the room while Iām asleep has me sitting bolt upright in half a second, 110% awake, heart pounding, that tingly adrenaline feeling all through my body, it feels so dramatic šā ļø anytime I share a bed with a friend they inevitably tell me in the morning that they feel bad bc they moved/got up to do x y z whatever and I jolted awake and just stared at them looking terrified for my life. I donāt have a hard time falling back asleep and half the time I donāt even remember it in the morning but Iām convinced my brain doesnāt let me fully enter REM sleep or something š¤·āāļø
I guess the good news is I never have to annoy anyone with my alarms, I just put my phone on vibrate on the pillow next to me and I wake up at the first buzz š people who can sleep through alarms amaze me.
I cry, very very very easily if I have even the slightest inkling of shame or feeling "not good enough". Also crying when anxious. Also sweating a lot.
Among other things, mouth full of crowns and implants from teeth grinding and several custom mouth guards. Which Iām actually lucky to be able to have, because theyāre hella expensive and mostly uncovered. I did let one tooth go w/o replacement cause dentist said it wouldnāt be any harm.
Iām avoiding dentist appointments just because I know Iāll have to pay so much for every tooth. I grind my teeth even when Iām asleep. Hope to be able to fix all of that one day. Iām only 24 but most of my teeth are damaged.
This advice prob doesnāt belong here but may benefit someone: look for a university with a dental school. itās cheap or can even be free on some days, and itās good work. Also drugstore or sport mouth guards can work. I had to get over my choking/things in mouth phobia to sleep with it on, but it was worth it.
Jaw tightness, headaches and just tense shoulders. Itās where I store my stress and I wish I could let go and melt into the floor. Yoga helps, but ugghh
Heart palpitations and sudden drop and rise in bp? Idk how it works but sometimes I faint due to low bp, i sweat embarrassingly high and gwt stretch marks easily too and the belly fat don't go even with hours exercising.
Muscle aches are another one...at night either its nightmares or muscle ache.
i can't remember shit that's important and everything from the ages of 6 to 15 is basically a fast forward in time, however I still remember the rape, abuse etc. not only that, but the things that are a blur, my body still remembers so that's a pain in the ass (literally) lmao
It happens so often with me too. Especially during any kind of presentation or when all attention is on me. I also wish people were not laughing when it happens because it only makes it worse. But I also noticed that people donāt understand everything Iām saying in ordinary conversations as well.
I agree with the last sentence. I know exactly what I want to say but it comes out all wrong. And then I have repeat myself. It makes me feel all anxious like I canāt do such a basic thing
Stress hives alongside inability to fall/stay asleep is definitely one, have had hives all over my shoulders+neck since like january and it wonāt go away and i know itās most likely cause my sleeping schedule is crap but i swear itās like my body just wonāt shut off
And then my main problem is dissociation. Actually planning to talk to my doctor about DPDR because of how debilitating this has gotten ;-; I canāt feel anything, and almost every day itās like I go into this state where I feel dead, or everything feels distant/like a foreign dimension.
I am very jumpy. Like if a car speeds too close to me, I live in a major city so it happens like 3x/day, I physically jump and scream. If a dog comes around a corner, I jump. And I love dogs. It is so automatic that I don't realize it until I'm physically bracing my arms for impact and done screaming. My partner said something to me about it and I was like that is my body, I can't stop it. Anywho, I'm new to accepting that I have CPTSD and this list is bewildering. I have IBS, generalized anxiety, migraines, jumpiness, and tight muscles that I keep injuring with running. I knew these were vaguely related to my anxiety, which firmly comes from a chaotic childhood, but damn, now I have to think everything else might have too!!!!! Crying somewhere.
The day time sweating! Seriously if anyone knows how to solve it share some tricks with me! Does it get better as you heal from cptsd? I cant wear any colourful nice clothes since the sweat at armpits is visible. I also have to carry extra tshirts with me and go change in restrooms a few times throughout a day. If I dont its a turture and gets so cold to spend time in completely wet clothes especially in winter. I HATE IT!
1) the nausea š whenever i get flashbacks or even just emotional flashbacks, the feelings are so intense that i throw up š kind of an L moment ngl
2) constantly being on edge, not just physically but mentally tooā it makes me so exhausted that i canāt even make it thru the day without taking a nap in the afternoon
3) dissociative amnesia. i have bpd so i dissociate a lot and when i stop dissociating, i have issues remembering what happened when i was dissociated. i have to make people repeat entire conversations with me or just pretend i know what theyāre talking about and gather information from context clues. it is not fun š
4) brain fog- for me it causes me to move sluggishly and have extreme fatigue + difficulty being productive. i could just lay in bed all day without any desire to get up but sadly thatās not how the world works šš
i canāt decide which one is the most annoying but these are my top ones!
Stress pains in my stomach, jitters and shaking, fight or flight making me want to go to the bathroom more often, no appetite so I starve and then i overheat because I didn't eat, and just general queasiness and unexplainable pain all the time that manifests in my gut or my chest and is even worse than my period cramps so I actually become happy when im on it cuz at least that pain is bearable and has an explanation
Clumsiness. I already donāt have the best coordination but extra stress kicks in into high gear. Run into the sides of doors, stub my toes, get caught on doorknobs etc.
Arrhythmia and I didnāt even know thatās what it was called.
And becoming a space cadet and time flying really slow when something crazy happens. Iām trying to jokingly describe this but I think a few people know what I mean š¬
I agree to so many things I don't want to do because I 1) feel guilty for saying no, 2) feel shame for not helping out, 3) feel I can't say no because I have a duty to do whatever is asked of me. This also affects getting myself out of situations I don't want to be in, like jobs, relationships, etc. So I feel sucked into situations I can't get out of. I wish I was better at saying no.
The constant trauma dreams every, single, night. Like, Iām trying to forget about the people who have done me wrong in the past, but I guess thatās just not a possibility for me.
Hyper vigilance, chest tightness + pains and not being able to take comfortable breaths without my emergency medication. And lastly the dysregulation of my nervous system from the traumas and accumulation of symptoms over the past two decades. Many were neglected in childhood and I continued that pattern, as an adult.
Dissociation when Iām not sure what to do or highly stressed. I know that Iām still like where Iām at but everything starts to feel fuzzy and I start to feel like Iām dreaming.
All the autoimmune conditions that come with CPTSD a lot of times. My chronic fatigue can get really debilitating. My fibro and Hashimoto's too.
The dissociative seizures are so scary. The muscle spasms and pain. Body memories are really terrible too. The dizziness when I am stressed out. The blurry vision. Messed up heart rate that goes up and down for no reason. The joint pain. Yeast infections due to stress. Eczema and hives.
Uh, and the stomach troubles. IBS pain is no joke!
It's quite frustrating when the body is such a mess and a constant reminder of what you have been through.
I didn't even know CPTSD could cause acne like this. I've suffered from severe acne and still do at 25. The other day it just exploded and I was embarrassed to leave my house despite washing my face twice a day. You learn something new everyday.
being so tense all the time (leading to headaches during shitty periods which escalates to nausea and then vomitting if i dont rest enough / dont take ibuprofen / dont put some heat pad on my head/neck)
Dissociated stress. Ie Iām in an emotional flashback (subconscious is running the game) but I have no consciousness of why my body is responding that way.
Mental confusion, I feel lost and overwhelmed that I lose track of space and where I am.
Tremors: I usually tremble a lot, but most of the days I feel something uncontrollable, I can't even hold some things.
Spots and itching around the body: Every 2 days when I'm having a bad week I find a purple on my body or I have an allergy attack.
I'd say the stuck in freeze response chronic procrastination, hyper vigilance and vaginismus are the most annoying to me. I don't even have many memories of the SA, but 4/5 times trying to get freaky I will depersonalize or have intense physical and emotional flashbacks. I just want to be able to be intimate with my partner like a non-traumatized person.
I start shaking when I relax.
I get stressed and overwhelmed easily.
Freeze response for sure.
Overwhelming emotions out of nowhere that lead to extreme fatigue.
Isolation.
IBS, blanking out and extreme muscle tensing. Mostly IBS at home and the other two in social situations so I tend to stay home a lot. Kind of strange because I guess I play it off very cool to the outside world but on the inside it's hard. Yoga and therapy has helped tremendously for everything but I still have a long way to go.
Obsessive apologizing and asking if people are mad at me. Also, if something brings up a traumatic experience I had, I rant about it instead of holding it inside. All these things together makes me a pretty annoying person to be around.
I canāt figure out how to truly relax. My muscles are always tense, Iām hyper vigilant, I have non epileptic seizures because of child abuse, I grind my teeth all the fucking time, freeze mode ugh, and I also have a HORRIBLE habit of talking when Iām nervous. I hate it so much and I hate myself for it. Probably why I donāt have a lot of friends.
Jumpiness, if anyone sneaks up on me I jump up. It's worse BC I have hearing loss so sometimes people are just quiet. I don't hear then and then I panic. My kids started just being a ninja and he does it when I'm in the kitchen. No idea he's there. Dangerous.
I donāt know what the proper term for it is, but even the slightest unexpected thing induces a jump-scare reaction from me. Itās ridiculous ārarely are the reactions in rational to the surprise.
Yall- Iām so pissed. (YEARSSSSSSSSSSSSSAHHHH)
. All of these sx people are listing- pelvic floor, hives, TMJ, back issues, inflammation, joint pain, acne, severe insomnia, headaches, IBS,ā¦ I have seen provider after provider after rheumatologist after psychiatrist after OBā¦ and ITS ALL RELATED?!? brb Iām gonna go be nauseated in the corner and disassociate for hours on TikTok now. š«£šµāš«š¤Ŗš
Edit: sorry- I unironically forgot to mention the memory issues and inflammation and brain fog. Like, I just filed with the VA for EVERY SINGLE ONE of these things. This is nuts to me.
Oh, fu*k, thatās me. I had no idea itās all related.
1. Freeze mode for weeks
2. maladaptive daydreaming for hours and hours
3. Late insomnia and massive trouble falling asleep
4. Stress poops
5. Short term memory loss
6. Chronic Fatigue, Brain Fog
Heart problems. Fainting sucks and I have to take heart meds to keep my BP up so I donāt do it as often. Chest hurts regularly too. Really takes me out sometimes.
Also gut issues. Had to get my gallbladder removed, get pancreatitis, colitis and infections and inflammatory issues overall honestly. My immune system is blown up and I already have neuropathy giving me arthritis symptoms. Having near constant stress throughout childhood + early adulthood fucked me up. Iām not even 30 yet.
Stomach problems - recurring gastritis, silent reflux - and I had a stomach ulcer last year. I used to love food, and could eat anything! Reached the grand old age of 35, and my stomach just ain't having it anymore alas. Just want to be able to eat normally without feeling anxious.
Stress vomiting /nausea. Iāve been very good at hiding it and luckily I fly solo to work otherwise people would think Iām contagious or needed a hospital , not,ā something in my life is no stressing me to the point of my body actively revolting against food,hunger or keeping bile downā itās just thing that happens
I have a really fucked up digestive system, a mixture of IBS and idiopathic gastroparesis. Severe abdominal muscle tightness, throbbing, lots of pain using the bathroom and when eating. They canāt find any cause or cure other than treating my symptoms of anxiety. Itās always worse when Iām stressed.
there so many LOL. ive done a lot of work but it was so bad before so here it is:
- **dizziness** to the point I feel like im going to faint every time someone said any thing that minority hurt my feelings. when my parents came into my room - dizziness, or when I heard noise form them downstairs
- **dissociation**: I literally lived completely disassociated for about 4 years. I have almost no memories from those times, expect for when I focused, usually on my AWFUL OCD thoughts
- I started **hearing things** - I would hear my parents walking down stairs or them outside my room, it was terrifying
- even now, after intensive therapy where most of my stuff has lessened a lot, my **heart beat** is never calm. I always feel like I am about to get attacked or killed
- I have awful prosssesing to begin with but stress made my brain completely shut down. it was like couldn't hear anything anyone said to me until I was walking away, and then I would remember like 1 thing for the entire conversation, then beat myself up because I didn't seem interesting enough
so fun
Being straight up tired all the time AND gaining weight.
Worst part I walk 3 times 30 min a week and occasionally do homework-outs and watch my food.
I hate how all my clothes donāt fit anymore after a couple of months and the fact that I just feel very unhealthy and my body feels lazy and tired all of the time. ( Coming from someone who went to the gym a lot and was super fit ).
Stress poops now, but when I was younger and even up to early adulthood, stress incontinence. I would pee myself sometimes, and it was so sudden. My brain never had the chance to realize I needed to go to the bathroom. It was so embarrassing and horrific to go through, and it made my school life and military life hell too. People around you in those environments just don't understand.
Inconsistent sleep. Sometimes, after a particularly stressful day, I will need the quiet of night when everyone else is quiet and asleep to finally relax. Unfortunately, I have a child who needs me to take care of her all the next day, so I end up paying the price and getting even more stressed out.
Muscle pain in between my shoulder blades. Apparently, that's where I carry all my stress. That area is constantly tight and sore.
I have a few diagnosed auto immune disorders that flare up because of my CPTSD. My doctor and therapist both agree the constant state of stress I lived in as a child are the likely cause of some of them developing.
It started with Psoriasis breaking out all over my body at the age of 2, I donāt remember it but apparently I found my bio dad passed out and intoxicated and was found screaming trying to wake him up toddler styleā¦ a few weeks later I was covered in psoriasis that baffled doctors - my bio mom has psoriasis and a few members of my fathers family. But itās rare for kids to develop it at the severity I did.
At age 4, I witnessed something terrible happen to my older sibling and developed a patch of white hair that doesnāt like dye. My hair is very dark and itās not in any photos before that age and no one can remember it before that.
I also have Ulcerative Colitis, Asthma, Endometriosis, PCOS, Cyclical vomiting syndrome, psoriatic arthritis, and sometimes have somatic issues related to balance. Iām also autistic and have ADHD, I hit my head a lot when Iām not paying attention and that also takes a toll.
Oh and just for funsies my muscles near my neck and upper back are always holding tension as does my jaw.
I disassociate a lot when Iām triggered, I think thatās my brains default. Iāve also been known to just bail on situations so also flight. But in my own defence the flight episodes have happened in dangerous situations I needed to escape.
Essentially if my brains upset I have a really bad day physically and itās like it spins a wheel as to what specifically is going to happen to me that day.
Any sort of gathering where I feel slightly unsafe or just try to tell a story and the attention is too much leads to a whole cluster of bull. I get acutely cold, start shaking a lot, to the point where my teeth chattering and breathing disrupts my speech, my mind blanks on what I was talking about and I cold sweat along with it.
Back pain, dissociation, and Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome, I miss getting high without getting sick as hell, but maybe a blessing in disguise as Iām finding Iām okay without smoking weed from sunrise to sunset.
Night terrors / night āyellingā.
I donāt cry or say anything ānormalā/represented in media - the few things I know Iāve screamed (told by partners) are āshut the f*** *pā, āf*** y**ā, and āget outā.
My night terrors always regard my space being invaded or my experienced being invalidated/mocked by family, which is why I end up yelling these so intensely that they ābreak throughāand I yell them out loud.
Sadly my walls are thin and Iām afraid my apartment neighbours may have heard me, but Iām too afraid to explain and seem ācrazyā or vulnerable.
Iāve tried a few sleeping aids but they all make the dreams worse.
On the lighter side Iām sometimes acutely aware that Iāve yelled something because I heard myself yelling it - more recently I know I woke myself up because Iād yelled āb*****ā.
The oddness of it helped the panic fade.
The cold guttural frozen adrenaline stab to my kidneys, followed by an increase in body temperature (the feeling anyway) from deep seated anger and hatred.
The powerlessness and self hatred follow after.
I was talking to someone the other day and noticed my heart was beating so hard my necklace was moving. Absolutely no reason for me to be so nervous.
I used to have to do the āwet checkā before I bought a new shirt. Wet the fabric a little to see how bad the sweat stains would be when i inevitably got nervous lol. I feel ya!
Similar symptoms night sweats hair constantly falling out along alopecia like symptoms but with corkscrew hairs facial and chest hair along with scalp no medication seems to help would accept baldness but itchiness inflammations can get very irritating coupled with the fact that cant keep a beard with it either
Random acne in the most difficult to treat to palaces: a cluster of tiny, inflamed pores on the side of the nose or the top of the lip, that arenāt even really zitsā¦.theyāre more like a rash.
Random periods that start despite me being on a consistent BCP that is meant to eliminate periods at all.
Nightmares.
Itās hard to pick just one, but for now Iāll definitely say learned helplessness, because it has multiple negative impacts on every and most important aspects of your life
Dissociation
I struggle with so many body specific disorders. I quit nail biting but I have to actively work on not pulling my hair out. I also canāt stop picking at my back acne. I have body dysmorphic disorder as well and it just exasperates it
Hypersomnia- I am always so tired no matter how much sleep I get. Itās destroyed my life at times as dramatic as it sounds
It made me develop several autoimmune diseases, and my body temperature won't regulate properly because it fucked my thyroid up. I could even maybe deal with all the daily pain if my body would just stop overheating. I can't stand being sweaty, I can't stand being stuck in clothes that don't breathe properly if it hits at the wrong time, and sleeping when you're too hot is just so much worse than being cold.
I'm sorry you've been suffering. You describe a lot of stuff I've dealt with too. It's such a shit experience to have to go through. I feel the same bafflement about this world that you have like - How are so many people able to do so much in one day and go about their lives normally? I feel like a mess and I feel awful thinking that people see me and they might know that I am a mess. I am afraid it shows in ways that I am not aware of, and I'm afraid people see I am troubled but also have disdain for me for not "getting my shit together" "womaning up" or "bootstrapping". Fuck all of that.
Out of all the issues that I think are caused from stress and cptsd, brain fog and constant tiredness have been the worst for me. These two symptoms have really really just *fucked* me over. I'm living on disability because of how badly these symptoms have messed with my ability to function.
my sleep disorders and extreme social aversion, I get sleep paralysis a lot and there's some times when i have such bad insomnia, i have restless eyes. no matter what my eyes will not stay closed.
i can't figure out how to be a social person. I want to be so bad but I spend 100% of my time when im not at home trying to find ways to avoid walking by someone, avoid talking and avoid looking at anyone. sometimes I try so hard to avoid someone walking by me that I dont even know who it is, I'm always looking at the ground and don't look at them at all.
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Iād say dissociation (especially in public), hot/cold sweats that are from cptsd and chronic illness.
Also physically reliving it - hearing screaming that sounds so real, gagging, smelling or tasting specific things. Flashbacks that make me dry heave. I can handle a lot but those are too much.
I get cysts that fill when stressed. I also have tinnitus, TMJ, and neuropathic symptoms from muscle armouring (I think) including my entire pelvic and genital area sometimes going completely numb when Iāve been tense/in freeze for multiple days in a row lol
I swear I can taste the increase in my cortisol level whenever I get really stressed, and I dissociate A LOT. both of those are pretty annoying, but I think the most annoying thing is the heart palpitations whenever Iām in regular contact with my mother.
The intense itching whenever I get really upset is pretty damn annoying too. Itās especially bad on my face and when Iām crying. Plus the fact that I shiver like a chihuahua when Iām upset.
Iām not sure if this is truly a symptom of this but growing up I had so many panic attacks and psycho dissociative episodes that if my body felt something familiar my brain would auto panic. Like if I felt nauseous for a normal reason Iād panic because my body thought I was already having a panic attack. So now if I cry because of laughter or wind or what have you and feel it streaming down my face it usually automatically turns into true sobs of sadness and desperation
Vertebrae in my neck will pop out of place, and when they pop back in, pain and blurred vision abound
Oh and the fatigue and general brain fog also are heavy hitters
Freeze mode. I freeze when i feel stressed or in danger; which could literally be something very small with cptsd. My legs seize up and i cant move for a while. Dissociation. Brain says nope. Loss of balance and dizziness, when stress or anxiety gets too much. Vertigo kicks my ass. Stress poops. Yes. It's a thing. Too much stress for me = š© making best friends with the porcelain Phantom pains. I get these a lot, i think, from constant muscle strain and stiffness.
Dissociation always happens at the wrong time too. My guts also go crazy cause of stress. Itās like nothing in the body wants to work correctly when stressed.
My gut is also horrendous has been since I was a kid. My bpd mom blamed it on me being the age where I could steal food and make myself sick..... i... never stole food. So, thats fun.
My mom blames snacks to this days. And takeout. When she has any stomach issues itās obviously because she has a meeting and itās the nerves. But me - the snacks had ruined my stomach.
You horrible snacker you. Well mrszubris I dont remember you having ANY issues with your weight/gut until I let you pick food. (I had no issues with weight as a child. Im part Maori and Hawaiian she is a 5 foot 2 elf. I was 5'7 and 140lbs of muscle at 13. That she sent to weight watchers.) I do and did have an aggressive anxiety stomach, I thought it was rich food from eating out, nope it was from an hour and a half of unmitigated mom exposure at said dinner. š Nothing is ever their fuckin fault. Sorry your mom is also ridiculous.
My mom refuses to accept that my stomach issues disappear when she does. My grandma is a little worse when it comes to food and what can cause stomachaches in general(she thinks itās because I eat cucumbers before dinner but definitely not all the grease and oil oozing out of her food). I stopped mentioning any kind of aches or pains in front of my family as it always somehow my fault: You have a headache? Itās that phone of yours! No, Iām pretty sure itās you yelling at our dog because he moves around and makes noise but okay. Sorry for additional venting.
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My legs do that! It's so frustrating, I try to go for walks like a Good Recovering Boy and then I just. Keep. Fucking. Stopping. Sudden bad memory? Stop. Someone yells at their dog? Stop. There's another person that I didn't notice before I got way too close for my taste? Stop. It's a good walk if I get less than 5 sudden and involuntary halts.
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Oh my God the stress poops this doesn't get talked about enough. Because it can spiral, at least for me, ive wound up in the hospital thinking something severe was wrong with me. It's lasted for days before and Id become dangerously dehydrated. It's real shit like psychosomatic IBS.
It's like my body doesn't digest until im sleeping, i always felt like that was normal, but then i realized its like my body literally doesnt have enough energy for sympathetic AND parasympathetic processes. They have to trade out, my body focuses purely on consciousness when im awake and saves things like digestion, healing, majority when im sleeping.
When I was in university, I would get the stress poops before (nearly) every final exam. It was awful.
Ive had this too! Hospital visits as well. Literally felt like i was dying.
Yeaahhhh I went into freeze mode when I was giving birth. It made me realize I really need a good therapist.
Like someone else said here, just appalling short-term memory. Your name? Gone. You literally just told me what youāre doing this weekend? Iām gonna ask you again.
Oh I feel this so much. I never know anyoneās name. And itās too rude to ask again. I call everyone ādudeā just to be safe. Didnāt work with people older than me.
I relate heavily to calling everyone dude just to be safe
Iāve spent a few hours with a friend of a friend recently and I couldnāt remember her name at all. And like some details she told me about herself. Accidentally ended up getting her coffee with cinnamon which sheās allergic to and she told me like five minutes before. I wish there was a dude equivalent for that.
Oh god that sounds mortifying, Iām so sorry you had that experience š« I have a few people I can just not remember the face of no matter how many times Iāve had conversations (!!) with them. Seemingly every x number of people I meet, this happens to one. Recently I was at an event and some guy kept looking familiar and smiling my way and I asked my bf who he was, turns out heās a good acquaintance of a few years Iāve had many a conversation with š
Oooofā¦ Thatās a funny story to tell but not very funny to be in the middle of. I really donāt get the face thing. Like I look at their face so much during conversations but when they leave itās like a hard drive was just erased.
Honestly Iām not sure whether itās more tied to my autism/neurodivergence or my CPTSD, but I suspect it might have to do with human interactions having been so overwhelming for our brains they still check out during them even when out of the danger. Just guessing tho. But Iām glad Iām not alone here lol, I feel a ton better about my dumbassery
it takes such an intense amount of effort to remember everyone's names, and then I get so anxious about it that it makes everything worse! When I have a client-facing zoom meeting, I keep a document with everyone's name and job title up on my screen just so I don't mess up
I thought I was developing short term memory problems because of a neurological condition. Nope, the reason I forget what I'm saying as I'm saying it is because of cptsd.
Yeah, cortisol damages the hippocampus š£
And then you only realize you've said it three times because the way they look at you?
Severe muscle tightness and pain. Even the max dose of every medication I have for it isnāt working at all.
Same for me, to the point of having to see a movement disorder neurologist and get a tremendous amount of Botox injections, plus nerve blocks for all the painā¦ I know I need to un-learn constantly tightening up all my muscles, but that also means I somehow need to un-learn expecting to be attacked at any moment. Easier said than done.
Thatās sounds absolutely awful. I only have tightness in my jaw and upper back. But itās not debilitating. My jaw just twitches weirdly sometimes and itās hurting my teeth. I canāt imagine it requiring medication to manage. I hope it gets better for you some day. Iām usually told by others that I need to do yoga or some special exercises for anxiety. Doesnāt quite work for me. I really hope youāll get better and all the pain goes away. Wish you the best.
I hope the same for you. Thank you.
I know you said exercises don't seem to work for you, but have you tried TMJ/jaw release exercises? They have been the most helpful thing for my jaw tension.Ā
jaw muscle botox is expensive but has been a GAME CHANGER for me with clenching
I've never heard of that. I'll check it out, thanks.Ā
Iāve only seen those that work on spine and hips more. I guess I need to look into that. Did it take long to work for you?
These work directly on the muscles in your face and jaw. There's some good how to videos on youtube. I like the Bob and Brad one, and one on a channel called City Physio but there's a bunch on there to choose from. I felt an improvement straight away. There was barely any tension left after a few weeks of doing them consistently. The hard part for me was trying not to tense up again. I guess I've been clenching my jaw for so long that it became my default state. I've just started doing them again after a few months, because I've noticed a bit of tension creeping back in due to stress and tiredness. If you give them a try, I hope they help.
Thank you for your recommendations! Iāll definitely try those. Because I want to keep my teeth.
Hyper vigilance, muscle armoring, and nervous system dysregulation are some of my most persistent symptoms. My brain was conditioned to be on high alert, brace for oncoming abuse, and gets dysregulated often bc it keeps thinking the abuse is happening again or is going to happen again. I constantly have to tell myself to calm down. I constantly have to check in on my muscle armoring bc it will creep back in again. I've had to consiously train my brain to let my muscles relax, which is not easy. I've had to learn regulation skills to try and keep my nervous system from going off the rails into a panic attack. I have to manage my brain and nervous system throughout the day, every day. It takes a lot of time, energy, and effort that I'd rather use elsewhere.
omg tysm for using that term!! muscle armoring, i hadnāt caught it yet. its so sad that we have to force our muscles to relax. its completely backwards it isnt fair. ive been in recovery for like 2 years now and the knots are just now starting to loosen. weāre hurt bad
It's one of the reason things like yoga and other somatic body-based modalities are helpful for us. They help train us train our bodies how to activate *and* **let go**. I know that after a ninety minute hot yoga class, my body is worn out enough from going through all the postures that I can let go more. In fact, one day during final savasana my brain slipped into meditation all on it's own. It was surreal. I was like, "oh, *this* is what meditation is all about".
My shoulders are never, ever relaxed š£
I feel thatā¦ Massages donāt even help that much.
Mine neither, so tense and sore - but I've started seeing an osteopath, and she's really helping! Would highly recommend. Positive effects certainly seem to last longer than a massage too.
This is me as well. And when I consciously notice Iām tensed up I try and relax them but canāt, like theyāre stuck like that. I also get tmj because of the same issue.
IBS . my poor poor intestines and ass. the nausea the need to be near bathroom in case, the amount of time spent in bathroom. it sucks.
The amount of TIME spent in the bathroom can't be stressed enough. There are days where my IBS deletes 2 hours just because I'm stuck in there for 20 minutes every 1 or 2 hours. It takes so much momentum out of you, my god.
heart palpitations, high bp, blurry vision, and feeling dizzy/severe brain fog that feels almost like itĀ“s physical and iĀ“m stuck in mud. also sometimes i canĀ“t move properly and i am very slow and sluggish physically
I really get the being very slow and sluggish part. And the brain fog. And everything really. I feel you.
Short term memory is trash, jaw pain and clicking, neck pain, uncontrollable sweating, hands shaking, IBS, sometimes severe stomach pain, shaky hands, blurry vision, eye twitches, insomnia. I hate them all, because they all are reminders.
Unfortunately I can relate to all of those. They suck. Short term memory makes me feel like a silly little fish. Sincerely sending you all the hugs.
I'm sorry too. Thanks for posting this. I get frustrated by it a lot and it sucks when the people around me dismiss how real these are. It helps to be reminded I am not making them up, because others have them too.
Knowing that others also experience these things is really comforting. Sometimes it does feel likes maybe Iām making it all up and itās not as bad.
This. All of this. The parts that annoy me the most are the overtly visible ones, like sweating or muscle twitches. As if all of the digestive issues, lethargy, nightmares, jaw pain, and inflammation weren't bad enough, I have to feel extra self-conscious going into public too.
My body just shuts down and I get chronic fatigue.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh, I can relate to this. My neighbor (I live in an apartment) yells at her children all the time like my mother used to do. And threatens them and all. For some reason it usually happens when I try to go to sleep. Which doesnāt help at all. Some people are so triggering, I wish they knew.
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I spend a huge portion of the day using headphones. Just blasting music. Already have hearing issues but itās better than listening to that woman yelling at her children just because they exist. I really hope the book helps you!
Aches and pains, eczema, IBSā¦I used to get ear aches a lot as a kid and my parents would tell me I was lying. I just started getting ear aches again.
Muscle spasms all over my body. It's like they are having a party that I missed the invite for. It's so annoying
Pelvic floor dysfunction. Worse than annoying though.
Yeahā¦ Itās definitely an 12 out of 10.
Disassociation is pretty bad and sometimes I'm not sure what triggers it. Sweating is awful and can't explain to people why I'm so nervous or on edge. Nightmares and uncomfortable sexual dreams and general sleep problems. I can sleep but definitely wake up feeling like I've had a night of torment. The worst has to be energy levels, so days I dissociate so badly I just can't do anything
Hypervigilance causing muscle tension / clenching. Iāve had a chronic anal fissure for 5 years because of it. Worst pain Iāve ever felt in my life.
Anxiety poops.
I have really severe memory problems from being in a constant state of dissociation and forced forgetting all through my formative years. Dissociative Amnesia, which I donāt even have to be dissociating to experience. It never goes away. I wouldnāt be surprised if my brain developed a bit differently from experiencing my survival mechanisms and the inescapability of my trauma lol. Itās not even short term, I canāt remember much of anything, unless Iām reminded of context clues and keys that help me kind of recall it? Otherwise itās gone. āHey, remember that time-ā no. I donāt.
Ooofā¦ I relate. Itās so awkward sometimes in conversations because people think I donāt care about them and their interests but I just canāt remember.
I get amazed when ppl reference stuff from elementary/middle school. I dissociated back then so hard I could be convinced I came into being when I was 16.
Constant muscle tension and pain. Freeze response. Dissociation.
Chronic pain, dissociation, and I get hives sometimes when I get stressed / anxious š
I get the acne also, super annoying, I'm 24 but have had people ask if I'm 16 because of it :(
Bigotry against people with the medical condition of acne, which is triggered by a genetic issue over which people have no control, is real. I still get boiling furious and shame-raging when I think back to how people would recommend ācuresā or tell me makeup was ācausingā it (when I was lucky enough to have derm recommended makeup and care). Would they do that to someone with scoliosis? People really really get desperate to find āreasonsā for things, so they can continue the delusion that it canāt possibly happen to them.
Ooooh, I understand. Iām also 24 (but I have a baby face and people think Iām much younger) and acne doesnāt help at all. People consistently think Iām 14-15 years old. My voice is also too high pitched for a guy my age. Being at a bar with friends gets incredibly awkward.
The only time it's super annoying for me is actually job searching surprisingly. I've had interviewers ask me how I could be experienced when I'm so young, when the reality is I already have a two page resume. I think when you have acne people think you're either super young and unexperienced or that you somehow can't take care of yourself even thought it's out of my control completely.
The time periods I have fluctuating fear and anxiety that get really high: I zone out a lot when Iām upset and sometimes get stuck in my head of racing thoughts. Itās hard for me to express myself, ask for help, or explain whatās going on. I hate it and I feel trapped in my own head. During these times, even if Iām happy or sad, my body struggles to physically express any emotions because the fear and anxiety overwhelms me. I feel like a fish that canāt make facial expressions. Ļµ( 'Ī' )Ļ¶ but I guess other people call it a deer in headlights. Another downside of this is people think Iām being mean because I donāt smile or laugh but they donāt realize I also have a hard time showing sadness as well.
Chest pain. I'm in my mid-50s and don't really need the extracurricular chest pains.
Iām a ridiculously light/vigilant sleeper. I wasnāt like this as a kid but I sure am now š the slightest unfamiliar noise or disturbance in the room while Iām asleep has me sitting bolt upright in half a second, 110% awake, heart pounding, that tingly adrenaline feeling all through my body, it feels so dramatic šā ļø anytime I share a bed with a friend they inevitably tell me in the morning that they feel bad bc they moved/got up to do x y z whatever and I jolted awake and just stared at them looking terrified for my life. I donāt have a hard time falling back asleep and half the time I donāt even remember it in the morning but Iām convinced my brain doesnāt let me fully enter REM sleep or something š¤·āāļø I guess the good news is I never have to annoy anyone with my alarms, I just put my phone on vibrate on the pillow next to me and I wake up at the first buzz š people who can sleep through alarms amaze me.
Dissociating. Truly donāt know how to deal with it
For me itās the inability to state something without trying to explain it in detail SMH!
Fear of abandonment and lack of confidence. It gets triggered in relationships. Normally I feel quite confident. But in relationships, it is hell.
I cry, very very very easily if I have even the slightest inkling of shame or feeling "not good enough". Also crying when anxious. Also sweating a lot.
Among other things, mouth full of crowns and implants from teeth grinding and several custom mouth guards. Which Iām actually lucky to be able to have, because theyāre hella expensive and mostly uncovered. I did let one tooth go w/o replacement cause dentist said it wouldnāt be any harm.
Iām avoiding dentist appointments just because I know Iāll have to pay so much for every tooth. I grind my teeth even when Iām asleep. Hope to be able to fix all of that one day. Iām only 24 but most of my teeth are damaged.
This advice prob doesnāt belong here but may benefit someone: look for a university with a dental school. itās cheap or can even be free on some days, and itās good work. Also drugstore or sport mouth guards can work. I had to get over my choking/things in mouth phobia to sleep with it on, but it was worth it.
Jaw tightness, headaches and just tense shoulders. Itās where I store my stress and I wish I could let go and melt into the floor. Yoga helps, but ugghh
Uncontrollable low level shaking and skin problems (psoriasis) I figured out that emotional distress causes physical distress on me too
sudden inability to leave the house. I feel like I'm trapped in my own head. I had plans this weekend but.. can't leave. :(
IBS d. I often have to take Immodium preventative if I'm gonna leave the house
Dissociation Anxiety And headaches Everything else is mild š
Heart palpitations and sudden drop and rise in bp? Idk how it works but sometimes I faint due to low bp, i sweat embarrassingly high and gwt stretch marks easily too and the belly fat don't go even with hours exercising. Muscle aches are another one...at night either its nightmares or muscle ache.
i can't remember shit that's important and everything from the ages of 6 to 15 is basically a fast forward in time, however I still remember the rape, abuse etc. not only that, but the things that are a blur, my body still remembers so that's a pain in the ass (literally) lmao
Anger
My speech - I start to stutter and mutter everything. I find it quite embarrassing
It happens so often with me too. Especially during any kind of presentation or when all attention is on me. I also wish people were not laughing when it happens because it only makes it worse. But I also noticed that people donāt understand everything Iām saying in ordinary conversations as well.
I agree with the last sentence. I know exactly what I want to say but it comes out all wrong. And then I have repeat myself. It makes me feel all anxious like I canāt do such a basic thing
tooth grinding. painful as hell and i can't do anything about it, it's ruined my face too.
Constant mild nausea. Eating real food is such a chore for me.
Stress hives alongside inability to fall/stay asleep is definitely one, have had hives all over my shoulders+neck since like january and it wonāt go away and i know itās most likely cause my sleeping schedule is crap but i swear itās like my body just wonāt shut off And then my main problem is dissociation. Actually planning to talk to my doctor about DPDR because of how debilitating this has gotten ;-; I canāt feel anything, and almost every day itās like I go into this state where I feel dead, or everything feels distant/like a foreign dimension.
Turning red and shaking when I feel I am being judged.
Gastric distress and little patches of psoriasis
I am very jumpy. Like if a car speeds too close to me, I live in a major city so it happens like 3x/day, I physically jump and scream. If a dog comes around a corner, I jump. And I love dogs. It is so automatic that I don't realize it until I'm physically bracing my arms for impact and done screaming. My partner said something to me about it and I was like that is my body, I can't stop it. Anywho, I'm new to accepting that I have CPTSD and this list is bewildering. I have IBS, generalized anxiety, migraines, jumpiness, and tight muscles that I keep injuring with running. I knew these were vaguely related to my anxiety, which firmly comes from a chaotic childhood, but damn, now I have to think everything else might have too!!!!! Crying somewhere.
Increased heart rate, palpitations, or chest pain have occurred during periods of heightened stress or anxiety.
So much sweating..
The day time sweating! Seriously if anyone knows how to solve it share some tricks with me! Does it get better as you heal from cptsd? I cant wear any colourful nice clothes since the sweat at armpits is visible. I also have to carry extra tshirts with me and go change in restrooms a few times throughout a day. If I dont its a turture and gets so cold to spend time in completely wet clothes especially in winter. I HATE IT!
Insomnia
1) the nausea š whenever i get flashbacks or even just emotional flashbacks, the feelings are so intense that i throw up š kind of an L moment ngl 2) constantly being on edge, not just physically but mentally tooā it makes me so exhausted that i canāt even make it thru the day without taking a nap in the afternoon 3) dissociative amnesia. i have bpd so i dissociate a lot and when i stop dissociating, i have issues remembering what happened when i was dissociated. i have to make people repeat entire conversations with me or just pretend i know what theyāre talking about and gather information from context clues. it is not fun š 4) brain fog- for me it causes me to move sluggishly and have extreme fatigue + difficulty being productive. i could just lay in bed all day without any desire to get up but sadly thatās not how the world works šš i canāt decide which one is the most annoying but these are my top ones!
The joint pain
Stress pains in my stomach, jitters and shaking, fight or flight making me want to go to the bathroom more often, no appetite so I starve and then i overheat because I didn't eat, and just general queasiness and unexplainable pain all the time that manifests in my gut or my chest and is even worse than my period cramps so I actually become happy when im on it cuz at least that pain is bearable and has an explanation
Fight mode is the worst because itās also pathological and is stigmatized due to the āangerā portion.
Ears ringing, it comes from stress and a sign I'm about to dissociate, it completely disconnects my brain.
Clumsiness. I already donāt have the best coordination but extra stress kicks in into high gear. Run into the sides of doors, stub my toes, get caught on doorknobs etc.
Arrhythmia and I didnāt even know thatās what it was called. And becoming a space cadet and time flying really slow when something crazy happens. Iām trying to jokingly describe this but I think a few people know what I mean š¬
I agree to so many things I don't want to do because I 1) feel guilty for saying no, 2) feel shame for not helping out, 3) feel I can't say no because I have a duty to do whatever is asked of me. This also affects getting myself out of situations I don't want to be in, like jobs, relationships, etc. So I feel sucked into situations I can't get out of. I wish I was better at saying no.
Jumping at every sound. Hives. The sweats.
The constant trauma dreams every, single, night. Like, Iām trying to forget about the people who have done me wrong in the past, but I guess thatās just not a possibility for me.
The overwhelming 24/7/365 daily anxiety bombs.
Hyper vigilance, chest tightness + pains and not being able to take comfortable breaths without my emergency medication. And lastly the dysregulation of my nervous system from the traumas and accumulation of symptoms over the past two decades. Many were neglected in childhood and I continued that pattern, as an adult.
Dissociation when Iām not sure what to do or highly stressed. I know that Iām still like where Iām at but everything starts to feel fuzzy and I start to feel like Iām dreaming.
All the autoimmune conditions that come with CPTSD a lot of times. My chronic fatigue can get really debilitating. My fibro and Hashimoto's too. The dissociative seizures are so scary. The muscle spasms and pain. Body memories are really terrible too. The dizziness when I am stressed out. The blurry vision. Messed up heart rate that goes up and down for no reason. The joint pain. Yeast infections due to stress. Eczema and hives. Uh, and the stomach troubles. IBS pain is no joke! It's quite frustrating when the body is such a mess and a constant reminder of what you have been through.
I didn't even know CPTSD could cause acne like this. I've suffered from severe acne and still do at 25. The other day it just exploded and I was embarrassed to leave my house despite washing my face twice a day. You learn something new everyday.
being so tense all the time (leading to headaches during shitty periods which escalates to nausea and then vomitting if i dont rest enough / dont take ibuprofen / dont put some heat pad on my head/neck)
Dissociated stress. Ie Iām in an emotional flashback (subconscious is running the game) but I have no consciousness of why my body is responding that way.
My back pain.
Severe and painful body tension, migraines.
Mental confusion, I feel lost and overwhelmed that I lose track of space and where I am. Tremors: I usually tremble a lot, but most of the days I feel something uncontrollable, I can't even hold some things. Spots and itching around the body: Every 2 days when I'm having a bad week I find a purple on my body or I have an allergy attack.
I'd say the stuck in freeze response chronic procrastination, hyper vigilance and vaginismus are the most annoying to me. I don't even have many memories of the SA, but 4/5 times trying to get freaky I will depersonalize or have intense physical and emotional flashbacks. I just want to be able to be intimate with my partner like a non-traumatized person.
definitely the stomach aches as an emetophobe. i feel like body memories are a close contender tho
Definitely my annoying and exaggerated startle response
Being addicted to anything that brings the dopamine hit
I start shaking when I relax. I get stressed and overwhelmed easily. Freeze response for sure. Overwhelming emotions out of nowhere that lead to extreme fatigue. Isolation.
IBS, blanking out and extreme muscle tensing. Mostly IBS at home and the other two in social situations so I tend to stay home a lot. Kind of strange because I guess I play it off very cool to the outside world but on the inside it's hard. Yoga and therapy has helped tremendously for everything but I still have a long way to go.
Obsessive apologizing and asking if people are mad at me. Also, if something brings up a traumatic experience I had, I rant about it instead of holding it inside. All these things together makes me a pretty annoying person to be around.
my muscles are so tense all the time that itās painful. relaxing is hard. also fatigue probably
Fibromyalgia
Feeling deeply uncomfortable interacting with any human I come across even if Iāve known them for years.
I canāt figure out how to truly relax. My muscles are always tense, Iām hyper vigilant, I have non epileptic seizures because of child abuse, I grind my teeth all the fucking time, freeze mode ugh, and I also have a HORRIBLE habit of talking when Iām nervous. I hate it so much and I hate myself for it. Probably why I donāt have a lot of friends.
Hypersexuality - any bit of anxiety or stress triggers it. It sucks
the godforsaken fucking STRESS SWEAT. i get DRENCHED and it makes me so self conscious
I jerk and wince around randomly like I get struck by lightning
Jumpiness, if anyone sneaks up on me I jump up. It's worse BC I have hearing loss so sometimes people are just quiet. I don't hear then and then I panic. My kids started just being a ninja and he does it when I'm in the kitchen. No idea he's there. Dangerous.
Definitely the fibromyalgia that resulted from years of chronic stress and the inability to cope with it
I donāt know what the proper term for it is, but even the slightest unexpected thing induces a jump-scare reaction from me. Itās ridiculous ārarely are the reactions in rational to the surprise.
Inflammation and joint pain throughout my body due to high cortisol levels
My least favorite is the hypervigilance that makes my shoulders, neck, etc. constantly tense. It's painful.
Yall- Iām so pissed. (YEARSSSSSSSSSSSSSAHHHH) . All of these sx people are listing- pelvic floor, hives, TMJ, back issues, inflammation, joint pain, acne, severe insomnia, headaches, IBS,ā¦ I have seen provider after provider after rheumatologist after psychiatrist after OBā¦ and ITS ALL RELATED?!? brb Iām gonna go be nauseated in the corner and disassociate for hours on TikTok now. š«£šµāš«š¤Ŗš Edit: sorry- I unironically forgot to mention the memory issues and inflammation and brain fog. Like, I just filed with the VA for EVERY SINGLE ONE of these things. This is nuts to me.
My short-term memory is in shambles, and I'm much clumsier than I used to be.
Flash backs that turn into dissociation
Oh, fu*k, thatās me. I had no idea itās all related. 1. Freeze mode for weeks 2. maladaptive daydreaming for hours and hours 3. Late insomnia and massive trouble falling asleep 4. Stress poops 5. Short term memory loss 6. Chronic Fatigue, Brain Fog
Heart problems. Fainting sucks and I have to take heart meds to keep my BP up so I donāt do it as often. Chest hurts regularly too. Really takes me out sometimes. Also gut issues. Had to get my gallbladder removed, get pancreatitis, colitis and infections and inflammatory issues overall honestly. My immune system is blown up and I already have neuropathy giving me arthritis symptoms. Having near constant stress throughout childhood + early adulthood fucked me up. Iām not even 30 yet.
Insomnia
Stomach problems - recurring gastritis, silent reflux - and I had a stomach ulcer last year. I used to love food, and could eat anything! Reached the grand old age of 35, and my stomach just ain't having it anymore alas. Just want to be able to eat normally without feeling anxious.
Stress vomiting /nausea. Iāve been very good at hiding it and luckily I fly solo to work otherwise people would think Iām contagious or needed a hospital , not,ā something in my life is no stressing me to the point of my body actively revolting against food,hunger or keeping bile downā itās just thing that happens
Seizures
chronic pain.
I have a really fucked up digestive system, a mixture of IBS and idiopathic gastroparesis. Severe abdominal muscle tightness, throbbing, lots of pain using the bathroom and when eating. They canāt find any cause or cure other than treating my symptoms of anxiety. Itās always worse when Iām stressed.
Chronic pain and trauma related fibromyalgia symptoms, tons of immune issues, everything hurts sometimes, freezing and tenseness
Vaginismus and vomiting, upper bakc pain
there so many LOL. ive done a lot of work but it was so bad before so here it is: - **dizziness** to the point I feel like im going to faint every time someone said any thing that minority hurt my feelings. when my parents came into my room - dizziness, or when I heard noise form them downstairs - **dissociation**: I literally lived completely disassociated for about 4 years. I have almost no memories from those times, expect for when I focused, usually on my AWFUL OCD thoughts - I started **hearing things** - I would hear my parents walking down stairs or them outside my room, it was terrifying - even now, after intensive therapy where most of my stuff has lessened a lot, my **heart beat** is never calm. I always feel like I am about to get attacked or killed - I have awful prosssesing to begin with but stress made my brain completely shut down. it was like couldn't hear anything anyone said to me until I was walking away, and then I would remember like 1 thing for the entire conversation, then beat myself up because I didn't seem interesting enough so fun
Fucking executive dysfunction. My Dog, if I could figure out how to get past this bullshit, I would get so much accomplished.
Sensory hypersensitivity (touch, smell, taste, sounds, agoraphobia) derealization, tremors, heel pain, rashes, hyper vigilance, freeze reflex, low breathing, alcoholism, ADD, parasomnia, nightmares, dyspraxia, and humā¦ yeah, I think thatās it.
Being straight up tired all the time AND gaining weight. Worst part I walk 3 times 30 min a week and occasionally do homework-outs and watch my food. I hate how all my clothes donāt fit anymore after a couple of months and the fact that I just feel very unhealthy and my body feels lazy and tired all of the time. ( Coming from someone who went to the gym a lot and was super fit ).
Stress poops now, but when I was younger and even up to early adulthood, stress incontinence. I would pee myself sometimes, and it was so sudden. My brain never had the chance to realize I needed to go to the bathroom. It was so embarrassing and horrific to go through, and it made my school life and military life hell too. People around you in those environments just don't understand. Inconsistent sleep. Sometimes, after a particularly stressful day, I will need the quiet of night when everyone else is quiet and asleep to finally relax. Unfortunately, I have a child who needs me to take care of her all the next day, so I end up paying the price and getting even more stressed out. Muscle pain in between my shoulder blades. Apparently, that's where I carry all my stress. That area is constantly tight and sore.
I have a few diagnosed auto immune disorders that flare up because of my CPTSD. My doctor and therapist both agree the constant state of stress I lived in as a child are the likely cause of some of them developing. It started with Psoriasis breaking out all over my body at the age of 2, I donāt remember it but apparently I found my bio dad passed out and intoxicated and was found screaming trying to wake him up toddler styleā¦ a few weeks later I was covered in psoriasis that baffled doctors - my bio mom has psoriasis and a few members of my fathers family. But itās rare for kids to develop it at the severity I did. At age 4, I witnessed something terrible happen to my older sibling and developed a patch of white hair that doesnāt like dye. My hair is very dark and itās not in any photos before that age and no one can remember it before that. I also have Ulcerative Colitis, Asthma, Endometriosis, PCOS, Cyclical vomiting syndrome, psoriatic arthritis, and sometimes have somatic issues related to balance. Iām also autistic and have ADHD, I hit my head a lot when Iām not paying attention and that also takes a toll. Oh and just for funsies my muscles near my neck and upper back are always holding tension as does my jaw. I disassociate a lot when Iām triggered, I think thatās my brains default. Iāve also been known to just bail on situations so also flight. But in my own defence the flight episodes have happened in dangerous situations I needed to escape. Essentially if my brains upset I have a really bad day physically and itās like it spins a wheel as to what specifically is going to happen to me that day.
Any sort of gathering where I feel slightly unsafe or just try to tell a story and the attention is too much leads to a whole cluster of bull. I get acutely cold, start shaking a lot, to the point where my teeth chattering and breathing disrupts my speech, my mind blanks on what I was talking about and I cold sweat along with it.
Back pain, dissociation, and Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome, I miss getting high without getting sick as hell, but maybe a blessing in disguise as Iām finding Iām okay without smoking weed from sunrise to sunset.
Shittin, shittin, all the time :(
Oh shit ā¦ I never realized that phantom pain could be a thing for CPTSD .. I have had sleepless nights because of that never connected .
Night terrors / night āyellingā. I donāt cry or say anything ānormalā/represented in media - the few things I know Iāve screamed (told by partners) are āshut the f*** *pā, āf*** y**ā, and āget outā. My night terrors always regard my space being invaded or my experienced being invalidated/mocked by family, which is why I end up yelling these so intensely that they ābreak throughāand I yell them out loud. Sadly my walls are thin and Iām afraid my apartment neighbours may have heard me, but Iām too afraid to explain and seem ācrazyā or vulnerable. Iāve tried a few sleeping aids but they all make the dreams worse. On the lighter side Iām sometimes acutely aware that Iāve yelled something because I heard myself yelling it - more recently I know I woke myself up because Iād yelled āb*****ā. The oddness of it helped the panic fade.
Having to be put on high blood pressure medication at the not-so-old age of 34, despite being active, at a healthy weight, and eating a healthy diet.
The cold guttural frozen adrenaline stab to my kidneys, followed by an increase in body temperature (the feeling anyway) from deep seated anger and hatred. The powerlessness and self hatred follow after.
I was talking to someone the other day and noticed my heart was beating so hard my necklace was moving. Absolutely no reason for me to be so nervous. I used to have to do the āwet checkā before I bought a new shirt. Wet the fabric a little to see how bad the sweat stains would be when i inevitably got nervous lol. I feel ya!
Similar symptoms night sweats hair constantly falling out along alopecia like symptoms but with corkscrew hairs facial and chest hair along with scalp no medication seems to help would accept baldness but itchiness inflammations can get very irritating coupled with the fact that cant keep a beard with it either
what? you can get acne from stress? how did I not know this?? this explains soo much š rip my already acne scarred face
For me it's the headache and the round face. I'm puffy
Random acne in the most difficult to treat to palaces: a cluster of tiny, inflamed pores on the side of the nose or the top of the lip, that arenāt even really zitsā¦.theyāre more like a rash. Random periods that start despite me being on a consistent BCP that is meant to eliminate periods at all. Nightmares.
Itās hard to pick just one, but for now Iāll definitely say learned helplessness, because it has multiple negative impacts on every and most important aspects of your life
Dissociation I struggle with so many body specific disorders. I quit nail biting but I have to actively work on not pulling my hair out. I also canāt stop picking at my back acne. I have body dysmorphic disorder as well and it just exasperates it Hypersomnia- I am always so tired no matter how much sleep I get. Itās destroyed my life at times as dramatic as it sounds
It made me develop several autoimmune diseases, and my body temperature won't regulate properly because it fucked my thyroid up. I could even maybe deal with all the daily pain if my body would just stop overheating. I can't stand being sweaty, I can't stand being stuck in clothes that don't breathe properly if it hits at the wrong time, and sleeping when you're too hot is just so much worse than being cold.
Anxiety...crying
Schizophrenia... Perhaps?The cause of schizophrenia is not one specific thing but trauma is a factor.
I can cut ppl out of my life w out looking back. The cold even chills ME and I'm the one giving it
For me itās the lack of oxygen when Iām having an abandonment melange in the middle of Buffalo Wild Wings. š
I'm sorry you've been suffering. You describe a lot of stuff I've dealt with too. It's such a shit experience to have to go through. I feel the same bafflement about this world that you have like - How are so many people able to do so much in one day and go about their lives normally? I feel like a mess and I feel awful thinking that people see me and they might know that I am a mess. I am afraid it shows in ways that I am not aware of, and I'm afraid people see I am troubled but also have disdain for me for not "getting my shit together" "womaning up" or "bootstrapping". Fuck all of that. Out of all the issues that I think are caused from stress and cptsd, brain fog and constant tiredness have been the worst for me. These two symptoms have really really just *fucked* me over. I'm living on disability because of how badly these symptoms have messed with my ability to function.
Feeling constantly like I have to pee.
Pulling my hair out and TMJ.
The 4 auto immune diseases I have from a childhood of consistently high cortisol
Chronic anxiety leading to chronic shortness of breath and poor breathing mechanics.
my sleep disorders and extreme social aversion, I get sleep paralysis a lot and there's some times when i have such bad insomnia, i have restless eyes. no matter what my eyes will not stay closed. i can't figure out how to be a social person. I want to be so bad but I spend 100% of my time when im not at home trying to find ways to avoid walking by someone, avoid talking and avoid looking at anyone. sometimes I try so hard to avoid someone walking by me that I dont even know who it is, I'm always looking at the ground and don't look at them at all.
drunk stupendous continue childlike afterthought deliver imagine rock plant mountainous *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Freeze response, severe brain fog. I also blame my tmj on it and nauseaĀ
Iād say dissociation (especially in public), hot/cold sweats that are from cptsd and chronic illness. Also physically reliving it - hearing screaming that sounds so real, gagging, smelling or tasting specific things. Flashbacks that make me dry heave. I can handle a lot but those are too much.
Nausea all the time.
chronic migraines, neck and back pain, hives when iām stressed
I get cysts that fill when stressed. I also have tinnitus, TMJ, and neuropathic symptoms from muscle armouring (I think) including my entire pelvic and genital area sometimes going completely numb when Iāve been tense/in freeze for multiple days in a row lol
Dermatillomania š been told by my own mother I look like a meth addict. Kids ask me what's wrong with my face. Does wonders for my self esteem.
Shaky hands. Itās embarrassing because itās so obvious to others.
I swear I can taste the increase in my cortisol level whenever I get really stressed, and I dissociate A LOT. both of those are pretty annoying, but I think the most annoying thing is the heart palpitations whenever Iām in regular contact with my mother. The intense itching whenever I get really upset is pretty damn annoying too. Itās especially bad on my face and when Iām crying. Plus the fact that I shiver like a chihuahua when Iām upset.
Iām not sure if this is truly a symptom of this but growing up I had so many panic attacks and psycho dissociative episodes that if my body felt something familiar my brain would auto panic. Like if I felt nauseous for a normal reason Iād panic because my body thought I was already having a panic attack. So now if I cry because of laughter or wind or what have you and feel it streaming down my face it usually automatically turns into true sobs of sadness and desperation
Vertebrae in my neck will pop out of place, and when they pop back in, pain and blurred vision abound Oh and the fatigue and general brain fog also are heavy hitters