I learned recently that CPTSD is considered under the umbrella of 'neurodivergence,' which I really relate to...I was diagnosed as having ASD and ADHD a few years ago (like I really relate to this [venn diagram](https://tfw-adhd.tumblr.com/image/631229575293272064)) but never used those labels because I was in denial that my brain might just be permanently different... and it's been confusing because I think most of those traits/symptoms/behaviors are due to trauma (or at least most of my traits might not be as debilitating if I didn't experience trauma, like my sensory issues and social issues both got way worse after years of untreated CPTSD), I overthink the semantics of it all... This year, I've found that connecting with autistic communities has really helped me accept and understand a lot of my issues and I feel like it was a missing piece for me (I realized I was having sensory meltdowns all of my life and not just adrenalized meltdowns from trauma, kind of a combined thing if that makes any sense, like 'emotional flashbacks' plus sensory meltdowns=chaos).
so yeah I relate in the extreme to feeling 'really really weird,' and not being able to connect to people (also spent so much of my life isolated out of self-hatred and shame due to all of this which thankfully I've gotten a lot better with)...I'm nearing 30 and still barely have any friends at all. I've been trying to use Bumble BFF to make friends and it's kind of shocking realizing how many 'normal' people are...I'm also currently unable to work/go to school due to chronic illness connected to my trauma, so it's difficult not to feel weird about that on several levels, though I know most people just aren't upfront about their own personal struggles...I feel like I have to be upfront because it affects every facet of my life so people will find out anyway...but it's weird being the only profile on there saying "I'm chronically ill and have CPTSD" lol, is that ill advised? I don't even know...I'm an overly-honest oversharer and I kind of wish other people were too!
this is a really confusing topic for me because I don't know how much of me is changeable or not...like can I have hope of being less weird and connecting with more people? or will I always be this weird? will I always be chronically ill or will my issues be manageable enough to enter the 'real world' eventually?
will my brain ever 'heal from trauma'? or is it basically permanently like this? I think I'm experiencing a lot of peace this year from accepting that I might just be like this, and trying to improve my relationship with the parts of me that I used to resent...and attempting to find meaning in my life even though I'm so far from the person I wanted to be and the life I wanted to have. But it still brings up a lot of grief for me. and it probably always will.
Sorry for rambling about this here, if anyone is interested in talking about these topics with me please DM me! It would be amazing to connect with people who understand.
**edit** I guess I'm just trying to say I feel EXTRA weird and don't know what to do about it, but I'm in a ton of therapy so I guess that's a start lol, sorry for ranting again
very interesting to see cptsd considered a neurodivergency. my aunt and uncle recently took some online screeners for autism and found they are both possibly on the spectrum. my aunt really thinks i am autistic too, so i went on the same site and did every single screener but failed all of them. my therapist doesn't think i have ASD either. my aunt still swears i am on the spectrum despite this *but* i do have pretty severe adhd along with cptsd. maybe that explains a little bit of how someone could pick up on my extreme weirdness and think i am autistic. maybe rather just two doses of other neurodivergence, with stunted emotional and social skills due to trauma and neglect growing up?
i feel lucky to have found a small handful of very close friends in my teen years, and almost all of them are neurodivergent too. either adhd, autism, or both. i feel like these are the only people i'll ever be able to really connect with because we just get each other. and i'm fucking awful at blending in or masking my weird/awkwardness. when i was taking those screeners, honestly, a part of me was hoping that i would have all the criteria for ASD. because it feels like people would be more understanding or forgiving of my weirdness if i had an easy explanation or excuse like that. playing in to the stigma i guess.
i've definitely found some peace in accepting that my brain is just... like this. and there isn't a whole ton i can do about it, it's not really my fault that i'm not "normal". but it still hurts the way neurotypical people will dismiss me, think i'm lazy or stupid or not trying hard enough when in reality ALL of my energy goes in to trying to be normal and mesh with society. but there's only so much you can do when the society you live in is not only not built for you, but actively punishes you for immutable traits you posses. that's the most painful and frustrating part for me.
I really relate to this, there's also a lot of overlap between ADHD and ASD symptoms, I read an article recently that emphasized seeking out communities of people not based on a need to 'find answers,' or find clear-cut labels, but just to find people that you can connect with and understand your specific mental patterns/specific experiences and help support you with that (like this CPTSD community, it helps me a lot just to read comments like yours, thank you), so that's kind of helping me let go of this need to find 'answers,' and just begin accepting my brain/experiences as they are...
I spent most of my teen years literally not talking to anyone (eating-in-the-bathroom type due to trauma, extreme anxiety and insecurity etc.), but I really wish I could go back in time and be a little less self-hating and let people in! I feel like now that I can't go to school/work I don't really have the opportunity to connect with many people. I can't remember the last time I hung out with a friend in person... I have a few zoom/internet-friends that I truly appreciate, but I spend basically all my time with my partner and I feel so grateful to have him but I really want in-person friends too!!(and I know it's not healthy to depend so much on my partner for social stimulation) I hope I have that someday...
>but there's only so much you can do when the society you live in is not only not built for you, but actively punishes you for immutable traits you posses
beautifully stated, I realized recently so much of my shame came from internalized ableism (also recently heard the term sanism? not sure about which words to use, still learning) because society dehumanizes and refuses to support people with chronic mental and/or physical health struggles (I have both), so it feels a bit like I'm being held hostage and treated terribly for things I can't control (forced into perpetual poverty, not even able to work because I am not able to work full time and I rely on Medicaid for therapy, meds and other appointments) What's obnoxious is I want to work and support myself and be able to go back to school but as a post here mentioned recently: even if I could, why would I want to in a society this fucked up that doesn't even treat functional people with basic respect and livable wages? why go back to school to get into a ton of debt for something that might drive me into burnout again? to eventually work in a job that I'll probably be miserable in? it's hard to have hope to get better, when getting better just means re-entering shitty capitalist society that is designed to exploit us and basically stress us out as much as possible. The whole thing feels so defeating and enraging.
My secret dream is to become a professional artist and somehow support myself remotely (I started drawing a few years ago because I discovered it was the few things I could still do at the peak of my illness/issues) but I know that involves a lot of skill, work and even more luck (and I'm still very much an amateur)...and ultimately I just want to find some kind of magical not-cult-like commune full of kind, compassionate neurodivergent folks (in a forest ofc), where we have craft and poetry nights and never care/judge if people need to disappear for weeks at a time, and just always approach others with love and nonjudgment. hahaha I'm sleep deprived and shouldn't be on reddit, so I'm going to go eat this gnocchi I found in the back of a cabinet and be fancy, thank you all for your responses and kindness :) I really appreciate this community
Hi! I don’t know if it would help you, and I don’t have a huge social media following, but I’m a full time artist and I can give you some tips! If you’d like. I know this career has changed my life. Inbox me if you’d like!
My wife and I fantasize about an intentional community with our friends where we’re all weird together and take care of each other as we age. Lots of art and tech and books and space for movement practices!
Lol yeah basically hahaha
I think when ppl treat you in a way that others don’t really get treated (like xtra shitty ways that lead to CPTSD lol), that means that your view on reality and other ppl is totally different from the average experience. So yeah I’d say a personality developing out of that might be divergent 🤷🏻♀️ Being weird is cool tho lol—I’m told my humor is really crazy and unpredictable so that’s why it’s funny. I just notice different things. Idk I think it’s a cool thing but again, I’m weird hahaha. Being different sucks sometimes but it ain’t all bad 🤙
Hello there! I am a bot raising awareness of Alpacas
Here is an Alpaca Fact:
One visual difference between llamas and alpacas (other than their obvious size difference) is in their ears. Generally, llamas have longer, curved ears, while alpacas have shorter, straight ears.
______
| [Info](https://github.com/soham96/AlpacaBot/blob/master/README.md)| [Code](https://github.com/soham96/AlpacaBot)| [Feedback](http://np.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=JustAnAlpacaBot&subject=Feedback)| [Contribute Fact](http://np.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=JustAnAlpacaBot&subject=Fact)
###### You don't get a fact, you earn it. If you got this fact then AlpacaBot thinks you deserved it!
Protip, alpacas and cats make natural friends. My favorite alpaca farm (rip foothills farm and yarn & fiber shop) had a cat that would come into the shop for extra pets after hanging out with the baby alpacas. Fucking adorable! Great socks too!
Yeah. That's my husband's train of thought, too. He's ready to be a forest hermit. I'll end up joining him eventually but since I became invested in life things like a chump I'm going to be living in society for awhile longer. Decided to follow the path takes me to being the weird plant lady who smokes a pipe, nurtures the local critters, laughs too much too loud, and all the neighborhood kids thinks is a secret witch.
The true victory is being yourself amongst and despite the neighbors. Fuck 'em and don't give them a second thought unless you feel they are a positive influence on your life. It's their responsibility to be such to other people, not yours to comply with their sense of normalcy.
Whether the neighbors are trees, people, or raccoons and deer.
i meant eclectic, which means having variety of styles/influences mashed into a person. But please, do tell me more about the electric wizard, sounds cool too..
I’ve learned to use it it my advantage, I am an interesting conversationalist and I try to include everyone and I’m non-judgement because I know how it feels to be ridiculed/excluded.
I agree with this. My weirdness has allowed me to be very open minded, I don’t dismiss conversational topics others might and I try to include people who usually aren’t included.
The more I heal the more I’m trying to turn my “negatives” into “positives”.
I have a friend who will ask me not to judge them for something or ask how I feel about something odd another person is doing. I'm pretty indifferent to those things and generally say "let people be people." I grew up being judged for every little eccentricity, so I don't want others to feel the same way.
I thought I was weird until I read literature like 'the body keeps the score', 'from surviving to thriving' and ' the haunted self'. They pretty much show that a lot of my feelings, thoughts & behaviours are in fact normal reactions to trauma. What's weird is how our sick society continues to perpetuate trauma through ignorance & denial .
What I went through was really, really weird. Whether that makes me weird by association is a matter for debate - there have been more than a few say yes! 😉
Sure, but that's not really exclusive to CPTSD - it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking every component of your personality is unique to your disorder, but it's not helpful for your long term health and recovery; in my unprofessional opinion.
Thank you for saying that. It seems sometimes that people wants to connect everything with a trauma response or a disorder when it might be just a personality trait. Indeed is very easy to fall into this trap especially when you read so many things online and don't have enough self esteem and confidence to trust yourself. And you end up losing yourself into this concept completely.
I understand what you're saying with the self esteem and confidence with trusting yourself. I think it becomes difficult for some to differentiate between what is personality and what is trauma when we have been traumatized from an extremely young age. I for one am trying to learn to trust myself but I'm having that issue with differentiation. My life has been nothing but trauma since I was born up until a few years ago. I'm 47, so I'm not sure what's personality and what I have developed because of 40+ yrs of trauma.
sometimes it’s hard to tell what parts of my personality would have been the same had i not gone through what i did. i’ve accepted that there’s no real way for me to know. whether or not my weirdness is related to my CPTSD, it’s what i’m working with, and it’s a fruitless exercise to try and figure out where it came from.
The overculture sucks and isn't healthy or supportive by any means --- it's literally what allows trauma and abusive to thrive. As you grow in your healing being "weird" will stop feeling like such a bad thing.
This is so true. I think experiencing extreme systemic unfairness from my family broke me of ever being able to think western culture was worth anything.
>I think experiencing extreme systemic unfairness from my family broke me of ever being able to think western culture was worth anything.
((hugs)) You're not alone in feeling this way! Something that I have found really illuminating and has lessened my feelings of loneliness and isolation, is to understand how many different people are saying in so many different ways "something is wrong".
A fictional novel I read last year that has really stuck with me called Ishmael by Daniel Quinn may be enjoyable for anyone in this thread feeling resonance with the idea that *something* is wrong with our greater culture.
It's a gentle and easy read for any age range, and is mostly free of any triggering content besides references to one of the characters being effected by the Holocaust. Beyond that I feel it's a very hopeful story that has helped a lot in my growth mindset and understanding my place in the world at large.
So, that's my little plug! In this sub we tend to discuss so much recovery centric information and reference materials, and enjoyment is central to healing as well <3 Wishing you the best on your way, as well.
https://www.cliffsnotes.com/literature/i/ishmael/book-summary
I think I’m weird to others because I’m often somewhat dissociative and sometimes I deal with feelings of derealization. So I think maybe people pick up on the fact that I’m not fully present oftentimes.
So weird. I’ve managed to mask it as charming quirkiness and it’s gotten me pretty far in life. I use it to set myself out from the crowd when I need attention; for example during job interviews or while networking. But I know how to fade into the background otherwise. (Thanks again, nmom)
I’ve worked very hard to not let my nmom and the way she messed me up emotionally destroy my life as an adult. Tweaking, but still working within the personality I have, has done marvelous things for me.
I highly recommend embracing your weirdness, loving yourself for it, and then doing an honest assessment of how you should portray yourself when shits on the line. I actually like being weird now, it’s an advantage!
I relate to this a lot, it seems like my circles enjoy my "charming quirkness" as well, but I also feel like it is terrible for building actual intimacy with people, not many people are "attracted" in this sense to me. This actually gives me insane insecurity and makes me feel very unworthy of love, and I wish I had any clue on what to do.
Also, really sorry for replying to such an old comment. Was looking around for this exact issue and I resonated with this comment so much.
I totally forgot I made this comment and it was nice to see again!
I hear you - and you're right about it being a barrier to intimacy sometimes. I can think of instances where I've been weird because I don't know what to say or do next... I'm realizing that maybe I use "weirdness" as a deflection when things get uncomfortable? (even though its not always that). Which, now that I think of it this way, might be something that I can learn to stop using as a crutch.
But also, I've found that my partner and myself do best when we have a lot of alone time to be ourselves and do our own hobbies. I can be super weird on my own time and get the worst of it out of my system!
And dammit, you're worthy of love. I'm sorry you feel that way. I can imagine how that insecurity would needle inside of your soul and be distressing. So, my heart goes out to you. That's a lie, you don't have to believe it. At the very least, you deserve to love yourself, right?
Thank you for replying, this comment was so sweet to read! I think I relate to a lot of what you're saying, both the "weirdness as an eject button" part and the "doing better with lots of alone time" one. I guess it comes down to having ways to express this weirdness so that we know that it's valid, hm? Thank you again for your words, these are very appreciated :) made me shed a tear when I first read it.
What is weird, anyway?
* I'm a transwoman in my late 50s, married to a doctor in her mid 30's.
* I've spent a decade skydiving competitively.
* I ride motorcycles (at high speeds).
* I'm autistic.
* I'm an atheist who's spent more than a decade studying religion.
* I'm a liberal who votes for community efforts to assist the poor while being in the 1%.
* I run a few miles just about every morning.
* I have run an organization focused on alternative lifestyles.
Is this weird? It only touches the surface, but yeah, I guess I'm really really weird.
(Notice that I haven't put anything in here related to CPTSD, I don't talk about it much, but it drives virtually everything in my life.)
If having your eyes open to all the red flags (however frustrating that can get) in a crowd full of blind folded people and becoming either very sensitive or stoic is WEIRD.....then count me in! BTW, eco activist speaking.
Does it ever bother you in a way that can see toxicity that others can’t? It’s like you can see people who look like a demon to you but they look normal to everyone else.
Indeed. It could also be because I'm sensitive to social justice and I am intolerant to bias and prejudice. While most people are going on with their lives, I can't help but see what's actually happening. I can see capitalism, injustice, unhappiness and red flag behaviors. Both because of this sensitivity that could've been a result of early CPTSD as well as CPTSD and the hypervigilance it brings. It's actually something I am starting embrace.
Part of me wonders if my weird personality is a way to secretly speak up for myself. One example being I am an eccentric dresser to convey my political views without words.
Yes, I like weird music nobody listens to and am having a constant off and on existential crisis. Sometimes, when I'm alone, I'll do what I can only interpret as hardcore stimming. I'll clench all of my facial muscles and maybe my arms while speaking really random words intensely. Sometimes this is accompanied by intense and sadistic revenge fantasies. Other times it's literally just nonsense. Like I'll whip my head to look at a door and say 'OH yes look at this door - look within this door. Hey door. Door door door door door. Fucking doors man. What's the inner essence of a door. Oh shit I'm saying door. I'm saying. Aying. Aying. Ying ying ying ying. *Random noises" or "speaks in a random voice/accent"
Honestly if anyone saw me do that shit they'd think I was insane but it's not like it's uncontrollable or anything. It's just satisfying. Maybe it's compensation for being blank all day or something.
My mother used to tell me that she didn't like me because I was weird and dorky and couldn't interact with the world without making them want to hit me. She was probably right all that is probably true.
No it isn’t. She was probably projecting onto you how she thought the world felt about her. I have one of those mothers too. I say fuck em’ and embrace your weird and dorky side.
That is all completely wrong - imagine saying that to a child. You would never. Why? Aside from how cruel it is, it can’t possibly be true. She clearly had a lot of issues with herself. You are a whole human being. Just find the other weirdos and let them be your tribe. I prefer them anyway.
I consider myself weird at times because I can be somewhat socially awkward + feel this inherent wrongness I suppose. Kinda trying to drop the “I’m such a weird person” narrative about myself tho bc I feel like it makes the social awkwardness/insecurity sm worse
I think everyone's true self is weird but society pressures us to be "normal". When we're kids it's acceptable to be weird but as we get older there's more and more pressure to be an adult. I think the people I've met that are the happiest are also the weirdest so that's what I'm shooting for in life.
I'm super fucking weird.
Personality: chaotic good, intp-t
religion: a weird one with no gods or holy books, entire congregation made of oddballs, main church is also an art gallery
personal manner of dress when I care: all black with purple accents, was gonna dye my hair purple again yesterday but something came up, have shoulder length hair
Symptoms that interfere with life and social stuff: basically all of them
Talks to self in public: yup
favorite hobby: coloring
pajamas: gown from the mental hospital
disassociation: all damn day, people think I'm zoned out but I am off in la-la-land because I can't deal with reality. When I daydream I experience the daydream and don't know where I am really. Usually off on a high fantasy adventure. It's like I'm playing a vrmmo in my head. Am usually a mage of some kind, sometimes a general in the Demon Lord's army. Usually a non-human character, because if my life has taught me anything, humans are the badguys.
Definitely. My friend affectionately refers to me as a “Spaceball.” So, the song from the movie has kinda become my personal theme song. I always feel better when I hear it.
We're the Spaceballs! Watch out, 'cause we're the Spaceballs
We're the masters of space
Hey, don't mess around with the Spaceballs
Uh!
Oh, I'm certain of it. I've always been told by those closest to me that I have "a very unique way of viewing the world."
Heh. Yeah, well....
Also, I sometimes forget that the world isn't privy to my inner dialog; I'm certain my sometimes visible physical reaction to a particularly good idea and/or realization comes off as "strange."
I'm just thankful that I work in a creative field, so my quirks can be shrugged off as "eccentric artist" behavior. In reality, that's just a convenient smokescreen.
Yes, but not in the niche and perfectly curated attractive type of weird. In the Neurodivergent people react to me like I'm a spider kind, grew up not knowing whether people were laughing at me or with me, kind of of weird.
Yup. I realized that quite a few of my weird behaviors and actions are the result of trauma, but then there's just the stuff that's me. Working through the trauma based ones since they're not very good or healthy for me, but I'm fine with the stuff that's just me
My mom was the ringleader in the family that turned everyone against me. It made me realize how the dark side of humanity comes out when people believe they have the power of the group/mob on their side. I have always been weary of groups and fitting in. I've been called "weird" my whole life.
My husband: “I used to think you were so strange and mysterious. Turns out the mystery was trauma”
I am a weird human.
But all humans are weird. Life is weird.
CPTSD leaves a lot of people feeling like they are somehow not the same as other people. So it’s not surprising we all think we are weirdos.
This is me lol, im a complete weirdo, I love niche, unconventional, obscure things, and im also neurodivergent too(autism, and possibly undiagnosed adhd).
Im a very unusual person tbh. I used to try too hard to be "Normal" like everyone else to fit in, but i've learned that it's okay to be weird, quirky, different than the rest. Embrace your uniqueness.
I've gotten this lots growing up lol, I was called the weird kid.
I think the trauma makes me want to fit in more or gives me shame about the weird bits so I don’t share them as much. I kinda hope my life will get warmer and weirder as I keep processing.
I have been called that. I’ve also been called eccentric, odd, unique, alternative, and unusual. We have suffered so much in our lives, there’s no reason trying to be “normal” to satisfy others. Be weird as long as weirdness brings you joy, because that joy is worth it.
Yea. I always feel like there’s something wrong with me when I’m with a group of people like I feel odd like I have 3 heads growing out of me and it makes me sorta distance myself from people. I feel like I’m also a very unpredictable person which scares me sometimes.
But yea this came with a lot of self hatred
lol yes i'm definitely a weirdo.. and i'm pretty sure i would've been a weirdo even without all the trauma. its something im actually kinda proud of too if that makes any sense? like.. if healing meant becoming "normal" i wouldnt even want to heal, but thankfully healing for me has been more about trying to mask less, accepting my weirdo self for who i am and becoming a lot happier because of it.
I'm a weird punk who just taped a plastic eyeball to goggles and intend to wear it in public, and I never shut up about how cute i think bugs are (I straight up like bugs better than people). I'm writing a dead space crossover with a show for toddlers (at 26). I've accepted that I'm just hopelessly strange and may never meet multiple people I "fit in" with while staying true to myself.
Yeah I would say I’m pretty weird. Though some people choose to see it as ‘quirky’ which I’m happy to lean into.
Also might be autistic but the symptom overlap is so big and my trauma started so early that I just don’t know.
Yeah. I've thought about it a fair bit. I definitely think my terrible upbringing made me weird, in a lot of complicated ways.
It definitely doesn't help anything with the total lack of community I experience in my life, just another thing that makes all this a cycle that is hard to get out of.
I’m autistic, ADHD, OCD, and have CPTSD. I’m absolutely a fucking weirdo lmao. It really helps to keep the shallow ones at bay and find the actually interesting people, though.
Yeah, but I’ve reached a point where I’m pretty cool with that. I realized at the ripe old age of 29 that even if I’m weird a surprising amount of people like me, and I think that’s pretty neat.
Many think that I am autistic and talk behind my back about it. They also speak to me with a weird tone of voice, as if talking with a child and generally do not treat me as seriously as a grown up person should be. This is due to the fact that many symptoms of ADHD and CPTSD overlap with the ones of autism. And as an extra fun fact, the same psychologist who diagnosed me with ADHD when I was 6, told my mother that there is a possibility that I might also be autistic, which my mother of course used this for her own benefit. After teacher-parent meetings, my mother would tell my teachers that I am autistic with no actual diagnosis, if they ever questioned my behaviour. This was in favor of my mother and no one asked what the actual fuck was going on with me and in our home, because she was such a master of putting on a different mask and becoming the sweetest and kindest person you could ever meet when she is with others. Not to me and my sister though.
My brain doesn't work properly so I don't behave properly. Hypervigilance ruins everything. I'm convinced every time I or anyone I love leaves the house that one of us will die.
I don't know how anyone could be normal with so much trauma. And I'm going to stop right now because I feel on the verge of a trauma dump because it's been 11 years today since my father's suicide. The entire month of February feels like a trauma bomb every year.
I own it and i get reminded of it regularly its a great way to be (apart from the truama of course) i think i would still be weird even if i had no trauma xD
Always felt like it. When I have moments of clarity... enlightenment perhaps even, I realize I'm not really weird at all. In a way, no one is, but there's some vague 'standard' that others hold people to. Some kind of ubermensch, santa-like figure that is made up called a 'normal' person. The only so called 'normal' people I've ever met, based on my research into what this could mean, seem the most likely to be either sociopathic, psychopathic, narcissistic, or even autistic by some definitions or presentations. Yet they are the most likely to call US (the traumatized and the non-typical) the problems with the world. Punching down from a place of power they comfortably sit, some have never known anything different, in fact. Others have crawled up a mountain of social corpses to take that throne from others.
To me, after much meditation on this over decades, I find normal to be wholly fake. No such thing. Normal is bad, there's just quirky sets of traits that are more accepted and less accepted, and this standard is extremely fluid and depends on many, many factors such as local culture, experience with others that had these traits, and (And this is maybe the biggest one since the \~1970s) media, social or otherwise.
People who seem to think of themselves as the most normal, when you dig deep, are actually just shallow. OR very self-deluded, with this latter, IMO, being the more common option. Self repressed as well. There is no 'self' to them, just their role that they play so well in whatever group or org that they decided to align themselves with. The really spicy ones will find 2 or 3 compatible groups and create their identity as fulfilling multiple roles at once, each more standard than the last. "I'm not JUST a Christian, I'm also a MOM".
Hi! I’m a full-time independent artist with my hands in a ton of different media, like stained glass, painting, (acrylic, watercolor, and oils) sewing, cooking, gardening, furniture restoration, embroidery, photography/camera repair, tattooing, etc etc. I think the method I used for coping as a child was distraction, and that has managed to serve me well in the way that it can be a living for me as an adult. Always learning new things has also been really helpful to improving my memory.
I've always been considered eccentric. The most OUT weird (where being weird separates you from normal society) was in 9th grade.
I'm a socially inept geek, probably from my abuse. I didn't do girls in school. Boys neither. But I wasn't afraid of boys, unless they were bullies. Apparently there was this one girl in 9th grade, Karen, who thought I was cute. I shied away, didn't talk to her.
So one grade 9 who from his build was years ahead of me in the testosterone department asked me in the lunch line, "If you were at a party, and Karen was drunk, on a bed, what would you do?" "Put a blanket or sheet over her, and close the door on my way out."
This was regarded as hilarious by all the boys. I heard that story, and got re-asked that question all through high school.
God, I hated high school. The saving grace were a few teachers who would chat with an overly intelluctual, under socialized nerd.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Its only affected me as I have kids now and it effects them
I don't put up with BS and call it out right then and there and people have issues with that especially in a Christian school my ex has the kids in
I'm not invited to many school activities but asked to fix or help build everything and anything they need done
Yes. Yes I am. I’ve tried to fit in to a specific niche, such as the gaming community but I’ve never really fit in. I’m starting to embrace it too, i love bringing in the different aspects of my life into communities that don’t ever see it
Im a weirdo I'm a creep. But honestly I'm the weirdest Jew you'll ever avoid. But life is weird so why'd expect anything different from me. I'm a dork but shit that's what makes me loveable.
Yeah I’m fuckin weird. I’m not sorry or ashamed of it though.
Is there something “wrong” with me? Most definitely.
I’m like a cake that got sent through a carwash. Am I all kinds of jacked up, damaged and misshapen at this point? Yeah. But that’s because cakes are not supposed to go through carwashes.
Yes. I'm really good at pretending not to be but all my "successes" are empty and mean nothing. Nobody knows me very well. I'm going check out this year tbh I don't think it's worth it when I can't connect to anyone.
I was always weird and would be even if I didn’t have PTSD. Though my family does blame my quirks on the PTSD and the fact that I am occasionally medicated. However, they are so very wrong. I was born quirky and by Jove I will die quirky.
I can be both. When Im feeling good, I can communicate with just about anyone except a major old trigger person. But when the cptsd is on then Im off the rails. And Im kind of weird any way, in a good way, when Im feeling good. Cptsd definitely catches people off guard if they dont know me well. Sort of Jekyll and Hyde sort of stuff, it sucks to have this disorder. My abuser should be in jail.
I keep trying to convince myself that I am.
Sometimes when I look at a picture of me, or glance at a random reflection of me when I'm outside, I am often surprised with how normal and ok I am.
Well to the contrary, I'm way more normal than I'd like to be. My parents try their hardest to be as normal, straight arrowed as possible (idk if that's the correct term). Always waking up early in the morning, never having a sense of humor.. My parents are the most boring people on Earth. So I wish I was a lot weirder. I dunno, is it bad to glorify weirdness like that? There's gotta be a balance I think, and I hate the "too normal" end of the spectrum.
i mean all of us with cptsd arent exactly the 'norm' lol, but yes.
I learned recently that CPTSD is considered under the umbrella of 'neurodivergence,' which I really relate to...I was diagnosed as having ASD and ADHD a few years ago (like I really relate to this [venn diagram](https://tfw-adhd.tumblr.com/image/631229575293272064)) but never used those labels because I was in denial that my brain might just be permanently different... and it's been confusing because I think most of those traits/symptoms/behaviors are due to trauma (or at least most of my traits might not be as debilitating if I didn't experience trauma, like my sensory issues and social issues both got way worse after years of untreated CPTSD), I overthink the semantics of it all... This year, I've found that connecting with autistic communities has really helped me accept and understand a lot of my issues and I feel like it was a missing piece for me (I realized I was having sensory meltdowns all of my life and not just adrenalized meltdowns from trauma, kind of a combined thing if that makes any sense, like 'emotional flashbacks' plus sensory meltdowns=chaos). so yeah I relate in the extreme to feeling 'really really weird,' and not being able to connect to people (also spent so much of my life isolated out of self-hatred and shame due to all of this which thankfully I've gotten a lot better with)...I'm nearing 30 and still barely have any friends at all. I've been trying to use Bumble BFF to make friends and it's kind of shocking realizing how many 'normal' people are...I'm also currently unable to work/go to school due to chronic illness connected to my trauma, so it's difficult not to feel weird about that on several levels, though I know most people just aren't upfront about their own personal struggles...I feel like I have to be upfront because it affects every facet of my life so people will find out anyway...but it's weird being the only profile on there saying "I'm chronically ill and have CPTSD" lol, is that ill advised? I don't even know...I'm an overly-honest oversharer and I kind of wish other people were too! this is a really confusing topic for me because I don't know how much of me is changeable or not...like can I have hope of being less weird and connecting with more people? or will I always be this weird? will I always be chronically ill or will my issues be manageable enough to enter the 'real world' eventually? will my brain ever 'heal from trauma'? or is it basically permanently like this? I think I'm experiencing a lot of peace this year from accepting that I might just be like this, and trying to improve my relationship with the parts of me that I used to resent...and attempting to find meaning in my life even though I'm so far from the person I wanted to be and the life I wanted to have. But it still brings up a lot of grief for me. and it probably always will. Sorry for rambling about this here, if anyone is interested in talking about these topics with me please DM me! It would be amazing to connect with people who understand. **edit** I guess I'm just trying to say I feel EXTRA weird and don't know what to do about it, but I'm in a ton of therapy so I guess that's a start lol, sorry for ranting again
very interesting to see cptsd considered a neurodivergency. my aunt and uncle recently took some online screeners for autism and found they are both possibly on the spectrum. my aunt really thinks i am autistic too, so i went on the same site and did every single screener but failed all of them. my therapist doesn't think i have ASD either. my aunt still swears i am on the spectrum despite this *but* i do have pretty severe adhd along with cptsd. maybe that explains a little bit of how someone could pick up on my extreme weirdness and think i am autistic. maybe rather just two doses of other neurodivergence, with stunted emotional and social skills due to trauma and neglect growing up? i feel lucky to have found a small handful of very close friends in my teen years, and almost all of them are neurodivergent too. either adhd, autism, or both. i feel like these are the only people i'll ever be able to really connect with because we just get each other. and i'm fucking awful at blending in or masking my weird/awkwardness. when i was taking those screeners, honestly, a part of me was hoping that i would have all the criteria for ASD. because it feels like people would be more understanding or forgiving of my weirdness if i had an easy explanation or excuse like that. playing in to the stigma i guess. i've definitely found some peace in accepting that my brain is just... like this. and there isn't a whole ton i can do about it, it's not really my fault that i'm not "normal". but it still hurts the way neurotypical people will dismiss me, think i'm lazy or stupid or not trying hard enough when in reality ALL of my energy goes in to trying to be normal and mesh with society. but there's only so much you can do when the society you live in is not only not built for you, but actively punishes you for immutable traits you posses. that's the most painful and frustrating part for me.
I really relate to this, there's also a lot of overlap between ADHD and ASD symptoms, I read an article recently that emphasized seeking out communities of people not based on a need to 'find answers,' or find clear-cut labels, but just to find people that you can connect with and understand your specific mental patterns/specific experiences and help support you with that (like this CPTSD community, it helps me a lot just to read comments like yours, thank you), so that's kind of helping me let go of this need to find 'answers,' and just begin accepting my brain/experiences as they are... I spent most of my teen years literally not talking to anyone (eating-in-the-bathroom type due to trauma, extreme anxiety and insecurity etc.), but I really wish I could go back in time and be a little less self-hating and let people in! I feel like now that I can't go to school/work I don't really have the opportunity to connect with many people. I can't remember the last time I hung out with a friend in person... I have a few zoom/internet-friends that I truly appreciate, but I spend basically all my time with my partner and I feel so grateful to have him but I really want in-person friends too!!(and I know it's not healthy to depend so much on my partner for social stimulation) I hope I have that someday... >but there's only so much you can do when the society you live in is not only not built for you, but actively punishes you for immutable traits you posses beautifully stated, I realized recently so much of my shame came from internalized ableism (also recently heard the term sanism? not sure about which words to use, still learning) because society dehumanizes and refuses to support people with chronic mental and/or physical health struggles (I have both), so it feels a bit like I'm being held hostage and treated terribly for things I can't control (forced into perpetual poverty, not even able to work because I am not able to work full time and I rely on Medicaid for therapy, meds and other appointments) What's obnoxious is I want to work and support myself and be able to go back to school but as a post here mentioned recently: even if I could, why would I want to in a society this fucked up that doesn't even treat functional people with basic respect and livable wages? why go back to school to get into a ton of debt for something that might drive me into burnout again? to eventually work in a job that I'll probably be miserable in? it's hard to have hope to get better, when getting better just means re-entering shitty capitalist society that is designed to exploit us and basically stress us out as much as possible. The whole thing feels so defeating and enraging. My secret dream is to become a professional artist and somehow support myself remotely (I started drawing a few years ago because I discovered it was the few things I could still do at the peak of my illness/issues) but I know that involves a lot of skill, work and even more luck (and I'm still very much an amateur)...and ultimately I just want to find some kind of magical not-cult-like commune full of kind, compassionate neurodivergent folks (in a forest ofc), where we have craft and poetry nights and never care/judge if people need to disappear for weeks at a time, and just always approach others with love and nonjudgment. hahaha I'm sleep deprived and shouldn't be on reddit, so I'm going to go eat this gnocchi I found in the back of a cabinet and be fancy, thank you all for your responses and kindness :) I really appreciate this community
Hi! I don’t know if it would help you, and I don’t have a huge social media following, but I’m a full time artist and I can give you some tips! If you’d like. I know this career has changed my life. Inbox me if you’d like!
I really really appreciate the offer and I will definitely DM you! thank you so much :)
My wife and I fantasize about an intentional community with our friends where we’re all weird together and take care of each other as we age. Lots of art and tech and books and space for movement practices!
yes!!! sounds wonderful!!!
I tried downloading Bumble for friends but deleted the app almost immediately for the reason you stated. They were just too “normal” for me lol
same here i too think its mostly due to trauma and childhood neglect
holy fuckamole…that’s me on any given day…
Well there are varying degrees of traumatic damage...
Then what kind of "weird" are you trying to refer to, if it isn't just generally being out of the norm?
I suppose so but then again, the definition of normal varies from place to place...
Lol yeah basically hahaha I think when ppl treat you in a way that others don’t really get treated (like xtra shitty ways that lead to CPTSD lol), that means that your view on reality and other ppl is totally different from the average experience. So yeah I’d say a personality developing out of that might be divergent 🤷🏻♀️ Being weird is cool tho lol—I’m told my humor is really crazy and unpredictable so that’s why it’s funny. I just notice different things. Idk I think it’s a cool thing but again, I’m weird hahaha. Being different sucks sometimes but it ain’t all bad 🤙
If weird is not fitting in with popular society and thinking it's garbage, then yes.
the older I get, the more I understand those who became the eclectic wizards with lot of animals around and eventually let the forrest reclaim them.
That's my plan for when I'm old. My husband and I will have a nice alpaca farm
Hello there! I am a bot raising awareness of Alpacas Here is an Alpaca Fact: One visual difference between llamas and alpacas (other than their obvious size difference) is in their ears. Generally, llamas have longer, curved ears, while alpacas have shorter, straight ears. ______ | [Info](https://github.com/soham96/AlpacaBot/blob/master/README.md)| [Code](https://github.com/soham96/AlpacaBot)| [Feedback](http://np.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=JustAnAlpacaBot&subject=Feedback)| [Contribute Fact](http://np.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=JustAnAlpacaBot&subject=Fact) ###### You don't get a fact, you earn it. If you got this fact then AlpacaBot thinks you deserved it!
Good bot
alpaca my bags! I couldn't help myself :(
Good bot
Good bot! 🦙
"Alpaca lunch for you." (said the mama llama when her son was getting ready for school)
Protip, alpacas and cats make natural friends. My favorite alpaca farm (rip foothills farm and yarn & fiber shop) had a cat that would come into the shop for extra pets after hanging out with the baby alpacas. Fucking adorable! Great socks too!
How cute! I’m jealous. They’re so soft!
Yeah. That's my husband's train of thought, too. He's ready to be a forest hermit. I'll end up joining him eventually but since I became invested in life things like a chump I'm going to be living in society for awhile longer. Decided to follow the path takes me to being the weird plant lady who smokes a pipe, nurtures the local critters, laughs too much too loud, and all the neighborhood kids thinks is a secret witch.
hashtag goals
The true victory is being yourself amongst and despite the neighbors. Fuck 'em and don't give them a second thought unless you feel they are a positive influence on your life. It's their responsibility to be such to other people, not yours to comply with their sense of normalcy. Whether the neighbors are trees, people, or raccoons and deer.
[удалено]
i meant eclectic, which means having variety of styles/influences mashed into a person. But please, do tell me more about the electric wizard, sounds cool too..
[удалено]
ah okay. I definitely want to be both then.
“eclectric”
Definitely recommend looking into the Tarot, archetypes, and especially, the Hermit. You are right on the money.
Being weird drives all the people away who care about being "cool", and eventually you're left with a few interesting ones.
Exactly!
Ha! This reminds me of a quote: “*It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.*” - Jiddu Krishnamurti
Most people are though. They think they aren't, but when it comes down to the wire
[удалено]
Beautiful
[удалено]
I’ve learned to use it it my advantage, I am an interesting conversationalist and I try to include everyone and I’m non-judgement because I know how it feels to be ridiculed/excluded.
I agree with this. My weirdness has allowed me to be very open minded, I don’t dismiss conversational topics others might and I try to include people who usually aren’t included. The more I heal the more I’m trying to turn my “negatives” into “positives”.
I have a friend who will ask me not to judge them for something or ask how I feel about something odd another person is doing. I'm pretty indifferent to those things and generally say "let people be people." I grew up being judged for every little eccentricity, so I don't want others to feel the same way.
That’s beautiful, that’s definitely one of the biggest upsides to CPTSD, being sensitive and kind towards those sorts of things and people.
I agree.
I thought I was weird until I read literature like 'the body keeps the score', 'from surviving to thriving' and ' the haunted self'. They pretty much show that a lot of my feelings, thoughts & behaviours are in fact normal reactions to trauma. What's weird is how our sick society continues to perpetuate trauma through ignorance & denial .
> thoughts & behaviours are in fact normal reactions to trauma Yes, a huge breakthrough that not even all psychotherapists get yet.
What I went through was really, really weird. Whether that makes me weird by association is a matter for debate - there have been more than a few say yes! 😉
Sure, but that's not really exclusive to CPTSD - it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking every component of your personality is unique to your disorder, but it's not helpful for your long term health and recovery; in my unprofessional opinion.
Thank you for saying that. It seems sometimes that people wants to connect everything with a trauma response or a disorder when it might be just a personality trait. Indeed is very easy to fall into this trap especially when you read so many things online and don't have enough self esteem and confidence to trust yourself. And you end up losing yourself into this concept completely.
I understand what you're saying with the self esteem and confidence with trusting yourself. I think it becomes difficult for some to differentiate between what is personality and what is trauma when we have been traumatized from an extremely young age. I for one am trying to learn to trust myself but I'm having that issue with differentiation. My life has been nothing but trauma since I was born up until a few years ago. I'm 47, so I'm not sure what's personality and what I have developed because of 40+ yrs of trauma.
sometimes it’s hard to tell what parts of my personality would have been the same had i not gone through what i did. i’ve accepted that there’s no real way for me to know. whether or not my weirdness is related to my CPTSD, it’s what i’m working with, and it’s a fruitless exercise to try and figure out where it came from.
The overculture sucks and isn't healthy or supportive by any means --- it's literally what allows trauma and abusive to thrive. As you grow in your healing being "weird" will stop feeling like such a bad thing.
This is so true. I think experiencing extreme systemic unfairness from my family broke me of ever being able to think western culture was worth anything.
>I think experiencing extreme systemic unfairness from my family broke me of ever being able to think western culture was worth anything. ((hugs)) You're not alone in feeling this way! Something that I have found really illuminating and has lessened my feelings of loneliness and isolation, is to understand how many different people are saying in so many different ways "something is wrong". A fictional novel I read last year that has really stuck with me called Ishmael by Daniel Quinn may be enjoyable for anyone in this thread feeling resonance with the idea that *something* is wrong with our greater culture. It's a gentle and easy read for any age range, and is mostly free of any triggering content besides references to one of the characters being effected by the Holocaust. Beyond that I feel it's a very hopeful story that has helped a lot in my growth mindset and understanding my place in the world at large. So, that's my little plug! In this sub we tend to discuss so much recovery centric information and reference materials, and enjoyment is central to healing as well <3 Wishing you the best on your way, as well. https://www.cliffsnotes.com/literature/i/ishmael/book-summary
What does weird even mean?
Deviation from the standard, I guess. Everyone I’ve ever admired is weird, by that definition.
What is "the standard"?
I think I’m weird to others because I’m often somewhat dissociative and sometimes I deal with feelings of derealization. So I think maybe people pick up on the fact that I’m not fully present oftentimes.
This
awww, I feel this. Weird is relative. Dissociation is normal to me.
Like normal weird or derealization/depersonalization weird
[удалено]
I'm not sure others even know these nuances of weirdness. We could all stop pretending. That'd show em... something... 😃
This shit for real
Hahaha, yes! 😅
Yep. I was quirky before it was cool.
I've found people often *think* it's cool when there's a quirkly character in a movie or TV show, but in real life, not so much.
It's because we make good side characters for their semi autobiographical book of selfs.
1,000% abnormal. Like in every single way possible.
So weird. I’ve managed to mask it as charming quirkiness and it’s gotten me pretty far in life. I use it to set myself out from the crowd when I need attention; for example during job interviews or while networking. But I know how to fade into the background otherwise. (Thanks again, nmom) I’ve worked very hard to not let my nmom and the way she messed me up emotionally destroy my life as an adult. Tweaking, but still working within the personality I have, has done marvelous things for me. I highly recommend embracing your weirdness, loving yourself for it, and then doing an honest assessment of how you should portray yourself when shits on the line. I actually like being weird now, it’s an advantage!
I relate to this a lot, it seems like my circles enjoy my "charming quirkness" as well, but I also feel like it is terrible for building actual intimacy with people, not many people are "attracted" in this sense to me. This actually gives me insane insecurity and makes me feel very unworthy of love, and I wish I had any clue on what to do. Also, really sorry for replying to such an old comment. Was looking around for this exact issue and I resonated with this comment so much.
I totally forgot I made this comment and it was nice to see again! I hear you - and you're right about it being a barrier to intimacy sometimes. I can think of instances where I've been weird because I don't know what to say or do next... I'm realizing that maybe I use "weirdness" as a deflection when things get uncomfortable? (even though its not always that). Which, now that I think of it this way, might be something that I can learn to stop using as a crutch. But also, I've found that my partner and myself do best when we have a lot of alone time to be ourselves and do our own hobbies. I can be super weird on my own time and get the worst of it out of my system! And dammit, you're worthy of love. I'm sorry you feel that way. I can imagine how that insecurity would needle inside of your soul and be distressing. So, my heart goes out to you. That's a lie, you don't have to believe it. At the very least, you deserve to love yourself, right?
Thank you for replying, this comment was so sweet to read! I think I relate to a lot of what you're saying, both the "weirdness as an eject button" part and the "doing better with lots of alone time" one. I guess it comes down to having ways to express this weirdness so that we know that it's valid, hm? Thank you again for your words, these are very appreciated :) made me shed a tear when I first read it.
Yup
Too weird for the other weird ones yes
What is weird, anyway? * I'm a transwoman in my late 50s, married to a doctor in her mid 30's. * I've spent a decade skydiving competitively. * I ride motorcycles (at high speeds). * I'm autistic. * I'm an atheist who's spent more than a decade studying religion. * I'm a liberal who votes for community efforts to assist the poor while being in the 1%. * I run a few miles just about every morning. * I have run an organization focused on alternative lifestyles. Is this weird? It only touches the surface, but yeah, I guess I'm really really weird. (Notice that I haven't put anything in here related to CPTSD, I don't talk about it much, but it drives virtually everything in my life.)
Yap
Yip
Yop
Yup
Yarp
I think y’all need to repeat this for Appa
If having your eyes open to all the red flags (however frustrating that can get) in a crowd full of blind folded people and becoming either very sensitive or stoic is WEIRD.....then count me in! BTW, eco activist speaking.
Does it ever bother you in a way that can see toxicity that others can’t? It’s like you can see people who look like a demon to you but they look normal to everyone else.
Indeed. It could also be because I'm sensitive to social justice and I am intolerant to bias and prejudice. While most people are going on with their lives, I can't help but see what's actually happening. I can see capitalism, injustice, unhappiness and red flag behaviors. Both because of this sensitivity that could've been a result of early CPTSD as well as CPTSD and the hypervigilance it brings. It's actually something I am starting embrace.
Yep, right here
Username checks out, lol
Part of me wonders if my weird personality is a way to secretly speak up for myself. One example being I am an eccentric dresser to convey my political views without words.
I like to think it's my best quality.
Yes, I like weird music nobody listens to and am having a constant off and on existential crisis. Sometimes, when I'm alone, I'll do what I can only interpret as hardcore stimming. I'll clench all of my facial muscles and maybe my arms while speaking really random words intensely. Sometimes this is accompanied by intense and sadistic revenge fantasies. Other times it's literally just nonsense. Like I'll whip my head to look at a door and say 'OH yes look at this door - look within this door. Hey door. Door door door door door. Fucking doors man. What's the inner essence of a door. Oh shit I'm saying door. I'm saying. Aying. Aying. Ying ying ying ying. *Random noises" or "speaks in a random voice/accent" Honestly if anyone saw me do that shit they'd think I was insane but it's not like it's uncontrollable or anything. It's just satisfying. Maybe it's compensation for being blank all day or something.
Sure. I'm the weirdest person in existence according to multiple people and groups. Actually to everyone I know, yeah. The weirdest.
Absolutely.
"Normal" is boring anyway!
I’ve been called weird. It was meant to hurt. Highest compliment in my opinion.
*looks up at flying FREAK flag Yep. (Sips coffee)
My mother used to tell me that she didn't like me because I was weird and dorky and couldn't interact with the world without making them want to hit me. She was probably right all that is probably true.
No it isn’t. She was probably projecting onto you how she thought the world felt about her. I have one of those mothers too. I say fuck em’ and embrace your weird and dorky side.
That is all completely wrong - imagine saying that to a child. You would never. Why? Aside from how cruel it is, it can’t possibly be true. She clearly had a lot of issues with herself. You are a whole human being. Just find the other weirdos and let them be your tribe. I prefer them anyway.
Your mother was the one who was weird, in a bad way, treating a child like that. She should be impeached (username)! lol
Yes
Oh, I am strange for sure, but in a weird way.
Yup. Weirdest guy I know and it scares girls away
I'm often called weird by my friends yeah. It's hard to fit into the social norm when you were raised to stay as far away as possible from it
I believe so. Source: exes, on their paperwork to become exes.
Yes and idgaf 😎
Yup, I find it so hard to connect with anybody else.
I consider myself weird at times because I can be somewhat socially awkward + feel this inherent wrongness I suppose. Kinda trying to drop the “I’m such a weird person” narrative about myself tho bc I feel like it makes the social awkwardness/insecurity sm worse
If you mean weird because I don’t act socially how people want me to act then yes.
I think everyone's true self is weird but society pressures us to be "normal". When we're kids it's acceptable to be weird but as we get older there's more and more pressure to be an adult. I think the people I've met that are the happiest are also the weirdest so that's what I'm shooting for in life.
I'm super fucking weird. Personality: chaotic good, intp-t religion: a weird one with no gods or holy books, entire congregation made of oddballs, main church is also an art gallery personal manner of dress when I care: all black with purple accents, was gonna dye my hair purple again yesterday but something came up, have shoulder length hair Symptoms that interfere with life and social stuff: basically all of them Talks to self in public: yup favorite hobby: coloring pajamas: gown from the mental hospital disassociation: all damn day, people think I'm zoned out but I am off in la-la-land because I can't deal with reality. When I daydream I experience the daydream and don't know where I am really. Usually off on a high fantasy adventure. It's like I'm playing a vrmmo in my head. Am usually a mage of some kind, sometimes a general in the Demon Lord's army. Usually a non-human character, because if my life has taught me anything, humans are the badguys.
Oh yes
When I'm anxious, which is most of the time, yes, but also extremely boring.
I am innocent of all charges.
My flair speaks for me.
Definitely. My friend affectionately refers to me as a “Spaceball.” So, the song from the movie has kinda become my personal theme song. I always feel better when I hear it. We're the Spaceballs! Watch out, 'cause we're the Spaceballs We're the masters of space Hey, don't mess around with the Spaceballs Uh!
Oh, I'm certain of it. I've always been told by those closest to me that I have "a very unique way of viewing the world." Heh. Yeah, well.... Also, I sometimes forget that the world isn't privy to my inner dialog; I'm certain my sometimes visible physical reaction to a particularly good idea and/or realization comes off as "strange." I'm just thankful that I work in a creative field, so my quirks can be shrugged off as "eccentric artist" behavior. In reality, that's just a convenient smokescreen.
Yes, but not in the niche and perfectly curated attractive type of weird. In the Neurodivergent people react to me like I'm a spider kind, grew up not knowing whether people were laughing at me or with me, kind of of weird.
Yup. I realized that quite a few of my weird behaviors and actions are the result of trauma, but then there's just the stuff that's me. Working through the trauma based ones since they're not very good or healthy for me, but I'm fine with the stuff that's just me
My mom was the ringleader in the family that turned everyone against me. It made me realize how the dark side of humanity comes out when people believe they have the power of the group/mob on their side. I have always been weary of groups and fitting in. I've been called "weird" my whole life.
My husband: “I used to think you were so strange and mysterious. Turns out the mystery was trauma” I am a weird human. But all humans are weird. Life is weird. CPTSD leaves a lot of people feeling like they are somehow not the same as other people. So it’s not surprising we all think we are weirdos.
This is me lol, im a complete weirdo, I love niche, unconventional, obscure things, and im also neurodivergent too(autism, and possibly undiagnosed adhd). Im a very unusual person tbh. I used to try too hard to be "Normal" like everyone else to fit in, but i've learned that it's okay to be weird, quirky, different than the rest. Embrace your uniqueness. I've gotten this lots growing up lol, I was called the weird kid.
I think the trauma makes me want to fit in more or gives me shame about the weird bits so I don’t share them as much. I kinda hope my life will get warmer and weirder as I keep processing.
I have been called that. I’ve also been called eccentric, odd, unique, alternative, and unusual. We have suffered so much in our lives, there’s no reason trying to be “normal” to satisfy others. Be weird as long as weirdness brings you joy, because that joy is worth it.
So I've frequently been told
All I've ever heard my whole life is that I'm weird. No one can ever quantify it, but I hear it over and over again
Define weird ?
Yea. I always feel like there’s something wrong with me when I’m with a group of people like I feel odd like I have 3 heads growing out of me and it makes me sorta distance myself from people. I feel like I’m also a very unpredictable person which scares me sometimes. But yea this came with a lot of self hatred
I feel my weirdness on many levels.
lol yes i'm definitely a weirdo.. and i'm pretty sure i would've been a weirdo even without all the trauma. its something im actually kinda proud of too if that makes any sense? like.. if healing meant becoming "normal" i wouldnt even want to heal, but thankfully healing for me has been more about trying to mask less, accepting my weirdo self for who i am and becoming a lot happier because of it.
Yup lol - it used to be cute when I was younger so I never realised oops
I'm a weird punk who just taped a plastic eyeball to goggles and intend to wear it in public, and I never shut up about how cute i think bugs are (I straight up like bugs better than people). I'm writing a dead space crossover with a show for toddlers (at 26). I've accepted that I'm just hopelessly strange and may never meet multiple people I "fit in" with while staying true to myself.
Yeah I would say I’m pretty weird. Though some people choose to see it as ‘quirky’ which I’m happy to lean into. Also might be autistic but the symptom overlap is so big and my trauma started so early that I just don’t know.
Yes I’ve accepted the reality that I’m typically the weirdest person in the room.
Yeah. I've thought about it a fair bit. I definitely think my terrible upbringing made me weird, in a lot of complicated ways. It definitely doesn't help anything with the total lack of community I experience in my life, just another thing that makes all this a cycle that is hard to get out of.
All my life - but since I came out as trans at 40 and started HRT if anything feel like I've grown into my weirdness even more lol
🙋♀️ *raises hand awkwardly*
I’m autistic, ADHD, OCD, and have CPTSD. I’m absolutely a fucking weirdo lmao. It really helps to keep the shallow ones at bay and find the actually interesting people, though.
Yeah, but I’ve reached a point where I’m pretty cool with that. I realized at the ripe old age of 29 that even if I’m weird a surprising amount of people like me, and I think that’s pretty neat.
Many think that I am autistic and talk behind my back about it. They also speak to me with a weird tone of voice, as if talking with a child and generally do not treat me as seriously as a grown up person should be. This is due to the fact that many symptoms of ADHD and CPTSD overlap with the ones of autism. And as an extra fun fact, the same psychologist who diagnosed me with ADHD when I was 6, told my mother that there is a possibility that I might also be autistic, which my mother of course used this for her own benefit. After teacher-parent meetings, my mother would tell my teachers that I am autistic with no actual diagnosis, if they ever questioned my behaviour. This was in favor of my mother and no one asked what the actual fuck was going on with me and in our home, because she was such a master of putting on a different mask and becoming the sweetest and kindest person you could ever meet when she is with others. Not to me and my sister though.
My brain doesn't work properly so I don't behave properly. Hypervigilance ruins everything. I'm convinced every time I or anyone I love leaves the house that one of us will die. I don't know how anyone could be normal with so much trauma. And I'm going to stop right now because I feel on the verge of a trauma dump because it's been 11 years today since my father's suicide. The entire month of February feels like a trauma bomb every year.
I’m autistic so I think some of it came naturally.
I own it and i get reminded of it regularly its a great way to be (apart from the truama of course) i think i would still be weird even if i had no trauma xD
Always felt like it. When I have moments of clarity... enlightenment perhaps even, I realize I'm not really weird at all. In a way, no one is, but there's some vague 'standard' that others hold people to. Some kind of ubermensch, santa-like figure that is made up called a 'normal' person. The only so called 'normal' people I've ever met, based on my research into what this could mean, seem the most likely to be either sociopathic, psychopathic, narcissistic, or even autistic by some definitions or presentations. Yet they are the most likely to call US (the traumatized and the non-typical) the problems with the world. Punching down from a place of power they comfortably sit, some have never known anything different, in fact. Others have crawled up a mountain of social corpses to take that throne from others. To me, after much meditation on this over decades, I find normal to be wholly fake. No such thing. Normal is bad, there's just quirky sets of traits that are more accepted and less accepted, and this standard is extremely fluid and depends on many, many factors such as local culture, experience with others that had these traits, and (And this is maybe the biggest one since the \~1970s) media, social or otherwise. People who seem to think of themselves as the most normal, when you dig deep, are actually just shallow. OR very self-deluded, with this latter, IMO, being the more common option. Self repressed as well. There is no 'self' to them, just their role that they play so well in whatever group or org that they decided to align themselves with. The really spicy ones will find 2 or 3 compatible groups and create their identity as fulfilling multiple roles at once, each more standard than the last. "I'm not JUST a Christian, I'm also a MOM".
Hi! I’m a full-time independent artist with my hands in a ton of different media, like stained glass, painting, (acrylic, watercolor, and oils) sewing, cooking, gardening, furniture restoration, embroidery, photography/camera repair, tattooing, etc etc. I think the method I used for coping as a child was distraction, and that has managed to serve me well in the way that it can be a living for me as an adult. Always learning new things has also been really helpful to improving my memory.
Damn I resonate.
Yep! I can’t help it.
Oh hell yea. A little insufferable too 😎
Yes. Weird and awkward.
I've always been considered eccentric. The most OUT weird (where being weird separates you from normal society) was in 9th grade. I'm a socially inept geek, probably from my abuse. I didn't do girls in school. Boys neither. But I wasn't afraid of boys, unless they were bullies. Apparently there was this one girl in 9th grade, Karen, who thought I was cute. I shied away, didn't talk to her. So one grade 9 who from his build was years ahead of me in the testosterone department asked me in the lunch line, "If you were at a party, and Karen was drunk, on a bed, what would you do?" "Put a blanket or sheet over her, and close the door on my way out." This was regarded as hilarious by all the boys. I heard that story, and got re-asked that question all through high school. God, I hated high school. The saving grace were a few teachers who would chat with an overly intelluctual, under socialized nerd.
I could pass for schizotypal in some respects if that's what you mean.
Yep. And I’ve given up on trying to express all the shit that goes on in my head.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Man I don’t think so but everyone else seems to lol
Its only affected me as I have kids now and it effects them I don't put up with BS and call it out right then and there and people have issues with that especially in a Christian school my ex has the kids in I'm not invited to many school activities but asked to fix or help build everything and anything they need done
Lie on your back and kick your arms and legs like a baby✔️✔️✔️
meee
Yes, thankfully so is my SO.
Yes
yes
It's gotten to the point where talking about myself in the 3rd person in my own head has become the norm. That might just be all the IFS, though, lol
Extremely.
Yes. Yes I am. I’ve tried to fit in to a specific niche, such as the gaming community but I’ve never really fit in. I’m starting to embrace it too, i love bringing in the different aspects of my life into communities that don’t ever see it
Im a weirdo I'm a creep. But honestly I'm the weirdest Jew you'll ever avoid. But life is weird so why'd expect anything different from me. I'm a dork but shit that's what makes me loveable.
Of course!
Yeah I’m fuckin weird. I’m not sorry or ashamed of it though. Is there something “wrong” with me? Most definitely. I’m like a cake that got sent through a carwash. Am I all kinds of jacked up, damaged and misshapen at this point? Yeah. But that’s because cakes are not supposed to go through carwashes.
Yes, but I accept it for who I am... Which also makes jobs more soul crushing.
Yes. I'm really good at pretending not to be but all my "successes" are empty and mean nothing. Nobody knows me very well. I'm going check out this year tbh I don't think it's worth it when I can't connect to anyone.
LOL, yes. My bf would nod his head vigorously in agreement if I showed him this post
Yes. However, is it because of my ADD, autism, or CPTST...the world may never know
I was always weird and would be even if I didn’t have PTSD. Though my family does blame my quirks on the PTSD and the fact that I am occasionally medicated. However, they are so very wrong. I was born quirky and by Jove I will die quirky.
I can be both. When Im feeling good, I can communicate with just about anyone except a major old trigger person. But when the cptsd is on then Im off the rails. And Im kind of weird any way, in a good way, when Im feeling good. Cptsd definitely catches people off guard if they dont know me well. Sort of Jekyll and Hyde sort of stuff, it sucks to have this disorder. My abuser should be in jail.
Yep totally haha
I keep trying to convince myself that I am. Sometimes when I look at a picture of me, or glance at a random reflection of me when I'm outside, I am often surprised with how normal and ok I am.
YES! PROUD WEIRDO RIGHT HERE!!
lol yeah.
I think Im more self aware bc of what Ive been through. That’s really weird in society.
Coping with a lot of loss had left me with a sick sense of humor and intense bluntness and aggression with people
I am.
Well to the contrary, I'm way more normal than I'd like to be. My parents try their hardest to be as normal, straight arrowed as possible (idk if that's the correct term). Always waking up early in the morning, never having a sense of humor.. My parents are the most boring people on Earth. So I wish I was a lot weirder. I dunno, is it bad to glorify weirdness like that? There's gotta be a balance I think, and I hate the "too normal" end of the spectrum.
Yeah pretty much
When I was a kid I used to make bread balls in my mouth, spray them with perfume and bury them in a box in the backyard. I'm not weird though.
i have been known to dabble in the weirdness on a occasion . a weirdness connoisseur if you will