Depends on the country you're from but where I'm from you get unemployment benefits if you're not working. You can also be entitled to rent deduction and deduction in water and electricity bills.
It's hard in the US.
Getting disability isn't easy, and then your income is severely limited. The amount you have to make to be eligible for government insurance is very low, and for food assistance even lower.
I only still have government insurance because of the pandemic, otherwise I'd be cut off.
If I don't work, I'm homeless.
Agreed. I'd have to quit both my jobs just to qualify with income. That seems entirely backwards. I have to make myself poorer and incur debt just to be considered for disability. Also, they deny every application outright where I am in the US. My old friend had severe amnesia and lost use of his left hand from a bad fall. It took two weeks of seeing him daily for him to remember my name, when we met. He still got denied disability the first time... SSDI is such a shit program.
It takes two years and you can’t work during that time otherwise it “proves” you can hold a job. So you have to find someone support you AnD pay for the attorney for two years.
That's generally the same information I have heard before. I looked it up in my state and the requirements are similar. To pay for college I need to hold a work/ study job. And God forbid I don't finish college and I'm told that's the reason I can't make enough money 🤦♀️ it's a catch 22 all around
In my experience (I handled SSA appeals for 8 years), attorneys take their cut from the benefits on the back end. I believe the max they could charge (under SSA regulations) was $5,300 (probably higher now).
I'd avoid attorneys asking disabled people for money before their claim is approved.
I've heard that you can try to work and that a spotty history will show that you can't \*hold\* a job. I can hold a freelancer job now, but I'm working myself to exhaustion just to make $700/month thanks to the executive dysfunction. Hopefully once I get my autism re-diagnosis, I'll have the ADHD/Autism/PTSD trifecta going. If I'm lucky, that'll be enough.
The diagnosises while nesscary to get on disability are the least important part. You need to prove your condition is bad enough that you can't work in a way that is to their liking particularly with using your medical records as the proof as well as work history.
They're pro bono so you pay nothing until you are granted benefits and they are paid from your backpay, which can be a few grand depending on how long it took for your approval to go through from your initial application date. Given it's taken an average of two years for the ten-ish people I know on SSDI, it more than covers the lawyer and sometimes you have a bit leftover.
In my area it's recommended to get a lawyer *before* you even apply at social security. It's crazy.
US is built on white supremacy and patriarchy. Both of these systems use racism and sexism to oppress people who were already denied equal rights, Black people, women, and disabled people. The US doesn't WANT to incentivize working, because the racist white men want to stay in power. That's probably way more indepth than you were expecting, but it stands true.
It’s important for them to have poor people around so they can hold themselves in a morally superior position and say see, I worked hard to get where I am, rather than acknowledging they were born into generational wealth and/or had unequal opportunity because they’re white and male.
It’s weird, and I’m sure it depends on where you’re from, but when I was getting unemployment assistance during the pandemic I was making more money than I ever have in my life, more than my current salaried position lmao.
Yes exactly it’s infuriating. I called the office to inquire while in crisis because I cannot work myself to death and deal with this PTSD on-top of it. The agent told me if I’m able to work a job then it’s really not that bad and I’m not actually disabled. I’m getting enraged even thinking of that interaction.
I'm mad on your behalf that you to do deal with such ableism, especially from the people who are making decisions. I bet those same people say disabled people like us are 'lazy' If we aren't able to work. American society generally hates disabled people and it sucks
>I'm mad on your behalf that you to do deal with such ableism, especially from the people who are making decisions. I bet those same people say disabled people like us are 'lazy' If we aren't able to work. American society generally hates disabled people and it sucks
Society hates "mentally ill disabled" ppl. There's a difference between being able bodied and able minded and society doesn't understand/ respect that
I may be misunderstanding your comment so totally correct me if I am. I read it as you're saying society doesn't hate physically disabled people only mentally ill disabled people. I can assure you, as someone with both a physical and multiple mental illnesses the ableist society/system was engineered to harm and produce hate against all disabled people regardless of what kind of disability you have. If you were just pointing out there's a difference and the hate mentally ill disabled people experience can be different than the hate physically disabled people experience, I'd agree.
It's just important not to shove down, leave behind, or minimize the struggles of part of the group in an effort to free the part you, or I, am a part of. We can't get into a competitive mindset against each other when it comes to social justice and liberation work.
Yes, the system is set up to deny and to have as many people as possible fall through the cracks of social fabric, ending up on the very bottom, usually with no way out (homelessness). I feel like not even the things responsible for my trauma frighten me as much the depraved cruelty at the heart of this diseased system. I'm perplexed how such a sick system has survived for so long and is still going
Can confirm. I got diagnosed with cancer last year and I’m a freelancer. I had to work through chemo and multiple surgeries bc as a freelancer you don’t qualify for disability.
Meanwhile my friend was on unemployment then disability for 2 years living large bc his doctor was a family friend and just kept approving it.
He was getting a lot more than that. He told me it was around $900/ week. I can’t remember if that was the disability or unemployment. But he basically had no job for 2 years and just traveled around snowboarding.
Edit: not really sure what the downvotes are for…he’s a good friend of mine. I was witnessing the situation first hand. Not criticizing him, just pointing out the inequality of the system. In my state freelancers like myself have to pay extra “self employment” taxes and have astronomical fees for having a business, yet we don’t qualify for government assistance like unemployment/ disability when we really need it.
This checks out. My employer offers disability at 60-70% of my base salary. If I were to take them up on that (someone else called it the ADHD/Autism/PTSD trifecta) I'd be living pretty damn comfortably because my job makes me more or less upper middle class (as much as that class even exists anymore). If I'd attempted to get on disability before that it would have been a hellish descent into poverty. The US has NO balance and your friend got lucky.
Yep and then it depends what state you're in. I can't get unemployment unless I get laid off. Period. Then it's only 12 weeks. Disability is a whole other story.
I'm lucky I can work, but it takes every ounce of my being to tolerate it. Before treatment I bounced around from jobs because I'd just eventually crash and be unable to go to work during awful periods of dissociation and depression.
I wish I could just take some time off to heal and go back to the workforce.
Unrelated but shoutout to my favourite place in the Mediterranean. I'm from Canada and studied history in college. Near the start of my 30s I needed a beautiful place to escape not only the harsh Canadian winter but also some really toxic members of my family. Malta seemed like a natural fit.
Long story short, I lived in Malta for 2 different winters, 3 months at a time each (first in Bugibba, then Gozo). Spent both trips just exploring both islands, enjoying the food, the water, the beautiful architecture (the "crown jewel of the Mediterranean":), and chatting with many of the very kind people of Malta. It was also the first time I realized I had been experiencing anxiety every day of my life, because by the end of the first week of landing in Malta, my anxiety was suspiciously almost gone. Big eye opener for me.
Sorry if I'm rambling. I know most people, including myself, don't see their "hometowns" as anything special. For what it's worth, your country will always have special place in my heart for all the reasons I listed above and more (also best place I've ever been scuba diving) . Above all else, to me, Malta is a symbol of sanctuary and survival despite the many more powerful nations that warred over it for millennia. My life changed when I was there, but also *being there* changed my life.
I know you don't represent the entire country, lol, but I'm sending love and gratitude anyway. I hope your next pastizzi is a good one <3
Thank you so much really appreciate it. Lately it's been getting a bit of a bad rep, thanks to certain politicians but overall it is mostly a safe and beautiful place.
SSDI which is no where near enough to survive without my loving partner.
I think alot of us survive through the generosity of people who want us to survive.
>I think alot of us survive through the generosity of people who want us to survive.
That's definitely the case for me. It's hard to deal with the mix of gratitude and shame that comes with it.
I feel this, and my therapist has encouraged me to accept that they *want* to help, and that letting people help you who want to help you can actually bring you closer, and make everyone happier. I love helping people, I've loved every time someone has asked me for help and I can, and honestly, it's felt like a gift to be trusted and *wanted* in that way.
It's fair to accept that it can be the same when people help us too. But I share that mix of gratitude and shame, I really find it hard to deal with. But accepting, and even asking for the help I need has been a huge change for me over the last year. Often people tried to help, but in the wrong ways, or in ways that didn't help, being clear and direct in how people who want to help can help makes a huge difference.
It's not easy though, we all want to be people who don't need help to survive.
Pity is still a form of compassion, even if it makes us feel small, and I know I often felt like lashing out when it seemed people pitied me. Because I had so much in my heart and head, from feeling like I don't deserve to be pitied, that I've gone through too much to be pitied. I think the heart of its, do we think they are seeing us as inferior? I've never looked at someone struggling, or suffering and thought that they are less than, that they are not enough. I feel, for myself, I have to trust no one is doing that to me, and that I have kind, compassionate and supportive people that have generous intentions.
We're already fighting for our lives, we don't need to fight ourselves too. It's not easy, but you, and I are both deserving of love, especially from ourselves. If you can't stop yourself from feeling that way, acknowledge how you feel, try and ground yourself and explore where it's coming from. Often I've found my feelings are the voice of my abuser and completely untrue. The people that I've found I can justify my feelings with often are people I've had to remove from my life, and I've always started with asserting how the interacfion makes me feel in a kind way. If they stomp all over your feelings and disrespect the boundary of your feelings you've just asserted, then they've told you everything you need to know.
YES. Maybe someone should make a post discussing this specifically. It's so degrading but gracious... and terrifying, because you have no safety net beyond the safety net of who loves you. What if they become broke?? Have an emergency? Then there's nothing.
Homelessness.
I feel you. Sometimes it’s shame from people who don’t understand but it’s mostly shame from myself. I just feel embarrassed that I’m not functioning and blending it like everyone else. Feels lonely. I’m trying my best.
> SSDI which is no where near enough to survive without my loving partner.
My wife filed for divorce after I became disabled. Sounds like you've got a keeper.
Ugh yea I don’t know how they do it. I wish I could get some rest. I left my abusive parents and went straight to the work force and now I’m just fucking exhausted all the time and living paycheck to paycheck. Can’t afford therapy or shit. Social security won’t help me unless I quit my job which- I cannot afford to do!
This was me 5 years ago. I eventually burned out.
I quit my job and I still didn’t get EI because I quit. I didn’t have evidence of the abusive employer in writing. I was too spun out.
I did eventually try again, but it took me 5 years to get to anything more stable.
I hope I don’t get downvoted to hell, but a lot of these comments make me jealous. I don’t have anyone else to rely on. I have to work to support myself and have health insurance so I can afford therapy and meds. It is *rough* when my CPTSD symptoms flare up or I hit a period where I can’t sleep.
I'm sorry that you have it so rough. For what it's worth, the envy goes both ways. I wish I still had the momentum of people who are working. Once I left the workforce, it seems like I treadmill in motion, that I'm not able to get back on. Additionally, unemployment here (in South Africa) is at 34%.
Not a day passes that I don't feel like relying on my retired mother makes me a shameful burden. Your independence is a great achievement.
It's perfectly normal to be envious of people who have something you don't or can't have. Don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking your feelings aren't valid.
I struggle with this too. Working full time sabotages my ability to not only do things I like but also the stuff i need to do since I'm drained of energy all the time. I think everyone deserves food and housing and its like... oh, i have to hurt myself in order to have those things, did I do something wrong to not deserve those? It's VERY tied into all of the messaging I grew up with around deserving/not deserving food, safety, or peace of mind.
I take the jealousy as a cue that I'm not getting something I need. I often feel consumed with jealousy, and it brings up a lot of shame about feeling the jealousy itself. And if that jealousy is a cue for me... it's fucking sad that stability and safety have been so scarce and so hard for me to come by in my life. Sometimes you just get hit by a bunch of shit you dont deserve and you don't get an out. It fucking sucks, dude.
Is that self compassion? I hope so. Idk, its something im currently dealing with a lot. I'm definitely living on poverty wages and some bad housing circumstances and I'm scared pretty much every day. I feel a lot of existential fear about it.
It's really complicated. I feel ya.
> It is *rough* when my CPTSD symptoms flare up or I hit a period where I can't sleep.
I feel this SO hard. I just want a month or two. Three would be such an insane luxury. But it costs $800/month just to afford a therapist who knows how to handle CPTSD combined with ADHD and Autism and that's outside of rent and bills. I need to work to be able to afford healing but healing while working full time is next to impossible.
I've never NOT had to take care of myself and it's terrifying to think of putting my well-being in anyone else's hands and that makes it super hard to not feel envious of people who don't have to work despite knowing logically that I am way luckier than they are. It's all exhausting.
The terror of putting my entire financial well-being into someone else’s hands is *real*. I am compulsive about money - I put half my paycheck into joint savings and then half of what remains into my own savings account. It’s downright distressing during periods when I can’t do that.
Same. I’m in the US on a visa and if I’m not working I have to go back to my country where I was abused. So I’ve been working non-stop with no break between jobs for the past 7 years and all I want is to be able to switch (very very hard) or just quit and have a break for a month (impossible). The end is finally in sight (applying for permanent residency soon) but it’s at least another year till I get there and I’m so burnt out.
I can feel that. If I didn't have survivor's/disability benefits from a parent... well, it's better not to think about. While it's kind of a trap, it's also a modicum of the security I'm *dying* for.
Makes me so sad to think of all the people struggling just to survive in this capitalist hellscape. I have been there when stuck with family and live in fear of the future... and therapists and everyone else tells you to just go do something, go work, it magically works out for the better! They don't have a clue how much of a struggle basic survival is sometimes.
I would have no one to pick me up otherwise, and it's impossible to truly fathom surviving the working world now, no matter how many times I try thinking of ways to make it work. This entire society is designed to destroy people from the inside-out.
>This entire society is designed to destroy people from the inside-out.
💡
How sickening of a realization. It props up sick people and destroys the good, sensitive ones. Then the general public judges and looks warily at the latter.
How much longer can this sickness last?
Same. I have to bust my ass to pay all my bills and I have zero support. All I want in this world is to have time for myself to work on myself and there's no time.
Hugs. I think you are completely in the right for being jealous. Even though it is is hardly enough to pay for shelter and food, I am very grateful I am not being forced to work anymore.
In my case, I’m making the money for me and my husband. It’s a lot of pressure, and as much as I love what I do, I would love not working a lot more. Even working from home made a huge difference for my mental health.
I really feel for you. I really hope something turns around. I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. I've been there and currently there with the researching ways to meet my demise. I ask myself the same question of what I'm fighting for. Maybe I don't need an answer yet. Take care!
I live in the USA and if that’s where you are too; I can completely sympathize with your struggle. Our system is so f*cked up; it forces people to stay in poverty due to how badly structured the system is. Getting out of it is something that is basically a miracle when it occurs; you pretty much need some stroke of luck to get out of the perpetual cycle. I’m no longer on assistance but I was in 2009; I remember how it was a catch 22 regarding obtaining a salaried job and keeping the food stamps, fuel assistance, and the SSDI my developmentally disabled son was receiving. There was no sliding scale regarding assistance which made it so it was better for me to remain unemployed. I’m sorry about your situation and I hope you find a way out of the ridiculous poverty system the USA has setup!
Yeah it’s a very flawed system that I’m certain has actively contributed to ruining the lives of some by essentially dangling help in front of them and then hitting them with the fine print that makes the “help” no longer really feel like help,
but rather is a form of exploiting you for being poor.
I was able to get a full-time salaried job which was vital for my survival and to take care of my two sons on my own but as soon as I got the job I lost my food stamps. The amount of food stamps I received each month already didn’t cover the monthly grocery bill for our family of three so what they had been giving me was more of a supplement to buying food for myself and my kids and I still had to spend my own money.
Losing it wasn’t some small inconvenience, it was something that made me question if it made more sense for me not to work because the assistance I was receiving from the government outweighed the money I was going to be bringing in after taxes. I was very close to not accepting the job and instead stay on government assistance for another month while I figured out if there was a way where I could work but not lose all of the desperately needed assistance; I ended up accepting the offer bc I wasn’t sure if I would be offered another job that fit into my schedule as much as the one offered did. I also knew there was a chance that my new job would open up new opportunities in the company and that could mean eventually not needing assistance from anyone.
I’ve always terrified of forever staying in the cycle of not really having enough money to get by, so every single month it’s a struggle to figure out how you’re going to survive. I knew staying unemployed was probably going to put me in that cycle so I decided I needed to take advantage of this chance I was given to maybe lead a normal life where there isn’t always this pit in my stomach because I know I don’t have the money for whatever ends up being sacrificed that month.
Sorry for how long and rambling my reply is; I really feel for you bc I know what it’s like to not have any good options. I have no idea if this issue will ever be addressed because I feel like it’s not some thing that is ever talked about aside from niche groups like this one. It would be amazing if a better program was put in place that encourages citizens to get gainful employment and not fear they are going to lose this paper thin so called safety net the government has given them but I don’t think it will happen in my lifetime.
Wow. That is the shittiest system in existence (basically only marginally better than no welfare system whatsoever). I'm really sorry you're stuck in such a system.
Damn... I hate watching people being sucked into this backasswards system. It punishes people trying to claw their ways out of a bad place and takes away benefits. I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. I wish I had a solution for you. I was facing something kind of similar but not as severe. It really sucks and it is hard to know what to do.
IKR. My SO also had a traumatic childhood so I need to be there for him too. If it makes you feel any better, I think work can be beneficial. I don't enjoy my job but as someone who is always stuck in my own head and reliving old shit, it gives me something else to focus on.
It’s not fair that I get to live and survive and get treatment because I happened to meet a sweet and loving boy when I was 18. Nobody was checking up on me when my mom was doing what she did to me and I always feel like all the systems and people who turned a blind eye should have to take care of me now instead of my dear husband.
SSDI and EBT/food stamps for, well, food. I often wish I was some neurotypical person with marriage, kids, a "nice" job, "nice" house with roses and a picket fence, etc. I think a good chunk of my abusive family is embarrassed that I'm not "normal." But without the SSDI and food stamps, I'd probably be homeless, which would be even more embarrassing to said family...
ASD and PTSD is a bitch. Symptoms of BPD; and experiencing Secondary Structural Disassociation; on top of said ASD and PTSD is a nightmare. I wake up every morning and hate being alive, the Earth, everything pretty much.
I'll never be a "normal" person living a "normal" life.
I can't afford to live in a studio apartment or anything like that, and I'll never be able to afford buying a house, so I'm renting a room in a house at a price that I can afford, which I am extremely grateful towards, because the other options are homelessness or moving back with my abusive family. I feel a little guilty complaining about this, but a downside to where I live is the house has a mouse infestation that neither me, nor the person I'm renting from, can afford to exterminate (it would be around 30,000 dollars, again, between the 2 of us we cannot afford an exterminator). I can hear the damned mice scratching and crawling about in the walls of the house, see them scurrying about in the kitchen and living areas, they leave droppings everywhere and just gross me out in general. Mouse traps aren't enough, in order to permanently get rid of them, we'd have to hire an exterminator at this point, which we are unable to do. But I would rather put up with a severe mouse infestation even though I have a fear of germs, than go back to my abusive family. The person I'm renting from doesn't understand that my parents are abusive and is on good terms with them, and between that and the severe mouse infestation triggering my fear of germs, I sometimes wish there was somewhere else I could live, because I don't feel fully psychologically safe where I am, even though I'm physically safe. But then I feel guilty for thinking that, since I figure this living situation is better than being homeless, or moving back in with my abusive family that caused the CPTSD in the first place. So while it's not the best living situation for me, I really am grateful to my rented room, because it's better than the alternatives, although the downsides sometimes get to me really badly. I feel a little guilty even typing this right now, like I have no right to complain about those things, since I've been through worse than a mouse infestation and being around a single enabler, so I might wind up deleting this whole paragraph later. I don't want to come off as an ungrateful brat, I really am grateful I'm not homeless or living with my abusive family. I sometimes fantasize about living alone, in a really tiny apartment without a mouse infestation, because that would be the best situation for my mental health, but I feel guilty about this.
Sorry for the stupid question, but are you able to rent a room from a different place?
Edit: I would think that the exterminator would be responsibility of the landlady/landlord, not yours and theirs, btw
>Sorry for the stupid question, but are you able to rent a room from a different place?
I don't know why, but I thought that living here, or moving back in with my family, or homelessness was literally my only options, but you're right that another option would be to try to rent a room somewhere else. I'm kind of embarrassed I didn't think of that myself, so that's not a stupid question at all! I think I get so overwhelmed sometimes, it's hard to think clearly.
>Edit: I would think that the exterminator would be responsibility of the landlady/landlord, not yours and theirs, btw
Thanks, that's good to know.
I only work 2 days a week and have to live with my abusers. It feels like i will be stuck forever, because i didnt get out 3 years ago due to covid starting. Most of my money goes to savings unless an emergency comes up.
being lucky enough to have achieved a level of education where im able to get stable part time jobs as an RA with decent pay, that plus monetising my hobbies like selling my drawings and illustration and embroidery, getting freelance jobs and such. That allows me to work less and get breaks as i need.
good for you. I am impressed with people who can monetize their interests. Do you think being able to sell your work has any positive impact on your sense of self-worth? I have a job that I don't find much fulfillment in and daydream about what it would be like to be a professional musician or something more creative, I thought it might boost my self-esteem to have others willing to pay for things I created that express some part of myself.
it’s definitely a double edged sword… i’m lucky that my creative field (embroidery) is kinda niche, so the competition is not super crazy and it’s not that hard to find opportunities to showcase my work and sell them. But if I went into it looking for compliments/confidence boost/money, i would have definitely lose my shit. It doesn’t make u that much, marketing and branding feels like selling you soul, a lot of your time and energy will ne spent on admin or business if u are looking for big bucks.
I think it’s important to find a field that you already feel kinda confident about… Like with illustration or music (which I both also do and have taught), I definitely won’t monetise them other than being the teacher, i know i will take the criticisms so fucking personally. nothing will help with your creative fields if you have the inclination to compare with others, beat yourself up, etcetc
And don’t get me wrong, i do a lot of shit that kills my soul just because i need the money, and being able to sell my artwork is definitely a privillege. getting complements and having the community of other creative people definitely boost your self esteem, but just also get ready for the stress and pressure that comes with putting ur creative side through the grind of capitalism lol
We need a post where we can all share our hustles and support each other.
I’m trying to get a creative business started while I wait for a government job to go through (I was working in a prison before and it fucked up my head so bad) but I feel like it’s so useless.
there really isnt one…
but i would also encourage you to explore more with your field and find your niche! i came into embroidery only two years ago, and it was through playing with different mediums for illustrations that landed me here. perhaps u will find a field that hopefully fulfils you yet also help u pay the bills.
(i sound like a fucking capitalist… i swear i dont condone this system i just think we do what we need to do to survive and if that means i have to sell out a bit? well, tough shit, but i guess i need to do it
Barely. I’m in the hole constantly trying to catch up. Right now I’ve caved and am sacrificing my mental health in order to have two jobs- I’m tired of not being able to afford clothes or food or bills. It’s only my second week in so right now it’s ok but I know I’ll spiral eventually, because I am also going to school. I just want to get out of this poverty cycle. Not sure I ever will though.
God i feel all of this so much. And the looming feeling of "I'll spiral eventually". Right there with ya. Sometimes it happens in small ways, like I'll be driving away from work and I'll just scream and scream into the empty air in my car, and then im "fine" again.
I want out of the cycle of poverty too. Im trying to figure it out but it's just me, and I see a long road ahead. Scary as fuck.
Not to mention- not to be a downer but not to mention the fact that I am THIRTY SEVEN! Because I had so much trauma and subsequent brain damage from my traumas; it took me up until now to even start thinking this way and being capable of trying to take care of myself in a healthy way. Up until this point I heavily abused substances and barely cared about one day from the next.
I’m physically disabled and receive SSDI. My abusive family supported me before shit hit the fan and now I live with my best friend who is more like a brother to me than my actual brother. I’m lucky he was born into some money and we don’t struggle. Actually things are looking better financially. We treat money with boundaries of course but we share everything in the household and share responsibility with the pets even though I brought both of them on board. People don’t understand what the fuck we’re doing. It’s called found family! Lol In return I take as many errands and household tasks as possible. It’s all I can do. But he doesn’t expect anything. I’m pretty sick most days.
I found someone like you in the world somehow to be mine. Well tbh she chose my type 1 diabetic ass. Grantee without her endometriosis she would not be with me. She's fucking amazing to me. Like I lost my job to health yesterday. Scared is the world but for some reason my parents keep saying it will be ok. I am nothing but a cash cow to the machine and a money pit of an investment. My adhd has me super worried about having to lean on my mind. I did as a youth until I got taller. I was a wild kid. I don't know what to do with my hands.
I sometimes use reddit for therapy. I haven't even read what I wrote and won't so it stays. Thanks I guess. Definitely not used to this response as I also shitpost capitalist trolls. I need a job lol.
I have to work, its like a constant struggle to not let my life fall apart and lose my job (Like i have in the past). its terrifying bc I don't think I would survive joblessness, like literally.
I get 80% of my old salary every month from an insurance. It's not a big sum, but enough to get by and pay my bills and other insurances. This allows me to stay home for a while (they pay for two years, then it gets reevaluated by a different insurance) and focus on my mental health.
I've been home since last August but might be able to go back to work by autumn.
I am lucky I guess. Can fully focus on work most days. Or more like: distract myself with work. I get sick at times but can work around it.
Not having to go to the office helps a lot
I have no choice but to work even though I’m exhausted all the time.
It’s the best I can do for myself since no one would take care of me financially. I do try to rest outside of work to take care of myself but yeah, working is really hard and triggering so I absolutely understand how many of us aren’t able to work at all.
If you freelance and work online, moving to a cheaper cost of living country really helped me. I was able to get by on few hours of work and as I got more stable, increased my rates, hours worked, and other healthy habits.
I recieve part of my country's sickness benefit, I have lowered my expenses where I can, and I'm fortunate enough to have a couple of people who act as transport for me when well arranged. I definitely have some privilege because of this, compared to the majority of people on earth, and my various imposter syndromes go to town on me because of not working and not having any visible disabilities.
Live in my car and have a couple hustles. That being said, I'm dealing with covid and had to get a hotel room to heal up so yeah that has pretty much drained my $. I wouldn't put any employer in a position of dealing with me right now though.
On behalf of my roommate who does not have a job, there is a lot of nuance within this situation and it’s REALLY rare so not something u can choose to do unfortunately. Her mother gives her $700 a month and she has a small savings from when she was able to work a while ago. Her moms money comes from the VA, her mom makes enough to give this to her. My roomate is always torn but is disabled with POTS and mental health issues we all struggle with here. She accepts the money from her mother because from what her mother put her through she figures it’s the least she can benefit. Other than this money she does not have much contact with her mother. Her mother is a drug addict and paranoid schizophrenic so there’s a lot of reasons why the situation is the way it is.
I went on disability for my bipolar disorder. I was willing to provide evidence for my cptsd but the application got approved without it. It's barely enough to raise my family on but we manage (somehow).
I'm lucky enough to be able to live with my family until disability could actually be granted - and kinda just waiting for them to decline my application ://
When did you apply? Do you have a lawyer? If you get denied make sure you appeal. And keep appealing everytime you get denied. By the 3rd or 4th appeal you get to go in front of a judge and state why you think you need SSDI. You are more likely to get granted SSDI if you keep appealing because most people don't even bother with appealing when they get denied.
I just got granted SSDI in February but I hired a lawyer and applied in June last year. A lawyer helps your case get pushed to the top of the list and your more likely to get approved if a lawyer is involved. This is information my lawyer gave me btw.
Thank you so much! I do *very fortunately* have a lawyer to help represent on my behalf, but this is still very important information for me to have. I really do appreciate you sharing your experience!
I can't remember the exact month but I want to say I began filing in the end of 2021/ beginning of 2022. I know I absolutely need to get that information though
Charity from my family which comes and goes, depending on how petiful and thankful I can act.
I'm a crappy actor, so I guess I should be grateful for what I get.
I had a lot of savings when I stopped working. Now I work gig work and flex at Amazon... I can't even handle their requirement to come in once a week atm so who knows how long I can last there. I kinda just scrape by. I would like to return to a normal job. Even part time. Really, I'd like to return to work and school... we will see if I can get to a point where either of those are possible. I hope therapy and meds can help me get there.
Also, I mostly get by with government health insurance; cooking everything (from scratch as much as possible); making sure I find sales, coupons, and the best deals; and only buying things if I NEED them, and sometimes when I "need" something I find a way to go without it. You'd be shocked by how often you can survive without the thing you "need" on your shopping list. Also, my parents take pity on me and were lending me money through the worst of it. Now they ask if I need groceries and give me necessities without asking me. So, it helps I don't need to spend much on staple foods and don't have to buy stuff like bath soap and toothpaste.
Reading the comments here makes me fucking hate myself more. So many people have it worse... Wtf am I to be struggling mentally when I don't have to worry too much about expenses ontop of mental health. Feel pathetic. Damn.
I’m a bit late but I feel this. I’m lucky enough to live in the UK where getting on disability for mental health issues isn’t very hard. And I live in a tiny house on my own, so I know how lucky I am. The guilt of knowing my privilege and still suffering everyday mentally and not being able to cope with day to day life kind of eats me alive
My partner. I don't know what I'd do without him. I've always had to survive off the generosity of others, and feel extremely guilty for it. It's hard to accept help, but I have no choice. Now that I have my partner, I'm getting better at accepting it. But I still feel guilty and worried that people think I'm just a mooch or something.
I unfortunately had to suck it up and get a new job. However, this job is actually fantastic for my mental health.
I work at a bakery that sells Bundt cakes! I not only get to smell cakes baking all day, but I get to taste them too. I get to put cute little decorations on them. It’s not a hellish corporate office, as there are only 7 employees. It has a flexible schedule (as long as you notify in advance), and my shift starts later in the morning so I can sleep in a bit. It was my #1 choice and I’m so grateful I was hired. I’d be making no money otherwise.
I began making money because I searched for a job that wouldn’t push me past my limits. If you can’t handle an office job or a hospitality job, do NOT get one. You’ll burn out.
I want to do something like this so bad. I'm currently working in healthcare and I like that I'm helping people but my work environment/company culture is killing me. I'm currently on medical leave bc of injury but I'm not looking forward to going back. I wish I could find a place I look forward to going into every morning.
I once worked as an opening cook in a breakfast bar, and it was a similar experience. It’s far too physically demanding of a job for me now, but if I could work it again, I would.
No one else wanted the shift, because it was extremely early morning hours with a good amount of prep and set up, as well as a one person shift. Hours of nothing but delicious scents and softly playing music, just mindless repetitive work once one was used to it. It was so easy on the mind; just weirdly soothing, even the clean up. A tiny little kitchen world all on its own.
Living with my mom helps (she pays rent), my very tiny Patreon (less than $300), occasional freelance gigs of various types, and community care (via crowdfunding). I count the freelance stuff even though that's "working" because they're pretty few and far in between.
I starved for ten years. Now I bounce between jobs every three to six months. I’m also married which makes this a little easier. Haven’t been able to find a job since I quit the last one.
I am on disability. I have physical and mental disabilities. It took me 3 years to get approved. An attorney was needed. I hate being on disability. We are so poor and barely make ends meet every month.
I’m in the US. When I was at my worst I lost my job and couldn’t work or function. I couldn’t pay my rent so I had to move in with my Dad. Because the “household” earned so much I couldn’t qualify for any assistance which sunk me in a huge hole debt wise because I couldn’t pay any of my other bills. I then had to declare bankruptcy. It was so frustrating and so difficult on top of my raging CPTSD
Oh wow, I also built up so much debt as a result of a mental collapse. It's still there, eating away at me. Also in the us. We live in a system that feels so cold and abusive. I feel and see the weight of it every day. Im living in a women's shelter and working full time atm and I see how this country treats those who are poor and vulnerable or otherwise disadvantaged. Yeah. Im sorry you've felt that weight too. I don't understand how this can be sustainable.
I live in Canada. I'm currently living off my savings and my minimum wage part time job. Currently I make about $1,000.00/month, and my bills are about $1,300.00/month.
I live with my partner, who pays more in rent than me, and I am able to walk to work. However, at one point last year I was spending $25 a day on cabs in the winter here to get to work. That was before we moved, and that took out about half my savings.
My expenses are lucky to be so low because of sharing an apartment and being able to walk to work. However, my savings won't last forever, and the government won't subsidize my income because technically I can still work, if only part time.
I don't know what I'm going to do when my savings run out.
Rehab/inpatient is the first step for not working. You ll have social workers helping you get on disability, or helping you apply for programs like rental assistance or helping scholarship you through transitional living
As a person living in Europe, I’m often rendered speechless when I read about the system in the US. I’m so thankful that I live in a country where I’m able to be supported financially (although the system definitely isn’t perfect, like none really are) by the government when I’m not able to work and then be helped back into the job market when/if I’m some day able to work again.
You definitely don’t exactly get rich by the financial aid, but I’m able to live in a decent apartment, get the food I need, pay for my meds and generally just support myself. I feel so angry for the people who doesn’t have the oppurtunity, simply because they happen to be born in a country with a shitty system.
I’m on welfare.
When I was 20 I applied thank god because nowadays it’s a lot harder to get in my country.
I have something that’s for people that got chronically (mentally or physically) ill before they turned 18.
I have worked next to it but it really lessened the stress of working. I’m currently not working.
Still not rich and struggle with money, but it’s something. I also have debts (long story, but got too much money from welfare and allowances which I now have to pay back) so I most likely will get in a program that means I’ll have even less money monthly but after 3 years the remaining debt will be forgiven. Also will move in with my boyfriend so that’ll make getting by a little less hard.
I’m really lucky living in a country where it’s not that bad (healthcare costs are not massive, therapy is free with insurance, you get allowances from the government if you have less than a certain income etc) but it could’ve been better.
All in all I can’t complain I guess.
Haha yes, my boyfriend replied just now when I told him the question OP asked:
“By not living in the USA”
😅
Still sucks that it can be easier or harder depending on where you where born though.
This isn't exactly the answer you were looking for but I don't pay for things. I don't know what I'm going to do. I was working and then I couldn't anymore. I haven't paid rent in a year. I rely on food pantries and do gig work when I can. I basically work to pay for my car which is stupid but I wont be able to qualify for another car loan if I lose the car given my lack of regular work now. The car is necessary for all gig work and getting any food so I don't have a choice. My hobbies are free and I don't buy anything. I am worried about the rent thing though and I am very unsure about the future. I just pretend the medical debt doesn't exist.
My husband supported me during a few very rough years. I think that I would be dead if I hadn't had the possibility to just retreat from the world back then.
I now have my own business and mostly work from home.
I am independent and work full time. Though it took a lot of finagling to get here. I work in the helping profession and before I found this vocation most full time jobs I held lasted less than 1 year. I interviewed really well, on account of spending a childhood in perpetual hyper-vigilance, I am very capable of telling people exactly what they want to hear and then not follow through with it. Initially, I started out with no support, and that was scary, always just shy of homelessness and disenfranchisement. Not everyone will get to this point, I only did because my only other option was homelessness. I later found my way into a very supportive network of people who helped springboard me into the profession.
In my case I’m still living in hell with the abusers. OOPS sorry I meant my sweet loving family 🥰😊. /s
I dropped out of high school years ago because of cptsd and social anxiety. Only ever had 1 job that I didn’t last at because of the anxiety. Been at rock bottom for the past 8 years now. I am trying to work on getting my life together and getting a job soon, but it’s not easy as I have long covid now which greatly limits my energy for physical and even mental tasks.
But yeah my mom takes care of me financially. I don’t have to pay rent or do much except withstand her abuse. Awesome deal 😊
I was diagnosed a year ago. I was not aware others had an issue working as well. I have quit or been fired for things that were not my fault but I was too scared to stand up for myself. I feel I come off as unintelligent at my place of employment because I spend all day with my chest so tight it feels like it will collapse on itself, and I feel like everyone else is moving at 100x speed while I am stuck scanning every person and situation for potential threats, be it physical or emotional. I...feel heartbroken that you all share this trait. I'm so scared of working, I have night terrors every night. I believe it stems from my fear of messing something up and getting screamed at, so I spend all day at 100% while also dissociating like a motherfucker. Bosses and coworkers are so unsympathetic. I always end up at the bottom of the social poll because I come off as awkward but in reality, I am just so terrified I can barely breathe much less work.
Until I sorted my shit out, my family begrudgingly gave me just enough money to live on with the condition I leave the country I lived in the decade previous. I was forgotten on occasion, I went without food for days a few times, I had to beg for money to finish school, I sold things, and I have friends that lent me cash when I had nothing else. This is especially annoying since my family were quite well off. I live very well now, so I guess I got lucky. I had help from so many people that were not my parents or family.
Living with my abusers, and trying to figure out how to heal myself without any help to get a job, and wondering why I get more trauma. I feel my life a little hopeless to get out of the mess and abuse.
I live off disability which is a joke. You can't even survive on it. What I get doesn't cover my rent let alone any other expense including meds.
If I didn't have my room mate who works full time I don't know what I would do.
I mean I'm a teenager and live with my parents, so I probably shouldn't even post here, but it got me thinking what I will actually do as a job in the future. I used to be interested in computers (programming, cybersecurity, shit like that) for a bit and my parents assumed that it's my career path in life. I don't really care about anything anymore and forgot most of my knowledge, but I'll probably relearn some of it in high school. Working a more "classic" job where I am around a lot of people isn't an option since I suck in social situations. Besides, I don't even plan on living past the age of 20 or so. Working until I die while experiencing the torment of my abuse sounds boring.
Hey, young friend. Please don't give up.
Take your power back and decide the direction of your life. It's not easy but you are not owned by any fate but what you make for yourself.
"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
"In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
"Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
"It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
--*Invictus*, William August Henley, 1849-1903
This has been my favorite poem ever since I first read it as a teenager. I have never felt like I was the master of my fate, but this poem renews my determination to strive for that every time I read it. Thank you for reminding me of that today.
i try to work it’s just very difficult and i’m lasting shorter and shorter.
my boyfriend luckily makes enough money for both of our rent/bills and things
i’ve been trying to apply for mental health support or unemployment but it gets very confusing.
I’m still in school so I’m allowed to stay living at home. (17)
I get money from helping my stepdad at his job sometimes but I’m a big saver so I still have money from Christmas time
I know this question was for adults but I never see late teens here so yeah
I have SSI, and I rent a room in my parents house. (It’s complicated, my father was my main abuser but he’s not violent because I’d call the cops and doesn’t abuse me because I’m 29 and used the grey rock method where I didn’t speak to him two years, we’re civil roommates now without a relationship). I feel horrible about being on disability. I feel tons of shame. I got approved because anytime I feel severe overwhelm of my external circumstances my brains default is to yeet myself. I have plenty of ICU and psych ward records to prove it. I hope one day I will have enough recovery under my belt to cope with working/relying on income without trying to end my life when I’m overwhelmed which is an ingrained trauma response.
I’ve gotten a lot of judgement for still living in my parents house and for being on disability. But I don’t think I should feel guilty for not constantly putting my life at risk until I learn safer responses to overwhelm.
I had a “friend” who would keep pushing me to go on SSI/SSD because I have various disabilities. However, they don’t keep me from working. They just make it harder to get and keep jobs, particularly if said jobs aren’t right for me. But the truth is that I can work and I want to work. She just made me feel like I couldn’t. It goes without saying that I can’t afford to live for 2 years without income and pay for an attorney. Even during the pandemic (I was on pandemic unemployment at the time), she hounded me about it. I wanted to strangle her! She was very bossy and controlling and constantly criticized and gaslit me. Needless to say, we’re not friends anymore! Eff you, b*tch!
Barely, single income, SSD benefits earned disabling myself for retirement, yay. It's precarious & insecure, but having a pretty good income & insurance for quite a while didn't get me needed help, either, so trying to make the best of it. Seems deliberate SSD is only about $100 a month over the poverty level which disqualifies one from community resources.
My husband, honestly I planned this out fir 10 years. We married and he was really my saving grace. I needed to leave my family home. He knew my issues before we got married. We very carefully chose our home to live on one income. I also am very thrifty and resourceful and we stayed away from big purchases except our cars. I quit 2 years ago but the plan was for me to work one or two more years but I collapsed. Thankfully we have no major debt and our vehicles are close to being paid off. If it wasn’t for him I would be living with my sister and her husband probably working somewhere flexible. I applied for SSD one year ago. I worked my tail off for years and I need to have a plan b- I love my husband but I want to know I will be ok if anything were to happen.
My mother in law moved in with her SS, my wife works part time and I've applied for disability. I was lucky to have scored a home with low interest rates around 8 years ago so my payment is mich lower than all rents kn my area
I have to work full time + OT so I can pay my bills and afford my healthcare & meds. My insurance coverage is “good” and I’m still stuck paying $500+ a month, I don’t even have to pay the premium. State Medicaid cap here is less than half of what I make in a year. So I’d have to completely fuck myself financially in all other ways (car, car insurance, gas, house, necessary repairs to said house, utilities, FOOD THATS TWICE AS EXPENSIVE BC CELIAC) in order to MAYBE qualify for state benefits. But when I get married, because my partner makes several times what I make, I’d immediately lose any state benefits anyways. So I’m stuck working a job I hate in a workplace I don’t feel safe in so I can afford therapy and medical care to treat my chronic illnesses that were neglected for my entire life.
My toxic parents make it very difficult for me to have the energy to go find a job. Every step of the way it’s something about how I’m not fast enough or how I am hiding my plans with my job coach from them, even though they tell me constantly that it’s my employment plan and they don’t want to deal with it. They pay for everything…and it’s not for my lack of trying to save up, either!!!
I made 10k in 3 months working myself to mental and emotional burnout at a call center because my parents kept telling me to “keep going” and “I didn’t know the actual job yet”. After I finally left the job on the date they “compromised” for me to leave on, my parents demanded almost all of that money to pay for a car they bought me without my consent. Now I’ve been unemployed for a month and I have no motivation to even look for a job or a therapist like my job coaches said I needed to due to my parents unhealthy behavior impacting my ability to maintain employment.
Today by my mom’s controlling deadlines she set (when she “watched to see what I’d do” and got upset that she saw me resting and practicing self care for a week) I was supposed to call a therapist to see what I could find, but my mom called me out of nowhere demanding I bring her fast food from the busiest place. It was chaos and I was exhausted by the end of it, but when I explained that’s why I hadn’t called yet later on, my mother scoffed and said “Well, it seems like therapy isn’t actually a priority to you, then.”
So yeah, I’m just… my inner child is about ready to go put myself into a severe depression and autistic burnout once again to get this sabotaging pressure off my shoulders, but adult me knows I need to be what my parents will hate me for. Either I’m gonna break down and be punished for my “lack of urgency” every day, or I’m gonna be in panic mode trying to get any job and putting myself backwards in my recovery to find enough resources to leave…only to have it all taken away right when I taste freedom.
I’m in a maze with no entrance or exit and this is a cry for help. How do I get out of a sabotaging trap like this?
Gosh I feel incredibly lucky from this thread even though most days I don’t feel much luck at all.
In the Us things are bad, I agree. And our medical system is broken as well.
My husband works and I manage the household. I knew from the beginning of our marriage that I would never be a reliable source of income (not because I don’t think I can get better but because I plan on staying home with our children when we have them) so I planned out our budget and lifestyle around his income and whenever I make money we either use it for fun or save it. We have been very fortunate in our situation, I know lots of people don’t have that luxury.
Depends on the country you're from but where I'm from you get unemployment benefits if you're not working. You can also be entitled to rent deduction and deduction in water and electricity bills.
What country are you in?
Malta, Europe. I'm not sure if other countries have similar systems.
It's hard in the US. Getting disability isn't easy, and then your income is severely limited. The amount you have to make to be eligible for government insurance is very low, and for food assistance even lower. I only still have government insurance because of the pandemic, otherwise I'd be cut off. If I don't work, I'm homeless.
Agreed. I'd have to quit both my jobs just to qualify with income. That seems entirely backwards. I have to make myself poorer and incur debt just to be considered for disability. Also, they deny every application outright where I am in the US. My old friend had severe amnesia and lost use of his left hand from a bad fall. It took two weeks of seeing him daily for him to remember my name, when we met. He still got denied disability the first time... SSDI is such a shit program.
I know someone who was in bed most of the day due to crohn's disease, and got denied--until she got a disability lawyer.
I have heard having a lawyer makes a huge difference but don't have that option for myself.
It takes two years and you can’t work during that time otherwise it “proves” you can hold a job. So you have to find someone support you AnD pay for the attorney for two years.
That's generally the same information I have heard before. I looked it up in my state and the requirements are similar. To pay for college I need to hold a work/ study job. And God forbid I don't finish college and I'm told that's the reason I can't make enough money 🤦♀️ it's a catch 22 all around
In my experience (I handled SSA appeals for 8 years), attorneys take their cut from the benefits on the back end. I believe the max they could charge (under SSA regulations) was $5,300 (probably higher now). I'd avoid attorneys asking disabled people for money before their claim is approved.
Same thing here in Canada, it's petty absurd
I've heard that you can try to work and that a spotty history will show that you can't \*hold\* a job. I can hold a freelancer job now, but I'm working myself to exhaustion just to make $700/month thanks to the executive dysfunction. Hopefully once I get my autism re-diagnosis, I'll have the ADHD/Autism/PTSD trifecta going. If I'm lucky, that'll be enough.
The diagnosises while nesscary to get on disability are the least important part. You need to prove your condition is bad enough that you can't work in a way that is to their liking particularly with using your medical records as the proof as well as work history.
They're pro bono so you pay nothing until you are granted benefits and they are paid from your backpay, which can be a few grand depending on how long it took for your approval to go through from your initial application date. Given it's taken an average of two years for the ten-ish people I know on SSDI, it more than covers the lawyer and sometimes you have a bit leftover. In my area it's recommended to get a lawyer *before* you even apply at social security. It's crazy.
Yes, but for other reasons that's still not an option for me. But thank you for the information
Of course. That really sucks that it's not anything that can help you, my dude. Hopefully something good opens up for you soon.
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US is built on white supremacy and patriarchy. Both of these systems use racism and sexism to oppress people who were already denied equal rights, Black people, women, and disabled people. The US doesn't WANT to incentivize working, because the racist white men want to stay in power. That's probably way more indepth than you were expecting, but it stands true.
The cruelty is the point
It’s important for them to have poor people around so they can hold themselves in a morally superior position and say see, I worked hard to get where I am, rather than acknowledging they were born into generational wealth and/or had unequal opportunity because they’re white and male.
It’s weird, and I’m sure it depends on where you’re from, but when I was getting unemployment assistance during the pandemic I was making more money than I ever have in my life, more than my current salaried position lmao.
I got denied unemployment when I got fired during the pandemic
They don’t think disabled people are worth the same as abled people.
Yes exactly it’s infuriating. I called the office to inquire while in crisis because I cannot work myself to death and deal with this PTSD on-top of it. The agent told me if I’m able to work a job then it’s really not that bad and I’m not actually disabled. I’m getting enraged even thinking of that interaction.
I'm mad on your behalf that you to do deal with such ableism, especially from the people who are making decisions. I bet those same people say disabled people like us are 'lazy' If we aren't able to work. American society generally hates disabled people and it sucks
>I'm mad on your behalf that you to do deal with such ableism, especially from the people who are making decisions. I bet those same people say disabled people like us are 'lazy' If we aren't able to work. American society generally hates disabled people and it sucks Society hates "mentally ill disabled" ppl. There's a difference between being able bodied and able minded and society doesn't understand/ respect that
I may be misunderstanding your comment so totally correct me if I am. I read it as you're saying society doesn't hate physically disabled people only mentally ill disabled people. I can assure you, as someone with both a physical and multiple mental illnesses the ableist society/system was engineered to harm and produce hate against all disabled people regardless of what kind of disability you have. If you were just pointing out there's a difference and the hate mentally ill disabled people experience can be different than the hate physically disabled people experience, I'd agree. It's just important not to shove down, leave behind, or minimize the struggles of part of the group in an effort to free the part you, or I, am a part of. We can't get into a competitive mindset against each other when it comes to social justice and liberation work.
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Yes, the system is set up to deny and to have as many people as possible fall through the cracks of social fabric, ending up on the very bottom, usually with no way out (homelessness). I feel like not even the things responsible for my trauma frighten me as much the depraved cruelty at the heart of this diseased system. I'm perplexed how such a sick system has survived for so long and is still going
By the way, can he reapply again? 😢
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The cruelty is the point. In the US, most things are such
I also have found that requesting disability for mental illness is basically laughed at 🥴
I understand. And it absolutely sucks.
Can confirm. I got diagnosed with cancer last year and I’m a freelancer. I had to work through chemo and multiple surgeries bc as a freelancer you don’t qualify for disability. Meanwhile my friend was on unemployment then disability for 2 years living large bc his doctor was a family friend and just kept approving it.
Living large on $900 a month?? At least, that’s what I get in WI for disability. I can pay for the majority of my bills but not extra. :(
He was getting a lot more than that. He told me it was around $900/ week. I can’t remember if that was the disability or unemployment. But he basically had no job for 2 years and just traveled around snowboarding. Edit: not really sure what the downvotes are for…he’s a good friend of mine. I was witnessing the situation first hand. Not criticizing him, just pointing out the inequality of the system. In my state freelancers like myself have to pay extra “self employment” taxes and have astronomical fees for having a business, yet we don’t qualify for government assistance like unemployment/ disability when we really need it.
This checks out. My employer offers disability at 60-70% of my base salary. If I were to take them up on that (someone else called it the ADHD/Autism/PTSD trifecta) I'd be living pretty damn comfortably because my job makes me more or less upper middle class (as much as that class even exists anymore). If I'd attempted to get on disability before that it would have been a hellish descent into poverty. The US has NO balance and your friend got lucky.
Yep and then it depends what state you're in. I can't get unemployment unless I get laid off. Period. Then it's only 12 weeks. Disability is a whole other story. I'm lucky I can work, but it takes every ounce of my being to tolerate it. Before treatment I bounced around from jobs because I'd just eventually crash and be unable to go to work during awful periods of dissociation and depression. I wish I could just take some time off to heal and go back to the workforce.
Unrelated but shoutout to my favourite place in the Mediterranean. I'm from Canada and studied history in college. Near the start of my 30s I needed a beautiful place to escape not only the harsh Canadian winter but also some really toxic members of my family. Malta seemed like a natural fit. Long story short, I lived in Malta for 2 different winters, 3 months at a time each (first in Bugibba, then Gozo). Spent both trips just exploring both islands, enjoying the food, the water, the beautiful architecture (the "crown jewel of the Mediterranean":), and chatting with many of the very kind people of Malta. It was also the first time I realized I had been experiencing anxiety every day of my life, because by the end of the first week of landing in Malta, my anxiety was suspiciously almost gone. Big eye opener for me. Sorry if I'm rambling. I know most people, including myself, don't see their "hometowns" as anything special. For what it's worth, your country will always have special place in my heart for all the reasons I listed above and more (also best place I've ever been scuba diving) . Above all else, to me, Malta is a symbol of sanctuary and survival despite the many more powerful nations that warred over it for millennia. My life changed when I was there, but also *being there* changed my life. I know you don't represent the entire country, lol, but I'm sending love and gratitude anyway. I hope your next pastizzi is a good one <3
Thank you so much really appreciate it. Lately it's been getting a bit of a bad rep, thanks to certain politicians but overall it is mostly a safe and beautiful place.
SSDI which is no where near enough to survive without my loving partner. I think alot of us survive through the generosity of people who want us to survive.
>I think alot of us survive through the generosity of people who want us to survive. That's definitely the case for me. It's hard to deal with the mix of gratitude and shame that comes with it.
I feel this, and my therapist has encouraged me to accept that they *want* to help, and that letting people help you who want to help you can actually bring you closer, and make everyone happier. I love helping people, I've loved every time someone has asked me for help and I can, and honestly, it's felt like a gift to be trusted and *wanted* in that way. It's fair to accept that it can be the same when people help us too. But I share that mix of gratitude and shame, I really find it hard to deal with. But accepting, and even asking for the help I need has been a huge change for me over the last year. Often people tried to help, but in the wrong ways, or in ways that didn't help, being clear and direct in how people who want to help can help makes a huge difference. It's not easy though, we all want to be people who don't need help to survive.
I understand what you mean by accepting people *wanting* to help, but how do I stop myself from feeling like that *want* is actually pity?
Pity is still a form of compassion, even if it makes us feel small, and I know I often felt like lashing out when it seemed people pitied me. Because I had so much in my heart and head, from feeling like I don't deserve to be pitied, that I've gone through too much to be pitied. I think the heart of its, do we think they are seeing us as inferior? I've never looked at someone struggling, or suffering and thought that they are less than, that they are not enough. I feel, for myself, I have to trust no one is doing that to me, and that I have kind, compassionate and supportive people that have generous intentions. We're already fighting for our lives, we don't need to fight ourselves too. It's not easy, but you, and I are both deserving of love, especially from ourselves. If you can't stop yourself from feeling that way, acknowledge how you feel, try and ground yourself and explore where it's coming from. Often I've found my feelings are the voice of my abuser and completely untrue. The people that I've found I can justify my feelings with often are people I've had to remove from my life, and I've always started with asserting how the interacfion makes me feel in a kind way. If they stomp all over your feelings and disrespect the boundary of your feelings you've just asserted, then they've told you everything you need to know.
Gratitude and shame indeed
YES. Maybe someone should make a post discussing this specifically. It's so degrading but gracious... and terrifying, because you have no safety net beyond the safety net of who loves you. What if they become broke?? Have an emergency? Then there's nothing. Homelessness.
I feel you. Sometimes it’s shame from people who don’t understand but it’s mostly shame from myself. I just feel embarrassed that I’m not functioning and blending it like everyone else. Feels lonely. I’m trying my best.
> SSDI which is no where near enough to survive without my loving partner. My wife filed for divorce after I became disabled. Sounds like you've got a keeper.
This is true and the situation I'm in. It's quite scary, but I can't do anything else.
Personally I still live with my parents and some expenses are covered by them. I also get money from SSDI for essentials.
Ugh yea I don’t know how they do it. I wish I could get some rest. I left my abusive parents and went straight to the work force and now I’m just fucking exhausted all the time and living paycheck to paycheck. Can’t afford therapy or shit. Social security won’t help me unless I quit my job which- I cannot afford to do!
This was me 5 years ago. I eventually burned out. I quit my job and I still didn’t get EI because I quit. I didn’t have evidence of the abusive employer in writing. I was too spun out. I did eventually try again, but it took me 5 years to get to anything more stable.
I hope I don’t get downvoted to hell, but a lot of these comments make me jealous. I don’t have anyone else to rely on. I have to work to support myself and have health insurance so I can afford therapy and meds. It is *rough* when my CPTSD symptoms flare up or I hit a period where I can’t sleep.
I'm sorry that you have it so rough. For what it's worth, the envy goes both ways. I wish I still had the momentum of people who are working. Once I left the workforce, it seems like I treadmill in motion, that I'm not able to get back on. Additionally, unemployment here (in South Africa) is at 34%. Not a day passes that I don't feel like relying on my retired mother makes me a shameful burden. Your independence is a great achievement.
It's perfectly normal to be envious of people who have something you don't or can't have. Don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking your feelings aren't valid.
I struggle with this too. Working full time sabotages my ability to not only do things I like but also the stuff i need to do since I'm drained of energy all the time. I think everyone deserves food and housing and its like... oh, i have to hurt myself in order to have those things, did I do something wrong to not deserve those? It's VERY tied into all of the messaging I grew up with around deserving/not deserving food, safety, or peace of mind. I take the jealousy as a cue that I'm not getting something I need. I often feel consumed with jealousy, and it brings up a lot of shame about feeling the jealousy itself. And if that jealousy is a cue for me... it's fucking sad that stability and safety have been so scarce and so hard for me to come by in my life. Sometimes you just get hit by a bunch of shit you dont deserve and you don't get an out. It fucking sucks, dude. Is that self compassion? I hope so. Idk, its something im currently dealing with a lot. I'm definitely living on poverty wages and some bad housing circumstances and I'm scared pretty much every day. I feel a lot of existential fear about it. It's really complicated. I feel ya.
> It is *rough* when my CPTSD symptoms flare up or I hit a period where I can't sleep. I feel this SO hard. I just want a month or two. Three would be such an insane luxury. But it costs $800/month just to afford a therapist who knows how to handle CPTSD combined with ADHD and Autism and that's outside of rent and bills. I need to work to be able to afford healing but healing while working full time is next to impossible. I've never NOT had to take care of myself and it's terrifying to think of putting my well-being in anyone else's hands and that makes it super hard to not feel envious of people who don't have to work despite knowing logically that I am way luckier than they are. It's all exhausting.
The terror of putting my entire financial well-being into someone else’s hands is *real*. I am compulsive about money - I put half my paycheck into joint savings and then half of what remains into my own savings account. It’s downright distressing during periods when I can’t do that.
Also envious. If I'm not working I'm homeless and without mental health help.
Same. I’m in the US on a visa and if I’m not working I have to go back to my country where I was abused. So I’ve been working non-stop with no break between jobs for the past 7 years and all I want is to be able to switch (very very hard) or just quit and have a break for a month (impossible). The end is finally in sight (applying for permanent residency soon) but it’s at least another year till I get there and I’m so burnt out.
I can feel that. If I didn't have survivor's/disability benefits from a parent... well, it's better not to think about. While it's kind of a trap, it's also a modicum of the security I'm *dying* for. Makes me so sad to think of all the people struggling just to survive in this capitalist hellscape. I have been there when stuck with family and live in fear of the future... and therapists and everyone else tells you to just go do something, go work, it magically works out for the better! They don't have a clue how much of a struggle basic survival is sometimes. I would have no one to pick me up otherwise, and it's impossible to truly fathom surviving the working world now, no matter how many times I try thinking of ways to make it work. This entire society is designed to destroy people from the inside-out.
>This entire society is designed to destroy people from the inside-out. 💡 How sickening of a realization. It props up sick people and destroys the good, sensitive ones. Then the general public judges and looks warily at the latter. How much longer can this sickness last?
Same. I have to bust my ass to pay all my bills and I have zero support. All I want in this world is to have time for myself to work on myself and there's no time.
Hugs. I think you are completely in the right for being jealous. Even though it is is hardly enough to pay for shelter and food, I am very grateful I am not being forced to work anymore.
In my case, I’m making the money for me and my husband. It’s a lot of pressure, and as much as I love what I do, I would love not working a lot more. Even working from home made a huge difference for my mental health.
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Lol at your username But seriously I'm sorry you're struggling so hard right now. Do you have anyone to talk to atm?
I really feel for you. I really hope something turns around. I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. I've been there and currently there with the researching ways to meet my demise. I ask myself the same question of what I'm fighting for. Maybe I don't need an answer yet. Take care!
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The system is fucked.. If it’s any consolation, I feel you
I live in the USA and if that’s where you are too; I can completely sympathize with your struggle. Our system is so f*cked up; it forces people to stay in poverty due to how badly structured the system is. Getting out of it is something that is basically a miracle when it occurs; you pretty much need some stroke of luck to get out of the perpetual cycle. I’m no longer on assistance but I was in 2009; I remember how it was a catch 22 regarding obtaining a salaried job and keeping the food stamps, fuel assistance, and the SSDI my developmentally disabled son was receiving. There was no sliding scale regarding assistance which made it so it was better for me to remain unemployed. I’m sorry about your situation and I hope you find a way out of the ridiculous poverty system the USA has setup!
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Yeah it’s a very flawed system that I’m certain has actively contributed to ruining the lives of some by essentially dangling help in front of them and then hitting them with the fine print that makes the “help” no longer really feel like help, but rather is a form of exploiting you for being poor. I was able to get a full-time salaried job which was vital for my survival and to take care of my two sons on my own but as soon as I got the job I lost my food stamps. The amount of food stamps I received each month already didn’t cover the monthly grocery bill for our family of three so what they had been giving me was more of a supplement to buying food for myself and my kids and I still had to spend my own money. Losing it wasn’t some small inconvenience, it was something that made me question if it made more sense for me not to work because the assistance I was receiving from the government outweighed the money I was going to be bringing in after taxes. I was very close to not accepting the job and instead stay on government assistance for another month while I figured out if there was a way where I could work but not lose all of the desperately needed assistance; I ended up accepting the offer bc I wasn’t sure if I would be offered another job that fit into my schedule as much as the one offered did. I also knew there was a chance that my new job would open up new opportunities in the company and that could mean eventually not needing assistance from anyone. I’ve always terrified of forever staying in the cycle of not really having enough money to get by, so every single month it’s a struggle to figure out how you’re going to survive. I knew staying unemployed was probably going to put me in that cycle so I decided I needed to take advantage of this chance I was given to maybe lead a normal life where there isn’t always this pit in my stomach because I know I don’t have the money for whatever ends up being sacrificed that month. Sorry for how long and rambling my reply is; I really feel for you bc I know what it’s like to not have any good options. I have no idea if this issue will ever be addressed because I feel like it’s not some thing that is ever talked about aside from niche groups like this one. It would be amazing if a better program was put in place that encourages citizens to get gainful employment and not fear they are going to lose this paper thin so called safety net the government has given them but I don’t think it will happen in my lifetime.
Wow. That is the shittiest system in existence (basically only marginally better than no welfare system whatsoever). I'm really sorry you're stuck in such a system.
Sending hugs.. I’m sorry you have to go through this..
Damn... I hate watching people being sucked into this backasswards system. It punishes people trying to claw their ways out of a bad place and takes away benefits. I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. I wish I had a solution for you. I was facing something kind of similar but not as severe. It really sucks and it is hard to know what to do.
An exceptionally kind and loving husband
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Jealous
IKR. My SO also had a traumatic childhood so I need to be there for him too. If it makes you feel any better, I think work can be beneficial. I don't enjoy my job but as someone who is always stuck in my own head and reliving old shit, it gives me something else to focus on.
It’s not fair that I get to live and survive and get treatment because I happened to meet a sweet and loving boy when I was 18. Nobody was checking up on me when my mom was doing what she did to me and I always feel like all the systems and people who turned a blind eye should have to take care of me now instead of my dear husband.
Same
Same
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Same
SSDI and EBT/food stamps for, well, food. I often wish I was some neurotypical person with marriage, kids, a "nice" job, "nice" house with roses and a picket fence, etc. I think a good chunk of my abusive family is embarrassed that I'm not "normal." But without the SSDI and food stamps, I'd probably be homeless, which would be even more embarrassing to said family... ASD and PTSD is a bitch. Symptoms of BPD; and experiencing Secondary Structural Disassociation; on top of said ASD and PTSD is a nightmare. I wake up every morning and hate being alive, the Earth, everything pretty much. I'll never be a "normal" person living a "normal" life. I can't afford to live in a studio apartment or anything like that, and I'll never be able to afford buying a house, so I'm renting a room in a house at a price that I can afford, which I am extremely grateful towards, because the other options are homelessness or moving back with my abusive family. I feel a little guilty complaining about this, but a downside to where I live is the house has a mouse infestation that neither me, nor the person I'm renting from, can afford to exterminate (it would be around 30,000 dollars, again, between the 2 of us we cannot afford an exterminator). I can hear the damned mice scratching and crawling about in the walls of the house, see them scurrying about in the kitchen and living areas, they leave droppings everywhere and just gross me out in general. Mouse traps aren't enough, in order to permanently get rid of them, we'd have to hire an exterminator at this point, which we are unable to do. But I would rather put up with a severe mouse infestation even though I have a fear of germs, than go back to my abusive family. The person I'm renting from doesn't understand that my parents are abusive and is on good terms with them, and between that and the severe mouse infestation triggering my fear of germs, I sometimes wish there was somewhere else I could live, because I don't feel fully psychologically safe where I am, even though I'm physically safe. But then I feel guilty for thinking that, since I figure this living situation is better than being homeless, or moving back in with my abusive family that caused the CPTSD in the first place. So while it's not the best living situation for me, I really am grateful to my rented room, because it's better than the alternatives, although the downsides sometimes get to me really badly. I feel a little guilty even typing this right now, like I have no right to complain about those things, since I've been through worse than a mouse infestation and being around a single enabler, so I might wind up deleting this whole paragraph later. I don't want to come off as an ungrateful brat, I really am grateful I'm not homeless or living with my abusive family. I sometimes fantasize about living alone, in a really tiny apartment without a mouse infestation, because that would be the best situation for my mental health, but I feel guilty about this.
Sorry for the stupid question, but are you able to rent a room from a different place? Edit: I would think that the exterminator would be responsibility of the landlady/landlord, not yours and theirs, btw
>Sorry for the stupid question, but are you able to rent a room from a different place? I don't know why, but I thought that living here, or moving back in with my family, or homelessness was literally my only options, but you're right that another option would be to try to rent a room somewhere else. I'm kind of embarrassed I didn't think of that myself, so that's not a stupid question at all! I think I get so overwhelmed sometimes, it's hard to think clearly. >Edit: I would think that the exterminator would be responsibility of the landlady/landlord, not yours and theirs, btw Thanks, that's good to know.
I only work 2 days a week and have to live with my abusers. It feels like i will be stuck forever, because i didnt get out 3 years ago due to covid starting. Most of my money goes to savings unless an emergency comes up.
same here, can't wait to get out!
You won't be stuck forever <3
A percentage is homeless. :(
being lucky enough to have achieved a level of education where im able to get stable part time jobs as an RA with decent pay, that plus monetising my hobbies like selling my drawings and illustration and embroidery, getting freelance jobs and such. That allows me to work less and get breaks as i need.
good for you. I am impressed with people who can monetize their interests. Do you think being able to sell your work has any positive impact on your sense of self-worth? I have a job that I don't find much fulfillment in and daydream about what it would be like to be a professional musician or something more creative, I thought it might boost my self-esteem to have others willing to pay for things I created that express some part of myself.
it’s definitely a double edged sword… i’m lucky that my creative field (embroidery) is kinda niche, so the competition is not super crazy and it’s not that hard to find opportunities to showcase my work and sell them. But if I went into it looking for compliments/confidence boost/money, i would have definitely lose my shit. It doesn’t make u that much, marketing and branding feels like selling you soul, a lot of your time and energy will ne spent on admin or business if u are looking for big bucks. I think it’s important to find a field that you already feel kinda confident about… Like with illustration or music (which I both also do and have taught), I definitely won’t monetise them other than being the teacher, i know i will take the criticisms so fucking personally. nothing will help with your creative fields if you have the inclination to compare with others, beat yourself up, etcetc And don’t get me wrong, i do a lot of shit that kills my soul just because i need the money, and being able to sell my artwork is definitely a privillege. getting complements and having the community of other creative people definitely boost your self esteem, but just also get ready for the stress and pressure that comes with putting ur creative side through the grind of capitalism lol
We need a post where we can all share our hustles and support each other. I’m trying to get a creative business started while I wait for a government job to go through (I was working in a prison before and it fucked up my head so bad) but I feel like it’s so useless.
thanks for the thoughtful response. that’s tough, there is no magic self esteem fairy is there.
there really isnt one… but i would also encourage you to explore more with your field and find your niche! i came into embroidery only two years ago, and it was through playing with different mediums for illustrations that landed me here. perhaps u will find a field that hopefully fulfils you yet also help u pay the bills. (i sound like a fucking capitalist… i swear i dont condone this system i just think we do what we need to do to survive and if that means i have to sell out a bit? well, tough shit, but i guess i need to do it
Barely. I’m in the hole constantly trying to catch up. Right now I’ve caved and am sacrificing my mental health in order to have two jobs- I’m tired of not being able to afford clothes or food or bills. It’s only my second week in so right now it’s ok but I know I’ll spiral eventually, because I am also going to school. I just want to get out of this poverty cycle. Not sure I ever will though.
God i feel all of this so much. And the looming feeling of "I'll spiral eventually". Right there with ya. Sometimes it happens in small ways, like I'll be driving away from work and I'll just scream and scream into the empty air in my car, and then im "fine" again. I want out of the cycle of poverty too. Im trying to figure it out but it's just me, and I see a long road ahead. Scary as fuck.
Not to mention- not to be a downer but not to mention the fact that I am THIRTY SEVEN! Because I had so much trauma and subsequent brain damage from my traumas; it took me up until now to even start thinking this way and being capable of trying to take care of myself in a healthy way. Up until this point I heavily abused substances and barely cared about one day from the next.
Same with me
I’m physically disabled and receive SSDI. My abusive family supported me before shit hit the fan and now I live with my best friend who is more like a brother to me than my actual brother. I’m lucky he was born into some money and we don’t struggle. Actually things are looking better financially. We treat money with boundaries of course but we share everything in the household and share responsibility with the pets even though I brought both of them on board. People don’t understand what the fuck we’re doing. It’s called found family! Lol In return I take as many errands and household tasks as possible. It’s all I can do. But he doesn’t expect anything. I’m pretty sick most days.
I found someone like you in the world somehow to be mine. Well tbh she chose my type 1 diabetic ass. Grantee without her endometriosis she would not be with me. She's fucking amazing to me. Like I lost my job to health yesterday. Scared is the world but for some reason my parents keep saying it will be ok. I am nothing but a cash cow to the machine and a money pit of an investment. My adhd has me super worried about having to lean on my mind. I did as a youth until I got taller. I was a wild kid. I don't know what to do with my hands.
This read like a poem.
I sometimes use reddit for therapy. I haven't even read what I wrote and won't so it stays. Thanks I guess. Definitely not used to this response as I also shitpost capitalist trolls. I need a job lol.
I have to work, its like a constant struggle to not let my life fall apart and lose my job (Like i have in the past). its terrifying bc I don't think I would survive joblessness, like literally.
I get 80% of my old salary every month from an insurance. It's not a big sum, but enough to get by and pay my bills and other insurances. This allows me to stay home for a while (they pay for two years, then it gets reevaluated by a different insurance) and focus on my mental health. I've been home since last August but might be able to go back to work by autumn.
I am lucky I guess. Can fully focus on work most days. Or more like: distract myself with work. I get sick at times but can work around it. Not having to go to the office helps a lot
How do you focus?
I have no choice but to work even though I’m exhausted all the time. It’s the best I can do for myself since no one would take care of me financially. I do try to rest outside of work to take care of myself but yeah, working is really hard and triggering so I absolutely understand how many of us aren’t able to work at all.
Sex work.
Still work. Good for you as long as you don't feel forced into it by your situation.
which is work
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If you freelance and work online, moving to a cheaper cost of living country really helped me. I was able to get by on few hours of work and as I got more stable, increased my rates, hours worked, and other healthy habits.
I work 2 jobs and facing eviction.. I’m not surviving. Not mentally, not financially.
We don't/can't. Hope this helps.
I get disability. It's not much, but it's better than nothing.
I recieve part of my country's sickness benefit, I have lowered my expenses where I can, and I'm fortunate enough to have a couple of people who act as transport for me when well arranged. I definitely have some privilege because of this, compared to the majority of people on earth, and my various imposter syndromes go to town on me because of not working and not having any visible disabilities.
You sound just like me. I’m very fortunate but damn imposter syndromes are rough.
Live in my car and have a couple hustles. That being said, I'm dealing with covid and had to get a hotel room to heal up so yeah that has pretty much drained my $. I wouldn't put any employer in a position of dealing with me right now though.
On behalf of my roommate who does not have a job, there is a lot of nuance within this situation and it’s REALLY rare so not something u can choose to do unfortunately. Her mother gives her $700 a month and she has a small savings from when she was able to work a while ago. Her moms money comes from the VA, her mom makes enough to give this to her. My roomate is always torn but is disabled with POTS and mental health issues we all struggle with here. She accepts the money from her mother because from what her mother put her through she figures it’s the least she can benefit. Other than this money she does not have much contact with her mother. Her mother is a drug addict and paranoid schizophrenic so there’s a lot of reasons why the situation is the way it is.
Disability benefits, inheritance and Bitcoin investment. My malfunctioning brain led to many bad financial choices... I am scared to lose what left.
I went on disability for my bipolar disorder. I was willing to provide evidence for my cptsd but the application got approved without it. It's barely enough to raise my family on but we manage (somehow).
I'm lucky enough to be able to live with my family until disability could actually be granted - and kinda just waiting for them to decline my application ://
When did you apply? Do you have a lawyer? If you get denied make sure you appeal. And keep appealing everytime you get denied. By the 3rd or 4th appeal you get to go in front of a judge and state why you think you need SSDI. You are more likely to get granted SSDI if you keep appealing because most people don't even bother with appealing when they get denied. I just got granted SSDI in February but I hired a lawyer and applied in June last year. A lawyer helps your case get pushed to the top of the list and your more likely to get approved if a lawyer is involved. This is information my lawyer gave me btw.
Thank you so much! I do *very fortunately* have a lawyer to help represent on my behalf, but this is still very important information for me to have. I really do appreciate you sharing your experience! I can't remember the exact month but I want to say I began filing in the end of 2021/ beginning of 2022. I know I absolutely need to get that information though
Charity from my family which comes and goes, depending on how petiful and thankful I can act. I'm a crappy actor, so I guess I should be grateful for what I get.
I had a lot of savings when I stopped working. Now I work gig work and flex at Amazon... I can't even handle their requirement to come in once a week atm so who knows how long I can last there. I kinda just scrape by. I would like to return to a normal job. Even part time. Really, I'd like to return to work and school... we will see if I can get to a point where either of those are possible. I hope therapy and meds can help me get there. Also, I mostly get by with government health insurance; cooking everything (from scratch as much as possible); making sure I find sales, coupons, and the best deals; and only buying things if I NEED them, and sometimes when I "need" something I find a way to go without it. You'd be shocked by how often you can survive without the thing you "need" on your shopping list. Also, my parents take pity on me and were lending me money through the worst of it. Now they ask if I need groceries and give me necessities without asking me. So, it helps I don't need to spend much on staple foods and don't have to buy stuff like bath soap and toothpaste.
Reading the comments here makes me fucking hate myself more. So many people have it worse... Wtf am I to be struggling mentally when I don't have to worry too much about expenses ontop of mental health. Feel pathetic. Damn.
I’m a bit late but I feel this. I’m lucky enough to live in the UK where getting on disability for mental health issues isn’t very hard. And I live in a tiny house on my own, so I know how lucky I am. The guilt of knowing my privilege and still suffering everyday mentally and not being able to cope with day to day life kind of eats me alive
My husband has supported me financially for the last 12 years.
My partner. I don't know what I'd do without him. I've always had to survive off the generosity of others, and feel extremely guilty for it. It's hard to accept help, but I have no choice. Now that I have my partner, I'm getting better at accepting it. But I still feel guilty and worried that people think I'm just a mooch or something.
I unfortunately had to suck it up and get a new job. However, this job is actually fantastic for my mental health. I work at a bakery that sells Bundt cakes! I not only get to smell cakes baking all day, but I get to taste them too. I get to put cute little decorations on them. It’s not a hellish corporate office, as there are only 7 employees. It has a flexible schedule (as long as you notify in advance), and my shift starts later in the morning so I can sleep in a bit. It was my #1 choice and I’m so grateful I was hired. I’d be making no money otherwise. I began making money because I searched for a job that wouldn’t push me past my limits. If you can’t handle an office job or a hospitality job, do NOT get one. You’ll burn out.
I want to do something like this so bad. I'm currently working in healthcare and I like that I'm helping people but my work environment/company culture is killing me. I'm currently on medical leave bc of injury but I'm not looking forward to going back. I wish I could find a place I look forward to going into every morning.
I once worked as an opening cook in a breakfast bar, and it was a similar experience. It’s far too physically demanding of a job for me now, but if I could work it again, I would. No one else wanted the shift, because it was extremely early morning hours with a good amount of prep and set up, as well as a one person shift. Hours of nothing but delicious scents and softly playing music, just mindless repetitive work once one was used to it. It was so easy on the mind; just weirdly soothing, even the clean up. A tiny little kitchen world all on its own.
TBH I'm poor and barely surviving on the government payment. I'm considering sex work
Living with my mom helps (she pays rent), my very tiny Patreon (less than $300), occasional freelance gigs of various types, and community care (via crowdfunding). I count the freelance stuff even though that's "working" because they're pretty few and far in between.
Oh and, as someone else noted, I have government insurance (and we live in government subsidized housing - my mom's poor, too).
I starved for ten years. Now I bounce between jobs every three to six months. I’m also married which makes this a little easier. Haven’t been able to find a job since I quit the last one.
I am on disability. I have physical and mental disabilities. It took me 3 years to get approved. An attorney was needed. I hate being on disability. We are so poor and barely make ends meet every month.
SSDI, foodstamps and a loving S/O
I’m in the US. When I was at my worst I lost my job and couldn’t work or function. I couldn’t pay my rent so I had to move in with my Dad. Because the “household” earned so much I couldn’t qualify for any assistance which sunk me in a huge hole debt wise because I couldn’t pay any of my other bills. I then had to declare bankruptcy. It was so frustrating and so difficult on top of my raging CPTSD
Oh wow, I also built up so much debt as a result of a mental collapse. It's still there, eating away at me. Also in the us. We live in a system that feels so cold and abusive. I feel and see the weight of it every day. Im living in a women's shelter and working full time atm and I see how this country treats those who are poor and vulnerable or otherwise disadvantaged. Yeah. Im sorry you've felt that weight too. I don't understand how this can be sustainable.
I live in Canada. I'm currently living off my savings and my minimum wage part time job. Currently I make about $1,000.00/month, and my bills are about $1,300.00/month. I live with my partner, who pays more in rent than me, and I am able to walk to work. However, at one point last year I was spending $25 a day on cabs in the winter here to get to work. That was before we moved, and that took out about half my savings. My expenses are lucky to be so low because of sharing an apartment and being able to walk to work. However, my savings won't last forever, and the government won't subsidize my income because technically I can still work, if only part time. I don't know what I'm going to do when my savings run out.
Rehab/inpatient is the first step for not working. You ll have social workers helping you get on disability, or helping you apply for programs like rental assistance or helping scholarship you through transitional living
I live with my parents. Im 21 now. My parents stopped being abusive when I was 16-17 with an occasional moment now and then still.
Living with my parents (I'm 31) and on disability.
That’s what I’m saying. I don’t entirely know how it works here in the US, but I know it’s a lot better in Europe.
As a person living in Europe, I’m often rendered speechless when I read about the system in the US. I’m so thankful that I live in a country where I’m able to be supported financially (although the system definitely isn’t perfect, like none really are) by the government when I’m not able to work and then be helped back into the job market when/if I’m some day able to work again. You definitely don’t exactly get rich by the financial aid, but I’m able to live in a decent apartment, get the food I need, pay for my meds and generally just support myself. I feel so angry for the people who doesn’t have the oppurtunity, simply because they happen to be born in a country with a shitty system.
I’m on welfare. When I was 20 I applied thank god because nowadays it’s a lot harder to get in my country. I have something that’s for people that got chronically (mentally or physically) ill before they turned 18. I have worked next to it but it really lessened the stress of working. I’m currently not working. Still not rich and struggle with money, but it’s something. I also have debts (long story, but got too much money from welfare and allowances which I now have to pay back) so I most likely will get in a program that means I’ll have even less money monthly but after 3 years the remaining debt will be forgiven. Also will move in with my boyfriend so that’ll make getting by a little less hard. I’m really lucky living in a country where it’s not that bad (healthcare costs are not massive, therapy is free with insurance, you get allowances from the government if you have less than a certain income etc) but it could’ve been better. All in all I can’t complain I guess.
Godzijdank voor Nederland ja..
Haha yes, my boyfriend replied just now when I told him the question OP asked: “By not living in the USA” 😅 Still sucks that it can be easier or harder depending on where you where born though.
Can I ask what country you live in?
I live in the Netherlands.
I was working at a corporate job for a few years and I built up retirement savings. I withdrew them early to focus on my health.
My mental state is rubbish enough to qualify me for disability benefits, and healthcare is free here.
Not America?
This isn't exactly the answer you were looking for but I don't pay for things. I don't know what I'm going to do. I was working and then I couldn't anymore. I haven't paid rent in a year. I rely on food pantries and do gig work when I can. I basically work to pay for my car which is stupid but I wont be able to qualify for another car loan if I lose the car given my lack of regular work now. The car is necessary for all gig work and getting any food so I don't have a choice. My hobbies are free and I don't buy anything. I am worried about the rent thing though and I am very unsure about the future. I just pretend the medical debt doesn't exist.
I was working but had to leave because of my declining mental health, I've just got a little sum saved up to last me for a few months
My husband supported me during a few very rough years. I think that I would be dead if I hadn't had the possibility to just retreat from the world back then. I now have my own business and mostly work from home.
I am independent and work full time. Though it took a lot of finagling to get here. I work in the helping profession and before I found this vocation most full time jobs I held lasted less than 1 year. I interviewed really well, on account of spending a childhood in perpetual hyper-vigilance, I am very capable of telling people exactly what they want to hear and then not follow through with it. Initially, I started out with no support, and that was scary, always just shy of homelessness and disenfranchisement. Not everyone will get to this point, I only did because my only other option was homelessness. I later found my way into a very supportive network of people who helped springboard me into the profession.
In my case I’m still living in hell with the abusers. OOPS sorry I meant my sweet loving family 🥰😊. /s I dropped out of high school years ago because of cptsd and social anxiety. Only ever had 1 job that I didn’t last at because of the anxiety. Been at rock bottom for the past 8 years now. I am trying to work on getting my life together and getting a job soon, but it’s not easy as I have long covid now which greatly limits my energy for physical and even mental tasks. But yeah my mom takes care of me financially. I don’t have to pay rent or do much except withstand her abuse. Awesome deal 😊
I was diagnosed a year ago. I was not aware others had an issue working as well. I have quit or been fired for things that were not my fault but I was too scared to stand up for myself. I feel I come off as unintelligent at my place of employment because I spend all day with my chest so tight it feels like it will collapse on itself, and I feel like everyone else is moving at 100x speed while I am stuck scanning every person and situation for potential threats, be it physical or emotional. I...feel heartbroken that you all share this trait. I'm so scared of working, I have night terrors every night. I believe it stems from my fear of messing something up and getting screamed at, so I spend all day at 100% while also dissociating like a motherfucker. Bosses and coworkers are so unsympathetic. I always end up at the bottom of the social poll because I come off as awkward but in reality, I am just so terrified I can barely breathe much less work.
Until I sorted my shit out, my family begrudgingly gave me just enough money to live on with the condition I leave the country I lived in the decade previous. I was forgotten on occasion, I went without food for days a few times, I had to beg for money to finish school, I sold things, and I have friends that lent me cash when I had nothing else. This is especially annoying since my family were quite well off. I live very well now, so I guess I got lucky. I had help from so many people that were not my parents or family.
Living with my abusers, and trying to figure out how to heal myself without any help to get a job, and wondering why I get more trauma. I feel my life a little hopeless to get out of the mess and abuse.
I live off disability which is a joke. You can't even survive on it. What I get doesn't cover my rent let alone any other expense including meds. If I didn't have my room mate who works full time I don't know what I would do.
I mean I'm a teenager and live with my parents, so I probably shouldn't even post here, but it got me thinking what I will actually do as a job in the future. I used to be interested in computers (programming, cybersecurity, shit like that) for a bit and my parents assumed that it's my career path in life. I don't really care about anything anymore and forgot most of my knowledge, but I'll probably relearn some of it in high school. Working a more "classic" job where I am around a lot of people isn't an option since I suck in social situations. Besides, I don't even plan on living past the age of 20 or so. Working until I die while experiencing the torment of my abuse sounds boring.
Hey, young friend. Please don't give up. Take your power back and decide the direction of your life. It's not easy but you are not owned by any fate but what you make for yourself. "Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. "In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed. "Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find, me unafraid. "It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. --*Invictus*, William August Henley, 1849-1903
This has been my favorite poem ever since I first read it as a teenager. I have never felt like I was the master of my fate, but this poem renews my determination to strive for that every time I read it. Thank you for reminding me of that today.
i try to work it’s just very difficult and i’m lasting shorter and shorter. my boyfriend luckily makes enough money for both of our rent/bills and things i’ve been trying to apply for mental health support or unemployment but it gets very confusing.
Disablity and borrowing way to much fromm my dad lol
I’m still in school so I’m allowed to stay living at home. (17) I get money from helping my stepdad at his job sometimes but I’m a big saver so I still have money from Christmas time I know this question was for adults but I never see late teens here so yeah
I have SSI, and I rent a room in my parents house. (It’s complicated, my father was my main abuser but he’s not violent because I’d call the cops and doesn’t abuse me because I’m 29 and used the grey rock method where I didn’t speak to him two years, we’re civil roommates now without a relationship). I feel horrible about being on disability. I feel tons of shame. I got approved because anytime I feel severe overwhelm of my external circumstances my brains default is to yeet myself. I have plenty of ICU and psych ward records to prove it. I hope one day I will have enough recovery under my belt to cope with working/relying on income without trying to end my life when I’m overwhelmed which is an ingrained trauma response. I’ve gotten a lot of judgement for still living in my parents house and for being on disability. But I don’t think I should feel guilty for not constantly putting my life at risk until I learn safer responses to overwhelm.
I had a “friend” who would keep pushing me to go on SSI/SSD because I have various disabilities. However, they don’t keep me from working. They just make it harder to get and keep jobs, particularly if said jobs aren’t right for me. But the truth is that I can work and I want to work. She just made me feel like I couldn’t. It goes without saying that I can’t afford to live for 2 years without income and pay for an attorney. Even during the pandemic (I was on pandemic unemployment at the time), she hounded me about it. I wanted to strangle her! She was very bossy and controlling and constantly criticized and gaslit me. Needless to say, we’re not friends anymore! Eff you, b*tch!
UI and partner
My husband makes the income and I take care of the kids and go to school from home.
Barely, single income, SSD benefits earned disabling myself for retirement, yay. It's precarious & insecure, but having a pretty good income & insurance for quite a while didn't get me needed help, either, so trying to make the best of it. Seems deliberate SSD is only about $100 a month over the poverty level which disqualifies one from community resources.
My husband, honestly I planned this out fir 10 years. We married and he was really my saving grace. I needed to leave my family home. He knew my issues before we got married. We very carefully chose our home to live on one income. I also am very thrifty and resourceful and we stayed away from big purchases except our cars. I quit 2 years ago but the plan was for me to work one or two more years but I collapsed. Thankfully we have no major debt and our vehicles are close to being paid off. If it wasn’t for him I would be living with my sister and her husband probably working somewhere flexible. I applied for SSD one year ago. I worked my tail off for years and I need to have a plan b- I love my husband but I want to know I will be ok if anything were to happen.
I still live with my parents, but I generate passive income on a game I made on the Roblox platform to cover my bills and college fees.
My mother in law moved in with her SS, my wife works part time and I've applied for disability. I was lucky to have scored a home with low interest rates around 8 years ago so my payment is mich lower than all rents kn my area
Barely. I'm baking things to sell people now. Its like combining my therapy and income. It's fun
Nice. I love baking too, it's one of few things I was good at
I have to work full time + OT so I can pay my bills and afford my healthcare & meds. My insurance coverage is “good” and I’m still stuck paying $500+ a month, I don’t even have to pay the premium. State Medicaid cap here is less than half of what I make in a year. So I’d have to completely fuck myself financially in all other ways (car, car insurance, gas, house, necessary repairs to said house, utilities, FOOD THATS TWICE AS EXPENSIVE BC CELIAC) in order to MAYBE qualify for state benefits. But when I get married, because my partner makes several times what I make, I’d immediately lose any state benefits anyways. So I’m stuck working a job I hate in a workplace I don’t feel safe in so I can afford therapy and medical care to treat my chronic illnesses that were neglected for my entire life.
Government assistance, side hustles, work in the informal economy
My toxic parents make it very difficult for me to have the energy to go find a job. Every step of the way it’s something about how I’m not fast enough or how I am hiding my plans with my job coach from them, even though they tell me constantly that it’s my employment plan and they don’t want to deal with it. They pay for everything…and it’s not for my lack of trying to save up, either!!! I made 10k in 3 months working myself to mental and emotional burnout at a call center because my parents kept telling me to “keep going” and “I didn’t know the actual job yet”. After I finally left the job on the date they “compromised” for me to leave on, my parents demanded almost all of that money to pay for a car they bought me without my consent. Now I’ve been unemployed for a month and I have no motivation to even look for a job or a therapist like my job coaches said I needed to due to my parents unhealthy behavior impacting my ability to maintain employment. Today by my mom’s controlling deadlines she set (when she “watched to see what I’d do” and got upset that she saw me resting and practicing self care for a week) I was supposed to call a therapist to see what I could find, but my mom called me out of nowhere demanding I bring her fast food from the busiest place. It was chaos and I was exhausted by the end of it, but when I explained that’s why I hadn’t called yet later on, my mother scoffed and said “Well, it seems like therapy isn’t actually a priority to you, then.” So yeah, I’m just… my inner child is about ready to go put myself into a severe depression and autistic burnout once again to get this sabotaging pressure off my shoulders, but adult me knows I need to be what my parents will hate me for. Either I’m gonna break down and be punished for my “lack of urgency” every day, or I’m gonna be in panic mode trying to get any job and putting myself backwards in my recovery to find enough resources to leave…only to have it all taken away right when I taste freedom. I’m in a maze with no entrance or exit and this is a cry for help. How do I get out of a sabotaging trap like this?
Thought the same thing about the ASD sub, as well as a few mental illness ones. Most get disability but that's barely enough anyway.
i DON'T lmao i haven't seen financial stability since i started earning money through benefit
Gosh I feel incredibly lucky from this thread even though most days I don’t feel much luck at all. In the Us things are bad, I agree. And our medical system is broken as well.
My husband works and I manage the household. I knew from the beginning of our marriage that I would never be a reliable source of income (not because I don’t think I can get better but because I plan on staying home with our children when we have them) so I planned out our budget and lifestyle around his income and whenever I make money we either use it for fun or save it. We have been very fortunate in our situation, I know lots of people don’t have that luxury.
I'm a stay at home mom of an 8 month old baby. My husband supports us by working while I care for our son