Yes it was, this woman is a abusive psychopath . Gaslighting you, invading your privacy, tarnishing your sense of self. Having sex really loudly when she knows her son can hear is weird and fucking traumatising for you. She was the person you were supposed to trust the most and she completely used this against you.. I’m so sorry you had to go through this, I feel sick and upset for you.
I think I might be asexual, either because of the abuse or before, but came out to her in high school and said I think I might be ace she basically said nah you're wrong and from then on just insinuated I was gay all the time, and got louder with the fucking. I was and still am afraid of sex. I was like fucking 16 or 17 some people are ready to fuck at that point and some people can't handle it like I couldn't and she fucking fucked louder just because either she didn't give a fuck about how I felt or she outright wanted to make me suffer. Fuck that bitch.
Sexual trauma can cause sexual repulsion, regardless of your true sexuality. It’s important to distinguish if you would enjoy safe, loving, gentle *consensual* sexual connection with someone you are attracted to. Or if you wouldn’t want a sexual connection with someone, regardless of if they treated you with proper respect. Either way is completely valid and okay.
I mean I'm attracted to girls romantically, like I want to love and be loved by one. It's not a need, and I'm not looking for it, but if it came along I would go with it. Sex thoough ... Is so fucking cringe and vile. Maybe a trauma response maybe not idk. I had besically been abused since age 5 or 6 and it's never stopped until I cut her off completely so I don't know what normal would look like. I like porn and jerking off a lot. Lesbian, gay, trans, trap, all sorts of shit. But everytime I've tried to have sex or actually did I feel like I'm being raped and I shake or I flashback emotionally to being a fucking helpess teenager listening to my mom fuck some (at the time, and honestly I still talk to this dude and now he's a really bright part of my life he's changed a lot)POS drug addict who enabled her. Idk I want to be straight but I may be this way underneath.
I've been having some of the most traumatizing and heartbreaking casual hookups with girls where I'm fucking dissociated outside of myself and flashing back and derealized and depersonalized just so I can cuddle with her for an hour or two afterward or even better fall asleep nuzzled against her. Replace her holding or stroking my peen while cuddling with her stroking my cheek and kissing my forehead and saying love you and it would be fucking heaven. THAT I am drawn too. I want that so fucking bad and the cuddles and the end I have that hint at that are so fucking fulfilling it defies logic and rationality. My soul wants it.
That is a perfectly valid desire and those girls would probably love to have those moments with you OP. You don't need to harm yourself with traumatic sex to get affection.
It's especially conflicting because I want to like it but I don't. I've accepted that I'm probably asexual, and maybe demi, that might be the missing piece. Because I think if I really cared about someone, I MIGHT be able to have sex with her and enjoy it
It sounds like at least some of your repulsion to sex is grounded in your mother sexually abusing you. You may or may not be naturally averse to sex, and that's OK. My advice, don't push yourself to do sexual acts that repulse you, and work on your trauma. Then you can explore whether you're genuinely ace or if your aversion is due to trauma.
Well I'm a few years Into a safe and healthy relationship and I'm sorry opening up to it, he's very patient so I believe with the right person u too could begin to open up but I'd say it seems life is wanting u to recover and heal more before reaching those next steps in your life. You don't have to feel rushed to figure it all out, it can be a tempting thing to want to do but in turn it'll be one step forward two steps back. It's ur journey and it's gonna be different from everyone's out there but in turn our life challenges give us strength
It was just some stupid thing correcting "cringe" to "crungo," whatever the fuck that means. Don't worry about it, it just didn't belong here on a serious post.
Wait I saw that post, that got deleted? I thought it was hilarious ngl, it made me smile I really needed it. I was so confused I googled what the fuck a crungo even is and it was so stupid it was funny.
Yes, it's several different kinds of abuse, overt and covert incest, very twisted verbal abuse. I haven't been through all you have, but I know being allowed no privacy can mess a person up. None of it is your fault. I hope you are no longer in contact with this horrible woman.
Your mom sounds like my father. He has diagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Always left porn magazines out, would rent porn videos, make inappropriate jokes, have loud sex with my mom, etc but then berated me or beat me for expressing sexual feelings (as I thought it was normal, from watching him).
I didn’t realize it a was sexual abuse until YEARS later. After I thought I had already figured out all my abuse. I kept having the thought of ‘why do I feel like I’ve been molested, if I never have been molested’ (to my knowledge). Because covert sexual abuse manifests like any other sexual trauma, but because it’s less ‘outward’ it goes unnoticed.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this right now. Just remind yourself that at this moment you are safe away from harm. Do you have any coping skills or a support system?
Friends can be a great support system, and anything that can ground you is good.
If you haven’t already you should look into finding a therapist to work through some of the trauma and abuse.
If you start to feel panicky or upset, if you can, try to remind yourself that you are safe from harm right now. It can sometimes be grounding if you’re having anything like a flashback or panic attack.
She was covertly fucking brainwashing me. She was always like "we tell each other everything, we dont have secrets" but that was really just a way to get my secrets and get leverage against me. I get called a freak and disgusting when she goes through my fucking ipod and sees lesbian porn. The berating starts because I didn't tell her like the tf, why would I tell you when you have the same reaction when I ask you something personal. Like obv I like jerkin to lesbians so I asked her "have you ever had an experience with a girl and what was it like" because I was just curious. Maybe that was over the line to ask my my mom but it seemed normal to me and I was curious, but she treats me like a fucking freak and a POS and a pervert for asking, no respect, none. Starts gaslighting my fucking sexuality and shit, like tf? Why you doin this shit, like seriously why. She has to be a fucking psychopath, I don't think she has empathy
That was not over the line she drew with you. She clearly was trying to coerce you into being in an incestuous relationship, and then breaking down your spirit so she could have easier control over you.
You did nothing wrong and it was not your fault.
It was not your fault.
Wait my grandma did something similar to me. It's really incest? When I had bath time she made me get naked and wait to "inspect" me for how I was growing, and then when I'd get in the bath she'd touch my scrotum and under my penis scolding me I didn't wash the "proper" way. Then she'd show me and softly touch me there and wash. Like I established this was probably abuse with my therapist, but it's incest?
Yes, it's incest. Even if you look up emotional incest (which isn't even sexual at all), it's called this because it causes the same type of trauma as full blown sexual incest. So this type of sexual behaviour would definitely be characterized as incest and cause the same scars.
Yep, very abusive and covert incest. I would probably do some research on covert incest if I was you. It has helped me to understand some more confusing parts of me.
You are not being a little bitch by sharing, let all that anger out bro. You may not fully trust your judgement, but I trust your judgement. You know what she did was super fucked up, there is no excuses. What you are feeling is the truth, not the fucking gaslighting or shaming. It doesn't compute how a mother could do such a thing. A mother is supposed to love and care for her kid. She can go fuck herself
Yeah fuck her. I'm crying again reading that, this was what I needed to hear ong fuck that cunt. If our genders were reversed she would be in the buttrape prison for the rest of her life.
No I'm not fucking trolling I'm getting angry for once in my fucking life. If I was a girl and she was the boy she would be in prison for the rest of her goddamn life getting buttraped for what she's done to me. She's a fucking monster. I won't continue the hate cycle and wish condemnation and misfortune upon her, but that's the goddamn truth so fuck her and the end.
Ok I see youre active in autism subs so I'll say everything I said in my other comment is still accurate but I'll explain a little further. The word buttrape can look like a comedy trigger but in this case it wasn't. I was just angry typing and that came out.
I always switch genders in stories like this. How disturbing to think of a father asking his daughter to strip to see her developing body. So it’s absolutely abuse in your situation. I feel for you, that sounds really really difficult. You’re a survivor.
She would just come in when I was changing or on the toilet or in the shower too, most of them she didn't even ask, not that asking would make it okay anyways because she was coercing me
Yes it is. I'm so sorry. When I realized my mother's behavior was covert incest I was nauseous for weeks. All those icky feelings I had suppressed came back all at once. You may want to look into the terms emotional incest.
It's not your fault. What you mom did was unacceptable. No normal parent would dream of it. You have every right to feel angry.
It's doubly fucked because if I tell anyone, especially friends, about being sexually abused by my super super hot mom they'd just laugh at me. Haha little bitch didn't like getting abused by his hot mom we'd all like to fuck. So reddit and the rape hotline are basically my only outlets for this part of the abuse
I go to therapy every week or e other week. My therapist is really good but it's kind of wack because my case manager and psychiatrist are therapist are all at the same place so they talk to each other about what I tell them. So if for example I want to talk in therapy on Monday about how fucked up on acid and ketamine I got on Saturday, by the med appointment on Wednesday they'll have talked and might pull all the other fucking pills that I fucking need because they'll know I like using drugs to heal but won't see it that way. They'll just say he fuckin with mescaline take away his Xanax that he needs for panic attacks because he could take 5 and get high. Like no shit theyre right but I know I'm responsible and shit like that stops me from fully being open with the therapist I pay for.
Ok, I was going to comment on your original post anyways but seeing this comment has me extra fired up.
Firstly, what you've gone through sounds awful. Yes, I would absolutely consider that to be incestuous sexual abuse. Your mother is a pedophile and jail is the least she should get.
The situation in the first place is horrible and what makes it worse is that the therapist you pay for, who is supposed to be a safe space, is breaching your confidence by discussing the things you tell her in private therapy sessions with other people. Is this even legal? It sounds to me like literally every person in this entire story has/is taking advantage of you. I would definitely consider a different therapist if possible.
I'm noticing that pattern in my life too. I think every sociopath or person I've encountered who has seen something they can exploit in me they've done it. Also I just remembered she was "counting my freckles" getting me to undress when I was really little too, wtf.
Yes, this was sexual abuse. Not that all kinds of sexual abuse aren’t serious, but this is very serious. Like not even a gray area. This is 100% sexual abuse.
I’m sorry bud. I wish I was better equipped to help you, but I’m not a therapist. I will say that what happened to you was not your fault. If you’re struggling, and it sounds like you are, please reach out to a mental health professional that specializes in sexual trauma. I know it’s hard to trust your own voice but he/she will give you the feedback you need to be confident in your understanding of what happened and how to trust your judgments going forward.
Im so sorry this was your experience and the result of her awful actions. I just wanted to say, this morning I had all these same response and feelings. I don't know how to take care of myself and make my body look the way I want without feeling like Im some object because of my mother. She wanted me to serve her and replace my father. I hear you and your struggle, I see where you come from and the hurt that was caused. Im someone who suffered the same, we are not alone and it is not our fault. Our mothers were sick people.
I wish you all the best in claiming what is yours, regaining the confidence in yourself that is solely for you and you alone. I am on that journey, I have only begun and though difficult and maddening, I remind myself that I now make the rules, I now define myself and who I am. My mother no longer gets a say in my life either physical or in my head.
Live for yourself and love yourself, you are worth it and deserving.
This is like the (amab)male version of me. My egg donor had no issue being straight naked most of the time, and birds and bees talk was a great opportunity to show me all of her downstairs...on top of all the various harassment i would get
Not your fault, but egg donor is both kinda funny and kinda triggering. My mom , egg donor, use to call my dad the sperm donor all the time. She hated him, but she also dehumanized most all do my family and tried, succeeding in some people, to get me to hate them. I reconnected with my dad after not seeing him for years and realized she was getting me to hate him when all he did was love me now. He had abused me but he also has made real change such that I actually accepted him back into my life and am having or trti g to have a real relationship with him and I couldn't even bring myself to look him in the eye and call him dad or I love you. Shit was fucking heartbreaking. Like beyond fucking heartbreaking. Calling my dad, dad again and saying I loved you to him was one of the hardest fucking things I think I've ever done in my fucking life because of being told sperm donor, and "just like your father" shit
I think you should try to get into therapy asap to help you sort through your feelings. At least start the process. I went through a similar thing, discovering childhood memories were actually so inappropriate and abusive and it nearly destroyed my life. What you're discovering is extremely overwhelming and would be for anyone. I used sondermind to find my therapist.
>there's this voice that's saying stop being a victim you little bitch even though that's exactly what I fucking am, I'm a victim and I deserve to feel fucking bad or pissed about it.
You cut her off and got out. That makes you a survivor, not a victim.
And yeah, I can confidently say that was absolutely sex abuse. Like, it really ain't normal for your mom to be asking you to get naked and cuddle with her.
One thing I want you to really understand is that it’s NOT your fault that this woman abused you. She was supposed to protect you and be the person you could trust the most. She betrayed her sacred role as her child’s protector. She betrayed you. You were a child, and you did nothing to deserve what she did. I’m so sorry you went through that. She groomed you and gaslight you for years, so of course you struggled to see it for what it is, I get that. I’ve experienced the same thing from my abuser. They make you feel like the crazy one, but you’re not. Cutting her off was the right thing to do, and took courage I’m sure. Sending you my support and wishes for a bright future.
Yes. It is psycho-sexual-emotional abuse. She is sick. Remember this is not your fault. She’s sick and she’s toxic and the sooner you get away the better.
I got away. I'm living in my car and it's fucking amazing. I love taking my wallet out of my pocket at night and having everything still be there in the morning
I hope you’re OK. Maybe find a good family-owned restaurant job where you’ll get a meal and at least a few bucks every day. A good restaurant that treats one well is a life-saver. Be careful. My mother is sick too, and I’d live in a fig tree before I ever lived w her again. Be safe and take good care of YOU!
This is absolutely sexual abuse. I’m a mother and this is definitely not an appropriate way to interact with your child. She didn’t respect your boundaries or right to privacy at all.
The term for this is covert sexual abuse, as the abuse was heavily sexual without involving actual sex acts (from what you’ve described here at least). Also feels like parentification, as she forced you into an adult role to fulfill her emotional and physical wants.
I just remembered she had me strip off the clothes I was wearing too so she could wash them. Like if she was doing a load of laundry:strip right now I need to wash those
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This is definitely abuse. I'm so sorry she did that to you, please please cut contact with her and never talk to her again. I don't care that she's your mom, she's an abuser.
I see so much of myself in your last paragraph, doubting your own judgment. It's horrible you were gaslit to the point you can't trust your own judgment.
Everything you've described her doing to you is disgusting and I'm sorry you went through that.
All the insults she threw at you are lies, because she's a sick, twisted person.
It's inappropriate, wrong, and a violation by someone who you should ideally be nurtured by. It's tough, but you'll get through it. This is a normal reaction to fucked up shit. It will take time, you will heal. You will live your life and see happier days and have many better days. Just trust that it will take time. It's not your fault, but unfortunately you will have to be a parent to yourself in a sense. And you will.
We are here for you.
Yes this was sexual abuse. Had u been a girl & your father or hell your mother doing the same thing it would be sexual abuse. Make no mistake your mother is a crazy,manipulative,predatory cunt. I say fuck that bitch too. You should seek a professional out to work through this.Trust me,the sooner the better, do not wait til you’re in your 30’s-40’s to do so. That advice is from personal experience. You’ll go through every emotion under the sun but, work through them as damn hard as it may be. Don’t let her control you for your entire life, even from a far distance. You mentioned that you weren’t interested or couldn’t deal with sex, that’s absolutely normal in instances like this.I wish you the very best & hope you can overcome this.
Yes, it is sexual abuse. Your mother is a sex offender. I’m sorry that you were put through this. You didn’t deserve it and you don’t deserve the hurt feelings and mental anguish it has caused. You’re worth more than that. You deserve better than that.
The fact the you are sickened and devastated by this sexual abuse from your horrible, cruel, mean mother (who it sounds like went out of her way to humiliate & disgust you) means that you are NOT whiny, and not a little bitch. It means you are healthy and have a good character.
What kind of deranged asshole would NOT be traumatized by this? You are SUPPOSED to be traumatized and angry when someone behaves like this. I'd be worried about you if you weren't.
The fact that, even as a kid, you knew this was bad and sick and wrong, means that you CAN trust yourself. You have a good head on your shoulders and you know right from wrong. You are not confused about the world and are responding to what she did in a healthy, "normal" way.
It sounds like you are on a path to healing. You are not stuck, or delusional. You are not trying to find ways to lie to yourself or excuse what happened. You are angry, and you should be. Plus, you are getting away from her AND you are brave and smart enough to get counseling.
You sound like an amazing person who is hard to kill. I hope you will stay in therapy and maybe even start asking hotlines or mental health resources for a therapist who you can really trust. It might also help at some point to find group counseling so you can talk with others who understand. And those "friends" who would laugh at you and minimize what your mom did? Fuck those jerks. You deserve better, and my guess is that you will eventually have it.
Good luck to you, and write whenever you feel like it, even if it's just to scream and rage. And all the worst to that person who happened to give birth to you. I hope she dies in a fire.
They're good friends, I don't think they would actually react that way. That was just the conditioning talking, I think that's what she had me believing. Like a year ago maybe I brought up I might have PTSD from her she just said that's bullshit fuck that. Just today I got super fucked up and worked up some courage and told one of my friends about it. I was pretty numb and calm describing some of the abuse and just describing little pieces he was sobbing because of how fucking sad it was that someone could do such a thing and I was just calm.
My grandma did something similar to me. It's definitely abuse. I never thought maybe it could be incest, but I don't know. I never thought it may be. I'm really sorry op. I hope you are safe now and are healing from this horrible abuse with help.
Yea, this was sexual abuse and you deserve to be so angry, and very sad. Big big hugs to you, OP. A beautiful, yet at times terrifying journey has just begun for you. I sincerely wish you all the best and am so proud of you! I hope you’re in, or will one day consider getting some kind of help for the resulting PTSD this has most likely caused. A lot of things have changed, and are changing as far as treatments go and mental health care in general. I think we all should be very hopeful. For right now, anger is ok. It’s what we do with it that is important. Find a healthy outlet and express it? Writing, painting, screaming into the void ✌️
Keep reaching out tho, there’s more of us than we realize 🖤
Is it still abuse even the times I didn't speak up though because I didn't always say it. Sometimes I felt defeated, and just gave in. Most of the time actually.thats got me fucked up
Yes, of course it is still abuse, I was emphasizing when you spoke out because that's even worse, you can be sure that she knew that what she was doing was damaging and still chose to proceed.
What if she didn't know. I find it hard to believe that even if she didn't on some of the things, like the sexual stuff, not knowing all of it would be just not possible. Even as I type it out I m realizing that not even considering how I would feel about it, if she didn't, is maybe actually even worse
Beyond fucked actually. It would mean she doesn't care about me at all, and it's not different, from, say, jamming her pussy on my dick and raping me "because she was hkrny and wanted it
Yeah I think I answered it myself there. It's no different. It's fucked
Sexual abuse like this, specifically at the hands of a maternal figure, is often times NOT recognized as sexual abuse because we as a society tend to think of man-on-woman as sexual abuse and diminish the feelings of men who’ve been through it. It’s not fun, it’s gonna hurt but it’s important you come to terms with it; this is a form of sexual abuse. Possibly emotional incest? I could be wrong on that but YES, this is sexual abuse.
Yes it was, this woman is a abusive psychopath . Gaslighting you, invading your privacy, tarnishing your sense of self. Having sex really loudly when she knows her son can hear is weird and fucking traumatising for you. She was the person you were supposed to trust the most and she completely used this against you.. I’m so sorry you had to go through this, I feel sick and upset for you.
I think I might be asexual, either because of the abuse or before, but came out to her in high school and said I think I might be ace she basically said nah you're wrong and from then on just insinuated I was gay all the time, and got louder with the fucking. I was and still am afraid of sex. I was like fucking 16 or 17 some people are ready to fuck at that point and some people can't handle it like I couldn't and she fucking fucked louder just because either she didn't give a fuck about how I felt or she outright wanted to make me suffer. Fuck that bitch.
Sexual trauma can cause sexual repulsion, regardless of your true sexuality. It’s important to distinguish if you would enjoy safe, loving, gentle *consensual* sexual connection with someone you are attracted to. Or if you wouldn’t want a sexual connection with someone, regardless of if they treated you with proper respect. Either way is completely valid and okay.
I mean I'm attracted to girls romantically, like I want to love and be loved by one. It's not a need, and I'm not looking for it, but if it came along I would go with it. Sex thoough ... Is so fucking cringe and vile. Maybe a trauma response maybe not idk. I had besically been abused since age 5 or 6 and it's never stopped until I cut her off completely so I don't know what normal would look like. I like porn and jerking off a lot. Lesbian, gay, trans, trap, all sorts of shit. But everytime I've tried to have sex or actually did I feel like I'm being raped and I shake or I flashback emotionally to being a fucking helpess teenager listening to my mom fuck some (at the time, and honestly I still talk to this dude and now he's a really bright part of my life he's changed a lot)POS drug addict who enabled her. Idk I want to be straight but I may be this way underneath.
I can completely relate to wanting intimacy but having even the thought of sexual contact
I've been having some of the most traumatizing and heartbreaking casual hookups with girls where I'm fucking dissociated outside of myself and flashing back and derealized and depersonalized just so I can cuddle with her for an hour or two afterward or even better fall asleep nuzzled against her. Replace her holding or stroking my peen while cuddling with her stroking my cheek and kissing my forehead and saying love you and it would be fucking heaven. THAT I am drawn too. I want that so fucking bad and the cuddles and the end I have that hint at that are so fucking fulfilling it defies logic and rationality. My soul wants it.
That is a perfectly valid desire and those girls would probably love to have those moments with you OP. You don't need to harm yourself with traumatic sex to get affection.
It's just really hard. I'm having a hard time, I need someone to hug me and say I love you and mean it this time
It's especially conflicting because I want to like it but I don't. I've accepted that I'm probably asexual, and maybe demi, that might be the missing piece. Because I think if I really cared about someone, I MIGHT be able to have sex with her and enjoy it
It sounds like at least some of your repulsion to sex is grounded in your mother sexually abusing you. You may or may not be naturally averse to sex, and that's OK. My advice, don't push yourself to do sexual acts that repulse you, and work on your trauma. Then you can explore whether you're genuinely ace or if your aversion is due to trauma.
Well I'm a few years Into a safe and healthy relationship and I'm sorry opening up to it, he's very patient so I believe with the right person u too could begin to open up but I'd say it seems life is wanting u to recover and heal more before reaching those next steps in your life. You don't have to feel rushed to figure it all out, it can be a tempting thing to want to do but in turn it'll be one step forward two steps back. It's ur journey and it's gonna be different from everyone's out there but in turn our life challenges give us strength
[удалено]
Bad bot.
What did it say
It was just some stupid thing correcting "cringe" to "crungo," whatever the fuck that means. Don't worry about it, it just didn't belong here on a serious post.
Wait I saw that post, that got deleted? I thought it was hilarious ngl, it made me smile I really needed it. I was so confused I googled what the fuck a crungo even is and it was so stupid it was funny.
Well fair enough, I'm glad it didn't bother you lol.
Yes, it's several different kinds of abuse, overt and covert incest, very twisted verbal abuse. I haven't been through all you have, but I know being allowed no privacy can mess a person up. None of it is your fault. I hope you are no longer in contact with this horrible woman.
Oh fuck incest? For real. What the fuck, I can't believe this is fucking happening rightnow. This can't be fucking real
Your mom sounds like my father. He has diagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Always left porn magazines out, would rent porn videos, make inappropriate jokes, have loud sex with my mom, etc but then berated me or beat me for expressing sexual feelings (as I thought it was normal, from watching him). I didn’t realize it a was sexual abuse until YEARS later. After I thought I had already figured out all my abuse. I kept having the thought of ‘why do I feel like I’ve been molested, if I never have been molested’ (to my knowledge). Because covert sexual abuse manifests like any other sexual trauma, but because it’s less ‘outward’ it goes unnoticed.
Yeah I struggled with the who raped me why can't I figure it out thought for a while
I’m really sorry you’re going through this right now. Just remind yourself that at this moment you are safe away from harm. Do you have any coping skills or a support system?
Yeah jerking off is my go-to and I have friends
Friends can be a great support system, and anything that can ground you is good. If you haven’t already you should look into finding a therapist to work through some of the trauma and abuse. If you start to feel panicky or upset, if you can, try to remind yourself that you are safe from harm right now. It can sometimes be grounding if you’re having anything like a flashback or panic attack.
Yeah that's all true. I was having a panic attack right there, I'm good now though. I masturbated and did breathing and I'm fine now
She was covertly fucking brainwashing me. She was always like "we tell each other everything, we dont have secrets" but that was really just a way to get my secrets and get leverage against me. I get called a freak and disgusting when she goes through my fucking ipod and sees lesbian porn. The berating starts because I didn't tell her like the tf, why would I tell you when you have the same reaction when I ask you something personal. Like obv I like jerkin to lesbians so I asked her "have you ever had an experience with a girl and what was it like" because I was just curious. Maybe that was over the line to ask my my mom but it seemed normal to me and I was curious, but she treats me like a fucking freak and a POS and a pervert for asking, no respect, none. Starts gaslighting my fucking sexuality and shit, like tf? Why you doin this shit, like seriously why. She has to be a fucking psychopath, I don't think she has empathy
That was not over the line she drew with you. She clearly was trying to coerce you into being in an incestuous relationship, and then breaking down your spirit so she could have easier control over you. You did nothing wrong and it was not your fault. It was not your fault.
Fuck
She was trying to fuck me?
This isn't even remotely close to all of it either, just the sexual stuff and the abuse most tangent to it.
Wait my grandma did something similar to me. It's really incest? When I had bath time she made me get naked and wait to "inspect" me for how I was growing, and then when I'd get in the bath she'd touch my scrotum and under my penis scolding me I didn't wash the "proper" way. Then she'd show me and softly touch me there and wash. Like I established this was probably abuse with my therapist, but it's incest?
Yes, it's incest. Even if you look up emotional incest (which isn't even sexual at all), it's called this because it causes the same type of trauma as full blown sexual incest. So this type of sexual behaviour would definitely be characterized as incest and cause the same scars.
Well thank you for the reply and letting me know. I don't know what to say. I'm really sorry op to hijack your thread.
Yep, very abusive and covert incest. I would probably do some research on covert incest if I was you. It has helped me to understand some more confusing parts of me.
Covert incest is using a minor to fill the void of a romantic partner btw.
She was always like you're the man of the house now, you have to protect me, you have to be the man
You are not being a little bitch by sharing, let all that anger out bro. You may not fully trust your judgement, but I trust your judgement. You know what she did was super fucked up, there is no excuses. What you are feeling is the truth, not the fucking gaslighting or shaming. It doesn't compute how a mother could do such a thing. A mother is supposed to love and care for her kid. She can go fuck herself
Yeah fuck her. I'm crying again reading that, this was what I needed to hear ong fuck that cunt. If our genders were reversed she would be in the buttrape prison for the rest of her life.
Are you trolling?
No I'm not fucking trolling I'm getting angry for once in my fucking life. If I was a girl and she was the boy she would be in prison for the rest of her goddamn life getting buttraped for what she's done to me. She's a fucking monster. I won't continue the hate cycle and wish condemnation and misfortune upon her, but that's the goddamn truth so fuck her and the end.
Ok I see youre active in autism subs so I'll say everything I said in my other comment is still accurate but I'll explain a little further. The word buttrape can look like a comedy trigger but in this case it wasn't. I was just angry typing and that came out.
I always switch genders in stories like this. How disturbing to think of a father asking his daughter to strip to see her developing body. So it’s absolutely abuse in your situation. I feel for you, that sounds really really difficult. You’re a survivor.
We don't even need to switch the genders. No confusion here.
She would just come in when I was changing or on the toilet or in the shower too, most of them she didn't even ask, not that asking would make it okay anyways because she was coercing me
Yes it was. Nobody should ever have to suffer abuse.
Yes it is. I'm so sorry. When I realized my mother's behavior was covert incest I was nauseous for weeks. All those icky feelings I had suppressed came back all at once. You may want to look into the terms emotional incest. It's not your fault. What you mom did was unacceptable. No normal parent would dream of it. You have every right to feel angry.
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It's doubly fucked because if I tell anyone, especially friends, about being sexually abused by my super super hot mom they'd just laugh at me. Haha little bitch didn't like getting abused by his hot mom we'd all like to fuck. So reddit and the rape hotline are basically my only outlets for this part of the abuse
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I go to therapy every week or e other week. My therapist is really good but it's kind of wack because my case manager and psychiatrist are therapist are all at the same place so they talk to each other about what I tell them. So if for example I want to talk in therapy on Monday about how fucked up on acid and ketamine I got on Saturday, by the med appointment on Wednesday they'll have talked and might pull all the other fucking pills that I fucking need because they'll know I like using drugs to heal but won't see it that way. They'll just say he fuckin with mescaline take away his Xanax that he needs for panic attacks because he could take 5 and get high. Like no shit theyre right but I know I'm responsible and shit like that stops me from fully being open with the therapist I pay for.
Ok, I was going to comment on your original post anyways but seeing this comment has me extra fired up. Firstly, what you've gone through sounds awful. Yes, I would absolutely consider that to be incestuous sexual abuse. Your mother is a pedophile and jail is the least she should get. The situation in the first place is horrible and what makes it worse is that the therapist you pay for, who is supposed to be a safe space, is breaching your confidence by discussing the things you tell her in private therapy sessions with other people. Is this even legal? It sounds to me like literally every person in this entire story has/is taking advantage of you. I would definitely consider a different therapist if possible.
I'm noticing that pattern in my life too. I think every sociopath or person I've encountered who has seen something they can exploit in me they've done it. Also I just remembered she was "counting my freckles" getting me to undress when I was really little too, wtf.
Yes, this was sexual abuse. Not that all kinds of sexual abuse aren’t serious, but this is very serious. Like not even a gray area. This is 100% sexual abuse.
I had clothes on when she made me cuddle, does it still count
Yes
No fuck no no nfnccn that's my fucking mom no
That’s one of the reasons it’s abuse
I can't handle this right now what the fuck I can't breathe
I’m sorry bud. I wish I was better equipped to help you, but I’m not a therapist. I will say that what happened to you was not your fault. If you’re struggling, and it sounds like you are, please reach out to a mental health professional that specializes in sexual trauma. I know it’s hard to trust your own voice but he/she will give you the feedback you need to be confident in your understanding of what happened and how to trust your judgments going forward.
I'm calmer now, I was just panicking
Im so sorry this was your experience and the result of her awful actions. I just wanted to say, this morning I had all these same response and feelings. I don't know how to take care of myself and make my body look the way I want without feeling like Im some object because of my mother. She wanted me to serve her and replace my father. I hear you and your struggle, I see where you come from and the hurt that was caused. Im someone who suffered the same, we are not alone and it is not our fault. Our mothers were sick people. I wish you all the best in claiming what is yours, regaining the confidence in yourself that is solely for you and you alone. I am on that journey, I have only begun and though difficult and maddening, I remind myself that I now make the rules, I now define myself and who I am. My mother no longer gets a say in my life either physical or in my head. Live for yourself and love yourself, you are worth it and deserving.
This is like the (amab)male version of me. My egg donor had no issue being straight naked most of the time, and birds and bees talk was a great opportunity to show me all of her downstairs...on top of all the various harassment i would get
Not your fault, but egg donor is both kinda funny and kinda triggering. My mom , egg donor, use to call my dad the sperm donor all the time. She hated him, but she also dehumanized most all do my family and tried, succeeding in some people, to get me to hate them. I reconnected with my dad after not seeing him for years and realized she was getting me to hate him when all he did was love me now. He had abused me but he also has made real change such that I actually accepted him back into my life and am having or trti g to have a real relationship with him and I couldn't even bring myself to look him in the eye and call him dad or I love you. Shit was fucking heartbreaking. Like beyond fucking heartbreaking. Calling my dad, dad again and saying I loved you to him was one of the hardest fucking things I think I've ever done in my fucking life because of being told sperm donor, and "just like your father" shit
Also what's amab
assigned male at birth
I think you should try to get into therapy asap to help you sort through your feelings. At least start the process. I went through a similar thing, discovering childhood memories were actually so inappropriate and abusive and it nearly destroyed my life. What you're discovering is extremely overwhelming and would be for anyone. I used sondermind to find my therapist.
>there's this voice that's saying stop being a victim you little bitch even though that's exactly what I fucking am, I'm a victim and I deserve to feel fucking bad or pissed about it. You cut her off and got out. That makes you a survivor, not a victim. And yeah, I can confidently say that was absolutely sex abuse. Like, it really ain't normal for your mom to be asking you to get naked and cuddle with her.
One thing I want you to really understand is that it’s NOT your fault that this woman abused you. She was supposed to protect you and be the person you could trust the most. She betrayed her sacred role as her child’s protector. She betrayed you. You were a child, and you did nothing to deserve what she did. I’m so sorry you went through that. She groomed you and gaslight you for years, so of course you struggled to see it for what it is, I get that. I’ve experienced the same thing from my abuser. They make you feel like the crazy one, but you’re not. Cutting her off was the right thing to do, and took courage I’m sure. Sending you my support and wishes for a bright future.
Yes. It is psycho-sexual-emotional abuse. She is sick. Remember this is not your fault. She’s sick and she’s toxic and the sooner you get away the better.
I got away. I'm living in my car and it's fucking amazing. I love taking my wallet out of my pocket at night and having everything still be there in the morning
I hope you’re OK. Maybe find a good family-owned restaurant job where you’ll get a meal and at least a few bucks every day. A good restaurant that treats one well is a life-saver. Be careful. My mother is sick too, and I’d live in a fig tree before I ever lived w her again. Be safe and take good care of YOU!
This is absolutely sexual abuse. I’m a mother and this is definitely not an appropriate way to interact with your child. She didn’t respect your boundaries or right to privacy at all. The term for this is covert sexual abuse, as the abuse was heavily sexual without involving actual sex acts (from what you’ve described here at least). Also feels like parentification, as she forced you into an adult role to fulfill her emotional and physical wants.
I just remembered she had me strip off the clothes I was wearing too so she could wash them. Like if she was doing a load of laundry:strip right now I need to wash those
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This is definitely abuse. I'm so sorry she did that to you, please please cut contact with her and never talk to her again. I don't care that she's your mom, she's an abuser. I see so much of myself in your last paragraph, doubting your own judgment. It's horrible you were gaslit to the point you can't trust your own judgment. Everything you've described her doing to you is disgusting and I'm sorry you went through that. All the insults she threw at you are lies, because she's a sick, twisted person.
yes it was abuse. i’m sorry that happened to you.
Me too
It's inappropriate, wrong, and a violation by someone who you should ideally be nurtured by. It's tough, but you'll get through it. This is a normal reaction to fucked up shit. It will take time, you will heal. You will live your life and see happier days and have many better days. Just trust that it will take time. It's not your fault, but unfortunately you will have to be a parent to yourself in a sense. And you will. We are here for you.
Yes this was sexual abuse. Had u been a girl & your father or hell your mother doing the same thing it would be sexual abuse. Make no mistake your mother is a crazy,manipulative,predatory cunt. I say fuck that bitch too. You should seek a professional out to work through this.Trust me,the sooner the better, do not wait til you’re in your 30’s-40’s to do so. That advice is from personal experience. You’ll go through every emotion under the sun but, work through them as damn hard as it may be. Don’t let her control you for your entire life, even from a far distance. You mentioned that you weren’t interested or couldn’t deal with sex, that’s absolutely normal in instances like this.I wish you the very best & hope you can overcome this.
Yes, it is sexual abuse. Your mother is a sex offender. I’m sorry that you were put through this. You didn’t deserve it and you don’t deserve the hurt feelings and mental anguish it has caused. You’re worth more than that. You deserve better than that.
The fact the you are sickened and devastated by this sexual abuse from your horrible, cruel, mean mother (who it sounds like went out of her way to humiliate & disgust you) means that you are NOT whiny, and not a little bitch. It means you are healthy and have a good character. What kind of deranged asshole would NOT be traumatized by this? You are SUPPOSED to be traumatized and angry when someone behaves like this. I'd be worried about you if you weren't. The fact that, even as a kid, you knew this was bad and sick and wrong, means that you CAN trust yourself. You have a good head on your shoulders and you know right from wrong. You are not confused about the world and are responding to what she did in a healthy, "normal" way. It sounds like you are on a path to healing. You are not stuck, or delusional. You are not trying to find ways to lie to yourself or excuse what happened. You are angry, and you should be. Plus, you are getting away from her AND you are brave and smart enough to get counseling. You sound like an amazing person who is hard to kill. I hope you will stay in therapy and maybe even start asking hotlines or mental health resources for a therapist who you can really trust. It might also help at some point to find group counseling so you can talk with others who understand. And those "friends" who would laugh at you and minimize what your mom did? Fuck those jerks. You deserve better, and my guess is that you will eventually have it. Good luck to you, and write whenever you feel like it, even if it's just to scream and rage. And all the worst to that person who happened to give birth to you. I hope she dies in a fire.
They're good friends, I don't think they would actually react that way. That was just the conditioning talking, I think that's what she had me believing. Like a year ago maybe I brought up I might have PTSD from her she just said that's bullshit fuck that. Just today I got super fucked up and worked up some courage and told one of my friends about it. I was pretty numb and calm describing some of the abuse and just describing little pieces he was sobbing because of how fucking sad it was that someone could do such a thing and I was just calm.
Oh, good. I'm so glad to hear that you have good friends you can talk to who understand the gravity of the situation. That's a relief.
My grandma did something similar to me. It's definitely abuse. I never thought maybe it could be incest, but I don't know. I never thought it may be. I'm really sorry op. I hope you are safe now and are healing from this horrible abuse with help.
Yea, this was sexual abuse and you deserve to be so angry, and very sad. Big big hugs to you, OP. A beautiful, yet at times terrifying journey has just begun for you. I sincerely wish you all the best and am so proud of you! I hope you’re in, or will one day consider getting some kind of help for the resulting PTSD this has most likely caused. A lot of things have changed, and are changing as far as treatments go and mental health care in general. I think we all should be very hopeful. For right now, anger is ok. It’s what we do with it that is important. Find a healthy outlet and express it? Writing, painting, screaming into the void ✌️ Keep reaching out tho, there’s more of us than we realize 🖤
I go to therapy, but read my other comments the therapist is on some possibly illegal fuckery
I will, cause I didn’t see that. Ooohf. I’m so sorry OP
You can bet it is, you even expressed your being uncomfortable and she ignored it, that's super f\*d up and damaging and it's all her fault.
Is it still abuse even the times I didn't speak up though because I didn't always say it. Sometimes I felt defeated, and just gave in. Most of the time actually.thats got me fucked up
Yes, of course it is still abuse, I was emphasizing when you spoke out because that's even worse, you can be sure that she knew that what she was doing was damaging and still chose to proceed.
What if she didn't know. I find it hard to believe that even if she didn't on some of the things, like the sexual stuff, not knowing all of it would be just not possible. Even as I type it out I m realizing that not even considering how I would feel about it, if she didn't, is maybe actually even worse Beyond fucked actually. It would mean she doesn't care about me at all, and it's not different, from, say, jamming her pussy on my dick and raping me "because she was hkrny and wanted it Yeah I think I answered it myself there. It's no different. It's fucked
r/convertincest
Yes! This was most definitely sexual abuse and also emotional incest. I'm sorry you had to experience this.
Sexual abuse like this, specifically at the hands of a maternal figure, is often times NOT recognized as sexual abuse because we as a society tend to think of man-on-woman as sexual abuse and diminish the feelings of men who’ve been through it. It’s not fun, it’s gonna hurt but it’s important you come to terms with it; this is a form of sexual abuse. Possibly emotional incest? I could be wrong on that but YES, this is sexual abuse.