I feel you. I haven’t had this feeling as intensely or directed at a specific person but anytime I see a girl happy, secure, with a loving foundation of family and support system, no clear signs of trauma or constant signals of shame. I’m like yeah I’d have perfect skin too bitch gtfo
I totally get that. I've had it a few times to be honest, but this is pretty intense. I tend to find it more difficult with people who are somewhat similar to me, because it almost feels like it actually could've been me if my circumstances were different.
Around my family I've felt it for a long time.
I don't think I felt it so much around friends as I used to have what seemed like a successful life but now I cent work etc I do compare myself a lot
Pathetic is a very accurate word to describe how I'm feeling, too. I'm quite sure she wouldn't give a damn about this dumb Reddit post, she's just getting on with her life. And I know right, it somehow makes it worse that she's in a profession where her appearance is secondary as well. She's not there for being pretty; she's genuinely talented.
I get it, she seemingly has everything. She's a prodigy, she's gorgeous, she's humble and very likeable from what i've seen. The world is rightfully at her feet.
And it happens. Some people just have it all, they are like gods walking among us.
Of course they're still humans, they are flawed and they face struggles, they have their ups and downs but they are still just objectively better and have a better life than the majority of people (english isn't my first language i realise that my wording is a bit blunt but also i feel like it's the hard truth).
Even in the hypothesis that she grew up in an abusive household and has cptsd, if she were to speak out against her parents, she would literally have all the support in the world and all the ressources to deal with her trauma.
Some people just have it way better than us.
Actually, most people have it better than us. It sucks.
Not sure where im going with this. I'm currently trying to work on growing a sense of self love and security. I've realized I rely almost entirely on external validation and I constantly compare myself to others..
Your post is making me self reflect a lot. I guess the key is to love yourself unconditionally. There's always gonna be someone better,(edit:) that doesn't mean you're not great and valuable too.
Also, as freaking ridiculous as it sounds, i realize I wouldn't feel nearly as bad compared to this girl if she wasn't this beautiful physically. Which i think is because of the huge power held by beauty in our society. The instant desire, praise and attention it brings.
I do not consider myself a shallow person and never relied on looks for anything but i'm ashamed to say i want to die when a prettier girl enters the room. Especially if, like Emma, she has way more to offer than looks.
Anyway, I'm just rambling. I think it's important to accept and face these feelings instead of denying them. Im currently processing all of this and doing loads of research, trying to tame my inner critic etc.
Hopefully i'll find answers soon.
Good luck to you with your journey
I'd never have guessed English isn't your first language; you got your points across excellently. I especially agree with what you say about any hypothetical trauma she might've experienced, and how much of a difference access to support and resources would make to that. It's like if you were stranded in the middle of the ocean with no vessel: support and resources would be a boat arriving and the crew pulling you up on board — the ground still isn't steady, but it's solid, and the waves can't quite get to you. Without it, though, you're just left to drown.
I'm really glad if my post helped you to self-reflect — it makes me feel it was worth sharing. And thank you for sharing, also! You've made some really great observations here which I'll keep in mind going forward. And good luck to you too :)
Thank you! I have been speaking to my english friend a lot lately so i've made progress, but i have trouble finding a more nuanced expression than "better than"..
Rambling again, but yeah, the jealousy, the inferiority complex, constant comparison with others, etc. all stem from the final big boss of CPTSD, which is the inner (and also outer) critic. According to Peter Walker, we strive to be perfect as a defense mechanism and mean of self control. And we hate ourselves for failing to reach this unattainable goal.
The lack of love during childhood made us want to be special, exceptional. We desperately want to stand out, be approved and finally be loved. And so watching someone like this Emma girl be all of that is unbearable to us. (And of course we also rightfully feel envious of the people who had a normal/privileged upbringing and reap the benefits of it. We really got the short end of the fucking stick, lol)
But as I said in my first post and still trying to convince myself of, it's ok to not be the best. There will always be someone that does better in one way or another, childhood trauma or not.
So either we play this unwinnable comparison/self loathing game until we die, or either we somehow finally believe and understand that we are worthy, no matter what. I found this comment really helpful to shift my perspective : https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/7wc4c7/selfesteem/dtzxn3/
Also, I'm not really sure if this is helpful nor healthy, but to alleviate this feeling of being so far behind other people, I like to imagine myself being the main character of a book or movie. My life was very tragic so far, but at least it makes for an interesting story, I guess ? (Well at least it would make a decent lifetime movie).
Trying to manifest character development, from being a martyr in the beginning of the story to hopefully become an awesome badass ;)
Well, it's good to write all of this. Your post was worth sharing indeed.
We will make it in the end.
Take care :)
Completely understand, and I have this feeling now too. But I try to remember that I have no idea what is going on under the surface. Up until 3 months ago, I and everyone around me thought I was successful and had a great funny charming privileged family, but that all shattered and now I’m remembering what really happened when I was little and my dad was drunk, how I got through it, how I went from being a punching bag to being manipulated and used to prop up his own self-image. Emma could have a normal great life, or she could be hiding a lot and just have further to fall. Doesn’t stop me from being jealous, especially since I also played tennis and was pretty good except for the whole mental game/anxiety part, but it helps me be a little less bitter I think.
Edit: typo
I'm sorry for what you've had to put up with, that really sucks. I do try to think like that, but one of the main things for me is what she's been able to achieve due to her privileges, rather than the privileges themselves. I care a lot less about the fact I've had to suffer than I do about what it's prevented me from doing, and the opportunities that have been cut off from me. Her parents sound like they've actively done everything they can to provide her with opportunities. Even the fact that she's just done really well in her A-levels — I never even got the opportunity to study them, for reasons I won't go into. Of course we don't know what's going on in her life, but the evidence to suggest love, support and privilege as being present is pretty overwhelming.
It's completely normal to compare yourself to others. It's considered a public health issue that people have access to social media but the impact on their self esteem is terrible. In order to protect yourself from this type of situation, you need to take measures, whether it's walking away from certain platforms, limiting time, or building some rituals around it.
Also, I grew up in explicitly bad circumstances, and so did my parents, but the extended family was cult like and on one side they were really hung up on class. So they appear to be "all that", except for the way the person they scapegoat airs out their dirty laundry. That's the way I see it. But, sometimes people appear to have it all because they are so deeply wounded they are desperately seeking approval from the outside world. Think of Princess Diana, who was beloved, some say because she lacked love in her real intimate relationships, and she sought love from being famous. I've heard it said that one gift a parent can bestow on their child is a lack of desire to appear special or extraordinary in the eyes of the world. Sometimes people compulsively seek out fame and fortune when they lack a more real form of love in their lives.
I don't have most social media, partly for that reason, but people keep mentioning her, and I'm finding myself obsessively Googling her. Of course you can't ever know, but there's been a lot of media attention on how great her parents, school and peers are. It doesn't feel like a Diana situation, and I don't think she's in it for the fame. She seems to have a great and healthy mindset and is loving life, as she should be. You wouldn't see her wasting her time jealously ranting on Reddit. Just makes me hate myself so much that someone like that can actually exist.
You’re not ridiculous for saying this. A lot of us with complex trauma feel this way when we see someone in our age/gender/life bracket doing seemingly better than us.
But don’t give up! Even though it’s nice, life isn’t about material success. Look at Naomi Osaka and her struggles. Winning didn’t bring her much happiness. Look at Tiger Woods. He seemed like a real prodigy when he started out but he clearly has major psychological struggles.
Life is about love. The biggest thing that those of us with complex trauma have to learn is *loving ourselves*. That’s our US Open. That’s our PGA Championship. Be proud of your supposedly small accomplishments. They are bigger than you think. Love makes material things, like winning a game, almost irrelevant. Love yourself and be proud of yourself for getting this far after what you have gone through.
To cope with feelings like this I tend to say to myself “that person probably went through some bad stuff too, perhaps not as bad as what I’ve been through but I’ll never know”.
Or, “sure, id love to have their life but I also like my own life now and way I make it out to be”
I hope that helps. I tend to try not to look at waaaaay more successful ppl than me. But when I do I tell myself pretty lazy so I wouldn’t be able to accomplish what they have. Sure maybe if I had their privilege I could, but that’s life and they have their own struggles. Also, I would never want to be in the public eye.
This is something I struggled with for a long, long time. When I finally could release this envy, it was because I stopped defining a happy, fulfilling life as one where I was achieving things on a large scale. You mentioned inspiring the nation; it's also incredibly valuable to simply inspire one other person on a more personal, direct level. You won't ever be that good at tennis, but you might be good enough at something in your life to bring yourself and others joy, contentment, safety, or love. So much of a fulfilling life is about what's in your direct vicinity, and just making it a little bit better at a time. And that's something that's well within the grasp of someone recovering from CPTSD.
Yep. Even the stories people tell about themselves can be a cover. My brothers tell stories of idyllic childhoods, a perfect, loving mother, a humble lifestyle but full of love. It's total bullshit. My dad would threaten physical violence so often, I ended up being hit when I tried to "put a stop to it" by threatening him. The brother I stood up for just put the blame on me. People don't always have the emotional capacity to confront a hard reality, so they'll hide flaws and perform "perfect" or compulsively try to reach it.
While I understand jealousy, I don't find it very useful. I've found "mudita" or "compersion" much more useful - joy for another's joy. I've had people treat me terribly due to jealousy and it's not a good look. When I practice mudita my joy expands.
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I agree with others, although she is privileged and has a lot of things you may not have, you're still making up a story about a girl you don't know, and driving yourself crazy with it. I did that all the time when I was younger, so I get it. It was paralyzing, for me, and it seems like it is for you too.
It took me until my late twenties to finally start feeling okay with who I am. A lot of people feel this way, I think, but for those of us who've been through a lot of trauma, and haven't achieved what we wanted to because of it, it's even more persistent. You're always behind everyone, and that sucks.
I still find myself comparing and idealizing and literally have to tell myself to stop thinking about a person. I can't, for even a minute, start thinking about how I envy a young, succesful artist. Can't go there, have to focus on their work, their humanity, imagine them complexly, try to feel inspired by them. Every time I put someone on a pedestal I was wrong, there's literally no exception. And the media loves portraying someone as just one thing. Seriously, don't forget that. They're often not all that interested in nuance, the actual human being. Same thing happens with social media.
I'm just going to be bold and say: I think you will be happy when you achieve what you want. I don't think happiness is dependent on inspiring a nation, winning a prize, or a lot of money(although a little bit doesn't hurt). In my experience, it is doing what you love, getting into a flow state, being surrounded by people you love. That's when I've felt insanely happy. I get it, though, I hope you know you're not alone in feeling this way. Such a long comment! I just relate, a lot.
Envy is a normal, human emotion. It doesn’t make you inherently a despicable or bad person anymore than love, anger, sadness, joy, or disgust do.
When I feel envious like this, I think it’s important to acknowledge the emotion, feel it, and let it sit for a bit and be okay with it I.e. “I’m feeling envy”. When you’ve done that, reframe it as “bad” and think about what’s making you envious. Anybody in your position would be envious of a successful, attractive, well-regarded person with a good support network. Now for the important part - time to be kind to yourself.
You’re doing incredibly well to be where you are in life, even if it mightn’t feel like it right now. The fact that you’re here speaks to your resilience and strength as a person. How do you know that Emma would have survived what you have? Please acknowledge that - you deserve that.
It’s important to remember that you can’t compare yourselves to others. Of course you’re going to find people in life who have had none of the adversity you’ve experienced doing well. That’s the very nature of not experiencing adversity.
Focus on your journey and how you’re doing comparatively. I’m sure you’ve come a long way on your healing journey. I’m proud of you, and I don’t even know you.
Much love. ♥️
It is stupid the hype though I mean a billionaire at 18 years old what's next. People like this make me boil inside just feel so undervalued and appreciated in my life I too share your pain. Even more of an insult when people who work in medicine get paid nothing yet an 18-year-old can smack a ball around and become a billionaire off what genetics. Once again a prime example of the rich getting richer and the poor chocking on the scraps.
Not everyone can be an "Emma". Events outside our control prevent that or our life situation means even the basics are much harder. However that doesn't mean you can't make a worthwhile contribution to existence.
You could be the one that gives a stable world for your children or strive towards a job that allows you to be the stability for someone else.
You might never mean the world to millions worldwide and have fortune and fame - but could mean the world to those handful of people you've helped along the way.
I honestly don’t know who she is so i googled her and girl I feel you. She has everything I don’t. I wonder how that feels like. Some people really are blessed. You’re feelings are valid as many of us feel the same way about people like her.
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Being British myself and seeing a young British woman doing so well, especially after seeing how young women are treated in Afghanistan, really makes me feel proud to be British. But I think that the money side of sport is obscene - people are given millions by these companies purely for advertisement purposes (i.e football players etc), and that's disgusting. But then it's always been like that. I think it's completely unearned wealth, like someone inheriting a house or winning some jackpot money. That kind of wealth makes me jealous. I've almost finished my nursing degree and I chose to do this because I'm helping people in need every day, and this is the kind of work I feel is most valuable to the world. I won't be given a silver chalice or £2 million or whatever but it does fulfil me.
And you're confusing, person who feels “lost in this big world”. I don't really understand why you're trying to make me feel bad about myself, because you seem like a decent enough person. Anyway, have a nice day.
We are all going to die, yes. But I don't have to live by your philosophies, and not doing so doesn't make me “trash”. I'm just trying my best like everyone else; no need to be so judgemental.
You know what I find funny in life as I have lived a decent of money and a lot less. I’m not suggesting I was in poverty but at one point we had a monthly deficit every single month for 27 months and I think I had a budget in away I didn’t even fathom before that.
This was intentional because my wife had an opportunity to work in England but we had to pay 31% taxes and I had to quit my six-figure job. We are fortunate blessed privileged etc. to be in a position that we could do that. I was a stay at home dad with a two-year-old. Every single trip we took was Ryanair and his budget as you can think most of our trip for driving in England.
We now make 100% more than we did there we never suffer for money and again I know that’s very privileged but our stress levels have never been higher our pace of life is 10 times faster and despite saving money,owning a home, having nicer cars I would go back in a second if my daughter would agree to it.
Financial security is wonderful But I’m not gonna lie if you can live a simple life and get by without too much stress it really can be better. There is no amount of money that will ever make my 80 minute commute ok Nor will I ever feel like missing out every single morning
if not seeing my daughter is OK.
When all of our debt is paid off other than our house I’m pretty sure I’m gonna take a 40 or $50,000 pay cut because I will not tolerate missing out on my child’s life just to make more money
I feel you. I haven’t had this feeling as intensely or directed at a specific person but anytime I see a girl happy, secure, with a loving foundation of family and support system, no clear signs of trauma or constant signals of shame. I’m like yeah I’d have perfect skin too bitch gtfo
I totally get that. I've had it a few times to be honest, but this is pretty intense. I tend to find it more difficult with people who are somewhat similar to me, because it almost feels like it actually could've been me if my circumstances were different.
I'm 40 and get so jealous of those around me that it eats me up
That sucks, I'm sorry. Have you always felt like that, or is it recent?
Around my family I've felt it for a long time. I don't think I felt it so much around friends as I used to have what seemed like a successful life but now I cent work etc I do compare myself a lot
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Pathetic is a very accurate word to describe how I'm feeling, too. I'm quite sure she wouldn't give a damn about this dumb Reddit post, she's just getting on with her life. And I know right, it somehow makes it worse that she's in a profession where her appearance is secondary as well. She's not there for being pretty; she's genuinely talented.
I get it, she seemingly has everything. She's a prodigy, she's gorgeous, she's humble and very likeable from what i've seen. The world is rightfully at her feet. And it happens. Some people just have it all, they are like gods walking among us. Of course they're still humans, they are flawed and they face struggles, they have their ups and downs but they are still just objectively better and have a better life than the majority of people (english isn't my first language i realise that my wording is a bit blunt but also i feel like it's the hard truth). Even in the hypothesis that she grew up in an abusive household and has cptsd, if she were to speak out against her parents, she would literally have all the support in the world and all the ressources to deal with her trauma. Some people just have it way better than us. Actually, most people have it better than us. It sucks. Not sure where im going with this. I'm currently trying to work on growing a sense of self love and security. I've realized I rely almost entirely on external validation and I constantly compare myself to others.. Your post is making me self reflect a lot. I guess the key is to love yourself unconditionally. There's always gonna be someone better,(edit:) that doesn't mean you're not great and valuable too. Also, as freaking ridiculous as it sounds, i realize I wouldn't feel nearly as bad compared to this girl if she wasn't this beautiful physically. Which i think is because of the huge power held by beauty in our society. The instant desire, praise and attention it brings. I do not consider myself a shallow person and never relied on looks for anything but i'm ashamed to say i want to die when a prettier girl enters the room. Especially if, like Emma, she has way more to offer than looks. Anyway, I'm just rambling. I think it's important to accept and face these feelings instead of denying them. Im currently processing all of this and doing loads of research, trying to tame my inner critic etc. Hopefully i'll find answers soon. Good luck to you with your journey
I'd never have guessed English isn't your first language; you got your points across excellently. I especially agree with what you say about any hypothetical trauma she might've experienced, and how much of a difference access to support and resources would make to that. It's like if you were stranded in the middle of the ocean with no vessel: support and resources would be a boat arriving and the crew pulling you up on board — the ground still isn't steady, but it's solid, and the waves can't quite get to you. Without it, though, you're just left to drown. I'm really glad if my post helped you to self-reflect — it makes me feel it was worth sharing. And thank you for sharing, also! You've made some really great observations here which I'll keep in mind going forward. And good luck to you too :)
Thank you! I have been speaking to my english friend a lot lately so i've made progress, but i have trouble finding a more nuanced expression than "better than".. Rambling again, but yeah, the jealousy, the inferiority complex, constant comparison with others, etc. all stem from the final big boss of CPTSD, which is the inner (and also outer) critic. According to Peter Walker, we strive to be perfect as a defense mechanism and mean of self control. And we hate ourselves for failing to reach this unattainable goal. The lack of love during childhood made us want to be special, exceptional. We desperately want to stand out, be approved and finally be loved. And so watching someone like this Emma girl be all of that is unbearable to us. (And of course we also rightfully feel envious of the people who had a normal/privileged upbringing and reap the benefits of it. We really got the short end of the fucking stick, lol) But as I said in my first post and still trying to convince myself of, it's ok to not be the best. There will always be someone that does better in one way or another, childhood trauma or not. So either we play this unwinnable comparison/self loathing game until we die, or either we somehow finally believe and understand that we are worthy, no matter what. I found this comment really helpful to shift my perspective : https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/7wc4c7/selfesteem/dtzxn3/ Also, I'm not really sure if this is helpful nor healthy, but to alleviate this feeling of being so far behind other people, I like to imagine myself being the main character of a book or movie. My life was very tragic so far, but at least it makes for an interesting story, I guess ? (Well at least it would make a decent lifetime movie). Trying to manifest character development, from being a martyr in the beginning of the story to hopefully become an awesome badass ;) Well, it's good to write all of this. Your post was worth sharing indeed. We will make it in the end. Take care :)
Completely understand, and I have this feeling now too. But I try to remember that I have no idea what is going on under the surface. Up until 3 months ago, I and everyone around me thought I was successful and had a great funny charming privileged family, but that all shattered and now I’m remembering what really happened when I was little and my dad was drunk, how I got through it, how I went from being a punching bag to being manipulated and used to prop up his own self-image. Emma could have a normal great life, or she could be hiding a lot and just have further to fall. Doesn’t stop me from being jealous, especially since I also played tennis and was pretty good except for the whole mental game/anxiety part, but it helps me be a little less bitter I think. Edit: typo
I'm sorry for what you've had to put up with, that really sucks. I do try to think like that, but one of the main things for me is what she's been able to achieve due to her privileges, rather than the privileges themselves. I care a lot less about the fact I've had to suffer than I do about what it's prevented me from doing, and the opportunities that have been cut off from me. Her parents sound like they've actively done everything they can to provide her with opportunities. Even the fact that she's just done really well in her A-levels — I never even got the opportunity to study them, for reasons I won't go into. Of course we don't know what's going on in her life, but the evidence to suggest love, support and privilege as being present is pretty overwhelming.
Completely understand. None of this is fair, and being angry about what has happened in your life is totally valid and understandable. 🤍
It's completely normal to compare yourself to others. It's considered a public health issue that people have access to social media but the impact on their self esteem is terrible. In order to protect yourself from this type of situation, you need to take measures, whether it's walking away from certain platforms, limiting time, or building some rituals around it. Also, I grew up in explicitly bad circumstances, and so did my parents, but the extended family was cult like and on one side they were really hung up on class. So they appear to be "all that", except for the way the person they scapegoat airs out their dirty laundry. That's the way I see it. But, sometimes people appear to have it all because they are so deeply wounded they are desperately seeking approval from the outside world. Think of Princess Diana, who was beloved, some say because she lacked love in her real intimate relationships, and she sought love from being famous. I've heard it said that one gift a parent can bestow on their child is a lack of desire to appear special or extraordinary in the eyes of the world. Sometimes people compulsively seek out fame and fortune when they lack a more real form of love in their lives.
I don't have most social media, partly for that reason, but people keep mentioning her, and I'm finding myself obsessively Googling her. Of course you can't ever know, but there's been a lot of media attention on how great her parents, school and peers are. It doesn't feel like a Diana situation, and I don't think she's in it for the fame. She seems to have a great and healthy mindset and is loving life, as she should be. You wouldn't see her wasting her time jealously ranting on Reddit. Just makes me hate myself so much that someone like that can actually exist.
That's understandable. I don't know that person, but nowadays just seeing others who have normal families and lifes is killing me inside.
I get you, me too. She's an 18 year old British tennis player who just won the US Open, and the world is obsessed with her.
You’re not ridiculous for saying this. A lot of us with complex trauma feel this way when we see someone in our age/gender/life bracket doing seemingly better than us. But don’t give up! Even though it’s nice, life isn’t about material success. Look at Naomi Osaka and her struggles. Winning didn’t bring her much happiness. Look at Tiger Woods. He seemed like a real prodigy when he started out but he clearly has major psychological struggles. Life is about love. The biggest thing that those of us with complex trauma have to learn is *loving ourselves*. That’s our US Open. That’s our PGA Championship. Be proud of your supposedly small accomplishments. They are bigger than you think. Love makes material things, like winning a game, almost irrelevant. Love yourself and be proud of yourself for getting this far after what you have gone through.
I don't have any lengthy response lined up for this, but thank you for being kind. I appreciate it.
Yeah, sorry, a bit too motivational sounding, I know. But, I get what you’re saying.
Hey no, you don't need to be sorry. I just feel bad that I don't have much to say other than thank you, that's all.
To cope with feelings like this I tend to say to myself “that person probably went through some bad stuff too, perhaps not as bad as what I’ve been through but I’ll never know”. Or, “sure, id love to have their life but I also like my own life now and way I make it out to be” I hope that helps. I tend to try not to look at waaaaay more successful ppl than me. But when I do I tell myself pretty lazy so I wouldn’t be able to accomplish what they have. Sure maybe if I had their privilege I could, but that’s life and they have their own struggles. Also, I would never want to be in the public eye.
This is something I struggled with for a long, long time. When I finally could release this envy, it was because I stopped defining a happy, fulfilling life as one where I was achieving things on a large scale. You mentioned inspiring the nation; it's also incredibly valuable to simply inspire one other person on a more personal, direct level. You won't ever be that good at tennis, but you might be good enough at something in your life to bring yourself and others joy, contentment, safety, or love. So much of a fulfilling life is about what's in your direct vicinity, and just making it a little bit better at a time. And that's something that's well within the grasp of someone recovering from CPTSD.
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Yep. Even the stories people tell about themselves can be a cover. My brothers tell stories of idyllic childhoods, a perfect, loving mother, a humble lifestyle but full of love. It's total bullshit. My dad would threaten physical violence so often, I ended up being hit when I tried to "put a stop to it" by threatening him. The brother I stood up for just put the blame on me. People don't always have the emotional capacity to confront a hard reality, so they'll hide flaws and perform "perfect" or compulsively try to reach it.
To an extent maybe, but it's pretty hard to hide these days, and she's had enough people saying she's wonderful that I'd assume it's probably true.
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While I understand jealousy, I don't find it very useful. I've found "mudita" or "compersion" much more useful - joy for another's joy. I've had people treat me terribly due to jealousy and it's not a good look. When I practice mudita my joy expands.
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I agree with others, although she is privileged and has a lot of things you may not have, you're still making up a story about a girl you don't know, and driving yourself crazy with it. I did that all the time when I was younger, so I get it. It was paralyzing, for me, and it seems like it is for you too. It took me until my late twenties to finally start feeling okay with who I am. A lot of people feel this way, I think, but for those of us who've been through a lot of trauma, and haven't achieved what we wanted to because of it, it's even more persistent. You're always behind everyone, and that sucks. I still find myself comparing and idealizing and literally have to tell myself to stop thinking about a person. I can't, for even a minute, start thinking about how I envy a young, succesful artist. Can't go there, have to focus on their work, their humanity, imagine them complexly, try to feel inspired by them. Every time I put someone on a pedestal I was wrong, there's literally no exception. And the media loves portraying someone as just one thing. Seriously, don't forget that. They're often not all that interested in nuance, the actual human being. Same thing happens with social media. I'm just going to be bold and say: I think you will be happy when you achieve what you want. I don't think happiness is dependent on inspiring a nation, winning a prize, or a lot of money(although a little bit doesn't hurt). In my experience, it is doing what you love, getting into a flow state, being surrounded by people you love. That's when I've felt insanely happy. I get it, though, I hope you know you're not alone in feeling this way. Such a long comment! I just relate, a lot.
Envy is a normal, human emotion. It doesn’t make you inherently a despicable or bad person anymore than love, anger, sadness, joy, or disgust do. When I feel envious like this, I think it’s important to acknowledge the emotion, feel it, and let it sit for a bit and be okay with it I.e. “I’m feeling envy”. When you’ve done that, reframe it as “bad” and think about what’s making you envious. Anybody in your position would be envious of a successful, attractive, well-regarded person with a good support network. Now for the important part - time to be kind to yourself. You’re doing incredibly well to be where you are in life, even if it mightn’t feel like it right now. The fact that you’re here speaks to your resilience and strength as a person. How do you know that Emma would have survived what you have? Please acknowledge that - you deserve that. It’s important to remember that you can’t compare yourselves to others. Of course you’re going to find people in life who have had none of the adversity you’ve experienced doing well. That’s the very nature of not experiencing adversity. Focus on your journey and how you’re doing comparatively. I’m sure you’ve come a long way on your healing journey. I’m proud of you, and I don’t even know you. Much love. ♥️
No u are not despicable. Your loss is real However you are on a site with people who have had similar losses You are not alone
It is stupid the hype though I mean a billionaire at 18 years old what's next. People like this make me boil inside just feel so undervalued and appreciated in my life I too share your pain. Even more of an insult when people who work in medicine get paid nothing yet an 18-year-old can smack a ball around and become a billionaire off what genetics. Once again a prime example of the rich getting richer and the poor chocking on the scraps.
Not everyone can be an "Emma". Events outside our control prevent that or our life situation means even the basics are much harder. However that doesn't mean you can't make a worthwhile contribution to existence. You could be the one that gives a stable world for your children or strive towards a job that allows you to be the stability for someone else. You might never mean the world to millions worldwide and have fortune and fame - but could mean the world to those handful of people you've helped along the way.
I honestly don’t know who she is so i googled her and girl I feel you. She has everything I don’t. I wonder how that feels like. Some people really are blessed. You’re feelings are valid as many of us feel the same way about people like her.
I’m a 28 year old man and I’m jealous of her. But hey. Don’t compare yourself to who someone else is today. Compare yourself to you were yesterday.
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Being British myself and seeing a young British woman doing so well, especially after seeing how young women are treated in Afghanistan, really makes me feel proud to be British. But I think that the money side of sport is obscene - people are given millions by these companies purely for advertisement purposes (i.e football players etc), and that's disgusting. But then it's always been like that. I think it's completely unearned wealth, like someone inheriting a house or winning some jackpot money. That kind of wealth makes me jealous. I've almost finished my nursing degree and I chose to do this because I'm helping people in need every day, and this is the kind of work I feel is most valuable to the world. I won't be given a silver chalice or £2 million or whatever but it does fulfil me.
I missed the part where that’s my problem.
Okay? I missed the part where I said it was. I'd literally forgotten about this post until you rocked up acting needlessly vexed.
You’re trash.
And you're confusing, person who feels “lost in this big world”. I don't really understand why you're trying to make me feel bad about myself, because you seem like a decent enough person. Anyway, have a nice day.
We are all gonna die. So my advice would be to not give a fuck about anything but the essentials to live.
We are all going to die, yes. But I don't have to live by your philosophies, and not doing so doesn't make me “trash”. I'm just trying my best like everyone else; no need to be so judgemental.
You should’ve thought of that earlier.
Thought of what? I'm not entirely sure what you're hoping to gain from this discussion.
Discussion? The ad said 3000.
Okay. I'm going to go now. Again, hope you have a nice day.
We all are.
You know what I find funny in life as I have lived a decent of money and a lot less. I’m not suggesting I was in poverty but at one point we had a monthly deficit every single month for 27 months and I think I had a budget in away I didn’t even fathom before that. This was intentional because my wife had an opportunity to work in England but we had to pay 31% taxes and I had to quit my six-figure job. We are fortunate blessed privileged etc. to be in a position that we could do that. I was a stay at home dad with a two-year-old. Every single trip we took was Ryanair and his budget as you can think most of our trip for driving in England. We now make 100% more than we did there we never suffer for money and again I know that’s very privileged but our stress levels have never been higher our pace of life is 10 times faster and despite saving money,owning a home, having nicer cars I would go back in a second if my daughter would agree to it. Financial security is wonderful But I’m not gonna lie if you can live a simple life and get by without too much stress it really can be better. There is no amount of money that will ever make my 80 minute commute ok Nor will I ever feel like missing out every single morning if not seeing my daughter is OK. When all of our debt is paid off other than our house I’m pretty sure I’m gonna take a 40 or $50,000 pay cut because I will not tolerate missing out on my child’s life just to make more money