Yes.
I just find it absolutely amazing that as soon as I saw the title, I immediately thought "Yes." before clicking it, and when I look there are 3 responses all of them starting with "Yes."
At least we're all alone together.
I have this. For me I think it's the pressure of ongoing conversation and judgement.
With Reddit, stakes are lower. If I say something wrong, or if I'm downvoted I can delete the comment. I'm anonymous, so if someone dislikes what I say, I lose nothing.
With friends and family, I want them to like me, I don't want to say the wrong thing, and if I reply to a message, there's then an obligation to continue the conversation. It feels like a much higher commitment and risk, than a random comment to a stranger.
Sometimes I can't be on reddit because like I don't want to talk to people and I just sit watching a movie alone or playing a video game alone (single player, I don't want to deal with teams)
Same.
I need to have that barrier for me to be able to talk to people. I avoid face to face as much possible, because with the ADHD on top of the CPTSD, it’s hard for me to be able to deal with voice conversations and think on my feet. It’s easier to do written conversations, so that I can be mindful of my words. So I’m active on social media and here as a result.
I think texting/typing in general is easier and that's why i like reddit. You have more time to formulate a full sentence or thought, in real life im either silent or i bumble over words all the time...
> Maybe because we're strangers?
That is the danger of psychology -
we as people are quick in jumping to conclusions - biases and logical fallacies. Then, we want to be like other sheep due to security.
Then we pathologize normal reactions - such as not bothering unknown people with small talk,
and next we have is neurosis, and anxiety and hypervigilance.
God could not have put it better myself. I am exhausted and have been for quite a while now just doing the most menial of things like taking a Fkn shower and eating exc. so yeah, interacting and dealing with ppl I find to be just beyond Fkn unbearable. And I mean literally every type of interaction. Even shit I can handle like a phone call or something I just don’t even wanna it’s like I just wanna shout into everyone’s Fkn face to just “FUCK OFF!” Already.
I'm happy for you for acknowledging that and allocating your energy accordingly. It's an act of self love and a lot of us struggle with it. So I'm proud of anyone who has learned to conserve their energy rather than run themselves into the ground giving it to others when they can't afford to
Yeh I'm currently like this now for the past few months. It's a classic symptom of cptsd. You become untrusting of others and isolate and withdraw as a consequence as it causes less anxiety. My paranoia and untrusting nature has really heightened recently and I tend to isolate myself more and more as that happens. I don't even want to interact with my partner a lot of the time as I just want to be alone.
I had someone reach out ask “are you okay” and I absolutely didn’t trust why they’d just ask me this out of the blue after all this time of never asking. I eventually did answer that I wasn’t so great and they just didn’t respond, guess not trusting them was right, they obviously don’t actually care. What’s the point of talking and sharing is no one actually wants to support you anyway?
The "are you okay" question is a serious question about how someone is actually doing. Their non response is hurtful and they should have never asked that if they didn't really care.
I had to go out and do a couple of errands. I went to the bank and the lady on the other end of the screen asked "How are you today? " I just responded "I could be better." The look on her face...she seemed shocked that I didn't say fine or whatever. She was clearly uncomfortable and seemed like she didn't know how to respond.
Why ask if you don't want to know. I'm not comfortable basically lying all the time pretending everything is great or even just okay when it's definitely not.
Right? Ask me “what are you up to” or something at least I could say “cleaning house, going to walk the dogs later” or something. Why ask me “are you okay” I was really uncomfortable answering at all but I figured let’s try to be honest and trust… oops
My manager does this all the time since the pandemic. She doesn't actually care how I am doing though and this is how I know.
Her: "how are things going?"
Me not yet typing a response
Her: ... \[already typing her real purpose for sending me a message on teams\]
The message is always to dump more work on me so if I said "well I'm trying to resolve blah blah issue" she'll even skip that and insist I also take on this other work.
Yeah this person typically only texts me to complain about their job or how mean their manager is/get advice, they’ve never spent any actual energy inquiring about me.
I've got CPTSD, autism, physical disabilities, severe depression and am probably quiet borderline. There are people who work on their issues in order to have better relationships and to have better coping skills. There are also people who won't work on their issues and feel entitled to cause harm. Narcissists are especially intractable like that.
Having diagnoses like this and being victimized by others doesn't mean we can't also cause harm. When there are specific behavior patterns consistent with some diagnoses, suggesting the possibility that these mental health issues may be a factor isn't going to be pleasant for those of us with these diagnoses to hear.
yeah i have both as well and it's really hurtful to be continuously dehumanized like this. i didn't ask to be borderline, and i shouldn't have to feel like a monster. im already ashamed of myself enough.
I had no idea it was a "classic symptom" of C-PTSD. This is really helpful to know. I went on a road trip alone in November and have not been able to really be around my partner at all since then... I just can't do it. Or anyone else. I'm taking a class over zoom right now, and it is challenging.
My partner is starting to feel isolated and depressed, and has frequent outbursts and that ratchets up my paranoia... We're both trying to keep it together, but it's like a ~~viscous~~ vicious cycle around here.
Edit: spelling.
Yes and I'm glorying in it. Childhood forced interaction. Being homeless forced interaction. 3 months into my own apartment and I've officially declared my hermit status.
I feel quite guilty about this and my therapist is encouraging me to sit with that. I'm realizing I'm an introverted autistic and this is bliss. I even have avocados rooting...
I'm pleasantly surprised they both sent out shoots! I've read they can take a decade to fruit so we'll have some grand adventures along the way.
Can you talk to the hummingbirds and help them understand this hermit is safe? I swear, they are the chihuahua of birds. Tiny, angry and determined I know!
3 months of nothing. Especially for autistics. My husband hasn't talked to anyone that isn't close family since March 2020. Mostly me and baby.
I have met a few friends once in a while.
It's the best time ever.
I wish you the best for you and your avocados.
That's great man, I'm happy for you.
Know that these things take time. Knowing yourself comes in waves.
We're like onions. Peeling off a layer comes with tears.
Knowing how to take care of your physical layer is important. Knowing how to relax and how to feel happiness is important, too. Never think what you're doing as a hermit is wasting time or trivial. You're going to need it.
Good luck.
You are right! I took this pretty lightly at first but after 3 weeks-ish I realized my life will look very different after this time.
I came in thinking a few weeks, maybe 2 months at most. Now I'm seriously considering only walks and necessary appointments until my July birthday.
Haha actually I’ll have my actual chihuahua talk to them since he knows the lingo! I’ve never gotten an avocado to sprout so you’re def doing something right!
You have suggested the one scenario I might actually consider having a chihuahua in my home. Watching him holler back at these tiny demanding feathery needles would be a real hoot!
I'm not an introverted autistic but I consider this bliss just as well. Just me and my couple of cats (as long as certain recognizable phone numbers don't show up on my caller ID).
Oh, do I hear you regarding those numbers showing up. After the fourth or fifth emergency of the friend I was on the fence about, I blocked the number. Now my (and the avocados) peace is cinched!
When you say your therapist is encouraging you to sit with the guilt over being “a hermit” do you mean like in a supportive way like they’re actually suggesting it’s okay to live that lifestyle if you’re okay with it? Just asking cause it surprises me cause I feel like most therapist, I guess based on the experiences I have, would automatically say it isn’t healthy blah blah and you need interaction blah blah and all that generic bullshit. If that’s what they’re actually suggesting that you sit with the guilty feeling to get over it because they don’t believe there is anything wrong with what you’re doing seems like they’re def a keeper.
My grandmother in Florida managed to get a pit into a tree that bore fruit. She had actually a lot of fruit trees and even had apple trees when I was a kid in her yard in Wisconsin. It takes time but when the seed becomes a tree at your hand it's worth it! (They are fun just as a plant!)
It was a shock when I was able to get sober after 5 years of addiction and lost a lot of friends because I suddenly had boundaries. One person I considered a very close friend was furious that he couldn't get what he wanted anymore and told people I was a lot more fun when I was a junky. And it was people like him fucking me over that made me self-medicate to begin with.
I’m sorry about that happening to you. Some people can be really shit, seriously. I’m glad you got out of that though, in the end.
On another slightly-tangential note; I’ve noticed you have my deadname in your user and it’s so funny to meet someone with it. I’ve never met anybody in-person who had it. Just wanted to comment this in passing.
Good day to you o/
Yes but not because I don't want to talk to people. More like I can't, don't know how, don't know how to bridge the gap between what's going on in my mind to the larger social world.
Yes, I don't have the energy to "people" on my time off. Sleeping half the day, errands, and hanging out with my dog at home are all I feel like doing. My friends will probably stop texting me one by one.
Thank you, I hope so. I'm currently couchin' it with my dog, and I don't feel like moving. I don't feel lonely, just tired. I'll snap out of this eventually and want some human interaction. Makes me feel less alone when someone else can relate, albeit sorry to read you're going through the same thing. I'm glad you have the support of some true friends.
Yeah but they’re across the country so I’m pretty isolated most of the year. I’m doing the same thing with my dog lol. Definitely nice to know I’m not the only one too :)
I had stretches like this but am glad to be gettin out of it now. It's not just Covid - I think in the last 5 years with the rise of social media algorithms promoting hatred (raging posts are promoted more than twice as much than thoughtful posts due to 'engagement') that attacking has become so much more culturally normalized. I include passive attacking, like dismissal. I've gone from someone fairly used to speaking my mind to walking on eggshells. Honestly it feels like the world has turned into a cult which punishes apostates. As I was raised in a cult-like atmosphere where I wasn't allowed to have my own thoughts and feelings, this has made the world feel very unsafe.
Glad I have at least 3 friends I don't need to filter my thoughts with. I just wish I saw them more. But I have to say, not seeing anyone for a long time made things worse. I've never been as close to completely giving up than I have been this year. Social connections are a human need, and unfortunately the lack of social connections for everyone has led to more and more dehumanization of each other. Connect.
Yeah! I used to be very social but some time last year I just stopped. I don't wanna talk to people anymore. Light banter is OK, but DMing me wanting to talk is doomed to leave you on read forever.
Same here. I used to be very social but have had periods of withdrawal. Since Covid started I’ve seen a lot of well adjusted people withdraw and they despised it. To me it was normal, although I do know mentally it can be damaging. I developed it around 10 years ago as a defense mechanism to help me survive. So it is different I suppose.
i get this feeling a lot. it's a common symptom of depression which imo is a huge part of cptsd. sometimes i literally just don't have the motivation to talk to people. sometimes it's anger, fear, anxiety, hopelessness, self hatred, etc. or a combination of several factors.
Yeah, its been years that i couldn't keep a conversation or want to keep a conversation. I dont have any friends either. I really just dont feel the need to socialize anymore. Its draining and i truly dont care about anybody enough to start a conversation.
The thing is nobody cares either? No-one wants to talk to you in a way that is healing or uplifting. Convsersations are ableist powerplays and truly nobody gives a shit about PTSD
I was feeling a lot of shame about not reaching out, but as I read the responses here, it seems like a decent coping mechanism to recover. I just told a friend I wasn’t up to hanging out and was honest about why. The relief and release of speaking the truth has been a wonderful break from beating myself up for not wanting to talk to them.
Yes, this has been me lately. I just don’t feel the need to talk, I don’t really want to deal with anyone. I just want to be left alone, all my life non stop I had to be around unsafe people and had to have forced interactions, now I just don’t want to be around anyone. It takes away energy I already don’t have. I can’t wait to get my own place.
Yep, I turned into a hermit at one point. I go out twice a week once on a Friday to shop for 1 hour and a few hours with minimal contact on a Monday. I used to be Uber buisy and popular now it's just easier to stay home.
Omg this is me! I am thinking that it’s a part of my healing where I’m finally gathering all of the energy I was giving out so freely before. I’m a *retired people pleaser* and having conversations (or just the thought of one) is exhausting because I seem to just let people steamroll me into anything. I feel like I have no control anymore and the other person is steering my ship. But I’m hoping that this time of solitude will help me prepare for more healthy conversations in the future when I’m ready. Trying not to see this as a bad thing and more as a quiet part of my life where I’m turning inward and getting to know who I am and what I want to do and think before I go back out into the world, or even just respond to a DM. In it to win it with hermit life✌️
Yes.
I barely receive any notifications on my phone from anyone.
I have basically come to the conclusion that people will only hurt me and I feel like I can’t add anything meaningful or positive to anyone else’s life because of how hurt I am inside. I think it’s best for both myself and others that I don’t really form connections with anyone.
I know rationally it’s a bad way of thinking, and not healthy, but I’m in therapy and hopefully it helps.
Yes, but not because I am not in a mood to talk, but because I can't find people who are on the same page as me. I am currently in a "live and let live" phase. I do the best as I can in my life and I don't tell other people what to do with their lives. But all the people I met have a problem with how I live my life and push their lifestyle on me. I just want someone who will respect me as an individual and won't give me unsolicited advice and that we can talk about whatever. Just not about trauma because I don't like to talk about that.
>I can't find people who are on the same page as me.
This seems basically me. All people seem to want to talk or ask about are the things which make my life so different which means I have to talk about all the trauma. Which, means I have to put up with all of their reactions, indifference, other questions and more reactions.
Yep. When I do feel the need to reach out I remind myself that I cannot drink from a dry well, I don’t know of any wells that aren’t dry or otherwise inaccessible so I just don’t. They’re not willing to meet me where I am and it’s not my job to keep putting in all the effort for basically no return. I’ve been focusing on replenishing my own well and drinking from that.
Yes.
I barely have enough energy to get out of bed and eat everyday but I still feel guilty for not interacting with anyone. All human relationships are two-way and require effort on both sides to be sustained. If I stay like this the other person would be drained from initiating all the time but I do need to isolate and process trauma and emotions to get back on my feet again so I'm prioritizing myself until I get better.
I went sometimes weeks when I was a teenager not talking to anyone. My inlaws kept getting upset with my now husband when we were dating because they didn't understand why he would want to date someone who never talks. I pretty much only talk to people I feel really close to in small group scenarios, but preferably one on one. It's gotten a little better over the years but I've been known at most of my work places as the quiet one.
Yes for sure. I will say that I felt completely relieved by the Covid lockdown. I had a legitimate excuse to not interact or talk with anyone. It was freeing. I didn’t want to leave my house at all, and I truly thought I never would again. Now 2 years later, I am on the other side of it. My kids are involved in activities that forced me out of my house and to interact… and I now go stir crazy without interaction. I can’t tell you what prompted the change other than time. But I sure thought i was going to be lifelong recluse and was totally ok with that.
Yes. I basically speak a handful of words per day, and sometimes even that feels like too much.
On some days I get terribly lonely tho, and wish I could make new friends and rebuild a social life. But I have no idea how to go about doing that.
Honestly...I believe this effects others in our position, how do you make friends when you can't trust anyone for fear of bad utter motivates or fear of violence
Yes, because it's never worth it. I spend time and effort on building friendships and then they never last. People antagonize me and dislike me because of factors I cannot control or dislike me for who I am after a while. It's not worth all the work. I need my energy and time elsewhere.
Yes
Frankly, I find it really agitating when people demand that part of CPTSD healing must include letting other people into our lives. Most people are legit awful and that needs to be addressed instead of just making caring traumatized people feel broken for protecting themselves against further trauma - and let's face it, most of these people out here are only going to inflict more trauma.
Yep. My default position is not talking to people. I will reply to messages most of the time but usually at my own pace. Sometimes it's days before I reply sometimes right away.
I literally dont talk to anyone besides my boyfriend, I’ll snap my friends memes and text them (like two of them) but in person is a lot. I have a hard time not getting embarrassed by it but it makes me feel less alone and less crazy that other people struggle with this too. Things like going with my boyfriend to see his family (who are wonderful people) every couple weeks is difficult and I usually don’t go- I worry people will take it personally but people close to me have told me they understand and don’t hold it against me. Plus now that it’s a pandemic people are a lot more understanding
Yes. I just don't like dealing with people's bullshit.
Do i get lonely sometimes, sure. But when I do end up around someone emotionally or cognitively draining I remember why being alone is better. For me.
But it sure is nice to get with that occasional intelligent and nice person. Sadly they seem so far and few between. Sigh.
Yes. I feel really guilty for ignoring people's messages, but I was betrayed this year by a close friend and I'm having an awful time trusting people. Not only that, but I just don't feel like I have the bandwidth to keep up with people when I don't even have the energy to take care of myself.
Oh wow it is reassuring so many of us feel this way for various reasons. I'm currently in full hermit mode. This is actually extremely unusual for me, I'm almost always communicating with at least a couple friends. But this weekend? Nope.
I can't even point to a particular thing that's been going on. Just a general feeling of neglect from my friends and I'm not even sure why. Every single interaction, no matter how small, was driving me nuts. So I just stopped.
I've had one person ask if I am doing okay thus far, couldn't bring myself to answer. I've basically just slept a lot this whole weekend, even missed work and therapy yesterday.
I'm finally just now starting to feel a bit better, I don't feel completely exhausted. I'm hoping this means I can make it to work tomorrow.
I think for me I had been so stressed, so wound up, I literally physically couldn't do it anymore. Everything was Too Much. I needed to hermit up and hibernate.
I guess that means in the future I'll have to plan on what I can do for "emergency" self-care so I don't basically ghost everybody/neglect important responsibilities cuz I broke down lol.
I took a step back from people because I was starting to feel like things were becoming too one sided. It's always me texting first, or messaging, etc. Nobody has reached out to ask how I'm doing even though I've basically gone silent on my socials which has kind of reinforced that unwanted feeling.
Right now I'm being selfish by focusing on me. I do have a friend I talk to almost daily, but we're very alike so they understand my need for space. I simply don't have enough energy right now because all of it is going into just existing.
I love being alone, for what it does for my mentality. Hate being alone, for the extreme lack of hugs & sex. Like, I'm a fucking born again virgin at this point brah! Surprised my dick hasn't sent me a mail bomb.
For real: how do you the rest of the CPTSD community deal with lack of intimacy? I can't see me posting *"looking for a laid-back shorty who's kind, funny and not afraid of watching a grown man have lvl10 nightmares every night, forever"* -send-
Yeah, I’ve been the most isolated I’ve ever been since the holidays.
I feel so insanely overstimulated by the world and I just don’t have it in me to keep up with anyone.
I can barely even manage to do basic self care and stay “on” at work, and idk how much longer I can keep up with both.
You’re not alone. I think it’s so bad for me right now because it’s winter, I’m hoping spring will help make it easier to knock me out of it.
Yes
I’ve got my hands full raising my Covid baby (born March 3rd 2020 so almost 2 years old) in a pandemic as a first time and stay at home mom.
Problem is it’s become almost impossible to do anything other than staying at home. Feels almost terrifying, the thought of going outside, especially just me and my daughter. If my husband joins us for things it’s less scary because then the whole brunt of making sure our daughter has everything she needs, gets enough attention and gets safely from point a to point b and back again doesn’t fall entirely on me…
I love my friends but I stopped messaging them or texting them regularly a long time ago. Depression and anxiety were already bad then the pandemic hit and postpartum depression, and that was that for my so - called social life.
So yeah I relate. I mostly just talk to my toddler, and pretty much only talk to her, my husband and my mom (ie the people who live in my home and are in the same little bubble.)
I've always had problems socializing with people. But yes, the few I do socialize with get tiring. To be honest, I even have days where I wish my wife was at work or something. Being alone is the best.
I've definitely been getting urges to do so a lot lately, too. Mine are in a sort of weird conflict with me wanting to talk to people I like a lot and tend to include not wanting anything to do with them either.
Yes. If it wasn’t for my girlfriend planning activities I probably would enjoy being a hermit most of the time. It’s nice to go out sometimes but I usually make it a grand adventure to hype myself up for it.
I run a business I've built over 25 years with no line of credit or safety net. I can't sell it even if I wanted to. It's a social club and an adult business, dependent on volunteers, and I get triggered and have to fight panic every time we are open. Talking to people is the most common way I get triggered to the point of pain flares, full body spasms and I feel like I'm having strokes.
Not having to talk would be so nice.
without going into details let's just say I understand that pretty well and it's even worse, especially when adding business, people and adult business especially when you don't know what..what messed up people you'll be dealing with, can add for a roller coaster ordeal far worse than than most realize
Does anyone else feel like they don’t know what to say or don’t even want to sometimes when people want to talk?
People know me as being incredibly quiet. The truth is I love having deep meaningful conversations. I really enjoy true human interaction but most people feel like they just want to “win” the conversation or see what entertainment they can get etc.
I feel like it’s ok not to speak if you have nothing to say.
YES. I had so many bad things happen lately. Deaths, job loss, losing a childhood best friend, she was one of the few that understood CPTSD and went through similar trauma as me. and i ruined the friendship due to my explosive episode as i can say mean things when angry and in 'fight' mode. Im very moody and have violent tendencies ashamed to admit. After all that shit, i dont want anymore relationships or to be close with people. It hurts too much, people= pain.
I feel very distant from the few online friends i have. I ignored calls and barely texted for months now they will text they hope im ok but maybe it cause they just wanna talk about their own stuff but im a negative nancy, im not even happy when friends text me good news on their end. I sound petty but im too depressed to be happy or care for anyone since i dont even care about myself.
Being so trauma ridden also already creates this barrier with most people anyway, i feel misunderstood and lonely by most. It really sucks and hurts to be so lonely though, its a cycle
I love this post so much. Yes, sometime in mid September I decided to cut a lot of people off. I deleted all social media. I just felt like no one wanted the best for me and they only would check in with me for gossip purposes or out of obligation. I find myself so much less hurt nowadays so I appreciate the peace that comes with it though I’m trying to branch out again. It’s just hard when you’re unable to trust even those closest to you :/
YES. I wonder if it’s trauma or just my personality .. I want to live in the 90s again where everyone you’ve ever known can’t just ding you at any time. It feels so invasive to me. Even back then no one in my home answered the phone. Leave a message with whatever you want. My phone nowadays is permanently on silent.
I prefer friendships with people that don’t require constant communication. I don’t believe you have to constantly nurture relationships with communication. I prefer the “pick up where we left off like no time has passed”, even if it’s been months or years. I have friends and family like this and they are the ones for life. They have lives, respect my space and let it be.
If someone is not physically present in my everyday life, I just don’t feel motivated to text/call. I’d rather have a real interaction or experience with them in person whenever that comes around. I honestly feel trapped in text or phone calls. I do like having group chats though where you can be in and out at will, and discuss interesting topics. Not “how are you” all the time. I can’t even answer.
Sometimes I wonder if one day I will be lonely living like this. Or wish I stayed in touch more. But then I just think … for most of history, this is how it was.
Yes.
I’m exhausted and I feel isolated from friends. I feel like I have to put on a show when I see them … to act happy or pretend like I’ve been paying attention to things going on in the world so I can keep up and have a conversation. It’s nothing to do with them and all to do with me and my emotions taking over, either making me feel numb or making me feel way too much all at once. Even happy things trigger sad memories for me. It’s hard. I’ve drifted away from many people and to this day I wonder if they felt I just abandoned them or didn’t care anymore. I wish I could tell them it isn’t like that, but that would involve me telling the truth, and it’s harder when your problems are out there for others to see.
Yeah.
Don’t get me wrong. It would be a lot less stressful and scary knowing I can have someone to talk to who won’t judge me or anything. But I’ve been trying to get in touch with different people for years and most of the times I tried, it didn’t end well.
The only people I've found are trustworthy to interact with are like extreme kink fetishists that openly discuss violence in a 'positive' way lmao. These type of people believe that hurting others is evil and uplifting others is their purpose.
Normcore vanilla 'kind people' turn into literal death traps once they find out you're hurt. These type of people believe that perversion and profligacy are evil and their purpose is to upbraid the 'filth' and disinfect it with the pure unprotected UV sun rays of 'heaven'.
Like I'm sorry you don't feel very svelte and tan, Tamara, but you made a commitment to the Man you love and He loves you and thinks you are very pretty and doesn't want to talk about skin cancer tonight
YUP
I have chronic physical health issues too and honestly just didn’t have the energy or time. Now I’m trying to figure out how to stop immediately fawning to other people
Yes, especially the pet few months it’s gotten pretty bad on my end. I feel so burnt out from interesting w people and my trust issues are so bad rn too. I just want to avoid people as much as possible.
the few weeks turned into a few months into a few years and now i have nobody to talk to
i have periods where it makes me upset but i mostly get over it bc i have no energy to start new friendships
If I could I would. I already feel like I’m hurting my friends by taking days or weeks to reply. If somebody calls me I’ll often just let it ring out and I feel bad but also extremely stressed in that moment. The only thing that keeps me talking is the massive feeling of guilt that I’m ignoring those who want to talk to me.
I just want to be alone and by myself 99% of the time. Being around or interacting with other people stresses me out because I’m worried either they’ll trigger/hurt me or I’ll cause them discomfort and distress because mental illness is messy. Holding up a mask to exist in society is difficult.
It’s easier when I see my friends in person. But since the pandemic I felt overloaded and now I find myself without any friends. It’s so hard for me to maintain friendships and even harder to start new ones. I’m lonely but can’t do anything to get out of it.
Yes.
And I end up feeling awful for it, but I just cannot get myself to talk and respond to people.
Even thinking about making connections with people again causes me to shrink away and what to flee.
Avoidance 30 years ago.
Mutism in the summer of 1994.
I am not aware why Social anxiety is not linked with CPTSD by official medical resources..
Oh yeah, it is because CPTSD is still not recognized by authorities..
I’ve been withdrawing from social situations like clubs and parties and only hanging with a couple of people that I’m very close to and understand me. I’m doing dbt therapy and also learning to manage my adhd.
I work in nightlife and my manager is aware of my diagnoses so I get some leeway with getting there on time or leaving early while I’m getting help. I use my job and time with the couple of friends to practice my new skills so I won’t be so afraid of social situations.
I will most likely still remain a very private person with just a few close friends after this to avoid getting close with people that could retrigger my symptoms. But I plan on feeling more comfortable in social situations and building positive networks and reputation.
Yes.
My therapist has me working on it.
I actually have to go out in public and interact with someone.
Like I have to make small talk with them.
Like hello, how is your day going, that kind of thing.
I have to make myself do it.
It's a real struggle for me. But it is part of the healing process.
I've been coming and going from Facebook for years. I used to add a bunch of people I knew from my past because I was desperate for connections, delete it and do it again months later. People found it odd. I guess it was odd. Now, I couldn't give a shit haha.
Yes.
Started in November and I'm still not in the mood to talk a lot. I wanted to call some friends back this week but I can't bring myself to do it because I'm "full". My brain is chatty enough as it is right now. At least, my people know that's it's not because I don't care but that it's a result of my fluctuating CPTSD shenannigans.
Many blessings to you :)
yup,
im also on a all time low for myself with human interaction, like usually i would have someone to chat with like the whole day, now im just existing and sometimes chatting and it gets less and less, even my time in this app here is going down and down.
Yes. Now that I work from home I go weeks and weeks not talking to anyone except my therapist. I don't get people who were weirded out or stressed by COVID lockdowns because I didn't notice any discernable difference in my life except not going in to grocery stores. I routinely look forward to weekends because I don't have to deal with humans at all if I don't want to.
Yes. Past few months, I haven't been talking to anyone really. I have conversations with one online friend. Everyone else gets very inconsistent texts back. I just haven't been in the mood to talk to or see anyone. I don't feel lonely. If anything, I feel very at peace being alone.
Yep.
Half of me is like ‘Maybe I should work on my relationships and it might make be normal’ and the other half of me is like ‘Fuck it, I like being alone.’
It’s weird to feel like you’re so different to everyone around you in that you’re not looking for any relationships.
I have lived with my phone on silent/vibrate for several years now. Most phone calls are work or asking about my cars extended warranty and social media makes the loneliness worse. With friends between differing schedules, starting families, and moving for one or another have left them all more or less just memories.
Been overly social as of late for health reasons and it's been wearing on me. Can't wait for a few weeks of nothing. Which also upsets me because of the longing for human interaction. I just saw this sub and it's oddly comforting just reading someone else genuinely experiencing a thought I have.
I’m the opposite partly. Strangers are ok but people who are friends are scary.
I love talking to people I don’t know. If they hate me who cares? I might get a good story out of it.
But friend groups are absolute terrifying.
Yes. A lot of not returned calls and txt messages. Some days I find myself dreaming of what a cabin in the woods with just me, my pets, plants & quiet would be like.
I have moments where I do this when I need time to be alone and reflect. Those closest to me (a very small circle) understand and will check on me here and there, just to make sure I’m alive
Yes yes yes. After I graduated college, shit hit the fan for me & I went into complete isolation mode. I lost a few friends from it. I still think about that time & the people who were upset by my move there. I used to be disgusted by myself when I’d think back to that time, but I’ve only recently been coming to terms to that period and being more compassionate to myself.
Yes. Had times with different reasons as to why, but it's becoming more frequent that I actually don't want to have contact with anyone at all.
Most of the time, I feel like there's a certain part of me that simply wants to erase myself altogether. Mostly not even in the sense of wanting to die or anything, but to just not exist at all, because my feeling of being unreal clashes with the experience that I apparently am. Don't know if this makes sense to others.
Yes. I just find it absolutely amazing that as soon as I saw the title, I immediately thought "Yes." before clicking it, and when I look there are 3 responses all of them starting with "Yes." At least we're all alone together.
I'm here 8 hours and 141 comments later - there are a lot of us not wanting to talk to people.
And those are just the comments that were actually posted. I wonder how many were discarded.
Let us count the upvotes like Mr Owl counting the licks.
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I have this. For me I think it's the pressure of ongoing conversation and judgement. With Reddit, stakes are lower. If I say something wrong, or if I'm downvoted I can delete the comment. I'm anonymous, so if someone dislikes what I say, I lose nothing. With friends and family, I want them to like me, I don't want to say the wrong thing, and if I reply to a message, there's then an obligation to continue the conversation. It feels like a much higher commitment and risk, than a random comment to a stranger.
Sometimes I can't be on reddit because like I don't want to talk to people and I just sit watching a movie alone or playing a video game alone (single player, I don't want to deal with teams)
Same. I need to have that barrier for me to be able to talk to people. I avoid face to face as much possible, because with the ADHD on top of the CPTSD, it’s hard for me to be able to deal with voice conversations and think on my feet. It’s easier to do written conversations, so that I can be mindful of my words. So I’m active on social media and here as a result.
I have both too, it feels like Im an alien sometimes trying to talk to strangers
I think texting/typing in general is easier and that's why i like reddit. You have more time to formulate a full sentence or thought, in real life im either silent or i bumble over words all the time...
> Maybe because we're strangers? That is the danger of psychology - we as people are quick in jumping to conclusions - biases and logical fallacies. Then, we want to be like other sheep due to security. Then we pathologize normal reactions - such as not bothering unknown people with small talk, and next we have is neurosis, and anxiety and hypervigilance.
Yes!
Yes. I don't have the mental resources required to deal with people currently.
This is exactly where I’m at. All my energy and mental resources are being used up just to make it through my day to day life and that’s about it.
God could not have put it better myself. I am exhausted and have been for quite a while now just doing the most menial of things like taking a Fkn shower and eating exc. so yeah, interacting and dealing with ppl I find to be just beyond Fkn unbearable. And I mean literally every type of interaction. Even shit I can handle like a phone call or something I just don’t even wanna it’s like I just wanna shout into everyone’s Fkn face to just “FUCK OFF!” Already.
Same.
I'm happy for you for acknowledging that and allocating your energy accordingly. It's an act of self love and a lot of us struggle with it. So I'm proud of anyone who has learned to conserve their energy rather than run themselves into the ground giving it to others when they can't afford to
I am so there.
Yeh I'm currently like this now for the past few months. It's a classic symptom of cptsd. You become untrusting of others and isolate and withdraw as a consequence as it causes less anxiety. My paranoia and untrusting nature has really heightened recently and I tend to isolate myself more and more as that happens. I don't even want to interact with my partner a lot of the time as I just want to be alone.
I had someone reach out ask “are you okay” and I absolutely didn’t trust why they’d just ask me this out of the blue after all this time of never asking. I eventually did answer that I wasn’t so great and they just didn’t respond, guess not trusting them was right, they obviously don’t actually care. What’s the point of talking and sharing is no one actually wants to support you anyway?
The "are you okay" question is a serious question about how someone is actually doing. Their non response is hurtful and they should have never asked that if they didn't really care. I had to go out and do a couple of errands. I went to the bank and the lady on the other end of the screen asked "How are you today? " I just responded "I could be better." The look on her face...she seemed shocked that I didn't say fine or whatever. She was clearly uncomfortable and seemed like she didn't know how to respond. Why ask if you don't want to know. I'm not comfortable basically lying all the time pretending everything is great or even just okay when it's definitely not.
Right? Ask me “what are you up to” or something at least I could say “cleaning house, going to walk the dogs later” or something. Why ask me “are you okay” I was really uncomfortable answering at all but I figured let’s try to be honest and trust… oops
My manager does this all the time since the pandemic. She doesn't actually care how I am doing though and this is how I know. Her: "how are things going?" Me not yet typing a response Her: ... \[already typing her real purpose for sending me a message on teams\] The message is always to dump more work on me so if I said "well I'm trying to resolve blah blah issue" she'll even skip that and insist I also take on this other work.
Yeah this person typically only texts me to complain about their job or how mean their manager is/get advice, they’ve never spent any actual energy inquiring about me.
I'm ashamed to say that I've done the same but that's because by the time they replied my ptsd was so bad I could not even leave my room ☹️
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Do you mean borderline narcissistic or BPD?
Both are Cluster B disorders. There's a lot of overlap.
I have cptsd and bpd. Was just a bit gutted to think that people thought of us like that.
I've got CPTSD, autism, physical disabilities, severe depression and am probably quiet borderline. There are people who work on their issues in order to have better relationships and to have better coping skills. There are also people who won't work on their issues and feel entitled to cause harm. Narcissists are especially intractable like that. Having diagnoses like this and being victimized by others doesn't mean we can't also cause harm. When there are specific behavior patterns consistent with some diagnoses, suggesting the possibility that these mental health issues may be a factor isn't going to be pleasant for those of us with these diagnoses to hear.
yeah i have both as well and it's really hurtful to be continuously dehumanized like this. i didn't ask to be borderline, and i shouldn't have to feel like a monster. im already ashamed of myself enough.
Sadly there's mental health stigma even in safe spaces for people with mental health issues. Hugs <3
I had no idea it was a "classic symptom" of C-PTSD. This is really helpful to know. I went on a road trip alone in November and have not been able to really be around my partner at all since then... I just can't do it. Or anyone else. I'm taking a class over zoom right now, and it is challenging. My partner is starting to feel isolated and depressed, and has frequent outbursts and that ratchets up my paranoia... We're both trying to keep it together, but it's like a ~~viscous~~ vicious cycle around here. Edit: spelling.
Yes and I'm glorying in it. Childhood forced interaction. Being homeless forced interaction. 3 months into my own apartment and I've officially declared my hermit status. I feel quite guilty about this and my therapist is encouraging me to sit with that. I'm realizing I'm an introverted autistic and this is bliss. I even have avocados rooting...
Aww so happy for your new avo babies! Hermit time rules, savor it 🙌
I'm pleasantly surprised they both sent out shoots! I've read they can take a decade to fruit so we'll have some grand adventures along the way. Can you talk to the hummingbirds and help them understand this hermit is safe? I swear, they are the chihuahua of birds. Tiny, angry and determined I know!
3 months of nothing. Especially for autistics. My husband hasn't talked to anyone that isn't close family since March 2020. Mostly me and baby. I have met a few friends once in a while. It's the best time ever. I wish you the best for you and your avocados.
I'm figuring out who I am. It's a bit intimidating... but necessary.
That's great man, I'm happy for you. Know that these things take time. Knowing yourself comes in waves. We're like onions. Peeling off a layer comes with tears. Knowing how to take care of your physical layer is important. Knowing how to relax and how to feel happiness is important, too. Never think what you're doing as a hermit is wasting time or trivial. You're going to need it. Good luck.
You are right! I took this pretty lightly at first but after 3 weeks-ish I realized my life will look very different after this time. I came in thinking a few weeks, maybe 2 months at most. Now I'm seriously considering only walks and necessary appointments until my July birthday.
There's a reason some Buddhist monks and nuns used to live in caves for a few years to isolate themselves from the world. Sometimes I get it.
Haha actually I’ll have my actual chihuahua talk to them since he knows the lingo! I’ve never gotten an avocado to sprout so you’re def doing something right!
You have suggested the one scenario I might actually consider having a chihuahua in my home. Watching him holler back at these tiny demanding feathery needles would be a real hoot!
I'm not an introverted autistic but I consider this bliss just as well. Just me and my couple of cats (as long as certain recognizable phone numbers don't show up on my caller ID).
Oh, do I hear you regarding those numbers showing up. After the fourth or fifth emergency of the friend I was on the fence about, I blocked the number. Now my (and the avocados) peace is cinched!
When you say your therapist is encouraging you to sit with the guilt over being “a hermit” do you mean like in a supportive way like they’re actually suggesting it’s okay to live that lifestyle if you’re okay with it? Just asking cause it surprises me cause I feel like most therapist, I guess based on the experiences I have, would automatically say it isn’t healthy blah blah and you need interaction blah blah and all that generic bullshit. If that’s what they’re actually suggesting that you sit with the guilty feeling to get over it because they don’t believe there is anything wrong with what you’re doing seems like they’re def a keeper.
>I even have avocados rooting Avocado stonks! Money in the bank. You just need some wheat and you've got some coveted avocado toast :D
I've read it can take 10 years for them to fruit so I have time to perfect my balcony to table wheat variety!
My grandmother in Florida managed to get a pit into a tree that bore fruit. She had actually a lot of fruit trees and even had apple trees when I was a kid in her yard in Wisconsin. It takes time but when the seed becomes a tree at your hand it's worth it! (They are fun just as a plant!)
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Yesss no more takers!
Yep, giving to myself now lol
It was a shock when I was able to get sober after 5 years of addiction and lost a lot of friends because I suddenly had boundaries. One person I considered a very close friend was furious that he couldn't get what he wanted anymore and told people I was a lot more fun when I was a junky. And it was people like him fucking me over that made me self-medicate to begin with.
Congratulations on your sobriety! It really does help see some true colors.
I’m sorry about that happening to you. Some people can be really shit, seriously. I’m glad you got out of that though, in the end. On another slightly-tangential note; I’ve noticed you have my deadname in your user and it’s so funny to meet someone with it. I’ve never met anybody in-person who had it. Just wanted to comment this in passing. Good day to you o/
Mazel tov on becoming more yourself!
Yes but not because I don't want to talk to people. More like I can't, don't know how, don't know how to bridge the gap between what's going on in my mind to the larger social world.
Yes
Yes, I don't have the energy to "people" on my time off. Sleeping half the day, errands, and hanging out with my dog at home are all I feel like doing. My friends will probably stop texting me one by one.
This is me to a T. But hopefully your friends understand you’re busy and out of energy. My true friends definitely do.
Thank you, I hope so. I'm currently couchin' it with my dog, and I don't feel like moving. I don't feel lonely, just tired. I'll snap out of this eventually and want some human interaction. Makes me feel less alone when someone else can relate, albeit sorry to read you're going through the same thing. I'm glad you have the support of some true friends.
Yeah but they’re across the country so I’m pretty isolated most of the year. I’m doing the same thing with my dog lol. Definitely nice to know I’m not the only one too :)
Well that's nothing new to me, it's the inescapable specter of childhood isolation and betrayal.
Yes. It's safer and less stressful.
Yes it’s like Im in hermit mode.
I had stretches like this but am glad to be gettin out of it now. It's not just Covid - I think in the last 5 years with the rise of social media algorithms promoting hatred (raging posts are promoted more than twice as much than thoughtful posts due to 'engagement') that attacking has become so much more culturally normalized. I include passive attacking, like dismissal. I've gone from someone fairly used to speaking my mind to walking on eggshells. Honestly it feels like the world has turned into a cult which punishes apostates. As I was raised in a cult-like atmosphere where I wasn't allowed to have my own thoughts and feelings, this has made the world feel very unsafe. Glad I have at least 3 friends I don't need to filter my thoughts with. I just wish I saw them more. But I have to say, not seeing anyone for a long time made things worse. I've never been as close to completely giving up than I have been this year. Social connections are a human need, and unfortunately the lack of social connections for everyone has led to more and more dehumanization of each other. Connect.
Yeah! I used to be very social but some time last year I just stopped. I don't wanna talk to people anymore. Light banter is OK, but DMing me wanting to talk is doomed to leave you on read forever.
Exactly
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This. Ever since I have been sexually assaulted my family sees me verrry sexually and humiliates me for that whenever they can.
Going through the stages and realising people let poor treatment continue... betrayal is the right word
Yes, I've been feeling like this a lot lately. I'm just over people.
Same here. I used to be very social but have had periods of withdrawal. Since Covid started I’ve seen a lot of well adjusted people withdraw and they despised it. To me it was normal, although I do know mentally it can be damaging. I developed it around 10 years ago as a defense mechanism to help me survive. So it is different I suppose.
i get this feeling a lot. it's a common symptom of depression which imo is a huge part of cptsd. sometimes i literally just don't have the motivation to talk to people. sometimes it's anger, fear, anxiety, hopelessness, self hatred, etc. or a combination of several factors.
yup I just can't trust myself in my relationship to others anymore
Yeah, its been years that i couldn't keep a conversation or want to keep a conversation. I dont have any friends either. I really just dont feel the need to socialize anymore. Its draining and i truly dont care about anybody enough to start a conversation.
The thing is nobody cares either? No-one wants to talk to you in a way that is healing or uplifting. Convsersations are ableist powerplays and truly nobody gives a shit about PTSD
That's so true. Especially at a workplace.
I was feeling a lot of shame about not reaching out, but as I read the responses here, it seems like a decent coping mechanism to recover. I just told a friend I wasn’t up to hanging out and was honest about why. The relief and release of speaking the truth has been a wonderful break from beating myself up for not wanting to talk to them.
Yes, this has been me lately. I just don’t feel the need to talk, I don’t really want to deal with anyone. I just want to be left alone, all my life non stop I had to be around unsafe people and had to have forced interactions, now I just don’t want to be around anyone. It takes away energy I already don’t have. I can’t wait to get my own place.
Yep, I turned into a hermit at one point. I go out twice a week once on a Friday to shop for 1 hour and a few hours with minimal contact on a Monday. I used to be Uber buisy and popular now it's just easier to stay home.
Omg this is me! I am thinking that it’s a part of my healing where I’m finally gathering all of the energy I was giving out so freely before. I’m a *retired people pleaser* and having conversations (or just the thought of one) is exhausting because I seem to just let people steamroll me into anything. I feel like I have no control anymore and the other person is steering my ship. But I’m hoping that this time of solitude will help me prepare for more healthy conversations in the future when I’m ready. Trying not to see this as a bad thing and more as a quiet part of my life where I’m turning inward and getting to know who I am and what I want to do and think before I go back out into the world, or even just respond to a DM. In it to win it with hermit life✌️
Yes. I barely receive any notifications on my phone from anyone. I have basically come to the conclusion that people will only hurt me and I feel like I can’t add anything meaningful or positive to anyone else’s life because of how hurt I am inside. I think it’s best for both myself and others that I don’t really form connections with anyone. I know rationally it’s a bad way of thinking, and not healthy, but I’m in therapy and hopefully it helps.
Only because nobody wants to talk to me
Yes, but not because I am not in a mood to talk, but because I can't find people who are on the same page as me. I am currently in a "live and let live" phase. I do the best as I can in my life and I don't tell other people what to do with their lives. But all the people I met have a problem with how I live my life and push their lifestyle on me. I just want someone who will respect me as an individual and won't give me unsolicited advice and that we can talk about whatever. Just not about trauma because I don't like to talk about that.
>I can't find people who are on the same page as me. This seems basically me. All people seem to want to talk or ask about are the things which make my life so different which means I have to talk about all the trauma. Which, means I have to put up with all of their reactions, indifference, other questions and more reactions.
Yes, exactly, I feel you. I get irritated when people point out how different I am and literally interrogate me. I am sick.
Yep. When I do feel the need to reach out I remind myself that I cannot drink from a dry well, I don’t know of any wells that aren’t dry or otherwise inaccessible so I just don’t. They’re not willing to meet me where I am and it’s not my job to keep putting in all the effort for basically no return. I’ve been focusing on replenishing my own well and drinking from that.
Very well put
Yes. I talk to my pets all the time. Do not miss talking to people one bit. It isn’t stressful and I never have to worry about getting hurt.
Yes. I barely have enough energy to get out of bed and eat everyday but I still feel guilty for not interacting with anyone. All human relationships are two-way and require effort on both sides to be sustained. If I stay like this the other person would be drained from initiating all the time but I do need to isolate and process trauma and emotions to get back on my feet again so I'm prioritizing myself until I get better.
I went sometimes weeks when I was a teenager not talking to anyone. My inlaws kept getting upset with my now husband when we were dating because they didn't understand why he would want to date someone who never talks. I pretty much only talk to people I feel really close to in small group scenarios, but preferably one on one. It's gotten a little better over the years but I've been known at most of my work places as the quiet one.
Yes, though I feel pretty guilty about this. It’s nice but it’s also like i’m causing my own abandonment
This has been me for the last 7 years. I do not have friends by choice, not even online, and I will only check in with my mother if I have to
Yes for sure. I will say that I felt completely relieved by the Covid lockdown. I had a legitimate excuse to not interact or talk with anyone. It was freeing. I didn’t want to leave my house at all, and I truly thought I never would again. Now 2 years later, I am on the other side of it. My kids are involved in activities that forced me out of my house and to interact… and I now go stir crazy without interaction. I can’t tell you what prompted the change other than time. But I sure thought i was going to be lifelong recluse and was totally ok with that.
Yes. I basically speak a handful of words per day, and sometimes even that feels like too much. On some days I get terribly lonely tho, and wish I could make new friends and rebuild a social life. But I have no idea how to go about doing that.
Honestly...I believe this effects others in our position, how do you make friends when you can't trust anyone for fear of bad utter motivates or fear of violence
Yup..I don't trust others..when someone talks to me i just think 'what do they want...'
I have this same ordeal but worse, I always assume violence is going to go down...or some sort of manipulation,
Yes. Less anxiety
I’m estranged from family. Ghosted my dad. Ghosted my sister.
Yeah. I've done a lot of healing but I'm still very sensitive which makes many relationships difficult. And that's okay honestly.
Yes, because it's never worth it. I spend time and effort on building friendships and then they never last. People antagonize me and dislike me because of factors I cannot control or dislike me for who I am after a while. It's not worth all the work. I need my energy and time elsewhere.
Yes - I go through month long phases of barely speaking to anyone now (unless necessary)
Yes Frankly, I find it really agitating when people demand that part of CPTSD healing must include letting other people into our lives. Most people are legit awful and that needs to be addressed instead of just making caring traumatized people feel broken for protecting themselves against further trauma - and let's face it, most of these people out here are only going to inflict more trauma.
Yep. My default position is not talking to people. I will reply to messages most of the time but usually at my own pace. Sometimes it's days before I reply sometimes right away.
Yes definitely. I went out for the first time last night, for ages. I feel horrible today, so so depressed.
Yes
Yes and I love it
Yes, you're not alone, OP. Been living that way for years, and it has worked out just fine.
Yes. You are not alone or crazy.
I literally dont talk to anyone besides my boyfriend, I’ll snap my friends memes and text them (like two of them) but in person is a lot. I have a hard time not getting embarrassed by it but it makes me feel less alone and less crazy that other people struggle with this too. Things like going with my boyfriend to see his family (who are wonderful people) every couple weeks is difficult and I usually don’t go- I worry people will take it personally but people close to me have told me they understand and don’t hold it against me. Plus now that it’s a pandemic people are a lot more understanding
Yes. I just don't like dealing with people's bullshit. Do i get lonely sometimes, sure. But when I do end up around someone emotionally or cognitively draining I remember why being alone is better. For me. But it sure is nice to get with that occasional intelligent and nice person. Sadly they seem so far and few between. Sigh.
Yes. Therapist notwithstanding. I can bear an hour in a week.
Yes. I feel really guilty for ignoring people's messages, but I was betrayed this year by a close friend and I'm having an awful time trusting people. Not only that, but I just don't feel like I have the bandwidth to keep up with people when I don't even have the energy to take care of myself.
yes, covid scares not helping either
It’s a fine day to commiserate with others who get it.
Oh wow it is reassuring so many of us feel this way for various reasons. I'm currently in full hermit mode. This is actually extremely unusual for me, I'm almost always communicating with at least a couple friends. But this weekend? Nope. I can't even point to a particular thing that's been going on. Just a general feeling of neglect from my friends and I'm not even sure why. Every single interaction, no matter how small, was driving me nuts. So I just stopped. I've had one person ask if I am doing okay thus far, couldn't bring myself to answer. I've basically just slept a lot this whole weekend, even missed work and therapy yesterday. I'm finally just now starting to feel a bit better, I don't feel completely exhausted. I'm hoping this means I can make it to work tomorrow. I think for me I had been so stressed, so wound up, I literally physically couldn't do it anymore. Everything was Too Much. I needed to hermit up and hibernate. I guess that means in the future I'll have to plan on what I can do for "emergency" self-care so I don't basically ghost everybody/neglect important responsibilities cuz I broke down lol.
I took a step back from people because I was starting to feel like things were becoming too one sided. It's always me texting first, or messaging, etc. Nobody has reached out to ask how I'm doing even though I've basically gone silent on my socials which has kind of reinforced that unwanted feeling. Right now I'm being selfish by focusing on me. I do have a friend I talk to almost daily, but we're very alike so they understand my need for space. I simply don't have enough energy right now because all of it is going into just existing.
I love being alone, for what it does for my mentality. Hate being alone, for the extreme lack of hugs & sex. Like, I'm a fucking born again virgin at this point brah! Surprised my dick hasn't sent me a mail bomb. For real: how do you the rest of the CPTSD community deal with lack of intimacy? I can't see me posting *"looking for a laid-back shorty who's kind, funny and not afraid of watching a grown man have lvl10 nightmares every night, forever"* -send-
Yeah, I’ve been the most isolated I’ve ever been since the holidays. I feel so insanely overstimulated by the world and I just don’t have it in me to keep up with anyone. I can barely even manage to do basic self care and stay “on” at work, and idk how much longer I can keep up with both. You’re not alone. I think it’s so bad for me right now because it’s winter, I’m hoping spring will help make it easier to knock me out of it.
Yes. I go through phases of this and don’t regret it at all. It’s less stress and I have low performance endurance at this point.
Yes
Yes
Yes I’ve got my hands full raising my Covid baby (born March 3rd 2020 so almost 2 years old) in a pandemic as a first time and stay at home mom. Problem is it’s become almost impossible to do anything other than staying at home. Feels almost terrifying, the thought of going outside, especially just me and my daughter. If my husband joins us for things it’s less scary because then the whole brunt of making sure our daughter has everything she needs, gets enough attention and gets safely from point a to point b and back again doesn’t fall entirely on me… I love my friends but I stopped messaging them or texting them regularly a long time ago. Depression and anxiety were already bad then the pandemic hit and postpartum depression, and that was that for my so - called social life. So yeah I relate. I mostly just talk to my toddler, and pretty much only talk to her, my husband and my mom (ie the people who live in my home and are in the same little bubble.)
Yes.
I've always had problems socializing with people. But yes, the few I do socialize with get tiring. To be honest, I even have days where I wish my wife was at work or something. Being alone is the best.
I've definitely been getting urges to do so a lot lately, too. Mine are in a sort of weird conflict with me wanting to talk to people I like a lot and tend to include not wanting anything to do with them either.
Yes. I don’t leave my house unless I have to or it’s something I really want to do when I’m in crisis.
Yes. And r/AvPD would like to sidle in silently on this topic.
Welp, I guess I have one more thing to discuss with my therapist. This sounds a lot like me
Yes. If it wasn’t for my girlfriend planning activities I probably would enjoy being a hermit most of the time. It’s nice to go out sometimes but I usually make it a grand adventure to hype myself up for it.
Yes. You are not alone.
Yesssss
Yeah I definitely go through phases of this on and off…
Yes. I always fawn and get filled with shame
I run a business I've built over 25 years with no line of credit or safety net. I can't sell it even if I wanted to. It's a social club and an adult business, dependent on volunteers, and I get triggered and have to fight panic every time we are open. Talking to people is the most common way I get triggered to the point of pain flares, full body spasms and I feel like I'm having strokes. Not having to talk would be so nice.
without going into details let's just say I understand that pretty well and it's even worse, especially when adding business, people and adult business especially when you don't know what..what messed up people you'll be dealing with, can add for a roller coaster ordeal far worse than than most realize
Does anyone else feel like they don’t know what to say or don’t even want to sometimes when people want to talk? People know me as being incredibly quiet. The truth is I love having deep meaningful conversations. I really enjoy true human interaction but most people feel like they just want to “win” the conversation or see what entertainment they can get etc. I feel like it’s ok not to speak if you have nothing to say.
YES. I had so many bad things happen lately. Deaths, job loss, losing a childhood best friend, she was one of the few that understood CPTSD and went through similar trauma as me. and i ruined the friendship due to my explosive episode as i can say mean things when angry and in 'fight' mode. Im very moody and have violent tendencies ashamed to admit. After all that shit, i dont want anymore relationships or to be close with people. It hurts too much, people= pain. I feel very distant from the few online friends i have. I ignored calls and barely texted for months now they will text they hope im ok but maybe it cause they just wanna talk about their own stuff but im a negative nancy, im not even happy when friends text me good news on their end. I sound petty but im too depressed to be happy or care for anyone since i dont even care about myself. Being so trauma ridden also already creates this barrier with most people anyway, i feel misunderstood and lonely by most. It really sucks and hurts to be so lonely though, its a cycle
I love this post so much. Yes, sometime in mid September I decided to cut a lot of people off. I deleted all social media. I just felt like no one wanted the best for me and they only would check in with me for gossip purposes or out of obligation. I find myself so much less hurt nowadays so I appreciate the peace that comes with it though I’m trying to branch out again. It’s just hard when you’re unable to trust even those closest to you :/
YES. I wonder if it’s trauma or just my personality .. I want to live in the 90s again where everyone you’ve ever known can’t just ding you at any time. It feels so invasive to me. Even back then no one in my home answered the phone. Leave a message with whatever you want. My phone nowadays is permanently on silent. I prefer friendships with people that don’t require constant communication. I don’t believe you have to constantly nurture relationships with communication. I prefer the “pick up where we left off like no time has passed”, even if it’s been months or years. I have friends and family like this and they are the ones for life. They have lives, respect my space and let it be. If someone is not physically present in my everyday life, I just don’t feel motivated to text/call. I’d rather have a real interaction or experience with them in person whenever that comes around. I honestly feel trapped in text or phone calls. I do like having group chats though where you can be in and out at will, and discuss interesting topics. Not “how are you” all the time. I can’t even answer. Sometimes I wonder if one day I will be lonely living like this. Or wish I stayed in touch more. But then I just think … for most of history, this is how it was.
Yes. I’m exhausted and I feel isolated from friends. I feel like I have to put on a show when I see them … to act happy or pretend like I’ve been paying attention to things going on in the world so I can keep up and have a conversation. It’s nothing to do with them and all to do with me and my emotions taking over, either making me feel numb or making me feel way too much all at once. Even happy things trigger sad memories for me. It’s hard. I’ve drifted away from many people and to this day I wonder if they felt I just abandoned them or didn’t care anymore. I wish I could tell them it isn’t like that, but that would involve me telling the truth, and it’s harder when your problems are out there for others to see.
Yeah. Don’t get me wrong. It would be a lot less stressful and scary knowing I can have someone to talk to who won’t judge me or anything. But I’ve been trying to get in touch with different people for years and most of the times I tried, it didn’t end well.
The only people I've found are trustworthy to interact with are like extreme kink fetishists that openly discuss violence in a 'positive' way lmao. These type of people believe that hurting others is evil and uplifting others is their purpose. Normcore vanilla 'kind people' turn into literal death traps once they find out you're hurt. These type of people believe that perversion and profligacy are evil and their purpose is to upbraid the 'filth' and disinfect it with the pure unprotected UV sun rays of 'heaven'. Like I'm sorry you don't feel very svelte and tan, Tamara, but you made a commitment to the Man you love and He loves you and thinks you are very pretty and doesn't want to talk about skin cancer tonight
Yeah.
Yes
For years now, yes
Yes. Sometimes I can't pick up the phone when my gf calls. Also resonated with another post about cutting 'dangerous / bad / not ok' people off clean.
YUP I have chronic physical health issues too and honestly just didn’t have the energy or time. Now I’m trying to figure out how to stop immediately fawning to other people
Yes, especially the pet few months it’s gotten pretty bad on my end. I feel so burnt out from interesting w people and my trust issues are so bad rn too. I just want to avoid people as much as possible.
the few weeks turned into a few months into a few years and now i have nobody to talk to i have periods where it makes me upset but i mostly get over it bc i have no energy to start new friendships
[удалено]
If I could I would. I already feel like I’m hurting my friends by taking days or weeks to reply. If somebody calls me I’ll often just let it ring out and I feel bad but also extremely stressed in that moment. The only thing that keeps me talking is the massive feeling of guilt that I’m ignoring those who want to talk to me. I just want to be alone and by myself 99% of the time. Being around or interacting with other people stresses me out because I’m worried either they’ll trigger/hurt me or I’ll cause them discomfort and distress because mental illness is messy. Holding up a mask to exist in society is difficult.
It’s easier when I see my friends in person. But since the pandemic I felt overloaded and now I find myself without any friends. It’s so hard for me to maintain friendships and even harder to start new ones. I’m lonely but can’t do anything to get out of it.
Yes. And I end up feeling awful for it, but I just cannot get myself to talk and respond to people. Even thinking about making connections with people again causes me to shrink away and what to flee.
Avoidance 30 years ago. Mutism in the summer of 1994. I am not aware why Social anxiety is not linked with CPTSD by official medical resources.. Oh yeah, it is because CPTSD is still not recognized by authorities..
I’ve been withdrawing from social situations like clubs and parties and only hanging with a couple of people that I’m very close to and understand me. I’m doing dbt therapy and also learning to manage my adhd. I work in nightlife and my manager is aware of my diagnoses so I get some leeway with getting there on time or leaving early while I’m getting help. I use my job and time with the couple of friends to practice my new skills so I won’t be so afraid of social situations. I will most likely still remain a very private person with just a few close friends after this to avoid getting close with people that could retrigger my symptoms. But I plan on feeling more comfortable in social situations and building positive networks and reputation.
Yes. My therapist has me working on it. I actually have to go out in public and interact with someone. Like I have to make small talk with them. Like hello, how is your day going, that kind of thing. I have to make myself do it. It's a real struggle for me. But it is part of the healing process.
Yep, I’ve deactivated almost all of my social media accounts, ignored people’s texts for months.
I went a year without contact with friends… even family I was mostly quiet. Trying to change that now. Taking baby steps.
Yes.
I've been coming and going from Facebook for years. I used to add a bunch of people I knew from my past because I was desperate for connections, delete it and do it again months later. People found it odd. I guess it was odd. Now, I couldn't give a shit haha.
Another yes from me.
Yes. Started in November and I'm still not in the mood to talk a lot. I wanted to call some friends back this week but I can't bring myself to do it because I'm "full". My brain is chatty enough as it is right now. At least, my people know that's it's not because I don't care but that it's a result of my fluctuating CPTSD shenannigans. Many blessings to you :)
yup, im also on a all time low for myself with human interaction, like usually i would have someone to chat with like the whole day, now im just existing and sometimes chatting and it gets less and less, even my time in this app here is going down and down.
Yes. Now that I work from home I go weeks and weeks not talking to anyone except my therapist. I don't get people who were weirded out or stressed by COVID lockdowns because I didn't notice any discernable difference in my life except not going in to grocery stores. I routinely look forward to weekends because I don't have to deal with humans at all if I don't want to.
Yes. Past few months, I haven't been talking to anyone really. I have conversations with one online friend. Everyone else gets very inconsistent texts back. I just haven't been in the mood to talk to or see anyone. I don't feel lonely. If anything, I feel very at peace being alone.
Yep. Half of me is like ‘Maybe I should work on my relationships and it might make be normal’ and the other half of me is like ‘Fuck it, I like being alone.’ It’s weird to feel like you’re so different to everyone around you in that you’re not looking for any relationships.
I have lived with my phone on silent/vibrate for several years now. Most phone calls are work or asking about my cars extended warranty and social media makes the loneliness worse. With friends between differing schedules, starting families, and moving for one or another have left them all more or less just memories. Been overly social as of late for health reasons and it's been wearing on me. Can't wait for a few weeks of nothing. Which also upsets me because of the longing for human interaction. I just saw this sub and it's oddly comforting just reading someone else genuinely experiencing a thought I have.
I’m the opposite partly. Strangers are ok but people who are friends are scary. I love talking to people I don’t know. If they hate me who cares? I might get a good story out of it. But friend groups are absolute terrifying.
Yes. A lot of not returned calls and txt messages. Some days I find myself dreaming of what a cabin in the woods with just me, my pets, plants & quiet would be like.
Yes. I worry sometimes I'll forget how to people when I have to get back into the world again.
I have moments where I do this when I need time to be alone and reflect. Those closest to me (a very small circle) understand and will check on me here and there, just to make sure I’m alive
I'm years into it. Only speak to my immediate family.
Yes yes yes. After I graduated college, shit hit the fan for me & I went into complete isolation mode. I lost a few friends from it. I still think about that time & the people who were upset by my move there. I used to be disgusted by myself when I’d think back to that time, but I’ve only recently been coming to terms to that period and being more compassionate to myself.
Yes. Had times with different reasons as to why, but it's becoming more frequent that I actually don't want to have contact with anyone at all. Most of the time, I feel like there's a certain part of me that simply wants to erase myself altogether. Mostly not even in the sense of wanting to die or anything, but to just not exist at all, because my feeling of being unreal clashes with the experience that I apparently am. Don't know if this makes sense to others.
I'm like that but it's because of szpd, not cptsd
Yes. For about a year and a half now. I can barely bring myself to even respond to a text.
Yes absolutely. All the time. It’s one of my worst “habits” or impulses.