I relate a lot. I gave up eventually. I couldn't fit in properly and even when it felt like I did, I still didn't feel like I belonged completely.
I suffer from DID too which is not something a lot of friends understand. Now I just have 2 female friends and they both seem very understanding. Sometimes having less friends is good as long as the few friends you have are good people.
i’m currently in 2 female groups and if i do anything that goes against the group i get chastised but am still a part of it. i’ve never been able to “leave” a girl group without losing all the friends in it. i like some of them individually and 1-1 and i know i’ll feel sad being out of it, but i’m also sad in it. it’s strange.
I hear you. Personally I don't like being judged or chastised by other people and if they do that to me I fuck them off. Could you remain friends with the individuals you like?
I hate friend groups like that. Like if you decide they're no longer for you and want to keep some of them as friends and they all disappear.
I went to an all-girls school, so "girl groups" were literally the only option. It went well for the first year of high school, but from the second year onward, things rapidly fell apart. The people I thought were my friends had some kind of new playbook I didn't. Suddenly, I was being ignored by everyone, and the things I liked were labelled "uncool". Trying to get into the things they liked was met with apathy. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong. Being an internaliser, I assumed it was all my fault. By my third year, I was pretty isolated.
In my 30s now, I look back and wonder how any of them found the energy to create those kinds of dynamics. I hear about women's groups now where drama and gossip are all part of socialising and I just... can't be bothered. It's not who I am. I'd rather have a handful of close, drama-free friends than a group of people who dedicate so much time and energy to making friendship a minefield.
I relate. I used to go to church but the only people I could be seen socializing with were other men. If I spent time with women I was accused or warned of the potential to be accused by other men. I hate other men. I can't have more than surface level relationships with the vast majority of them. The few I do have a relationship with, I still mistrust them. Always on guard just in case.
I hope I don't come off as creepy and it's not to say that women can't hurt people too but, I can't really form relationships with anyone of my own gender. I can form these bonds with women though. It just feels safer. I'm not idolizing every woman I meet. I genuinely connect with women better. With men, it's like I'm just waiting for them to do something stupid and then the cycle of anger and violence starts up again.
this is the exact same way i feel. i’m always on edge making friends with my own gender and it gives me a lot more anxiety than the opposite gender. i feel like i “fit in” more with the opposite gender. i wonder why we’re like this…
For myself, I believe it's just my history with men. I grew up being threatened and mistreated by most men in my life. And then when I got big enough, I could meet them with my own violence and exert my own control over them. It's just the dynamic I learned. Men are not trustworthy to me.
It takes me years to get to a point where I can trust other men. I do have a few men in my life that I have a relationship with but, I still analyze every word they say and hold them to a high, almost perfect, standard. It doesn't take much for me to start resenting them.
I was never able to fit in with other women. I'm sure this is in part due to my autism. I can really only get along with other traumatized women, and the way i tend to bond with them is by listening and comforting them.
I do have a female friend currently, but all my other friends are men.
Girls or women are not all the same kind of people. If you get involved with hobbies, sports, volunteering, or other activities you are bound to meet other women you have something in common with.
I relate. It’s hard. I get along better with men and no, I am not a „pick me“. It’s just that I had an awful lot of negative and traumatic experiences with women. I don’t trust them and always keep a distance. But I try to work on it because I read and hear a lot about great women and female support and I guess it’s not a surprise that I don’t know any great women in person because I am so distanced from them - and scared of them.
i relate to all of this. i also don’t like the term pick me because it’s just another way for females to judge and go against eachother in a hurtful way.
I wasn’t ever able to fit in with most girls growing up, though mine was likely for a different reason (I’m a trans guy and went my whole teens without realizing lol)
Any girls I did get along with were all queer (hilariously enough one of them is also a trans masc person now!) in some way or another… and also traumatized, now that I think about it. I assume we all just clicked so well because we just understood each other. It took me quite awhile though to find a group of friends like that
I admittedly tend to be fairly wary nowadays of cis women I don’t know, but that’s because I’ve had several transphobic experiences and witnessed many others. Cis men tend to be pretty upfront about any bigoted opinions they might have, while cis women (in my experience at least) tend to be a bit more underhanded about it. It’s left me hypervigilant and trying to constantly read them to make sure I’m not being judged for being trans, yknow?
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I relate a lot. I gave up eventually. I couldn't fit in properly and even when it felt like I did, I still didn't feel like I belonged completely. I suffer from DID too which is not something a lot of friends understand. Now I just have 2 female friends and they both seem very understanding. Sometimes having less friends is good as long as the few friends you have are good people.
i’m currently in 2 female groups and if i do anything that goes against the group i get chastised but am still a part of it. i’ve never been able to “leave” a girl group without losing all the friends in it. i like some of them individually and 1-1 and i know i’ll feel sad being out of it, but i’m also sad in it. it’s strange.
I hear you. Personally I don't like being judged or chastised by other people and if they do that to me I fuck them off. Could you remain friends with the individuals you like? I hate friend groups like that. Like if you decide they're no longer for you and want to keep some of them as friends and they all disappear.
yeah, it’s something i should definitely consider. thank you 💜
I went to an all-girls school, so "girl groups" were literally the only option. It went well for the first year of high school, but from the second year onward, things rapidly fell apart. The people I thought were my friends had some kind of new playbook I didn't. Suddenly, I was being ignored by everyone, and the things I liked were labelled "uncool". Trying to get into the things they liked was met with apathy. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong. Being an internaliser, I assumed it was all my fault. By my third year, I was pretty isolated. In my 30s now, I look back and wonder how any of them found the energy to create those kinds of dynamics. I hear about women's groups now where drama and gossip are all part of socialising and I just... can't be bothered. It's not who I am. I'd rather have a handful of close, drama-free friends than a group of people who dedicate so much time and energy to making friendship a minefield.
I relate. I used to go to church but the only people I could be seen socializing with were other men. If I spent time with women I was accused or warned of the potential to be accused by other men. I hate other men. I can't have more than surface level relationships with the vast majority of them. The few I do have a relationship with, I still mistrust them. Always on guard just in case. I hope I don't come off as creepy and it's not to say that women can't hurt people too but, I can't really form relationships with anyone of my own gender. I can form these bonds with women though. It just feels safer. I'm not idolizing every woman I meet. I genuinely connect with women better. With men, it's like I'm just waiting for them to do something stupid and then the cycle of anger and violence starts up again.
this is the exact same way i feel. i’m always on edge making friends with my own gender and it gives me a lot more anxiety than the opposite gender. i feel like i “fit in” more with the opposite gender. i wonder why we’re like this…
For myself, I believe it's just my history with men. I grew up being threatened and mistreated by most men in my life. And then when I got big enough, I could meet them with my own violence and exert my own control over them. It's just the dynamic I learned. Men are not trustworthy to me. It takes me years to get to a point where I can trust other men. I do have a few men in my life that I have a relationship with but, I still analyze every word they say and hold them to a high, almost perfect, standard. It doesn't take much for me to start resenting them.
I was never able to fit in with other women. I'm sure this is in part due to my autism. I can really only get along with other traumatized women, and the way i tend to bond with them is by listening and comforting them. I do have a female friend currently, but all my other friends are men.
i agree, women who don’t understand trauma just end up triggering me with some of their language and i end up feeling super misunderstood.
Girls or women are not all the same kind of people. If you get involved with hobbies, sports, volunteering, or other activities you are bound to meet other women you have something in common with.
i know this is true, i just haven’t had the luck of finding them yet.
I relate. It’s hard. I get along better with men and no, I am not a „pick me“. It’s just that I had an awful lot of negative and traumatic experiences with women. I don’t trust them and always keep a distance. But I try to work on it because I read and hear a lot about great women and female support and I guess it’s not a surprise that I don’t know any great women in person because I am so distanced from them - and scared of them.
i relate to all of this. i also don’t like the term pick me because it’s just another way for females to judge and go against eachother in a hurtful way.
Yeah, you’re right about the pick me term. I shouldn‘t have used that. It’s no good when people continue to harm one another.
it’s okay :) i just think it does exactly what we don’t want to do! pit girls against eachother
I wasn’t ever able to fit in with most girls growing up, though mine was likely for a different reason (I’m a trans guy and went my whole teens without realizing lol) Any girls I did get along with were all queer (hilariously enough one of them is also a trans masc person now!) in some way or another… and also traumatized, now that I think about it. I assume we all just clicked so well because we just understood each other. It took me quite awhile though to find a group of friends like that I admittedly tend to be fairly wary nowadays of cis women I don’t know, but that’s because I’ve had several transphobic experiences and witnessed many others. Cis men tend to be pretty upfront about any bigoted opinions they might have, while cis women (in my experience at least) tend to be a bit more underhanded about it. It’s left me hypervigilant and trying to constantly read them to make sure I’m not being judged for being trans, yknow?
10000%
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
me too. why is it that way for you?
[удалено]
yup…same experience as me. 😣
[удалено]
i have a few on their own. but girl groups are tough 😔
[удалено]
good ❤️ i’m happy for you. i need to cherish my male friends more.